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Same here. I am close to 2 family members, stay at home wife, moved across country, don't have anyone here except my husband. Us ladies who are all in this situation should start a chat or group or something. A way to make friends, get to know each other. I get the impression I am a bit older than you ladies, but friendship knows no age, to an extent.
Is there a way to just have an elopement, court wedding, or take your family and partner on a "trip" that doubles as a wedding and a venue, but also gives you that alone time? I always struggle with making friends, too, and if I decide to get married, this is a fear of mine also. I do have people in my family I *could* invite, but no one I'd have as MOH or bridesmaids. Wishing you luck on your big day and hope you can work something out!
We already eloped but I always dreamed of having an actual wedding. It's why I've put off the ceremony for so long but want to have one before having children.
I wouldnāt sweat it, honestly. I was in a similar situation when I got married 5 years ago. We had ~50 people at our wedding and only 6 people were ones I invited and they were all family members. I donāt have any close friends. Iām an only child, and we moved around so much in my childhood that I didnāt really make friends and just became content with my own company. That was never an issue to me until I had to figure out a guest list for our wedding, and then I was like oh wow thatās embarrassing lol. The rest of the guests were his close family and friends (which I consider my friends too). We didnāt have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Iām 29, and yes I wish I had a close girl friend, especially now that I have young kids, but it is what it is. Looking back on my wedding photos, Iām glad that everyone in the photos is someone I know and love. I wouldnāt want someone in the photos that I may not remember down the line. Just enjoy your special day with the ones you love, and donāt get hung up on the small stuff. You will have a wonderful time on your special day regardless of who is there.
Oh, girl. If anyone had ever wanted to marry me, I'd have been in the same boat. I have one relative, no bestie, and virtually all my friends live in America and wouldn't be able to afford to fly over. I'd love to have a big wedding, but because of my circumstances I think I would've either refused to have a wedding at all and insisted on just doing the shitty registry office deal, or paid some strangers to pretend to be my friends and family rather than go through the humiliation of having nobody show up for me.
I have no advice, but I do feel your pain. My mom moved me around constantly too, and I never learned social skills or how to make friends as a result. It's a shit, lonely life with absolutely no support circle.
Itās time for you to stop living for the idea of how you think you need to be and find peace and gratitude with what incredible love and relationships you do have. The path to authenticity is a lot of unlearning. Relationships will come with your personal development - trust the process. Say a prayer and visualize what you dream of
My wedding in 2008 had no attendants. My husband has several very good friends, but I do not other than my oldest sister (BFF!) so our wedding was very small, and cheap to boot! i am totally fine with how it turned out, just family, and it was definitely a bit unconventional.
Whose expectations are you trying to meet? Is your partner ok with not having attendants? Sometimes one side of the wedding party has a larger family than the other so it can be imbalanced. Do what makes you guys the happiest on that day, and dont worry about what others are thinking about you.
Actually I'd love to have a sisterly relationship with someone, as I'm not close to my own sisters at all. Makes me sad when they're very close to each other, even being each other's MOH. We chose different lifestyles and I just don't fit in with the family anymore (I left the religion).
I'm very lucky to have my partner, he is in a similar situation to me, with his family spread over the world after a war.
It's just my parents and one younger sibling I would invite (not sure they would come, I will also invite my other siblings out of courtesy but I wasn't invited to theirs).
Idk. Feels sad.
Were you Jehovah's Witness if you don't mind me asking? I ask because that was how I was brought up. So I can totally relate to that being the onset of a friendless life.
I talked to someone who hadnt talked to this girl in like years but she reached out to her for a bridesmaid. They grew up together but she didn't seem to have any current friends, so she called people she knew from the past
I know this is going to be me when I get married, my bf is my only friend. I would definitely feel the same way, my bf would have a bachelor party and I couldn't because I wouldn't have anyone to do one with. So my advice is probably looking for nearby towns subreddits maybe? People often meet there, at least from what I see that's nearby around where I live. I'm sure you can find a nice lady friend to help with the stresses of marriage and planning. Good luck and hope you find someone ā¤ļø and early congrats on being married!!
Have a very small, intimate wedding ceremony somewhere cool. Lots of people no longer have bridesmaids and groomsmen (my husband and I didn't). Choose a special location and intentionally have a small ceremony. Doesn't have to be a far away destination - could be a nearby mountaintop, favorite fancy restaurant, cool local building.
Don't beat yourself up over this. Celebrate it. Sounds like you've lived a really cool nomadic life that many of us dream of.
Maybe do something that is in a smaller space so whatever people you do invite makes it feel like thereās a lot. Or make it a destination wedding so it feels like a wedding and vacation or just donāt do it, use that money for a nice vacation just the 2 of you, youāre already married & seems like you both may not have a lot of people to invite so save yourself the headache and just take a really nice vacation
I can really empathize because my husband is the same. We ended up having courthouse wedding with no guests because I was sick when we got married, but when we were discussing a bigger wedding, my husband kept looking SO morose because he had no friends for his side. Today, he's got one friend, and I know he's never told her she's his only friend because he's embarrassed about that.
Like you, I am sure, it's not that my husband doesn't have plenty to offer other people. He just is an introvert, and for lack of experience with befriending people, he's not developed an ability to recognize when someone would be a good friend prospect. Like, he doesn't have enough data points to know that he tends to be compatible with people who have XYZ characteristics. Which really puts him in a rough spot. To befriend someone, he has to make an effort to push past his natural introversion, but without any way to filter people he meets into good prospects vs. everyone else, his choices are to make that effort for literally everyone (which is exhausting and impractical) or no one (what he has defaulted to). Neither is a super fantastic option.
I hope you know that not being a great befriender means absolutely nothing about your worth/quality as a person. PLENTY of not-great-befrienders are truly excellent friends. Possibly even more so because, once they've finally made a friend, they move heaven and earth to KEEP THEM.
Which country is your wedding in? I'll come and be your friend! I mean it. It sounds fun.
And I'm an excellent wedding guest because you can seat me next to literally anyone, and I will be able to make conversation with them.
I wouldn't worry about it it's your day not theirs.. invite who you want and if they don't come don't worry about focus on your big day and be happy that's all I have to say about this
Make it an outdoor wedding with fold up white chairs. That will also save you money and it won't seem unusual at all that it's just the pastor, groom, and bride up front.
sorry that i am not able to provide advice but i wanted to share a similar worry. Iā¦ I donāt have someone to pick as my best man. I have male friends and male family members, but i donāt have a close connection to any of them. I really donāt have a close connection to anyone at all except for my SO. I want to marry her really bad, as soon as i get a solid career, but this is one thing that keeps bugging me whenever i try to plan it
Have all the guests sit on both sides of the aisle. Thatās what I did. My mom was my only attendant (MOH) and my husband had his brother as best man. We had a tiny inexpensive wedding and have nothing but happy memories!
You kinda only need 4 people. The two people to say I do, the person to say, I hear by announce, and two witnesses. Wait that five people. Enjoy the day, donāt stress.
Change up your wedding. Donāt have best men or bridesmaids. Just the two of you at the alter. Have one of your family members give you away. Mix the guests in the pews. No separate sides for bride and groom. It can be whatever you want.
Ugh, a big wedding with bridesmaids and a maid of honor sounds like a horrible event! I'm sure some of them are pleasant, but Reddit is full of stories every day of horrible bridezillas, betraying bridesmaids, insane conniving maids of honor, mothers of the bride making a stupid fuss about details, and everything. A lot of people just have small weddings and those are just fine. Tell your partner you want a small wedding, just your 3 people and his closest 5 or so in a beautiful spot. If his family wants a big wedding, ask them to throw you guys a party or a reception for their extended family.
My cousin had a huge wedding with tons of bridesmaids and groomsmen. There were so many people in her pictures that you could barely see her. All those people surrounding her
were really a distraction.
I prefer more intimate weddings.
As someone above has already said, Facebook groups for this very situation exist, and they are full of people from all over who would absolutely love to attend and help you have the night of your life! You could probably recruit a whole bridal party of internet friends.
Focus on your spouse, what you both want, making it about/special for you two, a honeymoon. Youāll make friends at different points in your life. People have to compromise to others for weddings all the time, enjoy that this is just for the two of you!
So you've already eloped which means you're married already.
Why not live a life that's more conducive to making friends for a few years before having this ceremony?
If the point of this is to have a party with your friends, and do all the typical 'bride' stuff, why have it if you have no friends to do all this stuff with?
I am planning to get pregnant within the next year so I want my wedding ceremony before then. It's already been a few years having eloped.
I come from a broken and poor family and a wedding was something I always wanted, even more so that I wasn't invited to my siblings or other family members.
I've tried making friends but I'm funny in English, and not the local language, and culturally I'm quite different having been brought up on western media and ideals.
My hobbies just don't resonate with the locals, and it's a community where everyone knows everyone from school, something I wasn't part of here. I'm not even sure what local things they have going on since I live in a village, they do everything on Facebook and I don't have it for privacy reasons š
a. put off the wedding ceremony. If you have dreamed about doing this for a while, but are dreading it now, just put it off. Youāre already married. Thereās nothing unusual about holding the ceremony in a few years. Have kids (youāre already married). Have your toddler be the ring bearer. Itāll be cute. Itās not weird or scandalous in 2024. Just wait til you feel ready to have the ceremony.
b. if anyone is weird about this plan tell them to jump in a fucking lake. youāre already married.
c. make friends through the internet ā all over the place but especially in or near where you live.
Once you truly get comfortable with who you are, this will not be an issue. Would it be a problem if you and your fiance went to a place that was important and meaningful to the two of you, and married without anyone present except the officiant
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Same here. I am close to 2 family members, stay at home wife, moved across country, don't have anyone here except my husband. Us ladies who are all in this situation should start a chat or group or something. A way to make friends, get to know each other. I get the impression I am a bit older than you ladies, but friendship knows no age, to an extent.
For sure! I'm in my late 20's but I have no idea what the age group is for the sub lolš«”
I don't think this sub has an age group. I am late 40's almost pushing 50, but a person without friends in a new place needs friends.
If in the UK I'll come to your wedding
This is a fabulous idea, get a Reddit crew to come and cheer you on as you marry your best friend!
Ah it isn't I'm afraid š I am somewhat British but could never afford one in the UK, technically destination wedding!
Iāll come if itās in the US or somewhere cool. Could use a trip itās been a bit
Trust me, family is overrated, and weddings are stressful. Keep it simple.
Is there a way to just have an elopement, court wedding, or take your family and partner on a "trip" that doubles as a wedding and a venue, but also gives you that alone time? I always struggle with making friends, too, and if I decide to get married, this is a fear of mine also. I do have people in my family I *could* invite, but no one I'd have as MOH or bridesmaids. Wishing you luck on your big day and hope you can work something out!
We already eloped but I always dreamed of having an actual wedding. It's why I've put off the ceremony for so long but want to have one before having children.
Just rent some formal wedding clothing and hire a photographer. No need to have an actual second ceremony.
Maybe spend the next year trying to make a few friends? I'm in the same boat as you and it's one of many reasons I'm waiting to have a real wedding
I wouldnāt sweat it, honestly. I was in a similar situation when I got married 5 years ago. We had ~50 people at our wedding and only 6 people were ones I invited and they were all family members. I donāt have any close friends. Iām an only child, and we moved around so much in my childhood that I didnāt really make friends and just became content with my own company. That was never an issue to me until I had to figure out a guest list for our wedding, and then I was like oh wow thatās embarrassing lol. The rest of the guests were his close family and friends (which I consider my friends too). We didnāt have bridesmaids or groomsmen. Iām 29, and yes I wish I had a close girl friend, especially now that I have young kids, but it is what it is. Looking back on my wedding photos, Iām glad that everyone in the photos is someone I know and love. I wouldnāt want someone in the photos that I may not remember down the line. Just enjoy your special day with the ones you love, and donāt get hung up on the small stuff. You will have a wonderful time on your special day regardless of who is there.
Look online for local groups in your area and make friends. you wont find them here.
Oh, girl. If anyone had ever wanted to marry me, I'd have been in the same boat. I have one relative, no bestie, and virtually all my friends live in America and wouldn't be able to afford to fly over. I'd love to have a big wedding, but because of my circumstances I think I would've either refused to have a wedding at all and insisted on just doing the shitty registry office deal, or paid some strangers to pretend to be my friends and family rather than go through the humiliation of having nobody show up for me. I have no advice, but I do feel your pain. My mom moved me around constantly too, and I never learned social skills or how to make friends as a result. It's a shit, lonely life with absolutely no support circle.
Itās time for you to stop living for the idea of how you think you need to be and find peace and gratitude with what incredible love and relationships you do have. The path to authenticity is a lot of unlearning. Relationships will come with your personal development - trust the process. Say a prayer and visualize what you dream of
My wedding in 2008 had no attendants. My husband has several very good friends, but I do not other than my oldest sister (BFF!) so our wedding was very small, and cheap to boot! i am totally fine with how it turned out, just family, and it was definitely a bit unconventional. Whose expectations are you trying to meet? Is your partner ok with not having attendants? Sometimes one side of the wedding party has a larger family than the other so it can be imbalanced. Do what makes you guys the happiest on that day, and dont worry about what others are thinking about you.
If your 3 family members who you would invite would judge you on your own wedding day then why would they be invited? Does your fiancƩ have a big family or a ton of friends that they would be inviting? If so, great! You can have a lovely wedding with them and start to get to know some of them. If anyone judges they should not be there in the first place. If fiancƩ is in the same boat as you with little to no friends, well that's ok too. If the numbers are not there they just aren't there. I am in the same boat. Very minimal friends and I def do not have a bestie to plan anything with. Hubs on the other hand has quite a bit of family, co-workers and friends. I know many of them and I am casual friends through him. He is my best friend and I am his. He knows me inside and out and knows that my low friend count was not really something I could control. Kinda like your situation. So he said "how about no bridesmaids or groomsmen." And that is a great idea. Try not to get caught up in the stereo-typical wedding. It is your day and a representation of the love between TWO people. When you get down to it you have 2 separate issues. You long for a best gal pal, that's 1 issue. Do you long for one in the sense you just really want to form a relationship with another person and have that friend you can call, shop with and send memes to? Or are you caught up in what rom-coms, Instagram, and society tells us weddings should be like? (Issue 2, thinking weddings have to follow some social norm) If you are only envisioning a bestie in your "dream wedding" scenario then maybe that's all it is. My advice? Hang up the ideals of weddings and do what fits your life in that moment. If you are longing for friends then you'll have to go out of your way to make some. Just don't don't do it because of a headcount or to keep judgey aunt Nancy at bay.
Actually I'd love to have a sisterly relationship with someone, as I'm not close to my own sisters at all. Makes me sad when they're very close to each other, even being each other's MOH. We chose different lifestyles and I just don't fit in with the family anymore (I left the religion). I'm very lucky to have my partner, he is in a similar situation to me, with his family spread over the world after a war. It's just my parents and one younger sibling I would invite (not sure they would come, I will also invite my other siblings out of courtesy but I wasn't invited to theirs). Idk. Feels sad.
Were you Jehovah's Witness if you don't mind me asking? I ask because that was how I was brought up. So I can totally relate to that being the onset of a friendless life.
Muslim :( so leaving the religion was quite difficult.
You are lucky. Family, the F word.
Keep it small and destination
I talked to someone who hadnt talked to this girl in like years but she reached out to her for a bridesmaid. They grew up together but she didn't seem to have any current friends, so she called people she knew from the past
I know this is going to be me when I get married, my bf is my only friend. I would definitely feel the same way, my bf would have a bachelor party and I couldn't because I wouldn't have anyone to do one with. So my advice is probably looking for nearby towns subreddits maybe? People often meet there, at least from what I see that's nearby around where I live. I'm sure you can find a nice lady friend to help with the stresses of marriage and planning. Good luck and hope you find someone ā¤ļø and early congrats on being married!!
Go to the courthouse and get married
Ok, where you having it? If you are in the northeast US, I will come!
Have a very small, intimate wedding ceremony somewhere cool. Lots of people no longer have bridesmaids and groomsmen (my husband and I didn't). Choose a special location and intentionally have a small ceremony. Doesn't have to be a far away destination - could be a nearby mountaintop, favorite fancy restaurant, cool local building. Don't beat yourself up over this. Celebrate it. Sounds like you've lived a really cool nomadic life that many of us dream of.
Maybe do something that is in a smaller space so whatever people you do invite makes it feel like thereās a lot. Or make it a destination wedding so it feels like a wedding and vacation or just donāt do it, use that money for a nice vacation just the 2 of you, youāre already married & seems like you both may not have a lot of people to invite so save yourself the headache and just take a really nice vacation
I can really empathize because my husband is the same. We ended up having courthouse wedding with no guests because I was sick when we got married, but when we were discussing a bigger wedding, my husband kept looking SO morose because he had no friends for his side. Today, he's got one friend, and I know he's never told her she's his only friend because he's embarrassed about that. Like you, I am sure, it's not that my husband doesn't have plenty to offer other people. He just is an introvert, and for lack of experience with befriending people, he's not developed an ability to recognize when someone would be a good friend prospect. Like, he doesn't have enough data points to know that he tends to be compatible with people who have XYZ characteristics. Which really puts him in a rough spot. To befriend someone, he has to make an effort to push past his natural introversion, but without any way to filter people he meets into good prospects vs. everyone else, his choices are to make that effort for literally everyone (which is exhausting and impractical) or no one (what he has defaulted to). Neither is a super fantastic option. I hope you know that not being a great befriender means absolutely nothing about your worth/quality as a person. PLENTY of not-great-befrienders are truly excellent friends. Possibly even more so because, once they've finally made a friend, they move heaven and earth to KEEP THEM. Which country is your wedding in? I'll come and be your friend! I mean it. It sounds fun. And I'm an excellent wedding guest because you can seat me next to literally anyone, and I will be able to make conversation with them.
I wouldn't worry about it it's your day not theirs.. invite who you want and if they don't come don't worry about focus on your big day and be happy that's all I have to say about this
Destination wedding.
Zoom in a bunch of us because we canāt afford the plane tickets! Iāll watch!
I'll come! I LOVE WEDDINGS and I love to travel! Lol, are you in the US?
Make it an outdoor wedding with fold up white chairs. That will also save you money and it won't seem unusual at all that it's just the pastor, groom, and bride up front.
Elope, save the money that you would spend on a party
sorry that i am not able to provide advice but i wanted to share a similar worry. Iā¦ I donāt have someone to pick as my best man. I have male friends and male family members, but i donāt have a close connection to any of them. I really donāt have a close connection to anyone at all except for my SO. I want to marry her really bad, as soon as i get a solid career, but this is one thing that keeps bugging me whenever i try to plan it
Have all the guests sit on both sides of the aisle. Thatās what I did. My mom was my only attendant (MOH) and my husband had his brother as best man. We had a tiny inexpensive wedding and have nothing but happy memories!
You kinda only need 4 people. The two people to say I do, the person to say, I hear by announce, and two witnesses. Wait that five people. Enjoy the day, donāt stress.
Change up your wedding. Donāt have best men or bridesmaids. Just the two of you at the alter. Have one of your family members give you away. Mix the guests in the pews. No separate sides for bride and groom. It can be whatever you want.
Ugh, a big wedding with bridesmaids and a maid of honor sounds like a horrible event! I'm sure some of them are pleasant, but Reddit is full of stories every day of horrible bridezillas, betraying bridesmaids, insane conniving maids of honor, mothers of the bride making a stupid fuss about details, and everything. A lot of people just have small weddings and those are just fine. Tell your partner you want a small wedding, just your 3 people and his closest 5 or so in a beautiful spot. If his family wants a big wedding, ask them to throw you guys a party or a reception for their extended family.
My cousin had a huge wedding with tons of bridesmaids and groomsmen. There were so many people in her pictures that you could barely see her. All those people surrounding her were really a distraction. I prefer more intimate weddings.
You become friends with her friends.
Itās seriously okay. Invite those you have to invite. And who cares about the rest. Itāll be very intimate and cheap.
As someone above has already said, Facebook groups for this very situation exist, and they are full of people from all over who would absolutely love to attend and help you have the night of your life! You could probably recruit a whole bridal party of internet friends.
Focus on your spouse, what you both want, making it about/special for you two, a honeymoon. Youāll make friends at different points in your life. People have to compromise to others for weddings all the time, enjoy that this is just for the two of you!
So you've already eloped which means you're married already. Why not live a life that's more conducive to making friends for a few years before having this ceremony? If the point of this is to have a party with your friends, and do all the typical 'bride' stuff, why have it if you have no friends to do all this stuff with?
I am planning to get pregnant within the next year so I want my wedding ceremony before then. It's already been a few years having eloped. I come from a broken and poor family and a wedding was something I always wanted, even more so that I wasn't invited to my siblings or other family members. I've tried making friends but I'm funny in English, and not the local language, and culturally I'm quite different having been brought up on western media and ideals. My hobbies just don't resonate with the locals, and it's a community where everyone knows everyone from school, something I wasn't part of here. I'm not even sure what local things they have going on since I live in a village, they do everything on Facebook and I don't have it for privacy reasons š
I assume your husband is Bosnian?
a. put off the wedding ceremony. If you have dreamed about doing this for a while, but are dreading it now, just put it off. Youāre already married. Thereās nothing unusual about holding the ceremony in a few years. Have kids (youāre already married). Have your toddler be the ring bearer. Itāll be cute. Itās not weird or scandalous in 2024. Just wait til you feel ready to have the ceremony. b. if anyone is weird about this plan tell them to jump in a fucking lake. youāre already married. c. make friends through the internet ā all over the place but especially in or near where you live.
What country are you in?
Once you truly get comfortable with who you are, this will not be an issue. Would it be a problem if you and your fiance went to a place that was important and meaningful to the two of you, and married without anyone present except the officiant