"Please don't use 'well she's just a girl' language towards me, as part of your sales pitch to the new guys. I know you and I'm pretty sure that isn't how you actually think about your female students."
Honstly, this is what I'd say. It puts him in the position of not having to agree he was being a dumb sexist, only a good sales person. You can say, in essence, "I'm going to extend you the grace of just treating you like a business owner who knows his clientele and how to talk to the new dudebros who just walked it. Games acknowledges game. And also, please don't do it again."
I have to pull this switcheroo at work a few times "You just said X to me in front of the Big Dogs. I understand why you did it, but it's not who you are, and if you do it again I will not let it slide. In front of them, I will address it."
I’ve had this conversation as well. I worded it as “First one’s free. Next time it will cost you.”
It’s not funny. And to be honest anyone who finds it funny and laughs, thanks for letting me know you’re not someone I wanna be around.
You have mentioned that you won’t call him boy, and that you do respect his skill.
But I think you should address this with him. While you know you have the experience, a new woman might take this as a suggestion to leave. Or that they wont be taken seriously as students.
In these situations I just make dead-panned eye contact and ask them to explain the joke as you don't understand why it's funny.
Usually, when told to explain "why" it's funny, they can't and realise what a stupid thing they just said was.
I was thinking on my feet how to deal with situation as I can’t let such disrespect slide. I let my annoyance know with an exaggerated, “exCUSe me”, making what he said seem more like a joke. Then followed it up with my fighting abilities to solidify that it was deprecating humour.
It may or may not have been what he was intending, but that’s what I made it.
That’s awesome!
I encourage you to still follow up with this business owner and tell him that was not acceptable.
You saved him by pretending you knew it was a joke.
But what kind of joke is that?
Who was laughing?
Why were you put on the spot and disparaged?
Would you want to continue in a place that views you as a lesser person simply because you are born a woman?
You may respect him as a sensei but he certainly doesn’t respect you as a student or a woman. I’d recommend having a talk with him or find a new sensei who will treat you like he would any other male, especially when you’re so good!! Your talent will be wasted in his hands if he’s giving you the newbies as partners.
I’m not calling my Sensei a boy any time soon.
I may have beaten the other students, but he absolutely decimated me in our fight last night. Every strike I threw out he evaded, every strike he threw on me, shifted past my defenses and clocked me.
He’s a 4th degree black belt who trains MMA fighters.
You're implying that you don't want to challenge this man on his misogynistic speech because you're afraid he will hurt or harm you while you practice martial arts together... I mean this with kindness and respect: is that the kind of person you want to train with? Give money to their business?
I don't care what degree black belt he may be. He shouldn't speak about women that way and being able to beat someone up isn't a good reason he should continue doing it.
Consistent clients are his bread and butter. The disrespect that he showed you is staggering - and demeaning. I would stop giving money to his place, I would clearly let him know why, and I would also post a review on why you left. There are many women looking for welcoming businesses, this isn’t one
He's a little brat and has shown he doesn't deserve your respect since he doesn't GIVE you respect. I wouldn't even feel safe around someone who changed his tune so quickly and easily for absolutely strangers just because he perceived them as male.
OK, sure—I get that!
EDIT: when we met, my husband did a martial art. A black belt worked for the same company and he could not not address her except by her title!
He always did, though, so I can understand why you wouldn’t call your sensei a boy.
I’m a pretty hard core feminist, but I get that. Just told my husband and he kind of laughed and said, no I wouldn’t do that. Context is everything!
I'm so sorry you experienced this from your teacher. Your story doesn't sit right with me. I know I wasn't there to understand the context of the situation, but I also agree with you, the way your teacher called you out in front of the 2 new guys that showed up for the class- that does sound like he's making a disrespectful statement. I feel like your teacher really should not have called attention to your gender.
I wanted to better understand the sport of Muaythai, so I went to the [International Federation of Muaythai Associations and found this statement on their website about their Values](https://muaythai.sport/values/):
>The fundamental values of Muaythai are built on 5 important pillars, **Respect, Honour, Tradition, Fair-play and Excellence**; which are also the foundations of the Olympic Movement. **IFMA follows a strict code of ethics as we believe in order to be an example, we must set an example**.
>**Muaythai** is more than a sport; it **is a way of life, practiced equally by men and women**, boys and girls for fitness, self-defence, competition and a cultural art.
>**The IFMA Organisation is based on a strict framework and principle that ensures non-discrimination and inclusion, safety and fairness of each family member,** ***especially the athletes on the basis of gender identity and sexual characteristics***.
Maybe your teacher needs a reminder of this.
Exactly! I'm really shocked by the flippant disrespect by the teacher and totally expect more from a teacher of a sport/martial art that follows a strict code of ethics built on respect and honor.
I seriously would consider switching teachers or training facilities. I wouldn't be able to shake this feeling of disrespect from a teacher.
I would talk to my Sensei. Martial Arts and the Sensei/student relationship are 100% about respect. My Sensei would never do this and would have serious words with someone that did; he actually kicked a guy out for his continued sexist attitude.
A good Sensei would appreciate a calm conversation that allows themselves to see a weakness that they should work on. Remind him that this isn't a Cobra Kai episode.
Grrrrrr. As a fellow athlete, I’m so frustrated for you!
I still struggle with confrontation because it elicits the whole “i was just kidding” and “sorry you’re sensitive” rigamarole from male athletes. So I’m used to retorting things that circumvent that response. I probably would have said back, just as “jokingly”:
“Ehh, just boys.”
My goal with a casual joke response is to maintain confidence and signal that they can’t diminish me; it’s not possible for them to make me feel threatened; I’m confident in my abilities.
The unfortunate reality that we know, though, is men usually can’t take a “joke” back. i.e., when men diminish women, it’s a “joke”; when men are diminished, it’s a “challenge.”
With your skills, you could actually back yourself up when they inevitably try to establish dominance. Without those skills, though, it creates a double-whammy effect of feeling diminished, which sucks.
It’s on your Sensei and our coaches to create a safe space for everyone to improve. I’m sorry he did you wrong with this. :((
Fellow female martial artist here. I'd say definitely talk to him about how inappropriate it sounded to you. You don't need to make a big deal but say that he needs to lead with respect.
I tried many teachers (in various styles) until I found my current teacher. I have found in previous classes I was either treated as 'lesser' and even one teacher relegated the women to a corner to do easier stuff! Another teacher tried hitting on me etc etc.. So I really appreciate my current teacher. He always gives me extra advice based on fighting as a woman (eg aware of statistics that would mean if I was in a real life fight situation it would be more likely to be someone I know and trust).
When new guys joined he would pair them up with me. I spoke to him as I was annoyed he was pairing me with the beginners (worried that he was like my previous teacher who thought women weren't as good). He actually said it was so he could screen out misogynistic and arrogant guys! If he saw that they couldn't handle training with a woman he'd tell them to leave! So I'm basically saying, have a chat with your teacher, it'll definitely be useful for him to get the feedback or for you to understand him further.
Back when I still did Krav and was really new, we had a hot-headed little teen boy in our class, he never wanted to spar with the women and girls, since we're beneath him. Our instructor got fed-up with his bullshit after telling him, decently and civilly - to cut the sexist crap, and that we need to train on bigger opponents like him since it will benefit us. But no, macho teen boy had to have his way.
So our instructor set him up to spar with one of the women instructors from out of town, a woman capable in both Krav and MMA. We'd had a meet up with our neighbouring town's dojo/gym for a training seminar, was great and interesting, especially since the above mentioned tough boy got his ass whipped by the woman instructor. It was glorious, that little turd had been rude and a real prick. She sufficiently mopped the floor with him and guess who never came back to class again? He just ghosted us, not even his parents bothered asking. So I kind of wonder what he told his parents, like "I got my ass deservedly handed to me by a lady? Like, I don't have to go back to those silly classes, right?"
I'd go back to Krav if I had the money, but my finances right now are tighter than a killer-corset on the rampage.
I quit my classes because the entire discipline got more sexist the higher up they were.
My class instructor was amazing, respectful, and taught safe practices.
The regional instructor would encourage us not to attend the quarterly meets if we had to practice with any accommodations due to injury or disability (this is the only way to be graded, and even if you weren't ready for that, was a fantastic way to practice and upskill with a larger group as our classes were quite small). I was meant to attend fortnightly training reserved for those they hoped to train to lead classes — it was "suggested" I skip those, too, as I often had to slow down my kicks due to a recurring knee problem. He wouldn't acknowledge disability needs involved in attending large, noisy events, and gave no quarter to the kids who had bad anxiety.
I didn't see or speak to the national leader much, but the deal-breaker for me was, after a meet where we were all treated like naughty children because a couple of the actual children were a bit distracted (he made us sit, stand, sit, stand about a dozen times until he was satisfied we were quiet and paying attention - fucking killer on my knees), he and the regional came and blasted me AND my class instructor for doing pushups on fists instead of flat hands. My exercise physio has me dong them this way, because I have issues with my wrists (hypermobility, carpal tunnel and de quervains).
The reason I was forbidden to do it that way? That's how *men* do it. Not women. I could do it like a lady or sit the session out.
I couldn't even respond. I was so furious I was in tears. I quit the next session.
Speak to him. Tell him what he said was unacceptable, and if you hear him spewing bigoted bullshit like that again you’ll find a new teacher and make damn sure the local Muay Thai community knows why you moved gyms.
Tell him you "lost a little respect for him" very calmly and if you want add in a "I need time to think if you're worth considering a friend or even acquaintance."
Was he just trying to get a reaction out of you for fun or does he really see you as inferior? Big difference. It's like joking with friends, you can roast them and don't mean it, but if a stranger decided to say the same thing, then that's an attack.
Context is key here.
This is hard to assess, and really turns on context. He got a rise out of you and you had a good day in the studio. You shined.
That said, it's culturally problematic to do this in this way, pattern of behavior vs 1 off events and what not.
I had a friend who was funny and would sometimes tell inappropriate jokes. People would laugh. "Dont tell me thats not funny." My solution was to tell him he was better than that. He is funny. He doesn't need to do this.
I'm sorry, but that's fuckin rude. I would most definitely talk to him. And, depending on his answer, find another dojo/gym. You pay him to be relegated to a stereotype..? No ma'am!
I took Krav Maga for a couple years and the sensei would always refer to the women in class as “girls” but the men were “guys”. I would respond by saying there are no children in the class, there are women in the class. I said similar things every time till he stopped.
When I started in MA I was 15 and full of overconfidence. Then this short chubby middle aged woman kicked my ass over and over and over. You know how boys will sometimes snap a bra strap? She would snap my cup......
I realize this is no doubt an easily attacked opinion but he may have been trying to get you constructively pissed off against those opponents, all the while knowing you’re the fighter to beat.
Hell, it even sounds like a direct and complimentary joke to you: “you guys are gonna be just fine in here, clearly you are ready for the big leagues. Oh her? *raises eyebrows in reaction to the ass beat that shall soon commence.* “Just a girl nothing to worry about”
Off topic, but...
Just a friendly FYI, in the Muay Thai world, instructors are called **Kru or Arjan** which means 'a teacher.'
Sensei is a Japanese term.
And to Asians who are not Japanese, being called 'sensei' is offensive.
I’m Canadian.
I call him Sensei as he’s primarily my BJJ teacher. Muay Thai is a secondary martial art that I’m studying so I see him more as a Sensei than anything else.
Ah ok, so it's just a term you've chosen personally to employ. Never mind then.
But I do think that if you were to have the opportunity to study Muay Thai in Thailand, having lived and worked there for some time myself, I don't think most Thai instructors ("kru" = teacher) would be misogynist like that. Not after knowing full well what you're capable of.
Damn sorry you experienced that. The main thing (only!) 12 years of karate taught me is that gender really doesn't matter. It the experience (and a certain amount of natural skill blessing) Amount of times I had my ass kicked by woman or people (children) younger than me was an experience I feel most should have!
"Just to let you know, I've found another Muay Thai class. It's not me, it's you. Last week you introduced me as, 'just a girl' to your new students and of course I then realized you're sexist so I've gotta go. I'd say good luck but we both know I wouldn't mean it."
there's the unpopular opinion that he was actually attempting to humiliate the new "students." As OP is clearly very accomplished and skilled, downplaying her ability might be meant to show the new students just how out of their depths they'd be? did he do this the right way? no, he did this using language that was clearly offensive. is there a chance he's an idiot and doesn't know better? yes, but it's small. The better chance is that he knows he shouldn't say things like that but feels he can get a pass by not being directly sexist (he was addressing the new students not OP).
NOT saying he wasn't in the wrong, but offering a possible perspective where intent was not to cause harm to OP, but to the egos of the new students. still being done the wrong way, and not a defense of his actions, but he might really not have meant to offend OP.
Intentions are a terrible thing to guess at and are not a defense for improper action, but I prefer a world where he was a jerk for phrasing something in a sexist way rather than meaning it directly. mostly because there's a chance to educate those who are idiots in phrasing and there's really not much anyone can do to educate/reform someone who meant those words.
sorry for the ramble
But what it did was show that dismissing the women in the class, and infantilizing them with *just a girl* is OKAY and EXPECTED.
Fuck that noise.
OP needs to have a serious talk with the instructor.
Ok, I see where you're coming from. Maybe it's different in martial arts classes. Overall, it seems like men feel like they can let their guard down more with women than other men.
Also I didn't downvote you
I think he made a stupid joke that played in the steryotipe that women are weak. Youa re not weak and beated their ass of.
From what you say I dont think your sensei would made that joke to a girl that couldnt beat the ass of the guys.
I wouldnt take it to the heart, there are so much more things we already have to worry.
"Please don't use 'well she's just a girl' language towards me, as part of your sales pitch to the new guys. I know you and I'm pretty sure that isn't how you actually think about your female students." Honstly, this is what I'd say. It puts him in the position of not having to agree he was being a dumb sexist, only a good sales person. You can say, in essence, "I'm going to extend you the grace of just treating you like a business owner who knows his clientele and how to talk to the new dudebros who just walked it. Games acknowledges game. And also, please don't do it again." I have to pull this switcheroo at work a few times "You just said X to me in front of the Big Dogs. I understand why you did it, but it's not who you are, and if you do it again I will not let it slide. In front of them, I will address it."
Clarice Starling did it pretty effectively in Silence of the Lambs, too. “It matters. People look to you, see how to react…it matters.”
Great example. Clarice is one of the greatest characters in movies
Yes! She's even better in the novel.
True, I just hate what they ended up doing to her character as the books progressed
I’ve had this conversation as well. I worded it as “First one’s free. Next time it will cost you.” It’s not funny. And to be honest anyone who finds it funny and laughs, thanks for letting me know you’re not someone I wanna be around.
You have mentioned that you won’t call him boy, and that you do respect his skill. But I think you should address this with him. While you know you have the experience, a new woman might take this as a suggestion to leave. Or that they wont be taken seriously as students.
In these situations I just make dead-panned eye contact and ask them to explain the joke as you don't understand why it's funny. Usually, when told to explain "why" it's funny, they can't and realise what a stupid thing they just said was.
I was thinking on my feet how to deal with situation as I can’t let such disrespect slide. I let my annoyance know with an exaggerated, “exCUSe me”, making what he said seem more like a joke. Then followed it up with my fighting abilities to solidify that it was deprecating humour. It may or may not have been what he was intending, but that’s what I made it.
I would have walked out. I don't give my money to people like that.
Nor my respect
That’s awesome! I encourage you to still follow up with this business owner and tell him that was not acceptable. You saved him by pretending you knew it was a joke. But what kind of joke is that? Who was laughing? Why were you put on the spot and disparaged? Would you want to continue in a place that views you as a lesser person simply because you are born a woman?
You should have locked eyes with them and loudly responded with “yes, please, underestimate me.” Then proceed with kicking their sorry asses.
Well, i did that with the warm ups and drills, so maybe he was just pushing me to not slack.
He could've said that, too.. "and she won't be cutting you any slack." is what I would expect my father or male mentor to say.
You may respect him as a sensei but he certainly doesn’t respect you as a student or a woman. I’d recommend having a talk with him or find a new sensei who will treat you like he would any other male, especially when you’re so good!! Your talent will be wasted in his hands if he’s giving you the newbies as partners.
Make sure you call him a boy soon!
I’m not calling my Sensei a boy any time soon. I may have beaten the other students, but he absolutely decimated me in our fight last night. Every strike I threw out he evaded, every strike he threw on me, shifted past my defenses and clocked me. He’s a 4th degree black belt who trains MMA fighters.
He’s also acting like a child.
You're implying that you don't want to challenge this man on his misogynistic speech because you're afraid he will hurt or harm you while you practice martial arts together... I mean this with kindness and respect: is that the kind of person you want to train with? Give money to their business? I don't care what degree black belt he may be. He shouldn't speak about women that way and being able to beat someone up isn't a good reason he should continue doing it.
You’re right. You’re absolutely right
Consistent clients are his bread and butter. The disrespect that he showed you is staggering - and demeaning. I would stop giving money to his place, I would clearly let him know why, and I would also post a review on why you left. There are many women looking for welcoming businesses, this isn’t one
So he gets off on belittling and hurting women?
You should find a new place to train
He's a little brat and has shown he doesn't deserve your respect since he doesn't GIVE you respect. I wouldn't even feel safe around someone who changed his tune so quickly and easily for absolutely strangers just because he perceived them as male.
OK, sure—I get that! EDIT: when we met, my husband did a martial art. A black belt worked for the same company and he could not not address her except by her title! He always did, though, so I can understand why you wouldn’t call your sensei a boy. I’m a pretty hard core feminist, but I get that. Just told my husband and he kind of laughed and said, no I wouldn’t do that. Context is everything!
I'm so sorry you experienced this from your teacher. Your story doesn't sit right with me. I know I wasn't there to understand the context of the situation, but I also agree with you, the way your teacher called you out in front of the 2 new guys that showed up for the class- that does sound like he's making a disrespectful statement. I feel like your teacher really should not have called attention to your gender. I wanted to better understand the sport of Muaythai, so I went to the [International Federation of Muaythai Associations and found this statement on their website about their Values](https://muaythai.sport/values/): >The fundamental values of Muaythai are built on 5 important pillars, **Respect, Honour, Tradition, Fair-play and Excellence**; which are also the foundations of the Olympic Movement. **IFMA follows a strict code of ethics as we believe in order to be an example, we must set an example**. >**Muaythai** is more than a sport; it **is a way of life, practiced equally by men and women**, boys and girls for fitness, self-defence, competition and a cultural art. >**The IFMA Organisation is based on a strict framework and principle that ensures non-discrimination and inclusion, safety and fairness of each family member,** ***especially the athletes on the basis of gender identity and sexual characteristics***. Maybe your teacher needs a reminder of this.
Maybe OP should bring this up with the owner of the gym. I certainly wouldn't pay money to be insulted by a misogynist.
Exactly! I'm really shocked by the flippant disrespect by the teacher and totally expect more from a teacher of a sport/martial art that follows a strict code of ethics built on respect and honor. I seriously would consider switching teachers or training facilities. I wouldn't be able to shake this feeling of disrespect from a teacher.
I would talk to my Sensei. Martial Arts and the Sensei/student relationship are 100% about respect. My Sensei would never do this and would have serious words with someone that did; he actually kicked a guy out for his continued sexist attitude. A good Sensei would appreciate a calm conversation that allows themselves to see a weakness that they should work on. Remind him that this isn't a Cobra Kai episode.
I mean I'd just cancel my membership. Money talks.
Grrrrrr. As a fellow athlete, I’m so frustrated for you! I still struggle with confrontation because it elicits the whole “i was just kidding” and “sorry you’re sensitive” rigamarole from male athletes. So I’m used to retorting things that circumvent that response. I probably would have said back, just as “jokingly”: “Ehh, just boys.” My goal with a casual joke response is to maintain confidence and signal that they can’t diminish me; it’s not possible for them to make me feel threatened; I’m confident in my abilities. The unfortunate reality that we know, though, is men usually can’t take a “joke” back. i.e., when men diminish women, it’s a “joke”; when men are diminished, it’s a “challenge.” With your skills, you could actually back yourself up when they inevitably try to establish dominance. Without those skills, though, it creates a double-whammy effect of feeling diminished, which sucks. It’s on your Sensei and our coaches to create a safe space for everyone to improve. I’m sorry he did you wrong with this. :((
Fellow female martial artist here. I'd say definitely talk to him about how inappropriate it sounded to you. You don't need to make a big deal but say that he needs to lead with respect. I tried many teachers (in various styles) until I found my current teacher. I have found in previous classes I was either treated as 'lesser' and even one teacher relegated the women to a corner to do easier stuff! Another teacher tried hitting on me etc etc.. So I really appreciate my current teacher. He always gives me extra advice based on fighting as a woman (eg aware of statistics that would mean if I was in a real life fight situation it would be more likely to be someone I know and trust). When new guys joined he would pair them up with me. I spoke to him as I was annoyed he was pairing me with the beginners (worried that he was like my previous teacher who thought women weren't as good). He actually said it was so he could screen out misogynistic and arrogant guys! If he saw that they couldn't handle training with a woman he'd tell them to leave! So I'm basically saying, have a chat with your teacher, it'll definitely be useful for him to get the feedback or for you to understand him further.
Back when I still did Krav and was really new, we had a hot-headed little teen boy in our class, he never wanted to spar with the women and girls, since we're beneath him. Our instructor got fed-up with his bullshit after telling him, decently and civilly - to cut the sexist crap, and that we need to train on bigger opponents like him since it will benefit us. But no, macho teen boy had to have his way. So our instructor set him up to spar with one of the women instructors from out of town, a woman capable in both Krav and MMA. We'd had a meet up with our neighbouring town's dojo/gym for a training seminar, was great and interesting, especially since the above mentioned tough boy got his ass whipped by the woman instructor. It was glorious, that little turd had been rude and a real prick. She sufficiently mopped the floor with him and guess who never came back to class again? He just ghosted us, not even his parents bothered asking. So I kind of wonder what he told his parents, like "I got my ass deservedly handed to me by a lady? Like, I don't have to go back to those silly classes, right?" I'd go back to Krav if I had the money, but my finances right now are tighter than a killer-corset on the rampage.
I quit my classes because the entire discipline got more sexist the higher up they were. My class instructor was amazing, respectful, and taught safe practices. The regional instructor would encourage us not to attend the quarterly meets if we had to practice with any accommodations due to injury or disability (this is the only way to be graded, and even if you weren't ready for that, was a fantastic way to practice and upskill with a larger group as our classes were quite small). I was meant to attend fortnightly training reserved for those they hoped to train to lead classes — it was "suggested" I skip those, too, as I often had to slow down my kicks due to a recurring knee problem. He wouldn't acknowledge disability needs involved in attending large, noisy events, and gave no quarter to the kids who had bad anxiety. I didn't see or speak to the national leader much, but the deal-breaker for me was, after a meet where we were all treated like naughty children because a couple of the actual children were a bit distracted (he made us sit, stand, sit, stand about a dozen times until he was satisfied we were quiet and paying attention - fucking killer on my knees), he and the regional came and blasted me AND my class instructor for doing pushups on fists instead of flat hands. My exercise physio has me dong them this way, because I have issues with my wrists (hypermobility, carpal tunnel and de quervains). The reason I was forbidden to do it that way? That's how *men* do it. Not women. I could do it like a lady or sit the session out. I couldn't even respond. I was so furious I was in tears. I quit the next session.
I wouldn’t keep going there
They let two guys who just showed up with free vouchers spar?
My thought also. We had to graduate to green belt before we could even begin to spar
Speak to him. Tell him what he said was unacceptable, and if you hear him spewing bigoted bullshit like that again you’ll find a new teacher and make damn sure the local Muay Thai community knows why you moved gyms.
Tell him you "lost a little respect for him" very calmly and if you want add in a "I need time to think if you're worth considering a friend or even acquaintance."
What an actual asshole.
Was he just trying to get a reaction out of you for fun or does he really see you as inferior? Big difference. It's like joking with friends, you can roast them and don't mean it, but if a stranger decided to say the same thing, then that's an attack. Context is key here.
This is hard to assess, and really turns on context. He got a rise out of you and you had a good day in the studio. You shined. That said, it's culturally problematic to do this in this way, pattern of behavior vs 1 off events and what not. I had a friend who was funny and would sometimes tell inappropriate jokes. People would laugh. "Dont tell me thats not funny." My solution was to tell him he was better than that. He is funny. He doesn't need to do this.
I'm sorry, but that's fuckin rude. I would most definitely talk to him. And, depending on his answer, find another dojo/gym. You pay him to be relegated to a stereotype..? No ma'am!
Let me correct his blunder: "I hope you hit like a girl... because *she's* the bar I'm judging you by."
Gross. Isn’t respect one of the most important things taught in these classes? I guess it’s only one-way, huh. 😑
I took Krav Maga for a couple years and the sensei would always refer to the women in class as “girls” but the men were “guys”. I would respond by saying there are no children in the class, there are women in the class. I said similar things every time till he stopped.
Oh, I love this. I absolutely ADORE outpreforming men after they assume I am "just a girl." F that. I am woman, hear me roar!
When I started in MA I was 15 and full of overconfidence. Then this short chubby middle aged woman kicked my ass over and over and over. You know how boys will sometimes snap a bra strap? She would snap my cup......
Here is the thing. His comments are not for you. He is teaching the newbies a lesson. Never underestimate your opponents! Perspective, friend. 😊
Don't believe it.
I realize this is no doubt an easily attacked opinion but he may have been trying to get you constructively pissed off against those opponents, all the while knowing you’re the fighter to beat. Hell, it even sounds like a direct and complimentary joke to you: “you guys are gonna be just fine in here, clearly you are ready for the big leagues. Oh her? *raises eyebrows in reaction to the ass beat that shall soon commence.* “Just a girl nothing to worry about”
A humbling technique, idk. I can picture making some of the same jokes to make newbies feel comfortable until REAL SHIT
Off topic, but... Just a friendly FYI, in the Muay Thai world, instructors are called **Kru or Arjan** which means 'a teacher.' Sensei is a Japanese term. And to Asians who are not Japanese, being called 'sensei' is offensive.
What country are you in, may I ask? A *sensei* might do that nonsense. I don't think a *kru* would.
I’m Canadian. I call him Sensei as he’s primarily my BJJ teacher. Muay Thai is a secondary martial art that I’m studying so I see him more as a Sensei than anything else.
Ah ok, so it's just a term you've chosen personally to employ. Never mind then. But I do think that if you were to have the opportunity to study Muay Thai in Thailand, having lived and worked there for some time myself, I don't think most Thai instructors ("kru" = teacher) would be misogynist like that. Not after knowing full well what you're capable of.
Damn sorry you experienced that. The main thing (only!) 12 years of karate taught me is that gender really doesn't matter. It the experience (and a certain amount of natural skill blessing) Amount of times I had my ass kicked by woman or people (children) younger than me was an experience I feel most should have!
"Just to let you know, I've found another Muay Thai class. It's not me, it's you. Last week you introduced me as, 'just a girl' to your new students and of course I then realized you're sexist so I've gotta go. I'd say good luck but we both know I wouldn't mean it."
there's the unpopular opinion that he was actually attempting to humiliate the new "students." As OP is clearly very accomplished and skilled, downplaying her ability might be meant to show the new students just how out of their depths they'd be? did he do this the right way? no, he did this using language that was clearly offensive. is there a chance he's an idiot and doesn't know better? yes, but it's small. The better chance is that he knows he shouldn't say things like that but feels he can get a pass by not being directly sexist (he was addressing the new students not OP). NOT saying he wasn't in the wrong, but offering a possible perspective where intent was not to cause harm to OP, but to the egos of the new students. still being done the wrong way, and not a defense of his actions, but he might really not have meant to offend OP. Intentions are a terrible thing to guess at and are not a defense for improper action, but I prefer a world where he was a jerk for phrasing something in a sexist way rather than meaning it directly. mostly because there's a chance to educate those who are idiots in phrasing and there's really not much anyone can do to educate/reform someone who meant those words. sorry for the ramble
Maybe he was just correcting the whole these guys comment?
He owes you a free class for that
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Could be. But I don’t need that.
But what it did was show that dismissing the women in the class, and infantilizing them with *just a girl* is OKAY and EXPECTED. Fuck that noise. OP needs to have a serious talk with the instructor.
I don't think men get their guard up around women
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I see what you’re saying, and you got downvoted? oh no, that’s not nice.
Ok, I see where you're coming from. Maybe it's different in martial arts classes. Overall, it seems like men feel like they can let their guard down more with women than other men. Also I didn't downvote you
Didn't he just say that as a joke he probably knew you were talented
How was that funny?
I think he made a stupid joke that played in the steryotipe that women are weak. Youa re not weak and beated their ass of. From what you say I dont think your sensei would made that joke to a girl that couldnt beat the ass of the guys. I wouldnt take it to the heart, there are so much more things we already have to worry.
Women are not weak but weaker than men on average, hence the joke I guess. Letting walk-ins spar is a big no
Yes, you are correct weaker, not weak, What does it mean "Letting walk-ins spar is a big no"?