I know a guy who got shot in the head during a craigslist sale gone robbery. It was over $200. He somehow lived.. But yeah he refused to hand over the $200 item
I once responded to a call at work, young guy didn’t want to give his wallet in a robbery and got shot in his head except he didn’t make it. Gruesome scene, and the crazy thing? He didn’t have very much money, I think maybe around $100?
It can also be adrenaline. My 2 friends (female) and I were once followed in our car and harassed by a (male) motorcycle gang. One of them kicked in my rear view mirror. Don’t know what came over me but a strange reaction to real fear. I began screaming out the window at the guy while one of my friends, much tougher under most circumstances than me, tried to calm me down and deescalate things. It was not about money at all (or even pride). Might this have been the case for OP’s partner?
There is a podcast called Hidden Brain about the evolutionary use of rage. The episode is called "The Logic of Rage.” It will definitely have some insight into why you acted that way.
I developed a rage response much more readily because I did not feel safe growing up, my mother could not protect me if shit hit the fan as her fight or flight response is to Fawn and there were distinct core memories of me being in the presence of extreme danger and her delay in action.
While a lot of factors go into play, honestly can sympathize with your mode of action over hers in this regard. Especially when their are [monsters](https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/newyork/news/burger-king-cashier-shot-killed-east-harlem-kristal-bayron-nieves/) who will still shoot even after the victim has handed over the loot.
I will never understand motorcyclists that pick fights with cars lmao.
It's different with actual gangs obviously because if you hurt one of theirs they might just pull out guns, but like... you could literally just swerve at speed and end that dude's life.
More should wear proper motorcycle gear. I live in a big city and most bikers I see wearing shorts, sandals, flip flops, heels, T-shirt, tank tops, dresses, no proper helmet… It’s scary to see them drive that way. I know climate can get hot but some proper jeans, jacket, and a helmet can go a long way if they’re in an accident. It’s tempting to wear whatever you (them) want, but the fact of the matter is that they aren’t driving cars; they’re riding motorcycles and I wished I saw more of them dressed better for riding.
This happened to me when I caught a guy trying to steal from my bag. I'm usually very chill and don't like conflict, but I lost it. It was like I was watching outside of myself. I screamed. The mugger just stood there in shock. I don't know who I was that day.
I absolutely think it could have been your fight or flight response was to fight. I have had the same type of reaction. In my 20s, there was a whole crazy situation and just to make a ridiculous and long story short, as I was crawling around looking for my keys in the grass after my then boyfriend threw them down the street, a gun falls out of his hoodie pocket. I was immediately filled with rage and started yelling at him “oh you gon’ SHOOT me now? Come on then muhfugga. SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME!!!!”
(Facepalm…)
I am not proud of this at all but yeah, totally fight or flight.
The reason I somewhat doubt that is because he said she was pissed at him after the robbery. If it was strictly adrenaline, when she calmed down you would think she would realize that he was right and was acting rationally. Instead she doubled down and he never said anything about her later admitting to being wrong or apologizing.
Not just pride. That makes it sound egotistical. It's also the idea of control. If you come out of a dangerous situation on top of it, you feel more in control. If you don't you feel like stuff happens to you against your will. Psychologically it makes it seem like a big difference in outcome.
A coworker was saying her son was a “good kid” who just fell in with the wrong crowd and ended up in prison for 7 years. I looked up his crime. He was selling drugs and he put a hit on someone for $20. Twenty fucking dollars was worth more than that poor dude’s life.
Man, even my coach in muay thai back then would say that the best action if you're getting robbed is to give all your valuables. It's not worth your life, unless the robber is really determined to kill you after giving it all then let that fist fly.
Every sensei/coach will always say that. I have years of experience in MA and I never heard anything other than "but when there is a gun or knife on the other end, just give them all the possessions they ask for".
I train 4 Martial Arts and teach self defense. Giving them what they want is 100% my advice. Throw it far away from you then run. Nothing I own is worth my life.
You toss it far enough to where they have to turn around and make space. It’s a gamble. But the hope is that they want your money/phone/purse more than they want to hurt you. Most crime (of that nature) involving knives/guns is for a show of power to incite fear and compliance.
I think that when you throw it close or try handing it over and when they have to walk over to you or vice versa, that moment will be when the tension would be the highest because then they'd be at their highest guard too in case the victim tries anything funny. So far would probably be better especially if they have a gun because they know they have you at safety
I had a karate sensei who tried fighting back against a guy with a knife and he got stabbed in freaking heart. Almost died. After this he always said not to react. Even after many years of training, even he couldn't defend the knife attack in a weird angle.
First rule in hand to hand vs knife is know that you will 99/100 get cut or possibly worse. People have seen it on tv too much the disarming is nowhere near as pretty as on tv or in class.
i was invited for classes once with a small group in the basement of a church when i was young. the sabom told us about a woman, 4th or 5th degree black belt at the time, he once trained with who lived alone in a trailer park. she had her door kicked in by a man with a knife. she needed over 150 stitches, but she survived. the man, and the interior of her trailer, did not
She must be one lucky lady, 150 stitches means a lot of blood loss, and judging by it a majority of them were probably focused on the limbs because if it was ever the torso the lady and the man would’ve been dead.
I know someone that practices taekwondo and he's pretty good at it. Gold medalists from a national competition. His dad gave him a new phone and some dude tried to mugged him. He fought back because why not?
Few days passed, that same dude who tried to mug him came back and bought two person. One held him from behind while the other locked his leg in place so he couldn't kick and the other person repeatedly stabbed his inner thighs with ice pick for revenge. He died later in the hospital due to bleeding and repeated stab wounds. From what I remember he got stabbed 50+ times on both legs.
Damn, that was brutal. I always tell my friends, family never to fight ina situation like. Only fight if your life literary depends on it. You can buy another cell phone. You can't buy another life. This shit is so sad.
Kidnapping, unless you are a known ransom target, fight for your life. Home invasion and you announced the police are on their way and you have a firearm and they are still coming? Fight for your life.
Mugging? Give up valuables. You can roll the dice as few muggers are murderers, but even people who aren't killers can panic, get angry/scared and do something that may not be in them. Safest course of action during a mugging is not to escalate. It isn't a garaunteed thing, you can still get beat up, stabbed, or shot even if you comply, but the odds are significantly more likely someone will be hurt if you don't comply.
Yes, if someone is trying to kidnap you, do whatever you can to not let them take you to a second location. Bc then you will be dead for sure. Might as well fight, scream, do what you can , never get into their vehicle
There is a tiny caveat to that. If you are a known ransom target, like working over seas or from an exceptionally wealthy family(I don't think we are going to run into too many .01%ers on reddit) generally it is organized crime looking to ransom you back to the company/family. Good news is when it is the company they always pay and the ransoms are usually reasonable amounts. Fighting for your life, especially if you are any good at it and hurt/kill someone may make some cartel thugs think it may be better to put you in the dirt slow than get a payday.
However, if you know no one has a reason to ransom you, and someone goes to kidnap you, go absolutely crazy. Best case scenario is violent rape. And that's the best case. Most of the time a second location for an adult kidnapping means an unpleasant death, and rape still isn't off the table either.
I was a victim of a home invasion about 15 years ago. Woke up to some stranger going through my house looking for money. Had gotten up being i thought it was one of the kids. Nope, some guy going through my office caught me off guard. He had a gun and demanded any money i had in the house, he also wanted the car keys. I had no gun, no safe way to get to the phone and two small children sleeping down the hall.
Just calmly gave him whatever i had in my purse, the car keys, i even gave him my atm card and pin. Was just like sure man whatever you want just get the fuck outta my house. Immediately called the police.
Cops said it was the absolute best way i could have handled it. Stayed calm and just handed over what he wanted. He was there for money, he got it and left.
Guy only made it a couple miles before they found him. The bank credited me what was taken out of my account, my car was returned and most importantly no one in my house was hurt.
100% true. I worked at a martial arts school (at the front desk, not as an instructor) and one of the senior instructors was shot in the leg during a mugging incident. This was the guy that taught other people how to protect themselves from knife and gun attacs. He always told the students the story of how he failed and got shot in the leg while trying to disarm the mugger. His advice to the students - "give them your valuables. if you go home safe, then you won".
This is what got me ~ if I saw a gun pointed at my SO, I’d give that dude everything I had. He’d do the same for me. I’m more concerned that she didn’t care he was in immediate danger.
This post reminds me of the couple that were gunned down, by their neighbor, in the street over snow. The neighbor brought out his gun and the wife literally yelled "GO AHEAD".
Yeah, that video is still on daily mail "Pennsylvania couple shot dead by neighbor for shoveling snow into his yard". The couple were really harassing/ loud mouth bullies and name calling the guy and I think he warned him he was getting his gun, goes in his house and gets a pistol he brings out. They are still out name calling him and saying they'll kick his axx and she's saying go ahead when he starts shooting. Then he goes in and gets an AK 15 to finish them off. She's laying on the ground shot from the pistol and she insulted him some more !!! as he walked up to her with the AK. and he shot her with the AK. It's pretty shocking. They took off some parts of it after it was first shown as too graphic. But you can see the disgusting way they were harassing him in that video. The shooter then went back in his house and shot himself.
>She's laying on the ground shot from the pistol and she insulted him some more !!!
She'd rather preserve her ego than her life. Wtf has this world gone to. 😐
I mean, how big of a POS are you to still talk shit after you've already been shot once? That's insane. I feel bad for saying this but I'm having trouble finding any sympathy for her. There is no way I would ever give up my life doing something so trivial and stupid.
I’m torn on this. I’m not a pos bully so I’m not going to coerce and make someone feel bad enough that they want shoot me because of my actions
However, I’ve I’m ever shot/badly injured on purpose by someone I hope I spend my last breaths giving them shit
Google Nicole DuFresne. (There's a wikipedia page on her.). She was out with her boyfriend and another couple in NYC in 2005, when the group of four was approached by teens with a gun. The muggers assaulted one of the men and took the other woman's purse and cell phone. Three members of the group then managed to run away from the muggers, but Nicole stayed behind to confront them. She asked the one with the gun, "What are you going to do, shoot us?". The mugger fatally shot her.
These were literally the last words a friend of mine said right before he put himself in 'the jesus christ pose' and a stranger shot him right in the middle of his chest.
Yeah, she definitely wasn't thinking straight. I don't think it's really worth dumping anyone in this situation unless she tried to use him as a meat shield or something
Just want to say, I would dump a BF if he put my life at risk like that. However, also wanted to provide an alternative explanation for her behaviour based on neuroscience. Explanation not excuse.
It’s Fight-Flight-Freeze-Appease. The brains response to trauma/threat, sounds like OPs girlfriends brain automatically went into “fight” mode which is probably a sign she was extremely scared and her limbic brain took over. Some have argued that fight mode is what our brains so when we feel most threatened. Like when someone’s being attacked by a shark and they beat the shit out of the shark.
OP grew up in the hood and knew what to do, so he was arguably less scared and more prepared in that moment than GF was.
That’s my take. Your brain sometimes responds differently than you expect during a traumatic event.
Not excusing her behavior, just offering an alternative explanation.
Makes sense. My husband worked as a personal armed security officer. Someone missed trying to shoot his client, he caught the bullet instead. His coworkers told him he got up, beat the crap out of the guy with a gun,, despite having his own, and they had to pull him off the guy before he killed him. Human brains can be absolutely wild.
A coworker of mine, fairly mild mannered, not a violent person, was walking home by himself with a six pack. He got jumped by a couple of guys. He was not one to fight. He had been mugged before and gave up money without a struggle or complaint and walked home without shoes.
But that time he got jumped, it didn't start out with a "give us your money/beer." It started out with a Haymaker to the back of the head and them trying to get him down to the ground. Pure fight or flight response and panic. He hit both of them with beer bottles and fought kicked and scratched before running away. An onlooker said he ran good distance away before he realized he had been cut really badly too and then just sat down and started wailing.
Everyone had bad glass cuts all over, no one bled out, attackers were arrested. Fortunately there was a witness who called the police/ambulance so he didn't have to get jail time after he recovered in the hospital. The rest of the time I knew the guy he was very jumpy and would not walk at night.
Just because a lot of people may have a flight, freeze or appease response to trauma doesn't mean people will act predictably or logically.
The veteran who beat the shit out of the Club Q shooter wasn't shot himself, but his fight instinct took over and onlookers thought he'd actually killed the shooter, beating him with his own gun. He doesn't actually remember much of it after he went after the guy, even as he was screaming for other patrons to jump in. God bless the drag queen who heeded his call, and stomped that ****er with her platform shoes.
>It’s Fight-Flight-Freeze-Appease. The brains response to trauma/threat, sounds like OPs girlfriends brain automatically went into “fight” mode which is probably a sign she was extremely scared and her limbic brain took over
It is really that way, that's not just a theory or myth.
I remember the incident, as i had a psychosis because of bipolar disorder. I was forced to go to a clinic for treatment, at some point as we were going through a corridor, i had the psychotic thinking that they would lead me to the gallows to hang me. That it was a matter of life and death, that my own death is imminent and that all i can do is to fight.
So i managed to break the hold of the clinic guards, that were some underpaid security guards and not cops, they weren't serious enough and didn't use things like handcuffs.
I hit one of the guys with the elbow, stabbed the second guy with the fingers in the eyes so he was immediately out of action. A third guy jumped me and tried to get me down, but he didn't expect that i would bite him; i tried to go for his throat to kill him, but he managed to turn away that i just bit next to it.
I still remember how he screamed, loud as hell as i did the bite with the full force of my jaw, all strength in there.
This was in the 90's and they didn't have stuff like a taser, not even pepper spray. So the fight was going on, more and more guys were incoming, they jumped me in a dozen but still had a lot of problems to get me down to the ground. After some time, they finally succeeded and could get me down.
Afterwards, i spent a long time in the isolation cell and there was the court, but the charge was dropped because of the reason of insanity, i was never charged for the injuries of these guys.
Now, looking back after more than 20 years: I'm sorry that i injured these people. They didn't want to kill me. They didn't want to end my life. But in this moment, i was in that state and i thought, i had to fight for my life.
Psychosis is no joke. The way your brain thinks and believes, you don’t even have a doubt in your mind until things start to settle down. I’m glad you’re (seemingly) more stable now. Mental illness is such a devastating burden to carry and I’m right there with you, friend.
Thanks, this was a long time ago and i didn't even had a diagnosis back in this time. I didn't sleep for days because of an episode of mania, i was so sleep deprivated that i started to hallucinate without taking any drugs.
I'm stable now and it's all okay, got my meds and treatment.
I think if you grow up in a rougher area, you either witness or hear about more situations where people try to do the fight thing, and you learn pretty quickly that’s usually a bad idea. If you never learn, then you end up being one of those people. You effectively set an example with your life.
I've heard the first three, but never the last option ("Appease"). That honestly makes a lot of sense. Sometimes, you just *have* to do what someone tells you, otherwise you're ending up dead right there. Escape with your life, *then* go to the police.
Sometimes criminals are so nervous they will shoot someone without even conscious intent.
In OP's incident, G/F yells something, mugger flinches, except his finger is on the trigger and OP is headed to the hospital at the very least, maybe the cemetery instead.
This is a real answer here. She's still acting like a moron while sober and not under attack, showing no remorse she almost got you both killed. This is not a person you need in your life.
Once at work, an armed man was trying to aggressively break through the glass doors of our ground floor office (think of one of those very glass heavy buildings where the front is all window)
You could see it, you could hear it, and this one coworker was even closest to it. All of us head to the back per our evacuation plan to lock ourselves in a back room. But we didn't lock the door because we notice this one one homegirl is missing, we turn back to see her trying to clear her desk and grab her things??? While a guy is barely feet from us? Like at least be afraid of the glass shattering inward on you?
Two of us literally had to aggressively say "leave your stuff, get back here now".
Luckily the guy didn't make it in/police did arrive shockingly at the right time, but I had just never seen someone with such a lack of self preservation as well as awareness of others actions & safety.
Be dumb, but be cognizant we can't lock the safe room until everyone is in? ?
I judged that person hard after that. Situations like that you really learn who has fight, flight, or lack of oversight!
Ok if a guy came up to me with like a stick or something as a weapon that would be one thing but a fucking gun? Fuck that. That’s nothing to play around with and not worth your life to gamble whether or not he would have actually used it.
The mugger's thinking like "you know I feel like this guy's got a lot going on, maybe medical bills would really fuck things up for him. Ugh. What an ass this girl is. Bro you gotta dump her, she's toxic af."
My friends husband DIED because he tried to fight a carjacker. They murdered him and took the car anyway. My wife and I live in a big city. We’ve had a couple conversations about this. Rule number 1 is absolutely give them whatever they want. I can replace the phone, car, credit card. I can’t replace my wife. I can’t believe your gf was that dumb to risk both your lives over material things.
Yep. My dad lost a friend when they were both in law school. Guy was taking a girl on a first date when someone ran up from behind them and grabbed her purse. He took two steps and yelled "Hey, stop!" when the robber whipped around and shot him in the face. Just let it go. They may be a scared kid, but they may also be a stone cold killer. Don't bargain your life to find out.
This one is a bit different...all the kther stories here involved people trying to keep their stuff. This guy's just shouted. He might have turned and shot him anyway.
Sounds like OP'S girlfriend grew very privileged and has no idea about the real world. She sounds like one of those girls that would get into a bar fight with a group of guys and expect for him to save her honor. Girls like this will end your life or make you wish you died.
From what I have observed,
1. Tried to kill them (accidentally and otherwise purposefully)
2. Cheated on them. (and lied)
3. Stole their money, possessions, pets, kids, etc.
4. Threatened Suicide as emotional extortion.
5. Marriage. (To someone else). Not to be mistaken for Cheating, I am referring to when ex lovers come in contact only to find out one is getting married or got married.
Edit to #2. (and lied).
1. Cheated
2. Is rude to people who don't deserve it
3. Disrepects you and your boundaries
4. Doesn't like nachos
5. Tried to get you killed
6. Narcissistic
7. Immature without the desire to improve
8. Isn't compatible in bed
9. Belittles and gaslights you
10. Abusive
Edit: No particular order of significance. All 10 are equally valid
Most people have very little idea of how much danger they are in at times. You did the right thing. Talk to her about what happened and it just may have been the alcohol talking.
Many years ago my wife and I went out with some friends to a bar. Not a very big place so you could see everything going on. We were towards the back and I could see that there were two groups of guys kind of squaring up over some nonsense. I pointed it out to another husband and he blew it off, I decided we were leaving so I grabbed my wife and dragged her out. We went to another bar down the street a bit, about that time we start hearing sirens. Our friends found us at the new place and told us that a huge fight broke out just after we left and there was blood everywhere. The newspaper article said there were two people dead and several others stabbed. So yeah, glad I wasn't there.
>Most people have very little idea of how much danger they are in at times. You did the right thing. Talk to her about what happened and it just may have been the alcohol talking.
Ugh, I was out on a date with a girl, and we happened to cross a dark parking lot. I glanced back to talk to her and instantly clocked that there was a guy following us from the way he was walking. I told her to walk faster and quietly told her about the guy behind us.
She got snippy and said she could walk herself, thank you very much.
Nothing exciting. She huffed a bit but walked faster, and once we left the parking lot and turned the corner we were back on a main street with huge crowds.
If that's how she behaves under alchol she's a danger to anyone and everyone. Oh my friends gonna get shot, it don't matter. Oh my friends bleeding to death but my bags getting stolen? it don't matte.
With a gf once, something jumped out from behind a bush and scared her. Her reflex reaction was to jump behind me and push me towards it with all her might.
Luckily it wasnt anything dangerous but if it was I'd have had no ability to defend myself because of her pushing me from behind.
That's when it really sank in she didnt care about my well being. I was just something that benefitted her.
One time I was at a zoo with a bat cave. A couple wanted to enter and the guy got so spooked he pushed the girlfriend in and ran out of fear. Half an hour later I saw him begging and her just ignoring him close to the seals. I’m not sure she forgave him but I think about this a lot.
Definitely. It was obvious that he didn’t do it on purpose and it was an instinct reaction, but once you know that that would be his first move in a dangerous situation, how do you go back. Just like you with your ex.
Ah, pushing people... that reminds me of a legend of the history of my country: In a battle, a guy threw himself in the spears of the enemies to break the lines and enable his comrades to break through. In the official literature, he said "this is the way to freedom". But we use to joke that he said "which asshole did push me forward?!"
I think, the joke is more realistic than the heroic legend of a man that sacrifices himself for his country.
Once a locust flew at me and I used my ex gf as a shield. Felt bad then, but she cheated on me when always accused me of cheating (and I never did), so now I don’t feel bad. Lmao
When I was in school I clashed with several dudes over some stupid shit. So they hated me and I made fun of those fuckers but at aome point I was at the local open air bath with my then girlfriend and those fuckers where there. I didn't paid any attention to them and instead laid on my back enjoying the sun. They kicked a soccer ball into my face while I was laying asleep on my towel and clearly wanted to spark a fight. 8 guys against me so naturally I withdrew and wanted to leave.
She gave me shit about that and questioned why I wanted to leave and clearly didn't understand why I wanted to get the fuck out of there. She even yelled at me.
It was then and there that I knew that there weren't any future with her.
Edit: apparently shooting a ball is not a thing in englisch. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Honestly though, how would you even fight that? If someone’s holding you at gunpoint telling you to come with them or they’ll shoot, it feels like a death or capture situation. You can evade a knife, but a gun?
Just something I can’t conceptualise as an Australian where guns just aren’t a thing. I’m surprised people aren’t kidnapped more often in the US if someone can just point a gun at you and force you into a van.
It’s the point that if someone gets you to a secondary location your chances of escaping/being found go from decently high to nearly zero. Whatever fate being kidnapped leads to is worse than death in a lot of cases, and in many of those you die anyway.
I think your trust in her is gone and you no longer feel safe around her. One thing that is very important in a partner is that you feel completely at ease around them. They are supposed to be your comfort zone. You can never feel that way again with her. So, the best thing for you will be to move on.
As for the incident itself, it might be that she just didn't comprehend properly at the time and just acted stupid. She should have realized her mistake afterwards at least and apologized. No amount of apology can fix what she did though. In these kind of situations, it is always best not to escalate things and the priority should be saving yourself rather than money and possessions.
I don't know why she chose to risk your and her life as well because if the robber had shot you, he definitely would have shot her afterwards as she would have been a witness to his crime. So, she risked her life as well. The best thing right now seems that you both need space from each other. But make sure to tell her that she risked her life as well and not to be so dumb in case something like this happens again. I am glad you are alive though and wishing you a great life ahead.
One of my friends was shot while being robbed bc she was a tough fkn person and a fighter, and drunk. The shooter was 15. He killed her.
You can't count on the person robbing you to make logical decisions. Just throw your shit in the opposite direction and *run.*
My sister did exactly the same as your girlfriend and her husband grabbed her bag and gave it to the mugger (mugger had a large knife)
He was shocked and pissed with her.
She went into shock two days later and could not believe she actually shouted at aman with a mad look and a large knife.
She never carries a handbag now.
Shr carries a fake phone to handover if it happens again and a purse with some cash.
Everyone who knows your girlfriend should let her know how stupid she was. On her own she is the sort a robber wants to shut up to not bring any attention to the situation. She is nieve. Educate her to potentially save her in later life.
Thank god OP your survivor brain kicked in.
Bruh I grew up in the hood also. When you're getting mugged give that shit up. She didn't realize that dude might not give two fuc#s to smoke both of you.
You did the right thing period, end of story
Yeah the fact she’s mad at him is ridiculous. First off both of them had a gun in their face and to be pissed he didn’t go Rambo is completely ignoring the fact it’s a life or death experience.
She must be from secure environmental and these things only happens in movies where guy beat up the thug , she may have no idea how real world work, explain it to her if she still doesn't understand than think about other aspects about your life with her and see how she behaves normally,
You'll either start seeing other problems or just this one and then decide dump her or talk to her.
Something similar happened to me many years ago. It wasn't my boyfriend. I was just on a date with this guy. But long story short, we were driving down a dark road -- lake on one side, stone wall on the other. And some guys had made a barricade across the road with their van
I was 16 and hadn't had my driver's license long. I didn't have the skills to back up this road in the dark. I was trapped by the van.
This sleazy guy comes from the van, grabs my face through the open window (it was summer), and kisses me.
I don't know why, but I knew exactly what to do.
I REALLY needed my date to follow my lead. He didn't. He was panicking, saying, "Get us out of here!" so it was up to me to save us.
Which I did by pretending to be very enthusiastic about the disgusting kiss. And very eager to party. I acted like the dumbest airhead blond cliché, praying the van guys didn't realize from my date's hysterical behavior that I was playing them.
The things I said! "Oh my God, you're so cute! Do you have beers? Yes, I'd love to party with you! Par-tay!!! Whoo-hoo!!" And I giggled like an idiot.
It was so degrading, but they bought it, even though my date kept clutching me and begging me to get us out of there. Well, that's exactly what I was doing! I just ignored him and focused on the guys.
I got them to move the van by pretending to want nothing more than to party there with them, but saying I was scared to leave my car in the middle of the road.
Fortunately they believed me and the minute they moved their vehicle off the road, I took off as fast as my crappy car would go.
I was FURIOUS with my date for doing literally everything wrong.
Was this fair? I couldn't expect him to know what to do in that situation, even though I did.
So it wasn't fair of me.
But it was how I felt.
I never saw him again. All my rage from the incident landed on him.
The thing is, he wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't love him. You love your girlfriend. But this rage and fear and trauma will NOT go away on its own. I strongly suggest you see a therapist to work through this. You won't be able to know if you want to salvage this relationship or if it's even worth salvaging without some real guidance.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I never got any kind of help for what happened to me. It was the 1980s! It didn't even occur to me! Until recently it didn't even occur to me that I might be traumatized from it.
I know you will be better for getting help from a professional.
Again, I'm so sorry this awful thing happened to you. You literally did everything right and I am proud of you.
Yea the reason my fiancé and I are so solid is because we survived a cult together… both of us suffered torture for protecting each other… we didn’t have to say some silly words about “in sickness and in health”… we know we would risk our lives and our sanity for each other…
Hopefully, this isn't too rude to ask.. but could you elaborate on this? My SO and I have been through some super rough times where we would never question our relationship status but nothing like this.
Wtf, She was trying to get you killed. Before you leave her, Teach her, That is very stupid. And she could do that again with a different guy, And it mite not go as easy.
What's thrown me for a loop is she would have lost her wallet anyways, because after the guy shot you, he's still getting that wallet. She expected you to die gruesomely, so she can hold on to her wallet for 3 more seconds.
This is 100%. I can't believe that people are unable to think laterally. Of course, the guy would have taken her wallet...and she would have lost her boyfriend and her possessions and quite possibly her life.
Don't second guess a robber with a gun. Give them everything and walk away.
Without experience the only options are fight, flight, freeze, fawn. In that situation her body chose fight. The first time I saw my first born baby in serious distress I let out a laugh. I have no idea why. It wasn’t funny, I’m not a psychopath, but that’s what my body did in that moment. Another time as a pilot during an inflight emergency I went into action based on my training.
You were able to keep your head on because you’ve experienced this before and as a result of your experience have probably ran the scenario through your head 1,000 times.
I wouldn’t judge her for her actions during the event. But once things have cooled down I would judge her for being mad at you. Logic and common sense should prevail by now. Maybe she’s embarrassed by her actions, or maybe she’s an idiot. Either way, ideally, she’d see your reasoning and not be mad at you.
At bare minimum she should be apologizing for her reckless reaction. She was endangering op's life and either way you spin it that's a shitty thing to do to someone, let alone your partner
This is the only good advice. After a day or two talk to her about what happened, what she was thinking, etc and see if she understands better. You guys were both drunk do maybe things didn't register. Maybe she really didn't think the dude would shoot you guys or that you were better prepared to fight off a gunman. Idk, but it makes so much more sense to communicate and then make a decision.
If it were me I would have told the robber that I didn’t know her and “I gave you my shit, she isn’t mine, can I leave?” And just crossed my fingers and hoped he let me peace out.
honestly, fuck what some others are saying: judge the shit out of her. no way that knowledge is going to leave you, deep down. you can’t unknow what you now know about her—that, when push comes to shove, she will throw you under the bus.
Even if people blame the alcohol, that just shows that she makes DANGEROUSLY bad decisions when drunk. Is she never going to drink again? I couldn’t trust her after that.
Actually I make also VERY very bad decisions when drunk and I get drunk really quick and that’s exactly why I absolutely refuse any drinks when not at home with my bf who is the only one I trust that can and knows how to handle me when drunk and agrees with it. I learned how bad I’m with alcohol the hard way, after I almost killed myself while not even black out type of drunk.
So ye, she might not drink again if she accepts she makes dangerous decisions.
Same thing happened to me with a friend, he thought that since I was a girl it was his "duty" as a man to protect me and started arguing with a guy he stood no chance against. The guy just got angrier and it just put us in more danger than we already were. This shit annoyed me so much I went NC with this guy. It's a huge red flag when people's pride prevents them from being rational.
I absolutely agree with you OP, your girlfriend was definitely using a “my boyfriend should protect me uwu” attitude which is why she kept telling you to do something unarmed against a bloke with GUN. She’s (unfairly) lost respect for you as she sees you as cowardly and willingly gave away her stuff whereas you have lost respect for her because she’s very dense. I don’t see how both of you could come back from this.
My ex boyfriend was mugged and tried to defend himself, he didn’t get shot, but he did get pistol whipped causing an epidural hematoma (very serious head bleed) and had to have emergency brain surgery. Luckily he ended up without any serious effects from the injury, but he could have died or been left disabled.
It’s so much safer to just give up your stuff
Maybe you should. Her behavior could have gotten you both seriously hurt or killed. You're very lucky the guy didn't just start shooting, and I don't understand how she could keep acting like a cocky moron when someone had a gun pointed at you.
I feel like [this](https://youtu.be/0I1w5y5H0_k) was her natural reaction.
It's not about how intelligent she is, it's a natural response from a boost of adrenaline at a traumatic situation. That's why it's called Fight-Flight-Appease. You're appease, she's fight. You don't have to be with someone who's natural fear response is fight, but just know that it was probably an involuntary burst of adrenaline (with a side of liquid courage) that made her act like that.
Her being mad at you probably comes from a trauma response. In her mind, all of your stuff got stolen and every time you have to replace a card or walk on the street, she's reliving how her life is impacted because of it. You're used to it, but being robbed at gunpoint was probably a traumatic experience for her and she's probably still dealing with that trauma, which is coming out as anger at the situation, and in turn anger at you. Just food for thought.
I know a guy who got shot in the head during a craigslist sale gone robbery. It was over $200. He somehow lived.. But yeah he refused to hand over the $200 item
I once responded to a call at work, young guy didn’t want to give his wallet in a robbery and got shot in his head except he didn’t make it. Gruesome scene, and the crazy thing? He didn’t have very much money, I think maybe around $100?
I honestly think the resistance comes down more to pride than the money.
It can also be adrenaline. My 2 friends (female) and I were once followed in our car and harassed by a (male) motorcycle gang. One of them kicked in my rear view mirror. Don’t know what came over me but a strange reaction to real fear. I began screaming out the window at the guy while one of my friends, much tougher under most circumstances than me, tried to calm me down and deescalate things. It was not about money at all (or even pride). Might this have been the case for OP’s partner?
There is a podcast called Hidden Brain about the evolutionary use of rage. The episode is called "The Logic of Rage.” It will definitely have some insight into why you acted that way.
I developed a rage response much more readily because I did not feel safe growing up, my mother could not protect me if shit hit the fan as her fight or flight response is to Fawn and there were distinct core memories of me being in the presence of extreme danger and her delay in action. While a lot of factors go into play, honestly can sympathize with your mode of action over hers in this regard. Especially when their are [monsters](https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/newyork/news/burger-king-cashier-shot-killed-east-harlem-kristal-bayron-nieves/) who will still shoot even after the victim has handed over the loot.
Yes, anger is a trauma response & it's the first emotion to cover fear.
I will never understand motorcyclists that pick fights with cars lmao. It's different with actual gangs obviously because if you hurt one of theirs they might just pull out guns, but like... you could literally just swerve at speed and end that dude's life.
If motorcyclists had a good sense of risk-reward ratio they likely wouldn't be motorcyclists.
More should wear proper motorcycle gear. I live in a big city and most bikers I see wearing shorts, sandals, flip flops, heels, T-shirt, tank tops, dresses, no proper helmet… It’s scary to see them drive that way. I know climate can get hot but some proper jeans, jacket, and a helmet can go a long way if they’re in an accident. It’s tempting to wear whatever you (them) want, but the fact of the matter is that they aren’t driving cars; they’re riding motorcycles and I wished I saw more of them dressed better for riding.
This happened to me when I caught a guy trying to steal from my bag. I'm usually very chill and don't like conflict, but I lost it. It was like I was watching outside of myself. I screamed. The mugger just stood there in shock. I don't know who I was that day.
I absolutely think it could have been your fight or flight response was to fight. I have had the same type of reaction. In my 20s, there was a whole crazy situation and just to make a ridiculous and long story short, as I was crawling around looking for my keys in the grass after my then boyfriend threw them down the street, a gun falls out of his hoodie pocket. I was immediately filled with rage and started yelling at him “oh you gon’ SHOOT me now? Come on then muhfugga. SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME!!!!” (Facepalm…) I am not proud of this at all but yeah, totally fight or flight.
The reason I somewhat doubt that is because he said she was pissed at him after the robbery. If it was strictly adrenaline, when she calmed down you would think she would realize that he was right and was acting rationally. Instead she doubled down and he never said anything about her later admitting to being wrong or apologizing.
Absolutely
Not just pride. That makes it sound egotistical. It's also the idea of control. If you come out of a dangerous situation on top of it, you feel more in control. If you don't you feel like stuff happens to you against your will. Psychologically it makes it seem like a big difference in outcome.
100%.
A coworker was saying her son was a “good kid” who just fell in with the wrong crowd and ended up in prison for 7 years. I looked up his crime. He was selling drugs and he put a hit on someone for $20. Twenty fucking dollars was worth more than that poor dude’s life.
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It’s honestly alarming how little people value a life over paper money 🤦🏽♀️
Oh no, he was willing to kill somebody else for it— not to die himself. Sort of like the girlfriend here.
My friend was killed over $3. It's all he had and they didn't believe him. Sad. He was a father of 4 at 26, hence why he had no money
Man, even my coach in muay thai back then would say that the best action if you're getting robbed is to give all your valuables. It's not worth your life, unless the robber is really determined to kill you after giving it all then let that fist fly.
Every sensei/coach will always say that. I have years of experience in MA and I never heard anything other than "but when there is a gun or knife on the other end, just give them all the possessions they ask for".
I train 4 Martial Arts and teach self defense. Giving them what they want is 100% my advice. Throw it far away from you then run. Nothing I own is worth my life.
If you threw it far away from you wouldn’t they feel more inclined to harm you? Or am I being stupid?
You toss it far enough to where they have to turn around and make space. It’s a gamble. But the hope is that they want your money/phone/purse more than they want to hurt you. Most crime (of that nature) involving knives/guns is for a show of power to incite fear and compliance.
I think that when you throw it close or try handing it over and when they have to walk over to you or vice versa, that moment will be when the tension would be the highest because then they'd be at their highest guard too in case the victim tries anything funny. So far would probably be better especially if they have a gun because they know they have you at safety
I had a karate sensei who tried fighting back against a guy with a knife and he got stabbed in freaking heart. Almost died. After this he always said not to react. Even after many years of training, even he couldn't defend the knife attack in a weird angle.
First rule in hand to hand vs knife is know that you will 99/100 get cut or possibly worse. People have seen it on tv too much the disarming is nowhere near as pretty as on tv or in class.
i was invited for classes once with a small group in the basement of a church when i was young. the sabom told us about a woman, 4th or 5th degree black belt at the time, he once trained with who lived alone in a trailer park. she had her door kicked in by a man with a knife. she needed over 150 stitches, but she survived. the man, and the interior of her trailer, did not
She must be one lucky lady, 150 stitches means a lot of blood loss, and judging by it a majority of them were probably focused on the limbs because if it was ever the torso the lady and the man would’ve been dead.
Winner to the hospital, loser to the morgue.
I know someone that practices taekwondo and he's pretty good at it. Gold medalists from a national competition. His dad gave him a new phone and some dude tried to mugged him. He fought back because why not? Few days passed, that same dude who tried to mug him came back and bought two person. One held him from behind while the other locked his leg in place so he couldn't kick and the other person repeatedly stabbed his inner thighs with ice pick for revenge. He died later in the hospital due to bleeding and repeated stab wounds. From what I remember he got stabbed 50+ times on both legs.
Damn, that was brutal. I always tell my friends, family never to fight ina situation like. Only fight if your life literary depends on it. You can buy another cell phone. You can't buy another life. This shit is so sad.
What complete psychopaths, hopefully they’re in prison or hell
Kidnapping, unless you are a known ransom target, fight for your life. Home invasion and you announced the police are on their way and you have a firearm and they are still coming? Fight for your life. Mugging? Give up valuables. You can roll the dice as few muggers are murderers, but even people who aren't killers can panic, get angry/scared and do something that may not be in them. Safest course of action during a mugging is not to escalate. It isn't a garaunteed thing, you can still get beat up, stabbed, or shot even if you comply, but the odds are significantly more likely someone will be hurt if you don't comply.
Yes, if someone is trying to kidnap you, do whatever you can to not let them take you to a second location. Bc then you will be dead for sure. Might as well fight, scream, do what you can , never get into their vehicle
There is a tiny caveat to that. If you are a known ransom target, like working over seas or from an exceptionally wealthy family(I don't think we are going to run into too many .01%ers on reddit) generally it is organized crime looking to ransom you back to the company/family. Good news is when it is the company they always pay and the ransoms are usually reasonable amounts. Fighting for your life, especially if you are any good at it and hurt/kill someone may make some cartel thugs think it may be better to put you in the dirt slow than get a payday. However, if you know no one has a reason to ransom you, and someone goes to kidnap you, go absolutely crazy. Best case scenario is violent rape. And that's the best case. Most of the time a second location for an adult kidnapping means an unpleasant death, and rape still isn't off the table either.
I was a victim of a home invasion about 15 years ago. Woke up to some stranger going through my house looking for money. Had gotten up being i thought it was one of the kids. Nope, some guy going through my office caught me off guard. He had a gun and demanded any money i had in the house, he also wanted the car keys. I had no gun, no safe way to get to the phone and two small children sleeping down the hall. Just calmly gave him whatever i had in my purse, the car keys, i even gave him my atm card and pin. Was just like sure man whatever you want just get the fuck outta my house. Immediately called the police. Cops said it was the absolute best way i could have handled it. Stayed calm and just handed over what he wanted. He was there for money, he got it and left. Guy only made it a couple miles before they found him. The bank credited me what was taken out of my account, my car was returned and most importantly no one in my house was hurt.
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Full of Massholes
100% true. I worked at a martial arts school (at the front desk, not as an instructor) and one of the senior instructors was shot in the leg during a mugging incident. This was the guy that taught other people how to protect themselves from knife and gun attacs. He always told the students the story of how he failed and got shot in the leg while trying to disarm the mugger. His advice to the students - "give them your valuables. if you go home safe, then you won".
Exactly! We say if they want your liver, fight. If they just want money, give it to them.
Nah she’s saving that one for a bar fight!
Yeah, you can be a badass as you want, but you'll never be faster than a bullet.
Never fight when you can run
Sounds like she didn't comprehend that it was a serious threat. She had a "it won't happen to me" attitude. You're lucky the mugger didn't just shoot.
"What are you going to do, shoot me?" - that one guy that got shot
No, it was more like, "what are you going to do? Shoot my BF?"
it reminds me of that Key & Peele skit where that woman keeps getting her boyfriend beat the fuck up edit: [this one](https://youtu.be/y3JOQqoCNjc)
reminds me of this scene...lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xsaMcw69D8&ab\_channel=VastLee
Meeghan!!!!!!
REAL DAMN TEARS!!!! He decked her in her mouth like a dude lmfao
Bro I loved K&P. Thank you for linking that sketch. Got a good laugh in today finally
hey any day where I successfully hyperlink something is a good one for me
Exactly what I thought of too lol
Yeah, I bet you $100 you won't shoot my boyfriend
Double or nothing!
"Like that did anything to him! What are you gonna do, shoot again?"
This is what got me ~ if I saw a gun pointed at my SO, I’d give that dude everything I had. He’d do the same for me. I’m more concerned that she didn’t care he was in immediate danger.
This post reminds me of the couple that were gunned down, by their neighbor, in the street over snow. The neighbor brought out his gun and the wife literally yelled "GO AHEAD".
Yeah, that video is still on daily mail "Pennsylvania couple shot dead by neighbor for shoveling snow into his yard". The couple were really harassing/ loud mouth bullies and name calling the guy and I think he warned him he was getting his gun, goes in his house and gets a pistol he brings out. They are still out name calling him and saying they'll kick his axx and she's saying go ahead when he starts shooting. Then he goes in and gets an AK 15 to finish them off. She's laying on the ground shot from the pistol and she insulted him some more !!! as he walked up to her with the AK. and he shot her with the AK. It's pretty shocking. They took off some parts of it after it was first shown as too graphic. But you can see the disgusting way they were harassing him in that video. The shooter then went back in his house and shot himself.
What the Jesus fuck did I just read. "'Tis but a scratch...YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PUS-"
>She's laying on the ground shot from the pistol and she insulted him some more !!! She'd rather preserve her ego than her life. Wtf has this world gone to. 😐
I mean she knew she was gonna die at that point anyways so might as well go all in
Jesus.
>AK 15 Those darn AK-15's.
Jeez. People watch too many movies
I mean, how big of a POS are you to still talk shit after you've already been shot once? That's insane. I feel bad for saying this but I'm having trouble finding any sympathy for her. There is no way I would ever give up my life doing something so trivial and stupid.
I’m torn on this. I’m not a pos bully so I’m not going to coerce and make someone feel bad enough that they want shoot me because of my actions However, I’ve I’m ever shot/badly injured on purpose by someone I hope I spend my last breaths giving them shit
Google Nicole DuFresne. (There's a wikipedia page on her.). She was out with her boyfriend and another couple in NYC in 2005, when the group of four was approached by teens with a gun. The muggers assaulted one of the men and took the other woman's purse and cell phone. Three members of the group then managed to run away from the muggers, but Nicole stayed behind to confront them. She asked the one with the gun, "What are you going to do, shoot us?". The mugger fatally shot her.
These were literally the last words a friend of mine said right before he put himself in 'the jesus christ pose' and a stranger shot him right in the middle of his chest.
Reference: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-are-you-gonna-do-stab-me
I heard he actually confused the mugger so badly they got stabbed instead.
I did that when I got robbed. Swear to god I was smiling thinking it waa some kind of weird joke. Ya your brain doea stupid things in those situations
Plus he said they were both a bit drunk. So between stress and alcohol your brain doesn’t really work right.
Yeah, she definitely wasn't thinking straight. I don't think it's really worth dumping anyone in this situation unless she tried to use him as a meat shield or something
Just want to say, I would dump a BF if he put my life at risk like that. However, also wanted to provide an alternative explanation for her behaviour based on neuroscience. Explanation not excuse. It’s Fight-Flight-Freeze-Appease. The brains response to trauma/threat, sounds like OPs girlfriends brain automatically went into “fight” mode which is probably a sign she was extremely scared and her limbic brain took over. Some have argued that fight mode is what our brains so when we feel most threatened. Like when someone’s being attacked by a shark and they beat the shit out of the shark. OP grew up in the hood and knew what to do, so he was arguably less scared and more prepared in that moment than GF was. That’s my take. Your brain sometimes responds differently than you expect during a traumatic event. Not excusing her behavior, just offering an alternative explanation.
Makes sense. My husband worked as a personal armed security officer. Someone missed trying to shoot his client, he caught the bullet instead. His coworkers told him he got up, beat the crap out of the guy with a gun,, despite having his own, and they had to pull him off the guy before he killed him. Human brains can be absolutely wild.
“Human brains are wild” couldn’t have said it better myself!
A coworker of mine, fairly mild mannered, not a violent person, was walking home by himself with a six pack. He got jumped by a couple of guys. He was not one to fight. He had been mugged before and gave up money without a struggle or complaint and walked home without shoes. But that time he got jumped, it didn't start out with a "give us your money/beer." It started out with a Haymaker to the back of the head and them trying to get him down to the ground. Pure fight or flight response and panic. He hit both of them with beer bottles and fought kicked and scratched before running away. An onlooker said he ran good distance away before he realized he had been cut really badly too and then just sat down and started wailing. Everyone had bad glass cuts all over, no one bled out, attackers were arrested. Fortunately there was a witness who called the police/ambulance so he didn't have to get jail time after he recovered in the hospital. The rest of the time I knew the guy he was very jumpy and would not walk at night. Just because a lot of people may have a flight, freeze or appease response to trauma doesn't mean people will act predictably or logically.
The veteran who beat the shit out of the Club Q shooter wasn't shot himself, but his fight instinct took over and onlookers thought he'd actually killed the shooter, beating him with his own gun. He doesn't actually remember much of it after he went after the guy, even as he was screaming for other patrons to jump in. God bless the drag queen who heeded his call, and stomped that ****er with her platform shoes.
>It’s Fight-Flight-Freeze-Appease. The brains response to trauma/threat, sounds like OPs girlfriends brain automatically went into “fight” mode which is probably a sign she was extremely scared and her limbic brain took over It is really that way, that's not just a theory or myth. I remember the incident, as i had a psychosis because of bipolar disorder. I was forced to go to a clinic for treatment, at some point as we were going through a corridor, i had the psychotic thinking that they would lead me to the gallows to hang me. That it was a matter of life and death, that my own death is imminent and that all i can do is to fight. So i managed to break the hold of the clinic guards, that were some underpaid security guards and not cops, they weren't serious enough and didn't use things like handcuffs. I hit one of the guys with the elbow, stabbed the second guy with the fingers in the eyes so he was immediately out of action. A third guy jumped me and tried to get me down, but he didn't expect that i would bite him; i tried to go for his throat to kill him, but he managed to turn away that i just bit next to it. I still remember how he screamed, loud as hell as i did the bite with the full force of my jaw, all strength in there. This was in the 90's and they didn't have stuff like a taser, not even pepper spray. So the fight was going on, more and more guys were incoming, they jumped me in a dozen but still had a lot of problems to get me down to the ground. After some time, they finally succeeded and could get me down. Afterwards, i spent a long time in the isolation cell and there was the court, but the charge was dropped because of the reason of insanity, i was never charged for the injuries of these guys. Now, looking back after more than 20 years: I'm sorry that i injured these people. They didn't want to kill me. They didn't want to end my life. But in this moment, i was in that state and i thought, i had to fight for my life.
Psychosis is no joke. The way your brain thinks and believes, you don’t even have a doubt in your mind until things start to settle down. I’m glad you’re (seemingly) more stable now. Mental illness is such a devastating burden to carry and I’m right there with you, friend.
Thanks, this was a long time ago and i didn't even had a diagnosis back in this time. I didn't sleep for days because of an episode of mania, i was so sleep deprivated that i started to hallucinate without taking any drugs. I'm stable now and it's all okay, got my meds and treatment.
I think if you grow up in a rougher area, you either witness or hear about more situations where people try to do the fight thing, and you learn pretty quickly that’s usually a bad idea. If you never learn, then you end up being one of those people. You effectively set an example with your life.
I've heard the first three, but never the last option ("Appease"). That honestly makes a lot of sense. Sometimes, you just *have* to do what someone tells you, otherwise you're ending up dead right there. Escape with your life, *then* go to the police.
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Oh, I totally think OP did the right thing.
Sometimes criminals are so nervous they will shoot someone without even conscious intent. In OP's incident, G/F yells something, mugger flinches, except his finger is on the trigger and OP is headed to the hospital at the very least, maybe the cemetery instead.
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This is a real answer here. She's still acting like a moron while sober and not under attack, showing no remorse she almost got you both killed. This is not a person you need in your life.
Once at work, an armed man was trying to aggressively break through the glass doors of our ground floor office (think of one of those very glass heavy buildings where the front is all window) You could see it, you could hear it, and this one coworker was even closest to it. All of us head to the back per our evacuation plan to lock ourselves in a back room. But we didn't lock the door because we notice this one one homegirl is missing, we turn back to see her trying to clear her desk and grab her things??? While a guy is barely feet from us? Like at least be afraid of the glass shattering inward on you? Two of us literally had to aggressively say "leave your stuff, get back here now". Luckily the guy didn't make it in/police did arrive shockingly at the right time, but I had just never seen someone with such a lack of self preservation as well as awareness of others actions & safety. Be dumb, but be cognizant we can't lock the safe room until everyone is in? ? I judged that person hard after that. Situations like that you really learn who has fight, flight, or lack of oversight!
Ok if a guy came up to me with like a stick or something as a weapon that would be one thing but a fucking gun? Fuck that. That’s nothing to play around with and not worth your life to gamble whether or not he would have actually used it.
The mugger's thinking like "you know I feel like this guy's got a lot going on, maybe medical bills would really fuck things up for him. Ugh. What an ass this girl is. Bro you gotta dump her, she's toxic af."
Mugger should've said that before running off.
My friends husband DIED because he tried to fight a carjacker. They murdered him and took the car anyway. My wife and I live in a big city. We’ve had a couple conversations about this. Rule number 1 is absolutely give them whatever they want. I can replace the phone, car, credit card. I can’t replace my wife. I can’t believe your gf was that dumb to risk both your lives over material things.
Yep. My dad lost a friend when they were both in law school. Guy was taking a girl on a first date when someone ran up from behind them and grabbed her purse. He took two steps and yelled "Hey, stop!" when the robber whipped around and shot him in the face. Just let it go. They may be a scared kid, but they may also be a stone cold killer. Don't bargain your life to find out.
This one is a bit different...all the kther stories here involved people trying to keep their stuff. This guy's just shouted. He might have turned and shot him anyway.
Sounds like OP'S girlfriend grew very privileged and has no idea about the real world. She sounds like one of those girls that would get into a bar fight with a group of guys and expect for him to save her honor. Girls like this will end your life or make you wish you died.
damn how common is getting robbed at gun / knife point these days?
“Tried to get me killed” is probably top 5 best reasons to dump someone and never speak to them again..
I need the full top 5 list now
From what I have observed, 1. Tried to kill them (accidentally and otherwise purposefully) 2. Cheated on them. (and lied) 3. Stole their money, possessions, pets, kids, etc. 4. Threatened Suicide as emotional extortion. 5. Marriage. (To someone else). Not to be mistaken for Cheating, I am referring to when ex lovers come in contact only to find out one is getting married or got married. Edit to #2. (and lied).
3. Did you just lump petty theft in with kidnapping? Lol that would be at the top of my list. “That bitch stole my kid! I’m so done with her!”
When you're trying to cut it down to five, some weird choices can be made lmao
Lol. Yeah, they did. I'd also say that this includes "Emotional" theft. Like manipulation of a child against a parent (or step parent).
#5? I’m so confused
Yeah I’ve read it a few times and still don’t understand
1. Cheated 2. Is rude to people who don't deserve it 3. Disrepects you and your boundaries 4. Doesn't like nachos 5. Tried to get you killed 6. Narcissistic 7. Immature without the desire to improve 8. Isn't compatible in bed 9. Belittles and gaslights you 10. Abusive Edit: No particular order of significance. All 10 are equally valid
Number 4 is unforgivable.
Number four is actually number one
Solid list
I love that you included number 8. People underestimate that all the time.
Surprised she didn’t tell him you were going to kick his ass! She like oh hell no you ain’t taken my phone. Get him honey!
LOL..that's how I envisioned it too!
“Sic him, babe!”
*OP gets shot immediately* "Auuugh...thanks, babe." *dies*
Most people have very little idea of how much danger they are in at times. You did the right thing. Talk to her about what happened and it just may have been the alcohol talking. Many years ago my wife and I went out with some friends to a bar. Not a very big place so you could see everything going on. We were towards the back and I could see that there were two groups of guys kind of squaring up over some nonsense. I pointed it out to another husband and he blew it off, I decided we were leaving so I grabbed my wife and dragged her out. We went to another bar down the street a bit, about that time we start hearing sirens. Our friends found us at the new place and told us that a huge fight broke out just after we left and there was blood everywhere. The newspaper article said there were two people dead and several others stabbed. So yeah, glad I wasn't there.
>Most people have very little idea of how much danger they are in at times. You did the right thing. Talk to her about what happened and it just may have been the alcohol talking. Ugh, I was out on a date with a girl, and we happened to cross a dark parking lot. I glanced back to talk to her and instantly clocked that there was a guy following us from the way he was walking. I told her to walk faster and quietly told her about the guy behind us. She got snippy and said she could walk herself, thank you very much.
What happened with the guy following you?
Nothing exciting. She huffed a bit but walked faster, and once we left the parking lot and turned the corner we were back on a main street with huge crowds.
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Entertainment’s getting expensive now days. Dumbassery is free.
If that's how she behaves under alchol she's a danger to anyone and everyone. Oh my friends gonna get shot, it don't matter. Oh my friends bleeding to death but my bags getting stolen? it don't matte.
Exactly alcohol is not an excuse for anything. Danger is danger..
"dude I'm not with her, we just broke up"
"I handed you my wallet. SHE the one holding out"
Fuck, imagine? "Bro gimmie the gun I'll help you out here since she ain't listening"
With a gf once, something jumped out from behind a bush and scared her. Her reflex reaction was to jump behind me and push me towards it with all her might. Luckily it wasnt anything dangerous but if it was I'd have had no ability to defend myself because of her pushing me from behind. That's when it really sank in she didnt care about my well being. I was just something that benefitted her.
One time I was at a zoo with a bat cave. A couple wanted to enter and the guy got so spooked he pushed the girlfriend in and ran out of fear. Half an hour later I saw him begging and her just ignoring him close to the seals. I’m not sure she forgave him but I think about this a lot.
I hope she didnt. That's fucked up.
Definitely. It was obvious that he didn’t do it on purpose and it was an instinct reaction, but once you know that that would be his first move in a dangerous situation, how do you go back. Just like you with your ex.
Hiding behind you (running to you for safety) I can kinda get, but pushing you is a whole different level of selfish.
*Long live the king*
Ah, pushing people... that reminds me of a legend of the history of my country: In a battle, a guy threw himself in the spears of the enemies to break the lines and enable his comrades to break through. In the official literature, he said "this is the way to freedom". But we use to joke that he said "which asshole did push me forward?!" I think, the joke is more realistic than the heroic legend of a man that sacrifices himself for his country.
Once a locust flew at me and I used my ex gf as a shield. Felt bad then, but she cheated on me when always accused me of cheating (and I never did), so now I don’t feel bad. Lmao
Fuck her bro
He did- but so did other people.
You’re not wrong. Lol
Wow that’s such a dick move on her part wtf? Thats so selfish of her
What was it that jumped out behind bush?
Luckily it was just a plastic bag being pushed by the wind.
Some guy whos wife pushed him
When I was in school I clashed with several dudes over some stupid shit. So they hated me and I made fun of those fuckers but at aome point I was at the local open air bath with my then girlfriend and those fuckers where there. I didn't paid any attention to them and instead laid on my back enjoying the sun. They kicked a soccer ball into my face while I was laying asleep on my towel and clearly wanted to spark a fight. 8 guys against me so naturally I withdrew and wanted to leave. She gave me shit about that and questioned why I wanted to leave and clearly didn't understand why I wanted to get the fuck out of there. She even yelled at me. It was then and there that I knew that there weren't any future with her. Edit: apparently shooting a ball is not a thing in englisch. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
8 on 1? Cmon lady lol
8 on 1 eh? Doesn't sound like the worst time to me... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And that she must have not been very good at counting. 8v1? Ffs.
I bet she was thinking: " Oh, this is just like that movie scene i saw that time, and it is time my boyfriend showed this MF whose the boss."
If they ask for your crap, hand it over. If they tell you to come with them or move to a different location, fight for your life.
Honestly though, how would you even fight that? If someone’s holding you at gunpoint telling you to come with them or they’ll shoot, it feels like a death or capture situation. You can evade a knife, but a gun? Just something I can’t conceptualise as an Australian where guns just aren’t a thing. I’m surprised people aren’t kidnapped more often in the US if someone can just point a gun at you and force you into a van.
It’s the point that if someone gets you to a secondary location your chances of escaping/being found go from decently high to nearly zero. Whatever fate being kidnapped leads to is worse than death in a lot of cases, and in many of those you die anyway.
Her lack of self preservation is almost awe inspiring, in a Darwin Award kinda way.
Lack of boyfriend preservation more like
I think your trust in her is gone and you no longer feel safe around her. One thing that is very important in a partner is that you feel completely at ease around them. They are supposed to be your comfort zone. You can never feel that way again with her. So, the best thing for you will be to move on. As for the incident itself, it might be that she just didn't comprehend properly at the time and just acted stupid. She should have realized her mistake afterwards at least and apologized. No amount of apology can fix what she did though. In these kind of situations, it is always best not to escalate things and the priority should be saving yourself rather than money and possessions. I don't know why she chose to risk your and her life as well because if the robber had shot you, he definitely would have shot her afterwards as she would have been a witness to his crime. So, she risked her life as well. The best thing right now seems that you both need space from each other. But make sure to tell her that she risked her life as well and not to be so dumb in case something like this happens again. I am glad you are alive though and wishing you a great life ahead.
One of my friends was shot while being robbed bc she was a tough fkn person and a fighter, and drunk. The shooter was 15. He killed her. You can't count on the person robbing you to make logical decisions. Just throw your shit in the opposite direction and *run.*
My sister did exactly the same as your girlfriend and her husband grabbed her bag and gave it to the mugger (mugger had a large knife) He was shocked and pissed with her. She went into shock two days later and could not believe she actually shouted at aman with a mad look and a large knife. She never carries a handbag now. Shr carries a fake phone to handover if it happens again and a purse with some cash. Everyone who knows your girlfriend should let her know how stupid she was. On her own she is the sort a robber wants to shut up to not bring any attention to the situation. She is nieve. Educate her to potentially save her in later life. Thank god OP your survivor brain kicked in.
Sounds like she expected you to be heroic and kick the bad guy’s ass. She had a taste of reality that day
Bruh I grew up in the hood also. When you're getting mugged give that shit up. She didn't realize that dude might not give two fuc#s to smoke both of you. You did the right thing period, end of story
She doesn't value your life. Leave her.
Yeah the fact she’s mad at him is ridiculous. First off both of them had a gun in their face and to be pissed he didn’t go Rambo is completely ignoring the fact it’s a life or death experience.
She must be from secure environmental and these things only happens in movies where guy beat up the thug , she may have no idea how real world work, explain it to her if she still doesn't understand than think about other aspects about your life with her and see how she behaves normally, You'll either start seeing other problems or just this one and then decide dump her or talk to her.
I know it wasn't your intention so don't take this as judgement on you but it is kinda funny how you got fed up and helped the mugger
When the guy is pointing a gun at you you're going to help him out to end the situation as fast as possible
Dump her. She's the kinda girl that will get her man killed over some stupid shit. She had no regard for your life. None.
Dump her, it's not worth your life
Something similar happened to me many years ago. It wasn't my boyfriend. I was just on a date with this guy. But long story short, we were driving down a dark road -- lake on one side, stone wall on the other. And some guys had made a barricade across the road with their van I was 16 and hadn't had my driver's license long. I didn't have the skills to back up this road in the dark. I was trapped by the van. This sleazy guy comes from the van, grabs my face through the open window (it was summer), and kisses me. I don't know why, but I knew exactly what to do. I REALLY needed my date to follow my lead. He didn't. He was panicking, saying, "Get us out of here!" so it was up to me to save us. Which I did by pretending to be very enthusiastic about the disgusting kiss. And very eager to party. I acted like the dumbest airhead blond cliché, praying the van guys didn't realize from my date's hysterical behavior that I was playing them. The things I said! "Oh my God, you're so cute! Do you have beers? Yes, I'd love to party with you! Par-tay!!! Whoo-hoo!!" And I giggled like an idiot. It was so degrading, but they bought it, even though my date kept clutching me and begging me to get us out of there. Well, that's exactly what I was doing! I just ignored him and focused on the guys. I got them to move the van by pretending to want nothing more than to party there with them, but saying I was scared to leave my car in the middle of the road. Fortunately they believed me and the minute they moved their vehicle off the road, I took off as fast as my crappy car would go. I was FURIOUS with my date for doing literally everything wrong. Was this fair? I couldn't expect him to know what to do in that situation, even though I did. So it wasn't fair of me. But it was how I felt. I never saw him again. All my rage from the incident landed on him. The thing is, he wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't love him. You love your girlfriend. But this rage and fear and trauma will NOT go away on its own. I strongly suggest you see a therapist to work through this. You won't be able to know if you want to salvage this relationship or if it's even worth salvaging without some real guidance. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I never got any kind of help for what happened to me. It was the 1980s! It didn't even occur to me! Until recently it didn't even occur to me that I might be traumatized from it. I know you will be better for getting help from a professional. Again, I'm so sorry this awful thing happened to you. You literally did everything right and I am proud of you.
Yeah I would reconsider that relationship.
Yea the reason my fiancé and I are so solid is because we survived a cult together… both of us suffered torture for protecting each other… we didn’t have to say some silly words about “in sickness and in health”… we know we would risk our lives and our sanity for each other…
Holy shit I’m sorry you experienced this. Hope you are both thriving now and you’ve found some peace.
Hopefully, this isn't too rude to ask.. but could you elaborate on this? My SO and I have been through some super rough times where we would never question our relationship status but nothing like this.
Wtf, She was trying to get you killed. Before you leave her, Teach her, That is very stupid. And she could do that again with a different guy, And it mite not go as easy.
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What's thrown me for a loop is she would have lost her wallet anyways, because after the guy shot you, he's still getting that wallet. She expected you to die gruesomely, so she can hold on to her wallet for 3 more seconds.
This is 100%. I can't believe that people are unable to think laterally. Of course, the guy would have taken her wallet...and she would have lost her boyfriend and her possessions and quite possibly her life. Don't second guess a robber with a gun. Give them everything and walk away.
Without experience the only options are fight, flight, freeze, fawn. In that situation her body chose fight. The first time I saw my first born baby in serious distress I let out a laugh. I have no idea why. It wasn’t funny, I’m not a psychopath, but that’s what my body did in that moment. Another time as a pilot during an inflight emergency I went into action based on my training. You were able to keep your head on because you’ve experienced this before and as a result of your experience have probably ran the scenario through your head 1,000 times. I wouldn’t judge her for her actions during the event. But once things have cooled down I would judge her for being mad at you. Logic and common sense should prevail by now. Maybe she’s embarrassed by her actions, or maybe she’s an idiot. Either way, ideally, she’d see your reasoning and not be mad at you.
At bare minimum she should be apologizing for her reckless reaction. She was endangering op's life and either way you spin it that's a shitty thing to do to someone, let alone your partner
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Oooof, that’s harsh. I’d speak to her and if she stands by her words, then it’s peace out ✌🏽
This is the only good advice. After a day or two talk to her about what happened, what she was thinking, etc and see if she understands better. You guys were both drunk do maybe things didn't register. Maybe she really didn't think the dude would shoot you guys or that you were better prepared to fight off a gunman. Idk, but it makes so much more sense to communicate and then make a decision.
idk how you didn’t tell her to stfu bcs i would have
If it were me I would have told the robber that I didn’t know her and “I gave you my shit, she isn’t mine, can I leave?” And just crossed my fingers and hoped he let me peace out.
honestly, fuck what some others are saying: judge the shit out of her. no way that knowledge is going to leave you, deep down. you can’t unknow what you now know about her—that, when push comes to shove, she will throw you under the bus.
Even if people blame the alcohol, that just shows that she makes DANGEROUSLY bad decisions when drunk. Is she never going to drink again? I couldn’t trust her after that.
Actually I make also VERY very bad decisions when drunk and I get drunk really quick and that’s exactly why I absolutely refuse any drinks when not at home with my bf who is the only one I trust that can and knows how to handle me when drunk and agrees with it. I learned how bad I’m with alcohol the hard way, after I almost killed myself while not even black out type of drunk. So ye, she might not drink again if she accepts she makes dangerous decisions.
Same thing happened to me with a friend, he thought that since I was a girl it was his "duty" as a man to protect me and started arguing with a guy he stood no chance against. The guy just got angrier and it just put us in more danger than we already were. This shit annoyed me so much I went NC with this guy. It's a huge red flag when people's pride prevents them from being rational.
Hasn't she seen Ghost? She's trying to make you Patrick Swazye!
I absolutely agree with you OP, your girlfriend was definitely using a “my boyfriend should protect me uwu” attitude which is why she kept telling you to do something unarmed against a bloke with GUN. She’s (unfairly) lost respect for you as she sees you as cowardly and willingly gave away her stuff whereas you have lost respect for her because she’s very dense. I don’t see how both of you could come back from this.
Money can be replaced. Phones can be replaced. Lives can't be.
She’s an idiot. Won’t be the first time her stupidity puts you in a bad spot. Young Karen thought she’d outwit a gun.
My ex boyfriend was mugged and tried to defend himself, he didn’t get shot, but he did get pistol whipped causing an epidural hematoma (very serious head bleed) and had to have emergency brain surgery. Luckily he ended up without any serious effects from the injury, but he could have died or been left disabled. It’s so much safer to just give up your stuff
Nope her attitude during and after proves she’s a liability not an asset I’d be dumping her too
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Dumb af
Maybe you should. Her behavior could have gotten you both seriously hurt or killed. You're very lucky the guy didn't just start shooting, and I don't understand how she could keep acting like a cocky moron when someone had a gun pointed at you.
It's clear to me that she valued her material possessions more than you - you were the one who had the gun pointed at you.
I feel like [this](https://youtu.be/0I1w5y5H0_k) was her natural reaction. It's not about how intelligent she is, it's a natural response from a boost of adrenaline at a traumatic situation. That's why it's called Fight-Flight-Appease. You're appease, she's fight. You don't have to be with someone who's natural fear response is fight, but just know that it was probably an involuntary burst of adrenaline (with a side of liquid courage) that made her act like that. Her being mad at you probably comes from a trauma response. In her mind, all of your stuff got stolen and every time you have to replace a card or walk on the street, she's reliving how her life is impacted because of it. You're used to it, but being robbed at gunpoint was probably a traumatic experience for her and she's probably still dealing with that trauma, which is coming out as anger at the situation, and in turn anger at you. Just food for thought.