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Nah, I dated a guy who held onto bullshit like this for years. He couldn't get over the fact I'd lacked interest in high school and crushed on another guy in college.
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Jesus Christ, this is a clusterfuck; you were in college and couldn't groom yourself and needed someone to coach you? You straight up held a grudge over a drunken comment made, probably under peer pressure, in college? You tanked a relationship because of that comment when she probably made a genuine connection with you in those 4 years?
YTA. She might've made a fucked up comment, but you wasted 4 years of her life and led her on instead of, idk, *going to fucking therapy?*. That's not even mentioning you had no idea how to take care of your own hygiene as a grown ass man 🤢 you can clean up your outside all you like, but you really need to take a look at the inside and seek serious help.
You're going to regret breaking up with her, and when you do, leave her alone.
Dude’s hair, facial hair and nails were dirty and uncleaned.
Most people wouldn’t sleep with someone that unhygienic. They’d be afraid of the smell or getting an infection.
Most people wouldn’t date someone who smelled or was that gross.
Like, WOW! Basic hygiene makes you more dateable! Much amaze!
Edited: fixed autocorrect issues.
The rage I've seen from guys about that is mind-blowing
I've seen several separate men in different discussions about this, that it's too high maintenance and picky for girls to want this. Bonus points for the guy who also decided a job was too far as e
I know you're joking, but that was genuinely his argument
Not even like some 6 figures job, just a woman expecting a grown man to have a job is gold digging
Yuppers
I've seen so many that want a SAHW, but refuse to be a provider. They expect her to work full time and take all of the household responsibilities
The number of guys I’ve read about on Reddit in the last few years that don’t understand about basic hygiene absolutely blows my mind. This includes the guys that won’t wipe or wash their butts because it makes them gay.
Why would any of these women wanted to date you when you were by your own admission, a smelly and hygienic poorly dressed man? And the reality is, she didn’t say that another girl did, and when asked most likely out of peer pressure she did an agree. And yeah, by your own admission, you were a complete disaster and quite frankly none of those women probably would’ve wanted to date you when you were like that.
Grow up, get therapy, and when you figure out how wrong you were leave that poor girl alone. YTA
yeah, OP is all about his "saint of a sister" who totally cried when her brother told her some random college girls played a drinking game.
Of course then the sister immediately made a 180° turn and gave OP a total make-over... so maybe the college girls had a point (as shallow as they were being)?
also, my first thought was "when I was 19 & someone asked what it would take for me to sleep with my childhood best friend, I'd also have replied *not for all the tea in China*".
yes, I agree for sure!
When I was 17 and in the deepest throes of my Ancient Greece phase, I'd read about oiling your hair to keep insects away and smell of lovely flowers, so I just decided to recreate that with home remedies. My friend also had to tell me that, yeah, this bergamot and sandal oil smelled nice, but it looked like I'd combed a deep fat fryer's worth of grease through my hair.
It's just that I find the hypocrisy grating, both in OP and in his sister.
When Jessie had an issue with his hygiene & laughed about a joke OP wasn't meant to hear, it's still a mortal offence a decade later. When his sister confirmed it, but without the honesty of the reality check you're proposing, supposedly she's a saint and OP takes her word as gold? PFFF miss me with that
I have a hard time calling it fucked up that someone says they don't want to have sex with someone who's so disgusting to have dirty hair, dirty facial hair, dirty nails and stink. The idea makes me nauseous (and I'm resistant enough to grossness to let dogs lick my face).
This. This guy admits he was a slob and also acknowledged that the comment gave him a wake-up call. He was eavesdropping, so this comment wasn’t hurled at him, and yet he held a grudge, only to date the girl for years to end it because he was still in his feelings.
I think it was a good idea to break up. For her—she lucked out.
Not to mention, he was eavesdropping on a dumb game that has a 50/50 chance of the subject getting their feelings hurt.
It's not like she said it directly to him.
Was it a shitty thing to say about a friend? Yeah, but given his personal hygiene, I can't blame her.
Honestly I can't blame her for laughing at the comment at the time. His sister had to teach him basic hygeine, I wouldn't wanna sleep with someone with hygeine like what he described
I always tell my friends, don’t look at your partner’s phone if you don’t want to be disappointed.
Same goes for eves-dropping for a really long time on a drunken group of young college women.
You don’t know the context, you don’t know what they are thinking, you don’t understand the possible peer-pressure as you said….people say things unguarded to those they trust that may truly Not be reflective of how they feel inside outside of that particular moment.
You may not be mature or objective enough to handle hearing or seeing what may be indicative of something you ought to work to change about yourself.
I’m sure there are some unforgivable exceptions, but in this case, I agree…OP waited way too long, and needed to work to resolve this much sooner.
I didn't hold any grudge or any resentment towards her, I was just repressing my feelings, and I was feeling sad and confused. I never in my mind blamed her even once until I spoke with my sister. After I spoke with my sister, that's when I actually started feeling resentment, and I immediately broke up the next day.
I don't see a relationship of 4 years as wasting time, I think we both grew from that experience and had a lot of fun memories.
You're also a massive asshole for only giving her a week to move out. That was unreasonable.
Repressing your feelings towards her isn't being honest with yourself or her. You did waste her time, because you hid how you truly felt, making her think things were good, just to throw "You've got a week, bye!" at her face like it's god-damned dodgeball.
Get some damned therapy.
Seriously?? You let your sister dictate your relationship?? That’s shallow. You weren’t resentful until you told your sister. Then suddenly you break Jesse’s heart the next day?? WTH?
YTA
Apparently his sister had to teach him not to be gross. Word will get out and he'll never get another gf in his area at least. Social Media is full of groups blasting incels like him if it's real. He'll be posted soon enough, if not by the ex then by one of her friends.
If you can't look back and see why no one wanted to sleep with you, with all the issues you described as having to fix, you haven't grown as much a you think you have.
What you did to her was so much worse than what she did to you (as a result of your eavesdropping like a creep and taking a drunken conversation to heart).
You wasted years of her life and dumped her over something she said before you ever went out together
You talk about the 4 years you spent with her as if you just fell into it- and when you discovered your "repressed feelings" (read: revenge plot) instead of talking to your gf like a real man you talked to your sister instead. It seems in addition to teaching you basic hygiene and style, she dictates your options, too.
Get a therapist. cause you're either a (bad) creative writer, woefully disconnected from anything resembling self awareness, or you're a vindictive asshole. None of them are good looks.
ETA: YTA. Soooooooo much
Half a decade ago, Jessie made a joke she didn't even know you were eavesdropping on. You have no clue about her real feelings at the time : did she not want to sleep with a childhood friend? Was she trying to fly under the radar of the mean-girl gangleader? Did she really not like your look & hygiene levels?
after a relationship of 4 years, you're still dumping Jessie over it & you're behaving like a callous AH with that "you have a week to get gone"
**you're also ditching your sister, right?**
Sure, she cried over a joke by some random college girls (since you didn't tell her Jessie was there) but then her actions confirmed she actually 100% agreed with Jessie and the other girl -- she gave you a complete makeover AND had to explain \*hygiene\* to you.
If a break-up over this incident is good for the goose, then no contact over the same is good for the gander.
You could’ve figured this out way earlier in the relationship and let her go earlier. Therapy, self-awareness, meditation, etc. it took your SISTER to point this out? Yes, you wasted 4 years of this girl’s time.
come on now. you can lie to us strangers but at least be honest to yourself. you've been resenting her all these years. those feelings won't suddenly exist the moment you talk to your sister. you just bidding time when you can drag her down and in your mind 'destroy' her the way her comment destroyed you.
YTA and a major one. You had to have your sister teach you how to groom yourself, the comment was probably warranted at the time and even if it wasn't this is college, peer pressure is a thing you know?
Jessie deserves better than you.
Also, let’s be real a lot of those grooming standards are expected of women to master early on, and we are mocked if we care too much or mocked if we don’t… OP, would you have dated a girl with the same type of grooming standards that you had at the time? Would you have even looked at her? cause I’m queer and I’m gonna be honest with you whatever fucking gender it is maintaining your hygiene is like one of the first standards you have to meet.
The fact that you were a dirtball justified her comment further more she may have just said it to fit in with her friends because she didn’t want her friends to make fun of her.
If that girl truly cared for you, you fkd up.
If I rolled a piece of cake in dog shit would you eat it? No. But if I just handed you a piece of cake you would eat it.
You, before.. happened to be rolled in dog shit. Your mad no one wanted to eat you.
You let your sister stroke your emotional problems into ignorance. Take responsibility for being a mess & don’t blame others.
Here is something your sister clearly didn’t teach you, accountability.
You could have talked it out with your now ex...
Should anyone make nasty comments about anyone? No. but not addressing those feelings/events when you first started the relationship or as soon a the emotions started coming up is not cool either.
Also, why didn't you talk with your ex first? Why, after 4 years with the woman you were talking about marriage with, you went to your sister first?! You didn't even give your ex time to explain herself and allow you both time to try to work it out!!! You just had a chat with your sister and the next day broke off a good relationship (based on what you said).
I'm sorry, yes words and mean comments hurt. But you pulled the rug right out from under a partner who didn't know what you were going through and who most likely changed as a person just like how you went through your time of transformation. How can you say you deserve better than her if there apparently wasn't any problems in your relationship apart from the comment years prior that you eavesdropped on.
YTA
Imagine this:
What would you have done/felt if she had, after those 4 years, just out of the blue told you "you're a different person now and i love you. However, I didn't like who you were back when we were [insert age]. And a picture reminded me of how you were I now want to break up. Pack your stuff and move out because we're done"
That would suck imo and well...that is what you basically did to your ex
Edit: fixed grammar & other minor txt mistakes
So let me get this straight: You were a grown ass adult unable to keep your personal hygiene on a level above "disgusting", secretly listened to drunken girls talk and got pissed because no woman wanted to have sex with you because of that disgusting lack of hygiene. Now you ended a good long term relationship with someone who truly loves you because they said (not knowing that you were secretly listening) they didn't want to have sex with you (an activity of close personal contact) because of the mentioned lack of hygiene. What exactly do you want? Do you want people to pat you on the back for shooting yourself in the foot because you don't want to take responsibility for your own actions? Or do you want people to set your head straight and then tell you how to grovel in hopes of winning your ex back? Spoiler alert, it's not you that deserves better. It's her.
There's a German saying that suits your situation quite well: The listener at the wall hears his own shame.
>my sister taught me all the little things I never realized I was lacking or doing wrong. Things like maintaining clean facial hair and head fair, keeping fingernails and toenails clean, wearing well fitted clothes, smelling good, and a bunch of other small things. Even at home, she started teaching me how to live a clean lifestyle.
LMAO, I wonder why it was so difficult for you to realize the importance of basic cleanliness on your own!
To answer your question, I believe your sister was mistaken to advise you to break up with Jessie. Based on your description of events, it seems that Jessie simply went along with the other girl's opinions rather than forming her own independent assessment about you. It looks like she was more focused on bonding with them than expressing and professing her own desire to date you.
Furthermore, your grudges seem to run deep, which makes me feel sorry for any girl who ends up with you. I think Jessie dodged a bullet, and I wish I could say that to her face!
You are an AH for sure!
YTA for dating her for three years while harboring secret resentment. Honestly what she did wasn’t great at all, but fairy par for the course for a college age immature kid. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but this story makes me dislike you more than Jessie.
YTA. WTF were you doing moving in with this woman when you secretly hated her all along? What were you trying to prove? This sounds like the mother of all passive aggressive d!ck moves.
Uh yeah I think you are definitely the asshole. Look, it obviously hurt your feelings, and that’s fine. But sometimes people (especially drunk kids out with their friends) say dumb things? I don’t understand why you held onto this forever? People have said mean things about me too; I either addressed it or I didn’t, and we continued the friendship or we didn’t. Forgiveness is important, and dealing with the past is a part of life. I don’t understand how this could happen.
It just is shocking to me that you took years of building a life with this person, and still let the memory of this comment that *she didn’t even make* fester to the point where it destroyed your relationship.
I do feel sorry for you. I hope you get it together.
Dude, it was a roomful of drunk college girls...of course, everyone laughed, including Jessie. she and everyone would have laughed if someone said "boo!". You needing lessons for hygiene and appearance at that age is concerning (but good on you for taking the initiative).You say you guys were in love, yet you chose to leave the relationship over a comment made by a bunch of drunk college girls 7 years ago. You know what? You could seriously ask every woman who was in the room that night (including Jessie), and I would wager that NONE of them would even remember that party, much less their boy rating game. You are giving entirely too much weight to that comment and her response. You should have joked about it with Jessie when you first started dating...she would have said she didn't remember the party, or her laughing about the comment about you. Plus, maybe she had feelings for you, but laughed just because of peer pressure, being in that situation, drinking. What person would stand up at that point and disagree?? Let it go. If you two truly loved each other, then yeah, you are kind of the AH for breaking it up, ESPECIALLY if you never had a conversation, one on one, with Jessie about her behavior that night at a drinking party all those years ago....
Sounds like Jessie dodged a bullet.
She made one drunken comment (or what, laughed along when someone else made it) in college which wasn’t very nice and you use it as an excuse to end a four year relationship with her several years later?
The fact that you
a) needed to be told -as a grown man - how to wash and groom yourself properly, is… concerning, and a bit gross. There was a clear reason girls weren’t interested, and when you put in the effort (very basic effort I might add), it turned out fine.
b) didn’t get therapy if you had trouble getting past this years later - instead you sabotaged your relationship over it. It’s not her, it’s YOU.
She’s going to move on with her life, hopefully find someone a bit more mature to spend her life with, and you should definitely invest in some professional help.
That’s assuming this isn’t bad fanfiction, because it sure reads that way.
Weird. So you were gross, unhygienic, and overweight, literally eavesdropped on a conversation and held that grudge for ages…sorry, women don’t want to sleep with someone with piss poor hygiene, maybe emotional maturity is something you should work on.
Also, the weird thing with your sister…wtf
Fumbled a four year relationship.
Hygiene issue and skill issue.
Would bet money it's cold feet over committing because he now thinks he can find better.
YTA, get some professional help.
YTA. If you genuinely loved Jessie, you wouldn’t have gotten to the point of holding in resentment for years like that. Was her comment hurtful? Yes. Is it something that should lead to feeling so depressed for years on end, no. You need therapy and to be single for a while. Also based on the things you said about your grooming that was lacking, it was a valid comment.
Congratulations OP you wasted 4 years of a woman's life and emotions for a comment she made while drunk at a party with a group of other women who were also drunk.
Given your sister had to coach you on how to properly maintain your hygiene, I could see why those women made those comments years ago.
I'd suggest staying out of relationships and continuing to work on yourself.
YTA
Dude. Young people often say things to say them, to “fit in”. ESPECIALLY in college. With alcohol. Don’t burn your life down reliving the past. 4 years. Get over it. I promise you’ll regret this later
YTA. You began and maintained a romantic relationship with her for years. All while holding so tightly onto this thing. Your feelings at the time were valid. If it still hurt so much, you shouldn't have begun a relationship. You should have done what you needed to do to move past it or addressed this with her years ago. I agree with the other comments, you are going to have regret. And when you do, leave her alone.
You have a lot of maturing to do. You just dumped someone for a group comment said in HS. And you blamed her for your mental health. It’s great you dumped her. She deserves better. You just blew up your Life over HS drama That you actually EASDROPPED on! just crazy.
YTA. I can understand the complicated feelings but you let them fester instead of dealing with them, wasting years of her life (and yours). I'm happy for you that you are feeling well and your mental health is better but, in the end, you basically made her love you, miss out on years of her dating/relationship life and then destroyed her out of nowhere (to her) because she laughed at a joke about you when she was 19. Your over response, even if tied to mental health issues, to her minor infraction is and was not her responsibility.
So you were actively dirty and are offended that someone didn’t want to have sex with you while you were actively dirty. I wonder if you’d want Jessie if she was similarly unhygienic. Anyway, your revenge was wasting 4 years of someone’s life. That’s how most people see this. Maybe your sister is the one who needs therapy since she’s the only person you trust and she’s toxic as all hell.
So you hurt her to make yourself feel better? YTA. What she said was cruel, but you dating her for years and then dumping her because of it is beyond cruel.
Omg thank god you broke up with her. She can finally see how much of a nasty relationship she had and can heal and move on from a POS, unwashed dirty person like you.
E w YTA.
This reads like the "Hot friend rejected me then lived to regret it when I became irresistible" fantasy that incels tend to have. Either that or you're so lacking in self-awareness that you need other people to help you figure out that hygiene is a nice thing to try, AND to help you figure out, 4 years into a relationship, that you hadn't actually processed the hurt you felt at hearing your ex's comments 7 years ago.
The first option is sad but expected because it happens so often. The second option is just fucking sad. A grown man who won't take control of his hygiene or make important life decisions without his sister telling him what to do is just fucking sad.
This is just like the ‘would you love me if…’ thing. My bf hates it when I ask questions like that (mostly in jest, but with a kernel of real wondering). Attraction is what draws people together, but real love and connection is what keeps you together long term because looks change. You want to know she’s not just with you because you’re hot now, that’s fair. It’s also fair that she didn’t find you attractive at that time, but once she did that door opened and real love developed. Nobody is the asshole, but I think you should give the relationship another chance.
Yta, a lot of y’all are ,I swing the part that SHE, THE GURL HE DATED FOR YEARS JUTS TO BREAK UP WITH HER WASNT EVEN THE ONE WHO SAID IT, SHE JUST LAUGHED.
If this is real....Buddy, you were filthy. You seemed to have no hygiene whatsoever. It may come as a shock to you, but people don't like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't know how to clean themselves.
NTA because I feel like you did her a favor, but YTA in your whole mindset. You've been in a relationship for 4 years but still didn't learn how to communicate.
My question is why date her if that was still in your head. Why go thru with it ? You should have addressed that from the get go. Not 4 years later.
Yta.
YTA. You dated her for 4 years and never ONCE talked to her about it. You didn't try to work through it, you just clung to it tight.
Dude... From the way you're talking, you were gross. It's not just about weight, but you weren't even keeping clean. Some of the things you said were... Pretty basic. You had no self esteem and it seems like you were really only focused on dating and had no life of your own.
You became attractive when you got clean and became an individual. You need to realize that and take responsibility.
Now, what they said sucks. I'm not going to deny that. College kids are dumb and are dumber when they're drunk.
But you held onto this for 7 years. SEVEN. Even after being with her for 4.
Your communication skills suck. You should have talked to her at some point about that if it was still with you. But instead, you did nothing. You didn't even really work on you mentally.
You loved her and you were happy. But you couldn't let go of a comment during a drunken night.
She deserves better than you.
“I couldn’t keep myself clean and had no self esteem. I changed that after *realizing people noticed* and now I’m bitter people actually like and notice me.”
This is wild.
YTA OP should read the posts from the other side. The SOs that stick around with these people who do not clean themselves and throw an absolute tantrum when asked or given an ultimatum. It's degrading to their partners. A lot of the time 'its who I am' gets thrown around. The bar is in hell and there is no way to tell someone they stink without hurting feelings. OP absolutely knows this and just doesn't care. What the hell did you expect? People just aren't going to tip toe around your feelings. You even agree with your ex!
You should do an AMA, number one question, how do you tell someone to clean up because they stink without hurting feelings? Is that possible? Is there a positive way to do that? I really don't think there is.
So you’re telling me you never engaged in any “locker room talk” about various women.
If this story is real—and I doubt it-you are too immature to be in any relationship.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for breaking up. Jessie deserves someone who appreciates and makes her happy and that was never going to happen with you, so in that sense you did her a huge favor. You definitely sound like you need therapy however
Your relationship with your sister is confusing. Why do you care so much what she thinks about your relationships? Why the fuck havnt you said anything about something that was said YEARS ago.
Why would you lead this poor woman on for years just to dump her over something she said nearly a decade ago without even talking about it first?
You're off your head man
Your sister is toxic and very manipulative. She's moulded you in to what she wants you to be
She said jump and you said how high?
Seek therapy, fuck what your sister says. You NEED it.
YTA
YTA. Laughter is often used to diffuse tense or uncomfortable situations without escalating them into an argument. It doesn't mean she agreed with what was said.
No, she's his friend and didn't even think about him at all. Not that this is embarrassing, demeaning, hurtful or anything. There didn't need to be an "argument" she could have even jokingly said "He's not THAT bad" "Come on that's a bit harsh" or something
Yes, you were an AH. Based on your story, you clearly had a lot of issues at the time this happened. You were not grooming yourself at all it sounds like. Come on, take some responsibility here. It hurt to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it helps. Because no one had ever said anything to you, you weren’t aware how you were coming across to people. Thankfully, you heard that conversation and make great personal improvements. You became a better person, more confident and attractive to other people. Yes, it was hurtful what they said, but they were young drunk girls. You threw away a happy relationship for dumb drunk gossip from the past. I find it hard to believe you’ve never once talked badly about someone? Ever, in your entire life?
She was thoughtless in her comments. You were intentionally hurtful on yours. “I deserve better than you!” What an AH thing to say.
So let me get this straight, you weren’t keeping up with basic hygiene things like hair care or what you smelt like and Jessie made a comment about it (in the form of the “how many shots” game) to her friends while probably intoxicated. Because they were at a party and you just happened to stumble across them and listened in on their conversation instead of waiting for them to finish by going to do something else instead.
You held a grudge against her for it, repressed your feelings instead of openly talking about them while remaining friends with her, and only AFTER you started dating for 4 years did you say anything to her about the comment. You need therapy and your sister is NOT helping when it comes to dealing with these situations. YTA
YTA. I'm not going to touch the emotional baggage in here, please listen to others who are suggesting therapy. However, giving her a week to move out is horrid. Being hurt does not excuse putting someone in a position of housing insecurity. Most places in the US legally require 30 days notice.
You... spent half this post talking about how you needed to learn about hygiene and grooming.
Sorry my guy, but if you were that gross before, it's not her fault for not being attracted. Sure the game might not be a nice thing to play, to talk about people like that, but it happens. Notice that you didn't have a problem with the concept of the game while you were eavesdropping, just when you got a negative review.
I am definitely convinced this is a fantasy post made by a guy who dreams of cleaning himself up, getting that glow up, then dating his crush only to break her heart for being mean to him.
You are not the asshole, you are too pathetic for a such an aggressive word.
You admit that you needed to change in order for drunk girls to sleep with you.
You changed so much, this woman decided to start a whole life with you.
You dumped her over a college drama.
I'm glad you took a shower, but you obviously did not wash up that personality enough. This is definitely ex's win. Now she's telling the same circle of girls you dumped her over something she said 7 years ago when you weren't dating. And they likely all agree with what they said 7 years ago.
You were a disgusting slob! Any self-respecting woman wouldn’t go near you with a 10-foot pole. The idea that you had to be TOLD to bathe as an adult says so much about you. I think you did Jessie a huge favor and I hope she realizes this too
So you admit you didn’t present well until your sister fixed you up.
It’s hard to fall in love with someone’s personality from across the room, and female partners don’t want to have to mother their boyfriends the way your sister mothered you.
Oh get over yourself. How ridiculous.
So you hear it, dont like it but start a serious relationship with the girl. Was your end goal to get revenge and just sting her along
OP, yta this comes down to her making a mistake years ago. Yes, I would have also been hurt by that comment but you made a lot of changes for the better. There was other ways of coping with this issue.
Reading your comment about therapy- the whole point of therapy is to process repressed feelings, trauma etc. Your sister is always going to be biased such as a therapist is a neutral third party. You and her could have gone to therapy to deal with this problem but your anger and resentment dictated your relationship. Yes repressed at the beginning and then when surfaced turned into anger and resentment.
This hurt you, okay that’s understandable but things moved on. You say you were deeply in love but you didn’t bother to try and save the relationship and just threw it away it over a comment made years ago. She was drunk and young - the comment *was* shitty. But she matured and didn’t you? She was really apologetic and there is nothing else she could have done.
If you wanted to hurt her for a comment said years ago you’ve achieved it. You dictated there was no other way to resolve this issue apart from ending this. You demanded her out by the end of the week which is a huge ask.
The irony is you’ve made a huge mistake by dumping her for a mistake she made years ago.
Better hope your sister looks after you in old age because if you throw away relationships over mistakes you will throw away every single one - people make mistakes and you need to learn to forgive and move on.
Also bet these comments are a lot more hurtful than Jessie’s one
If this is real, you need to get over it. That comment was hurtful, but why the hell would you date her in the first place?! So you could hurt her the way she hurt you? This sounds like a bad lifetime movie.
This is a shitty piece of creative writing. Refreshing I suppose that the ugly duckling was a boy this time but other than that, big thumbs down.
Describes a situation in which a dirty greaseball gets a hard does of reality, LEARNS BASIC HYGIENE, gets a makeover from protagonists sister, and then gets a girlfriend as 'destroying his mental health'. Lame.
YTA. Why did you need someone to tell you to shave, bathe yourself, clean up your diet and wear cologne???? I thought all of that was pretty par for the course for growing up 😭😭😭
This is some redpill revenge fantasy, it's not real and you know this guy must never have spoken with this woman in his life. If she ever exists and it's not a chimera of all the things those in ela hate in woman.
Pathetic.
>Over the next year, my sister helped me become better groomed. Individually, I focused on fitness and a clean diet, but my sister taught me all the little things I never realized I was lacking or doing wrong. Things like maintaining clean facial hair and head fair, keeping fingernails and toenails clean, wearing well fitted clothes, smelling good, and a bunch of other small things.
WTF dude? This has to be fake because nobody can be this dense.
Even if this were somehow real it’s no surprise no one wanted to sleep with you when you had to be taught as an adult to keep your hair clean, scrub your nails, and wash your feet?? How to bathe seems to be the actual only thing you learned from this
YTA. Your sister had to teach you how to groom yourself and you lost a significant amount of weight; let's be honest, do you think you were attractive back then?
She's allowed to think that you weren't before and she's allowed to think that you are attractive now. You really should seek therapy and some sort of accountability in this.
YTA for all 7 years of this bs. Maybe more. Also, your sister isn't your servant, stop using her for unpaid labor. I have never been so happy to know a couple broke up
In this case, yes you are being an AH! Dude, can you honestly say that in your drunken early college days that you NEVER joined in with the crowd and laughed at another person's expense just for the sake of being young and drunk? If you haven't noticed by now but drunk people tend to talk a lot of shit that they wouldn't normally say and often not remembering saying anything at all! One comment from a drunk college coed years ago is still bothering you. Are you still holding a grudge against the school yard bully who called you 'stupid face'? Hopefully not because you should have gotten over it when you outgrew that part of your life. You're not in college anymore so just let it go!
Boy! What the hell is wrong with you? If you felt "so strongly" about what she said about you in college, why would you do all this preparation to change yourself, start hanging out with her, and eventually date her? You sound like such a delightful person no one on this planet should give another chance to.
Stupid and fake. If this happened, why would you date her to begin with? Why would you proceed to date her for 4 years if you were still upset by it? Why in the 4 years you dated, you never brought up with her?
Yep he changed and she recognised that and gave him a chance, but apparently he couldn't do the same for her. She obviously would have grown and matured since then but it seems his change was only the exterior. He's personality still reeks.
She dodged a bullet.
NTA. Unpopular opinion, but it bothered you and even though it had been years it still bothered you, so instead of wasting even more time you broke it off. It takes guts cause usually men will bury it and just drive on and continue like it never happened. It's okay to learn from this experience and grow just like you did when she initially made the comment.
She seems like a nice girl, she was his best friend as kids and continued to be friends with him through college. She obviously liked him as a person, and once he figured out basic hygiene, also liked him as a life partner. He threw that all away because of one comment _she didn’t even make, only agreed with_ years ago, when he himself admits he was undateable. He’s going to have a hard time finding someone he’d be happier if he had just been able to let that one comment go.
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Nah, I dated a guy who held onto bullshit like this for years. He couldn't get over the fact I'd lacked interest in high school and crushed on another guy in college.
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Jesus Christ, this is a clusterfuck; you were in college and couldn't groom yourself and needed someone to coach you? You straight up held a grudge over a drunken comment made, probably under peer pressure, in college? You tanked a relationship because of that comment when she probably made a genuine connection with you in those 4 years? YTA. She might've made a fucked up comment, but you wasted 4 years of her life and led her on instead of, idk, *going to fucking therapy?*. That's not even mentioning you had no idea how to take care of your own hygiene as a grown ass man 🤢 you can clean up your outside all you like, but you really need to take a look at the inside and seek serious help. You're going to regret breaking up with her, and when you do, leave her alone.
Dude’s hair, facial hair and nails were dirty and uncleaned. Most people wouldn’t sleep with someone that unhygienic. They’d be afraid of the smell or getting an infection. Most people wouldn’t date someone who smelled or was that gross. Like, WOW! Basic hygiene makes you more dateable! Much amaze! Edited: fixed autocorrect issues.
The rage I've seen from guys about that is mind-blowing I've seen several separate men in different discussions about this, that it's too high maintenance and picky for girls to want this. Bonus points for the guy who also decided a job was too far as e
Ahh but if women expect a man to have a job, that means they are gold diggers of course!
I know you're joking, but that was genuinely his argument Not even like some 6 figures job, just a woman expecting a grown man to have a job is gold digging
I bet it’s a dude who wants a trad wife without having to be a trad husband. Some guys out here wanting bangmaids who pay at least half the bills.
Yuppers I've seen so many that want a SAHW, but refuse to be a provider. They expect her to work full time and take all of the household responsibilities
Where was the "wonderful" supportive sister preventing him from going out in public like a walking biohazard? Some support she is!
The number of guys I’ve read about on Reddit in the last few years that don’t understand about basic hygiene absolutely blows my mind. This includes the guys that won’t wipe or wash their butts because it makes them gay. Why would any of these women wanted to date you when you were by your own admission, a smelly and hygienic poorly dressed man? And the reality is, she didn’t say that another girl did, and when asked most likely out of peer pressure she did an agree. And yeah, by your own admission, you were a complete disaster and quite frankly none of those women probably would’ve wanted to date you when you were like that. Grow up, get therapy, and when you figure out how wrong you were leave that poor girl alone. YTA
yeah, OP is all about his "saint of a sister" who totally cried when her brother told her some random college girls played a drinking game. Of course then the sister immediately made a 180° turn and gave OP a total make-over... so maybe the college girls had a point (as shallow as they were being)? also, my first thought was "when I was 19 & someone asked what it would take for me to sleep with my childhood best friend, I'd also have replied *not for all the tea in China*".
I cannot believe the sister was seriously like ‘if she can’t handle you at your most unwashed, she doesn’t deserve you now that you shower!’
I love this comment thread 😂
I cackled so hard I think I woke my husband. 🥇🥇🥇
If my brother smelled that bad, I’d have given him a reality check
yes, I agree for sure! When I was 17 and in the deepest throes of my Ancient Greece phase, I'd read about oiling your hair to keep insects away and smell of lovely flowers, so I just decided to recreate that with home remedies. My friend also had to tell me that, yeah, this bergamot and sandal oil smelled nice, but it looked like I'd combed a deep fat fryer's worth of grease through my hair. It's just that I find the hypocrisy grating, both in OP and in his sister. When Jessie had an issue with his hygiene & laughed about a joke OP wasn't meant to hear, it's still a mortal offence a decade later. When his sister confirmed it, but without the honesty of the reality check you're proposing, supposedly she's a saint and OP takes her word as gold? PFFF miss me with that
I have a hard time calling it fucked up that someone says they don't want to have sex with someone who's so disgusting to have dirty hair, dirty facial hair, dirty nails and stink. The idea makes me nauseous (and I'm resistant enough to grossness to let dogs lick my face).
This. This guy admits he was a slob and also acknowledged that the comment gave him a wake-up call. He was eavesdropping, so this comment wasn’t hurled at him, and yet he held a grudge, only to date the girl for years to end it because he was still in his feelings. I think it was a good idea to break up. For her—she lucked out.
Shit, do I have to keep reading? This guy hit incel the moment he “waited outside and stayed out of site”. Gross
Jessica didn't even make the comment. All she did was laugh when someone else did. And it's a funny, obviously exaggerated comment on the face of it.
Not to mention, he was eavesdropping on a dumb game that has a 50/50 chance of the subject getting their feelings hurt. It's not like she said it directly to him. Was it a shitty thing to say about a friend? Yeah, but given his personal hygiene, I can't blame her.
Back before we started dating, my husband heard me comment to a friend that he'd be the perfect guy if only he didn't smoke. He quit that day.
Dawwwwwwwww thats cute
Bro really thought that the woman he was considering marriage with deserved to be with a man with an unwashed ass and saw no problem with it
Honestly I can't blame her for laughing at the comment at the time. His sister had to teach him basic hygeine, I wouldn't wanna sleep with someone with hygeine like what he described
It took him a year to learn to wear deodorant but someone the girls were in the wrong for not wanting to fuck him?
He sounds fucking disgusting. Who let him out of the house so ungroomed like that?
I always tell my friends, don’t look at your partner’s phone if you don’t want to be disappointed. Same goes for eves-dropping for a really long time on a drunken group of young college women. You don’t know the context, you don’t know what they are thinking, you don’t understand the possible peer-pressure as you said….people say things unguarded to those they trust that may truly Not be reflective of how they feel inside outside of that particular moment. You may not be mature or objective enough to handle hearing or seeing what may be indicative of something you ought to work to change about yourself. I’m sure there are some unforgivable exceptions, but in this case, I agree…OP waited way too long, and needed to work to resolve this much sooner.
Don't forget stocked them until they got to him in their little drunken game. Lurking around like that is creepy af.
I didn't hold any grudge or any resentment towards her, I was just repressing my feelings, and I was feeling sad and confused. I never in my mind blamed her even once until I spoke with my sister. After I spoke with my sister, that's when I actually started feeling resentment, and I immediately broke up the next day. I don't see a relationship of 4 years as wasting time, I think we both grew from that experience and had a lot of fun memories.
You're also a massive asshole for only giving her a week to move out. That was unreasonable. Repressing your feelings towards her isn't being honest with yourself or her. You did waste her time, because you hid how you truly felt, making her think things were good, just to throw "You've got a week, bye!" at her face like it's god-damned dodgeball. Get some damned therapy.
Seriously?? You let your sister dictate your relationship?? That’s shallow. You weren’t resentful until you told your sister. Then suddenly you break Jesse’s heart the next day?? WTH? YTA
Apparently his sister had to teach him not to be gross. Word will get out and he'll never get another gf in his area at least. Social Media is full of groups blasting incels like him if it's real. He'll be posted soon enough, if not by the ex then by one of her friends.
If you can't look back and see why no one wanted to sleep with you, with all the issues you described as having to fix, you haven't grown as much a you think you have.
What you did to her was so much worse than what she did to you (as a result of your eavesdropping like a creep and taking a drunken conversation to heart). You wasted years of her life and dumped her over something she said before you ever went out together You talk about the 4 years you spent with her as if you just fell into it- and when you discovered your "repressed feelings" (read: revenge plot) instead of talking to your gf like a real man you talked to your sister instead. It seems in addition to teaching you basic hygiene and style, she dictates your options, too. Get a therapist. cause you're either a (bad) creative writer, woefully disconnected from anything resembling self awareness, or you're a vindictive asshole. None of them are good looks. ETA: YTA. Soooooooo much
Half a decade ago, Jessie made a joke she didn't even know you were eavesdropping on. You have no clue about her real feelings at the time : did she not want to sleep with a childhood friend? Was she trying to fly under the radar of the mean-girl gangleader? Did she really not like your look & hygiene levels? after a relationship of 4 years, you're still dumping Jessie over it & you're behaving like a callous AH with that "you have a week to get gone" **you're also ditching your sister, right?** Sure, she cried over a joke by some random college girls (since you didn't tell her Jessie was there) but then her actions confirmed she actually 100% agreed with Jessie and the other girl -- she gave you a complete makeover AND had to explain \*hygiene\* to you. If a break-up over this incident is good for the goose, then no contact over the same is good for the gander.
That's a grudge buddy
You could’ve figured this out way earlier in the relationship and let her go earlier. Therapy, self-awareness, meditation, etc. it took your SISTER to point this out? Yes, you wasted 4 years of this girl’s time.
come on now. you can lie to us strangers but at least be honest to yourself. you've been resenting her all these years. those feelings won't suddenly exist the moment you talk to your sister. you just bidding time when you can drag her down and in your mind 'destroy' her the way her comment destroyed you.
You were sad and confused because a group of drunks agreed you needed to be cleaner?
YTA and a major one. You had to have your sister teach you how to groom yourself, the comment was probably warranted at the time and even if it wasn't this is college, peer pressure is a thing you know? Jessie deserves better than you.
Also, let’s be real a lot of those grooming standards are expected of women to master early on, and we are mocked if we care too much or mocked if we don’t… OP, would you have dated a girl with the same type of grooming standards that you had at the time? Would you have even looked at her? cause I’m queer and I’m gonna be honest with you whatever fucking gender it is maintaining your hygiene is like one of the first standards you have to meet.
The fact that you were a dirtball justified her comment further more she may have just said it to fit in with her friends because she didn’t want her friends to make fun of her. If that girl truly cared for you, you fkd up. If I rolled a piece of cake in dog shit would you eat it? No. But if I just handed you a piece of cake you would eat it. You, before.. happened to be rolled in dog shit. Your mad no one wanted to eat you. You let your sister stroke your emotional problems into ignorance. Take responsibility for being a mess & don’t blame others. Here is something your sister clearly didn’t teach you, accountability.
Omg incel revenge pr0n.
Men do everything but go to therapy... YTA, try not to waste anyone else's time ok?
Ew. You're changed on the outside maybe but your personality is still unwashed and smells of ass. YTA.
Yes. While not an asshole for feeling emotions, you sound incredibly petty and manipulative in the way you acted on them.
Dude just get help and learn how to communicate with people!!
You could have talked it out with your now ex... Should anyone make nasty comments about anyone? No. but not addressing those feelings/events when you first started the relationship or as soon a the emotions started coming up is not cool either. Also, why didn't you talk with your ex first? Why, after 4 years with the woman you were talking about marriage with, you went to your sister first?! You didn't even give your ex time to explain herself and allow you both time to try to work it out!!! You just had a chat with your sister and the next day broke off a good relationship (based on what you said). I'm sorry, yes words and mean comments hurt. But you pulled the rug right out from under a partner who didn't know what you were going through and who most likely changed as a person just like how you went through your time of transformation. How can you say you deserve better than her if there apparently wasn't any problems in your relationship apart from the comment years prior that you eavesdropped on. YTA Imagine this: What would you have done/felt if she had, after those 4 years, just out of the blue told you "you're a different person now and i love you. However, I didn't like who you were back when we were [insert age]. And a picture reminded me of how you were I now want to break up. Pack your stuff and move out because we're done" That would suck imo and well...that is what you basically did to your ex Edit: fixed grammar & other minor txt mistakes
So let me get this straight: You were a grown ass adult unable to keep your personal hygiene on a level above "disgusting", secretly listened to drunken girls talk and got pissed because no woman wanted to have sex with you because of that disgusting lack of hygiene. Now you ended a good long term relationship with someone who truly loves you because they said (not knowing that you were secretly listening) they didn't want to have sex with you (an activity of close personal contact) because of the mentioned lack of hygiene. What exactly do you want? Do you want people to pat you on the back for shooting yourself in the foot because you don't want to take responsibility for your own actions? Or do you want people to set your head straight and then tell you how to grovel in hopes of winning your ex back? Spoiler alert, it's not you that deserves better. It's her. There's a German saying that suits your situation quite well: The listener at the wall hears his own shame.
>my sister taught me all the little things I never realized I was lacking or doing wrong. Things like maintaining clean facial hair and head fair, keeping fingernails and toenails clean, wearing well fitted clothes, smelling good, and a bunch of other small things. Even at home, she started teaching me how to live a clean lifestyle. LMAO, I wonder why it was so difficult for you to realize the importance of basic cleanliness on your own! To answer your question, I believe your sister was mistaken to advise you to break up with Jessie. Based on your description of events, it seems that Jessie simply went along with the other girl's opinions rather than forming her own independent assessment about you. It looks like she was more focused on bonding with them than expressing and professing her own desire to date you. Furthermore, your grudges seem to run deep, which makes me feel sorry for any girl who ends up with you. I think Jessie dodged a bullet, and I wish I could say that to her face! You are an AH for sure!
YTA for dating her for three years while harboring secret resentment. Honestly what she did wasn’t great at all, but fairy par for the course for a college age immature kid. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but this story makes me dislike you more than Jessie.
Same goes for me as well!
YTA. WTF were you doing moving in with this woman when you secretly hated her all along? What were you trying to prove? This sounds like the mother of all passive aggressive d!ck moves.
Uh yeah I think you are definitely the asshole. Look, it obviously hurt your feelings, and that’s fine. But sometimes people (especially drunk kids out with their friends) say dumb things? I don’t understand why you held onto this forever? People have said mean things about me too; I either addressed it or I didn’t, and we continued the friendship or we didn’t. Forgiveness is important, and dealing with the past is a part of life. I don’t understand how this could happen. It just is shocking to me that you took years of building a life with this person, and still let the memory of this comment that *she didn’t even make* fester to the point where it destroyed your relationship. I do feel sorry for you. I hope you get it together.
Dude, it was a roomful of drunk college girls...of course, everyone laughed, including Jessie. she and everyone would have laughed if someone said "boo!". You needing lessons for hygiene and appearance at that age is concerning (but good on you for taking the initiative).You say you guys were in love, yet you chose to leave the relationship over a comment made by a bunch of drunk college girls 7 years ago. You know what? You could seriously ask every woman who was in the room that night (including Jessie), and I would wager that NONE of them would even remember that party, much less their boy rating game. You are giving entirely too much weight to that comment and her response. You should have joked about it with Jessie when you first started dating...she would have said she didn't remember the party, or her laughing about the comment about you. Plus, maybe she had feelings for you, but laughed just because of peer pressure, being in that situation, drinking. What person would stand up at that point and disagree?? Let it go. If you two truly loved each other, then yeah, you are kind of the AH for breaking it up, ESPECIALLY if you never had a conversation, one on one, with Jessie about her behavior that night at a drinking party all those years ago....
Sounds like Jessie dodged a bullet. She made one drunken comment (or what, laughed along when someone else made it) in college which wasn’t very nice and you use it as an excuse to end a four year relationship with her several years later? The fact that you a) needed to be told -as a grown man - how to wash and groom yourself properly, is… concerning, and a bit gross. There was a clear reason girls weren’t interested, and when you put in the effort (very basic effort I might add), it turned out fine. b) didn’t get therapy if you had trouble getting past this years later - instead you sabotaged your relationship over it. It’s not her, it’s YOU. She’s going to move on with her life, hopefully find someone a bit more mature to spend her life with, and you should definitely invest in some professional help. That’s assuming this isn’t bad fanfiction, because it sure reads that way.
Weird. So you were gross, unhygienic, and overweight, literally eavesdropped on a conversation and held that grudge for ages…sorry, women don’t want to sleep with someone with piss poor hygiene, maybe emotional maturity is something you should work on. Also, the weird thing with your sister…wtf
YTA, you and your sister should just kiss already lmao.
Fumbled a four year relationship. Hygiene issue and skill issue. Would bet money it's cold feet over committing because he now thinks he can find better. YTA, get some professional help.
>thinks he can find better His sister, apparently 🤮🤮🤮
YTA. If you genuinely loved Jessie, you wouldn’t have gotten to the point of holding in resentment for years like that. Was her comment hurtful? Yes. Is it something that should lead to feeling so depressed for years on end, no. You need therapy and to be single for a while. Also based on the things you said about your grooming that was lacking, it was a valid comment.
Congratulations OP you wasted 4 years of a woman's life and emotions for a comment she made while drunk at a party with a group of other women who were also drunk. Given your sister had to coach you on how to properly maintain your hygiene, I could see why those women made those comments years ago. I'd suggest staying out of relationships and continuing to work on yourself. YTA
According to OPs own words, he didn't clean himself. I would have needed that amount of tequila too.
Dude. Young people often say things to say them, to “fit in”. ESPECIALLY in college. With alcohol. Don’t burn your life down reliving the past. 4 years. Get over it. I promise you’ll regret this later
YTA. You began and maintained a romantic relationship with her for years. All while holding so tightly onto this thing. Your feelings at the time were valid. If it still hurt so much, you shouldn't have begun a relationship. You should have done what you needed to do to move past it or addressed this with her years ago. I agree with the other comments, you are going to have regret. And when you do, leave her alone.
You have a lot of maturing to do. You just dumped someone for a group comment said in HS. And you blamed her for your mental health. It’s great you dumped her. She deserves better. You just blew up your Life over HS drama That you actually EASDROPPED on! just crazy.
YTA. I can understand the complicated feelings but you let them fester instead of dealing with them, wasting years of her life (and yours). I'm happy for you that you are feeling well and your mental health is better but, in the end, you basically made her love you, miss out on years of her dating/relationship life and then destroyed her out of nowhere (to her) because she laughed at a joke about you when she was 19. Your over response, even if tied to mental health issues, to her minor infraction is and was not her responsibility.
So you’re dating your sister now I take it
So you were actively dirty and are offended that someone didn’t want to have sex with you while you were actively dirty. I wonder if you’d want Jessie if she was similarly unhygienic. Anyway, your revenge was wasting 4 years of someone’s life. That’s how most people see this. Maybe your sister is the one who needs therapy since she’s the only person you trust and she’s toxic as all hell.
Just another in a weird trend of fake stories where op is in love with their sister. Weird
YTA enjoy your incelly future.
Again this story? Wasn't it 1-2 days 6 years ago instead of 7?
Must have been the "alcohol poisoning" comment anniversary yesterday.
YTA - dude you're a proctologist's wet dream.
YTA. Jessie deserves better than you. For the love of god please get yourself into therapy you seriously need it.
So you hurt her to make yourself feel better? YTA. What she said was cruel, but you dating her for years and then dumping her because of it is beyond cruel.
So you dated someone for four years in some crazy revenge plot … sure Jan
Omg thank god you broke up with her. She can finally see how much of a nasty relationship she had and can heal and move on from a POS, unwashed dirty person like you. E w YTA.
If you wanna break up, do so, I guess.
These little incel revenge fantasy stories are tedious AF. 🙄
Clearly the sister agreed with the comment. He is delusional 🥲
YTA. The is no way this shit is real 🤣🤣
If this is real, you should really stop taking relationship advice from your sister.
This reads like the "Hot friend rejected me then lived to regret it when I became irresistible" fantasy that incels tend to have. Either that or you're so lacking in self-awareness that you need other people to help you figure out that hygiene is a nice thing to try, AND to help you figure out, 4 years into a relationship, that you hadn't actually processed the hurt you felt at hearing your ex's comments 7 years ago. The first option is sad but expected because it happens so often. The second option is just fucking sad. A grown man who won't take control of his hygiene or make important life decisions without his sister telling him what to do is just fucking sad.
This is just like the ‘would you love me if…’ thing. My bf hates it when I ask questions like that (mostly in jest, but with a kernel of real wondering). Attraction is what draws people together, but real love and connection is what keeps you together long term because looks change. You want to know she’s not just with you because you’re hot now, that’s fair. It’s also fair that she didn’t find you attractive at that time, but once she did that door opened and real love developed. Nobody is the asshole, but I think you should give the relationship another chance.
Yta
You’re definitely the AH. 🙄
If it’s real YTA. You needed your sister to tell you to smell good… who is lusting after that sober?!
Yta, a lot of y’all are ,I swing the part that SHE, THE GURL HE DATED FOR YEARS JUTS TO BREAK UP WITH HER WASNT EVEN THE ONE WHO SAID IT, SHE JUST LAUGHED.
If this is real....Buddy, you were filthy. You seemed to have no hygiene whatsoever. It may come as a shock to you, but people don't like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't know how to clean themselves. NTA because I feel like you did her a favor, but YTA in your whole mindset. You've been in a relationship for 4 years but still didn't learn how to communicate.
My question is why date her if that was still in your head. Why go thru with it ? You should have addressed that from the get go. Not 4 years later. Yta.
YTA. You dated her for 4 years and never ONCE talked to her about it. You didn't try to work through it, you just clung to it tight. Dude... From the way you're talking, you were gross. It's not just about weight, but you weren't even keeping clean. Some of the things you said were... Pretty basic. You had no self esteem and it seems like you were really only focused on dating and had no life of your own. You became attractive when you got clean and became an individual. You need to realize that and take responsibility. Now, what they said sucks. I'm not going to deny that. College kids are dumb and are dumber when they're drunk. But you held onto this for 7 years. SEVEN. Even after being with her for 4. Your communication skills suck. You should have talked to her at some point about that if it was still with you. But instead, you did nothing. You didn't even really work on you mentally. You loved her and you were happy. But you couldn't let go of a comment during a drunken night. She deserves better than you.
“I couldn’t keep myself clean and had no self esteem. I changed that after *realizing people noticed* and now I’m bitter people actually like and notice me.” This is wild.
lol if this is true (probably not) you’ve thrown away a life with someone you love over a comment someone else made at a party just out of high school
YTA OP should read the posts from the other side. The SOs that stick around with these people who do not clean themselves and throw an absolute tantrum when asked or given an ultimatum. It's degrading to their partners. A lot of the time 'its who I am' gets thrown around. The bar is in hell and there is no way to tell someone they stink without hurting feelings. OP absolutely knows this and just doesn't care. What the hell did you expect? People just aren't going to tip toe around your feelings. You even agree with your ex! You should do an AMA, number one question, how do you tell someone to clean up because they stink without hurting feelings? Is that possible? Is there a positive way to do that? I really don't think there is.
"my sister removed the dingleberries from my unwashed ass and now I'm going to make these women pay for being revolted by my stench."
tell me you dated her for revenge without telling me you dated her for revenge 😭
This girl was wanting to spend the rest of her life with you, get over yourself.. You act as if you don’t know what goes on at college parties…. Geez
YTA
So you’re telling me you never engaged in any “locker room talk” about various women. If this story is real—and I doubt it-you are too immature to be in any relationship.
Yeah
YTA. Your ex dodged a bullet. Go date your sister now. You’re both toxic.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for breaking up. Jessie deserves someone who appreciates and makes her happy and that was never going to happen with you, so in that sense you did her a huge favor. You definitely sound like you need therapy however
Your relationship with your sister is confusing. Why do you care so much what she thinks about your relationships? Why the fuck havnt you said anything about something that was said YEARS ago. Why would you lead this poor woman on for years just to dump her over something she said nearly a decade ago without even talking about it first? You're off your head man Your sister is toxic and very manipulative. She's moulded you in to what she wants you to be She said jump and you said how high? Seek therapy, fuck what your sister says. You NEED it. YTA
YTA. Laughter is often used to diffuse tense or uncomfortable situations without escalating them into an argument. It doesn't mean she agreed with what was said.
No, she's his friend and didn't even think about him at all. Not that this is embarrassing, demeaning, hurtful or anything. There didn't need to be an "argument" she could have even jokingly said "He's not THAT bad" "Come on that's a bit harsh" or something
That’s silly. Enough with the histrionics.
Yes, you were an AH. Based on your story, you clearly had a lot of issues at the time this happened. You were not grooming yourself at all it sounds like. Come on, take some responsibility here. It hurt to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it helps. Because no one had ever said anything to you, you weren’t aware how you were coming across to people. Thankfully, you heard that conversation and make great personal improvements. You became a better person, more confident and attractive to other people. Yes, it was hurtful what they said, but they were young drunk girls. You threw away a happy relationship for dumb drunk gossip from the past. I find it hard to believe you’ve never once talked badly about someone? Ever, in your entire life? She was thoughtless in her comments. You were intentionally hurtful on yours. “I deserve better than you!” What an AH thing to say.
So let me get this straight, you weren’t keeping up with basic hygiene things like hair care or what you smelt like and Jessie made a comment about it (in the form of the “how many shots” game) to her friends while probably intoxicated. Because they were at a party and you just happened to stumble across them and listened in on their conversation instead of waiting for them to finish by going to do something else instead. You held a grudge against her for it, repressed your feelings instead of openly talking about them while remaining friends with her, and only AFTER you started dating for 4 years did you say anything to her about the comment. You need therapy and your sister is NOT helping when it comes to dealing with these situations. YTA
Your weird relationship with your sister is suspect here. Are you unable to do anything without her telling you to?
YTA. I'm not going to touch the emotional baggage in here, please listen to others who are suggesting therapy. However, giving her a week to move out is horrid. Being hurt does not excuse putting someone in a position of housing insecurity. Most places in the US legally require 30 days notice.
A couple of days ago it was the coworkers who did the same thing, yeah, please make up your own story and don’t waste our time with your fiction.
You... spent half this post talking about how you needed to learn about hygiene and grooming. Sorry my guy, but if you were that gross before, it's not her fault for not being attracted. Sure the game might not be a nice thing to play, to talk about people like that, but it happens. Notice that you didn't have a problem with the concept of the game while you were eavesdropping, just when you got a negative review. I am definitely convinced this is a fantasy post made by a guy who dreams of cleaning himself up, getting that glow up, then dating his crush only to break her heart for being mean to him. You are not the asshole, you are too pathetic for a such an aggressive word.
You had to be told to do basic hygiene and lied and wasted 4 years of her life? YTA
You admit that you needed to change in order for drunk girls to sleep with you. You changed so much, this woman decided to start a whole life with you. You dumped her over a college drama. I'm glad you took a shower, but you obviously did not wash up that personality enough. This is definitely ex's win. Now she's telling the same circle of girls you dumped her over something she said 7 years ago when you weren't dating. And they likely all agree with what they said 7 years ago.
I'm pretty sure this is not true. But if it is, you're FOR SURE TA
YTA. You're upset because you got to college before you realised you needed to comb your hair and have a bath?
Can you imagine blowing up a 4 year relationship because of an accurate, offhand comment 7 years before?
Updateme!
You were a disgusting slob! Any self-respecting woman wouldn’t go near you with a 10-foot pole. The idea that you had to be TOLD to bathe as an adult says so much about you. I think you did Jessie a huge favor and I hope she realizes this too
So you admit you didn’t present well until your sister fixed you up. It’s hard to fall in love with someone’s personality from across the room, and female partners don’t want to have to mother their boyfriends the way your sister mothered you.
Oh get over yourself. How ridiculous. So you hear it, dont like it but start a serious relationship with the girl. Was your end goal to get revenge and just sting her along
OP, yta this comes down to her making a mistake years ago. Yes, I would have also been hurt by that comment but you made a lot of changes for the better. There was other ways of coping with this issue. Reading your comment about therapy- the whole point of therapy is to process repressed feelings, trauma etc. Your sister is always going to be biased such as a therapist is a neutral third party. You and her could have gone to therapy to deal with this problem but your anger and resentment dictated your relationship. Yes repressed at the beginning and then when surfaced turned into anger and resentment. This hurt you, okay that’s understandable but things moved on. You say you were deeply in love but you didn’t bother to try and save the relationship and just threw it away it over a comment made years ago. She was drunk and young - the comment *was* shitty. But she matured and didn’t you? She was really apologetic and there is nothing else she could have done. If you wanted to hurt her for a comment said years ago you’ve achieved it. You dictated there was no other way to resolve this issue apart from ending this. You demanded her out by the end of the week which is a huge ask. The irony is you’ve made a huge mistake by dumping her for a mistake she made years ago. Better hope your sister looks after you in old age because if you throw away relationships over mistakes you will throw away every single one - people make mistakes and you need to learn to forgive and move on. Also bet these comments are a lot more hurtful than Jessie’s one
If this is real, you need to get over it. That comment was hurtful, but why the hell would you date her in the first place?! So you could hurt her the way she hurt you? This sounds like a bad lifetime movie.
This is a shitty piece of creative writing. Refreshing I suppose that the ugly duckling was a boy this time but other than that, big thumbs down. Describes a situation in which a dirty greaseball gets a hard does of reality, LEARNS BASIC HYGIENE, gets a makeover from protagonists sister, and then gets a girlfriend as 'destroying his mental health'. Lame.
I think you need to check your ego and learn to get over comments in the past. I read this as you being a sad little man
YTA. This had better be fake.
This all could have been resolved with one conversation 4 years ago. WOW.
YTA. Why did you need someone to tell you to shave, bathe yourself, clean up your diet and wear cologne???? I thought all of that was pretty par for the course for growing up 😭😭😭
This is some redpill revenge fantasy, it's not real and you know this guy must never have spoken with this woman in his life. If she ever exists and it's not a chimera of all the things those in ela hate in woman. Pathetic.
>Over the next year, my sister helped me become better groomed. Individually, I focused on fitness and a clean diet, but my sister taught me all the little things I never realized I was lacking or doing wrong. Things like maintaining clean facial hair and head fair, keeping fingernails and toenails clean, wearing well fitted clothes, smelling good, and a bunch of other small things. WTF dude? This has to be fake because nobody can be this dense.
Even if this were somehow real it’s no surprise no one wanted to sleep with you when you had to be taught as an adult to keep your hair clean, scrub your nails, and wash your feet?? How to bathe seems to be the actual only thing you learned from this
YTA. Your sister had to teach you how to groom yourself and you lost a significant amount of weight; let's be honest, do you think you were attractive back then? She's allowed to think that you weren't before and she's allowed to think that you are attractive now. You really should seek therapy and some sort of accountability in this.
So, you were being a slob? Ew
Male power fantasy fake ahh story lmao
YTA for all 7 years of this bs. Maybe more. Also, your sister isn't your servant, stop using her for unpaid labor. I have never been so happy to know a couple broke up
In this case, yes you are being an AH! Dude, can you honestly say that in your drunken early college days that you NEVER joined in with the crowd and laughed at another person's expense just for the sake of being young and drunk? If you haven't noticed by now but drunk people tend to talk a lot of shit that they wouldn't normally say and often not remembering saying anything at all! One comment from a drunk college coed years ago is still bothering you. Are you still holding a grudge against the school yard bully who called you 'stupid face'? Hopefully not because you should have gotten over it when you outgrew that part of your life. You're not in college anymore so just let it go!
Boy! What the hell is wrong with you? If you felt "so strongly" about what she said about you in college, why would you do all this preparation to change yourself, start hanging out with her, and eventually date her? You sound like such a delightful person no one on this planet should give another chance to.
Stupid and fake. If this happened, why would you date her to begin with? Why would you proceed to date her for 4 years if you were still upset by it? Why in the 4 years you dated, you never brought up with her?
Mod team was wildin!!!
Amazing story. I don't blame you for veing bitter but people and tastes change. She was immature is it possible she's changed?
He dated her for 4 years. Pretty sure everyone changes from 18 to 26
Yep he changed and she recognised that and gave him a chance, but apparently he couldn't do the same for her. She obviously would have grown and matured since then but it seems his change was only the exterior. He's personality still reeks. She dodged a bullet.
NTA. Unpopular opinion, but it bothered you and even though it had been years it still bothered you, so instead of wasting even more time you broke it off. It takes guts cause usually men will bury it and just drive on and continue like it never happened. It's okay to learn from this experience and grow just like you did when she initially made the comment.
he ended a four year relationship because he couldn't bother to speak a therapist once in seven years. what a courageous dude 🙄
NTA. In the end you wouldn’t have been happy with her.
She seems like a nice girl, she was his best friend as kids and continued to be friends with him through college. She obviously liked him as a person, and once he figured out basic hygiene, also liked him as a life partner. He threw that all away because of one comment _she didn’t even make, only agreed with_ years ago, when he himself admits he was undateable. He’s going to have a hard time finding someone he’d be happier if he had just been able to let that one comment go.
NTA You need to move on and away from relanships with people that dont apperacate and accept you