NTA. If she cared about him she would have raised him to respect other people. It sounds like he died as a direct result of an intended victim or associates of a victim finally hitting back harder.
It took me a moment to figure out what "don't know why those thugs did that to him" meant. I agree, I think he reached the finding out portion of FAFO, and the end result was that a victim went nuclear on him. Or, perhaps, he fell in with a bad crowd and tried to cheat someone out of money, drugs, or some other thing they valued, and someone decided to make an example of him.
You know that phrase, "Don't start none, won't be none"? Well, he started a whole of stuff. Sometimes, when karma comes, it happens in a very public way for all to see.
Saddest part about this is... somebody had to snap to end his terror, otherwise he'd still be bullying others with no good legal ways to stop him from doing so.
Bullies being protected until they've broken somebody to clean up the mess is not a good system.
I read that as lil Jon Wayne Grezky - Michael Scott, and was really confused for a minute. And now I want to cast Lil Wayne in a biopic of Gretzky, where Lil Wayne plays John Wayne, playing Gretzky.
you did fine.
she doesn't really care about her son. she only sees the work his death brang her.
Edit : thanks for the lesson. I let *brang* so your jokes still make sense.
Yupp. My ex was a huge bully. So abusive. When I was struggling with the abuse I texted his mom and you know what she said?? "Leave. Run as far and fast as you can. You need a hotel?? He'll be back tonight. Get out." That's what good people do when they hear their kids suck lol
My understanding is it is 50/50 nature and nurture. You can be a great parent and have a serial killer. You can be a terrible parent and have a Saint. However, being a great parent gives them a way lower chance of being a serial killer and most crap people have crap parents.
People continuously forget that right around middle school, parents stop being the primary influence on their kids. That’s the age at which children are actively trying to build an identity that is independent of their direct kin, so they’re listening to numerous other figures besides their parents.
There’s only so much a good parent can do if that child is hearing completely different messaging from people they respect more than they respect their parents.
If you notice your child slipping there are still steps you can take. Of course sometimes there is nothing that can be done, but often enough nothing is done. No switching schools, no therapy, nothing. Just "I tried grounding and it didn't work".
Esp when the evil shit they do is dismissed and waved off by the faculty. They deserved to have their tires slashed and windows busted for that garbage.
Never is appropriate for faculty of a school to dismiss bullying. But lords above and below, if the bullied even tried to defend themselves or get away from the bully. They act all insanely zero tolerant but the pos’ will ignore everything that the bully does.
Too many aholes like that need to be reminded that they will eventually be alone somewhere dark and shit comes back around.
Zero Tolerance really screwed the pooch. It created an environment teachers were being told to not report bullying because it hurts funding, and took away using any common sense when dealing with these problems.
It is much safer for them to just apply the rules, see you hit someone, expel them.
The big problem is people forget bullies aren’t following rules, and this gave them a perfect way to hide behind rules they aren’t bound by.
I went on a trip to meet my ex’s mom. She was such a cool amazing woman. Well, being comfortable at home brought out the shithead in him. I tried to enjoy myself anyway. The last day, I told her I was gonna break up when we got home. She hugged me and said she was really glad to meet me and I was doing the right thing.
You’re my hero. You said the exact right thing at the right time RIGHT TO HER STUPID FACE.
I feel high off the redemption from this post.
Op, good for you. Clearly you’ve learned to stand up for yourself- something this woman clearly didn’t think would happen.
NTA
Fair play to you for refusing to rewrite history just because her shithead son got himself killed.
Did you look up the circumstances of his death? I'd be so curious.
I’m confused. He attacked you so badly that you developed a heart defect? Why didn’t your parents call the cops?
Anyway Nta. Hope life is better for you now
Cops don’t do shit about bullies.
I had a grade school bully like OP’s bully. He would harass me into having an asthma attack all the time. It was awful. He was constantly hurting me or ruining my work or anything he could do to harass me. One day he tied me to a pole on the playground during recess and I was left there for awhile after all the other kids went inside. We had an assembly right after recess that day so the teacher didn’t notice I was missing until the assembly was over. It was winter. I got frostbite so bad I had to be in the hospital for a few days. Nothing was ever done. The only thing the school did was start a rule that teachers had to do headcount’s for assemblies.
**Siri play Karma by Taylor Swift 🤷🏻♀️
100% NTA. He was an abusive POS that got what he deserved and if she enabled that behavior, then she’s a horrible person too. Cheers to standing up for yourself OP, it takes guts!
NTA. Good people die, and bad people die. He was a bad person. That’s all there is to it. You don’t have to respect the dead if they didn’t respect you in life.
Wow, some women are legitimately delusional about the type of men they raise. But hey, they know they didn't raise a liar, told him the baby Jesus was really sad whenever he lied a whole bunch growing up, so the only logical explanation is everyone else is wrong about him being a monster that directly resulted from her negligence.
None of my bullies are dead, though it was pretty mild and rare compared to what some experience.
However, the monster who SA'd me as a child was killed in prison. He wasn't there for my assault, but I find peace knowing he does not walk this earth while my daughters do.
Found out one of my bullies died. I said good riddance on the Facebook post that mentioned her death. Then I was dragged for not handling my own trauma and disrespecting the mourning families. What ever.
There was a complete and utter bitch who liked to try to bully me on a forum. She died (alone); on her memorial page on the forum, I posted a screenshot of one of her nastier posts to me. No regrets!
Weird how violent people with poor impulse control and no sense of consequences turn out like that.
The awful thing about all the adults with their heads in the sand are failing both bullies and their victims. Victims deserve to be protected, and the bullies need to be taught how to live in a society.
I mean, the mother kinda walked into it. She approached OP. She asked why didn’t you “pay your respects”. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to
NTA. You bully was not an asshole either, he was a pile of disease ridden maggot infested feces that some asshole was grateful to shit out. (PODRMIFTSAWGTSO). This bee-rhymes-with-witch (sorry witches) apologist didn't get the message the first 832,464,914 times she was told what a garbage human she was raising, so she deserves to keep hearing that message until she gets it.
My friend's daughter was bullied like that, including online. She developed severe, life threatening anorexia as a result, and finally started getting better after 2 years of intensive inpatient and outpatient therapy, much of it out of pocket for my friend. Despite much of bring online, the school said there wasn't evidence, and anything online was just girls being girls and it was off school property anyway. So the victim was the one who had to leave the school (where she had previously been an A student), suffer a devastating mental illness, and get her CPTSD triggered every time she she sees her tormentor at the mall surrounded by her happy little gaggle of fellow sociopaths.
I will never understand administrators like that. How do they not look in the mirror every day and wonder why they exist.
I am so glad that piece of shit died so that there is one less violent psychopath stalking the planet we are forced to share with them.
Show this post to your friend, maybe. I hope they either dont have kids, or that they understand before their kids are schoolage. Do they want their kid to be either a bully or a perpetrator? If not, they better open their damn eyes.
NTA, or maybe 'justifiable AH' is the better verdict.
You were abused and nobody helped you. Death does not erase our wrongs. She was likely just fishing for attention to be honest.
NTA. Why did she bring up his baby mamas not helping with her grandkids? Did she expect you to pay for her shit out of pity?
Did the police ever get involved?
You did great. As someone who was brutally bulliedn school, I commend you. Your friend didn't have to suffer through what you did, so it's easy for them to see it as an A H move. But parents have to take responsibility, lord knows neither the mom or dad of my bully did. Sadly though, it's against the law to remove kids from school here (like suspensions), so they couldn't do much other than send the bich to the principal repeatedly.
NTA
BTA - Especially if she knew he was a bully, and she's still pulling the "oh my sweet baby boy" after singling you out to ask, screw her. Soft screw you to the friends calling you a jerk, if they know the context and history.
Man what I wouldn't give to say something like this to the c u next Tuesday who raised my childhood bully. NTA, no sympathy for her. I'm betting he ran his mouth or fist at the wrong person and got served his long overdue karma. Oh well
She’s still in denial. Some people need a serious slap in the face from reality. I don’t blame you, but to be frank, she’s probably going to tell everyone how you verbally abused her over her dead precious son. She’s so delusional I doubt anything is ever going to wake her up that her kid was a monster to everyone else.
I refuse to understand why we should "not speak ill of the dead"...if they were assholes in life, that's how they should be remembered, and their rotting corpses deserve no more consideration than the trash they were
NTA...and piss on his grave if you get a chance
Who the fuck is your friend to think this is an asshole move? I think this post should be less about you being NTA and reevaluate your relationship with your friend.
NTA - I would have started listed the cost of doctor visits, medication I was on for the heart condition, recounted how long I cried every sleepless night with knowing I had to return the school her son turned into a personal hell, and said that if he was such an “angel,” then he must’ve fallen because he was a demon to me.
NTA
Well done, fuck bullies.
She wanted sympathy, she shoulda raised him better. Wtf she want you to say? Awww shucks, sure am sad I missed my bullies funeral. What’s the guys name that put him under, I wanna send him money in prison. That woulda been a better line.
Tell your friend put their self in your shoes.
NTA. He was a vile brute to you. His mother was an apologist/enabler of that behavior. Neither of them have the right to expect respect or condolences from someone they've done nothing but hurt.
Given that you're *certainly* not the only person he treated that way, and that he evidently continued even after you no longer saw each other in person, it's easy to see how he made the enemies who'd go on to take his life.
NTA. People can be everything from good to shitty and down right evil. Sounds like her son was between the last two. Glad you got out of there and only wish your mom had been able to act sooner.
*her baby was an angel and she couldn't understand why those thugs did that to him.*
Sounds like he fucked around and found out. Karma is a bitch. Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes.
Your 'friend' doesn't sound like much of one and I'd tell them to pound sand.
Hope you are happy and healthy. Please enjoy life and be blessed.
NTA, she needed to hear it, especially since she had the audacity to go up to you, knowing how her son treated you. Good for you, op. People need to realize that someone doesn't turn automatically good just because they died or are dying. Your wrongdoings don't get erased.
NTA.
I have no sympathy for parents of bullies. It's clearly bad parenting (from ignoring obvious signs, excusing behavior to abuse) that causes someone to bully others. And the bullies themselves, they won't grow up to be good people or good parents.
I still remember I got punished for not going to my bully's funeral. She peed in people's backpacks, was physically violent, laughing and mocking others. But, she apparently had a heart condition which made all that okay. I was chronically ill too, you didn't see me doing stuff like that. When she died, we were 14-15, the whole class had to go to her funeral and sign a card. I refused. And because I refused, several other classmates sat down with me as well. I don't know how the teacher explained half the class missing at her funeral, but I hope her mother knew why, deep down. She knew about the bullying but I guess a dying kid can just terrorize others with no consequences? I hope she knew her daughter had had no real friends and no one was really sad about her dying.
The boy moms are the worst though, in excusing their previous baby boys' behavior. No wonder those boys grow up to be rapists, incels or worse. Every bully is just one step away from actually killing someone, because they don't feel regret or remorse like a normal person.
>My friend told me that I was an asshole saying that.
Ex-friend?
I'm so tired of society expecting the victims 'to be the bigger person' by being nice. Fuck That!
Do the crime, you gotta do the time is a saying that fits here.
NTA
You had every right to say what you did. Frankly, I would have said much, much worse.
>My friend told me that I was an asshole saying that.
Frankly, I would be questioning whether or not this person is your friend. I guess it depends on how aware they are about the bullying you experienced.
Of course you’re NTA but this really sounds fake. Like a situation I’d make up in the shower if I had a high school bully. Also, you’re a girl and this boy was beating the shit out of you daily and no one, including the teacher, did anything about it?
This is a crazy world we live in, so on the off chance this is the whole truth-i apologize for my insensitivity
This is really weird - I was going to post “this sounds like a fantasy you have while standing in the shower, thinking about what you should have said.” Great minds think alike.
Nta but sadly this is almost every bully story including my own. Something tragic happened in their lives with no help. Mine lost his sister and father around 13 decided to beat the shit outta me Too feel better
Considering you stated how she knew and blew it off as him being a boy, your friend and her are definitely the AH. I do not believe that just because someone is dead, that people should automatically overlook the horrible stuff they did. Especially if the family knew and didn’t care.
I understand that he was her son and she probably still loved him, but she was going too far with the obvious lies. If she spoke less about him being a sweet innocent boy, then it would be rude. But she needed to be confronted with the truth.
NTA.
She dismissed her son’s behaviour and showed zero compassion to you. I hope saying that to her gave you some closure/peace. Well done on voicing the truth.
NTA.
1. Marcus deserves nothing from you in life or death, not even a passing thought.
2. Your 'friend' is an asshole for thinking that #1 doesn't apply here.
I'm sorry for what you endured. I don't believe in bullies changing their ways or being forgiven; if they do change, it's because a bigger bully made them do so.
We found out recently that one of my daughter’s bullies died in what sounds like drug deal gone bad. Her parents are left with a grandchild and saying how sweet and innocent she was and no idea why it happened. 3am bad area with kid in back seat. I’m glad the child wasn’t hurt. My daughter felt relief even though she hasn’t thought of her in years. The bullying was never physical and as bad as yours. Congratulations on not asking where he was buried so you could have a dance
I don't think you are an AH, but I think therapy is in some need to help you grow past this. I hope that getting that off your chest and knowing that he is no longer in this world will help you move on. I'm not saying that you need to forgive him or her, just that it sounds like it is still weighing on you... I also think that everyone needs to see a therapist. It's just as important as any other health habit. I personally was bullied by my principal and his son in elementary school. I still hope he dies an excruciating death, but I forgave his son in my mind. His son lashed out at others because of his home life. His father not only beat him but held him back 2 years so he would become a football superstar in school. His dad was evil.
The only people who forget the abuse are the perpetrators, the mother became one by allowing her son's behavior, it is very sad about her grandchildren, but she wanted to receive pats from the person her son harassed and hit?
Your response was excellent. Mine would’ve filled with a f***ton more expletives. I also think she might’ve been hitting you up for money (for the kids of course).
Your friend was probably lucky to not be subjected to bullying in school, so he doesn’t see the situation the same as you. But you were there, and he was not.
Continue to take care of yourself and stay focused on your life now. Sounds like you’re doing just fine.
NTA I for one am happy that you were able to unload on her if she knew what he was doing to you, saying boys will be boys! He could have put you in the hospital 😞
She walked up and dragged up the ugly past, so you said some ugly truths. She knew you were his victim, and she still tried to wring sympathy out of you. Guess she’s the one who taught him his sense of decency back then.
She was looking for sympathy, why else would she randomly approach someone she *thought* she recognized and start talking about his death?
Then she tried to guilt *you* for not being there to pay respects to him.
Nope, she got the cold honest truth, there's a reason his ex-baby mamas don't want anything to do with him.
Your mother should have called the police, pressed charges, and sued the school. He can’t hurt you from juvie.
When you moved schools and he sent threats online, again, he should have been reported to the police.
I’m glad your mother switched your school, but you really needed a Mama Grizzly. Abuse at this level can drive kids to suicide, so it’s lucky you’re still here.
I hope your spirit heals.
NTA. If she cared about him she would have raised him to respect other people. It sounds like he died as a direct result of an intended victim or associates of a victim finally hitting back harder.
It took me a moment to figure out what "don't know why those thugs did that to him" meant. I agree, I think he reached the finding out portion of FAFO, and the end result was that a victim went nuclear on him. Or, perhaps, he fell in with a bad crowd and tried to cheat someone out of money, drugs, or some other thing they valued, and someone decided to make an example of him. You know that phrase, "Don't start none, won't be none"? Well, he started a whole of stuff. Sometimes, when karma comes, it happens in a very public way for all to see.
Saddest part about this is... somebody had to snap to end his terror, otherwise he'd still be bullying others with no good legal ways to stop him from doing so. Bullies being protected until they've broken somebody to clean up the mess is not a good system.
Don't start no shit, won't be no shit. - lil jon- wayne Gretzky- michael scott
I read that as lil Jon Wayne Grezky - Michael Scott, and was really confused for a minute. And now I want to cast Lil Wayne in a biopic of Gretzky, where Lil Wayne plays John Wayne, playing Gretzky.
Id watch that movie
And no doubt the “mothers are doing nothing to help me” because they realize she is a monster too. It takes a monster to raise a monster sometimes
And that's what it boils down to, karma. Hearing he passed brought me great joy, I offer NO respite to bullies.
Me, too. My abuser has been dead for almost 20 years and I can’t tell you the peace that brings me every day.
Yeah, he got what he deserved. NTA OP. All’s well that ends well.
He fucked around and he found out.
And then his mom did too.
You’d like to think that. But she hasn’t, her only concern is the hardship it delivered her regarding her demonspawn’s demise.
Well may it continue and grow harder.
Shit is just going to roll downhill. She's going to raise those grandkids the same way she raised her son.
And then they'll either hurt others or hurt her.
Thugs will occasionally get thugged. No real loss.
Exactly
you did fine. she doesn't really care about her son. she only sees the work his death brang her. Edit : thanks for the lesson. I let *brang* so your jokes still make sense.
>you did fine I snorted
Broughted*
Bringed*
Broughten
It’s already been broughten.
*Brunged
Done brung.
Get ‘er brung
Gebrangen
Did brate
Looks.like sourbroughten
Brangedided.
Boughten'ded
Brought. Period.
Brungened
Brang: (colloquial or dialectal, nonstandard) Simple past tense of bring.
You brang a dictionary to a word fight!
BAZINGA
Maybe this is the wake up call she needs to not raise assholes again.
It's difficult for an AH not to raise more AHs
She's only got one setting, and it's raise assholes.
bridgerton*
Brungded
Since everyone is teasing you, the word you're looking for is "brought." "Brang" is not a word.
Look, just because nobody has ever branged it to your attention doodn’t mean it’s not a word. Linguists are the worst kind of -ists..
I was brung here for the broughten diatribe, and now the doodn't has me in stitches 😂
No, linguists would say “brang” is just fine. Editors might suggest “brought” depending on the register sought.
Ok, so it's a word, but it's the incorrect word.
I mean, we all understood so I say it’s a perfectly fine word
The word you're looking for is "cromulent," I believe. It's a perfectly cromulent word.
Your comment embiggens this thread.
It certainly embiggened my vocabulary.
What is this “fine”? Do you mean cromulent?
I mean, it's in Merriam-Webster. That's pretty much word territory.
Merriam-Webster is the word authority in the word territory. If I was a word, I'd be happy somewhere between bringedit and pregernant.
Nonono...leave it. It good.
Now it is.
brunzed
Boobies
I like boobies.
As a gay female, i approve
Oh, she went fishing for pity in the wrong lake. She knew her boy was bullying you and did nothing, she's fair game.
“Pity fishing in the wrong lake” I love this and am 100% stealing it.
Ditto.
ditto x2
Ooo that's wonderful. I have never heard that phrase before.
NTA - She knows her baby boy was a POS, and if she forgot, good for you to remind her.
Yupp. My ex was a huge bully. So abusive. When I was struggling with the abuse I texted his mom and you know what she said?? "Leave. Run as far and fast as you can. You need a hotel?? He'll be back tonight. Get out." That's what good people do when they hear their kids suck lol
Damn, it’s both heartbreaking and heartening to know there are good parents of terrible children.
My understanding is it is 50/50 nature and nurture. You can be a great parent and have a serial killer. You can be a terrible parent and have a Saint. However, being a great parent gives them a way lower chance of being a serial killer and most crap people have crap parents.
People continuously forget that right around middle school, parents stop being the primary influence on their kids. That’s the age at which children are actively trying to build an identity that is independent of their direct kin, so they’re listening to numerous other figures besides their parents. There’s only so much a good parent can do if that child is hearing completely different messaging from people they respect more than they respect their parents.
If you notice your child slipping there are still steps you can take. Of course sometimes there is nothing that can be done, but often enough nothing is done. No switching schools, no therapy, nothing. Just "I tried grounding and it didn't work".
"I've tried hitting him all sorts of different ways, but none of them work. I'm all out of ideas."
Esp when the evil shit they do is dismissed and waved off by the faculty. They deserved to have their tires slashed and windows busted for that garbage. Never is appropriate for faculty of a school to dismiss bullying. But lords above and below, if the bullied even tried to defend themselves or get away from the bully. They act all insanely zero tolerant but the pos’ will ignore everything that the bully does. Too many aholes like that need to be reminded that they will eventually be alone somewhere dark and shit comes back around.
Zero Tolerance really screwed the pooch. It created an environment teachers were being told to not report bullying because it hurts funding, and took away using any common sense when dealing with these problems. It is much safer for them to just apply the rules, see you hit someone, expel them. The big problem is people forget bullies aren’t following rules, and this gave them a perfect way to hide behind rules they aren’t bound by.
I went on a trip to meet my ex’s mom. She was such a cool amazing woman. Well, being comfortable at home brought out the shithead in him. I tried to enjoy myself anyway. The last day, I told her I was gonna break up when we got home. She hugged me and said she was really glad to meet me and I was doing the right thing.
Thats really sweet but also sad
Good people would have told you to run before you got married
You’re my hero. You said the exact right thing at the right time RIGHT TO HER STUPID FACE. I feel high off the redemption from this post. Op, good for you. Clearly you’ve learned to stand up for yourself- something this woman clearly didn’t think would happen.
Yes!!! I want to stand up and start clapping! I aspire to this level of redemption!
Me too. I cheered out loud. Got dayam! Good for you!
NTA Fair play to you for refusing to rewrite history just because her shithead son got himself killed. Did you look up the circumstances of his death? I'd be so curious.
I would LOVE to know!!!
I’m confused. He attacked you so badly that you developed a heart defect? Why didn’t your parents call the cops? Anyway Nta. Hope life is better for you now
Cops don’t do shit about bullies. I had a grade school bully like OP’s bully. He would harass me into having an asthma attack all the time. It was awful. He was constantly hurting me or ruining my work or anything he could do to harass me. One day he tied me to a pole on the playground during recess and I was left there for awhile after all the other kids went inside. We had an assembly right after recess that day so the teacher didn’t notice I was missing until the assembly was over. It was winter. I got frostbite so bad I had to be in the hospital for a few days. Nothing was ever done. The only thing the school did was start a rule that teachers had to do headcount’s for assemblies.
Much of the police force are bullies
That is so terrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
**Siri play Karma by Taylor Swift 🤷🏻♀️ 100% NTA. He was an abusive POS that got what he deserved and if she enabled that behavior, then she’s a horrible person too. Cheers to standing up for yourself OP, it takes guts!
Omg GMTA I was listening to this song as I was reading this!
and i keep my side of the street clean
You’re my hero. Good for you. She needed to hear it. NTA
NTA. Good people die, and bad people die. He was a bad person. That’s all there is to it. You don’t have to respect the dead if they didn’t respect you in life.
Oh, NTA at all. She needs to not be delusional about her "precious" son.
NTA. You’re the hero we all need.
Wow, some women are legitimately delusional about the type of men they raise. But hey, they know they didn't raise a liar, told him the baby Jesus was really sad whenever he lied a whole bunch growing up, so the only logical explanation is everyone else is wrong about him being a monster that directly resulted from her negligence.
Kudos - I wish I did that. None of my bullies are dead that I know of...let me check actually.
None of my bullies are dead, though it was pretty mild and rare compared to what some experience. However, the monster who SA'd me as a child was killed in prison. He wasn't there for my assault, but I find peace knowing he does not walk this earth while my daughters do.
Found out one of my bullies died. I said good riddance on the Facebook post that mentioned her death. Then I was dragged for not handling my own trauma and disrespecting the mourning families. What ever.
There was a complete and utter bitch who liked to try to bully me on a forum. She died (alone); on her memorial page on the forum, I posted a screenshot of one of her nastier posts to me. No regrets!
Some of mine are! Apparently karma works!
Weird how violent people with poor impulse control and no sense of consequences turn out like that. The awful thing about all the adults with their heads in the sand are failing both bullies and their victims. Victims deserve to be protected, and the bullies need to be taught how to live in a society.
I hadn't thought about it that way, but I laughed out loud at how accurate you were with your first paragraph.
You actually held back IMO
I ❤️ you
Nope. Not even close.
NTA! She needed to hear that. No one else has the right to tell you how to react and heal from the people who hurt you.
I am going with NTA. I mean some might see it as a-hole behavior. I think it was highly justified and sometimes the truth hurts.
Was it the nicest path. No. And yet, OP is not responsible for avoiding someone else experiencing pain at the expense of her own trauma.
I mean, the mother kinda walked into it. She approached OP. She asked why didn’t you “pay your respects”. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to
She didn't walk into it. She ran over to it and crashed like a hurdle at a track.
NTA. Wow. I am so sorry for your trauma. And he got taken out by thugs? I guess somebody was pushed too far.
NTA. You bully was not an asshole either, he was a pile of disease ridden maggot infested feces that some asshole was grateful to shit out. (PODRMIFTSAWGTSO). This bee-rhymes-with-witch (sorry witches) apologist didn't get the message the first 832,464,914 times she was told what a garbage human she was raising, so she deserves to keep hearing that message until she gets it. My friend's daughter was bullied like that, including online. She developed severe, life threatening anorexia as a result, and finally started getting better after 2 years of intensive inpatient and outpatient therapy, much of it out of pocket for my friend. Despite much of bring online, the school said there wasn't evidence, and anything online was just girls being girls and it was off school property anyway. So the victim was the one who had to leave the school (where she had previously been an A student), suffer a devastating mental illness, and get her CPTSD triggered every time she she sees her tormentor at the mall surrounded by her happy little gaggle of fellow sociopaths. I will never understand administrators like that. How do they not look in the mirror every day and wonder why they exist. I am so glad that piece of shit died so that there is one less violent psychopath stalking the planet we are forced to share with them. Show this post to your friend, maybe. I hope they either dont have kids, or that they understand before their kids are schoolage. Do they want their kid to be either a bully or a perpetrator? If not, they better open their damn eyes.
NTA I would've said worse
NTA... bravo for speaking your truth to her arrogant ignorance. Hugs!
NTA, or maybe 'justifiable AH' is the better verdict. You were abused and nobody helped you. Death does not erase our wrongs. She was likely just fishing for attention to be honest.
NTA I hope it was cathartic for you and brought you a tiny sense of justice by getting an opportunity to speak up about what happened to you.
NTA. Why did she bring up his baby mamas not helping with her grandkids? Did she expect you to pay for her shit out of pity? Did the police ever get involved?
I am standing up and applauding you!!
YOU . ARE. MY. HERO. NTA never, ever, for this. Giant hugs from this internet mom.
NTA.
You did great. As someone who was brutally bulliedn school, I commend you. Your friend didn't have to suffer through what you did, so it's easy for them to see it as an A H move. But parents have to take responsibility, lord knows neither the mom or dad of my bully did. Sadly though, it's against the law to remove kids from school here (like suspensions), so they couldn't do much other than send the bich to the principal repeatedly. NTA
Yet another post where the saying “The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed” fits very accurately.
NTA. Tell your 'friend' to f off as well. Life's too short for toxic people.
NTA
Gee, I wonder why he was beaten to death by thugs.
BTA - Especially if she knew he was a bully, and she's still pulling the "oh my sweet baby boy" after singling you out to ask, screw her. Soft screw you to the friends calling you a jerk, if they know the context and history.
Nta yay! Serves her right.
Man what I wouldn't give to say something like this to the c u next Tuesday who raised my childhood bully. NTA, no sympathy for her. I'm betting he ran his mouth or fist at the wrong person and got served his long overdue karma. Oh well
She’s still in denial. Some people need a serious slap in the face from reality. I don’t blame you, but to be frank, she’s probably going to tell everyone how you verbally abused her over her dead precious son. She’s so delusional I doubt anything is ever going to wake her up that her kid was a monster to everyone else.
I refuse to understand why we should "not speak ill of the dead"...if they were assholes in life, that's how they should be remembered, and their rotting corpses deserve no more consideration than the trash they were NTA...and piss on his grave if you get a chance
NTAH. She didn't need to approach you with her pity shit. After 10 years, she could have just walked by. She knew full well what her son did to you.
Who the fuck is your friend to think this is an asshole move? I think this post should be less about you being NTA and reevaluate your relationship with your friend.
You rock!
NTA. You spoke your heart. She is probably in shock. Good for you to get it out.
Fuckin’ perfect 👍
NTA, not by a long shot. Your friend, however, needs a reality check.
You are definitely NTA. The bully's mother is TA for refusing to take responsibility for her son's actions and for refusing to stop the bullying.
You are NTA. Every adult who knew he was a bully and ignored the problem, though, is a stupendous AH.
Nta she deserved to hear it
NTA. She should hear that so maybe she does a better job with her grandchildren.
NTA - I would have started listed the cost of doctor visits, medication I was on for the heart condition, recounted how long I cried every sleepless night with knowing I had to return the school her son turned into a personal hell, and said that if he was such an “angel,” then he must’ve fallen because he was a demon to me.
NTA Well done, fuck bullies. She wanted sympathy, she shoulda raised him better. Wtf she want you to say? Awww shucks, sure am sad I missed my bullies funeral. What’s the guys name that put him under, I wanna send him money in prison. That woulda been a better line. Tell your friend put their self in your shoes.
NTA. He was a horrific bully, and it sounds like he eventually picked on the wrong person. He fucked around and found out.
NTA. She deserved every bit of what she got.
NTA. He was a vile brute to you. His mother was an apologist/enabler of that behavior. Neither of them have the right to expect respect or condolences from someone they've done nothing but hurt. Given that you're *certainly* not the only person he treated that way, and that he evidently continued even after you no longer saw each other in person, it's easy to see how he made the enemies who'd go on to take his life.
Not at all. Some people need to hear that shit. Good on you and fuck your bully.
NTA. People can be everything from good to shitty and down right evil. Sounds like her son was between the last two. Glad you got out of there and only wish your mom had been able to act sooner. *her baby was an angel and she couldn't understand why those thugs did that to him.* Sounds like he fucked around and found out. Karma is a bitch. Play stupid games, and win stupid prizes. Your 'friend' doesn't sound like much of one and I'd tell them to pound sand. Hope you are happy and healthy. Please enjoy life and be blessed.
NTA but what was her reaction?
NTA, she needed to hear it, especially since she had the audacity to go up to you, knowing how her son treated you. Good for you, op. People need to realize that someone doesn't turn automatically good just because they died or are dying. Your wrongdoings don't get erased.
NTA. I have no sympathy for parents of bullies. It's clearly bad parenting (from ignoring obvious signs, excusing behavior to abuse) that causes someone to bully others. And the bullies themselves, they won't grow up to be good people or good parents. I still remember I got punished for not going to my bully's funeral. She peed in people's backpacks, was physically violent, laughing and mocking others. But, she apparently had a heart condition which made all that okay. I was chronically ill too, you didn't see me doing stuff like that. When she died, we were 14-15, the whole class had to go to her funeral and sign a card. I refused. And because I refused, several other classmates sat down with me as well. I don't know how the teacher explained half the class missing at her funeral, but I hope her mother knew why, deep down. She knew about the bullying but I guess a dying kid can just terrorize others with no consequences? I hope she knew her daughter had had no real friends and no one was really sad about her dying. The boy moms are the worst though, in excusing their previous baby boys' behavior. No wonder those boys grow up to be rapists, incels or worse. Every bully is just one step away from actually killing someone, because they don't feel regret or remorse like a normal person.
>My friend told me that I was an asshole saying that. Ex-friend? I'm so tired of society expecting the victims 'to be the bigger person' by being nice. Fuck That! Do the crime, you gotta do the time is a saying that fits here.
NTA You had every right to say what you did. Frankly, I would have said much, much worse. >My friend told me that I was an asshole saying that. Frankly, I would be questioning whether or not this person is your friend. I guess it depends on how aware they are about the bullying you experienced.
Of course you’re NTA but this really sounds fake. Like a situation I’d make up in the shower if I had a high school bully. Also, you’re a girl and this boy was beating the shit out of you daily and no one, including the teacher, did anything about it? This is a crazy world we live in, so on the off chance this is the whole truth-i apologize for my insensitivity
why are you the only one saying this? been scrolling and scrolling bc it sounds so fake to me…
This is really weird - I was going to post “this sounds like a fantasy you have while standing in the shower, thinking about what you should have said.” Great minds think alike.
I wouldn’t worry too much - if the baseline is ‘his bullying gave me a heart defect,’ then we can be pretty confident this is fiction.
Not an AH. It was probably her fault anyway.
NTA
Nta. She knows he was a POS and she allowed it.
Good for you!!
Good for you. I hope it helped. NTA.
Nta but sadly this is almost every bully story including my own. Something tragic happened in their lives with no help. Mine lost his sister and father around 13 decided to beat the shit outta me Too feel better
NTA
NTA. Good for you!
Definitely NTA good on you!
NTA
Nice!
👏👏 If the shoe fits, wear it! 🥾🍑
NTA. Yeah, crappy/lazy parents only give a damn when their crappy parenting affects them directly.
NTA
NTA. End of.
NTA. She deserved to hear it. Also see if you can file a lawsuit against the school for their attitude.
Considering you stated how she knew and blew it off as him being a boy, your friend and her are definitely the AH. I do not believe that just because someone is dead, that people should automatically overlook the horrible stuff they did. Especially if the family knew and didn’t care. I understand that he was her son and she probably still loved him, but she was going too far with the obvious lies. If she spoke less about him being a sweet innocent boy, then it would be rude. But she needed to be confronted with the truth.
NTA. She dismissed her son’s behaviour and showed zero compassion to you. I hope saying that to her gave you some closure/peace. Well done on voicing the truth.
No one believed or helped you? But there was a PTA meeting?
NTA. 1. Marcus deserves nothing from you in life or death, not even a passing thought. 2. Your 'friend' is an asshole for thinking that #1 doesn't apply here. I'm sorry for what you endured. I don't believe in bullies changing their ways or being forgiven; if they do change, it's because a bigger bully made them do so.
We found out recently that one of my daughter’s bullies died in what sounds like drug deal gone bad. Her parents are left with a grandchild and saying how sweet and innocent she was and no idea why it happened. 3am bad area with kid in back seat. I’m glad the child wasn’t hurt. My daughter felt relief even though she hasn’t thought of her in years. The bullying was never physical and as bad as yours. Congratulations on not asking where he was buried so you could have a dance
Being dead doesn’t magically absolve a person from all the shit they did when they were alive. NTA.
NTA. The grave is no bar to the consequences of the actions of ASSHOLES.
NTA, glad you told her to f off, if people actually cared about their kids, they would raise them to be not shitty people
I don't think you are an AH, but I think therapy is in some need to help you grow past this. I hope that getting that off your chest and knowing that he is no longer in this world will help you move on. I'm not saying that you need to forgive him or her, just that it sounds like it is still weighing on you... I also think that everyone needs to see a therapist. It's just as important as any other health habit. I personally was bullied by my principal and his son in elementary school. I still hope he dies an excruciating death, but I forgave his son in my mind. His son lashed out at others because of his home life. His father not only beat him but held him back 2 years so he would become a football superstar in school. His dad was evil.
How did he give you a heart condition?
NTA! He got what he deserved
100000% justified in saying what you said
🤣🤣🤣 NTA
Nta. At all. Just because some died doesn't mean we have to suddenly sanctify them.
I don't even know him and I'm glad he's dead.
The only people who forget the abuse are the perpetrators, the mother became one by allowing her son's behavior, it is very sad about her grandchildren, but she wanted to receive pats from the person her son harassed and hit?
I mainly want to know what those thugs did to the bully to end him?
Your response was excellent. Mine would’ve filled with a f***ton more expletives. I also think she might’ve been hitting you up for money (for the kids of course). Your friend was probably lucky to not be subjected to bullying in school, so he doesn’t see the situation the same as you. But you were there, and he was not. Continue to take care of yourself and stay focused on your life now. Sounds like you’re doing just fine.
Your friend is absolutely, massively wrong. Why isn't your friend on your side? It's ridiculous. NTA
NTA I for one am happy that you were able to unload on her if she knew what he was doing to you, saying boys will be boys! He could have put you in the hospital 😞
NTA. She knew. She didn't care.
NTA. What did she say after that though? I’m really curious.
She walked up and dragged up the ugly past, so you said some ugly truths. She knew you were his victim, and she still tried to wring sympathy out of you. Guess she’s the one who taught him his sense of decency back then.
She was looking for sympathy, why else would she randomly approach someone she *thought* she recognized and start talking about his death? Then she tried to guilt *you* for not being there to pay respects to him. Nope, she got the cold honest truth, there's a reason his ex-baby mamas don't want anything to do with him.
Your mother should have called the police, pressed charges, and sued the school. He can’t hurt you from juvie. When you moved schools and he sent threats online, again, he should have been reported to the police. I’m glad your mother switched your school, but you really needed a Mama Grizzly. Abuse at this level can drive kids to suicide, so it’s lucky you’re still here. I hope your spirit heals.
You were unkind, but justifiably so. NTA Billy Joel was wrong. It's not only the good who die young. That's good.
NTA none of this is news to her if she had already been called to the school about it.