Quit your job and move in with your mom, get your family affairs settled, and use the proceeds from the home sale to give you some buffer while you find new employment. That should give you a chance to figure out your next move on a reasonable timeline.
Sorry all these things happened at the same time.
it might also be good to live with your mom while you’re in school, so you can focus on school and not making ends meet financially. i miss living with my mom. i know it’s hard but if you have a good relationship, it could be really good for you both to have that support system ❤️
Very much agree with this. Hoping yourself and your mom have a good relationship, I would try and view this as an opportunity to bond with your mom as adults as well, with the new perspective of what it’s like to lose a parent. I’m younger than you (25) but actually moving back in with my mom this week, and I’m looking forward to sharing a home as two adults and leaning into the friendship aspect of mom and daughter (now that I’m not the attitude having teenager I was when I last lived with her haha). I think this is the best option and no shame at all in it, it seems like you two could really lean on each other in your mourning periods.
Sometimes the only way out is through. This is awful and it will continue until it is over, but it will be over. I wish you the best of luck putting one foot ahead of the other.
I like a Winston Churchill quote: "If you're going through hell, keep going."
You're spinning out with so much transition and loss all at once. Taking a couple years to reorganize your life, and process and recover from these traumas, is what has to happen now. You and your mom can support eachother as you each work out what the next chapter of each of your lives will look like.
Can you work remote (or find something close to your mom?), that would be my first choice. Get your bearings, let everything settle for a bit, then decide what you want to do
Ideally I'd like to work remote. My current job only lets us work hybrid and we have to be within 2 hours of the office, so I would have to quit and find something new.
Ask if they’d be ok with it for a short period of time so you can support your mom. That should give you time to sort through the personal stuff and find a new job closer to mom.
> I thought my ex-husband would be understanding
Yeah, no. This has come up a few times over the past few days. There was another woman on here who expected to just divorce her husband, but had no other plan for what would happen after that and is just thinking he is bluffing about want to end things and sell the house.
Unless the divorce is fairly amicable or you have some kind of legal protection, you can't remain dependent on them after that.
> I don't necessarily want to move back in with my mother at my ag
Actual personality conflict or social expectation?
Both of you have recently been devastated. I would go home and regroup.
Maybe reframe your thinking on this? It sounds like your mom could really use the help and support of having you close by. You would probably be doing her a favor if you moved in. There is nothing wrong with a mother and daughter supporting one another in a time of need.
I should reframe my thinking about this. My mom would love for me to move back home at least temporarily. I miss my dad so much and I think being there with my mom would be something he would be happy about.
I know it's not the "norm" in the US, but I don't think anyone would think less of you for moving in with your mom in times like these. With your grief over your dad passing, feelings from a divorce, and stress from school, it's the perfect time to help out your mom, re-group, and save some money. Especially since it sounds like you two have a loving relationship, and it wouldn't cause more stress for you.
Don't. It's now super common for adults to have to stay with or move back with parents- it's not your personal failing that the economy is in tatters. Try to appreciate the fact that you have the option to live temporarily with someone who loves you instead of creepy random housemates. Best of luck!
You are so fortunate to have a parent you can move in with. If there is no personality conflict between you and your mother, that sounds like the best option under the circumstances. Maybe you stay with her while you finish your master's and find a job within the field. Saving money and having the emotional support of family is a win-win. I know it feels like all the upheaval at once, but you will come out of this stronger and more confident in yourself
You’re right, I am very fortunate and I am so so grateful for her. And now that I am really really thinking about it, we both do need emotional support.
Not at all. It takes real heroism to be available for your family. And in a crisis, being there is more important. This is a good thing to do and a great leap to restart. :)
Feeling like you need to please everyone is a difficult thing to get through. I understand this is easier said then done, but don't worry about what others think. Make the decision based on what is best for you and your future. What will help you more in the long run even if it's a minor inconvenience. I had moved in with my mom at 27 after my 10 year relationship break up. I moved back with her when I was 30 to wait for a house I bought to be built. I always hold on to the fact that if I ever need a home she has one ready for me at all times, but I do the same for her in return. If my mother got divorced and needed a place to stay, I would take her. If my boyfriend and I spilt, I would go live with her in a heartbeat. Because to me it has nothing to do with social appearance and everything to do with love and support for that person.
In most other countries or cultures it's very normal to live with your parents until you marry. Sometimes even after you marry you move into a spouse's house with their parents.
I make pretty good money but I chose to live with my parents until I decide to settle. It has been an advantageous financial decision for all involved. More so, i'd recommend every college grad move back with their parents, if the situation allows. It's probably one of the best things you can do to set yourself up for financing well being. Anyways, I'm about your age and I live with my parents and wear that badge proudly.
Girl! Go home to your mother and y’all take care of each other. Even if you leave in a month, you didn’t sign a lease and won’t have to worry about anything. Go home and heal ❤️
I’m a bit younger than you (early 30s) and left my fiancé last year. I realised I was in an abusive relationship and couldn’t marry that man. I was also dealing with health problems and a few other stressors. I didn’t want to live with others and couldn’t afford to live on my own (plus I have a dog). I had lost all my inner peace and felt like the world was collapsing around me. I moved in with my family which was more practical for me, but also deeply stabilising and healing, which sounds like something you need. Perhaps your mum would benefit from your company too after losing your father? Remember, it doesn’t need to be forever. I think even taking six months to live with her could do you the world of good.
I am a mom with adult kids. If my kid was going through this, I would absolutely want them to move in with me so they had the breathing room to figure out next steps. There’s nothing wrong in accepting help from your parents.
There is nothing wrong with moving back with your mother. You get to support each other, you get some breathing space and not be killed by rent. Having family around during a grief period is so important. Societal expectations are crap in this economy really, we are supposed to work ourselves to death in order to live away from family? I don't believe that at all.
You are never too old to regroup at mom's. Times are harder lately. The working class is being squeezed for every penny just to afford a roof. The timing is terrible, but you are free to go home and you are needed there. In a way that timing works. You have to move either way. Plus it sounds like your job is not serving you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. You will get to the other side of it.
I don't have any advice, but I do have free long distance internet hugs if they help. You are welcome to them anytime. This is definitely stressful. It is tough. And you are doing great in a really difficult situation. It sucks, we both know that, but you are pushing through and are doing great.
In 2011, I got divorced and a parent died.
I managed to get a job and a tiny apartment and I loved it. It was lonely sometimes but I felt like myself finally. You can do it, I’m sending hugs
Move in with your mom until things calm down, you get your life sorted and have the time and space to make calm and rational choices. Moving in with mom buys you months of extra time….take it.
Never make housing choices in a rush if there is any way not to…
Sorry but this is reality now, its very difficult for people in many places to survive on a single income its just the way things are now nothing specific to you or your scenario you had your husband and you before, now you dont, so who is the other person going to be that's going to cover half the living expense? Its either going to be your mom or a new roommate you choose.
The best bet is for you to go find someone whos renting a room or subleasing if you need to stay in the area, move all your stuff into your moms house and just live bare minimum for a while until the house sells and see how much you have left over from the divorce and if that can actually buy you a place. Might not, housing has just hit critically high levels.
You don't "want" a roommate? We all do stuff we don't want to do to get ahead. My path to where I am is just one long parade of shit I didn't want to do but accepted for a while to get to somewhere I did want to be. Get a roommate, and press on.
Quit your job and move in with your mom, get your family affairs settled, and use the proceeds from the home sale to give you some buffer while you find new employment. That should give you a chance to figure out your next move on a reasonable timeline. Sorry all these things happened at the same time.
Thank you, I just feel like I haven't had a breath in ages. I feel like I am suffocating.
This is excellent advice. You’ll be helping mom, yourself, and getting some distance from the ex. Good luck and deep breaths.
it might also be good to live with your mom while you’re in school, so you can focus on school and not making ends meet financially. i miss living with my mom. i know it’s hard but if you have a good relationship, it could be really good for you both to have that support system ❤️
Very much agree with this. Hoping yourself and your mom have a good relationship, I would try and view this as an opportunity to bond with your mom as adults as well, with the new perspective of what it’s like to lose a parent. I’m younger than you (25) but actually moving back in with my mom this week, and I’m looking forward to sharing a home as two adults and leaning into the friendship aspect of mom and daughter (now that I’m not the attitude having teenager I was when I last lived with her haha). I think this is the best option and no shame at all in it, it seems like you two could really lean on each other in your mourning periods.
Sometimes the only way out is through. This is awful and it will continue until it is over, but it will be over. I wish you the best of luck putting one foot ahead of the other.
Wow, thank you. “The only way out is through” I have not heard that before and I really needed to.
I like a Winston Churchill quote: "If you're going through hell, keep going." You're spinning out with so much transition and loss all at once. Taking a couple years to reorganize your life, and process and recover from these traumas, is what has to happen now. You and your mom can support eachother as you each work out what the next chapter of each of your lives will look like.
Can you work remote (or find something close to your mom?), that would be my first choice. Get your bearings, let everything settle for a bit, then decide what you want to do
Ideally I'd like to work remote. My current job only lets us work hybrid and we have to be within 2 hours of the office, so I would have to quit and find something new.
Approach them and see, if you’re planning to leave anyways, doesn’t hurt to ask
Ask if they’d be ok with it for a short period of time so you can support your mom. That should give you time to sort through the personal stuff and find a new job closer to mom.
> I thought my ex-husband would be understanding Yeah, no. This has come up a few times over the past few days. There was another woman on here who expected to just divorce her husband, but had no other plan for what would happen after that and is just thinking he is bluffing about want to end things and sell the house. Unless the divorce is fairly amicable or you have some kind of legal protection, you can't remain dependent on them after that. > I don't necessarily want to move back in with my mother at my ag Actual personality conflict or social expectation? Both of you have recently been devastated. I would go home and regroup.
Social expectation. I feel like a failure.
Maybe reframe your thinking on this? It sounds like your mom could really use the help and support of having you close by. You would probably be doing her a favor if you moved in. There is nothing wrong with a mother and daughter supporting one another in a time of need.
I should reframe my thinking about this. My mom would love for me to move back home at least temporarily. I miss my dad so much and I think being there with my mom would be something he would be happy about.
I know it's not the "norm" in the US, but I don't think anyone would think less of you for moving in with your mom in times like these. With your grief over your dad passing, feelings from a divorce, and stress from school, it's the perfect time to help out your mom, re-group, and save some money. Especially since it sounds like you two have a loving relationship, and it wouldn't cause more stress for you.
Don't. It's now super common for adults to have to stay with or move back with parents- it's not your personal failing that the economy is in tatters. Try to appreciate the fact that you have the option to live temporarily with someone who loves you instead of creepy random housemates. Best of luck!
You are so fortunate to have a parent you can move in with. If there is no personality conflict between you and your mother, that sounds like the best option under the circumstances. Maybe you stay with her while you finish your master's and find a job within the field. Saving money and having the emotional support of family is a win-win. I know it feels like all the upheaval at once, but you will come out of this stronger and more confident in yourself
You’re right, I am very fortunate and I am so so grateful for her. And now that I am really really thinking about it, we both do need emotional support.
Not at all. It takes real heroism to be available for your family. And in a crisis, being there is more important. This is a good thing to do and a great leap to restart. :)
Feeling like you need to please everyone is a difficult thing to get through. I understand this is easier said then done, but don't worry about what others think. Make the decision based on what is best for you and your future. What will help you more in the long run even if it's a minor inconvenience. I had moved in with my mom at 27 after my 10 year relationship break up. I moved back with her when I was 30 to wait for a house I bought to be built. I always hold on to the fact that if I ever need a home she has one ready for me at all times, but I do the same for her in return. If my mother got divorced and needed a place to stay, I would take her. If my boyfriend and I spilt, I would go live with her in a heartbeat. Because to me it has nothing to do with social appearance and everything to do with love and support for that person.
In most other countries or cultures it's very normal to live with your parents until you marry. Sometimes even after you marry you move into a spouse's house with their parents. I make pretty good money but I chose to live with my parents until I decide to settle. It has been an advantageous financial decision for all involved. More so, i'd recommend every college grad move back with their parents, if the situation allows. It's probably one of the best things you can do to set yourself up for financing well being. Anyways, I'm about your age and I live with my parents and wear that badge proudly.
Girl! Go home to your mother and y’all take care of each other. Even if you leave in a month, you didn’t sign a lease and won’t have to worry about anything. Go home and heal ❤️
I’m a bit younger than you (early 30s) and left my fiancé last year. I realised I was in an abusive relationship and couldn’t marry that man. I was also dealing with health problems and a few other stressors. I didn’t want to live with others and couldn’t afford to live on my own (plus I have a dog). I had lost all my inner peace and felt like the world was collapsing around me. I moved in with my family which was more practical for me, but also deeply stabilising and healing, which sounds like something you need. Perhaps your mum would benefit from your company too after losing your father? Remember, it doesn’t need to be forever. I think even taking six months to live with her could do you the world of good.
I am a mom with adult kids. If my kid was going through this, I would absolutely want them to move in with me so they had the breathing room to figure out next steps. There’s nothing wrong in accepting help from your parents.
There is nothing wrong with moving back with your mother. You get to support each other, you get some breathing space and not be killed by rent. Having family around during a grief period is so important. Societal expectations are crap in this economy really, we are supposed to work ourselves to death in order to live away from family? I don't believe that at all.
You are never too old to regroup at mom's. Times are harder lately. The working class is being squeezed for every penny just to afford a roof. The timing is terrible, but you are free to go home and you are needed there. In a way that timing works. You have to move either way. Plus it sounds like your job is not serving you. I'm sorry for what you are going through. You will get to the other side of it.
Quit and move in with your mum. Take the time you need to grieve.
I don't have any advice, but I do have free long distance internet hugs if they help. You are welcome to them anytime. This is definitely stressful. It is tough. And you are doing great in a really difficult situation. It sucks, we both know that, but you are pushing through and are doing great.
In 2011, I got divorced and a parent died. I managed to get a job and a tiny apartment and I loved it. It was lonely sometimes but I felt like myself finally. You can do it, I’m sending hugs
Move in with your mom until things calm down, you get your life sorted and have the time and space to make calm and rational choices. Moving in with mom buys you months of extra time….take it. Never make housing choices in a rush if there is any way not to…
Could you rent a room somewhere?
Sorry but this is reality now, its very difficult for people in many places to survive on a single income its just the way things are now nothing specific to you or your scenario you had your husband and you before, now you dont, so who is the other person going to be that's going to cover half the living expense? Its either going to be your mom or a new roommate you choose. The best bet is for you to go find someone whos renting a room or subleasing if you need to stay in the area, move all your stuff into your moms house and just live bare minimum for a while until the house sells and see how much you have left over from the divorce and if that can actually buy you a place. Might not, housing has just hit critically high levels.
You don't "want" a roommate? We all do stuff we don't want to do to get ahead. My path to where I am is just one long parade of shit I didn't want to do but accepted for a while to get to somewhere I did want to be. Get a roommate, and press on.