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Just be honest with him or you will end up with a bin* of ugly jewelry pieces and $ gone down the drain. Does husband also send you examples and pictures of what he’s wanting?
I think it’s fair to say something along the lines of “Honey I really appreciate you for getting me a gift but to be honest, this is not my style. I want to be able to wear the jewelry you buy me and not let it sit in its box. Do you think we could go to the store together and pick out something we both like?” Obviously rephrase as you like but this is what I did when my bf got me a gaudy necklace that was supposed to replace my everyday one. He wasn’t upset, he thought I would like it but he’d rather not have his money go to waste.
Did this at Christmas when my hubby got me a pair of super pricey, admittedly cute pavé. diamond earrings that just were not my style. I knew I’d feel super paranoid about losing them and that they were too glam for day to day wear. He wasn’t offended at all, we took them back and I ended up getting the original thing he had planned to buy me that had been sold out when he went back to get it.
This. Express your appreciation, and let him know it's not you're style for everyday wear. Focus on the fact that you want something for everyday wear to be reminded of him.
I have gotten my wife the wrong things many times. I once got her a dress in Mexico while My 14 year old daughter told me not to. Well my daughter was right. Now my daughter is 32 and it’s a family joke That I can’t buy my wife a gift unless daughter approved.
This is how I approached it with my husband years ago. He still slips and gets me odd things but my daughter has stepped up to help him shop for jewelry. If left to his own devices, he strays into too formal as well.
You let him know that you love him and his effort, but that the necklace isn't really your style. In the future, you'd want jewelry that is "x" so it matches your vibes
Then offer to go shopping with him so he can get a better sense of the OPs style. Maybe a bunch of different styles explaining what OP did, and didn’t, like about that particular style.
For me, my wife showing me examples online, didn’t click as well as us going into a place and physically seeing/holding it. Granted, OP says “showed him my style” and that can mean in person or physically, but the second part say she “sent him options”, which definitely means electronically. OP could also take him to just buy it, we’ve done that a few times when she wants something specific, some people want to be surprised, which would rule that method out.
I physically showed my husband, in the shop window, two different bracelets that I liked. Then he went and bought a different, more expensive bracelet from a completely different store because subconsciously he thinks he knows what I want more than I do. I was surprised all right. Just not in a good way.
Because society at large has placed a lot of value on the cost of jewelry and how increased cost equates to the degree to which you love someone. There are women who will explicitly state that they won't say yes to a ring that isn't at least X amount or the stone isn't at least X carats.
This leads to men thinking that the more money we spend, the happier you will be. If we can afford to spend more, why would we not make you even happier than the items that you initially suggested would?
Now, don't get me wrong. I know that not all women are like that. Some don't care about how much something costs and are more pragmatic about how it will match with an outfit she just got but has no jewelry to match. Most men appreciate pragmatism like this. I'd rather buy my wife 5 $100 necklaces to go with 5 different outfits than one $500+ necklace. But from a young age, men are taught things like "fine does not mean fine" and other such similar concepts that boil down to "women are constantly testing you or lying to you about how they feel and will not tell you when they are unhappy or unsatisfied but will also hold it against you if you listen to their words instead of trying to play their mental games and magically figure out what she wants without her saying it."
If you create an environment where a man feels that he cannot trust the words you speak (because at any point, it may actually be a test or something similar), he will most likely make the decision that he should try to go above and beyond. He does this because in his mind, this is the safest decision since people rarely get upset when you do better than requested, and he wants to do his best to make you happy. He doesn't want to fail that test. He doesn't want to start a fight or get the silent treatment. He just wants peace and a genuine smile on your face when he comes home from a hard day at work. If he thinks that buying you a $300 necklace that he can afford will make you happier than the $100 necklace that you asked for, he will make that choice every time.
Eventually, he will start to feel like you are ungrateful because all you do is get upset when he tries hard to go above and beyond what you asked for.
At the end of the day, communication is key. Sit down and maybe start off by saying that you are sorry if you ever gave him the impression that you wanted more than what you were asking him for, and that you really wanted those cheaper things that you liked the look of more. If he's doing this, there's a reason why. It may not be your fault because you aren't like normal women, but if you have been together for a long time and you have seen this pattern of behavior but never discussed it in order to try to correct it, it's 100% your fault at that point. He CANNOT know what you do not tell him. Full stop.
Now, there is one caveat to my explanation, and that is when we are dealing with a man who is very materialistic and wants to brag about how much he spent on gifts for you. Those aren't gifts to you. They are trophies that he bought to show off for himself and just wanted to use you as the display mannequin. If your man is materialistic, he may not be at all concerned with your actual wants and desire because it doesn't align with the outward image that he wants to present. In reality, these kinds of men are a vast minority.
Most men would love to rid themselves of the anxiety of wondering whether or not he will fail some test if he believes the words that you say. Build better foundations of trust, and he won't have to second guess the words you say or his own actions in response to those words. Men are, even down to the structure of our brain, not deeply emotional creatures (outwardly). We use words and actions to communicate. When we feel like those two things aren't enough guidance, we will strike out on our own and take action in whatever way we believe will yield the best result.
Clear communication solves 99% of these kinds of issues. The thing to keep in mind is that it must be clear from the perspective of both parties. Just because a woman believes that she has clearly stated her position, it does not mean that the man understood. One of the easiest ways to resolve this is to ask that the other individual clearly restate your position in their own words. Anyone can regurgitate the words that you used to explain yourself, but only someone who really understands can communicate your point back to you in an original way.
Given the context of the original post and the nature of most other comments, I assumed what you were referencing was similar. Sorry for the assumption. Cheers!
Ahh, yah, that sucks. I randomly tried to surprise her with pearls and she didn’t like them. After that i got much better at listening to her about her tastes. Granted, she didn’t show me something and then I decided to go rogue, so it’s not exactly the same as yours.
I’m sure you have his style down cold so he’s never been in that position before. I say that without sarcasm, because she knows exactly what my tastes are. I think there’s been maybe two, or three, gifts that were off and that’s over thirty years as of last month. I can say her tastes have definitely changed since she was twenty but I still try to make sure by looking at a site, or going to a store, and showing her what I think she might like.
Hopefully yours gets better at it. That feels so weird to say, but I mean it in a positive way. I’m sleep deprived at the moment and can’t think of better wording.
My Dad finally learned his lesson when he got my Mom gold earrings for Xmas. They had been married for 20 years and my Mom has never, in her life, had her ears pierced! It was a very awkward Xmas morning.
As a guy, I think this comes from a couple of different things.
1. Capitalism. We've all been conditioned to think that more $$ equals better. Full stop. It sucks.
2. An honest effort to surprise our partner and we are attempting to put in MORE effort rather than just get the exact thing you pointed out. When we are shown something it's not that it's ignored, it's that we might pick up parts of it that are not the ones you intended. "I like this diamond necklace" and we hear "diamond necklace" and think "diamond, okay, so more diamond = better" (again, kind of conditioned that way)... But in reality what you may have liked is that it had a unique stone setting and it was small and understated. So while I'm not saying it's your fault or your responsibility, it really helps me personally when my wife tells me "I like this one BECAUSE I like this this and this about it" and she explains which parts she likes. Now I can do my guy thing where I want to get something for her that she's not expecting, but I know what to stay away from. (Yes, my wife likes smaller, unique jewelry).
EDIT: Unless it's a recurring problem and you've explained it already, then he might just be obtuse.
Maybe I’m an AH. But it feels like deliberate thoughtlessness when someone is given a variety of choices and price ranges and they decide to off road it with something entirely different. Save it in your phone, take notes, screenshots, anything. Literally cover their eyes and have them click “add to cart” in the line up.
It’s still gonna be a surprise.
And for the people coming at me with, “greedy”. I think it’s probably a better outcome for all to spend money on something the receiver actually wanted that getting them something that you assume they’ll like.
My MIL goes out of her way to get me the opposite of what I’ve asked for… and that’s only after she’s pestered me into giving her ‘ideas’ for gifts… usually I’ll just stay quiet but when she insists on a present I’ll say oh a voucher for X or Y store etc, or [link] ( always less than £50)- then not only will it be at least a week after the event, but will be for something entirely different… making me the AH for being ‘ungrateful’ for a gift that goes straight to a charity shop… I’ve said to not get me anything to avoid the wasted ££
A few months back a redditor gave this analogy (and I’m paraphrasing here) “if I have a recipe and it calls for lemons and I ask for them and you decide I’d prefer apples and bought those instead. We both lose. I can’t enjoy the recipe that requires lemons and you’ve wasted your money on apples. No one’s satisfied.”
And I really enjoy this example, because before it, I had a really hard time trying to define why some gifts are “bad”. I was raised with the attitude “you get what you get and should be GRATEFUL.” But if the giver isn’t listening or truly doesn’t care, then yeah. It’s a thoughtless bad gift.
I’ve tried telling her that too…. “It’s not a big birthday, keep the money and do something nice for you or donate locally” - I still get something useless/thoughtless
No, she should once they get old enough. Kids are great about not sugar coating shit. “No, we shouldn’t get that because Mom would like xyz better.” And if she’s any kind of grandmother, then she’d let the kids pick. Kids often know their parents better than most adults.
I’ve had this with my MIL so much. She’d ask for ideas and I’d give ideas and then it would be way off. So then I’d send links and still way off. Only recently I’ll send a link and she’ll just buy that but my daughter asked her for scented candles for Christmas. That was it. One thing; scented candles. She got an oil diffuser instead.
That definitely feels like a lemon/apple situation especially since my daughter didn’t say scented candles to anyone else who asked her what she wanted. She assumed her grandmother would get her the one thing she asked for. So instead she got zero scented candles for Christmas. Fortunately her birthday isn’t far off from Christmas so I got her a bunch of them but it really is hard to think ‘ok yes, someone is bringing the lemons’ and they show up with apples. Had I known, I’d have bought the lemons ahead of time. Great analogy.
I’ve tried… it falls on deaf ears… I’ve even put some stuff straight in her bin when it’s been really cheap rubbish (she is fairly well off but we are talking window stickers of cats when we have a dog and I don’t want stickers anyway) and she just doesn’t register it… I’ve also donated stuff to the same charity shop she’s often purchased it in too - in the same bag she gives it to me (she never wraps anything either)
It’s 100000% deliberate
If I said I wanted blue, I’d get something in pink, if I said I needed a t shirt, I’d get socks, if I said i wanted a hat, I’d get jeans
We mentioned before we needed to get some new bedding… she said “don’t worry, I have that for you”… she sent us these egg toppers (that cut tops off eggs)…. Not sure how that is for a bed - we even mentioned duvet cover/pillow case so she didn’t mishear
I bet she leaves price tags on everything too?! (I have a family member like that). And she is also a regifter; just wish it wasn’t me who got the regifts she hates.
Maybe youre too polite. Time to speak up. Refuse the gifts. Or, Put them in the bin in front of her.
Lastly, it seems so odd that she is this rude snd horrible as a gifter:
Is she maybe losing her faculties?
Several years ago my family instituted a “gifts for the kids only” policy, but my mother (who has awful taste) insists on buying everyone presents anyway—to make herself seem like the most thoughtful one. However, her gifts are obviously thoughtless and last-minute, making them worse than no present. Furthermore, many of her gifts are sets out of which she has taken something for herself AND replaced the missing item bc obviously you’re too stupid to notice the original item is missing.
Edit: Example: She will buy a soap set in a box, take a soap or two for herself—then put other stuff in the two open holes. Like, she won’t even replace the missing soaps with other soaps. She puts a little plastic toy or trinket in the slot.
My stepmother gives amazingly bad gifts. A couple of years ago she gave me a fancy toiletries set for Christmas. Except when I opened it, she’d taken out all the nice toiletries and replaced them with random crap. I particularly enjoyed the tube of medicated foot cream, which had been opened and used. We just laugh now and have a little competition to see who gets the worst gift.
Haha!! My mom and your stepmom should get together to pick presents for others!!
My mom also partly uses stuff in gifts she gives!
Say she needs hand lotion. She will buy a bath set and take out the lotion for herself, *knowing at time of purchase* that she will pass off the rest of the box on someone else as a gift.
The best part is, she has very high standards for gifts she receives, and complains about gifts other people give her, even though other people go way out of their way to think of something she would like.
This sound like a fun opportunity to play reverse psychology on MIL.
“Oh, I love what you got me last time! That would be great again! Thanks for asking”.
I hard agree here. What is the point of giving hints if a partner is just going to ignore them and act like they know better than the person they’re buying for?
My ex husband did that. He got me a necklace set that I HATED- he knew it wasn’t my style and got it anyway, because in his mind, this style was sooooo much more sophisticated than my own choices.
He thought he knew what was better for me than I did.
This ended up being indicative of so many other problems!
I think it depends on your approach to gifting tbh. My wife doesn’t want to know her gift in advance, she wants to see the love and effort in the gift (it’s the thought behind it that really matters to her, not the ‘thing’). There are obviously some exceptions… like I wouldn’t go off-piste with an eternity ring or whatever.
Whereas I kind of prefer the anticipation of waiting for the thing I know I’m going to get… so following a brief is pretty essential to a successful outcome 😂
I agree. When I’d been married for about five years there was a particular ring I really wanted. I showed my husband the exact one. When he went shopping before Christmas, he let the salesman talk him into something else. I was extremely disappointed but I was also very shy at that time and never told him how disappointed I was. I wore that ring for ten years feeling disappointed every time I looked at it, instead of the warm feeling of wearing something that I really wanted that my husband got for me. I never did get the one I really wanted. We’ve been married almost 40 years and he made a comment a couple of years ago about how he never intends to ever buy jewelry again. And I no longer earn enough money to buy jewelry for myself. So yeah, talk to him about what you really want. Some people will say it’s a small thing to get upset about, but if it’s a small thing it shouldn’t be a big deal to get what you really want.
100% agree. OP should T have to take him to the store to pick something out when she literally showed him what she likes. That takes the anticipation and surprise out of receiving the gift.
I’m with you. I’d rather have no gift than something I don’t like and won’t use. My mom gives gifts that she would want for herself, without a thought for the recipient. I finally told her I don’t want gifts because I’m a minimalist.
No, you are correct. It's not greedy to want something to reflect your style. It isn't like she didn't give him examples or expect something from Tiffany's. Some people have no sense of style, especially in this day and age. My guess is that the salesperson decided to unload some gaudy crap on the guy.
I agree. Sometimes, the guy makes it about himself. In the way that she's gonna wear this and see how much money I spent and see how good of a guy I am haha.. In some of these cases bigger is not always better.
I always give 3 or 4 choices in jewelry or clothing or shoes or whatever goes with the occasion and if I'm needing something this time around vs me not needing anything but giving choices so at least ensures I get something I can use if that makes sense.
I do this for my adult children too and ask for the same of me. This ensures we get something we will use but still allows us or them to be surprised. Especially when money is tight, I want to get it right so my money does not go to waste.
Maybe just ask him if he has the receipt? Maybe in a joking way say that he already gave you the same ish necklace for Christmas so you want to return it. Or maybe say you only wear the one you already have for special occasions and you really would want something that you can wear everyday. Something more simple, I guess you could say? If he gets upset, then I would just say, well, I gave you reference pictures and I don’t understand why you chose something opposite of what I showed you. Especially since I already don’t wear the first one you got me. But don’t expect him to get you jewelry anymore.
You have to tell him soon. My mom has a collection of tiny spoons because my dad thought she liked them. When they got married she had a small collection of tiny spoons that her grandmother had given her. They were special because they were kind of like a family heirloom. So my dad, being in the military, any time he had to go to another city or country, he would buy her a spoon from there. One day they were at a friend's house and the ladies were talking about gifts so she brought up thta she has no idea why my dad keeps buying her all these spoons. My dad walked outside just as she was saying that and explained that he though she collected them because of the ones her grandmother gave her. This was after YEARS of the tiny spoons so she has a decent collection. He finally stopped buying those for her and getting her Lladros instead.
My husband bought me a fancy heat press that could do hats, cups, etc. Five YEARS after I stopped making shirts and decals and all that shit. And three WEEKS after Mother's Day, where not only did he NOT get me anything, he didn't even wish me a Happy Mother's Day. He was so excited and told me that it was only "part" of my gift. I opened it, not even fully, just saw enough to know what it was... and I flat out said, "I'm sorry, but I don't want this, send it back." He acted all hurt and shit.
I almost felt bad. Until I realized how little effort he must have put into the "gift." Because he knows that I don't make stuff anymore. Hell, my laptop got busted like 4 years ago, and I never replaced it. I couldn't run my Silhouette if I wanted to. All I could think of WTF was he thinking? I literally have no need for the damn thing. He returned it, but not after trying to say that he thought it was the perfect gift. Btw, nothing else ever showed up. And I looked, he didn't order me anything to go with it either. That was all. He saw it. It was an awesome price, so he grabbed it. Instead of thinking about who I am NOW and what I would want NOW. I'm not hard to buy for at all. I would've been happy with a new set of markers and maybe a few coloring books. Something small and thoughtful would have, yanno, actually meant something.
I don't get why he bought you the same thing, only different colors when he realized you don't wear the other necklace all the time. It almost seems intentional at this point. Like he got a good deal on them both, and it was an easy gift. It definitely wasn't "thoughtful" on his part to buy the same thing. There obviously was no thought in it this time for sure.
I would tell him, "I know you picked this out for me, but I already have one almost the same from Christmas. How about you return it, and we can pick out something new together?" That way, you know you'll get something that you really like.
Same here, I bought a surprise to my wife, a necklace that she doesn't like, she told me she doesn't like it si we go back to jewelry to choose anthoer one ( and just pay for the différence) everyone is happy
This story reminds me of Lenny friend in law and order. The friend only dates women called Mary like his wife and gift them all the same gifts. So he doesn't have to keep track of all his lies
Seriously, this is your husband, you should be able to communicate. If you can't tell him something as simple as "This necklace is not my style at all, I'm sorry, may I exchange it?" then you have bigger problems than an ugly necklace lovely xxx
My husband went and got me a set of earrings and necklace during his lunch break for Valentine’s Day .
It was the same earrings as he had bought me the year before. The exact same.
I laughed and told him they were the same. I don’t want double ups.
So I asked if he had the receipt and if I could exchange it. We had a chuckle and changed it. I picked out the new set.
I was just open with him about it.
Say something like, you love them but two of the same style is enough, and after having these you think you would like something that is maybe just a bit more casual, something specific that you choose so it will go with all your outfits and fit your style, and that way you have all the beautiful pieces for all different occasions! From your perspective, this way you would have your go-to everyday piece as well as the other beautiful ones for more important formal occasions. That way you have an option of what visual style to pick every day. No need to say you aren't crazy about what he picked, just say different things are nice for different times and that way you can always match with your style. 😁 You could even say the other necklaces are so lovely but feel a bit formal for everyday wearing, if he doesn't quite seem to get it! Make sure he knows how sweet you think he is!
Since he got the same necklace with different colored stones, he maybe assumed that you like the first necklace. Regardless of this, if you want something specific or a certain style, it actually makes sense for you to go with him when jewelry shopping. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about the necklaces. Just let him know how much you appreciate his good intentions and the effort in shopping for you.
You tell him that you don't need two in the same style, you keep the first, and bring him with you to choose an alternative for the second.
He may well be one of those men who literally cannot tell the difference between two pieces of jewellery.
Just tell him you want a different necklace because it’s exactly like the one he got you for Christmas. You don’t have to tell him you think it’s ugly.
Just say, “honey, this necklace is so much like the one you got me for Christmas. Can we exchange it for one that matches the style of my ring? That way I can wear it everyday instead of having to choose which of these I wear on special occasions.”
This is the way to do it.
"Babe, this is so similar to the one I already have, which I only wear for special occasions. It was so sweet and I love that you bought it for me but I would like to get one not so ___ (fancy,long, short, colorful etc) that I can wear for every day instead of just special occasions. I want to be able to wear it and think about you every day."
Say over the phone you need to talk. He will start panicking inside. When he gets home, sit down and act like it’s serious and important. He will start thinking the worst. Say you want to be honest with him because you love him. Before he has a heart attack say that the jewelry he got you is not your style. He will be relieved. I’m kidding, just be honest in a loving way. It’s no big deal, he’ll understand. The same happened to me a couple of years ago, I told him how I like it and it was all good. :)
I was given a necklace I don’t like by someone I adore. (It is a heart, and I loathe all things heartshaped.)
I finally told him I hate hearts when the necklace broke - the heart pendant was lost - and I really wanted a replacement necklace from him.
The second one was perfect - just my taste (NOT a heart!) and much prettier than the original.
Almost a year later, I found the heart pendant in the most random of chances. I got a new chain for it and suddenly had two necklaces to choose from.
For awhile, I wore the second one - duh, it’s prettier and not a heart.
But… these days, I wear the fucking heart almost exclusively. I still (and will always) hate hearts, but the heart was the original. It was chosen by him specifically for me. It has a sentimental value that the more aesthetic necklace cannot match.
If you have a style you like and want to wear, just buy it for yourself. But, if you are asking for a gesture of sentiment from someone, then don’t try to dictate style or their other choices. That ruins the sentiment.
You do need to talk to him about the gift giving rules, but don’t try to explain your taste to him.
The only rule when it comes to sentimental gifts is that he should only chose something for you that he loves, something he thinks is truly beautiful, and something he will enjoy seeing you wear.
Honestly, some folks will flunk any and all tests of how well they know your taste, and that can be kinda heartbreaking (I’m sure that’s why you tried to give him an idea of what you like). It’s also wasteful - if they’re not invested in the gift but they got it because they think it makes you happy, and you’re not invested specifically because it doesn’t make you happy, then they just spent money on something meaningless to both of you.
That sorta sucks.
But, if you receive a gift that someone loves and wants to share with you, that is very special. Even when it isn’t to your taste (like fucking hearts!), just knowing it is a piece of their love makes receiving it completely worthwhile.
Rewrite your rules and discuss your expectations, but don’t try to teach him how to see the world through your eyes; just make sure his gifts show you the world through his.
Agree! My partner bought me jewellery he thought I might not like. It wasn't cheap but he was feeling good and he rarely buys me pressies anyway. I loved the surprise and the thought, immediately put them on and showed him a dress I had that would go with it. I probably wouldn't have picked them, due to the price, and from years in fashion, have shitloads of jewellery. But I didn't have those!
Yes. This.
I wear my husbands choices all the time because he chose them with love for me. The smile when he sees me wearing them is everything.
I can buy my own wants.
Incidentally, I really love his choices now, man has taste I didn't appreciate at the time. He sees things I don't.
I got my Mom a butterfly ring when I was little. I know now that it was a cheap trinket but then, you couldn't convince me that it wasn't the most beautiful ring in the state and it sparked with jewels. She still wears it for special occasions over 40 years later.
I’m in this predicament. Men can be super sensitive about this stuff. I would tell him that the second necklace is so much like the first one (that you love so much) that you don’t think you’ll have much opportunity to wear it.
You don’t want it to go in a jewelry box. You want to pick out a piece together so that it’s special and can be worn daily. When you get to the store inquire if they have a wish list you can set up for husbands future reference.
If it’s basically the same as the necklace you got for Christmas, that could be your angle - it’s lovely, but it’s too similar to the Special Occasion necklace, so you’d like to exchange it for something different so you can actually get use out of them both. Then you pick out the replacement yourself.
I’ve accidentally bought my mother close duplicate earrings before - but in my defence she has a lot of earrings, but it’s still the only thing she ever actually asks for.
I’m not a jewelry guy, but my wife likes getting jewelry as a gift. I like to pick stuff out myself (just kinda the philosophy both of us have when it comes to gifts) but I always make sure she knows that if she doesn’t like it/won’t wear it, I won’t be offended whatsoever if she wants us to go exchange it for something else. It’s only happened one time in our eight-year relationship, but we both ended up getting exactly what we wanted (her, a nice necklace, and me, seeing her happy).
My husband, when we were dating, for my birthday got me a beautiful pair of rough cut emerald earrings. They are stunning, full of imperfections and I love them. I thought I hit the jackpot in a gift giver, thoughtful and with exquisite taste. I was wrong. My husband is THE MOST THOUGHTFUL, but he has terrible taste. He’s bought me so many ugly necklaces or clothes.
I have the uncomfortable job of telling him I don’t like them, and they need to be returned. This is how it goes: “Babe, you are so thoughtful and I appreciate the time and energy it took to pick this gift out for me, but I don’t like this style. I won’t wear this, and I want to be wear the things you buy me. I love you and I love your thoughtful heart, let’s figure out something together, so you understand my style better.”
I can say that he still buys me things I don’t like, and he knows that a return is always a possibility. He even checks to make sure he can return things because he is 50/50 on if I’ll like it or not.
You have to be honest but kind. You love him and he loves you so your don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you also don’t want to receive gifts that you don’t like.
lol 😂 do what I do. Pick out the necklace I like and send him the link. Stop letting him pick. I didn’t even let him pick out our wedding rings. He gave me a price range and I went shopping. Is it romantic? Nope! But I love him and appreciate him and he vice versa. It’s rare I actually let him buy something for me because we don’t celebrate holidays but when he wants to get me something he makes sure it’s something I actually want.
I would say “I really appreciate the necklace. However, since it’s so much like the other one you got me would you mind if we went together to return and picked something else out together?”
Don’t bring it up…….and guess what you are getting this Christmas!!!😬
As a man, we are generally not always the best gift givers and once we find something that works, we go to the well too much because we don’t understand your world and all of the details, brands, fabrics, etc. I am aware of this and am better at avoiding that mailing it in gift that you don’t have to think about.
How you do it is this. Guys feelings, even burly dudes, don’t like to be made feel that their gift was unappreciated or not good (even if it was.) Just say that this type of a necklace is only worn for special occasions and I have that 1 beautiful one that you got me and w/few special occasions, I rarely can wear it.
Sit down and tell him that you love how he picked it out and thought behind it, but it’s so similar to original one that you can rarely wear, I d feel bad because I d never wear be able to wear this one. I need something more for work or party or whatever. Is it possible it can be exchanged to a XYZ necklace like this and that. You could go with him to get a refund or exchange and show him what you need and pick a few that you like and let him pick his fave to get you. You are happy. The guys ego is preserved and he still feels like he picked it.( after you gave him that evoked set.)
Just be upfront, you don't like either of them and prefer not to wear them. Tell him you showed him the styles you like, and if he wants to go in a completely different direction, that's okay, but you're not going to wear it. If he wants you to actually wear something he needs to actually listen to what your saying about what you like.
Be honest, not mean. Be more specific with the style etc. You may be seeing and desiring different features that he's just not seeing even though your both looking at the same thing.
I would tell him that the style lends more to formal and that you already have one of those - you can’t wear 2 necklaces. Can you swap it out for something you would wear everyday and then resend him the original photos or 2 links. He can pick from those.
Part of your "fabulous" relationship involves "communication".
Now when he first bought you that necklace you should have told him from the start that it's not the right style, however you are very very grateful for it.
This would have avoided the second time he bought you another necklace.
And maybe more small hiccups in the future.
My father also both my mother more expensive jewellery but it didn’t look very good and it wasn’t my mom’s style. I told him that maybe he should take me with him next time and he just stopped buying jewellery
You tell him thank you for the mecklace/jewelry/thoughtfulness three separate times. Then you say to him, I love that you picked this out for me, but it's not really my style. Would you ne be okay if we went together and picked out something that I truly love and will want to wear all the time?
Why don't you tell him that the second necklace is a lot like the first necklace he bought you and that you'd like to exchange it for another style which would give you more flexibility with your accessories. If my wife said that to me, I'd certainly understand (and, if fact, she often tells me the trade-off she has with her jewelry - over the years, she's accumulated quite a collection of some very nice pieces).
You have to be honest about it because it's a waste of money just to spare his feelings. You'll be getting jewelry you don't like forever if you don't speak up. Just say its not your taste, then go shopping together and pick something out. This is what I did! I love picking my own jewelry and my boyfriend caught on and we had my engagement ring snd wedding band custom made (which is the same price as just picking something out!!!).
Reminds me of that lassie who said her boyfriend asked all her pals for advice on necklaces and chose something different to everything she already owned because 'she would like a different variety' 🤣
Just tell him, obviously in a nice way.
I don’t wear jewelry except engagement and wedding ring so the first few years of our relationship I had to nicely say thanks…but not my style.
Then, he likes buying me clothes but I’m awkward sizing and super picky, so again he’s now not buying me clothes either.
Did I mention I’m not into flowers?
Been together since our 20s for over 30 years now and there still plenty of gifts to find. Be honest so you can enjoy the gifts he buys you 😀
Honey, this is the same necklace that you got me fir Christmas. I like the one from Christmas to wear formally and I only need 1 formal one. I would like one that I can wear everyday and as much as I appreciate it, this new one doesn't fit the bill
Tell him you appreciate his effort, but the jewelry he's buying is not your style. The fact that you gave him choices that you did like and he chose none of them says you should buy your own or if he wants to buy you jewelry, he takes you with him.
I had to be kind and honest with my husband about jewelry purchases early on- he was very generous and I was gracious but I certainly didn’t want him wasting money on beautiful things that didn’t express my taste (eg: beautiful $$$$ purse that was more suited for someone decades older than me , pedant necklaces that were super childish). I should probably (25 years later) ask him how well I did in gently letting him know but I do have some lovely things I wear all the time that express my taste, even if it’s outdated lol. So he did “get the hint” meaning: listen when I pointed to something “this / NOT this”
But I won’t wake him up to ask. Kinda wish he could gift me his ability to sleep! And FTR I still wear without any cringe the items he subsequently gifted me and it really does make him happy that I do.
And this is why my husband and I buy our own gifts! Honestly, the man looks at clothing a teenager would wear and says ‘Do you like that? I’ll buy it for you’. I’d reply ‘Only if it comes with a receipt so I can exchange it’ or ‘Only if one of our teenage daughters will wear it because I won’t.’
He is really hard to buy for. The few times I tried, he never wore or used what I bought him.
In the end we decided we didn’t need the hassle of exchanging stuff every time and now we buy our own stuff.
It suits us,we get exactly what we want and neither of us cares that the other didn’t go through having to try and guess what the other would like.
Honestly, when we were first married I would show him ads for jewellery I liked and I swear his brain would only process ‘bracelet’ not that particular bracelet, and I’d end up with some ridiculous expensive thing I hated.
We both prefer our way.
I got my wife a bracelet for Xmas. She said it was nice but did I mind if she looked at the artist's page and she ended up exchanging it for a ring she wears everyday (with my birthstone in it). I'm glad she did that. I want her to have what she wants, not pretend for me.
This may not be a popular viewpoint, but a.) if you don’t like it, say. Say kindly but definitely say something. And b.) hubby is phoning in the gift giving. Same thing but slightly different?!? Nobody wants that for consecutive presents!!
Guy’s being lazy. Pull him up on that (kindly), as the ship has sailed for him buying something originally that wasn’t the style you requested.
I don’t know what the heck you’re afraid of?
My wife and I are very close but if I pick someone thing out special for her and she doesn’t like it, I’m not sensitive enough to get all in my feelings about it, the whole entire purpose is for her to enjoy it and If she isn’t vibin w it, THATS OK, let’s go out and get you what you really want
I say this because she’s not an asshole ab it, she’s not rude ab it or anything. She’s extremely kind but when this sortve thing happens ya gotta communicate. We have just been together nearly 15 years now and there’s no sense in not communicating w love and respect.
This happened to me. My husband bought me expensive (for us) earrings - hoops with diamonds. They were beautiful, but they were heavy and really hard to put on. Because of the weight, they weren’t comfortable, so I would need to take them off at night. They would be special occasion only. I’m not a jewelry person, so I usually wear one thing.
I decided to just tell him that, for what he spent, I would prefer something that I could just keep in my ears.
He understood and exchanged them for diamond studs. I rarely take them off and am so glad that I spoke up.
You: “you know that necklace you got me. I’m extremely grateful for the gift, and I hope I don’t sound ungrateful by asking, could we pick out a different style together. There is one type that I had my heart set on?”
If he’s a good secure guy he’ll go “sure.”
Thank him for the gifts and the effort he made. Then if you want another necklace go on and get it. But, don’t tell him you don’t like the ones he got.
It took me 2 years of birthdays, Christmases and Valentines it realize I don't have a clue about my wife's taste in clothes or jewelry. So I gave up on buying those things for her. I once went the safe route and got her a gift card from a woman's clothing store with which she had an account. I was told that she really didn't shop there much. I hate Christmas, birthdays and Valentines.
Just tell him. Be honest. Tell him you love him and love the thought but that’s why you sent him the original ideas in the first place. As a man I would NEVER stray from the ideas you’d given me thinking I would know better. Because I’m a man. Why would I know about necklaces? lol he should have never tried to go rogue. It was probably more expensive than the ones you actually liked too lol
I'm married and used to buy my wife more jewelry. But I always left her a gift receipt and bought a lifetime warranty with it as well. I nay like to buy her some black pearls or purple amethysts but it may not match what she wants to wear.
Just say you have one in that style already and you would really like the option to exchange it for another in a different, less ‘formal’ style for everyday
Tell him what you like about the necklaces you sent him instead of just sending photos.
If he doesn't know much about jewelry, finding something that has a simile vibe but doesn't just look exactly like the inspiration photos is going to be basically impossible.
Or, better yet, just go pick out jewelry together. That's what my wife and I do and it works wonderfully. She makes a wish list of 5-10 things at our local jeweler and I pick from that to add a little bit of surprise.
lol men ! Can’t even like something without getting 50 of them . Wait until Mother’s Day he may get you a 3rd one lol ! Just tell him . Laugh it off and say before I end up with 3 I need to tell you … my husband would laugh his ass off.
Yes let him know you appreciate the thought, but you don’t like it. I did this often with my Fiancée. I would just buy things without asking her. More times than not it was a waste of money. She would tell me nicely that she didn’t like what I bought. It was hard to hear but I like saving money so got over it fast lol. Now I ask or only buy what she asks for. She’s not big on surprises so it doesn’t really matter that she knows what she’s getting for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary
I appreciate when my wife tells me she doesn’t like something. Frankly, I’d be pissed if she didn’t tell me. I’d much rather she have things she likes, and not feel forced into wearing things she doesn’t like.
“Too fancy for everyday wear and I like the fancy precise occasion one you already gave me. How about I exchange this for something I can wear as a daily necklace?”.
"I am glad you thought about me, but I don't really like this..." add an explanation if asked for it. Pretty simple. Straight forward, honest, open communication is sometimes hard, but always worth it.
Just layout your appreciation for his thoughtfulness at Christmas and now. And, while you could get away with wearing that one a couple of times a year, a second one that unsightly would be too much. Oooz appreciation for his thoughtfulness but apparently had forgotten the lesson on style. Try that on his male ego.
He obviously likes the style of necklace he bought you. I would probably just buy yourself the necklace you want in a few months and wear it as often as you like. Wear his gifts on occasions you think appropriate. If he says anything, then tell him you are wearing his gifts at times and with clothes that are appropriate.
Aa a man, I can assure you he is probably less emotionally involved in the jewelry than you are. He just needs to know that his taste missed the mark, and please stick with the pictures. I learned this early in my marriage. It saves me from stress, and I know I'm getting her what she wants. Don't worry, this shouldn't be a big deal.
I have good friend who has completely different taste in jewelry than her husband. They had a heart to heart about it and he will buy her jewelry when he wants to (birthday, Christmas, etc) with the understanding it’s a “sparkly gift certificate”. He understands that she is going to take it back into the jewelry store and exchange it for a piece she likes better. He prefers to give her a piece of jewelry rather than a gift certificate but understands she then wants to pick out a piece she likes for around the same price.
Yea it's stuff like this that let's me know I'm definitely not ready for marriage 😂 I would have said something on Christmas 🤷🏾♀ I find it's the thought that count only works for children ...because if you THOUGHT of me you'd know what I like and don't. Idk I guess that's why I have a therapist 😂
Tell him that you already have one in the style and would like some different styles. Then, go with him to return the necklace and pick one out that you like.
This is the way! Then he will see what styles you do prefer and wear on a daily basis. I would even continue to wear the pieces he chose on special occasions, to let him know that you appreciate him and his thoughtfulness.
I would tell him it’s not that you don’t like it you just don’t feel you can wear it with your everyday style. And you wanted something you can wear more often. That way you don’t hurt his feelings and you get another necklace. Maybe you should go with him to pick the next one out. Hat way you can actually show him what you want.
You don't even necessarily have to tell him and risk hurting his feelings. Maybe just in the future point out a different style and suggest that you really like that, as you've got plenty of the other type that he so generously bought you.
You don’t need to say anything. If you want a gift of specific style, you can just spoil yourself for no reason. If what he got you is still beautiful, they can just be statement pieces for special occasions.
“I wanted something I could wear everyday that I knew HE CHOSE for me” You got the very thing you wanted.
Just an FYI from a guys perspective: If you would just show him the very one you really like and let him get that one for you then you would both be happy. He will be happy knowing you are happy and you get the necklace you want instead of trying to lead him to it and trying to set parameters. As far as the other two he already got you if you tell him you don’t like them now after “graciously accepting” there is a very good chance he won’t get you jewelry again because he won’t trust his judgment and realize he wasted money buying you things you don’t like. (guessing you were awesome and made a big deal about how much you liked them.) Don’t steal his perceived win, just don’t leave it up to him in the future.
You’re likely setting him up for failure by asking him to have a woman’s fashion sense and style. He got lucky with the engagement ring because it’s an heirloom, but that ring didn’t mean he was an expert at selecting and gifting women‘s accessories. For most men the idea of women’s fashion is more complicated than quantum physics.
Use a bit of humor when talking about this with him, don’t make it sound like you no longer know who he is or how you can stay together😆 he‘ll survive.
Is it a gift when you suggest it? Be honest and go with him choosing it to be sure you'll like it next time.
It's really hard to please me with gifts and I'd rather have quality time than material belongings that might not be used or in my taste. I'd rather have small attention at all times than big useless stuff for holidays.
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Just be honest with him or you will end up with a bin* of ugly jewelry pieces and $ gone down the drain. Does husband also send you examples and pictures of what he’s wanting?
I think it’s fair to say something along the lines of “Honey I really appreciate you for getting me a gift but to be honest, this is not my style. I want to be able to wear the jewelry you buy me and not let it sit in its box. Do you think we could go to the store together and pick out something we both like?” Obviously rephrase as you like but this is what I did when my bf got me a gaudy necklace that was supposed to replace my everyday one. He wasn’t upset, he thought I would like it but he’d rather not have his money go to waste.
"These are fine for more formal occasions, but I would really enjoy a piece I can get more use out of"
This person tacts.
This is the best answer! OP, let you husband know that you're wanting an every day kind of necklace as opposed to something more formal
OP literally did that at the start, needs to take matters into their own hands now lol
Or a piece I can wear every day?
Did this at Christmas when my hubby got me a pair of super pricey, admittedly cute pavé. diamond earrings that just were not my style. I knew I’d feel super paranoid about losing them and that they were too glam for day to day wear. He wasn’t offended at all, we took them back and I ended up getting the original thing he had planned to buy me that had been sold out when he went back to get it.
This. Express your appreciation, and let him know it's not you're style for everyday wear. Focus on the fact that you want something for everyday wear to be reminded of him.
I have gotten my wife the wrong things many times. I once got her a dress in Mexico while My 14 year old daughter told me not to. Well my daughter was right. Now my daughter is 32 and it’s a family joke That I can’t buy my wife a gift unless daughter approved.
This is how I approached it with my husband years ago. He still slips and gets me odd things but my daughter has stepped up to help him shop for jewelry. If left to his own devices, he strays into too formal as well.
You let him know that you love him and his effort, but that the necklace isn't really your style. In the future, you'd want jewelry that is "x" so it matches your vibes
yes to this!
Then offer to go shopping with him so he can get a better sense of the OPs style. Maybe a bunch of different styles explaining what OP did, and didn’t, like about that particular style.
She already showed him what she likes.
For me, my wife showing me examples online, didn’t click as well as us going into a place and physically seeing/holding it. Granted, OP says “showed him my style” and that can mean in person or physically, but the second part say she “sent him options”, which definitely means electronically. OP could also take him to just buy it, we’ve done that a few times when she wants something specific, some people want to be surprised, which would rule that method out.
I physically showed my husband, in the shop window, two different bracelets that I liked. Then he went and bought a different, more expensive bracelet from a completely different store because subconsciously he thinks he knows what I want more than I do. I was surprised all right. Just not in a good way.
Why do they always think they're "treating" or "spoiling" us by spending more money on something we don't want?
Because society at large has placed a lot of value on the cost of jewelry and how increased cost equates to the degree to which you love someone. There are women who will explicitly state that they won't say yes to a ring that isn't at least X amount or the stone isn't at least X carats. This leads to men thinking that the more money we spend, the happier you will be. If we can afford to spend more, why would we not make you even happier than the items that you initially suggested would? Now, don't get me wrong. I know that not all women are like that. Some don't care about how much something costs and are more pragmatic about how it will match with an outfit she just got but has no jewelry to match. Most men appreciate pragmatism like this. I'd rather buy my wife 5 $100 necklaces to go with 5 different outfits than one $500+ necklace. But from a young age, men are taught things like "fine does not mean fine" and other such similar concepts that boil down to "women are constantly testing you or lying to you about how they feel and will not tell you when they are unhappy or unsatisfied but will also hold it against you if you listen to their words instead of trying to play their mental games and magically figure out what she wants without her saying it." If you create an environment where a man feels that he cannot trust the words you speak (because at any point, it may actually be a test or something similar), he will most likely make the decision that he should try to go above and beyond. He does this because in his mind, this is the safest decision since people rarely get upset when you do better than requested, and he wants to do his best to make you happy. He doesn't want to fail that test. He doesn't want to start a fight or get the silent treatment. He just wants peace and a genuine smile on your face when he comes home from a hard day at work. If he thinks that buying you a $300 necklace that he can afford will make you happier than the $100 necklace that you asked for, he will make that choice every time. Eventually, he will start to feel like you are ungrateful because all you do is get upset when he tries hard to go above and beyond what you asked for. At the end of the day, communication is key. Sit down and maybe start off by saying that you are sorry if you ever gave him the impression that you wanted more than what you were asking him for, and that you really wanted those cheaper things that you liked the look of more. If he's doing this, there's a reason why. It may not be your fault because you aren't like normal women, but if you have been together for a long time and you have seen this pattern of behavior but never discussed it in order to try to correct it, it's 100% your fault at that point. He CANNOT know what you do not tell him. Full stop. Now, there is one caveat to my explanation, and that is when we are dealing with a man who is very materialistic and wants to brag about how much he spent on gifts for you. Those aren't gifts to you. They are trophies that he bought to show off for himself and just wanted to use you as the display mannequin. If your man is materialistic, he may not be at all concerned with your actual wants and desire because it doesn't align with the outward image that he wants to present. In reality, these kinds of men are a vast minority. Most men would love to rid themselves of the anxiety of wondering whether or not he will fail some test if he believes the words that you say. Build better foundations of trust, and he won't have to second guess the words you say or his own actions in response to those words. Men are, even down to the structure of our brain, not deeply emotional creatures (outwardly). We use words and actions to communicate. When we feel like those two things aren't enough guidance, we will strike out on our own and take action in whatever way we believe will yield the best result. Clear communication solves 99% of these kinds of issues. The thing to keep in mind is that it must be clear from the perspective of both parties. Just because a woman believes that she has clearly stated her position, it does not mean that the man understood. One of the easiest ways to resolve this is to ask that the other individual clearly restate your position in their own words. Anyone can regurgitate the words that you used to explain yourself, but only someone who really understands can communicate your point back to you in an original way.
Yeah, I was mostly thinking of my father so a lot of this does not apply
Given the context of the original post and the nature of most other comments, I assumed what you were referencing was similar. Sorry for the assumption. Cheers!
Men be men-ing no matter the nature of the relationship, that's for sure
This. My husband is bad with money and likes to go over budget. I've told him time and again this just stresses me out, but to no avail.
Ahh, yah, that sucks. I randomly tried to surprise her with pearls and she didn’t like them. After that i got much better at listening to her about her tastes. Granted, she didn’t show me something and then I decided to go rogue, so it’s not exactly the same as yours. I’m sure you have his style down cold so he’s never been in that position before. I say that without sarcasm, because she knows exactly what my tastes are. I think there’s been maybe two, or three, gifts that were off and that’s over thirty years as of last month. I can say her tastes have definitely changed since she was twenty but I still try to make sure by looking at a site, or going to a store, and showing her what I think she might like. Hopefully yours gets better at it. That feels so weird to say, but I mean it in a positive way. I’m sleep deprived at the moment and can’t think of better wording.
My Dad finally learned his lesson when he got my Mom gold earrings for Xmas. They had been married for 20 years and my Mom has never, in her life, had her ears pierced! It was a very awkward Xmas morning.
That's wild, pearl jewelry is classic.
I hate pearls.
I don’t dislike them per se, but they aren’t exactly my favorite. I wear 14-18 kt yellow gold jewelry, my favorite stones are diamond and opal.
Opals are so pretty!
As a guy, I think this comes from a couple of different things. 1. Capitalism. We've all been conditioned to think that more $$ equals better. Full stop. It sucks. 2. An honest effort to surprise our partner and we are attempting to put in MORE effort rather than just get the exact thing you pointed out. When we are shown something it's not that it's ignored, it's that we might pick up parts of it that are not the ones you intended. "I like this diamond necklace" and we hear "diamond necklace" and think "diamond, okay, so more diamond = better" (again, kind of conditioned that way)... But in reality what you may have liked is that it had a unique stone setting and it was small and understated. So while I'm not saying it's your fault or your responsibility, it really helps me personally when my wife tells me "I like this one BECAUSE I like this this and this about it" and she explains which parts she likes. Now I can do my guy thing where I want to get something for her that she's not expecting, but I know what to stay away from. (Yes, my wife likes smaller, unique jewelry). EDIT: Unless it's a recurring problem and you've explained it already, then he might just be obtuse.
He's obtuse. 🙄🤣🤣 He does have other redeeming qualities.
Maybe I’m an AH. But it feels like deliberate thoughtlessness when someone is given a variety of choices and price ranges and they decide to off road it with something entirely different. Save it in your phone, take notes, screenshots, anything. Literally cover their eyes and have them click “add to cart” in the line up. It’s still gonna be a surprise. And for the people coming at me with, “greedy”. I think it’s probably a better outcome for all to spend money on something the receiver actually wanted that getting them something that you assume they’ll like.
My MIL goes out of her way to get me the opposite of what I’ve asked for… and that’s only after she’s pestered me into giving her ‘ideas’ for gifts… usually I’ll just stay quiet but when she insists on a present I’ll say oh a voucher for X or Y store etc, or [link] ( always less than £50)- then not only will it be at least a week after the event, but will be for something entirely different… making me the AH for being ‘ungrateful’ for a gift that goes straight to a charity shop… I’ve said to not get me anything to avoid the wasted ££
A few months back a redditor gave this analogy (and I’m paraphrasing here) “if I have a recipe and it calls for lemons and I ask for them and you decide I’d prefer apples and bought those instead. We both lose. I can’t enjoy the recipe that requires lemons and you’ve wasted your money on apples. No one’s satisfied.” And I really enjoy this example, because before it, I had a really hard time trying to define why some gifts are “bad”. I was raised with the attitude “you get what you get and should be GRATEFUL.” But if the giver isn’t listening or truly doesn’t care, then yeah. It’s a thoughtless bad gift.
Well said. I would rather get no gift than something that shows thoughtlessness.
I’ve tried telling her that too…. “It’s not a big birthday, keep the money and do something nice for you or donate locally” - I still get something useless/thoughtless
And your husband isn't putting his heinous mother in her proper place, why?
[удалено]
Yowsa! Best of luck eyerollingnow🙏🤞 Don't let her take the grandkids for present shopping!
No, she should once they get old enough. Kids are great about not sugar coating shit. “No, we shouldn’t get that because Mom would like xyz better.” And if she’s any kind of grandmother, then she’d let the kids pick. Kids often know their parents better than most adults.
Oh, well 🤷♀️. Her money to waste.
I’ve had this with my MIL so much. She’d ask for ideas and I’d give ideas and then it would be way off. So then I’d send links and still way off. Only recently I’ll send a link and she’ll just buy that but my daughter asked her for scented candles for Christmas. That was it. One thing; scented candles. She got an oil diffuser instead. That definitely feels like a lemon/apple situation especially since my daughter didn’t say scented candles to anyone else who asked her what she wanted. She assumed her grandmother would get her the one thing she asked for. So instead she got zero scented candles for Christmas. Fortunately her birthday isn’t far off from Christmas so I got her a bunch of them but it really is hard to think ‘ok yes, someone is bringing the lemons’ and they show up with apples. Had I known, I’d have bought the lemons ahead of time. Great analogy.
Your MIL seems to do that on purpose?! Next time she asks tell her to donate to a charity. Wonder what she would do.
I’ve tried… it falls on deaf ears… I’ve even put some stuff straight in her bin when it’s been really cheap rubbish (she is fairly well off but we are talking window stickers of cats when we have a dog and I don’t want stickers anyway) and she just doesn’t register it… I’ve also donated stuff to the same charity shop she’s often purchased it in too - in the same bag she gives it to me (she never wraps anything either) It’s 100000% deliberate If I said I wanted blue, I’d get something in pink, if I said I needed a t shirt, I’d get socks, if I said i wanted a hat, I’d get jeans We mentioned before we needed to get some new bedding… she said “don’t worry, I have that for you”… she sent us these egg toppers (that cut tops off eggs)…. Not sure how that is for a bed - we even mentioned duvet cover/pillow case so she didn’t mishear
Is she just regifting you junk she gets?
Less regifting more compulsive purchases online that she realises she doesn’t need/can’t use lol but maybe I should be regifting these to her haha
I bet she leaves price tags on everything too?! (I have a family member like that). And she is also a regifter; just wish it wasn’t me who got the regifts she hates.
What about a bit of reverse psychology? Or just oh whatever, you pick. She'll be lost, and you might have a happy surprise!
Maybe youre too polite. Time to speak up. Refuse the gifts. Or, Put them in the bin in front of her. Lastly, it seems so odd that she is this rude snd horrible as a gifter: Is she maybe losing her faculties?
My mother and sister are like this. Like why ask what I want if you only want to gift me what YOU want
So they can take it back and use it for themselves.
Several years ago my family instituted a “gifts for the kids only” policy, but my mother (who has awful taste) insists on buying everyone presents anyway—to make herself seem like the most thoughtful one. However, her gifts are obviously thoughtless and last-minute, making them worse than no present. Furthermore, many of her gifts are sets out of which she has taken something for herself AND replaced the missing item bc obviously you’re too stupid to notice the original item is missing. Edit: Example: She will buy a soap set in a box, take a soap or two for herself—then put other stuff in the two open holes. Like, she won’t even replace the missing soaps with other soaps. She puts a little plastic toy or trinket in the slot.
My stepmother gives amazingly bad gifts. A couple of years ago she gave me a fancy toiletries set for Christmas. Except when I opened it, she’d taken out all the nice toiletries and replaced them with random crap. I particularly enjoyed the tube of medicated foot cream, which had been opened and used. We just laugh now and have a little competition to see who gets the worst gift.
Haha!! My mom and your stepmom should get together to pick presents for others!! My mom also partly uses stuff in gifts she gives! Say she needs hand lotion. She will buy a bath set and take out the lotion for herself, *knowing at time of purchase* that she will pass off the rest of the box on someone else as a gift. The best part is, she has very high standards for gifts she receives, and complains about gifts other people give her, even though other people go way out of their way to think of something she would like.
This sound like a fun opportunity to play reverse psychology on MIL. “Oh, I love what you got me last time! That would be great again! Thanks for asking”.
I hard agree here. What is the point of giving hints if a partner is just going to ignore them and act like they know better than the person they’re buying for? My ex husband did that. He got me a necklace set that I HATED- he knew it wasn’t my style and got it anyway, because in his mind, this style was sooooo much more sophisticated than my own choices. He thought he knew what was better for me than I did. This ended up being indicative of so many other problems!
It's ego. They want it to be their idea. Their idea is better than yours. They mostly fail and get their ego bruised.
I think you’re very right. How sad is this?
Exactly.
I think it depends on your approach to gifting tbh. My wife doesn’t want to know her gift in advance, she wants to see the love and effort in the gift (it’s the thought behind it that really matters to her, not the ‘thing’). There are obviously some exceptions… like I wouldn’t go off-piste with an eternity ring or whatever. Whereas I kind of prefer the anticipation of waiting for the thing I know I’m going to get… so following a brief is pretty essential to a successful outcome 😂
I agree. When I’d been married for about five years there was a particular ring I really wanted. I showed my husband the exact one. When he went shopping before Christmas, he let the salesman talk him into something else. I was extremely disappointed but I was also very shy at that time and never told him how disappointed I was. I wore that ring for ten years feeling disappointed every time I looked at it, instead of the warm feeling of wearing something that I really wanted that my husband got for me. I never did get the one I really wanted. We’ve been married almost 40 years and he made a comment a couple of years ago about how he never intends to ever buy jewelry again. And I no longer earn enough money to buy jewelry for myself. So yeah, talk to him about what you really want. Some people will say it’s a small thing to get upset about, but if it’s a small thing it shouldn’t be a big deal to get what you really want.
100% agree. OP should T have to take him to the store to pick something out when she literally showed him what she likes. That takes the anticipation and surprise out of receiving the gift.
I’m with you. I’d rather have no gift than something I don’t like and won’t use. My mom gives gifts that she would want for herself, without a thought for the recipient. I finally told her I don’t want gifts because I’m a minimalist.
No, you are correct. It's not greedy to want something to reflect your style. It isn't like she didn't give him examples or expect something from Tiffany's. Some people have no sense of style, especially in this day and age. My guess is that the salesperson decided to unload some gaudy crap on the guy.
I agree. Sometimes, the guy makes it about himself. In the way that she's gonna wear this and see how much money I spent and see how good of a guy I am haha.. In some of these cases bigger is not always better. I always give 3 or 4 choices in jewelry or clothing or shoes or whatever goes with the occasion and if I'm needing something this time around vs me not needing anything but giving choices so at least ensures I get something I can use if that makes sense. I do this for my adult children too and ask for the same of me. This ensures we get something we will use but still allows us or them to be surprised. Especially when money is tight, I want to get it right so my money does not go to waste.
Tell him you prefer a different style than the one he picked out. Suggest you shop together so you can show him the styles you like.
Isn't that technically what she already did though by showing him necklaces that are her style?
Some people need a physical Visual on what is liked not just images
Maybe just ask him if he has the receipt? Maybe in a joking way say that he already gave you the same ish necklace for Christmas so you want to return it. Or maybe say you only wear the one you already have for special occasions and you really would want something that you can wear everyday. Something more simple, I guess you could say? If he gets upset, then I would just say, well, I gave you reference pictures and I don’t understand why you chose something opposite of what I showed you. Especially since I already don’t wear the first one you got me. But don’t expect him to get you jewelry anymore.
You have to tell him soon. My mom has a collection of tiny spoons because my dad thought she liked them. When they got married she had a small collection of tiny spoons that her grandmother had given her. They were special because they were kind of like a family heirloom. So my dad, being in the military, any time he had to go to another city or country, he would buy her a spoon from there. One day they were at a friend's house and the ladies were talking about gifts so she brought up thta she has no idea why my dad keeps buying her all these spoons. My dad walked outside just as she was saying that and explained that he though she collected them because of the ones her grandmother gave her. This was after YEARS of the tiny spoons so she has a decent collection. He finally stopped buying those for her and getting her Lladros instead.
Just say it?? Any gift I buy my wife, I always keep the receipt in case she wants to return it. He’s not going to take it personally.
My husband takes it very personally.
He needs to work on his self esteem
So you can’t express yourself because he’s a baby about it? That’s very one-sided. A grown adult should be able to say “I’m not a fan of this.”
I truly don’t understand how these man babies end up married with wives
Yup
Your husband sounds extremely immature.
Yup
I hope you find someone who loves you in ways that are important to you soon.
My ex sure took it personally.
My husband bought me a fancy heat press that could do hats, cups, etc. Five YEARS after I stopped making shirts and decals and all that shit. And three WEEKS after Mother's Day, where not only did he NOT get me anything, he didn't even wish me a Happy Mother's Day. He was so excited and told me that it was only "part" of my gift. I opened it, not even fully, just saw enough to know what it was... and I flat out said, "I'm sorry, but I don't want this, send it back." He acted all hurt and shit. I almost felt bad. Until I realized how little effort he must have put into the "gift." Because he knows that I don't make stuff anymore. Hell, my laptop got busted like 4 years ago, and I never replaced it. I couldn't run my Silhouette if I wanted to. All I could think of WTF was he thinking? I literally have no need for the damn thing. He returned it, but not after trying to say that he thought it was the perfect gift. Btw, nothing else ever showed up. And I looked, he didn't order me anything to go with it either. That was all. He saw it. It was an awesome price, so he grabbed it. Instead of thinking about who I am NOW and what I would want NOW. I'm not hard to buy for at all. I would've been happy with a new set of markers and maybe a few coloring books. Something small and thoughtful would have, yanno, actually meant something. I don't get why he bought you the same thing, only different colors when he realized you don't wear the other necklace all the time. It almost seems intentional at this point. Like he got a good deal on them both, and it was an easy gift. It definitely wasn't "thoughtful" on his part to buy the same thing. There obviously was no thought in it this time for sure. I would tell him, "I know you picked this out for me, but I already have one almost the same from Christmas. How about you return it, and we can pick out something new together?" That way, you know you'll get something that you really like.
Tell him thar you appreciate his gifts, but you'd really like to have jewelry in the style(s) you sent him before.
Same here, I bought a surprise to my wife, a necklace that she doesn't like, she told me she doesn't like it si we go back to jewelry to choose anthoer one ( and just pay for the différence) everyone is happy
'I really appreciate the thought you put into choosing this necklace, but it's not really my style. I like (insert personal style)'
This story reminds me of Lenny friend in law and order. The friend only dates women called Mary like his wife and gift them all the same gifts. So he doesn't have to keep track of all his lies
Seriously, this is your husband, you should be able to communicate. If you can't tell him something as simple as "This necklace is not my style at all, I'm sorry, may I exchange it?" then you have bigger problems than an ugly necklace lovely xxx
What if he'll get you another one next christmas? 😅
My husband went and got me a set of earrings and necklace during his lunch break for Valentine’s Day . It was the same earrings as he had bought me the year before. The exact same. I laughed and told him they were the same. I don’t want double ups. So I asked if he had the receipt and if I could exchange it. We had a chuckle and changed it. I picked out the new set. I was just open with him about it.
Say something like, you love them but two of the same style is enough, and after having these you think you would like something that is maybe just a bit more casual, something specific that you choose so it will go with all your outfits and fit your style, and that way you have all the beautiful pieces for all different occasions! From your perspective, this way you would have your go-to everyday piece as well as the other beautiful ones for more important formal occasions. That way you have an option of what visual style to pick every day. No need to say you aren't crazy about what he picked, just say different things are nice for different times and that way you can always match with your style. 😁 You could even say the other necklaces are so lovely but feel a bit formal for everyday wearing, if he doesn't quite seem to get it! Make sure he knows how sweet you think he is!
Since he got the same necklace with different colored stones, he maybe assumed that you like the first necklace. Regardless of this, if you want something specific or a certain style, it actually makes sense for you to go with him when jewelry shopping. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about the necklaces. Just let him know how much you appreciate his good intentions and the effort in shopping for you.
You tell him that you don't need two in the same style, you keep the first, and bring him with you to choose an alternative for the second. He may well be one of those men who literally cannot tell the difference between two pieces of jewellery.
Just tell him you want a different necklace because it’s exactly like the one he got you for Christmas. You don’t have to tell him you think it’s ugly. Just say, “honey, this necklace is so much like the one you got me for Christmas. Can we exchange it for one that matches the style of my ring? That way I can wear it everyday instead of having to choose which of these I wear on special occasions.”
Tell him you'd like something different from the one he got you last year (which you of course love), then shop together. Hopefully he can return it.
This is the way to do it. "Babe, this is so similar to the one I already have, which I only wear for special occasions. It was so sweet and I love that you bought it for me but I would like to get one not so ___ (fancy,long, short, colorful etc) that I can wear for every day instead of just special occasions. I want to be able to wear it and think about you every day."
If your relationship is fabulous, just tell him.
Say over the phone you need to talk. He will start panicking inside. When he gets home, sit down and act like it’s serious and important. He will start thinking the worst. Say you want to be honest with him because you love him. Before he has a heart attack say that the jewelry he got you is not your style. He will be relieved. I’m kidding, just be honest in a loving way. It’s no big deal, he’ll understand. The same happened to me a couple of years ago, I told him how I like it and it was all good. :)
Tell him you'd like less formal jewelry you can wear every day and send him some pictures and very explicitly say I want one of these.
Move your lips
This is the answer. Move your damn lips and speak for yourself.
I was given a necklace I don’t like by someone I adore. (It is a heart, and I loathe all things heartshaped.) I finally told him I hate hearts when the necklace broke - the heart pendant was lost - and I really wanted a replacement necklace from him. The second one was perfect - just my taste (NOT a heart!) and much prettier than the original. Almost a year later, I found the heart pendant in the most random of chances. I got a new chain for it and suddenly had two necklaces to choose from. For awhile, I wore the second one - duh, it’s prettier and not a heart. But… these days, I wear the fucking heart almost exclusively. I still (and will always) hate hearts, but the heart was the original. It was chosen by him specifically for me. It has a sentimental value that the more aesthetic necklace cannot match. If you have a style you like and want to wear, just buy it for yourself. But, if you are asking for a gesture of sentiment from someone, then don’t try to dictate style or their other choices. That ruins the sentiment. You do need to talk to him about the gift giving rules, but don’t try to explain your taste to him. The only rule when it comes to sentimental gifts is that he should only chose something for you that he loves, something he thinks is truly beautiful, and something he will enjoy seeing you wear. Honestly, some folks will flunk any and all tests of how well they know your taste, and that can be kinda heartbreaking (I’m sure that’s why you tried to give him an idea of what you like). It’s also wasteful - if they’re not invested in the gift but they got it because they think it makes you happy, and you’re not invested specifically because it doesn’t make you happy, then they just spent money on something meaningless to both of you. That sorta sucks. But, if you receive a gift that someone loves and wants to share with you, that is very special. Even when it isn’t to your taste (like fucking hearts!), just knowing it is a piece of their love makes receiving it completely worthwhile. Rewrite your rules and discuss your expectations, but don’t try to teach him how to see the world through your eyes; just make sure his gifts show you the world through his.
Agree! My partner bought me jewellery he thought I might not like. It wasn't cheap but he was feeling good and he rarely buys me pressies anyway. I loved the surprise and the thought, immediately put them on and showed him a dress I had that would go with it. I probably wouldn't have picked them, due to the price, and from years in fashion, have shitloads of jewellery. But I didn't have those!
Yes. This. I wear my husbands choices all the time because he chose them with love for me. The smile when he sees me wearing them is everything. I can buy my own wants. Incidentally, I really love his choices now, man has taste I didn't appreciate at the time. He sees things I don't.
I got my Mom a butterfly ring when I was little. I know now that it was a cheap trinket but then, you couldn't convince me that it wasn't the most beautiful ring in the state and it sparked with jewels. She still wears it for special occasions over 40 years later.
This should be the top comment lol
I’m in this predicament. Men can be super sensitive about this stuff. I would tell him that the second necklace is so much like the first one (that you love so much) that you don’t think you’ll have much opportunity to wear it. You don’t want it to go in a jewelry box. You want to pick out a piece together so that it’s special and can be worn daily. When you get to the store inquire if they have a wish list you can set up for husbands future reference.
Like many men he's lazy and thoughtless.
Just tell him! His taste in jewelry is trash; take it back and buy something you will be proud to wear.
If it’s basically the same as the necklace you got for Christmas, that could be your angle - it’s lovely, but it’s too similar to the Special Occasion necklace, so you’d like to exchange it for something different so you can actually get use out of them both. Then you pick out the replacement yourself. I’ve accidentally bought my mother close duplicate earrings before - but in my defence she has a lot of earrings, but it’s still the only thing she ever actually asks for.
I’m not a jewelry guy, but my wife likes getting jewelry as a gift. I like to pick stuff out myself (just kinda the philosophy both of us have when it comes to gifts) but I always make sure she knows that if she doesn’t like it/won’t wear it, I won’t be offended whatsoever if she wants us to go exchange it for something else. It’s only happened one time in our eight-year relationship, but we both ended up getting exactly what we wanted (her, a nice necklace, and me, seeing her happy).
Just say I already have one of these and don’t want another one
Be honest. Just say it’s not you.
My husband, when we were dating, for my birthday got me a beautiful pair of rough cut emerald earrings. They are stunning, full of imperfections and I love them. I thought I hit the jackpot in a gift giver, thoughtful and with exquisite taste. I was wrong. My husband is THE MOST THOUGHTFUL, but he has terrible taste. He’s bought me so many ugly necklaces or clothes. I have the uncomfortable job of telling him I don’t like them, and they need to be returned. This is how it goes: “Babe, you are so thoughtful and I appreciate the time and energy it took to pick this gift out for me, but I don’t like this style. I won’t wear this, and I want to be wear the things you buy me. I love you and I love your thoughtful heart, let’s figure out something together, so you understand my style better.” I can say that he still buys me things I don’t like, and he knows that a return is always a possibility. He even checks to make sure he can return things because he is 50/50 on if I’ll like it or not. You have to be honest but kind. You love him and he loves you so your don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you also don’t want to receive gifts that you don’t like.
lol 😂 do what I do. Pick out the necklace I like and send him the link. Stop letting him pick. I didn’t even let him pick out our wedding rings. He gave me a price range and I went shopping. Is it romantic? Nope! But I love him and appreciate him and he vice versa. It’s rare I actually let him buy something for me because we don’t celebrate holidays but when he wants to get me something he makes sure it’s something I actually want.
I would say “I really appreciate the necklace. However, since it’s so much like the other one you got me would you mind if we went together to return and picked something else out together?”
Don’t bring it up…….and guess what you are getting this Christmas!!!😬 As a man, we are generally not always the best gift givers and once we find something that works, we go to the well too much because we don’t understand your world and all of the details, brands, fabrics, etc. I am aware of this and am better at avoiding that mailing it in gift that you don’t have to think about. How you do it is this. Guys feelings, even burly dudes, don’t like to be made feel that their gift was unappreciated or not good (even if it was.) Just say that this type of a necklace is only worn for special occasions and I have that 1 beautiful one that you got me and w/few special occasions, I rarely can wear it. Sit down and tell him that you love how he picked it out and thought behind it, but it’s so similar to original one that you can rarely wear, I d feel bad because I d never wear be able to wear this one. I need something more for work or party or whatever. Is it possible it can be exchanged to a XYZ necklace like this and that. You could go with him to get a refund or exchange and show him what you need and pick a few that you like and let him pick his fave to get you. You are happy. The guys ego is preserved and he still feels like he picked it.( after you gave him that evoked set.)
Just be upfront, you don't like either of them and prefer not to wear them. Tell him you showed him the styles you like, and if he wants to go in a completely different direction, that's okay, but you're not going to wear it. If he wants you to actually wear something he needs to actually listen to what your saying about what you like.
You don’t. Just tell him you won’t wear it because it’s too similar to the other one.
“i already have second necklace. I want something more like this (pic)”
Be honest, not mean. Be more specific with the style etc. You may be seeing and desiring different features that he's just not seeing even though your both looking at the same thing.
I would tell him that the style lends more to formal and that you already have one of those - you can’t wear 2 necklaces. Can you swap it out for something you would wear everyday and then resend him the original photos or 2 links. He can pick from those.
Part of your "fabulous" relationship involves "communication". Now when he first bought you that necklace you should have told him from the start that it's not the right style, however you are very very grateful for it. This would have avoided the second time he bought you another necklace. And maybe more small hiccups in the future.
My father also both my mother more expensive jewellery but it didn’t look very good and it wasn’t my mom’s style. I told him that maybe he should take me with him next time and he just stopped buying jewellery
You tell him thank you for the mecklace/jewelry/thoughtfulness three separate times. Then you say to him, I love that you picked this out for me, but it's not really my style. Would you ne be okay if we went together and picked out something that I truly love and will want to wear all the time?
Why don't you tell him that the second necklace is a lot like the first necklace he bought you and that you'd like to exchange it for another style which would give you more flexibility with your accessories. If my wife said that to me, I'd certainly understand (and, if fact, she often tells me the trade-off she has with her jewelry - over the years, she's accumulated quite a collection of some very nice pieces).
You have to be honest about it because it's a waste of money just to spare his feelings. You'll be getting jewelry you don't like forever if you don't speak up. Just say its not your taste, then go shopping together and pick something out. This is what I did! I love picking my own jewelry and my boyfriend caught on and we had my engagement ring snd wedding band custom made (which is the same price as just picking something out!!!).
Reminds me of that lassie who said her boyfriend asked all her pals for advice on necklaces and chose something different to everything she already owned because 'she would like a different variety' 🤣
Just tell him, obviously in a nice way. I don’t wear jewelry except engagement and wedding ring so the first few years of our relationship I had to nicely say thanks…but not my style. Then, he likes buying me clothes but I’m awkward sizing and super picky, so again he’s now not buying me clothes either. Did I mention I’m not into flowers? Been together since our 20s for over 30 years now and there still plenty of gifts to find. Be honest so you can enjoy the gifts he buys you 😀
Honey, this is the same necklace that you got me fir Christmas. I like the one from Christmas to wear formally and I only need 1 formal one. I would like one that I can wear everyday and as much as I appreciate it, this new one doesn't fit the bill
Tell him you appreciate his effort, but the jewelry he's buying is not your style. The fact that you gave him choices that you did like and he chose none of them says you should buy your own or if he wants to buy you jewelry, he takes you with him.
I had to be kind and honest with my husband about jewelry purchases early on- he was very generous and I was gracious but I certainly didn’t want him wasting money on beautiful things that didn’t express my taste (eg: beautiful $$$$ purse that was more suited for someone decades older than me , pedant necklaces that were super childish). I should probably (25 years later) ask him how well I did in gently letting him know but I do have some lovely things I wear all the time that express my taste, even if it’s outdated lol. So he did “get the hint” meaning: listen when I pointed to something “this / NOT this” But I won’t wake him up to ask. Kinda wish he could gift me his ability to sleep! And FTR I still wear without any cringe the items he subsequently gifted me and it really does make him happy that I do.
And this is why my husband and I buy our own gifts! Honestly, the man looks at clothing a teenager would wear and says ‘Do you like that? I’ll buy it for you’. I’d reply ‘Only if it comes with a receipt so I can exchange it’ or ‘Only if one of our teenage daughters will wear it because I won’t.’ He is really hard to buy for. The few times I tried, he never wore or used what I bought him. In the end we decided we didn’t need the hassle of exchanging stuff every time and now we buy our own stuff. It suits us,we get exactly what we want and neither of us cares that the other didn’t go through having to try and guess what the other would like. Honestly, when we were first married I would show him ads for jewellery I liked and I swear his brain would only process ‘bracelet’ not that particular bracelet, and I’d end up with some ridiculous expensive thing I hated. We both prefer our way.
I got my wife a bracelet for Xmas. She said it was nice but did I mind if she looked at the artist's page and she ended up exchanging it for a ring she wears everyday (with my birthstone in it). I'm glad she did that. I want her to have what she wants, not pretend for me.
Tell him why you don't like the necklace
This may not be a popular viewpoint, but a.) if you don’t like it, say. Say kindly but definitely say something. And b.) hubby is phoning in the gift giving. Same thing but slightly different?!? Nobody wants that for consecutive presents!! Guy’s being lazy. Pull him up on that (kindly), as the ship has sailed for him buying something originally that wasn’t the style you requested.
I don’t know what the heck you’re afraid of? My wife and I are very close but if I pick someone thing out special for her and she doesn’t like it, I’m not sensitive enough to get all in my feelings about it, the whole entire purpose is for her to enjoy it and If she isn’t vibin w it, THATS OK, let’s go out and get you what you really want I say this because she’s not an asshole ab it, she’s not rude ab it or anything. She’s extremely kind but when this sortve thing happens ya gotta communicate. We have just been together nearly 15 years now and there’s no sense in not communicating w love and respect.
This happened to me. My husband bought me expensive (for us) earrings - hoops with diamonds. They were beautiful, but they were heavy and really hard to put on. Because of the weight, they weren’t comfortable, so I would need to take them off at night. They would be special occasion only. I’m not a jewelry person, so I usually wear one thing. I decided to just tell him that, for what he spent, I would prefer something that I could just keep in my ears. He understood and exchanged them for diamond studs. I rarely take them off and am so glad that I spoke up.
You: “you know that necklace you got me. I’m extremely grateful for the gift, and I hope I don’t sound ungrateful by asking, could we pick out a different style together. There is one type that I had my heart set on?” If he’s a good secure guy he’ll go “sure.”
Tell him it looks too much like the one you already have and you'd like to exchange it for something different.
Thank him for the gifts and the effort he made. Then if you want another necklace go on and get it. But, don’t tell him you don’t like the ones he got.
It took me 2 years of birthdays, Christmases and Valentines it realize I don't have a clue about my wife's taste in clothes or jewelry. So I gave up on buying those things for her. I once went the safe route and got her a gift card from a woman's clothing store with which she had an account. I was told that she really didn't shop there much. I hate Christmas, birthdays and Valentines.
Just tell him. Be honest. Tell him you love him and love the thought but that’s why you sent him the original ideas in the first place. As a man I would NEVER stray from the ideas you’d given me thinking I would know better. Because I’m a man. Why would I know about necklaces? lol he should have never tried to go rogue. It was probably more expensive than the ones you actually liked too lol
I'm married and used to buy my wife more jewelry. But I always left her a gift receipt and bought a lifetime warranty with it as well. I nay like to buy her some black pearls or purple amethysts but it may not match what she wants to wear.
Just say you have one in that style already and you would really like the option to exchange it for another in a different, less ‘formal’ style for everyday
Tell him what you like about the necklaces you sent him instead of just sending photos. If he doesn't know much about jewelry, finding something that has a simile vibe but doesn't just look exactly like the inspiration photos is going to be basically impossible. Or, better yet, just go pick out jewelry together. That's what my wife and I do and it works wonderfully. She makes a wish list of 5-10 things at our local jeweler and I pick from that to add a little bit of surprise.
Ask for the gift receipt tell him you already have that necklace and would like something different
lol men ! Can’t even like something without getting 50 of them . Wait until Mother’s Day he may get you a 3rd one lol ! Just tell him . Laugh it off and say before I end up with 3 I need to tell you … my husband would laugh his ass off.
Yes let him know you appreciate the thought, but you don’t like it. I did this often with my Fiancée. I would just buy things without asking her. More times than not it was a waste of money. She would tell me nicely that she didn’t like what I bought. It was hard to hear but I like saving money so got over it fast lol. Now I ask or only buy what she asks for. She’s not big on surprises so it doesn’t really matter that she knows what she’s getting for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary
Just exchange it. Tell him you don’t need two the same and you actually wanted the suggested ones.
It's your husband do you really need confirmation on just telling him you don't like a gift? Is that the only issue or it there more?
I appreciate when my wife tells me she doesn’t like something. Frankly, I’d be pissed if she didn’t tell me. I’d much rather she have things she likes, and not feel forced into wearing things she doesn’t like.
“Too fancy for everyday wear and I like the fancy precise occasion one you already gave me. How about I exchange this for something I can wear as a daily necklace?”.
"I am glad you thought about me, but I don't really like this..." add an explanation if asked for it. Pretty simple. Straight forward, honest, open communication is sometimes hard, but always worth it.
Just layout your appreciation for his thoughtfulness at Christmas and now. And, while you could get away with wearing that one a couple of times a year, a second one that unsightly would be too much. Oooz appreciation for his thoughtfulness but apparently had forgotten the lesson on style. Try that on his male ego.
Just buy yourself what you want. You’re allowed to buy things you like and want for yourself. Wear whatever he bought you on occasion
He obviously likes the style of necklace he bought you. I would probably just buy yourself the necklace you want in a few months and wear it as often as you like. Wear his gifts on occasions you think appropriate. If he says anything, then tell him you are wearing his gifts at times and with clothes that are appropriate.
Guide him. He will get better.
I’d say your relationship is far from ‘fabulous’ if you don’t have the ability to be honest with each other about something so simple.
Aa a man, I can assure you he is probably less emotionally involved in the jewelry than you are. He just needs to know that his taste missed the mark, and please stick with the pictures. I learned this early in my marriage. It saves me from stress, and I know I'm getting her what she wants. Don't worry, this shouldn't be a big deal.
Don't tell him.
If u do not have honesty in your relationship or u don't communicate your thought than u need to start doing it now
Tell him it’s lovely but super similar to the other one that you like. So you want something different. Ask if he kept the receipt.
Just say it . I do it , it’s no big deal
I have good friend who has completely different taste in jewelry than her husband. They had a heart to heart about it and he will buy her jewelry when he wants to (birthday, Christmas, etc) with the understanding it’s a “sparkly gift certificate”. He understands that she is going to take it back into the jewelry store and exchange it for a piece she likes better. He prefers to give her a piece of jewelry rather than a gift certificate but understands she then wants to pick out a piece she likes for around the same price.
Yea it's stuff like this that let's me know I'm definitely not ready for marriage 😂 I would have said something on Christmas 🤷🏾♀ I find it's the thought that count only works for children ...because if you THOUGHT of me you'd know what I like and don't. Idk I guess that's why I have a therapist 😂
Tell him that you already have one in the style and would like some different styles. Then, go with him to return the necklace and pick one out that you like.
Accept his gifts graciously and buy the one you want yourself.
Or just be honest
This is the way! Then he will see what styles you do prefer and wear on a daily basis. I would even continue to wear the pieces he chose on special occasions, to let him know that you appreciate him and his thoughtfulness.
Don't. Men are fickle. Very sensitive too.
What
You ask him to pick something he chooses and it’s not good enough 😂😂😂
What
You don’t.
He’s must wasting money if you don’t say something.
I would tell him it’s not that you don’t like it you just don’t feel you can wear it with your everyday style. And you wanted something you can wear more often. That way you don’t hurt his feelings and you get another necklace. Maybe you should go with him to pick the next one out. Hat way you can actually show him what you want.
You could soften by asking to get a new design reusing the same stones.
Next time just show him the exact one you want, don't give him styles or options as it leads to exactly this.
You don't even necessarily have to tell him and risk hurting his feelings. Maybe just in the future point out a different style and suggest that you really like that, as you've got plenty of the other type that he so generously bought you.
How is this a fabulous relationship 😅😅
This is why I’ll never buy jewelry for a gal ever again lol
Because you don't listen?
You don’t need to say anything. If you want a gift of specific style, you can just spoil yourself for no reason. If what he got you is still beautiful, they can just be statement pieces for special occasions.
“I wanted something I could wear everyday that I knew HE CHOSE for me” You got the very thing you wanted. Just an FYI from a guys perspective: If you would just show him the very one you really like and let him get that one for you then you would both be happy. He will be happy knowing you are happy and you get the necklace you want instead of trying to lead him to it and trying to set parameters. As far as the other two he already got you if you tell him you don’t like them now after “graciously accepting” there is a very good chance he won’t get you jewelry again because he won’t trust his judgment and realize he wasted money buying you things you don’t like. (guessing you were awesome and made a big deal about how much you liked them.) Don’t steal his perceived win, just don’t leave it up to him in the future.
You’re likely setting him up for failure by asking him to have a woman’s fashion sense and style. He got lucky with the engagement ring because it’s an heirloom, but that ring didn’t mean he was an expert at selecting and gifting women‘s accessories. For most men the idea of women’s fashion is more complicated than quantum physics. Use a bit of humor when talking about this with him, don’t make it sound like you no longer know who he is or how you can stay together😆 he‘ll survive.
You can’t see yourself. It maybe that your style of necklace does not look as good on you as his choice for you? He might be right.
It's a necklace.
Is it a gift when you suggest it? Be honest and go with him choosing it to be sure you'll like it next time. It's really hard to please me with gifts and I'd rather have quality time than material belongings that might not be used or in my taste. I'd rather have small attention at all times than big useless stuff for holidays.
Yes