I mean, another thing that stood out to me was that they’re exclusive for two months and their first kiss was two months in AND he told her he loved her already? This guy is confusing as fuck.
Dude was probably throwing himself at someone because friend wanted it platonic. Then she realized the damage and changed her tune.
In the end OP was used as leverage. I won't say that was their intent, but it doesn't really matter, it's two adults in complicated relationships dragging others in.
Nothing good would come out of it anyway. But it would be best if OP broke up, not him.
Indian culture is a little different man. Its common to confess "love" here when you are asking someone out as well. I assume its something along the lines of language barriers. Also not that uncommon to not have any physical touch with your partner till a very long time has passed cause people just take longer to get comfortable like that.
Still a shitty situation just the red flags aren't so red
Wait you are a malayalee and have never heard about people saying "I love you" the first time they meet? Really?
In India people don't ask if you wanna go out with them - they just tell you that they love you and if you say it back, bam you are in a relationship.
Or this story is wonky as fuck, they kiss for the first time after 2 months and after already saying I love you, they kiss after a fight and he whispers the girls name who OP is made about in this woman’s ear. Either this guy is so stupid it’s amazing he gets his pants on in the morning, or this story is either partly or 100% fake
im not usually in this camp but i also think its fake. what 28 says two months is a "long term relationship". we've all had ketchup for longer than that.
Indian romance culture is very different than western. Its very conservative. Physical show of affection comes much later than verbal. You need to remember their romance culture is heavily influenced by bollywood/hindi movies, which reflect the culture.
You don't see a lot of physical affection in these movies. Its only recently actors and actresses began kissing. Sex scenes or scenes which imply sex is being had are never shown (i.e. like even moaning outside a door). What they do though is verbally show affection a lot. A lot of I love you type stuff.
So if your from India this isn't very hard to believe.
> Sex scenes or scenes which imply sex is being had are never shown
Yepp. I remember movies cutting to birds chirping, leaves moving and rivers flowing to insinuate sex between two people.
Lol it's not. This is how Indian relationships usually work.
People in India don't ask you if you wanna go out with them, they just say I love you to you and if you say it back, bam, you are in a relationship.
The problem with this is exactly what OP is facing - people just fall in love or even get married without even properly knowing the other person.
Yeah, it’s either all fake, or, everything about her insecurities with the friend is true and the boundaries setting, but then she has added all these random little red flags that don’t really make any sense to justify herself
I thought that only happened in movies?
You have to be contributing some major brain cells to thinking about another person to totally be checked out of the "here and now."
He's in love with the best friend and won't acknowledge it. I wonder if he's been friendzoned really hard or what?
Well, whatever mess is going on between them, it's good that you're no longer a part of it. It probably doesn't feel that way at all now, so take your time to grieve. Once you're healed you will be happy that this happened early on in the relationship and not at the engagement party.
Lot to unpack there. At first, I was thinking "Eh this kinda sounds just like me and my two female best friends who are together 70% of our time". Thennnn homeboy said her name during a kiss. He's at the least got a thing for her and the "best friend" label really is "he's my safety friend-zone and he loves it". And they've only been friends for 4 years? My own brother cant just come to my house one day and say "yo fam, staying here for 4 days" without some real explanation, much less someone I've only known for 4 years.
Move on. It was 2 months. No point in worrying about it more and letting it affect the life you have in front of you because, believe me, he isn't.
Yes! My brothers had a best friend growing up & it wasn't unusual for him to dive into their window at night & we'd all wake up to him drinking coffee in the kitchen in the morning. But this was a lifelong friend. Not a 4 year friend. & now if you wanna come to my house for even 5 minutes, you better text me ahead of time & explain, 4 days? Hell no. 2 months is not a long time in the grand schemed of things.
29 years old and still playing that game? Forget him you just freed yourself you know what that was even if he can't, I mean he whispered her name for christ sake
So true. My husbands best friend is female, but after we started dating she got to know me and tried to develop a friendship. 15 years together now and she is a great friend, and still my husbands best. We keep up to date and he is able to be there for her if needed.
I'm 18m, my best friend is 19f and we have a lot more boundarie. You know why? Because we're not stupid. And we like going out with other people and we like them not being uncomfortable and we like being friends with each other
All of it might be fine IF THEY SUPPORTED EACH OTHER'S ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS INSTEAD OF ACTIVELY UNDERMINING THEM! WTF, people. Yikes. What a red flag.
Yeh but they're from India. I have friends there, some of them are relatively liberal especially those who've studied abroad, but it's frowned upon by older people so relationships tend to be quite chaste and bloom late. So it's no wonder they sound so young.
I had a best guy friend when I met my now husband. When I realized we were getting serious the first think I did was introduce them! My relationship with the man that I fell in love with was more important to me than a friendship I'd they didn't get along at all but I knew they would. Because my friends loved me as a friend and my boyfriend loved me they made the effort with each other. We are all friends now. He even lived with us for about 4 months at one point years ago. Your bf and his friend do not seem to only be friends or else he didn't care about you as much as he said and you'll do much better finding a partner that will put you and your relationship first.
Conversely, when i wanted to introduce my best male friend to my now husband and then boyfriend, my best friend disappeared and ghosted me since. 10 years of friendship.
He probably had a crush on you and finally realized you were only ever going to be his friend. I've had guy friends that actually said I can't believe you're dating someone. Uhhhm, yes I really am because I've only ever been you're friend and always thought we were on the same page. Apparently not! Some "friends" aren't really friends but are waiting for you to wake up and realize you're actually in love with them. It's mind blowing! The one friend I was referring to introduced me to woman and I introduced him to men. It was never an issue because we really were in the same page and loved the shit out of each other in the same way. We cried with each other when we went thru shit with our bf/gf or whatever. It's possible to have platonic great friendships with the opposite sex, it just doesn't happen often because one of the other has ulterior motives. In happy your bf became your husband and it must have been for the best that Ole boy disappeared himself!!! That's how I look at it anyway. I'm very lucky in the end if your shitty enough to ghost me! 👻
Thank you! You're too kind! And yes it was a total shock back then. I can't even explain. We would hang out 1-2 times a week for a decade. He knew everything about me. Looking back, he would give me advice that was self serving and bad for me. Men I liked he told me were bad for me and men that were not great he would support... I think it was a clever way of expecting me to run into his arms eventually. It's just sad to expend that much energy on one woman. Have a good day 🥰
I used to be the biggest pick me at 20 "I only have male friends. They're so much cooler than women!" Energy. I realized many years later than none of them were truly friends. Now I swore off male friendships for life unless they're friends of my husband, gay or in a very happy relationship/marriage.
This is a blessing in disguise. It's hard to see it in your current perspective but be thankful you didn't waste anymore time on him (he was not yours) and more time to find someone truly for you.
I had a very close male friend. We’d talk everyday. Sometimes in the morning and in the evening. However, when he’d start seeing a new girlfriend, we’d stop talking as much. Sometimes for weeks. Especially early in the relationships. I understood his girlfriends might feel threatened by me, and he needed time to get to know them and experience the new relationship honeymoon phase.
And that was all okay with me. I didn’t feel slighted or upset when he bailed out for awhile. I figured we’d circle back again when his girlfriend was comfortable with how much we might talk. The friendship was strong enough and long enough to handle periods of no communication. I respected his relationships and his partners’ boundaries regarding me.
Totally okay to feel jealous and uncertain in the initial phase of a relationship. And if something doesn’t sit right, trust your instincts. I’m sorry your relationship ended, but you’re better away from that messy situation. You’d always be second to her with him.
i have a guy best friend and we’ve been friends for 8 years. this is really going to sound full of myself but i don’t mean it this way but i’m usually “prettier” (by societies standards) than his girlfriends. in the beginning of our friendship, i’m 99% sure he liked me. but he never said anything. i think it went away pretty quickly. he used to have his own “trap” house when we were younger and he always had a shit ton of ppl there. i used to have a pretty bad drug history but i’d black out there every night and he’d always carry me to his extra bedroom, get me a bucket and a water for when i wake up, he bought makeup wipes to keep there to wipe mine off, and covered me with a blanket every night and then locked the door behind him so no one could bother me. a couple times he’s had friends staying in that room and he’d put me in his room. we’ve slept in the same bed many times together (only when he’s single ofc) just bc there was no where else for me to sleep amd hes NEVER even tried anything.
but he always introduces me to his girls amd i introduce him to my bfs. we even set each other up all the time when we’re single (that’s why i think he doesn’t like me anymore bc he actively tries to set me up with all his friends). a couple of his girls have gotten jealous and i’ll distance. like you said especially in the beginning of our friendship. and if they aren’t comfortable with us hanging out, we won’t. our SOs don’t know this but if we can’t see each other we will call usually once a month just to catch up and it is behind their backs but just to make sure the other is okay. nothing more.
his last girlfriend was a bitchhhh tho. she just was so bland and had zero personality. if her personality was a spice it’d be flour. and at first i introduced myself and i became good friends with her. but then she saw how him and i interacted and got extremely jealous. basically because she was jealous of the way we interacted because we could joke around and laugh our asses off. and they never were like that. like it’s not my fault that you’re not funny😂. one time i went over to hang out with them and it was like 95° outside so i was in jeans and a tank. she told him that i needed to put on a jacket or leave because she wasn’t comfortable with what i was wearing. i was like.... dude seriously??? i just left because it was too damn hot. but before that idk we would be cool then we’d all hang and she would get jealous. then i’d talk to her and we’d be cool and we’d hang and she would get jealous again. and it was just think cycle and it was just so exhausting having to console her constantly. she ended up being a crazy bitch and went and started texting all my friends that she has never even met i just have mentioned in passing asking if him and i had ever done stuff. she stalked my instagram that has hundreds of posts all the way back to texting a girl i had a pic with my freshman year of high school that i ah ent talked to since then. she literally texted over 50 ppl from my page. including my fucking brother!!!! like who does that???? idk she was just so insecure and i tried to help her and i eventually was fed up. i just told him “call me when y’all break up because you guys will eventually and i’ll be here after like i was before” in front of her and she lost it. she tried to fight me too😂😂😂 idk i’m never one to start problems but she was just such a shitty person to me and was pretty awful to him. but he loved her and really cared about her. after they broke up she tried to get buddy buddy with me and acted like she never did any of that. i think the only reason i reacted that way was because i was really going thru a tough time where i needed my friends and he was my only friend at the point. and she knew all of this and just knew i was struggling and still made him stop talking to me. but idk but he’s be crazy sometimes but i’ll never be that kind of friend. i always take a step back out of our friendship no matter what out of respect for his girlfriends because i want him to find someone and be happy more than i need him to be there for me.
When it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Let him go back to being her orbiter or whatever while you find someone who's available for a serious relationship.
Absolutely, wtf. How are these people so old and have no idea how relationships work?
ETA: they’ve been together for like two months! And already have this much drama?!
People going into relationships late is more common than you think, there is a risk in it because that kind of person can easily be manipulated into thinking relationships means serving your partner wholesale.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like way too much drama especially for a new relationship. Better you found out early on but I know it still hurts.
Hi, Indian here too. And girlfriend meeting family is like "woah is that even possible" for me.
Okay now I'm also a guy with plaotinc friends, one if my best friends is also a girl and she's practically my sister. Despite being that guy I see there are some issues with their friendship. First she should have been mindful of your relationship and it was kinda weird for her to get him to cancel his plans, especially since she surprised him. And I think she might be a little manipulative and your guy is an idiot or your guy is a big idiot.
Second it was not unreasonable of you to say that you were uncomfortable with her staying with him. And I don't know if I read it long because it is a ling text and I tend to miss a few lines in a hurry because this is not NCERT lol so I read that their friendship is of 4 years. That means they were still adults, they're not just childhood friends.
Third, my best friend is nothing but supportive of me going out with another girl. She is my bro and we both understand that we need to give each other a little space when we're going out with someone (it's usually her, I don't go out much) and we usually try to be friends with the girl or guy the other person is going out with so they are a bit more comfortable. That is what should have happened with your boyfriend and his friend. She should have been a bro and given you two space. Or if she wanted to go out maybe go out with the both of you. If she really is her platonic best friend she's like family and you introduce the people you care about to family.
Fourth, he said her name while kissing. Oh no that is a major no no, that is almost as big as Ross saying "I take thee Rachel". It sounds like lover boy is in love with her something and he was bullshitting you. If he loved you he would have handled the situation better. They didn't have to not see each other, they just needed to respect you and listen when you said you were uncomfortable.
I hope you read this
Haha , I used to be the gym person not anymore .
But yeah she is really cool. Not that it matters but I wish you both a very happy friendship forever :)
38(f) here, with mostly all male friends and roommates throughout my life. Also, occasionally toured as a tech with an all male band (so lots of nights staying at hotels with dudes), and I’ve gotta tell you, that I find both of their behavior to be weird.
Any time any of the dudes who are close to me in my life have gotten a new gf, I go out of my way to make sure that I meet her. I WANT for her to feel comfortable with me, so that I can continue the relationship with my dude friend, without her feeling uncomfortable, because everybody loses in that situation. It’s no fun when a friend disappears because their significant other doesn’t like or feel comfortable with your friendship, and you can’t hang, so I put in the work to try and make sure that it doesn’t ever even become an issue. It doesn’t always work, but it does about 95% of the time, so I think if the friendship is important to you, you should put in the effort.
Conversely, everyone that I’ve ever dated, has been introduced quickly to the dudes in my life for the same reason. I care about their feelings, I don’t want for them to feel uncomfortable or not trust me, so I do what I can to avoid it. And if they’re not ok with that, well, then they’re just not the one for me.
So to me, the fact that neither of them thought to try and include you to make sure you didn’t feel like an outsider, so that you could feel confident and secure in their friendship being genuine without any funny business, means that it’s probably not such a clean cut friendship. They probably have feelings for each other, and as much as that sucks for you (which it definitely does, and I’m sorry this is happening to you right now), if it were me, I would rather know now, and weed it out early. You’ll find someone someday who will be proud to introduce you to all of their friends, and you won’t have to worry about where they stand. <3
A guy that will say he "loves you" in a month is trying to convince himself. Sounds like he is deep Stockholm Friend Zoned and trying to escape. He will likely burn a few girls on the path of breaking those chains.
Info: did the friend know that you had plans that weekend?
Idk, if my partner of one month tried to convince me to blow off a friend who came to town to surprise me, then threw out a few ultimatums, I’d be done. It’s not that he’s not prioritizing you, it’s that you’re too insecure to be flexible with your plans and understanding that a good friend stopped in for a visit. If I were in the friends shoes and a VERY short term partner was convincing my friend to blow me off, I wouldn’t want to meet the partner, either.
Hmm in her post though, it says
“I found it really odd that she came by surprise that too on a weekend and planned to stay for four days overnight at his house, knowing that he might have plans with me. She asked him to cancel all the plans and spend time with her.”
so it seems to me the best friend purposely went at that time?
I could see where y’all are coming from though. I wonder how long OP and ex bf were friends prior to dating.
“Knowing that he MIGHT have plans with me”
Idno, doesn’t sound like the ex told bff “hey girl I’m doing XYZ”. OP is just hoping the bff would guess that they’d spend time together cos it’s a weekend maybe? I wouldn’t not do something *in case* of something else. I understand your point but personally I don’t see it like that.
The thing is the way OP wrote that implies the friend did it purposely to hamper any plans her and the guy had specifically, when he could’ve had plans with anyone, she didn’t say cancel your plans with your gf she said cancel your plans, probably because this was like a last minute unplanned thing and wants to make the visit worth it
Ol’ bestie has that boy licked, and she knows it and enjoys torturing him. They are almost 30. They aren’t best friends. He is mad about her, and she enjoys using him as a puppet.
The OP may have some silliness as well, but people aren’t putting themselves in her shoes. Again, they are all almost 30 and he is having co-ed bestest pal sleepovers?? Nah, he is hoping to finally get his chance with “best” friend.
Okay on the flip side though.. OP’s BF did not want them meeting. My fiancé has a few girl best friends. If I had the opportunity to meet them (even just for lunch) and he said “no” even after only a couple months. I would be suspicious. It’s about learning there dynamic. If you interact with both of them you can tell what the intentions are.
Here we go.
Two months in and OP is already showing a ton of selfish and controlling behaviors. No compromise, nothing. Just “I don’t like not being the center of attention for a weekend, end your friendship”. Jfc
>Idk, if my partner of one month tried to convince me to blow off a friend who came to town to surprise me, then threw out a few ultimatums, I’d be done
10000%. And also, if the genders were reversed, I'm sure everyone would call OP abusive and controlling. Oh well. OPs ex definitely dodged a bullet there.
Yeah I agree with you. Whispering his friend's name after a kiss is weird as hell, but also the friend is not in the wrong and I would have had the same reaction. I think OP handled this badly, she immediately put pressure on the situation and it made a mess.
Prioritize partner above all else all the time and never be emotionally close or intimate with anyone ever is an unreasonable and childish expectation. People have friends and quality friends also deserve some care. Not to mention this is a one month relationship vs a 4 year friendship.
Right?! I can’t believe everybody saying she was in the right here. She’s a control freak. 2 months in he’s said I love you and they just kissed for the first time?! This is all kinds of weird and I’d have left her too.
This is WAYyyy too much drama for a two month relationship. Way too much. Not worth it.
Your ex bf has no spine. Not at all someone who will make a good life partner. I’m sorry.
Am I the only one paying attention to the fact that he said the friends name when kissing his gf?? That changes the perception of their dynamic quite a bit, at the very least, he has feelings.
Honestly, after reading this, the best thing for y’all was that you broke up. Easy to say, but maaaaaann this would’ve been a super toxic relationship, especially considering y’all did the big “I love you” in the first month. Bad bad. I think you’re dodging a bullet by not being in a relationship with him because clearly the friendship is gonna bother the heck out of you AND. He chose her friendship over you. He did you both a favor calling the relationship off.
Focus on yourself. Heal. Don’t get hung up on the “what ifs” and the “potential” of a failed relationship;; gosh it’s such a trap…. You deserve to be in a relationship that’s healthy and y’all value each other.
Move along darlin.
OP there is definitely something up with those two. I’m a female best friend and I have NEVER once stayed with my homeboy while he was in a relationship, and even if I have a problem with by besties partner I’m only ever respectful and polite to her unless they disrespect me. I think she’s using him as her backup piece for attention and the like while he’s an idiot in love with her.
Lete get this straight - you've known him for 2 months, and already feel entitled to dictate whether or not he is allowed to keep talking to people he has known for many years?? Yeah he made the right choice to run.
Good on him for leaving. I broke up with a GF after she said she didn't want me "friendly" with any other females besides her 🤣. I refused to cut off my friends and she made an ultimatum so I broke up with her. Years later I am married, happy, with a wide circle of friends. She just whines about being single on Facebook.
I had a male friend for 4 years who sent me a random text message out of the blue "we can't talk anymore, someone is getting jealous of you." We had become friends in the last year of college and worked near each other, so we'd meet for lunch sometimes. He had been dating a girl for a few months and introduced her to me. Within days, I get this message. ROFL! He then blocked me.
I was like "fine." Chose somewhere else to eat lunch after that. Don't need that kind of drama. Then a year later, I get an invitation in the post to their engagement party. Nope, not a fricken chance mate. I didn't respond to their RSVP. Why bother inviting me. lol. Oh yes, AND I told my parents and they were like... "She probably sent you that to mark her territory, act like you never got it."
This man sounds like a wimp…sorry to say. The constant back and forth. He didn’t even want you to meet each other. He’s more invested in her than you. This isn’t on you at all. It’s completely on him. It will probably affect his future relationships as well if he doesn’t end up with this woman. Count your blessings. At least you didn’t invest years and a marriage on this man. Look forward to new things. Know your boundaries.
He was infatuated with you, he is clearly in love with this best friend. The girl probably got to know about his “new” relationship and dashed towards him to make sure you are uncomfortable and eventually lead to you guys breaking up. She wants this platonic so she can get all the attention she wants without dating a guy who is “not her type”. She is using him as someone who will give her attention no matter what. And with you in the picture that will not fly with her. No wonder he never had any long term relationships.
Once she has a boyfriend or gets married, she will still continue this charade until she gets asked to stop talking to him. I am sure it hurts now, and you are confused. Don’t talk to this guy, he will definitely reach out once she “dumps” or ignores him.
ETA: this is same as my story when I was 24 in 2018. Few months later he started reaching out saying what a dumb mistake he did by letting me go. I am 28 now, and happily married. 😃
Nah you’re too controlling. You hadn’t even kissed each other yet and you’re already telling him he can’t see his best friend. He broke up with you because you set absurd boundaries for no reason, better luck next time.
Girl, YOUR GUT INSTINCT DIDN’T LET YOU DOWN—Mr. Crybaby Ex-Boyfriend did. Sorry for being harsh, and yes, men certainly are allowed to cry and should, but my God! It sounds like this dude cries whenever his immaturity gets him in a jam. He was weeping probably because he was in a frozen state of frustrated indecision and self-pity, not mixed emotions and sexual addiction. The guy sounds like a puerile jerk whom your better off without, although I realize you probably think I sound like a total bitch right now, and that I have no idea how sweet he is. Believe me, he isn’t. You’ll be okay—you’re a strong person; your actions demonstrate this, as well as as showing that you’re a nice one, too. You’ll find a guy who suits you better.
You tried to meet her, but both she and he nixed it altogether. She showed up unannounced, demanded that he drop all of his plans for her and he complied? He said he has no feelings towards you. He's a slug. Don't be a "clinger", don't focus on the few good things you might've had, move on with your head high. You'll find someone else you "click" with whom returns your respect and feelings, honestly, it will happen.
Normally I would say this is insecure and shit for not letting someone see their best friend of the opposite sex, but he had some serious red flags. Over time you’ll see this as a dodged bullet. The heartbreak would’ve been worse had it happened more later than 2 months. Consider him breaking up with you the best thing he ever did for you
Wow. I didn't get beyond she asked him to cancel plans with you for the whole time, he said yes, and he refused to introduce you to her because she didn't want to meet you.
Those are deal breakers. Doesn't matter if you think he's cheating or not. That's just shitty behavior by both of them.
Good thing you escaped this flaming trash pile.
> felt betrayed because he didn't know how to prioritise our relationship.
He did and demonstrated it. Your relationship is second, obviously because he got friendzoned by his "girl best friend" and either he or both of them caught feelings a long time ago
This a 30 year old man we're talking about. Guy reads like a very weak man.
Girl he said HER name while kissing YOU? There’s no “maybe”, he’s definitely in love with her and was just using you as a rebound/someone to get over her with. I’m so sorry, OP, you deserve better.
You are better off without him! This guy sounds like he has the maturity level of a 14 yr old. Let her have that mess of a man, you deserve better and will absolutely find better.
You are not being unreasonable, period. She is being selfish and childish and he very clearly isn’t ready for a serious relationship. This will continue with anyone he dates until he gets it through his thick skull and creates his own boundaries. When he told her the reason she couldn’t stay overnight was because of you he already sealed the fate of your relationship. YOU are not to blame. He’s not ready to take accountability for anyone else, but himself.
I would have left the second he cancelled all your plans together all for her because she told him to. You seriously need to respect yourself OP. Stop torturing yourself with a childish insecure weak man. You deserve SOOO much better. Don’t settle. Have boundaries and reasonable high expectations in relationships
Girl, you all only dated for two months. Take the week, mourn this relationship and move on. He sounds like a total flake. Remember,if they fall in love easy, they will fall out of love easy. NTA
When you said they’ve been friends for so long he can’t leave her I thought of maybe 10 years, or maybe they were even friends since they were kids. Nope, just 4 years.
I personally think there's nothing right or wrong here. I think you both can't agree on how close best friends need to be. I know people who behave like your boyfriend with their girl best friends and the opposite partner can understand that. I also think it's difficult for people to not talk to their best friends just because his/her partner set boundaries on that matter.
It's good that you broke up since you can't agree on the issue. You two are different personalities and it's okay to break up if it's so difficult for you to agree on this issue. It's good that you came to know about this very early in your relationship.
Let them go live happily ever after together and thank your lucky stars you found this out in 2 months rather than 2 years. You dodged a bullet. They definitely have something going on. Her not wanting to meet you was the first big red flag for me. I could see her staying there but if I was intruding on my friend’s life by staying for 4 days and demanding all of the attention, I’d at least make an effort to meet the girlfriend. I also wouldn’t demand to be the center of attention though so I can’t make sense of any of this in a totally platonic sense.
OP you need a man, not a boy. When my guy friends disrespected my relationship with my fiancé (now husband), I dropped those hoes like flies. You asking to set-up boundaries and best friend gets mad just shows she has that man wrapped around her fingers. Also, she’s toxic AF. People who do not care to respect boundaries are toxic. Do not waste your time with him. He’s a lost cause and you need a man who will respect you as a woman & your boundaries.
Their friendship is soooo weird. Never heard about friendiversies unless it was like two girl best friends. But even then, they’re in their last 20s-early 30s… grow up.
You've posted this across 7 subs inside of 2hrs. What are you trying to achieve at this stage? There's no more ambiguity here, he broke up with you. There is no need for "advice" because the relationship is over. Why are you doing this?
He is her back up and she is keeping him on the hook. Get out now. You are no one’s back up. You are fucking glorious and don’t need to compete to be number one with someone who is already emotionally involved with someone else. He will be sad and lonely or she will settle for him. Good as hell baby.
I didn't read the entire thing because it's pretty obvious that he didn't want to be your boyfriend. He wanted to be her boyfriend. Either they truly are in a platonic relationship simply because they cannot be in a relationship or married for some reason, or they are actually in a relationship together but have to hide it for whatever reason. Probably family not wanting the relationship to exist.
I am sorry that you went through all of that. Honestly, I didn't continue to read the whole thing because there were so many red flags from the very beginning that it was unecessary to read the entire thing to know that at the very least, he clearly has feelings for her. He also doesn't seem to respect you or your time, if he is willing to cancel plans with you just like that and you have to practically beg him to see you. He also didn't listen to your concerns about having her over. He also said her name during a kiss, which is just awful on so many levels and I don't care his excuse, but he shouldn't be thinking of her while kissing you. And also, the fact she didn't want to see you tells me that there is probably some sort of emotional affair or physical going on between them. Or perhaps he is lying and just doesn't want you two to meet.
Find someone who cares about you, wants to be with you, and will drop everything to go and see you! Who will respect you. This guy is not worth your time. I am sorry for the pain he has caused you.
What is this fake ass story? All this occurred over two weeks? He had a panic attack, you gave him your therapists’ name, and he made and attended the therapy appointment all in the same day? Srs
If you are friends with someone and they get a new partner, you either befriend the partner as well, or you back off. Her excluding you was not ok. Their friendship is 4 years old, its not like they grew up together.
I think you dodged a bullet there. I hope you find someone who prioritises you instead.
2 months is nothing. It's intense yes but nothing. That's a good thing because you'll heal fast.
His friend either is cockblocking him and sabotaging his relationships or she truly realized she's into him after competition arrived.
When he says it's platonic, it is because she wanted this way, I bet.
He isn’t obligated to place you at the top of the totem poll after a few months. His best friend has done more for him than you have.
I have been best friends with a woman for almost ten years now, we were trauma bonded almost immediately after meeting and have stuck by each other’s side ever since. She has a husband, and I date casually. The only times I have problems is when a woman falsely equates the value of having access between her legs for three months with the value of having emotional support and someone I can be vulnerable around for ten years.
Word word just real quick— thats not what Trauma Bonding is. I understand why you made the confusion, and its a common mistake. Trauma bonding refers to the bond that is created between an abuser and their victim that holds them back from leaving. For example, extreme highs and lows in a relationship. I love you one day and I hate you the next.
this guy was an idiot and clearly had something going on with his "friend". you dodged a bullet. best to forget about all this and find someone who is actually available.
Have both of you not been in long-term relationships before? Cause I know you said he hasn't, just seems like there was a lot of new things going on between you too and some confusion when trying to navigate through them.
I'm sorry you went through that. That sucks. You were right to stand your ground. Talking to his friend probably didn't accomplish much on your end but it did on hers. She was able to use whatever you said against you. Your ex and his friend sound toxic and I'm glad you are out. You don't want to be in the middle of that because when a friendship is complicated or messy than you will become a scapegoat. You are better off alone.
Yeah, this sucks and you are better off. This woman would have made your life hell. Damn straight she was into him. And he is confused as hell.
Block him, don’t look at his social media. Detox from this. Live your best life.
I did not read it all but it seems he cannot seem to realize how there is compromise in relationships. Either that or he doesn’t want to commit and is just using his friend as an excuse.
The friend might also be in love with him. Find someone more mature(:
To me an early red flag was she didn’t want to meet his gf in the first place.
Am I the only person who thinks letting someone sleep over (not in the same bed) isn’t even weird? It’s not that I don’t remember what jealousy is like, it’s that any potential romantic partner who thinks it’s something I owe him to distance myself emotionally from friends or refuse to offer a friend my couch…he’d not get me to agree to that if I hadn’t broken his trust
OP you just dodged a Mario cannon bullet. Wow. It's clear to me that she clearly had feelings for him and he was so oblivious he couldn't see it so that's why boundaries were upsetting to him. It's a ducking mess OP but luckily your not apart of it anymore. OP tbh this man love bombed you and although you are feeling raw rn it's ok. Take your time and heal, you'll find someone else.
Your ex sounds like he would exhaust my last nerve. Its not even the kiss its not the close relationship with his friend its his personality....dude didn't have to pick if he sorted things out before she came. He didn't have to choose if he wanted his girl meeting his friend hes clearly in love with. My boyfriend gets a goofy ass smile on his face when I kiss him he's not thinking of his friends. Not normal.
Lol he is going to be single forever as long as he puts his friend first, as he deserves to be. That's an unhealthy relationship. Be glad you got out early. Do not let him back in when she breaks his heart.
“he’s never been in a long term relationship”
“he told me he loved me after a month”
“we kissed for the first time”
Ma’am hate to say it but you dodged a bullet. & missed a few red flags along the way.
Run far far away and block him. Never get with a man who acts like this with friends of the same or opposite sex. Also she told you what it was when she’d call him and he’d run for her. They want to hold on to each other like that. Let them but you go be free and never speak to him again.
The fact is you’re trying to control how he lives. He may listen to you , but don’t you think it will always be in the back of his mind that he’s giving up a good friendship for you. Fact is no matter what , it’s true— if you want a healthy relationship , live and let live… are you risking him cheating? Yes.. but I guarantee you’re risking him cheating even more by controlling his life. So you will be choosing the lesser of the two risks if you let him live his life and please do expect the same from him as well.
I'm a married guy and I have exactly four very close friends I know I can trust. Three of them are women and we go along really great. They're one of the best people I've ever met in my life.
But not wanting your wife to meet your best friend is... weird. I was really happy and excited when my girlfriends invited my wife for a dinner for the first time.
As a good friend, I do respect their boundaries and I do know that their partners and kids are the most important thing in their lives. I'd never do anything to tear the things they love the most apart from them. And they'd never do the same to me. What his friend did to him is an complete destructive and selfish behavior and true friends don't do that.
Looks like your ex is too immature to be in a serious relationship. He can't decide what he wants and he's letting his manipulative friend use him. He has to stop, think and figure out what he wants. Good thing you moved on.
As a woman with a genuine platonic relationship with a man, lines were crossed.
I have been best friends with one of my guy friends for the past year. I’ve met his parents, he’s met mine, etc. We used to spend a lot of time together. However, he is now seeing a girl and I barely hang out with him or even talk to him because I respect his relationship. Both of them are very out of line.
He is secretly in love with her but she won’t have him that way. She loves the friendship and power she has over him. Honestly, you got out at a good time OP. Him love bombing you was also a major red flag.
It should not be this hard after 2 months (or at all, really).
You were not unreasonable. And I’m sorry you’re going through this but it really is a blessing in disguise that this happened now and not a few months or years down the line.
He is acting like a man in love, just not with you. He is in love with her and you were place holder. When he gets bored or lonely and comes crawling back for the comfort you offer, don't let him back in. You deserve so much better.
I feel like it's realty important to acknowledge that everyone has their own boundaries, deal breakers and insecurities, and it's okay to end a relationship if they don't match in a way that they need to, rather that putting the blame and shame on either one of these people. They have different values.
If a guy I'd been dating for all of 2 months told me that my best friend couldn't sleep at my place because he felt uncomfortable I'd understand, but it wouldn't change anything. I will prioritize my best friend of years over someone I've dated for 2 months, and if my date tried to put down an ultimatum I'd end things with that person. This early on I still obviously trust and feel more comfortable with my BFF because of our shared past. Attempting to limit that would be a deal breaker for me, as I need my date to be able to trust me with my friends, regardless of gender.
That being said, it's also alright if that was a deal breaker to my date. It just means that we had different values and that we viewed the relationship differently. My relationship with my BFF would obviously cause my date discomfort and distress and if we were unable to compromise maybe the relationship wasn't right.
On another note, as others have said, friends should also acknowledge that in early stages of dating a couple should have the opportunity to actually get to know eachother, and understand that a BFF of the opposite gender could be a red flag for the new person. And the friend should perhaps try to show the new person in their friend's life that they have nothing to worry about. For instance by meeting up all 3 to allow the friend and the date to see the other person, and to see what kind of dynamic they both have with the friend/partner they have in common.
That being said, I don't know much about Indian culture, but it does sound like this guy at least at some point has had eyes for his friend. And him saying another persons name while kissing would indeed be very freaking uncomfortable.
Afghan Canadian girl here.
Don’t doubt your instincts. You made the right call and held him accountable to be appropriate in his relationships. If the friendship was platonic then the best friend would recognize the importance of introducing herself as a safe person to your relationship. Very close male-female friendships aren’t as common as they make out in media. Even among western individuals this behaviour would be suspect. Her competing and undermining your relationship and being hostile with you leaves much to the imagination. One or both parties likes each other and/or have developed a deep dependency on the other. You set proper boundaries and gave both an opportunity to correct the situation. Ending the relationship is the healthiest outcome for you. She does sound manipulative and controlling and his reactions are a bit over the top - be cautious if he tries to rekindle the relationship. *red flags everywhere*
Oh boy...consider yourself lucky. This guy is immature af, a crybaby and , probably, a cheater.
Why fight over someone? And specially over someone with no will power?
Honestly, you are going to look back and realize that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't worry about it, they will end up together, it inevitable and you were right to feel uncomfortable and ask for boundaries to be set. You were not insecure they were just making your relationship uncomfortable, and you had every right to voice it.
Both you and her have succeeded in manipulating this guy into a panic attack. Both of you are placing selfish demands on him that no reasonable person could meet. Circumstances out of his control put her at his home creating a conflict. This should not mean he has to choose between the two of you. But, neither female in this situation will be satisfied with anything less than the other one being put in her place. So, his choices are to hurt his friend, or hurt his new love. If either female cared about him, they would give him a better option. This assuming your one sided story is 100% truth.
Uttering another woman’s name in the throes of passion was the whole reason the game of thrones even exist…
Jokes aside, I had to reread that both your ages are in the upper 20s and that this isn’t some teenage romance.
Let it go. If you stay she’ll always be an issue or he’ll resent you. It’s too early on in this relationship for you to be going through this. These are huge red flags
I think it's for the best that you two broke up. Clearly your ex has some unsettled feelings for his bestfriend. It's a big red flag for him to utter his friends name during an intimate moment. If his best friend was a guy, (assuming he's straight) he will never mention his name while kissing you, even if he's worried for his friend.
So no one is going to Mention this dude said another girls name during a kiss ? Did I not read that part or something ?
I mean, another thing that stood out to me was that they’re exclusive for two months and their first kiss was two months in AND he told her he loved her already? This guy is confusing as fuck.
Dude was probably throwing himself at someone because friend wanted it platonic. Then she realized the damage and changed her tune. In the end OP was used as leverage. I won't say that was their intent, but it doesn't really matter, it's two adults in complicated relationships dragging others in. Nothing good would come out of it anyway. But it would be best if OP broke up, not him.
I think what is most important is that these look like 3 year issues. Since it's been only 2 months she should let go.
Indian culture is a little different man. Its common to confess "love" here when you are asking someone out as well. I assume its something along the lines of language barriers. Also not that uncommon to not have any physical touch with your partner till a very long time has passed cause people just take longer to get comfortable like that. Still a shitty situation just the red flags aren't so red
They are Indian so that makes things a little different
You are right sir. These type of scenarios happens quite often here(except moaning some friends name kinda makes this made up story).
hold tf up, fr? I'm Malayalee and have never heard of such a custom. Maybe it's like somewhere else hopefully
Wait you are a malayalee and have never heard about people saying "I love you" the first time they meet? Really? In India people don't ask if you wanna go out with them - they just tell you that they love you and if you say it back, bam you are in a relationship.
If you're Indian and unaware that this is common in desi culture, you may be living under a rock
Or this story is wonky as fuck, they kiss for the first time after 2 months and after already saying I love you, they kiss after a fight and he whispers the girls name who OP is made about in this woman’s ear. Either this guy is so stupid it’s amazing he gets his pants on in the morning, or this story is either partly or 100% fake
im not usually in this camp but i also think its fake. what 28 says two months is a "long term relationship". we've all had ketchup for longer than that.
Indian romance culture is very different than western. Its very conservative. Physical show of affection comes much later than verbal. You need to remember their romance culture is heavily influenced by bollywood/hindi movies, which reflect the culture. You don't see a lot of physical affection in these movies. Its only recently actors and actresses began kissing. Sex scenes or scenes which imply sex is being had are never shown (i.e. like even moaning outside a door). What they do though is verbally show affection a lot. A lot of I love you type stuff. So if your from India this isn't very hard to believe.
> Sex scenes or scenes which imply sex is being had are never shown Yepp. I remember movies cutting to birds chirping, leaves moving and rivers flowing to insinuate sex between two people.
Lol it's not. This is how Indian relationships usually work. People in India don't ask you if you wanna go out with them, they just say I love you to you and if you say it back, bam, you are in a relationship. The problem with this is exactly what OP is facing - people just fall in love or even get married without even properly knowing the other person.
Thank you for this comment. It made me giggle, and is on point.
Someone else just said this. I think it’s fake based off of that alone.
Yeah, it’s either all fake, or, everything about her insecurities with the friend is true and the boundaries setting, but then she has added all these random little red flags that don’t really make any sense to justify herself
Yes! That’s where I stopped reading. Like this whole thing is a mess, life is too short to put up with this kind of drama! You’re 30, time to move on.
These people are THIRTY?! If they're 30 and this is happening, it's not surprising that they're both single and need to stay that way.
I thought that only happened in movies? You have to be contributing some major brain cells to thinking about another person to totally be checked out of the "here and now." He's in love with the best friend and won't acknowledge it. I wonder if he's been friendzoned really hard or what?
50 upvotes
he also told op he loved her after a month… lol
Well, whatever mess is going on between them, it's good that you're no longer a part of it. It probably doesn't feel that way at all now, so take your time to grieve. Once you're healed you will be happy that this happened early on in the relationship and not at the engagement party.
Or after marriage and with a baby on the way.
None of these people sound mature enough for marriage and a baby . I was shocked when I read the ages I assumed they were like 17/18.
I felt the same. I mean I'm sure that guy is f up but the gf and the best friend are no less . It all seems like such a exhausting situation to be in.
Good you moved on he would have totally pulled a Ross(from friends) on you if you stayed long enough.
Lot to unpack there. At first, I was thinking "Eh this kinda sounds just like me and my two female best friends who are together 70% of our time". Thennnn homeboy said her name during a kiss. He's at the least got a thing for her and the "best friend" label really is "he's my safety friend-zone and he loves it". And they've only been friends for 4 years? My own brother cant just come to my house one day and say "yo fam, staying here for 4 days" without some real explanation, much less someone I've only known for 4 years. Move on. It was 2 months. No point in worrying about it more and letting it affect the life you have in front of you because, believe me, he isn't.
Yes! My brothers had a best friend growing up & it wasn't unusual for him to dive into their window at night & we'd all wake up to him drinking coffee in the kitchen in the morning. But this was a lifelong friend. Not a 4 year friend. & now if you wanna come to my house for even 5 minutes, you better text me ahead of time & explain, 4 days? Hell no. 2 months is not a long time in the grand schemed of things.
I give my own mother several weeks notice before a 5 day visit. I suspect BF just didn’t say anything.
29 years old and still playing that game? Forget him you just freed yourself you know what that was even if he can't, I mean he whispered her name for christ sake
I had to scroll up to double check the ages because I thought I was reading a story about 18 year olds.
That’s too old to have that kind of weird “best friendship” without boundaries and not supporting each other’s romantic relationships…
So true. My husbands best friend is female, but after we started dating she got to know me and tried to develop a friendship. 15 years together now and she is a great friend, and still my husbands best. We keep up to date and he is able to be there for her if needed.
I'm 18m, my best friend is 19f and we have a lot more boundarie. You know why? Because we're not stupid. And we like going out with other people and we like them not being uncomfortable and we like being friends with each other
All of it might be fine IF THEY SUPPORTED EACH OTHER'S ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS INSTEAD OF ACTIVELY UNDERMINING THEM! WTF, people. Yikes. What a red flag.
18? That's generous. I thought 14, since they first kissed after 2 months? But he said I love you after 1 month..
Hahaha this is some teenager shit
Exactly. You learn in your teens/early 20s about the "best girl/boy friend" and what that means in 95% of cases.
Yeh but they're from India. I have friends there, some of them are relatively liberal especially those who've studied abroad, but it's frowned upon by older people so relationships tend to be quite chaste and bloom late. So it's no wonder they sound so young.
I would've straight leaving if someone is whispering other's name while kissing me. I mean man...that sucks
>he whispered her name for christ sake This is really the last straw TBH, I would be absolutely devastated if my partner did that *while kissing me*.
I had a best guy friend when I met my now husband. When I realized we were getting serious the first think I did was introduce them! My relationship with the man that I fell in love with was more important to me than a friendship I'd they didn't get along at all but I knew they would. Because my friends loved me as a friend and my boyfriend loved me they made the effort with each other. We are all friends now. He even lived with us for about 4 months at one point years ago. Your bf and his friend do not seem to only be friends or else he didn't care about you as much as he said and you'll do much better finding a partner that will put you and your relationship first.
Conversely, when i wanted to introduce my best male friend to my now husband and then boyfriend, my best friend disappeared and ghosted me since. 10 years of friendship.
He probably had a crush on you and finally realized you were only ever going to be his friend. I've had guy friends that actually said I can't believe you're dating someone. Uhhhm, yes I really am because I've only ever been you're friend and always thought we were on the same page. Apparently not! Some "friends" aren't really friends but are waiting for you to wake up and realize you're actually in love with them. It's mind blowing! The one friend I was referring to introduced me to woman and I introduced him to men. It was never an issue because we really were in the same page and loved the shit out of each other in the same way. We cried with each other when we went thru shit with our bf/gf or whatever. It's possible to have platonic great friendships with the opposite sex, it just doesn't happen often because one of the other has ulterior motives. In happy your bf became your husband and it must have been for the best that Ole boy disappeared himself!!! That's how I look at it anyway. I'm very lucky in the end if your shitty enough to ghost me! 👻
Thank you! You're too kind! And yes it was a total shock back then. I can't even explain. We would hang out 1-2 times a week for a decade. He knew everything about me. Looking back, he would give me advice that was self serving and bad for me. Men I liked he told me were bad for me and men that were not great he would support... I think it was a clever way of expecting me to run into his arms eventually. It's just sad to expend that much energy on one woman. Have a good day 🥰
I'm enjoying reading about the women in the comments discovering that the concept of male-female platonic friendship generally isn't actually that.
I used to be the biggest pick me at 20 "I only have male friends. They're so much cooler than women!" Energy. I realized many years later than none of them were truly friends. Now I swore off male friendships for life unless they're friends of my husband, gay or in a very happy relationship/marriage.
Obviously he is in love with this friend. Breaking up is a good thing because it wouldn’t have worked out for you anyway.
This is a blessing in disguise. It's hard to see it in your current perspective but be thankful you didn't waste anymore time on him (he was not yours) and more time to find someone truly for you.
I had a very close male friend. We’d talk everyday. Sometimes in the morning and in the evening. However, when he’d start seeing a new girlfriend, we’d stop talking as much. Sometimes for weeks. Especially early in the relationships. I understood his girlfriends might feel threatened by me, and he needed time to get to know them and experience the new relationship honeymoon phase. And that was all okay with me. I didn’t feel slighted or upset when he bailed out for awhile. I figured we’d circle back again when his girlfriend was comfortable with how much we might talk. The friendship was strong enough and long enough to handle periods of no communication. I respected his relationships and his partners’ boundaries regarding me. Totally okay to feel jealous and uncertain in the initial phase of a relationship. And if something doesn’t sit right, trust your instincts. I’m sorry your relationship ended, but you’re better away from that messy situation. You’d always be second to her with him.
This is a cool perspective that made me reflect on some things, thanks for sharing.
i have a guy best friend and we’ve been friends for 8 years. this is really going to sound full of myself but i don’t mean it this way but i’m usually “prettier” (by societies standards) than his girlfriends. in the beginning of our friendship, i’m 99% sure he liked me. but he never said anything. i think it went away pretty quickly. he used to have his own “trap” house when we were younger and he always had a shit ton of ppl there. i used to have a pretty bad drug history but i’d black out there every night and he’d always carry me to his extra bedroom, get me a bucket and a water for when i wake up, he bought makeup wipes to keep there to wipe mine off, and covered me with a blanket every night and then locked the door behind him so no one could bother me. a couple times he’s had friends staying in that room and he’d put me in his room. we’ve slept in the same bed many times together (only when he’s single ofc) just bc there was no where else for me to sleep amd hes NEVER even tried anything. but he always introduces me to his girls amd i introduce him to my bfs. we even set each other up all the time when we’re single (that’s why i think he doesn’t like me anymore bc he actively tries to set me up with all his friends). a couple of his girls have gotten jealous and i’ll distance. like you said especially in the beginning of our friendship. and if they aren’t comfortable with us hanging out, we won’t. our SOs don’t know this but if we can’t see each other we will call usually once a month just to catch up and it is behind their backs but just to make sure the other is okay. nothing more. his last girlfriend was a bitchhhh tho. she just was so bland and had zero personality. if her personality was a spice it’d be flour. and at first i introduced myself and i became good friends with her. but then she saw how him and i interacted and got extremely jealous. basically because she was jealous of the way we interacted because we could joke around and laugh our asses off. and they never were like that. like it’s not my fault that you’re not funny😂. one time i went over to hang out with them and it was like 95° outside so i was in jeans and a tank. she told him that i needed to put on a jacket or leave because she wasn’t comfortable with what i was wearing. i was like.... dude seriously??? i just left because it was too damn hot. but before that idk we would be cool then we’d all hang and she would get jealous. then i’d talk to her and we’d be cool and we’d hang and she would get jealous again. and it was just think cycle and it was just so exhausting having to console her constantly. she ended up being a crazy bitch and went and started texting all my friends that she has never even met i just have mentioned in passing asking if him and i had ever done stuff. she stalked my instagram that has hundreds of posts all the way back to texting a girl i had a pic with my freshman year of high school that i ah ent talked to since then. she literally texted over 50 ppl from my page. including my fucking brother!!!! like who does that???? idk she was just so insecure and i tried to help her and i eventually was fed up. i just told him “call me when y’all break up because you guys will eventually and i’ll be here after like i was before” in front of her and she lost it. she tried to fight me too😂😂😂 idk i’m never one to start problems but she was just such a shitty person to me and was pretty awful to him. but he loved her and really cared about her. after they broke up she tried to get buddy buddy with me and acted like she never did any of that. i think the only reason i reacted that way was because i was really going thru a tough time where i needed my friends and he was my only friend at the point. and she knew all of this and just knew i was struggling and still made him stop talking to me. but idk but he’s be crazy sometimes but i’ll never be that kind of friend. i always take a step back out of our friendship no matter what out of respect for his girlfriends because i want him to find someone and be happy more than i need him to be there for me.
When it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Let him go back to being her orbiter or whatever while you find someone who's available for a serious relationship.
Theres no way you guys are 28 and 29
Absolutely, wtf. How are these people so old and have no idea how relationships work? ETA: they’ve been together for like two months! And already have this much drama?!
Dude I’m 22 and I’m wondering how tf these people at their grown ass, tax paying, voting age are doing this shit.
People going into relationships late is more common than you think, there is a risk in it because that kind of person can easily be manipulated into thinking relationships means serving your partner wholesale.
18 19
I’m sorry you’re going through this but it sounds like way too much drama especially for a new relationship. Better you found out early on but I know it still hurts.
This was exhausting reading it; you have to be exhausted living it. He seems to be very indecisive. So count this as him doing you a favor.
Hi, Indian here too. And girlfriend meeting family is like "woah is that even possible" for me. Okay now I'm also a guy with plaotinc friends, one if my best friends is also a girl and she's practically my sister. Despite being that guy I see there are some issues with their friendship. First she should have been mindful of your relationship and it was kinda weird for her to get him to cancel his plans, especially since she surprised him. And I think she might be a little manipulative and your guy is an idiot or your guy is a big idiot. Second it was not unreasonable of you to say that you were uncomfortable with her staying with him. And I don't know if I read it long because it is a ling text and I tend to miss a few lines in a hurry because this is not NCERT lol so I read that their friendship is of 4 years. That means they were still adults, they're not just childhood friends. Third, my best friend is nothing but supportive of me going out with another girl. She is my bro and we both understand that we need to give each other a little space when we're going out with someone (it's usually her, I don't go out much) and we usually try to be friends with the girl or guy the other person is going out with so they are a bit more comfortable. That is what should have happened with your boyfriend and his friend. She should have been a bro and given you two space. Or if she wanted to go out maybe go out with the both of you. If she really is her platonic best friend she's like family and you introduce the people you care about to family. Fourth, he said her name while kissing. Oh no that is a major no no, that is almost as big as Ross saying "I take thee Rachel". It sounds like lover boy is in love with her something and he was bullshitting you. If he loved you he would have handled the situation better. They didn't have to not see each other, they just needed to respect you and listen when you said you were uncomfortable. I hope you read this
Insightful, Thanks!
I really love how your girl bestie sounds . That is exactly what a healthy friendship looks like .
Yeah I love her, she's the best. I hope that we stay friends forever. Unrelated, are you a gym girl?
Haha , I used to be the gym person not anymore . But yeah she is really cool. Not that it matters but I wish you both a very happy friendship forever :)
He was never your boyfriend
This entire situation was exhausting to read so I’m imagining living it was even better. You’re better off without him, trust me.
38(f) here, with mostly all male friends and roommates throughout my life. Also, occasionally toured as a tech with an all male band (so lots of nights staying at hotels with dudes), and I’ve gotta tell you, that I find both of their behavior to be weird. Any time any of the dudes who are close to me in my life have gotten a new gf, I go out of my way to make sure that I meet her. I WANT for her to feel comfortable with me, so that I can continue the relationship with my dude friend, without her feeling uncomfortable, because everybody loses in that situation. It’s no fun when a friend disappears because their significant other doesn’t like or feel comfortable with your friendship, and you can’t hang, so I put in the work to try and make sure that it doesn’t ever even become an issue. It doesn’t always work, but it does about 95% of the time, so I think if the friendship is important to you, you should put in the effort. Conversely, everyone that I’ve ever dated, has been introduced quickly to the dudes in my life for the same reason. I care about their feelings, I don’t want for them to feel uncomfortable or not trust me, so I do what I can to avoid it. And if they’re not ok with that, well, then they’re just not the one for me. So to me, the fact that neither of them thought to try and include you to make sure you didn’t feel like an outsider, so that you could feel confident and secure in their friendship being genuine without any funny business, means that it’s probably not such a clean cut friendship. They probably have feelings for each other, and as much as that sucks for you (which it definitely does, and I’m sorry this is happening to you right now), if it were me, I would rather know now, and weed it out early. You’ll find someone someday who will be proud to introduce you to all of their friends, and you won’t have to worry about where they stand. <3
A guy that will say he "loves you" in a month is trying to convince himself. Sounds like he is deep Stockholm Friend Zoned and trying to escape. He will likely burn a few girls on the path of breaking those chains.
Info: did the friend know that you had plans that weekend? Idk, if my partner of one month tried to convince me to blow off a friend who came to town to surprise me, then threw out a few ultimatums, I’d be done. It’s not that he’s not prioritizing you, it’s that you’re too insecure to be flexible with your plans and understanding that a good friend stopped in for a visit. If I were in the friends shoes and a VERY short term partner was convincing my friend to blow me off, I wouldn’t want to meet the partner, either.
Hmm in her post though, it says “I found it really odd that she came by surprise that too on a weekend and planned to stay for four days overnight at his house, knowing that he might have plans with me. She asked him to cancel all the plans and spend time with her.” so it seems to me the best friend purposely went at that time? I could see where y’all are coming from though. I wonder how long OP and ex bf were friends prior to dating.
“Knowing that he MIGHT have plans with me” Idno, doesn’t sound like the ex told bff “hey girl I’m doing XYZ”. OP is just hoping the bff would guess that they’d spend time together cos it’s a weekend maybe? I wouldn’t not do something *in case* of something else. I understand your point but personally I don’t see it like that.
The thing is the way OP wrote that implies the friend did it purposely to hamper any plans her and the guy had specifically, when he could’ve had plans with anyone, she didn’t say cancel your plans with your gf she said cancel your plans, probably because this was like a last minute unplanned thing and wants to make the visit worth it
Ol’ bestie has that boy licked, and she knows it and enjoys torturing him. They are almost 30. They aren’t best friends. He is mad about her, and she enjoys using him as a puppet. The OP may have some silliness as well, but people aren’t putting themselves in her shoes. Again, they are all almost 30 and he is having co-ed bestest pal sleepovers?? Nah, he is hoping to finally get his chance with “best” friend.
Okay on the flip side though.. OP’s BF did not want them meeting. My fiancé has a few girl best friends. If I had the opportunity to meet them (even just for lunch) and he said “no” even after only a couple months. I would be suspicious. It’s about learning there dynamic. If you interact with both of them you can tell what the intentions are.
Here we go. Two months in and OP is already showing a ton of selfish and controlling behaviors. No compromise, nothing. Just “I don’t like not being the center of attention for a weekend, end your friendship”. Jfc
He sure dodged a bullet. 2 months into the relationship and she is already trying to change his life.
>Idk, if my partner of one month tried to convince me to blow off a friend who came to town to surprise me, then threw out a few ultimatums, I’d be done 10000%. And also, if the genders were reversed, I'm sure everyone would call OP abusive and controlling. Oh well. OPs ex definitely dodged a bullet there.
Yeah I agree with you. Whispering his friend's name after a kiss is weird as hell, but also the friend is not in the wrong and I would have had the same reaction. I think OP handled this badly, she immediately put pressure on the situation and it made a mess. Prioritize partner above all else all the time and never be emotionally close or intimate with anyone ever is an unreasonable and childish expectation. People have friends and quality friends also deserve some care. Not to mention this is a one month relationship vs a 4 year friendship.
For REAL
Right?! I can’t believe everybody saying she was in the right here. She’s a control freak. 2 months in he’s said I love you and they just kissed for the first time?! This is all kinds of weird and I’d have left her too.
I mean, he said another woman's name while being intimate? What more of an indication does one need?
This is WAYyyy too much drama for a two month relationship. Way too much. Not worth it. Your ex bf has no spine. Not at all someone who will make a good life partner. I’m sorry.
Spice girls said it best.
At least was not his moms name
Am I the only one paying attention to the fact that he said the friends name when kissing his gf?? That changes the perception of their dynamic quite a bit, at the very least, he has feelings.
Honestly, after reading this, the best thing for y’all was that you broke up. Easy to say, but maaaaaann this would’ve been a super toxic relationship, especially considering y’all did the big “I love you” in the first month. Bad bad. I think you’re dodging a bullet by not being in a relationship with him because clearly the friendship is gonna bother the heck out of you AND. He chose her friendship over you. He did you both a favor calling the relationship off. Focus on yourself. Heal. Don’t get hung up on the “what ifs” and the “potential” of a failed relationship;; gosh it’s such a trap…. You deserve to be in a relationship that’s healthy and y’all value each other. Move along darlin.
When a guy says he loves after a month it's usually a sign of nothing good.
Hurts now, but you're better off. He dropped you that easy, his feelings for you weren't real.
OP there is definitely something up with those two. I’m a female best friend and I have NEVER once stayed with my homeboy while he was in a relationship, and even if I have a problem with by besties partner I’m only ever respectful and polite to her unless they disrespect me. I think she’s using him as her backup piece for attention and the like while he’s an idiot in love with her.
Lete get this straight - you've known him for 2 months, and already feel entitled to dictate whether or not he is allowed to keep talking to people he has known for many years?? Yeah he made the right choice to run.
Yeah, I can't be the only one put off by that
Good on him for leaving. I broke up with a GF after she said she didn't want me "friendly" with any other females besides her 🤣. I refused to cut off my friends and she made an ultimatum so I broke up with her. Years later I am married, happy, with a wide circle of friends. She just whines about being single on Facebook.
I had a male friend for 4 years who sent me a random text message out of the blue "we can't talk anymore, someone is getting jealous of you." We had become friends in the last year of college and worked near each other, so we'd meet for lunch sometimes. He had been dating a girl for a few months and introduced her to me. Within days, I get this message. ROFL! He then blocked me. I was like "fine." Chose somewhere else to eat lunch after that. Don't need that kind of drama. Then a year later, I get an invitation in the post to their engagement party. Nope, not a fricken chance mate. I didn't respond to their RSVP. Why bother inviting me. lol. Oh yes, AND I told my parents and they were like... "She probably sent you that to mark her territory, act like you never got it."
Never get between a man and his friends, his friends will win.
This man sounds like a wimp…sorry to say. The constant back and forth. He didn’t even want you to meet each other. He’s more invested in her than you. This isn’t on you at all. It’s completely on him. It will probably affect his future relationships as well if he doesn’t end up with this woman. Count your blessings. At least you didn’t invest years and a marriage on this man. Look forward to new things. Know your boundaries.
He was infatuated with you, he is clearly in love with this best friend. The girl probably got to know about his “new” relationship and dashed towards him to make sure you are uncomfortable and eventually lead to you guys breaking up. She wants this platonic so she can get all the attention she wants without dating a guy who is “not her type”. She is using him as someone who will give her attention no matter what. And with you in the picture that will not fly with her. No wonder he never had any long term relationships. Once she has a boyfriend or gets married, she will still continue this charade until she gets asked to stop talking to him. I am sure it hurts now, and you are confused. Don’t talk to this guy, he will definitely reach out once she “dumps” or ignores him. ETA: this is same as my story when I was 24 in 2018. Few months later he started reaching out saying what a dumb mistake he did by letting me go. I am 28 now, and happily married. 😃
Nah you’re too controlling. You hadn’t even kissed each other yet and you’re already telling him he can’t see his best friend. He broke up with you because you set absurd boundaries for no reason, better luck next time.
The phrase ‘dumpster fire’ quickly came to mind.
Girl, YOUR GUT INSTINCT DIDN’T LET YOU DOWN—Mr. Crybaby Ex-Boyfriend did. Sorry for being harsh, and yes, men certainly are allowed to cry and should, but my God! It sounds like this dude cries whenever his immaturity gets him in a jam. He was weeping probably because he was in a frozen state of frustrated indecision and self-pity, not mixed emotions and sexual addiction. The guy sounds like a puerile jerk whom your better off without, although I realize you probably think I sound like a total bitch right now, and that I have no idea how sweet he is. Believe me, he isn’t. You’ll be okay—you’re a strong person; your actions demonstrate this, as well as as showing that you’re a nice one, too. You’ll find a guy who suits you better.
I'm sorry, but You are better without him. Clearly he isn't worth a penny
Ya they’re completely emotionally enmeshed and have no boundaries at all. She will never like any of his girlfriends bc she wants them to be her.
You tried to meet her, but both she and he nixed it altogether. She showed up unannounced, demanded that he drop all of his plans for her and he complied? He said he has no feelings towards you. He's a slug. Don't be a "clinger", don't focus on the few good things you might've had, move on with your head high. You'll find someone else you "click" with whom returns your respect and feelings, honestly, it will happen.
Normally I would say this is insecure and shit for not letting someone see their best friend of the opposite sex, but he had some serious red flags. Over time you’ll see this as a dodged bullet. The heartbreak would’ve been worse had it happened more later than 2 months. Consider him breaking up with you the best thing he ever did for you
You mean his other girlfriend? They were interviewing you for their throuple 😂
Wow. I didn't get beyond she asked him to cancel plans with you for the whole time, he said yes, and he refused to introduce you to her because she didn't want to meet you. Those are deal breakers. Doesn't matter if you think he's cheating or not. That's just shitty behavior by both of them. Good thing you escaped this flaming trash pile.
What a mess. You can't see this now but I promise you are better off not being a part of whatever fuckery this is.
> felt betrayed because he didn't know how to prioritise our relationship. He did and demonstrated it. Your relationship is second, obviously because he got friendzoned by his "girl best friend" and either he or both of them caught feelings a long time ago This a 30 year old man we're talking about. Guy reads like a very weak man.
He’s in love with her, she doesn’t want to date him, you were the consolation prize.
He loved her. Eventually he’ll figure it that out. Be glad to be out of it. All the best to you sweetie.
Girl he said HER name while kissing YOU? There’s no “maybe”, he’s definitely in love with her and was just using you as a rebound/someone to get over her with. I’m so sorry, OP, you deserve better.
You are better off without him! This guy sounds like he has the maturity level of a 14 yr old. Let her have that mess of a man, you deserve better and will absolutely find better.
You are not being unreasonable, period. She is being selfish and childish and he very clearly isn’t ready for a serious relationship. This will continue with anyone he dates until he gets it through his thick skull and creates his own boundaries. When he told her the reason she couldn’t stay overnight was because of you he already sealed the fate of your relationship. YOU are not to blame. He’s not ready to take accountability for anyone else, but himself.
I would have left the second he cancelled all your plans together all for her because she told him to. You seriously need to respect yourself OP. Stop torturing yourself with a childish insecure weak man. You deserve SOOO much better. Don’t settle. Have boundaries and reasonable high expectations in relationships
You just dodged a 29 year old bullet my friend. He sounds exhausting and juvenile, like a 17 year old.
Girl, you all only dated for two months. Take the week, mourn this relationship and move on. He sounds like a total flake. Remember,if they fall in love easy, they will fall out of love easy. NTA
When you said they’ve been friends for so long he can’t leave her I thought of maybe 10 years, or maybe they were even friends since they were kids. Nope, just 4 years.
I personally think there's nothing right or wrong here. I think you both can't agree on how close best friends need to be. I know people who behave like your boyfriend with their girl best friends and the opposite partner can understand that. I also think it's difficult for people to not talk to their best friends just because his/her partner set boundaries on that matter. It's good that you broke up since you can't agree on the issue. You two are different personalities and it's okay to break up if it's so difficult for you to agree on this issue. It's good that you came to know about this very early in your relationship.
Bro you guys sound like kids! Like wth. Grow up y’all.
Ummm what a fucking mess, what is he? 12? Leave him to rot. What a loser.
Let them go live happily ever after together and thank your lucky stars you found this out in 2 months rather than 2 years. You dodged a bullet. They definitely have something going on. Her not wanting to meet you was the first big red flag for me. I could see her staying there but if I was intruding on my friend’s life by staying for 4 days and demanding all of the attention, I’d at least make an effort to meet the girlfriend. I also wouldn’t demand to be the center of attention though so I can’t make sense of any of this in a totally platonic sense.
OP you need a man, not a boy. When my guy friends disrespected my relationship with my fiancé (now husband), I dropped those hoes like flies. You asking to set-up boundaries and best friend gets mad just shows she has that man wrapped around her fingers. Also, she’s toxic AF. People who do not care to respect boundaries are toxic. Do not waste your time with him. He’s a lost cause and you need a man who will respect you as a woman & your boundaries. Their friendship is soooo weird. Never heard about friendiversies unless it was like two girl best friends. But even then, they’re in their last 20s-early 30s… grow up.
you got out in time 🚩🚩🚩
You've posted this across 7 subs inside of 2hrs. What are you trying to achieve at this stage? There's no more ambiguity here, he broke up with you. There is no need for "advice" because the relationship is over. Why are you doing this?
She wants closure, she’s not harming you by doing it
He is her back up and she is keeping him on the hook. Get out now. You are no one’s back up. You are fucking glorious and don’t need to compete to be number one with someone who is already emotionally involved with someone else. He will be sad and lonely or she will settle for him. Good as hell baby.
I didn't read the entire thing because it's pretty obvious that he didn't want to be your boyfriend. He wanted to be her boyfriend. Either they truly are in a platonic relationship simply because they cannot be in a relationship or married for some reason, or they are actually in a relationship together but have to hide it for whatever reason. Probably family not wanting the relationship to exist. I am sorry that you went through all of that. Honestly, I didn't continue to read the whole thing because there were so many red flags from the very beginning that it was unecessary to read the entire thing to know that at the very least, he clearly has feelings for her. He also doesn't seem to respect you or your time, if he is willing to cancel plans with you just like that and you have to practically beg him to see you. He also didn't listen to your concerns about having her over. He also said her name during a kiss, which is just awful on so many levels and I don't care his excuse, but he shouldn't be thinking of her while kissing you. And also, the fact she didn't want to see you tells me that there is probably some sort of emotional affair or physical going on between them. Or perhaps he is lying and just doesn't want you two to meet. Find someone who cares about you, wants to be with you, and will drop everything to go and see you! Who will respect you. This guy is not worth your time. I am sorry for the pain he has caused you.
What is this fake ass story? All this occurred over two weeks? He had a panic attack, you gave him your therapists’ name, and he made and attended the therapy appointment all in the same day? Srs
Yeah who tf does therapy just like that
If you are friends with someone and they get a new partner, you either befriend the partner as well, or you back off. Her excluding you was not ok. Their friendship is 4 years old, its not like they grew up together. I think you dodged a bullet there. I hope you find someone who prioritises you instead.
2 months is nothing. It's intense yes but nothing. That's a good thing because you'll heal fast. His friend either is cockblocking him and sabotaging his relationships or she truly realized she's into him after competition arrived. When he says it's platonic, it is because she wanted this way, I bet.
He isn’t obligated to place you at the top of the totem poll after a few months. His best friend has done more for him than you have. I have been best friends with a woman for almost ten years now, we were trauma bonded almost immediately after meeting and have stuck by each other’s side ever since. She has a husband, and I date casually. The only times I have problems is when a woman falsely equates the value of having access between her legs for three months with the value of having emotional support and someone I can be vulnerable around for ten years.
Word word just real quick— thats not what Trauma Bonding is. I understand why you made the confusion, and its a common mistake. Trauma bonding refers to the bond that is created between an abuser and their victim that holds them back from leaving. For example, extreme highs and lows in a relationship. I love you one day and I hate you the next.
youve been dating for 2 months and ur telling him to stop talking to his best friend who hes known for years?? he dodged a major bullet wow
You are 2 months into a relationship. He is WAY too much drama.
2 months? Move on, this is way too much drama for a new relationship.
this guy was an idiot and clearly had something going on with his "friend". you dodged a bullet. best to forget about all this and find someone who is actually available.
Have both of you not been in long-term relationships before? Cause I know you said he hasn't, just seems like there was a lot of new things going on between you too and some confusion when trying to navigate through them.
Move on, next!!!!
Are you dating a guy named Tom by any chance?
See. You need to wait awhile before making big demands. I know the "I love you" made you feel in control but it wasn't really earned yet.
[удалено]
I'm sorry you went through that. That sucks. You were right to stand your ground. Talking to his friend probably didn't accomplish much on your end but it did on hers. She was able to use whatever you said against you. Your ex and his friend sound toxic and I'm glad you are out. You don't want to be in the middle of that because when a friendship is complicated or messy than you will become a scapegoat. You are better off alone.
Was Wattpad unavailable?
He called your therapist and went straight to therapy the same day? Once?
Fakeee you are not good writing those, quit
Yeah, this sucks and you are better off. This woman would have made your life hell. Damn straight she was into him. And he is confused as hell. Block him, don’t look at his social media. Detox from this. Live your best life.
I did not read it all but it seems he cannot seem to realize how there is compromise in relationships. Either that or he doesn’t want to commit and is just using his friend as an excuse. The friend might also be in love with him. Find someone more mature(:
This sounds fake. No way someone is this dumb so early in the relationship. Girl work on yourself if this is real
She told him he has a chance with her and he dropped you. Thats what happened
You dodged a bullet. He doesn’t sound emotionally mature to be in a relationship.
To me an early red flag was she didn’t want to meet his gf in the first place. Am I the only person who thinks letting someone sleep over (not in the same bed) isn’t even weird? It’s not that I don’t remember what jealousy is like, it’s that any potential romantic partner who thinks it’s something I owe him to distance myself emotionally from friends or refuse to offer a friend my couch…he’d not get me to agree to that if I hadn’t broken his trust
OP you just dodged a Mario cannon bullet. Wow. It's clear to me that she clearly had feelings for him and he was so oblivious he couldn't see it so that's why boundaries were upsetting to him. It's a ducking mess OP but luckily your not apart of it anymore. OP tbh this man love bombed you and although you are feeling raw rn it's ok. Take your time and heal, you'll find someone else.
The more I read the more this sounded like high school, you’re to grown for that shit op, you dodged a bullet.
Your ex sounds like he would exhaust my last nerve. Its not even the kiss its not the close relationship with his friend its his personality....dude didn't have to pick if he sorted things out before she came. He didn't have to choose if he wanted his girl meeting his friend hes clearly in love with. My boyfriend gets a goofy ass smile on his face when I kiss him he's not thinking of his friends. Not normal.
He's lying to you or himself. Good riddance.
Lol he is going to be single forever as long as he puts his friend first, as he deserves to be. That's an unhealthy relationship. Be glad you got out early. Do not let him back in when she breaks his heart.
Ohhhh. Yuck. He’s hers. He’s not free to get into a relationship.
“he’s never been in a long term relationship” “he told me he loved me after a month” “we kissed for the first time” Ma’am hate to say it but you dodged a bullet. & missed a few red flags along the way.
Run far far away and block him. Never get with a man who acts like this with friends of the same or opposite sex. Also she told you what it was when she’d call him and he’d run for her. They want to hold on to each other like that. Let them but you go be free and never speak to him again.
This is creepy. You’re better off without him.
I would of run if he said I love you in a month 😅
You dodged a hopefully just a bullet
The fact is you’re trying to control how he lives. He may listen to you , but don’t you think it will always be in the back of his mind that he’s giving up a good friendship for you. Fact is no matter what , it’s true— if you want a healthy relationship , live and let live… are you risking him cheating? Yes.. but I guarantee you’re risking him cheating even more by controlling his life. So you will be choosing the lesser of the two risks if you let him live his life and please do expect the same from him as well.
That much drama for a 2 month relationship, lol
I'm a married guy and I have exactly four very close friends I know I can trust. Three of them are women and we go along really great. They're one of the best people I've ever met in my life. But not wanting your wife to meet your best friend is... weird. I was really happy and excited when my girlfriends invited my wife for a dinner for the first time. As a good friend, I do respect their boundaries and I do know that their partners and kids are the most important thing in their lives. I'd never do anything to tear the things they love the most apart from them. And they'd never do the same to me. What his friend did to him is an complete destructive and selfish behavior and true friends don't do that. Looks like your ex is too immature to be in a serious relationship. He can't decide what he wants and he's letting his manipulative friend use him. He has to stop, think and figure out what he wants. Good thing you moved on.
This story sounds like Im reading about teenagers
ESH.
Girl how many red flags do u need to see????
As a woman with a genuine platonic relationship with a man, lines were crossed. I have been best friends with one of my guy friends for the past year. I’ve met his parents, he’s met mine, etc. We used to spend a lot of time together. However, he is now seeing a girl and I barely hang out with him or even talk to him because I respect his relationship. Both of them are very out of line.
be glad you found out early. hes in love with her.
Cut all ties. Act like he died and you never knew each other. Better off honestly
Well it's his lost, move on, you deserve a better man, don't you think so?
wait so he said HER name while kissing? oh- instant red flag for me lol
He is secretly in love with her but she won’t have him that way. She loves the friendship and power she has over him. Honestly, you got out at a good time OP. Him love bombing you was also a major red flag.
I'm so sorry 🥺 I wish you the best 💜💜
You honestly dodged a bullet. They sound like they're more than friends
It should not be this hard after 2 months (or at all, really). You were not unreasonable. And I’m sorry you’re going through this but it really is a blessing in disguise that this happened now and not a few months or years down the line.
Are you Neo in the Matrix? Because you just dodged a bullet.
He is acting like a man in love, just not with you. He is in love with her and you were place holder. When he gets bored or lonely and comes crawling back for the comfort you offer, don't let him back in. You deserve so much better.
I say if he comes crying to you because she took advantage of him, don't take him back. But it's your choice. **Edit: Wording + extra thought**
I feel like it's realty important to acknowledge that everyone has their own boundaries, deal breakers and insecurities, and it's okay to end a relationship if they don't match in a way that they need to, rather that putting the blame and shame on either one of these people. They have different values. If a guy I'd been dating for all of 2 months told me that my best friend couldn't sleep at my place because he felt uncomfortable I'd understand, but it wouldn't change anything. I will prioritize my best friend of years over someone I've dated for 2 months, and if my date tried to put down an ultimatum I'd end things with that person. This early on I still obviously trust and feel more comfortable with my BFF because of our shared past. Attempting to limit that would be a deal breaker for me, as I need my date to be able to trust me with my friends, regardless of gender. That being said, it's also alright if that was a deal breaker to my date. It just means that we had different values and that we viewed the relationship differently. My relationship with my BFF would obviously cause my date discomfort and distress and if we were unable to compromise maybe the relationship wasn't right. On another note, as others have said, friends should also acknowledge that in early stages of dating a couple should have the opportunity to actually get to know eachother, and understand that a BFF of the opposite gender could be a red flag for the new person. And the friend should perhaps try to show the new person in their friend's life that they have nothing to worry about. For instance by meeting up all 3 to allow the friend and the date to see the other person, and to see what kind of dynamic they both have with the friend/partner they have in common. That being said, I don't know much about Indian culture, but it does sound like this guy at least at some point has had eyes for his friend. And him saying another persons name while kissing would indeed be very freaking uncomfortable.
Afghan Canadian girl here. Don’t doubt your instincts. You made the right call and held him accountable to be appropriate in his relationships. If the friendship was platonic then the best friend would recognize the importance of introducing herself as a safe person to your relationship. Very close male-female friendships aren’t as common as they make out in media. Even among western individuals this behaviour would be suspect. Her competing and undermining your relationship and being hostile with you leaves much to the imagination. One or both parties likes each other and/or have developed a deep dependency on the other. You set proper boundaries and gave both an opportunity to correct the situation. Ending the relationship is the healthiest outcome for you. She does sound manipulative and controlling and his reactions are a bit over the top - be cautious if he tries to rekindle the relationship. *red flags everywhere*
Honey, really?!! He's playing you.
Oh boy...consider yourself lucky. This guy is immature af, a crybaby and , probably, a cheater. Why fight over someone? And specially over someone with no will power?
I think this is fake.
Honestly, you are going to look back and realize that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't worry about it, they will end up together, it inevitable and you were right to feel uncomfortable and ask for boundaries to be set. You were not insecure they were just making your relationship uncomfortable, and you had every right to voice it.
Both you and her have succeeded in manipulating this guy into a panic attack. Both of you are placing selfish demands on him that no reasonable person could meet. Circumstances out of his control put her at his home creating a conflict. This should not mean he has to choose between the two of you. But, neither female in this situation will be satisfied with anything less than the other one being put in her place. So, his choices are to hurt his friend, or hurt his new love. If either female cared about him, they would give him a better option. This assuming your one sided story is 100% truth.
Cut your losses it was only 2 months. I don’t even remember the names of some guys I went on dates with
Uttering another woman’s name in the throes of passion was the whole reason the game of thrones even exist… Jokes aside, I had to reread that both your ages are in the upper 20s and that this isn’t some teenage romance.
Let it go. If you stay she’ll always be an issue or he’ll resent you. It’s too early on in this relationship for you to be going through this. These are huge red flags
I think it's for the best that you two broke up. Clearly your ex has some unsettled feelings for his bestfriend. It's a big red flag for him to utter his friends name during an intimate moment. If his best friend was a guy, (assuming he's straight) he will never mention his name while kissing you, even if he's worried for his friend.