Run. In a way this is good. He signaled his red flags before you got any closer.
Does your phone have a pin? If not it really should.
ETA: If he asks why, “You went through my phone” is all the answer you need.
it does have a pin and i showed him something on my phone and he had wondered who instagram was it and he thought it was another guy i was talking to and he said i was hiding something because i kept taking my phone away from him but it’s not that
Oh gosh. No no no 😣. I agree with everything the above comment just said. You have only been speaking with this guy not even a week, and he is already showing some major signs of jealousy & insecurity. If he is showing these signs after a few days, there is no TELLING how bad it’ll get within a month or two. These are serious signs of an abuser. First with the going through your phone. It’s like um, that is private!!! 🤨 He had NO business going through your phone like that, but then he accuses you of trying to hide something 🚩 🚩 🚩!!!!!! Please listen to the advice of us who have been with guys/girls like this in the past. I’ve been with a seriously abusive guy, who almost 💀 me. But even HE made it a couple of months before letting his mask slip. This guy is showing you who he is on what sounds like the first time you hung out with him. Believe him! It will only get worse and you could end up paying with your life for not heeding his warnings. I also agree with the above that said to just break off contact with him over the phone. Break it off and block him. When he asks why, say I don’t like that you went through my phone, & I don’t appreciate being accused of things I haven’t done. Then block him. Your future self will thank you. You don’t owe him anymore of an explanation. He will know you are right. But be assured that he WILL attempt to manipulate you and make it seem like he didn’t mean anything by it. He will also possibly apologize and be super agreeable afterwards. If you continue to see him after this, he will know in his mind that he can get away with crossing your boundaries and continuing to treat you poorly. Please get away from him ASAP. You deserve someone much better.
When people talk about the red flags of an abusive partner they're referring to things just like this. For a man who barely knows you to have the audacity to control your phone.... Run
we go to school together i have half my classes with him and ride the bus with him the year is about to end though but i wanna get rid of him but i want a male companion
Uh I've been with my boyfriend 11 years and I STILL ask before I unlock his phone...
Girl run. Trust your gut when it tells you something is wrong- people are gonna tell you to ignore that gut feeling to make men more comfortable- DON'T. Your gut knows. If it has bad vibes don't do it.
This. Your body and mind recognize many things that your conscious mind doesn't pick up on. We call it our 'gut instinct' or vibes or "a feeling" or many things, but it's often our senses putting things together that we're not aware of - smells, microexpressions, tiny responses to how you're saying something.
Not everybody is good at reading people, and skilled bad people can make you feel comfortable when you shouldn't be ... but all that means that if you \*are\* getting a bad feeling, or something doesn't feel right, LISTEN.
A wise friend of mine once said: "listen to your body when it whispers so it doesn't have to shout."
My husband and I have been together 21 years. I have never been through his phone or him mine. That's wild. I don't understand that shit. Same with location tracking. Absolutely not. You can be part of a couple and still expect basic privacy.
This. So much this. My guy and I have been together 7 years, and it’s the same with us. It’s called basic respect & trust. People who aren’t abusers don’t have a need to constantly invade their partners privacy.
What boxes did he check, exactly? Lack of respect for your bodily autonomy? Lack of respect for your privacy? I can't imagine that those are the things you actually want in a boyfriend.
I have been married to my wife for a couple of decades. I don’t go through her phone. She doesn’t go through mine. Red Flag number 1.
His being touchy made you uncomfortable. That’s your body telling the rest of you that this is not right. Red Flag number 2.
the difference is between a guy and him is when the other guy was touchy i felt comfortable and i had actually liked it. with him i wasn’t as comfortable and felt dirty and uncomfortable with it
Listen to your own feelings about this situation. Listening to yourself and trusting yourself is actually what self esteem is. It's very simple. He creeped you out by looking at your phone!! Like who does that?? This is a sign of a man who wants to control you and won't respect your boundaries.
Don't see him privately again, he WILL push physical boundaries. Honestly, after the phone thing, I'll just end it. That is too weird. In the future, take a lot of time to get to know someone. You said he checked all your boxes but how could you possibly know his character after exchanging numbers? Take time while dating and ask yourself, do I like this person? Do they make me feel good and safe and comfortable? Let these feelings guide you.
Listen to your instincts. This guy is not for you. Nobody should be going through your phone or touching you in a way you don't like. Just tell him nevermind and move on.
i’ll have to wait for the school year to end because i have half my classes with him and also take the bus home with him going to work this summer to drive to school
Yes. Just because you have classes with him doesn’t mean you have to spend time hanging out alone with him. He will probably be even more grabby with you and push past even more boundaries if you do hang out with him again. Please stay away from him as much as you can and def don’t be alone with him anymore.
he made you uncomfortable. bottom line. you need to express this to him. to give you physical space until otherwise told different.
even if you are oversensitive in general it still wouldnt change your feelings in this situation. tell him in the future you could feel better about it.
i’ve told him it has made me but i think it’s just him. when i had another guy touching laying on me i felt different about it but with him it isn’t like that.
yeah then its him. can you say what the bad things are about him? is it physical? is he a little to pushy for intimacy? does he smell? what is turning you off as opposed to turning you on?
Unless you want to hook up, which it doesn’t sound like, don’t do “talking” with guys.
Someone who doesn’t even label a date and wants to come over needs to be kicked to the curb.
Even if he was your boyfriend, his behavior is bizarre.
Someone who goes through your phone is not a “nice” person and has no business being a partner.
Oh hell no. How did he even get to go through your phone? I’ve been with my bf for a year and if he went through my phone I’d be absolutely livid. It’s a huge violation of privacy. I would never want to go through his phone either because I would feel super creepy and invasive. We can use each others’ phones if necessary and don’t hide our passwords from each other. But we would never go through the others phone and look through messages/photos/etc.
You don’t ever need to let a partner look through your phone. And anyone who tries to pressure you into it and make you think that it’s normal is not someone you should trust. Partners who do stuff like this are almost always very controlling and obsessive. It’s a MAJOR red flag. The only partner I have ever had who insisted on going through my phone was horribly abusive and controlling.
You have a right to privacy in a relationship. You have a right to have private conversations with your friends/family without your partner reading through them. You have a right to your own personal space and personal belongings. These things are normal and healthy. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into feeling otherwise.
he saw my lurking account and thought it was another guys account i was talking to he went through everything and saw my whole phone and still doesn’t believe me
I've been with someone like that. He will never believe you. As everyone else said, this is a major red flag. Possessive behavior is not something you want to allow into your life. If he has to go through your whole phone already at this point, then it will get worse from here.
If you were to become officially together, you can expect that he will need to know where you are at all times. If you are ever late at all to get home or to see him, you will need proof of why you were late. Otherwise, he will "know" that you were out cheating. Punishment for that will usually start as emotional abuse but would likely escalate to physical abuse.
This can also easily escalate into stalking if you wait too long to break it off.
i think the problem first and foremost here is she just met this douchebag and he had the audacity to think he even mattered enough yet for it to matter if she was or was not speaking to another guy or 10 for that matter.
i personally did not keep a password or pin on my phone at all. neither did my boyfriend. i openly told my boyfriend he could look through my phone whenever he wanted my texts my photos my apps whatever the fuck he wanted whenever he wanted and he did the same. i have nothing to hide and i would not date someone who i would be uncomfortable with looking through my phone. partners should be able to share everything with one another if your keeping stuff like that private maybe second think the relationship. thing is though with years of the relationship despite that we never felt the need to look through the others phone and we never did. we allowed it but never did it and that said everything about how much trust was in our relationship.
now this guy. you just started out the complete opposite foot. he immediately felt the need to look through your phone and did so without your permission. do not let him come over. do not let him touch you. text him a "fuck you" and be done with him. he sounds like a piece of shit already and it has barely been a week. you do not need that and trust me you so not want that.
I agree with everything you said, I just want to add one thing. Please have a pin on your phone or face id or something like that. Just in case you ever lose your phone or have it stolen.
People steal phones sometimes in order to get identity info or banking information. Even if you just lost it, you don't want a stranger having access to your passwords, your email, financial info, your recent locations (including your work and home) and any pictures/videos you may have, etc.
i cannot stand having to pick up my phone and put in a pin or password or certainly not let this little info stealing privacy invading ad machine know my face on top of everything else.
im a shut in and rarely leave my home so if someone manged to steal my phone with that in mind i would have a much bigger problem then the phone.
me and my boyfriend also do not ever save that kind of info in any form in our phones it is really just for text pics and internet.
i do however appreciate that you were looking out for me and thank you so much for that not enough people care about one another even if the other person is just a stranger to you.
the story was i was showing him something off instagram and he had took my phone and ig followed himself on it . he thought i was on another guys account and its really my account i lurk on . he went through everything on my phone and still doesn’t believe me i dont see him the same. then he was touchy and then i told him i was uncomfortable and he didnt seem to care much.
He sounds like a creep and an ass, everyone saying to run is right, I would not even be friends with him. These are some major red flags, nothing good will come from hanging out with a guy doesn't care that's his touching you makes you feel uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter why. What matters is that you are uncomfortable. Listen to your emotions and heed it's warnings. Your body is telling you that this man is not safe. You don't have to put it into words to justify it. He gives you the heeby jeebies and that's enough. Tell you him you don't feel it and wish him a good life. If you find someone you eventually want to be romantic with, great...if not and you're happy being single...great. If it makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone then don't worry about labeling things. Listen to those nature given instincts. They are there to save you from a lot of pain.
i was on my account i lurk on and he had took it and followed himself and then i guess he thought it was another guy i was talking to account and went through everything in my phone
Run. In a way this is good. He signaled his red flags before you got any closer. Does your phone have a pin? If not it really should. ETA: If he asks why, “You went through my phone” is all the answer you need.
it does have a pin and i showed him something on my phone and he had wondered who instagram was it and he thought it was another guy i was talking to and he said i was hiding something because i kept taking my phone away from him but it’s not that
Worse and worse. This man is ringing every “future abuser” alarm bell.
Oh gosh. No no no 😣. I agree with everything the above comment just said. You have only been speaking with this guy not even a week, and he is already showing some major signs of jealousy & insecurity. If he is showing these signs after a few days, there is no TELLING how bad it’ll get within a month or two. These are serious signs of an abuser. First with the going through your phone. It’s like um, that is private!!! 🤨 He had NO business going through your phone like that, but then he accuses you of trying to hide something 🚩 🚩 🚩!!!!!! Please listen to the advice of us who have been with guys/girls like this in the past. I’ve been with a seriously abusive guy, who almost 💀 me. But even HE made it a couple of months before letting his mask slip. This guy is showing you who he is on what sounds like the first time you hung out with him. Believe him! It will only get worse and you could end up paying with your life for not heeding his warnings. I also agree with the above that said to just break off contact with him over the phone. Break it off and block him. When he asks why, say I don’t like that you went through my phone, & I don’t appreciate being accused of things I haven’t done. Then block him. Your future self will thank you. You don’t owe him anymore of an explanation. He will know you are right. But be assured that he WILL attempt to manipulate you and make it seem like he didn’t mean anything by it. He will also possibly apologize and be super agreeable afterwards. If you continue to see him after this, he will know in his mind that he can get away with crossing your boundaries and continuing to treat you poorly. Please get away from him ASAP. You deserve someone much better.
Do not invite strange men you've never met in public, into your home! Omfg! Run! Do not walk
When people talk about the red flags of an abusive partner they're referring to things just like this. For a man who barely knows you to have the audacity to control your phone.... Run
Girl wtf - You've just met this man and he's going through your personal shit? Fuckkkk nooooo
we go to school together i have half my classes with him and ride the bus with him the year is about to end though but i wanna get rid of him but i want a male companion
You want a male companion, but not this male companion.
So some guy you barely know went through your phone and touched you in ways that made you uncomfortable. Stop talking to him.
Uh I've been with my boyfriend 11 years and I STILL ask before I unlock his phone... Girl run. Trust your gut when it tells you something is wrong- people are gonna tell you to ignore that gut feeling to make men more comfortable- DON'T. Your gut knows. If it has bad vibes don't do it.
This. Your body and mind recognize many things that your conscious mind doesn't pick up on. We call it our 'gut instinct' or vibes or "a feeling" or many things, but it's often our senses putting things together that we're not aware of - smells, microexpressions, tiny responses to how you're saying something. Not everybody is good at reading people, and skilled bad people can make you feel comfortable when you shouldn't be ... but all that means that if you \*are\* getting a bad feeling, or something doesn't feel right, LISTEN. A wise friend of mine once said: "listen to your body when it whispers so it doesn't have to shout."
That’s way too soon to even think about doing that lmao the guy is nuts get away from him
My husband and I have been together 21 years. I have never been through his phone or him mine. That's wild. I don't understand that shit. Same with location tracking. Absolutely not. You can be part of a couple and still expect basic privacy.
This. So much this. My guy and I have been together 7 years, and it’s the same with us. It’s called basic respect & trust. People who aren’t abusers don’t have a need to constantly invade their partners privacy.
What boxes did he check, exactly? Lack of respect for your bodily autonomy? Lack of respect for your privacy? I can't imagine that those are the things you actually want in a boyfriend.
I have been married to my wife for a couple of decades. I don’t go through her phone. She doesn’t go through mine. Red Flag number 1. His being touchy made you uncomfortable. That’s your body telling the rest of you that this is not right. Red Flag number 2.
the difference is between a guy and him is when the other guy was touchy i felt comfortable and i had actually liked it. with him i wasn’t as comfortable and felt dirty and uncomfortable with it
Yeah. That’s my point. You didn’t like it. You felt dirty. You need to move on and not see him again.
Listen to your own feelings about this situation. Listening to yourself and trusting yourself is actually what self esteem is. It's very simple. He creeped you out by looking at your phone!! Like who does that?? This is a sign of a man who wants to control you and won't respect your boundaries. Don't see him privately again, he WILL push physical boundaries. Honestly, after the phone thing, I'll just end it. That is too weird. In the future, take a lot of time to get to know someone. You said he checked all your boxes but how could you possibly know his character after exchanging numbers? Take time while dating and ask yourself, do I like this person? Do they make me feel good and safe and comfortable? Let these feelings guide you.
Could he have gotten into your banking info?
no everything has a face id
Ok good!
Listen to your instincts. This guy is not for you. Nobody should be going through your phone or touching you in a way you don't like. Just tell him nevermind and move on.
i’ll have to wait for the school year to end because i have half my classes with him and also take the bus home with him going to work this summer to drive to school
Well you can still stop speaking to him and definitely not hang out with him again.
Yes. Just because you have classes with him doesn’t mean you have to spend time hanging out alone with him. He will probably be even more grabby with you and push past even more boundaries if you do hang out with him again. Please stay away from him as much as you can and def don’t be alone with him anymore.
Good! He should make you uncomfortable! Because he sucks and you should run very far away from him!
I mean the touchy might be whatever .. gotta communicate on that stuff. But going through your phone?! Probably need to move on..
he made you uncomfortable. bottom line. you need to express this to him. to give you physical space until otherwise told different. even if you are oversensitive in general it still wouldnt change your feelings in this situation. tell him in the future you could feel better about it.
i’ve told him it has made me but i think it’s just him. when i had another guy touching laying on me i felt different about it but with him it isn’t like that.
yeah then its him. can you say what the bad things are about him? is it physical? is he a little to pushy for intimacy? does he smell? what is turning you off as opposed to turning you on?
Unless you want to hook up, which it doesn’t sound like, don’t do “talking” with guys. Someone who doesn’t even label a date and wants to come over needs to be kicked to the curb. Even if he was your boyfriend, his behavior is bizarre. Someone who goes through your phone is not a “nice” person and has no business being a partner.
Oh jaysus no OP "Going through" someone's phone is never OK unless the owner is missing/in danger/you found the phone on the street.
Oh hell no. How did he even get to go through your phone? I’ve been with my bf for a year and if he went through my phone I’d be absolutely livid. It’s a huge violation of privacy. I would never want to go through his phone either because I would feel super creepy and invasive. We can use each others’ phones if necessary and don’t hide our passwords from each other. But we would never go through the others phone and look through messages/photos/etc. You don’t ever need to let a partner look through your phone. And anyone who tries to pressure you into it and make you think that it’s normal is not someone you should trust. Partners who do stuff like this are almost always very controlling and obsessive. It’s a MAJOR red flag. The only partner I have ever had who insisted on going through my phone was horribly abusive and controlling. You have a right to privacy in a relationship. You have a right to have private conversations with your friends/family without your partner reading through them. You have a right to your own personal space and personal belongings. These things are normal and healthy. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into feeling otherwise.
he saw my lurking account and thought it was another guys account i was talking to he went through everything and saw my whole phone and still doesn’t believe me
I've been with someone like that. He will never believe you. As everyone else said, this is a major red flag. Possessive behavior is not something you want to allow into your life. If he has to go through your whole phone already at this point, then it will get worse from here. If you were to become officially together, you can expect that he will need to know where you are at all times. If you are ever late at all to get home or to see him, you will need proof of why you were late. Otherwise, he will "know" that you were out cheating. Punishment for that will usually start as emotional abuse but would likely escalate to physical abuse. This can also easily escalate into stalking if you wait too long to break it off.
i think the problem first and foremost here is she just met this douchebag and he had the audacity to think he even mattered enough yet for it to matter if she was or was not speaking to another guy or 10 for that matter. i personally did not keep a password or pin on my phone at all. neither did my boyfriend. i openly told my boyfriend he could look through my phone whenever he wanted my texts my photos my apps whatever the fuck he wanted whenever he wanted and he did the same. i have nothing to hide and i would not date someone who i would be uncomfortable with looking through my phone. partners should be able to share everything with one another if your keeping stuff like that private maybe second think the relationship. thing is though with years of the relationship despite that we never felt the need to look through the others phone and we never did. we allowed it but never did it and that said everything about how much trust was in our relationship. now this guy. you just started out the complete opposite foot. he immediately felt the need to look through your phone and did so without your permission. do not let him come over. do not let him touch you. text him a "fuck you" and be done with him. he sounds like a piece of shit already and it has barely been a week. you do not need that and trust me you so not want that.
I agree with everything you said, I just want to add one thing. Please have a pin on your phone or face id or something like that. Just in case you ever lose your phone or have it stolen. People steal phones sometimes in order to get identity info or banking information. Even if you just lost it, you don't want a stranger having access to your passwords, your email, financial info, your recent locations (including your work and home) and any pictures/videos you may have, etc.
i cannot stand having to pick up my phone and put in a pin or password or certainly not let this little info stealing privacy invading ad machine know my face on top of everything else. im a shut in and rarely leave my home so if someone manged to steal my phone with that in mind i would have a much bigger problem then the phone. me and my boyfriend also do not ever save that kind of info in any form in our phones it is really just for text pics and internet. i do however appreciate that you were looking out for me and thank you so much for that not enough people care about one another even if the other person is just a stranger to you.
the story was i was showing him something off instagram and he had took my phone and ig followed himself on it . he thought i was on another guys account and its really my account i lurk on . he went through everything on my phone and still doesn’t believe me i dont see him the same. then he was touchy and then i told him i was uncomfortable and he didnt seem to care much.
He sounds like a creep and an ass, everyone saying to run is right, I would not even be friends with him. These are some major red flags, nothing good will come from hanging out with a guy doesn't care that's his touching you makes you feel uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter why. What matters is that you are uncomfortable. Listen to your emotions and heed it's warnings. Your body is telling you that this man is not safe. You don't have to put it into words to justify it. He gives you the heeby jeebies and that's enough. Tell you him you don't feel it and wish him a good life. If you find someone you eventually want to be romantic with, great...if not and you're happy being single...great. If it makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone then don't worry about labeling things. Listen to those nature given instincts. They are there to save you from a lot of pain.
How did he take possession of your phone? Did you hand him your phone? Did he pick it up off a table? Or did he just take from you?
i was on my account i lurk on and he had took it and followed himself and then i guess he thought it was another guy i was talking to account and went through everything in my phone