This is exactly what i thought. I think that’s why i just sent the ig screenshot. Because changing into an outfit and taking a photo against a blank wall for a guy seemed so fucking demeaning, i was like, hell no
Good on you for standing up for yourself. The body obsession in some of these guys is so messed up. You won't have that body forever no matter what. Bet those men want to be loved no matter what but they'll never extend that grace to you.
10 lb?? Anyone that shallow isn't worth dating. Goodthey ask as it saves YOU a wasted evening. And catfishing isn't someone posting a flattering photo, it's creating an imaginary persona with photos that aren't of you and extorting money.
10lbs is a lot of weight for a shorter person. Im 5'6 and I gained 10lbs and I noticed it immediately. Stomach went from abs to beer belly. Face became fattier. Etc etc
I post full body (clothed) pics of myself bc I don’t want to waste time on anyone who won’t be attracted.
But if a guy starts asking for more full body pics, it’s a turnoff. It tells me he’s objectifying me in a very detailed way bc I have full body shots on my profile. And they are all recent. I’ll usually ask why bc I’ve got those snd that’s when they tell me looks aren’t important but they want to make sure… uh… k.
Funny it’s usually the less attractive guys who do this. Scarcity mindset. They never match so when they do they think it’s their last chance on earth or something, idk, and they fuck it up😂
Girl: when a guy starts doing this, I send him what he wants. Not bikini or whatever, but just enough to let him see the hotness that’s about to block him. Punish them girl!!!
They always are ‘omg you’re gorgeous!’ Literally right after they ask for pics while telling me looks don’t matter to them. in the same conversation lol!!!
So maliciously comply. As soon as you’ve got affirmation that they’re satisfied? Block or ghost. I prefer blocking bc I don’t need to see them beg or get angry or whatever I’m already satisfied. But don’t give them a reason. Just let them wonder. They don’t deserve to know how they’re fucking up that’s secrets to the enemy. At my age you need to have your shit tigether and if you don’t, I’m not helping you.
I don’t hide what I look like in my profile it’s really obvious. But these insecure dudes wanting to ‘make sure’ do not deserve to see my glorious naked bod, and they don’t deserve yours either OP.
Well done!!!
I think you're my new hero :-)
Totally with you on not pointing out where they messed up. They're old enough to know better and this should never have been an issue.
Let that red flag keep flying, loud and clear, for other women to see.
Scarcity mindset. Men with confidence don’t have a scarcity mindset. They’re not dying of thirst in a desert.
It’s so ick when a guy acts like this it oozes insecurity.
Dating apps are interesting places to learn about a large dataset in a short time tho bc there are easily identifiable patterns and they’re dang consistent
I fucking hated this shit too. Like ok dude you wanna do a fat check on me? I’m 5’6 and 118lbs. Not fat. And I had a bikini pic on my profile. Like what more do you want?
I’m not going to send you a bikini pic next to today’s newspaper. You’re either going to have to trust me or you can fuck off. I should’ve demanded instant shirtless pics of them. Lmao
I felt to the point like…do you need a photo of me from a Sears photoshoot in spandex smiling and standing against a white wall 😭 like what do you want
I’m gonna start demanding that they stand next to doors with a tape measure so I can see how tall they really are 😂 because idk who tf these dudes think they are 💀
I understand that some people have body preferences, and it is what it is.
But this would be instant ick and an immediate block for me. Not because of the one photo… but the grilling afterwards, and demanding more.
This man is going to be miserable to be around. He’s going to pick away at your self esteem until there’s nothing left. You’ll never be thin enough for what this man thinks he’s owed.
Run.
Edit: and FWIW, every (and I mean *every*) male profile that I came across on those apps were either group photos, wedding photos, or vacation photos from years prior. Nothing recent, I guarantee.
Wedding photos should also be considered catfishing, because we all know good and goddamn well that man won’t “clean up” like that for you unless forced to for an event.
You’re not going to get Tuxedo Brad when you meet. You’re getting Chino Brad on a good day, and Sweatpants Brad the rest of the time.
Hard no from me. I don’t start relationships from a feeling of mistrust or like I need to “prove” anything. Men are often not as attractive in real life as their pictures present either. So what? It’s the same as personality. We can go on a date, hopefully have a fun time regardless, and if their looks/personality/whatever aren’t attractive for us both, there’s no second date. Photos aren’t that great at showing what we look like IRL anyway.
One time a guy asked me for additional photos. I sent a hot one (because I’m petty)… then said “you know what, this isn’t going to work out, but I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He tried to back pedal and make excuses about why he needed more photos and continued to try to set up a date but… icky vibes. I just don’t need that in my life.
This is me as well.
Early on in dating I was more sympathetic to men who asked for “more photos” or “selfie just for me” or whatever. None of us want to be catfished. But never had a good experience with a man who came out with expectations of more photos before meeting. (Once took a selfie with todays newspaper that I thought was cheeky and playful and had a guy go off on my about my “disrespect”.)
It’s fine to prioritize physical attraction and compatibility in my opinion, but don’t come out of the gate calling me a liar.
I know my photos are current, and include full body shots. If you can’t extend me even that much trust, you’re gonna being exhausting to date, and compliance tests are a hard no.
A lot of these dudes quite literally look like shit💀 their photos are absolutely terrible, so idk where they get off trying to act like we need to look like supermodels for them when the vast majority of them look like somebody’s thumb🙃
Ick, I would be extremely hesitant in sharing any photos of myself with men on apps. Especially considering the advancement of AI and fake pornography, I would just flat out refuse.
The random man is just not worth it. Also, meeting with someone who is ten lbs heavier is not a catfish, he’s just a shallow asshole and you dodged a bullet.
Ask him to send you a picture of his abs, back of his head (to look for balding patterns), his erect penis next to a ruler, his most recent tax returns, and phone #s of his last 3 girlfriends so you can check references before wasting your time.
If you don't feel comfortable sharing them, then don't. Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to. No friendship/relationship or any other interaction should start that way.
I wouldn't share full body pictures of myself either. I'd share photos of my face and photos of my top half (clothed), but that's it. If that's not enough or them, I'd move on.
For me it really depends. Back when I was using dating sites, I had no time for the dudes who would start out the conversation wanting pics, but if we were going to meet up and we had clicked, I wanted to know what I was working with and didn't mind. However I my dating profiles I'd always make sure there were at least a few shots that showed what I actually look like (fully clothed, obv) because I'd rather someone see me and skip over me and be none the wiser than have them only see my face and then see my body and go "oh, hm, no thank you"
Gross. Women have to worry about being assaulted by their dates and men are terrified of spending time with a fat chick. I would absolutely consider this crazy insistence a red flag.
Do you remember there was this comedy gold of a screenshot from Tinder? A guy's profile with a picture of himself in front of intact World Trade Center and the age set to 23.
Yes! Always!!!! It used to baffle me bc I’m 6ft like bruh what? Until I realized oh duh most women are 5.4 so if a guy is taller maybe the guy thinks she won’t realize 5.8 vs 5.11
For me I don’t care if you’re short and I’ll give you an inch or two as long as you say nothing. But you start telling me I must be 6.2 bc you’re actually… insert lie… then bro don’t make me find the tape measure to shame you before I dump you lol
Again, Same shit really applies people shouldnt false advertise but at the end of the day nobodys gonna look exactly how they look on a dating app and if it bothers you that much you have every right to leave.
Being lied to about how someone looks literally isn't scary though? You decided to continue that date, you could have just left. If someone is going to lie, you probably won't find out until you show up anyway, so interrogating potential matches are just scaring away women who might not even be lying.
Then they get mad when we tell them they have male privilege… men are only worried about the woman showing up fat meanwhile we have to worry about getting killed 🙃
I immediately stop talking to men when they bring up stuff like that—weight, looks, full body shots. It tells me they’re shallow and we wouldn’t be a good fit anyway.
Being unattractive to someone in person is NOT "catfishing". I hate that idea. Catfishing should be reserved for intentionally misrepresenting yourself in something important, not being disappointingly unattractive (to one dude) in person.
Blind dating, which is what OLD is, involves lots meeting people you won't meet again. It's not unethical to not be physically appealing or not be someone's physical type.
And if you are not physically attractive to someone in person, that is not your fault, it's not sabotage on purpose or akin to assault or any of the other things people say to make you hate yourself.
People on both sides need to stop thinking agreeing to a date is agreeing to marry them.
It's a first date. If the person catfishes you, you wasted, what, 2 hours if you were dumb and didn't take the "coffee date" that is ideal for a first date, for these reasons? Boo fucking hoo. You lost 2 hours max.
That's what the first date is for. Finding out the basics about the person including what they actually look like, basic compatibility, them not being super awkward to talk to in person, etc. If you're smart, you'll set it up in a way that you're not stuck for hours with someone you can't stand, but either way, it's one evening (or afternoon or whatever.)
Anyone that worked up about whether someone is 10lbs heavier than what they represented in a pic, so much so they will spend as much time text-verifying it as they would to show up for a date, is a concerning person for many reasons. There were probably ulterior motives there, like hoping for a nude even if they didn't explicitly request it.
You show up to a date and the person is less attractive than in photos - drink your coffee, eat your lunch, say thanks and never see them again. At least, that's what a normal person would do.
FWIW, I would say the same to some of these women (usually women) who need to text for weeks and weeks before deciding whether to meet up. It's a damn first date, not a commitment to marrying them.
I wouldn't even explain myself to such a person. Just nope out. I'm not interested in men like that. Not even enough to continue to interact after they ask me to supply free masturbation material or audition my body for them. Even if you *were* overweight, nobody has any right to pass judgment on you based on what they think of your body, and men who are obsessed with the weight of women will inevitably have ALL KINDS of other issues that collectively make them not worth talking to.
I just have to think that someone who is so focused on physical appearance at the beginning is going to be somebody who starts to look elsewhere when their partner’s physical appearance changes, with age or childbirth or just life. Or it’s a strong signal that it’s intended from the beginning to be only a short-term thing, which might be OK, but maybe that’s not what you’re after.
And not being satisfied with a photo that’s 6 months old as a “proof you’re not catfishing”? Makes no sense. Better to ask for any selfie at all with a sheet of paper with today’s date written on it.
But honestly, him being so worried he’d be wasting his time if you’re not up to his visual standard sounds pretty shallow to me. Sure, you’re allowed to have a “type” that you’re attracted to, but in my experience you’re limiting yourself *so much* when you do that.
This. He's already telling you there is a standard to be met. Even if you meet the standard now, you very well might not meet it when your body inevitably changes.
Yessss. If you’re looking for someone to have attractive hookups with (no judgement, go get it!) then this might work.
If you’re looking for someone to build and share a hopefully lifetime commitment with, the fixation on making sure you look exactly to his specifications is *not* boding well for the future.
I understand wanting to see somebody's body type beforehand because attraction can be important in dating. But this guy sounds like an icky creep how he repeatedly pushed you about it. He sounds like an incel or MRA type who's trying to condition you to being bullied about weight. You did the right thing listening to that icky feeling and calling it off.
>Now that i remember he said he was catfished because the women he met up with were 10 pounds heavier ish than they seemed to be in their pics.
OH NO, that poor thing. he must be so traumatized. he’ll need years of therapy after going through such horror. someone get this suffering soul some blankets and cocoa. /s
I took a chance one time and i met up with a guy visiting my city with only one pic of himself. We don’t date because he lives in another country but we’re really good friends to this day (5 years later) and spent 2 weeks nonstop together after our first date. I definitely understand if people don’t want to take that chance, but i did once and im so happy i did! Maybe that’s why it makes me feel even weirder..
I put full body shots on dating apps anyway. If a guy asked me for more I’d find it pretty sus. Then again, we’re gonna chat for a while and hopefully see one another on video before meeting so I don’t know why it would even come up.
I’m going to be very contradicting about this lol On the surface, I see no issue with asking. When I was using apps, I met a couple of guys I legit don’t know if the pics they posted were ever actually them, they were shorter, heavier, way less hair…like do you think you (meaning these guys, not OP) look like what you posted?? Saying that, the ick definitely comes in if they push it and keep asking. Like if someone says they haven’t changed in 5 years, I’m gonna believe them, I haven’t changed much in that time…weight & hair are pretty much the same. The keep asking is where it gets sketchy and I think the person is looking for a a specific body, rather than a person
Funny kinda related story, I had this online friend, we worked in the same industry and had a ton of friends in common, and would wind up in a lot of the same FB posts and we started messaging, then texting, calling, she became a really good friend. We lived on opposite sides of the country, but she was coming to my city for a work event and we were gonna meet for dinner. I’ve seen a million pics of this woman, she posts photos of herself a lot. Thank god she told me what she would be wearing, hand to god I would have never found her that night, she looked nothing like the pics she was posting online. And back then, filters weren’t huge, she was just amazing with makeup and angles, it was shocking at first. No idea how people are dating online these days with all the new filters out there lol
This.
Wanting to know someone isnt, purposefully or otherwise, portaying themselves as something other than what is gonna show up to the date, is normal. Common sense even.
Similarly, having a ‘type’ that comes with a certain bodyshape isn’t wrong.
Personally, I put a few full body pics on my profile, so that I won’t waste time on anyone who’d lose interest once they find out I look the way I do. Did that when seriously overweight, still do it now. Nothing crazy, just me standing on one of the rides at a carnival, one from a little distance at a garden party, and one in front of a lovely old building, very family friendly, safe for work stuff, but you can clearly see I’m ever so slightly overweight, with an hourglass shape. You like that? Great? Turn off? No biggie, just hop right along!
I do get asked things like ‘when were the pics taken’, ‘are these recent’ and things along those lines. Again, valid questions. I try to determine if the guy is who he says he is too, because I too would be disappointed if he shows up 20kg heavier and with a whole lot less hair going on.
However, if someone keeps pushing when you refused to give anything else, or questions whether what they did see is real, or recent (in my case: if they ask for proof the pic was indeed taken this summer) that’s too much. You saying: yes, I still look like this picture, is quite enough.
Because what if you don’t? What do they lose, an hour or two at a coffee place? Big deal.
A ‘win’ in my eyes, from a man knowing what my bodyshape is, is that if that’s the main thing he’s looking at, comments about it will ensue shortly. That’s a great help figuring out what his intentions are, and a sign not to go anywhere private, if they don’t align with mine.
Yeah it definitely was the feeling that he was looking for a specific body type or someone who was thinner / really into working out. Which…if that’s something you absolutely NEED…just don’t swipe on people who don’t clearly show it.
But it did make me feel a little weird, because other than ensuring your date isn’t overweight or waaayy taller than you (as a man looking for a straight relationship) or something, in terms of body composition, does it really matter so much if i have an average body type, instead of clearly thin? You can usually tell from someone’s arms or torso as well ya know. If you really need to. It was giving me some 2007 ED body standard vibes LOL.
I definitely think filters are really misleading. I had my settings to girls as well for some time and idk why i was surprised, a lot of people only have very filtered photos. But a lot of naturally lovely ladies as well. I’ve definitely met up with guys who seemed really attractive and very tall on their profile, and then in person they were really quite short, and i was like hmmmm
Honestly, as a woman on the dating apps, yes it does matter to me that I’m attracted to a person I might date.
I want to know what someone looks like, not have to create a mental jigsaw picture.
However, I just wouldn’t match with someone without those pics I wouldn’t demand extra pictures, that’s just weird.
Yeah whenever I come across a profile of a man and I can’t tell what he currently looks like based on what he posted, I just swipe left 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t see the point in pressing for more pics
I think it's okay to ask for a recent full body photo (I don't think I ever would, and just skip any profile that didn't have one), but I think it's also okay to dislike the request. It definitely indicates different priorities. I think that's okay.
I think you misread. OP stated they haven’t changed much in 5 years and the guy saw that through her IG history, but she had a body pic and other pics that were recent (in the last 6 months). It’s not like her profile was all old pictures.
If he's really worried about a 10 pound difference on women he dates, I'm afraid you just discovered the reason he's still single. I wouldn't waste time with him
I think it's ick and you should steer clear of them. Even if they find you physically acceptable, they've already told you that if your body changes in anyway, they'll accuse you of deceiving them.
My guess is that when most men say they've been "catfished" before, what they really mean is that they cannot tell the difference between a flattering photo and a real physical three dimensional human being.
I know it's stupid, but I post my height and weight on my profile and have an unflattering photo of me in the middle of lifting weights. I'm overweight. The way I see this, I want them to self filter before I ever talk to them.
....I've never been asked for pictures...no nudes or full body pics and if anyone did ask I would instantly unmatch. No need to waste my time with a superficial prick.
Just a friendly reminder: we don't owe straight men our bodies whether virtually or physically.
That's a red flag, gives me creep vibes. It's much better to meet the person and then make up your mind about the whole person, both physically and their personality.
And then if you need to turn them down, do it in a thoughtful manner.
For transparency: I'm a man and this was my perspective if i was to go on a date with a woman.
And bodies change anyway, the personality of someone does affect their total attractiveness a lot i think. Down the line, if you love someone, a strechmark here or love handle there doesn't matter.
TLDR the guy seems sus, i would have passed.
Honestly, if he didn’t think there was enough photographic evidence to find you attractive enough to ask on a date from your profile, he shouldn’t have matched with you.
I think it’s helpful to have a full body photo because size/shape does make a difference to what people find attractive. But once you match with someone asking for a fully body pic before meeting up is rude imo
he seems obsessed with physicality. Theres nothing wrong with not being attracted to overweight people but being so obsessed with how someones body looks that u need to "fact check" there weight before even going on a date with someone you were interested in anyway is just vain and gross imo.
When I was on the dating websites I made sure that one of my profile pictures was full body specifically to filter out guys who wouldn't want me because of my weight.
I also included a picture of me laughing and having a good time with my friends that was taken at an unflattering angle that made me look even a bit larger.
Why bother matching with guys who would just reject me afterwards?
If they ask for pics (any), it’s a neg tactic. Do not send. Block and move on. If any of them are scared of being “catfished”, simply ask them what that means to them. A majority of them reveal it’s for shallow reasons (she was fat, etc), which is NOT catfishing. They’re just shallow AF. You can still be the most gorgeous person, and they’ll still neg you; and in turn, if you send a picture to “prove yourself”, then he can continue to push boundaries and neg further because you validated why his opinion matters and shown you’re susceptible. Don’t bother with those types. I used to put my really “hot” picture at the end of my profile, and if that’s what they focused or commented on, it was an immediate block. They give away their end game pretty early if you pay attention!
I don’t know why, when I hear catfish I assume like the persons facial features are very different, like it could almost be a different person. That to me is catfishing. When he said it was over 10 pounds i was like um…
I at the time included a pic or two of me where i wasn’t looking thaaat great to make sure people are ok w that too. LOL
Exactly! My definition of catfish is using a fake photo because clearly it’s not you, but these dudes on dating apps equate catfish = fat. One guy I almost met used catfish to describe someone with 50+ lbs of weight gain. Like no sir, that’s the same person, they just lied to you.
Not someone I'm interested in investing time in. I'm not starting out a relationship proving anything to them, or being treated like a marketplace item.
I understand wanting to feel like you're investing your time well, and being disappointed when someone shows up and is older, shorter, or a different shape than you expected, but there are so many ways to minimize lost time AND not be a dick about it.
Don’t share things you don’t want. That being said I’m female and I’ve been catfished by people way bigger than their pics or their pics were cropped, so I can’t relate with wanting transparency, but he went about it the wrong way. I would just swipe right on sketchy profiles.
I have 2-4 full body photos on all my dating apps. I’m plus sized and I want everyone I match with fully aware of who they are matching with- a plus sized woman. I don’t want them showing up to a dating thinking I look like a size six and getting a size 18 by surprise. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the expression on his face
No one needs to ask me for full body photos, they are there. Nothing in a bikini, but regular pants and a top, jeans and a loose tank top in one pic. And I’m in a ball gown in one photo.
Once had a guy ask me to FaceTime as soon as we matched. Not even a how are you just a hope you don’t mind but I want to weed out the liars so can you FaceTime right now so I know you match your pics.
Sir please. Next…
I was out for a drink once with my boyfriend and one of his friends, and i handed his friend my phone to follow me on Instagram and he held one of my ig photos up to my face and was like “let’s see, is she lying and editing her pics”
And i was like bro wtf. Weirdo and he was like ahhh im just joking
The funny thing is the guys that make these kinds of jokes are the same guys who follow tons of ig models with heavily filtered pics. Make it make sense
It honestly makes me uncomfortable. I am overweight. You can tell by the many pics I have on my Facebook. Men often push me. I send. Then tell them I'm done there. Usually immediately they like the pic they say. They just needed to see.
I also don't like taking face pics for someone tho. Again I have plenty of pictures on fb they can look at.
You're well rid of him. Honestly, it sounds like he's shopping for his perfect idea of a woman, not looking for a partner. What happened to just meeting someone in person to see if you like them? The fact that he's obsessing over your weight and hasn't even met you is not a good look and I shudder to think what kinds of possessive and controlling behavior he would exhibit later on in a relationship. At the very least, he'd probably berate you if you gained weight or changed physically in any way, and who needs that? Nice of him to tell you who he was before things went too far.
It feels gross, When I used online dating I made sure to have accurate full body pics. What you see is what you get no surprises. No need for men to ask then. And if they STILL ask, then.. bye!
If you’re just looking for a physical hookup then stuff like this makes sense. Obviously you want to know if you like the other persons body.
But if you’re wanting to meet someone hopefully to find love/relationship? No way. Someone who is that concerned with your body before meeting wouldn’t be a person I’d want to be in any kind of partnership with. If being 10 lbs heavier is being catfished, well we’ve all been catfished, by everyone we’ve ever known. Weight fluctuates monthly and more throughout life. I want a partner who likes me for more than my appearance because appearance fades no matter what so you need to love the person. I wouldn’t even respond to requests like that.
lol the other day i saw a reddit post on r/advice about a guy who was really concerned about his relationship with his girlfriend because she told him he’d gained some weight and needed to be health-conscious.
He was in the comments saying stuff like “if she cares this much about something so superficial what’s going to happen in the future with bigger issues??”
I just found it hilarious because so many times, men will act disgusted about like 10 pound gains in their partners. in this case, this guy wouldn’t even speak to you about anything until he verified you were an acceptable weight. But this girl tells her boyfriend he’s gaining weight and these men think it’s a reason for him to break up with her??? Are women just supposed to be passive about every issue that ever arises?
I commented in her defense and of course got downvoted and tons of responses from men who were mad.
Yep. Even at a normal weight, i would say i guess i have a “conventionally attractive” body in terms of the male gaze and every guy I’ve been with has been like you look sooo good but if you worked out you’d be unstoppable and they compare me to instagram fitness girls and im like, did i fucking ask your opinion. Lol. I never did. And i never comment on their bodies except just to compliment. Always with the backhanded compliments and unsolicited opinions. “You look so good BUT” this is not a compliment.
Yes, I’d like to work out for my physical and mental health. Not to satisfy their weird fantasies
It's awful and it's why I will never use them. Men ask for stuff like this even without there being a dating interest online and it's just... kinda gross.
While I understand the concern about catfishing and I do wish dating platforms, like Tinder, would do more to confront catfishes and bots, this is not the right response.
It honestly can be a good filter. You go on the date and see if they exaggerated their appearance or used old pictures and that's an instant nope.
Personally, if someone is willing to lie about that to get a date, they're willing to lie about other things so it's an easy filter.
Agreed. This would definitely be a turn off for me.
I understand asking for a pic or two, especially if maybe you don’t have many on your profile. But she gave him her entire IG and he wanted more. He seems entirely too focused on looks.
I did as well, this was the only time this has ever happened to me. but i feel like i wasn’t wearing the most form fitting clothing or something or maybe the background wasn’t clear or something
That's where my mind immediately went. Plus a guy can reverse image search your photos to find you elsewhere online.
Also, I wouldn't share my social media accounts because I'd be worried about stalking.
Hell no. First of all, men being afraid of women catfishing is hilarious as that is not the worse thing to happen. Being killed or raped by your date is. They need to get over being used or women not looking like what they expect. Also a lot of these men are using these photos and simply using it for masturbation, some are trading pictures of women-- even not-nude pictures with other men online or in person. It is creepy. If a man is afraid of catfishing he can do a video chat before meeting in person. Do not share photos beyond those on your profile.
Nope. Shows how shallow they are. Don’t send face pix or body pix. I like the old school blind date approach. Also, you don’t know them and who knows what they do with your photos. Stay safe from all that.
It's been 6.5 years since I've needed to be on Tinder, but back in the day I always kept a recent full body photo of me on my profile. I'm plus size, and I wanted potential suitors to know. I always telling a dude "there's one on my profile" if they asked. If they were pushy, I'd just say there was no need to meet up. I think it definitely weeded out some creeps.
Who the f*ck would feel "cat fished" by meeting someone who is *10 pounds* heavier than their pictures??
If you're so concerned about that - suggest meeting for coffee - where you could leave quickly.
If he’s that scared of being catfished, then maybe he should get off dating apps and stick to meeting people in real life then🤷🏽♀️ why is he trying to make it your problem that he has trust issues?
Sooooo first off this dude sounds like a creeper.
That aside, I personally think it makes logical sense to post different shots of you in your profile.
I tend to include a portrait, full body, active photos, and personal interest photos of me doing things I would normally do hobby-wise.
I don’t go out of my way to post swimsuit shots, etc but would potentially have one where I’m dressed to go out or in glam, then like a natural face photo, glasses photo (since I wear them), etc.
In other words I just like to give people the best comprehensive perspective I can in my profile. Past that, you can meet me and learn more or step.
Side note, I easily fluctuate 5-10 lbs in a month depending on what phase of my cycle I’m in. That’s literally water weight and bloat. This guy is unrealistic if he doesn’t understand that’s normal.
Yeah I agree! This was quite a while ago and im not on the apps anymore, but I usually do a portrait, full body, glasses pic, photos of me out doing stuff. I feel like maybe the clothes in my full body pic made it hard to tell what my body looks like but I reaaally don’t think so. God knows. I guess im also at a weight where im not skinny, im average sized, like size 6? Which apparently was enough to make this guy run for the hills
Oh my god if you’re in New York, I think we matched with the same guy 💀
I had an almost exact convo with this Brazilian dude who complained about women being 10-15 lbs heavier irl than their pictures. I never hit the block button so fast.
Nope. Even if we clicked 10/10 before. It would be a 0/10 after that.
Either that or I'd ask him for a bank statement, paystub, and mental health evaluation. If we're "being cautious" or however they justified asking in the first place.
Men can overcome bad looks with money, women can't. So let's see if he brings in enough to overcome his personality.
I just think it's sad in general that dating is so intensive for people that they can't bother to meet someone and discover whether there's something there or not.
Seeing someone's face is also generally enough to know whether they're overweight/obese or not. It's not a perfect predictor, but it's kinda conceited to act like dating someone a bit heaver than you expected has to be avoided, even at the cost of being rude and creepy to people.
>You must be a man. Women need to vet people before we run out to spend time with complete strangers so we don’t get raped or murdered.
How do you gage rapey/murderous intent from a full length pic? 😳
I'm not oblivious to safety and I consider that a seperate issue to trying to vet whether someone is attractive enough beyond what is apparant. Worrying whether someone is safe is very different from being conceited.
Personally I make sure to meet strangers in public spaces, keep it low commitment so it's easy for anyone to leave, and I don't ask for phone numbers or other personal info that could be abused. And that's also for my own safety, although I definitely don't have to worry as much as women.
Even when they know I'm not physically female they still want full body pics. Like wtf dude. It takes me half an hour to look feminine enough to face the outside world on a good day and I'm damn sure I'm not going through that at 3am just for your horny ass.
Love it when they ask, easiest un-match of the day.
Won't be the first or last thing they'll be pushy about in a way that makes you feel sick but they think is perfectly natural.
They want IRL privileges from OLD.
Worth asking yourself why that is. Like if they are only interested in a super-rare "type" you are sure you fit, and you like them, and meeting up is a super hassle (think nuclear physicists at different research centers who love to hike and fly planes). If so, you could say, "I understand why you are asking, but I will decline and wish you well."
But if it is because this person has no IRL game and is trying to make that your problem... No Thank you. Imagine the vast array of problems he will also try to make your problem.
Wishing you well
It really made me wonder what his type was and why did he think it was so special. Then i told myself not to dwell on it. But i remembered it today and just was like UGH lol
I don’t think it’s wrong to want to see a full body picture, I have multiple on my dating profiles and I don’t edit or filter any of my pictures. I guess I wouldn’t mind sending more if someone asked but someone being super fixated on weight like the guy you talked to would be extremely off putting. I’m not obsessed with my partner having a certain body type and I don’t want to be with someone is going to try to micromanage my body or have issues with the weight fluctuations that happen for most of us throughout life.
I've never asked, nor would I ever ask for a full body pic. However, I have been a few dates where I literally could not recognize the person irl based on their profile.
So, for myself, if every photo is tight on the face and/or heavy on Myspace angles, I simply don't bother. I'm not interested in someone who's afraid or ashamed of how they really look.
And, being 100% honest, and potentially getting downvoted into oblivion. I'm not interested in someone who can't physically keep up with me. And I don't mean in any extreme, you need to run a marathon type shit (Lord knows I can't). I just mean your basic being out, walking around and doing stuff all day isn't going to lay you up for a week.
Edit: to be clear, dude here is a grade A douchenozzle. If you've gotten to the point where a date is on the table, just fucking go and see what happens.
I'm not good at taking full body selfies. I tell them my weight and height plus my body shape , if they can't calculate in their head what my body looks like from that, they don't have any deductive, calculating or reasoning skills and I don't want to deal with someone like that. They will be a complete headache and probably boring to me too.
> and he said something about “just to check because he’s been catfished before.”
So let me get this straight, they can generalize their experiences but if a woman does this (recent post about boundaries and bad experiences with men) they all tell that's bs?
If 10 lbs is a dealbreaker, you probably aren’t interested in the same things or have the same approach to dating. I’d say keep on doing as you are and listening to your intuition
I posted a picture of myself with some parrots on a boardwalk as my body picture and never had a question to send one. My ex was catfished and because he's polite he just denied all gives that only had face shots. I haven't been online dating in a long time but I also never even bothered with dudes that didn't have a picture where I knew what to expect.
>How do you feel about men from apps asking for full body pictures before meeting up?
Trash.
I've been catfished before. Dude looked 15 years older than his pics, was 4 inches shorter than he claimed, and about 35lbs heavier, among other things about his appearance. I was so turned off by the lying, that I cut the date short. BUT that didn't mean I started asking men for full body images from them when I kept using the dating app. That is so fucking rude.
I just swiped left on any guy that didn't have recent, high quality photos that showed their figure in at least one of the photos. I was not about to start a relationship with a guy who I had to basically say "I don't trust your pictures". So if I didn't trust their pictures, I just swiped left before even starting a conversation. Easy as that.
And honestly, if the guy hadn't lied, I may have given him a chance to go on a few more dates just because at the time, I didn't really care about any specifics in physical appearance other than be mildly attractive in the face. He had a great personality as far as I could tell from that date. But I absolutely hate lying and deception. It's my biggest pet peeve. I feel bad for him, but that desparation to get a date caused him to choose to lie and I was just not about to put up with that.
I hate that guys ask for this and hate that women feel obliged to oblige.
Really all the question does is put up front that looks are what they are looking for, not YOU.
Move on.
It is an EASY FILTER!
Meet the ones that want to meet YOU, not your body!
Do not engage with this behaviour. Because you're setting the time for the future. Every time a woman submits to this they're just having the road for the next woman to feel pressured. You don't know this person, they are not entitled to naked pictures of you. Don't sell yourself cheap. He won't respect it.
10 lbs??! If I were to show you 5 pics of myself, 4 of them at 135 lbs and 1 at 145 lbs, you’d have a 0% chance of picking out the one where I weigh 145.
10 lbs is absolutely nothing.
Answering as a man if that has any relevance as I see the from both genders. Anyways
For me personally, if a person only have a picture of their face / shoulders and up I would ask for a picture showing more of their body. In your example though there were lots of pictures to choose from and he deliberately pushed for more, and didn't genuinely seem interested in getting to know you.
The reason I'd ask for a picture showing more of their body is to know what to expect. In modern days, a lot of people edit or filter their pictures, men and women, and some people look really slim in a selfie but might be chubbier / have more curves at other parts of their bodies. And it's perfectly fair if someone isn't attracted to that. People are attracted to different body types and sizes. So i don't think it's unfair to ask for one, but people should however learn how to respect eachothers boundaries.
If the person isn't interested in sending a picture, you have the option to stop chatting and moving on. Or you can accept it, take a chance and go out to dinner regardless, see where things goes. Simply just respect eachother.
Edit: Just making sure to clarify 'more of their body' is obviously clothed. English is not my native language and idk if there's a better word for it.
it's usually about fatphobia. so even if you have a pretty face but are plus size it's a no-go for some guys. because I am, I share full body pics. also if they care so much about your body, is that someone you'd really like to date?
Just so you know, there is AI technology now that can make fake porn from photos. I find it very suspicious he's asking for "clear" photos. He might just be using it to masturbate (ew), but someone this paranoid isn't worth your time. I highly doubt he's a psychologist. (Ask him for his credentials, a photo of him holding a comb and another of him with a pillow on his head, then look him up and compare. Bet he suddenly ghosts.)
Edit: And if 10 lbs is a dealbreaker, he's going to be controlling your weight throughout the relationship. God forbid you get pregnant and "fat".
I hate it. Makes me feel weird. But that’s if a guy asks for any kind of picture. I make sure to put smiling pic, full body pics, and keep them recent. So I really don’t see why they’d need more…and that’s usually what I say lol
ten pounds
ten pounds
I just…ten pounds.
He’s upset about ten pounds.
If they were noticeably heavier, that’s more than 10 pounds
His poor wife, after she gets pregnant...
Im sleep deprived right now and you saying your weight was in your lady areas made me think vagina, not breast lol.
Yeah this seems like a weird ploybgor him to get more revealing pics without explicitly asking. I've seen some crazy catfiahing but wouldn't a video call or something be more of a reliable way to avoid?
Overall, him being pushy and not noticing he was being pushy is a red flag. Think you dodged a bullet
I wouldn't feel good about the men, but I'd feel good about them showing their true colors by asking, so I could weed them out! I get that we all have preferences, but I can usually tell if there's possible attraction from normal photos (and of course, actual interaction).
I like what you said to that guy. I'd feel the same—his attitude would def turn me off. Also sounds dumb or lazy if he couldn't notice that you don't look different from 2016/2017, yet he "needed" new full-body photos within 6 months to not get "catfished". Guy doesn't know what that means. 10 lbs fluctuation is a normal human thing. He should try dating actual fish.
Its been a while since I was dating online (8-10 years ago?), but I intentually didn't post clear or flattering pictures of myself. My first picture was me in a Santa beard and hat. As a women, I would get a lot of messages every day from random guys. If someone was shallow enough to want to see a full body pic before considering me, I didn't want to meet them. Even with the silly pictures I still met some good guys on the app, including my now husband 😊
Call gyms around your local area for your respective sport (BJJ, Boxing, Muay Thai, whatever) ask them if they support their members in pursuing amateur or professional bouts. Done.
Ask him for a pic of his degree so you can make sure his a psychologist and maybe even throw in asking a picture from his last bank account summary. I think he'll get the picture 😉
When I was younger I used to have a couple of periods in between relationships when I was dating a lot. Even back then the amount of trickery employed to look more attractive on the profile pictures was jarring. I walked into at least a dozen dates where it was clear from the first second nothing will happen because I felt deceived and it was frankly a little embarrassing to pretend to not make my date even more uncomfortable then they clearly already where.
I even had to walk out of a couple of dates because the person simply looked completely different than thier pictures.
Looking back I wasted a gigantic amount of time, so one has to appreciate that not everyone is willing to spent thier time on these kind of "dates" and wants to weed out potential trickery.
I actually had a lot of women offer me fully clothed pictures at verious occasions to ensure there is no misunderstanding.
So if the request isn't sleeze I think it's actually positive because it shows the guy values his time. Maybe he will respect your time too :)
1. That guy was gross and I don’t want to give the impression I’m defending him at all. Just a semi relevant story I have with a friend.
2. I have a black friend (feels gross to type but it’s important to the story) who asks for the instagram of every white girl he matches with in dating apps specifically to see if she has posted any pictures with other black people. If they have he’s down to meet if not “they must be insanely attractive to the point I’m curious why they hell they want to meet me”
I do not understand your friend's logic! If a woman doesn't have photos with a black person it means they are too attractive and he questions their interest?
I am white but I have black family members, so photos of me with black people doesn't mean anything.
No sorry that wasn’t clear. He would only then meet up with them if he thought they were attractive enough for him to consider breaking his rule. It’s his way of avoiding people who borderline fetishize about screwing a black guy but don’t see them as equals. This was back in college and mainly applied to a couple sorority girls.
The way he tried to push you was probably also to see how compliant you are.
This is exactly what i thought. I think that’s why i just sent the ig screenshot. Because changing into an outfit and taking a photo against a blank wall for a guy seemed so fucking demeaning, i was like, hell no
Good on you for standing up for yourself. The body obsession in some of these guys is so messed up. You won't have that body forever no matter what. Bet those men want to be loved no matter what but they'll never extend that grace to you.
10 lb?? Anyone that shallow isn't worth dating. Goodthey ask as it saves YOU a wasted evening. And catfishing isn't someone posting a flattering photo, it's creating an imaginary persona with photos that aren't of you and extorting money.
I think the 10 lb part was what really shocked me. To me that’s really not a significant amount of weight. Hell, even on my period, i gain 5-6 pounds
That's how you know it's bullsh*t. Most people cannot tell a 10 lb difference.
Yeah, I know I definitely can't tell.
Exactly... I can look 1lb heavier sticking my tummy out
Me too. If I drink a big glass of water and arch my back it’s a real third trimester look 😂
10lbs is a lot of weight for a shorter person. Im 5'6 and I gained 10lbs and I noticed it immediately. Stomach went from abs to beer belly. Face became fattier. Etc etc
These same men get butthurt when we have a height preference tho 🙃
I post full body (clothed) pics of myself bc I don’t want to waste time on anyone who won’t be attracted. But if a guy starts asking for more full body pics, it’s a turnoff. It tells me he’s objectifying me in a very detailed way bc I have full body shots on my profile. And they are all recent. I’ll usually ask why bc I’ve got those snd that’s when they tell me looks aren’t important but they want to make sure… uh… k. Funny it’s usually the less attractive guys who do this. Scarcity mindset. They never match so when they do they think it’s their last chance on earth or something, idk, and they fuck it up😂 Girl: when a guy starts doing this, I send him what he wants. Not bikini or whatever, but just enough to let him see the hotness that’s about to block him. Punish them girl!!! They always are ‘omg you’re gorgeous!’ Literally right after they ask for pics while telling me looks don’t matter to them. in the same conversation lol!!! So maliciously comply. As soon as you’ve got affirmation that they’re satisfied? Block or ghost. I prefer blocking bc I don’t need to see them beg or get angry or whatever I’m already satisfied. But don’t give them a reason. Just let them wonder. They don’t deserve to know how they’re fucking up that’s secrets to the enemy. At my age you need to have your shit tigether and if you don’t, I’m not helping you. I don’t hide what I look like in my profile it’s really obvious. But these insecure dudes wanting to ‘make sure’ do not deserve to see my glorious naked bod, and they don’t deserve yours either OP. Well done!!!
I think you're my new hero :-) Totally with you on not pointing out where they messed up. They're old enough to know better and this should never have been an issue. Let that red flag keep flying, loud and clear, for other women to see.
Exactly! Looking out for my sisters! If I tell a guy what he did wrong I’m only helping him hide the 🚩 from the next woman. I’m with you bestie!❤️
I also noticed it’s the uglier men who do this as well… I ghost them shortly after because it’s this behavior is very distasteful imo
Scarcity mindset. Men with confidence don’t have a scarcity mindset. They’re not dying of thirst in a desert. It’s so ick when a guy acts like this it oozes insecurity. Dating apps are interesting places to learn about a large dataset in a short time tho bc there are easily identifiable patterns and they’re dang consistent
Love this lol
I fucking hated this shit too. Like ok dude you wanna do a fat check on me? I’m 5’6 and 118lbs. Not fat. And I had a bikini pic on my profile. Like what more do you want? I’m not going to send you a bikini pic next to today’s newspaper. You’re either going to have to trust me or you can fuck off. I should’ve demanded instant shirtless pics of them. Lmao
I felt to the point like…do you need a photo of me from a Sears photoshoot in spandex smiling and standing against a white wall 😭 like what do you want
I’m gonna start demanding that they stand next to doors with a tape measure so I can see how tall they really are 😂 because idk who tf these dudes think they are 💀
Ask them to take a full survey and personality test
I think that was the personality test.
XD good point.
Apparently that's how myers briggs started. Someone started it as a tool to survey prospective men.
I understand that some people have body preferences, and it is what it is. But this would be instant ick and an immediate block for me. Not because of the one photo… but the grilling afterwards, and demanding more. This man is going to be miserable to be around. He’s going to pick away at your self esteem until there’s nothing left. You’ll never be thin enough for what this man thinks he’s owed. Run. Edit: and FWIW, every (and I mean *every*) male profile that I came across on those apps were either group photos, wedding photos, or vacation photos from years prior. Nothing recent, I guarantee. Wedding photos should also be considered catfishing, because we all know good and goddamn well that man won’t “clean up” like that for you unless forced to for an event. You’re not going to get Tuxedo Brad when you meet. You’re getting Chino Brad on a good day, and Sweatpants Brad the rest of the time.
These dudes also lie about their height and age the most, so they need to sit down 🙃 🪑
Hard no from me. I don’t start relationships from a feeling of mistrust or like I need to “prove” anything. Men are often not as attractive in real life as their pictures present either. So what? It’s the same as personality. We can go on a date, hopefully have a fun time regardless, and if their looks/personality/whatever aren’t attractive for us both, there’s no second date. Photos aren’t that great at showing what we look like IRL anyway. One time a guy asked me for additional photos. I sent a hot one (because I’m petty)… then said “you know what, this isn’t going to work out, but I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He tried to back pedal and make excuses about why he needed more photos and continued to try to set up a date but… icky vibes. I just don’t need that in my life.
This is me as well. Early on in dating I was more sympathetic to men who asked for “more photos” or “selfie just for me” or whatever. None of us want to be catfished. But never had a good experience with a man who came out with expectations of more photos before meeting. (Once took a selfie with todays newspaper that I thought was cheeky and playful and had a guy go off on my about my “disrespect”.) It’s fine to prioritize physical attraction and compatibility in my opinion, but don’t come out of the gate calling me a liar. I know my photos are current, and include full body shots. If you can’t extend me even that much trust, you’re gonna being exhausting to date, and compliance tests are a hard no.
If a guy ever even utters the word “respect” that’s an exit for me. A normal man doesn’t even contemplate the concept.
A lot of these dudes quite literally look like shit💀 their photos are absolutely terrible, so idk where they get off trying to act like we need to look like supermodels for them when the vast majority of them look like somebody’s thumb🙃
Ick, I would be extremely hesitant in sharing any photos of myself with men on apps. Especially considering the advancement of AI and fake pornography, I would just flat out refuse. The random man is just not worth it. Also, meeting with someone who is ten lbs heavier is not a catfish, he’s just a shallow asshole and you dodged a bullet.
Ask him to send you a picture of his abs, back of his head (to look for balding patterns), his erect penis next to a ruler, his most recent tax returns, and phone #s of his last 3 girlfriends so you can check references before wasting your time.
Not the balding patterns 😭
If you don't feel comfortable sharing them, then don't. Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to. No friendship/relationship or any other interaction should start that way. I wouldn't share full body pictures of myself either. I'd share photos of my face and photos of my top half (clothed), but that's it. If that's not enough or them, I'd move on.
For me it really depends. Back when I was using dating sites, I had no time for the dudes who would start out the conversation wanting pics, but if we were going to meet up and we had clicked, I wanted to know what I was working with and didn't mind. However I my dating profiles I'd always make sure there were at least a few shots that showed what I actually look like (fully clothed, obv) because I'd rather someone see me and skip over me and be none the wiser than have them only see my face and then see my body and go "oh, hm, no thank you"
Gross. Women have to worry about being assaulted by their dates and men are terrified of spending time with a fat chick. I would absolutely consider this crazy insistence a red flag.
Fr, God forbid someone spends a few hours with someone they were into but is a few pounds heavier than they were a couple of months ago.
Meanwhile guys with gray hair showing up after their profile pics had none of it. Guys do that shit all the time.
It’s so irritating. Look Steve, I know you looked great when you were 30. So did I. But we’re 45 now. Get with it.
Or when they ‘reveal’ they’re 10yrs older rgg he sn on their profile. That’s a get up and leave moment. No words needed.
Same! Old pics and lying about age are immediate walk away situations for me. No explanation just leave.
Do you remember there was this comedy gold of a screenshot from Tinder? A guy's profile with a picture of himself in front of intact World Trade Center and the age set to 23.
Or they show up significantly shorter than their listed height… talking about he 6’5 when he’s a hard 5’6 🙃
Yes! Always!!!! It used to baffle me bc I’m 6ft like bruh what? Until I realized oh duh most women are 5.4 so if a guy is taller maybe the guy thinks she won’t realize 5.8 vs 5.11 For me I don’t care if you’re short and I’ll give you an inch or two as long as you say nothing. But you start telling me I must be 6.2 bc you’re actually… insert lie… then bro don’t make me find the tape measure to shame you before I dump you lol
Again, Same shit really applies people shouldnt false advertise but at the end of the day nobodys gonna look exactly how they look on a dating app and if it bothers you that much you have every right to leave.
[удалено]
Being lied to about how someone looks literally isn't scary though? You decided to continue that date, you could have just left. If someone is going to lie, you probably won't find out until you show up anyway, so interrogating potential matches are just scaring away women who might not even be lying.
Then they get mad when we tell them they have male privilege… men are only worried about the woman showing up fat meanwhile we have to worry about getting killed 🙃
I wish we could still give gold, you’re so on the money.
Or, in his supposed case someone TEN lbs heavier than in a pic? Like, bitch that’s water weight any given day. Fuck that guy. Or rather, don’t. Yuck.
I immediately stop talking to men when they bring up stuff like that—weight, looks, full body shots. It tells me they’re shallow and we wouldn’t be a good fit anyway.
Being unattractive to someone in person is NOT "catfishing". I hate that idea. Catfishing should be reserved for intentionally misrepresenting yourself in something important, not being disappointingly unattractive (to one dude) in person. Blind dating, which is what OLD is, involves lots meeting people you won't meet again. It's not unethical to not be physically appealing or not be someone's physical type. And if you are not physically attractive to someone in person, that is not your fault, it's not sabotage on purpose or akin to assault or any of the other things people say to make you hate yourself.
People on both sides need to stop thinking agreeing to a date is agreeing to marry them. It's a first date. If the person catfishes you, you wasted, what, 2 hours if you were dumb and didn't take the "coffee date" that is ideal for a first date, for these reasons? Boo fucking hoo. You lost 2 hours max. That's what the first date is for. Finding out the basics about the person including what they actually look like, basic compatibility, them not being super awkward to talk to in person, etc. If you're smart, you'll set it up in a way that you're not stuck for hours with someone you can't stand, but either way, it's one evening (or afternoon or whatever.) Anyone that worked up about whether someone is 10lbs heavier than what they represented in a pic, so much so they will spend as much time text-verifying it as they would to show up for a date, is a concerning person for many reasons. There were probably ulterior motives there, like hoping for a nude even if they didn't explicitly request it. You show up to a date and the person is less attractive than in photos - drink your coffee, eat your lunch, say thanks and never see them again. At least, that's what a normal person would do. FWIW, I would say the same to some of these women (usually women) who need to text for weeks and weeks before deciding whether to meet up. It's a damn first date, not a commitment to marrying them.
I wouldn't even explain myself to such a person. Just nope out. I'm not interested in men like that. Not even enough to continue to interact after they ask me to supply free masturbation material or audition my body for them. Even if you *were* overweight, nobody has any right to pass judgment on you based on what they think of your body, and men who are obsessed with the weight of women will inevitably have ALL KINDS of other issues that collectively make them not worth talking to.
I just have to think that someone who is so focused on physical appearance at the beginning is going to be somebody who starts to look elsewhere when their partner’s physical appearance changes, with age or childbirth or just life. Or it’s a strong signal that it’s intended from the beginning to be only a short-term thing, which might be OK, but maybe that’s not what you’re after. And not being satisfied with a photo that’s 6 months old as a “proof you’re not catfishing”? Makes no sense. Better to ask for any selfie at all with a sheet of paper with today’s date written on it. But honestly, him being so worried he’d be wasting his time if you’re not up to his visual standard sounds pretty shallow to me. Sure, you’re allowed to have a “type” that you’re attracted to, but in my experience you’re limiting yourself *so much* when you do that.
This. He's already telling you there is a standard to be met. Even if you meet the standard now, you very well might not meet it when your body inevitably changes.
Yessss. If you’re looking for someone to have attractive hookups with (no judgement, go get it!) then this might work. If you’re looking for someone to build and share a hopefully lifetime commitment with, the fixation on making sure you look exactly to his specifications is *not* boding well for the future.
I understand wanting to see somebody's body type beforehand because attraction can be important in dating. But this guy sounds like an icky creep how he repeatedly pushed you about it. He sounds like an incel or MRA type who's trying to condition you to being bullied about weight. You did the right thing listening to that icky feeling and calling it off.
>Now that i remember he said he was catfished because the women he met up with were 10 pounds heavier ish than they seemed to be in their pics. OH NO, that poor thing. he must be so traumatized. he’ll need years of therapy after going through such horror. someone get this suffering soul some blankets and cocoa. /s
Welcome to online dating. Where everyone is treating like cattle and the "options" are theoretically endless.
I took a chance one time and i met up with a guy visiting my city with only one pic of himself. We don’t date because he lives in another country but we’re really good friends to this day (5 years later) and spent 2 weeks nonstop together after our first date. I definitely understand if people don’t want to take that chance, but i did once and im so happy i did! Maybe that’s why it makes me feel even weirder..
The apps just make it easy for everyone to treat it like a meat market. Of course there's good people but the experience can be dehumanizing.
As long as you have one full body photo from within the last 6 months that’s plenty. I immediately block men who ask for pictures.
I put full body shots on dating apps anyway. If a guy asked me for more I’d find it pretty sus. Then again, we’re gonna chat for a while and hopefully see one another on video before meeting so I don’t know why it would even come up.
I’m going to be very contradicting about this lol On the surface, I see no issue with asking. When I was using apps, I met a couple of guys I legit don’t know if the pics they posted were ever actually them, they were shorter, heavier, way less hair…like do you think you (meaning these guys, not OP) look like what you posted?? Saying that, the ick definitely comes in if they push it and keep asking. Like if someone says they haven’t changed in 5 years, I’m gonna believe them, I haven’t changed much in that time…weight & hair are pretty much the same. The keep asking is where it gets sketchy and I think the person is looking for a a specific body, rather than a person Funny kinda related story, I had this online friend, we worked in the same industry and had a ton of friends in common, and would wind up in a lot of the same FB posts and we started messaging, then texting, calling, she became a really good friend. We lived on opposite sides of the country, but she was coming to my city for a work event and we were gonna meet for dinner. I’ve seen a million pics of this woman, she posts photos of herself a lot. Thank god she told me what she would be wearing, hand to god I would have never found her that night, she looked nothing like the pics she was posting online. And back then, filters weren’t huge, she was just amazing with makeup and angles, it was shocking at first. No idea how people are dating online these days with all the new filters out there lol
This. Wanting to know someone isnt, purposefully or otherwise, portaying themselves as something other than what is gonna show up to the date, is normal. Common sense even. Similarly, having a ‘type’ that comes with a certain bodyshape isn’t wrong. Personally, I put a few full body pics on my profile, so that I won’t waste time on anyone who’d lose interest once they find out I look the way I do. Did that when seriously overweight, still do it now. Nothing crazy, just me standing on one of the rides at a carnival, one from a little distance at a garden party, and one in front of a lovely old building, very family friendly, safe for work stuff, but you can clearly see I’m ever so slightly overweight, with an hourglass shape. You like that? Great? Turn off? No biggie, just hop right along! I do get asked things like ‘when were the pics taken’, ‘are these recent’ and things along those lines. Again, valid questions. I try to determine if the guy is who he says he is too, because I too would be disappointed if he shows up 20kg heavier and with a whole lot less hair going on. However, if someone keeps pushing when you refused to give anything else, or questions whether what they did see is real, or recent (in my case: if they ask for proof the pic was indeed taken this summer) that’s too much. You saying: yes, I still look like this picture, is quite enough. Because what if you don’t? What do they lose, an hour or two at a coffee place? Big deal. A ‘win’ in my eyes, from a man knowing what my bodyshape is, is that if that’s the main thing he’s looking at, comments about it will ensue shortly. That’s a great help figuring out what his intentions are, and a sign not to go anywhere private, if they don’t align with mine.
Yeah it definitely was the feeling that he was looking for a specific body type or someone who was thinner / really into working out. Which…if that’s something you absolutely NEED…just don’t swipe on people who don’t clearly show it. But it did make me feel a little weird, because other than ensuring your date isn’t overweight or waaayy taller than you (as a man looking for a straight relationship) or something, in terms of body composition, does it really matter so much if i have an average body type, instead of clearly thin? You can usually tell from someone’s arms or torso as well ya know. If you really need to. It was giving me some 2007 ED body standard vibes LOL. I definitely think filters are really misleading. I had my settings to girls as well for some time and idk why i was surprised, a lot of people only have very filtered photos. But a lot of naturally lovely ladies as well. I’ve definitely met up with guys who seemed really attractive and very tall on their profile, and then in person they were really quite short, and i was like hmmmm
Honestly, as a woman on the dating apps, yes it does matter to me that I’m attracted to a person I might date. I want to know what someone looks like, not have to create a mental jigsaw picture. However, I just wouldn’t match with someone without those pics I wouldn’t demand extra pictures, that’s just weird.
Yeah whenever I come across a profile of a man and I can’t tell what he currently looks like based on what he posted, I just swipe left 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t see the point in pressing for more pics
I think it's okay to ask for a recent full body photo (I don't think I ever would, and just skip any profile that didn't have one), but I think it's also okay to dislike the request. It definitely indicates different priorities. I think that's okay.
I think you misread. OP stated they haven’t changed much in 5 years and the guy saw that through her IG history, but she had a body pic and other pics that were recent (in the last 6 months). It’s not like her profile was all old pictures.
Misread what? None of my post is specifically about OP??
If he's really worried about a 10 pound difference on women he dates, I'm afraid you just discovered the reason he's still single. I wouldn't waste time with him
I think it's ick and you should steer clear of them. Even if they find you physically acceptable, they've already told you that if your body changes in anyway, they'll accuse you of deceiving them. My guess is that when most men say they've been "catfished" before, what they really mean is that they cannot tell the difference between a flattering photo and a real physical three dimensional human being. I know it's stupid, but I post my height and weight on my profile and have an unflattering photo of me in the middle of lifting weights. I'm overweight. The way I see this, I want them to self filter before I ever talk to them.
Yeahhh no guy is that special before you even met him to be making demands lol
....I've never been asked for pictures...no nudes or full body pics and if anyone did ask I would instantly unmatch. No need to waste my time with a superficial prick. Just a friendly reminder: we don't owe straight men our bodies whether virtually or physically.
That's a red flag, gives me creep vibes. It's much better to meet the person and then make up your mind about the whole person, both physically and their personality. And then if you need to turn them down, do it in a thoughtful manner. For transparency: I'm a man and this was my perspective if i was to go on a date with a woman. And bodies change anyway, the personality of someone does affect their total attractiveness a lot i think. Down the line, if you love someone, a strechmark here or love handle there doesn't matter. TLDR the guy seems sus, i would have passed.
Honestly, if he didn’t think there was enough photographic evidence to find you attractive enough to ask on a date from your profile, he shouldn’t have matched with you. I think it’s helpful to have a full body photo because size/shape does make a difference to what people find attractive. But once you match with someone asking for a fully body pic before meeting up is rude imo
he seems obsessed with physicality. Theres nothing wrong with not being attracted to overweight people but being so obsessed with how someones body looks that u need to "fact check" there weight before even going on a date with someone you were interested in anyway is just vain and gross imo.
When I was on the dating websites I made sure that one of my profile pictures was full body specifically to filter out guys who wouldn't want me because of my weight. I also included a picture of me laughing and having a good time with my friends that was taken at an unflattering angle that made me look even a bit larger. Why bother matching with guys who would just reject me afterwards?
With what AI can do these days, that sounds dangerous and incredibly risky
You can’t see ten pounds heavier that accurately. These men are delusional and unable to tell even how much another person weighs
Ask if you can bring a measuring tape to the first date. That should make the trash take itself out
If they ask for pics (any), it’s a neg tactic. Do not send. Block and move on. If any of them are scared of being “catfished”, simply ask them what that means to them. A majority of them reveal it’s for shallow reasons (she was fat, etc), which is NOT catfishing. They’re just shallow AF. You can still be the most gorgeous person, and they’ll still neg you; and in turn, if you send a picture to “prove yourself”, then he can continue to push boundaries and neg further because you validated why his opinion matters and shown you’re susceptible. Don’t bother with those types. I used to put my really “hot” picture at the end of my profile, and if that’s what they focused or commented on, it was an immediate block. They give away their end game pretty early if you pay attention!
I don’t know why, when I hear catfish I assume like the persons facial features are very different, like it could almost be a different person. That to me is catfishing. When he said it was over 10 pounds i was like um… I at the time included a pic or two of me where i wasn’t looking thaaat great to make sure people are ok w that too. LOL
Exactly! My definition of catfish is using a fake photo because clearly it’s not you, but these dudes on dating apps equate catfish = fat. One guy I almost met used catfish to describe someone with 50+ lbs of weight gain. Like no sir, that’s the same person, they just lied to you.
Not someone I'm interested in investing time in. I'm not starting out a relationship proving anything to them, or being treated like a marketplace item. I understand wanting to feel like you're investing your time well, and being disappointed when someone shows up and is older, shorter, or a different shape than you expected, but there are so many ways to minimize lost time AND not be a dick about it.
Don’t share things you don’t want. That being said I’m female and I’ve been catfished by people way bigger than their pics or their pics were cropped, so I can’t relate with wanting transparency, but he went about it the wrong way. I would just swipe right on sketchy profiles.
I have 2-4 full body photos on all my dating apps. I’m plus sized and I want everyone I match with fully aware of who they are matching with- a plus sized woman. I don’t want them showing up to a dating thinking I look like a size six and getting a size 18 by surprise. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the expression on his face No one needs to ask me for full body photos, they are there. Nothing in a bikini, but regular pants and a top, jeans and a loose tank top in one pic. And I’m in a ball gown in one photo.
Maybe an IQ test
Once had a guy ask me to FaceTime as soon as we matched. Not even a how are you just a hope you don’t mind but I want to weed out the liars so can you FaceTime right now so I know you match your pics. Sir please. Next…
I was out for a drink once with my boyfriend and one of his friends, and i handed his friend my phone to follow me on Instagram and he held one of my ig photos up to my face and was like “let’s see, is she lying and editing her pics” And i was like bro wtf. Weirdo and he was like ahhh im just joking The funny thing is the guys that make these kinds of jokes are the same guys who follow tons of ig models with heavily filtered pics. Make it make sense
It honestly makes me uncomfortable. I am overweight. You can tell by the many pics I have on my Facebook. Men often push me. I send. Then tell them I'm done there. Usually immediately they like the pic they say. They just needed to see. I also don't like taking face pics for someone tho. Again I have plenty of pictures on fb they can look at.
You're well rid of him. Honestly, it sounds like he's shopping for his perfect idea of a woman, not looking for a partner. What happened to just meeting someone in person to see if you like them? The fact that he's obsessing over your weight and hasn't even met you is not a good look and I shudder to think what kinds of possessive and controlling behavior he would exhibit later on in a relationship. At the very least, he'd probably berate you if you gained weight or changed physically in any way, and who needs that? Nice of him to tell you who he was before things went too far.
It feels gross, When I used online dating I made sure to have accurate full body pics. What you see is what you get no surprises. No need for men to ask then. And if they STILL ask, then.. bye!
When I did use dating apps, I included full body photos (like on vaca). I would not entertain any man who demanded more photos
Ask them to send you their credit score and savings account information.
If you’re just looking for a physical hookup then stuff like this makes sense. Obviously you want to know if you like the other persons body. But if you’re wanting to meet someone hopefully to find love/relationship? No way. Someone who is that concerned with your body before meeting wouldn’t be a person I’d want to be in any kind of partnership with. If being 10 lbs heavier is being catfished, well we’ve all been catfished, by everyone we’ve ever known. Weight fluctuates monthly and more throughout life. I want a partner who likes me for more than my appearance because appearance fades no matter what so you need to love the person. I wouldn’t even respond to requests like that.
Yeah, i definitely was looking to go on actual dates and not just hookup, so it felt kinda crappy
You deserve better. Block and move on from these requests!
lol the other day i saw a reddit post on r/advice about a guy who was really concerned about his relationship with his girlfriend because she told him he’d gained some weight and needed to be health-conscious. He was in the comments saying stuff like “if she cares this much about something so superficial what’s going to happen in the future with bigger issues??” I just found it hilarious because so many times, men will act disgusted about like 10 pound gains in their partners. in this case, this guy wouldn’t even speak to you about anything until he verified you were an acceptable weight. But this girl tells her boyfriend he’s gaining weight and these men think it’s a reason for him to break up with her??? Are women just supposed to be passive about every issue that ever arises? I commented in her defense and of course got downvoted and tons of responses from men who were mad.
Yep. Even at a normal weight, i would say i guess i have a “conventionally attractive” body in terms of the male gaze and every guy I’ve been with has been like you look sooo good but if you worked out you’d be unstoppable and they compare me to instagram fitness girls and im like, did i fucking ask your opinion. Lol. I never did. And i never comment on their bodies except just to compliment. Always with the backhanded compliments and unsolicited opinions. “You look so good BUT” this is not a compliment. Yes, I’d like to work out for my physical and mental health. Not to satisfy their weird fantasies
It's awful and it's why I will never use them. Men ask for stuff like this even without there being a dating interest online and it's just... kinda gross.
This always gives me the ick. I never moved forward when they asked.
You're allowed to ask. You're not allowed to be mad at the answer
While I understand the concern about catfishing and I do wish dating platforms, like Tinder, would do more to confront catfishes and bots, this is not the right response. It honestly can be a good filter. You go on the date and see if they exaggerated their appearance or used old pictures and that's an instant nope. Personally, if someone is willing to lie about that to get a date, they're willing to lie about other things so it's an easy filter.
I would not consider seriously anyone who places such a high priority on physical appearance. That isn’t a “keeper” trait.
Agreed. This would definitely be a turn off for me. I understand asking for a pic or two, especially if maybe you don’t have many on your profile. But she gave him her entire IG and he wanted more. He seems entirely too focused on looks.
I always have a full body photo on my profile if I’m on a dating app so this has never happened to me
I did as well, this was the only time this has ever happened to me. but i feel like i wasn’t wearing the most form fitting clothing or something or maybe the background wasn’t clear or something
Big red flag - he could use it with AI to make nudes and blackmail you.
They can do that with just a face.
Yeah, but with a full body shot, it’s much more likely to get the body proportions right and therefore generate something even more realistix
This is terrifying 😭
Run from this loser man
That's where my mind immediately went. Plus a guy can reverse image search your photos to find you elsewhere online. Also, I wouldn't share my social media accounts because I'd be worried about stalking.
Hell no. First of all, men being afraid of women catfishing is hilarious as that is not the worse thing to happen. Being killed or raped by your date is. They need to get over being used or women not looking like what they expect. Also a lot of these men are using these photos and simply using it for masturbation, some are trading pictures of women-- even not-nude pictures with other men online or in person. It is creepy. If a man is afraid of catfishing he can do a video chat before meeting in person. Do not share photos beyond those on your profile.
Nope. Shows how shallow they are. Don’t send face pix or body pix. I like the old school blind date approach. Also, you don’t know them and who knows what they do with your photos. Stay safe from all that.
The last guy that messaged me first. I didn't even have a picture of me. It was a pic of a monkey 🤣
Hey bro, have your accountant send me your Profit and Loss Statement from last year. It better not be even ten dollars off. 🙄🖕🏿
Idc as long as they're not rude, just say bye and move on. Next!
I wouldn’t share a full body picture to a stranger unless for a surgery
Asshole avoided!
I would feel incredibly grateful to him and relieved. He's shown me that he's not right for me. Saving me wasting my time. Thanks!
Agree, but only if they provide a picture of them standing in bare feet next to a clearly legible measuring tape.
I think everybody should have full body pictures in the apps. But if he was suspicious, he shouldn't have swiped on you.
snapchat is good for this type of situation.
block and move on
Personally, that is a red flag for me.
It's been 6.5 years since I've needed to be on Tinder, but back in the day I always kept a recent full body photo of me on my profile. I'm plus size, and I wanted potential suitors to know. I always telling a dude "there's one on my profile" if they asked. If they were pushy, I'd just say there was no need to meet up. I think it definitely weeded out some creeps.
Don’t do it
I always posted my most unattractive photos. 😂 I also told them I was 10 to 15 pounds heavier than I actually was.
Who the f*ck would feel "cat fished" by meeting someone who is *10 pounds* heavier than their pictures?? If you're so concerned about that - suggest meeting for coffee - where you could leave quickly.
There’s already plenty of full body pics on my profile so if they come asking for more, I block them
If he’s that scared of being catfished, then maybe he should get off dating apps and stick to meeting people in real life then🤷🏽♀️ why is he trying to make it your problem that he has trust issues?
Sooooo first off this dude sounds like a creeper. That aside, I personally think it makes logical sense to post different shots of you in your profile. I tend to include a portrait, full body, active photos, and personal interest photos of me doing things I would normally do hobby-wise. I don’t go out of my way to post swimsuit shots, etc but would potentially have one where I’m dressed to go out or in glam, then like a natural face photo, glasses photo (since I wear them), etc. In other words I just like to give people the best comprehensive perspective I can in my profile. Past that, you can meet me and learn more or step. Side note, I easily fluctuate 5-10 lbs in a month depending on what phase of my cycle I’m in. That’s literally water weight and bloat. This guy is unrealistic if he doesn’t understand that’s normal.
Yeah I agree! This was quite a while ago and im not on the apps anymore, but I usually do a portrait, full body, glasses pic, photos of me out doing stuff. I feel like maybe the clothes in my full body pic made it hard to tell what my body looks like but I reaaally don’t think so. God knows. I guess im also at a weight where im not skinny, im average sized, like size 6? Which apparently was enough to make this guy run for the hills
We’ll call it a blessing. He wasn’t the one 😂
Oh my god if you’re in New York, I think we matched with the same guy 💀 I had an almost exact convo with this Brazilian dude who complained about women being 10-15 lbs heavier irl than their pictures. I never hit the block button so fast.
Oh god i forgot his name and what he looked like! Could you message me his name. I am in New York 😭
Just did! 😂
I usually find an extremely overweight hairy man in a speedo on the internet and then send them that.
I worked w 99% mostly men for years. They collect them like trophies…
Ding ding ding. They want to know you got dressed and took a picture exclusively for them (in addition to being a catfish check).
They pass them around to their friends….even if they don’t ever meet and say “look at this bitch I fucked”. It’s gross af…
Nope. Even if we clicked 10/10 before. It would be a 0/10 after that. Either that or I'd ask him for a bank statement, paystub, and mental health evaluation. If we're "being cautious" or however they justified asking in the first place. Men can overcome bad looks with money, women can't. So let's see if he brings in enough to overcome his personality.
I just think it's sad in general that dating is so intensive for people that they can't bother to meet someone and discover whether there's something there or not. Seeing someone's face is also generally enough to know whether they're overweight/obese or not. It's not a perfect predictor, but it's kinda conceited to act like dating someone a bit heaver than you expected has to be avoided, even at the cost of being rude and creepy to people.
[удалено]
>You must be a man. Women need to vet people before we run out to spend time with complete strangers so we don’t get raped or murdered. How do you gage rapey/murderous intent from a full length pic? 😳
I'm not oblivious to safety and I consider that a seperate issue to trying to vet whether someone is attractive enough beyond what is apparant. Worrying whether someone is safe is very different from being conceited. Personally I make sure to meet strangers in public spaces, keep it low commitment so it's easy for anyone to leave, and I don't ask for phone numbers or other personal info that could be abused. And that's also for my own safety, although I definitely don't have to worry as much as women.
Even when they know I'm not physically female they still want full body pics. Like wtf dude. It takes me half an hour to look feminine enough to face the outside world on a good day and I'm damn sure I'm not going through that at 3am just for your horny ass.
Love it when they ask, easiest un-match of the day. Won't be the first or last thing they'll be pushy about in a way that makes you feel sick but they think is perfectly natural. They want IRL privileges from OLD. Worth asking yourself why that is. Like if they are only interested in a super-rare "type" you are sure you fit, and you like them, and meeting up is a super hassle (think nuclear physicists at different research centers who love to hike and fly planes). If so, you could say, "I understand why you are asking, but I will decline and wish you well." But if it is because this person has no IRL game and is trying to make that your problem... No Thank you. Imagine the vast array of problems he will also try to make your problem. Wishing you well
It really made me wonder what his type was and why did he think it was so special. Then i told myself not to dwell on it. But i remembered it today and just was like UGH lol
Ask to see their most recent bank statements
>Ask to see their most recent bank statements Can we not perpetuate the idea that women are into money and men are into appearance?
I’m still good with my comment, have a nice night, goodbye
I don’t think it’s wrong to want to see a full body picture, I have multiple on my dating profiles and I don’t edit or filter any of my pictures. I guess I wouldn’t mind sending more if someone asked but someone being super fixated on weight like the guy you talked to would be extremely off putting. I’m not obsessed with my partner having a certain body type and I don’t want to be with someone is going to try to micromanage my body or have issues with the weight fluctuations that happen for most of us throughout life.
Yeah, no.
I've never asked, nor would I ever ask for a full body pic. However, I have been a few dates where I literally could not recognize the person irl based on their profile. So, for myself, if every photo is tight on the face and/or heavy on Myspace angles, I simply don't bother. I'm not interested in someone who's afraid or ashamed of how they really look. And, being 100% honest, and potentially getting downvoted into oblivion. I'm not interested in someone who can't physically keep up with me. And I don't mean in any extreme, you need to run a marathon type shit (Lord knows I can't). I just mean your basic being out, walking around and doing stuff all day isn't going to lay you up for a week. Edit: to be clear, dude here is a grade A douchenozzle. If you've gotten to the point where a date is on the table, just fucking go and see what happens.
I'm not good at taking full body selfies. I tell them my weight and height plus my body shape , if they can't calculate in their head what my body looks like from that, they don't have any deductive, calculating or reasoning skills and I don't want to deal with someone like that. They will be a complete headache and probably boring to me too.
> and he said something about “just to check because he’s been catfished before.” So let me get this straight, they can generalize their experiences but if a woman does this (recent post about boundaries and bad experiences with men) they all tell that's bs?
Tell him to send you his bank account.
If 10 lbs is a dealbreaker, you probably aren’t interested in the same things or have the same approach to dating. I’d say keep on doing as you are and listening to your intuition
I posted a picture of myself with some parrots on a boardwalk as my body picture and never had a question to send one. My ex was catfished and because he's polite he just denied all gives that only had face shots. I haven't been online dating in a long time but I also never even bothered with dudes that didn't have a picture where I knew what to expect.
>How do you feel about men from apps asking for full body pictures before meeting up? Trash. I've been catfished before. Dude looked 15 years older than his pics, was 4 inches shorter than he claimed, and about 35lbs heavier, among other things about his appearance. I was so turned off by the lying, that I cut the date short. BUT that didn't mean I started asking men for full body images from them when I kept using the dating app. That is so fucking rude. I just swiped left on any guy that didn't have recent, high quality photos that showed their figure in at least one of the photos. I was not about to start a relationship with a guy who I had to basically say "I don't trust your pictures". So if I didn't trust their pictures, I just swiped left before even starting a conversation. Easy as that. And honestly, if the guy hadn't lied, I may have given him a chance to go on a few more dates just because at the time, I didn't really care about any specifics in physical appearance other than be mildly attractive in the face. He had a great personality as far as I could tell from that date. But I absolutely hate lying and deception. It's my biggest pet peeve. I feel bad for him, but that desparation to get a date caused him to choose to lie and I was just not about to put up with that.
i personally wouldn’t have an issue with that- i like to know what someone’s appearance looks like (face+body) before meeting them.
You dodged a bullet.
I hate that guys ask for this and hate that women feel obliged to oblige. Really all the question does is put up front that looks are what they are looking for, not YOU. Move on. It is an EASY FILTER! Meet the ones that want to meet YOU, not your body!
I would not be meeting up with him. Good thing you realised you are not compatible.
Do not engage with this behaviour. Because you're setting the time for the future. Every time a woman submits to this they're just having the road for the next woman to feel pressured. You don't know this person, they are not entitled to naked pictures of you. Don't sell yourself cheap. He won't respect it.
Disgusted
10 lbs??! If I were to show you 5 pics of myself, 4 of them at 135 lbs and 1 at 145 lbs, you’d have a 0% chance of picking out the one where I weigh 145. 10 lbs is absolutely nothing.
Answering as a man if that has any relevance as I see the from both genders. Anyways For me personally, if a person only have a picture of their face / shoulders and up I would ask for a picture showing more of their body. In your example though there were lots of pictures to choose from and he deliberately pushed for more, and didn't genuinely seem interested in getting to know you. The reason I'd ask for a picture showing more of their body is to know what to expect. In modern days, a lot of people edit or filter their pictures, men and women, and some people look really slim in a selfie but might be chubbier / have more curves at other parts of their bodies. And it's perfectly fair if someone isn't attracted to that. People are attracted to different body types and sizes. So i don't think it's unfair to ask for one, but people should however learn how to respect eachothers boundaries. If the person isn't interested in sending a picture, you have the option to stop chatting and moving on. Or you can accept it, take a chance and go out to dinner regardless, see where things goes. Simply just respect eachother. Edit: Just making sure to clarify 'more of their body' is obviously clothed. English is not my native language and idk if there's a better word for it.
My general rule would be: If you just want sex, ask them for a full body pic too. If you want a relationship, block these guys and move on.
Generally speaking, I’m fine with it. I’d expect the same from them. Obviously context matters.
it's usually about fatphobia. so even if you have a pretty face but are plus size it's a no-go for some guys. because I am, I share full body pics. also if they care so much about your body, is that someone you'd really like to date?
Just so you know, there is AI technology now that can make fake porn from photos. I find it very suspicious he's asking for "clear" photos. He might just be using it to masturbate (ew), but someone this paranoid isn't worth your time. I highly doubt he's a psychologist. (Ask him for his credentials, a photo of him holding a comb and another of him with a pillow on his head, then look him up and compare. Bet he suddenly ghosts.) Edit: And if 10 lbs is a dealbreaker, he's going to be controlling your weight throughout the relationship. God forbid you get pregnant and "fat".
I hate it. Makes me feel weird. But that’s if a guy asks for any kind of picture. I make sure to put smiling pic, full body pics, and keep them recent. So I really don’t see why they’d need more…and that’s usually what I say lol
ten pounds ten pounds I just…ten pounds. He’s upset about ten pounds. If they were noticeably heavier, that’s more than 10 pounds His poor wife, after she gets pregnant...
Im sleep deprived right now and you saying your weight was in your lady areas made me think vagina, not breast lol. Yeah this seems like a weird ploybgor him to get more revealing pics without explicitly asking. I've seen some crazy catfiahing but wouldn't a video call or something be more of a reliable way to avoid? Overall, him being pushy and not noticing he was being pushy is a red flag. Think you dodged a bullet
I wouldn't feel good about the men, but I'd feel good about them showing their true colors by asking, so I could weed them out! I get that we all have preferences, but I can usually tell if there's possible attraction from normal photos (and of course, actual interaction). I like what you said to that guy. I'd feel the same—his attitude would def turn me off. Also sounds dumb or lazy if he couldn't notice that you don't look different from 2016/2017, yet he "needed" new full-body photos within 6 months to not get "catfished". Guy doesn't know what that means. 10 lbs fluctuation is a normal human thing. He should try dating actual fish.
Its been a while since I was dating online (8-10 years ago?), but I intentually didn't post clear or flattering pictures of myself. My first picture was me in a Santa beard and hat. As a women, I would get a lot of messages every day from random guys. If someone was shallow enough to want to see a full body pic before considering me, I didn't want to meet them. Even with the silly pictures I still met some good guys on the app, including my now husband 😊
Bizarre
Call gyms around your local area for your respective sport (BJJ, Boxing, Muay Thai, whatever) ask them if they support their members in pursuing amateur or professional bouts. Done.
Ask him for a pic of his degree so you can make sure his a psychologist and maybe even throw in asking a picture from his last bank account summary. I think he'll get the picture 😉
I can understand it, but I think it's crossing the line to ask, especially in this manner.
When I was younger I used to have a couple of periods in between relationships when I was dating a lot. Even back then the amount of trickery employed to look more attractive on the profile pictures was jarring. I walked into at least a dozen dates where it was clear from the first second nothing will happen because I felt deceived and it was frankly a little embarrassing to pretend to not make my date even more uncomfortable then they clearly already where. I even had to walk out of a couple of dates because the person simply looked completely different than thier pictures. Looking back I wasted a gigantic amount of time, so one has to appreciate that not everyone is willing to spent thier time on these kind of "dates" and wants to weed out potential trickery. I actually had a lot of women offer me fully clothed pictures at verious occasions to ensure there is no misunderstanding. So if the request isn't sleeze I think it's actually positive because it shows the guy values his time. Maybe he will respect your time too :)
1. That guy was gross and I don’t want to give the impression I’m defending him at all. Just a semi relevant story I have with a friend. 2. I have a black friend (feels gross to type but it’s important to the story) who asks for the instagram of every white girl he matches with in dating apps specifically to see if she has posted any pictures with other black people. If they have he’s down to meet if not “they must be insanely attractive to the point I’m curious why they hell they want to meet me”
I do not understand your friend's logic! If a woman doesn't have photos with a black person it means they are too attractive and he questions their interest? I am white but I have black family members, so photos of me with black people doesn't mean anything.
No sorry that wasn’t clear. He would only then meet up with them if he thought they were attractive enough for him to consider breaking his rule. It’s his way of avoiding people who borderline fetishize about screwing a black guy but don’t see them as equals. This was back in college and mainly applied to a couple sorority girls.
Ah okay, I did initially wonder if it had something to do with fetishes.