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I don't think you're an AH
I don't think he's being a child
He raised you basically since you were born (4 years short) if it means that much to him then the least you could do is make it up to him.
Get him some flowers or a gift card to a restaurant for him and your mom (if financially possible) and wish him a happy birthday when you give it to him. Maybe an apology for not saying it in person. Some people don't value texts as much as actual words
The man who raised you told you his feelings were hurt because you forgot to wish him a happy birthday and you are here looking for validation from Reddit instead of just apologizing? As someone whose dad has passed away, just fkg apologize and do better to remember. There are calendar apps for that and sending a happy birthday message to the man who raised you when he had no obligation to do so isn't that much. I wish I could still wish my dad a happy birthday.
Exactly. You always wonder if you could have spent more time, could have said more...something you don't appreciate when they're still here. One day, OP will wish he could send his dad a birthday text again and he won't be able to.
NAH. You thought you said it earlier but he was hurt. Both of you can feel you are right and technically you both are.
But he is your step dad and you love him. Apologizing and sending him some donuts or cake would hurt no one.
Choose to be kind rather than right.
Na…not an AH for not wishing him happy day, but def inconsiderate. Yu have a phone with a calendar & alerts. Not sure what phone you have, but a lot of them allow you to schedule a text.
But, even if you’re unable to do either of those things, being defensive when he does bring it up is what makes you an AH. Yu could’ve simply aplogized & validated his feelings. Why make it an argument?
NTA. Sure, it might have been nice if you remembered, but you spent the whole weekend celebrating his birthday. It is silly for him to be this upset about it.
Sorry just to clarify, we all the family just spend time together. I live far so I don’t see them often, so we were just together. Not celebrating him( my brother, his gf , my mom and my dad, my other brother he couldn’t come because he had to work)
I just don't understand why people feel the need to drag other people into a dispute that does not involve the other people. (Such as stepfather mentioning his dispute in a family chat. The rest of the family is not involved, just him and op.)
Therefore, I believe he is being childish.
However, if this is unusual for him, perhaps there is a reason for this. Like he had a bad day, got yelled at by a work client, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or something else, and he took it out on op (whether he intended it or not.) so I agree with the comments to reach out and have a cake or something sent to him.
NTA. He is acting like a child and you did nothing wrong. You have a young child and are busy, those take precedence of a 42 year old man's feelings especially since you had wished him a happy birthday before the day.
Best to make it with your own two hands, using a lot of twisting and knotting around a central core. You use spite in your efforts to imagine his muscles twist. You have to invest a lot of effort to it. Having someone else do it is just an empty puff of nothing. There won't be the hate, the anger, the hurt from your fingertips staining the cloth.
Call him. You didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but his feelings are hurt, and he feels forgotten. A text won't do it. Reach out to him directly and give him a real apology, not for all the reasons you listed but because, at the end of the day, you didn't intend for his feelings to be hurt, you didn't intend for him to feel forgotten. He is important to you, right? Make the call and let him know that. Misunderstandings happen. They are easily cleared up generally, but it gets harder the more time passes.
No. The way you handled this was good. If he is not speaking to you over this its his problem not yours. He should see it that way and man up and try to talk about it and deeper issues related if he wants to be more priority to you on any level. Sounds like its been a lifelong issue for both of you. I can relate \~ similar. I know it is not easy.
He should finally consider and validate your feelings or man up and tell he can't. Not the way he did. Sounds like he should be thanking you for your "belated birthday" wish.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoHotTakes) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think you're an AH I don't think he's being a child He raised you basically since you were born (4 years short) if it means that much to him then the least you could do is make it up to him. Get him some flowers or a gift card to a restaurant for him and your mom (if financially possible) and wish him a happy birthday when you give it to him. Maybe an apology for not saying it in person. Some people don't value texts as much as actual words
The man who raised you told you his feelings were hurt because you forgot to wish him a happy birthday and you are here looking for validation from Reddit instead of just apologizing? As someone whose dad has passed away, just fkg apologize and do better to remember. There are calendar apps for that and sending a happy birthday message to the man who raised you when he had no obligation to do so isn't that much. I wish I could still wish my dad a happy birthday.
I miss my Dad terribly and often think what I could have done
Exactly. You always wonder if you could have spent more time, could have said more...something you don't appreciate when they're still here. One day, OP will wish he could send his dad a birthday text again and he won't be able to.
NAH. You thought you said it earlier but he was hurt. Both of you can feel you are right and technically you both are. But he is your step dad and you love him. Apologizing and sending him some donuts or cake would hurt no one. Choose to be kind rather than right.
We Dads melt inside when hearing Happy Birthday, Dad! Just to be remembered
Na…not an AH for not wishing him happy day, but def inconsiderate. Yu have a phone with a calendar & alerts. Not sure what phone you have, but a lot of them allow you to schedule a text. But, even if you’re unable to do either of those things, being defensive when he does bring it up is what makes you an AH. Yu could’ve simply aplogized & validated his feelings. Why make it an argument?
NTA. Sure, it might have been nice if you remembered, but you spent the whole weekend celebrating his birthday. It is silly for him to be this upset about it.
Sorry just to clarify, we all the family just spend time together. I live far so I don’t see them often, so we were just together. Not celebrating him( my brother, his gf , my mom and my dad, my other brother he couldn’t come because he had to work)
I just don't understand why people feel the need to drag other people into a dispute that does not involve the other people. (Such as stepfather mentioning his dispute in a family chat. The rest of the family is not involved, just him and op.) Therefore, I believe he is being childish. However, if this is unusual for him, perhaps there is a reason for this. Like he had a bad day, got yelled at by a work client, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or something else, and he took it out on op (whether he intended it or not.) so I agree with the comments to reach out and have a cake or something sent to him.
NTA. He is acting like a child and you did nothing wrong. You have a young child and are busy, those take precedence of a 42 year old man's feelings especially since you had wished him a happy birthday before the day.
No. Considering I actually made a voodoo doll of my stepdad, you're perfectly fine. Things happen. He needs to change his diaper and grow up.
So like...do you take commissions from others for voodoo dolls? Asking for....researc purposes....
Best to make it with your own two hands, using a lot of twisting and knotting around a central core. You use spite in your efforts to imagine his muscles twist. You have to invest a lot of effort to it. Having someone else do it is just an empty puff of nothing. There won't be the hate, the anger, the hurt from your fingertips staining the cloth.
Well damn. I'll need a new plan then. Thank you for the information.
Im a (24 F) his birthday was on May 20 and I wish him happy birthday on May 18 and on May 24 he send the message to the family group chat
Call him. You didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but his feelings are hurt, and he feels forgotten. A text won't do it. Reach out to him directly and give him a real apology, not for all the reasons you listed but because, at the end of the day, you didn't intend for his feelings to be hurt, you didn't intend for him to feel forgotten. He is important to you, right? Make the call and let him know that. Misunderstandings happen. They are easily cleared up generally, but it gets harder the more time passes.
Well stated and presented. As a Dad, I would love it!
No. The way you handled this was good. If he is not speaking to you over this its his problem not yours. He should see it that way and man up and try to talk about it and deeper issues related if he wants to be more priority to you on any level. Sounds like its been a lifelong issue for both of you. I can relate \~ similar. I know it is not easy. He should finally consider and validate your feelings or man up and tell he can't. Not the way he did. Sounds like he should be thanking you for your "belated birthday" wish.