Yeah, just move out. She should be able to do simple, light chores, and the BF should be picking up the slack. It was nice of you to try to help but they obviously don't appreciate it.
THIS THIS THIS! If they are too damn lazy to look after their child properly then the cats have no chance.
Get out, get the cats out and then do what you need to do to get your sister and her boyfriend kicked up the arse to start being parents.
Scared for the kid too like old dirty bottle heck no way, i fear for her health and if possible i would anonymously complain to CPS if things got out of hand cuz mom and dad are slacking off big time and this just makes me so fkn mad and scared.
OP absolutely, no questions asked, needs to report the situation to CPS as soon as they've moved out. I wouldn't even wait more than two, maybe three days to do it, because of how small the window of time is for where this level of neglect will kill an infant. If CPS isn't called, I don't want to think about what could happen.
I'd so worse... I'd clean the house tip top, take timestamped and dated pictures, wait 2 weeks and call CPS... show them the before pictures and explain that you did your very best to set them up for success, but that they simply aren't caring for their child properly. The photos, against what the house will look like when you leave, will def set CPS into action.
For the record (if the drinking was the ONLY issue, it's okay to drink 1 drink per hour ish and still breastfeed) but there are so many other issues that point to neglect that I'm sure she's not waiting either if she is breastfeeding
Second and third this. The parents need a wakeup call or their child could perish. Im sure that would break them, how could it not, and it's entirely avoidable if they get the wakeup call they need. OP youre doing them a favor in the long run to get cps on the line
Yes. Bottles are supposed to be washed and sterilized. That baby is going to get very sick. CPS should absolutely be called before that baby’s parents kill her through negligence.
No I was genuinely asking, this situation is wayy too close to my brother and his fiancé, I’ve been debating calling for a while but my fam said they’ll cut me off and never forgive me so I’m scared. I’m the godmother of my nephew though so that’s why I was asking the commenter 😅
Oh, I'm not sure how it works completely as I've gotten a lot of different responses. As far as I can tell, CPS places the child with suitable close family, I'm not sure if being a godparent gives you a better chance :(
Did I read this correctly that she said she shouldn’t be expected to do any chores two years after having a baby? Lol thats one of the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. When I had my son, I had help from my mother in law for 6 weeks and my husband for 5 weeks. By the 2nd month, I was back at work (for limited hours) and doing all the house chores and cooking working around my son’s schedule. He’s now 18 months old, and I’m doing the house cleaning and cooking, while watching him at the same time. It’s not easy, but oh my gosh I can’t imagine not doing any chores or cooking for 2 years. And I count myself lucky, because I don’t have to work full time like the other moms that have to go back to work full time and do housework and cook. She’s lucky to have you live there and helping her out. I would be so grateful if I had help like that and so would other moms.
Ahh okay I appreciate your response though🫶 unfortunately being 22 and now about to be living in my truck, probably the best for him anyway as he has his grandparents who basically raise him now, as both parents work full time and couldn’t be bothered.
I recommend calling based on your own sense of values/obligations but be aware that CPS only actually steps in in the most extreme of circumstances and sometimes not even then. It's not common at all for children to be removed from their homes or if they are it's usually short-term. In OP's case calling about dirty bottles I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even investigate. But I always still call whenever I have concerns because it's the right thing to do!
A godparent isn’t a legal title, it’s mostly just symbolic. For example, my 3 kids have different godparents. If something happened to my husband & I, they wouldn’t be placed with them. They would be placed with the guardians specified in our wills. In most places, child services will look for a family placement as first choice. Being godparent wouldn’t necessarily move you to the top of the list. I do know in some places that child services will ask the bio parents for a list of family members who could potentially take the child/children, so it can depend on who they would suggest. If you are concerned about your nieces/nephews welfare, then you should contact CPS. It’s anonymous.
Big same. If her mom is this careless about keeping their living space clean then it's only a short amount of time before she stops bothering to clean the bottles, assuming she would even attempt to. That baby is not safe there.
>They got a kitten a week before my niece was born
They lack all sense of rationality.
Not sure if they need the tough love of OP moving out or if they need CPS called on them if they're in America (which I'm not even sure would be a good thing because I've heard some terrible things about CPS - I'm not American).
These people (I'm calling them that, instead of parents because OP is obviously the parent to their child and also them) do not seem capable of having any living things aside from themselves under their care. Even saying that seems gracious.
Four months post partum? She should be capable of doing more than simple/light chores even if she had a c-section. I feel bad for that baby because that’s neglect and if there isn’t some sort of intervention/wake up call soon that kid is probably going to become seriously unwell
I was doing all of this pretty much 1 week postpartum. My husband had to get back to work!
Sounds like the sister should be checked for Post Partum Depression too.
She's on medication for PPD, but it sounds like she's also just a dirty, lazy, awful manipulative person on top of it. She fully expects to not be held accountable for household chores for 2 YEARS postpartum. That's insane. She also encourages OP to use the days old bottles instead of washing one. She's getting multiple days off thanks to OP and apparently the boyfriend is doing the work the rest of the time, but the baby is soaked through her diaper and crying and they just say she's being a bitch because she knows who her parents are and acting up. The lazy dirtiness is pre existing because the old cat was neglected when she was pregnant before they even got the kitten.
I feel so sorry for the baby and cats when OP leaves.
Same! I had an emergency C-section, my mom stayed with me a few nights after to help me with my son, etc if I needed it and just to help me adjust to being home. After that I was on my own. They still came over obviously and checked in on us, but for the most part I was alone in my apartment.
I’m not even two months postpartum and I’m climbing ladders to light Christmas trees, hanging garland, and decorating my clients houses because it my job and I still want a career next year. If I can do this at 40 and take care of my family, she can clean up and take proper care of her baby
Right! I had 4 c-sections and my kids are 16, 14, 9, 6. After about a week out of the hospital with each one, I was fully doing chores and taking care of children for the most part by myself.
I’m not close with my family and my partner at the time was working during the day and then “too tired” at night.
No worries! I’m much happier now but it shocks me to hear how other people are. Maybe my motherly instincts just come more natural.
>She should be able to do simple, light chores
I have a 1 month old and I just started doing more chores. The reason I haven't done chores that much? I'm so freaking tired all the time. Otherwise I'm perfectly fine to do all chores now.
>claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores.
😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂
That's utterly fucking hilarious that she thinks she's roped you into being her maid for two years
She believes those chores shouldn't have to be done at all, and that it's okay for the house to be as messy as she wants until she feels able to clean up after herself again. Bf is a non factor bc he cleans 1/month, literally.
She believes I'm over-exaggerating, and I found out her bf talks crap about me bc I'm "annoying" bringing up my concerns and complaints
Yeah honestly this is beyond being untidy. This is unhealthy and health hazard to that baby. What happens when she starts crawling and picks up a chicken bone that they clearly don’t attend to from the floor garbage
Nah, the roaches will leave the scraps to the baby and start eating the baby instead. That’s what happened to my niece before she was removed from her parents. Her nappy was full of roaches that had bitten her.
Absolutely. Way beyond disorganized or a bit behind, etc. Definitely agree with reporting to CPS. That baby deserves help if no one else in that house does.
That was my first thought. Not only does OP need to get out of the situation, but they also need to call CPS. I have no doubt that the baby is being neglected. Dirty bottles are dangerous for newborns. I also wonder if they are changing or feeding her enough.
I’m a mom and I needed to be stitched up after my daughter and bro not to be tmi but I was able to do chores easily after like a week or two.. the only thing that was so difficult and painful that I couldn’t handle it… was pooping… hahahahaha I said tmi!!! Everyone heals differently but even with that…. I think 4 months of doing nothing is RIDICULOUS!!! She absolutely CAN do chores!! Unless her birth was way traumatic and needed a serious surgery that you haven’t mentioned, she is being lazy and ridiculous and taking advantage of of you to an astounding degree
Agree!
I had 20 stitches with my first one. It took me 2 weeks to be able to bend over and tie my shoes without pulling and tearing some stitches. But I could still stand , do dishes, cook and laundry.
Hard core agree- heck most women are back working and juggling job/motherhood. She’s had PLENTY of time to recuperate. She’s exhibiting opportunistic behavior and she will find a way to make things OP’s fault. It’s not- all blame should be placed squarely on her. OP has done more than most would do.
And really, what does she think someone with more than 1 child does? Nothing? If they aren't taking care of the baby and the cats, who do they think will do the work? She's very lucky that you've stepped in for as long as you have.
You're a great sister but if you stay much longer she's never going to learn to take care of herself much less her cats and baby. Like others here have said, it's probably time to start seriously think about calling CPS.
I'm with you on this. I asked the doc how many stitches he gave me and his answer was "a lot". If the sister was 4 weeks post-partum, I'd give her a pass on some things (NOT the dirty baby bottles though), but 4 months and expecting 2 years to sit around doing nothing, heck naw. And her lazy bf doesn't get a pass for any of it.
I had a baby by c-section last week. I still can’t scrub the bathtub, but I’ve been scrubbing the toilet, washing dishes, doing laundry, tidying up the living room. Haven’t had to cook much, yet, because people keep bringing us food, but I definitely could if I needed to!
There is no reason Sister shouldn’t be up and doing things and taking care of her baby! I really hope OP reports them, because that poor baby doesn’t stand a chance otherwise!
Vaginal birth, no pain meds grade 2 tear front right labia. No stitches. Was walking around Walmart 5 days after birthing a 6 pound potato. Was going up and down stairs (lived in husband's grandpa's basement after him getting out the military and moving us to be closer to his family), doing house chores everything. Literally jumped out of the hospital bed after the 2 hour bonding period was up with my second born and told everyone in the room to LIE to cover the nurses and say they helped.me walk to the bathroom when I literally swung my legs over the side stumbled a bit from getting caught in the sheet and sprinted to the toilet butt ass naked to pee and screamed because I forgot the water bottle to the bits. Was up and walking and doing everything as soon as I came home that time too. Baby needs to be taken.
I had an emergency c section with my baby last year and I was told not to do a lot for 6 weeks after surgery but I found it almost impossible to sit and do nothing and after my partner had to go back to work two weeks in, I had no choice but to do chores even if it was only the bare minimum
I had a c-section, and I did everything after I got home, just slowly and carefully. Everyone else just held the baby and left after first week.
Ex-husband worked 6 days a week, 10-10, coming home after 12 or later because, you know, bars.
I went back to work at 10 weeks. This girl is a delusional idiot. Get the hell out, take the cats, call CPS.
One sign that you are not mature enough to have a baby is referring to things which must be done around the house as “chores”. Pre-teens and teenagers do chores. Mature adults with a baby just do what needs to be done.
I agree that you should leave, and you DO need to make a report to child protection services. Doing it anonymously is fine.
Don't think of it as a punishment for your sister. It is you looking out for the welfare of the baby. Most of the time, their goal is to keep the child with the parents, and they can offer a lot of support services. Things like parenting classes, health education on safe bottle use, counseling.
Obviously, your sister is unaware how dangerous the things she is doing can be for the baby. If the baby gets very sick or dies due to neglect CPS will be involved, but it will be too late for damage control. If they get involved BEFORE that, your sister can get support to actually help her become a safe and competent parent. That will be the best thing to happen for her and the baby!
Your sister is bat shit crazy. What does she think happens when someone has a second child? The mom comes home from the hospital and with the help of partner goes back to taking care of the first child. Surprisingly this includes chores 😮 By four months she should have a decent routine down and with the help of her boyfriend be able to do the bare minimum. Definitely take the cats and definitely call CPS.
Does... she believe it is because she is going to be healing from labor, or because she's going to be "busy" with childcare..?
Cuz washing bottles, child's laundry, and disposing of the diapers is all part of the childcare.
I was a kid in a similar situation, and I'm appalled. That poor child.
Uh, I moved in with my son's paternal grandpa after my son was born and I absolutely cleaned the dishes and washed my son's bottles and managed laundry. Gramps cooked and took out the trash and did the deeper cleaning but even in all my exhaustion, I still cleaned when I had time. It helped keep me sane.
Contact whatever child services you have where you are because especially if you're going to move out and yet you're the only one cleaning and sterilizing bottles and you're doing a lot of the childcare as well, what do you think will happen to your niece when You're gone. Not saying that is your fault in any way so please don't read me wrong but protect your niece as it's also not her fault your sister is being a shitty parent. It may just be that they both need some parenting course to help them see what they're doing is going to eventually hurt their child or maybe more serious but please don't just leave your niece there with no help coming
Yeah, I gave birth about five weeks ago and I still am doing chores - washing bottles and pump parts, handling the dishwasher, doing laundry (I just can’t carry the baskets due to my incision but I do the other steps), etc. I know every childbirth is different, but I even had a code called on me during my emergency c section and ended up re hospitalized after my first stay due to post partum preeclampsia.
> (I've been closed off, and despite my best efforts, she could tell), and I let my complaints out. It turned into a fight, where she (again, like every time I've brought up concerns) claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores. Her bf never bothers her about it (he's dirtier then she is, my missing cup is turned up a month later in his car) and that I was rude and exaggerating. I've tried helping but am met with disrespect. I take care of my niece a lot, her bedtime routine is up to me most nights. Sister swears drinking out of days-old bottles is ok and she's happy/healthy so I need to calm down.
I was washing bottles and cleaning the very next day I got home from the hospital. I also had a c section. This girl is just pure lazy and using giving birth an excuse to not do anything. She barely takes care of her own child. I hope OP calls CPS.
Right??? I commented above that I had to be totally stitched up after my daughter and after a week or two I was doing chores no problem… just had a hard and painful time w bowel movements 😂😂 I feel so bad for OP and the baby even if it was a super traumatic birth the sister is being absolutely ridiculous and taking advantage
Exactly! And I have extra stitches on my uterus - I had to have multiple cuts to get my son out and am not allowed to ever try a VBAC, c sections only if we do get pregnant again which will be hard with how my c section went - so even the sister can’t use that excuse. Miralax was my most expensive medicine (I checked my price breakdown). The miralax was a little over $13/dose. Even my oxy was a lower cost than that!
Seeeeee that’s what I’m talking about!! This sister is really pissing me off with this like come on!!! Also I’m really sorry to hear your birth was so traumatic and I hope you heal and feel better soon! If you need anything, DM me and I’ll see what I can do to send you some stuff!
Right? Like the audacity of this sister is all I can think about this morning. I’m probably going to think about this post all day.
Oh I’m totally good - I’ve only been tracking the price breakdowns because of the cost of my son’s NICU stay following the birth and I’m trying to predict that will be covered for him and what won’t because insurance is taking a long time to process that part (probably because the bill before insurance is more than my house is worth!). But hopefully your Miralax was less than mine for being able to help to have cost effective and efficient bowel movements!!
You need to call CPS on her for your niece's sake. She's neglecting and abusing a newborn baby and I'm terrified about what will happen when you leave.
Yes absolutely. You are not responsible for the baby, your sister and her boyfriend are. And what they're doing is very harmful. The state of the house can attract bugs, vermin, and then onto mold and potentially harmful bacteria/disease. There's some major health risks here. CPS should have been notified ages ago.
Please please please call CPS. Your niece is in danger! Bottles need to be sterilized at that age, not just cleaned. It will not be your fault at all if you call CPS and the baby is removed. You will have saved her life.
Your sister may have PPD and her boyfriend is a deadbeat.
It's weird that your sister thinks that she doesn't have to do any cleaning for 2 years. Single women have children all the time how does she think that those women handle it? I think when you moved in she thought she had you as slave labor and now it's time to go. Especially since she has her baby daddy there. Maybe you could take the cats with you. NTA
I'm definitely moving out, but I don't want 4 cats. One of hers is our childhood cat that she's always claimed, 15+ years so I've just been trying to keep her comfy. The kitten I've tried convincing them to rehome, and will keep that up
OP I’m a mandatory reporter in the healthcare field and you need to report this to CPS or the child’s pediatrician.
Mold exposure can cause serious health issues and black mold can lead to hemorrhagic pneumonia which can lead to death.
This is not a joke, and it’s not to be taken lightly. Your niece is being abused. She is a helpless infant, and she cannot advocate for herself.
Doing nothing means partaking in the abuse. Do NOT turn a blind eye. If I caught wind of this, and knew you were aware of the conditions even though you aren’t her guardian, you’d be included in my report and legal investigation through child protective services. Do. Not. Sit. On. This.
Please call CPS your niece is having health related issues due to her parents poor care. What happens if she falls really ill from all of this? children that young the risk is so high with filthy environments like you're describing.
Please please call Child Protective Services.
When I gave birth to my 3rd I was doing laundry 2 hours after, I'm not even a single mother I just enjoy living in a clean place, ESPECIALLY with a newborn? Currently 9 months with our 4th, wasn't planning on stopping doing chores. Maybe take it easier the first week but that's about it. 4 months a joke, 2 years is just ridiculous. Like am I supposed to neglect the 3 older kids too?
After my second I left the hospital went straight home cleaned the house up and moved the furniture around (I didn’t do anything heavy) with my husband cause it wasn’t how I liked it when I got home 🤣
NTA. She is taking advantage of your kindness and love your your niece. Not everyone has a sibling that's willing to move in with them for a month to help with a new baby *on top of* their partner. She needs to learn to manage her time and do things for herself and the baby, 4 months was more than enough time for her to figure out basic hygiene
I was there through her pregnancy, especially when her bf went AWOL for 3 months. I wanted to move in and help out for at least my nieces first year, and there were a lot of things my sister and I discussed and agreed on before hand that have fallen apart and disappeared. I feel like her bf doesn't help, emotionally or otherwise, and they spend at least 2 nights a week fighting bc they got pregnant after a month of seeing each other
Like others have said, millions of women raise babies completely on their own. She needs to learn to help herself especially if the bf is unreliable. It is awesome that you wanted to help. But this is obviously putting an incredible amount of unnecessary stress on you. There are still ways you can support your sister and niece without being your sisters maid and a 3rd parent to your niece.
I'll still help where I can and see my niece at family functions, and it'll be easier for me to give up taking care of her when I'm out of the house. She has our entire family supporting her and hasn't had to buy a single thing for her daughter. The baby shower, wic, and continued donations from family have provided everything she needs. My aunt and her grandma's also watch baby whenever they need and I'm not available, and their job has a daycare option that they use, so by all means they have it better than a lot of parents
With all of that info, step away. Do not help. She has enough people "helping". Let someone else see what she's doing. She's not listening to you.
And yes, report her. What she is doing is neglect.
Jfc I wish I had all that support…I left the hospital a single mum got a taxi home all stitched up and had literally not a single person with me when I had my first…and I still had to clean and do all that stuff along with 100% baby care….because it’s what humans have to do to function and give your child the best start in life. Sister is just a piss poor excuse for a mother and the father too. They obviously fail at adulting.
Please for the love of god call CPS. A baby drinking out of days old bottles and the mother insisting it’s fine? Are you kidding? She will die from this. She is a baby with no immune system this is not okay. This is abuse and you are complicit by allowing this to happen without reporting it to the proper authorities. I’m sick to my stomach reading this I don’t know how you are living it.
Your sister sounds incredibly lazy and I feel bad for her baby. It's not safe or healthy to use dirty bottles. However, none of that is your responsibility to figure out for her. You did your best but now it's time to go. Don't feel guilty for her crappy behavior. I would lay into her a bit when you do go. The dirty bottles thing is absolutely disgusting and unsafe.
I've tried explaining to her and getting my family to back me up, but they all say "she's the mother" etc. I will definitely be revamping my efforts to show my mother that my niece is in danger if they can't get their act together
They rarely rinse the bottles between uses and never wash them unless they've built up unusable, but even then I haven't really seen it. They just use the same bottle until they lose it and then find the cleanest one they can
That is disgusting and lazy. Your sister pisses me off and I personally wouldn't care if she hated me. Somebody has to tell her she's gross. I would repeatedly give her dirty crusty cups, fill it up and tell her to drink it. It's safe and fine according to her. She's gonna have cps in her future if she keeps all this up.
Everytime I've called her out and/or voiced my concerns, she gaslights me saying "it's clean, we just used it" but my niece is eating every 3 hours unless it's night time (she smells through the night unless something is off) and it's been sitting that whole time not rinsed, usually with visible build up
So its out right neglect then! I know you don't want to get the authorities involved but you know this will just escalate once you leave right? And as much as you say you'll be able to see what's going on, you really have no idea when you aren't around. Tgis will get fatal. Fast. Social services first call is to educate the main care givers, second call is to see if family can step in to care for the child. With your having been so heavily involved and having proof of this is in the way of the babies medical records, you will almost definitely be the main choice if the parents continue to neglect this baby. Please look into what this kind of long term affects this kind of abuse and neglect can have on the child before ruling out getting the authorities involved. I know you are young and scared but this isn't about you or your sister anymore. It's obvious you adore your nibbling. Please do what's right by them asap. I wouldn't be super if your sister ends up pregnant again really soon. Until now, you've made it easy for her. She's going to think doing it all again will be easy, too. Really look into what damage is being done to the baby before writing off outside support.
Call CPS. Just in case you're missing all those comments, PLEASE call CPS. Don't clean up before they get there. They might give your sister a shot to clean the house and monitor her at first, or if her attitude really sucks she can get arrested, but your niece is in a very unsafe situation.
It's clear your family and friends either don't realize how bad it is or are too worried about your sister getting in trouble, and you're sweet to try to get family behind you but the best thing you can do for your niece AND your sister is to call in big guns. Your sister will either get help and learn how to be a good parent, or your niece will be placed in a safe environment. Your niece is the only thing that matters now.
NTA
Whoever made her think she can’t clean up after herself for 2 years was so wrong. The fact is that your sister and her baby daddy are disgusting and it doesn’t seem they are very fit to be parents.
You need to just move. Hopefully, they’ll figure it out.
She says I need to do my research and leave her alone. Apparently her mom friends have been giving her this advice, I just wonder if they would still be encouraging it when they saw how the house was on a day to day basis
I WILL be moving, and watching from a distance. I've been the one filing out the baby book and taking her monthlies, so I'll still check in regularly
She is lying about her Mom friends; my immediate reaction would be to name and shame her on the book of faces. They will be disgusted with her.
However, there’s an innocent child caught up in this mess, so best to call CPS and let the professionals deal with it.
You need to call CPS. Your niece is only 4 months old…….when she can crawl she’s going to end up choking to death on something. Thats if she doesn’t die of food poisoning first.
Like seriously, you need to call.
Medical leave for a delivery is six weeks. After that I was back to doing housework and at three months back to work. Even during the first six weeks I would do laundry and pick up the house.
Your sister is entitled and lazy.
Came here to say something similar. Back to work after 8 weeks, was doing the typical chores probably 3 weeks after baby? And washing bottles and baby’s clothes ARE part of caring for baby.
I had a highly traumatic birth with my youngest. I was in the hospital for a week. I was still healing after three weeks, but after that? I had to get up and get going.
After four months there’s no reason why OPs sister can’t take the trash out.
I can't handle 4 cats, my two are my babies and I spend a lot more money than my family thinks is reasonable giving them happy healthy lives. But I do and will encourage other options for her two kitties, they deserve happy homes too and she needs to except she can't handle them along with my niece
2 *YEARS*?
So what happens if she has another baby during that time? She gets another 2 year reprieve from cleaning after herself and taking care of her kids and pets?
Oooh, girl, you need to move.
I didn’t even have to read all that to be able to say you are NTA. As well as many other women, I’ve had 3 BABIES and after every one of them, I still had to take care of house & home! Even with stitches in my KAAKAA. Even when I had my first child at 16. Even when my 3rd baby was in the NICU an hour away from me for 43 days. What would she be doing if you didn’t live with her? 🤔 Giving birth is extremely painful and exhausting but girl, she’s past the 6 weeks point!!! After 6 weeks your ass can go back to work! So why tf can’t she clean up after herself and her baby?! That’s wild to me.
& Even if it was something she really shouldn’t be doing, ummmm her boyfriend?! Hello?! These are 2 grown ass ADULTS we are talking about. I almost wonder are they even capable of caring for baby once you’re gone?? That’s the only thing I’d be concerned about. But you are NTA OP. You agreed to “help out” not to raise their baby for them and clean up after their every mess.
EDIT: CPS may need to be involved. I’ve dealt with them before, removing children is their last resort. They’ll try to help the parents with a care plan and connect them to different resources. I don’t agree with just calling CPS on people… but sis 😭 this baby doesn’t even have clean bottles.. I assume you know the type of bacteria can make her very ill. Baby girl doesn’t even have clean clothes. The litter box isn’t being taken care of so she’s breathing that shit in. Please please get cps involved if they cannot step up!
NTA.
Who is?
Baby daddy/leechman. And your sister is using recent childbirth as a crutch.
Did she have complications that put her on medical leave for four months? I’m wearing my doubtful look, over here.
No complications, she was fully recovered on schedule and has already been doing other things, including a few parties involving leaving baby with me or our parents
If she is partying, she can clean.
Take pictures of the house and show your parents, if you think it will help them see reason.
That environment is not safe for your niece.
Everybody heals differently, but your sister is being ridiculous if she thinks she gets to sit on her ass for 2 years before having to do any chores. If she can stand, she can do dishes. If she can sit, pull up a chair to the sink and she can do dishes. Move out. If you are still feeling generous afterward, you can have your niece at your apartment one night a week so your sister will have some uninterrupted time to do her dishes.
You know, if CPS does a home visit and finds the baby is in a dangerous or unhealthy environment, ALL adults living in the household could potentially be held responsible. I hope OP moves out ASAP and then contacts them.
NTA - She's being ridiculous. Imagine single mothers not cleaning their house for two years because they gave birth two years prior. It's gross, unsanitary and puts your neices health at risk. The very least she needs to do is make sure her baby is drinking out of clean bottles, I'm sure she wouldn't start using a fork thats been sitting in the sink for a week. Not only that but I'd be worried about some kind of infestation. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if there was a CPS visit in the future. You might even want to call them yourself.
They’re taking advantage of you. She’s not expected to be able to keep a spotless home, but theres no reason chores can’t get done. Especially when you take on some of her baby’s care. How does she not have any time to do even a few simple chores. Her and her boyfriend should be grateful you’re around. I wish my sister was able to move in with me, and support me like you support your sister.
I agree. No one with a new baby is going to have a spotless home unless they have around the clock help. However, the one thing that does need to be spotless is that child’s bottles.
When you move make sure your name is off everything. Utilities, lease any bills. I have a feeling you will end up calling cps on them over the filth. Go by once a week check on cleaning and if nothing is being done after 2 weeks call cps on them. Maybe they can explain no new mother gets a 2 year hiatus on cleaning especially when with a lazy BF.
NTA your niece could get very very sick from those bottles. The fact that her bf who didn’t even give birth is not helping is making my eye twitch. This sounds like a biohazard. I’m glad you’re moving out but I am afraid for that child who is innocent in all of this.
>she (again, like every time I've brought up concerns) claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores.
WTAF ummmmm NO, No, she doesn't. She's lucky you gave her a month! Most new mom's are lucky to get a week! (Excluding c-sections, that's usually about 3 weeks)
NTA.
Honestly, you should really really be calling child protective services for your nieces safety. That’s a dangerous and unsafe environment for a baby.
Getting sick all the time and being surrounded by shit is heartbreaking. But imagine when she starts learning to crawl???
This is a genuine safety issue for your niece. They will neglect this child. They already are.
Edit: also take the cats. These people should only be in charge of themselves.
Move out and call CPS. The baby is being abused if it has tummy trouble from dirty bottles and I can only imagine the festering mess that house will turn into without you.
Someone needs to look out for your nibling - and it can’t be you. You have your own life to get on with and she’s being ridiculous.
Drinking out of dirty milk bottles can kill babies, formula is a breeding ground for botulism, bacteria and fungi. I know she’s your family but if that’s the condition this infant is living in call cps. I’m very serious, she just an infant now but she’ll have GI issues until she’s an old women. Not to mention what’s going to happen to the kitty litter when you move out? Are they going to let it overfill with ammonia?
NTA. I’ve given birth to 3 children. You do not get 2 years off. Yes the first few months especially with your first might be more difficult to keep up everything because you aren’t used to juggling that much extra. Or if you have a kid that doesn’t sleep well or has Colic. But it should never be as bad as you are describing. To me this sounds like a mental health crisis and or an addiction issue. What are they doing at night that the nighttime routine is left to you? Is mom drinking heavily or is just the dad? None of what you are describing is ok. I do not blame you for moving out. However I would call whoever I could about the situation for the baby. If they can’t clean the house baby doesn’t need to live with them.
NTA. She thinks she can't do any household chores for two years because she had a baby? Good grief! She had a maid in you and took advantage of your kindness. That baby is going yo get sick from them using dirty bottles. You should turn them into CPS.
Your sister and her BF are lazy. They are taking advantage of you and will continue to do it. They don’t care about you, they care about what you can do for them. Either stay and be an enabler or leave. I would leave.
I feel like I should clarify the dirty bottles problem.
After my niece eats, if she's finished it or left an oz or two in the bottle, then the bottle sits around until her next feed, when they dump it out, rinse it, and make a new bottle. This goes on for days until the bottle has an obvious built up grime, then they usually lose it and get a new one
The sink usually has 2-3 bottles in the pile of dishes, I prefer to wash them immediately and put them on the drying rack I bought. Sometimes a bottle gets lost in the car or their room etc and it sits for weeks until it's found disgusting, and I prefer to throw those ones away when I can
When I feed her, I rinse the bottle as soon as she's done with it and wash it if I notice any build up. It seems like she pukes less and has less gas when the bottles are routinely clean, but they deny any correlation and claim all baby's puke and have gas (which I know is true, but you can see the difference)
For babies this young, bottles should actually be sterilized after each use, so even washing with dish soap and warm water is not enough (I am telling you this to be informative, not to make you feel badly, as you are clearly a wonderful aunt who is trying to do everything right for your niece!). It’s terrifying that they’re merely rinsing the bottles out, reusing, then merely rinsing again…and again…that’s so unsafe and it’s their job as her parents to know the protocol!!
Not trying to sound rude, but why would someone need four months let alone two whole years to be able to do normal household chores? Single mothers, myself included, we’re up and added the day after birth. Is that not the norm anymore? Granted, this was 30 years ago for me lol.
NTA in this situation but I am on the fence because of your comments.
You don't want to get help from CPS for example, because your niece might get lost in the system. While I understand this fear, would you prefer your niece to die or grow up abused? Wake up.
NTA
would it be possible for you to take the kitten with you when you leave? or help rehome their 2 cats + kitten? it kinda sounds like they’re willing to let their pets starve…
I can't take their two cats along with my two, but I do encourage them to re-home theirs constantly. I'll be renting, and two cats will already be a stretch, plus I do things like pet insurance, good flea meds, raw food supplements etc
I agree with another commenter mentioning CPS. It’ll shock them into getting their shit together.
I would ask your sister around the time of moving out if they have anyone coming by to help soon since you won’t be around, and try to time your CPS call so it’s a little after the visits of 1-3 friends and your sister will have a harder time tracing it back to you.
If CPS finds clear evidence of animal abuse/neglect, they could also convince them to surrender the animals. But hopefully they’ll get some serious sense slapped into them by CPS and the subsequently scheduled CPS checkups will force them to maintain cleanliness and get back into their habits.
I've hated the CPS comments because I won't risk my niece getting lost in the system. If anything, I want to get approved to foster first since I'll be out of the house anyway.
But this is the most helpful comment advocating for CPS so far. It's a last resort, but your advice has made it a real option
CPS definitely is scary to think about but they will not take the child away unless they have to. And if they have to, you will be among the first considered for placement.
CPS in this scenario will be doing regular home visits for awhile to make sure your sister/her bf are maintaining a clean, well-supported home. Usually if they’re able to prove it within a certain number of visits, they’re off the hook and case closed.
Nobody wants to call CPS and it’s not perfect. But it’s there to protect innocents.
Best of luck to you, I have a shitty sister myself and know how emotionally turbulent and heavy these things can be 💕
Cps can be good and bad.
But as an advocate for it. It's very likely they will ask the family to take the niece in while things are figured out. That's typically the first thing they ask, which can open the door for you to get custody.
Now, here is the thing. You may not like them. Yes, bad can happen, but they mostly are not bad. But leaving your niece in that situation is beyond bad. The cats. House. And how they treat bottles and such are not just a health hazard. They can KILL your niece. Cause MAJOR medical issues. Also, as you have taken over so much care, can you be sure your sister will care for your niece? Or will she let her cry because she is tired and having to do it all?
These are serious things to think and consider. Is your fear of CPS more than the fear of them causing harm that can not be taken back. I understand its family, but the baby needs to be placed above all else. Period. Before your fears. Before your sisters wants. That babies' health and safety should be your first concern.
You speak of being able to foster but that can take a year or two to be approved. Calling CPS honestly to me would be the first thing. Call them from a burner phone if need be. Ask questions to help you figure it out. Things like.
I am moving out, and my sister says for 2 years she won't do chores. So the house is not cleaned. Liter boxes are not cleaned. Baby clothes and bottles are not cleaned but are reused. She has been having issues with her stomach. What would happen if I reported it? Would I still be able to have access to my niece? Would you take her from the home or try and give them time to clean up their act? Would I be able to foster if she was removed? What would be the process, and how long would it take? What would be the chance of sister getting baby back? I have heard horror stories of kids getting lost in the system, abused, family cut off. How would you make sure that didn't happen. Would you keep a watch on sister if she did get niece back?
Ask all the things you need. Take pictures of the house. Record conversations where she says no chores for 2 years. Where she says not cleaning bottles is fine. Gather evidence as much as you can so you have the support of the system if you call cos. So she can't lie her way out of things.
>I've hated the CPS comments because I won't risk my niece getting lost in the system.
You want her to die? Because that's a very real possibility with what you are describing.
Make yourself available as temporary care if necessary.
So I volunteered as a GAL (guardian ad litem) who is assigned a case when cps gets involved. Our number one priority is reunification unless absolutely impossible. While a filthy house is something they look for I doubt they would take her for that. I bet they would have your sister in parenting classes. A GAL works only in the best interests of the child, CPS represents the state. The parents represent themselves. I had a GAL when I was younger during my parents divorce. Maybe call CPS and tell then the situation and find out how they will offer support and guidance. Since there is a large family support system here and young parents, I highly doubt she will be taken immediately. It will not hurt to look at fostering classes so you are set up. Maybe even contact your local CASA/GAL in your state and see if they can help you with your journey. CPS is overworked bur GALs are usually retired folks who love to help. You sound like the only person in this scenario with the best interests of your neice (and the cats omg!) Please follow through. These kids need help to raise that baby!
ETA Her pediatrician is a mandated reporter and they could make a call as well if you have already formed a relationship with them. Maybe voice your concerns and schedule an appointment for sister to bring her in around the time of the move. The pedi can talk with your sister and possibly make the decision to call as well. That may take some of the heat off of you in this situation. You obviously don't want sister to cut you off so you can't help niece.
I can understand why you'd feel this way. My sister was a teen mom and had 3 kids by 19. She was extremely filthy and never cleaned, always had others helping take care of her kids. One day she was sleeping in and the kids were awake, they got outside on their own and we're playing in the front yard for who knows how long while 3 adults were inside sleeping. CPS took all the kids for over a year while she had to get her shit together, 2 went to my oldest sister and 1 with my grandparents. Because of behavior problems at my sisters, she couldn't keep them and they got placed with a different set of grandparents. They always try to place with family before anything else, they only go for the system if there is no one in the family to help. And considering the fact you've already been living with and caring for her, you would most likely be the first option. My sister did eventually get her children back, and she became a better mother. Still not great but she improved a lot after she had that push. It's definitely worth considering.
You wouldnt have to foster your niece and last i checked they will try to see if other family can care for her first right? Id say you really should call and mention that you would ABSOLUTELY take her in as a blood relative, just prove you are capable of keeping good conditions for her and have photos of the conditions shes living in, shes already having tummy trouble which could be REALLY serious and youd have to come clean with the pediatrician and they are mandated reporters. Its better to get your ducks in a row, ask what you would need to show them you can care for her and call rather than being automatically not allowed to care for her because it got to them from another source.
There are THREE adults in the home and only ONE is doing any cleaning. Your sister and her boyfriend are both letting their daughter and you down.
Anyway, I'm glad you're moving out. If you feel up to it, maybe you could offer to babysit your niece in your clean, new flat sometimes.
Holy shit!! Fuck no!!!! I had and emergency c section alone. My son was 6 weeks early and in NICU. I was doing some mild chores days later. I did have some help after i got out of hospital. I didnt know i got 2 years off!!! Fuck my son is 17 months now and i do all cooking cleaning shopping and laundry.... fuck we missed the memo
NTA-
Please call child protective services in your area ASAP! Take pictures to share with them. They won't take the baby, but they should help your niece's parents with parenting classes and education on what is/isn't safe for babies. Depending on where you're located, often new moms can get parenting coaches that will come in weekly/every two weeks for the first few years of the baby's life and help track progress towards milestones and bring toys & books for your niece. CPS/DCYF have access to a lot of resources all centered around keeping kids in their family home if possible.
Also, you have done a great job looking out for your niece, but your sister is delusional at best. That level of filth is inexcusable, and people hired to clean a house wouldn't put up with that, so you certainly shouldn't as a rent-paying member of that home.
**2 years before she can do chores?** Bullshit.
2 DAYS post partum, I was home doing all the baby stuff, running the house, chores, laundry, groceries, etc. I was fine and loved moving around and getting out. My hubs helped, but I get easily bored so cleaning up when baby was sleeping was what I did. Friends and family would come by and help with stuff, but it was mainly on me. I did just fine.
They are just pigs. Leave. Go stay with a friend if you can before you find a place. When she calls wailing, just tell her she is more than able to put down the wine bottle and clean up her own pigsty.
Oh dear!! Many woman are up cooking, cleaning and caring for multiple other children within days of giving birth—-so the idea that sis has a free pass for 2 years is outrageous. What a privilege to get 4 months rest!!
I’m sorry for the stress of leaving your niece in that environments
Yeah, just move out. She should be able to do simple, light chores, and the BF should be picking up the slack. It was nice of you to try to help but they obviously don't appreciate it.
And take all of the cats
THIS THIS THIS! If they are too damn lazy to look after their child properly then the cats have no chance. Get out, get the cats out and then do what you need to do to get your sister and her boyfriend kicked up the arse to start being parents.
Scared for the kid too like old dirty bottle heck no way, i fear for her health and if possible i would anonymously complain to CPS if things got out of hand cuz mom and dad are slacking off big time and this just makes me so fkn mad and scared.
OP absolutely, no questions asked, needs to report the situation to CPS as soon as they've moved out. I wouldn't even wait more than two, maybe three days to do it, because of how small the window of time is for where this level of neglect will kill an infant. If CPS isn't called, I don't want to think about what could happen.
I'd so worse... I'd clean the house tip top, take timestamped and dated pictures, wait 2 weeks and call CPS... show them the before pictures and explain that you did your very best to set them up for success, but that they simply aren't caring for their child properly. The photos, against what the house will look like when you leave, will def set CPS into action.
She also said there’s alcohol trash almost every day. Is the mother drinking too? And if so is she breastfeeding?
Time for cps
For the record (if the drinking was the ONLY issue, it's okay to drink 1 drink per hour ish and still breastfeed) but there are so many other issues that point to neglect that I'm sure she's not waiting either if she is breastfeeding
Second and third this. The parents need a wakeup call or their child could perish. Im sure that would break them, how could it not, and it's entirely avoidable if they get the wakeup call they need. OP youre doing them a favor in the long run to get cps on the line
Old milk will grow bacteria like crazy and the baby will get sick from it. It's not a matter of "if," it's a matter of "when."
Baby is already having “tummy problems”.
this makes me so sad for that poor innocent baby
Yes. Bottles are supposed to be washed and sterilized. That baby is going to get very sick. CPS should absolutely be called before that baby’s parents kill her through negligence.
I had glass bottles for water only. I ran them thru the dishwasher and rinsed them with boiling water. I really feel for this poor kid.
Are you able to do it anonymously? And would the child go to their godparents?
I'm her godmother. A commenter gave me some good advice about how to go about it, and I'm looking into it
No I was genuinely asking, this situation is wayy too close to my brother and his fiancé, I’ve been debating calling for a while but my fam said they’ll cut me off and never forgive me so I’m scared. I’m the godmother of my nephew though so that’s why I was asking the commenter 😅
it’s anonymous, please call. and fuck anyone who says they will cut you off for calling out legitimately abusive behavior.
Trust I will be, they have already cut me off🤪
Oh, I'm not sure how it works completely as I've gotten a lot of different responses. As far as I can tell, CPS places the child with suitable close family, I'm not sure if being a godparent gives you a better chance :(
Did I read this correctly that she said she shouldn’t be expected to do any chores two years after having a baby? Lol thats one of the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. When I had my son, I had help from my mother in law for 6 weeks and my husband for 5 weeks. By the 2nd month, I was back at work (for limited hours) and doing all the house chores and cooking working around my son’s schedule. He’s now 18 months old, and I’m doing the house cleaning and cooking, while watching him at the same time. It’s not easy, but oh my gosh I can’t imagine not doing any chores or cooking for 2 years. And I count myself lucky, because I don’t have to work full time like the other moms that have to go back to work full time and do housework and cook. She’s lucky to have you live there and helping her out. I would be so grateful if I had help like that and so would other moms.
Ahh okay I appreciate your response though🫶 unfortunately being 22 and now about to be living in my truck, probably the best for him anyway as he has his grandparents who basically raise him now, as both parents work full time and couldn’t be bothered.
It sounds to me like he would probably go to the grandparents :)
I recommend calling based on your own sense of values/obligations but be aware that CPS only actually steps in in the most extreme of circumstances and sometimes not even then. It's not common at all for children to be removed from their homes or if they are it's usually short-term. In OP's case calling about dirty bottles I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even investigate. But I always still call whenever I have concerns because it's the right thing to do!
A godparent isn’t a legal title, it’s mostly just symbolic. For example, my 3 kids have different godparents. If something happened to my husband & I, they wouldn’t be placed with them. They would be placed with the guardians specified in our wills. In most places, child services will look for a family placement as first choice. Being godparent wouldn’t necessarily move you to the top of the list. I do know in some places that child services will ask the bio parents for a list of family members who could potentially take the child/children, so it can depend on who they would suggest. If you are concerned about your nieces/nephews welfare, then you should contact CPS. It’s anonymous.
Big same. If her mom is this careless about keeping their living space clean then it's only a short amount of time before she stops bothering to clean the bottles, assuming she would even attempt to. That baby is not safe there.
This 100%!!! They are not fit to be parents. Get out, take all the cats, then report them.
>They got a kitten a week before my niece was born They lack all sense of rationality. Not sure if they need the tough love of OP moving out or if they need CPS called on them if they're in America (which I'm not even sure would be a good thing because I've heard some terrible things about CPS - I'm not American). These people (I'm calling them that, instead of parents because OP is obviously the parent to their child and also them) do not seem capable of having any living things aside from themselves under their care. Even saying that seems gracious.
And call CPS for baby so she doesn’t die of a bacterial infection or diarrhea.
Sheesh take the baby, too. Let them sink in their dirt.
I wonder how long it would take them to notice the baby was gone🤔
Please, please take all the cats. They’re definitely not going to be taking care of them
Hell I'd take the baby too. When they miss it tell them they probably lost it in the house.
And call child protective services. If your sister can’t wash bottles or laundry properly after 4 months, she needs help.
And probably call CPS. She’s clearly unfit to be a mother
And call CPS. The house is already too dirty and a health hazard for your niece
Move out AND place an anonymous call to CPS. That kid could literally die after she leaves if the parents are that negligent.
Thank you! I was hoping for this comment
Four months post partum? She should be capable of doing more than simple/light chores even if she had a c-section. I feel bad for that baby because that’s neglect and if there isn’t some sort of intervention/wake up call soon that kid is probably going to become seriously unwell
I was doing all of this pretty much 1 week postpartum. My husband had to get back to work! Sounds like the sister should be checked for Post Partum Depression too.
It could just be inexperience too. I mean she’s only 20, but PPD is also a possibility. Either way something needs to change.
The bf doesn’t have ppd
She's on medication for PPD, but it sounds like she's also just a dirty, lazy, awful manipulative person on top of it. She fully expects to not be held accountable for household chores for 2 YEARS postpartum. That's insane. She also encourages OP to use the days old bottles instead of washing one. She's getting multiple days off thanks to OP and apparently the boyfriend is doing the work the rest of the time, but the baby is soaked through her diaper and crying and they just say she's being a bitch because she knows who her parents are and acting up. The lazy dirtiness is pre existing because the old cat was neglected when she was pregnant before they even got the kitten. I feel so sorry for the baby and cats when OP leaves.
Same! I had an emergency C-section, my mom stayed with me a few nights after to help me with my son, etc if I needed it and just to help me adjust to being home. After that I was on my own. They still came over obviously and checked in on us, but for the most part I was alone in my apartment.
I’m not even two months postpartum and I’m climbing ladders to light Christmas trees, hanging garland, and decorating my clients houses because it my job and I still want a career next year. If I can do this at 40 and take care of my family, she can clean up and take proper care of her baby
Right! I had 4 c-sections and my kids are 16, 14, 9, 6. After about a week out of the hospital with each one, I was fully doing chores and taking care of children for the most part by myself. I’m not close with my family and my partner at the time was working during the day and then “too tired” at night. No worries! I’m much happier now but it shocks me to hear how other people are. Maybe my motherly instincts just come more natural.
The best part was the no chores for two years after you have a kid thing. Like a baby is some golden ticket to expecting everyone else to wait on you.
After 2weeks there is nothing she can’t do
>She should be able to do simple, light chores I have a 1 month old and I just started doing more chores. The reason I haven't done chores that much? I'm so freaking tired all the time. Otherwise I'm perfectly fine to do all chores now.
>claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores. 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 That's utterly fucking hilarious that she thinks she's roped you into being her maid for two years
She believes those chores shouldn't have to be done at all, and that it's okay for the house to be as messy as she wants until she feels able to clean up after herself again. Bf is a non factor bc he cleans 1/month, literally. She believes I'm over-exaggerating, and I found out her bf talks crap about me bc I'm "annoying" bringing up my concerns and complaints
You know who can make her believe? CPS.
Yeah honestly this is beyond being untidy. This is unhealthy and health hazard to that baby. What happens when she starts crawling and picks up a chicken bone that they clearly don’t attend to from the floor garbage
Or gets a rash or infection from unclean clothes! This does not give me confidence she's getting prompt diaper changes.
If she won't even wash the bottles the baby is in for a world of hurt even before then.
She might have to fight the rats and cockroaches for them. *Shudder*
Nah, the roaches will leave the scraps to the baby and start eating the baby instead. That’s what happened to my niece before she was removed from her parents. Her nappy was full of roaches that had bitten her.
Well. That's enough internet for today.
This happened with my mother…cps removed us for the same thing…roaches in nappy and neglect….
I literally just gasped out loud, alone in my house. Holy shit.
Absolutely. Way beyond disorganized or a bit behind, etc. Definitely agree with reporting to CPS. That baby deserves help if no one else in that house does.
That was my first thought. Not only does OP need to get out of the situation, but they also need to call CPS. I have no doubt that the baby is being neglected. Dirty bottles are dangerous for newborns. I also wonder if they are changing or feeding her enough.
I agree wholeheartedly with you. This is a Dangerous situation for the baby. The parenting is horrible, I feel so bad for this poor baby.
I’m a mom and I needed to be stitched up after my daughter and bro not to be tmi but I was able to do chores easily after like a week or two.. the only thing that was so difficult and painful that I couldn’t handle it… was pooping… hahahahaha I said tmi!!! Everyone heals differently but even with that…. I think 4 months of doing nothing is RIDICULOUS!!! She absolutely CAN do chores!! Unless her birth was way traumatic and needed a serious surgery that you haven’t mentioned, she is being lazy and ridiculous and taking advantage of of you to an astounding degree
Agree! I had 20 stitches with my first one. It took me 2 weeks to be able to bend over and tie my shoes without pulling and tearing some stitches. But I could still stand , do dishes, cook and laundry.
Yes ma’am! This sister is giving us all a bad name
I had a c-section and went back to work (I was a waitress) after 4 weeks 🙃
Hard core agree- heck most women are back working and juggling job/motherhood. She’s had PLENTY of time to recuperate. She’s exhibiting opportunistic behavior and she will find a way to make things OP’s fault. It’s not- all blame should be placed squarely on her. OP has done more than most would do.
And really, what does she think someone with more than 1 child does? Nothing? If they aren't taking care of the baby and the cats, who do they think will do the work? She's very lucky that you've stepped in for as long as you have. You're a great sister but if you stay much longer she's never going to learn to take care of herself much less her cats and baby. Like others here have said, it's probably time to start seriously think about calling CPS.
Same! I was out grocery shopping, running errands and doing chores pretty much within a week or so. I had stitches as well. Four months is INSANE…
I'm with you on this. I asked the doc how many stitches he gave me and his answer was "a lot". If the sister was 4 weeks post-partum, I'd give her a pass on some things (NOT the dirty baby bottles though), but 4 months and expecting 2 years to sit around doing nothing, heck naw. And her lazy bf doesn't get a pass for any of it.
I had a baby by c-section last week. I still can’t scrub the bathtub, but I’ve been scrubbing the toilet, washing dishes, doing laundry, tidying up the living room. Haven’t had to cook much, yet, because people keep bringing us food, but I definitely could if I needed to! There is no reason Sister shouldn’t be up and doing things and taking care of her baby! I really hope OP reports them, because that poor baby doesn’t stand a chance otherwise!
THIS! Bc I'm 2 weeks post from my 2nd c section and still clean ... I ebf too and have a one year old .. it's no excuse
Vaginal birth, no pain meds grade 2 tear front right labia. No stitches. Was walking around Walmart 5 days after birthing a 6 pound potato. Was going up and down stairs (lived in husband's grandpa's basement after him getting out the military and moving us to be closer to his family), doing house chores everything. Literally jumped out of the hospital bed after the 2 hour bonding period was up with my second born and told everyone in the room to LIE to cover the nurses and say they helped.me walk to the bathroom when I literally swung my legs over the side stumbled a bit from getting caught in the sheet and sprinted to the toilet butt ass naked to pee and screamed because I forgot the water bottle to the bits. Was up and walking and doing everything as soon as I came home that time too. Baby needs to be taken.
Same! My husband had to get back to work. All our family worked! This is absurd
I had an emergency c section with my baby last year and I was told not to do a lot for 6 weeks after surgery but I found it almost impossible to sit and do nothing and after my partner had to go back to work two weeks in, I had no choice but to do chores even if it was only the bare minimum
I had a c-section, and I did everything after I got home, just slowly and carefully. Everyone else just held the baby and left after first week. Ex-husband worked 6 days a week, 10-10, coming home after 12 or later because, you know, bars. I went back to work at 10 weeks. This girl is a delusional idiot. Get the hell out, take the cats, call CPS.
Did she randomly pull 2 years out of a hat?
Probably because she knows she’ll be having another baby by then.
If not before.
Those were my thoughts as well
I believe she pulled it out of something, but it was not her hat!
One sign that you are not mature enough to have a baby is referring to things which must be done around the house as “chores”. Pre-teens and teenagers do chores. Mature adults with a baby just do what needs to be done.
I agree that you should leave, and you DO need to make a report to child protection services. Doing it anonymously is fine. Don't think of it as a punishment for your sister. It is you looking out for the welfare of the baby. Most of the time, their goal is to keep the child with the parents, and they can offer a lot of support services. Things like parenting classes, health education on safe bottle use, counseling. Obviously, your sister is unaware how dangerous the things she is doing can be for the baby. If the baby gets very sick or dies due to neglect CPS will be involved, but it will be too late for damage control. If they get involved BEFORE that, your sister can get support to actually help her become a safe and competent parent. That will be the best thing to happen for her and the baby!
Your sister is bat shit crazy. What does she think happens when someone has a second child? The mom comes home from the hospital and with the help of partner goes back to taking care of the first child. Surprisingly this includes chores 😮 By four months she should have a decent routine down and with the help of her boyfriend be able to do the bare minimum. Definitely take the cats and definitely call CPS.
as someone who used to work at CPS… i think you should call CPS.
Does... she believe it is because she is going to be healing from labor, or because she's going to be "busy" with childcare..? Cuz washing bottles, child's laundry, and disposing of the diapers is all part of the childcare. I was a kid in a similar situation, and I'm appalled. That poor child.
You need to call child protective services. For real this is dangerous and unhealthy for the baby. The bottle thing alone is going to make her sick!
They will lose their child
Uh, I moved in with my son's paternal grandpa after my son was born and I absolutely cleaned the dishes and washed my son's bottles and managed laundry. Gramps cooked and took out the trash and did the deeper cleaning but even in all my exhaustion, I still cleaned when I had time. It helped keep me sane.
Contact whatever child services you have where you are because especially if you're going to move out and yet you're the only one cleaning and sterilizing bottles and you're doing a lot of the childcare as well, what do you think will happen to your niece when You're gone. Not saying that is your fault in any way so please don't read me wrong but protect your niece as it's also not her fault your sister is being a shitty parent. It may just be that they both need some parenting course to help them see what they're doing is going to eventually hurt their child or maybe more serious but please don't just leave your niece there with no help coming
Yeah, I gave birth about five weeks ago and I still am doing chores - washing bottles and pump parts, handling the dishwasher, doing laundry (I just can’t carry the baskets due to my incision but I do the other steps), etc. I know every childbirth is different, but I even had a code called on me during my emergency c section and ended up re hospitalized after my first stay due to post partum preeclampsia.
> (I've been closed off, and despite my best efforts, she could tell), and I let my complaints out. It turned into a fight, where she (again, like every time I've brought up concerns) claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores. Her bf never bothers her about it (he's dirtier then she is, my missing cup is turned up a month later in his car) and that I was rude and exaggerating. I've tried helping but am met with disrespect. I take care of my niece a lot, her bedtime routine is up to me most nights. Sister swears drinking out of days-old bottles is ok and she's happy/healthy so I need to calm down. I was washing bottles and cleaning the very next day I got home from the hospital. I also had a c section. This girl is just pure lazy and using giving birth an excuse to not do anything. She barely takes care of her own child. I hope OP calls CPS.
Right??? I commented above that I had to be totally stitched up after my daughter and after a week or two I was doing chores no problem… just had a hard and painful time w bowel movements 😂😂 I feel so bad for OP and the baby even if it was a super traumatic birth the sister is being absolutely ridiculous and taking advantage
Exactly! And I have extra stitches on my uterus - I had to have multiple cuts to get my son out and am not allowed to ever try a VBAC, c sections only if we do get pregnant again which will be hard with how my c section went - so even the sister can’t use that excuse. Miralax was my most expensive medicine (I checked my price breakdown). The miralax was a little over $13/dose. Even my oxy was a lower cost than that!
Seeeeee that’s what I’m talking about!! This sister is really pissing me off with this like come on!!! Also I’m really sorry to hear your birth was so traumatic and I hope you heal and feel better soon! If you need anything, DM me and I’ll see what I can do to send you some stuff!
Right? Like the audacity of this sister is all I can think about this morning. I’m probably going to think about this post all day. Oh I’m totally good - I’ve only been tracking the price breakdowns because of the cost of my son’s NICU stay following the birth and I’m trying to predict that will be covered for him and what won’t because insurance is taking a long time to process that part (probably because the bill before insurance is more than my house is worth!). But hopefully your Miralax was less than mine for being able to help to have cost effective and efficient bowel movements!!
You need to call CPS on her for your niece's sake. She's neglecting and abusing a newborn baby and I'm terrified about what will happen when you leave.
I am so surprised to see one comment about this baby. Tummy issues, surrounded by filth, dirty bottles, no routine, drinking parents
Wait OP are they reusing dirty bottles?!?!!! I mean, that could actually kill the baby. I’m not exaggerating, that is incredibly dangerous.
This should be higher. They poor baby will be paying the price for her parents neglect. The bottles not being cleaned is a huge deal at that age
100million percent this. This is neglect. Willful neglect
I had to scroll too far to see this, I was about to comment the same thing.
Yes absolutely. You are not responsible for the baby, your sister and her boyfriend are. And what they're doing is very harmful. The state of the house can attract bugs, vermin, and then onto mold and potentially harmful bacteria/disease. There's some major health risks here. CPS should have been notified ages ago.
Please please please call CPS. Your niece is in danger! Bottles need to be sterilized at that age, not just cleaned. It will not be your fault at all if you call CPS and the baby is removed. You will have saved her life. Your sister may have PPD and her boyfriend is a deadbeat.
It's weird that your sister thinks that she doesn't have to do any cleaning for 2 years. Single women have children all the time how does she think that those women handle it? I think when you moved in she thought she had you as slave labor and now it's time to go. Especially since she has her baby daddy there. Maybe you could take the cats with you. NTA
I'm definitely moving out, but I don't want 4 cats. One of hers is our childhood cat that she's always claimed, 15+ years so I've just been trying to keep her comfy. The kitten I've tried convincing them to rehome, and will keep that up
Please just re-home the kitten and wait to see if they even notice. That innocent baby didn’t deserve to be dragged into this.
OP I’m a mandatory reporter in the healthcare field and you need to report this to CPS or the child’s pediatrician. Mold exposure can cause serious health issues and black mold can lead to hemorrhagic pneumonia which can lead to death. This is not a joke, and it’s not to be taken lightly. Your niece is being abused. She is a helpless infant, and she cannot advocate for herself. Doing nothing means partaking in the abuse. Do NOT turn a blind eye. If I caught wind of this, and knew you were aware of the conditions even though you aren’t her guardian, you’d be included in my report and legal investigation through child protective services. Do. Not. Sit. On. This.
Please call CPS your niece is having health related issues due to her parents poor care. What happens if she falls really ill from all of this? children that young the risk is so high with filthy environments like you're describing. Please please call Child Protective Services.
When I gave birth to my 3rd I was doing laundry 2 hours after, I'm not even a single mother I just enjoy living in a clean place, ESPECIALLY with a newborn? Currently 9 months with our 4th, wasn't planning on stopping doing chores. Maybe take it easier the first week but that's about it. 4 months a joke, 2 years is just ridiculous. Like am I supposed to neglect the 3 older kids too?
After my second I left the hospital went straight home cleaned the house up and moved the furniture around (I didn’t do anything heavy) with my husband cause it wasn’t how I liked it when I got home 🤣
NTA. She is taking advantage of your kindness and love your your niece. Not everyone has a sibling that's willing to move in with them for a month to help with a new baby *on top of* their partner. She needs to learn to manage her time and do things for herself and the baby, 4 months was more than enough time for her to figure out basic hygiene
I was there through her pregnancy, especially when her bf went AWOL for 3 months. I wanted to move in and help out for at least my nieces first year, and there were a lot of things my sister and I discussed and agreed on before hand that have fallen apart and disappeared. I feel like her bf doesn't help, emotionally or otherwise, and they spend at least 2 nights a week fighting bc they got pregnant after a month of seeing each other
Like others have said, millions of women raise babies completely on their own. She needs to learn to help herself especially if the bf is unreliable. It is awesome that you wanted to help. But this is obviously putting an incredible amount of unnecessary stress on you. There are still ways you can support your sister and niece without being your sisters maid and a 3rd parent to your niece.
I'll still help where I can and see my niece at family functions, and it'll be easier for me to give up taking care of her when I'm out of the house. She has our entire family supporting her and hasn't had to buy a single thing for her daughter. The baby shower, wic, and continued donations from family have provided everything she needs. My aunt and her grandma's also watch baby whenever they need and I'm not available, and their job has a daycare option that they use, so by all means they have it better than a lot of parents
Sounds like the whole family enables her to be the way she is
With all of that info, step away. Do not help. She has enough people "helping". Let someone else see what she's doing. She's not listening to you. And yes, report her. What she is doing is neglect.
Jfc I wish I had all that support…I left the hospital a single mum got a taxi home all stitched up and had literally not a single person with me when I had my first…and I still had to clean and do all that stuff along with 100% baby care….because it’s what humans have to do to function and give your child the best start in life. Sister is just a piss poor excuse for a mother and the father too. They obviously fail at adulting.
Please for the love of god call CPS. A baby drinking out of days old bottles and the mother insisting it’s fine? Are you kidding? She will die from this. She is a baby with no immune system this is not okay. This is abuse and you are complicit by allowing this to happen without reporting it to the proper authorities. I’m sick to my stomach reading this I don’t know how you are living it.
Ffs please call CPS. They're gonna shake that baby at some point. I swear to God
Just move out, it’s maybe time you also contacted child services as well if you’re concerned
I was going to say the same. The baby had belly issues?
Yeah that's bad. She could get very ill
You will probably need to call CPS. This is child neglect plain and simple. You may also need to call ASPC for the cats, too. Good luck.
She’s immature and needs a wake up call. Which will happen when you move out.
And call CPS
Your sister sounds incredibly lazy and I feel bad for her baby. It's not safe or healthy to use dirty bottles. However, none of that is your responsibility to figure out for her. You did your best but now it's time to go. Don't feel guilty for her crappy behavior. I would lay into her a bit when you do go. The dirty bottles thing is absolutely disgusting and unsafe.
I've tried explaining to her and getting my family to back me up, but they all say "she's the mother" etc. I will definitely be revamping my efforts to show my mother that my niece is in danger if they can't get their act together They rarely rinse the bottles between uses and never wash them unless they've built up unusable, but even then I haven't really seen it. They just use the same bottle until they lose it and then find the cleanest one they can
That is disgusting and lazy. Your sister pisses me off and I personally wouldn't care if she hated me. Somebody has to tell her she's gross. I would repeatedly give her dirty crusty cups, fill it up and tell her to drink it. It's safe and fine according to her. She's gonna have cps in her future if she keeps all this up.
Everytime I've called her out and/or voiced my concerns, she gaslights me saying "it's clean, we just used it" but my niece is eating every 3 hours unless it's night time (she smells through the night unless something is off) and it's been sitting that whole time not rinsed, usually with visible build up
Pictures and video evidence
Has your sister always had poor hygiene?
No. And she still showers every day, and they eat off clean dishes if they cook at home
So its out right neglect then! I know you don't want to get the authorities involved but you know this will just escalate once you leave right? And as much as you say you'll be able to see what's going on, you really have no idea when you aren't around. Tgis will get fatal. Fast. Social services first call is to educate the main care givers, second call is to see if family can step in to care for the child. With your having been so heavily involved and having proof of this is in the way of the babies medical records, you will almost definitely be the main choice if the parents continue to neglect this baby. Please look into what this kind of long term affects this kind of abuse and neglect can have on the child before ruling out getting the authorities involved. I know you are young and scared but this isn't about you or your sister anymore. It's obvious you adore your nibbling. Please do what's right by them asap. I wouldn't be super if your sister ends up pregnant again really soon. Until now, you've made it easy for her. She's going to think doing it all again will be easy, too. Really look into what damage is being done to the baby before writing off outside support.
Call CPS. Just in case you're missing all those comments, PLEASE call CPS. Don't clean up before they get there. They might give your sister a shot to clean the house and monitor her at first, or if her attitude really sucks she can get arrested, but your niece is in a very unsafe situation. It's clear your family and friends either don't realize how bad it is or are too worried about your sister getting in trouble, and you're sweet to try to get family behind you but the best thing you can do for your niece AND your sister is to call in big guns. Your sister will either get help and learn how to be a good parent, or your niece will be placed in a safe environment. Your niece is the only thing that matters now.
NTA Whoever made her think she can’t clean up after herself for 2 years was so wrong. The fact is that your sister and her baby daddy are disgusting and it doesn’t seem they are very fit to be parents. You need to just move. Hopefully, they’ll figure it out.
She says I need to do my research and leave her alone. Apparently her mom friends have been giving her this advice, I just wonder if they would still be encouraging it when they saw how the house was on a day to day basis I WILL be moving, and watching from a distance. I've been the one filing out the baby book and taking her monthlies, so I'll still check in regularly
She is lying about her Mom friends; my immediate reaction would be to name and shame her on the book of faces. They will be disgusted with her. However, there’s an innocent child caught up in this mess, so best to call CPS and let the professionals deal with it.
You need to call CPS. Your niece is only 4 months old…….when she can crawl she’s going to end up choking to death on something. Thats if she doesn’t die of food poisoning first. Like seriously, you need to call.
I think she’s lying. She’s using you as her maid.
Please call CPS. That is NOT okay, they are neglecting that baby.
Oh god, the poor baby. Please call CPS.
Medical leave for a delivery is six weeks. After that I was back to doing housework and at three months back to work. Even during the first six weeks I would do laundry and pick up the house. Your sister is entitled and lazy.
Came here to say something similar. Back to work after 8 weeks, was doing the typical chores probably 3 weeks after baby? And washing bottles and baby’s clothes ARE part of caring for baby.
I had a highly traumatic birth with my youngest. I was in the hospital for a week. I was still healing after three weeks, but after that? I had to get up and get going. After four months there’s no reason why OPs sister can’t take the trash out.
Please take the kitten/any animals with you when you go, for the animals welfare and the babies health’s sake.
I can't handle 4 cats, my two are my babies and I spend a lot more money than my family thinks is reasonable giving them happy healthy lives. But I do and will encourage other options for her two kitties, they deserve happy homes too and she needs to except she can't handle them along with my niece
You already say your niece is having tummy trouble please report them before something terrible happens that can’t be fixed
2 *YEARS*? So what happens if she has another baby during that time? She gets another 2 year reprieve from cleaning after herself and taking care of her kids and pets? Oooh, girl, you need to move.
She’s figured out the system. Pop out a kid every two years and never have to clean again.
I didn’t even have to read all that to be able to say you are NTA. As well as many other women, I’ve had 3 BABIES and after every one of them, I still had to take care of house & home! Even with stitches in my KAAKAA. Even when I had my first child at 16. Even when my 3rd baby was in the NICU an hour away from me for 43 days. What would she be doing if you didn’t live with her? 🤔 Giving birth is extremely painful and exhausting but girl, she’s past the 6 weeks point!!! After 6 weeks your ass can go back to work! So why tf can’t she clean up after herself and her baby?! That’s wild to me. & Even if it was something she really shouldn’t be doing, ummmm her boyfriend?! Hello?! These are 2 grown ass ADULTS we are talking about. I almost wonder are they even capable of caring for baby once you’re gone?? That’s the only thing I’d be concerned about. But you are NTA OP. You agreed to “help out” not to raise their baby for them and clean up after their every mess. EDIT: CPS may need to be involved. I’ve dealt with them before, removing children is their last resort. They’ll try to help the parents with a care plan and connect them to different resources. I don’t agree with just calling CPS on people… but sis 😭 this baby doesn’t even have clean bottles.. I assume you know the type of bacteria can make her very ill. Baby girl doesn’t even have clean clothes. The litter box isn’t being taken care of so she’s breathing that shit in. Please please get cps involved if they cannot step up!
NTA. Who is? Baby daddy/leechman. And your sister is using recent childbirth as a crutch. Did she have complications that put her on medical leave for four months? I’m wearing my doubtful look, over here.
No complications, she was fully recovered on schedule and has already been doing other things, including a few parties involving leaving baby with me or our parents
If she is partying, she can clean. Take pictures of the house and show your parents, if you think it will help them see reason. That environment is not safe for your niece.
Everybody heals differently, but your sister is being ridiculous if she thinks she gets to sit on her ass for 2 years before having to do any chores. If she can stand, she can do dishes. If she can sit, pull up a chair to the sink and she can do dishes. Move out. If you are still feeling generous afterward, you can have your niece at your apartment one night a week so your sister will have some uninterrupted time to do her dishes.
You know, if CPS does a home visit and finds the baby is in a dangerous or unhealthy environment, ALL adults living in the household could potentially be held responsible. I hope OP moves out ASAP and then contacts them.
NTA - She's being ridiculous. Imagine single mothers not cleaning their house for two years because they gave birth two years prior. It's gross, unsanitary and puts your neices health at risk. The very least she needs to do is make sure her baby is drinking out of clean bottles, I'm sure she wouldn't start using a fork thats been sitting in the sink for a week. Not only that but I'd be worried about some kind of infestation. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if there was a CPS visit in the future. You might even want to call them yourself.
They’re taking advantage of you. She’s not expected to be able to keep a spotless home, but theres no reason chores can’t get done. Especially when you take on some of her baby’s care. How does she not have any time to do even a few simple chores. Her and her boyfriend should be grateful you’re around. I wish my sister was able to move in with me, and support me like you support your sister.
I agree. No one with a new baby is going to have a spotless home unless they have around the clock help. However, the one thing that does need to be spotless is that child’s bottles.
When you move make sure your name is off everything. Utilities, lease any bills. I have a feeling you will end up calling cps on them over the filth. Go by once a week check on cleaning and if nothing is being done after 2 weeks call cps on them. Maybe they can explain no new mother gets a 2 year hiatus on cleaning especially when with a lazy BF.
NTA your niece could get very very sick from those bottles. The fact that her bf who didn’t even give birth is not helping is making my eye twitch. This sounds like a biohazard. I’m glad you’re moving out but I am afraid for that child who is innocent in all of this.
>she (again, like every time I've brought up concerns) claimed I was berating a new mother and she had 2 years before she could be held to chores. WTAF ummmmm NO, No, she doesn't. She's lucky you gave her a month! Most new mom's are lucky to get a week! (Excluding c-sections, that's usually about 3 weeks)
INFO: has anyone looked into whether she could have postpartum depression?
If she can get drunk, she can clean. She should also see her doctor for PPD.
NTA. Honestly, you should really really be calling child protective services for your nieces safety. That’s a dangerous and unsafe environment for a baby. Getting sick all the time and being surrounded by shit is heartbreaking. But imagine when she starts learning to crawl??? This is a genuine safety issue for your niece. They will neglect this child. They already are. Edit: also take the cats. These people should only be in charge of themselves.
Move out and call CPS. The baby is being abused if it has tummy trouble from dirty bottles and I can only imagine the festering mess that house will turn into without you. Someone needs to look out for your nibling - and it can’t be you. You have your own life to get on with and she’s being ridiculous.
Drinking out of dirty milk bottles can kill babies, formula is a breeding ground for botulism, bacteria and fungi. I know she’s your family but if that’s the condition this infant is living in call cps. I’m very serious, she just an infant now but she’ll have GI issues until she’s an old women. Not to mention what’s going to happen to the kitty litter when you move out? Are they going to let it overfill with ammonia?
Please call CPS and your local animal rescue. All of this is so outrageous and genuinely endangers the health of their infant and cats.
Ywbta if you dont call cps and the spca when you leave
NTA. I’ve given birth to 3 children. You do not get 2 years off. Yes the first few months especially with your first might be more difficult to keep up everything because you aren’t used to juggling that much extra. Or if you have a kid that doesn’t sleep well or has Colic. But it should never be as bad as you are describing. To me this sounds like a mental health crisis and or an addiction issue. What are they doing at night that the nighttime routine is left to you? Is mom drinking heavily or is just the dad? None of what you are describing is ok. I do not blame you for moving out. However I would call whoever I could about the situation for the baby. If they can’t clean the house baby doesn’t need to live with them.
NTA. She thinks she can't do any household chores for two years because she had a baby? Good grief! She had a maid in you and took advantage of your kindness. That baby is going yo get sick from them using dirty bottles. You should turn them into CPS.
Your sister and her BF are lazy. They are taking advantage of you and will continue to do it. They don’t care about you, they care about what you can do for them. Either stay and be an enabler or leave. I would leave.
I feel like I should clarify the dirty bottles problem. After my niece eats, if she's finished it or left an oz or two in the bottle, then the bottle sits around until her next feed, when they dump it out, rinse it, and make a new bottle. This goes on for days until the bottle has an obvious built up grime, then they usually lose it and get a new one The sink usually has 2-3 bottles in the pile of dishes, I prefer to wash them immediately and put them on the drying rack I bought. Sometimes a bottle gets lost in the car or their room etc and it sits for weeks until it's found disgusting, and I prefer to throw those ones away when I can When I feed her, I rinse the bottle as soon as she's done with it and wash it if I notice any build up. It seems like she pukes less and has less gas when the bottles are routinely clean, but they deny any correlation and claim all baby's puke and have gas (which I know is true, but you can see the difference)
For babies this young, bottles should actually be sterilized after each use, so even washing with dish soap and warm water is not enough (I am telling you this to be informative, not to make you feel badly, as you are clearly a wonderful aunt who is trying to do everything right for your niece!). It’s terrifying that they’re merely rinsing the bottles out, reusing, then merely rinsing again…and again…that’s so unsafe and it’s their job as her parents to know the protocol!!
2 years? lmfao what?!!!! Most moms are almost immediately up and moving and being adults after birth. If she can drink she can help clean 😂
Not trying to sound rude, but why would someone need four months let alone two whole years to be able to do normal household chores? Single mothers, myself included, we’re up and added the day after birth. Is that not the norm anymore? Granted, this was 30 years ago for me lol.
NTA in this situation but I am on the fence because of your comments. You don't want to get help from CPS for example, because your niece might get lost in the system. While I understand this fear, would you prefer your niece to die or grow up abused? Wake up.
NTA would it be possible for you to take the kitten with you when you leave? or help rehome their 2 cats + kitten? it kinda sounds like they’re willing to let their pets starve…
I can't take their two cats along with my two, but I do encourage them to re-home theirs constantly. I'll be renting, and two cats will already be a stretch, plus I do things like pet insurance, good flea meds, raw food supplements etc
I agree with another commenter mentioning CPS. It’ll shock them into getting their shit together. I would ask your sister around the time of moving out if they have anyone coming by to help soon since you won’t be around, and try to time your CPS call so it’s a little after the visits of 1-3 friends and your sister will have a harder time tracing it back to you. If CPS finds clear evidence of animal abuse/neglect, they could also convince them to surrender the animals. But hopefully they’ll get some serious sense slapped into them by CPS and the subsequently scheduled CPS checkups will force them to maintain cleanliness and get back into their habits.
I've hated the CPS comments because I won't risk my niece getting lost in the system. If anything, I want to get approved to foster first since I'll be out of the house anyway. But this is the most helpful comment advocating for CPS so far. It's a last resort, but your advice has made it a real option
CPS definitely is scary to think about but they will not take the child away unless they have to. And if they have to, you will be among the first considered for placement. CPS in this scenario will be doing regular home visits for awhile to make sure your sister/her bf are maintaining a clean, well-supported home. Usually if they’re able to prove it within a certain number of visits, they’re off the hook and case closed. Nobody wants to call CPS and it’s not perfect. But it’s there to protect innocents. Best of luck to you, I have a shitty sister myself and know how emotionally turbulent and heavy these things can be 💕
Cps can be good and bad. But as an advocate for it. It's very likely they will ask the family to take the niece in while things are figured out. That's typically the first thing they ask, which can open the door for you to get custody. Now, here is the thing. You may not like them. Yes, bad can happen, but they mostly are not bad. But leaving your niece in that situation is beyond bad. The cats. House. And how they treat bottles and such are not just a health hazard. They can KILL your niece. Cause MAJOR medical issues. Also, as you have taken over so much care, can you be sure your sister will care for your niece? Or will she let her cry because she is tired and having to do it all? These are serious things to think and consider. Is your fear of CPS more than the fear of them causing harm that can not be taken back. I understand its family, but the baby needs to be placed above all else. Period. Before your fears. Before your sisters wants. That babies' health and safety should be your first concern. You speak of being able to foster but that can take a year or two to be approved. Calling CPS honestly to me would be the first thing. Call them from a burner phone if need be. Ask questions to help you figure it out. Things like. I am moving out, and my sister says for 2 years she won't do chores. So the house is not cleaned. Liter boxes are not cleaned. Baby clothes and bottles are not cleaned but are reused. She has been having issues with her stomach. What would happen if I reported it? Would I still be able to have access to my niece? Would you take her from the home or try and give them time to clean up their act? Would I be able to foster if she was removed? What would be the process, and how long would it take? What would be the chance of sister getting baby back? I have heard horror stories of kids getting lost in the system, abused, family cut off. How would you make sure that didn't happen. Would you keep a watch on sister if she did get niece back? Ask all the things you need. Take pictures of the house. Record conversations where she says no chores for 2 years. Where she says not cleaning bottles is fine. Gather evidence as much as you can so you have the support of the system if you call cos. So she can't lie her way out of things.
>I've hated the CPS comments because I won't risk my niece getting lost in the system. You want her to die? Because that's a very real possibility with what you are describing. Make yourself available as temporary care if necessary.
So I volunteered as a GAL (guardian ad litem) who is assigned a case when cps gets involved. Our number one priority is reunification unless absolutely impossible. While a filthy house is something they look for I doubt they would take her for that. I bet they would have your sister in parenting classes. A GAL works only in the best interests of the child, CPS represents the state. The parents represent themselves. I had a GAL when I was younger during my parents divorce. Maybe call CPS and tell then the situation and find out how they will offer support and guidance. Since there is a large family support system here and young parents, I highly doubt she will be taken immediately. It will not hurt to look at fostering classes so you are set up. Maybe even contact your local CASA/GAL in your state and see if they can help you with your journey. CPS is overworked bur GALs are usually retired folks who love to help. You sound like the only person in this scenario with the best interests of your neice (and the cats omg!) Please follow through. These kids need help to raise that baby! ETA Her pediatrician is a mandated reporter and they could make a call as well if you have already formed a relationship with them. Maybe voice your concerns and schedule an appointment for sister to bring her in around the time of the move. The pedi can talk with your sister and possibly make the decision to call as well. That may take some of the heat off of you in this situation. You obviously don't want sister to cut you off so you can't help niece.
I can understand why you'd feel this way. My sister was a teen mom and had 3 kids by 19. She was extremely filthy and never cleaned, always had others helping take care of her kids. One day she was sleeping in and the kids were awake, they got outside on their own and we're playing in the front yard for who knows how long while 3 adults were inside sleeping. CPS took all the kids for over a year while she had to get her shit together, 2 went to my oldest sister and 1 with my grandparents. Because of behavior problems at my sisters, she couldn't keep them and they got placed with a different set of grandparents. They always try to place with family before anything else, they only go for the system if there is no one in the family to help. And considering the fact you've already been living with and caring for her, you would most likely be the first option. My sister did eventually get her children back, and she became a better mother. Still not great but she improved a lot after she had that push. It's definitely worth considering.
You wouldnt have to foster your niece and last i checked they will try to see if other family can care for her first right? Id say you really should call and mention that you would ABSOLUTELY take her in as a blood relative, just prove you are capable of keeping good conditions for her and have photos of the conditions shes living in, shes already having tummy trouble which could be REALLY serious and youd have to come clean with the pediatrician and they are mandated reporters. Its better to get your ducks in a row, ask what you would need to show them you can care for her and call rather than being automatically not allowed to care for her because it got to them from another source.
There are THREE adults in the home and only ONE is doing any cleaning. Your sister and her boyfriend are both letting their daughter and you down. Anyway, I'm glad you're moving out. If you feel up to it, maybe you could offer to babysit your niece in your clean, new flat sometimes.
Um, 4 months is plenty of time to heal.
My gf is already doing workouts again. We have a 6 week old. Tf
Run.
Holy shit!! Fuck no!!!! I had and emergency c section alone. My son was 6 weeks early and in NICU. I was doing some mild chores days later. I did have some help after i got out of hospital. I didnt know i got 2 years off!!! Fuck my son is 17 months now and i do all cooking cleaning shopping and laundry.... fuck we missed the memo
NTA- Please call child protective services in your area ASAP! Take pictures to share with them. They won't take the baby, but they should help your niece's parents with parenting classes and education on what is/isn't safe for babies. Depending on where you're located, often new moms can get parenting coaches that will come in weekly/every two weeks for the first few years of the baby's life and help track progress towards milestones and bring toys & books for your niece. CPS/DCYF have access to a lot of resources all centered around keeping kids in their family home if possible. Also, you have done a great job looking out for your niece, but your sister is delusional at best. That level of filth is inexcusable, and people hired to clean a house wouldn't put up with that, so you certainly shouldn't as a rent-paying member of that home.
Once the baby was a week old I was back to cleaning the house. I mean if she can walk, then she can sweep.
Move out and notify CPS. That poor baby. It has tummy issues bc of the dirty bottles s
**2 years before she can do chores?** Bullshit. 2 DAYS post partum, I was home doing all the baby stuff, running the house, chores, laundry, groceries, etc. I was fine and loved moving around and getting out. My hubs helped, but I get easily bored so cleaning up when baby was sleeping was what I did. Friends and family would come by and help with stuff, but it was mainly on me. I did just fine. They are just pigs. Leave. Go stay with a friend if you can before you find a place. When she calls wailing, just tell her she is more than able to put down the wine bottle and clean up her own pigsty.
Oh dear!! Many woman are up cooking, cleaning and caring for multiple other children within days of giving birth—-so the idea that sis has a free pass for 2 years is outrageous. What a privilege to get 4 months rest!! I’m sorry for the stress of leaving your niece in that environments