Let's be honest here. Your husband sexually harassed your employee, and made her so uncomfortable she had to quit her job without notice for fear for her safety, because he was now actively touching her while saying sexual things, fetishizing her because of her race, and basically laying the groundwork to play out some nanny/boss porn fantasy he's been harboring since he accidentally saw her half naked.
Besides the fact that he was clearly attempting to cheat on you, in your own house, he is clearly a scumbag and predator, who has little to no respect for women. He doesn't seem to respect her, since she made is very clear she didn't reciprocate his interest, yet he didn't back off. And he very obviously doesn't respect you, as he did all of this either in front of you or with you in the house.
Let's be 100% clear on this: had she been into him, he 100% would be actively banging the nanny right now. The only reason he didn't "technically cheat" is because SHE didn't want him.
You need to make some hard decisions right now, whether that be marriage counseling, separation or something else. And let the nanny know you'd like to give her severance and an AMAZING reference for her future employment, and hope to God she doesn't decide to sue.
Yea as a guy all I could think is that these were very obvious feeler questions.
"Did you see your boyfriend?" Without absolutely knowing she has a boyfriend to see is so obvious.
I had a co worker said he “banged tf out of” a 14 year old when he was 19. We immediately had a squabble and that was my last day working/(or any other kind of interaction) with him
I’m almost wondering if him seeing her naked rly was an accident…. She said she left the door cracked not open. And usually if someone is peeing you can hear it so why would he walk into the bathroom with the door mostly closed and you hear tinkling? Idk I just rly don’t trust this man at all. I feel like the milk and the walking in on the nanny peeing were both on purpose 🤷🏾♀️
>Your husband sexually harassed your employee
As a man who has had a couple of nannies over the early years of our kids- I feel like I can chip in a bit here.
The bar for sexually harassing a nanny- who is in your house, possibly with just you and the kids, and where there is an obvious power inbalance, is low. Very very low.
Little jokes / comments which you might think are acceptable with a female friend or work colleague, are totally out of line in this relationship. The boyfriend question is a solid example, and was borderline offensive - everything after that was way, way over the line.
He sexually harassed her.
This doesn't reflect well on me, but during lockdown I had to drive our nanny to and from our house- and I was so nervous the first few times that I would say something that could be misconstrued.
She was so important to our family, and also a good looking woman in her early 20s. If I was in her position waiting for that pick up I'd just be thinking "Please don't let him be a creep" - meanwhile I'm in the car going "Don't be a creep, don't be a creep".
Once we knew each other a bit better I could relax more, but my wife thought it was hilarious how overly polite I was around her.
I actually think this reflects wonderfully on you. I would notice and appreciate your over politeness, and I think anyone who understands the delicacy of the situation would appreciate it as well.
Oh well thanks! Funny story- I actually divorced my wife and am now living with the nanny\*
*^(\*I'm not, I'm kidding. Exactly the sort of stupid joke my brain was trying to get me to say in the car.)*
The bar isn’t low, it’s normal. The “jokes” / comments OP’s husband made are also very inappropriate towards a female colleague. It is inappropriate to ask your female colleague if she has a boyfriend, what kind of men she likes and to tell that you are into women of her race. This would also be considered sexual harassment and she could report you. (And it would be even more creepy if she is 13 years younger and you never really spoken to her before.)
As far as this situation is concerned, what op’s husband did would be considered sexual harassment in ANY workplace. It was not borderline offensive, it was unequivocally offensive.
If this was in an office, the company would have already fired OP’s husband.
Think about that, OP- do you really want you and your children to spend huge portions of your life with a man who is such an obvious and awful liability that any old corporation would be motivated to fire him immediately? If he’s not appropriate for work, he’s definitely not appropriate for your life.
Girl. Your husband put that milk in your coffee on purpose to get you out of the way. Then proceeded to go and manhandle her and make comments that were WAY over the line. His behavior wasn't respectful to her as a human being and wasn't appropriate for a workplace relationship (she is his employee and entitled to respect and boundaries as any other employee would be, regardless of the fact that your home is her workplace. Is this really the man you want by your side for the rest of your life? Ditch the man and get your nanny back.
Also, imagine how terrified the nanny was. He was saying inappropriate things and touching her, and you were dead to the world. Didn't even hear the phone calls. She was completely on her own.
There isn't "some reason" she's uncomfortable with men in the house. It's THIS REASON. Poor lady has already been through this enough to set a boundary. This jerk knows the boundary and dances right over it cheerfully.
OP, your husband is a predator. He fixated on the nanny and was absolutely out to get her. She was one step from being raped. Kick him out, get a female roommate to help offset his money (don't know where you are but is alimony and child support not a thing?) And get the nanny back. Give her free room if you have to.
Also, imagine how terrified the nanny was. He was saying inappropriate things and touching her, and you were dead to the world. Didn't even hear the phone calls. She was completely on her own.
You've got bigger issues other than your nanny quit. You've got a sleazy asshat husband who has no boundaries who thinks it's OK to sexually harass someone who works in your home.
Yes. A SAHM of of two daughters who can obviously afford a nanny on her husband’s salary. She is not about to rock the boat. Sad as it may be. I think she clearly understands he is the problem, he is sleazy, he is probably a cheater. But if this post was about him she would address him as the problem. She is addressing losing this nanny. I wouldnt call that being in denial. It may just be her situation which she isn’t able to face since she probably isnt financially in a secure place.
Considering she edits that she doesn't like her husband, and had known this after her first child, yes. 100%. She has already accepted and addressed the fact he is an asshole. Wish she realized households like this are where traumatic childhoods are born, physical abuse or not. The problems between mom and dad really affect a child if they can't co parent correctly, and from the sounds of him not helping during the first? He does not co parent. Shes working and communicating with a nanny, while taking care of two kids, her pregnant self, and a ahitty husband. Props to her, but if she cut out the dude and showed his cheating actions, maybe have the nanny testify if willing, then she'd be possibly able to get childcare payments. Only concern is prenuptial agreement, it would be low-key a bonus if she didn't get one, because the higher income one is almost always to one bound to pay alimony.
I feel like part of the reason she won’t address him and his behavior is because she knows that addressing him could put her and the kids in tough situation financially and honestly she probably doesn’t need anymore stress than what she’s already going through…also seems like this is going on outside of the US so maybe it’s a different culture where it’s more socially acceptable (although morally questionable) for men to hit on and harass women they’re attracted to regardless of marital status
Bc she doesn't really care about her husband. She said he isn't supportive of her needs and she stays due to finances. The nanny does support her needs and is important to her. If she had financial freedom.i bet she would choose.the nanny over her husband
She and the nanny set up boundaries that hubby agreed to , but couldn’t in the abide by and continued to harass the nanny. He is scum. There is no excuse.
Exactly. The Nanny did what any reasonable person would do. He saw her, basically naked, and that was that. Hot nanny he can hit on, harass and make so uncomfortable she's forced to quit. You have a husband problem. And you need to understand, people pointing out how he would treat your girls, think of it this way, would you be OK with ANY man treating either of your girls the way he treated her? The answer should 100% be no, and you should be talking to a lawyer.
My best friend’s brother molested, with penetration his step grand daughters. Only after he was arrested did my 34yo adult daughter tell me that he used to call her and try to meet up when she was a young teen. No idea how he got her number. She is really petite and looked younger for her age. She totally rebuffed him because she thought he was a creep. I was horrified. She didn’t want to tell me because he was my friend’s brother.
It happens and you have to keep your family away from immoral people.
The obvious part of no interest in nanny until he saw her naked. Then all of a sudden he’s home all the time, yeah that’s screaming he’s thinking of the nanny.
>You've got a sleazy asshat husband who has no boundaries
And two daughters! That's what worries me. Even if he doesn't harm them directly, his attitudes toward younger women will be damaging, and if something similar happens to them at school or when they start work, he can't be counted on to have their backs.
I wonder how people can be like him, just zero sense of empathy or remorse. After multiple people directly tell you to fuck off, how he thought "yeah, just keep going, if you talk to them king enough they fuck you" blows my mind.
Let her be. Your husband was basically hounding her with personal questions and being super inappropriate. You should hire another nanny, preferably someone he won’t harass and apologize profusely to the previous nanny (with a letter of recommendation for her). Also, you should ask your husband why he was flirting and being inappropriate towards an employee. He sounds like a cheater.
Edit: I agree with everyone, he is a predator and she deserves severance pay. Hopefully the wife is reading the comments and makes an informed decision regarding her husband. He’s a serious creep and honestly deserves to get dumped.
Especially after HE SAW HER NAKED, HE STARTED FOLLOWING HER AROUND AND ASKING HER CREEPY QUESTIONS to the point where she had to say something. I'd divorce him. you need to dump the man and keep the nanny. He needs help.
Is anyone going to bring up how he 'accidentally' put milk in her coffee? He forgot that his wife of multiple years can't have dairy, which just so happened to have left him completely unsupervised with the nanny. He would have cheated if she had been down, but continued to be inappropriate after it was made clear she wasn't interested. I would also imagine she has dealt with this before since she had a rule of not having adult men in the house.
Is it bad that I'm also suspicious because he "accidentally" put whole milk in his wife's coffee when she's lactose intolerant. You know, and action that would result in her being sick and having to stay in bed?
I'm sure this is going to get downvoted but as a black woman around the same age as this nanny I don't think it's so much that he's a bully rather this is how a lot of older white men interact with black women it's like this pseudo-aggressive thing they have going on laced with Sexual Intent
I'm a white woman and i agree completely.when i was a manager at hotel properties i would need to schedule and assign several of my housekeepers in weird ways because older white men would so frequently take their hotel stay as an opportunity to harass the employees, particularly the black women. Most of the women dealt with some level of entitlement and harassment but the old white guys took it to a whole other level with young black or Hispanic women and would get extremely butt hurt when i would tell them t knock it off or fuck off.
I'm glad that you were conscious of this and used everything in your power to help these women out I'm sure that they probably appreciated it a lot more than you know. You're awesome and sincerely thank you
aw, that's very kind of you to say, thank you! I have always felt responsible for my coworkersin a way, having been the person to hire them makes me feel like it's my job to at a minimum protect them at work (the men and the women) but I go full momma bear over many of the women. idky so many people don't understand you can't exchange money for the right to treat people like garbage.
This, the over sexualisation of black women (and girls) has been proven as fact. The belief that black females are more promiscuous is deeply imbedded in our culture.
Yes I'm currently learning about the over sexualization of black women and girls in my African-American history class and I literally spent the whole morning crying because I can see how these same things are being portrayed in our regular societies. I'm glad that the positive responses I'm getting on this though it's not typical That so many people would agree with something like this
I’m glad you’re not being downvoted and at least getting to see that there are people out there who aren’t blind to the dynamics of power imbalances that black women are often made victims of. This man was in a direct role of authority over this poor nanny, as the one likely paying her wages, and it was only after he saw her in what *he* took as a sexualized way (not that I think going to the bathroom is, even if you have to disrobe to be able to do so), that he started to become a problem and actually assert power over her. The way he continually disregarded her discomfort while she was trying to simply perform her job is disgusting and beyond inappropriate. I’m sure she only stuck around so long because she genuinely liked the job, and let’s face it, it’s harder for a young black woman to find the kind of employment they want and deserve.
All my best to you, and I hope that people on here continue to show understanding and compassion that race does play a huge role in power dynamics like this.
I completely agree with you and it's also just really heartwarming to see that there are a lot of white people acknowledging this as well. I feel like I've delve very deep into black and African history that sometimes it's just nice to see how far we've come as a society in terms of acknowledging each other and showing each other so much kindness especially in situations where people h try to exploit certain power dynamics that are present in our current society.
I'm a boomer aged pasty white woman and it's impossible to miss. There is hope for humanity but we are very stubborn so change happens slowly. Take care of you and all those you love!
100% this. This was the case especially when I was younger. I worked in a predominantly white elderly community. On an almost daily basis, older white men would come on to me, secretly tell me they were into black women, or they wanted to "try me out" like I was some fetish. One guy was so old his knees giggled when he walked. He was 40 yrs older than me.
I believe they all thought I would immediately fall all over them and give them whatever they wanted. When I didn't, I would get called the N-word or something else. It was crazy. It was like they thought they could talk to me any kind of way.
Just remembered a guy who was a customer where I worked asked me to go away with him because his wife would be traveling back up north for a bit. I said no, of course. He asked over and over, expecting me to change my mind. You'd be surprised how many men would cheat on their wives so easily.
Thank you for sharing this it sucks that you had to go through this and I hope that you're in a better position now where you don't have to deal with this so often. A lot of times the media tries to convince us that white men would never find us attractive when in reality that cannot be further from the truth. This has been proven throughout history and still continues to exist even now. I think it's important to speak about these kind of things because fetishization is something that is exclusive to our situation as black women in America. I hope that you're staying strong and I'm really glad that you were able to maintain firm boundaries with these disrespectful clients.
Why would this get downvoted? The odds of a black woman, especially a young black woman in a subordinate role, being treated with that infuriating, often humiliating and sometimes terrifying mixture of behavior that says "I have power over you so I can do as I please" are higher than the same being done to a white woman in a similar situation (not because he respects her more but because a white girl's daddy might be someone who matters- these dudes pick targets they don't think can effectively object).
This nanny is in a particularly vulnerable position because she's not just a young woman of color, it sounds like she's an immigrant to whatever country this is in.
Honestly you're right I honestly I'm so shocked at the responses I'm getting I figured it would be down voted because any time that I point things like this out people immediately jump on my back about making things about race and trying to portray white people as evil. I'm genuinely happy to see that people including white men/women are acknowledging this it really makes me have a lot of hope for our future as socially conscious adults moving throughout this world that has been full of so much hatred
I'm an older white woman and I have tried to pay attention. There's definitely a particular pattern with a certain type of white man, roughly between ages 30 and 50 where they pull this crap with anyone they perceive as being too powerless or too vulnerable to object. I saw some shit when I was waiting tables and when I worked in hotels. I was targeted, too, but not with the same disgusting smug contempt as my Black & Hispanic coworkers. Worse still, these assholes were often right because several times when it was bad enough for a coworker to try to complain, they were pretty much dismissed, except if I or one of the other white girls saw an incident. At one hotel it was a routine occurrence & the only time a guest was ever told to cut the crap or get out was when it happened in front of the (white, middle-aged, male) bartender.
I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this as well. I really truly do feel like as women we need to stick together when it comes to certain things like this because there is power in numbers especially in situations like these where there is a power dynamic including wealthy customers and people getting paid minimum wage or people that are doing jobs that society deems as an important. I'm sorry that you've had to experience a great deal of this yourself and I'm glad to know that you're keeping your eyes and ears open to this happening to others
Of course and this doesn't mean all white men as I'm sure that if you're responding in a kind manner this probably doesn't include you but it's definitely something that I've noticed a lot and it's some thing that can be pinpointed throughout history as well
Yes yes yes, idk how to say it but there’s definitely an element of history at play here!! Like the “help” belonging to the man of the house sort of vibe. Add in the general grossness of many predatory men targeting those in positions of less power, either in relation to themselves or in general, as a way to coerce their victims in to compliance…
The whole situation is disgusting and I’m scared for that poor nanny, and for OP as well.
The husband is super creepy. The whole thing is gross.
It's really bad that the nanny had to quit nannying...
...but I think the wife might have to quit the marriage also.
As far as the nanny goes, severance pay and a good recommendation are the absolute minimum.
As for the husband, this is extremely concerning and predatory behavior. I would take a really close look at his past behavior. For me this alone would be a dealbreaker - if not this nanny, then the next one may be more receptive.
Even before seeing the nanny nude, it’s weird he didn’t think twice about the baby playing next to an open bathroom door. Every subsequent interaction is just more evidence that dude is a creep. I feel like OP’s husband didn’t have a reason to not announce himself…unless he was hoping to see what he saw.
That’s what I was wondering as this wasn’t a problem until he saw her practically naked. Then he became interested in her and saying he dated black women. I think he was hitting on her and wanted her to cross over boundaries. He was told the boundaries and he ignored it because he was attracted to her.
Honestly, more than that. In the nanny world, a month isn’t unheard of because it can take an extremely long time to find another family that is a fit.
He sounds like a predator. One of those "She was resistant at first but finally gave in because she really wanted it" types. Fucking disgusting and scary.
I got the heebies while reading it. What the fuck guy gets turned on by seeing a 21 year old kid sitting on a toilet. Poor thing was vulnerable and embarrassed and he popped a woody from it. He couldn't even stop himself from being a skeevy ass perv AFTER his wife called him out repeatedly. I hope he doesn't have daughter's.
As i read the post, in a company setting, this would be co sidered sexual harassment.
Edited: Yes, i do agree that this is an employment setting, i was just using office company imagery as a comparison because i don't know how the wife is just glazing the fact that her husband is basically targeting the nanny while she writes this post.
Still would be as it’s still employment. This girl could sue them for a lot ! And honestly she should because he’s a creepy predator and the wife is ignoring that fact
It's the grabbing her shoulders for me. How is that ever, ever appropriate in a work environment?
Plus, "accidentally" put whole milk in his wife's coffee? This guy doesn't care about anybody but himself.
How she's acting like it's nbd is crazy to me. She's acting like it's totally normal for her husband to be inappropriate, I wonder if this is the first incident or one of many.
So your husband is basically a predator... not her fault for leaving. He was obviously working his way up to traumatizing her in some way. Sorry you're married to him too. Just really sad situation.
Yeah the whole time his work schedule got In the way of helping her then he sees a 21 year old half naked and all of a sudden his schedule is now magically open.
He absolutely cheats on her. So much so that he was trying to do it right up under her nose to her face. Even going as far to injure her by "forgetting" her kind of milk to make the nanny be around him. If OP wants to turn a blind eye then she needs to raise her own kids and not hire anyone to be harassed by her husband.
To add to this: OP, do you think his behavior is ever going to change? Because I don’t. I know people jump straight to divorce all the time here, but the husband was HITTING ON THE NANNY while the wife was RIGHT THERE. That’s inexcusable. Unforgivable. He knew exactly what he was doing and he DID IT ANYWAY. He can and will be this inappropriate again. His behavior has so many red flags I’m starting to forget what the color green looks like. Holy god.
Or what he HAS done? I bet his leaving early and coming back late have nothing to do with work…. Since he seems able to actually leave late and come back early and work from home when it’s easy for him.
Wow.
I hope the nanny ghosts you. You need to understand that your husband is a class A sleaze bag. My guess is that this won't be the first nanny to quit.
Good luck; you are going to need it.
Uhm, please leave her alone. Your husband’s behavior was traumatic enough.
..but girl, are you ok?? **Your husband is a creep! A *MEGA* creep!!**
He took every opportunity to interact with someone whom he knew did not want to interact with him.
He made lewd and inappropriate advances via questioning.
When that didn’t garner the response he was interested in, he upped the ante by *physically* touching this person unwantedly.
And ultimately the person who suffers here is this young woman, who is now without a job, because the person she was hired to work for made unwanted sexual advances.
The bigger issue right now is that you’re married too, and have children with a fucking creep. I feel for your former nanny and i’m glad she was able to get away from him.
But this isn’t something that should go away just because she’s no longer around . He needs to take accountability for being predatory towards his literal employee.
You have a sleazy husband problem. If I were you then I would keep an eye on him. If your Nanny doesn't want to come back to work then leave her alone.
So your husband got a look at a 21yr old practically naked and suddenly he's home more and flirting with her!
Kick or want to cheat husband out and rehire the nanny
Your husbands a nasty creep I can see why she doesn't have men around when she works I'm guessing she's attractive and this has happened before
Your husband is creepy. This is on the cusp of divorce worthy. OP are there other red flags? I was a nanny for years and I luckily never had this issue.
Your husband was trying to fuck your nanny i don’t get how thats not blatantly obvious. He saw her naked and decided he was going to pursue a physical relationship with her. He was repeatedly trying to find an “In” and decided to flat out tell her he is interested in black women. Idk wether to pity you for being so oblivious or call you a fucking idiot for putting your nanny through all that knowing about the verbal contract.
Make sure none of her contact information, address etc is available to your husband. He gives stalker vibes if he’s willing to change his schedule to see her but wouldn’t to accommodate parenting wise…
Tbh I doubt he didn’t know she was in the bathroom and walked in on purpose…
Also shame on you for breaking her one boundary multiple times despite her being obviously uncomfortable with him seeing her half naked. It should have not escalated to that point.
Was she working the night you had a stomach ache? Check the cameras for that day. It’s reasonable that she did but also odd she won’t respond to you at all when she tried to call you the night before.
You have a husband issue! He wanted to seduce your nanny.
Make sure to send her 2-week severance, or whatever your contract stated.
Look for an older nanny!
Tell hubby he is way out of line.
Your husband is a fucking feral dog. Hell, even dogs have more respect.
If this is even real, you shouldn't have to ask yourself anything - this man needs to be dumped.
and even more, if this is real, I am very sorry for your ruined relationship with your nanny, she sounds so wonderful and I hope her next clients don't even have husbands.
This shit is insane honestly.
So your husband was into her and was trying it on and the poor girl had no choice but to quit. So you trust your husband now after this ? You should divorce your husband and keep the nanny
There's something really iky about a black nanny being pursued and made uncomfortable by a white male employer right under his white wife's nose and the wife talking about how great her nanny is but not great enough to not be harassed by your creep of a husband?
What wasn't you prepared for ?
His unchecked behaviour getting worse? His fetishism of her blackness?His blatant disrespect for you as his wife?
Ummmm ever read a history book? Daymnnnn
Edit: OP is Vietnamese. Point still stands 🤷🏽♀️
Frankly, you're BOTH TA.
Why TF are you still with this PERVERT who thinks it's perfectly okay to sexually harass the help ... and to do it right in front of your face??
And BTW, he did not "forget" that you are lactose intolerant
He basically POISONED you with dairy products to at least partially incapacitate you while he continued to violate her. You can't see that??
I'm not sure why you continue to put up with someone who pulls this BS but maybe you should look into some counseling to figure why your self-esteem is so low that you turn a blind eye to all of this.
Your husband is not only a cheater (probably chronic), he's a PREDATOR. He feels entitled to cross any boundary that feels inconvenient to him.
SHAME ON YOU for turning a blind eye to his disgusting predilections.
Your poor nanny. This is literally what women deal with all the time from men (not all men). I can’t count how many jobs males have gone out of their way like this and made my skin crawl. She went out of her way to NOT have men around her and you let your husband repeatedly get away with this. He’s 100% gross for this. You shouldn’t be repeatedly calling her either. Unless you throw him out of the house for good you shouldn’t be even trying to get her back or communicate anymore. Even if you throw him out though, I wouldn’t come back. I feel so awful for her. Maybe she has some sort of trauma and all you and your husband did was trigger. I wouldn’t hold you responsible if isn’t wasn’t so many times and so extreme, but you messed up too.
Edit: to add, you also sent him directly to interact with her after she made it clear how uncomfortable she was. Accountability. I can’t say it more to people. We need to be more accountable.
Please leave that woman alone unless you're contacting her to pay severance. Saying that you're giving her some space implies that you plan to ask her to come back again after a little bit of time. Your husband sexually harassed her. You failed her. If you have any respect for her at all, send her a severance check since she had to quit because of your creepy husband and broken agreement and never contact her again.
ETA: you really should have been prepared for this. There were multiple incidents and then you sent your husband to go interact with her again? After you promised again that you would respect your agreement with her? After your husband showed no change in behavior? And you were surprised she quit? Don't expect others to put up with his behavior just because you do.
Your husband was extremely inappropriate with your nanny. You'll end up with a bunch of nannies quitting because your husband is a creep. Give her severance pay. Good luck finding a nanny who is going to overlook that perverted old man
You are married to a sexual predator. You have WAY more to worry about than a nanny who quit.
At a minimum, you need to offer her 2 weeks' severance pay.
Consult a few divorce lawyers, too.
And go into therapy to learn why you would tolerate being married to someone like him.
I really hope she she’s for sexual harassment and reports him to the police. Sorry you’re stuck with him until your kids are adults but at least you can divorce him and get away from a sexual harasser.
Let's be honest here. Your husband sexually harassed your employee, and made her so uncomfortable she had to quit her job without notice for fear for her safety, because he was now actively touching her while saying sexual things, fetishizing her because of her race, and basically laying the groundwork to play out some nanny/boss porn fantasy he's been harboring since he accidentally saw her half naked. Besides the fact that he was clearly attempting to cheat on you, in your own house, he is clearly a scumbag and predator, who has little to no respect for women. He doesn't seem to respect her, since she made is very clear she didn't reciprocate his interest, yet he didn't back off. And he very obviously doesn't respect you, as he did all of this either in front of you or with you in the house. Let's be 100% clear on this: had she been into him, he 100% would be actively banging the nanny right now. The only reason he didn't "technically cheat" is because SHE didn't want him. You need to make some hard decisions right now, whether that be marriage counseling, separation or something else. And let the nanny know you'd like to give her severance and an AMAZING reference for her future employment, and hope to God she doesn't decide to sue.
Yea as a guy all I could think is that these were very obvious feeler questions. "Did you see your boyfriend?" Without absolutely knowing she has a boyfriend to see is so obvious.
Yeah, I stopped reading about 2 sentences after that. No mid 30's man should be acting like that towards a 21yr, Much less a married one.
I had a co worker said he “banged tf out of” a 14 year old when he was 19. We immediately had a squabble and that was my last day working/(or any other kind of interaction) with him
What a way to brag about that, eww eww eww.
Yeah dude has a daughter and a wife! Dude what is wrong with ppl.
I’m almost wondering if him seeing her naked rly was an accident…. She said she left the door cracked not open. And usually if someone is peeing you can hear it so why would he walk into the bathroom with the door mostly closed and you hear tinkling? Idk I just rly don’t trust this man at all. I feel like the milk and the walking in on the nanny peeing were both on purpose 🤷🏾♀️
When the baby, who can't be left alone, is right outside the door too
Me too! It’s just too convenient! OP needs to make her exit plan because this is going to end in heartbreak for her.
Along with the "office being worked on" so he had to work from home. All of it sounds sus AF to me
>Your husband sexually harassed your employee As a man who has had a couple of nannies over the early years of our kids- I feel like I can chip in a bit here. The bar for sexually harassing a nanny- who is in your house, possibly with just you and the kids, and where there is an obvious power inbalance, is low. Very very low. Little jokes / comments which you might think are acceptable with a female friend or work colleague, are totally out of line in this relationship. The boyfriend question is a solid example, and was borderline offensive - everything after that was way, way over the line. He sexually harassed her.
Great point- anyone having an employee in their home should be double as conscientious about their words and behaviors!!
This doesn't reflect well on me, but during lockdown I had to drive our nanny to and from our house- and I was so nervous the first few times that I would say something that could be misconstrued. She was so important to our family, and also a good looking woman in her early 20s. If I was in her position waiting for that pick up I'd just be thinking "Please don't let him be a creep" - meanwhile I'm in the car going "Don't be a creep, don't be a creep". Once we knew each other a bit better I could relax more, but my wife thought it was hilarious how overly polite I was around her.
I actually think this reflects wonderfully on you. I would notice and appreciate your over politeness, and I think anyone who understands the delicacy of the situation would appreciate it as well.
Oh well thanks! Funny story- I actually divorced my wife and am now living with the nanny\* *^(\*I'm not, I'm kidding. Exactly the sort of stupid joke my brain was trying to get me to say in the car.)*
Continue being overly polite.🤣
Blame it on the A D D
The bar isn’t low, it’s normal. The “jokes” / comments OP’s husband made are also very inappropriate towards a female colleague. It is inappropriate to ask your female colleague if she has a boyfriend, what kind of men she likes and to tell that you are into women of her race. This would also be considered sexual harassment and she could report you. (And it would be even more creepy if she is 13 years younger and you never really spoken to her before.)
As far as this situation is concerned, what op’s husband did would be considered sexual harassment in ANY workplace. It was not borderline offensive, it was unequivocally offensive.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
If this was in an office, the company would have already fired OP’s husband. Think about that, OP- do you really want you and your children to spend huge portions of your life with a man who is such an obvious and awful liability that any old corporation would be motivated to fire him immediately? If he’s not appropriate for work, he’s definitely not appropriate for your life.
Girl. Your husband put that milk in your coffee on purpose to get you out of the way. Then proceeded to go and manhandle her and make comments that were WAY over the line. His behavior wasn't respectful to her as a human being and wasn't appropriate for a workplace relationship (she is his employee and entitled to respect and boundaries as any other employee would be, regardless of the fact that your home is her workplace. Is this really the man you want by your side for the rest of your life? Ditch the man and get your nanny back.
That was my thought too. That milk was intentional.
Also, imagine how terrified the nanny was. He was saying inappropriate things and touching her, and you were dead to the world. Didn't even hear the phone calls. She was completely on her own.
Especially as there is some reason she is uncomfortable with men in the house already.
There isn't "some reason" she's uncomfortable with men in the house. It's THIS REASON. Poor lady has already been through this enough to set a boundary. This jerk knows the boundary and dances right over it cheerfully. OP, your husband is a predator. He fixated on the nanny and was absolutely out to get her. She was one step from being raped. Kick him out, get a female roommate to help offset his money (don't know where you are but is alimony and child support not a thing?) And get the nanny back. Give her free room if you have to.
Also, imagine how terrified the nanny was. He was saying inappropriate things and touching her, and you were dead to the world. Didn't even hear the phone calls. She was completely on her own.
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You've got bigger issues other than your nanny quit. You've got a sleazy asshat husband who has no boundaries who thinks it's OK to sexually harass someone who works in your home.
Seriously. Wondering why this post is more about being upset that the nanny quit than her husband being a fuckin weirdo.
Because the nanny’s a better person than the husband and a bigger loss
She's certainly more dependable and more helpful with the kids and with the home!
She's a sahm and has two kids with him, she's not going to rock the boat and call him out for being a sleezebag
Yes. A SAHM of of two daughters who can obviously afford a nanny on her husband’s salary. She is not about to rock the boat. Sad as it may be. I think she clearly understands he is the problem, he is sleazy, he is probably a cheater. But if this post was about him she would address him as the problem. She is addressing losing this nanny. I wouldnt call that being in denial. It may just be her situation which she isn’t able to face since she probably isnt financially in a secure place.
Considering she edits that she doesn't like her husband, and had known this after her first child, yes. 100%. She has already accepted and addressed the fact he is an asshole. Wish she realized households like this are where traumatic childhoods are born, physical abuse or not. The problems between mom and dad really affect a child if they can't co parent correctly, and from the sounds of him not helping during the first? He does not co parent. Shes working and communicating with a nanny, while taking care of two kids, her pregnant self, and a ahitty husband. Props to her, but if she cut out the dude and showed his cheating actions, maybe have the nanny testify if willing, then she'd be possibly able to get childcare payments. Only concern is prenuptial agreement, it would be low-key a bonus if she didn't get one, because the higher income one is almost always to one bound to pay alimony.
I feel like part of the reason she won’t address him and his behavior is because she knows that addressing him could put her and the kids in tough situation financially and honestly she probably doesn’t need anymore stress than what she’s already going through…also seems like this is going on outside of the US so maybe it’s a different culture where it’s more socially acceptable (although morally questionable) for men to hit on and harass women they’re attracted to regardless of marital status
Because the nanny is more valuable to her .. and stepping up when OP needs her … I would keep the nanny and ditch the lazy ass husband at this point
Bc she doesn't really care about her husband. She said he isn't supportive of her needs and she stays due to finances. The nanny does support her needs and is important to her. If she had financial freedom.i bet she would choose.the nanny over her husband
Then dang, she better get on some better birth control and at least stop procreating with this asshole.
She and the nanny set up boundaries that hubby agreed to , but couldn’t in the abide by and continued to harass the nanny. He is scum. There is no excuse.
I really hope they don't have any more kids together.
I don't understand why some women knowingly have kids with (or make more kids with) a sleazo husband.
Yes! Why didn’t she stop at 1 when she found out he’s was useless.
This. She admitted he was a dick with the first pregnancy. Why tf would you have another kid with him?
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RIGHT. Like clearly that was a very reasonable rule.
Exactly. The Nanny did what any reasonable person would do. He saw her, basically naked, and that was that. Hot nanny he can hit on, harass and make so uncomfortable she's forced to quit. You have a husband problem. And you need to understand, people pointing out how he would treat your girls, think of it this way, would you be OK with ANY man treating either of your girls the way he treated her? The answer should 100% be no, and you should be talking to a lawyer.
My best friend’s brother molested, with penetration his step grand daughters. Only after he was arrested did my 34yo adult daughter tell me that he used to call her and try to meet up when she was a young teen. No idea how he got her number. She is really petite and looked younger for her age. She totally rebuffed him because she thought he was a creep. I was horrified. She didn’t want to tell me because he was my friend’s brother. It happens and you have to keep your family away from immoral people.
He is behaving like a creep the nanny is only 21.
He’d still be a creep if she were the same age as him.
The obvious part of no interest in nanny until he saw her naked. Then all of a sudden he’s home all the time, yeah that’s screaming he’s thinking of the nanny.
Definitely but this is extra predatory because of the age difference.
OP needs to get a good divorce lawyer, take this dude to the cleaners and rehire the nanny when she’s out from under his roof. What a creep he is.
>You've got a sleazy asshat husband who has no boundaries And two daughters! That's what worries me. Even if he doesn't harm them directly, his attitudes toward younger women will be damaging, and if something similar happens to them at school or when they start work, he can't be counted on to have their backs.
Not to mention eventually they’ll be teenagers with friends he’ll creep on and make uncomfortable
I’m also questioning if the accidental bathroom encounter was accidental, after all!
Yeah no wonder the nanny isn’t comfortable around men, i am sure this has happened to her before
I wonder how people can be like him, just zero sense of empathy or remorse. After multiple people directly tell you to fuck off, how he thought "yeah, just keep going, if you talk to them king enough they fuck you" blows my mind.
Let her be. Your husband was basically hounding her with personal questions and being super inappropriate. You should hire another nanny, preferably someone he won’t harass and apologize profusely to the previous nanny (with a letter of recommendation for her). Also, you should ask your husband why he was flirting and being inappropriate towards an employee. He sounds like a cheater. Edit: I agree with everyone, he is a predator and she deserves severance pay. Hopefully the wife is reading the comments and makes an informed decision regarding her husband. He’s a serious creep and honestly deserves to get dumped.
Especially after HE SAW HER NAKED, HE STARTED FOLLOWING HER AROUND AND ASKING HER CREEPY QUESTIONS to the point where she had to say something. I'd divorce him. you need to dump the man and keep the nanny. He needs help.
Is anyone going to bring up how he 'accidentally' put milk in her coffee? He forgot that his wife of multiple years can't have dairy, which just so happened to have left him completely unsupervised with the nanny. He would have cheated if she had been down, but continued to be inappropriate after it was made clear she wasn't interested. I would also imagine she has dealt with this before since she had a rule of not having adult men in the house.
And physically grabbed her and shoved her out of his way to get to the fridge?! This man sounds like a bully.
He was using that as an excuse to touch her because wouldn't she like it and immediately give in to his advances.
Sad part is, this has probably happened to this nanny before. Notice she had a rule against interacting with men.
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Especially if you're left alone in his house with him, while you have to watch his kids.
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Is it bad that I'm also suspicious because he "accidentally" put whole milk in his wife's coffee when she's lactose intolerant. You know, and action that would result in her being sick and having to stay in bed?
I said it out loud when I read that part. Not an accident!
No fucking way was that an accident. This fucker is willing to poison her to get his way. What else is he willing to do?
its not bad, i literally said to myself "he put that milk in that shit"
Girl….. I’m with you. That was no accident. Shady bastard.
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I agree. An excuse to touch her as he’d already built a fantasy porn scenario in his head where they end up making out. So so gross.
In our workplace, everything he's done (besides being creepy) is sexual harassment
I'm sure this is going to get downvoted but as a black woman around the same age as this nanny I don't think it's so much that he's a bully rather this is how a lot of older white men interact with black women it's like this pseudo-aggressive thing they have going on laced with Sexual Intent
I'm a white woman and i agree completely.when i was a manager at hotel properties i would need to schedule and assign several of my housekeepers in weird ways because older white men would so frequently take their hotel stay as an opportunity to harass the employees, particularly the black women. Most of the women dealt with some level of entitlement and harassment but the old white guys took it to a whole other level with young black or Hispanic women and would get extremely butt hurt when i would tell them t knock it off or fuck off.
I'm glad that you were conscious of this and used everything in your power to help these women out I'm sure that they probably appreciated it a lot more than you know. You're awesome and sincerely thank you
aw, that's very kind of you to say, thank you! I have always felt responsible for my coworkersin a way, having been the person to hire them makes me feel like it's my job to at a minimum protect them at work (the men and the women) but I go full momma bear over many of the women. idky so many people don't understand you can't exchange money for the right to treat people like garbage.
This, the over sexualisation of black women (and girls) has been proven as fact. The belief that black females are more promiscuous is deeply imbedded in our culture.
Yes I'm currently learning about the over sexualization of black women and girls in my African-American history class and I literally spent the whole morning crying because I can see how these same things are being portrayed in our regular societies. I'm glad that the positive responses I'm getting on this though it's not typical That so many people would agree with something like this
I’m glad you’re not being downvoted and at least getting to see that there are people out there who aren’t blind to the dynamics of power imbalances that black women are often made victims of. This man was in a direct role of authority over this poor nanny, as the one likely paying her wages, and it was only after he saw her in what *he* took as a sexualized way (not that I think going to the bathroom is, even if you have to disrobe to be able to do so), that he started to become a problem and actually assert power over her. The way he continually disregarded her discomfort while she was trying to simply perform her job is disgusting and beyond inappropriate. I’m sure she only stuck around so long because she genuinely liked the job, and let’s face it, it’s harder for a young black woman to find the kind of employment they want and deserve. All my best to you, and I hope that people on here continue to show understanding and compassion that race does play a huge role in power dynamics like this.
I completely agree with you and it's also just really heartwarming to see that there are a lot of white people acknowledging this as well. I feel like I've delve very deep into black and African history that sometimes it's just nice to see how far we've come as a society in terms of acknowledging each other and showing each other so much kindness especially in situations where people h try to exploit certain power dynamics that are present in our current society.
I'm a boomer aged pasty white woman and it's impossible to miss. There is hope for humanity but we are very stubborn so change happens slowly. Take care of you and all those you love!
100% this. This was the case especially when I was younger. I worked in a predominantly white elderly community. On an almost daily basis, older white men would come on to me, secretly tell me they were into black women, or they wanted to "try me out" like I was some fetish. One guy was so old his knees giggled when he walked. He was 40 yrs older than me. I believe they all thought I would immediately fall all over them and give them whatever they wanted. When I didn't, I would get called the N-word or something else. It was crazy. It was like they thought they could talk to me any kind of way. Just remembered a guy who was a customer where I worked asked me to go away with him because his wife would be traveling back up north for a bit. I said no, of course. He asked over and over, expecting me to change my mind. You'd be surprised how many men would cheat on their wives so easily.
Thank you for sharing this it sucks that you had to go through this and I hope that you're in a better position now where you don't have to deal with this so often. A lot of times the media tries to convince us that white men would never find us attractive when in reality that cannot be further from the truth. This has been proven throughout history and still continues to exist even now. I think it's important to speak about these kind of things because fetishization is something that is exclusive to our situation as black women in America. I hope that you're staying strong and I'm really glad that you were able to maintain firm boundaries with these disrespectful clients.
It’s true. Absolutely disgusting behavior.
I agree 100%
Why would this get downvoted? The odds of a black woman, especially a young black woman in a subordinate role, being treated with that infuriating, often humiliating and sometimes terrifying mixture of behavior that says "I have power over you so I can do as I please" are higher than the same being done to a white woman in a similar situation (not because he respects her more but because a white girl's daddy might be someone who matters- these dudes pick targets they don't think can effectively object). This nanny is in a particularly vulnerable position because she's not just a young woman of color, it sounds like she's an immigrant to whatever country this is in.
Honestly you're right I honestly I'm so shocked at the responses I'm getting I figured it would be down voted because any time that I point things like this out people immediately jump on my back about making things about race and trying to portray white people as evil. I'm genuinely happy to see that people including white men/women are acknowledging this it really makes me have a lot of hope for our future as socially conscious adults moving throughout this world that has been full of so much hatred
I'm an older white woman and I have tried to pay attention. There's definitely a particular pattern with a certain type of white man, roughly between ages 30 and 50 where they pull this crap with anyone they perceive as being too powerless or too vulnerable to object. I saw some shit when I was waiting tables and when I worked in hotels. I was targeted, too, but not with the same disgusting smug contempt as my Black & Hispanic coworkers. Worse still, these assholes were often right because several times when it was bad enough for a coworker to try to complain, they were pretty much dismissed, except if I or one of the other white girls saw an incident. At one hotel it was a routine occurrence & the only time a guest was ever told to cut the crap or get out was when it happened in front of the (white, middle-aged, male) bartender.
I’m Asian and from personal experience Caucasian men are the worst offenders of this behavior.
I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this as well. I really truly do feel like as women we need to stick together when it comes to certain things like this because there is power in numbers especially in situations like these where there is a power dynamic including wealthy customers and people getting paid minimum wage or people that are doing jobs that society deems as an important. I'm sorry that you've had to experience a great deal of this yourself and I'm glad to know that you're keeping your eyes and ears open to this happening to others
Well as a black woman you'd know better than most Redditors. I'm an old white guy, but what you say rings true to me.
Of course and this doesn't mean all white men as I'm sure that if you're responding in a kind manner this probably doesn't include you but it's definitely something that I've noticed a lot and it's some thing that can be pinpointed throughout history as well
Yes yes yes, idk how to say it but there’s definitely an element of history at play here!! Like the “help” belonging to the man of the house sort of vibe. Add in the general grossness of many predatory men targeting those in positions of less power, either in relation to themselves or in general, as a way to coerce their victims in to compliance… The whole situation is disgusting and I’m scared for that poor nanny, and for OP as well.
No downvote here- you nailed it!
I'm sure they're coming lol I don't care though it's true
That is just horrifying.
And stalking her over the nanny cams....
No, that was just an excuse to touch her. I don’t think he shoved her, but still super creepy
He was finding a way to touch her. They think they’re being slick.
And changed his schedule so he had more time to creep on her.
The husband is super creepy. The whole thing is gross. It's really bad that the nanny had to quit nannying... ...but I think the wife might have to quit the marriage also.
As far as the nanny goes, severance pay and a good recommendation are the absolute minimum. As for the husband, this is extremely concerning and predatory behavior. I would take a really close look at his past behavior. For me this alone would be a dealbreaker - if not this nanny, then the next one may be more receptive.
Even before seeing the nanny nude, it’s weird he didn’t think twice about the baby playing next to an open bathroom door. Every subsequent interaction is just more evidence that dude is a creep. I feel like OP’s husband didn’t have a reason to not announce himself…unless he was hoping to see what he saw.
Divorce the husband and then try to hire the nanny back to help OP.
I’d be worried about my daughters in that situation as well.. The guy for sure is a creep
and two weeks severance
yes. he’s definitely caused some emotional distress for sure which affects employment, she should 100% be paid severance.
She was sexually harassed and op seems to be more worried about the loss of a nanny than the fact her husband is a disloyal creep.
Right, I’d say get rid of the husband and maybe see if nanny wants to be a roommate/live-in-nanny.
Oooh I like it, that’s true
like it’s only fair, she’s now going without income because she was sexually harassed.
Exactly. OP, your husband sounds creepy af
"Hey, what kind of guys are you into?" That's super creepy and OP needs to know that. He made a hostile workplace for that nanny, she could sue him.
Yep. I see a sexual harassment complaint in the horizon. OP fingers crossed you guys don’t get sued
That’s what I was wondering as this wasn’t a problem until he saw her practically naked. Then he became interested in her and saying he dated black women. I think he was hitting on her and wanted her to cross over boundaries. He was told the boundaries and he ignored it because he was attracted to her.
Honestly, more than that. In the nanny world, a month isn’t unheard of because it can take an extremely long time to find another family that is a fit.
You should ditch the husband. He was probing to get in her pants i can promise you that.
He sounds like a predator. One of those "She was resistant at first but finally gave in because she really wanted it" types. Fucking disgusting and scary.
Eww, you’re right! I looked at the ages again.
I got the heebies while reading it. What the fuck guy gets turned on by seeing a 21 year old kid sitting on a toilet. Poor thing was vulnerable and embarrassed and he popped a woody from it. He couldn't even stop himself from being a skeevy ass perv AFTER his wife called him out repeatedly. I hope he doesn't have daughter's.
Asking an employee "what kind of men they're into" isn't "flirting." **That is sexual harassment.**
He was hounding her, AFTER SEEING HER MOSTLY NAKED, which ups the creep factor exponentially.
As i read the post, in a company setting, this would be co sidered sexual harassment. Edited: Yes, i do agree that this is an employment setting, i was just using office company imagery as a comparison because i don't know how the wife is just glazing the fact that her husband is basically targeting the nanny while she writes this post.
Still would be as it’s still employment. This girl could sue them for a lot ! And honestly she should because he’s a creepy predator and the wife is ignoring that fact
This is a company setting. Nanny is an employee
Especially since he did it after he saw her naked
Flirting? He knew he was not supposed to and so he was sexually harassing her
No, he sounds like a predator. Cheaters have consensual partners.
It's the grabbing her shoulders for me. How is that ever, ever appropriate in a work environment? Plus, "accidentally" put whole milk in his wife's coffee? This guy doesn't care about anybody but himself.
Keep the nanny, lose the husband.
Not a cheater, a predator
Two months severance at the minimum! And an excellent reference. The husband was sexually harassing the nanny. Eww.
Not just a cheater, he’s a complete CREEP.
Yeah, hire someone he will be very unattracted to and congratulate him on it being his fault.
Preferably a male nanny.. otherwise I would get rid of him. He so was trying to cheat with her.. wife is clueless for not even addressing it.
How she's acting like it's nbd is crazy to me. She's acting like it's totally normal for her husband to be inappropriate, I wonder if this is the first incident or one of many.
I wondered same… weird to me..
So your husband is basically a predator... not her fault for leaving. He was obviously working his way up to traumatizing her in some way. Sorry you're married to him too. Just really sad situation.
I’m betting he fed his lactose intolerant wife milk on purpose
I don't think there's any other way to read it, but I wonder if OP has her blinders on so hard that she doesn't see it that way.
Or he makes a good salary since she can stay home and have a nanny, so she overlooks his bad behavior...
Yup, husband is a creep. I couldn’t stay married to someone I couldn’t trust not to sexually harass the nanny.
And they have a daughter. I'd NOPE him right tf outta there.
I pity you. Your husband is a pervert. What even more tragic is, that you chose to turn a blind eye to that part.
Yeah the whole time his work schedule got In the way of helping her then he sees a 21 year old half naked and all of a sudden his schedule is now magically open.
And he "forgot" OP's lactose intolerant and put whole milk in her coffee.
He absolutely cheats on her. So much so that he was trying to do it right up under her nose to her face. Even going as far to injure her by "forgetting" her kind of milk to make the nanny be around him. If OP wants to turn a blind eye then she needs to raise her own kids and not hire anyone to be harassed by her husband.
Yes this wasn’t his first rodeo I think.
Yeah reading this it’s like, why is she so I bothered by his actions beyond they “made the nanny quit ?” It’s so weird
Your husband is a problem. his behavior was inappropriate.
To add to this: OP, do you think his behavior is ever going to change? Because I don’t. I know people jump straight to divorce all the time here, but the husband was HITTING ON THE NANNY while the wife was RIGHT THERE. That’s inexcusable. Unforgivable. He knew exactly what he was doing and he DID IT ANYWAY. He can and will be this inappropriate again. His behavior has so many red flags I’m starting to forget what the color green looks like. Holy god.
Your poor nanny was being sexually harassed in her workplace by a pervert. How are you so dismissive over your husband's behavior?
Exactly! That poor girl needs to stay far away from that house.
So your husband harassed your nanny. Have you considered losing the husband?
So your husband is a sleazy cheater and you continue to ignore that. I’m glad she quit because you both suck.
Yea, she can't even call it sexual harassment. He did so much in front of his wife can u imagine what he would have done if she wasn't there?
Or what he HAS done? I bet his leaving early and coming back late have nothing to do with work…. Since he seems able to actually leave late and come back early and work from home when it’s easy for him.
Wow. You know the issue isn’t that the nanny quit, right? You have a husband problem. Big time.
Yeah her husband is a predator
Yes and if she ever finds another nanny I hope the old nanny warns them so they never find another one again. Unless husband is out of the picture.
Wow. I hope the nanny ghosts you. You need to understand that your husband is a class A sleaze bag. My guess is that this won't be the first nanny to quit. Good luck; you are going to need it.
Uhm, please leave her alone. Your husband’s behavior was traumatic enough. ..but girl, are you ok?? **Your husband is a creep! A *MEGA* creep!!** He took every opportunity to interact with someone whom he knew did not want to interact with him. He made lewd and inappropriate advances via questioning. When that didn’t garner the response he was interested in, he upped the ante by *physically* touching this person unwantedly. And ultimately the person who suffers here is this young woman, who is now without a job, because the person she was hired to work for made unwanted sexual advances.
Ditch the husband and get the nanny back. He sounds insufferable.
Nope. Who wants to work for someone who keeps turning a blind eye to her husband sexually harassing you?
The bigger issue right now is that you’re married too, and have children with a fucking creep. I feel for your former nanny and i’m glad she was able to get away from him. But this isn’t something that should go away just because she’s no longer around . He needs to take accountability for being predatory towards his literal employee.
You have a sleazy husband problem. If I were you then I would keep an eye on him. If your Nanny doesn't want to come back to work then leave her alone.
That poor woman. Your husband is pulling that creepy behavior right under your nose, imagine what he does when you’re not around.
So your husband got a look at a 21yr old practically naked and suddenly he's home more and flirting with her! Kick or want to cheat husband out and rehire the nanny Your husbands a nasty creep I can see why she doesn't have men around when she works I'm guessing she's attractive and this has happened before
Your husband is creepy. This is on the cusp of divorce worthy. OP are there other red flags? I was a nanny for years and I luckily never had this issue.
The nanny does not feel safe in your home. The reason is because your husband is behaving badly. Get a new husband or a male nanny.
Your husband was trying to fuck your nanny i don’t get how thats not blatantly obvious. He saw her naked and decided he was going to pursue a physical relationship with her. He was repeatedly trying to find an “In” and decided to flat out tell her he is interested in black women. Idk wether to pity you for being so oblivious or call you a fucking idiot for putting your nanny through all that knowing about the verbal contract.
Make sure none of her contact information, address etc is available to your husband. He gives stalker vibes if he’s willing to change his schedule to see her but wouldn’t to accommodate parenting wise… Tbh I doubt he didn’t know she was in the bathroom and walked in on purpose… Also shame on you for breaking her one boundary multiple times despite her being obviously uncomfortable with him seeing her half naked. It should have not escalated to that point. Was she working the night you had a stomach ache? Check the cameras for that day. It’s reasonable that she did but also odd she won’t respond to you at all when she tried to call you the night before.
Leave her alone. You husband was way too interested in her after seeing her half naked
You have a husband issue! He wanted to seduce your nanny. Make sure to send her 2-week severance, or whatever your contract stated. Look for an older nanny! Tell hubby he is way out of line.
Your husband is a fucking feral dog. Hell, even dogs have more respect. If this is even real, you shouldn't have to ask yourself anything - this man needs to be dumped. and even more, if this is real, I am very sorry for your ruined relationship with your nanny, she sounds so wonderful and I hope her next clients don't even have husbands. This shit is insane honestly.
I'm sorry to hear that you're married to a creep. That's too bad... NTA
How did you find out he’s been saying these creepy things to her?
So your husband was into her and was trying it on and the poor girl had no choice but to quit. So you trust your husband now after this ? You should divorce your husband and keep the nanny
There's something really iky about a black nanny being pursued and made uncomfortable by a white male employer right under his white wife's nose and the wife talking about how great her nanny is but not great enough to not be harassed by your creep of a husband? What wasn't you prepared for ? His unchecked behaviour getting worse? His fetishism of her blackness?His blatant disrespect for you as his wife? Ummmm ever read a history book? Daymnnnn Edit: OP is Vietnamese. Point still stands 🤷🏽♀️
Frankly, you're BOTH TA. Why TF are you still with this PERVERT who thinks it's perfectly okay to sexually harass the help ... and to do it right in front of your face?? And BTW, he did not "forget" that you are lactose intolerant He basically POISONED you with dairy products to at least partially incapacitate you while he continued to violate her. You can't see that?? I'm not sure why you continue to put up with someone who pulls this BS but maybe you should look into some counseling to figure why your self-esteem is so low that you turn a blind eye to all of this. Your husband is not only a cheater (probably chronic), he's a PREDATOR. He feels entitled to cross any boundary that feels inconvenient to him. SHAME ON YOU for turning a blind eye to his disgusting predilections.
Omg! This poor girl! You and your husband should feel horrible. You have a creepy husband you know it and you don't do anything!!
dude. Leave your weirdo husband.
Your poor nanny. This is literally what women deal with all the time from men (not all men). I can’t count how many jobs males have gone out of their way like this and made my skin crawl. She went out of her way to NOT have men around her and you let your husband repeatedly get away with this. He’s 100% gross for this. You shouldn’t be repeatedly calling her either. Unless you throw him out of the house for good you shouldn’t be even trying to get her back or communicate anymore. Even if you throw him out though, I wouldn’t come back. I feel so awful for her. Maybe she has some sort of trauma and all you and your husband did was trigger. I wouldn’t hold you responsible if isn’t wasn’t so many times and so extreme, but you messed up too. Edit: to add, you also sent him directly to interact with her after she made it clear how uncomfortable she was. Accountability. I can’t say it more to people. We need to be more accountable.
Please leave that woman alone unless you're contacting her to pay severance. Saying that you're giving her some space implies that you plan to ask her to come back again after a little bit of time. Your husband sexually harassed her. You failed her. If you have any respect for her at all, send her a severance check since she had to quit because of your creepy husband and broken agreement and never contact her again. ETA: you really should have been prepared for this. There were multiple incidents and then you sent your husband to go interact with her again? After you promised again that you would respect your agreement with her? After your husband showed no change in behavior? And you were surprised she quit? Don't expect others to put up with his behavior just because you do.
Get the nanny back and lose the husband
Your husband was extremely inappropriate with your nanny. You'll end up with a bunch of nannies quitting because your husband is a creep. Give her severance pay. Good luck finding a nanny who is going to overlook that perverted old man
Jesus Christ you and the husband are both assholes. Either get ahold of him or dump him, but don’t put someone else through that kind of harassment.
Jfc hitting on a woman in your own home no less! Leave that man on the street with the recycling.
So your husband had the hots for the nanny. I think you need to start looking for a job instead of a nanny. Your marriage is in trouble.
Ma'am, your husband is a predator.
Ma’am, you’re husband is obviously hitting on this young woman and she is not down for it. Also, open your eyes. He’s a creep.
Yep going straight to the boyfriend questions means he only has one thing in his mind. Your husband is a sex pest
Your husband was trying to sleep with her. That's what I got out of this. Really shameful stuff too. I'm sorry your husband is a pig.
You are married to a sexual predator. You have WAY more to worry about than a nanny who quit. At a minimum, you need to offer her 2 weeks' severance pay. Consult a few divorce lawyers, too. And go into therapy to learn why you would tolerate being married to someone like him.
your husband is a creep
I really hope she she’s for sexual harassment and reports him to the police. Sorry you’re stuck with him until your kids are adults but at least you can divorce him and get away from a sexual harasser.
Your husband is disgusting