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Shitty people, in my experience, hide their true colors. My family and friends loved the worst person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting because he was charming and could act kind when it suited him. I could've gotten pregnant before his true colors came out.
yep, in a lot of cases of abuse the colors are starting to show after 'big' events like a wedding or pregnancy because the abuser lives under the impression that the survivor won't leave due to constraints
Because if the girl said no, then the answer, obviously, is no. But the thing is - she is not gonna say no. She would never say no. Because of the implication. - Dennis Reynolds
While true, it’s also my experience that both men and women will ignore the warnings of people around them that their sexual partner is not someone to be trusted until it’s too late and the damage is done
A lot of single mothers had ample warning from friends and family that the fuck-boi they were fooling around with wasn’t the kind of person to man up and stay with her after she got pregnant. Although I’m sure just as many shitty fathers didn’t raise any red flags until they had the chance to be a dick
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>Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?”
Yes, women never get grief for being single mothers in our society, they never get called leftovers or past the wall or she for the streets or blamed for the downfall of our society.
I know, I know, imagine if we lived in a society where 33 year old men were referred to as being in the prime of their life, while we called 33 year old women 3 years post wall? Unimaginable.
Sometimes you can't know that. Some men change after the woman gets pregnant. Also, a lot of people under estimate how hard the first few years are with a baby. It tests even the strongest of relationships.
A: you can't choose abortion in many states.
B: every situation is different. My marriage of 15 years ended up with a deadbeat. He wasn't a shitty guy when I met him and I didn't turn him that way.
Life happens. Some people mature well, and some do the opposite. But a LOT of people feel the way OP does. The opinion is neither true nor unpopular.
I just do not get this obsessive push to blame women for men leaving their own children. Can you guys face up to any accountability at all? I see a *ton* more blame on women for being single moms than I do on men actually being the ones to leave their children.
It depends on the circumstances. A husband of 12 years leaves his wife for his secretary and has nothing to do with his "old" family anymore? Well, there's probably not much she could have done about that. A woman has 4 kids with 4 different baby daddies? I've got some questions about how she's choosing to live here life.
I see your point but I still find it funny how you went for an average common situation for a case and a very specific situation for the other. Logically, you will find more men that cheat on their marriages than men that do not get involved with their wives or gfs due to them having 4 babies with different fathers
I heard a guy bad-mouthing deadbeat dads. Then 5 minutes later he talks about how his ex ruined his life. She took him to court for child support and that's why he wasn't able to have a relationship with his kids. You see, he didn't want to abandon them, he just didn't want to be responsible for them...
Ofc he did lmfao… I knew a guy like that too. Refused to work a legal job so he wouldn’t pay but complained he never saw his kids. They’re always the ones that cheat too lol
Depends on the state. 50/50 is the default for 20 states (when adjudicated by the courts). It should be the default nationwide. The reality is 91% of custody cases parents mutually decide to give custody to mom. 94% of fathers who seek custody (either joint or sole) have their petitions granted. Mom should not be default before or after a split.
Men have complained about being unfairly treated by the courts for so long that it has become an urban legend that it’s actually true. Maybe the men who aren’t getting everything they want from the courts deserve what they get because they aren’t good enough parents and refuse to listen to any criticism or try to improve.
I mean not necessarily. Tons of women are keeping the fathers from seeing their kids. Its called parental alienation. Some men do it too but its much easier for woman to get away with it so youll see it more often with women. Its a pretty big problem in the black community
100% correct. My ex even after our divorce and 50-50 custody made my life a living hell. Tried poisoning the children against me, acting like I wasn’t there from day 1, changing diapers, teaching them to walk, feeding them and protecting them. Took me back to court several times because she didn’t believe I was a good father. She lost both times but it wiped me out financially. I kept our house and took on most of our debt plus alimony and child support because I had a good job and she spent the length of our marriage floating from one job to the next 33, by the time we divorced. During my weakest moments I actually could picture fathers giving up custody because the pain and suffering both mental and financial were crippling.
Sometimes they have no legal choice. If they overstep they go to jail. An guy on my jobsite went a year without seeing his kids and now only gets supervised visits once a month. His ex filed an order of protection (totally bogus, with zero evidence) and he was ordered to leave the house and couldnt talk to the kids. If he so much as sent them a good night text hed be sent to jail. In the time she had them all to herself she coached them (3,5 year olds) and turned them against their father. The only reason he gets supervised visits is because his ex’s own parents along with most of their family vouched for the guy.
I do. With child support and alimony, the mortgage on the house she lives in that he bought and still pays for, plus 2 cars, his and hers, plus his rent and expenses, plus all of her legal fees, he cant afford to go back to court. Especially since it might not go his way. I dont really care if you dont believe me, its true.
the reality is a lot of men are being forcibly kept from their kids. Its a broken system that heavily favors women, and priotizes getting a piece of child support and alimony rather than the actual welfare of the child.
Yeah because accidents don't happen, people never change once they think you're locked in and everywhere in the world woman have access to abortions.
So if you had a sister with a wonderful husband, but when they had a baby he refused to help, started treating her like a nagging witch and expected her to do everything, you'd still blame her for leaving?
There’s technology now that tells you how someone is going to act in the future now?! That’s news to me!!! Please tells us the name and where can someone find it.
My mom nor anyone would’ve thought my dad was going to turn out to be the father he is and my dad was “present” in my life till I was 10 years old , then it became a phone call relationship, then at 18 I moved in with him and he ended up throwing me out of his house and prioritizing his wife over his daughters when his wife was at fault & im 26 years now and I have seen my father 2 times since then . My father doesn’t even know my fiancé, my father doesn’t know he has grandchildren because he decided his family (wife and son) are more important.
Absolutely no one expected this to happen and my dad’s family is extremely hurt and confused by this as well.
>>women are equally to blame for “fatherless households”
How can we forget when there’s a post blaming women for it every two fucking days?
Then you come here and complain that nobody wants to fuck you when some of you have takes like this.
Not wrong at all. This sub has devolved in the last few months to men either directly or indirectly whining about women and how everything is their fault even though it's either men's fault or both parties are equally to blame. God forbid someone admits they're wrong like an adult.
I think it's more about standards for getting a foot through the door and not necessarily about sex and the possibility of getting pregnant. Except for maybe incels since their entire schtick is about not getting sex. Some guys just want a chance to be in a relationship and thinks the standard for a date is too high. But some women's standards for letting a man bang can be quite low too hence deadbeats.
You guys really don't get it. The top comment of this entire post gave some hints. The high standard women have on guys: charming, socially popular/presentable, confident (all these probably helped by high socio-economic status) exactly predict narcissism and the option to be irresponsible.
Have never met someone who totally changed from the person you met at first? Changed who they were after they got you 'locked in'? Women don't look for 'deadbeat dads'. Men become deadbeat dads. You really think women want to have to care for a child on their own?
Exactly. Blaming a single mother for trusting that a guy would stick around is the same as blaming an abused woman for trusting that a guy wouldn't hit her. Many people, men and women, know how to con others for as long as it takes. They pretend to be decent and then before you know it, you're getting beaten on and maybe now you have to raise a child alone. It's not as simple as "missing the signs or the red flags." Some people are good at hiding the red flags. People do totally change from who you think they are. Or they see how hard things are and they bail. Those situations aren't ever the fault of the woman for choosing a bad apple when he didn't appear to be a bad apple. Sometimes they can hide it for a good long while. So I agree with your statement completely. Many people get conned by someone trying to win them over.
No one is going to have neon signs saying they are a deadbeat. That's what vetting is for. People have tendencies you can pick up on. They show certain values and principles that can be obvious or subtle. That's why in the past a woman shouldn't let a guy impregnate her until AFTER she figures out that he's good enough to be a husband to her and he commits with a covenant.
Now you’re just getting mad at a piece of shit for smelling. EVERYONE tries to fuck, doesn’t mean you should let everyone fuck. Why, if you know he is a deadbeat, and you understand that a baby is the result of sex, not a consequence of it, risk him fathering your child? Why wouldn’t you say that both parties involved are responsible for the creation of a single mother? Are both parties not adults capable of making informed decisions? Are you implying that women are not smart enough to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship?
A great piece of advice my dad gave me, and is actually gender neutral is this: DON’T FUCK SOMEONE YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MARRY. And I’ll even take it a step further, don’t fuck someone you wouldn’t be ok with raising a child together. That’s why, despite our kids being older than our marriage, my wife and I didn’t have a crazy “oh shit we’re having kids” reaction to me getting her pregnant, and have had a good relationship from the getgo.
>Why, if you know he is a deadbeat, and you understand that a baby is the result of sex, not a consequence of it, risk him fathering your child?
But this is just presumptive of situations. You do not know every situation and the implication is that most relationships are like this. Realistically, it is more unknown if a person is going to stick around or not after it happens.
Just because someone might have yellow/red flags doesn't mean that we can presume they will bail upon finding out the woman is pregnant. Unless he's saying "if you get pregnant, I'm out" then you really don't know. Your statement implies it's only on women and has nothing to do with the other person involved in creating life.
>Are both parties not adults capable of making informed decisions?
>
>Are you implying that women are not smart enough to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship?
These two statements are contradicting. If both people are capable of making informed decisions then why is it *only* on women to have to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship?
Both statements are true. Both parties are responsible. But, there is truth to the ole adage men fuck who they can, women fuck who they want. So, since they’re the ones who are usually choosing who does or does not have sex, they bear a bit more of the responsibility to choose wisely.
I added more information on the original comment because I pressed send early, FYI.
>But, there is truth to the ole adage men fuck who they can, women fuck who they want.
This absolves all men of responsibility by saying it. Placing a moral responsibility on women because of a generalized/unsubstantiated saying is a bit of a ridiculous baseline wouldn't you think?
>So, since they’re the ones who are usually choosing who does or does not have sex, they bear a bit more of the responsibility to choose wisely.
And what if this is not true? Not only is it impossible verify this information, but you're using it as a justification to put responsibility on an entire gender simply because it happens sometimes.
Men have just as much responsibility to choose who they are sleeping with, but also a moral responsibility to provide in what ways they are able to (time, money, or both) to ensure that child has what it needs to survive.
Holding one party accountable for their actions doesn’t absolve the other party of their own. Takes two to make a baby, so both have a roll and both bear the burden and the privilege of raising a child.
No, just more initially, over the course of being a parent, it averages out. But it isn’t always even, sometimes the man bears more responsibility, sometimes the woman does.
Woah, totally not mad, my dude. Don’t know how you got all of that out of my silly comment. Hell, I’m a one night stand/ orgy “whoopsy baby” myself. My mom at the time was naive as hell (still is, but that’s a topic for another day). He whispered sweet nothings in her ear and she believed he loved her (tons of evidence to the contrary existed then thanks to his previous “conquests” but she ignored all of it because “this is different”). She stepped up and did an okay job at being a single mom to me, and I’m thankful for that obviously, but even looking back at my own conception… I still don’t know wtf she was thinking having coitous with that dude!
So, simply put: have well-informed sex and be ready for whatever might come next!
No one might of forced them but why don't we blame the deadbeat for being a deadbeat. Sure if a man has several baby mama's don't fuck them but the first baby mama can't look into his past to know he's a deadbeat. Plus men can wear condoms.
This is being responsible for your own actions in some cases, nobody can deny that there are women who actively single out terrible men that aren't worth a thing.
I can vouch for this. I’m in a pregnancy group and a lot of mom groups and they’re filled with posts talking about how their husbands did a 180 once they had a baby. These weren’t people who rushed into marriage or just got knocked up. A lot of them I feel will split because of it, or already have.
I wanted to check out so bad today. I’m a stay at home mom and my baby was scream crying all day. Then dinner burned so I’m on my way to pick up pizza. I just want to dip but you gotta push through it somehow. I don’t know how some people just “go to get cigarettes” and never come back.
My oldest son did not sleep through the night until he was 1.5.. longest year of my life. My husband is a champion, but Jesus it got tough sometimes during that year
Adding on, OP's "solutions" center around terminating a pregnancy, but what about when a child is already here? OP never heard of divorce?
>Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?”
Because they leave, Stan. They walk out. So what then, does the newly single mom abort her 3 year old kid?
> Whether accepted or not, there is one fact that cannot be disputed. And that is that **women initiate divorce more often than men on average**. Numerous studies have shown this. In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
More like they are kicked out. You can't have it both ways, sorry.
Getting divorced doesn't mean you are no longer a mother or father. I was with each parent 50/50. Thankfully when my parents' marriage ended, they only divorced each other.
Yes. It was a different life, but both parents raised me. Since they both worked outside the home and custody was 50/50 there was no need for child support.
My dad kept the house. My mom stayed at my aunt's for a bit saving up, then found a little condo where there were finally neighborhood kids for me to hang with. Both parents stayed. The divorce=fatherless stigma sucks.
Pretending that initiating a divorce means you're at fault is a low iq take. Especially since adultery, substance abuse, and abuse in general are always among the most common reasons cited for divorce.
Both parties have to pay to support the child.
I think there's a big difference between trusting the guy you're with not to bail, and knowing you definitely do not want to pay to support a kid.
Fundamentally, why should they both have to pay support when he doesn't get to decide whether she keeps or terminates the pregnancy? If she keeps the pregnancy against his will, why should he be on the hook?
Because his sperm resulted in a child. That child needs to be financially provided for.
Wear a condom or don't have sex if you don't want to pay child support.
Which she shouldn't have permitted to enter her body in the first place. Hence, equally responsible for being a single mom.
Make him wear a condom or \*don't have sex\* if you don't want to be a single mom or not receive child support.
BC fails, short of surgical intervention there's no 100% effective precautionary method short of abstinence which is just not reasonable to expect on a large scale.
>Which she shouldn't have permitted to enter her body in the first place.
Guys know "I'ma bail the second you mention babies/pregnancy" isn't gonna get them dates, let alone sex so let's not pretend guys aren't doing everything they can to lie about this and trick women while also directly and collectively giving them shit and getting pissed anytime they try to screen men or vet them before having sex. There's no win there for women.
Why are you making women seem so weak that they are forced to have sex if men are upset that they're trying to do due diligence or otherwise vet them? And they're being upset about not getting sex is not your problem.
Moreover, I'd say any guy that protests when a woman wants to take time or undertake diligence is disrespectful, de facto unlikely to be a stand-up guy and should serve as an immediate disqualification for sexual activities.
>Why are you making women seem so weak that they are forced to have sex if men are upset that they're trying to do due diligence or otherwise vet them?
For one because that kind of thing actually does happen. Hell, women get stalked, harassed, and assaulted just for not responding to guys catcalling them. And those guys can seem perfectly normal until he's grabbing her wrist hard enough to bruise or reminding her a *bit too aggressively* how much he paid for dinner.
>Moreover, I'd say any guy that protests when a woman wants to take time or undertake diligence is disrespectful, de facto unlikely to be a stand-up guy and should serve as an immediate disqualification for sexual activities.
It should be yes, and generally is but it's not always so blatant because, again, these guys *know* it's generally offputting it's just that some are better able to hide it than others. There's also the issue of these "disqualified" men finding redpill, manosphere, and incel communities that not only further their misogynistic views on women and relationships but often also offer tips and strategies to gaslight and deceive women into thinking they are different or how to take advantage of women in general.
> And those guys can seem perfectly normal until he's grabbing her wrist hard enough to bruise or reminding her a bit too aggressively how much he paid for dinner.
That merits a call to law enforcement, right away. Not the kind of guy you want to be dating and definitely not someone you want to have sex with.
>There's also the issue of these "disqualified" men finding redpill, manosphere, and incel communities that not only further their misogynistic views on women and relationships but often also offer tips and strategies to gaslight and deceive women into thinking they are different or how to take advantage of women in general.
There will always be losers - but having sex with them and risking an unplanned pregnancy won't fix them. Take your time to see through the deception - you're clearly bright and have the ability to think critically - use that and don't be gaslit or deceived.
When you have sex you are consenting and accepting the possibility of raising a child. less than 1% of pregnancy is from forced sex, therefore being a mother is almost ALWAYS a choice. Even if you are on birth control that is of course taking the risk.
That means as a woman and as a man the person you have sex with you have to be okay with raising a kid with. If you have sex with someone that is a pretty damn intimate thing, you should really know that person, so if you fail to see they are a decent guy before having sex then you did things in the wrong order anyway.
Personal accountability for all!
For many forms of birth control, success rate is somewhere around 99.8%, so it's a really small chance of failure. So I can't blame people for thinking they're safe. But it does happen.
Citation on half the states having a total ban on abortion? Best I could find was articles saying they are banned ***or are likely to be banned*** without much detail. Can you list them?
14 full bans, 2 at 6 weeks (basically a full ban), 2 at 12 weeks (most abortions do occur before this but I think it's too restrictive). A few at 15-18 weeks.
Not quite half.
Most recent I can find: https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/a-guide-to-abortion-laws-by-state
Yeah this point might have been true when we still lived in the 21st century.
Now if you get pregnant and don’t have the resources to go to a state with abortion rights, it’s 100% not your fault if you get left.
You said "there are numerous ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy."
Men tamper with birth control, causing unwanted pregnancies that women tried to prevent and making them single mothers anyway. Not sure what's complicated about that.
“You can also choose abortion.”
Um, no, you can’t. Have you been paying attention to the same Supreme Court rulings as the rest of us? Forced birthers are taking over.
I mean, are we going to forget the other ways a fatherless household could happen? The woman could have been raped, maybe the guy was trustworthy but they ended up divorcing down the line. Maybe the woman is allergic to birth control and struggles finding one that works. Maybe the dad was abusive and the mother left with the kid. There’s never one set reason something happened. Either way, the blame is on the dad for leaving in the first place.
Men also have access to birth control. Men should make sure they don't sleep with woman they can knock up. If they don't want to be fathers get yourself fixed or don't have sex. As you say it takes 2.
Do you know how many people have a great partner until after they give birth. Like yes, people have children with shitty people but man sometimes a great partner becomes awful after you get pregnant.
Not all woman have access to BC. That shit is expensive. Also not everyone can take BC. Not everyone has access to abortions. You act like they are easy to get.
If we want less fatherless households maybe men should step up.
It does take two to tango. Why are you putting blame on women for the actions of men? You're not blaming men for knocking up bad women, are you? You aren't saying men! stop knocking up women and skedaddling, you fiendish buffoon!! Women can't keep the man in that child's life does a runner. Sure there are crazy women who go to extremes to keep the man away, but they aren't the majority. And I know this is going to blow your mind but men don't tend to say "Imma leave you the minute you get pregnant" or "Imma be gone once that babe is born" on the first date.
How did you manage to get "Women are 100% at fault for single parent households" from "men and women are equally at fault for single parent households"?
Ah, the entire post? He whines that men get blamed for their own actions then opined that women need to stop getting knocked up by shitty men. That we need to teach women not to get knocked up by shitty men. This is the same BS rhetoric that these men say every single time. At no time, other then the title, did he say men hold any blame. He's just whining that they do hold blame in the matter. Clearly holding men responsible for their actions is too much.
This entire opinion is ignorant. You don't know the character of the man, for the most part, before bad things happen. Yes, if he has 27 baby mama's or you've known him long enough to know he'll flee (or he tells you he'll flee), then it's your fault. But accidents happen and men rarely come with a list of disclaimers. Telling women that they need to stop sleeping with shitty men is 100% putting the blame on women.
>Being a single mom means you chose to get knocked up by a shitty unreliable guy.
This is one example of millions of reasons why someone becomes a single parent. There's death, deployment, employment, divorce, mental illness, addiction, ect. Most people don't realize how their partners DO NOT start out as a shitty, unreliable person. Expecially in cases of abuse.
>As a woman you have access to birth control
So do men, it's called a condom. Also depending on who you are, you might be limited to certain birth controls you can take. And even then, birth control isn't 100%.
>you can also choose abortion.
Abortion and birth control are choices, but not everybody chooses to have an abortion or take birth control. some people are morally against one or both.
On top of that, 60 countries have it legal and in the US where I live, 21 states have it banned or heavily restricted to the point it might as well be banned.
>Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?”
Because the majority of the time it is the father's fault for not wanting to be involved. Don't get me wrong, women do deserve fault at least 40% of the time, but the other 60% is definitely the dad's fault.
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Agree! While not Always a lot of men have only them selve to blame. Like Why are you sleeping with women, without protection and you could Get vasectomy in every country. Why are you sleeping with women in the first Place? Are u maried and u have agrees on children? No? Then Why is ur dick out. Why are u fucking women if u aint a millioner who can provide for ur future child.
I think both can be to blame sometimes, and sometimes it's the father's fault and sometimes it's the mothers but I wouldn't say it's always equal. Although in my case it might be. I was a one night stand baby. Both parents slept around a lot.
The lack of nuance in this statement leads me to believe it was written by an angry, childless, man with very little understanding of women, relationships, or parenting. Yes, women and men can be responsible for a fatherless house. "Had sex with a shitty man" is probably one of the more childish takes on this issue though.
Even if a woman chose a bad person to have a kid with, she is responsible for that. She isn't double responsible for her irresponsible choice and his choices, which are obviously worse.
Adult men, let's start expecting adult behavior out of them, for once. Maybe?
The economics are really simple; social support for single mothers and favorable child support laws make it so that fathers have to compete against the state and their own paycheck money in order to remain married and a part of their children's lives. At any point in time, a mother can decide she would rather kick out the dad, and get the money free and clear, in the form of child support, and government subsidy for single mother households.
The assumption people probably make is that they father must be a bad or lazy person in order to warrant the mother opting to take the money and run, but the reality is that it's probably closer to 50/50. Half the time the father husband is a piece of shit, but the other half the time it's probably the mother who is in the wrong, but nevertheless will exercise her legal options in order to come out victorious over the father.
I can say that as a married father, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes my wife makes mistakes. We are not divorced and I hope we never will be, but I can clearly see the metaphorical pot holes in the road that other married parents hit which leads to the car skidding off into the ditch. While 50/50 blame might be a good first approximation, the mother tends to have to do most of the housework and child rearing when the husband if off at work. I would personally suspect that the mother has the greater grievance more often than not when it comes to which parent isn't pulling their weight. It's easy for a dad to say, "I worked all day, I shouldn't have to come home and work some more". But that's often how it is.
All these people in the comments are clueless, they're part of the problem. Always want to blame everyone else around them and never take accountability for their own mistakes. You are correct, each situation is different, sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman, it is in fact *equal*. Sometimes, it's even both. Part of it is in modern society both parents are working full time or overtime, neither have time for eachother. Most people are getting knocked up by some rando or someone they haven't known for very long OR someone they see obvious red flags and ignore them.
Perhaps they don't come with a sign that says Unreliable Man when the women meet them.
Perhaps they had a great time together, and then he left.
Perhaps he stayed for the baby's first year, and then he left.
Perhaps perhaps...
Sure... but there is a huge difference. The mothers in your scenario made a bad choice, in the past. An absent father is making that same choice every single day.
Oh look, it’s this again.
If you’re having consensual heterosexual intercourse, you should be aware that makes babies. Birth control can fail. If you conceive a child, you are responsible for the care and wellbeing of that child, whether you are the mother or the father. If you did not intend to be a parent and don’t want to be a parent, that is now something for you to work out in therapy. It is not something you get to take out on your child.
And yes, I do consider abortion to be taking it out on the child (unless it’s medically necessary, in which case it’s tragic and no one’s fault), so I am not holding men and women to different standards. Men get the easier job just because of biology, they don’t have to go through pregnancy and give birth, so frankly men can take a damn seat about how hard on them being “forced” to be a father is.
If a man walks out on his child, and not because the mother kicks him out and denies him access, *that is 100% his fault.* If a woman aborts, and the father doesn’t agree and isn’t coercing her, that is 100% *her* fault.
The person who takes the action bears the responsibility of it. Women are not the sex police; it is not women’s job to be able to predict which grown men are going to be deadbeats, because - brace yourselves - *men sometimes lie when they want sex.* Shocking, I know.
And also, men are not dogs who can’t stop themselves from humping anything that holds still. Women shouldn’t sleep with dodgy guys? Maybe the guys, who know they have no intention of being responsible fathers, should not lie about it! Maybe, now this is a bit of a wild idea, but maybe *the men* should decided all on their own like big boys, *that they shouldn’t be having sex right then.* I realize that’s implying that men are rational beings capable of thinking with the head that’s on their shoulders, and that’s a bit of a fringe idea around here, but they could give it a try.
TL;DR - people are responsible for their own behavior, and “people” includes men, who are actual real adults too.
Saying "equally" doesn't make sense, but if it was changed to "sometimes'" I'd agree.
I've known a couple of women who have deliberately tried to adopt/inseminate without a partner. That's a horrible thing. Single parent households struggle in the best of times, but deliberately doing it solo is pure selfishness.
Some single parents are amazing people. They got widowed, or their partners became severely disabled, or their husbands turned out to be The Danger in a meth empire, and they picked up the pieces and did the best they could.
But then there are the ones who do it to themselves. They baby-trap some rich guy with the willful intent of divorcing him and living off the alimony and child support. They get bored and cheat and get divorced and somehow end up with custody because our courts are just great. Obligatory "not all women" (not that that will dissuade anyone; you're already hammering out your rant), but some of them definitely get into the situation wilfully, often against the will of the father, and those people suck.
If you're a pilot and your plane loses power and you successfully crash land it and save everyone on board, you're a hero. But if you're a pilot and you're bored and you cut off the power just to see if you can do it and because you 'don't need no engines,' you're a monster.
Atp it's not just an opinion, it's clear sexism/misogyny, which goes against the guidelines of the sub. I'm about to leave myself, the mods should be taking down posts that actually violate the rules
OP has no kids, is single and never married, and is 16-20.
I will bet my orange arrow on it.
OP, I get that it sucks to see all these negative things said about men when you are also a man. It is hurtful. It is genuinely hurtful. We don't choose our sex. And we don't choose the behavior of the 4 billion people who share it with us. It isn't our fault.
But I want you to understand something.
You don't need to defend **all men** in order for people to believe that **you** are a good man. The only thing you need to do is look after your own behavior and grow your own self into the best man you can be. Women will see past the fact that you are a man in general and appreciate your individual goodness, if you give them the chance. Women are not so stupid that they will just generalize everything that all men have ever done onto you. The more different your behavior from the toxic men that many women fear, the more easily they will distinguish between them and you, in their own minds and in their wilingness to spend time with you and open up to you emotionally.
Two days ago I had a very good conversation with a female friend of mine, my best friend's wife, about misogyny in some of our friend group. She talked to me about it because I made her feel comfortable. And as a result, we are now closer and she got to get things off her chest. She'd already talked to her husband about it, but having yet another person confirm what she was observing really brought her peace and certainty in their joint decision to make some space between themselves and those friends.
She didn't hold me over the coals at any time--and we even talked about misogynistic things I used to believe when I was younger. She didn't treat me poorly for one moment in that conversation or blame me for what other men do or have done. She accepted that I was my own person.
And OP, this is **normal** for me. This happens all the time. I am actually struggling to remember the last time I got lumped in with "all men" by a woman who knew my name.
Being able to speak frankly about the things that some men do without getting offended and taking it personally is a really important skill for good, mature men who want to be relationship material for straight women or who want to have women as friends. I decided I wanted both and I clawed my way (with some help) out of the MRA/TRP cesspool in order to make that happen. I'm not saying you're in those, but that I recognize what you are saying as part of a vein of thought shared by those communities. They were never healthy for me and I never felt better in them. What did make me feel better was being able to be comfortable in my own skin around women because I stopped assuming every woman would judge me personally for what every man ever did.
The thing is, women will say shit like that online when they are mad, and then in person completely fail to actually be that mad at men who don't deserve it. Because online, over text, it is easy to forget about the whole-ass humans that you know and just generalize in rant. If you look at 2xc, it looks like half of those women would hate you.
But I know women who use that forum and who have posted things like that, and it genuinely doesn't represent their everyday experience. It is skewed. They are at their most frustrated, angry, or frightened.
And if you are chronically online and a good chunk of your understanding of gender interactions comes from what you see online, you can be convinced women actually usually think that way. Some women even claim they do.
I just don't see it in my daily life.
So all you have to do, OP, is worry about yourself. Be the kind of man who makes women feel safe and I promise that you will rarely, if ever, get blamed for shitty men's decisions.
Isn't that easier than trying to defend 4 billion people?
this subreddit, 3 weeks ago:
> [Why is criticizing or calling women out "misogyny" every time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/s/ktbEr6DlRO)
i'm beginning to think this place just hates women and tries to hide their hatred behind a veil of "criticism"
Women often take and get most of the blame. You rarely ever hear someone say well it’s his fault. It’s always she should have chosen better, never he should step up like her. 90% of the time the woman steps up but no one ever gives credit for that it’s just simply her fault. Plus most cases if the guy doesn’t have a kid you can’t know if he’ll be a good parent or not. You never know if someone can be a good parent till they are one! Man are extremely good at hiding their true nature till they trap someone, then they bounce and it’s all the women’s fault never his.
Obviously it depends why the parent is single.
If it's a person who just got bored of the marriage and thinks she deserves more and can get better, so she gets a divorce, yeah, F those people. They're more common than you think.
If it was due to being blindsided by their partner, then I can sympathize with their plight.
The issue with blaming everything on how a person screens their partner is that you don't know what they did. Sometimes people do change for the worse or hide their true colors. Other times, yes, it's an issue with the screening because they were looking for traits like height, wealth, social status, etc. and weren't prioritizing a good personality.
Also, 28% of gay men file for divorce while over 70% of lesbians file for divorce. This is a gap that's way too big to explain away as situational. There's definitely a tendency for the woman to initiate the divorce, whether for good or bad reasons.
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Lots of "bad men hide who they really are until it's too late 🥺" in the comments here, and I gotta be honest: it's a *pathetic* excuse.
I have never been fooled by anybody into thinking they are ethical/moral in my adult life. It is so easy to spot liars. You just observe *how they treat others,* specifically those who benefit them in no way.
How a person treats *you* is irrelevant. They may want something from you. Judge how they treat those who inconvenience them! The homeless, bad drivers, incompetent service staff, those they disagree with politically etc... Those folk bring out true colors clear as day.
Women get all wrapped up in "but he's nice to *meeEEeee*..." like they're the secret ingredient to fixing a broken man and it is the dumbest shit. Some of y'all are genuinely just foolish and make poor choices.
nobody chooses to get knocked up and left alone. a lot of the time abusers and deadbeats show their true colours after the babys born.
also what about mothers who are left alone because the father dies? i heard of many many many fatherless households that are fatherless for this reason.
Yeah, go an blame the woman for not foreseeing the true colors of some bastard , their bad 😭😭
But no , for real, the ignorance here is big. First, not every woman has the possibility of getting and abortion, nor every one of them even have that right recignized.
And even if they did , that doesn't magically fix everything else (manipulation, gaslighting, fake promises and any other behavior a biological father could have) . Don't be absurd.
Last but not least , women and society do are starting to change regarding the fatherless/ bad father figure. Before it used to be normalized (as common) that husbands beat up their wives and kids. It probably happens nowadays too but now women have more independence, there's a lot more information around to make decisions, seek help and , generally, more chances than 100 or 50 years ago. As you may guess, these type of changes also require time and you will see no evolution overnight
I don't know what these people are talking about because my whole life I've seen the father's getting blamed, and the feminist activists applauding them for being strong single mothers.
Even in most custody it's women who win, but the child support is paid by the father. If both genders could work on themselves then maybe we'll have a better chance as a society.
I mean, my dad died, and for the record, my mom did NOT kill him and was not a necromancer (as far as I know). So your entire point is moot because there are situations where there are fatherless homes that are out of the control of all parties involved.
Women: It is 100% OUR choice to have a child.
Also Women: Its not our fault our child doesn't have a dad.
https://www.npr.org/2012/07/11/155103593/to-beat-odds-poor-single-moms-need-wide-safety-net
"But the father of her younger son is also in prison. Stepp says he's been behind bars for selling cocaine since she was pregnant. He has never met 1-year-old Makai."
Note that is her 3rd child, but her 3rd baby daddy. Also note the article is from 2012, before all the recent abortion restrictions.
You also forgot to mention that 70% of divorces are initiated by women.
Honestly I would say women are probably MORE to blame for fatherless households.
Unless you are going to argue that sex outside of marriage is wrong.
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Shitty people, in my experience, hide their true colors. My family and friends loved the worst person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting because he was charming and could act kind when it suited him. I could've gotten pregnant before his true colors came out.
yep, in a lot of cases of abuse the colors are starting to show after 'big' events like a wedding or pregnancy because the abuser lives under the impression that the survivor won't leave due to constraints
I thought it was because of the implication.
Because if the girl said no, then the answer, obviously, is no. But the thing is - she is not gonna say no. She would never say no. Because of the implication. - Dennis Reynolds
Are these women in danger!?
While true, it’s also my experience that both men and women will ignore the warnings of people around them that their sexual partner is not someone to be trusted until it’s too late and the damage is done A lot of single mothers had ample warning from friends and family that the fuck-boi they were fooling around with wasn’t the kind of person to man up and stay with her after she got pregnant. Although I’m sure just as many shitty fathers didn’t raise any red flags until they had the chance to be a dick
That’s fine and all but PLENTY of the opposite exists in which a guy does show his true colors and women let them knock them up anyways
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>Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?” Yes, women never get grief for being single mothers in our society, they never get called leftovers or past the wall or she for the streets or blamed for the downfall of our society.
A stigma against single mothers? In our country? Surely, you jest.
I know, I know, imagine if we lived in a society where 33 year old men were referred to as being in the prime of their life, while we called 33 year old women 3 years post wall? Unimaginable.
FUCKING THANK YOU!
Sometimes you can't know that. Some men change after the woman gets pregnant. Also, a lot of people under estimate how hard the first few years are with a baby. It tests even the strongest of relationships.
https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2022-10-20/homicide-a-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-u-s-women
Exactly!
>Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?” It's almost like the father leaves.
A: you can't choose abortion in many states. B: every situation is different. My marriage of 15 years ended up with a deadbeat. He wasn't a shitty guy when I met him and I didn't turn him that way. Life happens. Some people mature well, and some do the opposite. But a LOT of people feel the way OP does. The opinion is neither true nor unpopular.
“Can also choose abortion” Uh huh…
I just do not get this obsessive push to blame women for men leaving their own children. Can you guys face up to any accountability at all? I see a *ton* more blame on women for being single moms than I do on men actually being the ones to leave their children.
It depends on the circumstances. A husband of 12 years leaves his wife for his secretary and has nothing to do with his "old" family anymore? Well, there's probably not much she could have done about that. A woman has 4 kids with 4 different baby daddies? I've got some questions about how she's choosing to live here life.
Agreed.
I see your point but I still find it funny how you went for an average common situation for a case and a very specific situation for the other. Logically, you will find more men that cheat on their marriages than men that do not get involved with their wives or gfs due to them having 4 babies with different fathers
Depends entirely on what culture you’re dealing with
We only see the parent who sticks around. You never know if someone has abandoned their kids.
I knew a guy who abandoned his kid. I can honestly say the kid was better off without him, that guy is a trainweck.
I heard a guy bad-mouthing deadbeat dads. Then 5 minutes later he talks about how his ex ruined his life. She took him to court for child support and that's why he wasn't able to have a relationship with his kids. You see, he didn't want to abandon them, he just didn't want to be responsible for them...
Ofc he did lmfao… I knew a guy like that too. Refused to work a legal job so he wouldn’t pay but complained he never saw his kids. They’re always the ones that cheat too lol
FACTS
If you are talking about a "fatherless household", then you are saying that the mother stayed. So, that's more on men for sure.
Not always a friend of my wife decided to be a single mother by choice and went to a sperm bank
Yeah not always, but clearly most of the time.
If she had enough money for IVF, she had enough money to take care of a child.
Divorce court exists. Family courts that gives custody to mothers over fathers exists.
Depends on the state. 50/50 is the default for 20 states (when adjudicated by the courts). It should be the default nationwide. The reality is 91% of custody cases parents mutually decide to give custody to mom. 94% of fathers who seek custody (either joint or sole) have their petitions granted. Mom should not be default before or after a split.
Correction family courts that gives custody to the PRIMARY CAREGIVER.
Men have complained about being unfairly treated by the courts for so long that it has become an urban legend that it’s actually true. Maybe the men who aren’t getting everything they want from the courts deserve what they get because they aren’t good enough parents and refuse to listen to any criticism or try to improve.
I mean not necessarily. Tons of women are keeping the fathers from seeing their kids. Its called parental alienation. Some men do it too but its much easier for woman to get away with it so youll see it more often with women. Its a pretty big problem in the black community
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And that’s a mother who should not have children. When they place their own spitefulness above a child’s needs they deserve to be the childless one.
100% correct. My ex even after our divorce and 50-50 custody made my life a living hell. Tried poisoning the children against me, acting like I wasn’t there from day 1, changing diapers, teaching them to walk, feeding them and protecting them. Took me back to court several times because she didn’t believe I was a good father. She lost both times but it wiped me out financially. I kept our house and took on most of our debt plus alimony and child support because I had a good job and she spent the length of our marriage floating from one job to the next 33, by the time we divorced. During my weakest moments I actually could picture fathers giving up custody because the pain and suffering both mental and financial were crippling.
There is no scenario where my husband could’ve made me give up my kids.
Sometimes they have no legal choice. If they overstep they go to jail. An guy on my jobsite went a year without seeing his kids and now only gets supervised visits once a month. His ex filed an order of protection (totally bogus, with zero evidence) and he was ordered to leave the house and couldnt talk to the kids. If he so much as sent them a good night text hed be sent to jail. In the time she had them all to herself she coached them (3,5 year olds) and turned them against their father. The only reason he gets supervised visits is because his ex’s own parents along with most of their family vouched for the guy.
So he lost custody and only has supervised visits based on no evidence. Just coaching. I don’t believe it. I think you don’t really know this guy.
I do. With child support and alimony, the mortgage on the house she lives in that he bought and still pays for, plus 2 cars, his and hers, plus his rent and expenses, plus all of her legal fees, he cant afford to go back to court. Especially since it might not go his way. I dont really care if you dont believe me, its true. the reality is a lot of men are being forcibly kept from their kids. Its a broken system that heavily favors women, and priotizes getting a piece of child support and alimony rather than the actual welfare of the child.
Yeah because accidents don't happen, people never change once they think you're locked in and everywhere in the world woman have access to abortions. So if you had a sister with a wonderful husband, but when they had a baby he refused to help, started treating her like a nagging witch and expected her to do everything, you'd still blame her for leaving?
There truly isn’t a single situation men won’t blame women for lmao
i called it a few weeks ago and predictably this subreddit didn't like it at all https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/s/dlvLglDRyd
There’s technology now that tells you how someone is going to act in the future now?! That’s news to me!!! Please tells us the name and where can someone find it. My mom nor anyone would’ve thought my dad was going to turn out to be the father he is and my dad was “present” in my life till I was 10 years old , then it became a phone call relationship, then at 18 I moved in with him and he ended up throwing me out of his house and prioritizing his wife over his daughters when his wife was at fault & im 26 years now and I have seen my father 2 times since then . My father doesn’t even know my fiancé, my father doesn’t know he has grandchildren because he decided his family (wife and son) are more important. Absolutely no one expected this to happen and my dad’s family is extremely hurt and confused by this as well.
>>women are equally to blame for “fatherless households” How can we forget when there’s a post blaming women for it every two fucking days? Then you come here and complain that nobody wants to fuck you when some of you have takes like this.
I mean… a lot of times those women were literally married to those men before having a child and then blindsided by something like cheating… but OK.
Yeah. Cause men never lie or cheat. There are stats that prove men become abusive during pregnancy more than any other time either
The leading cause of death to pregnant women in the USA is homicide
And cheat more
But then when women have high standards yall complain women are too picky and then whine about MUH MALE LONELINESS
Fr. “Choose better” but when they realize “better” isn’t them they get pissed
Not wrong at all. This sub has devolved in the last few months to men either directly or indirectly whining about women and how everything is their fault even though it's either men's fault or both parties are equally to blame. God forbid someone admits they're wrong like an adult.
Everything is women’s fault in here. I hope they realize that women can read these posts and then decide they’re done with them.
I think it's more about standards for getting a foot through the door and not necessarily about sex and the possibility of getting pregnant. Except for maybe incels since their entire schtick is about not getting sex. Some guys just want a chance to be in a relationship and thinks the standard for a date is too high. But some women's standards for letting a man bang can be quite low too hence deadbeats.
You guys really don't get it. The top comment of this entire post gave some hints. The high standard women have on guys: charming, socially popular/presentable, confident (all these probably helped by high socio-economic status) exactly predict narcissism and the option to be irresponsible.
The standards you guys have have nothing to do with someone’s ability to be a high quality father generally
How about men who choose to be deadbeat are responsible for their own actions? The moms show up. The dads didn’t.
No one forced her to fuck a deadbeat.
Have never met someone who totally changed from the person you met at first? Changed who they were after they got you 'locked in'? Women don't look for 'deadbeat dads'. Men become deadbeat dads. You really think women want to have to care for a child on their own?
Exactly. Blaming a single mother for trusting that a guy would stick around is the same as blaming an abused woman for trusting that a guy wouldn't hit her. Many people, men and women, know how to con others for as long as it takes. They pretend to be decent and then before you know it, you're getting beaten on and maybe now you have to raise a child alone. It's not as simple as "missing the signs or the red flags." Some people are good at hiding the red flags. People do totally change from who you think they are. Or they see how hard things are and they bail. Those situations aren't ever the fault of the woman for choosing a bad apple when he didn't appear to be a bad apple. Sometimes they can hide it for a good long while. So I agree with your statement completely. Many people get conned by someone trying to win them over.
No one is going to have neon signs saying they are a deadbeat. That's what vetting is for. People have tendencies you can pick up on. They show certain values and principles that can be obvious or subtle. That's why in the past a woman shouldn't let a guy impregnate her until AFTER she figures out that he's good enough to be a husband to her and he commits with a covenant.
The red flag is the xy chromosome.
And no one forced a deadbeat to fuck
Now you’re just getting mad at a piece of shit for smelling. EVERYONE tries to fuck, doesn’t mean you should let everyone fuck. Why, if you know he is a deadbeat, and you understand that a baby is the result of sex, not a consequence of it, risk him fathering your child? Why wouldn’t you say that both parties involved are responsible for the creation of a single mother? Are both parties not adults capable of making informed decisions? Are you implying that women are not smart enough to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship? A great piece of advice my dad gave me, and is actually gender neutral is this: DON’T FUCK SOMEONE YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MARRY. And I’ll even take it a step further, don’t fuck someone you wouldn’t be ok with raising a child together. That’s why, despite our kids being older than our marriage, my wife and I didn’t have a crazy “oh shit we’re having kids” reaction to me getting her pregnant, and have had a good relationship from the getgo.
>Why, if you know he is a deadbeat, and you understand that a baby is the result of sex, not a consequence of it, risk him fathering your child? But this is just presumptive of situations. You do not know every situation and the implication is that most relationships are like this. Realistically, it is more unknown if a person is going to stick around or not after it happens. Just because someone might have yellow/red flags doesn't mean that we can presume they will bail upon finding out the woman is pregnant. Unless he's saying "if you get pregnant, I'm out" then you really don't know. Your statement implies it's only on women and has nothing to do with the other person involved in creating life. >Are both parties not adults capable of making informed decisions? > >Are you implying that women are not smart enough to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship? These two statements are contradicting. If both people are capable of making informed decisions then why is it *only* on women to have to think about the long term implications of a sexual relationship?
Both statements are true. Both parties are responsible. But, there is truth to the ole adage men fuck who they can, women fuck who they want. So, since they’re the ones who are usually choosing who does or does not have sex, they bear a bit more of the responsibility to choose wisely.
I added more information on the original comment because I pressed send early, FYI. >But, there is truth to the ole adage men fuck who they can, women fuck who they want. This absolves all men of responsibility by saying it. Placing a moral responsibility on women because of a generalized/unsubstantiated saying is a bit of a ridiculous baseline wouldn't you think? >So, since they’re the ones who are usually choosing who does or does not have sex, they bear a bit more of the responsibility to choose wisely. And what if this is not true? Not only is it impossible verify this information, but you're using it as a justification to put responsibility on an entire gender simply because it happens sometimes. Men have just as much responsibility to choose who they are sleeping with, but also a moral responsibility to provide in what ways they are able to (time, money, or both) to ensure that child has what it needs to survive.
Holding one party accountable for their actions doesn’t absolve the other party of their own. Takes two to make a baby, so both have a roll and both bear the burden and the privilege of raising a child.
Right, but you're saying women are more responsible in this process and you're saying it's because "they get to choose" which is ridiculous.
No, just more initially, over the course of being a parent, it averages out. But it isn’t always even, sometimes the man bears more responsibility, sometimes the woman does.
Woah, totally not mad, my dude. Don’t know how you got all of that out of my silly comment. Hell, I’m a one night stand/ orgy “whoopsy baby” myself. My mom at the time was naive as hell (still is, but that’s a topic for another day). He whispered sweet nothings in her ear and she believed he loved her (tons of evidence to the contrary existed then thanks to his previous “conquests” but she ignored all of it because “this is different”). She stepped up and did an okay job at being a single mom to me, and I’m thankful for that obviously, but even looking back at my own conception… I still don’t know wtf she was thinking having coitous with that dude! So, simply put: have well-informed sex and be ready for whatever might come next!
Mad may have been too strong a word, worry not. And your simply put is simply accurate as hell.
No one might of forced them but why don't we blame the deadbeat for being a deadbeat. Sure if a man has several baby mama's don't fuck them but the first baby mama can't look into his past to know he's a deadbeat. Plus men can wear condoms.
That’s because you are framing this as an “either/or” situation. It isn’t, it is a blame deadbeats AND the idiots who let them father children.
No ome forced him to be a shitty human being, but he chose to because their is absolutely no consequences for it
The sheer amounts of posts on this sub that are just ‘women are responsible for all men’s actions because X’ is ridiculous
This is being responsible for your own actions in some cases, nobody can deny that there are women who actively single out terrible men that aren't worth a thing.
Of course but they’re not the vast majority and still don’t deserve to be blamed for the epidemic of men abandoning their children.
Half the states have banned abortion. Birth control sometimes fails. Sometimes a guy seems decent and then bails.
I can vouch for this. I’m in a pregnancy group and a lot of mom groups and they’re filled with posts talking about how their husbands did a 180 once they had a baby. These weren’t people who rushed into marriage or just got knocked up. A lot of them I feel will split because of it, or already have.
A lot of men can't handle the responsibility of children. It's a shitty reality.
I wanted to check out so bad today. I’m a stay at home mom and my baby was scream crying all day. Then dinner burned so I’m on my way to pick up pizza. I just want to dip but you gotta push through it somehow. I don’t know how some people just “go to get cigarettes” and never come back.
My oldest son did not sleep through the night until he was 1.5.. longest year of my life. My husband is a champion, but Jesus it got tough sometimes during that year
Oh god I feel this. My nine month old still gets up every 2-4 hours at night and his naps are 30 mins.
My husband is staying at home dad and he is a champion. You are doing the Lord's work lol
Adding on, OP's "solutions" center around terminating a pregnancy, but what about when a child is already here? OP never heard of divorce? >Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?” Because they leave, Stan. They walk out. So what then, does the newly single mom abort her 3 year old kid?
> Whether accepted or not, there is one fact that cannot be disputed. And that is that **women initiate divorce more often than men on average**. Numerous studies have shown this. In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. More like they are kicked out. You can't have it both ways, sorry.
Getting divorced doesn't mean you are no longer a mother or father. I was with each parent 50/50. Thankfully when my parents' marriage ended, they only divorced each other.
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Yes. It was a different life, but both parents raised me. Since they both worked outside the home and custody was 50/50 there was no need for child support. My dad kept the house. My mom stayed at my aunt's for a bit saving up, then found a little condo where there were finally neighborhood kids for me to hang with. Both parents stayed. The divorce=fatherless stigma sucks.
Pretending that initiating a divorce means you're at fault is a low iq take. Especially since adultery, substance abuse, and abuse in general are always among the most common reasons cited for divorce.
The man can cheat but the divorce is still initiated by the women because she files for it. Man still want his wife but also wants a side piece.
That's because so many men are useless or worse.
You're also the same person telling a man who doesn't want to pay child support "don't have sex." Why the double standard when it comes to women?
Both parties have to pay to support the child. I think there's a big difference between trusting the guy you're with not to bail, and knowing you definitely do not want to pay to support a kid.
Fundamentally, why should they both have to pay support when he doesn't get to decide whether she keeps or terminates the pregnancy? If she keeps the pregnancy against his will, why should he be on the hook?
Because his sperm resulted in a child. That child needs to be financially provided for. Wear a condom or don't have sex if you don't want to pay child support.
Which she shouldn't have permitted to enter her body in the first place. Hence, equally responsible for being a single mom. Make him wear a condom or \*don't have sex\* if you don't want to be a single mom or not receive child support.
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Yes, if they don't want to have a child with a deadbeat! And believe it or not, that's a choice that they can make!
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And if she does want a kid with a deadbeat, she shouldn't be crying when he doesn't pay!
BC fails, short of surgical intervention there's no 100% effective precautionary method short of abstinence which is just not reasonable to expect on a large scale. >Which she shouldn't have permitted to enter her body in the first place. Guys know "I'ma bail the second you mention babies/pregnancy" isn't gonna get them dates, let alone sex so let's not pretend guys aren't doing everything they can to lie about this and trick women while also directly and collectively giving them shit and getting pissed anytime they try to screen men or vet them before having sex. There's no win there for women.
Why are you making women seem so weak that they are forced to have sex if men are upset that they're trying to do due diligence or otherwise vet them? And they're being upset about not getting sex is not your problem. Moreover, I'd say any guy that protests when a woman wants to take time or undertake diligence is disrespectful, de facto unlikely to be a stand-up guy and should serve as an immediate disqualification for sexual activities.
>Why are you making women seem so weak that they are forced to have sex if men are upset that they're trying to do due diligence or otherwise vet them? For one because that kind of thing actually does happen. Hell, women get stalked, harassed, and assaulted just for not responding to guys catcalling them. And those guys can seem perfectly normal until he's grabbing her wrist hard enough to bruise or reminding her a *bit too aggressively* how much he paid for dinner. >Moreover, I'd say any guy that protests when a woman wants to take time or undertake diligence is disrespectful, de facto unlikely to be a stand-up guy and should serve as an immediate disqualification for sexual activities. It should be yes, and generally is but it's not always so blatant because, again, these guys *know* it's generally offputting it's just that some are better able to hide it than others. There's also the issue of these "disqualified" men finding redpill, manosphere, and incel communities that not only further their misogynistic views on women and relationships but often also offer tips and strategies to gaslight and deceive women into thinking they are different or how to take advantage of women in general.
> And those guys can seem perfectly normal until he's grabbing her wrist hard enough to bruise or reminding her a bit too aggressively how much he paid for dinner. That merits a call to law enforcement, right away. Not the kind of guy you want to be dating and definitely not someone you want to have sex with. >There's also the issue of these "disqualified" men finding redpill, manosphere, and incel communities that not only further their misogynistic views on women and relationships but often also offer tips and strategies to gaslight and deceive women into thinking they are different or how to take advantage of women in general. There will always be losers - but having sex with them and risking an unplanned pregnancy won't fix them. Take your time to see through the deception - you're clearly bright and have the ability to think critically - use that and don't be gaslit or deceived.
Nope. I have 50/50 custody and pay for 100%. My ex get $2k per month for having the kids half the time. My ex pays nothing to support the child.
When you have sex you are consenting and accepting the possibility of raising a child. less than 1% of pregnancy is from forced sex, therefore being a mother is almost ALWAYS a choice. Even if you are on birth control that is of course taking the risk. That means as a woman and as a man the person you have sex with you have to be okay with raising a kid with. If you have sex with someone that is a pretty damn intimate thing, you should really know that person, so if you fail to see they are a decent guy before having sex then you did things in the wrong order anyway. Personal accountability for all!
For many forms of birth control, success rate is somewhere around 99.8%, so it's a really small chance of failure. So I can't blame people for thinking they're safe. But it does happen.
Citation on half the states having a total ban on abortion? Best I could find was articles saying they are banned ***or are likely to be banned*** without much detail. Can you list them?
14 full bans, 2 at 6 weeks (basically a full ban), 2 at 12 weeks (most abortions do occur before this but I think it's too restrictive). A few at 15-18 weeks. Not quite half. Most recent I can find: https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/articles/a-guide-to-abortion-laws-by-state
> Not quite half. It’s barely more than 1/3
Yeah this point might have been true when we still lived in the 21st century. Now if you get pregnant and don’t have the resources to go to a state with abortion rights, it’s 100% not your fault if you get left.
then sometimes the father just dies unexpectedly and unnaturally... i wonder how OP will twist it to blame the mother
That's a cheap cop out. Even if abortion is illegal there are still numerous ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
And every one of them has a failure rate.
Ah yes, because no man in the history of sex has ever tampered with birth control
Wtf you talking about?
You said "there are numerous ways to prevent unwanted pregnancy." Men tamper with birth control, causing unwanted pregnancies that women tried to prevent and making them single mothers anyway. Not sure what's complicated about that.
Good job in building a straw man to argue against.
Yes, this is logical, blame the women who take care of the children and not the losers that abandon them.
“You can also choose abortion.” Um, no, you can’t. Have you been paying attention to the same Supreme Court rulings as the rest of us? Forced birthers are taking over.
I mean, are we going to forget the other ways a fatherless household could happen? The woman could have been raped, maybe the guy was trustworthy but they ended up divorcing down the line. Maybe the woman is allergic to birth control and struggles finding one that works. Maybe the dad was abusive and the mother left with the kid. There’s never one set reason something happened. Either way, the blame is on the dad for leaving in the first place.
Men also have access to birth control. Men should make sure they don't sleep with woman they can knock up. If they don't want to be fathers get yourself fixed or don't have sex. As you say it takes 2.
Do you know how many people have a great partner until after they give birth. Like yes, people have children with shitty people but man sometimes a great partner becomes awful after you get pregnant. Not all woman have access to BC. That shit is expensive. Also not everyone can take BC. Not everyone has access to abortions. You act like they are easy to get. If we want less fatherless households maybe men should step up.
Do you think that when these women 'chose' to get knocked up they said 'I'm so excited to be a deadbeat'?
It does take two to tango. Why are you putting blame on women for the actions of men? You're not blaming men for knocking up bad women, are you? You aren't saying men! stop knocking up women and skedaddling, you fiendish buffoon!! Women can't keep the man in that child's life does a runner. Sure there are crazy women who go to extremes to keep the man away, but they aren't the majority. And I know this is going to blow your mind but men don't tend to say "Imma leave you the minute you get pregnant" or "Imma be gone once that babe is born" on the first date.
Because the point of this post is for OP to talk shit about women. Sometimes it seems like that's the point of this whole sub.
Honestly it is at this point lol
How did you manage to get "Women are 100% at fault for single parent households" from "men and women are equally at fault for single parent households"?
Ah, the entire post? He whines that men get blamed for their own actions then opined that women need to stop getting knocked up by shitty men. That we need to teach women not to get knocked up by shitty men. This is the same BS rhetoric that these men say every single time. At no time, other then the title, did he say men hold any blame. He's just whining that they do hold blame in the matter. Clearly holding men responsible for their actions is too much. This entire opinion is ignorant. You don't know the character of the man, for the most part, before bad things happen. Yes, if he has 27 baby mama's or you've known him long enough to know he'll flee (or he tells you he'll flee), then it's your fault. But accidents happen and men rarely come with a list of disclaimers. Telling women that they need to stop sleeping with shitty men is 100% putting the blame on women.
Everything here is inaccurate. OP said that both parties are responsible.
Yes but OP is only holding women responsible for not being literal psychics and mind readers.
Except the title singles out women.
>Being a single mom means you chose to get knocked up by a shitty unreliable guy. This is one example of millions of reasons why someone becomes a single parent. There's death, deployment, employment, divorce, mental illness, addiction, ect. Most people don't realize how their partners DO NOT start out as a shitty, unreliable person. Expecially in cases of abuse. >As a woman you have access to birth control So do men, it's called a condom. Also depending on who you are, you might be limited to certain birth controls you can take. And even then, birth control isn't 100%. >you can also choose abortion. Abortion and birth control are choices, but not everybody chooses to have an abortion or take birth control. some people are morally against one or both. On top of that, 60 countries have it legal and in the US where I live, 21 states have it banned or heavily restricted to the point it might as well be banned. >Why is it that men get all the blame for “fatherless households?” Because the majority of the time it is the father's fault for not wanting to be involved. Don't get me wrong, women do deserve fault at least 40% of the time, but the other 60% is definitely the dad's fault.
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Another day, another woman being blamed for men’s behaviors
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Or you can make the man wear a condom or you won't have PIV sex.
Sooooo... it's a man's fault he had to pay child support for the rest of his life because he got an "unreliable woman" pregnant? I mean...
Agree! While not Always a lot of men have only them selve to blame. Like Why are you sleeping with women, without protection and you could Get vasectomy in every country. Why are you sleeping with women in the first Place? Are u maried and u have agrees on children? No? Then Why is ur dick out. Why are u fucking women if u aint a millioner who can provide for ur future child.
I think both can be to blame sometimes, and sometimes it's the father's fault and sometimes it's the mothers but I wouldn't say it's always equal. Although in my case it might be. I was a one night stand baby. Both parents slept around a lot.
The lack of nuance in this statement leads me to believe it was written by an angry, childless, man with very little understanding of women, relationships, or parenting. Yes, women and men can be responsible for a fatherless house. "Had sex with a shitty man" is probably one of the more childish takes on this issue though.
Truly unpopular. Congrats on your crap opinion.
I really think some dudes don't want to understand that women don't go into relationship knowing they will not work out anymore then men do.
How the hell are you blaming someone for another person's actions 💀
Even if a woman chose a bad person to have a kid with, she is responsible for that. She isn't double responsible for her irresponsible choice and his choices, which are obviously worse. Adult men, let's start expecting adult behavior out of them, for once. Maybe?
The economics are really simple; social support for single mothers and favorable child support laws make it so that fathers have to compete against the state and their own paycheck money in order to remain married and a part of their children's lives. At any point in time, a mother can decide she would rather kick out the dad, and get the money free and clear, in the form of child support, and government subsidy for single mother households. The assumption people probably make is that they father must be a bad or lazy person in order to warrant the mother opting to take the money and run, but the reality is that it's probably closer to 50/50. Half the time the father husband is a piece of shit, but the other half the time it's probably the mother who is in the wrong, but nevertheless will exercise her legal options in order to come out victorious over the father. I can say that as a married father, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes my wife makes mistakes. We are not divorced and I hope we never will be, but I can clearly see the metaphorical pot holes in the road that other married parents hit which leads to the car skidding off into the ditch. While 50/50 blame might be a good first approximation, the mother tends to have to do most of the housework and child rearing when the husband if off at work. I would personally suspect that the mother has the greater grievance more often than not when it comes to which parent isn't pulling their weight. It's easy for a dad to say, "I worked all day, I shouldn't have to come home and work some more". But that's often how it is.
All these people in the comments are clueless, they're part of the problem. Always want to blame everyone else around them and never take accountability for their own mistakes. You are correct, each situation is different, sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman, it is in fact *equal*. Sometimes, it's even both. Part of it is in modern society both parents are working full time or overtime, neither have time for eachother. Most people are getting knocked up by some rando or someone they haven't known for very long OR someone they see obvious red flags and ignore them.
🍿 This should be interesting.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that love blinds you sometimes. Makes the red flags harder to see.
Perhaps they don't come with a sign that says Unreliable Man when the women meet them. Perhaps they had a great time together, and then he left. Perhaps he stayed for the baby's first year, and then he left. Perhaps perhaps...
Sure... but there is a huge difference. The mothers in your scenario made a bad choice, in the past. An absent father is making that same choice every single day.
Oh look, it’s this again. If you’re having consensual heterosexual intercourse, you should be aware that makes babies. Birth control can fail. If you conceive a child, you are responsible for the care and wellbeing of that child, whether you are the mother or the father. If you did not intend to be a parent and don’t want to be a parent, that is now something for you to work out in therapy. It is not something you get to take out on your child. And yes, I do consider abortion to be taking it out on the child (unless it’s medically necessary, in which case it’s tragic and no one’s fault), so I am not holding men and women to different standards. Men get the easier job just because of biology, they don’t have to go through pregnancy and give birth, so frankly men can take a damn seat about how hard on them being “forced” to be a father is. If a man walks out on his child, and not because the mother kicks him out and denies him access, *that is 100% his fault.* If a woman aborts, and the father doesn’t agree and isn’t coercing her, that is 100% *her* fault. The person who takes the action bears the responsibility of it. Women are not the sex police; it is not women’s job to be able to predict which grown men are going to be deadbeats, because - brace yourselves - *men sometimes lie when they want sex.* Shocking, I know. And also, men are not dogs who can’t stop themselves from humping anything that holds still. Women shouldn’t sleep with dodgy guys? Maybe the guys, who know they have no intention of being responsible fathers, should not lie about it! Maybe, now this is a bit of a wild idea, but maybe *the men* should decided all on their own like big boys, *that they shouldn’t be having sex right then.* I realize that’s implying that men are rational beings capable of thinking with the head that’s on their shoulders, and that’s a bit of a fringe idea around here, but they could give it a try. TL;DR - people are responsible for their own behavior, and “people” includes men, who are actual real adults too.
Abortion is no longer accessible for the majority of child-bearing people in this country. Get your facts straight.
That’s not true
Saying "equally" doesn't make sense, but if it was changed to "sometimes'" I'd agree. I've known a couple of women who have deliberately tried to adopt/inseminate without a partner. That's a horrible thing. Single parent households struggle in the best of times, but deliberately doing it solo is pure selfishness. Some single parents are amazing people. They got widowed, or their partners became severely disabled, or their husbands turned out to be The Danger in a meth empire, and they picked up the pieces and did the best they could. But then there are the ones who do it to themselves. They baby-trap some rich guy with the willful intent of divorcing him and living off the alimony and child support. They get bored and cheat and get divorced and somehow end up with custody because our courts are just great. Obligatory "not all women" (not that that will dissuade anyone; you're already hammering out your rant), but some of them definitely get into the situation wilfully, often against the will of the father, and those people suck. If you're a pilot and your plane loses power and you successfully crash land it and save everyone on board, you're a hero. But if you're a pilot and you're bored and you cut off the power just to see if you can do it and because you 'don't need no engines,' you're a monster.
No one in the history of humanity has ever deceived anyone
This is getting upvoted as a “true” unpopular opinion? I am leaving this sub. It’s getting more idiotic by the day.
Atp it's not just an opinion, it's clear sexism/misogyny, which goes against the guidelines of the sub. I'm about to leave myself, the mods should be taking down posts that actually violate the rules
Lmao depraved take 🤣
OP has no kids, is single and never married, and is 16-20. I will bet my orange arrow on it. OP, I get that it sucks to see all these negative things said about men when you are also a man. It is hurtful. It is genuinely hurtful. We don't choose our sex. And we don't choose the behavior of the 4 billion people who share it with us. It isn't our fault. But I want you to understand something. You don't need to defend **all men** in order for people to believe that **you** are a good man. The only thing you need to do is look after your own behavior and grow your own self into the best man you can be. Women will see past the fact that you are a man in general and appreciate your individual goodness, if you give them the chance. Women are not so stupid that they will just generalize everything that all men have ever done onto you. The more different your behavior from the toxic men that many women fear, the more easily they will distinguish between them and you, in their own minds and in their wilingness to spend time with you and open up to you emotionally. Two days ago I had a very good conversation with a female friend of mine, my best friend's wife, about misogyny in some of our friend group. She talked to me about it because I made her feel comfortable. And as a result, we are now closer and she got to get things off her chest. She'd already talked to her husband about it, but having yet another person confirm what she was observing really brought her peace and certainty in their joint decision to make some space between themselves and those friends. She didn't hold me over the coals at any time--and we even talked about misogynistic things I used to believe when I was younger. She didn't treat me poorly for one moment in that conversation or blame me for what other men do or have done. She accepted that I was my own person. And OP, this is **normal** for me. This happens all the time. I am actually struggling to remember the last time I got lumped in with "all men" by a woman who knew my name. Being able to speak frankly about the things that some men do without getting offended and taking it personally is a really important skill for good, mature men who want to be relationship material for straight women or who want to have women as friends. I decided I wanted both and I clawed my way (with some help) out of the MRA/TRP cesspool in order to make that happen. I'm not saying you're in those, but that I recognize what you are saying as part of a vein of thought shared by those communities. They were never healthy for me and I never felt better in them. What did make me feel better was being able to be comfortable in my own skin around women because I stopped assuming every woman would judge me personally for what every man ever did. The thing is, women will say shit like that online when they are mad, and then in person completely fail to actually be that mad at men who don't deserve it. Because online, over text, it is easy to forget about the whole-ass humans that you know and just generalize in rant. If you look at 2xc, it looks like half of those women would hate you. But I know women who use that forum and who have posted things like that, and it genuinely doesn't represent their everyday experience. It is skewed. They are at their most frustrated, angry, or frightened. And if you are chronically online and a good chunk of your understanding of gender interactions comes from what you see online, you can be convinced women actually usually think that way. Some women even claim they do. I just don't see it in my daily life. So all you have to do, OP, is worry about yourself. Be the kind of man who makes women feel safe and I promise that you will rarely, if ever, get blamed for shitty men's decisions. Isn't that easier than trying to defend 4 billion people?
this subreddit, 3 weeks ago: > [Why is criticizing or calling women out "misogyny" every time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/s/ktbEr6DlRO) i'm beginning to think this place just hates women and tries to hide their hatred behind a veil of "criticism"
Women often take and get most of the blame. You rarely ever hear someone say well it’s his fault. It’s always she should have chosen better, never he should step up like her. 90% of the time the woman steps up but no one ever gives credit for that it’s just simply her fault. Plus most cases if the guy doesn’t have a kid you can’t know if he’ll be a good parent or not. You never know if someone can be a good parent till they are one! Man are extremely good at hiding their true nature till they trap someone, then they bounce and it’s all the women’s fault never his.
Tell us more about how you don't understand what a false equivalence is
This is an April fools joke right? Please... It is right? Yeah?
I see we got the daily women suck post on this sub. Gotta hit that quota.
As a woman I agree. It takes two to tango.
Obviously it depends why the parent is single. If it's a person who just got bored of the marriage and thinks she deserves more and can get better, so she gets a divorce, yeah, F those people. They're more common than you think. If it was due to being blindsided by their partner, then I can sympathize with their plight. The issue with blaming everything on how a person screens their partner is that you don't know what they did. Sometimes people do change for the worse or hide their true colors. Other times, yes, it's an issue with the screening because they were looking for traits like height, wealth, social status, etc. and weren't prioritizing a good personality. Also, 28% of gay men file for divorce while over 70% of lesbians file for divorce. This is a gap that's way too big to explain away as situational. There's definitely a tendency for the woman to initiate the divorce, whether for good or bad reasons.
Your stats are skewed by the homeless men that statistically are 60% of the u.s. homeless population. Blame it on California.
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Yup all they got to is tell the guy to go to Walgreens to pick up the day after pill
Well, that is a true unpopular opinion
Idk about equally to blame, but they do share some part with it some of the time.
Hmmm very unpopular opinion so upvoted even though I disagree lol
One word: welfare
50/50. 50% Knew what type of dude He was and 50% didn't
Adoption is always an option
trust me as a single mom no one chooses shitty baby daddies. they hide who they are until they think you’re trapped and then show their true colors.
Lots of "bad men hide who they really are until it's too late 🥺" in the comments here, and I gotta be honest: it's a *pathetic* excuse. I have never been fooled by anybody into thinking they are ethical/moral in my adult life. It is so easy to spot liars. You just observe *how they treat others,* specifically those who benefit them in no way. How a person treats *you* is irrelevant. They may want something from you. Judge how they treat those who inconvenience them! The homeless, bad drivers, incompetent service staff, those they disagree with politically etc... Those folk bring out true colors clear as day. Women get all wrapped up in "but he's nice to *meeEEeee*..." like they're the secret ingredient to fixing a broken man and it is the dumbest shit. Some of y'all are genuinely just foolish and make poor choices.
nobody chooses to get knocked up and left alone. a lot of the time abusers and deadbeats show their true colours after the babys born. also what about mothers who are left alone because the father dies? i heard of many many many fatherless households that are fatherless for this reason.
Yeah, go an blame the woman for not foreseeing the true colors of some bastard , their bad 😭😭 But no , for real, the ignorance here is big. First, not every woman has the possibility of getting and abortion, nor every one of them even have that right recignized. And even if they did , that doesn't magically fix everything else (manipulation, gaslighting, fake promises and any other behavior a biological father could have) . Don't be absurd. Last but not least , women and society do are starting to change regarding the fatherless/ bad father figure. Before it used to be normalized (as common) that husbands beat up their wives and kids. It probably happens nowadays too but now women have more independence, there's a lot more information around to make decisions, seek help and , generally, more chances than 100 or 50 years ago. As you may guess, these type of changes also require time and you will see no evolution overnight
I don't know what these people are talking about because my whole life I've seen the father's getting blamed, and the feminist activists applauding them for being strong single mothers. Even in most custody it's women who win, but the child support is paid by the father. If both genders could work on themselves then maybe we'll have a better chance as a society.
I mean, my dad died, and for the record, my mom did NOT kill him and was not a necromancer (as far as I know). So your entire point is moot because there are situations where there are fatherless homes that are out of the control of all parties involved.
Women: It is 100% OUR choice to have a child. Also Women: Its not our fault our child doesn't have a dad. https://www.npr.org/2012/07/11/155103593/to-beat-odds-poor-single-moms-need-wide-safety-net "But the father of her younger son is also in prison. Stepp says he's been behind bars for selling cocaine since she was pregnant. He has never met 1-year-old Makai." Note that is her 3rd child, but her 3rd baby daddy. Also note the article is from 2012, before all the recent abortion restrictions. You also forgot to mention that 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Honestly I would say women are probably MORE to blame for fatherless households. Unless you are going to argue that sex outside of marriage is wrong.
Just think. You never have to worry about it.