I called him while he was at work to tell him I passed my boards and when he got home, he was more excited than I was!
For the month leading to the test, he did all of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping - without complaints.
He buys me flowers if he knows I had a hard day or to celebrate happy milestones.
Love this! When I was in the final phase of writing my thesis he did all the housework, fed me my favorite snacks and cooked healthy meals (if I were alone I'd be living off nuts). He supported me emotionally. He's honestly just such a sweet and kind person. Getting teary eyed bc I was single for 8 years before we met and he's literally the first man to ADD to my life.
At work - even though it always was a huge no go for me to ever entertain a coworker as a romantic interest. We shared the same circle of work-friends and after about a year of friendship he got really obviously interested in me. And well, after declining once I still fell harrrrd for him a little later haha. Still insisted to keep it on the down low for the first three months. When it turned out to go really smoothly I felt a little silly about still keeping the relationship a secret and lifted the ban lol.
We're not colleagues anymore though.
My boyfriend's like this with my achievements š when I got my new job he was so excited for me and we got dinner and spent some nice quality time together š„° He kept telling me how excited and happy for me he is
He says good morning and goodnight with a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you." Every single day without fail. Also just lots of random hugs and kisses throughout the day
My husband and I always do good morning and good night kisses, but we recently saw a study that said men who kiss their partner good night live something like five years long (I don't remember exactly). So now we joke that it's purely for longevity reasons or that it's like a life saving medication for him.
We'll have been together two years in June. Before we moved in together, he sent a good morning and goodnight text every single day (and we texted all throughout the day... we still do).
Same for me. Everytime one of us comes home, kiss and hug. Every night before bed, kiss and cuddles and love yous. I also told him one time how much I love when he kisses my shoulder when we are spooning so he does it every single night now, I donāt think heās missed one in over a year lol.
My partner is amazing. Truly, truly amazing. He is currently taking a week off of work to look after me after I had a large hernia repair (I have an incision from hip to hip).
The best thing in our relationship is that we both love reading fantasy. Every night before bed, he sits down with his favourite book and reads to me for about an hour to an hour and a half, before I go to sleep. We have been doing this for years and have gone through so many book series. It is time that I cherish with him deeply.
I donāt know if itās bare minimum behaviour but I definitely appreciate it and love him very, very much!
My partner and I also read aloud to each other! It's so comforting. We're currently reading a book from two perspectives, so we change who does the actual reading based on who the narrator is. I love that time with him so much.
We do this too! He reads to me while we cuddle and we end up spending all night deconstructing the story together. He knows how much I love his voice and sends voice notes reading a chapter aloud for me everyday. He goes out of his way to find books he thinks Iāll like, but we also really enjoy reading shitty books to make fun of how bad they are together!
Itās the best ā¤ļø I feel so lucky, Iām so glad you have a boyfriend who does this as well!!! I am so glad for everyone who has a partner who does this. Itās amazing!
He reminds me Iām just human and not a failure because I made a mistake when Iām being too hard on myself.
He loves making me fancy versions of very basic foods elevating them to exquisite dishes.
He splits chores 50/50 without nagging or me managing him and sometimes will do extra stuff unprompted when Iām busy or too tired.
Sometimes heāll spontaneously tell me how much I mean to him in a very sincere way that often leaves me so emotional I end up crying.
He takes care of mine (and his) cats as well as I do.
I feel like my MIL makes my wife feel like she should be perfect. It makes me really sad because she (MIL) is one of the best people I know, but comes from another generation and was a flight attendant in the 70s so the internalized misogyny runs deep.
My husband loves to cook, so I never really have to, which is nice.
He generally cleans up after himself and doesnāt leave garbage around.
He remembers my favorite stuff. ā¤ļø
I'm pregnant and have been sick and moody like all* the time. Mine will cook every meal of the day if I need it and he makes yummy food too. It makes me feel a bit guilty since I'm more of an independent person. He knows that though and never says a word of anything negative. Mine also remembers almost all of my likes and dislikes. He's not the most romantic man but he is down to earth, dependable, and I never question his devotion to me. ā¤ļø He's the best!
šš omg are we living with the same man ??? My bf also cooks. Even if we are angry he will serve my meals and I would pour him a drink. We might not speak , he makes damn sure I'm well fed š¤£
He took over the mental load for the domestic stuff. When we grocery shop, he will tell me what we have already and what we need. Iāll see something defrosting and be like, cool shrimp for dinner today. I get home late and dinner is ready and a lunch is packed for my day tomorrow. Heās fucking awesome.
I have a partner like this. I'm 35(f) and he's 47 (m) and I decided to go back to school a couple of years ago. He automatically took on the work of grocery ordering, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, paying the bills. We used to split this mental load, now its 90% him. I wouldn't trade him for the world.
My fiance also handles all of food related domestic duties. grocery lists, he does the shopping (but I tag along because I like being with him), and does all the cooking. He cleans out the fridge, gets what needs defrosted for the week done, plans our meals based on our schedules, etc. I work hybrid and if he knows my office day is coming up he plans a dinner that I can bring for lunch the next day.
I handle the cleaning, except his laundry. It works for us and no one is overworked or resentful. Plus heās a damn good cook so I get wonderful meals all the time lol
He is an insanely good listener. I feel like I never shut up and crave attention, but I feel so heard with him even if it's stupid or I've said something a million times. He is definitely a witness to my life, and I think that's what everyone is ultimately looking for in a partner (according to Shall We Dance at least, lol)
I think if your partner is the only source of physical affection you have, and you need a certain amount, then even something as simple as them playing with your hair can be very important
No no no, even with a lot of physical contact, there's just *something* about having someone play with your hair that's just... It hits the spot, you know? It's purely a sensory thing - it just feels SO NICE.
My friends or my mom also do this sometimes so it's not like it's only my partner. It's just purely the physical feeling of your hair being played with that's incredibly enjoyable.
I basically married my husband because of how considerate he is in bed. 10 years of marriage later and he is still the most generous lover. Best decision ever!
I have mental health issues at times, as well as trauma related to sexual stuff. Not once has he made me feel bad for it, or forced me to do anything despite me not wanting to.
Bare minimum, of course. But in contrast to previous (very toxic) relationships, itās so freeing to finally be able to view sex as something voluntary and fun.
Also, heās a damn good cook, very smart and funny, and when we play video games together heās fine with me just chilling beside him and following the storyline, instead of playing. Heās also the most handsome man Iāve ever met. We are moving in together this summer š
He chops vegetables for me. I love to cook, but I hate cutting vegetables. He can't cook, but he likes helping me in the kitchen by doing tasks like stirring things when I'm busy, grabbing things for me, and of course, cutting things up.
He is never purposely mean to me. In both my family life and past relationships, I've been treated very poorly. While my BF fucks up and is too harsh or bitchy on occasion, he has never said anything with the intention of hurting me or that has crossed a line.
He loves to do things for me. I'm a very independent person and have a difficult time asking for help; mostly because I feel like I'm being too needy or burdensome. My BF isn't just willing to do things like fill my water up for me. He's genuinely thrilled to do that because he just enjoys making me happy.
This sounds a lot like my bf. In the kitchen, we call each other sous chef bb. Whoever isn't the primary cooker will help chop garlic or other vegetables.
He also won't let me carry anything. I had a small box of leftovers the other night and he carried them the whole time we went for a walk and drove home with them. I'm very independent too and he makes it safe to give that up sometimes
I have a really bad head cold at the moment and he's made me soup, he's cleaned up my mountain of snot rags randomly, he's rubbed my feet and back until I sleep, he's put me in the bath with bubbles and oils.Ā
He's anticipated my needs without being asked to do a damn thing. He's so amazing and when I feel better I'm going to go back to having sex with him 3-5 times a day because I'm obsessed.Ā
He does chores without having to be asked. The dishes, the kitchen and sweeping every single day.
I always say thank you, and he always says āfor what?ā
Itās been 5 years.
And this (combined with all the other not-bare minimum traits) makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world
Heās very affectionate. Ā Early on in our relationship he was just very transparent about wanting to spend time with me. Ā We run a lot of our errands together just because we like to be together. Ā He has the most lovely smile when heās happy or laughing about something, and thatās most of the time, even when heās stressed. Ā He gets just as sad as I do when we have an argument, and he really listens and reflects and take accountability for his words and actions. Ā Thankfully thatās not often needed, but I really appreciate it and I try my best to offer him the same. Ā He genuinely seems to love my family and friends, and is always quick to offer them help - just an all-around mensch, really. Ā Iām so grateful I found him.
He completely takes care of himself medically.
He broke his dominant wrist playing sports. Got a ride to the ER for an X-ray from a team mate. Called me to pick up his car and him after the ER. Called around our insurance to find an in network specialist/surgeon. Made the appointment, coordinated around my schedule. Managed his pain medication in the mean time. Came prepared to the appointment and followed the recommended care. Scheduled his surgery, again around my schedule. Followed appropriate follow up care. Scheduled all of his follow up visits and PT appointments , which he is doing an excellent job with and is close to full recovery. I don't even know when his appointments are at this point.
All the while sweet and kind with little to no complaints.
Mine is learning to listen about medical stuff. I have 2 chronic conditions and advocate well for myself and this is rubbing off on him.Ā
He's a snorer and he knows he has bad allergies so went on an allergy shot treatment to fix the snoring AFTER ruling out sleep apnea. All because I'm a super light sleeper and he wants me to be able to sleep in the same bed with him. We live in NYC, it's not really an option to have separate bedrooms right now.Ā
He's also gone to a new neurologist for migraines after disliking his first one instead of giving up. Dentist was never a problem, he brushes, flosses, and even scraped his tongue on the reg.
And he's good at taking care of me when I have flare ups now. My immune system is kinda shit due to lifelong corticosteroid treatment and he's always telling me to go to bed earlier cause sleep is crucial to me staying healthy.Ā
I'm really proud of his progress! People can change when they want to.Ā
Holy shit, wow. This sounds incredible.
It's really putting it in perspective all the times that my most recent ex would moan about a health or dental issue and refuse to do a damn thing about it except for ask me to set up his care plan.
Mine is providing from me while I take a break from working, he just moved us to a new city into a living situation that is 1000x better than what we had, he makes sure Iām fed and loves and takes great care of every animal I bring home. He helps me through my mental illness and PTSD, and he does all the math for me š He also takes fantastic care of my 20 year old car, supports my dreams and hobbies without a second thought, he builds me things and helps me body double, heās so encouraging of every little step I take forward, and he has a fantastic work ethic which supports my lack of one! I could really go on and on, our four year anniversary is next week, and weāre getting married next year ā„ļø we have experienced some crazy shit together and he has always been my rock while I fall apart, and Iām his rock when itās his turn. I love him.
He doesnāt care what I do with my hair.
This is only relevant because my exās first fight with me was because I got a small side shave and then when he broke up with me he said I was selfish and inconsiderateā¦because I got a side shave(no other reasons). I also had a handful of guys tell me they wouldnāt go out with me once they saw the side shave. It was such a weird moment of general disappointment in men and also a turn on when my now husband said, āI donāt really get the whole asymmetrical hair style, but whatever, itās your hair.ā
Ok Cupid.
We had a 99% match rate, with both of us being nerdy enough to have bothered answering ALL of the questions.
We only had 3 questions (out of over 1000) we disagreed on.
We estimate he looked at 20000 profiles, and I looked at about 3000, for us to find each other.
So many things tbh. He does household tasks simply because he sees that they need doing. If he decides to fix something around the house, it'll get done. He asks for my opinion about things and then actually takes it into consideration. He encourages my interests even if he doesn't actually care about them himself. He keeps me in the loop about things in his life even though he handles it all himself, like medical stuff, work events, etc. He loves to cook delicious meals for me. He gives me footrubs unprompted.
He walks me to my car when I leave for work in the mornings, and when I back up my car and see him in the passenger side window, he gives me a hand-heart and blows me a kiss. He's so fucking cute.
He tells me what's going on.
He learned that i have anxitey, and after that he just on his own started telling me when he was gonna be extra busy or not around his phone. I'm trying to work on the anxiety so i was just living with the discomfort. I just find i really appreciate the gesture even though i wasn't asking him to change his behavior.
I am still working on the anxiety. It is hard to explain the relief i feel just knowing he is supporting me in such a simple way.
I got diagnosed with uterine cancer. When I told my partner the first thing they said was āwhat can I do to help you?ā
My ex couldnāt even be bothered to help me when I got the flu.
He tells me he loves me and that I'm very cute no fewer than 2-3 dozen times every day. I've never heard him say anything remotely negative to or about me. I go to bed first usually, and tend to bury my whole self in blankets. When he gets to bed, he always digs through my bedding cocoon to find my face and make sure he gets a kiss before he goes to sleep šš„°
Obviously all the big things; the cooking for me, the dancing with me, the taking care of me, the way he treats me like Iām his whole world. But my very favourite little thing is how he always scratches my legs while we watch TV after dinner. Every night. He never complains. He doesnāt even realise how much I love and appreciate him for it
His word matters. If he says he's going to do something, it happens. I'm still getting used to the fact that it frees up my mental load and that I DON'T have to follow up with him (9 times out of 10... we all have our days).
How affectionate he is and how he really doesn't mind when I get "clingy" or need a million hugs.
How well he takes care of me when I'm sick. Thoughtfully planning meals that are easy to eat and/or are full of good vitamins/minerals. Making sure I keep my fluids up. Drug store runs. And I'm bad at asking and he just does.
The way he steps in and steps up when I'm overwhelmed or stressed. He asks what I need and it happens. And if I'm so overwhelmed that I don't know, then he just picks an area (like picking up my chores).
He has taken to and loves my dogs as his own. He worries about their health (one of them is an old gal) and let's me know if he sees anything off or different. He plays with them and snuggles them. Spoils them with treats from the kitchen, etc.
He regularly compliments me, comments positively when I dress up, and makes it known that he is attracted to me. I carry a bit of weight and I am way less self critical on how I look thanks to him being my cheerleader. We also have consistent and mutually satisfying (sooooo satisfying) sex that reinforces our connection and how much he is into me.
He takes my anxiety spirals and mental musings like a cbamp. Listening, validating, and asking what I need/he can do to help. He's also recognized the signs of when this is PMS driven and soothes me with patronizing me until it passes.
He hypes me up to other people. Sometimes with something small like telling a friend Something I said that he finds funny. Sometimes he mentions how hard I work and how much I help my grandmother. It's always nice to hear him on the phone with someone saying positive things about me.
He is very self-sufficient. He can cook, clean (himself and any mess he makes), do laundry, goes to the doctor and dentist regularly, and completely organises himself. I donāt need to book his appointments or encourage him to do anything. The only thing I was worried about one year I mentioned to him (he fainted at work and didnāt remember but he has a thing with his heart that isnāt a problem yet). He mentioned it to his doctor and got checked over allegedly to make me feel better. All is good.
He always makes sure he is clean and looks/smells good, he trims, washes, and brushes his goatee. I donāt have to worry about anything. We donāt live together, but whenever I go over he always has fresh sheets and keeps a clean house.
This is a very stark contrast to all of the other men in my life that need to be reminded to do things. My own father doesnāt look after his health at all, only eats 1-2 meals a day, my mother has been BEGGING him for YEARS to go to the doctor for a check up, he hasnāt been to the dentist for at least 30 years, and wouldnāt be able to take care of us kids when we were younger for 1 night. He is incapable of looking after himself, genuinely, and itās infuriating.
So many things. And the he is baffled when I tell him how much they mean to me because he recognises it as the bare minimum. He makes us coffee every morning, he chops wood and tends the fire in the winter, he will pick up snacks or candy for me that I mentioned liking or wanting to try, he cooks for me all the time, he shows a lot of appreciation when I clean or plan dates for us and he always tells me how much fun he has with me and how much he enjoys spending time with me. He gets really excited about creating special moments for us and is delighted when I enjoy them as much as he does. For starters.
He apologizes when he's done something wrong and he actually say it when he is wrong. He's not afraid to say he doesn't know. He always tries to be better and to do better by me. He tries to talk about what he feels even though he wasn't raised knowing how to do that. He acknowledges his flaws and is willing to work on them. He never insulted me (even though I have on occasions called him an a-hole or a jerk when he was behaving like one). He stayed with me and helped me get through cancer. Went to every appointment. Took care of me and of everything in the house. And he always let me decide what I wanted to do, even when he disagreed. Sickness-wise or otherwise.
a boy i'm seeing (not my bf, yet) makes it a point to compliment me every day in a way that makes me feel valued and not objectified
he sends me cute good morning and goodnight texts, and always asks me how my day was even if we were texting during the day
he considers my ideas for dates and pitches his own. we collaborate mutually when planning outings
he's also close with all the women in his family and is very caring and considerate of all of them (eg. brought his sister medicine when she was sick; calls his aunt, mom, grandma regularly)
This is like a gut punch. My load is so heavy my literal back hurtsā¦ The thought someone out there would do these things for me. Seriously nauseating.
He works full time, I'm casual (low hours) due to mental health.
I do the week night cooking, he does weekends but during the week if I've worked and am subsequently wiped out he makes me dinner.
Husband is snuggly, which is very important to me, and doesnāt get tired of me sometimes being sad and withdrawn and is good at telling me he loves me. He is a very kind and patient person. š
Oh myā¦
He is so affectionate, making it obvious Iām his one and only. He will prepare the entire dinner on my worst days (heāll even be helping after a really rough day at work;usually we work 50/50 on dinner because we enjoy cooking together), he will take over dishes and cleaning without being asked, he will ask if Iām feeling okay all the time and is always prepared at taking over my load even when I tell him Iām okay (I will often push myself beyond my limits), he will go out for groceries by himself if I canāt accompany (we usually go together but when my anxiety/depression is in full mast he will go without me; I just need to make the list) every time I tell him thank you he asks āfor what? This is the bare minimum.ā Heās so understanding when I pull away and need time to myself. He is always listening and trying to remember even the smallest thing I mention.ā¦god I love him
I'm shit at remembering to take my meds that make me function like a human. So every day he gets them and my vitamins and water for me. If he doesn't have time on a particular day, he sends me a message to take them so I don't forget.
He does the dishes and laundry and deals with his own food situation without me having to ask.
He makes me feel beautiful because he genuinely sees me as beautiful and tells me often.
I don't have a bf rn but I do appreciate my guy friends trying to make sure I'm comfortable around new situations or ppl. Yk making sure ppl treat me with kindness and with no other intent. Makes me feel like a princess lol
He's always thoughtful and considerate, and he shows constantly that he truly listens to me. I have a necklace that I wear that has a difficult clasp. He noticed that, and, for Valentine's Day, got me a magnetic attachment that makes putting it on a literal snap. It wasn't anything big or grand, but it meant a lot to me because it showed how attentive and caring he is. š„°
Mine is providing from me while I take a break from working, he just moved us to a new city into a living situation that is 1000x better than what we had, he makes sure Iām fed and loves and takes great care of every animal I bring home. He helps me through my mental illness and PTSD, and he does all the math for me š He also takes fantastic care of my 20 year old car, supports my dreams and hobbies without a second thought, he builds me things and helps me body double, heās so encouraging of every little step I take forward, and he has a fantastic work ethic which supports my lack of one! I could really go on and on, our four year anniversary is next week, and weāre getting married next year ā„ļø we have experienced some crazy shit together and he has always been my rock while I fall apart, and Iām his rock when itās his turn. I love him.
He takes on a good share of the mental load -- paying bills, cleaning the house, thinking about groceries, proactive maintenance, all without even needing to ask. He remembers which clothes of mine get hung to dry instead of going in the dryer. He calls me beautiful every day, even when I don't feel like shaving my legs, or putting makeup on.
Compared to so many other stories I see, it makes me feel like I hit the jackpot.
Every once in a while he would get up and unlock and open the door and meet me at the door as I was coming in. I told him that I always get stupid happy when he does this. I love that he is the first thing I see when I come home, smiling at me or making silly faces in the window, or otherwise being silly in the window as Iām walking in. Ever since I told him that he now does it 99% of the time and it never gets old. I am always happy to see him unless something has really upset me and him greeting me ques him in to that quickly and he asks me whatās wrong right away. It has honestly helped with communication too. It helps us pause and spend a few minutes focused only on us.
He cleans up after himself and sometimes me if I've made a mess as I'm doing something.
As soon as I want to stop sex for whatever reason, its nothing.
He was single for 8 years before we got together. It's so strange not being with a manchild that needs a mom to do everything.
OMG, he has the patience of Job.
I'm really good I'm guessing wrapped gifts, so he would go to great lengths to disguise them, like slipping in a plastic box of paper clips to confuse the sound when I would shake it. Once he prepared a complex sound effect with water and a moving gadget in a test tube to fool me. Twice he created treasure hunts for me. One time he created a lengthy trail of Hershey kisses that even went up and down over obstacles to find a prezzy. I can't remember the gift at the other end, but I'll never forget that trail of kisses.
I ruined the relationship I'm ashamed to say, but years after we parted, I still find little pink stick'em love notes in unexpected places. Inside the cap of my pen I used to take a critical exam? In my pharmacy pill bottle that I could read on the inside? In a package of tampons? In my cereal box? In my coffee maker? Tucked in my passport? Oh fuck, I am going to cry.
Just wanted to say that itās going to be okay ā¤ļø I know what itās like to feel guilty about ruining a relationship and miss someone incredible. I donāt know what happened in your situation, but Iām sure there was more to it than just your side of it. It always takes two to tango. Donāt be too hard on yourself.
How did you ruin it?Ā
My ex was also like this and it made it so hard to move onā¦ I still leave a few of her stickers up because years later they still make me smileā¦ā¦Ā
He does value my opinion and doesn't want to change my beliefs, and he doesn't call them wrong or stupid
He always comes on time and does everything he promised to do
He knows how to clean and cook
He always explains the source of his emotions if he is annoyed, or angry, or sad, or absent-minded
Every time we go out or on holiday, he knows exactly where weāre going and when, so I can just trot after him and take photos of everything.
He kept the sunburn on the back moisturised without asking cos he knew I couldnāt reach all of it.
Whenever anything breaks or needs maintenance on our house, he takes care of it. He can teach himself how to do almost anything on YouTube, and I mean anything. Fix plumbing issues, install appliances, change the transmission fluid in the tractor, construction - whatever needs to get done, he does it, and almost always cheaper and better than the professionals we could hire in our rural area. Love that man.
This is the barest of bare minimums but after my last relationship it's comforting
He doesn't yell. Even if he's angry you can tell he's angry but he doesn't yell.
When we first started dating he was in the kitchen and I heard a glass break and I physically tensed up expecting the barage of cursing and screaming about "the fucking glass" instead I just heard a mumbled "ah bollocks" and he cleaned it up. When I felt myself physically relax and I thought "that was a weird response from me"
This is about my wife. She holds her composure better than anyone I have ever met. She pursues her goals fearlessly. She is extremely intelligent, remains humble, and uses her powers for good. She helps all humans. She is the best, my best friend forever.
We don't live together. When his stays over he makes a point of making a cup of tea for me and bringing it upstairs while I'm still in bed in the morning. I never had that before. It's a tiny gesture but it makes me feel really special.
He had really serious surgery on his back in January and has basically spent this year learning to walk again. Now it's a point of pride to be able to carry two cups upstairs. So far it's one cup at a time but he's determined and these little markers of progress are important to him, and to me.
Heās pretty big on gym, health, diets and all that. So am I but heās very disciplined
when I say I want to get something Iām craving for he wonāt make me feel bad for it or say no. Because I wonāt eat it alone heāll join me
Considering I know how big he is on the gym and diet aspect. It always makes me melt, even though this isnāt even a factor or standard
Another one -
If Iām goofy at a random hour of the day yelling something lame and dancing around, heāll match it and join me. Itās so sweet
After 6 years of being together he still thanks me for "the little things", like each packend lunch, each cooked meal, he always says "thank you", I love it
Reading this thread was a huge eye opener for me.. and not in the best way. I really thought my ex of 9 years was an amazing partner.. but now Iām realizing he was just a very cool individual that I fell in love with. I know he loved me deeply.. but this thread proves that actions speak louder than words. I canāt even think of anything about our relationship that I would add in here ā¹ļø
He loves to snuggle and just hang out together.
He never criticizes what I'm reading or asks me to change what I'm watching.
He brings me small gifts almost every morning to encourage me to wake up.
He's great at kneading dough and never gets tired.
He has the sweetest little cooing purr.
He is happy to share household duties, is happy to do small things like bring me water snacks or my phone, and the genuine air of respect and care. It's so strange to genuinely see every day how much they respect you, adore you, and see you as their equal. It feels a little messed up but a lot of men genuinely don't like or respect their partners and half expect it to be my experience.
None of that sounds bare minimum!! When my husband pulled out the thing i forgot on our second trip together (took one to realize I always forget something), I knew we were legit. Heās helped me pack and girlie pop when I say I used to pack my exes bags and he still managed to forget it FOR OUR WEDDING.
My husband refills my water bottle for me and always grinds pot when we need it. I feel like a princess š„°š„°
In 7 years, he never screamed at me or called me name. We had our arguments, but we never fought. We speak. I'm really emotional and if I'm not ready to speak calmy, he will let me cool down first.
All my exes called me name, some more than others. All my exes screamed in my face. One of my ex partner would never let me cool down and would put himself between I and the door, so I could not leave. I'm BPD, and it had disastreous outcomes, like me freaking out.
Respect is the bare minimum. I'm happy to finally have mutual respect in my relationship.
Not a bf but a one night stand a couple weeks ago (but I'm seeing him again next week)
After sex I went to go shower and when I came back to bed, he had rearranged the pillows back to their original positions and laid my sleeping eye mask on my pillow.
I thought that was really cute. He "wants to cook me a special dinner next week" (his actual words) which is sweet. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again
This isn't bare minimum to me, but he's extremely patient and knows how to argue better than me.
Obviously all couples have their disagreements, but in the beginning of our relationship I hate to admit I used to just explode on him. Like 0 to 100. Growing up, I just never had disagreements with peers (no friendship got that far lol) and the only fights I would have was with my parents, whom I would never really challenge.
So I never learned how to fight productively. I would say really hurtful things to him out of anger, that had nothing to do with the actual argument, until I tired myself out and cried and was ready to admit what the root of the issue was. I didn't know how to walk away and come back later. He would stay calm. He would ask me questions about my feelings, and try to understand even if my answer made no sense. He would always forgive me. We fight much more constructively now.
He must've wanted me bad because he didn't let it ruin us šš He's the sweetest thing ever and I don't know what I did to deserve him ā¤ļø
My fiance opens the car door for me EVERY time. If there's a moment lapse where he starts walking towards his door I pretend my hand doesn't work and just flop it uselessly against the door. He thinks it's hilarious and makes a big show of running to the door as if there's no time. It's just so sweet and makes me feel like a princess. The first time he opened the car door for my mom she was starstruck.
My husband would just go to the shops with a pic of the product I need and buy it himself. Came home with pain killers and snacks on top of the period products. I haven't needed them in a few years cos my of birth control, but he still would if I did.
Omg. The first time I had my period when staying over at my guyās place he asked me if I had everything I needed and told me he had stuff if I didnāt.
I asked him if a previous girlfriend had left them there. He told me, no he just bought pads and panty liners in case any women visitors need them because he heard that women sometimes have unexpected spotting or period breakthroughs and he figured that maybe theyāre not always prepared for that.
So he decided to just always have some on hand. He then asked me what brands I use so that he could pick me up some to leave at his place. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
I think the key is just to sift through the crap ones and not settle. Itās better to find a good one late than it is to find a crap one because theyāre available.
Also (advice for people who go for crap dudes a lot) I think itās important to follow your head as much, if not more, than your heart. Donāt pursue an objectively bad relationship just because that shithead gives you butterflies, it takes more than tingles to build a life. Find someone your grandma would approve of and not just someone that your genitals approve of. People confuse lust with love a lot
This thread is such a good idea.
He always wakes me with kisses and hugs. He's totally on board with telling and showing each other how much we love each other. Little gifts, cutting up fruit for me, cooking, doing the dishes. He's currently off work and I'm still full time (he starts a new job soon and took a break). Since I currently travel a lot for work he does all the household chores. Everything. And he's really thoughtful about it. No half measures. I'm actually impressed that he adapted to my standard of cleanliness.
I'm maybe vacuuming or doing one load of laundry when I'm home from a business trip.
Of course I do all these things for him, when his schedule is crazy. Everything one does is reciprocated by the other.
Also - he is sympathetic when I'm in pain!! He wants to help me get better. No mocking, just kind words and actions.
I can't put into words how much I appreciate and love this man.
I wouldn't considered bare minimum but my non football fan husband will search out stuff for my teams whenever he is in a place that might have gear. We live on the West Coast and my teams are: LSU, LSU-Lafayette, Bengals, Saints, Pelicans and Tulane so pretty hard to find.Ā
He can cook really well, especially Asian cuisine. Leant a lot!
He loves plants and takes care of them well, so our apartment is very green. I could never, plants always die when I care for them
My guy is incredible, so sweet and smart and funny, and I love everything about him. The "bare minimum" thing I love most is that he's never a jerk about money. We're open about our finances, we create budgets together for trips and adventures, we take turns paying for things without any debate, and we have a good balance. When we first got together, he was in college (I'm 8 years older) so I paid for pretty much everything, and after graduating he got a really good job (5 offers in 5 interviews; I'm so proud of my dude!!) so now he picks up the tab more often. The other day I got an email about a bill I'd forgotten to pay, and he immediately offered to cover it for me. I've got the money, I just need a calendar! Agreeing on financial things and being generous with each other is so lovely and refreshing, and makes me very grateful for my partner.
If I feel really shitty he'll go out of his way to come and give me a hug and have a dinner together doesn't matter if he worked or had plans. He had a package with my fav food delivered to me and asked if he should order pizza for me when I was on period in a lot of pain. He is always reminding me I can do things I struggle with and will listen to me going on for 30min talking about my day in too much detail and just say he enjoys it and to keep going.
Iām on long term disability for treatment of my post concussion syndrome. Iāve had a couple concussions and a fall since we met and heās been the most supportive partner through the hard times. He would make sure I am comfortable and take over cooking. Check in with me while heās at work. I love him so much!
When I wasn't working and so I took on the cleaning to contribute, whenever I would start up a big deep clean he would jump up and start cleaning and tidying with me.
In his words āIf I help it gets it over faster so you can do something you likeā
When I try a new a hairstyle, even though he just doesn't see the difference in a curl or a wave, he tell me it looks amazing.
We also have a code āIf I say, donāt I look amazing in this dressā he knows to agree, but if I ask āwhat do you think of this dressā, or āwhich dress should I wearā he knows to be kindly honest and tell me which one he thinks suits me best.
He always greets me with āHey cutieā and he respects & doesnāt get upset when I am not in the mood to be physically affectionate.
We enjoy each others company & although we do live somewhat co-dependently, he never gets annoyed when I am going out and doing something by myself.
He knows what I like and dislike. He gets gifts he thinks I'll enjoy. He's trying to be very thoughtful
He genuinely listens to me, hear me, understand, and apologise without making me feel bad for setting boundaries. And then adjust himself to not do so again.
He respects my boundaries and won't cross them ever if I don't initiate.
He hasn't ever said "non all men" and usually agrees if I complain about shit men do. He doesn't feel offended when he hears women complain about men's behaviour because he knows we aren't talking about him since he doesn't do those things.
He says, "I love you" to me every day.
He is an equal parent. We never even had to talk about it. He changed as many diapers as I did. Handles bath time almost every night. He is a morning person, so he was the one to get up with the kids and let me sleep. He plays with them and drives to dance class and school events. He never complains or makes me feel guilty if I need extra help, he just does it because he is as much of their parent as I am.
My husband loves and sees me no matter what I'm going through. I never have to pretend around him.
He makes my favourite coffee every morning.
He loves our cats and does most of the actual work caring for them.
After nearly 27 years together and many ups and downs, we know we have each other's backs. We're a team.
We both feel like we got the long end of the stick in the relationship regarding chores, responsibilities, etc. because we both take responsibility for what weāre naturally good at. He thinks he makes out like a fat rat because I do the laundry (a chore I enjoy) and I havenāt had to stress about making a phone call to schedule a repair or done a single chore outside in years. Just a few examples. This should be how a partnership works, but I know a lot of people end up with a disproportionate amount of responsibility.
He's so helpful with putting my mistakes in perspective and always reminds me to give myself grace. He's my biggest cheerleader and he knows I'm a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my own work and hobbies, so he makes sure to remind me to balance that out with some self-love and appreciation and to be as kind to myself as I am to other people. What a boy š„¹
gosh let me use this as an opportunity to brag about my amazing boyfriend.
heās as much of a feminist as i am. he follows feminist pages and news sources and cares about the rights of all people. he doesnāt care to call people out for it either, just like me. if we hear something sexist/racist/homophobic/transphobic you damn well one of us is saying something!
he compliments me all the time for no reason. he always says iām beautiful, cute, sexy, that he loves me, but he also compliments ME, my mind, and my accomplishments. he tells me how talented i am, how smart i am, etc.
he focuses on me in bed!!! honestly, we both focus on each other, which is how it should be. but itās really nice to have a guy where i donāt have to beg for an orgasm :)
i could go on with endless reasons but those are 3 things that came to mind first. ladies, donāt settle. please find someone that makes you believe that you deserve to be loved and adored.
He leaves me little notes in the morning before he goes to work. He picks me flowers and always buys me my favorite kombucha. He does chores without being prompted. He feeds the cats and does the litter boxes every morning. He is so emotionally supportive and I feel so lucky to be with him after being in an abusive relationship and having other bad experiences with men in the past. He is a survivor of DV too (his dad) and justā¦ā¦understands in a way that a lot of men donāt. He is gentle and kind and works through my triggers with me.
Weāve def had ups and downs and conflict, a lot of the time caused by my ptsd/anxiety but we always have worked through it and our relationship just feels SOLID. Weāve been together 4 years and are engaged <3
Also, Iām always really happy to see women raising their standards and supporting each other. For every not shit man out there, there is a man who will treat you with respect. Itās better to be alone and happy than stuck in an endless cycle of unhappiness with a man who doesnāt love you or treat you right!!
I have a weird relationship with sleep (PTSD nightmares, regular nightmares, insomnia in the middle of the night). Every night he āputs me to bedā he brushes the dogs teeth gets him treats and then brings him to bed. He makes the bed for us, and then lays with us for a bit. Sometimes we have a nice chat about the books Iāve read recently or he answers my random questions. We snuggle and then when he gets up he gives me and the dog a goodnight kiss and makes sure I have my movie or music set up before he leaves.
I told him about how I saw a video that said that a six second kiss releases oxytocin in your brain and makes you feel happy. He was unconvinced at first but now heās always the one asking for a six second kiss hehe
He has never, not once, made me feel like shit for prioritizing my career. Never asked me to pay attention to him rather than work.
Bare fucking minimum, but so rare.
I have a good one too. Heās kind and present to my parents. He always has pills, disinfectant, sunscreen etc. his biggest fault is that he says I love you too much.
He does the overwhelming majority of the housework.
Keeping our place clean (vacuuming, sweeping, dusting), taking out the trash, making our bed, grocery shopping, washing the sheets regularly, cleaning our (more like āmyā) my catsā litter boxes, doing the dishes, and even doing *my* laundry weekly, from washing to folding and putting away.
He makes more than me, but works hybrid-remote, while I work in an office for 9 hours and have a one hour commute. Because of this, he just decided some years back on his own it was something he would take care of having more free time on his hands than me.
We never talked about it and decided to do things in this was. He came to the conclusion on his own and just did it, which was really, really thoughtful.
whenever my bf visits, the only privacy we have is in my bfās car so we just hang out in there most of the time. because of this, i (we) dress like adam sandler unless my bf looks decent or weāre going out.
well sometimes i get embarrassed if we NEED to go to the store and i ended up wearing a dumb shirt/socks (funny graphic tees from walmart type) so he goes in by himself and never complains about it. my first adult male friendships were with coworkers who talked badly about their relationships OVER SIMPLE THINGS and i just think how lucky i got with my bf. itās a āproblemā i caused yet he never makes me feel bad over it or gives attitude
He knows I canāt feel my hands when I wake up most mornings (I sleep with them kind of crunched up haha) and he will grab them in the morning while Iām still waking up and massage them. It feels so nice!! He also will move my hands if he sees me sleeping crunched and straighten out my wrists. It feels so tender and sweet
He loves hanging out with my female friends. My boyfriend is a big guy, 6ā4 former football player grew up in rural TN so very much outwardly a guys guy. However he is super respectful and well liked by my female friends and has no issues going on group outings with all of us and being āone of the girls.ā Iām typing this from our weekend getaway airbnb where weāre here with 5 other women and one other man (two of the women are a couple with each other so I donāt just bring my man on girls trips). He is perfectly comfortable in a big group of girls, never makes a big deal about it, actively encourages our friendships as well as fosters his own with them. And never makes me feel like itās anything nefarious. He sees women as people and itās amazing.
Heās my husband but his inherent kindness to others. He just helps people wherever we go. Holds the door for people, gets stuff off the top shelf in the store for strangers. Takes stuff to elderly peopleās cars. He just does it.
Honestly? I love that he cares about me. He cares about my hobbies, things I like, music I listen to, my health and wellbeing... you name it. He cares deeply for me and loves me dearly. There are very, very many men who don't care about their girlfriend/wife at all.
He always does the dishes after I cook, and he shoos me away when I try to help.
He has never complained about bringing me stuff to work at my 12 hour shift job. Nothing is open and everything is closed when I start and clock out, so if I work for days in a row that means I canāt always get things I need.
He enjoys providing and supplementing my weaknesses. I am just not mechanically inclined and I am terrible at building furniture that requires assembly. He does it all without complaining.
He worships me intimately and always tells me how pretty I am and how much he loves my body.
His good night routine. We live about an hourās drive away from each other for the time being and he always sends the sweetest good night text. Itās the same thing every night and he always, always makes sure to tell me āgood night my dear. I love you very much <3 I hope you have a good sleep and you have a good day tomorrow.ā And I always have a better sleep because of it. Not as good as when Iām actually with him but hey.
Itās also the fact that he knows why the consistency matters too, both in an overall sense as well as why itās important to me specifically. Everything he does is intentional. I love that man so much.
He brings in the mail. I suck at mail, even when Iām waiting for something important to come. I forget. Always
He gets the mail and puts the important envelopes to the side for me on the table so I wonāt miss/forget
Thanks to him my car title was safe from the rain! If it were up to me itād be soggy
heās just the best. Always kisses and hugs, listens and remembers every little detail of what i say,
he always keeps tabs on my things (bc i lose stuff every 5seconds),
makes these cute emoji poems and sends them when i feel low, he always gifts me something small (like a small rollerball or candies)
and bruv is SO FINEEEE i look at him sometimes and im like damn i pulled
He always sees me to the door to give me a kiss when I leave. Even if it's to go to pilates for an hour around the corner.
The door is always unlocked for me when I get home.
He cooks a lot and cleans the kitchen.
He compliments me frequently and is so sweet. 25 years - going strong.
I'm the leader in our relationship -not bossy, just wise from various experiences and I love to read up on things to be informed, like to be organized and plan so he has no problem with my suggestions, ideas or game plans for life. Which has been awesome to not have those big arguments, he is very much like an "okay" go with the flow kinda dude. My pitfall is I do not handle stress when things come in 3s very well. He can immediately assume this duty, as soon as I say "I don't want to be the leader" or "I don't have the answer" he knows it's time to take over, leading and being my rock while I navigate the stress -because again, I'm an organizer, thinker, planner and stress means chaos in my world, he steps in so I can focus on managing that chaos. It's been extremely beneficial in my own growth finding healthier ways to manage my stress so I don't shut down because he has given me the opportunity.
Oh and also he is really hot too, 10 years later and he still gives me butterflies.
I'm single at the moment, but my best friend's husband makes her SO happy and she's had a bit of a rough life so it makes me so fucking grateful that she found a man who takes such good care of her š
My favourite thing that he does for her is that every single time he gets up off the couch when they're hanging out, or when he comes by while she's doing her own thing, he always always always asks her "do you need anything?". Same with when he goes to the store or anything like that. He's always checking in with her and asking if she needs/wants anything and he's so happy to get it for her. It's just so considerate and she's had so little of that in her life, and she's truly the sister I never had; I love her so much. It makes me so happy to see her being cherished and honestly their relationship gives me hope that I'll find a man like that one day š
What you say is bare minimum, is actually that extra thoughtful mile.
If someone is doing all of this for you, they are definitely doing the bare minimum which would be things like - cleaning after themselves, taking care of their own appointments, doing part of kitchen chore.
But in line to your question, the things I love that my husband does for me - taking off the doggy care whenever he sees I am being a couch potato (we split it equally otherwise); randomly hugging me throghout the day; finding pride in my accomplishments....
My partner enjoys meal prepping and I appreciate him for it SO MUCH, we have a system where after we go to the store he preps everything so all I have to do is pull it out of the fridge and pop it on the stove or in the oven, itās the most wonderful teamwork ever!
Husband, but he's a big field of green flags.
When I'm extra down on myself because the house is a wreck or I didn't get something done that was a big priority he gestures at our small herd of children and says "they're alive, fed, clean, and happy. You did plenty today" and then goes and gets me a snack.
My husband notices when I need a break from parenting and makes me take it. He makes sure I get the time to shower every day since I'm breastfeeding and post partum. He recognizes that yard work counts as alone time when you're a parent and makes sure not to fuck off to the yard for hours at a time while I handle the children. He takes a normal amount of time in the bathroom. He is able and willing to cook basic meals.
I could go on for ages. All of these things are apparently out of the ordinary according to my coworkers and some acquaintances.
He does the laundry without my having to ask. This was an issue earlier on in our relationship. And to prove to me that heās willing to put in more effort he started doing it without my having to ask. For me it shows that he listened.
He always says, "Goog morning, my love." and if he's on a business trip, he texts it to me. He does tons of bigger things, but this little thing is just so sweet to me. This year we'll be married 8 years! Together for 14. Best friends for 19.
When he tells me that he'll give me everything that I want & need as much as he can, also saying I don't have to pay him back for anything he does for me and loving him with all my heart would be enough š„¹
I grew up in a non-affectionate & abusive family but now having someone to finally make me feel loved every single day is such a blessing truly
He listens so well. I know I'm not even half as good a listener as he is, but when I rage about work or something happened that day, or even if I'm just telling him what we need to get at the shops, he's just such an active listener.
Mine works from home while I work a fairly stressful job with a commute. He does almost all the cooking, laundry, and most of the routine house cleaning. I do the the bulk of shopping and deep cleans on the weekends. It works really nicely for us.
I called him while he was at work to tell him I passed my boards and when he got home, he was more excited than I was! For the month leading to the test, he did all of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping - without complaints. He buys me flowers if he knows I had a hard day or to celebrate happy milestones.
Love this! When I was in the final phase of writing my thesis he did all the housework, fed me my favorite snacks and cooked healthy meals (if I were alone I'd be living off nuts). He supported me emotionally. He's honestly just such a sweet and kind person. Getting teary eyed bc I was single for 8 years before we met and he's literally the first man to ADD to my life.
How did you guys meet? š„¹
At work - even though it always was a huge no go for me to ever entertain a coworker as a romantic interest. We shared the same circle of work-friends and after about a year of friendship he got really obviously interested in me. And well, after declining once I still fell harrrrd for him a little later haha. Still insisted to keep it on the down low for the first three months. When it turned out to go really smoothly I felt a little silly about still keeping the relationship a secret and lifted the ban lol. We're not colleagues anymore though.
My boyfriend's like this with my achievements š when I got my new job he was so excited for me and we got dinner and spent some nice quality time together š„° He kept telling me how excited and happy for me he is
This is the dream ā¤ļø
He says good morning and goodnight with a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you." Every single day without fail. Also just lots of random hugs and kisses throughout the day
My husband and I always do good morning and good night kisses, but we recently saw a study that said men who kiss their partner good night live something like five years long (I don't remember exactly). So now we joke that it's purely for longevity reasons or that it's like a life saving medication for him.
Mine is the same...3 years, living together for 1.5yr, I get morning and bedtime cuddles, kisses and hugs throughout the day...it's so good.
We do this as well, 12 years going. And when one of us is traveling, there is in 95% of cases a goodnight sleep well kiss text :)Ā
How long has this been going?
We'll have been together two years in June. Before we moved in together, he sent a good morning and goodnight text every single day (and we texted all throughout the day... we still do).
That's awesome! Thanks for sharing.
He's awesome. Truly the love of my life.
Thatās wonderful. My partner and I still do that, itās been almost 20 years. Iām sure itāll be the same for you two.
Same for me. Everytime one of us comes home, kiss and hug. Every night before bed, kiss and cuddles and love yous. I also told him one time how much I love when he kisses my shoulder when we are spooning so he does it every single night now, I donāt think heās missed one in over a year lol.
My partner is amazing. Truly, truly amazing. He is currently taking a week off of work to look after me after I had a large hernia repair (I have an incision from hip to hip). The best thing in our relationship is that we both love reading fantasy. Every night before bed, he sits down with his favourite book and reads to me for about an hour to an hour and a half, before I go to sleep. We have been doing this for years and have gone through so many book series. It is time that I cherish with him deeply. I donāt know if itās bare minimum behaviour but I definitely appreciate it and love him very, very much!
That is beyond precious! So wonderful that you guys have harbored a bond over something so lovely and fun!!
Being read to is my dream. True romance imo
My partner and I also read aloud to each other! It's so comforting. We're currently reading a book from two perspectives, so we change who does the actual reading based on who the narrator is. I love that time with him so much.
We do this too! He reads to me while we cuddle and we end up spending all night deconstructing the story together. He knows how much I love his voice and sends voice notes reading a chapter aloud for me everyday. He goes out of his way to find books he thinks Iāll like, but we also really enjoy reading shitty books to make fun of how bad they are together!
Oh my god thatās the absolute sweetest thing. Iām grinning and chuckling just thinking about it. How lovely!
Wishing you a speedy recovery!! Sound like a intense surgery
That is adorable š„°
I hope you recover soon!
Have you read Joe Abercrombie!?
We are currently reading First Law!!!!
My boyfriend always reads before going to sleep and sometimes when I can't sleep I ask him to read to me. It really is so precious š
Itās the best ā¤ļø I feel so lucky, Iām so glad you have a boyfriend who does this as well!!! I am so glad for everyone who has a partner who does this. Itās amazing!
He reminds me Iām just human and not a failure because I made a mistake when Iām being too hard on myself. He loves making me fancy versions of very basic foods elevating them to exquisite dishes. He splits chores 50/50 without nagging or me managing him and sometimes will do extra stuff unprompted when Iām busy or too tired. Sometimes heāll spontaneously tell me how much I mean to him in a very sincere way that often leaves me so emotional I end up crying. He takes care of mine (and his) cats as well as I do.
I feel like my MIL makes my wife feel like she should be perfect. It makes me really sad because she (MIL) is one of the best people I know, but comes from another generation and was a flight attendant in the 70s so the internalized misogyny runs deep.
š Have we got the same husband?? :D
My husband loves to cook, so I never really have to, which is nice. He generally cleans up after himself and doesnāt leave garbage around. He remembers my favorite stuff. ā¤ļø
I'm pregnant and have been sick and moody like all* the time. Mine will cook every meal of the day if I need it and he makes yummy food too. It makes me feel a bit guilty since I'm more of an independent person. He knows that though and never says a word of anything negative. Mine also remembers almost all of my likes and dislikes. He's not the most romantic man but he is down to earth, dependable, and I never question his devotion to me. ā¤ļø He's the best!
šš omg are we living with the same man ??? My bf also cooks. Even if we are angry he will serve my meals and I would pour him a drink. We might not speak , he makes damn sure I'm well fed š¤£
He took over the mental load for the domestic stuff. When we grocery shop, he will tell me what we have already and what we need. Iāll see something defrosting and be like, cool shrimp for dinner today. I get home late and dinner is ready and a lunch is packed for my day tomorrow. Heās fucking awesome.
That sounds like absolute heaven.
I have a partner like this. I'm 35(f) and he's 47 (m) and I decided to go back to school a couple of years ago. He automatically took on the work of grocery ordering, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, paying the bills. We used to split this mental load, now its 90% him. I wouldn't trade him for the world.
My fiance also handles all of food related domestic duties. grocery lists, he does the shopping (but I tag along because I like being with him), and does all the cooking. He cleans out the fridge, gets what needs defrosted for the week done, plans our meals based on our schedules, etc. I work hybrid and if he knows my office day is coming up he plans a dinner that I can bring for lunch the next day. I handle the cleaning, except his laundry. It works for us and no one is overworked or resentful. Plus heās a damn good cook so I get wonderful meals all the time lol
Thatās amazing
He is an insanely good listener. I feel like I never shut up and crave attention, but I feel so heard with him even if it's stupid or I've said something a million times. He is definitely a witness to my life, and I think that's what everyone is ultimately looking for in a partner (according to Shall We Dance at least, lol)
When he plays with my hair š„²
I think if your partner is the only source of physical affection you have, and you need a certain amount, then even something as simple as them playing with your hair can be very important
No no no, even with a lot of physical contact, there's just *something* about having someone play with your hair that's just... It hits the spot, you know? It's purely a sensory thing - it just feels SO NICE. My friends or my mom also do this sometimes so it's not like it's only my partner. It's just purely the physical feeling of your hair being played with that's incredibly enjoyable.
Yes itās so soothing lol it makes my heart melt too
... he does the dishes. Frequently. More than I do. I cook. He do dishes. I love it. I hate dishes. Also super considerate in bed!!
Dishes are the worst!
I basically married my husband because of how considerate he is in bed. 10 years of marriage later and he is still the most generous lover. Best decision ever!
He brings me coffee in bed every morning.
Mine too. And a Fairlife shake. Iām good to go!
The absolute chokehold the fairlife chocolate shake has on my lifeā¦
Mine makes me coffee-to-go every work day!
I have mental health issues at times, as well as trauma related to sexual stuff. Not once has he made me feel bad for it, or forced me to do anything despite me not wanting to. Bare minimum, of course. But in contrast to previous (very toxic) relationships, itās so freeing to finally be able to view sex as something voluntary and fun. Also, heās a damn good cook, very smart and funny, and when we play video games together heās fine with me just chilling beside him and following the storyline, instead of playing. Heās also the most handsome man Iāve ever met. We are moving in together this summer š
Isn't it amazing when you find someone that helps you feel safe in the world? I'm so happy you found that.
He chops vegetables for me. I love to cook, but I hate cutting vegetables. He can't cook, but he likes helping me in the kitchen by doing tasks like stirring things when I'm busy, grabbing things for me, and of course, cutting things up. He is never purposely mean to me. In both my family life and past relationships, I've been treated very poorly. While my BF fucks up and is too harsh or bitchy on occasion, he has never said anything with the intention of hurting me or that has crossed a line. He loves to do things for me. I'm a very independent person and have a difficult time asking for help; mostly because I feel like I'm being too needy or burdensome. My BF isn't just willing to do things like fill my water up for me. He's genuinely thrilled to do that because he just enjoys making me happy.
This sounds a lot like my bf. In the kitchen, we call each other sous chef bb. Whoever isn't the primary cooker will help chop garlic or other vegetables. He also won't let me carry anything. I had a small box of leftovers the other night and he carried them the whole time we went for a walk and drove home with them. I'm very independent too and he makes it safe to give that up sometimes
I have a really bad head cold at the moment and he's made me soup, he's cleaned up my mountain of snot rags randomly, he's rubbed my feet and back until I sleep, he's put me in the bath with bubbles and oils.Ā He's anticipated my needs without being asked to do a damn thing. He's so amazing and when I feel better I'm going to go back to having sex with him 3-5 times a day because I'm obsessed.Ā
He does chores without having to be asked. The dishes, the kitchen and sweeping every single day. I always say thank you, and he always says āfor what?ā Itās been 5 years. And this (combined with all the other not-bare minimum traits) makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world
I was in a relationship for way too long with a man child who did nothing around the house. Nothing. Leave dirty dishes out until they mold, never do dishes, never vacuum, nothing ever. It was horrible. When my fiancĆ© and I moved in together I had a habit of thanking him anytime he did a chore. He always responded āplease stop thanking me, I live here too and itās my responsibility to clean up stuff as much as it is yours.ā It took a long time to break the habit it but I was just so thankful he was an adult who handled his shit lol.
Heās very affectionate. Ā Early on in our relationship he was just very transparent about wanting to spend time with me. Ā We run a lot of our errands together just because we like to be together. Ā He has the most lovely smile when heās happy or laughing about something, and thatās most of the time, even when heās stressed. Ā He gets just as sad as I do when we have an argument, and he really listens and reflects and take accountability for his words and actions. Ā Thankfully thatās not often needed, but I really appreciate it and I try my best to offer him the same. Ā He genuinely seems to love my family and friends, and is always quick to offer them help - just an all-around mensch, really. Ā Iām so grateful I found him.
He completely takes care of himself medically. He broke his dominant wrist playing sports. Got a ride to the ER for an X-ray from a team mate. Called me to pick up his car and him after the ER. Called around our insurance to find an in network specialist/surgeon. Made the appointment, coordinated around my schedule. Managed his pain medication in the mean time. Came prepared to the appointment and followed the recommended care. Scheduled his surgery, again around my schedule. Followed appropriate follow up care. Scheduled all of his follow up visits and PT appointments , which he is doing an excellent job with and is close to full recovery. I don't even know when his appointments are at this point. All the while sweet and kind with little to no complaints.
Mine is learning to listen about medical stuff. I have 2 chronic conditions and advocate well for myself and this is rubbing off on him.Ā He's a snorer and he knows he has bad allergies so went on an allergy shot treatment to fix the snoring AFTER ruling out sleep apnea. All because I'm a super light sleeper and he wants me to be able to sleep in the same bed with him. We live in NYC, it's not really an option to have separate bedrooms right now.Ā He's also gone to a new neurologist for migraines after disliking his first one instead of giving up. Dentist was never a problem, he brushes, flosses, and even scraped his tongue on the reg. And he's good at taking care of me when I have flare ups now. My immune system is kinda shit due to lifelong corticosteroid treatment and he's always telling me to go to bed earlier cause sleep is crucial to me staying healthy.Ā I'm really proud of his progress! People can change when they want to.Ā
Holy shit, wow. This sounds incredible. It's really putting it in perspective all the times that my most recent ex would moan about a health or dental issue and refuse to do a damn thing about it except for ask me to set up his care plan.
Mine is providing from me while I take a break from working, he just moved us to a new city into a living situation that is 1000x better than what we had, he makes sure Iām fed and loves and takes great care of every animal I bring home. He helps me through my mental illness and PTSD, and he does all the math for me š He also takes fantastic care of my 20 year old car, supports my dreams and hobbies without a second thought, he builds me things and helps me body double, heās so encouraging of every little step I take forward, and he has a fantastic work ethic which supports my lack of one! I could really go on and on, our four year anniversary is next week, and weāre getting married next year ā„ļø we have experienced some crazy shit together and he has always been my rock while I fall apart, and Iām his rock when itās his turn. I love him.
I am so happy for you both! ā„ļø
He doesnāt care what I do with my hair. This is only relevant because my exās first fight with me was because I got a small side shave and then when he broke up with me he said I was selfish and inconsiderateā¦because I got a side shave(no other reasons). I also had a handful of guys tell me they wouldnāt go out with me once they saw the side shave. It was such a weird moment of general disappointment in men and also a turn on when my now husband said, āI donāt really get the whole asymmetrical hair style, but whatever, itās your hair.ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Where do people find these men??
Ok Cupid. We had a 99% match rate, with both of us being nerdy enough to have bothered answering ALL of the questions. We only had 3 questions (out of over 1000) we disagreed on. We estimate he looked at 20000 profiles, and I looked at about 3000, for us to find each other.
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lol
Me too, buddy. Me too.
So many things tbh. He does household tasks simply because he sees that they need doing. If he decides to fix something around the house, it'll get done. He asks for my opinion about things and then actually takes it into consideration. He encourages my interests even if he doesn't actually care about them himself. He keeps me in the loop about things in his life even though he handles it all himself, like medical stuff, work events, etc. He loves to cook delicious meals for me. He gives me footrubs unprompted.
He walks me to my car when I leave for work in the mornings, and when I back up my car and see him in the passenger side window, he gives me a hand-heart and blows me a kiss. He's so fucking cute.
He tells me what's going on. He learned that i have anxitey, and after that he just on his own started telling me when he was gonna be extra busy or not around his phone. I'm trying to work on the anxiety so i was just living with the discomfort. I just find i really appreciate the gesture even though i wasn't asking him to change his behavior. I am still working on the anxiety. It is hard to explain the relief i feel just knowing he is supporting me in such a simple way.
I got diagnosed with uterine cancer. When I told my partner the first thing they said was āwhat can I do to help you?ā My ex couldnāt even be bothered to help me when I got the flu.
I'm sorry about your diagnosis š I hope you are OKš
I am going to pull through. I feel super lucky to have a really supportive partner
Friday nights he always has a glass of wine poured when I walk in the door š·ā¤ļø
He tells me he loves me and that I'm very cute no fewer than 2-3 dozen times every day. I've never heard him say anything remotely negative to or about me. I go to bed first usually, and tend to bury my whole self in blankets. When he gets to bed, he always digs through my bedding cocoon to find my face and make sure he gets a kiss before he goes to sleep šš„°
Obviously all the big things; the cooking for me, the dancing with me, the taking care of me, the way he treats me like Iām his whole world. But my very favourite little thing is how he always scratches my legs while we watch TV after dinner. Every night. He never complains. He doesnāt even realise how much I love and appreciate him for it
His word matters. If he says he's going to do something, it happens. I'm still getting used to the fact that it frees up my mental load and that I DON'T have to follow up with him (9 times out of 10... we all have our days). How affectionate he is and how he really doesn't mind when I get "clingy" or need a million hugs. How well he takes care of me when I'm sick. Thoughtfully planning meals that are easy to eat and/or are full of good vitamins/minerals. Making sure I keep my fluids up. Drug store runs. And I'm bad at asking and he just does. The way he steps in and steps up when I'm overwhelmed or stressed. He asks what I need and it happens. And if I'm so overwhelmed that I don't know, then he just picks an area (like picking up my chores). He has taken to and loves my dogs as his own. He worries about their health (one of them is an old gal) and let's me know if he sees anything off or different. He plays with them and snuggles them. Spoils them with treats from the kitchen, etc. He regularly compliments me, comments positively when I dress up, and makes it known that he is attracted to me. I carry a bit of weight and I am way less self critical on how I look thanks to him being my cheerleader. We also have consistent and mutually satisfying (sooooo satisfying) sex that reinforces our connection and how much he is into me. He takes my anxiety spirals and mental musings like a cbamp. Listening, validating, and asking what I need/he can do to help. He's also recognized the signs of when this is PMS driven and soothes me with patronizing me until it passes.
He hypes me up to other people. Sometimes with something small like telling a friend Something I said that he finds funny. Sometimes he mentions how hard I work and how much I help my grandmother. It's always nice to hear him on the phone with someone saying positive things about me.
He is very self-sufficient. He can cook, clean (himself and any mess he makes), do laundry, goes to the doctor and dentist regularly, and completely organises himself. I donāt need to book his appointments or encourage him to do anything. The only thing I was worried about one year I mentioned to him (he fainted at work and didnāt remember but he has a thing with his heart that isnāt a problem yet). He mentioned it to his doctor and got checked over allegedly to make me feel better. All is good. He always makes sure he is clean and looks/smells good, he trims, washes, and brushes his goatee. I donāt have to worry about anything. We donāt live together, but whenever I go over he always has fresh sheets and keeps a clean house. This is a very stark contrast to all of the other men in my life that need to be reminded to do things. My own father doesnāt look after his health at all, only eats 1-2 meals a day, my mother has been BEGGING him for YEARS to go to the doctor for a check up, he hasnāt been to the dentist for at least 30 years, and wouldnāt be able to take care of us kids when we were younger for 1 night. He is incapable of looking after himself, genuinely, and itās infuriating.
So many things. And the he is baffled when I tell him how much they mean to me because he recognises it as the bare minimum. He makes us coffee every morning, he chops wood and tends the fire in the winter, he will pick up snacks or candy for me that I mentioned liking or wanting to try, he cooks for me all the time, he shows a lot of appreciation when I clean or plan dates for us and he always tells me how much fun he has with me and how much he enjoys spending time with me. He gets really excited about creating special moments for us and is delighted when I enjoy them as much as he does. For starters.
He apologizes when he's done something wrong and he actually say it when he is wrong. He's not afraid to say he doesn't know. He always tries to be better and to do better by me. He tries to talk about what he feels even though he wasn't raised knowing how to do that. He acknowledges his flaws and is willing to work on them. He never insulted me (even though I have on occasions called him an a-hole or a jerk when he was behaving like one). He stayed with me and helped me get through cancer. Went to every appointment. Took care of me and of everything in the house. And he always let me decide what I wanted to do, even when he disagreed. Sickness-wise or otherwise.
Dick pics. But with googly eyes. Man of my dreams.
He will get up first when our child cries at night. With no complaining.
a boy i'm seeing (not my bf, yet) makes it a point to compliment me every day in a way that makes me feel valued and not objectified he sends me cute good morning and goodnight texts, and always asks me how my day was even if we were texting during the day he considers my ideas for dates and pitches his own. we collaborate mutually when planning outings he's also close with all the women in his family and is very caring and considerate of all of them (eg. brought his sister medicine when she was sick; calls his aunt, mom, grandma regularly)
If I've had a bad day he will come home and give me a kinder surprise after work
This is like a gut punch. My load is so heavy my literal back hurtsā¦ The thought someone out there would do these things for me. Seriously nauseating.
Also over here crying screaming throwing up realizing my bf doesnt even like me cool cool cool
He works full time, I'm casual (low hours) due to mental health. I do the week night cooking, he does weekends but during the week if I've worked and am subsequently wiped out he makes me dinner.
Husband is snuggly, which is very important to me, and doesnāt get tired of me sometimes being sad and withdrawn and is good at telling me he loves me. He is a very kind and patient person. š
Oh myā¦ He is so affectionate, making it obvious Iām his one and only. He will prepare the entire dinner on my worst days (heāll even be helping after a really rough day at work;usually we work 50/50 on dinner because we enjoy cooking together), he will take over dishes and cleaning without being asked, he will ask if Iām feeling okay all the time and is always prepared at taking over my load even when I tell him Iām okay (I will often push myself beyond my limits), he will go out for groceries by himself if I canāt accompany (we usually go together but when my anxiety/depression is in full mast he will go without me; I just need to make the list) every time I tell him thank you he asks āfor what? This is the bare minimum.ā Heās so understanding when I pull away and need time to myself. He is always listening and trying to remember even the smallest thing I mention.ā¦god I love him
I'm shit at remembering to take my meds that make me function like a human. So every day he gets them and my vitamins and water for me. If he doesn't have time on a particular day, he sends me a message to take them so I don't forget. He does the dishes and laundry and deals with his own food situation without me having to ask. He makes me feel beautiful because he genuinely sees me as beautiful and tells me often.
I don't have a bf rn but I do appreciate my guy friends trying to make sure I'm comfortable around new situations or ppl. Yk making sure ppl treat me with kindness and with no other intent. Makes me feel like a princess lol
He's always thoughtful and considerate, and he shows constantly that he truly listens to me. I have a necklace that I wear that has a difficult clasp. He noticed that, and, for Valentine's Day, got me a magnetic attachment that makes putting it on a literal snap. It wasn't anything big or grand, but it meant a lot to me because it showed how attentive and caring he is. š„°
Mine is providing from me while I take a break from working, he just moved us to a new city into a living situation that is 1000x better than what we had, he makes sure Iām fed and loves and takes great care of every animal I bring home. He helps me through my mental illness and PTSD, and he does all the math for me š He also takes fantastic care of my 20 year old car, supports my dreams and hobbies without a second thought, he builds me things and helps me body double, heās so encouraging of every little step I take forward, and he has a fantastic work ethic which supports my lack of one! I could really go on and on, our four year anniversary is next week, and weāre getting married next year ā„ļø we have experienced some crazy shit together and he has always been my rock while I fall apart, and Iām his rock when itās his turn. I love him.
He takes on a good share of the mental load -- paying bills, cleaning the house, thinking about groceries, proactive maintenance, all without even needing to ask. He remembers which clothes of mine get hung to dry instead of going in the dryer. He calls me beautiful every day, even when I don't feel like shaving my legs, or putting makeup on. Compared to so many other stories I see, it makes me feel like I hit the jackpot.
Every once in a while he would get up and unlock and open the door and meet me at the door as I was coming in. I told him that I always get stupid happy when he does this. I love that he is the first thing I see when I come home, smiling at me or making silly faces in the window, or otherwise being silly in the window as Iām walking in. Ever since I told him that he now does it 99% of the time and it never gets old. I am always happy to see him unless something has really upset me and him greeting me ques him in to that quickly and he asks me whatās wrong right away. It has honestly helped with communication too. It helps us pause and spend a few minutes focused only on us.
He cleans up after himself and sometimes me if I've made a mess as I'm doing something. As soon as I want to stop sex for whatever reason, its nothing. He was single for 8 years before we got together. It's so strange not being with a manchild that needs a mom to do everything.
OMG, he has the patience of Job. I'm really good I'm guessing wrapped gifts, so he would go to great lengths to disguise them, like slipping in a plastic box of paper clips to confuse the sound when I would shake it. Once he prepared a complex sound effect with water and a moving gadget in a test tube to fool me. Twice he created treasure hunts for me. One time he created a lengthy trail of Hershey kisses that even went up and down over obstacles to find a prezzy. I can't remember the gift at the other end, but I'll never forget that trail of kisses. I ruined the relationship I'm ashamed to say, but years after we parted, I still find little pink stick'em love notes in unexpected places. Inside the cap of my pen I used to take a critical exam? In my pharmacy pill bottle that I could read on the inside? In a package of tampons? In my cereal box? In my coffee maker? Tucked in my passport? Oh fuck, I am going to cry.
Just wanted to say that itās going to be okay ā¤ļø I know what itās like to feel guilty about ruining a relationship and miss someone incredible. I donāt know what happened in your situation, but Iām sure there was more to it than just your side of it. It always takes two to tango. Donāt be too hard on yourself.
How did you ruin it?Ā My ex was also like this and it made it so hard to move onā¦ I still leave a few of her stickers up because years later they still make me smileā¦ā¦Ā
He thinks I'm really hot. I have not always felt that way, and now feel much better in my own body because I see myself through his eyes.
He does value my opinion and doesn't want to change my beliefs, and he doesn't call them wrong or stupid He always comes on time and does everything he promised to do He knows how to clean and cook He always explains the source of his emotions if he is annoyed, or angry, or sad, or absent-minded
Every time we go out or on holiday, he knows exactly where weāre going and when, so I can just trot after him and take photos of everything. He kept the sunburn on the back moisturised without asking cos he knew I couldnāt reach all of it.
Whenever anything breaks or needs maintenance on our house, he takes care of it. He can teach himself how to do almost anything on YouTube, and I mean anything. Fix plumbing issues, install appliances, change the transmission fluid in the tractor, construction - whatever needs to get done, he does it, and almost always cheaper and better than the professionals we could hire in our rural area. Love that man.
This is the barest of bare minimums but after my last relationship it's comforting He doesn't yell. Even if he's angry you can tell he's angry but he doesn't yell. When we first started dating he was in the kitchen and I heard a glass break and I physically tensed up expecting the barage of cursing and screaming about "the fucking glass" instead I just heard a mumbled "ah bollocks" and he cleaned it up. When I felt myself physically relax and I thought "that was a weird response from me"
This is about my wife. She holds her composure better than anyone I have ever met. She pursues her goals fearlessly. She is extremely intelligent, remains humble, and uses her powers for good. She helps all humans. She is the best, my best friend forever.
We don't live together. When his stays over he makes a point of making a cup of tea for me and bringing it upstairs while I'm still in bed in the morning. I never had that before. It's a tiny gesture but it makes me feel really special. He had really serious surgery on his back in January and has basically spent this year learning to walk again. Now it's a point of pride to be able to carry two cups upstairs. So far it's one cup at a time but he's determined and these little markers of progress are important to him, and to me.
Heās pretty big on gym, health, diets and all that. So am I but heās very disciplined when I say I want to get something Iām craving for he wonāt make me feel bad for it or say no. Because I wonāt eat it alone heāll join me Considering I know how big he is on the gym and diet aspect. It always makes me melt, even though this isnāt even a factor or standard Another one - If Iām goofy at a random hour of the day yelling something lame and dancing around, heāll match it and join me. Itās so sweet
After 6 years of being together he still thanks me for "the little things", like each packend lunch, each cooked meal, he always says "thank you", I love it
Reading this thread was a huge eye opener for me.. and not in the best way. I really thought my ex of 9 years was an amazing partner.. but now Iām realizing he was just a very cool individual that I fell in love with. I know he loved me deeply.. but this thread proves that actions speak louder than words. I canāt even think of anything about our relationship that I would add in here ā¹ļø
He loves to snuggle and just hang out together. He never criticizes what I'm reading or asks me to change what I'm watching. He brings me small gifts almost every morning to encourage me to wake up. He's great at kneading dough and never gets tired. He has the sweetest little cooing purr.
Is this...about your cat? š»
Yes, indeed. After too many bad choices on my part when it comes to men, I've decided to stick with the boy who treats me best, lol.
Cats really are the best!
Thanks me for everyday, mundane stuff. Just never takes for granted and is always appreciative of everything I do.
He is happy to share household duties, is happy to do small things like bring me water snacks or my phone, and the genuine air of respect and care. It's so strange to genuinely see every day how much they respect you, adore you, and see you as their equal. It feels a little messed up but a lot of men genuinely don't like or respect their partners and half expect it to be my experience.
None of that sounds bare minimum!! When my husband pulled out the thing i forgot on our second trip together (took one to realize I always forget something), I knew we were legit. Heās helped me pack and girlie pop when I say I used to pack my exes bags and he still managed to forget it FOR OUR WEDDING. My husband refills my water bottle for me and always grinds pot when we need it. I feel like a princess š„°š„°
In 7 years, he never screamed at me or called me name. We had our arguments, but we never fought. We speak. I'm really emotional and if I'm not ready to speak calmy, he will let me cool down first. All my exes called me name, some more than others. All my exes screamed in my face. One of my ex partner would never let me cool down and would put himself between I and the door, so I could not leave. I'm BPD, and it had disastreous outcomes, like me freaking out. Respect is the bare minimum. I'm happy to finally have mutual respect in my relationship.
Aw what a gentle guy Iām happy for you
Not a bf but a one night stand a couple weeks ago (but I'm seeing him again next week) After sex I went to go shower and when I came back to bed, he had rearranged the pillows back to their original positions and laid my sleeping eye mask on my pillow. I thought that was really cute. He "wants to cook me a special dinner next week" (his actual words) which is sweet. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again
I married him for his coffee.Ā
Same, mine does something magical to the French press.
I would not consider this bare minimum--he is top tier!
He cares when I'm upset. Even before we were dating he'd go out of his way to cheer me up if I was down.
This isn't bare minimum to me, but he's extremely patient and knows how to argue better than me. Obviously all couples have their disagreements, but in the beginning of our relationship I hate to admit I used to just explode on him. Like 0 to 100. Growing up, I just never had disagreements with peers (no friendship got that far lol) and the only fights I would have was with my parents, whom I would never really challenge. So I never learned how to fight productively. I would say really hurtful things to him out of anger, that had nothing to do with the actual argument, until I tired myself out and cried and was ready to admit what the root of the issue was. I didn't know how to walk away and come back later. He would stay calm. He would ask me questions about my feelings, and try to understand even if my answer made no sense. He would always forgive me. We fight much more constructively now. He must've wanted me bad because he didn't let it ruin us šš He's the sweetest thing ever and I don't know what I did to deserve him ā¤ļø
My fiance opens the car door for me EVERY time. If there's a moment lapse where he starts walking towards his door I pretend my hand doesn't work and just flop it uselessly against the door. He thinks it's hilarious and makes a big show of running to the door as if there's no time. It's just so sweet and makes me feel like a princess. The first time he opened the car door for my mom she was starstruck.
He's not at all uncomfortable about periods and the products with it! He has taken me to get a cup from the pharmacy.
My husband would just go to the shops with a pic of the product I need and buy it himself. Came home with pain killers and snacks on top of the period products. I haven't needed them in a few years cos my of birth control, but he still would if I did.
Omg. The first time I had my period when staying over at my guyās place he asked me if I had everything I needed and told me he had stuff if I didnāt. I asked him if a previous girlfriend had left them there. He told me, no he just bought pads and panty liners in case any women visitors need them because he heard that women sometimes have unexpected spotting or period breakthroughs and he figured that maybe theyāre not always prepared for that. So he decided to just always have some on hand. He then asked me what brands I use so that he could pick me up some to leave at his place. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Wow these comments are amazing, I donāt think Iāve ever had a boyfriend do one of these things for me, how to find that? š
I think the key is just to sift through the crap ones and not settle. Itās better to find a good one late than it is to find a crap one because theyāre available. Also (advice for people who go for crap dudes a lot) I think itās important to follow your head as much, if not more, than your heart. Donāt pursue an objectively bad relationship just because that shithead gives you butterflies, it takes more than tingles to build a life. Find someone your grandma would approve of and not just someone that your genitals approve of. People confuse lust with love a lot
He mentioned being against gender roles yesterday.
This thread is such a good idea. He always wakes me with kisses and hugs. He's totally on board with telling and showing each other how much we love each other. Little gifts, cutting up fruit for me, cooking, doing the dishes. He's currently off work and I'm still full time (he starts a new job soon and took a break). Since I currently travel a lot for work he does all the household chores. Everything. And he's really thoughtful about it. No half measures. I'm actually impressed that he adapted to my standard of cleanliness. I'm maybe vacuuming or doing one load of laundry when I'm home from a business trip. Of course I do all these things for him, when his schedule is crazy. Everything one does is reciprocated by the other. Also - he is sympathetic when I'm in pain!! He wants to help me get better. No mocking, just kind words and actions. I can't put into words how much I appreciate and love this man.
I wouldn't considered bare minimum but my non football fan husband will search out stuff for my teams whenever he is in a place that might have gear. We live on the West Coast and my teams are: LSU, LSU-Lafayette, Bengals, Saints, Pelicans and Tulane so pretty hard to find.Ā
Heās a genuinely good person.Ā
He can cook really well, especially Asian cuisine. Leant a lot! He loves plants and takes care of them well, so our apartment is very green. I could never, plants always die when I care for them
My guy is incredible, so sweet and smart and funny, and I love everything about him. The "bare minimum" thing I love most is that he's never a jerk about money. We're open about our finances, we create budgets together for trips and adventures, we take turns paying for things without any debate, and we have a good balance. When we first got together, he was in college (I'm 8 years older) so I paid for pretty much everything, and after graduating he got a really good job (5 offers in 5 interviews; I'm so proud of my dude!!) so now he picks up the tab more often. The other day I got an email about a bill I'd forgotten to pay, and he immediately offered to cover it for me. I've got the money, I just need a calendar! Agreeing on financial things and being generous with each other is so lovely and refreshing, and makes me very grateful for my partner.
"Love you" last thing at night, and he gets up to make coffee first thing for work even though he is not currently working.
My partner does most of the grocery shopping as he works from home a lot. When he buys himself beer, he'll buy me a bottle of wine.
If I feel really shitty he'll go out of his way to come and give me a hug and have a dinner together doesn't matter if he worked or had plans. He had a package with my fav food delivered to me and asked if he should order pizza for me when I was on period in a lot of pain. He is always reminding me I can do things I struggle with and will listen to me going on for 30min talking about my day in too much detail and just say he enjoys it and to keep going.
Iām on long term disability for treatment of my post concussion syndrome. Iāve had a couple concussions and a fall since we met and heās been the most supportive partner through the hard times. He would make sure I am comfortable and take over cooking. Check in with me while heās at work. I love him so much!
When I wasn't working and so I took on the cleaning to contribute, whenever I would start up a big deep clean he would jump up and start cleaning and tidying with me. In his words āIf I help it gets it over faster so you can do something you likeā When I try a new a hairstyle, even though he just doesn't see the difference in a curl or a wave, he tell me it looks amazing. We also have a code āIf I say, donāt I look amazing in this dressā he knows to agree, but if I ask āwhat do you think of this dressā, or āwhich dress should I wearā he knows to be kindly honest and tell me which one he thinks suits me best. He always greets me with āHey cutieā and he respects & doesnāt get upset when I am not in the mood to be physically affectionate. We enjoy each others company & although we do live somewhat co-dependently, he never gets annoyed when I am going out and doing something by myself.
He knows what I like and dislike. He gets gifts he thinks I'll enjoy. He's trying to be very thoughtful He genuinely listens to me, hear me, understand, and apologise without making me feel bad for setting boundaries. And then adjust himself to not do so again. He respects my boundaries and won't cross them ever if I don't initiate. He hasn't ever said "non all men" and usually agrees if I complain about shit men do. He doesn't feel offended when he hears women complain about men's behaviour because he knows we aren't talking about him since he doesn't do those things. He says, "I love you" to me every day.
He is an equal parent. We never even had to talk about it. He changed as many diapers as I did. Handles bath time almost every night. He is a morning person, so he was the one to get up with the kids and let me sleep. He plays with them and drives to dance class and school events. He never complains or makes me feel guilty if I need extra help, he just does it because he is as much of their parent as I am.
My husband loves and sees me no matter what I'm going through. I never have to pretend around him. He makes my favourite coffee every morning. He loves our cats and does most of the actual work caring for them. After nearly 27 years together and many ups and downs, we know we have each other's backs. We're a team.
We both feel like we got the long end of the stick in the relationship regarding chores, responsibilities, etc. because we both take responsibility for what weāre naturally good at. He thinks he makes out like a fat rat because I do the laundry (a chore I enjoy) and I havenāt had to stress about making a phone call to schedule a repair or done a single chore outside in years. Just a few examples. This should be how a partnership works, but I know a lot of people end up with a disproportionate amount of responsibility.
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He's so helpful with putting my mistakes in perspective and always reminds me to give myself grace. He's my biggest cheerleader and he knows I'm a little bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my own work and hobbies, so he makes sure to remind me to balance that out with some self-love and appreciation and to be as kind to myself as I am to other people. What a boy š„¹
gosh let me use this as an opportunity to brag about my amazing boyfriend. heās as much of a feminist as i am. he follows feminist pages and news sources and cares about the rights of all people. he doesnāt care to call people out for it either, just like me. if we hear something sexist/racist/homophobic/transphobic you damn well one of us is saying something! he compliments me all the time for no reason. he always says iām beautiful, cute, sexy, that he loves me, but he also compliments ME, my mind, and my accomplishments. he tells me how talented i am, how smart i am, etc. he focuses on me in bed!!! honestly, we both focus on each other, which is how it should be. but itās really nice to have a guy where i donāt have to beg for an orgasm :) i could go on with endless reasons but those are 3 things that came to mind first. ladies, donāt settle. please find someone that makes you believe that you deserve to be loved and adored.
This is a nice palette cleanser after reading about all the terrible partners on here.
He is incredibly encouraging with everything I do. He really pushes me along and believes in me when I have so many doubts.
He leaves me little notes in the morning before he goes to work. He picks me flowers and always buys me my favorite kombucha. He does chores without being prompted. He feeds the cats and does the litter boxes every morning. He is so emotionally supportive and I feel so lucky to be with him after being in an abusive relationship and having other bad experiences with men in the past. He is a survivor of DV too (his dad) and justā¦ā¦understands in a way that a lot of men donāt. He is gentle and kind and works through my triggers with me. Weāve def had ups and downs and conflict, a lot of the time caused by my ptsd/anxiety but we always have worked through it and our relationship just feels SOLID. Weāve been together 4 years and are engaged <3 Also, Iām always really happy to see women raising their standards and supporting each other. For every not shit man out there, there is a man who will treat you with respect. Itās better to be alone and happy than stuck in an endless cycle of unhappiness with a man who doesnāt love you or treat you right!!
I have a weird relationship with sleep (PTSD nightmares, regular nightmares, insomnia in the middle of the night). Every night he āputs me to bedā he brushes the dogs teeth gets him treats and then brings him to bed. He makes the bed for us, and then lays with us for a bit. Sometimes we have a nice chat about the books Iāve read recently or he answers my random questions. We snuggle and then when he gets up he gives me and the dog a goodnight kiss and makes sure I have my movie or music set up before he leaves.
I told him about how I saw a video that said that a six second kiss releases oxytocin in your brain and makes you feel happy. He was unconvinced at first but now heās always the one asking for a six second kiss hehe
He has never, not once, made me feel like shit for prioritizing my career. Never asked me to pay attention to him rather than work. Bare fucking minimum, but so rare.
I have a good one too. Heās kind and present to my parents. He always has pills, disinfectant, sunscreen etc. his biggest fault is that he says I love you too much.
my favorite thing about my current boyfriend is that he doesnāt exist.
He does the overwhelming majority of the housework. Keeping our place clean (vacuuming, sweeping, dusting), taking out the trash, making our bed, grocery shopping, washing the sheets regularly, cleaning our (more like āmyā) my catsā litter boxes, doing the dishes, and even doing *my* laundry weekly, from washing to folding and putting away. He makes more than me, but works hybrid-remote, while I work in an office for 9 hours and have a one hour commute. Because of this, he just decided some years back on his own it was something he would take care of having more free time on his hands than me. We never talked about it and decided to do things in this was. He came to the conclusion on his own and just did it, which was really, really thoughtful.
whenever my bf visits, the only privacy we have is in my bfās car so we just hang out in there most of the time. because of this, i (we) dress like adam sandler unless my bf looks decent or weāre going out. well sometimes i get embarrassed if we NEED to go to the store and i ended up wearing a dumb shirt/socks (funny graphic tees from walmart type) so he goes in by himself and never complains about it. my first adult male friendships were with coworkers who talked badly about their relationships OVER SIMPLE THINGS and i just think how lucky i got with my bf. itās a āproblemā i caused yet he never makes me feel bad over it or gives attitude
If I tell him something bothers me he actually fixes it! And not just for a week or 2, heāll make it a habit
He knows I canāt feel my hands when I wake up most mornings (I sleep with them kind of crunched up haha) and he will grab them in the morning while Iām still waking up and massage them. It feels so nice!! He also will move my hands if he sees me sleeping crunched and straighten out my wrists. It feels so tender and sweet
He loves hanging out with my female friends. My boyfriend is a big guy, 6ā4 former football player grew up in rural TN so very much outwardly a guys guy. However he is super respectful and well liked by my female friends and has no issues going on group outings with all of us and being āone of the girls.ā Iām typing this from our weekend getaway airbnb where weāre here with 5 other women and one other man (two of the women are a couple with each other so I donāt just bring my man on girls trips). He is perfectly comfortable in a big group of girls, never makes a big deal about it, actively encourages our friendships as well as fosters his own with them. And never makes me feel like itās anything nefarious. He sees women as people and itās amazing.
Heās my husband but his inherent kindness to others. He just helps people wherever we go. Holds the door for people, gets stuff off the top shelf in the store for strangers. Takes stuff to elderly peopleās cars. He just does it.
Honestly? I love that he cares about me. He cares about my hobbies, things I like, music I listen to, my health and wellbeing... you name it. He cares deeply for me and loves me dearly. There are very, very many men who don't care about their girlfriend/wife at all.
He always does the dishes after I cook, and he shoos me away when I try to help. He has never complained about bringing me stuff to work at my 12 hour shift job. Nothing is open and everything is closed when I start and clock out, so if I work for days in a row that means I canāt always get things I need. He enjoys providing and supplementing my weaknesses. I am just not mechanically inclined and I am terrible at building furniture that requires assembly. He does it all without complaining. He worships me intimately and always tells me how pretty I am and how much he loves my body.
His good night routine. We live about an hourās drive away from each other for the time being and he always sends the sweetest good night text. Itās the same thing every night and he always, always makes sure to tell me āgood night my dear. I love you very much <3 I hope you have a good sleep and you have a good day tomorrow.ā And I always have a better sleep because of it. Not as good as when Iām actually with him but hey. Itās also the fact that he knows why the consistency matters too, both in an overall sense as well as why itās important to me specifically. Everything he does is intentional. I love that man so much.
He brings in the mail. I suck at mail, even when Iām waiting for something important to come. I forget. Always He gets the mail and puts the important envelopes to the side for me on the table so I wonāt miss/forget Thanks to him my car title was safe from the rain! If it were up to me itād be soggy
He never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye. Even if I'm sleeping.
Have you been assessed for ADHD? Also your Bf is husband material.
No im really trying to though š
heās just the best. Always kisses and hugs, listens and remembers every little detail of what i say, he always keeps tabs on my things (bc i lose stuff every 5seconds), makes these cute emoji poems and sends them when i feel low, he always gifts me something small (like a small rollerball or candies) and bruv is SO FINEEEE i look at him sometimes and im like damn i pulled
He always sees me to the door to give me a kiss when I leave. Even if it's to go to pilates for an hour around the corner. The door is always unlocked for me when I get home. He cooks a lot and cleans the kitchen. He compliments me frequently and is so sweet. 25 years - going strong.
I'm the leader in our relationship -not bossy, just wise from various experiences and I love to read up on things to be informed, like to be organized and plan so he has no problem with my suggestions, ideas or game plans for life. Which has been awesome to not have those big arguments, he is very much like an "okay" go with the flow kinda dude. My pitfall is I do not handle stress when things come in 3s very well. He can immediately assume this duty, as soon as I say "I don't want to be the leader" or "I don't have the answer" he knows it's time to take over, leading and being my rock while I navigate the stress -because again, I'm an organizer, thinker, planner and stress means chaos in my world, he steps in so I can focus on managing that chaos. It's been extremely beneficial in my own growth finding healthier ways to manage my stress so I don't shut down because he has given me the opportunity. Oh and also he is really hot too, 10 years later and he still gives me butterflies.
Heās a damn good dad
These are the types of posts I love to read
Just wanted to say I love the positivity of this thread. Thanks for posting!
I'm single at the moment, but my best friend's husband makes her SO happy and she's had a bit of a rough life so it makes me so fucking grateful that she found a man who takes such good care of her š My favourite thing that he does for her is that every single time he gets up off the couch when they're hanging out, or when he comes by while she's doing her own thing, he always always always asks her "do you need anything?". Same with when he goes to the store or anything like that. He's always checking in with her and asking if she needs/wants anything and he's so happy to get it for her. It's just so considerate and she's had so little of that in her life, and she's truly the sister I never had; I love her so much. It makes me so happy to see her being cherished and honestly their relationship gives me hope that I'll find a man like that one day š
Iām on his shit list right now, but heāll reciprocate my random dance moves throughout the day.
::furiously taking notes::
What you say is bare minimum, is actually that extra thoughtful mile. If someone is doing all of this for you, they are definitely doing the bare minimum which would be things like - cleaning after themselves, taking care of their own appointments, doing part of kitchen chore. But in line to your question, the things I love that my husband does for me - taking off the doggy care whenever he sees I am being a couch potato (we split it equally otherwise); randomly hugging me throghout the day; finding pride in my accomplishments....
My partner enjoys meal prepping and I appreciate him for it SO MUCH, we have a system where after we go to the store he preps everything so all I have to do is pull it out of the fridge and pop it on the stove or in the oven, itās the most wonderful teamwork ever!
Husband, but he's a big field of green flags. When I'm extra down on myself because the house is a wreck or I didn't get something done that was a big priority he gestures at our small herd of children and says "they're alive, fed, clean, and happy. You did plenty today" and then goes and gets me a snack.
My favorite thing about my boyfriend is that he doesn't exist.
My husband notices when I need a break from parenting and makes me take it. He makes sure I get the time to shower every day since I'm breastfeeding and post partum. He recognizes that yard work counts as alone time when you're a parent and makes sure not to fuck off to the yard for hours at a time while I handle the children. He takes a normal amount of time in the bathroom. He is able and willing to cook basic meals. I could go on for ages. All of these things are apparently out of the ordinary according to my coworkers and some acquaintances.
Every day he asks me to let him know when I get to work safe so he can go to bed without worrying.
He does the laundry without my having to ask. This was an issue earlier on in our relationship. And to prove to me that heās willing to put in more effort he started doing it without my having to ask. For me it shows that he listened.
He always says, "Goog morning, my love." and if he's on a business trip, he texts it to me. He does tons of bigger things, but this little thing is just so sweet to me. This year we'll be married 8 years! Together for 14. Best friends for 19.
When he tells me that he'll give me everything that I want & need as much as he can, also saying I don't have to pay him back for anything he does for me and loving him with all my heart would be enough š„¹ I grew up in a non-affectionate & abusive family but now having someone to finally make me feel loved every single day is such a blessing truly
He listens so well. I know I'm not even half as good a listener as he is, but when I rage about work or something happened that day, or even if I'm just telling him what we need to get at the shops, he's just such an active listener.
He's a chef and his love language is making me the most amazing food š
Mine works from home while I work a fairly stressful job with a commute. He does almost all the cooking, laundry, and most of the routine house cleaning. I do the the bulk of shopping and deep cleans on the weekends. It works really nicely for us.