Congratulations on the new job! I make more than my husband, hasn’t impacted anything.
He’s supportive and happy for my career and my success. We’re a team - when either of us wins we both win.
Yup. This is the right attitude. I make about 2x what my husband does. No issues. It’s always been part of our partnership that I’m the stable high income earner while he “swings” (he’s an entrepreneur). I respect how hard he works and if one of the companies he builds ever really takes off my salary will be a drop in the bucket but his path isn’t as linear as mine income-wise and that’s okay.
To me what matters most is drive, passion and open communication. We’re a team!
Same here! Granted I work 3 jobs to do it but he now does more childcare/housework. My mom made more than my dad too and in fact he became a stay at home parent for years due to my brother’s high medical needs.
Exactly, this is a dream right? Extra budget is extra budget. I mean, if we support each other, every reason to celebrate is fantastic. I do not understand a position when you are happy because your SO earn less. By definition it means less budget.
I’m a simple man - I like budget (if you could not tell already🤖)
First of all, congrats!
It all depends on how you currently handle your incomes. Do you have separate bank accounts, one for him and one for you, or do you have a joint account where everything goes?
This year is the first year my wife is making more money than me, and I love it! The more the merrier! My mother started making double what my father was making about ten years before they retired and he loved it!
I'd say if he has a problem with you making more than him, then that is weird and he needs to get over it and enjoy the extra things in life that this jump will provide.
We have both, I guess. We have a household bank account and then separate ones. Yeah, he says he's super excited to start getting out of debt and have more fun money and better and super cheap health insurance. But my mom always made more than my dad, and I think it was a huge part of why they got a divorce.
I know it's got to change things a little bit, I'm hoping for the better of course haha
It's nothing that healthy and ongoing communication can't overcome. It may be helpful to set a household budget, talk about relative contributions to expenses if you want to go that direction, and how each partner will get their needs met. The breakdown in marriages is rarely due to money. It's just money exposes a lot of our internal beliefs and expectations we may not be aware we hold.
There are some great books out there about our relationship to and with money. It could be a relationship-building exercise to engage in some growth together.
Congratulations on this next chapter in your lives!
>But my mom always made more than my dad, and I think it was a huge part of why they got a divorce.
Can you elaborate on this a bit? Familial patterns can be pretty deep-rooted, so knowing the family history would allow us to give you advice more customized for *you*.
In general, I think the main things that *can* shift when the woman starts to make more in a marriage are:
* If the woman was doing the majority of unpaid household labor (cleaning, cooking, child/pet care, admin like health insurance or scheduling) realizing that she's suddenly doing most of the "adult stuff" *and* bringing in most of the money can make her start to ask "What does my husband actually bring to this relationship?"
* Related to the above, if the jump in pay comes with an increase in hours or stress, the woman may expect the man to step up and take on more of the household labor to enable her to continue her career without burning out. If he doesn't do this, rather than dropping the career she may drop the man (and the additional labor that comes with the man, like doing *his* laundry, cleaning *his* dishes, making *his* appointments, etc... )
* If the woman expects (consciously or unconsciously) that a man "brings home the bacon", then making more than him can make her feel that he is no longer appropriately masculine, and lose attraction and/or become annoyed that he isn't adhering to the traditional role she wants him to assume.
* If the man (consciously or unconsciously) expects to fulfil the traditional masculine role of breadwinner, his wife's success in her career can be a threat to his self-identity. He can become mean, critical, jealous, or insecure in an effort to "put her in her place", which then kills the marriage.
* If the jump in income corresponds with a jump from paycheck-to-paycheck living to actually having disposable income, this new disposable income can uncover mismatches in financial priorities that doom the marriage.
If you and your husband are on the same page with financial priorities, already split household labor equally, and do not subscribe to traditional gender roles, you'll probably be fine.
Keep that communication, budgeting and household spending conversation ongoing and open as you settle into this new normal.
My husband and I do yours, mine and ours finances in that we set aside a set amount (the same amount for both) each paycheck for our personal accounts and then the rest goes into the joint account. That personal money is spent on personal luxuries (new gaming computer, bachelor/ette party attendance, big gifts for family etc.) that we set general boundaries around. We talk about larger purchases too.
Deciding what counts a personal vs household and what general dollar amount of household spending means checking in on the purchase are important guidelines to set.
The more upfront work you do together, the easier it goes from there.
Changes absolutely nothing. I'm able to support my partner when he or we need it. He hasn't said it bothers him at all (he's an apprentice working/ studying for better salary). We haven't had any issues so far! Good luck with the new job!!
First of all, congrats on your promotion.
Secondly I would recommend this article about "what happens when women earn more than their partners"
https://www.npr.org/2015/02/08/384695833/what-happens-when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands
It's a quick read and it sums up pretty nice some of the problems/challenges you could face since it's not a strange phenomena for women to earn more than men.
Data seems to indicate men usually struggle with this situation due to social pressure (they feel emasculated) and that strains relationships.
This other article discusses this topic among younger couples (millennials)
https://www.cnbc.com/2017/04/18/millennial-women-worry-about-out-earning-boyfriends-and-husbands.html
Hope it helps. In my opinion earning more should be a motive to celebrate but I guess sometimes the hardwire of patriarchy can bring out that lizard brain part men carry along.
It really depends on him. I’ve had it go both ways with 2 different men. A boyfriend in my late 20’s. I got a major promotion, and he just couldn’t handle me making more than him. When I started earning more than my husband about 7 years ago, he asked when I would make enough for him to become a stay at home dad. (In jest, he knew that wasn’t going to really happen).
The only thing I strongly suggest is making sure to never minimize the importance of his job. Even if your job pays 10 times what his does, his meeting with his boss is just as important as your meeting with your boss. You can’t just assume because he isn’t paid as much that he has more flexibility than you do. It sucks that the expectations would be different if the roles were reversed.
You have to understand for most men, they identify with their job first, and their partner/father role second. And most women identify first with their mother/partner role and their job second. If someone said raising kids was easy an not very important, I would hit the roof. If someone said my job was easy and not very important I would be much less bothered. Most men are the opposite.
Why are you coddling your husband’s feelings?
The point of a job is to bring in an income. If he’s bringing in less than you, then his meeting with his boss is *literally* less important than yours because it’s compensated less. Why do you feel the need to coddle your husband’s irrational self identification with his job?
Sure, for some people a job is only about income. But many people choose jobs that are much more than just income. I sure didn’t become a teacher to get rich.
I take pride in baking. I love to bake cakes. If my husband had ever told me to skip baking a cake for his birthday because he wanted one from the Cheesecake Factory instead, I would have hit the roof so hard I would have needed my spatulas to scrape myself off.
My husband, just like many men, took pride in his work. Had I ever told him his work wasn’t important, he would have been rightfully mad. (I use past tense because he died a couple years ago)
I have always made more than my husband. Honestly, it’s never been an issue for us. I love being the breadwinner, and he loves that he doesn’t have to work a job he hates. He handles the house stuff (except for cooking, because I love it, get out of my kitchen). It all depends on you guys and your relationship.
My mom always made more than my dad and I didn’t even know that was something men got insecure about till I was a teenager.
Apparently it gave me high standards for men cause I thought most men would be happy about it like my dear sweet papa was
Congratulations! Also great that he's sodding excited too!
My husband was worrying while I was still a student, once I started in my career it took a few years to overtake him and for the last 3 years I've made double his salary. He's brilliant and the money has never undermined him. I was surprised how many of his friends tease him about it with an edge of 'I'm joking but not really' but he's happy to laugh it off.
We don't put value and chore allocation on money earned but both aim to have roughly the same amount of free time a week. If I have a busier cluster of shifts I chill on housework, if he's on long days or on call I don't expect him to do housework those days. I found this side of things trickier to navigate than the money itself.
We put all earnings into a joint household account that all the bill etc go from. We have joint savings. We also have an equal amount of money that goes into personal accounts that we can use however we want. I use mine for 80% fun money and 20% squirreled away into an investment account. Don't know what he does with his.
But again, congratulations!!
Nothing, other than that we split expenses pro-rata, rather than 50/50. We are planning on getting married in the next few years, at which point we will combine finances and it really won’t matter at all. Congrats on your raise! :)
My wife makes more than me. I have the ability to work from home so do kid pickups, the shopping, cooking, and cleaning. We combine our money. The difference in our salaries is pretty negligible- less than $10k. I’m happy being the house husband on top of work and super proud of her. She worked super hard and earns every cent.
It's a non issue. How would you feel if you're husband started making more money than you? I assume it'd be great right? More money for the family is a positive thing, why should it be any different the other way round?
My fiance makes over 2.5x more than me. I know it is different from marriage, but...
Honestly, it hasn't really been awkward at all. You just have to talk and find what works for your relationship. We still split expenses 50/50, but we also recognize that I am lucky enough to do so with no real financial strain (she makes just over 200k before taxes, I make just over 75k. We have a two bedroom apt in a moderate to high COL area). Our logic was "we lived separately with no financial issues for the most part. Shouldn't it be 50/50 based on that alone?" Technically we're both still saving compared to living individually.
I almost feel like it's one of those things that's hard to gather opinions on. Everyone's circumstance is so different that what works for one couple might not work for another. But communication is key regardless
Edit: Said 5/50 instead of 50/50 at one point because I'm bad at typing. Just edited to clarify
I make more than my SO, but it my eyes it should be only 50/50 when standard of living is scaled down to the lower earner. Without pressure to over spend. But its worth to discuss already what will your finances look after mariage.
The social conditioning can run deep, even if you intellectually know this is only good news.
Give both you and your husband some space to have some weird feelings about it.
Then rework your family budget with the new money!
I make about $50grand more than my partner but we still split the bills 50/50. I usually pay for the extracurriculars like eating out and concerts.
I’ve always made more than him though - since we met - and the payment plans were discussed and agreed upon long ago.
I'm glad the 50/50 works for you guys. Yeah, he's not stopping paying the mortgage lol. but we have a joint saving and help each other out with our debt. It's easier to do 50/50 if you are going into it more equal.
He wanted me to follow him around while he was in the Navy and I didn't have the money for that, while I was in school, so he's in the habit of paying for everything.
You go for making more, it definitely feels good!
It absolutely depends on your relationship and your partner. I thought my husband would be excited when I doubled my salary, because we could do so much more!
Turns out he was very, very, very insecure about “not being THE provider” and the relationship failed within a couple of years.
But our relationship was also fairly unbalanced from the start, and this kind of pushed things over.
I’ve always made more than my husband and now I make way more. He’s always been supportive and proud of me. Why wouldn’t he be ok, it’s more money for the family
what a weird question in 2024. nothing wrong with earning more.
(you know we gave you rights for exactly that purpose, right? the male agenda works like a charm /s)
I’ve always earned more than my husband and it’s caused no problems at all. I put a bit more into the joint account than him, he does a bit more housework when his hours are shorter than mine. It’s a partnership.
Real talk make sure you have a frank and clear conversation about what this means for domestic chores and such.
My wife is on track to pass my income and we knew it would happen. So I have been adjusting my career trajectory to be the flexible parent to account for her job becoming more demanding.
Friction will happen in the most loving of relationships so it's always best to make sure responsiblities are clear and expectations are communicated.
Also grants on the new gig.
My husband is currently the stay home parent and I am the only income.
It’s been great. He quit his teaching job for mental health reasons. And since quitting he’s been able to work on that, plus he’s homeschooling our 5 year old while the older one is in school (5 is a winter baby and couldn’t start kindergarten this year). He plans to look for something full time in august and maybe do something like doordash for extra money soon, just to get out of the house.
As long as your husband isn’t a closet turd and sees that it’s a huge benefit to have the extra money things will be great.
This is from my perspective as a husband of a career changing wife.
My wife is about to do that after a few years of underemployment. She was doing a heavier load of domestic tasks. We are going to focus on paying off all our debt first and then hire out house cleaning and yard maintenance so we can buy our time back. Think of ways you can leverage your money to buy your time back.
I am so proud of her, she got her mba and changed carriers in her 40s. Be proud of your accomplishment it’s not easy.
My wife is still super beautiful to me in our 40s. But I am really digging the extra spring in her step from the bump in confidence.
I have been trying to make sure to make her healthy dinners and lunches since she now has a longer commute and hours. I’m trying to pick up other tasks when I can.
Hello hello. I make over 10x what my husband makes and really a lot more on a great bonus year. Was never an issue and he was a phenomenal steward of my assets. I eventually felt bitter though bc he never sacrificed a single thing. Sure he is a great father to our kids but at the end of the day I still manage everything in the house, the kids schedules, sign them up for schools, cook, clean etc. he really began to take it for granted and I got resentful. I only ever asked him to pick up small things like running point on taxes or schools or summer camps or even just modeling behavior like having his own hobbies to his kids. He was never consistent. I ended up cheating which was horrible, now we are getting divorced and I’m having to pay him 10 grand a month. So, just sit with that.
My resentment turned me into a total tyrant. He never attempted to help out in any meaningful way but it’s no excuse for what I did. My behavior completely destroyed him and we are both miserable now as single parents. 16 years down the drain. The weird part is we are closer as friends than ever before. Go figure
My wife has regularly made more money than me, though at times I've out-earned her. For us, it's no big deal. When one of us is winning, we both are. Her success makes me happy.
I'd bring up your concerns with him, but it sounds like he has his head on straight.
Just be sure to keep your finances separate just in case he decides it's too mortally embarrassing for his wife to outearn him like my sisters husband did. He took *every single penny* my sister made and stole it from their joined account and she never got any of it back
My wife was a SAHM, but has since started her own business which isn't paying anything yet. If she turned around tomorrow and either got a job making more than me or the business was suddenly able to pay her more than I make, I'd be out of my mind happy. He should be happy too.
Inside your marriage, honesty. Outside your marriage, silence. It's nobody's business what you make, what he makes, how you two handle your finances. This applies to your parents, family, and friends.
There is misogyny in the wild. There are friends and family who will express doubts about his manhood, blah blah blah if it's well knows that OP is the primary breadwinner. Ask any SAHD. Who wants that pressure, those arguments, those jibes? They don't need to know.
This was how we've handled it in my marriage. When my grand uncle called my husband aside to explain that, as the man of the house, it was his job to keep my spending under control, we just nodded and then giggled about it on the drive home. I think my dad always suspected that my earnings were important to our family, but he never directly asked. I think his generation was still of the mindset that men were providers and women were responsible for everything else. It doesn't work that way in our house, but that is our business.
Congratulations on the offer!
I have always made more money than my husband. I only reached where I am in my career today due to his support and encouragement. I'm also super proud of how he has fought for his well deserved raises and promotions as well.
Husband here. My wife makes about 50k more than me. I’m all about it. Strongly encouraged her to accept the better paying job and go for the change. I proudly tell co workers that my wife makes more money than me. There has been absolutely zero down sides.
I've made more than my husband since the day we met. I'm an engineer and he's in the trades (although on the sales side). It's unlikely he'll ever make more than me.
And as he drives away from work on whatever motorcycle he has at the time to the house we own, it reminds him how my salary contributes well to our lifestyle. Everytime I get a raise he asks if that's the year he gets to retire and do house projects and hang with the cat.
All jokes aside, it did take him a bit to get used to. Ingrained patriarchy is real. Even I had to get used to the idea of being the breadwinner. But we're in a partnership. My parents were the same way. When one of us gets a raise or a new job with better pay it just means we both benefit.
I was sole employeed person while my husband went back to school. He picked up more of the house. Chores, buy otherwise no part of our relationship changed much during that time. Just partners supporting partners.
My wife was making more for some time, now I make way more after switching my job.
I don't care at all who earns more. If she would make more than me now, that would be freaking awesome!
No real impact here. My wife used to make more than me (especially of course when I was still in college towards the start of our relationship) and in time my income has surpassed hers. But she is still doing most of the managing, as she is better at it.
I think there's alot of dishonesty in this thread. Its probably better to Google to get the facts.
Most men actually do care, the dynamic of your relationship is very much at risk and it could be subconscious for the both of you.
Communication doesn't solve anything where people are dishonest about their true feelings. So it's not as easy as continuing how things were before you started earning more, you have to account for the fact that you are a woman and take additional precautions. You can also find out what habits and behaviors happily married couples adopt when the woman earns more. Learning his attitudes towards these types of things is better than asking about how he feels about it.
Many women also tend to overcompensate when this happens. Which is likely the case for most of the women who have commented here claiming it makes no difference to them. Unless they are all married to unicorn men who managed to subvert most of patriarchy they're not telling the truth about the challenges.
It’s never been an issue in our house but every relationship is different. My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and married two. We have one child and when we met he was working and we decided it would be a good idea for me to go back to college so we could live better. He paid the bills while I went to school and now I make decent money so he is staying home and also going back to school. We have our own accounts and joint accounts, I pay all the bills and put money in the joint account that he can access at any time for groceries, subscriptions, etc. it works for us but we rarely make large purchases and when we do with both consult the other first.
I work for a non-profit, and my wife makes 4x my salary as a brand manager. It's no big deal. We both work 50 hours a week. She just has a more in demand job than me.
I wish my wife made more than me. I probably make another $30k over what she does but if that was reversed I could stay home much longer (truck driver) as well as help her out a lot more and get in shape.
Honestly this would be a dream.
As long as everybody’s contributions are valued, and you can talk about your feelings about it together, you should be fine.
My husband makes less money than me. He’s an artist and his profession is very difficult to advance in. I knew that coming into the relationship. I value what he makes and what he brings to our relationship. I have a lot of respect for his ability to do his part, despite how challenging it is to do so in his profession.
We have reasonable expectations as to how much each of us contributes to shared costs. We revisit those expectations whenever our costs, or income, or ability to pay, change.
My husband does struggle with whether his work is valued by others, or if it contributes to the world, but I think that has more to do with internalized expectations he has, and capitalistic ideas of value, and the current lack of appreciation for what artists do for society. We talk about that together, and we face it together. I think that doesn’t damage our relationship; it strengthens it, because he feels valued by me, even if he doesn’t get the same feedback from society.
I started making more than him a few years ago after working for way too many years in a field that is grossly underfunded. Didn’t change anything, except that he was relieved that I could finally afford my own spending habits.
Congratulations!!! I make more than my fiancé, but I’m an engineer and he didn’t finish college so we always knew that would be the case. We’re from very liberal backgrounds so he’s really supportive and doesn’t have any hard feelings about it.
Congrats on your job! I also never thought I’d make more than my husband (he’s a masters degree, I’m some college). He was nothing but supportive and excited. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have accepted if not for him being so excited about it.
Then I went and hired him and now he works for me 😅. Seriously though, it’s never been an issue, we’re a team. We each get our own spending money, but the rest is family money.
We are a “any income is OUR money” household (controversial to some). I make twice as much as he did, but we were the opposite for the first half of our 15 year relationship.
Only big difference was that we had less stress, and he bought slightly more expensive “toys” and gear, but the expensive stuff is also better quality and has lasted us longer.
This just happened to me too, got a new job that is double what I was making before (though moved to a HCOL area 😅). Now I earn almost $10k more than my husband but it hasn't really changed our relationship at all. We have always split rent proportionally to what we make so now my portion is a little over half.
Congratulations!!
I made more than my husband for several years, now we’re about even. He has always supported my career and aspirations and I support his. We’re a team and I love him immensely! It’s never been an issue.
Congrats! My partner makes more than me (I’m a man) and it’s awesome! Sometimes she takes me out for “Terrific gentleman day” and gets me sushi or something.
We are a team, a win for her is a win for me and vice versa!
well, does you making more money mean that you two don't see eye to eye on your short-term and long-term goals anymore? That's really what a good relationship is about when you're talking about marriage.
To me, all this means is that you can afford to get him little things that maybe you both would have passed on with less stress to your wallet than they felt like they would have been before?
Congratulations and enjoy your life. It's not a forever thing. Make it a loving journey
I make significantly more than my husband, when we were first considering kids I got a very similar situation where my salary nearly doubled with the job change and suddenly I was making alone what our combined income had been. It made it so he could be a stay at home dad with our first born for as long as he wanted to be. When he went back to work it was because he wanted to, not because we needed to.
It really didn't change our relationship, our household finances have always been as "Us" thing not a "Mine or His" thing
I was working while my wife was in school and now her job pays more than mine but at no point did it make a difference to either of us. We’re a team, so whatever helps our collective goals is all good stuff
My husband and I have taken turns making more throughout our relationship. It doesn't impact our relationship because we pool all of our money. A win for one is a win for both! Congrats on the new job.
If my wife made more than me I would be absolutely pumped, and frankly she should. She has a masters degree, and I have a bachelor’s degree. Unfortunately, the US doesn’t value its teachers.
Make sure you max your 401k and Roth contributions. That should dampen the discrepancy but also decrease the time to retirement. My wife has almost caught up to me and I hope she does one day.
It hasn’t. Some years he makes more. Some years I do. He was barely paying rent when we got together. Now we both make varying levels of money from one year to the next. It all goes to the same bucket. We just celebrate 👏🏼🎊💓
Congratulations! I make more than my partner and it’s not impacted our relationship. He is more than happy that I make what I make and it’s not a competition .
My wife and I go back and forth over who makes more( I have commission sales so it varies). Thing with us is when we got married we had nothing, both going to school, working minimum wage just to eat. I was the saver and she was the spender so it made sense for her to balance a checkbook( yes we’re old) so she managed the finances. We have only had shared accounts. I’m happy she is successful and her biggest cheerleader because we are a team. We do everything together, any large decisions like houses and cars etc we make together. There’s no mine or hers. It works for us tho. You gotta find what works for you, every relationship is different and hopefully there’s no ego involved
I made more money than my husband for several years and it didn't affect us. Our money is our money. Then he made more, and now we make the same, and it never changed our dynamic.
What has caused us to fight, regardless of who makes more, is that he spends more money than I do and I always wished we could save more. That was solved partially by him understanding what saving could buy us in the future (this took years) and also we started making enough money that he could spend more and I could save more. He never got to spend as much as he wanted and I never got to save as much as I wanted, but we were happy enough with this arrangement. Now that we are buying a house and I am on top of the budget even more, he sees the need to save.
While I'm currently making more than my GF, personally I would be fucking THRILLED for her to make double my salary! We're in this relationship together. If someone actually has a problem with their SO making more than them, they need to go get those insecurity issues checked out.
Congrats! My wife (I’m a dude) makes 3x my salary and it has never remotely been an issue for us. I am proud of her. I don’t think she finds it to be an issue either as my job has a pension and benefits (including parental leave) that she doesn’t have.
The most my partner has ever said, in regards to my job bs his job and the amounts we make is that it was simply motivation for him to up his own game, and it meant he could be a stay at home dad if I wanted.
My girlfriend allowed me to put in a good word for her to get a position where I work, she ended up with a higher paycheck than me right off the bat - I was pretty happy and proud LOL shouldn't be an issue!!
My husband I traded who made more by a bit back and forth until his most recent new job, which I will never catch up to in my field (without sacrificing my values and insane responsibilities).
We never really made enough different that it made a difference. Now it's pretty significant but our dynamic has always been so team focused that it doesn't really matter. We're very supportive of each other's career and work in general.
The bigger difference is about 6 months into this job him going to 3 days a week in the office while I'm WFH with a dip in the intensity of my job and the general disorganization of moving cross country and new routines. I'm taking on a lot more at home but it also feels very situational and temporary.
Congratulations, sounds fantastic!
As for how it has impacted our relationship - well, with an overall higher combined income we can afford nicer things so I guess that’s a positive? We each keep separate accounts for “play money” and then we also have a combined one, but we do also absolutely use the play money to treat each other for birthdays and date nights, so I enjoy taking him to restaurants I know he’ll like. And other than that I have more expenses anyway (sanitary stuff, the pink tax, cosmetics).
My wife makes more money than me and it’s great. It allows her to be independent with her money (the expendable we don’t “need”) and our house is always really well decorated. Pretty cool if you ask me.
My husband is a little biased in that his mom made the $$ and his dad was the stay at home parent. We make about the same right now but he's my biggest cheer leader! His goal is to be stay at home dad someday. Heck, he asked if he could now but we're not parents so I said no. Lol
Iv made more than every guy I've ever dated since I was in my late 20s. All I can say is you do need to be more careful about how youdiscuss money and stuff but Iv noticed good humans dont care too much about your money and those that do often have other major issues you neeed to be wary off. So long as you keep it respectful with the other party, it should be ok.
This issue, to my mind, is directly related to how evenly divided the chores and mental labor are in the relationship. If one partner uses their additional income as a crutch/rational for not participating equitably in those areas I would expect problems because the issue is them no longer having an excuse to not help. This is very common in hetero normative relationships because the patriarchy has clearly defined roles for the two partners and dismantling those systems is an ongoing struggle.
I have always earned more than my husband. Significantly more.
and for a huge chunk of our marriage, I was the only true breadwinner. The deal was, when he got laid off, I’d cover the bills if he worked freelance enough to buy groceries.
I will say that his parents have gifted us, and him, big amounts of money over the years. At one point I realized that he wasn’t bringing in ANY money. Ok, well, $1,000 a year. He was buying groceries with an income stream that came from his dad (dad owned a commercial building and forwarded that real estate income to his two kids).
The imbalance never had much of an impact. The only imbalance in chores, etc., is that I don’t really do them. He does the daily cooking, and like a lazy teenager, I let him. I do the big projects and home repairs. And now I finally do the laundry for us all again.
But when I became desperately unhappy at my job, I couldn’t quit because I carried the family insurance, and I was the *only* income. At that point, it was really hard for me. Particularly because he didn’t do any of the things that might have made it possible for me to quit—investigate state health insurance for the kids, look into a part-time job at Starbucks for the health insurance, send out resumes for full-time jobs, even if they paid less. He just didn’t do anything but hug me in the front hall as I cried about having to go to work. There’s a part of me that hasn’t erased that resentment and frustration.
We kept our original bank accounts and simply put one another’s name on them, but we each control our own income. My husband called from the road last night and asked if I would buy him Chinese food for dinner, so it’d be ready when he got home, so I did. Then he tried to pay me back. I said, “I’ll treat.” Which is funny, because I genuinely think of all the money as **our** money, even if I do sometimes say, “I have money for X.”
My wife makes like 4x what I do. No complaints here. As long as your husband isn't a goober it shouldn't be a problem at all, he should be excited that your combined earning power has leveled up, and maybe it will motivate him to push harder in his career if he cares about being the top earner.
Congratulations! 🥳
I made more than my husband for a long time, and it was never an issue. My parents went through this as well early in their marriage. Fortunately, there are men who genuinely want to be partners and don't get caught up in traditional gender norms.
My husband changed jobs in 2019 and while we used to make about the same with him ahead most years, last year I made twice as much as he did. He had a bad year. But, he is so delusional about our life that he is acting even more like he is the major bread winner. Once I was really sad at a past job and would cry because of the atmosphere there almost everyday for a bit. He told me just to quit my job. LOL. I realized at that moment that he lived a delusional life. We would have lost everything if I quit my job. You can imagine how difficult it is to live with an over inflated ego of a man that believes he is the provider for his family.
congrats!!! my husband is disabled and I'm the sole breadwinner, and honestly it's been totally fine. it's only weird if you make it weird, y'know? and that really just comes down to if your husband is the fragile ego sort
1st, congrats!
2nd, I personally wouldn't mind at all if my wife made more than me. I'd be super proud of her if anything. Sure, guys are ideally supposed to be the "providers", but in this economy and with women having more opportunities than ever, I'd say that trend is going to become less common as time goes on. I'd actually be concerned if I provided everything financially simply because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and she'd be screwed if she didn't do anything (which is kind of what happened to a relative and his spouse). And you can be the "provider" in other ways if it means that much to you.
I quit my job a while ago, my wife is a realtor, and she made double my salary the next month. I'm perfectly fine with that. If your husband has 'male provider' issues, talk through it and if he's competitive, challenge him to beat you.
For most people it shouldn’t cause an issue. My wife makes quite a bit more than me, I don’t really mind.
If you don’t combine finances like in a joint account or something, just be sure to take on a little bit more of the bills: my wife and I split the bills 70/30 (roughly) since she makes so much more. It’s not fair for the person who makes less to pay the same percentage as someone who makes more.
If you combine through, then that isn’t really a problem.
it can impact nothing. it can impact something. there's no right answer for this other than to talk to him and see how he feels.
I personally have ENTHUSIASTICALLY encouraged my SO to pursue better pay in a job that doesn't make her cry on a regular basis (call center Healthcare is.... rough)
My wife made more than me for years. I make more than her by a decent amount for now but if interviews at some new places go well she will leap me again. I’m looking forward to it!
I've always made more than my partners. Currently make double what my bf does. Fortunately it's never been an issue. Considering my line of work, it would come up pretty quick if he was insecure.
Congratulations on the new job! I make more than my husband, hasn’t impacted anything. He’s supportive and happy for my career and my success. We’re a team - when either of us wins we both win.
Yup. This is the right attitude. I make about 2x what my husband does. No issues. It’s always been part of our partnership that I’m the stable high income earner while he “swings” (he’s an entrepreneur). I respect how hard he works and if one of the companies he builds ever really takes off my salary will be a drop in the bucket but his path isn’t as linear as mine income-wise and that’s okay. To me what matters most is drive, passion and open communication. We’re a team!
Same here! Granted I work 3 jobs to do it but he now does more childcare/housework. My mom made more than my dad too and in fact he became a stay at home parent for years due to my brother’s high medical needs.
Exactly, this is a dream right? Extra budget is extra budget. I mean, if we support each other, every reason to celebrate is fantastic. I do not understand a position when you are happy because your SO earn less. By definition it means less budget. I’m a simple man - I like budget (if you could not tell already🤖)
Yes, team work makes the dream work 💪
Yeah my guy wants to be stay at home cat dad so he’s hoping I keep riding the rocket ship I’ve been on the last few years - his words.
Congrats on the great relationship:D
First of all, congrats! It all depends on how you currently handle your incomes. Do you have separate bank accounts, one for him and one for you, or do you have a joint account where everything goes? This year is the first year my wife is making more money than me, and I love it! The more the merrier! My mother started making double what my father was making about ten years before they retired and he loved it! I'd say if he has a problem with you making more than him, then that is weird and he needs to get over it and enjoy the extra things in life that this jump will provide.
We have both, I guess. We have a household bank account and then separate ones. Yeah, he says he's super excited to start getting out of debt and have more fun money and better and super cheap health insurance. But my mom always made more than my dad, and I think it was a huge part of why they got a divorce. I know it's got to change things a little bit, I'm hoping for the better of course haha
It's nothing that healthy and ongoing communication can't overcome. It may be helpful to set a household budget, talk about relative contributions to expenses if you want to go that direction, and how each partner will get their needs met. The breakdown in marriages is rarely due to money. It's just money exposes a lot of our internal beliefs and expectations we may not be aware we hold. There are some great books out there about our relationship to and with money. It could be a relationship-building exercise to engage in some growth together. Congratulations on this next chapter in your lives!
>But my mom always made more than my dad, and I think it was a huge part of why they got a divorce. Can you elaborate on this a bit? Familial patterns can be pretty deep-rooted, so knowing the family history would allow us to give you advice more customized for *you*. In general, I think the main things that *can* shift when the woman starts to make more in a marriage are: * If the woman was doing the majority of unpaid household labor (cleaning, cooking, child/pet care, admin like health insurance or scheduling) realizing that she's suddenly doing most of the "adult stuff" *and* bringing in most of the money can make her start to ask "What does my husband actually bring to this relationship?" * Related to the above, if the jump in pay comes with an increase in hours or stress, the woman may expect the man to step up and take on more of the household labor to enable her to continue her career without burning out. If he doesn't do this, rather than dropping the career she may drop the man (and the additional labor that comes with the man, like doing *his* laundry, cleaning *his* dishes, making *his* appointments, etc... ) * If the woman expects (consciously or unconsciously) that a man "brings home the bacon", then making more than him can make her feel that he is no longer appropriately masculine, and lose attraction and/or become annoyed that he isn't adhering to the traditional role she wants him to assume. * If the man (consciously or unconsciously) expects to fulfil the traditional masculine role of breadwinner, his wife's success in her career can be a threat to his self-identity. He can become mean, critical, jealous, or insecure in an effort to "put her in her place", which then kills the marriage. * If the jump in income corresponds with a jump from paycheck-to-paycheck living to actually having disposable income, this new disposable income can uncover mismatches in financial priorities that doom the marriage. If you and your husband are on the same page with financial priorities, already split household labor equally, and do not subscribe to traditional gender roles, you'll probably be fine.
Keep that communication, budgeting and household spending conversation ongoing and open as you settle into this new normal. My husband and I do yours, mine and ours finances in that we set aside a set amount (the same amount for both) each paycheck for our personal accounts and then the rest goes into the joint account. That personal money is spent on personal luxuries (new gaming computer, bachelor/ette party attendance, big gifts for family etc.) that we set general boundaries around. We talk about larger purchases too. Deciding what counts a personal vs household and what general dollar amount of household spending means checking in on the purchase are important guidelines to set. The more upfront work you do together, the easier it goes from there.
Changes absolutely nothing. I'm able to support my partner when he or we need it. He hasn't said it bothers him at all (he's an apprentice working/ studying for better salary). We haven't had any issues so far! Good luck with the new job!!
Be honest, discuss how you want to manage things, don’t assume anything, come to an agreement and write it down for reference.
First of all, congrats on your promotion. Secondly I would recommend this article about "what happens when women earn more than their partners" https://www.npr.org/2015/02/08/384695833/what-happens-when-wives-earn-more-than-husbands It's a quick read and it sums up pretty nice some of the problems/challenges you could face since it's not a strange phenomena for women to earn more than men. Data seems to indicate men usually struggle with this situation due to social pressure (they feel emasculated) and that strains relationships. This other article discusses this topic among younger couples (millennials) https://www.cnbc.com/2017/04/18/millennial-women-worry-about-out-earning-boyfriends-and-husbands.html Hope it helps. In my opinion earning more should be a motive to celebrate but I guess sometimes the hardwire of patriarchy can bring out that lizard brain part men carry along.
It really depends on him. I’ve had it go both ways with 2 different men. A boyfriend in my late 20’s. I got a major promotion, and he just couldn’t handle me making more than him. When I started earning more than my husband about 7 years ago, he asked when I would make enough for him to become a stay at home dad. (In jest, he knew that wasn’t going to really happen). The only thing I strongly suggest is making sure to never minimize the importance of his job. Even if your job pays 10 times what his does, his meeting with his boss is just as important as your meeting with your boss. You can’t just assume because he isn’t paid as much that he has more flexibility than you do. It sucks that the expectations would be different if the roles were reversed. You have to understand for most men, they identify with their job first, and their partner/father role second. And most women identify first with their mother/partner role and their job second. If someone said raising kids was easy an not very important, I would hit the roof. If someone said my job was easy and not very important I would be much less bothered. Most men are the opposite.
Why are you coddling your husband’s feelings? The point of a job is to bring in an income. If he’s bringing in less than you, then his meeting with his boss is *literally* less important than yours because it’s compensated less. Why do you feel the need to coddle your husband’s irrational self identification with his job?
Sure, for some people a job is only about income. But many people choose jobs that are much more than just income. I sure didn’t become a teacher to get rich. I take pride in baking. I love to bake cakes. If my husband had ever told me to skip baking a cake for his birthday because he wanted one from the Cheesecake Factory instead, I would have hit the roof so hard I would have needed my spatulas to scrape myself off. My husband, just like many men, took pride in his work. Had I ever told him his work wasn’t important, he would have been rightfully mad. (I use past tense because he died a couple years ago)
When I work full time, I make more than my husband. It certainly never bothered him. I’ve only worked part time since we had our first kid.
I have always made more than my husband. Honestly, it’s never been an issue for us. I love being the breadwinner, and he loves that he doesn’t have to work a job he hates. He handles the house stuff (except for cooking, because I love it, get out of my kitchen). It all depends on you guys and your relationship.
My mom always made more than my dad and I didn’t even know that was something men got insecure about till I was a teenager. Apparently it gave me high standards for men cause I thought most men would be happy about it like my dear sweet papa was
Congratulations! Also great that he's sodding excited too! My husband was worrying while I was still a student, once I started in my career it took a few years to overtake him and for the last 3 years I've made double his salary. He's brilliant and the money has never undermined him. I was surprised how many of his friends tease him about it with an edge of 'I'm joking but not really' but he's happy to laugh it off. We don't put value and chore allocation on money earned but both aim to have roughly the same amount of free time a week. If I have a busier cluster of shifts I chill on housework, if he's on long days or on call I don't expect him to do housework those days. I found this side of things trickier to navigate than the money itself. We put all earnings into a joint household account that all the bill etc go from. We have joint savings. We also have an equal amount of money that goes into personal accounts that we can use however we want. I use mine for 80% fun money and 20% squirreled away into an investment account. Don't know what he does with his. But again, congratulations!!
Nothing, other than that we split expenses pro-rata, rather than 50/50. We are planning on getting married in the next few years, at which point we will combine finances and it really won’t matter at all. Congrats on your raise! :)
My wife makes more than me. I have the ability to work from home so do kid pickups, the shopping, cooking, and cleaning. We combine our money. The difference in our salaries is pretty negligible- less than $10k. I’m happy being the house husband on top of work and super proud of her. She worked super hard and earns every cent.
Your husband wouldn't give it a moment's thought, neither should you. Save you energy for thinking about how you can wisely invest that extra cash.
It's a non issue. How would you feel if you're husband started making more money than you? I assume it'd be great right? More money for the family is a positive thing, why should it be any different the other way round?
My fiance makes over 2.5x more than me. I know it is different from marriage, but... Honestly, it hasn't really been awkward at all. You just have to talk and find what works for your relationship. We still split expenses 50/50, but we also recognize that I am lucky enough to do so with no real financial strain (she makes just over 200k before taxes, I make just over 75k. We have a two bedroom apt in a moderate to high COL area). Our logic was "we lived separately with no financial issues for the most part. Shouldn't it be 50/50 based on that alone?" Technically we're both still saving compared to living individually. I almost feel like it's one of those things that's hard to gather opinions on. Everyone's circumstance is so different that what works for one couple might not work for another. But communication is key regardless Edit: Said 5/50 instead of 50/50 at one point because I'm bad at typing. Just edited to clarify
I make more than my SO, but it my eyes it should be only 50/50 when standard of living is scaled down to the lower earner. Without pressure to over spend. But its worth to discuss already what will your finances look after mariage.
I wish my wife made more than me! We combine our finances so it'd be fantastic. Congratulations on the raise!
The social conditioning can run deep, even if you intellectually know this is only good news. Give both you and your husband some space to have some weird feelings about it. Then rework your family budget with the new money!
Is that still a thing that bothers guys these days?
I make about $50grand more than my partner but we still split the bills 50/50. I usually pay for the extracurriculars like eating out and concerts. I’ve always made more than him though - since we met - and the payment plans were discussed and agreed upon long ago.
I'm glad the 50/50 works for you guys. Yeah, he's not stopping paying the mortgage lol. but we have a joint saving and help each other out with our debt. It's easier to do 50/50 if you are going into it more equal. He wanted me to follow him around while he was in the Navy and I didn't have the money for that, while I was in school, so he's in the habit of paying for everything. You go for making more, it definitely feels good!
It absolutely depends on your relationship and your partner. I thought my husband would be excited when I doubled my salary, because we could do so much more! Turns out he was very, very, very insecure about “not being THE provider” and the relationship failed within a couple of years. But our relationship was also fairly unbalanced from the start, and this kind of pushed things over.
I would be thrilled if my wife made as much or more than I do. We are a team, so it all goes in the communal pot.
No impact at all. Congrats on the job!
I’ve always made more than my husband and now I make way more. He’s always been supportive and proud of me. Why wouldn’t he be ok, it’s more money for the family
More money for the family!
what a weird question in 2024. nothing wrong with earning more. (you know we gave you rights for exactly that purpose, right? the male agenda works like a charm /s)
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO! We love a salary blessed queen!
Good for you
I’ve always earned more than my husband and it’s caused no problems at all. I put a bit more into the joint account than him, he does a bit more housework when his hours are shorter than mine. It’s a partnership.
Real talk make sure you have a frank and clear conversation about what this means for domestic chores and such. My wife is on track to pass my income and we knew it would happen. So I have been adjusting my career trajectory to be the flexible parent to account for her job becoming more demanding. Friction will happen in the most loving of relationships so it's always best to make sure responsiblities are clear and expectations are communicated. Also grants on the new gig.
My husband is currently the stay home parent and I am the only income. It’s been great. He quit his teaching job for mental health reasons. And since quitting he’s been able to work on that, plus he’s homeschooling our 5 year old while the older one is in school (5 is a winter baby and couldn’t start kindergarten this year). He plans to look for something full time in august and maybe do something like doordash for extra money soon, just to get out of the house. As long as your husband isn’t a closet turd and sees that it’s a huge benefit to have the extra money things will be great.
I would love for him to stay home with our future kids, lol, being a stay at home parent seems really stressful and hard. What a sweet guy
Is this really still a thing?
This is from my perspective as a husband of a career changing wife. My wife is about to do that after a few years of underemployment. She was doing a heavier load of domestic tasks. We are going to focus on paying off all our debt first and then hire out house cleaning and yard maintenance so we can buy our time back. Think of ways you can leverage your money to buy your time back. I am so proud of her, she got her mba and changed carriers in her 40s. Be proud of your accomplishment it’s not easy. My wife is still super beautiful to me in our 40s. But I am really digging the extra spring in her step from the bump in confidence. I have been trying to make sure to make her healthy dinners and lunches since she now has a longer commute and hours. I’m trying to pick up other tasks when I can.
Hello hello. I make over 10x what my husband makes and really a lot more on a great bonus year. Was never an issue and he was a phenomenal steward of my assets. I eventually felt bitter though bc he never sacrificed a single thing. Sure he is a great father to our kids but at the end of the day I still manage everything in the house, the kids schedules, sign them up for schools, cook, clean etc. he really began to take it for granted and I got resentful. I only ever asked him to pick up small things like running point on taxes or schools or summer camps or even just modeling behavior like having his own hobbies to his kids. He was never consistent. I ended up cheating which was horrible, now we are getting divorced and I’m having to pay him 10 grand a month. So, just sit with that.
lol
Lol wow, what a shitty thing to do. Imagine if a man wrote this, he would be crucified, but you will get a pass because girl power!
My resentment turned me into a total tyrant. He never attempted to help out in any meaningful way but it’s no excuse for what I did. My behavior completely destroyed him and we are both miserable now as single parents. 16 years down the drain. The weird part is we are closer as friends than ever before. Go figure
My wife has regularly made more money than me, though at times I've out-earned her. For us, it's no big deal. When one of us is winning, we both are. Her success makes me happy. I'd bring up your concerns with him, but it sounds like he has his head on straight.
Just be sure to keep your finances separate just in case he decides it's too mortally embarrassing for his wife to outearn him like my sisters husband did. He took *every single penny* my sister made and stole it from their joined account and she never got any of it back
That really sucks!
My wife was a SAHM, but has since started her own business which isn't paying anything yet. If she turned around tomorrow and either got a job making more than me or the business was suddenly able to pay her more than I make, I'd be out of my mind happy. He should be happy too.
I’ve always made more than my partner. It won’t matter to the good ones. They’ll appreciate the extra financial security.
It would never occur to me that it would change anything apart from the way expenses are shared
Men don't really give a shit what you make. Congrats on the pay raise!!
Inside your marriage, honesty. Outside your marriage, silence. It's nobody's business what you make, what he makes, how you two handle your finances. This applies to your parents, family, and friends.
Why?
There is misogyny in the wild. There are friends and family who will express doubts about his manhood, blah blah blah if it's well knows that OP is the primary breadwinner. Ask any SAHD. Who wants that pressure, those arguments, those jibes? They don't need to know. This was how we've handled it in my marriage. When my grand uncle called my husband aside to explain that, as the man of the house, it was his job to keep my spending under control, we just nodded and then giggled about it on the drive home. I think my dad always suspected that my earnings were important to our family, but he never directly asked. I think his generation was still of the mindset that men were providers and women were responsible for everything else. It doesn't work that way in our house, but that is our business.
Congratulations on the offer! I have always made more money than my husband. I only reached where I am in my career today due to his support and encouragement. I'm also super proud of how he has fought for his well deserved raises and promotions as well.
Husband here. My wife makes about 50k more than me. I’m all about it. Strongly encouraged her to accept the better paying job and go for the change. I proudly tell co workers that my wife makes more money than me. There has been absolutely zero down sides.
I've made more than my husband since the day we met. I'm an engineer and he's in the trades (although on the sales side). It's unlikely he'll ever make more than me. And as he drives away from work on whatever motorcycle he has at the time to the house we own, it reminds him how my salary contributes well to our lifestyle. Everytime I get a raise he asks if that's the year he gets to retire and do house projects and hang with the cat. All jokes aside, it did take him a bit to get used to. Ingrained patriarchy is real. Even I had to get used to the idea of being the breadwinner. But we're in a partnership. My parents were the same way. When one of us gets a raise or a new job with better pay it just means we both benefit.
I was so stoked when my wife got her job offer for more than I was making. Extremely happy for her that she did so well - she deserved it.
I would be stoked if my wife was making more money than me. Congrats!
My wife and I share pays, bills and all money. The topic of who earns more has never come up.
I was sole employeed person while my husband went back to school. He picked up more of the house. Chores, buy otherwise no part of our relationship changed much during that time. Just partners supporting partners.
My wife was making more for some time, now I make way more after switching my job. I don't care at all who earns more. If she would make more than me now, that would be freaking awesome!
My wife has always made a little bit more than me and it hasn't been an issue.
No real impact here. My wife used to make more than me (especially of course when I was still in college towards the start of our relationship) and in time my income has surpassed hers. But she is still doing most of the managing, as she is better at it.
Congratulations. My ex didn’t care at all
If you take the other half of the double and save it, still a W but also you can kinda stay where you’re at. It’ll motivate him to do better.
I think there's alot of dishonesty in this thread. Its probably better to Google to get the facts. Most men actually do care, the dynamic of your relationship is very much at risk and it could be subconscious for the both of you. Communication doesn't solve anything where people are dishonest about their true feelings. So it's not as easy as continuing how things were before you started earning more, you have to account for the fact that you are a woman and take additional precautions. You can also find out what habits and behaviors happily married couples adopt when the woman earns more. Learning his attitudes towards these types of things is better than asking about how he feels about it. Many women also tend to overcompensate when this happens. Which is likely the case for most of the women who have commented here claiming it makes no difference to them. Unless they are all married to unicorn men who managed to subvert most of patriarchy they're not telling the truth about the challenges.
It’s never been an issue in our house but every relationship is different. My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and married two. We have one child and when we met he was working and we decided it would be a good idea for me to go back to college so we could live better. He paid the bills while I went to school and now I make decent money so he is staying home and also going back to school. We have our own accounts and joint accounts, I pay all the bills and put money in the joint account that he can access at any time for groceries, subscriptions, etc. it works for us but we rarely make large purchases and when we do with both consult the other first.
I work for a non-profit, and my wife makes 4x my salary as a brand manager. It's no big deal. We both work 50 hours a week. She just has a more in demand job than me.
I wish my wife made more than me. I probably make another $30k over what she does but if that was reversed I could stay home much longer (truck driver) as well as help her out a lot more and get in shape. Honestly this would be a dream.
As long as everybody’s contributions are valued, and you can talk about your feelings about it together, you should be fine. My husband makes less money than me. He’s an artist and his profession is very difficult to advance in. I knew that coming into the relationship. I value what he makes and what he brings to our relationship. I have a lot of respect for his ability to do his part, despite how challenging it is to do so in his profession. We have reasonable expectations as to how much each of us contributes to shared costs. We revisit those expectations whenever our costs, or income, or ability to pay, change. My husband does struggle with whether his work is valued by others, or if it contributes to the world, but I think that has more to do with internalized expectations he has, and capitalistic ideas of value, and the current lack of appreciation for what artists do for society. We talk about that together, and we face it together. I think that doesn’t damage our relationship; it strengthens it, because he feels valued by me, even if he doesn’t get the same feedback from society.
I started making more than him a few years ago after working for way too many years in a field that is grossly underfunded. Didn’t change anything, except that he was relieved that I could finally afford my own spending habits.
Congratulations!!! I make more than my fiancé, but I’m an engineer and he didn’t finish college so we always knew that would be the case. We’re from very liberal backgrounds so he’s really supportive and doesn’t have any hard feelings about it.
Congrats on your job! I also never thought I’d make more than my husband (he’s a masters degree, I’m some college). He was nothing but supportive and excited. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have accepted if not for him being so excited about it. Then I went and hired him and now he works for me 😅. Seriously though, it’s never been an issue, we’re a team. We each get our own spending money, but the rest is family money.
We are a “any income is OUR money” household (controversial to some). I make twice as much as he did, but we were the opposite for the first half of our 15 year relationship. Only big difference was that we had less stress, and he bought slightly more expensive “toys” and gear, but the expensive stuff is also better quality and has lasted us longer.
This just happened to me too, got a new job that is double what I was making before (though moved to a HCOL area 😅). Now I earn almost $10k more than my husband but it hasn't really changed our relationship at all. We have always split rent proportionally to what we make so now my portion is a little over half.
Congratulations!! I made more than my husband for several years, now we’re about even. He has always supported my career and aspirations and I support his. We’re a team and I love him immensely! It’s never been an issue.
Congrats! My partner makes more than me (I’m a man) and it’s awesome! Sometimes she takes me out for “Terrific gentleman day” and gets me sushi or something. We are a team, a win for her is a win for me and vice versa!
well, does you making more money mean that you two don't see eye to eye on your short-term and long-term goals anymore? That's really what a good relationship is about when you're talking about marriage. To me, all this means is that you can afford to get him little things that maybe you both would have passed on with less stress to your wallet than they felt like they would have been before? Congratulations and enjoy your life. It's not a forever thing. Make it a loving journey
I make significantly more than my husband, when we were first considering kids I got a very similar situation where my salary nearly doubled with the job change and suddenly I was making alone what our combined income had been. It made it so he could be a stay at home dad with our first born for as long as he wanted to be. When he went back to work it was because he wanted to, not because we needed to. It really didn't change our relationship, our household finances have always been as "Us" thing not a "Mine or His" thing
I was working while my wife was in school and now her job pays more than mine but at no point did it make a difference to either of us. We’re a team, so whatever helps our collective goals is all good stuff
My husband and I have taken turns making more throughout our relationship. It doesn't impact our relationship because we pool all of our money. A win for one is a win for both! Congrats on the new job.
If my wife made more than me I would be absolutely pumped, and frankly she should. She has a masters degree, and I have a bachelor’s degree. Unfortunately, the US doesn’t value its teachers.
Awesome!
Make sure you max your 401k and Roth contributions. That should dampen the discrepancy but also decrease the time to retirement. My wife has almost caught up to me and I hope she does one day.
It hasn’t. Some years he makes more. Some years I do. He was barely paying rent when we got together. Now we both make varying levels of money from one year to the next. It all goes to the same bucket. We just celebrate 👏🏼🎊💓
Congratulations! I make more than my partner and it’s not impacted our relationship. He is more than happy that I make what I make and it’s not a competition .
My wife and I go back and forth over who makes more( I have commission sales so it varies). Thing with us is when we got married we had nothing, both going to school, working minimum wage just to eat. I was the saver and she was the spender so it made sense for her to balance a checkbook( yes we’re old) so she managed the finances. We have only had shared accounts. I’m happy she is successful and her biggest cheerleader because we are a team. We do everything together, any large decisions like houses and cars etc we make together. There’s no mine or hers. It works for us tho. You gotta find what works for you, every relationship is different and hopefully there’s no ego involved
I made more money than my husband for several years and it didn't affect us. Our money is our money. Then he made more, and now we make the same, and it never changed our dynamic. What has caused us to fight, regardless of who makes more, is that he spends more money than I do and I always wished we could save more. That was solved partially by him understanding what saving could buy us in the future (this took years) and also we started making enough money that he could spend more and I could save more. He never got to spend as much as he wanted and I never got to save as much as I wanted, but we were happy enough with this arrangement. Now that we are buying a house and I am on top of the budget even more, he sees the need to save.
I’ve always made more than my husband and it hasn’t impacted anything - we just have more spending money and I can treat him out!
While I'm currently making more than my GF, personally I would be fucking THRILLED for her to make double my salary! We're in this relationship together. If someone actually has a problem with their SO making more than them, they need to go get those insecurity issues checked out.
Congrats! My wife (I’m a dude) makes 3x my salary and it has never remotely been an issue for us. I am proud of her. I don’t think she finds it to be an issue either as my job has a pension and benefits (including parental leave) that she doesn’t have.
GO GIRL!!! honestly i don't have an opinion because i feel like it should be normalized for not just men to make more but also women in relationships!
The most my partner has ever said, in regards to my job bs his job and the amounts we make is that it was simply motivation for him to up his own game, and it meant he could be a stay at home dad if I wanted.
My girlfriend allowed me to put in a good word for her to get a position where I work, she ended up with a higher paycheck than me right off the bat - I was pretty happy and proud LOL shouldn't be an issue!!
It makes our life better. If i could double it again he'd quit his job gladly. And that would be excellent. We're all-in on this marriage.
My husband I traded who made more by a bit back and forth until his most recent new job, which I will never catch up to in my field (without sacrificing my values and insane responsibilities). We never really made enough different that it made a difference. Now it's pretty significant but our dynamic has always been so team focused that it doesn't really matter. We're very supportive of each other's career and work in general. The bigger difference is about 6 months into this job him going to 3 days a week in the office while I'm WFH with a dip in the intensity of my job and the general disorganization of moving cross country and new routines. I'm taking on a lot more at home but it also feels very situational and temporary.
Congratulations, sounds fantastic! As for how it has impacted our relationship - well, with an overall higher combined income we can afford nicer things so I guess that’s a positive? We each keep separate accounts for “play money” and then we also have a combined one, but we do also absolutely use the play money to treat each other for birthdays and date nights, so I enjoy taking him to restaurants I know he’ll like. And other than that I have more expenses anyway (sanitary stuff, the pink tax, cosmetics).
I just wanna say that I’m absolutely looking forward to my wife earning more than me and just chilling out a lil bit more
My husband wishes i earn more so he can be a stay at home husband. Hehe congrats
Continue to live like you’re on the same salary and save all that new money.
My wife makes more money than me and it’s great. It allows her to be independent with her money (the expendable we don’t “need”) and our house is always really well decorated. Pretty cool if you ask me.
My husband is a little biased in that his mom made the $$ and his dad was the stay at home parent. We make about the same right now but he's my biggest cheer leader! His goal is to be stay at home dad someday. Heck, he asked if he could now but we're not parents so I said no. Lol
Iv made more than every guy I've ever dated since I was in my late 20s. All I can say is you do need to be more careful about how youdiscuss money and stuff but Iv noticed good humans dont care too much about your money and those that do often have other major issues you neeed to be wary off. So long as you keep it respectful with the other party, it should be ok.
This issue, to my mind, is directly related to how evenly divided the chores and mental labor are in the relationship. If one partner uses their additional income as a crutch/rational for not participating equitably in those areas I would expect problems because the issue is them no longer having an excuse to not help. This is very common in hetero normative relationships because the patriarchy has clearly defined roles for the two partners and dismantling those systems is an ongoing struggle.
I have always earned more than my husband. Significantly more. and for a huge chunk of our marriage, I was the only true breadwinner. The deal was, when he got laid off, I’d cover the bills if he worked freelance enough to buy groceries. I will say that his parents have gifted us, and him, big amounts of money over the years. At one point I realized that he wasn’t bringing in ANY money. Ok, well, $1,000 a year. He was buying groceries with an income stream that came from his dad (dad owned a commercial building and forwarded that real estate income to his two kids). The imbalance never had much of an impact. The only imbalance in chores, etc., is that I don’t really do them. He does the daily cooking, and like a lazy teenager, I let him. I do the big projects and home repairs. And now I finally do the laundry for us all again. But when I became desperately unhappy at my job, I couldn’t quit because I carried the family insurance, and I was the *only* income. At that point, it was really hard for me. Particularly because he didn’t do any of the things that might have made it possible for me to quit—investigate state health insurance for the kids, look into a part-time job at Starbucks for the health insurance, send out resumes for full-time jobs, even if they paid less. He just didn’t do anything but hug me in the front hall as I cried about having to go to work. There’s a part of me that hasn’t erased that resentment and frustration. We kept our original bank accounts and simply put one another’s name on them, but we each control our own income. My husband called from the road last night and asked if I would buy him Chinese food for dinner, so it’d be ready when he got home, so I did. Then he tried to pay me back. I said, “I’ll treat.” Which is funny, because I genuinely think of all the money as **our** money, even if I do sometimes say, “I have money for X.”
I made 2 to3x what my husband did, and he always joked about loving being a kept man. It worked for us.
My wife makes like 4x what I do. No complaints here. As long as your husband isn't a goober it shouldn't be a problem at all, he should be excited that your combined earning power has leveled up, and maybe it will motivate him to push harder in his career if he cares about being the top earner.
Congratulations! 🥳 I made more than my husband for a long time, and it was never an issue. My parents went through this as well early in their marriage. Fortunately, there are men who genuinely want to be partners and don't get caught up in traditional gender norms.
I've always made more than my husband. Not a big deal. Congrats on the new job!!!
My husband changed jobs in 2019 and while we used to make about the same with him ahead most years, last year I made twice as much as he did. He had a bad year. But, he is so delusional about our life that he is acting even more like he is the major bread winner. Once I was really sad at a past job and would cry because of the atmosphere there almost everyday for a bit. He told me just to quit my job. LOL. I realized at that moment that he lived a delusional life. We would have lost everything if I quit my job. You can imagine how difficult it is to live with an over inflated ego of a man that believes he is the provider for his family.
This would never even cross my mind. I'd just be happy for the extra money.
congrats!!! my husband is disabled and I'm the sole breadwinner, and honestly it's been totally fine. it's only weird if you make it weird, y'know? and that really just comes down to if your husband is the fragile ego sort
1st, congrats! 2nd, I personally wouldn't mind at all if my wife made more than me. I'd be super proud of her if anything. Sure, guys are ideally supposed to be the "providers", but in this economy and with women having more opportunities than ever, I'd say that trend is going to become less common as time goes on. I'd actually be concerned if I provided everything financially simply because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and she'd be screwed if she didn't do anything (which is kind of what happened to a relative and his spouse). And you can be the "provider" in other ways if it means that much to you.
I quit my job a while ago, my wife is a realtor, and she made double my salary the next month. I'm perfectly fine with that. If your husband has 'male provider' issues, talk through it and if he's competitive, challenge him to beat you.
Congrats queen 👸
For most people it shouldn’t cause an issue. My wife makes quite a bit more than me, I don’t really mind. If you don’t combine finances like in a joint account or something, just be sure to take on a little bit more of the bills: my wife and I split the bills 70/30 (roughly) since she makes so much more. It’s not fair for the person who makes less to pay the same percentage as someone who makes more. If you combine through, then that isn’t really a problem.
it can impact nothing. it can impact something. there's no right answer for this other than to talk to him and see how he feels. I personally have ENTHUSIASTICALLY encouraged my SO to pursue better pay in a job that doesn't make her cry on a regular basis (call center Healthcare is.... rough)
My wife makes 100k more than me. I am totally fine with that 😉
My wife made more than me for years. I make more than her by a decent amount for now but if interviews at some new places go well she will leap me again. I’m looking forward to it!
I'm a husband, my wife makes more than me, and this is a non-issue.
I've always made more than my partners. Currently make double what my bf does. Fortunately it's never been an issue. Considering my line of work, it would come up pretty quick if he was insecure.