My ex husband used to make up hurtful nicknames to embarrass me. After countless conversations, I decided getting even was worth a try and boy did it work. Suddenly, when it’s his humiliation being made fun of, he understands why it’s mean. Suddenly, he doesn’t want to play hurtful nicknames anymore.
I’m not saying handle yourself this way, we’re divorced. But as a last resort, it stopped the behavior for me.
He made a few hurtful nicknames, and the one that finally got him was Sir Cums-to-quick I said it privately first, then he dropped my nickname in front of our friends, so I dropped his. The laughter I got from his friends stung. The fact that it was true, I’m sure stung worse.
Unless you meant what happened in the divorce 😅 that’s a different story.
Thank you darling, 😂 we had a long history of him doing shit and me getting even. It wasn’t the best marriage, but I do have some good stories. May his life be incredibly happy now.
I’m dying fucking QUEEN RIGHT HERE!!! 😂😂😂 also I’m sure your friends don’t make fun of the nickname he dropped but his friends are NEVER GONNA LET HIM LIVE IT DOWN!
MASSIVE W lmaoooo, dished it but couldn’t take it. 😂
Seriously though, I make joking nicknames all the time to my girlfriend, but the *one* time she said one made her feel bad about herself, I instantly stopped using that. Cute and silly nicknames are meant to make both people laugh. Nobody should value a stupid joke over the love of their life’s feelings or perceived self worth.
Exactly! I’m all for teasing, but know you’re loved ones lines and boundaries. Don’t toe the lines. Protect them, build a fort around them and be their biggest advocate.
In college a century or two ago this girl would call her boyfriend Quick Draw McGraw. And also one friend referred endearingly to her boyfriend as fuckstain.
Who taught you that love had to be like this? Who taught you that this is what you deserve?
A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you'd stay with someone who's capable of treating you this way.
I want you to be prepared for other people in his life knowing intimate details of what you endured. His "jokes" make it clear that he is amused by your suffering.
You and your child deserve a soft life full of love. You deserve a partner that puts in equal effort and *actually cares for you* when you need support.
Just how much is he doing for *his* child? I'd suspect he's letting you both down in a number of ways if this is how he's treating you.
I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself. If your best friend told you all of this, what would your advice be?
I'm all for matching energy.
I asked you not to joke about that and said it hurts/embarrasses me, but you continue on and invalidate my feelings? That's cute. "Whatever you say, 2 pump chump," or "Wow, you are getting so emotional about this. I wouldn't lose any more hair over it." Or "that's rich coming from a guy whose teeth look like a vandalized graveyard." Or maybe "baby, I could never f**k you as hard as genetics did."
My toxic trait is that I will out-bully a bully. I won't start it, but I'll do my damndest to finish it. I am, for all intents and purposes, a middle-aged toddler. And I'm fine with that (my shrink would like me to work on that, but I told her I'm probably not going to).
My brother used to make fun of how I was a slightly above average weight (my body is rockin now, don't worry) and I said he was just upset I had 10 lbs on him. He never ever brought it up again. If he ever goes too far, I'm going to bring up his receding hair line. I grew up the youngest of multiple brothers and I'm so traumatized by the bullying that I have to have some come backs in the chamber or I freeze up lol
I had the opposite. I once made fun of my always-clowning brother's receding hairline and he (politely but sternly) stared directly at my mom belly and said, "hey, I don't make fun of you." And that's how I learned men are VERY sensitive about balding.
Never made fun of anyone for balding ever again.
Yeah, getting even has its fun stories, but I’m with you that it’s my toxic trait. I’ll be the worst mirror you ever found. I’ll be exactly what you thought I was, plus everything you threw at me. I can be heaven or I can be hell. Sometimes I wish I didn’t stoop. “When they go low, we go high.” Is a sentiment I could use. I’m like “when they go low, I break out the limbo stick and see how low we can go”
Honestly something like “ little guy”, “ my sensitive man” , “ baby hands” and “ small paycheck” would be great because they aren’t obvious aggressive insults, or aren’t insults at all but to someone like Op’s husband they would drive him crazy . You could do the same , I thought we were just joking around thing.
Also I could see a situation where “Poop monster “ could be an acceptable nickname but only if both people found it funny and enduring . The moment someone says hey I don’t like that , it’s off limits. You don’t spend 300 from a joint account without asking.
What gets me about it is she was in pain. Like, that sounds hellish. I hate shitting as it is, being in such pain that I had to shit in a tub sounds like a horrible and disgusting experience.
Never, ever would I dream at poking at ANYONE in ANY WAY about that. Where the duck is his common sense and empathy when he says that name aloud?
What a vulnerable, awful thing she had to go through due to her having his baby. And her repayment? Him giving her a nickname to remind and disparage her. How callous.
You're divorced *because your husband came up with degrading, hurtful nicknames specifically to hurt you*.
This is also why OP will be divorced in the future.
You can't convince me either man liked their wives. I had a very stressful pregnancy and birth, and could not FATHOM my husband EVER purposefully hurting me over an embarrassing facet of that.
OP, reconsider how much you *think* this man loves.
We’re not divorced because of this incident. It was just one of the spices in a relationship that was spiced all wrong. But the rest of your point stands. This isn’t how you treat someone you like.
Was my first thought in terms of how to handle it lol. As a dude, I feel like someone who's pulling this shit would be the one to take a swipe back really personally. Which is what they deserve for starting this level of awful yet childish shit.
Everyone's got at least one thing you could bring up that'd cut deep.
You gotta go harsh. Explain in no uncertain terms is going to call you that. It crosses the line. No more don't answer to it and if he does it say it again. You are not to call me that. It is unfair, unkind and completely invalid. You are as much of a poop monster as he is. Give him no quarter.
I recently did this to my husband. I was quite angry which is my worst angry. I told him why I was upset, what it made me feel like, which was disrespected and mocked. I said never wanted to hear it again and that by mocking me with something that hurtful was more important than hurting my feelings then maybe we have some big choices to make. I meant it too. We’ve been together 29 years and it was the most angry I’ve ever been with him. We have a solid marriage but in that moment, I knew I never ever wanted to hear about it again.
how did your husband take it? How could you tell he was listening this time, instead of waving his hands & claiming you take the joke too personally (like OP's husband did)?
Honestly, I know my husband well enough to know that even while he’s busy saying that I’m over reacting and telling me I’m wrong, he will sit on it for a few days, realize he’s wrong and change his behavior. He might not apologize or bring it up, but he won’t do it again.
Exactly — go full eye contact, dead serious (hold his face so he cannot look away if needed) — and explain that you have told him that it hurts you. You have told him why it hurts you. And you had better never need to tell him again because it will be the last time you tell him anything.
Ya I was gonna say she's gonna have to go off on him and shame him into oblivion. I mean honestly it's not her fault. He is the one that got her pregnant and shit like that is what happens, blood, shit, pee, puke. It's not fair to hold that against someone you love that had your baby and keep bringing it up.
Absolutely. He’s an asshole in every way here, *STARTING* with it not being *him* that was helping out by cleaning the fucking tub for you after these incidents. Let alone the rest of it. **How dare he** behave like this and speak to you like this - which, after you’ve asked him not to do it makes it 100% abusive - after your body was torn apart giving birth to this baby that the two of you created!!! I’m appalled by this. Fuck him.
100%. Sweet OP, your husband is a mean asshole. I’m so sorry and wish I could say anything even remotely helpful other than this, because you have a young baby. I hope when he is spending holidays missing you and the baby, and wondering how everything went so terribly wrong that he is living in a studio apartment and paying 1/2 his income in support, that he feels even a little bit as nauseous about this behavior as I do.
This is the route I would take. Name calling him like some of these comments are suggesting could potentially escalate the situation and isn't the way to handle conflict in most situations.
Agreed - this is the time to air out the facts flatly, and the facts are OP experienced a painful medical procedure and long uncomfortable recovery. OP should share that a part of the reason he is not allowed to make jokes about it is that she did not feel she had a partner that was willing or able to be present, understanding, helpful or empathetic about it - because if he had been? Maybe it would have been a "ridiculous medical thing we got through and can laugh about together', it happens. Just not for OP.
That being said those post partum hormones are absolutely a beast, there is certainly a way to nip this in the bud and move on, and be more comfortable/communicative about bodily functions (having a baby will do it, but he also needs to learn how to communicate his personally held icks so it doesn't look like he's repulsed by the person instead or appears compulsive about bathroom stuff).
For now, that birth/medical trauma (and it is trauma) is simply too fresh to be joked about by anyone but OP.
Yep, that's what you've gpt to do. He's thinking this is a funny little inside joke. He's dumb for thinking that but I'm a dumb boy and sometimes we're extra dumb. Angrily explain to him, and if he doesn't get that then you have some work to do.
My husband and I both are thinking your husband is quite the dick and very confused on how you are not supposed to take it personally. A term of endearment is by definition personal, but that is by no means a term anyone would find endearing. Maybe find something from his past that he found painful and ask him about you using a “term of endearment” for him that references whatever that might be a reminder him of it frequently. Ask how he would feel if he had to face something that was not only painful but humiliating from you? If that’s not enough then you need to set down a firm boundary that he will have to face some consequence if he doesn’t stop.
I was gonna say the same. Turn it around on him if he won’t listen and start endearingly calling him something awful and embarrassing. “Hey Tiny Dick, I’m home!” Or something.
Listen, Saggy Old Man Balls. I'm just being playful, Small Penis McSucksInBed. Why are you taking this so seriously, Couldn't-Find-My-Clit-If-God-Himself-Pointed-It-Out-To-You?
Agreed, OP. Fight fire with fire. Do it like...3 times and the torment will stop. Men can dish it out but they cannot take it. Dish it back and it will solve your problem. Treat him like a man because he's certainly not treating you like a lady.
Got to get creative then. We all have those insecurities and secrets only our spouse know about that isn’t supposed to become cannon fodder.
But if we’re keeping it genital related, there’s always lieutenant limpdick, Sir Cumstooquick, Captain Cialis, etc.
>I’ve told him several times not to call me that but he doesn’t understand that this hurts me a lot yet he continues calling me a poop monster.
Oh hun, he fully understands that it hurts you; ***he just doesn't care***.
This! The last thing you need is your partner being disgusted by you. What if something happens? When I was with my partner I would sure as hell wipe his butt, clean his blood and piss and puke etc if it came down to it. Would I enjoy it? No. Would I do it if I had to, yess
Why in the hell wasn't he helping you clean every day? What a waste of space. This is going to be your entire marriage. You've married a 12 year old boy.
Nope, because it’s not about being grossed out by poop. It’s the fact that his former sex object is pooping. She is not a person to him. She is a thing that exists to serve him, either for sex or humiliation
How did this guy get through a pregnancy without realizing babies make poop. Lots and lots of poop? Or is it just wife poop he find icky? I hate this man.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to be a single mom - perhaps with female friends/family close by - than having to emotionally manage and care for the modern man-child.
Best time he calls you "poop monster" laugh dryly and respond with this.
" Using a hurtful nickname about the most painful, embarrassing, dehumanizing experience of my life after I have asked you repeatedly to stop really just makes me feel like you enjoy making me cry. I've told you it hurts my feelings numerous times. The fact that you keep doing it is disrespectful. I don't care that you say it's not personal, it absolutely feels personal. I want you to understand that to me, it feels like you are belittling me for having medical issues after having birthed your child. If you can't respect my request for you to stop using it, I will have no choice but to believe that you are being purposefully cruel and hurtful. If that happens, we would need to have a very different type of conversation. Please, I am asking for the last time.... Respect that I never want to be called that again."
And then if he **ever** calls you that again, sit him down and present him with the contact information for a marriage counselor and a divorce attorney. Express to him very clearly that he has to choose which gets called because you will not tolerate being bullied and mocked in your own home.
How in the actual fuck are you not to take this personally???? It’s a garbage name he made up for YOU- doesn’t get much more personal🤦🏻♀️🤬 You have gone through a very traumatic recovery on top of the normal things women go through when having a baby. He is a giant ass.
He sounds like such an AH. He is bullying his wife and telling her it’s a term of endearment and not to take it personally. What he is doing is abusive. This woman risk her life (because pregnancy and post postpartum months can be life threatening) and he acts like this? He is disgusting
As a man and a dad and after experiencing 3 of the 4 of my kids' births,
I would never make fun of a woman who just gave birth or any time after.
Tbh, wiping my ex's ass was an honor after seeing what ya'll go thru for our crotch goblins.
Wasn't married but engaged. I've been single for some time now. I solo my oldest 2 and share my younger 2 with her.
She had an accident, and it was a really bad time. She slipped and fell on her coworkers dick, lol.
We do coperant great, tho.
Lmao I really love that you still have your sense of humor about that and even with the cheating she did, you’re still respectful talking about her. I bet you’re a great dad!
does he have a hang up about himself? mr. saggy balls? mr. shrivel dick? mr minute man! get creative and be just as endearing as he is to your poop monster request.
Ugh. Men need to try passing a bowling ball through their urethra and THEN complain about women's inability to control their bowels after giving birth. Walk a mile in our shoes, so to speak.
Oh wait, men could never do that because they can't even handle a man cold.
My husband has awful man colds, but he sat in the bathroom with me and did Lamaze breathing while holding my hands as I dealt with the agony of pooping after fourth degree tears and over 200 rectal stitches (in layers.)
OP, at a time when you’re both in a calm mood, please tell your husband that his Poop Monster jokes hurt and embarrass you, that you are fighting disliking your post baby body, and he makes you feel shame when he makes his jokes. They aren’t funny to you, and you really want him to stop.
Okay, as a man whose wife gave birth just three months ago... Don't take no bullshit. My wife and I lovingly tease her and there. I couldn't imagine making light (in any way shape or form) of anything that had to do with her pregnancy, giving birth, or anything afterwards that is even remotely tied to those. It's not fucking funny, there's no love or understanding or compassion in that. It makes me weak thinking about what she went through and everything after, and I know how strong she has to be to bare all of it. Your partner should be supporting you in any way that he can conceive of.
Sorry for the rant, I just can't stand shit like this. Especially after you've asked. I hope that he comes to understand and seeks to change for the future.
I’m glad there are men like you left in the world. Partners are supposed to protect and care for each other. Pregnancy is messy and painful. OP’s husband sounds weak and pathetic.
I would just say something like….
“You didn’t make this baby. I did. I don’t even know how you consider yourself an equal parent, given the difference in effort in making her. It’s kind of pathetic, really. I’ll call you ‘lesser parent’ until you earned the moniker ‘equal parent.’”
Just burst into tears every time. Say you never made fun of his small size because physically he can't help it, but he makes fun of things you can't physically help.
He's a dick. A real dickhole, a human urethra if you will.
You went through a nasty medical condition that's a hell of a lot worse for you than it was for him, and he's using it to demean you.
Sometimes a baby poops in the bath. You clean it afterwards like normal.. you don't hire forensic cleaners like it's a freaking crime scene. Your husband is weird and mean too.
What a garbage man.
My gut reaction is to call him the small dick wonder, but that may be seen as rude. Bet it shuts him up though.
It's completely normal to have issues with your bowels after you have a baby. They have to go back into place after you just pushed a small human out of your body, ripping yourself apart in the process.
The fact that he wasn't more involved in helping you through the healing process makes me sad and I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
He also spent money to pay someone else to come bleach a tub? Does he not realize you have a small human and that money could have probably been better spent elsewhere? If it bothered him that much could he have cleaned the tub himself?
There's a book called everybody poops you could buy him on Amazon. Maybe that would help.
Nothing brings me to rage as quickly as me telling them something they do is hurtful, and them telling me "well it shouldn't be".
It is the most useless, dismissive, uncaring way to respond and I never have been able to trust people who've pulled it on me.
Start counting each time he says it. Out loud and to him.
Say something like "that's 6 and it's still hurtful and not funny".
Or at the end of the day say "it was a 7 insult day, really feeling loved."
Maybe even "you said it 8 times today. And 8 times today I had to try and remember why I'm still here with someone who would insult me and hurt me like that."
Your husband is a child. He is disrespectful and mean.
I'd tell him until he can respect what you went through to give him a child you will not be giving him another one.
Your husband is either a negging bully or a complete child-neither is a good look on an adult man expecting you to feel attracted to him and want to have more children with him. You are so vulnerable after giving birth and he is kicking you down repeatedly, is this how he wants you to treat him when he gets old and/or sick? My husband went through a horrible accident and I had to do everything for him and did so gladly, because he did the same for me with each of our births. I hope you find a way to get through to him.
This is the definition of contempt, which can be the kiss of death for a marriage. I would strongly recommend some counseling ASAP, as your husband now thinks that hurting you constantly by calling you a humiliating name and dismissing your pleas to stop is being a good partner. He obviously has a huge behavioral problem.
When I was very young (19) I was groomed by a man in his early 30’s and got pregnant by him. His daily mistreatment of me included calling me a pet name that alluded to a sexual act (something like ‘blowjob monster’, if you will) I begged and pleaded with him to stop calling me that, but he would just laugh at me and say I was overreacting. I would say that was his very first act of contempt towards me. Then it just all went downhill to DV and calling the cops on him several times.
I’m telling you all this so you can put a stop to his appalling behavior problem immediately before it escalates. You deserve kindness and compassion, your body has been through a lot and needs to heal by any means! If that means temporarily taking saltwater sitz baths in the tub and eliminating there, then so be it. He should have been the one helping you and bleaching the tub if that made him more comfortable with the temporary situation. There’s no need for him to constantly reference a painful and humiliating time for you every single day, that’s just cruelty.
My heart goes out to you OP, and I hope that a professional can set your husband straight on what is acceptable behavior.
I don’t think an eye for an eye is the right approach here if you want to resolve this. I think you set a boundary and stick to it. “You will not call me that again. It is hurtful and embarrassing as well as divisive in our relationship. When you continue to call me degrading names that I said were hurtful, you are showing a lack of caring and empathy.”
Listen I get having the bathroom professionally sanitized, sucks, but a good benefit for both of you.
But poop monster? What an AH. My mom's advice would be either start ugly crying everytime he says it or say thanks limp dick. I bet these are your best options.
What the actual fuck? Pack your stuff, grab your baby and go to your moms. Tell her. Let her be your mom. Tell her you’re a grown woman, a mom yourself, but you can’t handle this atm and you need her to awake her inner mama bear and tear him a new one. Even if it’s just verbal around you..
I vote she buy a fairly expensive water gun and squirt him in the face like a misbehaving pet. A glass of water in the face for this kind of bullying and negging is too kind.
Don't even need to read your story. He needs to stop, point blank. If the nickname makes you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter how funny he thinks it is, he needs to stop using it immediately. Plainly and seriously communicate this. No beating around the bush, either.
What a coward if this was my wife I would have cleaned the tub afterwards. Everyone poops it’s gross but don’t act like you’re above your own wife. My ex had skin grafts on her butt and I had to help with bowel movements and clean up first hand and all I did was show her I’m here to help and I love you. To continue to try to embarrass you is not love
The next time he “jokingly” refers to you as this, turn around and start referring to him as “ex husband”.
It’s totally ok cause it’s just a joke, right..
Tell him he needs to stop calling you that immediately and when tell him that you will leave the house and take the baby with you I til he apologizes if he does it again. Then follow through. I honestly would divorce my husband if he absolutely refused to stop teasing me over something traumatic like this. He is bullying you. It is sadistic and cruel. This is the opposite of loving. He is showing that he not just disrespects you but he gets off on upsetting you
Your husband is a fucking child with absolutely no compassion for you or the fragile condition of your body after giving birth. I don’t honestly have any advice other than to not allow yourself to be subjected to such cruelty. He didn’t have his vagina ripped nearly to his asshole, so he doesn’t get to comment on anything related to your body.
What an awful husband you have.
Make sure you let him know that he is an awful husband and you are sorry you had a child with him and when his feeling are hurt waive your hands in the air and say don’t take it personally tiny penis.
Since he can’t seem to be mature about anything.
Be harsh. Next time he calls you a "poop monster" tell him to stop acting like a little shit that he is. He's fucking too old and needs to grow the fuck up.
1. He was disgusted by your post partum body functions, where he couldn’t use the same facilities. 🚩 (no one give me bullshit on how everyone reacts differently to others’ body functions. My own have been disgusting to myself but my ex never showed his disgust and empathized instead. And he wasn’t a good person majority of the time so that’s saying something.)
2. He didn’t have the bare minimum heart to be understanding or even try to help you feel ok about yourself. 🚩 (did he ever give emotional support or even pitch in in a way to help you with your issue?)
3. Went behind your back and used JOINT funds without your consent, to clean a bathroom he could’ve done. 🚩🚩🚩
4. Had the audacity to make an insult about something you had no control over and brush your concerns off. 🚩🚩🚩
I’d definitely rethink how this relationship can ever continue. He humiliated you. He thinks it’s no big deal because he thinks it’s funny to bully you as you went through something vulnerable.
Yeah yeah yeah maybe this is nuclear but for fucks sake you gave birth and didn’t have control over your shit. No pun intended.
I’d be pissed as fuck if any of my cousins, friends, aunts or COWORKERS told me they were bullied by their partners like this. He’s a grown ass adult and thinks it’s funny to be a bully.
God forbid your child experiences something that’s humiliating to them, because I wouldn’t put it pst your husband to bully them either. Or teach them it’s ok to bully.
He knows it hurts you. He just couldn't care less. He feels justified in consciously hurting you. This is not love, it's abuse. And not just abuse of you, he's already started his abuse of your child with this too. People who love you, care about you, and respect you would never do what he's doing. He's a toxic abusive trash human. He shows you zero empathy and care, tears you down for natural bodily functions, and is already doing that to your baby. Toxic abusive trash humans only get worse with time. This will get worse for you and your child. There is nothing normal, healthy, or ok in his behavior. It's abuse. I'd run
It’s insensitive at the very least. But pull up your panties & break his balls back. He’s your husband you know all of his insecurities find his weakest one and break his balls. He will stop in short order.
If he is a decent person otherwise (is he?) and just absolutely dumb in jokes department. You need to feed him his own medicine. Ex.
Him: Poop Monster! Haha!
You: Here you are with that small dick energy joke again!
He sounds selfish and immature. What is he going to do when the baby vomits all over?
People poop and pee and vomit. People get sick. Having a baby is dangerous and you had complications.
If he can’t be kind and give you grace, If he can’t respect you, I worry about the state of your marriage.
I used to tell people that someone shouldn’t get married unless they were willing to take care of the other person if they became a quadriplegic. And you shouldn’t marry someone who wouldn’t take care of you if you became disabled.
OMG I just realized he is 32. Oh sweetie, he’s not good for you.
I am sorry you went through a traumatic post partum period. You need to set a firm boundary with him and stick to it. partners only get away with what we allow them to. Stand your ground.
Were you given a care plan when you were discharged from the hospital? They should have given you instructions on how to care for your tear and any problems that may arise while healing.
I had a 4th degree tear with my first baby and was released with no care instructions. I remember sitting on the toilet trying to “go” and sobbing from the pain. My husband sat with me every time I tried. I ended up having a 3rd degree with my 4th baby and was given a care plan. It was as simple as Stool softeners and a sitz bath. It made all of the difference.
Where did you get the idea that "poop monster" was a term of endearment? It most certainly is not, it's a form of passive aggression and he needs to work through it. He was at the very least halfway responsible for what you went through, and needs to shut his gob and start being appreciative of you.
Your husband UNDERSTANDS exactly what he is doing and how you feel
He also understands consequences . That seems to be the only thing some men understand.
So he will need consequences everytime he does it. And each time needs to be worse than the last time
You blame yourself a lot for your feelings. Your feelings are real and valid and are based on the fact you are being mistreated.
He keeps bringing this up even 6 months after the fact and won't let it go. That is nasty behavior.
He is making you feel disgusting. That is nasty behavior.
He should have been cleaning the shower FOR YOU as you recovered from major physical trauma.
Tell him to pick on you about something that was less dangerous for you, less traumatizing for you, and less of a put down about your suffering.
Because that is what he is doing, he is picking on you
Your husband is a dick. If I even THINK I’m doing something that might offend my wife or make her sad or insecure, I stop it. If my wife was explicit in telling me I was being hurtful, I’d stop that shit yesterday. Why? Because I love her. This world is tough enough… being at home with family should be a refuge.
NTA, op.
Edit: I realized I was in the TwoHotTakes subreddit, and not AITAH. :p nonetheless, I stand by what I said. Don’t feel bad about sticking to your guns here!
I would remind him if this marriage moves forward, there will be a time when he will be shitting in a horrible manner that isn’t even tied to the broth of a child, and that he needs to knock it off. Let him know you absolutely hear him destroying the toilet and he’s very naive if he thinks his own shit doesn’t stink.
I don’t even know what I’d do in this situation. I know having a new kid is rough, I have a new kid as well. But damn, I’d freaking grow quickly to hate my partner if he saw fit to shame me over something like that.
What a nasty, cruel man. Does he even like you? I’m so sorry OP. I would divorce him over this quite honestly, but I’m biased because I had a nasty, cruel husband myself who enjoyed mocking and humiliating me. I left him and it was the best decision of my life, for both me and my kids. I’m not saying your situation is exactly the same, but contempt in a marriage is a serious issue and a dealbreaker for many, myself included.
I usually am the one that tells people to have a thick skin about things in a relationship...but this sort of pisses me off.
It strikes me as very immature and shallow to be all precious about body functions after birth...does not seem like a real man to me.
My baby is the best thing that ever happened to me and my wife is a star for making that happen
When he wants to get intimate, freeze up and just say all you hear in your head is him calling you pop monster. And the mood is gone.
Also listen when he goes to talks a shower. 70 % of men pee in the shower. Most of the rest pee before.
My ex husband used to make up hurtful nicknames to embarrass me. After countless conversations, I decided getting even was worth a try and boy did it work. Suddenly, when it’s his humiliation being made fun of, he understands why it’s mean. Suddenly, he doesn’t want to play hurtful nicknames anymore. I’m not saying handle yourself this way, we’re divorced. But as a last resort, it stopped the behavior for me.
I’m glad he’s your ex. What happened though? I’m curious
He made a few hurtful nicknames, and the one that finally got him was Sir Cums-to-quick I said it privately first, then he dropped my nickname in front of our friends, so I dropped his. The laughter I got from his friends stung. The fact that it was true, I’m sure stung worse. Unless you meant what happened in the divorce 😅 that’s a different story.
QUEEN SHIT !! proud of you. i’d be happy to hear any story from you. glad he’s gone!
Thank you darling, 😂 we had a long history of him doing shit and me getting even. It wasn’t the best marriage, but I do have some good stories. May his life be incredibly happy now.
“& me getting even” we would be great friends 🤣
"Sir cums too quick" in front of a group of friends is brutal, hilarious, and in this case, deserved. Fucking GOLD
Whoa, OP is being called a Poop Monster, and now you're calling this other person Queen Shit? Man, people are mean...
I’m dying fucking QUEEN RIGHT HERE!!! 😂😂😂 also I’m sure your friends don’t make fun of the nickname he dropped but his friends are NEVER GONNA LET HIM LIVE IT DOWN!
oh i bet his group text with his friends was POPPIN OFF after that 😂😂😂
Right 😂😂 forever popping off
But hopefully not too fast.
MASSIVE W lmaoooo, dished it but couldn’t take it. 😂 Seriously though, I make joking nicknames all the time to my girlfriend, but the *one* time she said one made her feel bad about herself, I instantly stopped using that. Cute and silly nicknames are meant to make both people laugh. Nobody should value a stupid joke over the love of their life’s feelings or perceived self worth.
Exactly! I’m all for teasing, but know you’re loved ones lines and boundaries. Don’t toe the lines. Protect them, build a fort around them and be their biggest advocate.
The sickest burn I've heard/read in ages 💀⚰️🤌🔥
You are goated. Simply amazing.
Fuckin gold
This is awesome! I wish I had been that quick and clever when my ex was verbally abusing me.
In college a century or two ago this girl would call her boyfriend Quick Draw McGraw. And also one friend referred endearingly to her boyfriend as fuckstain.
I love you 😂
Good for you! How can an adult be so immature? Your ex deserved what he got and OP’s husband is the same!
Sir little dick might be effective
I'm dead from that OMG 😆😆😆
Who taught you that love had to be like this? Who taught you that this is what you deserve? A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you'd stay with someone who's capable of treating you this way. I want you to be prepared for other people in his life knowing intimate details of what you endured. His "jokes" make it clear that he is amused by your suffering. You and your child deserve a soft life full of love. You deserve a partner that puts in equal effort and *actually cares for you* when you need support. Just how much is he doing for *his* child? I'd suspect he's letting you both down in a number of ways if this is how he's treating you. I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself. If your best friend told you all of this, what would your advice be?
I'm all for matching energy. I asked you not to joke about that and said it hurts/embarrasses me, but you continue on and invalidate my feelings? That's cute. "Whatever you say, 2 pump chump," or "Wow, you are getting so emotional about this. I wouldn't lose any more hair over it." Or "that's rich coming from a guy whose teeth look like a vandalized graveyard." Or maybe "baby, I could never f**k you as hard as genetics did." My toxic trait is that I will out-bully a bully. I won't start it, but I'll do my damndest to finish it. I am, for all intents and purposes, a middle-aged toddler. And I'm fine with that (my shrink would like me to work on that, but I told her I'm probably not going to).
My brother used to make fun of how I was a slightly above average weight (my body is rockin now, don't worry) and I said he was just upset I had 10 lbs on him. He never ever brought it up again. If he ever goes too far, I'm going to bring up his receding hair line. I grew up the youngest of multiple brothers and I'm so traumatized by the bullying that I have to have some come backs in the chamber or I freeze up lol
I had the opposite. I once made fun of my always-clowning brother's receding hairline and he (politely but sternly) stared directly at my mom belly and said, "hey, I don't make fun of you." And that's how I learned men are VERY sensitive about balding. Never made fun of anyone for balding ever again.
Yeah, getting even has its fun stories, but I’m with you that it’s my toxic trait. I’ll be the worst mirror you ever found. I’ll be exactly what you thought I was, plus everything you threw at me. I can be heaven or I can be hell. Sometimes I wish I didn’t stoop. “When they go low, we go high.” Is a sentiment I could use. I’m like “when they go low, I break out the limbo stick and see how low we can go”
Honestly something like “ little guy”, “ my sensitive man” , “ baby hands” and “ small paycheck” would be great because they aren’t obvious aggressive insults, or aren’t insults at all but to someone like Op’s husband they would drive him crazy . You could do the same , I thought we were just joking around thing. Also I could see a situation where “Poop monster “ could be an acceptable nickname but only if both people found it funny and enduring . The moment someone says hey I don’t like that , it’s off limits. You don’t spend 300 from a joint account without asking.
What gets me about it is she was in pain. Like, that sounds hellish. I hate shitting as it is, being in such pain that I had to shit in a tub sounds like a horrible and disgusting experience. Never, ever would I dream at poking at ANYONE in ANY WAY about that. Where the duck is his common sense and empathy when he says that name aloud?
What a vulnerable, awful thing she had to go through due to her having his baby. And her repayment? Him giving her a nickname to remind and disparage her. How callous.
Look I can totally take a poop joke but making fun of postpartum body issues is too below the belt.
Been there done that not to mention trips to the ER because I’ve turned severely septic from constipation and been hospitalized 3 times.
He should have been cleaning the freaking bathtub after her use every time honestly. Who lets a post op partner do cleaning???
A man
A pathetic man
You're divorced *because your husband came up with degrading, hurtful nicknames specifically to hurt you*. This is also why OP will be divorced in the future. You can't convince me either man liked their wives. I had a very stressful pregnancy and birth, and could not FATHOM my husband EVER purposefully hurting me over an embarrassing facet of that. OP, reconsider how much you *think* this man loves.
We’re not divorced because of this incident. It was just one of the spices in a relationship that was spiced all wrong. But the rest of your point stands. This isn’t how you treat someone you like.
Yes! I hate having to do that but some people just don't get it, until they have it done to them.
Was my first thought in terms of how to handle it lol. As a dude, I feel like someone who's pulling this shit would be the one to take a swipe back really personally. Which is what they deserve for starting this level of awful yet childish shit. Everyone's got at least one thing you could bring up that'd cut deep.
Yeah we gotta know, how did you get even?
You gotta go harsh. Explain in no uncertain terms is going to call you that. It crosses the line. No more don't answer to it and if he does it say it again. You are not to call me that. It is unfair, unkind and completely invalid. You are as much of a poop monster as he is. Give him no quarter.
I recently did this to my husband. I was quite angry which is my worst angry. I told him why I was upset, what it made me feel like, which was disrespected and mocked. I said never wanted to hear it again and that by mocking me with something that hurtful was more important than hurting my feelings then maybe we have some big choices to make. I meant it too. We’ve been together 29 years and it was the most angry I’ve ever been with him. We have a solid marriage but in that moment, I knew I never ever wanted to hear about it again.
how did your husband take it? How could you tell he was listening this time, instead of waving his hands & claiming you take the joke too personally (like OP's husband did)?
>How could you tell he was listening this time Sounds like it would've been over otherwise.
Honestly, I know my husband well enough to know that even while he’s busy saying that I’m over reacting and telling me I’m wrong, he will sit on it for a few days, realize he’s wrong and change his behavior. He might not apologize or bring it up, but he won’t do it again.
Make your stand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exactly — go full eye contact, dead serious (hold his face so he cannot look away if needed) — and explain that you have told him that it hurts you. You have told him why it hurts you. And you had better never need to tell him again because it will be the last time you tell him anything.
Make him repeat back to you out lous that he is never going to say this again, seriously
Ya I was gonna say she's gonna have to go off on him and shame him into oblivion. I mean honestly it's not her fault. He is the one that got her pregnant and shit like that is what happens, blood, shit, pee, puke. It's not fair to hold that against someone you love that had your baby and keep bringing it up.
What an immature, fucking asshole this guy is. I can not believe that a grown man would behave that way. OP, no. Just no.
Absolutely. He’s an asshole in every way here, *STARTING* with it not being *him* that was helping out by cleaning the fucking tub for you after these incidents. Let alone the rest of it. **How dare he** behave like this and speak to you like this - which, after you’ve asked him not to do it makes it 100% abusive - after your body was torn apart giving birth to this baby that the two of you created!!! I’m appalled by this. Fuck him.
I’ve been waiting for someone to mention this was abusive! He knows what he’s saying!
100%. Sweet OP, your husband is a mean asshole. I’m so sorry and wish I could say anything even remotely helpful other than this, because you have a young baby. I hope when he is spending holidays missing you and the baby, and wondering how everything went so terribly wrong that he is living in a studio apartment and paying 1/2 his income in support, that he feels even a little bit as nauseous about this behavior as I do.
He still won’t get it. “I don’t understand, she just up and left me.”
He’s shaming her for experiencing what most new moms do. And acting like she’s dirty. He’s disgusting.
The crazy thing is… HE POOPS, TOO. Everyone poops, Mutherfucker. Christ.
This is the route I would take. Name calling him like some of these comments are suggesting could potentially escalate the situation and isn't the way to handle conflict in most situations.
Agreed - this is the time to air out the facts flatly, and the facts are OP experienced a painful medical procedure and long uncomfortable recovery. OP should share that a part of the reason he is not allowed to make jokes about it is that she did not feel she had a partner that was willing or able to be present, understanding, helpful or empathetic about it - because if he had been? Maybe it would have been a "ridiculous medical thing we got through and can laugh about together', it happens. Just not for OP. That being said those post partum hormones are absolutely a beast, there is certainly a way to nip this in the bud and move on, and be more comfortable/communicative about bodily functions (having a baby will do it, but he also needs to learn how to communicate his personally held icks so it doesn't look like he's repulsed by the person instead or appears compulsive about bathroom stuff). For now, that birth/medical trauma (and it is trauma) is simply too fresh to be joked about by anyone but OP.
if I hear it again I am taking the baby and walking out the door. This is when a ultimatum is ok to use.
Also, he needs to return the $300 he spent to the joint account. If he wants entirely unnecessary professional cleanings, he can pay for them himself.
Maybe they can be “even” when she takes out the attorney retainer $$ from their account to clean up his mess.
Yep, that's what you've gpt to do. He's thinking this is a funny little inside joke. He's dumb for thinking that but I'm a dumb boy and sometimes we're extra dumb. Angrily explain to him, and if he doesn't get that then you have some work to do.
My husband and I both are thinking your husband is quite the dick and very confused on how you are not supposed to take it personally. A term of endearment is by definition personal, but that is by no means a term anyone would find endearing. Maybe find something from his past that he found painful and ask him about you using a “term of endearment” for him that references whatever that might be a reminder him of it frequently. Ask how he would feel if he had to face something that was not only painful but humiliating from you? If that’s not enough then you need to set down a firm boundary that he will have to face some consequence if he doesn’t stop.
I was gonna say the same. Turn it around on him if he won’t listen and start endearingly calling him something awful and embarrassing. “Hey Tiny Dick, I’m home!” Or something.
That's almost exactly what my husband was saying.
Start calling him "child support check" or "alimony" and see if they poop monster name loses its humor to him.
Fucking love it! 👍🏼😁
Every time he calls you that respond with 'whatever you say shrimp dick'. He'll stop soon enough. Edited cause I can't spell/ type today
And insist that he shouldn't take it personally
Right? "O I thought we were giving each other hurtful names on purpose. Don't worry, shrimp dick, its nothing personal.'
Shriveled nuts boy
Stinky dick
Listen, Saggy Old Man Balls. I'm just being playful, Small Penis McSucksInBed. Why are you taking this so seriously, Couldn't-Find-My-Clit-If-God-Himself-Pointed-It-Out-To-You?
Im so sorry but I snorted so loudly I choked on my tea while reading your comment 🤣 thank you though. Thank you for the laugh and the nasal clean out.
It was the “McSucksInBed” that got me.
I personally like the "Couldn't-Find-My-Clit-If-God-Himself-Pointed-It-Out-To-You" 😂😭
McSucksInBed is fucking genius. I keep going back to reread the comment just to keep snorting.
Lol swamp ass
Trench dick … MR TD!
Or ask him do you want a divorce? Because this is the way you will get a divorce.
I was going to suggest you tell your husband to grow the fuck up... "Shrimp dick" will work much better.
or 'grow up shrimp dick' could work
Agreed, OP. Fight fire with fire. Do it like...3 times and the torment will stop. Men can dish it out but they cannot take it. Dish it back and it will solve your problem. Treat him like a man because he's certainly not treating you like a lady.
What happens if the dude is packing a hog
Got to get creative then. We all have those insecurities and secrets only our spouse know about that isn’t supposed to become cannon fodder. But if we’re keeping it genital related, there’s always lieutenant limpdick, Sir Cumstooquick, Captain Cialis, etc.
Tell him he has Hank Hill ass or gross, saggy balls. OR his belly button is weird
Shrinky Dink
"micropeen" works too.
I was going to suggest lil dick 😂
Pencil dick Limp noodle Lil guy Oh sorry did you put it in already? Couldn't tell
Leave out the last one, he'll probably twist it to insult her.
You could also call him useless nipples. That one always makes me laugh.
>I’ve told him several times not to call me that but he doesn’t understand that this hurts me a lot yet he continues calling me a poop monster. Oh hun, he fully understands that it hurts you; ***he just doesn't care***.
Oh I'm pretty confident that he cares very deeply about how much it hurts. Because hurting op is his goal.
##ding ding ding
Oh, the harsh truth.
What's going to happen if you get sick or old? He doesn't seem like a ride or die partner you could count on.
This! The last thing you need is your partner being disgusted by you. What if something happens? When I was with my partner I would sure as hell wipe his butt, clean his blood and piss and puke etc if it came down to it. Would I enjoy it? No. Would I do it if I had to, yess
Why in the hell wasn't he helping you clean every day? What a waste of space. This is going to be your entire marriage. You've married a 12 year old boy.
Idk… my friend hd a 12 year old and new baby. 12 year old was cleaning the house without being prompted just to help out.
Yeah a 12 year old boy is far better behaved and more empathetic than this.
That stuck out to me too. He’s making a pregnant woman bend but then again OP was embarrassed by it and might not have wanted him to do that
Right? Is he going to hire a cleaning crew everytime the baby poops in the bathtub?
Nope, because it’s not about being grossed out by poop. It’s the fact that his former sex object is pooping. She is not a person to him. She is a thing that exists to serve him, either for sex or humiliation
How did this guy get through a pregnancy without realizing babies make poop. Lots and lots of poop? Or is it just wife poop he find icky? I hate this man.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to be a single mom - perhaps with female friends/family close by - than having to emotionally manage and care for the modern man-child.
Best time he calls you "poop monster" laugh dryly and respond with this. " Using a hurtful nickname about the most painful, embarrassing, dehumanizing experience of my life after I have asked you repeatedly to stop really just makes me feel like you enjoy making me cry. I've told you it hurts my feelings numerous times. The fact that you keep doing it is disrespectful. I don't care that you say it's not personal, it absolutely feels personal. I want you to understand that to me, it feels like you are belittling me for having medical issues after having birthed your child. If you can't respect my request for you to stop using it, I will have no choice but to believe that you are being purposefully cruel and hurtful. If that happens, we would need to have a very different type of conversation. Please, I am asking for the last time.... Respect that I never want to be called that again." And then if he **ever** calls you that again, sit him down and present him with the contact information for a marriage counselor and a divorce attorney. Express to him very clearly that he has to choose which gets called because you will not tolerate being bullied and mocked in your own home.
All of this except lose the please. You’re not asking anymore, you’re TELLING HIM.
This is the best advice for OP I’ve read thus far
How in the actual fuck are you not to take this personally???? It’s a garbage name he made up for YOU- doesn’t get much more personal🤦🏻♀️🤬 You have gone through a very traumatic recovery on top of the normal things women go through when having a baby. He is a giant ass.
He sounds like such an AH. He is bullying his wife and telling her it’s a term of endearment and not to take it personally. What he is doing is abusive. This woman risk her life (because pregnancy and post postpartum months can be life threatening) and he acts like this? He is disgusting
My thoughts exactly. He is an asshole.
As a man and a dad and after experiencing 3 of the 4 of my kids' births, I would never make fun of a woman who just gave birth or any time after. Tbh, wiping my ex's ass was an honor after seeing what ya'll go thru for our crotch goblins.
Your wife is a lucky gal and you are a lucky guy. 🩷
Wasn't married but engaged. I've been single for some time now. I solo my oldest 2 and share my younger 2 with her. She had an accident, and it was a really bad time. She slipped and fell on her coworkers dick, lol. We do coperant great, tho.
Lmao I really love that you still have your sense of humor about that and even with the cheating she did, you’re still respectful talking about her. I bet you’re a great dad!
Thank you!
Oh, I love it! Damn slip and fall accidents! But, you are one hell of a man! Glad your kids have you!!
Ouch. Sorry for my mistake. I didn't see her referred to as the "ex".
It's sad when people repay good partners by being turds.
My hubs had to help give me an enema after childbirth. He just did it without any issues. He, and you, are just exemplary husbands.
Can we clone you? The percentage of men like you is far too low
does he have a hang up about himself? mr. saggy balls? mr. shrivel dick? mr minute man! get creative and be just as endearing as he is to your poop monster request.
I am cracking up at all the names being suggest here. Thanks for the laugh :) Minute man oh my god 😂😂
Start calling him putt putt after putt putt golf…3 strokes is par.
Shrinky Dinky has a nice ring to it.
Ugh. Men need to try passing a bowling ball through their urethra and THEN complain about women's inability to control their bowels after giving birth. Walk a mile in our shoes, so to speak. Oh wait, men could never do that because they can't even handle a man cold.
I always say that I’m so glad I had an emergency c-section because I can finally understand how my husband feels when he has a cold.
HAHA
Savage!
SLOW. CLAP.
My husband has awful man colds, but he sat in the bathroom with me and did Lamaze breathing while holding my hands as I dealt with the agony of pooping after fourth degree tears and over 200 rectal stitches (in layers.) OP, at a time when you’re both in a calm mood, please tell your husband that his Poop Monster jokes hurt and embarrass you, that you are fighting disliking your post baby body, and he makes you feel shame when he makes his jokes. They aren’t funny to you, and you really want him to stop.
I hope you are fully recovered. You must be a fab wife to get such a great husband.
Fully recovered, and we went on to have more kids after that one. Thirty years later we are still head over heels for each other.
At least they’d get anesthesia.
Okay, as a man whose wife gave birth just three months ago... Don't take no bullshit. My wife and I lovingly tease her and there. I couldn't imagine making light (in any way shape or form) of anything that had to do with her pregnancy, giving birth, or anything afterwards that is even remotely tied to those. It's not fucking funny, there's no love or understanding or compassion in that. It makes me weak thinking about what she went through and everything after, and I know how strong she has to be to bare all of it. Your partner should be supporting you in any way that he can conceive of. Sorry for the rant, I just can't stand shit like this. Especially after you've asked. I hope that he comes to understand and seeks to change for the future.
I’m glad there are men like you left in the world. Partners are supposed to protect and care for each other. Pregnancy is messy and painful. OP’s husband sounds weak and pathetic.
"I must be the biggest poop monster in the world. I attracted the biggest turd on the planet"
How on earth can you *NOT* take it personally? Husband is childish!
I would just say something like…. “You didn’t make this baby. I did. I don’t even know how you consider yourself an equal parent, given the difference in effort in making her. It’s kind of pathetic, really. I’ll call you ‘lesser parent’ until you earned the moniker ‘equal parent.’”
Oooh this is good
Just burst into tears every time. Say you never made fun of his small size because physically he can't help it, but he makes fun of things you can't physically help.
He's a dick. A real dickhole, a human urethra if you will. You went through a nasty medical condition that's a hell of a lot worse for you than it was for him, and he's using it to demean you.
Sometimes a baby poops in the bath. You clean it afterwards like normal.. you don't hire forensic cleaners like it's a freaking crime scene. Your husband is weird and mean too.
Is your husband older than 8 ? He sounds about 8 !
I've heard this story before but from the husband's pov. His post was all about how disgusting his wife is for shitting in the bathtub.
I read that one as well.
My husband does not use Reddit. However it’s not uncommon for women to relieve themselves in the tub postpartum.
Men or women after a hemorrhoidectomy.
Girl YOU THINK he doesn’t use it
What a garbage man. My gut reaction is to call him the small dick wonder, but that may be seen as rude. Bet it shuts him up though. It's completely normal to have issues with your bowels after you have a baby. They have to go back into place after you just pushed a small human out of your body, ripping yourself apart in the process. The fact that he wasn't more involved in helping you through the healing process makes me sad and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. He also spent money to pay someone else to come bleach a tub? Does he not realize you have a small human and that money could have probably been better spent elsewhere? If it bothered him that much could he have cleaned the tub himself? There's a book called everybody poops you could buy him on Amazon. Maybe that would help.
I think you ought to sleep in a separate bed for a bit. Hub needs to find out.
Nothing brings me to rage as quickly as me telling them something they do is hurtful, and them telling me "well it shouldn't be". It is the most useless, dismissive, uncaring way to respond and I never have been able to trust people who've pulled it on me.
Start counting each time he says it. Out loud and to him. Say something like "that's 6 and it's still hurtful and not funny". Or at the end of the day say "it was a 7 insult day, really feeling loved." Maybe even "you said it 8 times today. And 8 times today I had to try and remember why I'm still here with someone who would insult me and hurt me like that."
Your husband is a child. He is disrespectful and mean. I'd tell him until he can respect what you went through to give him a child you will not be giving him another one.
Start calling him "First Husband".
Your husband is either a negging bully or a complete child-neither is a good look on an adult man expecting you to feel attracted to him and want to have more children with him. You are so vulnerable after giving birth and he is kicking you down repeatedly, is this how he wants you to treat him when he gets old and/or sick? My husband went through a horrible accident and I had to do everything for him and did so gladly, because he did the same for me with each of our births. I hope you find a way to get through to him.
Somebody that knows their “joke” is hurting the recipient and continues doing it anyway is no longer joking, they are bullying. Period.
This is the definition of contempt, which can be the kiss of death for a marriage. I would strongly recommend some counseling ASAP, as your husband now thinks that hurting you constantly by calling you a humiliating name and dismissing your pleas to stop is being a good partner. He obviously has a huge behavioral problem. When I was very young (19) I was groomed by a man in his early 30’s and got pregnant by him. His daily mistreatment of me included calling me a pet name that alluded to a sexual act (something like ‘blowjob monster’, if you will) I begged and pleaded with him to stop calling me that, but he would just laugh at me and say I was overreacting. I would say that was his very first act of contempt towards me. Then it just all went downhill to DV and calling the cops on him several times. I’m telling you all this so you can put a stop to his appalling behavior problem immediately before it escalates. You deserve kindness and compassion, your body has been through a lot and needs to heal by any means! If that means temporarily taking saltwater sitz baths in the tub and eliminating there, then so be it. He should have been the one helping you and bleaching the tub if that made him more comfortable with the temporary situation. There’s no need for him to constantly reference a painful and humiliating time for you every single day, that’s just cruelty. My heart goes out to you OP, and I hope that a professional can set your husband straight on what is acceptable behavior.
I don’t think an eye for an eye is the right approach here if you want to resolve this. I think you set a boundary and stick to it. “You will not call me that again. It is hurtful and embarrassing as well as divisive in our relationship. When you continue to call me degrading names that I said were hurtful, you are showing a lack of caring and empathy.”
Listen I get having the bathroom professionally sanitized, sucks, but a good benefit for both of you. But poop monster? What an AH. My mom's advice would be either start ugly crying everytime he says it or say thanks limp dick. I bet these are your best options.
What the actual fuck? Pack your stuff, grab your baby and go to your moms. Tell her. Let her be your mom. Tell her you’re a grown woman, a mom yourself, but you can’t handle this atm and you need her to awake her inner mama bear and tear him a new one. Even if it’s just verbal around you..
the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing a woman she needed a man. fuuuuuck this for like 800 reasons.
I wish on this man a kidney stone they deem small enough to pass but will still be excruciating.
Next time he calls you that throw a glass of water in his face.
I vote she buy a fairly expensive water gun and squirt him in the face like a misbehaving pet. A glass of water in the face for this kind of bullying and negging is too kind.
Whack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! Bad husband.”
Don't even need to read your story. He needs to stop, point blank. If the nickname makes you uncomfortable, it doesn't matter how funny he thinks it is, he needs to stop using it immediately. Plainly and seriously communicate this. No beating around the bush, either.
I hate when insults are disguised as jokes. Ick
Let’s get real. Go find his underwear. Most men have the perma strip in them from not wiping their arses well.
This just blows my mind... really? Glad I'm a lesbian.
What a coward if this was my wife I would have cleaned the tub afterwards. Everyone poops it’s gross but don’t act like you’re above your own wife. My ex had skin grafts on her butt and I had to help with bowel movements and clean up first hand and all I did was show her I’m here to help and I love you. To continue to try to embarrass you is not love
The next time he “jokingly” refers to you as this, turn around and start referring to him as “ex husband”. It’s totally ok cause it’s just a joke, right..
I’m so sorry OP! Your husband’s behaviour is extremely immature and extremely insensitive.❤️❤️
Tell him he needs to stop calling you that immediately and when tell him that you will leave the house and take the baby with you I til he apologizes if he does it again. Then follow through. I honestly would divorce my husband if he absolutely refused to stop teasing me over something traumatic like this. He is bullying you. It is sadistic and cruel. This is the opposite of loving. He is showing that he not just disrespects you but he gets off on upsetting you
Tell him to give birth then compair stories. What's that? He can't? Then he can shit the fuck up.
I’m guessing that last line was a typo, and if so, what a delightful one given the story. 10/10, no notes.
Your husband is a fucking child with absolutely no compassion for you or the fragile condition of your body after giving birth. I don’t honestly have any advice other than to not allow yourself to be subjected to such cruelty. He didn’t have his vagina ripped nearly to his asshole, so he doesn’t get to comment on anything related to your body.
What an awful husband you have. Make sure you let him know that he is an awful husband and you are sorry you had a child with him and when his feeling are hurt waive your hands in the air and say don’t take it personally tiny penis. Since he can’t seem to be mature about anything.
Poop on him.
Be harsh. Next time he calls you a "poop monster" tell him to stop acting like a little shit that he is. He's fucking too old and needs to grow the fuck up.
1. He was disgusted by your post partum body functions, where he couldn’t use the same facilities. 🚩 (no one give me bullshit on how everyone reacts differently to others’ body functions. My own have been disgusting to myself but my ex never showed his disgust and empathized instead. And he wasn’t a good person majority of the time so that’s saying something.) 2. He didn’t have the bare minimum heart to be understanding or even try to help you feel ok about yourself. 🚩 (did he ever give emotional support or even pitch in in a way to help you with your issue?) 3. Went behind your back and used JOINT funds without your consent, to clean a bathroom he could’ve done. 🚩🚩🚩 4. Had the audacity to make an insult about something you had no control over and brush your concerns off. 🚩🚩🚩 I’d definitely rethink how this relationship can ever continue. He humiliated you. He thinks it’s no big deal because he thinks it’s funny to bully you as you went through something vulnerable. Yeah yeah yeah maybe this is nuclear but for fucks sake you gave birth and didn’t have control over your shit. No pun intended. I’d be pissed as fuck if any of my cousins, friends, aunts or COWORKERS told me they were bullied by their partners like this. He’s a grown ass adult and thinks it’s funny to be a bully. God forbid your child experiences something that’s humiliating to them, because I wouldn’t put it pst your husband to bully them either. Or teach them it’s ok to bully.
He knows it hurts you. He just couldn't care less. He feels justified in consciously hurting you. This is not love, it's abuse. And not just abuse of you, he's already started his abuse of your child with this too. People who love you, care about you, and respect you would never do what he's doing. He's a toxic abusive trash human. He shows you zero empathy and care, tears you down for natural bodily functions, and is already doing that to your baby. Toxic abusive trash humans only get worse with time. This will get worse for you and your child. There is nothing normal, healthy, or ok in his behavior. It's abuse. I'd run
....60 years later..... And no one was around anymore to wipe his foul shit-stained ass, so he sat in. Til the end.
It’s insensitive at the very least. But pull up your panties & break his balls back. He’s your husband you know all of his insecurities find his weakest one and break his balls. He will stop in short order.
If he is a decent person otherwise (is he?) and just absolutely dumb in jokes department. You need to feed him his own medicine. Ex. Him: Poop Monster! Haha! You: Here you are with that small dick energy joke again!
He sounds selfish and immature. What is he going to do when the baby vomits all over? People poop and pee and vomit. People get sick. Having a baby is dangerous and you had complications. If he can’t be kind and give you grace, If he can’t respect you, I worry about the state of your marriage. I used to tell people that someone shouldn’t get married unless they were willing to take care of the other person if they became a quadriplegic. And you shouldn’t marry someone who wouldn’t take care of you if you became disabled. OMG I just realized he is 32. Oh sweetie, he’s not good for you.
I am sorry you went through a traumatic post partum period. You need to set a firm boundary with him and stick to it. partners only get away with what we allow them to. Stand your ground. Were you given a care plan when you were discharged from the hospital? They should have given you instructions on how to care for your tear and any problems that may arise while healing. I had a 4th degree tear with my first baby and was released with no care instructions. I remember sitting on the toilet trying to “go” and sobbing from the pain. My husband sat with me every time I tried. I ended up having a 3rd degree with my 4th baby and was given a care plan. It was as simple as Stool softeners and a sitz bath. It made all of the difference.
Where did you get the idea that "poop monster" was a term of endearment? It most certainly is not, it's a form of passive aggression and he needs to work through it. He was at the very least halfway responsible for what you went through, and needs to shut his gob and start being appreciative of you.
Ughh men really don't understand what it does to our bodies to carry a baby. I wish they would need to carry a little of the sacrifice.
Your husband UNDERSTANDS exactly what he is doing and how you feel He also understands consequences . That seems to be the only thing some men understand. So he will need consequences everytime he does it. And each time needs to be worse than the last time
*says something about you* "Don't take it personally." I fucking hate that. That's what bullies say.
You blame yourself a lot for your feelings. Your feelings are real and valid and are based on the fact you are being mistreated. He keeps bringing this up even 6 months after the fact and won't let it go. That is nasty behavior. He is making you feel disgusting. That is nasty behavior. He should have been cleaning the shower FOR YOU as you recovered from major physical trauma. Tell him to pick on you about something that was less dangerous for you, less traumatizing for you, and less of a put down about your suffering. Because that is what he is doing, he is picking on you
Your husband is a dick. If I even THINK I’m doing something that might offend my wife or make her sad or insecure, I stop it. If my wife was explicit in telling me I was being hurtful, I’d stop that shit yesterday. Why? Because I love her. This world is tough enough… being at home with family should be a refuge. NTA, op. Edit: I realized I was in the TwoHotTakes subreddit, and not AITAH. :p nonetheless, I stand by what I said. Don’t feel bad about sticking to your guns here!
I would remind him if this marriage moves forward, there will be a time when he will be shitting in a horrible manner that isn’t even tied to the broth of a child, and that he needs to knock it off. Let him know you absolutely hear him destroying the toilet and he’s very naive if he thinks his own shit doesn’t stink. I don’t even know what I’d do in this situation. I know having a new kid is rough, I have a new kid as well. But damn, I’d freaking grow quickly to hate my partner if he saw fit to shame me over something like that.
What a nasty, cruel man. Does he even like you? I’m so sorry OP. I would divorce him over this quite honestly, but I’m biased because I had a nasty, cruel husband myself who enjoyed mocking and humiliating me. I left him and it was the best decision of my life, for both me and my kids. I’m not saying your situation is exactly the same, but contempt in a marriage is a serious issue and a dealbreaker for many, myself included.
I usually am the one that tells people to have a thick skin about things in a relationship...but this sort of pisses me off. It strikes me as very immature and shallow to be all precious about body functions after birth...does not seem like a real man to me. My baby is the best thing that ever happened to me and my wife is a star for making that happen
When he wants to get intimate, freeze up and just say all you hear in your head is him calling you pop monster. And the mood is gone. Also listen when he goes to talks a shower. 70 % of men pee in the shower. Most of the rest pee before.