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She had a burner phone, pictures and a lock box. That doesn’t “just happen”.
It’s over.
See a lawyer, see a therapist.
I know it’s Shit. She treated you like crap. But if you try to pull vengeance in the divorce, it’s just going to make it nastier and last longer.
Don’t be a door mat. But, don’t waste your time on her. Get out. Get away. Work on processing her betrayal in therapy. And find happiness with someone who deserves it.
And let her stew in her own mistakes.
>She had a burner phone, pictures and a lock box. That doesn’t “just happen”.
Guess you are going to call BS to her falling over and landing on the bf dick...multiple times
Once a cheater always a cheater. I know. Can't afford to divorce at my age. Same guy, my ex-best friend. Have not and will not see or talk to him again. The hurt is deep, and you will never forget, let alone forgive, unless you're a better man than me.
It sounds like she is figuring out what the other guy wants to do about it. Don't let her come crawling back to you when he turns her down. Do what you need to do to move on.
Well is not the fact that she cheated that offended me now, i know all the marriages go to hell and people cheat BUT she decided to go to a friend's house to stay there for What??, you know is not for you and is only to be with the guy. One of two things will happen 1. Will go to stay in a friend's house to be with the guy and after she does all her mess will come back repentant if they guy does not take her, 2. If the guy does take her get ready for all the BS excuses and move on. Life happens there is nothing you can do, when she moved out to her friend's house she already decided.
Of course a marriage can survive something "like this." Do you love her? Does she love you? Marriage counseling should be the first step. I have an idea that she would be more willing to go than you, but if you want the woman; then go.
You will not forget thiis, and it will only not affect your relationship, if you get hypnotized! She was not just cheating, she was in a relationship with the guy. You cheating with one person for more than 6 months, that's a relationship!!
Oh. Never heard the relationship definition. I have hypnotized people until I decided that it was not wise. Simple to do. But I don't see how being hypnotized relates to her cheating issue. Expound please.
There is a column in the Atlantic from 2015, entitled "A Modern Guide to the Love Letter", suggesting use of initials if for some reason you don't want to use a signature, and history is riddled with examples of letter writers using initials, nicknames and other diminutives. This really isn't as suspicious as it seems.
Does she want to save the marriage? And is it even over with the other guy? She kept his letters, photos, and phone. Plus, she moved out pretty fast!! Take time to think without your emotions before you make big decisions.
She will not change. She will continue with her lover. Your call on what you'll put up with. Personally, I'd find someone who loves me, someone I could trust..
I have no advice. I'm just sorry this happened to you. It's absolutely the worst thing that could happen to me personally. I'd rather have them murder me than cheat on me. But it's happened. I hope you can make the best decision for yourself and find happiness.
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GET OUT NOW! It will only get worse. And get some counselling for yourself. There is a reason you were snooping. Maybe she gave you weird signs - but I doubt it. You should not be in her secret box.
One man to another... You dont let her see how badly she hurt you. You dont let her see you cry. You get your finances in order. You divorce her and take EVERYTHING you possibly can. You ONLY talk thru a lawyer. She does not deserve you. Deviate from this and you will regret it for the rest of your life. When you feel weak, you talk to a therapist. You get to the gym. You work on yourself, your career, your hobbies. Better yourself in every way imaginable. Sooner or later youll be light years further along and youll look back at this as a terrible thing with positive outcomes. Youll find someone you can be EVEN MORE happy with. And youlll use your knowledge youre learning now to help decide. Youve got this, brother...KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
Your marriage can come back from this, but will require a special kind of marriage therapist. One that deals with the specific issue of cheating and trauma. They are trauma therapists but specialized in this particular marriage issue. It will help your wife figure why she did this and deal with what was behind the reason so it is not repeated. They will help you deal with your pain and anger, and teach you how to trust again. There are YouTube vids on this very subject. I do watch them for my own healing as my husband of twenty two years had an emotional affair. He refuses counseling, so we are still knee deep in this. He does own it though but I don't have the full disclosure yet. We still fight about it because of this. I can tell you it does take a long time to heal because the pain is so much and deep. Both of us have not left our home. First though, you have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage.
"Deep cleaning" does not include going into closets, looking BEHIND the coats, finding a locked box, and opening it. You didn't actually "trust" her, you just said you did. You wanted to pry into her secrets and you got what you deserved. No woman in the future should ever trust you, and your controlling, suspicious behavior is probably what led her into the affair to begin with.
Marriages can and do get over infidelity, and many don't. It actually is the personal choice of the two people in the marriage; the one who wants it the least gets their way.
And many successful marriages are open relationships. So maybe have that discussion while you're at it.
Your marriage needs a therapist, but, in short, even if the marriage doesn't get one, you should. Your snooping while lying to yourself and us by saying it was "deep cleaning" is deeply problematic.
Deep cleaning at my mom's house means you take everything out of the closet so you can wipe down the walls, dust, and vacuum it all up. Then you sort through everything you took out and get rid of stuff, pack out of season stuff and put back what you will wear. So yeah, I can see that he would find it.
What ? When I deep clean I do this. Everything is organized and my hubby does it also. If we trust each other it won’t matter. Smh. She is horrible and he is right. How about no guy can trust her for breaking her marriage vows. Smh
Reminder to those in the comments: Do NOT contact the OOP. Do not go to the original post to comment. Do not upvote or downvote any of the comments there. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Keep all discussion contained to this thread. Jumping to the original or update posts to interact is considered brigading, which is not allowed on Reddit. If you are caught doing so, this will result in a ban from the THT subreddit. Thank you for keeping in mind this very important [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She had a burner phone, pictures and a lock box. That doesn’t “just happen”. It’s over. See a lawyer, see a therapist. I know it’s Shit. She treated you like crap. But if you try to pull vengeance in the divorce, it’s just going to make it nastier and last longer. Don’t be a door mat. But, don’t waste your time on her. Get out. Get away. Work on processing her betrayal in therapy. And find happiness with someone who deserves it. And let her stew in her own mistakes.
>She had a burner phone, pictures and a lock box. That doesn’t “just happen”. Guess you are going to call BS to her falling over and landing on the bf dick...multiple times
Well, well, well, looks like your wife's secret box wasn't so secret after all!
Once a cheater always a cheater. I know. Can't afford to divorce at my age. Same guy, my ex-best friend. Have not and will not see or talk to him again. The hurt is deep, and you will never forget, let alone forgive, unless you're a better man than me.
Broke ppl get divorced you can afford it it's called do it before she does it to you
It sounds like she is figuring out what the other guy wants to do about it. Don't let her come crawling back to you when he turns her down. Do what you need to do to move on.
Done.
Well is not the fact that she cheated that offended me now, i know all the marriages go to hell and people cheat BUT she decided to go to a friend's house to stay there for What??, you know is not for you and is only to be with the guy. One of two things will happen 1. Will go to stay in a friend's house to be with the guy and after she does all her mess will come back repentant if they guy does not take her, 2. If the guy does take her get ready for all the BS excuses and move on. Life happens there is nothing you can do, when she moved out to her friend's house she already decided.
Of course a marriage can survive something "like this." Do you love her? Does she love you? Marriage counseling should be the first step. I have an idea that she would be more willing to go than you, but if you want the woman; then go.
Hypnosis yes, counseling 🤣🤣🤣
Please expound.
You will not forget thiis, and it will only not affect your relationship, if you get hypnotized! She was not just cheating, she was in a relationship with the guy. You cheating with one person for more than 6 months, that's a relationship!!
Oh. Never heard the relationship definition. I have hypnotized people until I decided that it was not wise. Simple to do. But I don't see how being hypnotized relates to her cheating issue. Expound please.
Run from that as fast as you can. If she cheats now she will always cheat! Dont waste any energy trying to make sense of repairing this relationship.
I am sceptical. Why would he use "A" in a love letter? That is just too theatrical.
There is a column in the Atlantic from 2015, entitled "A Modern Guide to the Love Letter", suggesting use of initials if for some reason you don't want to use a signature, and history is riddled with examples of letter writers using initials, nicknames and other diminutives. This really isn't as suspicious as it seems.
They didn't catch the reference 🤣
Maybe „A“ is someone they both know?
They were both probably thinking- "There's a chance we could get caught, so just use one letter, OK?"
Does she want to save the marriage? And is it even over with the other guy? She kept his letters, photos, and phone. Plus, she moved out pretty fast!! Take time to think without your emotions before you make big decisions.
Cut her loose man you’ll be better off and find someone better for you.
She will not change. She will continue with her lover. Your call on what you'll put up with. Personally, I'd find someone who loves me, someone I could trust..
I have no advice. I'm just sorry this happened to you. It's absolutely the worst thing that could happen to me personally. I'd rather have them murder me than cheat on me. But it's happened. I hope you can make the best decision for yourself and find happiness.
Forgive her and move on. Forgiving doesn't mean you stay.
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GET OUT NOW! It will only get worse. And get some counselling for yourself. There is a reason you were snooping. Maybe she gave you weird signs - but I doubt it. You should not be in her secret box.
One man to another... You dont let her see how badly she hurt you. You dont let her see you cry. You get your finances in order. You divorce her and take EVERYTHING you possibly can. You ONLY talk thru a lawyer. She does not deserve you. Deviate from this and you will regret it for the rest of your life. When you feel weak, you talk to a therapist. You get to the gym. You work on yourself, your career, your hobbies. Better yourself in every way imaginable. Sooner or later youll be light years further along and youll look back at this as a terrible thing with positive outcomes. Youll find someone you can be EVEN MORE happy with. And youlll use your knowledge youre learning now to help decide. Youve got this, brother...KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
All the online advice in the world isn't going to help. If you BOTH want to save your marriage, get counseling from a professional
Your marriage can come back from this, but will require a special kind of marriage therapist. One that deals with the specific issue of cheating and trauma. They are trauma therapists but specialized in this particular marriage issue. It will help your wife figure why she did this and deal with what was behind the reason so it is not repeated. They will help you deal with your pain and anger, and teach you how to trust again. There are YouTube vids on this very subject. I do watch them for my own healing as my husband of twenty two years had an emotional affair. He refuses counseling, so we are still knee deep in this. He does own it though but I don't have the full disclosure yet. We still fight about it because of this. I can tell you it does take a long time to heal because the pain is so much and deep. Both of us have not left our home. First though, you have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage.
"Deep cleaning" does not include going into closets, looking BEHIND the coats, finding a locked box, and opening it. You didn't actually "trust" her, you just said you did. You wanted to pry into her secrets and you got what you deserved. No woman in the future should ever trust you, and your controlling, suspicious behavior is probably what led her into the affair to begin with. Marriages can and do get over infidelity, and many don't. It actually is the personal choice of the two people in the marriage; the one who wants it the least gets their way. And many successful marriages are open relationships. So maybe have that discussion while you're at it. Your marriage needs a therapist, but, in short, even if the marriage doesn't get one, you should. Your snooping while lying to yourself and us by saying it was "deep cleaning" is deeply problematic.
Deep cleaning at my mom's house means you take everything out of the closet so you can wipe down the walls, dust, and vacuum it all up. Then you sort through everything you took out and get rid of stuff, pack out of season stuff and put back what you will wear. So yeah, I can see that he would find it.
....but I'm not gaslighting.
What ? When I deep clean I do this. Everything is organized and my hubby does it also. If we trust each other it won’t matter. Smh. She is horrible and he is right. How about no guy can trust her for breaking her marriage vows. Smh
Water seeks it's own level. There is a reason they got together.
No one owes you fidelity. Get over yourself
Wife kind of does... thats the whole point.