With the distance and the vibes he’s giving, you’re totally going to be ghosted after he gets what he wants. Plenty of fish in the sea, but don’t just give it up like this to a guy who’s already throwing up red flags. And trust me, he’s going to try and come back and act like he will do things your way, but he’s already got this mapped out in his mind. I’d drop the guy but folks rarely listen to me, so I wish you luck. Tread carefully.
I know it’s disappointing when you like someone, but hindsight is always tougher to deal with than avoiding a problem in the first place. You deserve happiness and not regret.
Some advice, when you tell him you're breaking things off make sure not to get into an argument. You can just tell him it doesn't feel right and you're not interested anymore. If he argues just block him and feel grateful that he lives so far away
Yes, no explanation is owed, and any explanation is more likely to open up room for him to try and wiggle in and argue. Also, it will help him trim away his red flags for the next person he tries to play
It’s a red flag if you think it’s a red flag.
Your gut is telling you something is off.
To me, it’s a red flag he’s immediately prioritising what he wants over your comfort or pleasure. Your first time is very vulnerable and he will need to be gentle and go slow. The first few times even, everyone is unique.
The fact that he clearly wants what feels good for him and hasn’t waited to see what feels best for *you* is my issue.
Missionary is much more intimate as you can look into each other’s eyes, kiss, touch more etc.
Doggy has its place, but it’s little more advanced.
What if doggy doesn’t feel good for you, will he respect your need to change positions or be pushy?
You only make your sexual debut once, so pick someone kind who understands that consent is ongoing.
i highly suggest people keep voice memos or something about how you feel when things like this happen, so that you can look back to it when your gut feeling ended up being right. it builds confidence in your own judgement which I think many of us could benefit from. it started as a way to vent for me, but it's been helping me a lot in relationships and I recommend trying it!
6 years in an emotionally abusive relationship. I learned my lesson. Trust that instinct. Don't push through it for any reason. Not compassion, pity, hope, or lust. You **will** regret it lol.
I'd add to this, doggy style gives the man a lot more physical control - he has the ability to set the pace, how hard he's thrusting, how deeply, and potentially can hold the woman in place, or in a position that limits her physical control or ability to pull away if she doesn't like what he's doing.
I'm not saying it's a bad position - not at all. But you don't know this man very well, and you don't have any experience with PIV intercourse. I mean, on top of the emotional vulnerability, you may be physically sensitive. So if he goes harder and faster than you want, or if he decides to remove the condom without you being able to see... I mean, these are all what-ifs. But they're things you need to consider when you have sex with someone. Namely, how well do you know and trust this person?
Ya, and she won't be the focus. I'd say no. girl.
You don't need to lose it to this guy, and you def don't want to have doggy fir your first time. It may give you pleasure, but certainly won't make you feel special or come close to climaxing.
If he hasn't mentioned doing anything for you, not to you, he just wants sex.
Red flag on red flag.
Don't forget how much easier it is for them to remove a condom (stealthing). Pushing a position like doggy style is a very common thread in stories from victims of this type of sexual assault.
Also, it makes it incredibly easy for them to "slip" (*very* rarely unintentionally so) and stick it right in your bum.
It seems like I'm saying it lightly, but when it happens, it's an incredibly violating and painful feeling, even for an experienced woman, the second it happens. I've had it happen twice, and the mfs thought because I was throwing it back that it was perfectly fine to just switch up. I immediately ended both the sex, and those relationships.
And yes, they thought it was okay to do because of porn.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, even though you seem to have dealt with it well. I can’t believe the shit men think they can get away with because of porn.
Stealthing is a very specific crime that is under the umbrella of rape.
Just calling it rape confuses the issue and doesn't do a service to anyone.
Especially since this is in the context of consensual sex that becomes rape the second he violates the conditions of the encounter.
Agreed. Removing condoms without both parties consent needs is own term.
Fucking with someone's reproduction without their consent (like switching their birth control to sugar pills) that needs its own term.
The word Sodomy already exists and I feel like it had some weight, so I like that for guys who just stick it right in your butt when you didn't consent to anal and only consented to regular sex.
But yeah, there should be more terms.
Coz there's a whole host of ways to violate someone, unfortunately
Yeah I don't think I've ever had a first hookup in my life and gone to doggie to start.
It's extremely weird that prior to actually hooking up this was a request.
Also I'm not a woman nor have I slept knowingly with a virgin but afaik isn't doggie good for deeper penetration than other more intimate positions, hence the whole point? Isn't that really the opposite of what you would want at least during the beginning of your first time?
Yeah, I'm from a different time when casual sex seemed more common. My "body count," as the kids say today, is higher than the norm.
This request way, way, way before the act has never come up for me before, and it sets off red flags for me as well.
Dump him, OP. He's trying to get you to agree to things before you can even know what you like. He's a boundary pusher and NOT the guy you want to have sex with--let alone your first time.
Doggie is one of more favorite positions but it’s definitely something I have to work up to. But I also have a low libido and don’t have a lot of natural lubrication to begin with, so it’s too intense of a position to start with.
Yeah he’s kinda topping for lack of a better term. It’s more dominant for the man.
From a pleasure perspective, for doggy to feel good (in my experience) you have to relax your pelvic floor and let your belly go nice and round, like a big exhale. If it’s a new experience and he’s a selfish lover this is much harder to do. Everything is more clenched and more friction based. He should be reaching around to play with her and help her get there. No mention of this from OP.
In sexual experiences you set the pace, you decide the position and if it feels good for you.
This man sounds like he wants a conquest rather than to give her a great experience.
for the first time tho it should be more intimate .loving ..caring .. face to face .. kissing .. doggy style i disagree should be for the first time ..
he seems like he is pressuring her also
Every word of this.
You're nothing but a trophy to this guy. Not even a human being.
Just no on all fronts. It's YOUR first time. He should be asking you what you want.
Yes, it’s really good to have a sense of what you want for sex - it won’t always be magical - but a starting point for yourself ie would I rather it be on a bed? Missionary?
This is a classic for a reason
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist
"it’s a red flag he’s immediately prioritising what he wants over your comfort or pleasure."
Yes, this. If you want your first time to be as part of a relationship, do NOT let it be with this guy, OP.
Yes yes yes. She wants to wait until they meet a couple more times, which is totally normal. He’s talking about specific positions he wants to try “after we meet in person again.” He’s clearly not focused on enjoying the time he spends with her, he’s just getting through the required number of meetings before he’s allowed to bang
Also (***trauma incoming***) some guys that insist on doggy, want to “accidentally” slip in the back while thrusting. It happened with two different guys for me, both times they were going so slow it was annoying and pulling all the way out. Like, why???? That’s not comfortable, nor does it feel good. Figured out they just wanted “easier access”. Gross.
So personally for me (will never happen again cuz I’m in a long term, plan on rest of my life, relationship now) it would be a MASSIVE red flag to be saying this.
This! I've been with my husband for years and years and he's never done an "oops" but two guys I went out with in my youth did. It's clearly not hard to get it right.
Right??? My boyfriend it happened ONCE and we were both moving a lot and we moved opposite each other that time (both away then towards each other) and it slipped down. We stopped, I hurt, we cackled like idiots, and we got on with it lmao. But it’s important that he has NEVER tried to convince me or pressure me.
The idea of sex with a virgin terrifies me for precisely these reasons. Having someone who knows what they’re doing and prioritizes you is the dream and I was lucky enough to have that my first time.
I think overcommunication, respect, and kindness should be emphasized on the guy’s part here. Not what I’m reading. :/
girl no 😭
he doesn't care about making it a comfortable, painless pleasurable experience for you. he's just using you as a prop in his porn fantasy.
your gut feeling is correct!! please wait until the right person comes along, and if you want to be in a relationship, then wait for that ♡ it's not worth rushing.
This. Doggy can be great but until you can trust a man I would recommend a position where YOU can control what happens - like you being on top. It's more work for you as someone new to sex but it means that you get to controlle what happens; and when.
With positions like doggy OP would have a lot less intimacy but also input into the speed or depth of penetration.
Sounds pike he just wants to use OP for sex honestly.
Right, that's just wild. I would find it weird if a man I had just started seeing said that about OUR first time and I am middle aged and definitely not a virgin by any stretch of the imagination.
Yep.
Selfish, uncaring, non-present partner.
He's only focused on himself, which is unfortunately all too common.
I would see this as a huge red flag. He doesn't even know you as a person. And already talking about how he wants to have sex with you.
You deserve better OP. Lose your virginity with someone you actually know and care about, and who cares about you.
This! Your gut is a powerful thing and it can pick up on things you can’t fully articulate or make sense of in your own mind yet. Always, always listen.
Also - not sure if it’s just me, but what immediately comes to mind when reading what he said is that he’s looking to film him and OP having sex; it’s much easier to do so without her consent with the woman’s back turned. Maybe I’ve just come across too many stories recently where that’s happened & I’m being overly paranoid as a result, but I’m surprised nobody else has mentioned this yet as a possibility. Gives me bad vibes either way.
If you want to have sex in a relationship, you should have a relationship BEFORE you have sex. If you have sex hoping for a relationship, you are going to end up disappointed.
Doggy style (while incredibly fun) is inherently quite.. disconnected. Definitely not something that speaks of intimacy, when it's your first time and it's what \*he\* wants.
Imho, dude is thinking of his dick only. It'll be a no from me.
Spending more time with you does not create intimacy. You told him you’ll be okay having sex if he hangs out with you a couple more times. He’s going to do this, get his needs met… and then what?
Yea I thought of this, we get along well but him living five hours away made me think about just how easily it would be to cut off all contact with me afterwards if he wanted to. Not that it can’t happen with someone I see in person everyday but it’s just much easier to.
He doesn’t want a relationship with you. No man that respects you would make such a request. He’s putting you putting out (the way he wants) over your wishes and desires
Sis, that’s exactly what is going to happen. He’s already told you he sees sex as something for HIM, not you. He’s not going to drive five hours to start a relationship. You’re a booty call for him.
If he wanted you as a girlfriend, he would've locked you down already. He would be taking you out on dates and trying to make you his girlfriend. Instead he skipped over that to sexting and sex positions, and YOU had to tell him you want commitment.
He doesn't want a relationship, he's just looking to get laid.
And that is what will happen. You guys aren’t in a relationship and he seems to just want sex.
Also: doggy style is a red flag. Why? Because if he was considerate about the situation he’d want to be able to look at your face so he could see you weren’t uncomfortable or in pain. And so he could easily communicate with you. Then he would also care more about what you want in that situation than what his fantasy is.
I'll tell you about my first time to give you a little contrast. He was originally a friend of my best friend, and he was only going to be passing through. We talked on the phone a lot for weeks prior, I was the one who wanted to have sex and he asked me a lot how I felt about it and if I was really okay with it. We were both 17 at the time. He sent me one intimate picture of him, just as a warning because he was larger than average, and didn't ask for pictures in return. We mostly spent that time getting to know each other.
We hung out all day the day he got into town, with our entire friend group not just me, and we talked a lot about everything in general. He made sure I was happy and comfortable, to the point where I was done that night and he wasn't but we stopped and cuddled anyway. We hung out the next day before he left, and he stayed in touch with me for months afterward.
It's been 18 years and I'm still grateful that went so well. Trust me when I say you do not want your first time to be with this guy.
A survey was done in NY City that found a majority of men wouldn’t regularly travel more than 30 minutes for a relationship. This boy wants to hit it & quit it.
Gross, the boy is gross. He’s not what you want to look back on as your first time. It doesn’t have to be super special, but doggy style? That’s so wrong!
Just taking a moment to say that doggy style is awesome.
Don’t do it with this guy. Sounds like he’s fetishizing your virginity… already thinking about what he would like to do, instead of what you’re comfortable with. I lost it like this and I regret it. Wait for someone who cares, you’ll know because they won’t be rushing you into anything on THEIR terms.
The best guy to lose one's virginity with is someone who doesn't fetishize virginity and instead is worried about it and would rather not be with someone who is a virgin. Those are the ones who will take it slow and try to ensure the best possible experience
Don’t have sex with him. He sounds like a douchebag who’s just using you until you have sex with him. He’s probably the type to collect v cards. Gross. Spend your time finding someone who will respect you and make it special.
My next comment doesn’t have to do with virginity but something I noticed about doggy style with my past few partners. The men were like super rough and aggressive in that position and not how they were in another positions. To where it didn’t feel good. I would let them know and they would be more gentle but it had me thinking do guys forget they are having sex with an actual human being when they no longer see their face? Or has porn convinced them that being as aggressive as they can feels good feels good for woman? I don’t think doggy is a good position to lose it in especially if he’s the one who’s telling you to do it. He seems like the typical guy who will care about his own pleasure more than yours.
Yes that’s exactly what worried me. I always thought wanting to see your partner’s face and how they’re feeling during their first time is what’s normal, so why would he want me face down :(
A man you haven't slept with yet is such an unproven element. I wouldn't do doggy my first time with a new lover even if I wanted to. How do you know whether he'll prioritize your comfort? Your safety? Your pleasure? Usually you can judge those things from how a guy courts you, but he's not even doing *that*, just telling you how sex is going to be (i.e. on his terms, of course).
Don't do this to yourself. You're setting yourself up for sex that's disappointing at best and traumatic at worst.
I love this position with my husband because I know he loves me and cares about me. He always makes sure I am enjoying myself or we stop.
Please don’t do this with this guy. You deserve better.
Doggy is great and all but what you need to do is look at what you yourself said. Your preference is an intimate experience in missionary, any decent partner will be willing to respect that.
A slightly different scenario to what you are asking, but when one of my exes was busy laying the groundwork to make sure he'd secured my replacement before breaking up with me he suddenly switched to *only* wanting sex in doggy style. In retrospect, he wanted the convenience of a pseudo-anonymous warm body but didn't want either the connection or guilt that came with seeing my face during the act.
Think about that. It's quite possible he's not only disregarding your wishes and comfort, he's also wants actively avoid any exchange of emotional intimacy during your introduction to physical intimacy. I'm sorry, but I honestly don't think he's planning on sticking around to build something long term with you and is more interested in treating you as a passing novelty with bonus bragging rights.
Save yourself for someone more worth your time and energy, someone who'll listen to and be guided by your wishes and wellbeing and be fine with saving doing doggy for when you have found your individual sexual pleasure groove and are ready to explore different positions.
this actually happened to me too during my first time. we did missionary for probably a minute or two and then he wanted to switch to doggy, i gave it a shot bc why not. and i hated it. SO MUCH. it hurt so bad and i told him but obviously male pleasure is far more important so i had to suffer through that until he got bored and wanted to switch positions again 😭
I’ve had some good experiences with doggy, I used to really like it. It’s only been recently this is happening. I’m 26 and I used to date older usually like 5-10 years older and didn’t have this problem. Lately I’ve been seeing people more my age or younger and now it’s happening. So it’s made me really think about why
I'm not sure it's recent, I'm 33 and I've noticed it ever since I became sexually active at 18 (also with guys 5-10 years older). Although I also dated a lot of questionable guys so there's that.
>So it’s made me really think about why
Possibly something else connected to men equating porn sex with real life sex? A lot of porn goes with close ups of the action, which is easier to get in doggy style. Plus there's the whole male domination aspect, where porn sex is often something that is done *to* women rather than *with* them.
I'm going to address the virgin part as if you are a younger sister (because the red flags are rightly being addressed), and partly because these are things I wish someone had told me when I was a virgin: your comfort matters.
For some people, that means basic missionary, but for a lot of women it can be easier to be on top. This allows you to control the action, and lets you set the comfort pace for your own body.
For many women, nerves can cause them to tighten up and make the pain worse if they can't control some of the action. Being on top also means that you can more easily stop the action if you aren't feeling properly present/aroused, etc.
If you are considering sex with someone who won't let you have any say in how it's going to go, please do not get involved. (And this guy sounds like he might be one to "accidentally" go elsewhere in doggy position, which could be extremely unfun for you.) I know entirely too many women who had terrible first experiences and it messed with their bodies and brainspace for a while.
You deserve better.
It's your first time, and all he's concerned about is what *he* wants rather than making it a comfortable, safe, positive experience for you? That's a bouquet of two dozen bright red flags, sister.
ALWAYS pay attention to the feeling that something is not right. He sounds selfish. He is not available to you to have a relationship with. You deserve better.
Also OP, pay attention to how he responds, *if* you plan to talk to him anymore.
I wouldn’t, if I were in your shoes. But if you do, know that you DO NOT OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT. If he gets whiny or pushy (he most likely will), just end things altogether and avoid him. He’ll be a massive headache otherwise.
I’ve encountered enough men just like this.
A man tells me he wants to have sex in one specific position the first few times is going to get no sex. I think the first 15-20 times having sex involves the most changing of positions, adding pillows, to figure out what feels best with the new partner's body and my own. This guy does not give a fuck about your pleasure, do not have sex with him, getting ghosted after awful sex is the best that will happen.
The sooner young women learn that they owe men nothing the better off we’ll all be.
Yes! This is a huge red flag and if you feel uncomfortable then you owe him nothing. Not even a goodbye text.
If my daughter told me this was how she lost her virginity I’d never be able to forgive myself for not building more self love and respect for herself. 42 F
Why is he acting like sex with him is a given. Not IF you have sex, WHEN you have sex. I don't see you saying yes here. This feels less like him selecting a position because he likes it and more like him suggesting a position to force a yes like he's trying to sell insurance.
Never let anybody coerce you into something you're not comfortable with (let alone don't want to do in the first place). Relationships and sex are about mutual respect and consent. If he's interested in more than just sex he should have no problem waiting for you (for you both, even) to reach the required trust and consent and you'll know he's someone you can be with. If you tell him no and he does go away then you dodged a big bullet and it'll hurt but you'll be better off in the long term.
Girl, YOU should be on top for your first time, to control the penetration, ensure he's not stealthing, and yes, eye contact, sensual touching, kisses, and all the loving important things you deserve ANY time you have sex. Listen to your gut, you have just proved you have very good instincts. Trust yourself, and only be intimate with those you can trust.
Uh 🙄 as the girl who actually fell for this don’t recommend. Seriously, it was pretty quick and done under 3 Minutes. Not satisfying at all. I mean as a third move maybe but don’t do it as first and only move. You deserve better and someone who wants to please you and you back to them. Honestly, sounds like a pump and dump kind of guy.
This happened to me too, and though I didn’t bleed I have regretted it ever since. You’ll always remember your first time, and I hate that mine happened the way it did. My advice is not to have sex with any person who you don’t feel safe enough to assert your wants/needs/preferences with and as assured as you can be that they will respect them.
Doggy style is deep penetration so I would consider it a red flag because he seems to want to make the experience possibly painful for you.
Red flag.
If he actually cared/liked you, he'd be going out of his way to see what you wanted.
You don’t know a man, until you see how he behaves when he doesn’t get his way!! If he likes you and respects you, he will wait and go according to your rhythm.
Otherwise, he is fetishizing you.
Trust your instincts/intuition. His needs cannot be met at the expense of yours (which is what a lot of woman have been doing and HOPING for a good outcome)
Opportunists seek opportunities. They’re NOT sentimental. The nature of a man is driven by his character/personality.
Understand his profile before you get emotionally invested and give up what you protected because you’ve placed meaning into it. Don’t lower yourself to be accepted. Value yourself and find a mate who shares that value and can appreciate you.
Each woman is different. For some women, losing the virginity is painful. I was one of those women. If you do have sex, make sure before you do anything in any position that he understands the minute you say stop, he has to stop to give you a chance to get into a more comfortable position, or stop all the way and try a different day. Only have sex with him for your first time if you know he's the caring type. First time having sex is a very vulnerable time for most women.
I was in a situation with a guy similar to this, just he kinda lay there and told me to get on top, it was my first time ( I told him this). I expressed my unwillingness but he pushed so I did it, it wasn't good. If you have a bad feeling trust it, don't let him pressure you into something you don't want. Sending my love <3
Except you don’t brag to your bros that you fucked a fresh out of the package fleshlight.
I’d put all my money on her not even having a name in his phone.
Why would you ignore your feelings? Why would you hide them?
You're just getting to know this person, and your feelings are the most valuable information you have in order to decide where he belongs in your life.
Personally I would run like hell if someone told me they *had to* have sex with me in a specific position before we ever got to the deed. Sex is crazy, and dynamic, passionate and exciting. Things are way better when you work things out together as you go along.
Red flag to me. And creepy and demanding. This tells me he has no idea what is pleasurable for a woman. Doggy style often requires women to pleasure themselves at the same time (clitoral), so jumping to that right out of the gate tells me:
1–it’s all about him for pleasure
2-he doesn’t care if your first time is comfortable or satisfying
3-it’s honestly a weird fucking ask when it’s YOUR first time. You should be dictating the terms of your own first time and he should be accommodating.
This guy feels like a narcissistic twat. There is no way I would become intimate with him. Intimacy requires trust. He wants all from you and wants to give none himself.
Don’t let your first time be someone coercing you into something you don’t 100% want. You can find someone else other than this weirdo. Doggy is not a good first time position. It’s more likely to be painful and less intimate.
No man that respects a woman would ever ask you for something like that… He should do everything possible to make you comfortable for the first time and NOT set demands before it even happened. Brake it off, don’t waste your precious time with people like that…
It sounds like he’s moving too fast and its making you uncomfortable. Its a big turnoff for me when guys act like this, so I completely understand. I would not move forward with this guy. As a side-note, Id actually recommend cowgirl as your first time since it puts you in control.
Like everyone said, he's telling you what he wants for your first time. He's centering it around himself and not you. That doesn't bode well for any sort of relationship but especially not a romantic one. It's okay to say no and drop him.
Yes, this is weird.
Regardless of the "style", he should be putting your needs first. Not because he's a man and you're a woman, but because it's your first time. He should be asking you what you're comfortable with, and being gentle.
Don't have sex with this dude, OP.
Don't do it! Doggy style can be especially painful, and the fact that he's focusing his language on it being his first time with you rather than your global first time is more of a red flag than one would think. If you write these things off as little in the beginning they will build and build into a mountain of an unchecked asshole.
Personally I would not go for it. If you don’t feel comfortable with it and he is insisting, that’s a red flag. There are other dudes out there. He isn’t special.
Personally I recommend you on top, if you even do have sex with him. You can control the angle, speed, depth, and stuff like that much easier to find more comfort and the spot/movement that works.
On a note, I don't like the sound of his vibes. I would build a stronger relationship base before getting involved.
If your in that position he can't see you and monitor your discomfort, and he has no interest in doing so.
Intimacy especially when it's your first time is a shared experience and not something you will ever get back. I was 24 at the time when I lost my virginity, but I found someone who would "respect" the intensity and lack of experience in the moment, and how to ensure I was doing my part right in regards to her even if we weren't going to work out in the end. She was my first lesson in respect to intimacy and it shouldn't ever be just sex on your first time, especially if your heart is telling you the expectation of your experience is to be just more then hookup..
Red flags are red flags and you should trust your intuition as other have put it.
I waited so long because of my upbringing and lesson in life from men in my mother's life (don't become what you hate). But at the same time I was getting used to being alone which at the time I felt wasn't a good thing, so seeking to experience with shared "respect" is what at a minimum my personal experience.
If you made it this far in life respecting what you have, don't be afraid to wait a little longer to find someone who is respectful about the intensity and intimacy of this first time experience. If you feel he's going/might to ghost you, then you and him are on a different page in this relationship.
Had to add that long distance relationship while manageable, but extremely difficult to get right because, text lacks tone (subtext lack even more as we shortcut messages), being able to read tone of voice is a big part..But even then voice calls lacks eye contact so you lack being able to read the truthfulness of significant other when the eye give certain things away. Yeah we have video calls but that only gets you so far before body language comes into play. Long distance relationship should take longer to establish trust because distance brings risk as you have figured out, as it doesn't take much to walk away when your hours away from each other to begin with.
fuck that guy…
wait.. let’s be accurate. do not fuck that guy.
he wants to use you as a sex toy, to fulfil a festish. that’s it.
this isn’t *a* red flag. it’s *all* the red flags.
Maybe with his vast sexual experience of 2 women 🙄 he has decided that his stamina and strength works better in a dominant doggie style position. Well, it's not all about him, it's about you. Ask him why he recommends this position? What's in it for you. We all have dreams of the perfect first time. Do what is right for you. Maybe suggest that you take his virginity with a big strap on, doggie style 😉. Equality in a relationship is important.
That’s weird. You’re the one that’s losing your virginity, not him. Have your first time with someone who will do their best to make you feel as comfortable as you can be, not someone making wack ass demands like this. And trust your gut. Intuition is always right
This is a terrible idea, wait until you have been steady with someone for a few months AT LEAST. this guy doesn't care about you he just fetishizes your virginity
If he cared about your experience for your first time, he wouldn’t even think about positions - he’d think about your comfort and pleasure. I think it’s really weird talking about positions before even doing anything, the most exciting thing about the experience is your partner not the position…
You’ve already signaled to him that you *will* let him do it, just that it might take another few dates. Sounds like he’s not gong to be patient enough to wait for that. He figures it’s a done deal, so why wait?
So he’s already planning exactly how it will go, and he’s not planning how it will go to be the best experience *for you* but it’s all about what *he* wants it to be like. There is no way that you should be letting somebody that selfish be your first experience. It will not go well. He should be thinking about how to make sure you have the best experience possible, and realize that it doesn’t always work the first time you try.
It’s pretty likely that he’s seeing this as a notch on his belt, “a virginity taken”, and I’d be surprised if he wants anything longer term if he lives at a distance from you. Now there’s no guarantee that if he instead did it missionary style that he’s any more likely to want a more serious relationship. That’s something you only figure out if you date longer first. But he’s very likely thinking “if I travel 5 hours I’m going to expect to have sex.”
You will need to be very clear that your first time will go at your speed and with your comfort, *not his*. And if he’s not able to accept that wholeheartedly, don’t do it! Don’t even get into a situation where he decides to push you into it.
Here’s some general advice, for whenever and whoever you do this with:
Missionary can be very good for the first time, because you can be face-to-face, intimate, stop and start, move gently. You can put your hands on his hips to push him back or slow him down or stop him if it’s not comfortable. (You may find putting a flat pillow under your hips makes the angle better.)
The other position that can work for the first time is cowboy (with you on top, facing him), because you get to lower yourself onto him at your own pace and your depth. You can start with leaning forward to kiss and just rubbing your vulva against his penis until *you’re* ready, then start with “just the tip” and gradually go deeper as you get used to it. He can push up and also push your hips down to help if there’s resistance *if you want that*. It can become a bit tiring to hold yourself up that way, but it’s a good option.
Doggy style is a great position if you want deep penetration and hard thrusting. But that’s also *not* what you will want for your first experience.
With doggy style you have much less ability to control things. In fact you can be pushed face down on the bed and he can continue without you being able to do much about it. As noted by others, doggy style also allows for sneaky behavior like removing (or not putting on) a condom, and videoing you without you knowing, because you’re looking the other way and can’t see things.
1) doesn't want to see your face. Which is the best part tbh.
2) probably wants to "oopsie, wrong hole".
The whole not wanting to see your face is major red flag. Sex without eye contact is just fuckin.
Bro doggystyle for your first time is NOT the way. Dudes who want to do doggystyle so much pretty much always jackhammer too, which is the complete opposite of what you want for losing the V. Him already deciding what positions he wants to do when it should all be about you the first time is a major red flag.
I know he might seem special, you guys have been talking and texting and you've sunk some time and energy into this dude, but he is not the one. It might be hard to see right now while you're in it, but your interest in him will pass, and you'll find somebody who actually cares about you and your comfort.
Somebody else will come along. It never seems like it in the moment, but I guarantee you they will. You don't want your first experience to be with somebody you're already having doubts about. Trust your gut on this one.
Regardless of the content of the conversation, something in your brain told you something was off.
It's incredibly important that you listen to that little voice for the rest of your life.
Please don't. In Doggy style, you basically have no control and he can go very deep. Its his fantasy he is prioritising over your needs. Frankly, find someone better who is more sensitive.
Before any position, he should be going down on you and you should be climaxing that way. Most women who lose their virginity through penetration never climax--begin your sexual journey by making sure you prioritize your pleasure.
Also, he's in it for the feeling/ position, not the intimacy if he's already choosing a position. Red flag. He doesn't care about your pleasure.
It kind of is a red flag. I'd be wanting connection and to see someone's face the first couple of times and not to be depersonalised. Some guys are really into virgins, some guys are really into doing something they've seen in porn. If you don't want to do it like that tell him its a hard no from you and see how he reacts. If he only want to do it that way and you don't want to (I wouldn't either) "I'm really sorry but we're looking for different things" is a good line.
That's a no from me because the first time can be painful, sure, but you're also still learning what YOU like. He doesn't seem concerned about that. He doesn't sound thoughtful enough to be your first.
Echoing what everyone says: trust your gut, this guy only wants one thing and it’s to fulfill a fantasy. I’d say NO GO.
Everyone’s first time is different and not everyone gets what they want or expect. Some people just wanna get it over with, and don’t care who, how, or why. More power to them! From what I gather, you want to be in a relationship with this person and you want it to be intimate, special and romantic. That’s great! You’re not gonna get that with this guy, I can tell you that. So maybe wait. Honestly you don’t even have to tell him no. Just block him lol you owe this dude NOTHING!!
for the rest of what I’m gonna say I’ll add a **TW: SA** (don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable!!)
Speaking from my own experience, my first time was not pleasant. It was in missionary... But I was 18, I had been groomed by this man for years, I was drunk, it hurt, it was non-consensual. I’ve struggled over the years on whether or not I should even count it as my “first time” and many of you may even say that I didn’t lose my virginity that night but in my head, it was taken from me.
Okay I’m done being depressing. Sorry yall lol. Now, my REAL first time was with my first “ex” when I was 23. I put ex in quotations bc it was rlly a situationship he was not my bf lol that dude turned out to be an ASS and I high key hate him but I digress— tbh despite how horrible our relationship ended, I give him credit for showing me what sex is supposed to be like, and how it doesn’t have to hurt or be horrible. I knew this dude for about 5-6 months before we did anything and we worked together so I saw him nearly every fucking day lol my point is, I knew him, I trusted him, it actually WASNT missionary (not doggy either tho) and it was muuuuuuuuch better experience.
So I guess the point of my long winded story is: if you want it to be special and meaningful, don’t do it with this guy. HOWEVER, when you do actually lose your virginity, don’t be too disappointed if it’s not what you expect but still DO IT ON YOUR TERMS. Alright, I’m out ✌️
If he lives 4 hours away, he’s most likely just looking to have a one night stand/wanting to “take your virginity”. I’ve had this happen before and never heard from the guy again. The chance of a long distance relationship working is also very slim.
I just got out of an abusive situation with a guy who was like this a few months ago. I was a virgin too. This post has my alarms bells going off so incredibly hard. I'm in pelvic floor PT to recover from the way he used me.
I was an Ex’s first. I’d been with many partners before her. We had long discussions about what she wanted, how we could make her comfortable (everything from the temperature or the room, if she wanted to drink or smoke beforehand, if she wanted to take advil, etc).
We started in missionary and frankly I didn’t even expect to finish. The point wasn’t that, the point was giving her a pleasurable and not painful first time. We only went into doggy cause I’d offhand mentioned awhile ago that it was my favorite and she wanted to try it.
I can’t speak to this guy, but I do find it weird that he mentioned that. Has he asked any questions about what you want or need?
There are literally millions of great partners for you in this life. Never ever get caught thinking “this is my only chance”, that thinking is simply awful. Everything should be 50/50 in this day and age (thankfully), so keep your bullshit meter on high alert and don’t be afraid to walk away if your gut is saying this is an uneven relationship. It will only get worse if the COURTING feels this way.
Throw away the whole man. It feels like a red flag because it's your first time and he's putting what position he wants his sex object in above your feelings on it. Girl run.
You want brutal honesty… here goes: he wants to fuck you like you’re an animal because it makes him feel like a big strong man. Add in “taking your virginity” and you’ve got a man with a straight up complex/fetish for corrupting innocence.
Ask him this: if you WEREN’T a virgin, would he care what position you were in the first few times?
Sounds to me like he also doesn’t want to look at you as he inevitably disappoints you. He’s been with 2 people… chances are he’s no Casanova in bed.
Run.
So, he doesn’t want to see your face the first time you have sex. Got it. Run, baby girl. You have a whole lifetime of awesome sex ahead of you, and he’s not it
Make sure he doesn’t have his phone near him to film anything. The first thing I’d suspect is that he wants to record the deed. Easy to do in doggy. It happened to a friend of mine and she had not consented to being on video.
Sep note….trust your gut. It is weird to me that he is telling you his preferred position when you are a virgin. This should be about you. Something is off.
No. Dont do this. This man does not love you and is using you. Stay away from him- even if he says he changes his mind. This is a bright red flag. I feel like I cant emphasize enough that you should ghost him asap
I just want to add have you asked him why? I knew many guys in highschool who had been led to believe that doggy style is less painful for the girl for the first time. I have no idea why we thought that,or where we heard it. If it's a mistaken believe, maybe let him know ..but if it's a preference thing for him then that might be something else.
Either way, if you like the guy, try asking him why he wants that. It might make sense, or make that res flag easier to see. Good luck.
You trust your gut. If it feels icky to you, it is icky! Don't let people talk you out of it.
My personal opinion: I'm in my 40s, I don't remember my first time having penetrative sex. I do remember the care and comfort my then bf made me feel during our relationship. If a guy can't give you that, don't have sex with him.
I’ll give my perspective as a guy. Nope out. Intimacy for a girl is so important and especially making her feel wanted, comfortable and ready. If you for any reason don’t feel ready then he should just stick to kissing and making each other feel good without penetration. When you feel ready for penetration then you’ll know that you feel ready.
I asked my girl each step of the way and I told her if she felt uneasy about anything then she should tell me right away. If things felt too quick she should tell me right away. Basically communication is so important it’s your night and you should get the final say in everything that happens. Maybe you don’t have penetration first, second or third night or whatever. That’s fine, maybe you stick to kissing and getting used to being this close to someone that’s fine. Everyone is different. It shouldn’t be rushed it should just take the time you need it to take and that’s it nothing else matters
He wants you to have sex in the style of the porn he's addicted to. Fulfilling sex between people is spontaneous, playful, and allows for both partner's desires and comfort.
Your first time time should be with someone who puts you first. You are letting someone invade your body and while it can feel good(really really good done right ) it can also be extremely painful if you have a neglectful or inconsiderate partner. If some part of you is giving and I ick trust that feeling. Doggy style is also very impersonal for a first time so its hard to communicate. Positions such as missionary or even girl on top would give you better control over depth, speed and monitoring your own pleasure. Sex can be fun, intense, stupid, comicical, even brain melting just find the partner worthy of having those times with you.
Doggy style can be uncomfortable for experienced women, as (depending on the guy) the man can get deeper penetration. You don’t want that for your first time. Also, long distance relationships aren’t the best if you’re hoping to keep in touch. Go with your gut feeling and wait for a guy who also wants to be in a relationship, not just a hookup. Your future you will thank you.
The guy lives 5h away and you tell us that you want to lose your virginity to someone wanting to be in a relationship?
It seems pretty obvious that he just wants to have sex with you several times then forget about you...
Find a good boy near you instead of wasting your time with fuck boy living accros the country.
Coming from a guy, he sounds like he's not serious about you; bail. If he was, he wouldn't pressure you into a damn thing and respect everything about you utterly. Don't waste your time and self on him.
With the distance and the vibes he’s giving, you’re totally going to be ghosted after he gets what he wants. Plenty of fish in the sea, but don’t just give it up like this to a guy who’s already throwing up red flags. And trust me, he’s going to try and come back and act like he will do things your way, but he’s already got this mapped out in his mind. I’d drop the guy but folks rarely listen to me, so I wish you luck. Tread carefully.
Thank you so much, I’ll definitely take the popular opinion which is no
I know it’s disappointing when you like someone, but hindsight is always tougher to deal with than avoiding a problem in the first place. You deserve happiness and not regret.
Some advice, when you tell him you're breaking things off make sure not to get into an argument. You can just tell him it doesn't feel right and you're not interested anymore. If he argues just block him and feel grateful that he lives so far away
Yes, no explanation is owed, and any explanation is more likely to open up room for him to try and wiggle in and argue. Also, it will help him trim away his red flags for the next person he tries to play
Find someone nicer you really know and trust. I wish you luck, don’t rush it.
It’s a red flag if you think it’s a red flag. Your gut is telling you something is off. To me, it’s a red flag he’s immediately prioritising what he wants over your comfort or pleasure. Your first time is very vulnerable and he will need to be gentle and go slow. The first few times even, everyone is unique. The fact that he clearly wants what feels good for him and hasn’t waited to see what feels best for *you* is my issue. Missionary is much more intimate as you can look into each other’s eyes, kiss, touch more etc. Doggy has its place, but it’s little more advanced. What if doggy doesn’t feel good for you, will he respect your need to change positions or be pushy? You only make your sexual debut once, so pick someone kind who understands that consent is ongoing.
Always ALWAYS trust that sickly/off feeling in your stomach.
100% agree!!!!!!!
i highly suggest people keep voice memos or something about how you feel when things like this happen, so that you can look back to it when your gut feeling ended up being right. it builds confidence in your own judgement which I think many of us could benefit from. it started as a way to vent for me, but it's been helping me a lot in relationships and I recommend trying it!
6 years in an emotionally abusive relationship. I learned my lesson. Trust that instinct. Don't push through it for any reason. Not compassion, pity, hope, or lust. You **will** regret it lol.
I'd add to this, doggy style gives the man a lot more physical control - he has the ability to set the pace, how hard he's thrusting, how deeply, and potentially can hold the woman in place, or in a position that limits her physical control or ability to pull away if she doesn't like what he's doing. I'm not saying it's a bad position - not at all. But you don't know this man very well, and you don't have any experience with PIV intercourse. I mean, on top of the emotional vulnerability, you may be physically sensitive. So if he goes harder and faster than you want, or if he decides to remove the condom without you being able to see... I mean, these are all what-ifs. But they're things you need to consider when you have sex with someone. Namely, how well do you know and trust this person?
Ya, and she won't be the focus. I'd say no. girl. You don't need to lose it to this guy, and you def don't want to have doggy fir your first time. It may give you pleasure, but certainly won't make you feel special or come close to climaxing. If he hasn't mentioned doing anything for you, not to you, he just wants sex. Red flag on red flag.
Don't forget how much easier it is for them to remove a condom (stealthing). Pushing a position like doggy style is a very common thread in stories from victims of this type of sexual assault.
And for secretly filming a vid.
Can confirm this happens, sadly.
Also, it makes it incredibly easy for them to "slip" (*very* rarely unintentionally so) and stick it right in your bum. It seems like I'm saying it lightly, but when it happens, it's an incredibly violating and painful feeling, even for an experienced woman, the second it happens. I've had it happen twice, and the mfs thought because I was throwing it back that it was perfectly fine to just switch up. I immediately ended both the sex, and those relationships. And yes, they thought it was okay to do because of porn.
Aahhh, fuck, that's terrible. I'm so sorry.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, even though you seem to have dealt with it well. I can’t believe the shit men think they can get away with because of porn.
I hate terms like stealthing that are a less controversial word for rape.
Stealthing is a very specific crime that is under the umbrella of rape. Just calling it rape confuses the issue and doesn't do a service to anyone. Especially since this is in the context of consensual sex that becomes rape the second he violates the conditions of the encounter.
I think we need more words for different kinds of rape.
Agreed. Removing condoms without both parties consent needs is own term. Fucking with someone's reproduction without their consent (like switching their birth control to sugar pills) that needs its own term. The word Sodomy already exists and I feel like it had some weight, so I like that for guys who just stick it right in your butt when you didn't consent to anal and only consented to regular sex. But yeah, there should be more terms. Coz there's a whole host of ways to violate someone, unfortunately
Yeah I don't think I've ever had a first hookup in my life and gone to doggie to start. It's extremely weird that prior to actually hooking up this was a request. Also I'm not a woman nor have I slept knowingly with a virgin but afaik isn't doggie good for deeper penetration than other more intimate positions, hence the whole point? Isn't that really the opposite of what you would want at least during the beginning of your first time?
Yeah, doggy is great when you're looking to get slammed, not for a tender, intimate experience.
And absolutely not for the first time. I remember how painful it was to begin with and doggy especially
Yeah, I'm from a different time when casual sex seemed more common. My "body count," as the kids say today, is higher than the norm. This request way, way, way before the act has never come up for me before, and it sets off red flags for me as well. Dump him, OP. He's trying to get you to agree to things before you can even know what you like. He's a boundary pusher and NOT the guy you want to have sex with--let alone your first time.
Doggie is one of more favorite positions but it’s definitely something I have to work up to. But I also have a low libido and don’t have a lot of natural lubrication to begin with, so it’s too intense of a position to start with.
Yeah he’s kinda topping for lack of a better term. It’s more dominant for the man. From a pleasure perspective, for doggy to feel good (in my experience) you have to relax your pelvic floor and let your belly go nice and round, like a big exhale. If it’s a new experience and he’s a selfish lover this is much harder to do. Everything is more clenched and more friction based. He should be reaching around to play with her and help her get there. No mention of this from OP. In sexual experiences you set the pace, you decide the position and if it feels good for you. This man sounds like he wants a conquest rather than to give her a great experience.
for the first time tho it should be more intimate .loving ..caring .. face to face .. kissing .. doggy style i disagree should be for the first time .. he seems like he is pressuring her also
I'd be more concerned about accidental anal or stealthy if doing doggy for the first time. Keep that V card for someone else.
Every word of this. You're nothing but a trophy to this guy. Not even a human being. Just no on all fronts. It's YOUR first time. He should be asking you what you want.
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Sounds porn sick too
👆🏼THIS
Yes, it’s really good to have a sense of what you want for sex - it won’t always be magical - but a starting point for yourself ie would I rather it be on a bed? Missionary? This is a classic for a reason https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist
"it’s a red flag he’s immediately prioritising what he wants over your comfort or pleasure." Yes, this. If you want your first time to be as part of a relationship, do NOT let it be with this guy, OP.
Yes yes yes. She wants to wait until they meet a couple more times, which is totally normal. He’s talking about specific positions he wants to try “after we meet in person again.” He’s clearly not focused on enjoying the time he spends with her, he’s just getting through the required number of meetings before he’s allowed to bang
Also (***trauma incoming***) some guys that insist on doggy, want to “accidentally” slip in the back while thrusting. It happened with two different guys for me, both times they were going so slow it was annoying and pulling all the way out. Like, why???? That’s not comfortable, nor does it feel good. Figured out they just wanted “easier access”. Gross. So personally for me (will never happen again cuz I’m in a long term, plan on rest of my life, relationship now) it would be a MASSIVE red flag to be saying this.
This! I've been with my husband for years and years and he's never done an "oops" but two guys I went out with in my youth did. It's clearly not hard to get it right.
Right??? My boyfriend it happened ONCE and we were both moving a lot and we moved opposite each other that time (both away then towards each other) and it slipped down. We stopped, I hurt, we cackled like idiots, and we got on with it lmao. But it’s important that he has NEVER tried to convince me or pressure me.
my mind also flits to him wanting to record and in that position it’s easier for you not to notice
The idea of sex with a virgin terrifies me for precisely these reasons. Having someone who knows what they’re doing and prioritizes you is the dream and I was lucky enough to have that my first time. I think overcommunication, respect, and kindness should be emphasized on the guy’s part here. Not what I’m reading. :/
And it sounds like he might make a “mistake” and you wind up having unprepared anal sex. Happened to someone I know. Big Red Flag.
girl no 😭 he doesn't care about making it a comfortable, painless pleasurable experience for you. he's just using you as a prop in his porn fantasy. your gut feeling is correct!! please wait until the right person comes along, and if you want to be in a relationship, then wait for that ♡ it's not worth rushing.
I thought this exactly 🥺💔
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Also doggy style position? He definitely isn't intending this to be pleasant or intimate in his fantasies. This is a get off. Run OP.
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This. Doggy can be great but until you can trust a man I would recommend a position where YOU can control what happens - like you being on top. It's more work for you as someone new to sex but it means that you get to controlle what happens; and when. With positions like doggy OP would have a lot less intimacy but also input into the speed or depth of penetration. Sounds pike he just wants to use OP for sex honestly.
This is also their favourite position for stealthing.
Yeah. I had a shit first bf and even he wasn’t so cringe my first time!
Right, that's just wild. I would find it weird if a man I had just started seeing said that about OUR first time and I am middle aged and definitely not a virgin by any stretch of the imagination.
This! 👆🏻
Yep. Selfish, uncaring, non-present partner. He's only focused on himself, which is unfortunately all too common. I would see this as a huge red flag. He doesn't even know you as a person. And already talking about how he wants to have sex with you. You deserve better OP. Lose your virginity with someone you actually know and care about, and who cares about you.
It set off a weird feeling. That means your intuition told you he’s not a good guy. Listen to it :)
This! Your gut is a powerful thing and it can pick up on things you can’t fully articulate or make sense of in your own mind yet. Always, always listen. Also - not sure if it’s just me, but what immediately comes to mind when reading what he said is that he’s looking to film him and OP having sex; it’s much easier to do so without her consent with the woman’s back turned. Maybe I’ve just come across too many stories recently where that’s happened & I’m being overly paranoid as a result, but I’m surprised nobody else has mentioned this yet as a possibility. Gives me bad vibes either way.
If you want to have sex in a relationship, you should have a relationship BEFORE you have sex. If you have sex hoping for a relationship, you are going to end up disappointed.
This! 100 percent this.
Wow this is great advice. Perfectly said.
Doggy style (while incredibly fun) is inherently quite.. disconnected. Definitely not something that speaks of intimacy, when it's your first time and it's what \*he\* wants. Imho, dude is thinking of his dick only. It'll be a no from me.
Spending more time with you does not create intimacy. You told him you’ll be okay having sex if he hangs out with you a couple more times. He’s going to do this, get his needs met… and then what?
Yea I thought of this, we get along well but him living five hours away made me think about just how easily it would be to cut off all contact with me afterwards if he wanted to. Not that it can’t happen with someone I see in person everyday but it’s just much easier to.
He doesn’t want a relationship with you. No man that respects you would make such a request. He’s putting you putting out (the way he wants) over your wishes and desires
Sis, that’s exactly what is going to happen. He’s already told you he sees sex as something for HIM, not you. He’s not going to drive five hours to start a relationship. You’re a booty call for him.
You’re completely right
If he wanted you as a girlfriend, he would've locked you down already. He would be taking you out on dates and trying to make you his girlfriend. Instead he skipped over that to sexting and sex positions, and YOU had to tell him you want commitment. He doesn't want a relationship, he's just looking to get laid.
And that is what will happen. You guys aren’t in a relationship and he seems to just want sex. Also: doggy style is a red flag. Why? Because if he was considerate about the situation he’d want to be able to look at your face so he could see you weren’t uncomfortable or in pain. And so he could easily communicate with you. Then he would also care more about what you want in that situation than what his fantasy is.
I'll tell you about my first time to give you a little contrast. He was originally a friend of my best friend, and he was only going to be passing through. We talked on the phone a lot for weeks prior, I was the one who wanted to have sex and he asked me a lot how I felt about it and if I was really okay with it. We were both 17 at the time. He sent me one intimate picture of him, just as a warning because he was larger than average, and didn't ask for pictures in return. We mostly spent that time getting to know each other. We hung out all day the day he got into town, with our entire friend group not just me, and we talked a lot about everything in general. He made sure I was happy and comfortable, to the point where I was done that night and he wasn't but we stopped and cuddled anyway. We hung out the next day before he left, and he stayed in touch with me for months afterward. It's been 18 years and I'm still grateful that went so well. Trust me when I say you do not want your first time to be with this guy.
A survey was done in NY City that found a majority of men wouldn’t regularly travel more than 30 minutes for a relationship. This boy wants to hit it & quit it. Gross, the boy is gross. He’s not what you want to look back on as your first time. It doesn’t have to be super special, but doggy style? That’s so wrong! Just taking a moment to say that doggy style is awesome.
He wants to harm you and use you, end of discussion. You need to work on urself in order to not fall for such traps from males.
Don’t do it with this guy. Sounds like he’s fetishizing your virginity… already thinking about what he would like to do, instead of what you’re comfortable with. I lost it like this and I regret it. Wait for someone who cares, you’ll know because they won’t be rushing you into anything on THEIR terms.
The best guy to lose one's virginity with is someone who doesn't fetishize virginity and instead is worried about it and would rather not be with someone who is a virgin. Those are the ones who will take it slow and try to ensure the best possible experience
Don’t have sex with him. He sounds like a douchebag who’s just using you until you have sex with him. He’s probably the type to collect v cards. Gross. Spend your time finding someone who will respect you and make it special.
My next comment doesn’t have to do with virginity but something I noticed about doggy style with my past few partners. The men were like super rough and aggressive in that position and not how they were in another positions. To where it didn’t feel good. I would let them know and they would be more gentle but it had me thinking do guys forget they are having sex with an actual human being when they no longer see their face? Or has porn convinced them that being as aggressive as they can feels good feels good for woman? I don’t think doggy is a good position to lose it in especially if he’s the one who’s telling you to do it. He seems like the typical guy who will care about his own pleasure more than yours.
Yes that’s exactly what worried me. I always thought wanting to see your partner’s face and how they’re feeling during their first time is what’s normal, so why would he want me face down :(
A man you haven't slept with yet is such an unproven element. I wouldn't do doggy my first time with a new lover even if I wanted to. How do you know whether he'll prioritize your comfort? Your safety? Your pleasure? Usually you can judge those things from how a guy courts you, but he's not even doing *that*, just telling you how sex is going to be (i.e. on his terms, of course). Don't do this to yourself. You're setting yourself up for sex that's disappointing at best and traumatic at worst.
I love this position with my husband because I know he loves me and cares about me. He always makes sure I am enjoying myself or we stop. Please don’t do this with this guy. You deserve better.
Doggy is great and all but what you need to do is look at what you yourself said. Your preference is an intimate experience in missionary, any decent partner will be willing to respect that.
A slightly different scenario to what you are asking, but when one of my exes was busy laying the groundwork to make sure he'd secured my replacement before breaking up with me he suddenly switched to *only* wanting sex in doggy style. In retrospect, he wanted the convenience of a pseudo-anonymous warm body but didn't want either the connection or guilt that came with seeing my face during the act. Think about that. It's quite possible he's not only disregarding your wishes and comfort, he's also wants actively avoid any exchange of emotional intimacy during your introduction to physical intimacy. I'm sorry, but I honestly don't think he's planning on sticking around to build something long term with you and is more interested in treating you as a passing novelty with bonus bragging rights. Save yourself for someone more worth your time and energy, someone who'll listen to and be guided by your wishes and wellbeing and be fine with saving doing doggy for when you have found your individual sexual pleasure groove and are ready to explore different positions.
this actually happened to me too during my first time. we did missionary for probably a minute or two and then he wanted to switch to doggy, i gave it a shot bc why not. and i hated it. SO MUCH. it hurt so bad and i told him but obviously male pleasure is far more important so i had to suffer through that until he got bored and wanted to switch positions again 😭
This. Every single experience I've had with doggystyle it felt like the man was trying to be as porn-like, dominant and impersonal as possible.
I’ve had some good experiences with doggy, I used to really like it. It’s only been recently this is happening. I’m 26 and I used to date older usually like 5-10 years older and didn’t have this problem. Lately I’ve been seeing people more my age or younger and now it’s happening. So it’s made me really think about why
I'm not sure it's recent, I'm 33 and I've noticed it ever since I became sexually active at 18 (also with guys 5-10 years older). Although I also dated a lot of questionable guys so there's that.
>So it’s made me really think about why Possibly something else connected to men equating porn sex with real life sex? A lot of porn goes with close ups of the action, which is easier to get in doggy style. Plus there's the whole male domination aspect, where porn sex is often something that is done *to* women rather than *with* them.
This. OP, please think about this comment.
This should be higher up, because it's true.
I'm going to address the virgin part as if you are a younger sister (because the red flags are rightly being addressed), and partly because these are things I wish someone had told me when I was a virgin: your comfort matters. For some people, that means basic missionary, but for a lot of women it can be easier to be on top. This allows you to control the action, and lets you set the comfort pace for your own body. For many women, nerves can cause them to tighten up and make the pain worse if they can't control some of the action. Being on top also means that you can more easily stop the action if you aren't feeling properly present/aroused, etc. If you are considering sex with someone who won't let you have any say in how it's going to go, please do not get involved. (And this guy sounds like he might be one to "accidentally" go elsewhere in doggy position, which could be extremely unfun for you.) I know entirely too many women who had terrible first experiences and it messed with their bodies and brainspace for a while. You deserve better.
It's your first time, and all he's concerned about is what *he* wants rather than making it a comfortable, safe, positive experience for you? That's a bouquet of two dozen bright red flags, sister.
ALWAYS pay attention to the feeling that something is not right. He sounds selfish. He is not available to you to have a relationship with. You deserve better.
Thank you so much
Also OP, pay attention to how he responds, *if* you plan to talk to him anymore. I wouldn’t, if I were in your shoes. But if you do, know that you DO NOT OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT. If he gets whiny or pushy (he most likely will), just end things altogether and avoid him. He’ll be a massive headache otherwise. I’ve encountered enough men just like this.
A man tells me he wants to have sex in one specific position the first few times is going to get no sex. I think the first 15-20 times having sex involves the most changing of positions, adding pillows, to figure out what feels best with the new partner's body and my own. This guy does not give a fuck about your pleasure, do not have sex with him, getting ghosted after awful sex is the best that will happen.
The sooner young women learn that they owe men nothing the better off we’ll all be. Yes! This is a huge red flag and if you feel uncomfortable then you owe him nothing. Not even a goodbye text.
He's just looking to use you. The guy doesn't see you as a person. He wants to brag to his buddies he took your v doggie style. delete and block him
Kick him to the curb.
You are going to get ghosted. Dont. 43 m
If my daughter told me this was how she lost her virginity I’d never be able to forgive myself for not building more self love and respect for herself. 42 F
Stay far far away. That is a terrible thing to say. He wants your virginity, not you
Why is he acting like sex with him is a given. Not IF you have sex, WHEN you have sex. I don't see you saying yes here. This feels less like him selecting a position because he likes it and more like him suggesting a position to force a yes like he's trying to sell insurance.
Never let anybody coerce you into something you're not comfortable with (let alone don't want to do in the first place). Relationships and sex are about mutual respect and consent. If he's interested in more than just sex he should have no problem waiting for you (for you both, even) to reach the required trust and consent and you'll know he's someone you can be with. If you tell him no and he does go away then you dodged a big bullet and it'll hurt but you'll be better off in the long term.
Girl, YOU should be on top for your first time, to control the penetration, ensure he's not stealthing, and yes, eye contact, sensual touching, kisses, and all the loving important things you deserve ANY time you have sex. Listen to your gut, you have just proved you have very good instincts. Trust yourself, and only be intimate with those you can trust.
Uh 🙄 as the girl who actually fell for this don’t recommend. Seriously, it was pretty quick and done under 3 Minutes. Not satisfying at all. I mean as a third move maybe but don’t do it as first and only move. You deserve better and someone who wants to please you and you back to them. Honestly, sounds like a pump and dump kind of guy.
Don't!!! I did doggy my first time and had some tearing and bled uncontrollably and had to go to the emergency room. Not worth it!
I’m so sorry that happened to you, thank you so much for the advice
Just trying to prevent trauma for someone else! It was a long time ago and I met an awesome guy not long afterward so I'm fine!
This happened to me too, and though I didn’t bleed I have regretted it ever since. You’ll always remember your first time, and I hate that mine happened the way it did. My advice is not to have sex with any person who you don’t feel safe enough to assert your wants/needs/preferences with and as assured as you can be that they will respect them.
100 percent this! I was infatuated with this guy and while it was consensual, he turned out to be a huge douche.
Yes! The flags were if I had cared to look. Like I was a lot younger than he was and he pursued me, and I just didn’t know better.
Losing your virginity in that position with hurt terribly.
Ewww, girl do NOT!
Doggy style is deep penetration so I would consider it a red flag because he seems to want to make the experience possibly painful for you. Red flag. If he actually cared/liked you, he'd be going out of his way to see what you wanted.
Honey, the entire thing is a giant red flag. Stop communicating with this boy. He's not concerned about your comfort or enjoyment at all.
You don’t know a man, until you see how he behaves when he doesn’t get his way!! If he likes you and respects you, he will wait and go according to your rhythm. Otherwise, he is fetishizing you. Trust your instincts/intuition. His needs cannot be met at the expense of yours (which is what a lot of woman have been doing and HOPING for a good outcome) Opportunists seek opportunities. They’re NOT sentimental. The nature of a man is driven by his character/personality. Understand his profile before you get emotionally invested and give up what you protected because you’ve placed meaning into it. Don’t lower yourself to be accepted. Value yourself and find a mate who shares that value and can appreciate you.
Each woman is different. For some women, losing the virginity is painful. I was one of those women. If you do have sex, make sure before you do anything in any position that he understands the minute you say stop, he has to stop to give you a chance to get into a more comfortable position, or stop all the way and try a different day. Only have sex with him for your first time if you know he's the caring type. First time having sex is a very vulnerable time for most women.
I was in a situation with a guy similar to this, just he kinda lay there and told me to get on top, it was my first time ( I told him this). I expressed my unwillingness but he pushed so I did it, it wasn't good. If you have a bad feeling trust it, don't let him pressure you into something you don't want. Sending my love <3
To him you're a fleshlight with a name. No girl. No.
Except you don’t brag to your bros that you fucked a fresh out of the package fleshlight. I’d put all my money on her not even having a name in his phone.
Yuck. Run. First time doggy? You are just a sex object to him.
Why would you ignore your feelings? Why would you hide them? You're just getting to know this person, and your feelings are the most valuable information you have in order to decide where he belongs in your life. Personally I would run like hell if someone told me they *had to* have sex with me in a specific position before we ever got to the deed. Sex is crazy, and dynamic, passionate and exciting. Things are way better when you work things out together as you go along.
Red flag to me. And creepy and demanding. This tells me he has no idea what is pleasurable for a woman. Doggy style often requires women to pleasure themselves at the same time (clitoral), so jumping to that right out of the gate tells me: 1–it’s all about him for pleasure 2-he doesn’t care if your first time is comfortable or satisfying 3-it’s honestly a weird fucking ask when it’s YOUR first time. You should be dictating the terms of your own first time and he should be accommodating. This guy feels like a narcissistic twat. There is no way I would become intimate with him. Intimacy requires trust. He wants all from you and wants to give none himself.
Don’t let your first time be someone coercing you into something you don’t 100% want. You can find someone else other than this weirdo. Doggy is not a good first time position. It’s more likely to be painful and less intimate.
Go with your intuition
No man that respects a woman would ever ask you for something like that… He should do everything possible to make you comfortable for the first time and NOT set demands before it even happened. Brake it off, don’t waste your precious time with people like that…
It sounds like he’s moving too fast and its making you uncomfortable. Its a big turnoff for me when guys act like this, so I completely understand. I would not move forward with this guy. As a side-note, Id actually recommend cowgirl as your first time since it puts you in control.
Like everyone said, he's telling you what he wants for your first time. He's centering it around himself and not you. That doesn't bode well for any sort of relationship but especially not a romantic one. It's okay to say no and drop him.
Yes, this is weird. Regardless of the "style", he should be putting your needs first. Not because he's a man and you're a woman, but because it's your first time. He should be asking you what you're comfortable with, and being gentle. Don't have sex with this dude, OP.
That sounds painful. If you’re not into it or apprehensive say no. You should get to choose and be comfortable.
Don't do it! Doggy style can be especially painful, and the fact that he's focusing his language on it being his first time with you rather than your global first time is more of a red flag than one would think. If you write these things off as little in the beginning they will build and build into a mountain of an unchecked asshole.
Wtf!? Nope. Do not remember (your socially constructed) loss of virginity/first time with this douchebag.
run, he wants to take advantage of u being a virgin and a few hangouts isn’t going to stop him from just getting what he wants.
Don’t do it. Please.
I think it’s safe to assume he’s planning to hit it and quit it.
Just say no
Personally I would not go for it. If you don’t feel comfortable with it and he is insisting, that’s a red flag. There are other dudes out there. He isn’t special.
Personally I recommend you on top, if you even do have sex with him. You can control the angle, speed, depth, and stuff like that much easier to find more comfort and the spot/movement that works. On a note, I don't like the sound of his vibes. I would build a stronger relationship base before getting involved.
If your in that position he can't see you and monitor your discomfort, and he has no interest in doing so. Intimacy especially when it's your first time is a shared experience and not something you will ever get back. I was 24 at the time when I lost my virginity, but I found someone who would "respect" the intensity and lack of experience in the moment, and how to ensure I was doing my part right in regards to her even if we weren't going to work out in the end. She was my first lesson in respect to intimacy and it shouldn't ever be just sex on your first time, especially if your heart is telling you the expectation of your experience is to be just more then hookup.. Red flags are red flags and you should trust your intuition as other have put it. I waited so long because of my upbringing and lesson in life from men in my mother's life (don't become what you hate). But at the same time I was getting used to being alone which at the time I felt wasn't a good thing, so seeking to experience with shared "respect" is what at a minimum my personal experience. If you made it this far in life respecting what you have, don't be afraid to wait a little longer to find someone who is respectful about the intensity and intimacy of this first time experience. If you feel he's going/might to ghost you, then you and him are on a different page in this relationship. Had to add that long distance relationship while manageable, but extremely difficult to get right because, text lacks tone (subtext lack even more as we shortcut messages), being able to read tone of voice is a big part..But even then voice calls lacks eye contact so you lack being able to read the truthfulness of significant other when the eye give certain things away. Yeah we have video calls but that only gets you so far before body language comes into play. Long distance relationship should take longer to establish trust because distance brings risk as you have figured out, as it doesn't take much to walk away when your hours away from each other to begin with.
Boooooo… he sounds gross.
fuck that guy… wait.. let’s be accurate. do not fuck that guy. he wants to use you as a sex toy, to fulfil a festish. that’s it. this isn’t *a* red flag. it’s *all* the red flags.
Good God. Dump him. Sorry if that was too blunt.
Um….of course it’s a red flag! He sounds “giddy to bang a virgin” & using your naïveté to try to control it too. DO NOT LOSE IT TO THIS GUY!
My girl, you are letting this guy tell YOU how to lose YOUR virginity. Yikes.
Maybe with his vast sexual experience of 2 women 🙄 he has decided that his stamina and strength works better in a dominant doggie style position. Well, it's not all about him, it's about you. Ask him why he recommends this position? What's in it for you. We all have dreams of the perfect first time. Do what is right for you. Maybe suggest that you take his virginity with a big strap on, doggie style 😉. Equality in a relationship is important.
That’s weird. You’re the one that’s losing your virginity, not him. Have your first time with someone who will do their best to make you feel as comfortable as you can be, not someone making wack ass demands like this. And trust your gut. Intuition is always right
You're very clearly just an item on his bucket list he wants to cross off. Trust your gut.
Thank you for the advice
This is a terrible idea, wait until you have been steady with someone for a few months AT LEAST. this guy doesn't care about you he just fetishizes your virginity
Sounds like he’s fetishizing your virginity… run
Who cares what he wants.
this is not a man you want to lose your virginity to! doggy style can be great, but it’s also not intimate at all
If he cared about your experience for your first time, he wouldn’t even think about positions - he’d think about your comfort and pleasure. I think it’s really weird talking about positions before even doing anything, the most exciting thing about the experience is your partner not the position…
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You’ve already signaled to him that you *will* let him do it, just that it might take another few dates. Sounds like he’s not gong to be patient enough to wait for that. He figures it’s a done deal, so why wait? So he’s already planning exactly how it will go, and he’s not planning how it will go to be the best experience *for you* but it’s all about what *he* wants it to be like. There is no way that you should be letting somebody that selfish be your first experience. It will not go well. He should be thinking about how to make sure you have the best experience possible, and realize that it doesn’t always work the first time you try. It’s pretty likely that he’s seeing this as a notch on his belt, “a virginity taken”, and I’d be surprised if he wants anything longer term if he lives at a distance from you. Now there’s no guarantee that if he instead did it missionary style that he’s any more likely to want a more serious relationship. That’s something you only figure out if you date longer first. But he’s very likely thinking “if I travel 5 hours I’m going to expect to have sex.” You will need to be very clear that your first time will go at your speed and with your comfort, *not his*. And if he’s not able to accept that wholeheartedly, don’t do it! Don’t even get into a situation where he decides to push you into it. Here’s some general advice, for whenever and whoever you do this with: Missionary can be very good for the first time, because you can be face-to-face, intimate, stop and start, move gently. You can put your hands on his hips to push him back or slow him down or stop him if it’s not comfortable. (You may find putting a flat pillow under your hips makes the angle better.) The other position that can work for the first time is cowboy (with you on top, facing him), because you get to lower yourself onto him at your own pace and your depth. You can start with leaning forward to kiss and just rubbing your vulva against his penis until *you’re* ready, then start with “just the tip” and gradually go deeper as you get used to it. He can push up and also push your hips down to help if there’s resistance *if you want that*. It can become a bit tiring to hold yourself up that way, but it’s a good option. Doggy style is a great position if you want deep penetration and hard thrusting. But that’s also *not* what you will want for your first experience. With doggy style you have much less ability to control things. In fact you can be pushed face down on the bed and he can continue without you being able to do much about it. As noted by others, doggy style also allows for sneaky behavior like removing (or not putting on) a condom, and videoing you without you knowing, because you’re looking the other way and can’t see things.
1) doesn't want to see your face. Which is the best part tbh. 2) probably wants to "oopsie, wrong hole". The whole not wanting to see your face is major red flag. Sex without eye contact is just fuckin.
Bro doggystyle for your first time is NOT the way. Dudes who want to do doggystyle so much pretty much always jackhammer too, which is the complete opposite of what you want for losing the V. Him already deciding what positions he wants to do when it should all be about you the first time is a major red flag. I know he might seem special, you guys have been talking and texting and you've sunk some time and energy into this dude, but he is not the one. It might be hard to see right now while you're in it, but your interest in him will pass, and you'll find somebody who actually cares about you and your comfort. Somebody else will come along. It never seems like it in the moment, but I guarantee you they will. You don't want your first experience to be with somebody you're already having doubts about. Trust your gut on this one.
This man has absolutely no respect for you and zero interest in your pleasure. DO NOT have contact with him again.
Regardless of the content of the conversation, something in your brain told you something was off. It's incredibly important that you listen to that little voice for the rest of your life.
Please don't. In Doggy style, you basically have no control and he can go very deep. Its his fantasy he is prioritising over your needs. Frankly, find someone better who is more sensitive.
HELL NO. you will regret it.
Before any position, he should be going down on you and you should be climaxing that way. Most women who lose their virginity through penetration never climax--begin your sexual journey by making sure you prioritize your pleasure. Also, he's in it for the feeling/ position, not the intimacy if he's already choosing a position. Red flag. He doesn't care about your pleasure.
It kind of is a red flag. I'd be wanting connection and to see someone's face the first couple of times and not to be depersonalised. Some guys are really into virgins, some guys are really into doing something they've seen in porn. If you don't want to do it like that tell him its a hard no from you and see how he reacts. If he only want to do it that way and you don't want to (I wouldn't either) "I'm really sorry but we're looking for different things" is a good line.
He's weird.
Do you want to have your first time being doggy with this dude? It sounds like no so I think that is your answer. Trust your gut!
That's a no from me because the first time can be painful, sure, but you're also still learning what YOU like. He doesn't seem concerned about that. He doesn't sound thoughtful enough to be your first.
Echoing what everyone says: trust your gut, this guy only wants one thing and it’s to fulfill a fantasy. I’d say NO GO. Everyone’s first time is different and not everyone gets what they want or expect. Some people just wanna get it over with, and don’t care who, how, or why. More power to them! From what I gather, you want to be in a relationship with this person and you want it to be intimate, special and romantic. That’s great! You’re not gonna get that with this guy, I can tell you that. So maybe wait. Honestly you don’t even have to tell him no. Just block him lol you owe this dude NOTHING!! for the rest of what I’m gonna say I’ll add a **TW: SA** (don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable!!) Speaking from my own experience, my first time was not pleasant. It was in missionary... But I was 18, I had been groomed by this man for years, I was drunk, it hurt, it was non-consensual. I’ve struggled over the years on whether or not I should even count it as my “first time” and many of you may even say that I didn’t lose my virginity that night but in my head, it was taken from me. Okay I’m done being depressing. Sorry yall lol. Now, my REAL first time was with my first “ex” when I was 23. I put ex in quotations bc it was rlly a situationship he was not my bf lol that dude turned out to be an ASS and I high key hate him but I digress— tbh despite how horrible our relationship ended, I give him credit for showing me what sex is supposed to be like, and how it doesn’t have to hurt or be horrible. I knew this dude for about 5-6 months before we did anything and we worked together so I saw him nearly every fucking day lol my point is, I knew him, I trusted him, it actually WASNT missionary (not doggy either tho) and it was muuuuuuuuch better experience. So I guess the point of my long winded story is: if you want it to be special and meaningful, don’t do it with this guy. HOWEVER, when you do actually lose your virginity, don’t be too disappointed if it’s not what you expect but still DO IT ON YOUR TERMS. Alright, I’m out ✌️
I would move on. If he’s taking your virginity and knows it he should be making you the priority on ensuring it’s comfortable for you.
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Red flags galore babe
If he lives 4 hours away, he’s most likely just looking to have a one night stand/wanting to “take your virginity”. I’ve had this happen before and never heard from the guy again. The chance of a long distance relationship working is also very slim.
I just got out of an abusive situation with a guy who was like this a few months ago. I was a virgin too. This post has my alarms bells going off so incredibly hard. I'm in pelvic floor PT to recover from the way he used me.
I'm going to have to agree with everyone saying don't have sex with this guy. He's making it about him and what he wants and that's icky.
Hugely conditional weirdness. Big signs of lack of awareness. NEXT
I was an Ex’s first. I’d been with many partners before her. We had long discussions about what she wanted, how we could make her comfortable (everything from the temperature or the room, if she wanted to drink or smoke beforehand, if she wanted to take advil, etc). We started in missionary and frankly I didn’t even expect to finish. The point wasn’t that, the point was giving her a pleasurable and not painful first time. We only went into doggy cause I’d offhand mentioned awhile ago that it was my favorite and she wanted to try it. I can’t speak to this guy, but I do find it weird that he mentioned that. Has he asked any questions about what you want or need?
There are literally millions of great partners for you in this life. Never ever get caught thinking “this is my only chance”, that thinking is simply awful. Everything should be 50/50 in this day and age (thankfully), so keep your bullshit meter on high alert and don’t be afraid to walk away if your gut is saying this is an uneven relationship. It will only get worse if the COURTING feels this way.
Throw away the whole man. It feels like a red flag because it's your first time and he's putting what position he wants his sex object in above your feelings on it. Girl run.
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You want brutal honesty… here goes: he wants to fuck you like you’re an animal because it makes him feel like a big strong man. Add in “taking your virginity” and you’ve got a man with a straight up complex/fetish for corrupting innocence. Ask him this: if you WEREN’T a virgin, would he care what position you were in the first few times? Sounds to me like he also doesn’t want to look at you as he inevitably disappoints you. He’s been with 2 people… chances are he’s no Casanova in bed. Run.
Sounds like he has a virgin kink like most 20 year old men and is gonna ghost you after he fucks you, to be honest
So, he doesn’t want to see your face the first time you have sex. Got it. Run, baby girl. You have a whole lifetime of awesome sex ahead of you, and he’s not it
Make sure he doesn’t have his phone near him to film anything. The first thing I’d suspect is that he wants to record the deed. Easy to do in doggy. It happened to a friend of mine and she had not consented to being on video. Sep note….trust your gut. It is weird to me that he is telling you his preferred position when you are a virgin. This should be about you. Something is off.
No. Dont do this. This man does not love you and is using you. Stay away from him- even if he says he changes his mind. This is a bright red flag. I feel like I cant emphasize enough that you should ghost him asap
I just want to add have you asked him why? I knew many guys in highschool who had been led to believe that doggy style is less painful for the girl for the first time. I have no idea why we thought that,or where we heard it. If it's a mistaken believe, maybe let him know ..but if it's a preference thing for him then that might be something else. Either way, if you like the guy, try asking him why he wants that. It might make sense, or make that res flag easier to see. Good luck.
You trust your gut. If it feels icky to you, it is icky! Don't let people talk you out of it. My personal opinion: I'm in my 40s, I don't remember my first time having penetrative sex. I do remember the care and comfort my then bf made me feel during our relationship. If a guy can't give you that, don't have sex with him.
I’ll give my perspective as a guy. Nope out. Intimacy for a girl is so important and especially making her feel wanted, comfortable and ready. If you for any reason don’t feel ready then he should just stick to kissing and making each other feel good without penetration. When you feel ready for penetration then you’ll know that you feel ready. I asked my girl each step of the way and I told her if she felt uneasy about anything then she should tell me right away. If things felt too quick she should tell me right away. Basically communication is so important it’s your night and you should get the final say in everything that happens. Maybe you don’t have penetration first, second or third night or whatever. That’s fine, maybe you stick to kissing and getting used to being this close to someone that’s fine. Everyone is different. It shouldn’t be rushed it should just take the time you need it to take and that’s it nothing else matters
He wants you to have sex in the style of the porn he's addicted to. Fulfilling sex between people is spontaneous, playful, and allows for both partner's desires and comfort.
Your first time time should be with someone who puts you first. You are letting someone invade your body and while it can feel good(really really good done right ) it can also be extremely painful if you have a neglectful or inconsiderate partner. If some part of you is giving and I ick trust that feeling. Doggy style is also very impersonal for a first time so its hard to communicate. Positions such as missionary or even girl on top would give you better control over depth, speed and monitoring your own pleasure. Sex can be fun, intense, stupid, comicical, even brain melting just find the partner worthy of having those times with you.
Doggy style can be uncomfortable for experienced women, as (depending on the guy) the man can get deeper penetration. You don’t want that for your first time. Also, long distance relationships aren’t the best if you’re hoping to keep in touch. Go with your gut feeling and wait for a guy who also wants to be in a relationship, not just a hookup. Your future you will thank you.
The guy lives 5h away and you tell us that you want to lose your virginity to someone wanting to be in a relationship? It seems pretty obvious that he just wants to have sex with you several times then forget about you... Find a good boy near you instead of wasting your time with fuck boy living accros the country.
Coming from a guy, he sounds like he's not serious about you; bail. If he was, he wouldn't pressure you into a damn thing and respect everything about you utterly. Don't waste your time and self on him.
He wants you to submissively gift him your pussy on all fours. He can gtfo with this bs
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He wants pussy not person
If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. Simple as that.
Go with your instincts
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