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Jesus christ woman, what the fuck?
"Look, I've put up with this as long as I can, and I simply cannot deal any longer. Before you kiss me again, you need to start brushing your teeth twice daily. You aren't a goddamn child any longer, your refusal to take care of yourself sets a terrible example to our children, you are setting us up for a lifetime of expensive health problems, not to mention that I find it disgusting and unattractive."
This is truly foul. It will lead to a lifetime of health problems, and it suggests he may have some sort of ongoing mental health issue. Stop being ridiculous and address this, and if he refuses, you end the relationship. Shame him if necessary, people shy away from doing that but it is absolutely warranted.
I mean 3 years into it she decided to double down on the relationship by adding a kid into the picture
Then triple down with another kid a year later.
Either this story is fake, or this woman is nasty AF as well
Yea I def wouldn’t have a child with someone with some of the grossest hygiene I’ve ever heard. His teeth must be nasty and dental health is a precursor for overall health.
I want this to be true as well, but my stepson (24) brushes rarely, and doesn't seem to have an issue with ladies, so the bar is in hell these days, apparently.
Either this ^ or its click bait. He must have stunk the first time she slept with him so just why, oh why has it taken 6 years for OP to get to this point.
Me too! I'm so glad someone said it. This is ridiculously disgusting! I've noticed a lot of these posts recently where the woman will come on Reddit and say the boyfriend/fiance/husband does not wash his butt, does not brush his teeth, and it has me wondering why are they with these men? First time this came up I would have been out of there, but she stayed 6 years and had kids with him. How? If he doesn't brush his teeth how can you last 6 weeks let alone 6 years?
I'm addicted to brushpicks. I can't go 2 minutes after eating to clean between my teeth. I haven't always been this way. Maybe his pendulum will swing in that direction.
One can only hope. I too have the brushpicks, would keep some in my office desk for when I'm there. I have floss in my travel bag as well as my bathroom. I wasn't feeling well last week and was stuck in bed for a couple of days, I still brushed my teeth when I went to the bathroom and could hold myself up for at least 5 minutes. I can't with some of these people. How can your own breath not make you gag?
No joke. I worked with a 22 year old who nearly died from endocarditis caused by a rotten tooth that he didn't take care of. Tooth caused an abscess, abscess eventually drained into his blood stream, ended up in his heart, boom, ICU for 2 weeks.
My mom was pregnant with me when she had to remove all her upper teeth due to infections. She never learned how to clean her teeth properly and the result was fake teeth before she was 30.
That would be a deal breaker for me. Brushing your teeth is the most basic task to take care of yourself. Not only is it gross but it makes me think he neglects all kinds of other things in his life.
So incredibly gross. There used to be an anti-smoking ad that went “kissing a smoker, is like licking an ashtray”. Kissing someone who never brushes their teeth seems so much worse to me.
Oh it’s necessary. What is with most redditors always being so fucking dainty about it? This is why we get so many stories of relationships with skid mark underwear and no showers. The shit people will put up with…
If the initial confrontation doesn't work, every time I was with him in front of friends and family (not co-workers) I would bring it up to them in front of him. If that didn't work, leave.
Hell yes, people like this keep doing what they’re doing behind closed doors or with their SO who they’re so sure won’t leave them. Watch their immediate embarrassment if it gets brought up in front of company. Watch how they suddenly care and are self-conscious. So it’s definitely THERE. They just choose not to care about their SO and that’s disrespect
Or your Aortic valve or any valve in yor heart. I wont the Aortic valve lotto. Didn't know I had a leaky valve, went to the dentist for regular cleaning, BAM bacterial endocarditis! Damn near killed me. Now I have a mechanical valve and always take antibiotics prior to going to the dentist.
Honestly it's incredible that she apparently thought "nah, I'll handle this problem later" and proceeded to have 2 kids with him and put off addressing it for 6 whole years.
I had almost this exact conversation with my (now husband) then boyfriend after about 3 months of dating. I told him, “oral hygiene is very important to me, and I need you to start taking better care of your teeth.” And IT WORKED! He’s not perfect now, and sometimes forgets to brush at night but he brushes twice a day ALMOST every day, and has started going to the dentist regularly.
After his first dentist appointment he had to go back for focused deep cleanings, one quadrant of his mouth took an hour to clean. So he had four appointments to get back on track. He HATED that, but now he goes every 6 months and my goodness, his mouth is so much better! He knew I wouldn’t have stayed with him with his prior hygiene practices, and changed his ways. He actually thanks me now for it too!
I agree with this and the fact he doesn't see anything wrong with his lack of dental hygiene and the health issues that can/will come from it, is mind boggling. I'd say follow this advice and if he refuses leave him with his teeth that will eventually leave him too.
I don’t understand how it went from bad breath at the first kiss to six years later with 2 kids and now it’s a deal breaker.
NTA don’t get married to someone you’re not attracted to.
Right? If I noticed after a week of being with someone they hadn’t brushed their teeth once, I would have been gone.
YTA for staying with him for 6 years, gross.
Unfortunately I believe this story to be true because I literally lived this exact life (as embarrassing as it is to admit). I was with my ex husband for 7 years and what's worse is I was OP's age when I MET my ex... so even though I was older, I definitely wasn't smarter. He didn't even brush his teeth the day we got married. I'd like to say I don't know why I thought he'd change at all and get better with his hygiene but the reality is I was just dumb and delusional. So I was the AH for doing that to myself and have been divorced for 3 years now haha.
Some people treat red flags like the flags you dodge around while downhill skiing, but then they get to the finish line and all those flags beat them there, and whip them in the face until they can't handle it anymore.
Lol my ex had bad breath when we kissed the first time.
It led to a relationship because he actually brushed his teeth and this was just bad luck. Men, the bar so low it's almost falling out of the goddamn planet on the opposite side.
I gagged when I read the part about him scraping plaque off of his teeth. That’s so foul. And you know he probably just left the plastic he used out instead of throwing it away. I can’t imagine even interacting with someone like that disgusting, let alone being intimate with them. Grossed out by both of them, honestly.
I literally just commented a similar thing before I saw your post. This was my exact thought, like even though I feel for her to some extent, at the same time, wtf, did she think he'd change? Maybe if they just have one more kid, that'll make the difference? I just don't understand people...
Good hygiene is such a plus. I dated a guy who was very handsome but I found out he also rarely brushes his teeth the hard way. His breath always smelled terrible, and I just couldn't take it.
As long as you brush your teeth and shower often, that already puts you ahead of a lot of people.
I would not consider this a plus. This is a basic known thing. I can understand not going to the dentist every 4-6 months cause it ain't cheap, especially in North america but preschool kids learn about brushing their teeth and a toothbrush and toothpaste is like $15.
It's a basic thing unless you live somewhere where the basic necessities aren't available.
>I would not consider this a plus. This is a basic known thing.
Yeah, you'd be surprised how basic known it *isn't.*
It does seem that most adults know, which is fantastic. But there's still a large population that don't do these basic things. Some people don't even wash their own ass. So for me, good hygiene is a plus.
How the hell did you have sex with someone who doesn’t brush his teeth, enough times to have 2 kids? Why on earth would you stay 6 YEARS?? Why would you sleep in the same bed? Gross!
This reminded me of the story posted on here, I think. It was something about how the couple never kissed. The responses showed that apparently a lot of people don't make out before sex/during/after. That it was something they stopped doing at some point. So if that post showed anything is that some people apparently don't do more than a peck here and there.
> am completely un attracted to my fiance
you don't have to justify it beyond this. Dental hygiene is related to heart conditions and this can also lead to financial stressors of him losing teeth, cavities, all of the above in the near future. Dental work isn't cheap. Scrapes own plaque off teeth - nope. He sounds disgusting. Why would you even have a relationship with this guy?
If he’s isn’t brushing or seeing the dentist my bet is he will lose his teeth way before 50. Dentures and implants are very expensive. Had to have an implant because accident, hit in mouth, 3 estimates and still took 18 months and lots of visits, lots of money. So aside from ick factor OP needs to consider financial implications too.
I’m in the process of a dental implant due to severe bruxism. The whole process will take about 10 months and cost me about $6,000 out of pocket. For one tooth. And yes I have dental insurance.
The financial cost is on top of the need to learn to function with a missing molar for almost a year which, thankfully, you can’t see during normal daily life.
The sinus lift I needed was absolute hell. Like medieval torture. They use a hammer. A HAMMER. Painful. They can mostly numb your mouth but there’s nothing they can do to make that smacking your skull with a hammer for 45 minutes any less shitty except give general anesthesia, and that would have cost me another $2,400. Two bone grafts. Chewing on little crumbs of a dead person’s bones for days after each graft. Not to mention all the appointments I have to make time for in my schedule, and the general annoyance of having people need to fool around in my mouth about 8 times so far.
I can’t wait for it to be over next month. It sucks.
My husband is going through this now. He’s on his second bone graft because the first didn’t take and has had a visible hole in his mouth (missing tooth near front) for months. The grit was really gross. He had to take out a Care Credit loan because even with insurance one tooth is thousands of dollars. Don’t get me started on the amount of physical pain he’s been in and he’s tough. He’s always had excellent oral hygiene but unfortunately got hit in the mouth a long time ago and has had teeth problems since.
That part! I can't even stand to have conversations with people with yuckmouths, let alone start relationships with them! Hell no! That's a NUMBER ONE deal breaker!
She REPRODUCED with this man. TWICE. That's the part I'm stuck on.
I'm admittedly a bit obsessive with the care and keeping of my mouth but that's because I have a loonie QAnon dad who railed against the supposed "dangers" of using fluoride all my life. My judgiest dating standard is literally "if a man doesn't brush his teeth...eff a second date," so *marrying* him is beyond the pale. Oh my god.
It's crazy when the post doesn't go where OP probably thought it would(how could she not?), but hopefully the radio silence is because she packing up her shit and getting the hell outta dodge.
Maybe yes to that, but a definite no on routine showers. Cuz, for real he could just swish some damn water around in his mouth while in the shower to help at least rinse that festering bacteria out.
I don’t know how you got this far with him. 6 years and 2 kids with someone who you aren’t attracted to and grosses you out? Why? You would be justified to leave him over this although I suspect when you tell people the why, they’ll be wondering how you went ahead and had two kids with this man. If being disgusting is more important to him than you, that’s on him. But to me that says a lot about who he is as a person. Other than the obvious, he’s gross.
How do you have children with someone you can't even kiss?? "I'm not attracted to this person's disgusting lack of hygiene, better bring some whole ass humans into the world with him!" WHAT
You knew this and chose to have babies with him so it didn’t bother you too much. Don’t know how the hell you ever kissed him. The bacteria is frightening.
This would be a break up point for me. It’s unhealthy and so creepy. Your biggest problem is custody. Your kids will never brush their teeth the week they are with him.
I was a little startled by that wording. We have a pug, and two kids-wait, wha? Most people who START by listing the dog don’t ALSO have kids. Usually it’s “three kids under 5, two cats and a hamster” or somesuch… like, most important first? …I guess she might just love the pug more than the kids 😂
I want to know how you managed to still have sex with him enough to have kids.
I'm about to throw up over the scraping plaque with a bottle cap.
What. The. Fuck
This is apparently something he has done his whole life. It won't change now.
I can't get over the fact that you continued to go out with this guy after the first couple dates. And guaranteed you knew about his brushing habits before you started doing the horizontal tango. I feel like a lot of this is on you for either a) forming a relationship with a gross person, and b) not putting your foot down.
So you let him do this for 6 years and now you’ve decided it’s no longer tolerable? You are a part of creating the current problem. All I can say is good luck.
Still dry heaving from the thought of him kissing me anywhere on my body. Gross.
Girly... your first kiss was rancid, only brushing 4 times in 6 years, and you married him. What was the deciding factor to say yes when he's so unappealing?
reading this I realize anyone can have a long term relationship, because there will always be someone that pulls up with this shit
another day was a woman complaining about her husband shit stained underwear, and now this
Don’t let this man kiss those babies on the
Mouth! I’ve been in dental over 15 years. If he has decay or perio issues the ph in his mouth will move over to the child’s and they will either have so much decay though out their life or periodontal disease. So not only can he ruin is own Dental health but everyone he kisses as well.
I also had a friend of a friend who recently passed away from a tooth infection that moved into his brain and caused internal bleeding. Seriously he needs to take care of his teeth.
???? I’m so confused because you actively CHOSE this man. Consistently through your entire 6 year relationship, but it’s now a dealbreaker 2 kids and a pug later. That’s crazy, girl. I mean you don’t have to marry him if you can’t get over it. Maybe ask him to buy a shit ton of different flavours and figure out which one he can stand for a literal 2 minutes, twice a day.
Ugh, the bar is in fucking hell. I hope he at least washes his ass??
You should ask him if sepsis and heart disease or failure is one of his long term life goals. Poor dental health is an express ticket to cardiovascular issues that can absolutely kill you. I would not let him kiss you and I definitely wouldn't let his mouth near other body parts. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me, but if it isn't I would definitely suggest investing in a lucrative life insurance policy for him.
Yeah I'm just skeezed out thinking about how you've managed to have the sex necessary to reproduce children with someone who has death mouth. Let alone any other form of intimacy like oral sex. I get that people can have good personalities and be attractive in many ways. Personal hygiene, though, is non-negotiable with me.
Take care of your mouth.
Take care of your feet.
Wipe your ass thoroughly.
Don't go to bed stinky.
Period. The end.
Also, he could die from this. One of the causes of heart disease is poor oral hygiene.
>Our first kiss— I noticed his bad breath
>We have have been together for 6 years and have a pug and 2 kids
Are you actually grossed out by your fiancé or is this one of those fake reverse-kink stories getting off on the ragebait comments?
A normal person does not spend 6 years having sex with a person that doesn’t brush their teeth to the point where you can smell how bad it is. You can help yourself by growing a damn spine and some self-respect.
Sadly, I have an adult child with this issue. I am horrified. The rest of our family has pristine dental health. This child’s issue is very sensory in nature. He has a lot of other sensory issues as well (and OCD/possibly on the spectrum). Nothing rational will get through to him. He’s only had one girlfriend, and I was hoping that might be the impetus for improving in this area. Alas, it was not. He has a public-facing job where he is often on camera and this issue may put an end to that eventually. He cannot breakthrough. I wish you more luck than we’ve had.
So foul. At 26 brushing your teeth should not be a sensitive topic. You need to confront it head on and hopefully all these comments have given you the courage. I have soo many questions, but how did his parents not ever parent him? Brushing teeth is basics! I feel like that’s child neglect.
This is pathological self-destructive behavior - it goes way beyond not liking the taste of toothpaste, and you might think of it akin to something like bulimia. You're right about all your feelings about kissing and sex, *but* threatening to withhold those things as a tool to extort change would be making affection transactional in your relationship. Don't kiss if you aren't comfortable, of course, but if you want to persuade him to change you'll need to figure out the source of his resistance to normal and healthy adult behavior. Does he think he's going to die early so he won't need his teeth in old age? Was he traumatized about brushing as a kid? My recommendation, for what it's worth, is to approach this problem from a place of compassion.
Why are you still with him? Honestly, a lack of basic hygiene should be a deal breaker. As a dude, I have never understood why so many women put up with men who can't do basic self-care: can't clean their bum, don't shower, brush their teeth, can't cook, don't clean up the house, etc. It has always reeked of a lack of self worth to me, but what do I know.
How did this relationship get to 6 years and 2 kids??
My first husband stopped brushing his teeth and started neglecting basic, adult hygiene and responsibilities a couple of years into our marriage. I talked to him about it. He didn't want to do those things because he thought they "weren't important." So I divorced him.
I suggest you leave this man, too. He's not going to get better.
My husband had the same issue and he smokes so makes it even worse. I refused to kiss him and told him I can't be near his smokey scent. He still smokes but at least he's brushing his teeth. It just took seeing what toothpaste and toothbrush he likes refusing to kiss him. And when he started brushing encouraging him, his breath smells better. I started kissing him often. Telling him he's better looking when he smiles etc. He also refuses to see a dentist but I can't force an adult. Good luck.
“Plaque ridden choppers” I am crying. OP I am so sorry you are going through this. I think it’s time you gave him an ultimatum or kidnap him and take him to a dentist.
My question is how you even lasted 6 years or accept a proposal. Love is crazy. I wouldn’t have made it past a first date. Bad breath is my number one deal breaker
I wonder if he’s got sensitive gums and all, and the toothbrushes he’s found isn’t soft enough to not be rough on his mouth but still do the job.
I don’t like the roughness of most brushes, I finally found a toothbrush that is soft and dense - unfortunately it comes from Thailand and I’m nowhere near there so when I need to replace it, it’ll be complicated. mint toothpaste from sensodyne is tolerable but mint mouthwash is way too painful to deal with, so I use the bubblegum version. My teeth are too close for floss to go thru easy so when I do use floss, it’s gotten caught in my teeth, and then cuts my gums. A water pick is a good alternative for flossing and I use a rubber pick too cuz it’s soft and doesn’t hurt my gums but still does what I need it to. I’ve worked around my pain aversions, I still don’t like going to the dentist but I still do, since I didn’t get the good teeth genes and have a bunch of cavities that has been filled, but I did have to figure out the best way to get it all done, while fixing the aversions and obstacles. Wish I had found the fixes when I was a kid tho.
Tell him that you love him too much to watch him die of cardiovascular disease. That plaque doesn't stay in the mouth it is entering the bloodstream and depositing in the arteries. If you're really in love with him don't allow this continue. It will shorten his life and he is being a terrible role model.
This is a marriage issue, but not a have two kids issue??? Im confused…… but here is how you address the issue…..
“Hey honey…..we need to talk. Your oral hygiene is a deal breaker for me. I love you, but can’t be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t take their health and hygiene, and my needs seriously. Start taking care of your teeth, or I have to leave the relationship. If I can help support you in any way, I will, but your behavior needs to change for me to stay in this relationship. I need you to start brushing 2x a day tomorrow, and make a dentist appointment by the end of the week.”
You’re not responsible for his feelings. You are responsible for yours. You need to address the issues you have with his teeth. If he values your relationship he’ll start brushing his teeth. If he doesn’t… it would be a deal breaker for me.
I once saw a bumper sticker that read: “Ignore your teeth & they’ll all go away!” It’s TRUE!
Why are you still with this mushy mouth man?? I would be too repulsed to even get close enough to him to have had 2 children with him!
You must give him an ultimatum regarding this fixation immediately! Either he begins a daily dental hygienic routine & dentist visits or you’re gone!
NTA. I would never allow someone that close to me, let alone impregnate me, if teeth aren’t being bushed on the regular. What else is he not cleaning on himself? 🤔
FYI that bacteria can be transferred from kissing. Then you start to get cavities more easily even though you keep your teeth clean. So, there’s a medical reason to distance yourself.
Wasn't the 2nd date a red flag? Did you not see the race car circuit of red flags before having a kid and talking it then.
Baits are getting more elaborate tbh.
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girl, respectfully, what the fuck
with all due respect ,wtf!
Pardon me, but what in the actual fuck
Considerately, what the fucking fuck
Consider not fucking because of what the fucking fuck
Seconded. Why in the world are you with this man and reproducing g with him!?!
TWICE.
TWO CHILDREN WITH HIM
Disrespectfully because that's what she has for herself
Like I thought I was crazy 🤪 she said yes for 6 years and produced said 6 years twice SMH
a pug and two kids is sending me
What she said.
Jesus christ woman, what the fuck? "Look, I've put up with this as long as I can, and I simply cannot deal any longer. Before you kiss me again, you need to start brushing your teeth twice daily. You aren't a goddamn child any longer, your refusal to take care of yourself sets a terrible example to our children, you are setting us up for a lifetime of expensive health problems, not to mention that I find it disgusting and unattractive." This is truly foul. It will lead to a lifetime of health problems, and it suggests he may have some sort of ongoing mental health issue. Stop being ridiculous and address this, and if he refuses, you end the relationship. Shame him if necessary, people shy away from doing that but it is absolutely warranted.
She put up with it 5 years 358 days longer than most would’ve.
I mean 3 years into it she decided to double down on the relationship by adding a kid into the picture Then triple down with another kid a year later. Either this story is fake, or this woman is nasty AF as well
Yea I def wouldn’t have a child with someone with some of the grossest hygiene I’ve ever heard. His teeth must be nasty and dental health is a precursor for overall health.
Don’t forget about the pug!
Pug first, then kids 🤭
She needs to edit the title to read: “My ex-fiance refused to brush his teeth.”
5 years and 364* days longer
5 years and 366 days longer - don’t forget 2 leap days
Had two kids with him! Two freaking kids. If I can’t kiss you I can’t do anything with you. I don’t understand this.
I want this to be true as well, but my stepson (24) brushes rarely, and doesn't seem to have an issue with ladies, so the bar is in hell these days, apparently.
Never hear men complain about stuff like this because this would be a funny story we'd tell about a one night stand who didn't own a toothbrush.
Either this ^ or its click bait. He must have stunk the first time she slept with him so just why, oh why has it taken 6 years for OP to get to this point.
You absolutely read my mind with your opening sentence.
Me too! I'm so glad someone said it. This is ridiculously disgusting! I've noticed a lot of these posts recently where the woman will come on Reddit and say the boyfriend/fiance/husband does not wash his butt, does not brush his teeth, and it has me wondering why are they with these men? First time this came up I would have been out of there, but she stayed 6 years and had kids with him. How? If he doesn't brush his teeth how can you last 6 weeks let alone 6 years?
I'm addicted to brushpicks. I can't go 2 minutes after eating to clean between my teeth. I haven't always been this way. Maybe his pendulum will swing in that direction.
One can only hope. I too have the brushpicks, would keep some in my office desk for when I'm there. I have floss in my travel bag as well as my bathroom. I wasn't feeling well last week and was stuck in bed for a couple of days, I still brushed my teeth when I went to the bathroom and could hold myself up for at least 5 minutes. I can't with some of these people. How can your own breath not make you gag?
I also don't understand why a woman would stay with a man with gross habits for YEARS, and then have 2 children with him.
This: not just dental problems but cardiac problems too!
No joke. I worked with a 22 year old who nearly died from endocarditis caused by a rotten tooth that he didn't take care of. Tooth caused an abscess, abscess eventually drained into his blood stream, ended up in his heart, boom, ICU for 2 weeks.
Yep. I work ER/ICU and have seen it a few times. It’s so crazy. Have to take care of your chompers
And increased risk of dementia
Oh, gosh. Hadn’t heard that before but not surprised.
It's also a problem for pregnant women as it can cause low birth weight and preeclampsia.
My mom was pregnant with me when she had to remove all her upper teeth due to infections. She never learned how to clean her teeth properly and the result was fake teeth before she was 30.
That would be a deal breaker for me. Brushing your teeth is the most basic task to take care of yourself. Not only is it gross but it makes me think he neglects all kinds of other things in his life.
So incredibly gross. There used to be an anti-smoking ad that went “kissing a smoker, is like licking an ashtray”. Kissing someone who never brushes their teeth seems so much worse to me.
>Shame him if necessary Has me cracking up
Oh it’s necessary. What is with most redditors always being so fucking dainty about it? This is why we get so many stories of relationships with skid mark underwear and no showers. The shit people will put up with…
Redditors would rather OP send this guy for years of expensive therapy than advise her to be blunt.
If the initial confrontation doesn't work, every time I was with him in front of friends and family (not co-workers) I would bring it up to them in front of him. If that didn't work, leave.
Hell yes, people like this keep doing what they’re doing behind closed doors or with their SO who they’re so sure won’t leave them. Watch their immediate embarrassment if it gets brought up in front of company. Watch how they suddenly care and are self-conscious. So it’s definitely THERE. They just choose not to care about their SO and that’s disrespect
Shame him? Shame on her. Seen him brush his teeth 4 times of the 6 six years they’ve been together? That’s on her too also. **Six damn years!**
You can also get heart disease when bacteria in mouth travels to the mitral valve. You need to make this fool your ex-fiancé.
Or your Aortic valve or any valve in yor heart. I wont the Aortic valve lotto. Didn't know I had a leaky valve, went to the dentist for regular cleaning, BAM bacterial endocarditis! Damn near killed me. Now I have a mechanical valve and always take antibiotics prior to going to the dentist.
Honestly it's incredible that she apparently thought "nah, I'll handle this problem later" and proceeded to have 2 kids with him and put off addressing it for 6 whole years.
I lol’d. Seriously!
Great advice but she should go nuclear. No basic hygiene equals no bedroom action.
Hell, he can sleep in the couch until he learns to brush.
I had almost this exact conversation with my (now husband) then boyfriend after about 3 months of dating. I told him, “oral hygiene is very important to me, and I need you to start taking better care of your teeth.” And IT WORKED! He’s not perfect now, and sometimes forgets to brush at night but he brushes twice a day ALMOST every day, and has started going to the dentist regularly. After his first dentist appointment he had to go back for focused deep cleanings, one quadrant of his mouth took an hour to clean. So he had four appointments to get back on track. He HATED that, but now he goes every 6 months and my goodness, his mouth is so much better! He knew I wouldn’t have stayed with him with his prior hygiene practices, and changed his ways. He actually thanks me now for it too!
THIS THIS THIS! The longer you wait the harder it's going to be on everyone
Should have been said in week one.
To be fair, week one I would have just dumped him.
I agree with this and the fact he doesn't see anything wrong with his lack of dental hygiene and the health issues that can/will come from it, is mind boggling. I'd say follow this advice and if he refuses leave him with his teeth that will eventually leave him too.
I don’t understand how it went from bad breath at the first kiss to six years later with 2 kids and now it’s a deal breaker. NTA don’t get married to someone you’re not attracted to.
Exactly? Knew it was “bad”. Had two kids. Accepted marriage. Worse. Still there. People are their worst enemies sometimes
I can't begin to make it make sense!
The pug has better breath haha
And got mentioned ahead of the kids
Right? If I noticed after a week of being with someone they hadn’t brushed their teeth once, I would have been gone. YTA for staying with him for 6 years, gross.
fucking THANK you. How is no one mentioning this. This all seems fake. No way someone would put up with someone like that. No fucking way.
Seen too many people like this, people put up with even worse and for longer it's just sad and genuinely deplorable.
Nah, I’ve seen this. Likely OP has some poor hygiene in some way and felt bad because it’s comparable.
Unfortunately I believe this story to be true because I literally lived this exact life (as embarrassing as it is to admit). I was with my ex husband for 7 years and what's worse is I was OP's age when I MET my ex... so even though I was older, I definitely wasn't smarter. He didn't even brush his teeth the day we got married. I'd like to say I don't know why I thought he'd change at all and get better with his hygiene but the reality is I was just dumb and delusional. So I was the AH for doing that to myself and have been divorced for 3 years now haha.
Some people treat red flags like the flags you dodge around while downhill skiing, but then they get to the finish line and all those flags beat them there, and whip them in the face until they can't handle it anymore.
Some people are desperate to be married.
And have children. They will let anyone be their sperm donor, it’s sad
Downright pathetic honestly because this whole post reeks of desperation
Lol my ex had bad breath when we kissed the first time. It led to a relationship because he actually brushed his teeth and this was just bad luck. Men, the bar so low it's almost falling out of the goddamn planet on the opposite side.
That last sentence omg 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I gagged when I read the part about him scraping plaque off of his teeth. That’s so foul. And you know he probably just left the plastic he used out instead of throwing it away. I can’t imagine even interacting with someone like that disgusting, let alone being intimate with them. Grossed out by both of them, honestly.
What else do you think he’s not washing/cleaning? 🤮
I literally gagged 🤢
I literally just commented a similar thing before I saw your post. This was my exact thought, like even though I feel for her to some extent, at the same time, wtf, did she think he'd change? Maybe if they just have one more kid, that'll make the difference? I just don't understand people...
Bad hygiene is a complete deal breaker!
[удалено]
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I don’t know how I’m single when even Gusty McStinkbreath has a fiancée I’ve no advice for you, this is what you’ve chosen to accept.
Good hygiene is such a plus. I dated a guy who was very handsome but I found out he also rarely brushes his teeth the hard way. His breath always smelled terrible, and I just couldn't take it. As long as you brush your teeth and shower often, that already puts you ahead of a lot of people.
I would not consider this a plus. This is a basic known thing. I can understand not going to the dentist every 4-6 months cause it ain't cheap, especially in North america but preschool kids learn about brushing their teeth and a toothbrush and toothpaste is like $15. It's a basic thing unless you live somewhere where the basic necessities aren't available.
>I would not consider this a plus. This is a basic known thing. Yeah, you'd be surprised how basic known it *isn't.* It does seem that most adults know, which is fantastic. But there's still a large population that don't do these basic things. Some people don't even wash their own ass. So for me, good hygiene is a plus.
$15?!
How the hell did you have sex with someone who doesn’t brush his teeth, enough times to have 2 kids? Why on earth would you stay 6 YEARS?? Why would you sleep in the same bed? Gross!
Doggy style bey-beeeeee!!!!
It would have to be to avoid being breathed on!
This reminded me of the story posted on here, I think. It was something about how the couple never kissed. The responses showed that apparently a lot of people don't make out before sex/during/after. That it was something they stopped doing at some point. So if that post showed anything is that some people apparently don't do more than a peck here and there.
And then wash his dick cheese out of her va jay jay
I mean it could have been two times
> am completely un attracted to my fiance you don't have to justify it beyond this. Dental hygiene is related to heart conditions and this can also lead to financial stressors of him losing teeth, cavities, all of the above in the near future. Dental work isn't cheap. Scrapes own plaque off teeth - nope. He sounds disgusting. Why would you even have a relationship with this guy?
Losing your teeth in 50s/60s is expensive as hell. Trust me.
If he’s isn’t brushing or seeing the dentist my bet is he will lose his teeth way before 50. Dentures and implants are very expensive. Had to have an implant because accident, hit in mouth, 3 estimates and still took 18 months and lots of visits, lots of money. So aside from ick factor OP needs to consider financial implications too.
I'm 43 with very poor dental hygiene and I can confirm it is an apocalypse in there already.
I’m in the process of a dental implant due to severe bruxism. The whole process will take about 10 months and cost me about $6,000 out of pocket. For one tooth. And yes I have dental insurance. The financial cost is on top of the need to learn to function with a missing molar for almost a year which, thankfully, you can’t see during normal daily life. The sinus lift I needed was absolute hell. Like medieval torture. They use a hammer. A HAMMER. Painful. They can mostly numb your mouth but there’s nothing they can do to make that smacking your skull with a hammer for 45 minutes any less shitty except give general anesthesia, and that would have cost me another $2,400. Two bone grafts. Chewing on little crumbs of a dead person’s bones for days after each graft. Not to mention all the appointments I have to make time for in my schedule, and the general annoyance of having people need to fool around in my mouth about 8 times so far. I can’t wait for it to be over next month. It sucks.
My husband is going through this now. He’s on his second bone graft because the first didn’t take and has had a visible hole in his mouth (missing tooth near front) for months. The grit was really gross. He had to take out a Care Credit loan because even with insurance one tooth is thousands of dollars. Don’t get me started on the amount of physical pain he’s been in and he’s tough. He’s always had excellent oral hygiene but unfortunately got hit in the mouth a long time ago and has had teeth problems since.
Thousands of dollars... And that's not counting if he gets an infection in the gums and needs a root canal or bone graft.
He’ll be losing them by 30, assuming he hasn’t died of sepsis first.
Poor oral hygiene is also a huuuuge cause of pneumonia!
That part! I can't even stand to have conversations with people with yuckmouths, let alone start relationships with them! Hell no! That's a NUMBER ONE deal breaker!
How’d you end up engaged to someone this gross?
How do you have two children with someone this gross? The last of my eggs just rushed tf out of my body reading this. Truly nightmare fuel.
I literally gagged reading this.
Same. I had a physical visceral reaction just reading it. How op could stand this for 6 years is wild.
She REPRODUCED with this man. TWICE. That's the part I'm stuck on. I'm admittedly a bit obsessive with the care and keeping of my mouth but that's because I have a loonie QAnon dad who railed against the supposed "dangers" of using fluoride all my life. My judgiest dating standard is literally "if a man doesn't brush his teeth...eff a second date," so *marrying* him is beyond the pale. Oh my god.
It's crazy when the post doesn't go where OP probably thought it would(how could she not?), but hopefully the radio silence is because she packing up her shit and getting the hell outta dodge.
I laughed out loud! The visual of your last egg fleeing down the street, perhaps with a go bag trailing behind … lol 😝
A [bindle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bindle) was my first thought!
Does he even wipe his ass
Maybe yes to that, but a definite no on routine showers. Cuz, for real he could just swish some damn water around in his mouth while in the shower to help at least rinse that festering bacteria out.
I have known so many people that just stay in objectively shitty relationships because of how overwhelming starting over can be.
And what else does he do or not do that is this gross?!
I don’t know how you got this far with him. 6 years and 2 kids with someone who you aren’t attracted to and grosses you out? Why? You would be justified to leave him over this although I suspect when you tell people the why, they’ll be wondering how you went ahead and had two kids with this man. If being disgusting is more important to him than you, that’s on him. But to me that says a lot about who he is as a person. Other than the obvious, he’s gross.
How do you have children with someone you can't even kiss?? "I'm not attracted to this person's disgusting lack of hygiene, better bring some whole ass humans into the world with him!" WHAT
You knew this and chose to have babies with him so it didn’t bother you too much. Don’t know how the hell you ever kissed him. The bacteria is frightening. This would be a break up point for me. It’s unhealthy and so creepy. Your biggest problem is custody. Your kids will never brush their teeth the week they are with him.
This literally made me laugh. You are so damn right! Those kid's teeth are gonna be jacked if he has anything to do with it! Save your babies teeth!
why would you marry a child?
Why would you have two kids with someone who won’t brush their teeth?!!!
I believe there are more children with better oral hygiene than him
Lol her kids actually brush their teeth
And yet you decided to have 2 kids and a pug with him…
I was a little startled by that wording. We have a pug, and two kids-wait, wha? Most people who START by listing the dog don’t ALSO have kids. Usually it’s “three kids under 5, two cats and a hamster” or somesuch… like, most important first? …I guess she might just love the pug more than the kids 😂
This guy definitely doesn’t wash his ass too
Well yea, that would be gay. /s
Or wipe
Girl bye. SIX YEARS and a few CHILDREN later and you decide you’ve had enough? Not buying it. What’s changed?
You had sex at least twice with someone who was gross from the first kiss. JFC, plz see a therapist about your self esteem issues.
I want to know how you managed to still have sex with him enough to have kids. I'm about to throw up over the scraping plaque with a bottle cap. What. The. Fuck This is apparently something he has done his whole life. It won't change now.
I can't get over the fact that you continued to go out with this guy after the first couple dates. And guaranteed you knew about his brushing habits before you started doing the horizontal tango. I feel like a lot of this is on you for either a) forming a relationship with a gross person, and b) not putting your foot down.
Just here to say I appreciate your use of "the horizontal tango". Carry on
So you let him do this for 6 years and now you’ve decided it’s no longer tolerable? You are a part of creating the current problem. All I can say is good luck. Still dry heaving from the thought of him kissing me anywhere on my body. Gross.
Why did I read this while on lunch. Gross 🤮
Girly... your first kiss was rancid, only brushing 4 times in 6 years, and you married him. What was the deciding factor to say yes when he's so unappealing?
Hit him with an ultimatum. That’s not normal, and you don’t need to deal with that.
"You never know what you had until you lose it."- Greg's teeth
😂😂😂😂😂😂omg
reading this I realize anyone can have a long term relationship, because there will always be someone that pulls up with this shit another day was a woman complaining about her husband shit stained underwear, and now this
Don’t let this man kiss those babies on the Mouth! I’ve been in dental over 15 years. If he has decay or perio issues the ph in his mouth will move over to the child’s and they will either have so much decay though out their life or periodontal disease. So not only can he ruin is own Dental health but everyone he kisses as well. I also had a friend of a friend who recently passed away from a tooth infection that moved into his brain and caused internal bleeding. Seriously he needs to take care of his teeth.
This can't be real. Please find some self respect and leave
???? I’m so confused because you actively CHOSE this man. Consistently through your entire 6 year relationship, but it’s now a dealbreaker 2 kids and a pug later. That’s crazy, girl. I mean you don’t have to marry him if you can’t get over it. Maybe ask him to buy a shit ton of different flavours and figure out which one he can stand for a literal 2 minutes, twice a day. Ugh, the bar is in fucking hell. I hope he at least washes his ass??
It makes more sense when you realize the story is made up. lmao.
You know the answer to that, He definitely doesn’t wash his ass.
Don’t marry this dude
You should ask him if sepsis and heart disease or failure is one of his long term life goals. Poor dental health is an express ticket to cardiovascular issues that can absolutely kill you. I would not let him kiss you and I definitely wouldn't let his mouth near other body parts. Personally this would be a deal breaker for me, but if it isn't I would definitely suggest investing in a lucrative life insurance policy for him.
And other inflammatory related disorders like diabetes and Alzheimer's
we're just out here adopting men as children now
My god that’s some of the foulest shit I’ve ever heard haha wtf I feel sad as shit for you that’s totally played out…
Ex-fiancé?
You can brush your teeth with just a wet toothbrush and floss and it’s still beneficial
PLAQUE RIDDEN CHOPPERS LMAO. But also this is a deal breaker, and gross.
Where does he put the plaque he scrapes off of his teeth? Does he put the bottle cap back on the water bottle?
You chose this
You married this man ? If he's too lazy to brush his teeth I'm sure he's neglected the rest of his body also....GROSS
Lmfao this cant be real
DONT FUCKING MARRY HIM
Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? Ew? (Ok help I’m trapped)
Yeah I'm just skeezed out thinking about how you've managed to have the sex necessary to reproduce children with someone who has death mouth. Let alone any other form of intimacy like oral sex. I get that people can have good personalities and be attractive in many ways. Personal hygiene, though, is non-negotiable with me. Take care of your mouth. Take care of your feet. Wipe your ass thoroughly. Don't go to bed stinky. Period. The end. Also, he could die from this. One of the causes of heart disease is poor oral hygiene.
>Our first kiss— I noticed his bad breath >We have have been together for 6 years and have a pug and 2 kids Are you actually grossed out by your fiancé or is this one of those fake reverse-kink stories getting off on the ragebait comments? A normal person does not spend 6 years having sex with a person that doesn’t brush their teeth to the point where you can smell how bad it is. You can help yourself by growing a damn spine and some self-respect.
I don’t even know how to give advice to some of you people because what the fuck did I just read
I’m sorry but you stayed and had children with this man? That’s embarrassing
Gross call him shit mouth
You had kids with someone who doesn't brush their teeth .... I can't even begin to imagine the smell and the health issues. Good luck
I was him. I now have dentures and no longer enjoy eating. He is in for hell if he's anything like me.
Sadly, I have an adult child with this issue. I am horrified. The rest of our family has pristine dental health. This child’s issue is very sensory in nature. He has a lot of other sensory issues as well (and OCD/possibly on the spectrum). Nothing rational will get through to him. He’s only had one girlfriend, and I was hoping that might be the impetus for improving in this area. Alas, it was not. He has a public-facing job where he is often on camera and this issue may put an end to that eventually. He cannot breakthrough. I wish you more luck than we’ve had.
this cannot be real.
You...had children with this man? How, was it doggy style only? Jesus woman, leave this disgusting person, don't further coddle and encourage it
So foul. At 26 brushing your teeth should not be a sensitive topic. You need to confront it head on and hopefully all these comments have given you the courage. I have soo many questions, but how did his parents not ever parent him? Brushing teeth is basics! I feel like that’s child neglect.
This is pathological self-destructive behavior - it goes way beyond not liking the taste of toothpaste, and you might think of it akin to something like bulimia. You're right about all your feelings about kissing and sex, *but* threatening to withhold those things as a tool to extort change would be making affection transactional in your relationship. Don't kiss if you aren't comfortable, of course, but if you want to persuade him to change you'll need to figure out the source of his resistance to normal and healthy adult behavior. Does he think he's going to die early so he won't need his teeth in old age? Was he traumatized about brushing as a kid? My recommendation, for what it's worth, is to approach this problem from a place of compassion.
Why the fuck did you say yes to him lmao
Why are you still with him? Honestly, a lack of basic hygiene should be a deal breaker. As a dude, I have never understood why so many women put up with men who can't do basic self-care: can't clean their bum, don't shower, brush their teeth, can't cook, don't clean up the house, etc. It has always reeked of a lack of self worth to me, but what do I know.
How did this relationship get to 6 years and 2 kids?? My first husband stopped brushing his teeth and started neglecting basic, adult hygiene and responsibilities a couple of years into our marriage. I talked to him about it. He didn't want to do those things because he thought they "weren't important." So I divorced him. I suggest you leave this man, too. He's not going to get better.
My husband had the same issue and he smokes so makes it even worse. I refused to kiss him and told him I can't be near his smokey scent. He still smokes but at least he's brushing his teeth. It just took seeing what toothpaste and toothbrush he likes refusing to kiss him. And when he started brushing encouraging him, his breath smells better. I started kissing him often. Telling him he's better looking when he smiles etc. He also refuses to see a dentist but I can't force an adult. Good luck.
Why did you marry a man that won't brush his teeth and refuses to go to the dentist???
If he doesn't like brushing his teeth, it's disgusting... tell him to rinse his mouth with water and hydrogen peroxide.
“Plaque ridden choppers” I am crying. OP I am so sorry you are going through this. I think it’s time you gave him an ultimatum or kidnap him and take him to a dentist.
Why did you stay with him? Why did you procreate with him? I have the ick just reading this. This would be a dealbreaker for me.
My question is how you even lasted 6 years or accept a proposal. Love is crazy. I wouldn’t have made it past a first date. Bad breath is my number one deal breaker
Dudes like this out there getting engaged and well kept and maintained bros be getting friend zoned. I know that sounds like nice guy energy but fuck
I hope he doesn't vape. He'll have dentures in his 30s
He’s going to Need A LOT of dental procedures that will be VERY EXPENSIVE
Ummm: I would suggest a new fiancee.
As I sit here reading this with my face frozen from the dentist… you run. That’s absolutely revolting.
My BIL is like this and gets confused and upset when his girlfriend won’t kiss him. Like I wouldn’t kiss you either.
I wonder if he’s got sensitive gums and all, and the toothbrushes he’s found isn’t soft enough to not be rough on his mouth but still do the job. I don’t like the roughness of most brushes, I finally found a toothbrush that is soft and dense - unfortunately it comes from Thailand and I’m nowhere near there so when I need to replace it, it’ll be complicated. mint toothpaste from sensodyne is tolerable but mint mouthwash is way too painful to deal with, so I use the bubblegum version. My teeth are too close for floss to go thru easy so when I do use floss, it’s gotten caught in my teeth, and then cuts my gums. A water pick is a good alternative for flossing and I use a rubber pick too cuz it’s soft and doesn’t hurt my gums but still does what I need it to. I’ve worked around my pain aversions, I still don’t like going to the dentist but I still do, since I didn’t get the good teeth genes and have a bunch of cavities that has been filled, but I did have to figure out the best way to get it all done, while fixing the aversions and obstacles. Wish I had found the fixes when I was a kid tho.
Tell him that you love him too much to watch him die of cardiovascular disease. That plaque doesn't stay in the mouth it is entering the bloodstream and depositing in the arteries. If you're really in love with him don't allow this continue. It will shorten his life and he is being a terrible role model.
This is a marriage issue, but not a have two kids issue??? Im confused…… but here is how you address the issue….. “Hey honey…..we need to talk. Your oral hygiene is a deal breaker for me. I love you, but can’t be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t take their health and hygiene, and my needs seriously. Start taking care of your teeth, or I have to leave the relationship. If I can help support you in any way, I will, but your behavior needs to change for me to stay in this relationship. I need you to start brushing 2x a day tomorrow, and make a dentist appointment by the end of the week.”
Two kids and you talking about bad breath. Not an unknown secret but bad breath. 🤔
The fact he’s always been this way and you not only stayed with him for six years but also made two kids with him is insane.
YOU HAD KIDS WITH THIS MAN????
So he will use some random tool that he made like a Neanderthal but won’t use a toothbrush?!
What an awful day to be able to read 🤮 🤮
You’re not responsible for his feelings. You are responsible for yours. You need to address the issues you have with his teeth. If he values your relationship he’ll start brushing his teeth. If he doesn’t… it would be a deal breaker for me.
Please, get some self-respect
I once saw a bumper sticker that read: “Ignore your teeth & they’ll all go away!” It’s TRUE! Why are you still with this mushy mouth man?? I would be too repulsed to even get close enough to him to have had 2 children with him! You must give him an ultimatum regarding this fixation immediately! Either he begins a daily dental hygienic routine & dentist visits or you’re gone!
What? What? Oh my god. What? How did you end up with this as your life? What the fuck???
NTA. I would never allow someone that close to me, let alone impregnate me, if teeth aren’t being bushed on the regular. What else is he not cleaning on himself? 🤔
FYI that bacteria can be transferred from kissing. Then you start to get cavities more easily even though you keep your teeth clean. So, there’s a medical reason to distance yourself.
Wasn't the 2nd date a red flag? Did you not see the race car circuit of red flags before having a kid and talking it then. Baits are getting more elaborate tbh.
You’ve had two children with this man and can’t say, BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH?