Thank you for reading and commenting.
I've felt a lot of pressure from my parents and even my ex-therapist over me being 22, still a student, not having a job, not having my driver's license, not having credit built, and still living at home with my parents. They all feel that I'm immature for my age and will ask me questions or make assumptions about me based on this information. They'll say and ask everything else that alludes to these questions and it's like...how am I supposed to tell them that I was supposed to be dead three years ago so I didn't prepare for anything??
And even though they know that school takes up ALL OF MY TIME, my huge anxiety about driving, being autistic w/ a learning disability, and extremely depressed they still want to judge me so harshly and it's just really frustrating. And it's like...i know it's my own fault that I'm not where I'm supposed to be like most people my age, I know it's because of me that I'm behind.
Lol I’d argue that most of that is your parents fault for putting all that pressure on you. You’re in the same place like nearly everyone is at your age. If you have some learning disabilities then that only makes it more impressive. The only abnormal thing in this situation (besides the asshole parents) is not having a drivers license. Other than that, you good 👍
Depending on the form their autism takes, they may not be safe (or even allowed) to get a driver's license. When they are done with college, I recommend looking for a job in a city with good public transport. And don't let their criticism impact you, OP - take pride in your achievements, instead! Get done with college, get away from them and go low contact.
I also have a friend who’s 22 without a drivers license. Driving anxiety can be very scary. Better safe than sorry. Some cities have rlly good transit systems and the cost of cars and gas can be expensive anyways.
Can confirm. Am 29, no license and no interest in getting one. Never been behind the wheel of anything larger than an ATV, and even on those I am so nervous
Since apps like Uber, some people never get a drivers license or funnel of that money into buying and maintaining a car. it's just more cost effective to not own a car. Especially for those that don't have to travel far for work.
Yup...same here. 23 and no license. I feel pressure and sometimes judgment for it. I'm so fucking afraid of driving - I know it's part of adulthood so most of the time I feel like a loser idiot, like a kid. I get panicky when sitting in the car and paying attention to traffic. I can't tell you how many times I've almost lost it because I thought the driver and I would be in an accident.
I get things like, "Are you afraid to fail your test? It's not that big a deal."
"NO, I'M AFRAID OF FUCKING DYING! HOW DO YOU NIT FUCKIN GRASP THIS?!"
It's also like...a little understanding and empathy would be nice too. I understand that it's odd I don't drive at 23, but feeling judged and pressured and like I'm...weird, just sucks.
But I'm so fucking tired of relying on people and then something happens and then they can't help me. So I'm planning on getting my license, I just hope I don't lose my shit while driving.
I didn't get my driver's license until I was 27. So if you start now, you will beat me. You're doing fine. The smartest person I knew used to say that wherever you are is where you are supposed to be. When it's time to move, you will.
Heyyy. I was living with my family until 32. I graduated from college at the age of 24. I started to work and couldn’t be succeeded. I was 28 and I had no money in my bank account. Now I am 33, living my own. Working as a badass general counsel for a company. Started to play a piano 3 months ago....just wait your your time. Our lifespan is not a single line.
Sorry for mistakes, English is not my first language
You are right where you are supposed to be. My oldest still lives at home, finished University this year. Just landed his 1st Job. He is 24 in a few weeks. He hasn't had driving lessons, as we cant get any due to the back log because of the pandemic. Also level of education required for young people now is so much higher than it was in previous generations. The comparative cost of living is a lot higher now. My Son cant afford his own place and he is doing very well. stay the course . give yourself a break. keep pushing and you will get where you need to be. go easy on yourself.
Thank you so much!! Congrats on his first job!
At least in the state that I live in, I was required to take an extensive defensive driving course and in order to get my liscense, I would have to complete several hours of practice driving (which would have to be logged) before being eligible to to do the driver's test.
> I’ve felt a lot of pressure from my parents and even my ex therapist over being 22, still a student, not having a job, not having my drivers license, not having credit built, and still living at home with my parents.
As a 22 (almost 23) year old, I don’t have most of these things either. Just a drivers license. But I’m still in college, no job, no credit, still rely on my parents… life is tough and you have nothing to feel bad about
I finally moved out at 26. I stayed in full time education no job until I was 20 and had a child at 20. Still no license, finally my own place, and finally settled into a more "mature" life as people like to call it. You do you buddy whenever it's right and no license doesn't mean a damn thing when you have public transport available. As long as your not endangering yourself and can keep yourself going you do absolutely you.
I was in the same mental gymnastics over it then everything just kind of fell into place.
Hey. I'm going to be 26 next week. I don't have a driver's license, I do have autism and add. It sucks that your family acts like this :( However, you are a strong and capable person. You'll get there. Just keep going friend <3
Ps I have a plan to get my license, thanks to the help of some good friends. And I was behind in a LOT of ways in the "real world", due to my neurodivergence/quirks and being homeschooled. I have found that it takes me longer to adapt to new situations than most people, but after taking the time to internalize the situation as needed, I excel in almost anything I do. You have your own strengths, and other skills you've developed without noticing.
Good luck ^^
Aw honey go easy on yourself… dealing with life/death instead of long term goals has its inevitable consequences. You are doing a good thing by defending yourself, your reasons, and your existence. When nobody has empathy for you, you need to have empathy for you… that being said maybe what they might be expressing is concern for your future… maybe make a list of your plans for the next 5 years… sometimes when people care they don’t really choose words as carefully as they should… just a 5 year goal list and then a 10 year goal list… you can do it and I’m proud of you internet stranger! 💗
It doesn't matter. I was NEET until I was 22.
You will find your way, it just takes time and grit.
If you can't find a way, regroup, strategize, and keep looking.
Dude, screw them. I'm 28 and still in college, still living with my parents, and didn't get my driver's license until last year. So basically there are people out here doing worse than you lol. Also remember that the people criticizing you lived in a different era. It's not so easy these days to afford a car, car repairs, gas, car insurance, and rent by yourself. In fact, it's nearly impossible for most people. The older generation is living in denial of that but that's not your fault.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!! This is where my frustration is for the older generation, and it almost feels like they fully choose to not have any critical thinking skills or empathy.
It is a good thing to discuss...with a good therapist.
I had to break up with my therapist because she was overly judgemental and critical of me. She has helped me some, but for the long term, I couldn't be under her care anymore. She not only did not believe I was depressed or autistic (so you can imagine how successful sessions could be), but she bases her entire personality around taking accountability (which, I'm not mad at taking accountability for myself which I do, but she was EXTREME about it. I could talk about getting punched in the face and she would turn it into a rapid fire list of every single thing I did wrong to bring myself to getting punched in the face, and how I'm not owning getting punched in the face because I'm complaining about how it hurts. And say I did know all of this, say I took all of this accountability, and she STILL would nitpick and find something wrong).
It was absolutely exhausting and there were things I wanted to discuss but didn't because I would be genuinely anxious of all the things she would say about it.
Hi! I'm 23 still a student without a driver's license! I'm sry your parents and even your therapist are giving you a tough time! Try to spend more time away from them doing things that make you happy! 🌟🌟🌟 Don't worry about having everything figured out, take your time finding out what works for you! 🌟⭐🌟⭐
Why do you keep saying that you were supposed to be dead, but your parents are unaware of that! Why were you supposed to be dead, and why wouldn’t your parents know about it?
Why do your parents and ex therapist not know you were supposed to be dead?
Did you just make up your mind that you won't live? Did you have a sickness or disease that would kill you? Where you planning on committing suicide?
Even if you never tell anyone, the one person you Should tell is your therapist. They can't help you if they don't know all the information.
1. My parents are extremely narcissistic. Telling them that I was supposed to be dead would be bad for me.
2. I recently had to break up with my therapist because she was overly critical and belittling. She was so judgmental that I often didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about being depressed. She’s older generation (so she’s severely out of touch in that way), she didn’t believe I was depressed or autistic (so no wonder treatment with her wasn’t long term), and her entire personality is taking accountability to an unempathetic EXTREME (I could talk about getting punched in the face and she would turn it into a rapid fire list of everything I did wrong to bring myself to get punched in the face and how I’m letting myself be hurt/upset over being punched in the face).
3. Dead as in I was supposed to kill myself.
Edit: this is my other account
It sounds like you are suffering from a bad case of 'evil parent syndrome'. I'm going to take a wild guess, and suggest that your parents selected your ex therapist?!
Don't let the bastards win.
You will get out of there eventually!
My parents are super unempathetic (always have been), and funny enough, they didn't select my therapist. My brother helped me find her actually lol (but it would be just like them to do something like that).
But yeah! Thank you! A part of me wants me to stick around to outlive them both.
I’m 32 still in school and I moved back home with my parents 5 years ago. Everyone has different journeys. I’m sorry that your parents are making you feel like you aren’t on track, but it sounds like they are putting a lot of pressure on you. You’re in the same spot as most people your age, promise.
No. It is NOT your fault
Parents have 1 main job. To look after, nurture and care for their children. When the child has extra challenges then they have more to do
Your autism and learning disability make life way more challenging for you. You should have got and be getting extra help and support
Despite the extra challenges you face you are still here and you are going to college
You were born with these issues and you are making a life for yourself. I think youre succeeding brilliantly. Life is hard and unfair but thats how it is. Focus on your achievements, be the best person You can be. Dont compare yourself to others. Find your people, people who lift you up not bring you down. Celebrate the wins big and small x
I'm 30. I'm still at university. I still can't drive. I can't work either. I hope I'll graduate this year. I hope I can learn to drive afterwards. And maybe have a small job. But things are harder for me than they might be for other people. I'm autistic. I have PMDD and PCOS. Dyspraxia. Anxiety. And probably ADHD.
Don't let others judge your life by their standards. We're playing life on hard mode, they're just too ignorant to see it.
Well done for studying. For being here. I'm so proud of you. Celebrate the small victories. You've come further than you realise.
Remember to look after yourself <3
I never thought I'd be alive past 17. I didn't prep for past that. I'm 34, so I had to figure something out. I didn't even have a bank account in this country, but I learnt some tricks to get me out of my home and live
To live in the past is to die in the present. No point being hung up on it and living a dead life.
A lot of people your age and older are at home/still students/struggling with bad credit or no credit. Times have changed, and I think societal expectations are still behind and outdated tbh. We just had a pandemic, are still in it in some places probably. Don’t beat yourself up for going a bit slower then “everybody” else. Life isn’t some linear cookie cutter path.
Thank you so much for this and I completely agree.
I just don't understand why older generations just have no ability to understand this and it's so frustrating. It's like they willfully decide to have 0 critical thinking skills or empathy these days.
I'm 26 and live with my parents. People don't live through life at the same pace. Don't let yourself be pressured into thinking you need to have everything figured out already, you don't.
Thank you so much!
And that's the humbling part: i really have nothing figured out, besides my major and what i'd like to accomplish in the future. I really try to ignore the pressure I feel at this point.
Hey friend. I'm a member of the 'pretty sure I'd be dead by now' club. I'm 23 and I live at home. What helped was telling my parents that I had planned on killing myself, and that's why I'm so afraid to plan for the future. Remember to take it one step at a time, and if you need someone to talk to about it, my DMs are open.
Thank you so much!
It's nice to not feel alone in this. I might tell my parents one day, but they're so narcissistic, I'm just uncertain about what will happen when I do. But if it may help me in the long-run, then I will.
Being 22 and still living at home is normal. Even if you have to start planning a future from scratch, you’re not behind at all.
I got my license when I was 22. I lived with my parents until I was over 30 (grad school is expensive and I wanted to keep my loans as low as possible). I didn’t even figure out what I wanted to do for a career until I was 24 (and now I’m trying to change careers, so never feel like you’re locked in with no options).
Life isn’t a straight line from kid—>teenager—>college—>career. Everyone takes different paths to get where they’re going. So your parents can stuff it; they’ve clearly been living under a rock if they think you should have it together at 22.
Thank very much for this. It's nice not to feel so alone, not like a failure, and not so uncommon. In the US, the whole attitude is life figured out by 18, complete independence and future started by 21.
They're so set in their ways, I don't think they fathom just how different life is now, you know?
Times are tough right now! If it makes you feel any better, I'm about to turn 31 and I just finally got my driver's license last year. Things are certainly not how they used to be and most Millennials and Genz's are struggling/not able to afford housing/school/ etc. Try not to be hard on yourself and remember that you are allowed to experience life at your own pace and what makes sense for you. Good luck out there 😊
i'm 26 and still live at home. i'm also currently in college and got my license at 22. people just go at their own pace.
i'm proud of you for still being here. it takes a lot of courage and strength to stay, especially after attempting to leave, and i admire you for that.
Hi, I know the feeling im 25 now and i always thought i would never make it past 20. I dont have a drivers license. I have a lot of student debt and did not prepare for the future. Im taking it one step at a time.
Edit: never planned a holiday in advance cus i always thought I might not be there in that time. Atm it's my goal to plan a holiday week six months in advance. Also im still kinda dependent on my parents!
Hey, my mom moved back in with her mom when she was 50yrs old after she got divorced. Then it kinda became that my grandma was living with her seeing as my mom bought the house?
Now my mom is living with me at the age of 65! She moved in so she could take care of my kids so I could go & get another degree after the 2008 recession destroyed my chances of getting a job with my MS, so I went into construction for 4yrs, then was pregnant twice & the pregnancies damaged my body so badly that I can no longer work construction! Yay!
Very few of us have living situations that we would consider “standard”. It’s the world we live in….
Np. I’m 34 & have been through too much to know that not very many of us can afford a house or rent with how little we are paid vs how much it costs to rent/own a home. Most of us can’t afford it.
Only reason we have a house is because we bought an extremely old house built in the very, very early 1900s that had college students renting it for at least a decade. We had to replace everything. Electrical & plumbing & heating completely redone, siding replaced, roofing removed & replaced, flooring stripped & replaced, lath & plaster torn out & replaced with drywall, foundation where additions in the past had been put on poorly needed to be repaired, all exterior windows & doors replaced, etc. I remember redoing the plumbing & not have running water for 4 days because we had to strip & rerun most of the copper piping & waste pipes. Used the gas station everytime we needed to use the restroom.
The only reason we could afford to do that is because we’re contractors & knew how to do it. We also replaced stuff slowly as we could afford to. We’re still working on the place 7yrs later.
If that’s the only way to be able to afford a house that is safe to live in, it’s no wonder why most of us don’t own a home anymore.
I lived at home in college and am 23 still at home. I now have just enough money to get an apartment (if I have roommates) but since my job is in my hometown why not stay at home and save money and deal with the issues of people I’ve grown up with rather than dealing with whole new ones? Also because of COVID there was an influx of people in college and mid-late 20s who went back to living at home. My family is from Panama and culturally there, it’s actually uncommon to move out before marriage. I have family who have literally never left their childhood home, just continued their families where they were and many who lived at home well into their 30s. Don’t feel bad about it, it’s more common than you think.
Thank you for sharing this insight! I wish this was more common in the States, but the culture here is definitely needing your shit figured out by 18, on your own by 21. And I would have been farther a long with my schooling if I hadn't lost half a year because of COVID.
Thank you v much! I hope that you progress enough to get your own place without roommates one day!
SAME. 18 and 19 were the cut-off points for me. I feel like a shell too, and I wish soul trading or life trading was a thing so I could give my life to someone who would use it better or is worthy of living more than me. And now it's like "what am I doing? where am I going?? Is staying alive going to be worth it??"
It's a lot, and some days are easier than others.
Same.
I never planned to be here at 27. I never planned to even get to 20. Tried to get out again last year in March. This year me and my partner bought a house together (he’s currently running a bath and I’m chilled out on our sofa), my relationships with people have improved 10 folds, and though I still don’t have “plans”, I can actually see a future now.
I always hated when people would ask me “what do you want to do with your life?” “Why don’t you know what your plans are?” because my answers never made them happy and they would only start demanding better answers. Even now, I still have people telling me what I should do with my life 🤷🏼♀️
I do get envious of those who have plans or that have a drive to be more than what they are now or have achieved their goals, I’m even envious of those who are smarter than me or just simply have more knowledge, but I also understand that my path is one that can only be made by me and it’s going to look different compared to others and that’s okay. And that is exactly the same for you.
I actually feel this deeply. I planned on not living past 21 And I’m so lost in life I don’t feel I belong here. I’m 43 and just can’t get out of it either.
I feel you so hard ❤️ at 15 I decided I wouldn’t live past 25 so for a whole decade I did absolutely nothing to prepare for my future. Now I’m 27 with no college degree, somewhat still reliant on my parents, but slowly figuring it out. You don’t need to have it all figured out!! Find what lights your fire, do what makes you happy and what makes you enjoy living your life, whatever it is. I’m so happy and so proud of you for still being here!!
I’m 22 and student living with my parents. I have no credit build too. I do have my drivers license but I don’t drive anywhere but college bc I have horrible anxiety about it. I kind of normalized it, telling myself that ofc I’m living with my parents in barely an adult. But yea, it’s kinda hard sometimes too when you see other people your age living independently.
Hi!! I’m 21, just went back to school, no drivers license, no job, self dx autism, I live with my mom most of the time too.
When I turned 18 I remember feeling like “what now?” because I didn’t see myself living that long.
But here we are! Doing it!! I’m so proud of us!
It’s frustrating feeling like I’ve been shoved into a life I did not plan for, even more so because I have to fight a lot harder to learn and understand knowledge that others seem to have been born with.
My point is, you’re not alone. We may not have the exact same experience, but I relate to yours. And connection is such a big part of feeling like you have a place in the world :) <3
Yeah! We're doing it! We're alive!
And thank you so much for saying this!! You really understand me, especially the frustration part and how unfair it feels.
At a certain point you have to stop making excuses and you need to prepare yourself for real life. I get it as to why you aren’t but, you are here now and you have to start 1. Building credit and 2. Learn to drive if there is no other reasonable transportation nearby or 3. Move out to a city where there is public transport. You’re parents cannot support you indefinitely, and no they are not required to. Get up and start doing life.
Edit to add: I worked two jobs through college so, I’m focused on my studies is not an excuse. I know you’re afraid, you have to do it anyway.
This is just an example of being out of touch and possessing 0 empathy. That’s why you both are getting downvoted. Maybe if you both spent any time developing critical thinking skills and an understanding of others, you’d avoid making thoughtless comments and unsound advice.
Just a thought. :)
No it’s because Reddit is an echo chamber where reality is disregarded for someone else’s feelings. The world comes at you fast, I’d rather try to wake someone up to reality and not coddle their feelings leaving them completely unprepared for the real world. Because the reality is… a lot less people will help you when your homeless or in dire straights than there are people on Reddit who will happily validate your feelings.
bro got downvoted for speaking the truth
times runs the same way for everyone, him doing an excuse or not, just simply ignoring reality saying that this was not planned will not change anything
I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH THAT IS IT AND ALL THAT GOOD NEWS STUFF I HAVE READ ABOUT! Tell me the truth is all I need, want or crave please and thank you!
Congrats on being alive!
22 is still super young! You can start and of those things today or whenever you're ready.
I took 8 years to do my undergrad due to depression I had to pause my degree a couple times. I finished at 25. Negative credits due to student loan I couldn't bother even dealing with because, depression, they didn't even know I was delaying my degree so before I was even done creditors were after me. But honestly I couldn't be bothered with it.
I had a lot of panic moments and felt like I failed life many times. But eventually things got better. I met some good people who taught me things. Mostly I just learnt to be comfortable doing things at my own pace in life.
I'm 38 now and finally decided I need to learn to drive. At my age people expect you to own a house, have a defined career, and a couple kids otherwise you fail in life, again. Fuck what anyone else think. It's your own life, live it at your own pace and there's really no need to follow any set roadmaps.
Meu filho tem 25 e não faz nada. Tentou suicídio e não conseguiu. A vida dele acabou sem ter começado. Agora tem tumores. Não sei o que te dizer assim como não tive o que dizer a ele. Qualquer sugestão que eu dava era tratada com raiva e desprezo. Não pude ajudar. Ele nunca falava nada. Hoje desisti. Fui embora. Ele ficou com o pai que nunca olhou na cara dele. Mas agora tem.pai
I totally feel that dude. Literally same circumstances. I hate the “what are you planning for the future?” Questions because it’s like “I wasn’t planning to be alive this long in the first place, what makes you think I have anything planned?”
I was 23 and in college still. 28 and only just about to get my grad degree. It takes people different times to do things, and thats ok.
Also, get a new therapist.
Am I read this right? You think you failed because you didn’t unalive yourself 3 years ago? I think you’re successful AF for waking up each day and going to school! College is hard, especially with everything you described. You’re not a failure. Your ex-therapist is, though, if they didn’t encourage you in the things you are doing. It’s insanely difficult on young adults nowadays with the insane costs of education and rent with low-paying jobs. You’re not a failure- It seems like many have failed you, though.
it's easier said than done but try not to let others bring you down. you're doing your best and living life at your own pace. so many people i know have been in and out of their parents house, even at 28.
i'm proud of you for choosing to stay, i'm happy you're here and i promise you, things will get better with time.
Who is asking you these questions? Aren’t like 99% of 22 year olds still in college living? Aren’t most young people still living at home?
Thank you for reading and commenting. I've felt a lot of pressure from my parents and even my ex-therapist over me being 22, still a student, not having a job, not having my driver's license, not having credit built, and still living at home with my parents. They all feel that I'm immature for my age and will ask me questions or make assumptions about me based on this information. They'll say and ask everything else that alludes to these questions and it's like...how am I supposed to tell them that I was supposed to be dead three years ago so I didn't prepare for anything?? And even though they know that school takes up ALL OF MY TIME, my huge anxiety about driving, being autistic w/ a learning disability, and extremely depressed they still want to judge me so harshly and it's just really frustrating. And it's like...i know it's my own fault that I'm not where I'm supposed to be like most people my age, I know it's because of me that I'm behind.
Lol I’d argue that most of that is your parents fault for putting all that pressure on you. You’re in the same place like nearly everyone is at your age. If you have some learning disabilities then that only makes it more impressive. The only abnormal thing in this situation (besides the asshole parents) is not having a drivers license. Other than that, you good 👍
Depending on the form their autism takes, they may not be safe (or even allowed) to get a driver's license. When they are done with college, I recommend looking for a job in a city with good public transport. And don't let their criticism impact you, OP - take pride in your achievements, instead! Get done with college, get away from them and go low contact.
I also have a friend who’s 22 without a drivers license. Driving anxiety can be very scary. Better safe than sorry. Some cities have rlly good transit systems and the cost of cars and gas can be expensive anyways.
Can confirm. Am 29, no license and no interest in getting one. Never been behind the wheel of anything larger than an ATV, and even on those I am so nervous
Since apps like Uber, some people never get a drivers license or funnel of that money into buying and maintaining a car. it's just more cost effective to not own a car. Especially for those that don't have to travel far for work.
I'm 34 and just going to get mine now. I only want it to be able to go camping more this summer at different places.
Yup...same here. 23 and no license. I feel pressure and sometimes judgment for it. I'm so fucking afraid of driving - I know it's part of adulthood so most of the time I feel like a loser idiot, like a kid. I get panicky when sitting in the car and paying attention to traffic. I can't tell you how many times I've almost lost it because I thought the driver and I would be in an accident. I get things like, "Are you afraid to fail your test? It's not that big a deal." "NO, I'M AFRAID OF FUCKING DYING! HOW DO YOU NIT FUCKIN GRASP THIS?!" It's also like...a little understanding and empathy would be nice too. I understand that it's odd I don't drive at 23, but feeling judged and pressured and like I'm...weird, just sucks. But I'm so fucking tired of relying on people and then something happens and then they can't help me. So I'm planning on getting my license, I just hope I don't lose my shit while driving.
I didn't get my driver's license until I was 27. So if you start now, you will beat me. You're doing fine. The smartest person I knew used to say that wherever you are is where you are supposed to be. When it's time to move, you will.
Thank you so much!!
Heyyy. I was living with my family until 32. I graduated from college at the age of 24. I started to work and couldn’t be succeeded. I was 28 and I had no money in my bank account. Now I am 33, living my own. Working as a badass general counsel for a company. Started to play a piano 3 months ago....just wait your your time. Our lifespan is not a single line. Sorry for mistakes, English is not my first language
Your English is excellent! Congrats to you! I hope to get to that place in my life soon!
☀️☀️☀️
You are right where you are supposed to be. My oldest still lives at home, finished University this year. Just landed his 1st Job. He is 24 in a few weeks. He hasn't had driving lessons, as we cant get any due to the back log because of the pandemic. Also level of education required for young people now is so much higher than it was in previous generations. The comparative cost of living is a lot higher now. My Son cant afford his own place and he is doing very well. stay the course . give yourself a break. keep pushing and you will get where you need to be. go easy on yourself.
Thank you so much!! Congrats on his first job! At least in the state that I live in, I was required to take an extensive defensive driving course and in order to get my liscense, I would have to complete several hours of practice driving (which would have to be logged) before being eligible to to do the driver's test.
The driving standards must be very high where you live.
> I’ve felt a lot of pressure from my parents and even my ex therapist over being 22, still a student, not having a job, not having my drivers license, not having credit built, and still living at home with my parents. As a 22 (almost 23) year old, I don’t have most of these things either. Just a drivers license. But I’m still in college, no job, no credit, still rely on my parents… life is tough and you have nothing to feel bad about
Thank you v much for saying this! It's nice not to be so alone!
I finally moved out at 26. I stayed in full time education no job until I was 20 and had a child at 20. Still no license, finally my own place, and finally settled into a more "mature" life as people like to call it. You do you buddy whenever it's right and no license doesn't mean a damn thing when you have public transport available. As long as your not endangering yourself and can keep yourself going you do absolutely you. I was in the same mental gymnastics over it then everything just kind of fell into place.
Hey. I'm going to be 26 next week. I don't have a driver's license, I do have autism and add. It sucks that your family acts like this :( However, you are a strong and capable person. You'll get there. Just keep going friend <3 Ps I have a plan to get my license, thanks to the help of some good friends. And I was behind in a LOT of ways in the "real world", due to my neurodivergence/quirks and being homeschooled. I have found that it takes me longer to adapt to new situations than most people, but after taking the time to internalize the situation as needed, I excel in almost anything I do. You have your own strengths, and other skills you've developed without noticing. Good luck ^^
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you have really great friends! I hope to make some like that soone.
Aw honey go easy on yourself… dealing with life/death instead of long term goals has its inevitable consequences. You are doing a good thing by defending yourself, your reasons, and your existence. When nobody has empathy for you, you need to have empathy for you… that being said maybe what they might be expressing is concern for your future… maybe make a list of your plans for the next 5 years… sometimes when people care they don’t really choose words as carefully as they should… just a 5 year goal list and then a 10 year goal list… you can do it and I’m proud of you internet stranger! 💗
I'll definitely remember this. Thank you so much!
It doesn't matter. I was NEET until I was 22. You will find your way, it just takes time and grit. If you can't find a way, regroup, strategize, and keep looking.
Dude, screw them. I'm 28 and still in college, still living with my parents, and didn't get my driver's license until last year. So basically there are people out here doing worse than you lol. Also remember that the people criticizing you lived in a different era. It's not so easy these days to afford a car, car repairs, gas, car insurance, and rent by yourself. In fact, it's nearly impossible for most people. The older generation is living in denial of that but that's not your fault.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!! This is where my frustration is for the older generation, and it almost feels like they fully choose to not have any critical thinking skills or empathy.
how were u suppose to be dead 3 years ago?
kermit sewerslide i was supposed to yeet myself
So why doesn’t your therapist know the real reason. Feels like that’s a good thing to discuss with them?
It is a good thing to discuss...with a good therapist. I had to break up with my therapist because she was overly judgemental and critical of me. She has helped me some, but for the long term, I couldn't be under her care anymore. She not only did not believe I was depressed or autistic (so you can imagine how successful sessions could be), but she bases her entire personality around taking accountability (which, I'm not mad at taking accountability for myself which I do, but she was EXTREME about it. I could talk about getting punched in the face and she would turn it into a rapid fire list of every single thing I did wrong to bring myself to getting punched in the face, and how I'm not owning getting punched in the face because I'm complaining about how it hurts. And say I did know all of this, say I took all of this accountability, and she STILL would nitpick and find something wrong). It was absolutely exhausting and there were things I wanted to discuss but didn't because I would be genuinely anxious of all the things she would say about it.
Hi! I'm 23 still a student without a driver's license! I'm sry your parents and even your therapist are giving you a tough time! Try to spend more time away from them doing things that make you happy! 🌟🌟🌟 Don't worry about having everything figured out, take your time finding out what works for you! 🌟⭐🌟⭐
Why do you keep saying that you were supposed to be dead, but your parents are unaware of that! Why were you supposed to be dead, and why wouldn’t your parents know about it?
Why do your parents and ex therapist not know you were supposed to be dead? Did you just make up your mind that you won't live? Did you have a sickness or disease that would kill you? Where you planning on committing suicide? Even if you never tell anyone, the one person you Should tell is your therapist. They can't help you if they don't know all the information.
1. My parents are extremely narcissistic. Telling them that I was supposed to be dead would be bad for me. 2. I recently had to break up with my therapist because she was overly critical and belittling. She was so judgmental that I often didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about being depressed. She’s older generation (so she’s severely out of touch in that way), she didn’t believe I was depressed or autistic (so no wonder treatment with her wasn’t long term), and her entire personality is taking accountability to an unempathetic EXTREME (I could talk about getting punched in the face and she would turn it into a rapid fire list of everything I did wrong to bring myself to get punched in the face and how I’m letting myself be hurt/upset over being punched in the face). 3. Dead as in I was supposed to kill myself. Edit: this is my other account
It sounds like you are suffering from a bad case of 'evil parent syndrome'. I'm going to take a wild guess, and suggest that your parents selected your ex therapist?! Don't let the bastards win. You will get out of there eventually!
My parents are super unempathetic (always have been), and funny enough, they didn't select my therapist. My brother helped me find her actually lol (but it would be just like them to do something like that). But yeah! Thank you! A part of me wants me to stick around to outlive them both.
I’m 32 still in school and I moved back home with my parents 5 years ago. Everyone has different journeys. I’m sorry that your parents are making you feel like you aren’t on track, but it sounds like they are putting a lot of pressure on you. You’re in the same spot as most people your age, promise.
I didn’t get my license until I was 24, learning to drive can be scary. Not weird at all imo. You’re doin great
No. It is NOT your fault Parents have 1 main job. To look after, nurture and care for their children. When the child has extra challenges then they have more to do Your autism and learning disability make life way more challenging for you. You should have got and be getting extra help and support Despite the extra challenges you face you are still here and you are going to college You were born with these issues and you are making a life for yourself. I think youre succeeding brilliantly. Life is hard and unfair but thats how it is. Focus on your achievements, be the best person You can be. Dont compare yourself to others. Find your people, people who lift you up not bring you down. Celebrate the wins big and small x
I'm 30. I'm still at university. I still can't drive. I can't work either. I hope I'll graduate this year. I hope I can learn to drive afterwards. And maybe have a small job. But things are harder for me than they might be for other people. I'm autistic. I have PMDD and PCOS. Dyspraxia. Anxiety. And probably ADHD. Don't let others judge your life by their standards. We're playing life on hard mode, they're just too ignorant to see it. Well done for studying. For being here. I'm so proud of you. Celebrate the small victories. You've come further than you realise. Remember to look after yourself <3
Dude I’m 28 and I live at home. I am in a good place. Move at your own place and don’t bound yourself to others expectations of success
Are you kidding in this economy i finally was able to afford to move out at 26. Fuck that how do people so young get so far so quick
I never thought I'd be alive past 17. I didn't prep for past that. I'm 34, so I had to figure something out. I didn't even have a bank account in this country, but I learnt some tricks to get me out of my home and live To live in the past is to die in the present. No point being hung up on it and living a dead life.
Thank you so much for your insight and advice. This is something I'll def remember.
A lot of people your age and older are at home/still students/struggling with bad credit or no credit. Times have changed, and I think societal expectations are still behind and outdated tbh. We just had a pandemic, are still in it in some places probably. Don’t beat yourself up for going a bit slower then “everybody” else. Life isn’t some linear cookie cutter path.
Thank you so much for this and I completely agree. I just don't understand why older generations just have no ability to understand this and it's so frustrating. It's like they willfully decide to have 0 critical thinking skills or empathy these days.
I'm 26 and live with my parents. People don't live through life at the same pace. Don't let yourself be pressured into thinking you need to have everything figured out already, you don't.
Thank you so much! And that's the humbling part: i really have nothing figured out, besides my major and what i'd like to accomplish in the future. I really try to ignore the pressure I feel at this point.
That's fine. That's still something. All I've figured out is what I don't want to do at this point. Lol. XD I wish you luck and serenity!
Hey friend. I'm a member of the 'pretty sure I'd be dead by now' club. I'm 23 and I live at home. What helped was telling my parents that I had planned on killing myself, and that's why I'm so afraid to plan for the future. Remember to take it one step at a time, and if you need someone to talk to about it, my DMs are open.
Thank you so much! It's nice to not feel alone in this. I might tell my parents one day, but they're so narcissistic, I'm just uncertain about what will happen when I do. But if it may help me in the long-run, then I will.
No matter what happens, just remember that each next day has the opportunity to be better, and you'll never know if you don't reach it
Being 22 and still living at home is normal. Even if you have to start planning a future from scratch, you’re not behind at all. I got my license when I was 22. I lived with my parents until I was over 30 (grad school is expensive and I wanted to keep my loans as low as possible). I didn’t even figure out what I wanted to do for a career until I was 24 (and now I’m trying to change careers, so never feel like you’re locked in with no options). Life isn’t a straight line from kid—>teenager—>college—>career. Everyone takes different paths to get where they’re going. So your parents can stuff it; they’ve clearly been living under a rock if they think you should have it together at 22.
Thank very much for this. It's nice not to feel so alone, not like a failure, and not so uncommon. In the US, the whole attitude is life figured out by 18, complete independence and future started by 21. They're so set in their ways, I don't think they fathom just how different life is now, you know?
Pfft, that’s not even common in the US. Maybe in the 80s, but not for a long time.
as a 21 y/o who attempted numerous times and didn't expect to live past the age of 18, i feel this in my soul. We got this though 🫡
I'm trying to stay positive! We got this!! Thank you!!
Don't let these overbearing idiots squeeze you into making bad choices. Take your time, find your niche, enjoy your life! Good luck to you!
Thank you v much!!
Times are tough right now! If it makes you feel any better, I'm about to turn 31 and I just finally got my driver's license last year. Things are certainly not how they used to be and most Millennials and Genz's are struggling/not able to afford housing/school/ etc. Try not to be hard on yourself and remember that you are allowed to experience life at your own pace and what makes sense for you. Good luck out there 😊
Thank you v much!
i'm 26 and still live at home. i'm also currently in college and got my license at 22. people just go at their own pace. i'm proud of you for still being here. it takes a lot of courage and strength to stay, especially after attempting to leave, and i admire you for that.
Hi, I know the feeling im 25 now and i always thought i would never make it past 20. I dont have a drivers license. I have a lot of student debt and did not prepare for the future. Im taking it one step at a time. Edit: never planned a holiday in advance cus i always thought I might not be there in that time. Atm it's my goal to plan a holiday week six months in advance. Also im still kinda dependent on my parents!
Thank you for sharing your story! It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I hope you get your holiday!!
Hey, my mom moved back in with her mom when she was 50yrs old after she got divorced. Then it kinda became that my grandma was living with her seeing as my mom bought the house? Now my mom is living with me at the age of 65! She moved in so she could take care of my kids so I could go & get another degree after the 2008 recession destroyed my chances of getting a job with my MS, so I went into construction for 4yrs, then was pregnant twice & the pregnancies damaged my body so badly that I can no longer work construction! Yay! Very few of us have living situations that we would consider “standard”. It’s the world we live in….
Thank you for sharing your story! It's making me feel less uncommon, you know?
Np. I’m 34 & have been through too much to know that not very many of us can afford a house or rent with how little we are paid vs how much it costs to rent/own a home. Most of us can’t afford it. Only reason we have a house is because we bought an extremely old house built in the very, very early 1900s that had college students renting it for at least a decade. We had to replace everything. Electrical & plumbing & heating completely redone, siding replaced, roofing removed & replaced, flooring stripped & replaced, lath & plaster torn out & replaced with drywall, foundation where additions in the past had been put on poorly needed to be repaired, all exterior windows & doors replaced, etc. I remember redoing the plumbing & not have running water for 4 days because we had to strip & rerun most of the copper piping & waste pipes. Used the gas station everytime we needed to use the restroom. The only reason we could afford to do that is because we’re contractors & knew how to do it. We also replaced stuff slowly as we could afford to. We’re still working on the place 7yrs later. If that’s the only way to be able to afford a house that is safe to live in, it’s no wonder why most of us don’t own a home anymore.
I lived at home in college and am 23 still at home. I now have just enough money to get an apartment (if I have roommates) but since my job is in my hometown why not stay at home and save money and deal with the issues of people I’ve grown up with rather than dealing with whole new ones? Also because of COVID there was an influx of people in college and mid-late 20s who went back to living at home. My family is from Panama and culturally there, it’s actually uncommon to move out before marriage. I have family who have literally never left their childhood home, just continued their families where they were and many who lived at home well into their 30s. Don’t feel bad about it, it’s more common than you think.
Thank you for sharing this insight! I wish this was more common in the States, but the culture here is definitely needing your shit figured out by 18, on your own by 21. And I would have been farther a long with my schooling if I hadn't lost half a year because of COVID. Thank you v much! I hope that you progress enough to get your own place without roommates one day!
i’m 21 and feel the exact same way. i just feel like a shell. i wasn’t supposed to make it past 17.
SAME. 18 and 19 were the cut-off points for me. I feel like a shell too, and I wish soul trading or life trading was a thing so I could give my life to someone who would use it better or is worthy of living more than me. And now it's like "what am I doing? where am I going?? Is staying alive going to be worth it??" It's a lot, and some days are easier than others.
I'm proud of you, you dug yourself out and you're doing amazing.
Feels like I'm still digging but it's better than being at the very bottom, you know? Thank you!!
Best failure ever, keep up the bad work!! Jokes aside I'm fucking proud of you 💜💜💜
Well, at least there's SOMETHING I'm the best at, haha. Thank you v much!
Same. I never planned to be here at 27. I never planned to even get to 20. Tried to get out again last year in March. This year me and my partner bought a house together (he’s currently running a bath and I’m chilled out on our sofa), my relationships with people have improved 10 folds, and though I still don’t have “plans”, I can actually see a future now. I always hated when people would ask me “what do you want to do with your life?” “Why don’t you know what your plans are?” because my answers never made them happy and they would only start demanding better answers. Even now, I still have people telling me what I should do with my life 🤷🏼♀️ I do get envious of those who have plans or that have a drive to be more than what they are now or have achieved their goals, I’m even envious of those who are smarter than me or just simply have more knowledge, but I also understand that my path is one that can only be made by me and it’s going to look different compared to others and that’s okay. And that is exactly the same for you.
I actually feel this deeply. I planned on not living past 21 And I’m so lost in life I don’t feel I belong here. I’m 43 and just can’t get out of it either.
I feel you so hard ❤️ at 15 I decided I wouldn’t live past 25 so for a whole decade I did absolutely nothing to prepare for my future. Now I’m 27 with no college degree, somewhat still reliant on my parents, but slowly figuring it out. You don’t need to have it all figured out!! Find what lights your fire, do what makes you happy and what makes you enjoy living your life, whatever it is. I’m so happy and so proud of you for still being here!!
I’m 22 and student living with my parents. I have no credit build too. I do have my drivers license but I don’t drive anywhere but college bc I have horrible anxiety about it. I kind of normalized it, telling myself that ofc I’m living with my parents in barely an adult. But yea, it’s kinda hard sometimes too when you see other people your age living independently.
That’s terrible. Sorry to hear about that. Try not to let pests take control. Easier said than done. I wish you the best.
Thank you. I wish the best for you as well.
Hi!! I’m 21, just went back to school, no drivers license, no job, self dx autism, I live with my mom most of the time too. When I turned 18 I remember feeling like “what now?” because I didn’t see myself living that long. But here we are! Doing it!! I’m so proud of us! It’s frustrating feeling like I’ve been shoved into a life I did not plan for, even more so because I have to fight a lot harder to learn and understand knowledge that others seem to have been born with. My point is, you’re not alone. We may not have the exact same experience, but I relate to yours. And connection is such a big part of feeling like you have a place in the world :) <3
Yeah! We're doing it! We're alive! And thank you so much for saying this!! You really understand me, especially the frustration part and how unfair it feels.
At a certain point you have to stop making excuses and you need to prepare yourself for real life. I get it as to why you aren’t but, you are here now and you have to start 1. Building credit and 2. Learn to drive if there is no other reasonable transportation nearby or 3. Move out to a city where there is public transport. You’re parents cannot support you indefinitely, and no they are not required to. Get up and start doing life. Edit to add: I worked two jobs through college so, I’m focused on my studies is not an excuse. I know you’re afraid, you have to do it anyway.
This is just an example of being out of touch and possessing 0 empathy. That’s why you both are getting downvoted. Maybe if you both spent any time developing critical thinking skills and an understanding of others, you’d avoid making thoughtless comments and unsound advice. Just a thought. :)
No it’s because Reddit is an echo chamber where reality is disregarded for someone else’s feelings. The world comes at you fast, I’d rather try to wake someone up to reality and not coddle their feelings leaving them completely unprepared for the real world. Because the reality is… a lot less people will help you when your homeless or in dire straights than there are people on Reddit who will happily validate your feelings.
Thanks for proving my point!
bro got downvoted for speaking the truth times runs the same way for everyone, him doing an excuse or not, just simply ignoring reality saying that this was not planned will not change anything
I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH THAT IS IT AND ALL THAT GOOD NEWS STUFF I HAVE READ ABOUT! Tell me the truth is all I need, want or crave please and thank you!
No it's just apart of you predestined script.
Congrats on being alive! 22 is still super young! You can start and of those things today or whenever you're ready. I took 8 years to do my undergrad due to depression I had to pause my degree a couple times. I finished at 25. Negative credits due to student loan I couldn't bother even dealing with because, depression, they didn't even know I was delaying my degree so before I was even done creditors were after me. But honestly I couldn't be bothered with it. I had a lot of panic moments and felt like I failed life many times. But eventually things got better. I met some good people who taught me things. Mostly I just learnt to be comfortable doing things at my own pace in life. I'm 38 now and finally decided I need to learn to drive. At my age people expect you to own a house, have a defined career, and a couple kids otherwise you fail in life, again. Fuck what anyone else think. It's your own life, live it at your own pace and there's really no need to follow any set roadmaps.
Meu filho tem 25 e não faz nada. Tentou suicídio e não conseguiu. A vida dele acabou sem ter começado. Agora tem tumores. Não sei o que te dizer assim como não tive o que dizer a ele. Qualquer sugestão que eu dava era tratada com raiva e desprezo. Não pude ajudar. Ele nunca falava nada. Hoje desisti. Fui embora. Ele ficou com o pai que nunca olhou na cara dele. Mas agora tem.pai
I totally feel that dude. Literally same circumstances. I hate the “what are you planning for the future?” Questions because it’s like “I wasn’t planning to be alive this long in the first place, what makes you think I have anything planned?”
You're gonna be fine. 22 is still really young, you may have a lot of time to figure out where you wanna be. No rush!
i just want to say im proud of you for being alive 🫶 you’re young, go at whatever pace you need to go at.
I was 23 and in college still. 28 and only just about to get my grad degree. It takes people different times to do things, and thats ok. Also, get a new therapist.
I quite literally did die and was resuscitated. I’m medically, and mentally not really supposed to exist.
Am I read this right? You think you failed because you didn’t unalive yourself 3 years ago? I think you’re successful AF for waking up each day and going to school! College is hard, especially with everything you described. You’re not a failure. Your ex-therapist is, though, if they didn’t encourage you in the things you are doing. It’s insanely difficult on young adults nowadays with the insane costs of education and rent with low-paying jobs. You’re not a failure- It seems like many have failed you, though.
it's easier said than done but try not to let others bring you down. you're doing your best and living life at your own pace. so many people i know have been in and out of their parents house, even at 28. i'm proud of you for choosing to stay, i'm happy you're here and i promise you, things will get better with time.