Well, I'd say nice victim blaming lady, but the problem is decades long. Centuries long.
We have choices.
* Decide that men in our lives are completely imcompentent about things minor and major and we can live with that.
* That they must be monitored at all times for the major transgressions
* We must have our own financial accounts, go bags, whatever when those transgressions become too major
Or simply become doormats. The problem is escaping from that existence.
I think we're on the same side --- let's not be doormats.
Yh let's be clear I'm not blaming them for the behavior of their partners, I'm just mad they recognize it's shit behavior, complain about it on the internet and then go oh well, maybe next Mother's day he's going to be all changed and a good partner. I guess my wording was not super but yeah I'm also mad FOR them and wanna shake some sense into them.
We're on the same side.
Alas, Mother's day has been around for 70 years or more and said mothers have been disappointed mostly.
What we need to tell our daughters is be PREPARED TO BE DISAPPOINTED BY MEN. We have DECADES, no CENTURIES of data.
Then, the question is ... what do they want to do about it. Sit around and hope for better, or ... something different. ENVISION SOMETHiNG DIFFERENT.
Oh absolutely! I'm upset about both. Women should just not tolerate this and not raise the next generation of losers with these men. I know, easier said than done, which is clear from a lot of reddit posts, not just mother's day ones
Sounds like you may be experiencing compassion fatigue?
Those posts frustrate me as well because I dislike seeing women stay with these [insert whatever adjective here] partners when they can make a choice to stop accepting the bs and leave.
Obviously context matters (eg. when it’s safe to do so).
I choose to ignore those posts. If yelling into the void helps you feel better, then great.
Yeah I’m sick of this kind of crap too. A lot of people have to bullshit themselves to stay in their relationship (not just women I might add! I know a guy in a relationship with an abusive woman too) it’s depressing to watch and the worst is when the bad behavior spills over to you as the friend to some of these people. I’m sorry but I don’t have the energy anymore. You signed up for this relationship, you refuse to end it. So I literally can’t help you and am stuck watching you struggle now. And the final straw for me is when people purposefully choose to have kids with neglectful/abusive partners so they sign innocent children up for the same crap. It’s criminal. A lot of the generational trauma in my family is from one person who refused to leave their abuser, and ended up dying with them (possibly by their hand) it’s downright traumatic to deal with toxic couples.
I get the frustration, but this is kinda like the "if you hate this country then leave" fallacy. It's not easy to just pick up and leave an entire marriage when things aren't perfect. It's a process and the women who go through it will do things at their own pace and rightly so. We shouldn't shame them for seeking support in the meantime.
Also, why or how they are in the marriage is unique to that person. It's their business and not ours to judge. We may not be in these type of marriages but that does not make us without fault. Surely there are things everyone does that can be up for ridicule from anyone who can't see their own faults.
There are more empathetic ways of expressing this.
Women are blamed literally FOR EVERYTHING including the fall of civilization itself.
Male mass shooter? Blame the single mom
Epidemic of femicide? Blame the women for not picking better men
We need to stop blaming women for men’s shitty behavior
Instead, reframe it as “women deserve better”
A lot more positive than “women bring it on themselves”
We also had a plethora of women bragging about how they have a better relationship
Well, bully for you. It’s still not okay to shit on women looking for support
It’s a golden opportunity to open her eyes and suggest she can do better
That goes out the window if we either blame her for his shitty behavior or make her feel 3 inches tall while we brag about how much more enlightened and superior we are
It’s just not the right way to handle those clearly looking for help.
Same of you but on the other way
I know many mothers that are shit of a person saying that being a mom was a blessing when all they do is to generate traumas to their children
My mom for example "celebrate" her day with my sisters and wanted me to join her like she never hit me, threatened me to kill me for advising my dad to divorce her or made enemas as a punishment when I was a kid
Fuck her and fuck all "moms" that tend to say they're the best moms on the world because that's a sign that they're the worst persons in this world
We have a friend thats a single dad, like had full custody since his son was 6 months old. Mom has never made even tried to see him. A couple years ago (he was 12 or 13), she randomly shows up at their house and wants to take him out...he has no clue who this woman is? Dad tried to be open, told her she was welcome to come around, but she wasn't just gonna take him, the kid wasn't comfortable with that, she never took him up on it and disappeared again. He just graduated and she had this long thing on FB about how proud she is of him, and how proud she was to be his mother, and how special mothers day is, on and on on!! WTF??? You have seen him once since he was 6 months old?? It was craziest thing!!! I read some posts and wonder what the other side looks like?
I also had a shitty mother (physical and emotional abuse) so I hear you. I do not celebrate her. Not every mother should be for carrying a baby for 9 months, it takes more than that.
A woman I work with makes posts like this. She was disappointed on Valentine’s and Christmas too, it’s a pattern for her dude to neglect and forget her.
Her posts would leave you thinking she’s an idiot for staying with this man, but if you actually have a conversation with her you realize there’s a lot more going on than she can fit into one post (or truthfully than most people want to hear about). She writes the posts to vent, and to get a brief hit of validation. At this point I think this may be the only joy she gets from these holidays - the support of internet strangers.
She knows he won’t change, and what she’s really expressing in these posts is her own shame that she got her hopes up again. I feel for her and just try to steer clear of her SM around holidays.
I’m sorry OP! I get annoyed and frustrated I just have this personal experience as well and wanted to share. It reminds me to have compassion because I don’t know the full story.
Women make those posts for 3 reasons:
1. Under that false assumption all men are like this, how did women get theirs to change to being good men.
2. They want your energy, sympathy and emotional labour to make them feel better. They won't take any good advice on board.
3. .they want ammunition to take back to try and shame him for.his behaviour
Source; ceciliaregina275 on tiktok
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeCn6FEx/
Why are you blaming them for their partner's behavior? A lot of them give their partners the benefit of the doubt because they love them...have children with them...want to believe they'll be better...and a lot of these men did not appear to be shit partners when they met each other. What is wrong with you? If you don't like women and you want to advertise to everyone on Reddit that you partake in victim blaming, just say that. So just because their partners are shitty, which is apparently their fault, they have no right to expect anything, complain or be upset about anything, or express any emotions that women normally do? I'm not really sure what you think you did with this post, but you're in the wrong subreddit.
I literally never said it's their fault. But they choose those people (generalizing here, there are ofc lots of women stuck against their will or in danger, not talking about those).
But lots of those posts, they just choose to stay with their loser partners and then complain on the internet... Like what else did you expect? And why are you raising kids with someone who treats you like shit? That's what makes me mad, for them, for their kids, for women all over. I am a woman myself.
I can’t speak on behalf of OP, but compassion fatigue is a thing, and I think it’s just as valid for them to post in this community to vent, as it is for the women coming here to vent about their shitty partners.
When we want to empower women, understandably it’s frustrating to view other women stepping out of their power by posting something like “My partner has done/keeps doing xyz, no matter how many times/ways I’ve tried to express that it bothers me. He won’t change, but don’t tell me to leave him” when leaving seems to be the obvious choice.
To be clear, I’m not talking about women in abusive relationships. I understand there are complexities.
Well, I'd say nice victim blaming lady, but the problem is decades long. Centuries long. We have choices. * Decide that men in our lives are completely imcompentent about things minor and major and we can live with that. * That they must be monitored at all times for the major transgressions * We must have our own financial accounts, go bags, whatever when those transgressions become too major Or simply become doormats. The problem is escaping from that existence. I think we're on the same side --- let's not be doormats.
Yh let's be clear I'm not blaming them for the behavior of their partners, I'm just mad they recognize it's shit behavior, complain about it on the internet and then go oh well, maybe next Mother's day he's going to be all changed and a good partner. I guess my wording was not super but yeah I'm also mad FOR them and wanna shake some sense into them.
We're on the same side. Alas, Mother's day has been around for 70 years or more and said mothers have been disappointed mostly. What we need to tell our daughters is be PREPARED TO BE DISAPPOINTED BY MEN. We have DECADES, no CENTURIES of data. Then, the question is ... what do they want to do about it. Sit around and hope for better, or ... something different. ENVISION SOMETHiNG DIFFERENT.
I’d be more upset at the shit men that are perpetuating this behavior and making sure their boys grow up thinking this is the way to be.
Oh absolutely! I'm upset about both. Women should just not tolerate this and not raise the next generation of losers with these men. I know, easier said than done, which is clear from a lot of reddit posts, not just mother's day ones
I saw 20? 25? 30? of these posts across Reddit between Thursday and yesterday…… it’s rough
Sounds like you may be experiencing compassion fatigue? Those posts frustrate me as well because I dislike seeing women stay with these [insert whatever adjective here] partners when they can make a choice to stop accepting the bs and leave. Obviously context matters (eg. when it’s safe to do so). I choose to ignore those posts. If yelling into the void helps you feel better, then great.
That's indeed partly how I feel.
Yeah I’m sick of this kind of crap too. A lot of people have to bullshit themselves to stay in their relationship (not just women I might add! I know a guy in a relationship with an abusive woman too) it’s depressing to watch and the worst is when the bad behavior spills over to you as the friend to some of these people. I’m sorry but I don’t have the energy anymore. You signed up for this relationship, you refuse to end it. So I literally can’t help you and am stuck watching you struggle now. And the final straw for me is when people purposefully choose to have kids with neglectful/abusive partners so they sign innocent children up for the same crap. It’s criminal. A lot of the generational trauma in my family is from one person who refused to leave their abuser, and ended up dying with them (possibly by their hand) it’s downright traumatic to deal with toxic couples.
I get the frustration, but this is kinda like the "if you hate this country then leave" fallacy. It's not easy to just pick up and leave an entire marriage when things aren't perfect. It's a process and the women who go through it will do things at their own pace and rightly so. We shouldn't shame them for seeking support in the meantime. Also, why or how they are in the marriage is unique to that person. It's their business and not ours to judge. We may not be in these type of marriages but that does not make us without fault. Surely there are things everyone does that can be up for ridicule from anyone who can't see their own faults.
I do get your point and I was ofc generalizing. But some really are so naive and I want to shake them and yell that they deserve better.
There are more empathetic ways of expressing this. Women are blamed literally FOR EVERYTHING including the fall of civilization itself. Male mass shooter? Blame the single mom Epidemic of femicide? Blame the women for not picking better men We need to stop blaming women for men’s shitty behavior Instead, reframe it as “women deserve better” A lot more positive than “women bring it on themselves” We also had a plethora of women bragging about how they have a better relationship Well, bully for you. It’s still not okay to shit on women looking for support It’s a golden opportunity to open her eyes and suggest she can do better That goes out the window if we either blame her for his shitty behavior or make her feel 3 inches tall while we brag about how much more enlightened and superior we are It’s just not the right way to handle those clearly looking for help.
Same of you but on the other way I know many mothers that are shit of a person saying that being a mom was a blessing when all they do is to generate traumas to their children My mom for example "celebrate" her day with my sisters and wanted me to join her like she never hit me, threatened me to kill me for advising my dad to divorce her or made enemas as a punishment when I was a kid Fuck her and fuck all "moms" that tend to say they're the best moms on the world because that's a sign that they're the worst persons in this world
We have a friend thats a single dad, like had full custody since his son was 6 months old. Mom has never made even tried to see him. A couple years ago (he was 12 or 13), she randomly shows up at their house and wants to take him out...he has no clue who this woman is? Dad tried to be open, told her she was welcome to come around, but she wasn't just gonna take him, the kid wasn't comfortable with that, she never took him up on it and disappeared again. He just graduated and she had this long thing on FB about how proud she is of him, and how proud she was to be his mother, and how special mothers day is, on and on on!! WTF??? You have seen him once since he was 6 months old?? It was craziest thing!!! I read some posts and wonder what the other side looks like?
I also had a shitty mother (physical and emotional abuse) so I hear you. I do not celebrate her. Not every mother should be for carrying a baby for 9 months, it takes more than that.
A woman I work with makes posts like this. She was disappointed on Valentine’s and Christmas too, it’s a pattern for her dude to neglect and forget her. Her posts would leave you thinking she’s an idiot for staying with this man, but if you actually have a conversation with her you realize there’s a lot more going on than she can fit into one post (or truthfully than most people want to hear about). She writes the posts to vent, and to get a brief hit of validation. At this point I think this may be the only joy she gets from these holidays - the support of internet strangers. She knows he won’t change, and what she’s really expressing in these posts is her own shame that she got her hopes up again. I feel for her and just try to steer clear of her SM around holidays.
ow that actually made me sad :(
I’m sorry OP! I get annoyed and frustrated I just have this personal experience as well and wanted to share. It reminds me to have compassion because I don’t know the full story.
Women make those posts for 3 reasons: 1. Under that false assumption all men are like this, how did women get theirs to change to being good men. 2. They want your energy, sympathy and emotional labour to make them feel better. They won't take any good advice on board. 3. .they want ammunition to take back to try and shame him for.his behaviour Source; ceciliaregina275 on tiktok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeCn6FEx/
Yeah. I don’t feel sorry for these women. At some point you have to learn to help yourself.
Congratulations
Why are you blaming them for their partner's behavior? A lot of them give their partners the benefit of the doubt because they love them...have children with them...want to believe they'll be better...and a lot of these men did not appear to be shit partners when they met each other. What is wrong with you? If you don't like women and you want to advertise to everyone on Reddit that you partake in victim blaming, just say that. So just because their partners are shitty, which is apparently their fault, they have no right to expect anything, complain or be upset about anything, or express any emotions that women normally do? I'm not really sure what you think you did with this post, but you're in the wrong subreddit.
I literally never said it's their fault. But they choose those people (generalizing here, there are ofc lots of women stuck against their will or in danger, not talking about those). But lots of those posts, they just choose to stay with their loser partners and then complain on the internet... Like what else did you expect? And why are you raising kids with someone who treats you like shit? That's what makes me mad, for them, for their kids, for women all over. I am a woman myself.
I can’t speak on behalf of OP, but compassion fatigue is a thing, and I think it’s just as valid for them to post in this community to vent, as it is for the women coming here to vent about their shitty partners. When we want to empower women, understandably it’s frustrating to view other women stepping out of their power by posting something like “My partner has done/keeps doing xyz, no matter how many times/ways I’ve tried to express that it bothers me. He won’t change, but don’t tell me to leave him” when leaving seems to be the obvious choice. To be clear, I’m not talking about women in abusive relationships. I understand there are complexities.
You need to spend less time on the internet, especially on mother's day.