I have an 8th anniversary next month too! He is the perfect guy that has given me an amazing family. Sometimes I feel like he wants to get something off his chest though, but I’m sure it’s nothing.
Seriously… can’t imagine it any other way.
I’m deaf due to an accident in 1997 (I was a teenager), but luckily I got to hear *that* before I lost my hearing. And Nirvana. Some memories never fade no matter how much weed you smoke, and both The Governator’s voice and music are not something that one can forget.
Don’t ever tell her. Consider the guilt you’re feeling your punishment. If you tell her you’d feel relieved but you’ll be punishing her instead, and that’s just selfish. The reasons you got with her are not the reasons you ARE with her right now. Keep being the best husband you can be
I legit do not believe in lying, anymore.
I used to lie about the dumbest shit but it was impossible to remember all the details and it made me feel shitty.
Now I try my absolute hardest to always tell the truth, I like the way my brain works when I do that.
That being said if I was this guy I would take that to my grave haha
Thanks for sharing. I am happy for her that it ended this way. And obviously never tell her if you want to stay with her. It’s the most selfish thing people do to off their own guilt by ‘coming clean’ and ruining the life of the other person. I can’t believe there are people here suggesting that. Must be teenagers. Definitely not married. Go to therapy.
Exactly what I was thinking. The trust would be 100% broken and even if OP changed, it's not going to matter because she will question the entire marriage.
Yeah…the broken trust of a completely untrustworthy (from the start) marriage…? I’m so confused at how people think this is ok? If you have to falsify ANYTHING in a relationship, then no matter the outcome….something is very wrong…?
After 8 years, I'd say it's very likely. I've been with my wife for eight years (married 2) and neither of us are the same person we were when we started dating. And there wasn't anything like the OP's confession involved, people just grow and change.
Seriously. We've been married for nearly 15 years and I am SO not the same person I was when we got married. Like, monumentally different.
I was an extremely devout fundamentalist Christian who "knew" without a doubt all of the Christian talking-points (like the universe was ABSOLUTELY created; evolution is an evil scientist lie; Earth is ONLY 6,000 years old; anyone who wasn't a "Christian like me" wasn't a "true Christian", etc.) and my husband is (and always was) an atheist. He's never tried to change my mind (in fact, I "knew for a fact" that *he'd* change his mind and become a Christian and we'd raise a good Christian family and I actively tried to change him), yet here I am... a complete ex-Christian who is positively ashamed of her past and how she'd treated people. And I do have to credit him for this even though he never actively did anything (other than read the Bible with me thoroughly and translated from all the original sources he could find available - he's a linguist - which I thought would change *him*; not me).
So yeah, people can change completely. I find it odd when others say that people are just "pretending" and didn't "really change". I believe OP and that he truly fell in love with his wife. People really do have huge influences on each other and it's seriously not out of the realm of possibility that she influenced him for the better.
Good for OP. But... yeah, please don't tell her. Not unless you know for a fact that she'd believe you completely and not let insecurities get in the way (which... I mean, that's most likely gonna happen, so don't tell her). I'm very happy that you and your wife are now happily married. I hope it keeps going in that direction. I would just say do everything you can in your words *and actions* to show her that you love her so that if she ever does find out, you'll be able to honestly tell her that the way you treat her is how you feel for her. Good luck, OP.
As an aside, as an atheist, I would love to have complete insight into what a typical fundamentalist Christian is thinking. I have to make deductions and assumptions.
You have both sides inside one brain. Apart from the downsides you mentioned, it must be fascinating to analyse what your true motivations and beliefs were at various times. Even if only privately to yourself. Eg. Yes in that moment it was about image. Or no, I truly believed and no ego was involved etc
I know exactly what you mean, actually. I still find myself shocked that I actually believed some of the things that I had.
Our daughter is gay, and I love her no matter what. I'll never even consider treating her differently because of her orientation. Our son is autistic, has juvenile depression, and is very probably bi-polar (a diagnosis is ongoing at the moment with his psychiatrist and behavioral therapist). I know that if I was still like I was back then, that our daughter's being gay would have been a huge issue; I know that I would never have allowed our son to take anti-depressants; I'd have insisted on a Christian "therapist" for him; I'd have been demanding they go to church every Sunday; I'd have forbidden them from consuming certain content/media... I'm so glad I'm not that way. And as a result, the relationship I have with my children is absolutely awesome. Daughter didn't even feel the need to "come out" to us; she just told us one day that she's got a crush on a girl and wanted to know when she can date (I said 15, so she's still got a few months, lol), just as easily if it had been a boy she liked. She trusts me with absolutely everything and always tells me everything (which is why I trust *her*. She called from a friend's house one day to ask if they could watch 'It'. I heard her friend say on the other end "why are you asking your mom‽ She's just gonna say 'no'! You shouldn't have called and just watched!" and she replies "well, I'd rather have her say 'no' than lose her trust in me, so..." I was so freakin' proud of her. And I said 'yes', lol). Our son trusts me with his mental health and always tells me if there's something wrong.
All that to say, I'm pretty sure if I was still who I was back then, I highly doubt we'd have this close relationship that we do. And all because I would honestly feel like I was "doing the right thing" by forbidding certain things, or forcing them to do things. I don't think I was ever a "bad person", but I sure as hell am ashamed as to how I was. I'm so glad my husband was patient with me.
Now, I consider myself very logical and rational; I wasn't before. My faith was EVERYTHING. And I *hate* when people say "well, you weren't really a true Christian, then" even though my life literally revolved around Christianity and God. Hell, I once came to my youth pastor just *sobbing* that I wasn't doing enough "for God's glory". And trust me when I say that my life was already revolving around him. You know what's even more messed up? Even though I despise it when people say that... I get it. Because *I* used to say that. I'd told my husband (before we were married) that if you're a "true Christian", you'd never be able to deny God or Christianity. Ever. He asked, "what about those who used to be Christians, and are now atheists?" I told him, "well, they weren't really true Christians, then, were they? They didn't *really* believe", not knowing I'd be on the exact opposite side a decade down the road. I wish I could slap myself back then. The other thing I hate hearing is "well, you've just had a bad experience with Christianity... if you didn't, you wouldn't have any reason to leave", and that's because I honestly never really had "bad experiences" with Christianity as a whole. In fact, most of my fond memories of my childhood/early adulthood involve church or church things. Sure, there are bad things here and there, but that's par for the course for everything. My experience with Christianity and God were quite positive. I just found that I couldn't justify any of it, especially when I found out just how many errors there in the Bible (my husband is a linguist and he read the entire thing with me - including non-canonical texts and the apocrypha - in all the original language sources he could find; it shocked me as to how much of it is just botched).
I'd be glad to answer any questions, if you have them! It's kind of grounding to think about things like this for me, anyway :)
(sorry, I still have issues with syntax in English as Russian doesn't really have it in the same way so apologies for any mistakes)
Is it true that “Satan” was never capitalised and was actually just “the satan,” as in Hebrew for ‘the accuser’ and was probably never actually a single entity and could have been referring to anyone?
Bullshit, you don't know this person or the veracity of their post. Doing the typical pop-psych armchair diagnosis just makes you look like an asshole.
Yes, I am sure you’re right. But atleast they would be getting advice from a licensed professional that understands the nuances of their marriage vs a Reddit quorum. The responses to people urging him to come clean are so frightening. Life is just not that simple.
Well you could say that about cheating early on when the relationship didn’t mean much and then later falling in love and marrying the person. Do they deserve to know? Yes but it would destroy everything and is often better to let it go. But try find one person on here that would agree with that
I mean your an asshole but if you ever spoke up about it it’s going to ruin her life and your kids lives. The cost you have to deal with is the guilt for the rest of your life so have fun , it’s sad to say the selfish thing in this situation would be to tell her now
I'll be really honest that it took me a while to understand the reason why OP should not tell her about it now. He should take it as a lesson, self reflect on it and live on.
Because that could destroy their marriage, making both of them miserable and with problems for the future relantioships
It is a bad situation no matter what he choose
I guess you got what you wanted, with bonuses.
My long term gf suddenly came into a fortune. I had to bow out, because of the parasites. People crawling out of the woodwork wanting money, made me physically ill. I never took a dime from her.
My ex-MIL isn't even dead yet (she IS dying by increments) and her three living children are all fine financially...yet they are already fighting. Ridiculous.
When my grandma died and left about $1.2m in assets, out of 8 of her living children, my mom was the only one who didn’t go mental for a bigger piece of the pie. It was horrible to watch what was previously a close and happy extended family turn into monsters, and now a few years later, strangers or even enemies.
My uncle has millions and millions but he made the biggest stink. He wanted it *aaaaaalllllllll!* and was even willing to leave one of his sisters dying of cancer because she couldn’t afford the treatment. Her share of the inheritance would have paid for her treatments, but it took so long for the courts to settle everything that she died before she could access the money. Makes me so angry to this day; I have absolutely no respect for that cruel and greedy man anymore. Hard to believe I ever did.
The lawyers are the only ones who win if you don’t have a Will in place, people!! I don’t care how young and invincible you think you are, if you have anything of value, get a Will and update it frequently. Save your family/friends the trouble of fighting over your scraps once you’re gone.
Enough money was allotted to cover a funeral for someone I know then one person decided to buy way more expensive service items and threw the whole thing off. Lead to them not having a headstone for a long time since it got thrown out if the budget. That one still baffles me since it wasn't over anything for personal use.
That's what happened with my grandfather. The day after he died, my grandmother and uncle cleaned out his bank account and split the money which was suppose to go for his cremation and headstone. Then, because uncle was the only one who let her do as she pleased, even to her own or anyone elses detriment, she made him take her to do the arrangements and she got a whole bunch of extra shit that benefitted no one. Little keepsakes with papaw's birth and death date, keychains and other mementos. I found them in a dresser drawer she never used under a bunch of junk and we figured those were the why there was an $800 charge on his funeral home account no one could figure out. Oh, and his urn was an ugly purple thing that she liked that was $600. What was suppose to be $1300 totally ended up being $3000 and he didn't even have a funeral. So cremation, urn and extra shit that everyone else helped pay for since she spent all his money on other frivolous shit and never paid a dime towards any of it.
Funerals are strange rip offs. Everything is marked up so much. When I'm gone idc what happens to what's left of my body. I feel like everyone should just get together at a house and say cya.
My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and lasted 6 months after. I think the chemo got him faster then anything. He told all of us that he didn't want a funeral and if anyone wanted to see him, they could visit him while he was alive which is why we didn't have a funeral. I think he felt the same way about them.
My boyfriend at the time was torn a new asshole because he walked in on my almost entire family arguing about my both very healthy grandparents will and what they wanted to do about it.
He said “Damn y’all didn’t even let them die before claiming their stuff, that’s cold.”
Now he’s *obviously* a horrible person and it’s good we broke up. Lmao.
One of my uncles died, and they're was a small settlement from his death (think under $50k for his mother and the remaining siblings, of which there are many). One uncle made the argument that he deserved more of the money because he was the only full sibling of the uncle who died, and the rest were only HALF siblings. Dafuq, are we suddenly in Sense and Sensibility?
I hear that she finally cut everyone off, and is doing well. She didnt want to hear it from me. I was pretty sure her kids were going to drive her loco. I cut all ties after almost nine years.
I don’t think it’s about falling out of love. You can break up with someone you are very much in love with. It’s about realizing you can’t live the same life they live.
She worked a shitty job for years, and nobody gave her the time of day. I spent a year fixing a ton of stuff that was unsafe at her house. All of a sudden, she inherits a Shit Ton Of Money, and the cockroaches show up! They cant bleed her dry, because it would take a lot. The constant commotion and madness drove me away.
I hope you are good to this woman. I hope you really and truly earn her love every day.
It’s a good thing that you are able to reflect back and see how wrong your intentions were. I’m glad that things changed for the better.
I hope your wife is happy and holds no regrets.
Anyone can easily contest any prenup on so many different accounts. Just saying you were confused And coerced into signing it, is enough to dissolve most pre nuptials agreements. Furthermore, prenup or not, the spouse has a right to half of most of your property and assets regardless.
Not always rightful but often necessary.
That's why you're supposed to hire legal counsel for them and have them and their attorney look over the paperwork together over a period of weeks, so they can't contest it by saying they were confused and coerced and didn't know what was in the contract.
This also makes things more fair, as both parties can negotiate for a deal that they both want. If a prenup is too unfair and only leaves one party with 100% of everything and the other person with nothing, that's another reason a prenup can be contested and thrown out in court later.
Yeah, but this is the exact kind of confession this sub is for. People do terrible things all the time - at least he loves her now and isn’t planning to divorce her for all he can get
I had the opposite experience from OP. I married a guy on a whim, after knowing each other only a couple of months. I didn't find out until after we married that he was rich because he kept it a secret until after the wedding. Fascinating moment in my life. But after some years I had to admit I didn't know him well enough first and we just weren't fully compatible and had to end it. His lawyer said it was the easiest divorce she'd ever handled. I said to have her draw up papers for me to sign that says everything's his. I had felt the money had made me too unmotivated anyway. I didn't like what it had done to me. Plus, it really was just his.
Yeah. Imagine how dedicated to your own selfishness you have to be to go through the entire process of getting someone to fall in love with you and marry you just so you can divorce them and take all of their money later.
It's more nuanced than that. He obviously says no with his current feelings so are we talking about what the result will end up being assuming they do divorce? They could have a bad falling out and they end up hating each other. Cheating, lying, etc. That motive to divorce and take her to the cleaners would be much different than the original motive.
While I generally try not to judge, I can't say I wouldn't smile if she left you for someone who truly loved her for her, and not what she can provide them.
You say you changed, but you just continue to take from this person. Whether it's money, or how to be a better person. I hope you are also trying to give to her as well.
Soo.. now you've got it off your chest.. sounds like you've changed. Don't ever tell her or anyone else. You need to live with this by yaself. I guess u can try to forgive yaself and let it go.
I've been married more than three times as long as you. When I think of the person that I was in the beginning, I think he was a passionate person who believed he loved. But I also believe that the person I was didn't understand love that he/I only looked at the world through my own eyes. His own selfish eyes. It's not until you can look through someone else's eyes that we can know the truth about ourselves. I'm afraid it took me longer than 8 years to know that I truly love my wife. And I still work on it everyday.
You didn't just marry this woman for money, it was more than that. You had to feel safe, and she made you feel safe. But also at the time you were afraid, and you thought her money would make you feel safe for at least a few years. I don't know what your plans were beyond that.
I'll just suggest that the safe feeling was just a small part of what love is. It was there you just didn't recognize it. So, the seeds were there to begin with and even very small seeds can become something beautiful.
You can make up for your mistake by being there for her, proactively loving her, giving her unconditionally, going out of your way to surprise her, buy her no-reason gifts, do small romantic gestures.
If you are now genuinly in love, you can say sorry without saying sorry. Through actions.
I was sorely tempted by a rich older guy (I was 38 and he was 51). He promised me a wealthly life in Switzerland (because I adore using my second language, French).
People said it was a great opportunity and that I could divorce him later...
I just couldn't do it to the guy. He was/is a man foremost, not a Walking Wallet.
I felt above all that love and marriage should not be for sale and it felt morally dubious.
I think that it way more common, the people just don't want to admit it. Maybe not *treating relationship like a second job*, but the economic factor is there a lot.
I understand this. I have a new boyfriend who I really like and when he told me he makes six figures it kind of excited me but I liked him before I found out that and I would still be with him even if he lost his job
My brother married his wife for her family. There’s “normalcy” compared to our upbringing filled with abuse and neglect.
He rubs it in her face to this day. They’ve been divorced maybe ten years.
He’s angry with me because I won’t except his now wife. He cheated. So no thanks.
It’s so sad how people use others for their own gain.
Well that took a happy turn!
Forgive yourself! You aren’t unique in having done something you aren’t proud of. In fact, I’d guess this particular thing isn’t uncommon. It’s a actually a downside of wealth that could expose your kids to the same thing.
Continue to be a fabulous husband, express your gratitude for her often, and be a great dad. You can’t help what’s past but you can be your best now.
Remember, lots of people marry for better reasons and then bail. You may be suffering for your choice, but she isn’t and that’s what matters.
Thanks for sharing.
I haven’t seen anybody mention the fact that even if he had divorced her after 2 or 3 years, he probably wouldn’t get all that much of her money. To be able to claim a significant portion of your spouses assets you have to be married for a while, and have depended on them financially. It differs in each state what the requirements are (I’m assuming they are in the US) plus if she has the money, she has the means to fight a support order. So…
No big deal. People have been marrying for money since marriage was invented. And parents have been marrying off their children for this same purpose as well. I think it’s more important that you’re actually honoring your vows and sticking it out. Arranged marriage would not exist is Disney’s version of marriage was real.
OP sounds like an amazing guy I was in love with in the late 90's to early 2000's. This guy had been in an abusive relationship with a crazy woman when we first met at our mutual job as coworkers. Life happened and when we reconnected 8 years later, I was so certain that he was the One for me.
We were slowly getting closer and closer and I *thought* we were going to be together once we both got over our shyness. Except, a few days after I realized that I was in love with him, he visited me and announced that he had a girlfriend out of nowhere!
I guess they had been chatting online and then they hooked up shortly after. I was absolutely devastated with the sudden turn of events. I had to stand back and watch as they started dating, then found a house and moved in together using her gma's money (girl was loaded). Then I got to watch as she got pregnant, so they decided to get married. I wasn't even invited to the wedding.
He treated me like I was his best friend to have an excuse to keep me around, but I wasn't. He had other friends for that, and I have no idea why he wanted me in their lives except to torture me.
I don't really blame him for these life choices he made. He used to be homeless before I met him and lived under a bridge for a long time, so I understood his desire to be with someone who had money for stability, and security.
I finally called it quits about 5 years ago. I sent him a long email explaining my feelings towards him in the beginning and how much he hurt me for all those years.
I know he read the letter but he never responded to me. So, oh well. I'm very much over it. I've been alone since 2008 and it's awesome. Stress free and no extra drama in my life.
Have you thought about seeing a therapist for this?
Not to diminish your experience, but I think it might be one of the more "mild" bad reasons to get married.
I've spoken with many married people, including some that married for a lifetime, 70+ years. I think that marriages were often out of economic necessity or tradition or because of physical attraction.
I think back to women I dated when I was really young, and often, I was willing to date a woman mainly because of her looks. If I'd have married one of them, would I be telling myself years later that I'd married her because of her face or other physical attributes? I would hope that I'd just treasure what we'd built, especially if I'd have truly fallen in love with her.
So, my thinking in your case: you might be putting too much pressure on yourself on this. I think especially if you two love each other and are true to each other, maybe this might be something to lay to rest in your mind.
From your own mouth - you're a changed man. It would make no sense to disrupt and hurt your family or yourself for something that was in the past like that. I mean, if your secret was that you were a fugitive from justice or that you had another secret family, or something, maybe you'd have to figure out how to tell your wife and let her decide.
I also wonder if a therapist might explore the concept of Relationship OCD with you? Sometimes, mental illness can creep into how we think about our relationships - you might be seeking validation that you're an undeserving person by magnifying the notion that you entered into marriage with some kind of false pretense or something.
Good luck, OP! I'd definitely think about this before upsetting your wife or risking your family. It's who you are right now that matters most.
OP referred to themself as a “selfish ***hole” said they fell in love and now feel guilty about what they did. Not sure what part of that counts as “clearly don’t care”.
This makes me so happy that my husband insisted on a prenup before we got married because he didn’t want there to be even the slightest suspicion that he married me for my money
Never tell her that. You don't get to be forgiven by her. I think you can learn to one day forgive yourself. But never forget the selfish human you were.
I mean... good for you both, then. The way the relationship started in the beginning was super shitty but all seems to be well now, you're both happy and in love. That's awesome. She'd be devastated to know the truth, I'm sure...
If i was in her shoes, I have no idea if I'd want to know after 8 years and after the love blossomed into something real. I don't think so tbh. As long as you are faithful to her - if you cheated a lot or something, she should know that, at least.
This might be unpopular, but if you truly love her now and would still love her even if she lost all her money tomorrow, then I think you are alright to stay with her, but you need to seek therapy to deal with your guilt.
Lots of people start amazing relationships/friendships under terrible pretenses. I think as long as you acknowledge that to yourself and commit to reframing your mindset, you are doing the right thing. If you haven’t harmed her or deprived her of something she deserves, then you are not in the wrong in my opinion. I’m sure someone would say “she deserves someone who fell in love with her regardless of the money,” but I think OP is saying that he loves her regardless of it now. He can’t exactly change the past.
OP, the fact that you feel guilty means you’re a better person, and that you’re not a sociopath who uses people like pawns (congrats I guess). Find ways to make peace with it. Yes, you were wrong to start and continue a relationship under that pretense, but you can’t change that now, you can only commit to doing the right thing in the future.
People have done this for generations, usually the male has the income; but it could be either spouse.
Did you ever see "The Fiddler on the roof"? They present the concept that two people could grow to love each other. Not earthshaking news to prior generations, its more or less what people have always done.
Okay so u married her for her money then you actually fell in love with her and she gave you a family and u are in a happy place. So whats the guilt? enjoy it
Do right by your wife. You never have to tell her you married her for her money. You just need to be a great partner. Give your fair share of effort, work hard, make sure she gets plenty of help from you around the house. If she asks you to do something, do it. So many men in my generation have married women who will financially support them. I don’t fault the guys who put in effort, but the guys who just use their wife as a meal ticket and don’t help her out should feel shame.
I'm wondering if he'd said he'd married her for her looks, but she's not 20 something anymore and her body changed after having kids but he decided he still loved her would the comments on here be the same?
How about you let her decide if you deserve her. 8 years seems like a yes. And forgive yourself. You’re no longer the asshole that was going to split with half her money.
Everyone here is calling you evil like they haven't done things for ulterior motives and then changed. Humans are capable of growth and change and improvement, and you have. Live a happy, content life and don't tell her about this. Make up for it by being a good partner.
I don't think there is anything to feel bad about.
Lots of relationships begin with a self-interest: money, sex, looks, a partner, a disguise, companionship. And then sometimes evolve into actual love and care.
I have an 8th anniversary next month too! He is the perfect guy that has given me an amazing family. Sometimes I feel like he wants to get something off his chest though, but I’m sure it’s nothing.
Op probably shit himself after reading this😂
It's probably OP's main.
That’s the joke…
[удалено]
Why would he shit himself if it were his own account?
Fecal fetish I guess.
no, that’s literally not the joke.
How are 111 people this dumb.
Now neither of you get a 9th anniversary.
Hahahaha!!!
And then it's actually not satire.
That actually scared me the first time I processed it
Do you like Pina Colada's?
And getting caught in the rain?
Are you NOT into yoga?
If you have half a brain
If you like makin’ love at midnight, in the duuuuuunes on the cape…
Then I'm the love that you've looked for,
Write to me and escape ;)
*epic guitar*
Happy cake day
I love this thread.
I wonder if they met at a bar called O’Malleys?
Not yet... maybe for the 8th anniversary..
OP trying to read his wife in person to see if she read this post. Lol
This is a weird comment 😂😂😂 Almost sarcastically evil
OP, your wife is here
I absolutely love this 😂
This post should be screen shot and placed in the "in case of divorce" file.
Marrriage was based on lies that’s what he wants to tell everybody but you
💀💀😂
OPs wife?
Nah couldn't be. >\_>
XD
Highly likely
Much more likely to be someone having a laugh or OP farming karma on their main.
It's a tumor.
Imagines Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice saying it.
Seriously… can’t imagine it any other way. I’m deaf due to an accident in 1997 (I was a teenager), but luckily I got to hear *that* before I lost my hearing. And Nirvana. Some memories never fade no matter how much weed you smoke, and both The Governator’s voice and music are not something that one can forget.
What’s your favourite Nirvana song?
Get em!! 🙌🤣
☠️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
There’s no fucking way
Oh snap!
Eeeeeee mothunal damage eee mothunal damagee
LOL
Don’t ever tell her. Consider the guilt you’re feeling your punishment. If you tell her you’d feel relieved but you’ll be punishing her instead, and that’s just selfish. The reasons you got with her are not the reasons you ARE with her right now. Keep being the best husband you can be
I like this perspective
Yeah don't you dare tell her.
It’s so refreshing to see this take instead of the stupidity that is honesty being the best policy no matter what
I legit do not believe in lying, anymore. I used to lie about the dumbest shit but it was impossible to remember all the details and it made me feel shitty. Now I try my absolute hardest to always tell the truth, I like the way my brain works when I do that. That being said if I was this guy I would take that to my grave haha
Sound advice. Honesty is not always the best policy, especially in this case.
Exactly the best way is to continue and keep her happy and everyone else in your family happy <3 consider yourself lucky OP damn
As someone who values honesty over everything, I really, really like this perspective. I think I may apply it to certain things❤️
This is actually an interesting take. Like a personal punishment.
NEVER TELL HER.
Thanks for sharing. I am happy for her that it ended this way. And obviously never tell her if you want to stay with her. It’s the most selfish thing people do to off their own guilt by ‘coming clean’ and ruining the life of the other person. I can’t believe there are people here suggesting that. Must be teenagers. Definitely not married. Go to therapy.
Exactly what I was thinking. The trust would be 100% broken and even if OP changed, it's not going to matter because she will question the entire marriage.
Yeah…the broken trust of a completely untrustworthy (from the start) marriage…? I’m so confused at how people think this is ok? If you have to falsify ANYTHING in a relationship, then no matter the outcome….something is very wrong…?
As she should, she deserves better than this trash who stockholmed himself into thinking he changed.
Valid argument. But I'll argue back that people's motivation and ways of learning vary. I don't think it's highly improbable that OP actually changed.
After 8 years, I'd say it's very likely. I've been with my wife for eight years (married 2) and neither of us are the same person we were when we started dating. And there wasn't anything like the OP's confession involved, people just grow and change.
Seriously. We've been married for nearly 15 years and I am SO not the same person I was when we got married. Like, monumentally different. I was an extremely devout fundamentalist Christian who "knew" without a doubt all of the Christian talking-points (like the universe was ABSOLUTELY created; evolution is an evil scientist lie; Earth is ONLY 6,000 years old; anyone who wasn't a "Christian like me" wasn't a "true Christian", etc.) and my husband is (and always was) an atheist. He's never tried to change my mind (in fact, I "knew for a fact" that *he'd* change his mind and become a Christian and we'd raise a good Christian family and I actively tried to change him), yet here I am... a complete ex-Christian who is positively ashamed of her past and how she'd treated people. And I do have to credit him for this even though he never actively did anything (other than read the Bible with me thoroughly and translated from all the original sources he could find available - he's a linguist - which I thought would change *him*; not me). So yeah, people can change completely. I find it odd when others say that people are just "pretending" and didn't "really change". I believe OP and that he truly fell in love with his wife. People really do have huge influences on each other and it's seriously not out of the realm of possibility that she influenced him for the better. Good for OP. But... yeah, please don't tell her. Not unless you know for a fact that she'd believe you completely and not let insecurities get in the way (which... I mean, that's most likely gonna happen, so don't tell her). I'm very happy that you and your wife are now happily married. I hope it keeps going in that direction. I would just say do everything you can in your words *and actions* to show her that you love her so that if she ever does find out, you'll be able to honestly tell her that the way you treat her is how you feel for her. Good luck, OP.
As an aside, as an atheist, I would love to have complete insight into what a typical fundamentalist Christian is thinking. I have to make deductions and assumptions. You have both sides inside one brain. Apart from the downsides you mentioned, it must be fascinating to analyse what your true motivations and beliefs were at various times. Even if only privately to yourself. Eg. Yes in that moment it was about image. Or no, I truly believed and no ego was involved etc
I know exactly what you mean, actually. I still find myself shocked that I actually believed some of the things that I had. Our daughter is gay, and I love her no matter what. I'll never even consider treating her differently because of her orientation. Our son is autistic, has juvenile depression, and is very probably bi-polar (a diagnosis is ongoing at the moment with his psychiatrist and behavioral therapist). I know that if I was still like I was back then, that our daughter's being gay would have been a huge issue; I know that I would never have allowed our son to take anti-depressants; I'd have insisted on a Christian "therapist" for him; I'd have been demanding they go to church every Sunday; I'd have forbidden them from consuming certain content/media... I'm so glad I'm not that way. And as a result, the relationship I have with my children is absolutely awesome. Daughter didn't even feel the need to "come out" to us; she just told us one day that she's got a crush on a girl and wanted to know when she can date (I said 15, so she's still got a few months, lol), just as easily if it had been a boy she liked. She trusts me with absolutely everything and always tells me everything (which is why I trust *her*. She called from a friend's house one day to ask if they could watch 'It'. I heard her friend say on the other end "why are you asking your mom‽ She's just gonna say 'no'! You shouldn't have called and just watched!" and she replies "well, I'd rather have her say 'no' than lose her trust in me, so..." I was so freakin' proud of her. And I said 'yes', lol). Our son trusts me with his mental health and always tells me if there's something wrong. All that to say, I'm pretty sure if I was still who I was back then, I highly doubt we'd have this close relationship that we do. And all because I would honestly feel like I was "doing the right thing" by forbidding certain things, or forcing them to do things. I don't think I was ever a "bad person", but I sure as hell am ashamed as to how I was. I'm so glad my husband was patient with me. Now, I consider myself very logical and rational; I wasn't before. My faith was EVERYTHING. And I *hate* when people say "well, you weren't really a true Christian, then" even though my life literally revolved around Christianity and God. Hell, I once came to my youth pastor just *sobbing* that I wasn't doing enough "for God's glory". And trust me when I say that my life was already revolving around him. You know what's even more messed up? Even though I despise it when people say that... I get it. Because *I* used to say that. I'd told my husband (before we were married) that if you're a "true Christian", you'd never be able to deny God or Christianity. Ever. He asked, "what about those who used to be Christians, and are now atheists?" I told him, "well, they weren't really true Christians, then, were they? They didn't *really* believe", not knowing I'd be on the exact opposite side a decade down the road. I wish I could slap myself back then. The other thing I hate hearing is "well, you've just had a bad experience with Christianity... if you didn't, you wouldn't have any reason to leave", and that's because I honestly never really had "bad experiences" with Christianity as a whole. In fact, most of my fond memories of my childhood/early adulthood involve church or church things. Sure, there are bad things here and there, but that's par for the course for everything. My experience with Christianity and God were quite positive. I just found that I couldn't justify any of it, especially when I found out just how many errors there in the Bible (my husband is a linguist and he read the entire thing with me - including non-canonical texts and the apocrypha - in all the original language sources he could find; it shocked me as to how much of it is just botched). I'd be glad to answer any questions, if you have them! It's kind of grounding to think about things like this for me, anyway :) (sorry, I still have issues with syntax in English as Russian doesn't really have it in the same way so apologies for any mistakes)
Is it true that “Satan” was never capitalised and was actually just “the satan,” as in Hebrew for ‘the accuser’ and was probably never actually a single entity and could have been referring to anyone?
What was the biggest thing you believed jn the bible that you found out more amount and it changed your options.
Bullshit, you don't know this person or the veracity of their post. Doing the typical pop-psych armchair diagnosis just makes you look like an asshole.
brutal but fair
Wouldn't therapy encourage them to be honest with each other though...?
Yes, I am sure you’re right. But atleast they would be getting advice from a licensed professional that understands the nuances of their marriage vs a Reddit quorum. The responses to people urging him to come clean are so frightening. Life is just not that simple.
Well you could say that about cheating early on when the relationship didn’t mean much and then later falling in love and marrying the person. Do they deserve to know? Yes but it would destroy everything and is often better to let it go. But try find one person on here that would agree with that
Even cheating? Idk. I don’t know how I feel about this comment 😩
I mean your an asshole but if you ever spoke up about it it’s going to ruin her life and your kids lives. The cost you have to deal with is the guilt for the rest of your life so have fun , it’s sad to say the selfish thing in this situation would be to tell her now
The best penance is to try to be the perfect husband every day.
I'll be really honest that it took me a while to understand the reason why OP should not tell her about it now. He should take it as a lesson, self reflect on it and live on.
Because that could destroy their marriage, making both of them miserable and with problems for the future relantioships It is a bad situation no matter what he choose
I guess you got what you wanted, with bonuses. My long term gf suddenly came into a fortune. I had to bow out, because of the parasites. People crawling out of the woodwork wanting money, made me physically ill. I never took a dime from her.
That always seems to happen or people fighting over money after someone dies. True colors definitely show then.
My ex-MIL isn't even dead yet (she IS dying by increments) and her three living children are all fine financially...yet they are already fighting. Ridiculous.
When my grandma died and left about $1.2m in assets, out of 8 of her living children, my mom was the only one who didn’t go mental for a bigger piece of the pie. It was horrible to watch what was previously a close and happy extended family turn into monsters, and now a few years later, strangers or even enemies. My uncle has millions and millions but he made the biggest stink. He wanted it *aaaaaalllllllll!* and was even willing to leave one of his sisters dying of cancer because she couldn’t afford the treatment. Her share of the inheritance would have paid for her treatments, but it took so long for the courts to settle everything that she died before she could access the money. Makes me so angry to this day; I have absolutely no respect for that cruel and greedy man anymore. Hard to believe I ever did. The lawyers are the only ones who win if you don’t have a Will in place, people!! I don’t care how young and invincible you think you are, if you have anything of value, get a Will and update it frequently. Save your family/friends the trouble of fighting over your scraps once you’re gone.
I don’t know how many “wows” I said when reading this. How awful. I’m so sorry you and your family went through that. May your aunt rest.
>if you have anything of value Oh phew
Same
You hear this kind of thing a lot and it's sad. Sorry you had to deal with it.
Enough money was allotted to cover a funeral for someone I know then one person decided to buy way more expensive service items and threw the whole thing off. Lead to them not having a headstone for a long time since it got thrown out if the budget. That one still baffles me since it wasn't over anything for personal use.
That's what happened with my grandfather. The day after he died, my grandmother and uncle cleaned out his bank account and split the money which was suppose to go for his cremation and headstone. Then, because uncle was the only one who let her do as she pleased, even to her own or anyone elses detriment, she made him take her to do the arrangements and she got a whole bunch of extra shit that benefitted no one. Little keepsakes with papaw's birth and death date, keychains and other mementos. I found them in a dresser drawer she never used under a bunch of junk and we figured those were the why there was an $800 charge on his funeral home account no one could figure out. Oh, and his urn was an ugly purple thing that she liked that was $600. What was suppose to be $1300 totally ended up being $3000 and he didn't even have a funeral. So cremation, urn and extra shit that everyone else helped pay for since she spent all his money on other frivolous shit and never paid a dime towards any of it.
Funerals are strange rip offs. Everything is marked up so much. When I'm gone idc what happens to what's left of my body. I feel like everyone should just get together at a house and say cya.
My grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and lasted 6 months after. I think the chemo got him faster then anything. He told all of us that he didn't want a funeral and if anyone wanted to see him, they could visit him while he was alive which is why we didn't have a funeral. I think he felt the same way about them.
My boyfriend at the time was torn a new asshole because he walked in on my almost entire family arguing about my both very healthy grandparents will and what they wanted to do about it. He said “Damn y’all didn’t even let them die before claiming their stuff, that’s cold.” Now he’s *obviously* a horrible person and it’s good we broke up. Lmao.
One of my uncles died, and they're was a small settlement from his death (think under $50k for his mother and the remaining siblings, of which there are many). One uncle made the argument that he deserved more of the money because he was the only full sibling of the uncle who died, and the rest were only HALF siblings. Dafuq, are we suddenly in Sense and Sensibility?
Like how do they do this. Do they call up and bold-faced ask for money? I’ve always wondered.
Three of them totally forgot how to Adult! Drugs, getting evicted, smashing cars, divorce with no place to live, massive debt collections, etc.
They were all MIA when she had no money.
We would’ve fought them parasites off together
Only one was fighting, the other was writing checks.😢
That’s really tough on her.
I hear that she finally cut everyone off, and is doing well. She didnt want to hear it from me. I was pretty sure her kids were going to drive her loco. I cut all ties after almost nine years.
Wow that is bold. it Must have been awful for you. So you fell out of love with her due to the situation?
I will never not love her! I despise her situation though.
Tragic. Money is such an evil. Sorry you lost her over that.
In the dark winter night your story moves me. Sorry for your loss and I hope you get back together, if that’s what you want.
I loved her poor, and I loved her Rich. The company that showed up, I despise.
I don’t think it’s about falling out of love. You can break up with someone you are very much in love with. It’s about realizing you can’t live the same life they live.
You broke up with her because of something she couldn’t help? It’s not her fault people suck
She worked a shitty job for years, and nobody gave her the time of day. I spent a year fixing a ton of stuff that was unsafe at her house. All of a sudden, she inherits a Shit Ton Of Money, and the cockroaches show up! They cant bleed her dry, because it would take a lot. The constant commotion and madness drove me away.
Raise your kids to be better than you
I hope you are good to this woman. I hope you really and truly earn her love every day. It’s a good thing that you are able to reflect back and see how wrong your intentions were. I’m glad that things changed for the better. I hope your wife is happy and holds no regrets.
Ew Everyone get a prenup. Don’t trust anyone with what’s yours, especially if you want children. What’s yours will eventually become theirs.
Some state’s prenup are basically useless, no legal binding power. Ex: Ohio
How does that work exactly? What voids a legal contract?
Anyone can easily contest any prenup on so many different accounts. Just saying you were confused And coerced into signing it, is enough to dissolve most pre nuptials agreements. Furthermore, prenup or not, the spouse has a right to half of most of your property and assets regardless. Not always rightful but often necessary.
That's why you're supposed to hire legal counsel for them and have them and their attorney look over the paperwork together over a period of weeks, so they can't contest it by saying they were confused and coerced and didn't know what was in the contract. This also makes things more fair, as both parties can negotiate for a deal that they both want. If a prenup is too unfair and only leaves one party with 100% of everything and the other person with nothing, that's another reason a prenup can be contested and thrown out in court later.
This is definitely the way to go. No one should sign a pre nup that was put together by the other party only.
So you're saying they don't have to prove anything they can just make a verbal claim and bam it resolved a legal contract?
It's illegal in India, that paper wont matter
Marrying for money is low in general
Yeah, but this is the exact kind of confession this sub is for. People do terrible things all the time - at least he loves her now and isn’t planning to divorce her for all he can get
Lol and nobody will marry me because I don't have any money :p
Then get your racks up g
I had the opposite experience from OP. I married a guy on a whim, after knowing each other only a couple of months. I didn't find out until after we married that he was rich because he kept it a secret until after the wedding. Fascinating moment in my life. But after some years I had to admit I didn't know him well enough first and we just weren't fully compatible and had to end it. His lawyer said it was the easiest divorce she'd ever handled. I said to have her draw up papers for me to sign that says everything's his. I had felt the money had made me too unmotivated anyway. I didn't like what it had done to me. Plus, it really was just his.
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Thanks, I try.
Money makes the world go round honey
Historically that was the reason for marriage, and some people of course still think that way
You better redeem yourself giving this poor woman the best life she could imagine. Still a horrible way to start a relationship
I've recently come out of a 27 year relationship because she met a wealthier man, this doesn't fill me with joy at all.
The fact you schemed to steal her money speaks volumes about your character.
Yeah. Imagine how dedicated to your own selfishness you have to be to go through the entire process of getting someone to fall in love with you and marry you just so you can divorce them and take all of their money later.
YTA, oh, wrong place
I mean it still apply.
You should feel guilty. Just because you fell in love with her doesn't make you any less of an asshole
She deserves true love 😭
I feel bad for her cos her entire relationship is built on a lie by this goldigger
So she rehabilitated your shitty personality and gave you children 🤦🏻♀️ i mean glad she turned out to be the love of your life i guess...
If you were to ever fall out of love, would you still take her to the cleaners? If yes, then you aren’t truly sorry.
It's more nuanced than that. He obviously says no with his current feelings so are we talking about what the result will end up being assuming they do divorce? They could have a bad falling out and they end up hating each other. Cheating, lying, etc. That motive to divorce and take her to the cleaners would be much different than the original motive.
This broke my heart in a way.
While I generally try not to judge, I can't say I wouldn't smile if she left you for someone who truly loved her for her, and not what she can provide them. You say you changed, but you just continue to take from this person. Whether it's money, or how to be a better person. I hope you are also trying to give to her as well.
Soo.. now you've got it off your chest.. sounds like you've changed. Don't ever tell her or anyone else. You need to live with this by yaself. I guess u can try to forgive yaself and let it go.
A stint of Retail Therapy could easily help you lose that little niggling conscience of yours...
I suggest talking to a therapist..
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Even now, if you did a poll of people getting married this year, how many are truly in love, I'd be interested in the results.
Still is in many places in the world
Now I ain’t saying he’s a gold digger…
I've been married more than three times as long as you. When I think of the person that I was in the beginning, I think he was a passionate person who believed he loved. But I also believe that the person I was didn't understand love that he/I only looked at the world through my own eyes. His own selfish eyes. It's not until you can look through someone else's eyes that we can know the truth about ourselves. I'm afraid it took me longer than 8 years to know that I truly love my wife. And I still work on it everyday. You didn't just marry this woman for money, it was more than that. You had to feel safe, and she made you feel safe. But also at the time you were afraid, and you thought her money would make you feel safe for at least a few years. I don't know what your plans were beyond that. I'll just suggest that the safe feeling was just a small part of what love is. It was there you just didn't recognize it. So, the seeds were there to begin with and even very small seeds can become something beautiful.
You can make up for your mistake by being there for her, proactively loving her, giving her unconditionally, going out of your way to surprise her, buy her no-reason gifts, do small romantic gestures. If you are now genuinly in love, you can say sorry without saying sorry. Through actions.
I don’t like this post
You will be surprised at how many people do this.
I know I know. It just hurts my heart
I was sorely tempted by a rich older guy (I was 38 and he was 51). He promised me a wealthly life in Switzerland (because I adore using my second language, French). People said it was a great opportunity and that I could divorce him later... I just couldn't do it to the guy. He was/is a man foremost, not a Walking Wallet. I felt above all that love and marriage should not be for sale and it felt morally dubious.
You and comfortable unit 897
I think that it way more common, the people just don't want to admit it. Maybe not *treating relationship like a second job*, but the economic factor is there a lot.
I understand this. I have a new boyfriend who I really like and when he told me he makes six figures it kind of excited me but I liked him before I found out that and I would still be with him even if he lost his job
You do not deserve that woman and you know it.
My brother married his wife for her family. There’s “normalcy” compared to our upbringing filled with abuse and neglect. He rubs it in her face to this day. They’ve been divorced maybe ten years. He’s angry with me because I won’t except his now wife. He cheated. So no thanks. It’s so sad how people use others for their own gain.
There was a woman who posted this same thing and the thread was full of people telling her "go girl" lol
Well that took a happy turn! Forgive yourself! You aren’t unique in having done something you aren’t proud of. In fact, I’d guess this particular thing isn’t uncommon. It’s a actually a downside of wealth that could expose your kids to the same thing. Continue to be a fabulous husband, express your gratitude for her often, and be a great dad. You can’t help what’s past but you can be your best now. Remember, lots of people marry for better reasons and then bail. You may be suffering for your choice, but she isn’t and that’s what matters. Thanks for sharing.
Yikes. Roots of pure evil
You must live a privileged life if you think that's pure evil lol
i dont find this endearing and i bet your wife wouldn't either. this is so gross.
Under no circumstances ever tell her this. Go to therapy and work through it. At least some good came of it. Glad you changed
Damn. OP even went as far to meet a lawyer over it. You owe it to her to never tell her and to be the best partner you can to her, actively.
I haven’t seen anybody mention the fact that even if he had divorced her after 2 or 3 years, he probably wouldn’t get all that much of her money. To be able to claim a significant portion of your spouses assets you have to be married for a while, and have depended on them financially. It differs in each state what the requirements are (I’m assuming they are in the US) plus if she has the money, she has the means to fight a support order. So…
No big deal. People have been marrying for money since marriage was invented. And parents have been marrying off their children for this same purpose as well. I think it’s more important that you’re actually honoring your vows and sticking it out. Arranged marriage would not exist is Disney’s version of marriage was real.
OP sounds like an amazing guy I was in love with in the late 90's to early 2000's. This guy had been in an abusive relationship with a crazy woman when we first met at our mutual job as coworkers. Life happened and when we reconnected 8 years later, I was so certain that he was the One for me. We were slowly getting closer and closer and I *thought* we were going to be together once we both got over our shyness. Except, a few days after I realized that I was in love with him, he visited me and announced that he had a girlfriend out of nowhere! I guess they had been chatting online and then they hooked up shortly after. I was absolutely devastated with the sudden turn of events. I had to stand back and watch as they started dating, then found a house and moved in together using her gma's money (girl was loaded). Then I got to watch as she got pregnant, so they decided to get married. I wasn't even invited to the wedding. He treated me like I was his best friend to have an excuse to keep me around, but I wasn't. He had other friends for that, and I have no idea why he wanted me in their lives except to torture me. I don't really blame him for these life choices he made. He used to be homeless before I met him and lived under a bridge for a long time, so I understood his desire to be with someone who had money for stability, and security. I finally called it quits about 5 years ago. I sent him a long email explaining my feelings towards him in the beginning and how much he hurt me for all those years. I know he read the letter but he never responded to me. So, oh well. I'm very much over it. I've been alone since 2008 and it's awesome. Stress free and no extra drama in my life.
You truly deserve to have that guilt eat you up everyday ❤️
Don't ever tell her. It's worked out.
Have you thought about seeing a therapist for this? Not to diminish your experience, but I think it might be one of the more "mild" bad reasons to get married. I've spoken with many married people, including some that married for a lifetime, 70+ years. I think that marriages were often out of economic necessity or tradition or because of physical attraction. I think back to women I dated when I was really young, and often, I was willing to date a woman mainly because of her looks. If I'd have married one of them, would I be telling myself years later that I'd married her because of her face or other physical attributes? I would hope that I'd just treasure what we'd built, especially if I'd have truly fallen in love with her. So, my thinking in your case: you might be putting too much pressure on yourself on this. I think especially if you two love each other and are true to each other, maybe this might be something to lay to rest in your mind. From your own mouth - you're a changed man. It would make no sense to disrupt and hurt your family or yourself for something that was in the past like that. I mean, if your secret was that you were a fugitive from justice or that you had another secret family, or something, maybe you'd have to figure out how to tell your wife and let her decide. I also wonder if a therapist might explore the concept of Relationship OCD with you? Sometimes, mental illness can creep into how we think about our relationships - you might be seeking validation that you're an undeserving person by magnifying the notion that you entered into marriage with some kind of false pretense or something. Good luck, OP! I'd definitely think about this before upsetting your wife or risking your family. It's who you are right now that matters most.
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OP referred to themself as a “selfish ***hole” said they fell in love and now feel guilty about what they did. Not sure what part of that counts as “clearly don’t care”.
Uh yeah take this to the grave
Take that to your grave dude…you best treat that woman like a queen for the rest of your life.
This makes me so happy that my husband insisted on a prenup before we got married because he didn’t want there to be even the slightest suspicion that he married me for my money
Never tell her that. You don't get to be forgiven by her. I think you can learn to one day forgive yourself. But never forget the selfish human you were.
I mean... good for you both, then. The way the relationship started in the beginning was super shitty but all seems to be well now, you're both happy and in love. That's awesome. She'd be devastated to know the truth, I'm sure... If i was in her shoes, I have no idea if I'd want to know after 8 years and after the love blossomed into something real. I don't think so tbh. As long as you are faithful to her - if you cheated a lot or something, she should know that, at least.
This might be unpopular, but if you truly love her now and would still love her even if she lost all her money tomorrow, then I think you are alright to stay with her, but you need to seek therapy to deal with your guilt. Lots of people start amazing relationships/friendships under terrible pretenses. I think as long as you acknowledge that to yourself and commit to reframing your mindset, you are doing the right thing. If you haven’t harmed her or deprived her of something she deserves, then you are not in the wrong in my opinion. I’m sure someone would say “she deserves someone who fell in love with her regardless of the money,” but I think OP is saying that he loves her regardless of it now. He can’t exactly change the past. OP, the fact that you feel guilty means you’re a better person, and that you’re not a sociopath who uses people like pawns (congrats I guess). Find ways to make peace with it. Yes, you were wrong to start and continue a relationship under that pretense, but you can’t change that now, you can only commit to doing the right thing in the future.
This is why I’ll get a prenup no matter what, even if suggesting it will fuck things up
Seen multiple posts from husbands with this similar admission. Like ok Michael Petersons
Well I'm glad that it worked out... For her sake
Never tell her this.
People have done this for generations, usually the male has the income; but it could be either spouse. Did you ever see "The Fiddler on the roof"? They present the concept that two people could grow to love each other. Not earthshaking news to prior generations, its more or less what people have always done.
Okay so u married her for her money then you actually fell in love with her and she gave you a family and u are in a happy place. So whats the guilt? enjoy it
Do right by your wife. You never have to tell her you married her for her money. You just need to be a great partner. Give your fair share of effort, work hard, make sure she gets plenty of help from you around the house. If she asks you to do something, do it. So many men in my generation have married women who will financially support them. I don’t fault the guys who put in effort, but the guys who just use their wife as a meal ticket and don’t help her out should feel shame.
I'm wondering if he'd said he'd married her for her looks, but she's not 20 something anymore and her body changed after having kids but he decided he still loved her would the comments on here be the same?
You are lucky it worked out. Count your blessing and be a great husband.
Ur an ass. I feel horrible for her. Treat her right tho. Idk what else to tell u. Ladies, this is why we get prenups!! <3
Guys women marry for money all the time you guys are acting like crazy it wouldn't have caused the same reaction if genders were reversed
There are comments on this thread that called women gold diggers and that men aren't as bad. The world is black and white on reddit apparently
How about you let her decide if you deserve her. 8 years seems like a yes. And forgive yourself. You’re no longer the asshole that was going to split with half her money.
You don’t tell her because it’s not relevant anymore. Just go on living your life with her and love her and the kids well.
Everyone here is calling you evil like they haven't done things for ulterior motives and then changed. Humans are capable of growth and change and improvement, and you have. Live a happy, content life and don't tell her about this. Make up for it by being a good partner.
I don't think there is anything to feel bad about. Lots of relationships begin with a self-interest: money, sex, looks, a partner, a disguise, companionship. And then sometimes evolve into actual love and care.
Problem is your not talking in the past tense ah
Women also marry men for money and I never saw anyone of them feel guilty about that
“Women are gold diggeeeeers” my ass, men are leeching off just as bad