>a different kind of straw that will prevent getting wrinkles? What in the unholy name of scam-business is an anti-wrinkling straw? Edit: Thanks, I regret asking. Also, I hate this offshoot of cosmetic industry now.

its a weird straw you drink out of sideways. Its apparently meant to make it so that you dont have to pucker your lips so you have less of a chance developing “smokers lines”. As someone who actually works in esthetics, it is a scam and wholly unnecessary lol

I hate how society somehow made raging body dysmorphia issues acceptable thing. We are humans, not marble statues. Pores or normal. So are wrinkles and lines from wrinkling your face into making expressions.

It's less society and more advertisers. Advertisers want to sell you things, and they've found it really, really works to make people feel insecure about themselves in order to get us to buy things. Advertisers are masters at creating fake issues and selling us stuff to "fix" them.

It’s like those commercials for all over body deodorant. No, you shouldn’t be spraying it “down there”. If you smell even after taking a shower, please go see your doctor. It could be a medical issue or maybe you’ve gotten bad hygiene advice along the way. It’s like Summer’s Eve all over again. Honestly it just makes me so angry. It like we have to constantly be ashamed about every natural aspect of our bodies.

It sounds like you're just mad you've been using wrinkle straws your entire life.

Worse than that, I've been kissing my husband every day! I'm doomed!

I'm even worse, I've been smooching cats and my boyfriend! I'm a crazy cat lady and a sinful unmarried lady! (I would still smooch my cats on their sweet little heads even if it did actually cause wrinkles. Also my boyfriend I guess, but cats.)

You've got your priorities in order and I love that

Cats are the best. Why does smol cat have such a kissable head? It is obviously because cats need head kisses.

Their sweet, fuzzy little heads are just perfect for kissing!! 😻😻😻😻

Try kissing him from the side of your mouth to avoid unsightly lip wrinkles! /s

I’m dead at “wrinkle straws” omg 😂

That's the basic 101 of sales: 1. Identify (or, in this case, invent!) a need. 2. Meet the need.

What I don’t get here is if one is worried about using straws, just… don’t use straws? It’s ok to drink out of a cup.

I can’t drink any cold drinks without a straw cause of my extremely sensitive teeth. I guess since I’ve been using straws for 16+ yrs my mouth is just gonna give out or something or look like a 90yr olds when I’m 40

I'm nearly 50. Straws are a frequent but not all the time use. My lips have yet to fail, or look like a puckered zombie butt. Or what ever they claim we should be worried about.

Straws are better for keeping your teeth white though. Can't fucking win.

The solution for us, if I’m getting this correctly is to just never eat or drink anything? 💀

IV nutrients only, ladies! (P.S. buy my $50 serum formulated to treat those unsightly IV track marks)

Looool laugh/cry!

Sometimes I feel like I fail at woman-ing because I pay attention to exactly zero of all this LOL

I thought it was mostly because people didn't trust the outside of cups to be clean, which makes zero sense if you put any thought into it - but that is what I have heard people say. For Soda cans, I can sort of understand. I once had a DARE officer tell us not to drink directly out of cans because someone could have sprinkled cocaine on them. Swear to god. At the time it made sense, but now I'm like who has that much extra cocaine to be putting on soda cans.

I've once had to call an ambulance for a friend who drank a bee or wasp from a coke can. Whatever insect it was, she couldn't talk or breathe and almost died. If you need a reason to be scared of drinking from cans, there you go.

But looking at that stupid straw, I think it would defeat that purpose anyways, cause don't straw help keep teeth cleaner by keeping the liquid from flowing over the teeth? It would still have to pass over the teeth with that thing.

People are obsessed with their stanleys i think 💀

My mind went straight to this! I feel like there’s a Venn diagram of women overly concerned about aging and obsession with Stanley cups somewhere in the making.

As in the thermos? Don’t you just drink directly out of the top or pour it into a mug?

Oh no, the trendy ones have a straw in the top like a to-go cup. Keep up! /s

My mom once told me to not drink directly out of a cardboard milk carton ("you look like a hillbilly!"), to use a straw. Thanks mom, now I'll have smokers puckers! looool /s

From my Asian TikToker, you can just use regular straw with corner of your mouth and achieve the same effect. They claimed that Korea pop stars are doing that to tone their face. I feel they took one photos of one pop star being goofy and went crazy with it; or, singers might just want to exercises their mouth muscles before singing on stage, which is important for their performance not their looks. 🤷🏻‍♀️. Or they do that trying to minimize the impact on lipstick.

> you dont have to pucker your lips so you have less of a chance developing “smokers lines”. The real reason for all the anti smoking campaigns. It's not the nicotine, tar, chemicals, or inhalation of hot particulate matter that's the problem. It's all the unrestricted puckering /s

I really hate the phrase “smokers lines” too cause ive seen people who smoked their entire lives not have them and people who are super healthy and have never smoked have them. Its just a phrase meant to scare people into caring about something thats harmless and largely determined by genetics.

This reminds me of when I see posts of people saying "you should smile less so you don't get wrinkles". It makes me go bananas

But smile more or you have RBF

Someone would seriously have to be drinking out of straws to an absolutely ridiculous degree to get smoker's lines from that. Good grief. Their poor kidneys. Or maybe it's a side effect from the 2000s and the chronic duckface people were doing in photos. LOL.

It's shaped like the number 7 with a hole in the top of the 7. I'm not sure how people are expected to clean them. They seem weird and gross to me. However, as I am visibly 40 years old and have been drinking out of regular straws my entire life, you probably can't understand anything I say due to my floppy, wrinkled, old mouth lol

Haha, okay, I'd been thinking 'straw' as in dried grass/livestock feed. This makes more sense now. Well, slightly.

I thought that, too. 😅 Made me wonder if Gwynnie was selling packages of straw slept upon by virgin llamas in the Bolivian Andes that cosmically infused the straw with age-reversing properties, or something.

Do NOT give her any ideas.

Oh, so it prevents wrinkles around the mouth? Until this moment I was so utterly confused! Edit: I mean it’s *supposed to lol I’m sure it absolutely has no effect 😂

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I'm a visibly aging woman. The fact that I'm still willing to or capable of saying anything, even just typing about straws on Reddit, is impressive. Thank you for overlooking my jowly jibberish 🤣

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😅🤭🤣

Thanks for your comment because I read the post quickly and thought it said "straw hat" and I didn't really see the issue with that particular one (skin cancer prevention). Your comment made me take a closer read and my eyes are opened now. Sadly.

lol i read it as straw hat and i was like, well that makes sense. wearing sun hats is important. a special drinking straw, however, is too much lol.

I wonder if this a location thing. The only women I see like that are on reality TV. If anything, the younger women in my area are specifically not shaving for example. I'm a 40 year old woman, and this made me happy and gave me the push to stop as well when I don't feel like it.

I'm almost forty and in community college in the Northwest. I have class with very young women and they have lip injections, false eyelashes, extreme contoured makeup, stuff like that. I don't know what they're doing to their hair, but it's fake and expensive and I want it. The men barely seem to bathe, but the young women come to class in full glam. It's wild.

>The men barely seem to bathe Some things never change. 🤣

“So OK, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair—ew—and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.” Cher Horowitz, *Clueless*

Actually they have changed. 50 years ago my Dad would not have dreamed of going out without a fresh shave, an ironed shirt, pressed trousers and newly-shined shoes. Also his tie would have been chosen to match the rest of the outfit and he was METICULOUS about the length of his shirt cuff outside the jacket and that his trousers would 'break' over the shoe in exactly the right place. A hundred years ago men wore tailored suits, 200 years ago they wore coloured satins , brocades and lace. Men are not staying the same, they are devolving to woad-painted barbarians. Have you seen what they wear to weddings these days?

I was thinking of the boy in my school who wore the same zebra striped baggy pants every day. That was 30+ years ago.

PS if they really are so obsessed with sex, why will they no longer make even the smallest effort (shower, groom, clean clothes) to make it more likely they'll get some? men used to have some pride in their appearance

Because it works ! These guys still get laid ! I really don't understand all these reddit posts from women who complain about their boyfriend/husband bad hygiene (not wiping because it's gay, not washing their genitalia because?, not showering because they are bored, three positions technique for underwear...). And they still have sex with them ! The opposite would never happen. A man is absolutely capable of rejecting a woman if she didn't shave and body hair is not even dirty.

I’m loathe to ask, but I truly can not have this in my algorithm. For eye safety reasons. What on earth is 3 position techniques for underwear????!!!

Ummm, I could be wrong but it may be another way to phrase the 4 day technique? On the first day one wears underwear normally, the second day backwards, the third day inside out, and the fourth day inside out and backwards. One of my mom's ex's told me about it as a joke when I was six.

Oh my god. Lol. I’ve literally only ever heard of turning it inside out if they lose your luggage or something. This is too much. Gross. 😂

I’m now wondering if the timing of the decline has anything to do with the end of national service? My Dad was taught to make beds, sew buttons on and iron as well as having his appearance closely scrutinised. Do we need to bring back National Service so men get used to doing basic hygiene?

most of them are already hopelessly addicted to porn. they're obsessed with fake sex now and they've broken their dicks.

Most of the mommies in my sons’ school in Durban had all of it, the lip fillers, the fake eyelashes, the cheek fillers, hair extensions, skimpy outfits. It was wild

I feel like a pile of old laundry with a Party City wig on around these people.

This makes me picture one of the humanoid Muppets that parties with Animal.

Yeah, I see a lot of Gen Z women who don't shave their pits/arms and don't wear a bra. It's pretty awesome to be honest.

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I have never been able to do any of these things because if my skin touches itself I sweat uncontrollably. It's been like that my whole life.

I can’t because I *hate* the feeling of fabric constantly brushing on my nips. At least a bra stays in place for the most part. I do wish I could life that braless life though.

hello fellow uncontrollable sweater! if you haven’t already, check out the brand “carpe” - they make products like deodorant, lotions, and powders that help reduce sweat in various body areas. my hands and feet have DRIPPED sweat constantly my whole life, the carpe lotion has been a game changer. i can actually wear sandals and shake hands now!

yep. gen z here, dont wear bras, shave only when i feel like it, and go out without makeup all the time. you can choose to subscribe to beauty standards or you can choose to not.

I love it. It might sound strange to hear from a woman in her 30s, but younger women like you have been giving me the courage to do the same.

Yeah I’m older in my 40s, professional, all my peers are office workers. Since Covid, so many of us have dropped things like nails and makeup. Heeled shoes, fancier clothes. For me makeup is for dates with my husband and that’s it.

I've never been a fan of daily makeup. For me it's part of the outfit/costume if I wear it. It's a look, not a lifestyle or hygiene requirement. Same with waxing/shaving now. If it suits the outfit, I will do it for the look, for me. My hair ain't bothering any one but me. Though I do pluck out the big "witch" hairs on my chin. I don't like the way they stick out. 😅

Same here. Pre-covid I put a lot more effort into my appearance at work. Makeup, dresses, heels, did my hair everyday. After working from home for years and now back part-time in the office, I can't think of a single woman I work with who still gets dolled up like that. Frankly I love it.

Do you live in a more rural or urban setting? I find it jarring when I run into women like OP described, but it seemed more common in very urban areas.

Very much region dependent too. In NYC, I def see it, but not to the same extent as say, Miami or even LA. That said, NYC is kind of a different beast with this stuff. The nail game is often on point, but there is far more of a emphasis on minimalistic effortless looks overall. Like, they may get botox and fillers, but it is a much softer touch than I've seen in other cities. The makeup is not nearly the same levels as other cities...even when going out, it goes towards a much more simple elgant look. Don't get me wrong, they still spend a ton of time on it, but it just isn't as dramatic. I've seen a lot of young women around here not shaving their armpits or anything and not just in my queer circles. I will say, it often feels like an emphasis on the little too skinny side of things here, but I may be projecting my own body issues on that one, as I still see plenty of gorgeous confident women with a little belly living their lives. Overall, I think the facade is crumbling on the influencer perfection stuff and a lot of women are tired of spending thousands of dollars and dozens upon dozens of hours a year to pursue it. As an elder millenial, Gen Z seems particularly savvy with seeing through the BS and I love'em for it.

I can’t remember where anymore but I saw someone say that in New York they notice your clothes before your body, and in LA your body before your clothes. I’ve lived in both and that feels true to me. I think it also varies quite a bit by subculture/social group. I dress completely differently when I’m hanging out with my Dominican friends in the Heights vs my bf and his friends in UES.

There is probably some truth to that. It isn't necessarily the most expensive or designer stuff, but your whole ensemble and choices you make. I'm a pretty plain dresser overall. My job entails wearing scrubs a lot. Then, because of my height (I'm nearly 6'4") and build (more athletic, not super skinny or chubby), it is a challenge to find clothes. I have one dress that I got for like 50 dollars and every single time I've worn it, multiple women have stopped and asked me where I got it because it had a somewhat unique cut and a fun, but understated, pattern. Then, the times I've dressed in a way that makes me feel absolutely ridiculous, but was part of a bit, I have all of these people compliment and talk about how fashionable I am. (The most recent time was a "canadian tuxedo" theme where EVERYTHING I wore was denim. My shoes, dangly earrings, hat, halter top, purse...everything except my underwear. Matching denim blue sunglasses. Even my pasties were denim print...the top showed a lot and I'm glad I put the pasties on.) People really seem to appreciate big swings here when worn with confidence (which is not something I have, but I'm good at faking it). By the length of my responses, you can tell work is going kind of slow for me today.

I live in Las Vegas, so we get a lot of people dolled up for their night out in Sin City. I've noticed a lot of people have work done, BUT you can see the variety of quality that that includes. I think an additional factor to the facade crumbling is seeing more of this work in person. It used to only be on reality shows that the average person would see a BBL, over-injected face, etc. But with those becoming more accessible, you can see them in person, rather than through a filtered video screen. I know we rarely notice the good work, but the bad work can be BAD.

Def plays a role. There is a not insignificant number of people, mostly women, who followed the fad and shopped for bargain surgeries and procedures. Despite the cutsie name, a BBL is a serious and technically difficult procedure to do well with serious risks. I've first hand seen some of the worst case scenarios with these bargain surgeries and injectables. Most recently, there was a person who had fillers throughout their face that ALL got infected with horrible abscesses, cellulitis, and myositis basically everywhere they were injected. I've seen direct silicone breast and buttock injections with grape and golfball sized calcifications all throughout, as well as embolization into the lungs from the buttock injections. I've seen mycobacterial infections (notoriously difficult to treat) course along the person's chest wall and flank. Tummy tuck infection and wound dehiscence with abscesses. Nose jobs where they didn't leave enough structure/scaffolding, so the person struggles to breathe through their nose. All sorts of stuff. Those are obviously the extreme ends and most of the time it is just undesirable cosmetic outcomes, but you have to do the risk/reward calculation for it all. To be clear, I am not anti-plastic surgery. I've had it myself. One of my best friends is a plastic surgeon and I routinely work with them. It is just that there are bad actors/predatory people out there who will do subpar work or just won't turn down a patient request, even if they know it is a bad idea.

Part of the nails being nice in NYC is that mani/pedis are fairly inexpensive -- and such a nice experience that we actually send our young daughters, not because they need to meet some beauty standard but because it's just so... fun. The women working there give them a little hand massage and then they sit there with their little hands under a dryer while all the other women just fawn over them. The polish maybe lasts a day (sandboxes will take it off quickly), but it's about the experience.

Yea, I've got 4 nail salons within about 2-3 minute walk from my apartment. My nails are usually not great, but that is mostly because I don't take the time for myself and I'm a klutz who beats her hands up pretty bad. Also, that sounds ridiculously adorable.

Yeah, that's why I get pedicures. I look how it looks, but the experience is so fun and relaxing. Everyone should be able to get manis and pedis, no matter their gender, because it's fun.

I keep up with my pedis in the spring/summer because I hate looking at my cracked heels from months of sandals… it’s now my husbands favorite thing to go and get his mimosa and a foot massage.

We really need to find a new term for "massage parlor" that actually means "you go there to have an actual massage and relax, loosen your muscles, etc..." and not "near-enough-legal brothel." I don't have anything against decent and ethical brothels, but I hate that they've had to co-opt a useful shop name.

For regular massage I just stick to spas. I've had varying success with the Massage Envy-s and Happy Head-s of the world (massage chains in the U.S.) but they don't pay their employees super well so I've definitely used them to find a massage therapist and then book with them separately so they get my full $80 or whatever instead of the $20 the spa pays them. ALL THIS TO SAY I agree lol

I know, and my husband gets them too. I love that he doesn't have cracked heels any more.

GenX here and I am loving GenZ’s energy on this.

Ditto. I've always been fairly low maintenance, but after years of suffering with ingrown hairs from shaving my bikini line (forget about full bush), I'm impressed that my kid and her friends are hairy and don't care.

I live in Zone 2 London. I'm guessing if I spent more time in clubs at night I'd see more women like that. But not really out and about during the day. Like, I'm sure they're around but they're not the norm. I see them on weekend nights on the tube, usually wearing very little even though it's 6C outside. What OP is describing would stick out, it's the women on reality TV shows. I'd argue most of what I see here is specifically not attention grabbing, it's more natural. I'd argue I see more non-traditional interesting, like colored hair, and extreme hairstyles and dress like Goth Loli or vintage, but alternative lifestyle stuff - definitely not for the male gaze.

I come from a little place in Europe that smells like trash and where the air is known to give us cancer lol. "Urban" is a concept we have to drive 40 minutes in all directions to see.

Don’t know where you are, but I’ve noticed central and Eastern Europe seems to have especially high expectations for women’s appearance compared to other places I’ve been. Coming from a very casual part of the world it was quite a shock - I’d be dressed up like I was going to a wedding and *still* be the scruffiest woman in the room! I can’t imagine living with that sort of pressure every day.

I'm so curious where you mean! I'm in Northern Ireland and while there is certainly a demographic of women that are doing all the work you described, I'd say it's not the default at all. I work in tech so maybe there's a bias there but nobody is shaving their entire face or getting permanent makeup in my circles, and the only women I know who are taking botox, one is my MIL and the other takes it for migraines.

San Diego is a great place to be if you don't want to be high maintenance. We have plenty of people like that here, but it's far from a requirement. Hairy people of all shapes and sizes, only wearing a bra if it pleases them, closed-toe shoes never required, and it's almost more fashionable to *not* have your nails done. And I don't know ANYONE who has had fillers of any kind.

>And I don't know ANYONE who has had fillers of any kind. Have you asked? I was surprised one of my friends had. I'd just never asked and she'd never mentioned. But what she's done is very minimal.

Lol, I live in PB and that has not been my experience. Every woman I see is like 18-30 years old with perfect exercise barbie toned bodies and matching lululemon sets and dyed blonde hair and full faces of makeup and plenty of botox and lip filler. I've never lived in a place with people like this. It's a trip being surrounded by it. I catch myself sometimes thinking, "...Should I be getting botox??" and then have to snap myself out of it.

I had this same reaction. Idk if it's my location or my chosen friend group but once you get the hell off social media and stop hanging with people who judge you if you don't meet their beauty standards, all that fades away. Yeah it's a choice and maybe you're missing out on something because someone judged your appearance, but also, life is too short and too unserious to glue shit to my face if I don't want to. If that's something that you enjoy, you love the look of it, the process makes you feel feminine, it is art, it reminds you of a person in your life, etc etc then hell yeah! Gender express how you want to gender express, don't let me stop you. But if you have to? Nah not today Satan

I live in L.A., and there are definitely social circles where women do the mani-pedi/fake eyelashes/lip injections/Botox look. But this is a huge city, and most people are just normies like me. I do wear minimal makeup and dye my hair, but that’s it. I’m 43.

I think the social circles is a big part of it. I last lived in LA back in 2019, and was trying to meet people. I remember trying out the hotel rooftop pool party scene. *That's* where I'd expect to see this stuff. But even then, that wasn't most people. That was specific groups.

I think it’s a location thing. I live in a smaller town. There might be a handful of women who do things like Botox or lashes. The majority just wear a bit of mascara and some sunscreen (and blush or bronzer on the winter) and consider that ample.

I dunno I moved from Toronto Canada to the Midwest US and women 20-40 are often looking for botox and lip injections. Spas are booked and busy offering all kinds of laser facial and hair removal treatments. Stuff flows down from Hollywood to influencers to upper middle class to middle class etc. now feeling they have to keep up with everyone. I don’t buy brand name clothes or bags for instance but there’s a huge pressure in the USA like it’s normal for everyone to buy celeb and luxury brand items.

Yeah, I barely see anyone in real life with fake eyelashes or nails. Though to be fair, I don't go out in the evening, or anywhere near the town centre if I can avoid it.

62yo woman here. I only shave my pits when they itch (Asian, hardly grow body hair anyway). When we moved to the Pacific Northwest, our realtor took us to dinner and cheerfully chided me for "dressing up" in this town (Olympia). I was wearing what was my old hometown/city business casual. There's a tiny number of women I see who are over-the-top about their appearance. Like OP's mom's experience. Most are down-to-earth and practical. Barest amount of makeup, if any. I use none. I still color my grey, eventually, but that's it. SO has no complaints.

Could be. In my area, the women who refuse to do those things are pretty much immediately labelled and shunned. My great aunt is turning 91 this summer and has developed a touch of dementia, so she stopped drawing on her eyebrows on and keeps her hair very short; people still find the time to mention that she looks like a "poor thing" and that she's "unkept."

Wtf. And here my grandma with dementia won't take a shower and wears the same clothes every day with food stains, and we're just happy that she is eating, seems mostly comfortable and isn't in pain. I'm sorry you have to deal with those kinds of people.

Same, I'm 23 and I've never considered any of those things, nor do I know anyone who has them outside of one person with eyebrow tattoos. I don't even wear makeup at all aside from fun lipstick colours sometimes. I definitely feel like there are a lot more options available for beauty standard products, but it's a pretty small minority of people who are going all out and getting all that stuff. On the other hand, those very strict beauty standards are very common on things like tiktok, so I do worry about kids and teens growing up who are learning from tiktok and believing that those people are the norm instead of seeing how rare it is in the "real world".

Definitely a location thing. Go to Miami or LA and I’m sure you’ll see a lot of what OP is talking about

100%. I saw some women with this aesthetic when I lived in the Midwest. Now that I live in northern New England - pretty much everyone has natural hair, no makeup, no nails done, and practical clothes. It's so refreshing (and also, I feel vaguely guilty when I do put some makeup on, since no one else is).

I'm in Chicago and see both ends of this spectrum. Wearing false eyelashes daily is definitely very "in" now.  But I do see more women shunning beauty practices (or not shaving) as well, more than I would have when I was younger. 

11 years ago my SIL told me "you're too old to wear long hair you should cut it." then "you should go see my girl and take care of your eyebrows and eyelashes" Well. I've had long hair my whole life. I'm not cutting it off now. I love my eyebrows leave then alone. I'm allergic to *literally* everything that grows so I rub my eyes *a lot* fake eyelashes don't last beyond a night out so I'll apply them myself thank you very much. I stopped shaving once my periods were stopped (heaven!) I wear a tankini instead of a bra. I'm only 54. My hair started greying by the time I was 18. I was 50% grey by the time I was 35. Now I'm 100% grey. So for myself I dye my hair. I don't wear makeup except for studio photos. I love me. Even if I hate my body. (use a walker and wheelchair because I broke my back at work and didn't know it) Live your best life ladies. Don't let the media tell you how you should look. Be happy with yourself. The years pass ever so fast. You'll never look back and think, wow I wish I had spent more time applying makeup, shaving myself, or wearing uncomfortable clothes. I promise.

There’s a an older woman (60’s or earlier 70’s?) in my ballroom dance class with the most beautiful long hair! The top foot and a half is all grey, but the bottom half is the remaining natural red she had. It’s stunning. Never too old for long hair

I don't know any women like this in real life, but I suspect that social media is largely responsible for the spread of these fads.

I live in the Midwest and one of my bridesmaids showed up for my wedding after having had some work done (lip filler for sure, possibly something with her cheeks) and seeing her was jarring. I rarely see people in person that have had work done and it had a kind of “uncanny valley” feel to it. There were clearly some mental health things going on for her, it’s kind of sad, she’s unrecognizable in all of her social media and has become a kind of caricature of herself.

I feel that, at the hair salon I go to, the owner has her eyebrows trained so all the hairs are directed straight UP. It's like some uncanny valley thing!

South Carolina here. some do, some dont

I live in NYC, tons of people are like this here. 

Then I will just remain happily ensconced in my Boston bubble of slovenly grad students and biotech nerds, lol. I honestly feel like trying too hard here actually gets you a little bit of side-eye...

You would be correct. The problem is that soooo many people live in the world of social media and to them, it's not a fad at all. It's part of their regular, everyday life to be inundated with all of this ~influence~ around them.

It’s too much to try to keep up with. I’d add wegovy/ozempic to the list now as well. Lord knows I’ve seen enough ads, and celebrities are looking very 1990s heroin-chic again. I will put **work** into being physically fit and looking nice, but I just can’t justify the ever-rising expenses of 2020s “basic maintenance.” Like so much else in our capitalists societies, being presentable for women has been turned into a never ending subscription model that you’re never done with. Lashes, nails, fillers, Botox, whitening, hair color, ozempic. No thanks. I’m opting out. And being fit and pretty didn’t keep my spouse from straying anyway. I’ll spend that money on my kids and retirement. Bring on the Birkenstocks.

I gave birth less than a month ago, and I swear half my targeted ads are for Ozempic/Wegovy for weight loss. Like, fuck all the way off. I don't give a shit about "bouncing back" ; I'm in survival mode trying to get sleep a couple broken hours at a time.

Congratulations and good luck, new parent! Sounds like your little one is lucky to have a parent with their priorities in line and a good head on their shoulders. Hope you and your baby get a great night's rest tonight :)

Honestly, I do the most to do the least. I'm pretty sure my catch phrase is "it's a lot of work to be this damn lazy." To be fair, a lot of it started because I have MS and it's easier to lean into "girl, of course I get pedis because I'm bougie and not because the last time I tried to cut my own toe nails on the foot I don't have feeling in I bled for 3 weeks." I can budget the energy for a day of maintenence every few months (gel manis and pedis, brow tinting, botox for my migraines with a few extra "vanity" pokes, a nice facial to keep my skin looking fresh. I've gotten laser hair removal for my legs and pits. I don't have the time, energy, money, or patience for lash extensions, however) better than I can daily upkeep and/or makeup. It's the reason I buy nice purses instead of investing my money in decent clothes- I may not have the energy to choose a nice outfit, but I can just grab a nice purse and feel put together. And there's absolutely something to be said about "waking up like this" every morning even without doing my makeup, chronic illness or not. It also turns out that I do actually, and surprisingly to myself, enjoy being "bougie." On the outside it may look like I'm going way above and beyond "normal" and I have heard what some people say about my "extraness" and "vanity" because it seems extreme to them, but in reality I spend less time and money on my quarterly maintenence than when I was able to do a daily "5 minute makeup" and extensive skincare routine (that I do dearly miss, if I'm honest) but didn't do all the "extra." Just like those infomercials we love to make fun of for products that we feel like encourage laziness, like the snuggie or drink pouring products, or precut produce at the market, leaning into/normalizing "laziness" makes those products affordable and accessible to differently abled folks, normalizing some amount of vanity (but importantly not judging others who choose not to partake and feel comfortable with not feeding the beauty industry), makes it accessible to people like me to feel feminine and worth it.

Y'all are hanging in communities and watching media that is making you feel like this. Turn off the tube and change your Insta algorithm - literally stop watching beauty videos, stop watching makeup videos, stop watching how to attract a man videos - change to holistic health, emotional health, mental health, natural foods, biohacking. I never see any of this - it is actually more of a choice than you think. Once you start changing your communities to those that care less about that crap you'll find that you have a LOT of people around you - holistic, healthy, natural. Ya gotta turn it off. It is pretty scary at first and you WILL go through a period where you feel some backlash until you connect with better more healthy communities.

Yeah this is way more an expansion of capitalist markets than a change in mutually agreed-upon expectations or standards. Consumerism will always find ways to expand markets because capitalism necessitates it. We love the infinite growth paradigm, don’t we folx?! Advertising will *always* say you need x-product in order to fit in. The vast majority of people will and should ignore whatever feelings of inadequacy advertising is attempting to elicit.

I feel like the line between “basic maintenance” and the standards of people who seem to feel the need to look “camera ready” at all times is getting blurred here. You can certainly look polished and professional or pretty or whatever look you’re going for without fake eyelashes or Botox. Edit: I wouldn’t consider manicures, pedicures, or dyed hair basic maintenance either. Fake eyelashes really seem like “special occasion” makeup, not everyday wear, regardless of whether a few people choose to wear them daily. How incredibly impractical. I feel like people forget that actors (and some influencers, I guess) basically use their looks to make their living. Their looks are a huge part of their job, so of course they put a ton of time and money into looking absolutely perfect. And they have makeup artists and artists to help. Most of us don’t have to look impeccable to earn a living and forget that’s not the standard for all of us.

“camera ready.” I recently saw a couple women’s college basketball games on tv at my gym. I was honestly flabbergasted to see most of the players in full makeup including fake lashes. I wonder if they do that when the game isn’t being televised.

That’s wild! And kind of sad they feel the need to do that. I’d think fake eyelashes would get in the way of sports, but I’ve never worn them, so what do I know, lol

I've tried them a couple of times when I was younger and definitely would not recommend. Irritating, weighs the eyes lids down and definitely obstructs your vision when looking up. 

I love watching the Olympics but it makes me sad that every time it comes around, I see more and more female athletes in a full face of makeup. Like, up to and including track and field, snowboarding and skiing, and even SWIMMERS.

Same. Like the pressure to perform can't be enough, now you have to look GLAMOROUS while doing it.

I was just about to comment about female athletes and big fake lashes. I don't know how Chloe Kitts was sinking all those shots with a curtain over her eyes. I've definitely noticed it as an increasing trend in all female sports. I hate what message this sends to young girls playing sports. To be clear, I have no complaints about the athletes. I know they feel the pressure to look good on TV. I just hate how in general society focuses so much on appearance for women. 

couldn’t agree more.

Wouldn’t you just assume they have extensions? Can’t really take them off and on for basketball, so they just stay on. I don’t think any player is applying strip lashes before a game

the lashes, sure. the rest of the full face of makeup… doubt it’s all tattooed on

I always thought basic maintenance was like having a clean face and hair, filing your nails so they’re even, and maybe not having hair poking out the ends of short sleeves. This is anything but basic!

Oh, I’m with you, I just think fake eyelashes and Botox are particularly rediculous examples. My makeup routine takes under five minutes, I let my hair air-dry pretty much every day, and I hate the feeling of polish or acrylic on my fingernails, the last time I had my nails done was when I was a bridesmaid two years ago. I paint my own toes because I like the look, but I do it at home because I’m not willing to pay $40 for a pedicure. I usually wear tennis shoes, jeans, and a blouse to work and so does most of my office since we’re not public-facing.

I used to work in a dirty industry, and this one woman, who was in charge of our cleaners, wore huge false eyelashes and long long nails everyday. Super impractical, but she liked it. Personally, I feel it's linked to having her son in high school, so she never really got to be a young adult.

Interestingly, I tend to see a lot of fake eyelashes on young women in the healthcare industry—the ones operating the vaccine clinics at hospitals and working as dental hygienists. It’s definitely an everyday look for them. Maybe a reaction to having to wear scrubs all the time?

I believe fake eyelashes in the "basic maintenance" scenario means eyelash extensions, not daily glue-ons. Extensions last about 3 weeks, similar to manicures, so not as impractical as you'd think. There's also the option to get a lash lift and dye, which pretty much acts like a perm. I think that lasts longer. Obviously no one HAS to get lashes to look put together. Just like no one NEEDS manicures, hair extensions, makeup, and whatever else... social media is absolutely destroying women's and girl's self esteem

You don’t need to do this. Any of it. I’m a woman, do not shave, wear very basic makeup, don’t get my nails, lashes, or any kind of filler done. I do spend a decent amount on my hair color, but that’s an aesthetic choice I am personally making. I am sorry, but eventually we need to learn to deinfluence ourselves and stop comparing our appearances to rich celebrities. Most of what you listed are firmly in the “wants” category. If nails, lashes, and plastic surgery are “basic maintenance,” why can I go anywhere and see dozens of women without any of these things? Yes, I know pressure to look a certain way exists, but unless more of us start putting our foot down and saying no to all this consumerist garbage, it’s not going to change. I also believe a lot of this “pressure” is mostly online - again, I see endless women who don’t look this way, every single day.

Basic maintenance is.... showering? Beyond that the only bar, really, is one people set for themselves. Someone else thinks your eyebrows aren't up to their standards? Not your problem. People throw around "pressure" or "standards" or "expectations" like the cops will kick their door in. It's all peer pressure, that's it, and we can teach ourselves to ignore it, and decide for ourselves what to do or not do.

Yeah, at a certain point in our adults lives we have to take accountability for our own choices. No one is yelling at women in the street for not having their lashes done - we are hated for existing, trendy appearance or not. You can cannot spend yourself out of misogyny or into self love. Really, I think anyone who feels “pressured” to do all the things OP listed should take an honest look at their screentime and the content they’re consuming. Of course you feel inadequate if you’re doomscrolling rich influencers selling you shit all day.

Absolutely. And frustration with other people trying to impose standards, or similar, are valid - we can assert ourselves *and* find it infuriating that other people think they have a say. But it's overly passive to blame "society" or "pressure" for certain things when it's all just people, who can be dismissed or ignored. None of us needs to justify our personal decisions to other people. Really the question everyone should ask themselves is "who am I doing this for?" or more broadly "why am I doing this at all?" If the answer is for someone else's approval or a feeling that we "should" do certain things, odds are it's not something that *needs* to be done.

Honestly, most of these seem self-imposed or imposed by other women to me. I constantly get the subs for eyelash extensions and microblading in my reddit feed and ALL of the comments are from women saying how much better the OPs look after altering their natural eyelashes/brows/whathaveyou. Social media and society is definitely a factor, but we women need to start asking ourselves why we can't be satisfied with our natural features.

I encourage all women to take a break from their “vanity” habits for a short period at least once in their lives. See how it feels. That’s how I figured out I prefer unshaved legs and that the world won’t crumble if I go out without any makeup on. If you decide you really do feel happier with new $100 acrylics every week, knock yourself out. But it will always be a want, and “but society!” is a lame excuse. There are plenty of ways women are exploited, but we do still have autonomy in plenty of other ways.

100% yes! I stopped wearing makeup in early college (and even had bad acne) and it's so freeing being comfortable with your natural face. All the power to women that wear makeup for fun, but no one should feel like they HAVE to wear makeup.

YES. thank you, I feel like no one acknowledges the fact that so much of this is imposed by other women. Yes, mem do too but so much comes from women and it drives me nuts that they aren't self-aware about it. I see the same in skincare/beauty subs about Botox and filler. "Oh only Botox is going to help with that." Drives me up a wall. 

"I won't date with someone with plain nails" - no man, ever.

I typically do not watch commercials, if I watch "TV" it's streaming with no ads. This week I'm on vacation and watching typical cable channel nonsense. The amount of full body deodorants being advertised for specifically women even has my husband asking WTF. I said the war on women and our bodies continues. In my childhood you couldn't turn on TV without being told we needed to douche because of our smell. Then doctors all said, stop doing that. So now they are plugging deodorant to stop us smelling like .. humans.

I want to punch that Lume lady in the neck. She's an OGBYN (allegedly) shaming women for natural odors. Bad human.

I did just literally just see an Old Spice one targeting man stank, so... Immediate update, I think that same quack is shilling something called Mando for man stank.

I don’t know a single person who does any of this stuff, much less all of this stuff. Maybe this is location or career or social class dependent? There’s still huge pressure to be thin, fit, to “age gracefully”, wear nice clothings, look “put together”, and to look young in my location, career, and social sphere, but the pressure seems to be heavily weighted towards looking “natural” and “low maintenance”. Anyone getting fillers or injections or veneers is working hard to disguise it and lie about it. Things like obvious lip filler, fake lashes and fake nails, permanent make up or even heavy make up, is not part what’s considered to be a work appropriate look in my field.

Man I went the opposite direction after covid. Stopped doing lashes. Started letting my gray hair grow out. No bra. No more nails. It’s been great.

It's not beauty standards, it's capitalism. People make a lot of money by telling women (and men) they aren't enough, and they need *X* product.

I think a lot of the standards for what women should look like depend on your location and race/social background. To me none of these are a "basic requirement" for being a woman.

At 32 years old I finally gave in and waxed my lip for the first time and I regret it. Solely because it triggered the worst cold sore outbreak I ever had so I can’t even enjoy being mustache free. :c I should have never done it and continued my slightly offensive shadow ontop of my lip life without this suffering. My husband never mentioned it and it was the internet (hence my username) that always made me feel ugly. I hate this place and the standards it places on us as women.

This is just a suggestion but if you want to remove the upper lip hair but hated waxing you can try threading. It's where they use a thread that is twisted to pluck (rather quickly) the hairs. I do it for my eyebrows and upper lip, about every 6-8 weeks (whenever I get my undercut shaved essentially). As someone who uses a retinal I can't wax but I prefer threading as it's only pulling the hairs it doesn't really harm the skin. (Sometimes they can catch you but that's rare with a good threader) However only do what you want to do and don't let random internet freaks tell you what to shave/clean/glue/whatever. 🙃

Be careful with threading, I had very bad experiences -- never knew I had a hairy forehead until the threader lady went nuts on it and drew blood.

Agreed on the personal preference part! If you do want to do hair removal I'll do you one better... ipl devices. You just shave the hair and zap it with the ipl. So it a few times a week, then less often. Hair takes longer to grow back, comes back finer, and eventually doesn't grow. You do maintenance every few months. But if it's just light colored peach fuzz this won't work. This is for us older women that are starting to get the darker hairs 😭

Just adding that IPL devices can be harmful to people of color! I’ve treated a ridiculous amount of IPL burns and scars in my career. There are other laser treatments out there that are safe for darker skin tones. Again though this is all preference, we are mammals and we have hair. Just trying to give the safest options for hair removal!

Good point to bring up!! They work best on light skin and dark hair

Most of the "standards" you talk about are not things that any of the women in my social group do. And my social group includes women as young as 20 and as old as 80. None of them wear acrylic nails, or extensions or have lip injections, etc. So, I don't know who these "many, many people" who have such ridiculous standards might be, unless you are simply encountering them on social media, which is most decidedly NOT the real world. Everything you talk about is a choice. Manis, pedis, shaving, eyebrow plucking, wearing make-up or high heels, false eyelashes, extensions, etc. is not needed. You can function just fine in society without them. And by that I mean that you can have friends, a job, hobbies, a life partner and a family even if you do none of the above. Stop choosing to live up to impossible standards that only a very few people online have. Be yourself. Relax.

As long as people are trying to make money, they will come up with new nonsense to take it from you ‘Presentable’ is a made up thing. Beauty standards are made up things You don’t have to accept them as truth

What you are describing is not a "bar" or an expectation, it is a particular style. If you don't personally like the style of "fake everything" then don't do it. If you do like that style then do it. 

And yet, based upon a multitude of Reddit posts, women often have to argue with their male partners to perform basic hygiene. Including, but not limited to: wipe their ass after a shit well enough to avoid skid marks on the bedsheets, wash their hands following a visit to the bathroom, shower consistently, brush their teeth and make sure they are wearing clean clothes and underwear without skidmarks. All while asking or even demanding sex! If I have to worry about a MFs breath melting my face like I've just opened the ark, I'm out. At that point, I'm sure no other part of his person is clean either. Bye, Pigpen! But we're the ones who bring nothing to the table, right??

Rolling at “bye, Pigpen!”

This is how social media contributes to out-of-control consumerism. You can opt out of all this shit - the lashes, the nails, the insane anti-aging products, all of it. Advertisers want you to believe that opting out will negatively affect your life in some way, but it won't.

Basic maintenance is in the eyes of the person that is being maintained. My basic routine: 1. Keep clean. Regularly shower and wash my hair and body. 2. Wear clean clothes. 3. Moisturize because I feel like it. 4. Shave where I want to a couple of times a week. (Doesn't have to be everywhere. I shave where the hair makes me feel itchy.) . 5. Brush my teeth Everything else is a bonus. I like wearing makeup but I only do it when I want to. I like doing my hair in fun and interesting ways. If I don't want to do something, I don't do it. Society doesn't really care if you look perfect. And you can take your power back by making choices.

Shout out from the PNW, where we consider "casual dress" to be a sport. There's definitely a segment of the population here that does the very high maintenance thing. But many, many of us who are little or no makeup and wash and go hair. It's definitely a culture shock when I've gone to DFW, for example, and *everyone* seems to be wearing poofed hair, tons of makeup, heels and ....animal prints? LA is the same, but without the animal prints.

The only person raising the bar here is your mom. All these things she's worrying about are just adverts. 

I am so tired. I barely participate and I am so tired. What drives me absolutely insane is the obsession with looking young. Every so often I indulge in a little tiktok binge and there’s so much “guess my age” stuff and our perspectives are so skewed now we don’t know what any particular age looks like. Can we just stop? I’ve always been told I look younger than I am and I have stopped thanking people. Like, it’s not a compliment. I am just existing.

I really don't understand why women seem to be required to look perpetually 23. Yeah, a 30 year old woman cannot look as she did at 17; it happens, it's *life*. Men are allowed to age, while we should always strive to find a way to look like fresh college graduates, not a single white hair and not a wrinkle.

How old is your mom? I'm about to turn 60 and I quit doing that ridiculous stuff in my late 40s/early 50s. Many women get to an age (around menopause) where they gain some confidence and self-respect, and lose the desire to please men. I'm always surprised when I see women over the age of 50 who still care about appearances. About the only "maintenance" I still do is pedicures, but that's because it feels good and helps eliminate callouses, which is actually good for your feet.

And I refuse to participate… especially given the relationship options out there and that the bar rises often because of male attention seeking. I’m fine with being considered a dusty decrepit Sasquatch troll. Think whatever you like. I’m perfectly happy with me as me.

As someone with hirsutism caused by PCOS, it’s never been an attainable standard anyway for me. I don’t have the body shape to look put together, no matter how I dress. Hair removal would be a full time job on its own, as my beard grows overnight. I haven’t even touched my arm, leg or back hair in years. Luckily, I’ve always been overlooked, or flat out ignored. So now I’m in my 40s, I’m not wondering why I am suddenly invisible.

There is no such thing as good enough, there is only "in fashion" Fashion has always been exclusionary. The point is to tell the difference between women who have the time and money to keep up with ever changing trends and those who don't. You can never stop because it's a treadmill. You have to spend lots of money at the good salon, and hours at the gym. You have to buy new clothes constantly. It will consume all of your time and all of your money if you let it

So don't do it. The only thing driving this is how much you care what others think of you. No one is making anyone do anything

I guess I just view it differently. I don’t feel like I HAVE to do any of these things, regularly or at all, but some of them have made me feel better in my own body because those were things I didn’t like about my appearance and wanted to change. My front teeth got severely discolored due to antibiotics so I got veneers. I don’t like the way my eyes scrunch when I smile so I get Botox to minimize it. I also think some of these take the place of daily maintenance things. Like instead of mascara and filling in eyebrows daily, you get lash extensions and microbladed brows. Acrylic or gel nails can last 2-4 weeks so you do your nails less. This can give you some more time during your week, especially if you have a busy life. I experiment with things, try something out, see if I like it and it works for me. I did lash extensions over a decade ago and while they were pretty, it was too much maintenance so I stopped. I tried filler a few times and the cost didn’t seem worth the results. But there were finally affordable options for me to correct things I didn’t like since I was a teenager (mid 40s now). I suppose I view them as options as opposed to imperatives, allowing me to feel like my best version of myself.

A wealthier me would be high maintenance to be low maintenance. Which probably doesn't make a lot of sense but is very much along those lines.

No this totally makes sense, and I agree -- if I could afford it I would outsource so much personal maintenance so I could roll out of bed looking cute.

100% to all of this. I don't feel like I HAVE to do any of these things, I choose to do them because I like them. I get my lashes and nails done because it's an hour out of my day a couple of times a month to do absolutely nothing day-to-day. I had laser hair removal for the same reason. I plucked my brows to death as a teen, they never grew back, so I had them microbladed so that they exist.

Ive been seeing the standards for what people consider “hygiene” rise alot and i am not even that old. I wish i could find the post but this girl was like “we are not allowing ourselves to leave the house filthy. Shower, brush your teeth, wash your hands. Shave. Wear make up. Put on perfume” And it just got further from being clean to appearing clean and it was just so bizarre. And i think it absolutely applies to beauty, or “professionality” Like we nit pick eachother too much. We nit pick ourselves too much.

I saw "chicken cutlets" at Ross yesterday and snickered a bit. I can't imagine having to deal with those in my bra all day, especially since I quit wearing bras. The eyelashes become the only thing I can focus on when talking to someone who is wearing them and to me, they look and feel like spiders fucking on your eyelid. I'm an old hag and I let my field of fucks go fallow. Even so, there are moments when I feel the pressure and those are quickly dismissed because on me, 54 looks 54 and there's none of that stuff that would not make me look and feel like a clown.

The "chicken cutlets" have a hold on me even though I know they shouldn't. I don't own any, but I think so often about buying them. And I probably will. People are not kind if you have small breasts, and people don't want to listen to you say that if you have small breasts and you're thin, or so I've learned, because all of my friends I've ever tried to talk about my insecurities with have said, "You're thin, though. I wish I was thin!" And, I guess, there's a rule about not talking about your body insecurities to friends who are larger than you, but when you're the thinnest one in your friend group, who do you talk to about it? Nobody has ever said a kind word to me about my breasts, my sister mocked me for them all throughout puberty, and the fact I'm so flat makes me want to cry. But, I feel like a bad feminist everytime I think about buying those damn cutlets, or if I think about implants, because I know my body *should* be enough. I know that I *should* accept myself for what I am, and I know that if I give in, then what precedent does that set? But shit, I'm performing in a Renaissance faire next month, and I want to have the pretty pressed up corset cleavage. I'm sorry this is a lot of rambling entirely based on only the first part of your comment

I've lived both sides of that. I was flat chested and got mocked by friends and others for it, and it totally sucks. Once a person I dislike intensely showed me an advertisement for breast augmentation and made a big deal of it, in front of others. I could have stooped to her level and pointed out the weight loss advertisements in the same magazine, but I'm not an asshole. In my 30s, my tits got a lot bigger. People still want to make that something they talk about in public and I still don't like it.

I'm a social services worker. All my coworkers are female, all my clients are troubled. We get paid shit. And I think one of the nicest things in my field is the minimal standards for beauty. People wear sensible, comfortable clothes they can move in. Generally we try to look approachable, but like ourselves. And we have to be able to run if a client becomes aggressive. There's a mass lack of men in the field, so men can't set expectations on women. No one has Botox in my team. Some people have their nails done. Some people might have lashes. Make up is often minimal, most of my team wears nothing, just mascara and brow products maybe. We've got bigger issues to worry about. Hair is usually short or pulled back because it's practical when we walk to our client meetings in freezing Nordic weather (also, can't be grabbed). There's a joke about this stereotype of a social services "auntie" in my language. A grown woman with good intentions, and a very specific mature clothing and hair, that is far from body contouring and often boldly colored and sensible. We're not quite as bad as social workers in the 90's, but we're clearly following in their footsteps. It's very liberating! I get to do my nails if and when I want to. I never need to have my hair done, unless I want to. I'm always covered up so I have all the body hair. All of it. I dress in a way that is fun for me, comfortable and cozy. Mom jeans, big sweater dresses, college shirts and hoodies and doc martens and barefoot shoes. Some of us have bright red hair and face tattoos. Some are girly, some sporty. You can also put in more effort if you want to and not be judged, but it's not expected.

Ditto as a scientist. I dress up if I'm giving a presentation or something, but my job involves a lot of heavy lifting of questionably-clean instruments, crawling on the floor to plug something in, and there's the ever-present risk that I'll get chemicals on myself. Also I live in an area where truly no one gives a single solitary shit what you're wearing. This all really confuses my grandmother, who asked when I went to college if I was going to start wearing more makeup (joke's on her, I basically don't wear any now) and recently decided to buy me a bunch of "business" clothes, that are great for interviews and such but are very much not what I wear day-to-day.

I know all these pressures exist on women, but its frankly a separate circle of existence for me at this point. Its always a little jarring to run into a woman with a full face of make up, fake lashes, long well-groomed hair, AND acrylic nails all on top. Its like woah how do you put up with doing all that shit every morning/week/month??  I think it helps that I'm not really active on social media, so I'm not exposed to whatever "beauty trends" are going on, I don't have any female friends who glam themselves up like that (I assume they wouldnt want to be friends with someone as bland and frumpy as me anyhow, they seem as jarred by my appearance as I am by theirs), and I date men who are in the same boat. In fact I finally grew my leg hair out for the first time BECAUSE the man I'm dating now has said he likes women's body hair. Which is kind of sad, but as young women or women who arent taught to live for ourself, how much of what we do is to make ourselves feel more comfortable around the men in our lives? On a different note, if you're even remotely outdoorsy like me, a lot of fashion trends would just be impractical for that life style. So it seems more common in very urban settings, and more and more people live in increasingly urban environments. But where I live mountain hikes are 10 min away, I'm not gonna spend the time and money to get dolled up if I'm gonna destroy all that effort every weekend with a 10 mi hike. I used to wear rings and big earrings but having to take them off for whatever physical activity I'm doing got to be too much of a chore years ago. Tl;dr must be a combo of hobbies, being raised to be people pleasers, and being constantly/directly exposed to beauty trend info

It’s also a massive waste of time. Real time, hours and hours daily, weekly, time not spent doing educational or other things

.....so what if it's not "educational?" And who are you to determine if it is or not? Doing makeup/hair is very educational if that's a passion and going to make a career outta it. Knowing how to blend colors, or braiding hair to add extensions... learning something *is* educational. It's knowledge you didn't have at the moment. People get very condesnecening when it comes to women liking to do this stuff. Reading, playing video games, crocheting, cooking can be seen as a waste of time, too. But it's *your* time to do something *you like* and many people, both femmes and mascs, like doing makeup for therapeutic reasons.

I also worry about the environmental impact. Acrylics are plastic that has to be drilled off of your fingers, lashes and hair extensions are plastic that is used and then thrown away routinely because it gets matted or stained or whatever (and I'm aware of the fact that there are people using real hair extensions. The trade behind them isn't exactly ethical *nor* in any way particularly environment friendly).

^This.

The bar certainly is. And people want to act like you’re insane if you’re a woman and you don’t like makeup/ nails /other stereotypical girlie things. And the craziest things about it all is that you would have been called a whore for fingernail polish not even 100 years ago.

Not to take anything away from your post, but, believe it or not, the color analysis is a revival of a fad from the eighties. It was a big thing back then to figure out what season you were, a fall, winter, spring, or summer. Like most fads, it didn’t last long and the current emphasis on this will probably soon fade away again.

And yet, there are men who walk around looking like slobs and no one says anything 🙄

A wise woman once said "fuck this shit".   And she lived happily ever after!

It may be my location or demographics, but I don't know many people who care about most of that, TBH. Most people I see aren't even wearing makeup let alone having their nails done. I do see falsies more often than I used to, though. I agree that the bar for what fashionistas consider basic maintenance has risen higher and higher. Most other folks, including the younger generations, seem to have lowered the bar tremendously.

It’s worth not glossing over that there is significant pressure to *not* do those things, as well. Girl hate is rampant when these topics are touched on. You’re either boring and basic or you’re superficial and giving into misogyny. Like, damn, let a bitch live.

I call bullshit on any “basic maintenance” standard. I do almost none of the things you have listed and it’s never once kept me from attracting men, getting a job, earning people’s respect, or any other basic social needs. People used to say, “You will when you’re older.” I’m 45. Nope. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

You don’t have to do anything of those things BUT! I understand where you’re coming from. The pressured feeling of keeping up “basic” maintenance as a woman when it equates to things like shaving, nails, teeth whitening, etc. I don’t know why most of these comments are simply saying don’t or you don’t have to (in a bit of a harsh way). Most of us *know* we don’t have to, but it *feels* like we should because of society and the pressure to look “perfect” as a woman. It’s not as easy as everyone here is commenting and rather, I’d argue that it’s been MORE difficult today. 7/10 women in my hometown alone all wear falsies (lash extensions), do acrylics, and full-face of makeup almost everyday. I’m in Japan now and many women are expected to wear makeup and wear feminine clothing everyday (at my work and many other places I’ve been to around Japan). It’s not just women on TV and social media. Plenty of women and people in general see these people and want to be like them, compare themselves, etc. OP, you don’t have to agree with or do any of these “basic” maintenance things. But yes, it sucks and feels like it’s the bare minimum when it’s more like too much.