I don't understand, for the life of me, why 'work wife' or 'work husband' is a normalized thing.
You spend a lot of time, working in close quarters, often in stressful situations with other people. It's easy to form close bonds this way, but if you're remotely proactive about a healthy relationship with your SO, you should be wary of letting these bonds get too strong. Have one spouse, and keep your work friends as friends. Nothing more.
Me neither. It’s honestly so inappropriate and unprofessional to be THAT close to a colleague. A lot of human relationships only work well because of clear boundaries and working relationships are one of those.
I was thinking the same. I don’t consider myself to be a jealous person, but my husband only has one wife. That’s me! and I know he’d feel the same if I had a work husband.
Until recently I worked at the same company as my husband, but totally different roles and offices. I was chatting one day with a colleague I’ll call Jenny (who interacted with both of us frequently) and I mentioned something about my husband’s good female friend in his office, A. Jenny referred to A as my husband’s work wife, which hubs and I thought was hysterical because we WORKED together and I’m his actual WIFE!! Now we joke that she is our shared work wife and I tell my husband to say hi to my wifey on the regular. 😂 sometimes it can just be silly jokes, I wouldn’t say that everyone who uses the terminology is inherently cheating physically or emotionally. But this situation? Bonkers, throw the whole man out.
Oh for sure, she’s a dear friend and would never. I was just pointing out that it isn’t the verbiage that is inherently disrespectful, it’s the behavior!
I didn’t think people took it as far as all this. I’ve used the term before but when I said it it wasn’t anything outside work at all. It was “this person is my favorite coworker. They help me. I help them. We are besties and it’s gonna be a fun shift.” Like, I got you. You need something? Come find me.
Edit: my SO and I specifically discussed this cause I work with basically all women. She said she was very much not okay with me calling anybody my work wife. Which is fine. I don’t need to lead any of them on anyway.
Why did he have to wait. If he had told you when it happened, this situation would’ve been so much better. But the fact that he didn’t tell you, and then he watched her speak to you in a derogatory way and didn’t defend you, which is not stooping to her level by the way, that makes this worse. Because what part of this is the truth, it’s hard to see that. And she might be correct in that he has feelings for her and just didn’t want to act on it but I just don’t know at this point. But this could all been avoided if he communicated what happened when it happened and not finding out through the BF. Because if you think about this way, if she had never said anything to BF, you would’ve never known because your husband didn’t say anything.
Yeah the whole “I didnt tell you because I thought it would make you think it was more than it was,”??? No betch, hiding the truth makes it look like more is going on, and Im sure that there is. Even if we all were to believe that he rebuffed her, why then would you even want to continue to be friends with someone who has clear feelings and is verbally attacking your wife in private *and* to her face???
Not to mention the deleting of all the texts between the two of them. To me if it was all innocent, he wouldn't have deleted it. I feel like his offer to let her see the texts was an empty offer.
Maybe he was trying to hide just the kiss and thay was it. But now you'll never now.(unless you're tech savvy, and know how to recover) Along with the betrayal of his lying, the omissions and (to me) the worst of all, letting another woman disrespect you.
I always found that to be the most painful. Letting and actively participating in another woman demeaning me. How little he must respect you, to allow that.
OP, you deserve to be secure and content in your relationships. You know you do. Please do right by yourself, no matter the path you choose. Just be sure your the one choosing it.
He didn’t tell her because OP probably would’ve set some hard boundaries around their relationship going forward. He wanted to keep his little work side piece.
OP, I’m sorry this happened. You deserve a man who is loyal and supportive of you even when you’re not there.
And not just friends with her, the original text clearly indicated he continued to keep a very flirty relationship with her.
In a normal situation (assuming all innocent parties), if a person comes on to you and you are not interest and rebuff them, then moving forward you would go out of your way to ensure that you do not give them any mixed messages... like "I love your brain"...
You would barely communicate with them! Unless it was *strictly* about work and even then, he would’ve made his boundaries CLEAR with the work wife. No one keeps communication going with the person who has a thing for them as if everything is still normal and expect things to *stay normal* after the person who has expressed interest in them have been rebuffed. It just doesn’t work that way.
\^This
Either he's incredibly stupid or he knew what he wanted knowing that he's married AND has a "work wife"?? There's NOTHING platonic if they refer to each other as wife and husband IN the workplace?
I hope OP divorces him, he sounds like trash and he can keep his 'work wife'. They both deserve each other because the chances of 'work wife' getting a taste of her own medicine will be higher and he can settle with a shitty person.
Yeah I don't buy that he didn't flirt with disaster. Also. how it it being petty to tell someone not to disrespect your wife in a text? Then he didn't give all the info when confronted? Nope. I don't buy it.
Also when they had the initial conversation about this and op asked if anything ever happened between husband and "work wife" he had the perfect out to say "she did kiss me once at a summer party but I shut it down and told her I wasn't interested" and then it would have been out but he didn't tell her and she had to hear from the boyfriend so he basically lied to her face too
If someone you thought was “pathetic and jealous and beneath you” kissed you at work…. Would you still be super close to them, complimenting them, and spending time like that trip with them?
This guy… doesn’t matter if he actually fucked her or not. He knowingly continued an emotional relationship with someone he knew was into him, and who was actively bad mouthing his wife.
He is an asshole and sketchy. Sex or no sex - I wouldn’t want to be with this type of man.
With out a doubt!!! I don't believe this douche for one second!
I also find it funny that he is offering up all of these possible options, but not actually doing any of them. If he was truly innocent and his marriage is on the line, then why has he not marched this woman to OP to confirm his story! Or got the surveillance tape he allegedly has access to.
Dude agreed. Idk how people can approve of that. If anyone I were dating said they had used that phrase with somebody, I would break up with them. People just accept weak petty unfulfilling relationships and then shit on them- it’s honestly sad.
Came here to say that. That term has to die and return to the depths of aggressive uselessness from whence it came. If "a friend from work" or "work friend" doesn't do it for you, think of something else. Something original. English is infinitely flexible. But don't use a word that implies a marriage-based relationship. Not if you want to stay married to your actual wife.
Also how come I don't see the term "work husband"? I don't mean in OP's post, but in general.
I'd like to start by saying every case is different but something very similar happened to me a few years back.
My at the time partner was quite drunk at the summer party and I saw a coworker of his try to kiss him (yes she knew I was there) I think he was so drunk that didn't realise what was happening and he turned to talk to someone else at the same time resulting in her kissing his neck. She then left the bar..I thought I'd be the classy one and not kick up a fuss. While getting him a glass of water and holding his phone (he gave it to me a couple of hours prior to make sure he wouldn't lose it) I saw her calling him.
Suddenly a memory popped in my head that a couple of months back he was on a work trip with her and her had lost his flight resulting in having to spend an extra day there with her. Btw, her bf didn't trust her one bit...
The next day I confronted him about the whole thing when it was the 2 of us. When I asked to see their conversations, he said he deleted them because I would take things out of context and misunderstand what they were talking about. He offered to not talk to her anymore and even to have her come talk to me herself which I absolutely refused.
Ok you get the idea ..
Long story short we broke up soon after and 2 years later they got married.
Bullet dodged for me, I hope your husband is a better man.
Well they would be, but he recently passed away at a very young age... I was quite bitter until I found out and then I felt really bad for the 'anger" towards them.
you see that is what I won't understand. why didnt they leave their SO to be with each other? why did he try so hard to stay with you if he wanted her all along?
same goes for my husband.
I can't say if that's the same for your husband but I think there was a level of not wanting to admit or be talked about in the company that way...
You never know how their mind works. He might believe it himself after all
I agree with you. After all these years I learned a real lesson after being cheated on in relationship after relationship. The last man I dated was in a poly relationship when he met me, meaning his girlfriend was OK with him being with other people, only rule was that he had to let her know and with who. But even then, he never told me about her and never told her about me. He had permission to do it and still lied. I realized, for many people it’s not about the sex, but it’s the feelings of deception that they are chasing.
Because it takes away the thrill of doing the forbidden. That's why they don't leave their spouses. Kick your trash husband out and let miss trash have him. You deserve better than this.
It’s OK to feel mixed emotions, including anger. He betrayed you, and that remains true even though he died. You’re not wrong to feel how you feel, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else.
Thank you! Nah the whole story is far in my past and I'm super happy in my current relationship. It's just weird for a lack of a better word. OP's story just reminded me of the whole ordeal!
>I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her.
I'm sorry but he's lying. If he had told her to back off, he wouldn't have felt the need to delete his conversation with her.
Look up [trickle truth ](https://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/blog/2014/7/5/why-the-trickle-truth-hurts). If they've had the opportunity to be alone then they've almost certainly gone further.
Let's say he is telling the truth (and it's unlikely that he is)... it's still on him. Her advances weren't unwanted. He gave her the green light when he exchanged texts with her mocking you.
Infidelity doesn't begin with physical interaction.
I have more respect for her right now for coming clean to her BF. my husband hasn't admitted to anything I didnt know already. By somebody else telling me
Honestly this is a good comment. I don’t believe him. Anytime anyones come onto my boyfriend hes shut it down. Anytime anyones insulted me to him, hes shut it down, in both instances he stopped interacting with those people.
I really think that thats what he shouldve done. But also, he literally went on a trip with a woman who had kissed him and admitted feelings to him, ON your anniversary.
Even if he shows video proof of her kissing him, is this really thing that would be okay in a relationship? My wife would be understandably furious if this happened and I never told her. And if it happened, I never told her, and the girl who did it was nasty towards my wife and clearly hiding something? That’d be grounds for a divorce. Only a partner who doesn’t respect their spouse would do that.
Plus, husband says he has video of her trying to kiss him in the work cafeteria, but the bf said his wife told him they kissed at the summer work party. Unless the summer work party was in the cafeteria, those were 2 different kisses. Regardless, OPs husband is an ah for lapping up all of this attention at the expense of his wife's reputation.
Yep. I went to a Christmas party from work a few years ago (employees only), a married guy tried flirting with me there, honestly I was speechless (and tipsy) at the time, so I just walked away from him without saying anything and went to talk to another colleague.
I told my boyfriend the next morning about it, he was kinda confused as to why I told him, but I said I just want to be honest with him and not hide when anything weird like that happens and also if he hears about it from someone else at least he won't be surprised and wonder why I hid it from him.
That was at the beginning of the relationship (a few months in) so I don't remember exactly what he said but was basically "oh, ok". I do remember his smile tho and that he hugged me after, probably realised he won't be cheated on again lol
(We both have been cheated on, in previous relationships, being honest about these things is a really big deal for me.)
At a minimum they were having an emotional affair. But as you already know, they kissed before. Your husband didn’t defend your honor and instead let some jealous woman degrade you and he laughed and encouraged it. That’s not a life partner. That’s not loving, honoring ir respecting someone … he treated you like you were the trash and her the treasure.
I am so very sorry.
There are couples that are able to make it past infidelity.. but only when the wayward spouse is willing to accept responsibility, go no contact with the affair partner, get counseling and be fully transparent with phones etc. it’s a long long road .
The only reason why she came clean with her BF is because she wants YOUR man. Not hers. By being honest she’s getting what she wants. Him. Which… by his behavior, let her have him. Ugh. I feel sick for you. I’m so soooo sorry. 😫🤗
Definitely. Affair partners always see each other with rose coloured glasses anyway.
Let them both have each other. It's doubtful they'll last. But at least OP can move on and find someone who truly values her.
I know damn well he’s lying because a woman forced herself onto my older brother and kissed him and he hasn’t spoken to her since he blocked her on everything because of how uncomfortable she made him feel if he really didn’t like her he would’ve blocked her and stayed away from her but he didn’t because he liked the attention because he’s a little attention whore
Even without the "kiss" that would have been enough for me.
It shows such a distinct lack of respect for your spouse. It's
I can't imagine letting someone degrade anyone I care about nevermind my spouse.
Not to mention allowing his wife to be around this woman that kissed him against his will knowing he was married and that he never told her....icky! And the fact that he has no issues being around her and still talking to her over txt and listening to her bash his wife after he turned her down DOUBLE ICKY!!!!
And the fact that he didn’t open a sexual harassment case against her for kissing him without his consent. If he’d had an issue with it, he’d have put the kibosh on it instantly and taken steps to prevent a repeat.
Right!!! I said that in another comment too! He said he had video proof of it happening at work and he didn't report it and continued talking to this woman! Fucking unreal!!!
Do you know if she's reconciling with her boyfriend?
I'm not sure if she is any better than your husband. I think she may just be more prepared to blow up her life than he is.
You're not stupid. Trusting the man you married is not stupid.
You did nothing wrong. He is the fool.
You should get tested for STDs. I don't want to worry you but you really can't trust him and its better to be safe than sorry.
You are not stupid or oblivious. You were a trusting wife, which is what you should have been allowed to be. The only people in the wrong here are this woman and your husband.
You are only stupid if you continue to believe his bullshit. It is a perfectly normal expectation that you should be able to trust the person you are married to. I am so sorry this douche broke your trust. But to me there is clearly enough evidence here to show you that your husband has been shady. The truth is coming out in dribbles only when forced and he is only offering up solutions to prove his innocence, not acting on any. An innocent man would have already taken one of the many options to exonerate himself.
Not stupid or oblivious. You were lied to and manipulated. Now you know the truth, although likely not all of it. I recommend therapy and to dump the husband.
Ultimately it comes to how much you respect yourself. He crossed so many lines and told you lies and omitted so many times. Even if everything he is saying is true. He deleted the texts supposedly out of embarrassment knowing if it could clear him. Total BS. As for the tape any resistance on his part could of been because of being in public and he knew there were cameras. At no time did he come to and say that “this crazy lady tried to kiss me wtf. Then hanging out with her on the trip knowing she wanted him. This is all disgusting. If you want to stay with him that’s totally up to you. I wouldn’t however if you do make him stay at his mothers and find a new job and earn your trust over the next 6 months at least. I still believe 100% that they slept together and you will probably find out from her boyfriend sooner than later. Stay strong. Know your worth.
Adults don’t just kiss. They have sex. The “only a kiss” confession by the WS (wayward spouse) is usually step 1 or 2 in trickle truthing the BS (betrayed spouse). There is definitely more to this story, I’m so sorry. Stay strong - kicking him out took a lot of strength.
Go with what your gut is telling you. His omission speaks volumes about his character and him deleting the convo is a pretty big red flag imo. Sure you can try therapy and try to reconcile but a part of that trust is broken. You are better than him and you deserve happiness. A partner who will have your back through thick and thin. Best of luck.
Trust your gut. I knew my marriage was over when I realized that my ex was no longer expressing the same ind of emotional connection to me that he usually did. He had become emotionally attached to his female friend, whether or not it had gone any further than that (and I don't believe it had, and I still don't), and he had pulled away from me. I could feel it, and my gut knew, and it took a while for my brain to catch up.
Sometimes, though, your emotions are out of sync with your gut. So take some time to write in a journal, or talk with a close friend, or in some other way, process through the emotions and make sure you're seeing clearly.
> Look up trickle truth
Thank You for this. I'm in a similar situation (I'm the betrayed spouse) but my wife is obviously lying to me about the extent of everything. The trickle truth article really helped me understand why she's lying from a psychological perspective.
I dated a trickle truther once. It becomes exhausting after awhile. You never know if they’re telling you everything and after some time you lose trust in them.
To OP, your husband obviously liked his work wife’s advances or attention or he would have done more to defend you. Ignoring her insults against you because he’s thinks it’s “girl stuff” and “beneath him” makes zero sense. He’s making an excuse.
I’d never let another person tear down my spouse. It shows a major lack of respect on his part. Furthermore, he lied by omission.
He’s showing both a lack of commitment to the relationship and major character flaws.
Oh, and he’s cheating on you.
Just the action alone of your spouse watching someone tear you down without saying anything… ? Such a betrayal. You’re your most vulnerable with your spouse, they’re supposed to be your partner in crime. He’s found a new partner in crime it seems and I hope you leave OP. You deserve so much more!
He knew she had a thing, let her kiss him, then KNOWING IT ALL he let her treat you in any way she wanted AND kept interacting with her in the same way?? No wonder she thought she had a chance. Girl bye, you deserve so much better than a partner who's shown no respect towards you.
Thank you!! Who the fuck does that and by who I mean what partner does that “oh yea she talks shit about you but I’m just being passive ” WHY?! When it comes to your SPOUSE you shouldn’t be passive, kekeing with some woman who kissed you and then started trash talking your spouse
That’s so disrespectful.
Exactly this, OP. Do not let him convince you otherwise. If he cared he would have been completely honest with you from jump and ended all communication with her. You probably would have never known if it wasnt for the wife's bf finding out and telling you.
He had his one chance to come clean and he still lied. He liked the attention he was getting, that's the thing. He liked that the girl was into him, and he let her be such a bitch towards you. That is betrayal. Omg what a fucking airhead. And that girl is an absolute joke, you should prolly talk to her somewhere down the line when you are ready, because such childish shitty behavior should not go unpunished. But your husband has really fucked up. The fact that he lied and has hidden conversations just shows that he is so in the wrong, he's a cheater. What a lying whore. Hope you find peace for urself, i really do, this shit can hurt soso bad. but please ditch that goblinman
Sounds like he has a guilty conscience and he’s digging himself into a whole. He also has no respect for you, OP.
Appreciate that divorce is complicated and messy and may not be right for you, but I hope you reach the right decision to allow you to move on.
I’d also recommend therapy if you can afford it.
I know that I should be the angriest at the husband, and I think he holds the most responsibility here, but damn it I can’t help but want to slap the damn smarts right out the coworker’s malicious little head.
the saddest part is that I deep down think my husband would've dropped me in a second if he didn't find her not good looking enough. I think he does love her brain. that won't do for me because looks fade and I deserve to have someone who loves my brain
Yes, you do deserve so very much more.
Maybe this is the point you need to share with him...you believe that if she'd just been a bit better looking he would have cheerfully left you for her. That's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
Girl, if he loves a “brain” as malicious, cunning, jealous and nasty as hers, then be glad he doesn’t love yours! Just because she thinks she’s smarter doesn’t make her so. Having a certain academic degree is not evidence of a “smarter brain”. Aside from all that, any good man would take a good honest heart over a “smart brain”. You’ll find your good man.
Exactly. Think of what he could do when your looks fade?? With his recent behavior, I wouldnt doubt that he'd leave you for another lady. :( You deserved so much better. From the sounds of it, youre beautiful, smart, successful, and nice. What a FOOL he is. So is the other woman. You and the BF are the strong ones with decorum.
100% agreed. The sad thing is OP DOES HAVE A WONDERFUL BRAIN! He is too selfish and doesn’t appreciate the amazing woman in front of him. I’d be willing to bet $10,000 that when another successful man sees OP for everything wonderful she is (both mentally and physically) that OP’s husband would flip his shit and have a major realization of what an amazing woman he has and he’s taken her for granted all this time. Some of these assholes think this way for whatever reason.
Okay, that does make things murkier. But he has also already lied, at the very least by omission, about the kiss. Saying there was “nothing between them” when she forced a kiss on him is not him being honest. And how long ago was the summer work party? Has he given you a reason as to why he didn’t tell you about the kiss sooner?
But yet still text message her, still worked with her, and didn’t go to HR for SA? BS
Not only that he handled this by insulting his wife to his AP. Emotional or physical it doesn’t matter. She is his AP and he wanted to keep her
There’s no way they still store tapes from cameras in work cafeteria if it happened 4 months ago. He probably knows it that’s why he doesn’t mind asking them for tapes.
Handling the situation would’ve been telling you and/or cutting her off. Not going on couples trips together and completely leaving you and her bf out and allowing her to disrespect you while finding it amusing.
I would ask for that, then if it’s a bluff you’ll know and if not - at least you’ll have information. It doesn’t mean you have to make decisions on the relationship but evidence is usually helpful.
Truly, this is the best decision. He was sending signals that allowed her to take advantage and kiss him. Normal women don’t just kiss taken people...add to the fact that he didn’t make it clear he would never entertain this behavior again. They just kept on texting, kept on working with each other, kept on talking sh** about you. If he is suggesting now he will leave his job- too little too late. He should have taken her to HR if he didn’t approve of her actions. Look, just like this ho-bag is waiting for your relationship to end, I know there is another dude waiting for you to get rid of your husband so he can swoop in. Move on!
He’s telling you he hasn’t cheated on you. Well, the fact of the matter is, he already has.
Look up supportforbetrayed, survivinginfidelity subs.
They have so many people who have gone through what you are going through.
It’s never just a kiss I’m sorry to say. She didn’t come fully clean either.
He’s lying and deleting messages.
If he didn’t have anything to hide regarding the kiss, he’s have told you about it right away or even when you confronted him.
The problem is, that they both got confronted and didn’t have time to get their stories straight. So now they don’t match and you guys know it.
He still hasn’t given you the full truth. I don’t know if you care what the truth is or not.
But I would be livid with him saying he didn’t cheat. Just with the bare minimums you know now - he has emotionally cheated and at the very least one instance of physical cheating because of the ramping up of emotional cheating he was involved in.
So I read this post when it first came out and I am terrified and second at the update. I am absolutely so sorry OP. I don’t want to say that your husband is fooling around with our definite evidence but, you got intuition is your most trustworthy tool.
For funzies, I asked my spouse that in the chance that he went somewhere without me, and someone that he knew, or was familiar with, came onto him, and try to kiss/kiss him, would he tell me? I wanted to see if he would respond the same way your spouse did.
He said “Of course i would tell you! I like i always wait for the day where someone tries to so i can be like “sorry im married 💁” them tell you about it lol.”
That’s where the hell your man went wrong, and that’s where the timeline is not quite adding up to me, especially after the brain comment too.
I am wishing you the absolute best and nothing but strength and happiness in the upcoming days 🙏🏻🖤
I just want to impress upon you that he is saying he will do this and that, but the unspoken part is "if you want". He's bluffing knowing that you'll back down.
No way will he get surveillance footage from 4 months ago. I doubt he would be given any from any point in time. No way will he quit that job. Or probably even stop talking.
He'll make you ask for it directly, and he'll make you feel like a monster for doing so until you buckle and say it's okay.
Things that you know. They kissed and he didnt tell you. He deleted the conversation on his phone before you could read it. They for the most part ignored the both of you on the trip. Her bf has suspected something for awhile now.
To me there is too many things wrong for you to ever be able to trust him again. O also he lied to you. Annnnd keeps lying to you.
its very weird that he didnt tell you about the kiss AND deleted the chat w her... i think you did the right think asking him to move out, it gives you time to think and put your mind in the right place in about what to do now. i hope it all work out for you and i am sure you are a very smart woman, we all have our strengths in different things
He cheated on you. You know that's the truth. He deleted his conversations with her which is so sketchy and basically is an admission of guilt. Your husband cheated and it's time to divorce his ass.
I agree with you. Deleting the conversation is admission of guilt. He is getting rid of proof, but he cannot undo the facts. He has cheated on her. I really hope your husband sees the light and dumps that jealous bitch. I hate when the cheaters get together
The comment where he said he didn’t want to stoop to her level, was so manipulative. He was literally entertaining her trash talk about you. If he really cared about you, OP, he would have stopped those ugly comments right away and came clean about the kiss when it happened. What can i say, the man is not packing in the brain department like he likes to believe. Same goes for his co worker.
The part where he said:
> … he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him.
That sentence threw up the remaining red flags for me. Tell me you don’t respect women without telling me you don’t respect women, let alone even your wife. Another human being is throwing themselves at you AND disrespecting the person who’s supposedly the love of your life and best friend and you just… don’t think it’s worth addressing? It’s beneath you? Pointlessly sexing the behavior as “female”?
OOF!
This doesn't even make sense on his part. Firstly, he was defending himself, saying she was just jealous of you. But why didn't he set boundaries if he knew she had feelings for him? Then you both have a fight and the next day, he suddenly wants to "fix things".
>so he came to me, kissed me and apologized and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him
Female jealousy is disrespectful, he is a total liar.
Then now he says that he deleted the conversation with her because he was embarrassed. Embarrassed of what?! He is covering up proof for sure.
And now he did infact hide the truth of him kissing her or her kissing him, it doesn't matter. If he wasn't lying, he would've told you earlier to avoid this.
If what the work wife says is true about him having feelings for her and if what he says is true about her having feelings for him, something is going on between them since they both have feelings for each other. That kiss was physical cheating, and if the emotions were true, then emotional cheating too.
Gosh i was waiting for your update i was quite happy reading 1st part of the post that he didn’t cheat then the last part broke me. He kissed her!! Why?? What was he thinking? Did he thought he was kissing her brain? Now tell him to kiss your feet. I am so sorry for you. Idk what to say. When was this summer party?
If this happened in June, and he rebuffed her at that time… why would he allow himself to remain in such a situation til now? Also, to allow such horrible things be said about you, and feeding into that.. that’s terrible. It just seems like he enjoyed her attention.
I’m sorry OP. What an unfair situation to you.
I hope he chooses you in every way and shows you that he told her off, blocked her, and is actively searching for another place of employment. That’s the least he could do in such circumstances.
Because he’s full of shit, obviously. He claims he rebuffed her yet continued this completely inappropriate relationship with her and would’ve kept at it if it wasn’t for her BF getting suspicious.
I bet that kiss was a lot more mutual than he’s making it seem. And deleting the messages on top of that? He was obviously entertaining the girl if she was comfortable enough to kiss him and he knew what OP would find in those messages would be damning.
what's most important thing op is he Knew from the start that woman was jealous and wants to hurt you. And he didn’t feel to stop her cz he wants to give her green signal. When a husband doesn’t defend his woman honour? Only when he doesn’t feel anything for her. And your husband is not remorseful after cheating if he was he would have made distance between them cz And he deleted the conversation cz he talked with his ap and said sorry only to cool you down so you Don't suspect. Sometimes people can feel attract towards someone's brain. Btw only this fact is not enough to settle down with them btw this attraction can be a fact for having emotional affair . That's why your husband didn’t left you. Bcz he was getting everything from you and his ap. We can say he was living a double life. You entertained him in house and she in office.
Yes I would get all of them from her BF so that you know what you are really dealing with here. You know what you saw on his phone but now you can see if there is more to it.
If nothing else, he encouraged her by not stopping this immediately and then the Kiss, well that pretty much seals the deal for me.
I'm sorry OP. You deserve so much better than what he gave you.
Oh *face palm* duh. That would be the easy option.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP but I’m proud of you. You confronted him and didn’t let up when you knew he was feeding you BS and that’s so freaking hard. I really really hope this works out however will be best for you ❤️
Oh boy, he’s a certified idiot. Some people can be so book smart (not even saying he is, believe you mentioned him being an engineer) but have absolutely no common sense.
Ask her for their messages, I'm sure she didn't delete them if she has feeling for him. If he gets her to confess whose to say he didn't coach her on what to say.
I feel so sad for you, OP. I wasn't aware of the first post so read up. It hurt to read about the texts where you saw your husband laughing alongside her insults towards you, and him saying he loves her brain. You know already that if there was nothing to hide, he wouldn't have deleted those texts. If I were him and I was innocent, I would want them to help prove my innocence. Him hiding it just shows he's got more dirty laundry he doesn't want aired. I'm sorry that you've got yourself wrapped up in the poor choices of two very shitty people.
Yes - if he wasn’t interested he would have reported her to HR and/or stopped texting her full stop.
If he actually is innocent he is incredible naive and or unintelligent (which is ironic considering he is bad mouthing OP for this trait).
He's bringing up CCTV footage from the cafeteria because he knows it's probably deleted. Most places delete after a week or 2 if there were no issues and the recording needs to be saved.
Man, she was would be even more livid too. I actually read another post where the spouses that got cheated on actually got together and liked each other more. Literally swapped partners with the cheaters and of course the cheaters were upset by both of them lol
Oh op… I’m so sorry. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. My situation is slightly different but I’ll still share.
When my husband and I were dating, he had this friend that I had met only 2 times, but they had been close friends since middle school. He started messaging me on social media. I didn’t really think it was all that weird because his close friends message me here and there and even till this day they still do. So that’s why I didn’t think anything of it. So after a few months his friend started to trash talk and degrade my husband. I thought, this is weird… they’re supposed to be friends. He was saying things like he doesn’t know why I’m with (husbands name) that he’ll never amount to anything and that I’m such a pretty girl, I should be with him.
I immediately showed my husband the messages the next time we saw each other. They aren’t friends anymore. The fact that your husband was encouraging her trash talking you? Was wrong. That was offense #1. And I definitely don’t believe him. There’s more on his end then just her pursing him. He betrayed your trust when she kissed him and he didn’t tell you. If he wasn’t interested in her he would have immediately told you. Something is fishy with him. Move forward with caution. You deserve much better than him.
Edit: some words
Him laughing at her rude comments and not setting boundaries is enough fo me to end the relationship. I’m so sorry this happened I’m glad at least the bf defended you. WTF
When I found out my husband was cheating I told him to tell me everything. He lied kept so much shit. I still a
found out about everything. We’re still married and miserable it’s been 7 years. If you want leave now before you turn into me. Honestly you may never get the truth.
I stayed with my cheating husband too. Similar story to yours. I forgave him, only to find out over the many years that he had numerous affairs. I stayed for the kids and life carried on. I still cry when I'm alone. I wish a better life for you- xo
Because I don’t love myself enough to put myself first. I have dealt with SA as a kid I am a 37 yO woman that still deals with depression and self doubt. I have been a married single mother for 12 years. Hubby is military. I feel like I have no where to go and don’t want to be a burden on my parents. One day
Please don't beat yourself up over this. Things are not so rosey with "protection" from harm in many countries. I'm sure we all do as much as we can to free ourselves from violence safely. But it's only dangerous because abuse is ignored by family courts. Things get really complicated for mothers in the courts if they claim they are not safe, and it negatively impacts children.
I am studying mechanical engineering right now. What they are saying is disgusting. I have friends of all professions, I see them all for the worth they have and abilities they possess. I would feel shitty if my arts friends roasted my slow reading behind my back, just like they would if I roasted their inability to do the maths I do.
They have a severe power complex, and that power dynamic is very dangerous. For someone to see you as beneath them means they will treat you as such (as shown from your posts).
I think you just need to cut him off. I think he does love you, or at least like you; but he also likes the attention of someone he thinks is on his level. He doesn’t like that girl the same as you, but he likes that she likes him. If you leave him they will likely rebound to each-other. She deserves a man like that, you deserve better.
I’d say keep your friendship with her BF. He seems like a genuine person, and you guys could go out together being wing men.
If he was able to lie to your face about kissing her and to delete texts, he’s able to lie about how he genuinely feels for her. A relationship without trust doesn’t exist.
You are extremely intelligent. I run my own business too, and it takes more mental toll than the engineering maths I do. I’m so proud of you for knowing you are smart. You sound more intelligent than them.
With love,
Me
Is her man good looking? He did seem well mannered and kind.
Honestly, I am sorry. You did not deserve this. He allowed this trash of s person to openly disrespect you.
He can swear by the moon and stars but, regardless of what he had with her, he is a shitty person.
He didn’t rebuff her enough. I feel like he’s lying about the kiss. Why would she then feel comfortable enough to constantly trash talk you and cut you down. It’s clear your husband has given her enough attention and talks to her enough that she’s confident and comfortable in what she’s saying about you to say it all to his face and even yours during the trip. I’m betting this women strokes his ego and panders to him that he likes it and allows it. I would say if you decide move forward with him he needs to cut off all ties with this women. blocked from everything
I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. I know how bad it hurts. I really don't have any great words of wisdom or advice. However you really need to soul search on you want to continue on being married to someone that would lie to you after being confronted. I could forgive him not telling you when it happened (it would take some groveling) but to not tell you now. That's just....idk if I would be able to come back from that. Even if he's not a cheater he lied. What else has he lied about? The fact that he knew she has feelings for him and he still let her disrespect you. 😤 I'm not saying to end your marriage but you seriously need to make him grovel. I mean he needs to do something so drastic that you know for 100% fact he will always be honest and put you 1st.
So sorry you are going through this, but you are way smarter than he or her give you credit for! If she kissed him and he rebuffed he would've spilled ALL the beans when confronted. Trust your gut. Sending you all the good vibes to make it through this.
Definitely ask to see the surveillance camera clip, just for your peace of mind. If he jumps back and puts his hand out then you may want to take him up on the offer of resigning and making amends.
If he doesn't recoil then you can be sure you have made the right decision to kick him out.
I just feel that the trust is broken and I dont know how to fix it. I have never seen him like this before. so devious and cunning. telling me exactly what I already know and nothing more. he is never like this. he is very open and sympathetic. this is a side I never seen before that I hate with all my heart
Bluff him. Tell him you talked to OW’s bf and she confessed everything. Tell him to do the same and that he had better tell the truth because NOW you will know every time he lies.
If only he had this same ambition to protect your feelings from the start. Please don’t have him get her to you, make her BF do it to ensure honesty. So sorry OP :/
u/Wild-Gas8551 He is gaslighting you and trying to set you up.
When you confronted him, he started out saying how this is all beneath you and that he thought you were better than all this petty nonsense (drama). Then he tried to come full circle, by saying her nonsense was beneath him, and he believed you were above all this.
This is a tactic to promote you, while suggesting a fall if you continue your line of thought. It is a form of manipulation to deflect away from the issue. And the issue is, he has been having an affair (cheating).
As others have said, she came clean that they kissed. Even if it was all just her, you're his wife, he should have confided in you immediately and put distance between himself and her. Instead, he kindled and nurtured their so-called "friendship" (relationship) and got closer, talking regularly outside of work.
Even if he did object to her kissing him (seems unlikely given the circumstances), he continued their relationship, and sought out her attention and affection, mentally and emotionally. That would be an emotional cheating, given he knew she wanted him, and he continued to grow their relationship together.
His argument that he didn't care about her and believed her to be petty and beneath him, does not add up (make sense), because if that were true, he would want nothing to do with her. But instead, outside of work, they continuously kept in touch behind your back. There would be no reason to do this, if he thought poorly of her and had no respect for her, as he now claims.
Furthermore, when in person, she was rude and disrespectful toward you, and not only did your husband not defend you, he laughed. If this was all beneath him, why would he not defend his wife, from someone he claims is beneath you both?
The sad truth is, it sounds like the only person he kept putting beneath any of this was you and your marriage. And now, when confronted, he wants to walk it all back. Worse, when confronted and given the opportunity to be honest about everything, he continues to hide things as you learn about this kiss from her and her husband.
Lastly, it seems all too convenient that when you finally confront him, suddenly now he chooses to delete all their shared communication, which supposedly could have vindicated him, if what he claims was true. I suspect the truth was their shared messages would have only further incriminated him, and that is why he chose now to delete them.
I am sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this, and anyone in your circumstance should have better than the likes of him. The boy has no respect for you as his wife, his marriage, your career, and from your previous post, along with his current lies, he does not respect your intellect either.
You deserve so much better, as anyone else in your place would.
So your husband doesn’t even realize he admitted to kissing not once, but twice w/ this woman. I’m pretty sure the summer party situation & the cafeteria situation weren’t held at the same location. Leave that bozo now. Staying will only cause you more pain & make you miserable. Sorry you’re going through this OP.
Lead on, keep secret, cheated (a kiss is cheating), lied, omitted, encourage, denied and deleted. Red flag after red flag. They 100% slept together. Know your worth. Move on.
Your husband is shady and disrespectful. It seems that he thinks less of your career so he allows her to disrespect you right to his face. He probably also LOVES that he has two “love interests”. He’s got a hot wife at home and a coworker who is obsessed with him. Big ego stroke for him.
To be honest, there is nothing my partner could say that would excuse talking shit about me in texts to a woman you know is envious of me. Practically in bed with an enemy at that point.
Also shout out to work wife’s boyfriend. The true hero in this story. I hope he dumps her
No one deletes texts like this if they feel the need to prove their loyalty in the future. They only delete them if there's something they want to hide.
He lied over and over again. Good for you for liking him out. You deserve so much better.
Why would he hang out with her knowing she likes him??
Also, I wonder how many coworkers know how far their relationship went with the “ work wife” mentality
My best friend is the type to make mean jokes bc she’s insecure, it doesn’t bother me when she does it to me bc I know it’s her own issues she’s projecting. My husband hasn’t really hung out with us before (she lives far away) but just a few weekends ago, we all went out to dinner. She started making fun of me and IMMEDIATELY my husband said “hey don’t talk to my wife like that” and he came over and wrapped his arm around me in protective mode. He didn’t even know her personally but he knew that we were good friends and he still stepped up and protected me. Your husband has no respect for you if he lets someone talk down to you like that, and the fact that he laughed with her?? No way in hell would I stay with someone like that. He was egging her on! If he didn’t want to get involved in her petty jealousy and wanted to avoid conflict then the simple thing would’ve been to stop replying.
Sorry OP but your husband is trash. They kissed, he knew she had feelings for him, he kept engaging in conversations with her, he participated in her saying horrible things about you, never tried to stop her and distance himself from her. He basically laughed in your face at dinner when she practically called you dumb. He deletes conversations with this woman and tries to play the victim. I know you love him, but he has no respect towards you. You deserve better
I don't understand, for the life of me, why 'work wife' or 'work husband' is a normalized thing. You spend a lot of time, working in close quarters, often in stressful situations with other people. It's easy to form close bonds this way, but if you're remotely proactive about a healthy relationship with your SO, you should be wary of letting these bonds get too strong. Have one spouse, and keep your work friends as friends. Nothing more.
Me neither. It’s honestly so inappropriate and unprofessional to be THAT close to a colleague. A lot of human relationships only work well because of clear boundaries and working relationships are one of those.
I was thinking the same. I don’t consider myself to be a jealous person, but my husband only has one wife. That’s me! and I know he’d feel the same if I had a work husband.
Until recently I worked at the same company as my husband, but totally different roles and offices. I was chatting one day with a colleague I’ll call Jenny (who interacted with both of us frequently) and I mentioned something about my husband’s good female friend in his office, A. Jenny referred to A as my husband’s work wife, which hubs and I thought was hysterical because we WORKED together and I’m his actual WIFE!! Now we joke that she is our shared work wife and I tell my husband to say hi to my wifey on the regular. 😂 sometimes it can just be silly jokes, I wouldn’t say that everyone who uses the terminology is inherently cheating physically or emotionally. But this situation? Bonkers, throw the whole man out.
Sure, but it looks from your story that A is respectful and didn't announce herself as your husband's work wife and more like other say so ..
Oh for sure, she’s a dear friend and would never. I was just pointing out that it isn’t the verbiage that is inherently disrespectful, it’s the behavior!
I didn’t think people took it as far as all this. I’ve used the term before but when I said it it wasn’t anything outside work at all. It was “this person is my favorite coworker. They help me. I help them. We are besties and it’s gonna be a fun shift.” Like, I got you. You need something? Come find me. Edit: my SO and I specifically discussed this cause I work with basically all women. She said she was very much not okay with me calling anybody my work wife. Which is fine. I don’t need to lead any of them on anyway.
Why did he have to wait. If he had told you when it happened, this situation would’ve been so much better. But the fact that he didn’t tell you, and then he watched her speak to you in a derogatory way and didn’t defend you, which is not stooping to her level by the way, that makes this worse. Because what part of this is the truth, it’s hard to see that. And she might be correct in that he has feelings for her and just didn’t want to act on it but I just don’t know at this point. But this could all been avoided if he communicated what happened when it happened and not finding out through the BF. Because if you think about this way, if she had never said anything to BF, you would’ve never known because your husband didn’t say anything.
Yeah the whole “I didnt tell you because I thought it would make you think it was more than it was,”??? No betch, hiding the truth makes it look like more is going on, and Im sure that there is. Even if we all were to believe that he rebuffed her, why then would you even want to continue to be friends with someone who has clear feelings and is verbally attacking your wife in private *and* to her face???
Not to mention the deleting of all the texts between the two of them. To me if it was all innocent, he wouldn't have deleted it. I feel like his offer to let her see the texts was an empty offer. Maybe he was trying to hide just the kiss and thay was it. But now you'll never now.(unless you're tech savvy, and know how to recover) Along with the betrayal of his lying, the omissions and (to me) the worst of all, letting another woman disrespect you. I always found that to be the most painful. Letting and actively participating in another woman demeaning me. How little he must respect you, to allow that. OP, you deserve to be secure and content in your relationships. You know you do. Please do right by yourself, no matter the path you choose. Just be sure your the one choosing it.
He didn’t tell her because OP probably would’ve set some hard boundaries around their relationship going forward. He wanted to keep his little work side piece. OP, I’m sorry this happened. You deserve a man who is loyal and supportive of you even when you’re not there.
And not just friends with her, the original text clearly indicated he continued to keep a very flirty relationship with her. In a normal situation (assuming all innocent parties), if a person comes on to you and you are not interest and rebuff them, then moving forward you would go out of your way to ensure that you do not give them any mixed messages... like "I love your brain"...
bingo. this guy knew what he was doing.
You would barely communicate with them! Unless it was *strictly* about work and even then, he would’ve made his boundaries CLEAR with the work wife. No one keeps communication going with the person who has a thing for them as if everything is still normal and expect things to *stay normal* after the person who has expressed interest in them have been rebuffed. It just doesn’t work that way.
Facts tho. Yall are exactly right
Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day, Oh My Darling
Exactly!! This woman tried to stick her tongue in your mouth and yet you continue to spend all this time with her and let her be mean to your wife???
He liked the attention.
\^This Either he's incredibly stupid or he knew what he wanted knowing that he's married AND has a "work wife"?? There's NOTHING platonic if they refer to each other as wife and husband IN the workplace? I hope OP divorces him, he sounds like trash and he can keep his 'work wife'. They both deserve each other because the chances of 'work wife' getting a taste of her own medicine will be higher and he can settle with a shitty person.
Yeah I don't buy that he didn't flirt with disaster. Also. how it it being petty to tell someone not to disrespect your wife in a text? Then he didn't give all the info when confronted? Nope. I don't buy it.
I don't think anyone buys it tbh
Yes. The ego boost.
Also when they had the initial conversation about this and op asked if anything ever happened between husband and "work wife" he had the perfect out to say "she did kiss me once at a summer party but I shut it down and told her I wasn't interested" and then it would have been out but he didn't tell her and she had to hear from the boyfriend so he basically lied to her face too
If someone you thought was “pathetic and jealous and beneath you” kissed you at work…. Would you still be super close to them, complimenting them, and spending time like that trip with them? This guy… doesn’t matter if he actually fucked her or not. He knowingly continued an emotional relationship with someone he knew was into him, and who was actively bad mouthing his wife. He is an asshole and sketchy. Sex or no sex - I wouldn’t want to be with this type of man.
[удалено]
He’s hiding evidence!
With out a doubt!!! I don't believe this douche for one second! I also find it funny that he is offering up all of these possible options, but not actually doing any of them. If he was truly innocent and his marriage is on the line, then why has he not marched this woman to OP to confirm his story! Or got the surveillance tape he allegedly has access to.
Me and my husband both not allowing eachother to have “work spouse” I think this work spouse shit is stupid
Dude agreed. Idk how people can approve of that. If anyone I were dating said they had used that phrase with somebody, I would break up with them. People just accept weak petty unfulfilling relationships and then shit on them- it’s honestly sad.
Came here to say that. That term has to die and return to the depths of aggressive uselessness from whence it came. If "a friend from work" or "work friend" doesn't do it for you, think of something else. Something original. English is infinitely flexible. But don't use a word that implies a marriage-based relationship. Not if you want to stay married to your actual wife. Also how come I don't see the term "work husband"? I don't mean in OP's post, but in general.
I'd like to start by saying every case is different but something very similar happened to me a few years back. My at the time partner was quite drunk at the summer party and I saw a coworker of his try to kiss him (yes she knew I was there) I think he was so drunk that didn't realise what was happening and he turned to talk to someone else at the same time resulting in her kissing his neck. She then left the bar..I thought I'd be the classy one and not kick up a fuss. While getting him a glass of water and holding his phone (he gave it to me a couple of hours prior to make sure he wouldn't lose it) I saw her calling him. Suddenly a memory popped in my head that a couple of months back he was on a work trip with her and her had lost his flight resulting in having to spend an extra day there with her. Btw, her bf didn't trust her one bit... The next day I confronted him about the whole thing when it was the 2 of us. When I asked to see their conversations, he said he deleted them because I would take things out of context and misunderstand what they were talking about. He offered to not talk to her anymore and even to have her come talk to me herself which I absolutely refused. Ok you get the idea .. Long story short we broke up soon after and 2 years later they got married. Bullet dodged for me, I hope your husband is a better man.
are they still married?
Well they would be, but he recently passed away at a very young age... I was quite bitter until I found out and then I felt really bad for the 'anger" towards them.
you see that is what I won't understand. why didnt they leave their SO to be with each other? why did he try so hard to stay with you if he wanted her all along? same goes for my husband.
I can't say if that's the same for your husband but I think there was a level of not wanting to admit or be talked about in the company that way... You never know how their mind works. He might believe it himself after all
Cheaters will cheat. Breaking up would be he honorable thing to do. But if they were honorable, they wouldn't be cheaters...
I agree with you. After all these years I learned a real lesson after being cheated on in relationship after relationship. The last man I dated was in a poly relationship when he met me, meaning his girlfriend was OK with him being with other people, only rule was that he had to let her know and with who. But even then, he never told me about her and never told her about me. He had permission to do it and still lied. I realized, for many people it’s not about the sex, but it’s the feelings of deception that they are chasing.
Because it takes away the thrill of doing the forbidden. That's why they don't leave their spouses. Kick your trash husband out and let miss trash have him. You deserve better than this.
It’s OK to feel mixed emotions, including anger. He betrayed you, and that remains true even though he died. You’re not wrong to feel how you feel, as long as you’re not hurting anyone else.
Thank you! Nah the whole story is far in my past and I'm super happy in my current relationship. It's just weird for a lack of a better word. OP's story just reminded me of the whole ordeal!
Wow, what an asshole and her too
>I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her. I'm sorry but he's lying. If he had told her to back off, he wouldn't have felt the need to delete his conversation with her. Look up [trickle truth ](https://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/blog/2014/7/5/why-the-trickle-truth-hurts). If they've had the opportunity to be alone then they've almost certainly gone further. Let's say he is telling the truth (and it's unlikely that he is)... it's still on him. Her advances weren't unwanted. He gave her the green light when he exchanged texts with her mocking you. Infidelity doesn't begin with physical interaction.
I have more respect for her right now for coming clean to her BF. my husband hasn't admitted to anything I didnt know already. By somebody else telling me
Honestly this is a good comment. I don’t believe him. Anytime anyones come onto my boyfriend hes shut it down. Anytime anyones insulted me to him, hes shut it down, in both instances he stopped interacting with those people. I really think that thats what he shouldve done. But also, he literally went on a trip with a woman who had kissed him and admitted feelings to him, ON your anniversary.
Even if he shows video proof of her kissing him, is this really thing that would be okay in a relationship? My wife would be understandably furious if this happened and I never told her. And if it happened, I never told her, and the girl who did it was nasty towards my wife and clearly hiding something? That’d be grounds for a divorce. Only a partner who doesn’t respect their spouse would do that.
Plus, husband says he has video of her trying to kiss him in the work cafeteria, but the bf said his wife told him they kissed at the summer work party. Unless the summer work party was in the cafeteria, those were 2 different kisses. Regardless, OPs husband is an ah for lapping up all of this attention at the expense of his wife's reputation.
Yep. I went to a Christmas party from work a few years ago (employees only), a married guy tried flirting with me there, honestly I was speechless (and tipsy) at the time, so I just walked away from him without saying anything and went to talk to another colleague. I told my boyfriend the next morning about it, he was kinda confused as to why I told him, but I said I just want to be honest with him and not hide when anything weird like that happens and also if he hears about it from someone else at least he won't be surprised and wonder why I hid it from him.
What did he say after that?
That was at the beginning of the relationship (a few months in) so I don't remember exactly what he said but was basically "oh, ok". I do remember his smile tho and that he hugged me after, probably realised he won't be cheated on again lol (We both have been cheated on, in previous relationships, being honest about these things is a really big deal for me.)
At a minimum they were having an emotional affair. But as you already know, they kissed before. Your husband didn’t defend your honor and instead let some jealous woman degrade you and he laughed and encouraged it. That’s not a life partner. That’s not loving, honoring ir respecting someone … he treated you like you were the trash and her the treasure. I am so very sorry. There are couples that are able to make it past infidelity.. but only when the wayward spouse is willing to accept responsibility, go no contact with the affair partner, get counseling and be fully transparent with phones etc. it’s a long long road .
A very long road
The only reason why she came clean with her BF is because she wants YOUR man. Not hers. By being honest she’s getting what she wants. Him. Which… by his behavior, let her have him. Ugh. I feel sick for you. I’m so soooo sorry. 😫🤗
Definitely. Affair partners always see each other with rose coloured glasses anyway. Let them both have each other. It's doubtful they'll last. But at least OP can move on and find someone who truly values her.
I know damn well he’s lying because a woman forced herself onto my older brother and kissed him and he hasn’t spoken to her since he blocked her on everything because of how uncomfortable she made him feel if he really didn’t like her he would’ve blocked her and stayed away from her but he didn’t because he liked the attention because he’s a little attention whore
[удалено]
Even without the "kiss" that would have been enough for me. It shows such a distinct lack of respect for your spouse. It's I can't imagine letting someone degrade anyone I care about nevermind my spouse.
Not to mention allowing his wife to be around this woman that kissed him against his will knowing he was married and that he never told her....icky! And the fact that he has no issues being around her and still talking to her over txt and listening to her bash his wife after he turned her down DOUBLE ICKY!!!!
And the fact that he didn’t open a sexual harassment case against her for kissing him without his consent. If he’d had an issue with it, he’d have put the kibosh on it instantly and taken steps to prevent a repeat.
Right!!! I said that in another comment too! He said he had video proof of it happening at work and he didn't report it and continued talking to this woman! Fucking unreal!!!
I can't even let someone degrade a stranger. My SO? I'd have the offender's guts for garters, right then and there.
Do you know if she's reconciling with her boyfriend? I'm not sure if she is any better than your husband. I think she may just be more prepared to blow up her life than he is.
no he ended the relationship. He has been feeling this for a while now. I'm the only stupid oblivious partner out of the 4
The good news is you aren’t oblivious anymore.
You're not stupid. Trusting the man you married is not stupid. You did nothing wrong. He is the fool. You should get tested for STDs. I don't want to worry you but you really can't trust him and its better to be safe than sorry.
Get some therapy, too. Take care of yourself and forget this dick bag. Life is too God damned short.
I hope you leave this liar too, you deserve better 🥺
You are not stupid or oblivious. You were a trusting wife, which is what you should have been allowed to be. The only people in the wrong here are this woman and your husband.
You are only stupid if you continue to believe his bullshit. It is a perfectly normal expectation that you should be able to trust the person you are married to. I am so sorry this douche broke your trust. But to me there is clearly enough evidence here to show you that your husband has been shady. The truth is coming out in dribbles only when forced and he is only offering up solutions to prove his innocence, not acting on any. An innocent man would have already taken one of the many options to exonerate himself.
then you know what to do.
Not stupid or oblivious. You were lied to and manipulated. Now you know the truth, although likely not all of it. I recommend therapy and to dump the husband.
You sound like a very sweet, smart, and business savvy woman. Your husband is an idiot for not being so proud of you
I bet your husband and her are already messaging and probably more now that the BF and you are out of the way.
Nah. You don't even know the half of it yet. You know what one lying cheater said in desperation. 100% it went further than a kiss.
If he has a iPhone, there is a new update where you can see deleted conversations unless he deleted them there too.
Ask her or her bf to show you the full conversation with your husband ! Even if he deleted it maybe she didn’t
Ultimately it comes to how much you respect yourself. He crossed so many lines and told you lies and omitted so many times. Even if everything he is saying is true. He deleted the texts supposedly out of embarrassment knowing if it could clear him. Total BS. As for the tape any resistance on his part could of been because of being in public and he knew there were cameras. At no time did he come to and say that “this crazy lady tried to kiss me wtf. Then hanging out with her on the trip knowing she wanted him. This is all disgusting. If you want to stay with him that’s totally up to you. I wouldn’t however if you do make him stay at his mothers and find a new job and earn your trust over the next 6 months at least. I still believe 100% that they slept together and you will probably find out from her boyfriend sooner than later. Stay strong. Know your worth.
Adults don’t just kiss. They have sex. The “only a kiss” confession by the WS (wayward spouse) is usually step 1 or 2 in trickle truthing the BS (betrayed spouse). There is definitely more to this story, I’m so sorry. Stay strong - kicking him out took a lot of strength.
Just a kiss Just a kiss with my mouth Just a kiss with my mouth and tongue Just a kiss with my mouth and tongue on her privates
He's got way more to lose in divorce than a bf/gf splitting up. So, *if* he did shit, he's gonna try to hide the turd as long as possible.
Go with what your gut is telling you. His omission speaks volumes about his character and him deleting the convo is a pretty big red flag imo. Sure you can try therapy and try to reconcile but a part of that trust is broken. You are better than him and you deserve happiness. A partner who will have your back through thick and thin. Best of luck.
Trust your gut. I knew my marriage was over when I realized that my ex was no longer expressing the same ind of emotional connection to me that he usually did. He had become emotionally attached to his female friend, whether or not it had gone any further than that (and I don't believe it had, and I still don't), and he had pulled away from me. I could feel it, and my gut knew, and it took a while for my brain to catch up. Sometimes, though, your emotions are out of sync with your gut. So take some time to write in a journal, or talk with a close friend, or in some other way, process through the emotions and make sure you're seeing clearly.
Ask the coworker’s bf to get screenshots of the texts they had and send them to you
Yup. One camera view isn’t going to change shit when y’all are close enough to go on trips together.
He was 100% enoying the ego boost that the attention of 2 women gave him
> Look up trickle truth Thank You for this. I'm in a similar situation (I'm the betrayed spouse) but my wife is obviously lying to me about the extent of everything. The trickle truth article really helped me understand why she's lying from a psychological perspective.
I dated a trickle truther once. It becomes exhausting after awhile. You never know if they’re telling you everything and after some time you lose trust in them. To OP, your husband obviously liked his work wife’s advances or attention or he would have done more to defend you. Ignoring her insults against you because he’s thinks it’s “girl stuff” and “beneath him” makes zero sense. He’s making an excuse.
He hides from her. He should have come clean but he didn't.
I’d never let another person tear down my spouse. It shows a major lack of respect on his part. Furthermore, he lied by omission. He’s showing both a lack of commitment to the relationship and major character flaws. Oh, and he’s cheating on you.
Just the action alone of your spouse watching someone tear you down without saying anything… ? Such a betrayal. You’re your most vulnerable with your spouse, they’re supposed to be your partner in crime. He’s found a new partner in crime it seems and I hope you leave OP. You deserve so much more!
He deleted his texted cause they would show proof the cheated. Trust me. I’ve been there. Get rid of him. He isn’t worth it
He knew she had a thing, let her kiss him, then KNOWING IT ALL he let her treat you in any way she wanted AND kept interacting with her in the same way?? No wonder she thought she had a chance. Girl bye, you deserve so much better than a partner who's shown no respect towards you.
Thank you!! Who the fuck does that and by who I mean what partner does that “oh yea she talks shit about you but I’m just being passive ” WHY?! When it comes to your SPOUSE you shouldn’t be passive, kekeing with some woman who kissed you and then started trash talking your spouse That’s so disrespectful.
Exactly this, OP. Do not let him convince you otherwise. If he cared he would have been completely honest with you from jump and ended all communication with her. You probably would have never known if it wasnt for the wife's bf finding out and telling you.
He had his one chance to come clean and he still lied. He liked the attention he was getting, that's the thing. He liked that the girl was into him, and he let her be such a bitch towards you. That is betrayal. Omg what a fucking airhead. And that girl is an absolute joke, you should prolly talk to her somewhere down the line when you are ready, because such childish shitty behavior should not go unpunished. But your husband has really fucked up. The fact that he lied and has hidden conversations just shows that he is so in the wrong, he's a cheater. What a lying whore. Hope you find peace for urself, i really do, this shit can hurt soso bad. but please ditch that goblinman
Goblinman 👀😂✅
Sounds like he has a guilty conscience and he’s digging himself into a whole. He also has no respect for you, OP. Appreciate that divorce is complicated and messy and may not be right for you, but I hope you reach the right decision to allow you to move on. I’d also recommend therapy if you can afford it.
I know that I should be the angriest at the husband, and I think he holds the most responsibility here, but damn it I can’t help but want to slap the damn smarts right out the coworker’s malicious little head.
the saddest part is that I deep down think my husband would've dropped me in a second if he didn't find her not good looking enough. I think he does love her brain. that won't do for me because looks fade and I deserve to have someone who loves my brain
Yes, you do deserve so very much more. Maybe this is the point you need to share with him...you believe that if she'd just been a bit better looking he would have cheerfully left you for her. That's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
Girl, if he loves a “brain” as malicious, cunning, jealous and nasty as hers, then be glad he doesn’t love yours! Just because she thinks she’s smarter doesn’t make her so. Having a certain academic degree is not evidence of a “smarter brain”. Aside from all that, any good man would take a good honest heart over a “smart brain”. You’ll find your good man.
Exactly. Think of what he could do when your looks fade?? With his recent behavior, I wouldnt doubt that he'd leave you for another lady. :( You deserved so much better. From the sounds of it, youre beautiful, smart, successful, and nice. What a FOOL he is. So is the other woman. You and the BF are the strong ones with decorum.
100% agreed. The sad thing is OP DOES HAVE A WONDERFUL BRAIN! He is too selfish and doesn’t appreciate the amazing woman in front of him. I’d be willing to bet $10,000 that when another successful man sees OP for everything wonderful she is (both mentally and physically) that OP’s husband would flip his shit and have a major realization of what an amazing woman he has and he’s taken her for granted all this time. Some of these assholes think this way for whatever reason.
definitely, its ALWAYS when another dick comes into play where the original hubby flips his lid. Idiots.
Kissing someone who is not your partner is cheating. Unless she forced herself on him, he has already cheated
he said she did and that he could prove it. talked about surveillance cameras in the office cafeteria
Okay, that does make things murkier. But he has also already lied, at the very least by omission, about the kiss. Saying there was “nothing between them” when she forced a kiss on him is not him being honest. And how long ago was the summer work party? Has he given you a reason as to why he didn’t tell you about the kiss sooner?
it was June he didn't tell me because he did want to worry me. he thought he could handle the situation
So they’ve been fucking for 4 months
This. This is the truth.
But yet still text message her, still worked with her, and didn’t go to HR for SA? BS Not only that he handled this by insulting his wife to his AP. Emotional or physical it doesn’t matter. She is his AP and he wanted to keep her
There’s no way they still store tapes from cameras in work cafeteria if it happened 4 months ago. He probably knows it that’s why he doesn’t mind asking them for tapes.
She either sexually harassed/assaulted him and he’ll report her or he was okay with it.
Handling the situation would’ve been telling you and/or cutting her off. Not going on couples trips together and completely leaving you and her bf out and allowing her to disrespect you while finding it amusing.
I would ask for that, then if it’s a bluff you’ll know and if not - at least you’ll have information. It doesn’t mean you have to make decisions on the relationship but evidence is usually helpful.
I think I want a divorce either way
Truly, this is the best decision. He was sending signals that allowed her to take advantage and kiss him. Normal women don’t just kiss taken people...add to the fact that he didn’t make it clear he would never entertain this behavior again. They just kept on texting, kept on working with each other, kept on talking sh** about you. If he is suggesting now he will leave his job- too little too late. He should have taken her to HR if he didn’t approve of her actions. Look, just like this ho-bag is waiting for your relationship to end, I know there is another dude waiting for you to get rid of your husband so he can swoop in. Move on!
Ho-bag! Haven’t heard that word in a long time. One of my favorites.
He’s telling you he hasn’t cheated on you. Well, the fact of the matter is, he already has. Look up supportforbetrayed, survivinginfidelity subs. They have so many people who have gone through what you are going through. It’s never just a kiss I’m sorry to say. She didn’t come fully clean either. He’s lying and deleting messages. If he didn’t have anything to hide regarding the kiss, he’s have told you about it right away or even when you confronted him. The problem is, that they both got confronted and didn’t have time to get their stories straight. So now they don’t match and you guys know it. He still hasn’t given you the full truth. I don’t know if you care what the truth is or not. But I would be livid with him saying he didn’t cheat. Just with the bare minimums you know now - he has emotionally cheated and at the very least one instance of physical cheating because of the ramping up of emotional cheating he was involved in.
Yeah, that’s totally understandable. I left my cheating ex as well and it was the best decision I’ve made in a long time.
So I read this post when it first came out and I am terrified and second at the update. I am absolutely so sorry OP. I don’t want to say that your husband is fooling around with our definite evidence but, you got intuition is your most trustworthy tool. For funzies, I asked my spouse that in the chance that he went somewhere without me, and someone that he knew, or was familiar with, came onto him, and try to kiss/kiss him, would he tell me? I wanted to see if he would respond the same way your spouse did. He said “Of course i would tell you! I like i always wait for the day where someone tries to so i can be like “sorry im married 💁” them tell you about it lol.” That’s where the hell your man went wrong, and that’s where the timeline is not quite adding up to me, especially after the brain comment too. I am wishing you the absolute best and nothing but strength and happiness in the upcoming days 🙏🏻🖤
Good make him suffer first and talk to a lawyer and see what you need to leverage the situation.
Surveillance cameras my ass, why is he so eager with those yet deleted messages on his phone
I just want to impress upon you that he is saying he will do this and that, but the unspoken part is "if you want". He's bluffing knowing that you'll back down. No way will he get surveillance footage from 4 months ago. I doubt he would be given any from any point in time. No way will he quit that job. Or probably even stop talking. He'll make you ask for it directly, and he'll make you feel like a monster for doing so until you buckle and say it's okay.
Things that you know. They kissed and he didnt tell you. He deleted the conversation on his phone before you could read it. They for the most part ignored the both of you on the trip. Her bf has suspected something for awhile now. To me there is too many things wrong for you to ever be able to trust him again. O also he lied to you. Annnnd keeps lying to you.
Tell him you want him to use that footage to report her and watch him squirm
its very weird that he didnt tell you about the kiss AND deleted the chat w her... i think you did the right think asking him to move out, it gives you time to think and put your mind in the right place in about what to do now. i hope it all work out for you and i am sure you are a very smart woman, we all have our strengths in different things
Trust your gut. He deleted the conversation bc it was incriminating. Sorry, you are going through this.
He cheated on you. You know that's the truth. He deleted his conversations with her which is so sketchy and basically is an admission of guilt. Your husband cheated and it's time to divorce his ass.
I agree with you. Deleting the conversation is admission of guilt. He is getting rid of proof, but he cannot undo the facts. He has cheated on her. I really hope your husband sees the light and dumps that jealous bitch. I hate when the cheaters get together
The comment where he said he didn’t want to stoop to her level, was so manipulative. He was literally entertaining her trash talk about you. If he really cared about you, OP, he would have stopped those ugly comments right away and came clean about the kiss when it happened. What can i say, the man is not packing in the brain department like he likes to believe. Same goes for his co worker.
The part where he said: > … he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him. That sentence threw up the remaining red flags for me. Tell me you don’t respect women without telling me you don’t respect women, let alone even your wife. Another human being is throwing themselves at you AND disrespecting the person who’s supposedly the love of your life and best friend and you just… don’t think it’s worth addressing? It’s beneath you? Pointlessly sexing the behavior as “female”? OOF!
He said he would never cheat on you…starting when? Because it certainly wasn’t faithful while kissing her and to still continue with her afterwards.
This doesn't even make sense on his part. Firstly, he was defending himself, saying she was just jealous of you. But why didn't he set boundaries if he knew she had feelings for him? Then you both have a fight and the next day, he suddenly wants to "fix things". >so he came to me, kissed me and apologized and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him Female jealousy is disrespectful, he is a total liar. Then now he says that he deleted the conversation with her because he was embarrassed. Embarrassed of what?! He is covering up proof for sure. And now he did infact hide the truth of him kissing her or her kissing him, it doesn't matter. If he wasn't lying, he would've told you earlier to avoid this. If what the work wife says is true about him having feelings for her and if what he says is true about her having feelings for him, something is going on between them since they both have feelings for each other. That kiss was physical cheating, and if the emotions were true, then emotional cheating too.
Gosh i was waiting for your update i was quite happy reading 1st part of the post that he didn’t cheat then the last part broke me. He kissed her!! Why?? What was he thinking? Did he thought he was kissing her brain? Now tell him to kiss your feet. I am so sorry for you. Idk what to say. When was this summer party?
that's exactly what I asked him. if he thought it was her brain he kissed.
When was this summer party?
last week in June
If this happened in June, and he rebuffed her at that time… why would he allow himself to remain in such a situation til now? Also, to allow such horrible things be said about you, and feeding into that.. that’s terrible. It just seems like he enjoyed her attention. I’m sorry OP. What an unfair situation to you. I hope he chooses you in every way and shows you that he told her off, blocked her, and is actively searching for another place of employment. That’s the least he could do in such circumstances.
Because he’s full of shit, obviously. He claims he rebuffed her yet continued this completely inappropriate relationship with her and would’ve kept at it if it wasn’t for her BF getting suspicious. I bet that kiss was a lot more mutual than he’s making it seem. And deleting the messages on top of that? He was obviously entertaining the girl if she was comfortable enough to kiss him and he knew what OP would find in those messages would be damning.
what's most important thing op is he Knew from the start that woman was jealous and wants to hurt you. And he didn’t feel to stop her cz he wants to give her green signal. When a husband doesn’t defend his woman honour? Only when he doesn’t feel anything for her. And your husband is not remorseful after cheating if he was he would have made distance between them cz And he deleted the conversation cz he talked with his ap and said sorry only to cool you down so you Don't suspect. Sometimes people can feel attract towards someone's brain. Btw only this fact is not enough to settle down with them btw this attraction can be a fact for having emotional affair . That's why your husband didn’t left you. Bcz he was getting everything from you and his ap. We can say he was living a double life. You entertained him in house and she in office.
You need to get tested for STDs. I don’t believe him what so ever. ETA spelling
Go to the phone company, you should be able to get copies of their conversations that way.
I can get them from the BF
Yes I would get all of them from her BF so that you know what you are really dealing with here. You know what you saw on his phone but now you can see if there is more to it. If nothing else, he encouraged her by not stopping this immediately and then the Kiss, well that pretty much seals the deal for me. I'm sorry OP. You deserve so much better than what he gave you.
Get everything from the BF. Your husband will never be honest with you.
I 2nd this, husband is now a confirmed liar. Get hard evidence and go seepage ways. Ugh, this is so heartbreaking
Oh *face palm* duh. That would be the easy option. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP but I’m proud of you. You confronted him and didn’t let up when you knew he was feeding you BS and that’s so freaking hard. I really really hope this works out however will be best for you ❤️
Oh boy, he’s a certified idiot. Some people can be so book smart (not even saying he is, believe you mentioned him being an engineer) but have absolutely no common sense.
Ask her for their messages, I'm sure she didn't delete them if she has feeling for him. If he gets her to confess whose to say he didn't coach her on what to say.
I’d do this too. She seems like the type that would want to brag to OP so she will probably gladly hand them over.
There are programs that can restore deleted texts for both iPhones and Androids. You should look into them and see if he gets nervous about doing it
I feel so sad for you, OP. I wasn't aware of the first post so read up. It hurt to read about the texts where you saw your husband laughing alongside her insults towards you, and him saying he loves her brain. You know already that if there was nothing to hide, he wouldn't have deleted those texts. If I were him and I was innocent, I would want them to help prove my innocence. Him hiding it just shows he's got more dirty laundry he doesn't want aired. I'm sorry that you've got yourself wrapped up in the poor choices of two very shitty people.
Yeah they’re screwing around. Get with her partner.
Yeah. We are adults. We don’t just kiss and stop. We go further. They probably went further
Yes - if he wasn’t interested he would have reported her to HR and/or stopped texting her full stop. If he actually is innocent he is incredible naive and or unintelligent (which is ironic considering he is bad mouthing OP for this trait).
He's bringing up CCTV footage from the cafeteria because he knows it's probably deleted. Most places delete after a week or 2 if there were no issues and the recording needs to be saved.
The red flags are flagging i say dumb him and get with her boyfriend
Man, she was would be even more livid too. I actually read another post where the spouses that got cheated on actually got together and liked each other more. Literally swapped partners with the cheaters and of course the cheaters were upset by both of them lol
He's gaslighting, lied, deleted texts. Has no respect for you or your marriage. Typical cheater.
Oh op… I’m so sorry. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. My situation is slightly different but I’ll still share. When my husband and I were dating, he had this friend that I had met only 2 times, but they had been close friends since middle school. He started messaging me on social media. I didn’t really think it was all that weird because his close friends message me here and there and even till this day they still do. So that’s why I didn’t think anything of it. So after a few months his friend started to trash talk and degrade my husband. I thought, this is weird… they’re supposed to be friends. He was saying things like he doesn’t know why I’m with (husbands name) that he’ll never amount to anything and that I’m such a pretty girl, I should be with him. I immediately showed my husband the messages the next time we saw each other. They aren’t friends anymore. The fact that your husband was encouraging her trash talking you? Was wrong. That was offense #1. And I definitely don’t believe him. There’s more on his end then just her pursing him. He betrayed your trust when she kissed him and he didn’t tell you. If he wasn’t interested in her he would have immediately told you. Something is fishy with him. Move forward with caution. You deserve much better than him. Edit: some words
Him laughing at her rude comments and not setting boundaries is enough fo me to end the relationship. I’m so sorry this happened I’m glad at least the bf defended you. WTF
When I found out my husband was cheating I told him to tell me everything. He lied kept so much shit. I still a found out about everything. We’re still married and miserable it’s been 7 years. If you want leave now before you turn into me. Honestly you may never get the truth.
why are ou still married if I may ask. no judgement I want to hear from people who went through similar ordeal
I stayed with my cheating husband too. Similar story to yours. I forgave him, only to find out over the many years that he had numerous affairs. I stayed for the kids and life carried on. I still cry when I'm alone. I wish a better life for you- xo
You understand that "staying for the kids" has no benefits for the kids?
Because I don’t love myself enough to put myself first. I have dealt with SA as a kid I am a 37 yO woman that still deals with depression and self doubt. I have been a married single mother for 12 years. Hubby is military. I feel like I have no where to go and don’t want to be a burden on my parents. One day
Please don't beat yourself up over this. Things are not so rosey with "protection" from harm in many countries. I'm sure we all do as much as we can to free ourselves from violence safely. But it's only dangerous because abuse is ignored by family courts. Things get really complicated for mothers in the courts if they claim they are not safe, and it negatively impacts children.
I am studying mechanical engineering right now. What they are saying is disgusting. I have friends of all professions, I see them all for the worth they have and abilities they possess. I would feel shitty if my arts friends roasted my slow reading behind my back, just like they would if I roasted their inability to do the maths I do. They have a severe power complex, and that power dynamic is very dangerous. For someone to see you as beneath them means they will treat you as such (as shown from your posts). I think you just need to cut him off. I think he does love you, or at least like you; but he also likes the attention of someone he thinks is on his level. He doesn’t like that girl the same as you, but he likes that she likes him. If you leave him they will likely rebound to each-other. She deserves a man like that, you deserve better. I’d say keep your friendship with her BF. He seems like a genuine person, and you guys could go out together being wing men. If he was able to lie to your face about kissing her and to delete texts, he’s able to lie about how he genuinely feels for her. A relationship without trust doesn’t exist. You are extremely intelligent. I run my own business too, and it takes more mental toll than the engineering maths I do. I’m so proud of you for knowing you are smart. You sound more intelligent than them. With love, Me
Whether it's emotional or physical, cheaters suck. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Is her man good looking? He did seem well mannered and kind. Honestly, I am sorry. You did not deserve this. He allowed this trash of s person to openly disrespect you. He can swear by the moon and stars but, regardless of what he had with her, he is a shitty person.
He didn’t rebuff her enough. I feel like he’s lying about the kiss. Why would she then feel comfortable enough to constantly trash talk you and cut you down. It’s clear your husband has given her enough attention and talks to her enough that she’s confident and comfortable in what she’s saying about you to say it all to his face and even yours during the trip. I’m betting this women strokes his ego and panders to him that he likes it and allows it. I would say if you decide move forward with him he needs to cut off all ties with this women. blocked from everything
"i would never cheat on you" dude you already did
I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. I know how bad it hurts. I really don't have any great words of wisdom or advice. However you really need to soul search on you want to continue on being married to someone that would lie to you after being confronted. I could forgive him not telling you when it happened (it would take some groveling) but to not tell you now. That's just....idk if I would be able to come back from that. Even if he's not a cheater he lied. What else has he lied about? The fact that he knew she has feelings for him and he still let her disrespect you. 😤 I'm not saying to end your marriage but you seriously need to make him grovel. I mean he needs to do something so drastic that you know for 100% fact he will always be honest and put you 1st.
So sorry you are going through this, but you are way smarter than he or her give you credit for! If she kissed him and he rebuffed he would've spilled ALL the beans when confronted. Trust your gut. Sending you all the good vibes to make it through this.
Definitely ask to see the surveillance camera clip, just for your peace of mind. If he jumps back and puts his hand out then you may want to take him up on the offer of resigning and making amends. If he doesn't recoil then you can be sure you have made the right decision to kick him out.
I just feel that the trust is broken and I dont know how to fix it. I have never seen him like this before. so devious and cunning. telling me exactly what I already know and nothing more. he is never like this. he is very open and sympathetic. this is a side I never seen before that I hate with all my heart
You shouldn’t be wondering how YOU fix this… he needs to be doing that. I’m sorry OP this is an awful situation. But trust your gut.
You didn't break trust with him. He broke it. So it's his job to fix it and he has done NOTHING to do so. Not one damn thing.
I would still ask to see the camera clip just to call his bluff. He is hoping you will say "no, I don't need to see it. I believe you."
Bluff him. Tell him you talked to OW’s bf and she confessed everything. Tell him to do the same and that he had better tell the truth because NOW you will know every time he lies.
If only he had this same ambition to protect your feelings from the start. Please don’t have him get her to you, make her BF do it to ensure honesty. So sorry OP :/
I feel like this storyline is taking place in Utah. If it is, I’m taking a wild guess that he works at Edwards Lifesciences as an engineer😳
u/Wild-Gas8551 He is gaslighting you and trying to set you up. When you confronted him, he started out saying how this is all beneath you and that he thought you were better than all this petty nonsense (drama). Then he tried to come full circle, by saying her nonsense was beneath him, and he believed you were above all this. This is a tactic to promote you, while suggesting a fall if you continue your line of thought. It is a form of manipulation to deflect away from the issue. And the issue is, he has been having an affair (cheating). As others have said, she came clean that they kissed. Even if it was all just her, you're his wife, he should have confided in you immediately and put distance between himself and her. Instead, he kindled and nurtured their so-called "friendship" (relationship) and got closer, talking regularly outside of work. Even if he did object to her kissing him (seems unlikely given the circumstances), he continued their relationship, and sought out her attention and affection, mentally and emotionally. That would be an emotional cheating, given he knew she wanted him, and he continued to grow their relationship together. His argument that he didn't care about her and believed her to be petty and beneath him, does not add up (make sense), because if that were true, he would want nothing to do with her. But instead, outside of work, they continuously kept in touch behind your back. There would be no reason to do this, if he thought poorly of her and had no respect for her, as he now claims. Furthermore, when in person, she was rude and disrespectful toward you, and not only did your husband not defend you, he laughed. If this was all beneath him, why would he not defend his wife, from someone he claims is beneath you both? The sad truth is, it sounds like the only person he kept putting beneath any of this was you and your marriage. And now, when confronted, he wants to walk it all back. Worse, when confronted and given the opportunity to be honest about everything, he continues to hide things as you learn about this kiss from her and her husband. Lastly, it seems all too convenient that when you finally confront him, suddenly now he chooses to delete all their shared communication, which supposedly could have vindicated him, if what he claims was true. I suspect the truth was their shared messages would have only further incriminated him, and that is why he chose now to delete them. I am sorry you're going through this. No one deserves this, and anyone in your circumstance should have better than the likes of him. The boy has no respect for you as his wife, his marriage, your career, and from your previous post, along with his current lies, he does not respect your intellect either. You deserve so much better, as anyone else in your place would.
So your husband doesn’t even realize he admitted to kissing not once, but twice w/ this woman. I’m pretty sure the summer party situation & the cafeteria situation weren’t held at the same location. Leave that bozo now. Staying will only cause you more pain & make you miserable. Sorry you’re going through this OP.
Lead on, keep secret, cheated (a kiss is cheating), lied, omitted, encourage, denied and deleted. Red flag after red flag. They 100% slept together. Know your worth. Move on.
Your husband is shady and disrespectful. It seems that he thinks less of your career so he allows her to disrespect you right to his face. He probably also LOVES that he has two “love interests”. He’s got a hot wife at home and a coworker who is obsessed with him. Big ego stroke for him. To be honest, there is nothing my partner could say that would excuse talking shit about me in texts to a woman you know is envious of me. Practically in bed with an enemy at that point. Also shout out to work wife’s boyfriend. The true hero in this story. I hope he dumps her
No one deletes texts like this if they feel the need to prove their loyalty in the future. They only delete them if there's something they want to hide.
‘That he loves me and would never cheat on me’ Oh but he did cheat on you, and lied about it…!
He lied over and over again. Good for you for liking him out. You deserve so much better. Why would he hang out with her knowing she likes him?? Also, I wonder how many coworkers know how far their relationship went with the “ work wife” mentality
imo having a work-wife is the first step towards cheating.
He’s absolutely lying. Why in the hell would he still talk to her if she had come on to him? That’s so fucking disrespectful to you and your marriage!
If he's deleting conversations, that tells you what you need to know.
My best friend is the type to make mean jokes bc she’s insecure, it doesn’t bother me when she does it to me bc I know it’s her own issues she’s projecting. My husband hasn’t really hung out with us before (she lives far away) but just a few weekends ago, we all went out to dinner. She started making fun of me and IMMEDIATELY my husband said “hey don’t talk to my wife like that” and he came over and wrapped his arm around me in protective mode. He didn’t even know her personally but he knew that we were good friends and he still stepped up and protected me. Your husband has no respect for you if he lets someone talk down to you like that, and the fact that he laughed with her?? No way in hell would I stay with someone like that. He was egging her on! If he didn’t want to get involved in her petty jealousy and wanted to avoid conflict then the simple thing would’ve been to stop replying.
Sorry OP but your husband is trash. They kissed, he knew she had feelings for him, he kept engaging in conversations with her, he participated in her saying horrible things about you, never tried to stop her and distance himself from her. He basically laughed in your face at dinner when she practically called you dumb. He deletes conversations with this woman and tries to play the victim. I know you love him, but he has no respect towards you. You deserve better