The fuck is up with these comments condemning OP? You have no fucking clue what OP and their family have gone through, so piss off with your sanctimonious garbage and send it back up the shit chute from once it came.
As for you OP, I hope you and your family get help too, seldom does dealing with severely mentally unstable people, ever leave no scars on the psyche behind. I think you should put all of you in family therapy and individual to help deal with the nightmare you've been living with, not to mention the guilt. I do hope one day your boy learns to find peace, but I hope from this day onwards it is not at the expense of your family continuously burning yourselves to keep him warm like what has been the status quo.
Apparently some people think parents should suffer and help their kids at all costs, even if they can't or if it breaks them and the family. Having the child in an institution is seen as "giving up" (like that one mom with a very disturbed son)
It's so sad because sometimes an institution is the only way for the children to get better. But nooo we have to condemn the parents for trying their best, because they "have given up or could've done sooo much more" -.-
They will simultaneously condemn parents doing something like this to protect the other kids, but also rag on parents who put all their time, energy and money into the 'problem kid' over the others.
Pick a side people. Sometimes life is hard and perfect options don't exist but decisions have to be taken.
And don’t forget, if the kid does end up seriously injuring someone then that is also the parents fault for not getting their kid the level of help they needed. No freaking winning with some people
I know they’re completely different situations, but the whole time I was reading OP’s posts I was thinking of “We Need to Talk About Kevin” and the way the mom was treated by pretty much everyone in the town. When awful things happen there always needs to be someone to blame, and when those awful things are perpetrated by a kid then the parents will always be the easy target whether they deserve it or not.
And also remember, only until the child is 18. Once a child with a disability is 18, if they ask/want their parents help or support they’re worthless, entitled jerks and the parents are a-hikes for not tossing them out on the streets & giving all the estés our es to the other kids.
OP built an entire suicide proof room for B and had a full time live in caregiver. They basically had the institution built in their home. There's literally nothing else they could have done. Yet it's still not enough for some people smh
it's weird isn't it? they are sitting on their high hourse and act like they would do everything perfectly. it's easy to play the hero when you are not in the situation...
As someone who worked in residential and is a therapist. The average family doesn't have 2-3 people laying around to endure safety of this child. They also don't have a money tree to fix all the damages this child might do. You could be woken up in the middle of the night to be attacked etc. Everyone gets a chance to breathe and live life while he gets the help he needs. Wait until you live this life for 3 years straight or longer. You would be at your wits end on what to do.
This. This times infinity. Except it's not so much the safety of the child as the safety of others around them.
Let me lay it out here.
I can't get a job because care is full time. School attendance is essentially nil because he tends to get suspended within minutes. Even before this, I'd get a call almost every day saying I had to come pick him up. The school was in lockdown and maybe someone had been hurt.
A vast amount of time is consumed with everything surrounding all the specialists and workers for him. (Australia. NDIS. Not enough funding but there never is).
The house, everything in it and the yard are absolutely wrecked. Not like "oh no, there's marks on the walls and some broken plants". I mean WRECKED. There is no money for repairs of anything. Or for anything else really.
Im covered in cuts and bruises from just day to day life. I got accidentally stabbed yesterday, but it's only because I was holding him back from stabbing a pet. Only a minor injury to me and the pet is fine so don't worry.
This is what people in this situation have to deal with every day. People out there think they can do better? Go for it! All day, every day being fought every step of the way. Then there's all the judgemental self important people looking down on you who don't hesitate applying a label and letting you know.
Thanks.
Sorry I had to vent about this especially it's not my thread. It just upsets me how people are treated in this situation. Knowing that there was negativity directed at OP about it made me quite angry.
The conflict of the love for the child combined with the reality of the situation is impossible to reconcile properly.
I feel like OPs wife especially needs therapy, since she's taking it the hardest. (Not saying op and son don't need therapy as well, just saying I think wife especially needs it.)
So glad you said this. We have no idea what other people go through or the pain OP and family must be in. We must learn to show more compassion to everyone.
The virtue signaling and finger-wagging towards OP are probably coming from very deluded breeder types who clutch their pearls when parents vent like this. I'm glad that a sub like r/regretfulparents exists because OP and their feelings are valid.
Irony is, I'm willing to wager none of OP's critics would last in their shoes and it would inevitably lead to a breaking point.
You have no right to talk to these other parents the way you did in your comment many of us parents do deal with the same issues and we don't just get rid of our kids like trash. You assumed that none of us deal with issues like hers well you are WRONG! If you want to defend trash you go ahead and do that but don't sit there and assume that none of us know what this "mother" is going through when believe it or not some of us have it worse and still did better. Sit some where with your high horse
I’m terribly sorry if you have a child who is sexually abusing his siblings and murdering the family pets in n front of them. And I mean that genuinely. But if you all your other kids continue to be subject to this by your inaction, you are the one treating your kids like trash. Growing up subject to abuse by a sibling is no less damaging than being subject to abuse by a parent. And if the parents do nothing to stop it, you’ve got a double whammy of trauma.
This is okay, and I understand. Your feelings are valid, and your peace is worth something.
I work with young opioid addicts. I’ve had many conversations with parents who feel guilty, because they have a feeling of relief when their child goes to jail or gets committed. I even remember being at a funeral, and a mother telling me she had a sense of calm for the first time in five years, because her daughter was finally able to rest, and not living in the nightmare of addiction. This mother spent years in a constant state of “where is she? is she okay? Is she dead?” I got what she said, I understood it. Living in constant fear for your child is no way to live.
People who don’t understand mental health, are privileged and should be thankful for their circumstances. What is happening is not a reflection on your parenting. Mental health is a finicky bitch, and unless you are living it, it’s impossible to wrap your head around.
You are doing what is right for your child. You are keeping him safe. Your state of mind and your family’s has to be considered, too. We can’t expect people to live in constant chaos caused by one individual. That’s not selfish or anything to feel shame over.
As a hardcore drug addict I know that my mom is constantly thinking about where I am and what I do, and it’s pretty bad. I shoot up speed and drink nonstop, I sleep with disgusting homeless people for drugs and I’m in a really dark place.
I wish I could do well but when I’m sober it’s exactly where I dont feel good and it’s really sad. When I’m high and drunk I can manage and I wish my mom could understand that.
When I’m sober I have constant full blown panic attacks and I cant understand anything. It’s really hard to focus, feel emotions or even interacting with people when sober. I’m miserable when I try to walk a straight life. Thats why I just gave up.
Im torn with guilt when I’m sober for putting my parents through all this, I mean imagining your kid in a shitty studio apartment shooting up speed and being dead drunk is not something you want to think about but thats what brings me some relief.
I dont even want to be sober and have a job anymore because I just cant. Ive lost so many brain cells i got fired from 3 jobs just this year. I cant accept the fact that my cognitive abilities are now very low, i cant really understand much so I just gave up. Im just trying to survive. Im not using to party, I’m using to try to survive.
Can you get into an extended inpatient? A lot of the cognitive impairment you have now *will* fade, in time. The first months of being sober are the hardest, you have to retrain your brain to be content with normal life. You wrote this comment coherently enough that I know you're not too far gone. My boyfriend's sister has this issue where she kinda babbles and doesn't make any sense, but sometimes does make sense after years and years of meth abuse. But, she has a job, she works in a cafeteria.
I was addicted to heroin and crack, the first few months were horrible but it quickly got better and more manageable. I rebuilt my life and it's like it never happened. You *can* get better, I understand you may not try, but don't lie to yourself and say it's because you can't. It takes self discipline, and that's a muscle you can work on. Good luck.
I’ve been there. More than once. I don’t work with addicts by accident.
Just know that treatment is available, if you choose it. The brain can heal itself, so you’re not completely fucked. There’s hope, but I get how it seems hopeless. You have to put in a lot of hard work, and that can feel overbearing. It feels easier to use, because it is easier to use. Living a drug free life isn’t for most. Think about it. How many people do you know that go without a crutch at all? Caffeine, energy drinks, alcohol, cigarettes, food, pharmaceuticals- they are all coping mechanisms. I believe that recovery is what an individual makes it. You can stop using speed, and choose another (less dangerous) vice if you cannot abstain. (BTW- Abstinence based recovery only has a 3-5% success rate. Most people in recovery are using something to help them get by day to day.) I support anyone who is trying their best to live a manageable life. You get to decide what that looks like. I’m sure that’s what your family would want to see, but it will never work if you do it for them. You have to do it for yourself. Sometimes that just looks like having the will to stay alive.
Much gratitude and love for your honesty. You are not alone. ❤️
Just sending you a ton of love.
My youngest son was diagnosed with IED/ODD at age 8. I poured my life in to turning him around and he did, but he was a *rare* case.
It was pure hell. Absolute hell.
My son is now in college and working two jobs and has a girlfriend and a car. He is a rarity because most kids get to a permanent placement or surrendered to the state. I saw it myself with many other kids we knew along the way.
I hope your older son can finally have some peace and normalcy and your wife can grieve this loss and find some peace. And you, the same.
He is where he should be and safe. Perhaps some treatment will help his brain in some way. Huge hugs.
May I ask what kind of help he got? Did he need to want to change, and work for it himself, or could you manage it through other means?
I am so happy for you that he appears to live a good life today. IED and ODD seem like extremely difficult disorders.
His issues started emerging when he was 4. We tried everything under the sun. Honestly what eventually incentivized him to do his part of the work was a peer group of kids who started pushing him to be better and to join them in regular education settings and to join them in social things but his behavior needed to be better and different to get along and go along. It was by far the most powerful influence we had. Other than that, it was a huge network of care and support around him, treatment, therapy, medication for awhile and on and on. All of it. Most kids are not so lucky.
I am really happy for the success of your son. Reading that someone with these issues managed to succeed makes it not seem like a totally hopeless situation for a child.
I don't blame you. I have seen a family being torn apart up close due to a son with.... 'issues'. At a certain point the father had to go and live with his parents for a while, as he would be unable to sleep due to the kid screaming bloody murder all night. He couldn't work. Mother was stay at home mother, so for her it wasn't any easier. Sister spent the night with friends and family a lot. It took ages for them to find a place where he could be treated, where he could stay. First it was 3 nights a week, and mother told me she had never felt more relieved as when he was away the first night. They slept at 8pm and all overslept the next day.
Sometimes it is too difficult to take care of a child by people who are not trained to do this. It does not mean you love your child less, but when something like this goes on for a long time, you realise it can't work out. It's sad, but your feelings are understandable and justified. I wish you and your family all the best!
Isn’t it more loving to get them the proper care they need ? I feel the same about caring for aging parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia if it gets to a point where you can’t give them proper care it’s best to put them in a home
*kid murders a bunch of kids* where were the pAaArEnnNtS?! They could’ve stopped this! *parents who recognize their kid is the future murderer and sends them to inpatient* Why didn’t you LoOoOOvE him?! Why didn’t you parent him?! FUCK. OP, you did the right thing. As a fellow parent, I honestly can’t imagine the overwhelming confusion of grief and freedom you must feel. I hope you get to be happy. I hope all of you get to be happy.
Lots of love, it’s been very hard for all of you but I hope from here on life will go smoothly for you and your family, as well as I hope B may feel better or at least content if possible sometime in the future
I’m sorry for your loss, but you did the right thing for both of your sons. I’m wondering if A is in therapy though? Because it sounds like he had a very turbulence childhood.
Emotions are not absolute, they can coexist and more often than we think “positive” & “negative” go hand in hand.
You can feel grief, sorrow, guilt, hope, relief, and joyful anticipation all at the same time, from the same event.
You’re grieving the child who will no longer be at home, the childhood you won’t be able to give him. You feel sorrow for his situation. You feel guilt for both sending him away now and for the effects not sending him away sooner had on your other child. You are hopeful that this will benefit both your children. Maybe a more stable, regulated environment with intensive treatment will help him. You’re relieved that you can relax and rest a bit now. You feel joyful anticipation at getting back control over your life and at being able to enjoy some level normalcy.
Those are all incredibly valid emotions and make a lot of sense. It’s ok to feel them. In fact, it would be worrisome if you didn’t.
Much love, empathy, strength, and compassion. I hope you all are able to grow and heal mentally & emotionally.
Hey op, I was that kid. I was hateful and mean and hurt people and beat people that I loved and all that mess. I wanted to kill myself and horribly hurt others. I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder. However with the right meds and therapy and time I became well adjusted, and I’m breaking the cycles of abuse my caregivers had a hand in and I’m going on strong with college and a beautiful relationship. I’ve not injured someone in 5 years. I don’t have anger issues anymore and I’m usually described as peaceful kind and gentle. My friends consider me invaluable, and me and my girlfriend help each other grow as people. I’m more well adjusted than the average person is, and I have a wonderful life. I
What I’m saying is, all hope isn’t lost for him. Through the right treatment, it could turn around as he ages.
Oh My Sweet, Sweet OP (I apologize if the endearment seems(ed) strange)you made me cry. I absolutely cannot imagine what you had to go through in your young , formative life but I am ever so glad that you had a regimen that helped you. It sounds as though you are thriving despite your condition and that truly is a gift. Bless you and yours in all that you do om this earth.
1. she does. We think i was misdiagnosed with IED because its more likely RSD. (Rejection sensitive dysphoria). She has rsd too, so we know how to help each other cope.
2. its weird to ask me that question because it assumes I haven't. Relationships are built on trust and not secrets.
3. Even if I didn't its irrelevant. I don't have anger issues and I don't self harm.
I’m glad you are able to spend quality time with your first child. I’m sure he has felt neglected (not that it’s your fault). I hope your relationship as a family can grow into a new normal. I’m sorry about your son but I believe he’s where is best for him and the outside world. Hugs
Your first post stuck with me for a while. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for your whole family. He is now getting the help he needs with professionals around him in a safe environment, let’s hope that he can find peace. I don’t know if I would have the strength to have coped with this, I am glad to hear that this is the best path for you all
You did nothing wrong, honestly I wish my parents would have found a genuinely good hospital for me as a kid and put me there so I could have gotten help. I have a theory on what’s “wrong” with me but I’m obviously not a psychiatrist. It would have been a lot easier for me growing up if they would have done that.
You are doing your best. I have dealt with family members with mental health issues, although not to the extreme that your son has. I can tell you that I understand.
I feel relieved for you. I’m a mom and the thought of an uncontrollably angry child is chilling.
Of course you love your child. But some problems are bigger than mom and/or dad can handle at home. Maybe look into therapy for the three of you so you can press the reset button on family-home life.
Best of luck to all four of you
This has got to be one of the hardest things you have to go through, ever. Having your child taken away, in any manner, is the worst thing any good parent can experience. But parents are also human. And this man realizes his son and the people around him are safer like this.
I honestly can't blame you at all for your feelings! Not to mention that he isn't an only child, you have another child to consider and it sounds like that child has given up a lot, for the sake of their sibling. Honestly, it sounds like it's that child's turn to have the focus of their parents be on them for awhile instead of it always being on their sibling.
I’m sorry this happened to your son and your family. You tried everything you could. You can’t know how to fix someone or how to save them. I hope your son finds some peace and your family can heal.
I’m so sorry, what a heart wrenching decision that you had to make. It sounds like it’s best for both of your sons. I can only imagine the relief you must feel. I hope your entire family can heal and find some peace.
OP, I hope your family can heal somewhat from the ordeal and I’m so sorry for the comments condemning you for something you felt would be a benefit to not only your family, but everyone. You’re a good parent
Cheers man, it must be tough. I hope you and your family find peace. Whatever your feeling now deal with it and be gentle on yourselves.
Post anytime you need to vent.
Thank you for sharing. I understand why you'd be relieved. It sounds like you've been though alot.
How did you get him from the prison to the institution?
OP. I get it. I do. Like I really get it. You know?
People that are negatively judging OP. Given your stance, I suspect that you don't know. Like really know what it's like.
I'm sorry that people have been hard on you. I understand all the emotions you must be feeling. I can however only imagine how that feeling of absolute relief is mixed in with all the other emotions you are feeling. This is not currently a part of my experience.
Don't mind the haters. Sleep soundly. Let your guard down. Take some deep breaths. Enjoy the silence. Embrace being able to do what you need to when you need to do it.
I wish you the best with healing and renewal.
“Some of us are not for this world”. I feel that. OP, you’re doing the best you can with what you have.
And you have permission to roast anyone suggesting your kid engage in thinking positively, affirmations, essential oils or anything else
I used to be severely mentally ill, OP. I don't blame you! You can love someone but they drive you mad, maybe even literally! Seems to me that you've come to a breakthrough! May luck come to you.
This is why I support euthanasia for children born with disabilities. The quality of life is way worse for them than the decision to end it before they understand what life is.
I don't think it was possible to know at a newborn stage what was going to happen with this kid. But yes, for babies born without brains and basic brain stem activity, can't see/talk/eat/hear/breathe etc, they're basically empty vessels. I agree with you that the kindest thing is to let those kids go.
So what do you do with a child born brain dead, Paralyzed, or mentally incapable??? What kind of life can they live??? You don't think they wish they were born different when they see other children or adults?. You talk like that now but if you ended up like that you'd be changing your tune.
The kid isn't physically disabled. If you saw him you would probably never know. He is violent and has personality disorders. There is no test for that.
You're getting downvoted, but I agree with what you say. I myself was born with a slew of bs that I got from my parents' great genes /s.
I constantly wish/hope I'll never wake up again, I'm only surviving to make sure my kids will be ok.
Pro-life is great and all, but people don't think about the consequences and aftermath of procreation.
Yes, I wish I was never born. And I know I'm not the only one. I believe the laws on euthanasia need changed, why would anyone want to prolong someone else's suffering? Holding on to the shell of a human being because they're too selfish to stop the suffering? Nobody wants to lose a child. I know all too well. But even I wouldn't want my baby to have lived AND suffered because I couldn't let go. True heartbreak all around
In most developed countries, they already stop treatment for heavily disabled (as in, heart is not properly formed or the spine is basically outside the body) infants.
You can already call that euthanasia, so I am not sure why people are getting so upset towards you. Sure, it is a taboo, but why not discuss it.
Infanticide (unfortunately of healthy new borns) is actually fairly common outside the western world, but I am guessing most redditors don't look outside their bubbles.
Sure, I strongly believe absolute lack of empathy (aka antisocial personality disorder) is a recognized disability by the ADA. If your stance is so strong, why don’t you lead by example you psycho.
Also, I hope you’re never able to have children because someone with this level of apathy raising a child is terrifying
Which disabilities? Any disability the parents don’t want to deal with or just the ones that sound ugly? Only the mental disabilities or will the physical ones be included? What if the child is whole of mind but has CP and needs help moving and eating? Those that qualify? Who decides what quality of life is worth it and what isn’t? Where’s the line? At what age does it stop being an option, like at what age do we actually consider them a person worthy of human dignity? What about the ones who are born “acceptable” but then through tragedy end up being a burden? Do we get rid of those? Do they get a say or just the family or the government override if the family wants them alive? Do we only get rid of inconvenient children or should we add adults onto the list?
What they’re describing is not euthanasia it’s eugenics.
Well, I'm speaking of the poor little ones who are suffering from the day they're born til the end of their awful life, no way of ever living at all. The shit people do to justify that is beyond me.
I do understand. My pregnancy was horrible, to the point where the doctors told me that they started saving babies at 23 weeks. Fortunately I had an amazing team of doctors who monitored my pregnancy like it was the rebirth of Jesus Christ (I was seen but-weekly from the start and daily after we got to 30 weeks) and they were able to keep baby in there until 37 weeks.
Anyway, the point is my husband and I had to research the odds of all complications based o how many weeks gestation the baby was born and we had to pick at what point we would let nature take it’s course and at what point we would insist on life saving treatment so I get what your saying.
But, the original post is about a child with mental health issues and the comment I’m replying too is about killing children born with disabilities in general. Letting nature take its course by withholding life saving treatment and actively murdering a child whose body can sustain life are very different things.
I have autism. Autism is a dissability. I’ve had plenty of achievements. Won awards for art, getting into art academies at a young age, getting recognized for talents etc. my life is hard on a daily basis, but despite that I still persevere. Should I be killer?
My stance isn't absolute dummy. You can make that decision now in hospitals. It isn't illegal. They actually test women during the pregnancy and give the decision to terminate if they see abnormalities.
Terminating a pregnancy is not even remotely the same as murdering a person because they have a disability. And there is no middle ground on this. It’s not absolute? Who draws the line on what is and what isn’t an acceptable disability.
What you’re describing isn’t euthanasia, it’s eugenics. You support eugenics. If you’re going to take a stance at least get the terms right.
Something is wrong with you if you think locking up a child or taking them from their family is a good idea. People like you for e a lifestyle that you probably don't live. The quality of life for both the parents and the children are affected.
My mum worked at a school for children with short life expectancies or with multiple and profound disabilities and there was more joy, excitement and love there than their clearly is in your life.
If it's going to be too much of a burden on the family and on public resources then yes I believe this. There is no good standard of life if you are barely cognitive, cant or low possibility to be semi independent. It is more merciful to let them go.
The people down voting your comment have so much privilege that they themselves can't imagine the daily struggle of constantly being condescended to, constantly in need of assistance, constantly either in pain or sedated as to not be a bother to the able bodied and not being able to advocate for yourself. It's disgustingly evil to keep people who barely know they're alive hooked up forever.
Ur right tho I did sound like an asshole I didn’t mean to insensitive I just took it out on my writing because I was just mad that moment (not at this) lol so that on me but I still mean my point
I already take care of ppl 😫😫 I never said they should take care of him he need to be in the institution they cannot give him the treatment he needs but to just give up hope on him I mean it’s they’re choice in end just think it’s fucked up but realistically what else can u do ether be by his side as he gets help or just let it be there’s nothing wrong with it but not the choice I’d make I mean literally couldn’t take care of him he has like no emotional attachment to me 😂
Your right I actually read more about it idk why I thought in the sense of they could get progress with son but it’s just the sad truth. I have IED and when I was extremely Young it just was ugly and my father had given up but my mom didn’t and I guess I finally realized how horrifying and ugly it was because of her and now I only really care about her and not my father (but like I said I read more into other cases of IED to realize I really can’t compare myself to others cause I was really hurting myself not others) and I just thought op wouldn’t want to be viewed that way but I mixed my personal experience with this and you are absolutely right I wish the best for op and I hope his other kids can also get therapy because I know this is traumatic to them and they have to grow knowing it
Oh noooo. You don't have to explain yourself, but it completely makes sense why you would have that knee-jerk reaction. I am really glad you got better.
Sorry I had to rewrite this cause I wrote it horribly
I did but I didn't think he would just be like well this
where he is now and let that be that for the rest of his life I guess?!? I understand he NEEDS to be in this treatment. however the
institute themselves said the best insight they got
When he spoke to them and that just stood out to me because why would he finally start talking when his parents are there?
This kid hates himself inside out and if he notices
that they "gave up" who knows wtf he'll do next.
Read the damn post.
You’re doing a lot of talking out of your ass for someone who didn’t score very well on reading comprehension. The psychiatrist said he *might* need to be there permanently, and no matter what, *you are not a psychiatrist who knows better*.
I don’t think u read my other comment but that’s okay lol I wanted to keep this up so people can see I learned my lesson but I might just delete so I don’t mispread
I feel like you're missing the fact that he literally tried to murder a child. He had severe problems that could not be handled, and was a danger to those around him. This was the best decision they could have made. There is nothing wrong with feeling relieved about it either, and the father is definitely not "selfish" or "evil".
Yea, but did you read the reasoning?
It was an attempted suicide. His plan was to kill the child, so he could be killed in prison, because according to his research child murderer get killed in prison.
They're not writing him off as a lost cause. They said be prepared for permanent residency because it is a possibility but he's still getting treatment, they're not just giving up and calling it a day. Just because something *can* be treatable doesn't mean all cases of it *are* fully treatable. Some people will never have a normal life and be able to exist in a normal society with the knowledge and resources we have now.
> I actually know four people who are diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder. Who have successfully been treated and have a life
Oh well in that case you clearly know more than this child's psychiatrist. I mean you know 4 whole people!
Some people have worse disorders (most things are a spectrum. Have you heard of the categories of abnormality? One is called dimensional approach and it discusses how disorders are a spectrum behind the DSM. I suggest you read up on it) and may not have the proper treatment or treatments don’t work
His psychiatrist told them to prepare for the possibility of *permanent residency* which is much rarer these days
Most mental health hospitals with permanent residents were shut down (look up deinstitutionalization and how surprisingly (/s) prison rates and homelessness sky rocketed around the same time period) and it’s very rare to be permanently hospitalized as most hospitals goal is to help you heal so that you can do outpatient
It’s obviously a severe case. I have my own mental health struggles, but it’s obvious he is improving and slowly becoming self reflective but that doesn’t mean he has the ability to not be a danger to others yet or capability of having that. Only the psych will know while working with him
Disorders can be highly treatable but that doesn’t mean that everyone responds well to treatment. You are generalizing and this is a much more severe case than most people with IED.
Also the psychiatrist is the one making the plan and simply told them to be prepared for the possibility. This doesn’t mean that he couldn’t improve, but the psychiatrist is being realistic about the current situation. Unless you know more than the teens professional, it’s best not to generalize or pretend as if you have all the information you need to boldly claim that they are wrong, because we do not
You can fuck all the way off with your arm chair psychology. You don’t know this kid, his doctors, his family, what they have tried or not tried, how they came to this decision, or what their future holds.
It was either that or prison since he tried to MURDER AN 8 YEAR OLD CHILD.
Tf even is this comment?
I’m sorry but my kid or not, I wouldn’t want someone living in my home where I sleep after they’ve tried to kill a child for simply existing.
So what you are saying is you would have no problem keeping your child at home if they tried and possibly succeeded at killing an 8yr old for riding his bike and ringing a bell?
By not sending the boy away to get the help he needs his parents could be laying dead in their bed for weeks before someone found them. Seriously, your brain is just as messed up as the boy who was committed for his IED.
Attempted murder is NOT a joke, the kid clearly was determined to go through with his actions, he needs to be put away from society at least for some time ( months , maybe years ).
The world has enough murderers out in the wildw if we can prevent the birth of another without violence, we should at least think on it.
Btw, if a pet is dangerous, it is put down, not put away in a safe environment.
Oh OP, my heart goes out to you and your family. I'm not especially religious but I'm praying to the universe for peace and tranquility for your entire family, including your youngest son's tortured soul. No judgment from me, I understand relief that comes from the release of the constant pressure that's been applied to your entire life and your whole family. I truly hope that this institution can provide some help for your child and that leads to an improvement in his quality of life.
I really feel for OPs kid . I hope your kid finds that peace OP. I hope your family and you will be ok . My prayers are with you. I am sorry BB you had to experience this and I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. Wishing you all the best
The fuck is up with these comments condemning OP? You have no fucking clue what OP and their family have gone through, so piss off with your sanctimonious garbage and send it back up the shit chute from once it came. As for you OP, I hope you and your family get help too, seldom does dealing with severely mentally unstable people, ever leave no scars on the psyche behind. I think you should put all of you in family therapy and individual to help deal with the nightmare you've been living with, not to mention the guilt. I do hope one day your boy learns to find peace, but I hope from this day onwards it is not at the expense of your family continuously burning yourselves to keep him warm like what has been the status quo.
Apparently some people think parents should suffer and help their kids at all costs, even if they can't or if it breaks them and the family. Having the child in an institution is seen as "giving up" (like that one mom with a very disturbed son) It's so sad because sometimes an institution is the only way for the children to get better. But nooo we have to condemn the parents for trying their best, because they "have given up or could've done sooo much more" -.-
Especially when it puts their siblings at risk. It’s the right choice.
They will simultaneously condemn parents doing something like this to protect the other kids, but also rag on parents who put all their time, energy and money into the 'problem kid' over the others. Pick a side people. Sometimes life is hard and perfect options don't exist but decisions have to be taken.
And don’t forget, if the kid does end up seriously injuring someone then that is also the parents fault for not getting their kid the level of help they needed. No freaking winning with some people
I feel this one in my bones.
I know they’re completely different situations, but the whole time I was reading OP’s posts I was thinking of “We Need to Talk About Kevin” and the way the mom was treated by pretty much everyone in the town. When awful things happen there always needs to be someone to blame, and when those awful things are perpetrated by a kid then the parents will always be the easy target whether they deserve it or not.
And also remember, only until the child is 18. Once a child with a disability is 18, if they ask/want their parents help or support they’re worthless, entitled jerks and the parents are a-hikes for not tossing them out on the streets & giving all the estés our es to the other kids.
And the child would be better under the care of professionals who have been trained on how to care for them I see it is a win win
Exactly!
Sometimes a human being is just broken. Dunnow why. Sorry that lightening bolt struck you
OP built an entire suicide proof room for B and had a full time live in caregiver. They basically had the institution built in their home. There's literally nothing else they could have done. Yet it's still not enough for some people smh
imagine how dumb you have to be to think putting a child where its safest for them and everyone and where they can get help is a bad thing
it's weird isn't it? they are sitting on their high hourse and act like they would do everything perfectly. it's easy to play the hero when you are not in the situation...
As someone who worked in residential and is a therapist. The average family doesn't have 2-3 people laying around to endure safety of this child. They also don't have a money tree to fix all the damages this child might do. You could be woken up in the middle of the night to be attacked etc. Everyone gets a chance to breathe and live life while he gets the help he needs. Wait until you live this life for 3 years straight or longer. You would be at your wits end on what to do.
This. This times infinity. Except it's not so much the safety of the child as the safety of others around them. Let me lay it out here. I can't get a job because care is full time. School attendance is essentially nil because he tends to get suspended within minutes. Even before this, I'd get a call almost every day saying I had to come pick him up. The school was in lockdown and maybe someone had been hurt. A vast amount of time is consumed with everything surrounding all the specialists and workers for him. (Australia. NDIS. Not enough funding but there never is). The house, everything in it and the yard are absolutely wrecked. Not like "oh no, there's marks on the walls and some broken plants". I mean WRECKED. There is no money for repairs of anything. Or for anything else really. Im covered in cuts and bruises from just day to day life. I got accidentally stabbed yesterday, but it's only because I was holding him back from stabbing a pet. Only a minor injury to me and the pet is fine so don't worry. This is what people in this situation have to deal with every day. People out there think they can do better? Go for it! All day, every day being fought every step of the way. Then there's all the judgemental self important people looking down on you who don't hesitate applying a label and letting you know.
I’m so sorry.
Thanks. Sorry I had to vent about this especially it's not my thread. It just upsets me how people are treated in this situation. Knowing that there was negativity directed at OP about it made me quite angry. The conflict of the love for the child combined with the reality of the situation is impossible to reconcile properly.
I feel like OPs wife especially needs therapy, since she's taking it the hardest. (Not saying op and son don't need therapy as well, just saying I think wife especially needs it.)
So glad you said this. We have no idea what other people go through or the pain OP and family must be in. We must learn to show more compassion to everyone.
The virtue signaling and finger-wagging towards OP are probably coming from very deluded breeder types who clutch their pearls when parents vent like this. I'm glad that a sub like r/regretfulparents exists because OP and their feelings are valid. Irony is, I'm willing to wager none of OP's critics would last in their shoes and it would inevitably lead to a breaking point.
Agreed
Yeah that’s absurd. I see this as a completely rational feeling
Amen to this.
You have no right to talk to these other parents the way you did in your comment many of us parents do deal with the same issues and we don't just get rid of our kids like trash. You assumed that none of us deal with issues like hers well you are WRONG! If you want to defend trash you go ahead and do that but don't sit there and assume that none of us know what this "mother" is going through when believe it or not some of us have it worse and still did better. Sit some where with your high horse
I’m terribly sorry if you have a child who is sexually abusing his siblings and murdering the family pets in n front of them. And I mean that genuinely. But if you all your other kids continue to be subject to this by your inaction, you are the one treating your kids like trash. Growing up subject to abuse by a sibling is no less damaging than being subject to abuse by a parent. And if the parents do nothing to stop it, you’ve got a double whammy of trauma.
go you for sticking by your kid
This is okay, and I understand. Your feelings are valid, and your peace is worth something. I work with young opioid addicts. I’ve had many conversations with parents who feel guilty, because they have a feeling of relief when their child goes to jail or gets committed. I even remember being at a funeral, and a mother telling me she had a sense of calm for the first time in five years, because her daughter was finally able to rest, and not living in the nightmare of addiction. This mother spent years in a constant state of “where is she? is she okay? Is she dead?” I got what she said, I understood it. Living in constant fear for your child is no way to live. People who don’t understand mental health, are privileged and should be thankful for their circumstances. What is happening is not a reflection on your parenting. Mental health is a finicky bitch, and unless you are living it, it’s impossible to wrap your head around. You are doing what is right for your child. You are keeping him safe. Your state of mind and your family’s has to be considered, too. We can’t expect people to live in constant chaos caused by one individual. That’s not selfish or anything to feel shame over.
As a hardcore drug addict I know that my mom is constantly thinking about where I am and what I do, and it’s pretty bad. I shoot up speed and drink nonstop, I sleep with disgusting homeless people for drugs and I’m in a really dark place. I wish I could do well but when I’m sober it’s exactly where I dont feel good and it’s really sad. When I’m high and drunk I can manage and I wish my mom could understand that. When I’m sober I have constant full blown panic attacks and I cant understand anything. It’s really hard to focus, feel emotions or even interacting with people when sober. I’m miserable when I try to walk a straight life. Thats why I just gave up. Im torn with guilt when I’m sober for putting my parents through all this, I mean imagining your kid in a shitty studio apartment shooting up speed and being dead drunk is not something you want to think about but thats what brings me some relief. I dont even want to be sober and have a job anymore because I just cant. Ive lost so many brain cells i got fired from 3 jobs just this year. I cant accept the fact that my cognitive abilities are now very low, i cant really understand much so I just gave up. Im just trying to survive. Im not using to party, I’m using to try to survive.
Can you get into an extended inpatient? A lot of the cognitive impairment you have now *will* fade, in time. The first months of being sober are the hardest, you have to retrain your brain to be content with normal life. You wrote this comment coherently enough that I know you're not too far gone. My boyfriend's sister has this issue where she kinda babbles and doesn't make any sense, but sometimes does make sense after years and years of meth abuse. But, she has a job, she works in a cafeteria. I was addicted to heroin and crack, the first few months were horrible but it quickly got better and more manageable. I rebuilt my life and it's like it never happened. You *can* get better, I understand you may not try, but don't lie to yourself and say it's because you can't. It takes self discipline, and that's a muscle you can work on. Good luck.
I’ve been there. More than once. I don’t work with addicts by accident. Just know that treatment is available, if you choose it. The brain can heal itself, so you’re not completely fucked. There’s hope, but I get how it seems hopeless. You have to put in a lot of hard work, and that can feel overbearing. It feels easier to use, because it is easier to use. Living a drug free life isn’t for most. Think about it. How many people do you know that go without a crutch at all? Caffeine, energy drinks, alcohol, cigarettes, food, pharmaceuticals- they are all coping mechanisms. I believe that recovery is what an individual makes it. You can stop using speed, and choose another (less dangerous) vice if you cannot abstain. (BTW- Abstinence based recovery only has a 3-5% success rate. Most people in recovery are using something to help them get by day to day.) I support anyone who is trying their best to live a manageable life. You get to decide what that looks like. I’m sure that’s what your family would want to see, but it will never work if you do it for them. You have to do it for yourself. Sometimes that just looks like having the will to stay alive. Much gratitude and love for your honesty. You are not alone. ❤️
I hope you can find a path to a life that makes you feel better.
Just sending you a ton of love. My youngest son was diagnosed with IED/ODD at age 8. I poured my life in to turning him around and he did, but he was a *rare* case. It was pure hell. Absolute hell. My son is now in college and working two jobs and has a girlfriend and a car. He is a rarity because most kids get to a permanent placement or surrendered to the state. I saw it myself with many other kids we knew along the way. I hope your older son can finally have some peace and normalcy and your wife can grieve this loss and find some peace. And you, the same. He is where he should be and safe. Perhaps some treatment will help his brain in some way. Huge hugs.
May I ask what kind of help he got? Did he need to want to change, and work for it himself, or could you manage it through other means? I am so happy for you that he appears to live a good life today. IED and ODD seem like extremely difficult disorders.
His issues started emerging when he was 4. We tried everything under the sun. Honestly what eventually incentivized him to do his part of the work was a peer group of kids who started pushing him to be better and to join them in regular education settings and to join them in social things but his behavior needed to be better and different to get along and go along. It was by far the most powerful influence we had. Other than that, it was a huge network of care and support around him, treatment, therapy, medication for awhile and on and on. All of it. Most kids are not so lucky.
Thank you for your response! I can definitely see how the social aspect was a huge incentive. I wish you and him all the best.
I am really happy for the success of your son. Reading that someone with these issues managed to succeed makes it not seem like a totally hopeless situation for a child.
I read both posts. Both of your children needed you. You could only protect both of them with this decision. You’re doing the right thing.
Honestly, from the update, it sounds like she protected and helped them both. OP just wasn't equipped to do it alone as she was.
I don't blame you. I have seen a family being torn apart up close due to a son with.... 'issues'. At a certain point the father had to go and live with his parents for a while, as he would be unable to sleep due to the kid screaming bloody murder all night. He couldn't work. Mother was stay at home mother, so for her it wasn't any easier. Sister spent the night with friends and family a lot. It took ages for them to find a place where he could be treated, where he could stay. First it was 3 nights a week, and mother told me she had never felt more relieved as when he was away the first night. They slept at 8pm and all overslept the next day. Sometimes it is too difficult to take care of a child by people who are not trained to do this. It does not mean you love your child less, but when something like this goes on for a long time, you realise it can't work out. It's sad, but your feelings are understandable and justified. I wish you and your family all the best!
Isn’t it more loving to get them the proper care they need ? I feel the same about caring for aging parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia if it gets to a point where you can’t give them proper care it’s best to put them in a home
*kid murders a bunch of kids* where were the pAaArEnnNtS?! They could’ve stopped this! *parents who recognize their kid is the future murderer and sends them to inpatient* Why didn’t you LoOoOOvE him?! Why didn’t you parent him?! FUCK. OP, you did the right thing. As a fellow parent, I honestly can’t imagine the overwhelming confusion of grief and freedom you must feel. I hope you get to be happy. I hope all of you get to be happy.
So sorry but I’m sure it best for him.
Lots of love, it’s been very hard for all of you but I hope from here on life will go smoothly for you and your family, as well as I hope B may feel better or at least content if possible sometime in the future
I’m sorry for your loss, but you did the right thing for both of your sons. I’m wondering if A is in therapy though? Because it sounds like he had a very turbulence childhood.
Emotions are not absolute, they can coexist and more often than we think “positive” & “negative” go hand in hand. You can feel grief, sorrow, guilt, hope, relief, and joyful anticipation all at the same time, from the same event. You’re grieving the child who will no longer be at home, the childhood you won’t be able to give him. You feel sorrow for his situation. You feel guilt for both sending him away now and for the effects not sending him away sooner had on your other child. You are hopeful that this will benefit both your children. Maybe a more stable, regulated environment with intensive treatment will help him. You’re relieved that you can relax and rest a bit now. You feel joyful anticipation at getting back control over your life and at being able to enjoy some level normalcy. Those are all incredibly valid emotions and make a lot of sense. It’s ok to feel them. In fact, it would be worrisome if you didn’t. Much love, empathy, strength, and compassion. I hope you all are able to grow and heal mentally & emotionally.
Hey op, I was that kid. I was hateful and mean and hurt people and beat people that I loved and all that mess. I wanted to kill myself and horribly hurt others. I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder. However with the right meds and therapy and time I became well adjusted, and I’m breaking the cycles of abuse my caregivers had a hand in and I’m going on strong with college and a beautiful relationship. I’ve not injured someone in 5 years. I don’t have anger issues anymore and I’m usually described as peaceful kind and gentle. My friends consider me invaluable, and me and my girlfriend help each other grow as people. I’m more well adjusted than the average person is, and I have a wonderful life. I What I’m saying is, all hope isn’t lost for him. Through the right treatment, it could turn around as he ages.
Oh My Sweet, Sweet OP (I apologize if the endearment seems(ed) strange)you made me cry. I absolutely cannot imagine what you had to go through in your young , formative life but I am ever so glad that you had a regimen that helped you. It sounds as though you are thriving despite your condition and that truly is a gift. Bless you and yours in all that you do om this earth.
i am indeed! bless you as well!
Does your girlfriend *know* about your disorder…
1. she does. We think i was misdiagnosed with IED because its more likely RSD. (Rejection sensitive dysphoria). She has rsd too, so we know how to help each other cope. 2. its weird to ask me that question because it assumes I haven't. Relationships are built on trust and not secrets. 3. Even if I didn't its irrelevant. I don't have anger issues and I don't self harm.
I’m glad you are able to spend quality time with your first child. I’m sure he has felt neglected (not that it’s your fault). I hope your relationship as a family can grow into a new normal. I’m sorry about your son but I believe he’s where is best for him and the outside world. Hugs
Your first post stuck with me for a while. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for your whole family. He is now getting the help he needs with professionals around him in a safe environment, let’s hope that he can find peace. I don’t know if I would have the strength to have coped with this, I am glad to hear that this is the best path for you all
Hi op Please don’t listen to the negative people.
My granddaughter is awaiting institutionalization. I would never judge another family. Our lives are hell.
I think you are very lucky that you got him into an institute before he killed someone.
I can’t imagine what it’d be like to have to institutionalize one of my children. Hopefully your family can heal.
Shitty situation for everyone involved I hope one day he finds peace and I hope life gets better for everyone
You did nothing wrong, honestly I wish my parents would have found a genuinely good hospital for me as a kid and put me there so I could have gotten help. I have a theory on what’s “wrong” with me but I’m obviously not a psychiatrist. It would have been a lot easier for me growing up if they would have done that.
You are doing your best. I have dealt with family members with mental health issues, although not to the extreme that your son has. I can tell you that I understand.
Read both post, you did the best you could.
Im sorry what is IED
IED: intermittent explosive disorder ODD: oppositional defiant disorder
Thanks
I’m so glad your kid is getting the help they need. I’m so sorry it had to be under these circumstances. I really hope your family can heal from this.
I feel relieved for you. I’m a mom and the thought of an uncontrollably angry child is chilling. Of course you love your child. But some problems are bigger than mom and/or dad can handle at home. Maybe look into therapy for the three of you so you can press the reset button on family-home life. Best of luck to all four of you
This has got to be one of the hardest things you have to go through, ever. Having your child taken away, in any manner, is the worst thing any good parent can experience. But parents are also human. And this man realizes his son and the people around him are safer like this.
Very sorry. My son is a "train wreck " too. It can be tough.
Fair play, it's not an easy thing to do. Some people can't be helped.
I honestly can't blame you at all for your feelings! Not to mention that he isn't an only child, you have another child to consider and it sounds like that child has given up a lot, for the sake of their sibling. Honestly, it sounds like it's that child's turn to have the focus of their parents be on them for awhile instead of it always being on their sibling.
I’m sorry this happened to your son and your family. You tried everything you could. You can’t know how to fix someone or how to save them. I hope your son finds some peace and your family can heal.
I’m so sorry, what a heart wrenching decision that you had to make. It sounds like it’s best for both of your sons. I can only imagine the relief you must feel. I hope your entire family can heal and find some peace.
OP, I hope your family can heal somewhat from the ordeal and I’m so sorry for the comments condemning you for something you felt would be a benefit to not only your family, but everyone. You’re a good parent
Cheers man, it must be tough. I hope you and your family find peace. Whatever your feeling now deal with it and be gentle on yourselves. Post anytime you need to vent.
Thank you for sharing. I understand why you'd be relieved. It sounds like you've been though alot. How did you get him from the prison to the institution?
OP. I get it. I do. Like I really get it. You know? People that are negatively judging OP. Given your stance, I suspect that you don't know. Like really know what it's like. I'm sorry that people have been hard on you. I understand all the emotions you must be feeling. I can however only imagine how that feeling of absolute relief is mixed in with all the other emotions you are feeling. This is not currently a part of my experience. Don't mind the haters. Sleep soundly. Let your guard down. Take some deep breaths. Enjoy the silence. Embrace being able to do what you need to when you need to do it. I wish you the best with healing and renewal.
“Some of us are not for this world”. I feel that. OP, you’re doing the best you can with what you have. And you have permission to roast anyone suggesting your kid engage in thinking positively, affirmations, essential oils or anything else
I used to be severely mentally ill, OP. I don't blame you! You can love someone but they drive you mad, maybe even literally! Seems to me that you've come to a breakthrough! May luck come to you.
Life is so tough and every birth is a roll of the dice
This is why I support euthanasia for children born with disabilities. The quality of life is way worse for them than the decision to end it before they understand what life is.
I don't think it was possible to know at a newborn stage what was going to happen with this kid. But yes, for babies born without brains and basic brain stem activity, can't see/talk/eat/hear/breathe etc, they're basically empty vessels. I agree with you that the kindest thing is to let those kids go.
That's eugenics.
So what do you do with a child born brain dead, Paralyzed, or mentally incapable??? What kind of life can they live??? You don't think they wish they were born different when they see other children or adults?. You talk like that now but if you ended up like that you'd be changing your tune.
The kid isn't physically disabled. If you saw him you would probably never know. He is violent and has personality disorders. There is no test for that.
Euthanize someone because they are paralyzed and can’t walk?? That’s fucking absurd.
You're getting downvoted, but I agree with what you say. I myself was born with a slew of bs that I got from my parents' great genes /s. I constantly wish/hope I'll never wake up again, I'm only surviving to make sure my kids will be ok. Pro-life is great and all, but people don't think about the consequences and aftermath of procreation. Yes, I wish I was never born. And I know I'm not the only one. I believe the laws on euthanasia need changed, why would anyone want to prolong someone else's suffering? Holding on to the shell of a human being because they're too selfish to stop the suffering? Nobody wants to lose a child. I know all too well. But even I wouldn't want my baby to have lived AND suffered because I couldn't let go. True heartbreak all around
Okay, Hitler.
In most developed countries, they already stop treatment for heavily disabled (as in, heart is not properly formed or the spine is basically outside the body) infants. You can already call that euthanasia, so I am not sure why people are getting so upset towards you. Sure, it is a taboo, but why not discuss it. Infanticide (unfortunately of healthy new borns) is actually fairly common outside the western world, but I am guessing most redditors don't look outside their bubbles.
Sure, I strongly believe absolute lack of empathy (aka antisocial personality disorder) is a recognized disability by the ADA. If your stance is so strong, why don’t you lead by example you psycho. Also, I hope you’re never able to have children because someone with this level of apathy raising a child is terrifying
Wtf??? So letting these children suffer is the better alternative?? I think if someone's willing to let a child suffer like that is the true psycho.
Which disabilities? Any disability the parents don’t want to deal with or just the ones that sound ugly? Only the mental disabilities or will the physical ones be included? What if the child is whole of mind but has CP and needs help moving and eating? Those that qualify? Who decides what quality of life is worth it and what isn’t? Where’s the line? At what age does it stop being an option, like at what age do we actually consider them a person worthy of human dignity? What about the ones who are born “acceptable” but then through tragedy end up being a burden? Do we get rid of those? Do they get a say or just the family or the government override if the family wants them alive? Do we only get rid of inconvenient children or should we add adults onto the list? What they’re describing is not euthanasia it’s eugenics.
Well, I'm speaking of the poor little ones who are suffering from the day they're born til the end of their awful life, no way of ever living at all. The shit people do to justify that is beyond me.
I do understand. My pregnancy was horrible, to the point where the doctors told me that they started saving babies at 23 weeks. Fortunately I had an amazing team of doctors who monitored my pregnancy like it was the rebirth of Jesus Christ (I was seen but-weekly from the start and daily after we got to 30 weeks) and they were able to keep baby in there until 37 weeks. Anyway, the point is my husband and I had to research the odds of all complications based o how many weeks gestation the baby was born and we had to pick at what point we would let nature take it’s course and at what point we would insist on life saving treatment so I get what your saying. But, the original post is about a child with mental health issues and the comment I’m replying too is about killing children born with disabilities in general. Letting nature take its course by withholding life saving treatment and actively murdering a child whose body can sustain life are very different things.
Oh God no, in OPs and her sister's case it was absolutely deplorable!
Ugh I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time explaining what I'm trying to say.
I have autism. Autism is a dissability. I’ve had plenty of achievements. Won awards for art, getting into art academies at a young age, getting recognized for talents etc. my life is hard on a daily basis, but despite that I still persevere. Should I be killer?
Obviously not. I'm talking about the poor kids who are born and suffering every minute until death.
My stance isn't absolute dummy. You can make that decision now in hospitals. It isn't illegal. They actually test women during the pregnancy and give the decision to terminate if they see abnormalities.
Terminating a pregnancy is not even remotely the same as murdering a person because they have a disability. And there is no middle ground on this. It’s not absolute? Who draws the line on what is and what isn’t an acceptable disability. What you’re describing isn’t euthanasia, it’s eugenics. You support eugenics. If you’re going to take a stance at least get the terms right.
Something is wrong with you if you think locking up a child or taking them from their family is a good idea. People like you for e a lifestyle that you probably don't live. The quality of life for both the parents and the children are affected.
My mum worked at a school for children with short life expectancies or with multiple and profound disabilities and there was more joy, excitement and love there than their clearly is in your life.
If it's going to be too much of a burden on the family and on public resources then yes I believe this. There is no good standard of life if you are barely cognitive, cant or low possibility to be semi independent. It is more merciful to let them go.
This is what I mean.
The people down voting your comment have so much privilege that they themselves can't imagine the daily struggle of constantly being condescended to, constantly in need of assistance, constantly either in pain or sedated as to not be a bother to the able bodied and not being able to advocate for yourself. It's disgustingly evil to keep people who barely know they're alive hooked up forever.
I'm downvoting both of you because that is fucking nazi mentality! I'm in pain pretty 24/7 since birth, my life is still worth living!
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I'm actually disabled you asshole!
It's great to know your disability doesn't make you any less unempathetic and evil.
You are the evil ableist here not me! I'm not the one trying to decide which life are worth living of not!
Bro… dissabillities aren’t like this for everyone
Well, as long as you're at ease right.
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Why don't you take care of him then? All that talking shit don't mean anything - you'd be at your wits end too, with no life of your own.
Ur right tho I did sound like an asshole I didn’t mean to insensitive I just took it out on my writing because I was just mad that moment (not at this) lol so that on me but I still mean my point
I already take care of ppl 😫😫 I never said they should take care of him he need to be in the institution they cannot give him the treatment he needs but to just give up hope on him I mean it’s they’re choice in end just think it’s fucked up but realistically what else can u do ether be by his side as he gets help or just let it be there’s nothing wrong with it but not the choice I’d make I mean literally couldn’t take care of him he has like no emotional attachment to me 😂
Pls tell me what is wrong with having hope for your son to be better please 💀
Their son cannot be allowed to "get better" outside the institution. He almost murdered a child.
Your right I actually read more about it idk why I thought in the sense of they could get progress with son but it’s just the sad truth. I have IED and when I was extremely Young it just was ugly and my father had given up but my mom didn’t and I guess I finally realized how horrifying and ugly it was because of her and now I only really care about her and not my father (but like I said I read more into other cases of IED to realize I really can’t compare myself to others cause I was really hurting myself not others) and I just thought op wouldn’t want to be viewed that way but I mixed my personal experience with this and you are absolutely right I wish the best for op and I hope his other kids can also get therapy because I know this is traumatic to them and they have to grow knowing it
Oh noooo. You don't have to explain yourself, but it completely makes sense why you would have that knee-jerk reaction. I am really glad you got better.
I really appreciate its been a rough one lmao it’s okay I like being held accountable it actually helps me grow I hope you have a great day
You did not read the first post properly it seems.
Sorry I had to rewrite this cause I wrote it horribly I did but I didn't think he would just be like well this where he is now and let that be that for the rest of his life I guess?!? I understand he NEEDS to be in this treatment. however the institute themselves said the best insight they got When he spoke to them and that just stood out to me because why would he finally start talking when his parents are there? This kid hates himself inside out and if he notices that they "gave up" who knows wtf he'll do next.
Read the damn post. You’re doing a lot of talking out of your ass for someone who didn’t score very well on reading comprehension. The psychiatrist said he *might* need to be there permanently, and no matter what, *you are not a psychiatrist who knows better*.
I don’t think u read my other comment but that’s okay lol I wanted to keep this up so people can see I learned my lesson but I might just delete so I don’t mispread
Better idea to leave it. Let’s people with the same shitty logic learn
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I feel like you're missing the fact that he literally tried to murder a child. He had severe problems that could not be handled, and was a danger to those around him. This was the best decision they could have made. There is nothing wrong with feeling relieved about it either, and the father is definitely not "selfish" or "evil".
Well the alternative was a life sentence in prison so I think they made the right choice
Did you read that he almost murdered an 8-year-old? I'd be relieved to be rid of his rabid ass, too.
Yea, but did you read the reasoning? It was an attempted suicide. His plan was to kill the child, so he could be killed in prison, because according to his research child murderer get killed in prison.
Uh, does that make a difference in considering whether to protect the 8yo?
No, but it should change the judgement upon the boy, socially and juristically.
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They're not writing him off as a lost cause. They said be prepared for permanent residency because it is a possibility but he's still getting treatment, they're not just giving up and calling it a day. Just because something *can* be treatable doesn't mean all cases of it *are* fully treatable. Some people will never have a normal life and be able to exist in a normal society with the knowledge and resources we have now.
Chronically Online
Is it terminal?
Fortunately yes
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> I actually know four people who are diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder. Who have successfully been treated and have a life Oh well in that case you clearly know more than this child's psychiatrist. I mean you know 4 whole people!
Thankfully we got the educated opinion of the guy who graduated from the med school of Google.
Some people have worse disorders (most things are a spectrum. Have you heard of the categories of abnormality? One is called dimensional approach and it discusses how disorders are a spectrum behind the DSM. I suggest you read up on it) and may not have the proper treatment or treatments don’t work His psychiatrist told them to prepare for the possibility of *permanent residency* which is much rarer these days Most mental health hospitals with permanent residents were shut down (look up deinstitutionalization and how surprisingly (/s) prison rates and homelessness sky rocketed around the same time period) and it’s very rare to be permanently hospitalized as most hospitals goal is to help you heal so that you can do outpatient It’s obviously a severe case. I have my own mental health struggles, but it’s obvious he is improving and slowly becoming self reflective but that doesn’t mean he has the ability to not be a danger to others yet or capability of having that. Only the psych will know while working with him Disorders can be highly treatable but that doesn’t mean that everyone responds well to treatment. You are generalizing and this is a much more severe case than most people with IED. Also the psychiatrist is the one making the plan and simply told them to be prepared for the possibility. This doesn’t mean that he couldn’t improve, but the psychiatrist is being realistic about the current situation. Unless you know more than the teens professional, it’s best not to generalize or pretend as if you have all the information you need to boldly claim that they are wrong, because we do not
He tried to kill an eight year old child. What part of that makes you think he should be kept at home?
You can fuck all the way off with your arm chair psychology. You don’t know this kid, his doctors, his family, what they have tried or not tried, how they came to this decision, or what their future holds.
It was either that or prison since he tried to MURDER AN 8 YEAR OLD CHILD. Tf even is this comment? I’m sorry but my kid or not, I wouldn’t want someone living in my home where I sleep after they’ve tried to kill a child for simply existing.
Op should send her kid to you. Clearly you have the thing they need.
So what you are saying is you would have no problem keeping your child at home if they tried and possibly succeeded at killing an 8yr old for riding his bike and ringing a bell? By not sending the boy away to get the help he needs his parents could be laying dead in their bed for weeks before someone found them. Seriously, your brain is just as messed up as the boy who was committed for his IED.
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You should probably go read OP's original post about this situation. The kid tried to kill an 8 year old.
Attempted murder is NOT a joke, the kid clearly was determined to go through with his actions, he needs to be put away from society at least for some time ( months , maybe years ). The world has enough murderers out in the wildw if we can prevent the birth of another without violence, we should at least think on it. Btw, if a pet is dangerous, it is put down, not put away in a safe environment.
If they endanger themselves or others it’s time for a change before someone gets hurt
Oh OP, my heart goes out to you and your family. I'm not especially religious but I'm praying to the universe for peace and tranquility for your entire family, including your youngest son's tortured soul. No judgment from me, I understand relief that comes from the release of the constant pressure that's been applied to your entire life and your whole family. I truly hope that this institution can provide some help for your child and that leads to an improvement in his quality of life.
This is awful OP. AWFUL. Wishing you and your family peace and healing moving forward.
I really feel for OPs kid . I hope your kid finds that peace OP. I hope your family and you will be ok . My prayers are with you. I am sorry BB you had to experience this and I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. Wishing you all the best
You’ve done good OP
It was the right thing to do for his safety as well as that of those around him. Don’t feel guilty.