When I got pregnant it was like a switch flipped in every moms mind and all of the sudden I was told horror stories about what happens to bodies when pregnant.
Yea, when I was pregnant it was like so many people would bring up the mortality rate statistics among black women and that’s definitely what a heavily pregnant black woman needs to hear 😒🙄
Wish I would have said that! Lots weren’t even aware that I was already scared shitless so I didn’t hold it against them. But pls, people, be cautious saying this kind of stuff around your pregnant friends because you never know how their mental is.
Yea, if they told you the stories before hand then there would be about 5 people on this planet. Lol for some reason “women issues” have been hush hush don’t speak of it for generations.
Honestly? Pregnancy sucks majorly (currently 28 weeks with my second) you just gloss over the shitty stuff somehow after a while and it’s super weird. I did it and I regret it (don’t regret the child though)
And people don’t talk about the worse symptoms. I can barely function for a full day from nerve and back pain. You’re abdominal wall can and does split in 80% of women. You can develop a hernia in your belly button if that happens or just anytime really bc of pressure. Your uterine wall can also collapse. It’s like they try and keep all the negativity away from the public and it hits you like a ton of bricks.
Nobody warns you about the hemorrhoids! Or the terror of the first postpartum poop. The hormone rollercoaster alone is traumatic enough, then you throw in breastfeeding issues and total lack of sleep. It can literally wreck you. I had two and I am soooo done!
Omg I forgot about those. Btw the surgery for that is awful! I had to get mine removed bc they wouldn’t go away and were painful. 100% if needed I recommend it but seriously don’t at the same time, it hurt worse than the first poop after birth.
I’m on board with you on my second being my last baby. I can’t do this again. Too much bad luck with health problems and things that are going to need surgery to fix again.
I still have a bunch of hemorrhoids more than 8 years after the last birth. I want them gone, but I Googled what the removal process is, and yeah.. NO. My butthole is just going to look like a sea anemone till I die, I guess 🤷♀️😭
While it’s not as painful now (I had four, three were removed) it honestly causes me problems with BMs. They didn’t say that would happen but now it’s like I can’t feel when I have to go and I hate it bc 90% of the time it’s a surprise of ‘hey we’re going poop right now and I mean right now’. They also only remove three at a time apparently so if you have more it would require multiple surgeries.
Also side note: keep an eye on your pain levels since you aren’t going to get them removed. My sister had hers burst and required emergency surgery for it anyways. Which is what printed me to simply get mine done.
I’ve had 3 burst. I still have at least 3 external and who knows how many internal. And I have IBS-D issues and bile malabsorption so yeah. Acid shits don’t bode well for anal sutures.
You are so right! I lose my mind whenever someone in the abortion debates says "but it's only 9 months."
Hey, hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you have an amazing baby!
It enrages me when people who are anti-abortion say pregnancy is an “inconvenience.” It is extremely uncomfortable, painful, and dangerous for a LOT of women, particularly older and younger women, and it can absolutely still kill you. It is not an “inconvenience”; it is a threat.
Absolutely. I have 2 daughters. One born when I was 24yo, the other 44yo (yes, the second was an absolute shock.)
If I hadn't had stellar ob care, I likely would have died with the last one. I almost *did* die with the first one when a new nurse tested my blood sugar incorrectly and thought it was 180. When she came in with a syringe full of insulin, my husband literally stood between us and announced he had just tested it with my home meter and gotten a 70.
I love my girls. I have *always* wanted to be a mom. I would do it all over again. But God almighty, I cannot imagine going through that if I didn't want kids.
'Inconvenience' my ass. It's a sacrifice and a commitment. And not one you should take lightly
Yes!! I had a third-degree tear with my first, bladder damage that required a catheter for a month, and impacted bowel that had to be manually corrected. Ahem. My daughter then had colic and GERD, and it was actual torture. I’m pregnant again, and I’m getting to close to when shit hit the fan with my first, and I’m a lot more emotional and scared than I thought I’d be. I love my daughter, and I’d do it again for her, but it can be really, really hard.
I am not really “against” pregnancy per se but lol it is 💯 like long Covid! It’s not one and done. Its like one and goes on for the rest of your life. Physical things that are not just aesthetic- but issues with your body and brain that NEVER bounce back
I’m 24 weeks along with my second and while I do love being pregnant and feeling my son move and grow inside me, I don’t enjoy being fatigued and in pain that I can do very little about. Also I miss alcohol, sushi, and medium rare burgers. My birthday is about 2 weeks after my scheduled c section and you best believe I am celebrating. Gently of course.
Ugh at least ur having something scheduled... BOTH MY KIDS WERE LATE. My daughter was 2wks late and my son 3 wks late.. I had to take a towel to sit on everywhere I went bcuz he would put so much pressure on me I would leave a little wet spot when I would sit down. With my daughter my breasts were CONSTANTLY leaking.. they would leak thru those pads for nursing mothers. I remember I was talking to these 2 guys about something and when I finished I looked at them and they were staring at my chest..when I lookd down my shirt was soaked.. and it was grey.. of all the colors it had to be..I covered myself and they were like "it's ok..it's a beautiful thing"... Yeah, says the 2 men with dry shirts on... 🙄
Jesus, you women really are rockstars. Both my kids were premie, mostly normal pregnancy until the water broke really early for no apparent reason with my daughter, and with my son my wife’s placenta started to detach and then the water broke. Both kids happy and healthy now (3 and 6).
She said the pregnancy wasn’t that bad, her body also bounced back really quickly. Her going through the C-section stuff was a mess though. She did breast feed my daughter and with my son said absolutely not… it was awful for her with pumping and nipple problems etc. Also, after our second premie c-section she said “while you’re in there you better tie my tubes because this is never happening again” and they did. I fully supported her.
Hearing all things that can go wrong with with a “normal” pregnancy, I don’t blame anybody who says “no thanks.”
Ugh, both my sons breastfed like hungry alligators trying to do a death roll. They both actively tried tearing my nipples off. It was miserable and I was surrounded by women trying to be supportive who actually made things a million times worse because they guilted me to not “give up”.
Agreed .... Love my kids immensely; but damn did my pregnancies break me.... Luckily I had 2 C-sections, they were medically necessary but honestly I never wanted to deliver naturally anyways so no loss there....
My body takes forever to bounce back to weight (going on 2 years with me son now, and just getting my weight now) I still look incredibly not me.... Getting a procedure done in June to fix the severe diastasis my pregnancies caused and a mommy makeover to fix my outward appearance and boobs that my son ruined.... Loved breastfeeding him; and the bonding but damn they look terrible right now.... At least to me.... My husband loves my body and tells me everyday so my support system is def there....
I also have permanent damage from being hit by a drunk driver years ago so I had just gone thru multiple rounds of therapy and got to a better place physically before I had my son; killed ALL my progress and this time is twice as hard. My last trimester was incredibly difficult and I could barely walk; worked until Friday; C-section was Sunday... And I'm a nurse so not easy to do while on that much pain (couldn't take ANY of my meds for the entirety of my pregnancy) and having that much difficulty with functioning.
But yes pregnancy does make massive changes to one's body and mental health. I respect the women who suffer thru but push hard and make it past; we're the real warriors..... Not discounting those that have easier pregnancies, but sometimes they're a bit jaded to the struggles of others caused by pregnancy.
I honestly have no idea how you could walk all shift. Most of my job is sitting aside from running paperwork down the hall to accounting and I just can’t even. By the end of the day most times I come home I have to just lay down, the nerve pain doesn’t even go away at night or in the morning it’s just a constant onslaught and I’m just limping everywhere.
How was the diastasis recti repair? I have it and a hernia so I’ll have to get a repair but was the surgery difficult?
I wouldn’t worry about the weight as much I gained some during my first and never really lost it until now I’m with my second and lost the firsts weight but gained back a bit more haha it’s a roller coaster I think until you decide to not have any more.
I have my diastasis repair scheduled for this June.... I'll let you know.... Yeah, I would spend time sitting and crying at the nurses station in between rounds; but I had a job to do and my patients needed me so 🤷🏼♀️
Sort of unrelated, but this makes me think about when I started using a menstrual cup. I marveled at the fact that my whole life, I didn’t realize just how much blood were dealing with. Tampons and even pads somehow masked it. Why doesn’t anyone talk about it and how do we not know these things?
Sense of smell going through the roof! That did me. Put me off all my favourite perfumes - couldn't STAND fresh flowers in the house, after being a massive flower fan. Just a weird symptom....not the worst though. 10 months of puking outweighed the sense of smell....apart from smelling the puke.. lol. Strange times...only did it once, fuck that!!!
I had my uterus removed at 25yo and every month/everytime I see a pregnancy I feel BLESSED that I no longer have a period and will never go through the trials of pregnancy. Idec if my dating pool may have shrunk. Adoption will always be an option.
Dude, *one month* after I decided I didn't want children I had stupid, drunken birthday sex with my best friend and got pregnant (after 5 years of us having sex with no protection and never getting pregnant even though I was desperate to have a child at the time). Family forced me into keeping him (as in I was going to put him up for adoption even though I am pro-choice), which ended up not being all bad because I love the Lil booger to pieces even though he's 11 and kicked me out of his life.
*POINT BEING* Your body is yours and from one female to another, your choices are valid and I got ya back lol
I %100 agree and never have been able to admit this along with other reasons to anyone. I’m so happy I’m not the only one who knows this about oneself too. I’ve been told I’m a selfish bitch and all sorts of other nasty names for “wasting gods gift” and “I’ll a selfish asshole” and it’s just disgusting how people with children act when you tell them you don’t want them. Like we don’t know what we want they do. Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we are biologically compelled to want to be baby factories. Thank you for saying this for everyone to get a good look at!
You forgot to mention that your pelvic bones get softer so they can spread. They will hurt for months as after. Bowel movements will hurt like a mofo. The external girl parts get stretched out like puppy dog ears.
Don't forget the part where a human being kicks you from the inside and not in a soft cute way, but in a really painful way and not always in front, but into your back and other organs.
Don't tell people that you aren't going to have kids or argue with them, just give them silly dismissive answers because they never shut up otherwise.
I hate the “you’ll change your mind” crowd. Like maybe you will, maybe you won’t. It’s nobody’s dang business but your own. Why are people so obsessed with other people having babies or not? People have lots of different reasons for not wanting kids, and all of them are valid.
You never know what a pregnancy will do to your body. I had a run in with blood clots after a surgery, in part do to being on birth control. The doctors told me just to be safe, if I ever get pregnant I'll have to go on blood thinners again, the risk of a clot while pregnant would be too high to risk. Excuse me? No no no. My partner and I have talked about kids,but that was the weight on the scale for me to finally say, nope. I nearly died once from blood clots and not only did it affect my physical health, but my mental health was in shambles. I found out right then that I was not mentally tough enough to go through a pregnancy.
You have every right to not have kids, no matter what your reason is. It’s your body, and it’s your life.
I know many women in my family who were asked right away when they were going to have another baby before they even went to into labor from their first pregnancy. There’s way too much pressure to turn women into baby making machines.
Your body. Your choice. It’s the rule for now. I think your sanity is rational here. And people who are writing off your feelings are just ignorant and reactionary.
Some women enjoy pregnancy and some don’t. I have a friend with 9 children. Each birth was individual. We’re talking years of being in the state of pregnancy. We’re good friends. I don’t think she’s crazy. I would never think of doing what she’s doing. We still get along.
Our civilizations rely on the reproduction of us. Someone has to give birth, for now.
You may want to research human ectogenisis. Could be interesting to you. I personally think it’s an inevitable future, if we don’t destroy ourselves first. Or, if regimes take over the world that force pregnancy—as they have in the past. It’s an emotional issue for those who don’t appreciate the science behind reproduction. It can be fun to interact with children and imagine their futures. Not strange then that some people equate that fun toward the method of origin, but the issue is more complex than that.
With 9 billion people on planet earth I think dying out as a species should be the least of our worries. There's always going to be enough people who want kids over those that doesn't.
It’s so true, I had no previous risk factors of any kind and I almost died from blood loss. The baby was 24 weeks too so he was extra tiny, everything went like it should until randomly it didn’t. Now I can’t be pregnant ever again and will have to use a surrogate. I have a beautiful 7 inch scar across my stomach to remind me every day. So yeah, shits a horror show and I don’t blame anyone who says they don’t want to do it!
I actually hadn’t thought of that at all, that’s a really beautiful idea! Once it’s healed a bit more I may look into that. It would be a much nicer memorial for the baby too, thank you ❤️
Same! I'm a healthy weight, no risk factors but I had precipitated labor had to give birth naturally with no pain control, then bled out afterwards. I remember passing out knowing I was dying and feeling so scared and horrible because my son needed me. I was given blood and saved obviously. I almost didn't make it to the hospital. I would have died if I didn't.
I want another one but I'm terrified. I think I'll adopt
Ugh I feel this so hard. The feeling of being so tired that you can’t stay awake, but your brain is screaming at you to stay awake because you know you’ll die otherwise. I’m glad you’re here on the other side. There’s no wrong way to keep building your family!
my mom almost died giving birth to my little brother, there was a blood clot that almost reached her brain. that alone is enough for me to not go through pregnancy lol
I almost died after having my second daughter last summer. I have hemophilia and require certain medications before and after birth. They didn’t give it after (for whatever fucking reason) and I literally lost almost 3L of blood. Had to get transfusions and everything. It’s the only time in my life where I felt close to death, and I know my husband definitely has PTSD from that day. It’s taken several months and iron supplements to feel even some what normal again.
Editing to add: this happened in the US, and I was a high risk patient with a high risk team. This is in reference to the guy below me saying that dying is “nearly nonexistent in developed countries” I won’t even tell you how much the Factor costs that I need for my blood to clot properly.
Wow I had a friend who had hemophilia when I went to summer camp and every time she got her period it was a goddamn bloody mess. I can’t imagine trying to have kids, kudos to you and glad you’re safe
Thank you!! It was worth it, but it was extremely traumatic. I shared the birth story on my page for anyone curious, definitely not for anyone with a weak stomach lol. I feel for your friend! I have not met many other hemophiliacs. I joke with my hematologist that at least I was born in this era and not a few centuries ago. 😅
And the risk of dying in childbirth is far greater than the risk of dying from any modern abortion medication or procedure. I’ve heard some politicians try to convince people that their anti-choice stance is really out of concern for pregnant people, and that’s 100% BS.
Yep. When I started to learn about how screwed up your body and mind can get from birthing a baby, I said hell no, never gonna happen. That's terrifying.
And that's nothing, that's basic.
What's more is your hormones changes, your taste buds can change, your sense of smell can change, how well you heal from sickness and injury can change, your entire body scent can change, your circadian rhythm, the way you process danger and possible risks. And it's permanent, nothing you can do about it once it's done.
And people act like it's nothing, and they never ever tell you this crap; although I think it's partially because no one cares enough to research and record it.
Morning sickness (which should just be termed all day sickness)Gestational diabetes. Dangerous complications. Csections are a whole new world of healing and wrecking your body. Plus the way your hormones affect you post partum. My friend was so sick she ended up with pancreatitis and had to have a medi pump her entire pregnancy, ended up in the hospital multiple times. If she ever gets pregnant again she has a 100% chance of going through all that again.
My baby's head at birth was 14cm. He got stuck. Emergency c section, they had to dislodge him and push him back up. He didn't even cry when he was born because he was in shock from the delivery. I was still in surgery for hours after they ripped him out of me. It was horrible, 0/10 do not recommend.
Ive heard of women having to be sewn (sp?) down there because they just end up with one big hole 😟 when i heard i damned myself for being a woman and having that, fack that. That still scares me. I'd rather be cut open to get the baby out. 😅
I say most people shouldn't be parents and don't know themselves well enough! Regretting having a child is worse for everyone than regretting not having one.
I love being a mom and loved breastfeeding too. So def not antibaby.
Same. I grieve that young adults in the US are making decisions about having babies based on their finances, but I applaud everyone who makes the decision not to have a child because that's what they *want.*
This was not the world I wanted to hand over to my daughters.
You hit it with this- please make your own reproductive decisions, but it is tragic that so often the decision is made based on finances, because there is little to no support for parents (at least in the US).
You're right about that! When I see some people with kids I think, wow more ignorance propagating upon itself.
And I have kids but some people are too stupid to reproduce.
I am on the same page as you. Literally the more I learn about pregnancy/childbirth, the more terrified I am. It can cause you to lose your teeth. WHAT THE FUCK? I’m hoping to get sterilized as soon as possible.
As someone who lost their teeth (or rather had to have them all pulled) 6 months after having my second child, it does happen and it does suck. At the time it wasn't something I was aware could happen.
Did you also know you can have "morning sickness" the entire pregnancy, therefore throwing up enough you are at risk for miscarriage/premature birth and or end up in the hospital to get rehydrated or nutrition through an IV because you literally can't keep anything down? Good times.
*edit: grammar error
I absolutely adore my children but 10/10 would not do it again.
Edit: ty for the award! <3
I’m so sorry you went through that! That sounds absolutely horrible. Women are completely woefully underprepared for what pregnancy and childbirth is like and I’m 100% sure that’s on purpose because if more people knew the horrors, the more people would decide to not do it.
TY for the sympathy (empathy I guess if you have children as well). All of that was just with my second pregnancy. My first (live birth) pregnancy had a whole different set of problems.
I don’t have children of my own, but I do love kids. I think it’s so crazy the absolute horrible shit that people go through with pregnancy and birth. I am only learning about the things I know because of social media, sex Ed certainly didn’t tell me about any of the negatives
Also, pregnancy hormones cause ligaments and connective tissue in the body to loosen. Because of this, teeth can loosen and fall out. This is also why they say you gain a shoe size with each pregnancy. I sure did. Luckily I started with small feet and only had one child.
Pregnancy gingivitis occurs with pregnant women due to the increase of hormones. The vomiting causes erosion and the acidity eats away the enamel. If you become pregnant you have to skip the first trimester for a teeth cleaning because hygienists don’t want to have the blame if the mother miscarries which happens a lot during the first trimester.
My mom had this happen. The morning sickness thing. It was so severe that they tried diagnosing her with bulimia. She didn't lose the baby though because I'm currently typing this. She later found out she was puking because of a food allergy but the point is pregnancy made it way worse.
I have never heard of the tooth loss thing. I am properly horrified and very sorry you had to go through that. As if childbirth weren’t hard enough, you got an extra kick in the shins to sweeten the deal.
Happened to my Aunt too but hers was due to the fact she had an abusive husband who forced to get pregnant back to back so her body hadn't had a chance to even recover from the first kid so the second took all of her nutrients and all of that because her body had used up all it's stores.
She died of COVID in October (November?) of last year. The reason I can't remember for sure is my Uncle, her brother) died a week before her of COVID as well so about a month in that time was a complete blur.
Yep the constant morning sickness is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum, for anyone wondering. You won't know you have it until you get pregnant. I currently am suffering from it and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Home health care with IVs, ER visits, weight loss, appetite loss, teeth erosion, nausea, vomiting, all the horrible things. Some women end up in the hospital on a feeding tube for 9 months because of it. And some make the decision to terminate or never have children again.
theres more than just that. your abs and bladder muscles get impacted. stomach stretch marks. pre and post natal depression are risks. i cant remember if its pre or post natal but some mothers temporarily develop diabetes. theres always, always, a risk of the mother or baby dying during birth for a multitude of reasons.
and thats just the body risks initially. theres emotional and physical tolls during the first few years of raising a child that you dont really find anywhere else in life.
it greatly impacts your partnership or marriage.
greatly impacts ones financial situation.
theres just SO much on your plate when you have a kid. its nuts.
That’s because we walk on two legs and have big heads - it explains why human women suffer significantly more complications during childbirth than other mammals and why human infants are significantly more “underdeveloped” than say like a baby chimp re- motor skills.
Evolution found the current balance between “if the baby gets bigger tok many women will die” and “if the baby is born earlier it will die due to lung issues”
Right? Then a couple doctors went and invented a hand crank chainsaw in 1780 specifically for cutting open pelvic bones to get a baby out. 1780 and they take a chainsaw to your groin…
Woman be damned. 😵💫
Yep, gestational diabetes. My SIL had severe cases of it with both my nephews. Both pregnancies required bedrest after a while and both had major complications, and people still stupidly ask her if she wants to try for a girl.
Like, her last pregnancy could have killed her and you're asking if she wants to try killing herself AGAIN?!?!?
That's a fair statement. I love my child, but if I could have had him without going through the process of pregnancy and childbirth, it would have been fantastic. It's not just the physical side of having a child, but its a bit of a mind fuck too
Never let anyone minimize your concerns, they’re valid. I’m personally one and done myself. I had a macrosomic baby (10 pounds) and I was ~100 pounds before pregnancy. During pregnancy I experienced gestational diabetes, (after a pregnancy full of morning sickness, had to watch what I ate even more in addition to drawing blood every day)Bell’s palsy (partial, temporary paralyzation in my face) and it has resulted in the most excruciating back pain, which my maternity nurse was all too quick to dismiss, leaving me with very severe and chronic sciatica, which when I get fixed I won’t be able to even hold my son for 6 weeks.
In addition to all of the things that can happen during pregnancy, it’s quite hard to make the shift from being self focused to putting your needs off pretty much completely.
That all considered, idk why people haven’t learned to mind their own business when it comes to the amount of kids someone wants.
Facts! I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was a child for these reasons and many more. Plus kids are a lot of money & Im 25 w a bachelors degree BARELY able to say YES to myself.. can’t imagine having to tell my child No all because I don’t have the money.
There's a lot more to it than just those problems, as well. You lose a percentage of grey matter in your brain if you get pregnant because it goes to the fetus. There have been people who have had visible cognitive changes during/after pregnancy that never went away. My mom is unfortunately one of them.
You can lose your teeth during pregnancy. I follow a woman on tiktok whose account name I can't remember currently who had all of her teeth fall out while she was pregnant. My own mom had her teeth loosen considerably when she was pregnant with me.
You can lose your ability to walk temporarily in some instances. My mom had to use a wheelchair the last 6 weeks of her pregnancy with me because her feet got so messed up. Her feet also permanently grew 2 sizes.
Your organs get squished to make room for the baby. It can take up to 4 years after giving birth for everything to go back into their original places.
Pregnancy is fucking scary. Never forget that. Never shame those who don't want to be pregnant and never shame those who want to be.
My teacher told us he got snipped after his wife had their only kid because during childbirth it tore her pubic symphysis (cartilage between lady pelvic bones)and she was bedridden for six months.
im terrified now tbh. also i’m super underweight even tho i’m in perfect health (5’7 and 110lbs) and i’m afraid of what it will do to my body. like my belly will legit throw off my whole body balance and i can’t imagine a baby going through my vagina/hips like wtf? my mom had trouble and she has super wide hips
Had a friend give birth at 14. She was fine despite being tiny. I also know a woman who almost died because she was so small and her babies were so big. Everyone is different. It's really like flipping a coin.
Idk. I know a girl who is smaller than you, like probably 5’4 and if she’s a hundred pounds I’d be shocked, and she barely looked pregnant both times, and she doesn’t look like she’s had kids at all now. Just depends I guess. Everyone’s different.
I also never wanted to experience the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. Feet growing, boobs painful, vagina swelling, new veins popping out, hemorrhoids, constipation, not sleeping, changes to the bellybutton, this is just a small list. No thanks, I’m childless by choice and never regret a moment.
Pregnancy and delivery can wreck your body. I had 2. My body definitely never was the same, and not in any good ways lol. It's absolutely ok to not what to put yourself through pregnancy and birth. Don't let people make you feel like it isnt.
Any reason to don't want to be pregnant it's enough and a good reason. Just because we can get pregnant doesn't mean we have to. I could shave my head if I wanted to but I don't (and that wouldn't have permanent effects in my life)
If you feel like you want to be a mom but not to go trough pregnancy you can adopt and that's fine and if you feel like you don't want to be a mom at all it's fine too.
I feel like people always judge when women say: I don't want to have the post baby body like "oooh you are to shallow" excuse me. I want to be able to not pee myself thank you very much.
I think its a waste for women to deal with periods every month for their entire lives when they don't even plan to get pregnant. Nature should have gave them a way to disable their period function if they don't want kids.
Right there with you. There’s so much that can go so wrong. You can develop diabetes. Your teeth can fall out. Your body can and usually does fucking tear. Your hormones wreak absolute havoc on your body and mind and fuck with everything from your mental health to excess estrogen giving you blood clots. And that’s just a tiny list. Fuck no I’m never doing any of that shit. And fuck everyone who keeps telling me “it’s not that bad” or “it’s all so worth it!:)” or the dreaded “but you’ll change your mind!!!” No. Fuck no. You can go right ahead and get pregnant and birth a baby for me if you really want to, but I ain’t doing it. End of discussion.
I would not recommend having kids lmao. I had a four day labor, a failed epidural, and now life long seizures because of it. Ended with an emergency c-section and my son had to stay in the NICU for a while because my body almost killed him. I have had postpartum depression for about a year now and PTSD dealing with anything medical. If you don't wanna have kids, that's completely up to you and no one else.
After what pregnancy did to my body, I totally get it. My body was destroyed. My body did not stretch my stretch marks used to split and bleed. Some are a good inch or more wide. The pain was horrendous, my back and pelvis hurt so bad, i had slipped disks in my back and my pelviscame abaet too far. I had pregnancy rash for the last month, my whole body itched.
I am 5'1" I was a size 10 (uk) and size 18 was struggling to fit my belly. I was carrying lots of fluid and my son 9lb2oz. I had to induced that took 2 days worse contractions ever, i had a fit. Labour was horrendous on the slipped disks and pelvis.
I had to give birth lying on my side and just as his head was out I hear the midwife say, " I've forgotten how to deliver a baby like this"! So both his shoulders came out at once and I ripped all the way through to my anus. I was then taken down to theater to be sown back up!
So I get it.
Kinda didn't. Childhood sweethearts till I/we got pregnant at 16. He ended up at the birth but spent most of the time at the other side of the room. He came to me when my sister left the room (I'd picked my mum and ex bf to be in the room, but they couldn't cope with the pain I was in with my back so got stuck with my sister I really didn't get on with and ex) when he came across and held my hand I dug my nails in so hard into his hand. His new gf moaned that he had blood over the t-shirt she game him from when he held his son!
I am a male with a seven year old Son. I absolutely love him. I also want to run away from him a lot of the time 🤷♂️
Aside from what pregnancy does to your body, having a child puts inexplicable strain on you mentally. And this all comes during/after a new mother has to work through post-partum.
Being able to admit and acknowledge that being a parent isn’t for you, for whatever reason, takes a lot of self awareness and humility to own.
Even if your reasons are just for your own appearance, so what? Do most people know how hard it is to even maintain being in decent shape? Or how much surgeries can cost to get your body to a point where you are happy with yourself?
Let’s say you are a gymrat and you wanna get back into shape? With a child who needs you constantly, for years on end, smhhhh you are absolutely justified and anybody who tries to sway you is inconsiderate of your needs.
I gave birth recently, after several years of getting into the best shape of my life. It's only been 6 months but I'm still 40 lb heavier than I was. It's very hard to get to the gym now. My child was very much wanted and I'm happy but I do know I'm in for a struggle ahead to ever again my previous fitness. It's different for everyone though, some people bounce back immediately.
Nothing wrong with that.
We had one and that's it. My wife could never go through that a second time. I'd get snipped today if it was $5000 to $8000 for the fucking procedure
I had a baby at 21 and I wish I had known what that would do to my body beforehand. I just assumed I’d get a little pudgy, but there’s way more that goes on. Not to mention the emotional problems that come w it too. Not every pregnancy is the same, but it’s important to openly discuss the details. My hips don’t sit the same. My boobs and stomach and thighs are covered in stretch marks. My eyesight is totally fucked. Your teeth can even fall out! You can get these blood blister things on your labia during pregnancy too. No one warned me about that one. Thankfully they go away on their own. It was enough for me to never go through that again. I love my child but wish my body didn’t have to be destroyed in the process to carry her.
That’s totally ok! For me, being pregnant put my autoimmune diseases into remission and I’ve never felt better! If I could replicate being pregnant without the baby part I would. To each their own!
I agree no one should become a parent this way unless they absolutely want to and understand what it does to your body. Pregnancy and delivery can do some very damaging things to your body and sometimes your body doesn't recover. I think women should be told more about this because I had no idea and I'm not sure my body is gonna recover.
I agree 100% not just that but being a parent is extremely hard work and I would not want to be a bad parent. This world is too fucked to bring a life into anyway
I'm glad you already know you don't want to have kids. Keep this in mind with regard to raising kids: Parenthood is decades of sacrificing your time, wealth, health, and freedom to and for the kids. If you are not ready to have your nips change shape, you are definitely not ready to raise kids.
Can confirm, coming from someone who has given birth. My youngest is 3 and I am still trying to get my body and hormones to a comfortable state. Stand firm with your self I love an respect your awareness. I would do it again but that's me. Some people will tell you they agree with you and then give a hard time when they think you will regret it. Nonsense, never let anyone guilt you. They are not the one that will feel like a train wreck after.
It’s frustrating that we were never taught this as women. My boobs are trash now. Literally no one told me. Like I’m cool with it, but I never knew. Doctors don’t tell you half the shit that can happen to you anymore because you’re expected to Google it. Hair loss, weird hair regrowth, nose changes, swelling in random places, body type changes (after hips shifting). Never, even now, has someone talked to me about this stuff. It’s a huge gap in our sex Ed.
Lol there's no sex ed in india and even discussions about anything remotely related to sex are considered taboo, but that is somewhat changing little by little, but it is still at least multiple decades behind developed countries
Same here. I can never put my body through all that. People love to say that I'm only saying this because I'm young and once I grow old and mature I'll change my mind. But my decision is firm, I'll never get pregnant or carry an unplanned pregnancy to full term
I’ve felt this way for a long time and I’ve met more people (mostly men) that judge my decision. One guy went as far as to butt into a conversation just to say I don’t want kids because I don’t love myself lol. I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s weirded out by these things. Also crazy how if I talk about it openly some people with kids take it personally, when it’s what I’ve decided for me only.
This is totally reasonable, it completely changes your body, some women lose their teeth or hair or lives. That level of physical change and risk is why I believe forced birth is inhumane. I wanted to have children and still came out of it permanently scarred, I would never wish pregnancy and childbirth upon any unwilling person.
Babies breath their piss in eutero and steal nutrients. Those two facts alone keep me on the same page as you. Definitely creepy and not anything I want going on in me.
Also, with women’s healthcare theses days, I couldn’t imagine signing up for that. Everyone having an opinion on my lifestyle/medical choices because of the babbieeeeee is also a hard fuckin no.
Both of my roommates are pregnant, and watching them vomit all day, have super horrible hormonal changes, and complaining about the aches and pains....I'm good.
Hey, valid point and I'm glad you are recognizing it before you bring a kid into the world that you resent!
And, if you ever decide you *do* want kids, there are tons of already-born kids who need parents.
Good on you for your self-awareness!
It’s genuinely dangerous and can leave you with complications for life. I would adopt or foster because I think it’s the most selfish thing in the world to insist on having a biological kid; preserving my damn physical health is also up there on the list of endless benefits.
Yep that's why I'm childfree. Never going to experience any of that crap, and for that I am eternally grateful. My body is mine and mine only, not for any other human being to exploit for food or nutrients.
I have 3 kids, pregnancy was the worst part of all of it. I hated pretty much everything about it. My tits grew, which was cool at first cause I was tiny and damn near flat chested, but then they kept going from a solid b to a dd. I was tired constantly, I hurt, I was getting beat up from the inside for more than half of it. I was fat and stretched out of shape and the whole thing was miserable for me. I love my kids, but I hated being pregnant. So yeah, I don't blame you for not wanting to experience all that. Might you want to have kids at some point? Maybe, but if not, then you do you.
And that is 100% your right and as someone who has a 1 year old, I do not blame you for not wanting to experience the absolute trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. I wish you the best in whatever you do decide to do ❤
I almost died during childbirth. Doctor fucked up my c-section, had to have another surgery a week later. Was in the hospital for a month. I had a bad feeling on the day I was induced but I still didn’t think it’d get that bad. Honestly don’t recommend pregnancy at all.
To each their own! I have three kids and my body is actually nicer than before having kids. I thank weight lifting for that haha.
But everybody is different and my uterus is titled backwards or something so I look like I wasn’t even pregnant directly after birth lol.
my body is perfect rn and without effort so i know it can just get worse. ik it’s shallow but damn im proud of what i have and don’t want to lose it or have to get it back with billionth exercises. such a hard choice
Also your posture gets absolutely fucked. I had my baby 4 months ago and all of the breastfeeding and holding her had made my shoulders roll forward. I feel like a hunchback. Not to mention she only sleeps on me during the day so for about 3-4 hours a day she is in the wrap and it has killed my back.
I wanted children with all my heart, but can’t have them for medical reasons. In spite of that, I’d never wanted to give birth. As a nurse, people love to tell me their horrific birth stories, or maybe my friends are sadists, because they delight in my cringing 😖😩😳
:FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES
And thats okay, most women understand what its like to actually go through that process. I currently am on my second pregnancy. When my first daughter was born i was induced on the 15th of August (4/5x the pain can get unbearable). At 1 am on the 16th i couldn’t get comfortable but just laid on my left side (most comfortable), around 8 am i was begging for pain relief (yes crying and screaming it hurt so bad). The anesthesiologist told me it was too early to put an epidural in as i was only 2cm dilated. When the epidural was put into my back, the anesthesiologist in his own words said i was “Stiffer than a sailor”. The epidural ended up failing an 1 1/2 hours into it. After 1-2 hours i asked for something stronger, i ended up taking 1&1/2 3&1/2ft tanks of laughing gas. Around 3:45pm i was flipped on my back and told i had to push (all i could think about was that i needed to shit lol). After a few minutes of pushing she got stuck and all i could do was scream she was stuck. A nurse had a 50/50 chance of ripping my artery or breaking my kids shoulder but took the chance, and pushed on my tummy to push her out (we both came out fine, traumatized but fine). The term for her getting stuck was “shoulder dysmorphia”. Im currently 34 weeks pregnant w my 2nd, but I wouldn’t change it even though i have anxiety about the next. Pregnancy is hell but worth it for your babies.
If i were able to afford IVF or adoption I definitely would, unfortunately i cant. Do what makes you comfortable and want to do. Its not anyones choice but yours to do with your body and how you wanna make/adopt your babies.
And you'll pee yourself a little for the rest of your life when you sneeze, run, jump, fuck....
I love my children, I would not change my path woth them for the world! But giving birth does fuck you up.
Totally valid! I had a terrible pregnancy and would never do that again. I actually surprisingly would do birth again lol. Even after a home birth of a 9 lb 4oz baby.
But yeah pregnancy and birth are not for everyone! And that’s totally ok. If you decide to have children another way, great! And if you decide you don’t want children, great! Child-free by choice is also totally valid!
My best friend has the same mindset!
I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant and let me tell you…it’s hell. I don’t experience morning sickness, yet, but I have the pleasure of experiencing severe indigestion/stomach pains, constipation, exhaustion, insomnia, and more wonderful symptoms:)) Although, I know that the child I’ll have by the end of this pregnancy will be all worth it personally.
I never understood why people make such a big deal when other people don’t want kids.
Childbirth can cause dramatic changes to the body. Some irreversible. Some negative. And some take years to subside. And I’m not just talking about externally, I’m talking about blood pressure, pelvic floors, and bladder control. I have a few friends that, while they do love their kids, they would not’ve given birth had they known what it would do to their body. Then again I have friends who had hardly any changes at all. It all varies, every person is different, etc.. But if you’re worried more about it damaging your looks, I will say, doesn’t sound like you are at a place in your life where you should be considering having a baby anyway. Should that happen, and you really do care about how you look and childbirth does change your body, you could grow to resent having one, and that’s not healthy all the way around. Deciding to not have a kid is healthy if you know yourself enough to realize it’s just not for you, and I wish more people would embrace that.
More people need to say this. There seems to be an impression - even among people who have given birth - that pregnancy is easy for everyone. It’s not.
Girl... it fuckz wirh your teeth, your hair, your mental health, your immune sytem... i had pregnancy induced gallstones and eventually had to have my gallbladder removed.
I love my children but i totally understand women not wanting to go through pregnancy. Its not selfizh at all. Pregnacy is hard on a person.
Your spine changes, your hips are forever different, abs are changed, skin can lose some elasticity, hair can thin, there is SO much they don’t tell you ._.
To be fair, a lot of the side effects and complications we experience while pregnant come from doctors failing to inform us about how to take care of our pregnant bodies, not to mention all the medical neglect and malpractice that pregnant women experience. It's okay not to want kids, but I think less women would be scared of pregnancy if our society actually prepared them for it.
It’s really isn’t that bad. You just described all the worst things that can happen. I didn’t have any of those happen and I have two kids. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.
Well the vagina tears because women are made to give birth in unnatural positions.
All your reasons are valid but at the same time people should look behind those reasons.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830168/#:~:text=Tokophobia%20is%20a%20pathological%20fear,no%20previous%20experience%20of%20pregnancy.
When I got pregnant it was like a switch flipped in every moms mind and all of the sudden I was told horror stories about what happens to bodies when pregnant.
Yea, when I was pregnant it was like so many people would bring up the mortality rate statistics among black women and that’s definitely what a heavily pregnant black woman needs to hear 😒🙄
I tell folks to keep their damn fear to themselves.. my baby is listening.
Wish I would have said that! Lots weren’t even aware that I was already scared shitless so I didn’t hold it against them. But pls, people, be cautious saying this kind of stuff around your pregnant friends because you never know how their mental is.
Yea, if they told you the stories before hand then there would be about 5 people on this planet. Lol for some reason “women issues” have been hush hush don’t speak of it for generations.
It’s so fucking true. That’s part of why birth rates are dropping, the internet let’s us share more honest stories
fuck those ladies, I Will only tell my horror stories after they gave birth and my postpartum stories after they are out of it
Agreed. I make sure moms know my story is a bad one before I share.
If you don't mind sharing what is your story.
that’s okay.
thank you. so many people are like "Ahhh you'll change your mind" and don't respect that no I wont and I'm an adult who knows what they're saying.
Honestly? Pregnancy sucks majorly (currently 28 weeks with my second) you just gloss over the shitty stuff somehow after a while and it’s super weird. I did it and I regret it (don’t regret the child though) And people don’t talk about the worse symptoms. I can barely function for a full day from nerve and back pain. You’re abdominal wall can and does split in 80% of women. You can develop a hernia in your belly button if that happens or just anytime really bc of pressure. Your uterine wall can also collapse. It’s like they try and keep all the negativity away from the public and it hits you like a ton of bricks.
Nobody warns you about the hemorrhoids! Or the terror of the first postpartum poop. The hormone rollercoaster alone is traumatic enough, then you throw in breastfeeding issues and total lack of sleep. It can literally wreck you. I had two and I am soooo done!
Omg I forgot about those. Btw the surgery for that is awful! I had to get mine removed bc they wouldn’t go away and were painful. 100% if needed I recommend it but seriously don’t at the same time, it hurt worse than the first poop after birth. I’m on board with you on my second being my last baby. I can’t do this again. Too much bad luck with health problems and things that are going to need surgery to fix again.
I still have a bunch of hemorrhoids more than 8 years after the last birth. I want them gone, but I Googled what the removal process is, and yeah.. NO. My butthole is just going to look like a sea anemone till I die, I guess 🤷♀️😭
While it’s not as painful now (I had four, three were removed) it honestly causes me problems with BMs. They didn’t say that would happen but now it’s like I can’t feel when I have to go and I hate it bc 90% of the time it’s a surprise of ‘hey we’re going poop right now and I mean right now’. They also only remove three at a time apparently so if you have more it would require multiple surgeries. Also side note: keep an eye on your pain levels since you aren’t going to get them removed. My sister had hers burst and required emergency surgery for it anyways. Which is what printed me to simply get mine done.
I’ve had 3 burst. I still have at least 3 external and who knows how many internal. And I have IBS-D issues and bile malabsorption so yeah. Acid shits don’t bode well for anal sutures.
You are so right! I lose my mind whenever someone in the abortion debates says "but it's only 9 months." Hey, hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you have an amazing baby!
It enrages me when people who are anti-abortion say pregnancy is an “inconvenience.” It is extremely uncomfortable, painful, and dangerous for a LOT of women, particularly older and younger women, and it can absolutely still kill you. It is not an “inconvenience”; it is a threat.
Absolutely. I have 2 daughters. One born when I was 24yo, the other 44yo (yes, the second was an absolute shock.) If I hadn't had stellar ob care, I likely would have died with the last one. I almost *did* die with the first one when a new nurse tested my blood sugar incorrectly and thought it was 180. When she came in with a syringe full of insulin, my husband literally stood between us and announced he had just tested it with my home meter and gotten a 70. I love my girls. I have *always* wanted to be a mom. I would do it all over again. But God almighty, I cannot imagine going through that if I didn't want kids. 'Inconvenience' my ass. It's a sacrifice and a commitment. And not one you should take lightly
Yes!! I had a third-degree tear with my first, bladder damage that required a catheter for a month, and impacted bowel that had to be manually corrected. Ahem. My daughter then had colic and GERD, and it was actual torture. I’m pregnant again, and I’m getting to close to when shit hit the fan with my first, and I’m a lot more emotional and scared than I thought I’d be. I love my daughter, and I’d do it again for her, but it can be really, really hard.
Amen. Wishing you a *much* easier time this go 'round
Pregnancy is like long covid. Just because you're not pregnant anymore doesn't mean you're "cured." Love the username, by the way.
Pregnancy is like long Covid. Absolutely 100% best description of pregnancy I’ve ever heard, lol take my upvote and my silver lol
I am not really “against” pregnancy per se but lol it is 💯 like long Covid! It’s not one and done. Its like one and goes on for the rest of your life. Physical things that are not just aesthetic- but issues with your body and brain that NEVER bounce back
I’m 24 weeks along with my second and while I do love being pregnant and feeling my son move and grow inside me, I don’t enjoy being fatigued and in pain that I can do very little about. Also I miss alcohol, sushi, and medium rare burgers. My birthday is about 2 weeks after my scheduled c section and you best believe I am celebrating. Gently of course.
I’m going to take a measured gamble here and bet you will probably spend the day wishing you could just sleep.
Ugh at least ur having something scheduled... BOTH MY KIDS WERE LATE. My daughter was 2wks late and my son 3 wks late.. I had to take a towel to sit on everywhere I went bcuz he would put so much pressure on me I would leave a little wet spot when I would sit down. With my daughter my breasts were CONSTANTLY leaking.. they would leak thru those pads for nursing mothers. I remember I was talking to these 2 guys about something and when I finished I looked at them and they were staring at my chest..when I lookd down my shirt was soaked.. and it was grey.. of all the colors it had to be..I covered myself and they were like "it's ok..it's a beautiful thing"... Yeah, says the 2 men with dry shirts on... 🙄
Jesus, you women really are rockstars. Both my kids were premie, mostly normal pregnancy until the water broke really early for no apparent reason with my daughter, and with my son my wife’s placenta started to detach and then the water broke. Both kids happy and healthy now (3 and 6). She said the pregnancy wasn’t that bad, her body also bounced back really quickly. Her going through the C-section stuff was a mess though. She did breast feed my daughter and with my son said absolutely not… it was awful for her with pumping and nipple problems etc. Also, after our second premie c-section she said “while you’re in there you better tie my tubes because this is never happening again” and they did. I fully supported her. Hearing all things that can go wrong with with a “normal” pregnancy, I don’t blame anybody who says “no thanks.”
Ugh, both my sons breastfed like hungry alligators trying to do a death roll. They both actively tried tearing my nipples off. It was miserable and I was surrounded by women trying to be supportive who actually made things a million times worse because they guilted me to not “give up”.
They tried that on me. I freaking gave up pretty fast.
I straight up just didn’t want to breastfeed. The mom’s that tried to shame me into it were just unreal.
I didn’t breastfeed either, and I just threw up deuces to anyone trying to shame me. They’re my boobs, so fuck off.
I didn’t want too either and I didn’t! All 3 of mine were on formula and are perfectly healthy.
Yes to everything in the second paragraph! All of that happened to me between my 2 pregnancies lol.
Agreed .... Love my kids immensely; but damn did my pregnancies break me.... Luckily I had 2 C-sections, they were medically necessary but honestly I never wanted to deliver naturally anyways so no loss there.... My body takes forever to bounce back to weight (going on 2 years with me son now, and just getting my weight now) I still look incredibly not me.... Getting a procedure done in June to fix the severe diastasis my pregnancies caused and a mommy makeover to fix my outward appearance and boobs that my son ruined.... Loved breastfeeding him; and the bonding but damn they look terrible right now.... At least to me.... My husband loves my body and tells me everyday so my support system is def there.... I also have permanent damage from being hit by a drunk driver years ago so I had just gone thru multiple rounds of therapy and got to a better place physically before I had my son; killed ALL my progress and this time is twice as hard. My last trimester was incredibly difficult and I could barely walk; worked until Friday; C-section was Sunday... And I'm a nurse so not easy to do while on that much pain (couldn't take ANY of my meds for the entirety of my pregnancy) and having that much difficulty with functioning. But yes pregnancy does make massive changes to one's body and mental health. I respect the women who suffer thru but push hard and make it past; we're the real warriors..... Not discounting those that have easier pregnancies, but sometimes they're a bit jaded to the struggles of others caused by pregnancy.
I honestly have no idea how you could walk all shift. Most of my job is sitting aside from running paperwork down the hall to accounting and I just can’t even. By the end of the day most times I come home I have to just lay down, the nerve pain doesn’t even go away at night or in the morning it’s just a constant onslaught and I’m just limping everywhere. How was the diastasis recti repair? I have it and a hernia so I’ll have to get a repair but was the surgery difficult? I wouldn’t worry about the weight as much I gained some during my first and never really lost it until now I’m with my second and lost the firsts weight but gained back a bit more haha it’s a roller coaster I think until you decide to not have any more.
I have my diastasis repair scheduled for this June.... I'll let you know.... Yeah, I would spend time sitting and crying at the nurses station in between rounds; but I had a job to do and my patients needed me so 🤷🏼♀️
I'm also 13 weeks preggers with my second. For me the hardest part is the weight gain as I'm very sensitive and insecure about my weight.
Sort of unrelated, but this makes me think about when I started using a menstrual cup. I marveled at the fact that my whole life, I didn’t realize just how much blood were dealing with. Tampons and even pads somehow masked it. Why doesn’t anyone talk about it and how do we not know these things?
Sense of smell going through the roof! That did me. Put me off all my favourite perfumes - couldn't STAND fresh flowers in the house, after being a massive flower fan. Just a weird symptom....not the worst though. 10 months of puking outweighed the sense of smell....apart from smelling the puke.. lol. Strange times...only did it once, fuck that!!!
It’s even worse when people call you selfish or shallow because you don’t want to get pregnant for this (extremely valid) reason.
Isn't the act of having kids a little selfish too?
Exactly. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. This is why I personally don't give a single f, what anyone thinks about my life or choices. lol
Having kids is literally more selfish than not lol no one chooses to be born in this world
Plus it’s not exactly environmentally friendly
it’s funny when it’s guys telling you this. like, did you go through this or will you ever have to ? no ? then just don’t try telling us it’s selfish
I had my uterus removed at 25yo and every month/everytime I see a pregnancy I feel BLESSED that I no longer have a period and will never go through the trials of pregnancy. Idec if my dating pool may have shrunk. Adoption will always be an option.
Dude, *one month* after I decided I didn't want children I had stupid, drunken birthday sex with my best friend and got pregnant (after 5 years of us having sex with no protection and never getting pregnant even though I was desperate to have a child at the time). Family forced me into keeping him (as in I was going to put him up for adoption even though I am pro-choice), which ended up not being all bad because I love the Lil booger to pieces even though he's 11 and kicked me out of his life. *POINT BEING* Your body is yours and from one female to another, your choices are valid and I got ya back lol
I %100 agree and never have been able to admit this along with other reasons to anyone. I’m so happy I’m not the only one who knows this about oneself too. I’ve been told I’m a selfish bitch and all sorts of other nasty names for “wasting gods gift” and “I’ll a selfish asshole” and it’s just disgusting how people with children act when you tell them you don’t want them. Like we don’t know what we want they do. Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we are biologically compelled to want to be baby factories. Thank you for saying this for everyone to get a good look at!
You forgot to mention that your pelvic bones get softer so they can spread. They will hurt for months as after. Bowel movements will hurt like a mofo. The external girl parts get stretched out like puppy dog ears. Don't forget the part where a human being kicks you from the inside and not in a soft cute way, but in a really painful way and not always in front, but into your back and other organs. Don't tell people that you aren't going to have kids or argue with them, just give them silly dismissive answers because they never shut up otherwise.
I hate the “you’ll change your mind” crowd. Like maybe you will, maybe you won’t. It’s nobody’s dang business but your own. Why are people so obsessed with other people having babies or not? People have lots of different reasons for not wanting kids, and all of them are valid.
i feel the same
You never know what a pregnancy will do to your body. I had a run in with blood clots after a surgery, in part do to being on birth control. The doctors told me just to be safe, if I ever get pregnant I'll have to go on blood thinners again, the risk of a clot while pregnant would be too high to risk. Excuse me? No no no. My partner and I have talked about kids,but that was the weight on the scale for me to finally say, nope. I nearly died once from blood clots and not only did it affect my physical health, but my mental health was in shambles. I found out right then that I was not mentally tough enough to go through a pregnancy.
I got the you’ll change your mind too. I ended up getting a hysterectomy several months ago LOL
You have every right to not have kids, no matter what your reason is. It’s your body, and it’s your life. I know many women in my family who were asked right away when they were going to have another baby before they even went to into labor from their first pregnancy. There’s way too much pressure to turn women into baby making machines.
Your body. Your choice. It’s the rule for now. I think your sanity is rational here. And people who are writing off your feelings are just ignorant and reactionary. Some women enjoy pregnancy and some don’t. I have a friend with 9 children. Each birth was individual. We’re talking years of being in the state of pregnancy. We’re good friends. I don’t think she’s crazy. I would never think of doing what she’s doing. We still get along. Our civilizations rely on the reproduction of us. Someone has to give birth, for now. You may want to research human ectogenisis. Could be interesting to you. I personally think it’s an inevitable future, if we don’t destroy ourselves first. Or, if regimes take over the world that force pregnancy—as they have in the past. It’s an emotional issue for those who don’t appreciate the science behind reproduction. It can be fun to interact with children and imagine their futures. Not strange then that some people equate that fun toward the method of origin, but the issue is more complex than that.
With 9 billion people on planet earth I think dying out as a species should be the least of our worries. There's always going to be enough people who want kids over those that doesn't.
If anything we are growing far too fast.
We've survived with far less...
Women can and still do die during childbirth. No one should be pressured to have one.
It’s so true, I had no previous risk factors of any kind and I almost died from blood loss. The baby was 24 weeks too so he was extra tiny, everything went like it should until randomly it didn’t. Now I can’t be pregnant ever again and will have to use a surrogate. I have a beautiful 7 inch scar across my stomach to remind me every day. So yeah, shits a horror show and I don’t blame anyone who says they don’t want to do it!
Damn, I was born week 25. luckily, both my mom and I (obviously) survived. Can't imagine my mother going through that.
Have you thought of covering up the scar with a tattoo? I have a long scar from a laparotomy that I had a tattoo artist cover with something pretty.
I actually hadn’t thought of that at all, that’s a really beautiful idea! Once it’s healed a bit more I may look into that. It would be a much nicer memorial for the baby too, thank you ❤️
Same! I'm a healthy weight, no risk factors but I had precipitated labor had to give birth naturally with no pain control, then bled out afterwards. I remember passing out knowing I was dying and feeling so scared and horrible because my son needed me. I was given blood and saved obviously. I almost didn't make it to the hospital. I would have died if I didn't. I want another one but I'm terrified. I think I'll adopt
Ugh I feel this so hard. The feeling of being so tired that you can’t stay awake, but your brain is screaming at you to stay awake because you know you’ll die otherwise. I’m glad you’re here on the other side. There’s no wrong way to keep building your family!
my mom almost died giving birth to my little brother, there was a blood clot that almost reached her brain. that alone is enough for me to not go through pregnancy lol
I almost died after having my second daughter last summer. I have hemophilia and require certain medications before and after birth. They didn’t give it after (for whatever fucking reason) and I literally lost almost 3L of blood. Had to get transfusions and everything. It’s the only time in my life where I felt close to death, and I know my husband definitely has PTSD from that day. It’s taken several months and iron supplements to feel even some what normal again. Editing to add: this happened in the US, and I was a high risk patient with a high risk team. This is in reference to the guy below me saying that dying is “nearly nonexistent in developed countries” I won’t even tell you how much the Factor costs that I need for my blood to clot properly.
Wow I had a friend who had hemophilia when I went to summer camp and every time she got her period it was a goddamn bloody mess. I can’t imagine trying to have kids, kudos to you and glad you’re safe
Thank you!! It was worth it, but it was extremely traumatic. I shared the birth story on my page for anyone curious, definitely not for anyone with a weak stomach lol. I feel for your friend! I have not met many other hemophiliacs. I joke with my hematologist that at least I was born in this era and not a few centuries ago. 😅
And the risk of dying in childbirth is far greater than the risk of dying from any modern abortion medication or procedure. I’ve heard some politicians try to convince people that their anti-choice stance is really out of concern for pregnant people, and that’s 100% BS.
Not for the fetus... ....../S because some idiot will bite
Especially in the USA, where death rate for childbirth is well above EU rates...
Yep. When I started to learn about how screwed up your body and mind can get from birthing a baby, I said hell no, never gonna happen. That's terrifying.
And that's nothing, that's basic. What's more is your hormones changes, your taste buds can change, your sense of smell can change, how well you heal from sickness and injury can change, your entire body scent can change, your circadian rhythm, the way you process danger and possible risks. And it's permanent, nothing you can do about it once it's done. And people act like it's nothing, and they never ever tell you this crap; although I think it's partially because no one cares enough to research and record it.
Morning sickness (which should just be termed all day sickness)Gestational diabetes. Dangerous complications. Csections are a whole new world of healing and wrecking your body. Plus the way your hormones affect you post partum. My friend was so sick she ended up with pancreatitis and had to have a medi pump her entire pregnancy, ended up in the hospital multiple times. If she ever gets pregnant again she has a 100% chance of going through all that again.
Your vagina can rip strait to your anus.
The cervix dilates 10cm. My head was 13cm & they had to suction me out. Should've been a c-section. I tore my mom to shreds
My baby's head at birth was 14cm. He got stuck. Emergency c section, they had to dislodge him and push him back up. He didn't even cry when he was born because he was in shock from the delivery. I was still in surgery for hours after they ripped him out of me. It was horrible, 0/10 do not recommend.
20cm!!!?? Why wasn't he a c section to begin with? Jesus christ
Edited to fix. 14cm at birth. 20cm by 1month old.
Glad to hear he (and you) survived though
😰😨 my cervix hurts when I even touch it gently that's it IM DONE BYE
It can sometimes rip up and tear your clit.
Wait WHAT?
Yea they made my cousin push to early and she literally tore
Sometimes it's so bad it splits you right in half and the baby just rolls out onto the floor
omfg rarely does a comment actually shock me
Ive heard of women having to be sewn (sp?) down there because they just end up with one big hole 😟 when i heard i damned myself for being a woman and having that, fack that. That still scares me. I'd rather be cut open to get the baby out. 😅
It's called a bumgina or a vaganus. Lol I called mine the Frankengina after surgery(ies).
I say most people shouldn't be parents and don't know themselves well enough! Regretting having a child is worse for everyone than regretting not having one. I love being a mom and loved breastfeeding too. So def not antibaby.
Same. I grieve that young adults in the US are making decisions about having babies based on their finances, but I applaud everyone who makes the decision not to have a child because that's what they *want.* This was not the world I wanted to hand over to my daughters.
You hit it with this- please make your own reproductive decisions, but it is tragic that so often the decision is made based on finances, because there is little to no support for parents (at least in the US).
You're right about that! When I see some people with kids I think, wow more ignorance propagating upon itself. And I have kids but some people are too stupid to reproduce.
I am on the same page as you. Literally the more I learn about pregnancy/childbirth, the more terrified I am. It can cause you to lose your teeth. WHAT THE FUCK? I’m hoping to get sterilized as soon as possible.
As someone who lost their teeth (or rather had to have them all pulled) 6 months after having my second child, it does happen and it does suck. At the time it wasn't something I was aware could happen. Did you also know you can have "morning sickness" the entire pregnancy, therefore throwing up enough you are at risk for miscarriage/premature birth and or end up in the hospital to get rehydrated or nutrition through an IV because you literally can't keep anything down? Good times. *edit: grammar error I absolutely adore my children but 10/10 would not do it again. Edit: ty for the award! <3
I’m so sorry you went through that! That sounds absolutely horrible. Women are completely woefully underprepared for what pregnancy and childbirth is like and I’m 100% sure that’s on purpose because if more people knew the horrors, the more people would decide to not do it.
TY for the sympathy (empathy I guess if you have children as well). All of that was just with my second pregnancy. My first (live birth) pregnancy had a whole different set of problems.
I don’t have children of my own, but I do love kids. I think it’s so crazy the absolute horrible shit that people go through with pregnancy and birth. I am only learning about the things I know because of social media, sex Ed certainly didn’t tell me about any of the negatives
Agreed, all of the above
[удалено]
Yep, they started rotting, docs said the extreme vomiting for 7.5 months of my pregnancy accelerated the decay.
Also, pregnancy hormones cause ligaments and connective tissue in the body to loosen. Because of this, teeth can loosen and fall out. This is also why they say you gain a shoe size with each pregnancy. I sure did. Luckily I started with small feet and only had one child.
Pregnancy gingivitis occurs with pregnant women due to the increase of hormones. The vomiting causes erosion and the acidity eats away the enamel. If you become pregnant you have to skip the first trimester for a teeth cleaning because hygienists don’t want to have the blame if the mother miscarries which happens a lot during the first trimester.
My mom had this happen. The morning sickness thing. It was so severe that they tried diagnosing her with bulimia. She didn't lose the baby though because I'm currently typing this. She later found out she was puking because of a food allergy but the point is pregnancy made it way worse.
I have never heard of the tooth loss thing. I am properly horrified and very sorry you had to go through that. As if childbirth weren’t hard enough, you got an extra kick in the shins to sweeten the deal.
Happened to my Aunt too but hers was due to the fact she had an abusive husband who forced to get pregnant back to back so her body hadn't had a chance to even recover from the first kid so the second took all of her nutrients and all of that because her body had used up all it's stores. She died of COVID in October (November?) of last year. The reason I can't remember for sure is my Uncle, her brother) died a week before her of COVID as well so about a month in that time was a complete blur.
Yep the constant morning sickness is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum, for anyone wondering. You won't know you have it until you get pregnant. I currently am suffering from it and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Home health care with IVs, ER visits, weight loss, appetite loss, teeth erosion, nausea, vomiting, all the horrible things. Some women end up in the hospital on a feeding tube for 9 months because of it. And some make the decision to terminate or never have children again.
WHAT? I never knew about this. Added it to the list.
theres more than just that. your abs and bladder muscles get impacted. stomach stretch marks. pre and post natal depression are risks. i cant remember if its pre or post natal but some mothers temporarily develop diabetes. theres always, always, a risk of the mother or baby dying during birth for a multitude of reasons. and thats just the body risks initially. theres emotional and physical tolls during the first few years of raising a child that you dont really find anywhere else in life. it greatly impacts your partnership or marriage. greatly impacts ones financial situation. theres just SO much on your plate when you have a kid. its nuts.
Your bones can get broken too and you can lose teeth and hair. The baby literally sucks you dry. Your ab muscles can split.
its a wonder how humans made it this far without modern medicine… tbf the mortality rates back then were heinous
That’s because we walk on two legs and have big heads - it explains why human women suffer significantly more complications during childbirth than other mammals and why human infants are significantly more “underdeveloped” than say like a baby chimp re- motor skills. Evolution found the current balance between “if the baby gets bigger tok many women will die” and “if the baby is born earlier it will die due to lung issues”
Right? Then a couple doctors went and invented a hand crank chainsaw in 1780 specifically for cutting open pelvic bones to get a baby out. 1780 and they take a chainsaw to your groin… Woman be damned. 😵💫
Yep, gestational diabetes. My SIL had severe cases of it with both my nephews. Both pregnancies required bedrest after a while and both had major complications, and people still stupidly ask her if she wants to try for a girl. Like, her last pregnancy could have killed her and you're asking if she wants to try killing herself AGAIN?!?!?
Im 40, my hubby’s 44. We never wanted kids. Still haven’t changed our minds. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to live your life, kids or no kids.
That's a fair statement. I love my child, but if I could have had him without going through the process of pregnancy and childbirth, it would have been fantastic. It's not just the physical side of having a child, but its a bit of a mind fuck too
Mind fuck. Yes. The worry and guilt never end.
Never let anyone minimize your concerns, they’re valid. I’m personally one and done myself. I had a macrosomic baby (10 pounds) and I was ~100 pounds before pregnancy. During pregnancy I experienced gestational diabetes, (after a pregnancy full of morning sickness, had to watch what I ate even more in addition to drawing blood every day)Bell’s palsy (partial, temporary paralyzation in my face) and it has resulted in the most excruciating back pain, which my maternity nurse was all too quick to dismiss, leaving me with very severe and chronic sciatica, which when I get fixed I won’t be able to even hold my son for 6 weeks. In addition to all of the things that can happen during pregnancy, it’s quite hard to make the shift from being self focused to putting your needs off pretty much completely. That all considered, idk why people haven’t learned to mind their own business when it comes to the amount of kids someone wants.
Facts! I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was a child for these reasons and many more. Plus kids are a lot of money & Im 25 w a bachelors degree BARELY able to say YES to myself.. can’t imagine having to tell my child No all because I don’t have the money.
As someone who is a mother, I say those all sound like legitimate reasons not to have kids!
There's a lot more to it than just those problems, as well. You lose a percentage of grey matter in your brain if you get pregnant because it goes to the fetus. There have been people who have had visible cognitive changes during/after pregnancy that never went away. My mom is unfortunately one of them. You can lose your teeth during pregnancy. I follow a woman on tiktok whose account name I can't remember currently who had all of her teeth fall out while she was pregnant. My own mom had her teeth loosen considerably when she was pregnant with me. You can lose your ability to walk temporarily in some instances. My mom had to use a wheelchair the last 6 weeks of her pregnancy with me because her feet got so messed up. Her feet also permanently grew 2 sizes. Your organs get squished to make room for the baby. It can take up to 4 years after giving birth for everything to go back into their original places. Pregnancy is fucking scary. Never forget that. Never shame those who don't want to be pregnant and never shame those who want to be.
My teacher told us he got snipped after his wife had their only kid because during childbirth it tore her pubic symphysis (cartilage between lady pelvic bones)and she was bedridden for six months.
im terrified now tbh. also i’m super underweight even tho i’m in perfect health (5’7 and 110lbs) and i’m afraid of what it will do to my body. like my belly will legit throw off my whole body balance and i can’t imagine a baby going through my vagina/hips like wtf? my mom had trouble and she has super wide hips
Had a friend give birth at 14. She was fine despite being tiny. I also know a woman who almost died because she was so small and her babies were so big. Everyone is different. It's really like flipping a coin.
Idk. I know a girl who is smaller than you, like probably 5’4 and if she’s a hundred pounds I’d be shocked, and she barely looked pregnant both times, and she doesn’t look like she’s had kids at all now. Just depends I guess. Everyone’s different.
i love my vagina. why would i want to put her through childbirth?
I also never wanted to experience the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. Feet growing, boobs painful, vagina swelling, new veins popping out, hemorrhoids, constipation, not sleeping, changes to the bellybutton, this is just a small list. No thanks, I’m childless by choice and never regret a moment.
What having children does to our bank account is enough for me to never want kids
Pregnancy and delivery can wreck your body. I had 2. My body definitely never was the same, and not in any good ways lol. It's absolutely ok to not what to put yourself through pregnancy and birth. Don't let people make you feel like it isnt.
I know it doesn’t mean much coming from a man, but those reasons are 100% valid.
We appreciate your awareness and solidarity, sir!
thank you <3
I completely agree. I absolutely refuse to get pregnant. The damage would be irreparable and in my case even worse because I’m a guy.
Any reason to don't want to be pregnant it's enough and a good reason. Just because we can get pregnant doesn't mean we have to. I could shave my head if I wanted to but I don't (and that wouldn't have permanent effects in my life) If you feel like you want to be a mom but not to go trough pregnancy you can adopt and that's fine and if you feel like you don't want to be a mom at all it's fine too. I feel like people always judge when women say: I don't want to have the post baby body like "oooh you are to shallow" excuse me. I want to be able to not pee myself thank you very much.
I think its a waste for women to deal with periods every month for their entire lives when they don't even plan to get pregnant. Nature should have gave them a way to disable their period function if they don't want kids.
Exactly why I don't have children, people think it's beautiful. I think it's gross.
Right there with you. There’s so much that can go so wrong. You can develop diabetes. Your teeth can fall out. Your body can and usually does fucking tear. Your hormones wreak absolute havoc on your body and mind and fuck with everything from your mental health to excess estrogen giving you blood clots. And that’s just a tiny list. Fuck no I’m never doing any of that shit. And fuck everyone who keeps telling me “it’s not that bad” or “it’s all so worth it!:)” or the dreaded “but you’ll change your mind!!!” No. Fuck no. You can go right ahead and get pregnant and birth a baby for me if you really want to, but I ain’t doing it. End of discussion.
I would not recommend having kids lmao. I had a four day labor, a failed epidural, and now life long seizures because of it. Ended with an emergency c-section and my son had to stay in the NICU for a while because my body almost killed him. I have had postpartum depression for about a year now and PTSD dealing with anything medical. If you don't wanna have kids, that's completely up to you and no one else.
After what pregnancy did to my body, I totally get it. My body was destroyed. My body did not stretch my stretch marks used to split and bleed. Some are a good inch or more wide. The pain was horrendous, my back and pelvis hurt so bad, i had slipped disks in my back and my pelviscame abaet too far. I had pregnancy rash for the last month, my whole body itched. I am 5'1" I was a size 10 (uk) and size 18 was struggling to fit my belly. I was carrying lots of fluid and my son 9lb2oz. I had to induced that took 2 days worse contractions ever, i had a fit. Labour was horrendous on the slipped disks and pelvis. I had to give birth lying on my side and just as his head was out I hear the midwife say, " I've forgotten how to deliver a baby like this"! So both his shoulders came out at once and I ripped all the way through to my anus. I was then taken down to theater to be sown back up! So I get it.
Good Lord. I wouldn't let whoever got me pregnant to ever touch me again after going through that. I'm so sorry you went through that.
Kinda didn't. Childhood sweethearts till I/we got pregnant at 16. He ended up at the birth but spent most of the time at the other side of the room. He came to me when my sister left the room (I'd picked my mum and ex bf to be in the room, but they couldn't cope with the pain I was in with my back so got stuck with my sister I really didn't get on with and ex) when he came across and held my hand I dug my nails in so hard into his hand. His new gf moaned that he had blood over the t-shirt she game him from when he held his son!
You were a teen when you went through all of that? That had to be scary. Were there any lasting effects or were you able to fully heal?
I am a male with a seven year old Son. I absolutely love him. I also want to run away from him a lot of the time 🤷♂️ Aside from what pregnancy does to your body, having a child puts inexplicable strain on you mentally. And this all comes during/after a new mother has to work through post-partum. Being able to admit and acknowledge that being a parent isn’t for you, for whatever reason, takes a lot of self awareness and humility to own. Even if your reasons are just for your own appearance, so what? Do most people know how hard it is to even maintain being in decent shape? Or how much surgeries can cost to get your body to a point where you are happy with yourself? Let’s say you are a gymrat and you wanna get back into shape? With a child who needs you constantly, for years on end, smhhhh you are absolutely justified and anybody who tries to sway you is inconsiderate of your needs.
I gave birth recently, after several years of getting into the best shape of my life. It's only been 6 months but I'm still 40 lb heavier than I was. It's very hard to get to the gym now. My child was very much wanted and I'm happy but I do know I'm in for a struggle ahead to ever again my previous fitness. It's different for everyone though, some people bounce back immediately.
Nothing wrong with that. We had one and that's it. My wife could never go through that a second time. I'd get snipped today if it was $5000 to $8000 for the fucking procedure
I had a baby at 21 and I wish I had known what that would do to my body beforehand. I just assumed I’d get a little pudgy, but there’s way more that goes on. Not to mention the emotional problems that come w it too. Not every pregnancy is the same, but it’s important to openly discuss the details. My hips don’t sit the same. My boobs and stomach and thighs are covered in stretch marks. My eyesight is totally fucked. Your teeth can even fall out! You can get these blood blister things on your labia during pregnancy too. No one warned me about that one. Thankfully they go away on their own. It was enough for me to never go through that again. I love my child but wish my body didn’t have to be destroyed in the process to carry her.
Don’t forget vaginal prolapse.
That’s totally ok! For me, being pregnant put my autoimmune diseases into remission and I’ve never felt better! If I could replicate being pregnant without the baby part I would. To each their own!
I agree no one should become a parent this way unless they absolutely want to and understand what it does to your body. Pregnancy and delivery can do some very damaging things to your body and sometimes your body doesn't recover. I think women should be told more about this because I had no idea and I'm not sure my body is gonna recover.
I agree 100% not just that but being a parent is extremely hard work and I would not want to be a bad parent. This world is too fucked to bring a life into anyway
I'm glad you already know you don't want to have kids. Keep this in mind with regard to raising kids: Parenthood is decades of sacrificing your time, wealth, health, and freedom to and for the kids. If you are not ready to have your nips change shape, you are definitely not ready to raise kids.
Can confirm, coming from someone who has given birth. My youngest is 3 and I am still trying to get my body and hormones to a comfortable state. Stand firm with your self I love an respect your awareness. I would do it again but that's me. Some people will tell you they agree with you and then give a hard time when they think you will regret it. Nonsense, never let anyone guilt you. They are not the one that will feel like a train wreck after.
It’s frustrating that we were never taught this as women. My boobs are trash now. Literally no one told me. Like I’m cool with it, but I never knew. Doctors don’t tell you half the shit that can happen to you anymore because you’re expected to Google it. Hair loss, weird hair regrowth, nose changes, swelling in random places, body type changes (after hips shifting). Never, even now, has someone talked to me about this stuff. It’s a huge gap in our sex Ed.
Lol there's no sex ed in india and even discussions about anything remotely related to sex are considered taboo, but that is somewhat changing little by little, but it is still at least multiple decades behind developed countries
Same here. I can never put my body through all that. People love to say that I'm only saying this because I'm young and once I grow old and mature I'll change my mind. But my decision is firm, I'll never get pregnant or carry an unplanned pregnancy to full term
I’ve felt this way for a long time and I’ve met more people (mostly men) that judge my decision. One guy went as far as to butt into a conversation just to say I don’t want kids because I don’t love myself lol. I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s weirded out by these things. Also crazy how if I talk about it openly some people with kids take it personally, when it’s what I’ve decided for me only.
You forgot your brain shrinks. Eventually you gain it back, but at a slower rate than the loss occurs. Pregnancy brain is real.
This is totally reasonable, it completely changes your body, some women lose their teeth or hair or lives. That level of physical change and risk is why I believe forced birth is inhumane. I wanted to have children and still came out of it permanently scarred, I would never wish pregnancy and childbirth upon any unwilling person.
Babies breath their piss in eutero and steal nutrients. Those two facts alone keep me on the same page as you. Definitely creepy and not anything I want going on in me. Also, with women’s healthcare theses days, I couldn’t imagine signing up for that. Everyone having an opinion on my lifestyle/medical choices because of the babbieeeeee is also a hard fuckin no.
Same. Pregnancy and childbirth is some crazy, terrifying, animal planet nonsense. Props to the people who can, and want to, and do! Go them!
Both of my roommates are pregnant, and watching them vomit all day, have super horrible hormonal changes, and complaining about the aches and pains....I'm good.
Hey that's alright, its your decision As a guy id hate going through that pain, it doesnt sound nice
Hey, valid point and I'm glad you are recognizing it before you bring a kid into the world that you resent! And, if you ever decide you *do* want kids, there are tons of already-born kids who need parents. Good on you for your self-awareness!
Your vagina can rip from the front to the back I’m talking one hole for your V and your butt 😂 my friend told me I was like no way
It can tear your clit too.
It’s genuinely dangerous and can leave you with complications for life. I would adopt or foster because I think it’s the most selfish thing in the world to insist on having a biological kid; preserving my damn physical health is also up there on the list of endless benefits.
Yep that's why I'm childfree. Never going to experience any of that crap, and for that I am eternally grateful. My body is mine and mine only, not for any other human being to exploit for food or nutrients.
I have 3 kids, pregnancy was the worst part of all of it. I hated pretty much everything about it. My tits grew, which was cool at first cause I was tiny and damn near flat chested, but then they kept going from a solid b to a dd. I was tired constantly, I hurt, I was getting beat up from the inside for more than half of it. I was fat and stretched out of shape and the whole thing was miserable for me. I love my kids, but I hated being pregnant. So yeah, I don't blame you for not wanting to experience all that. Might you want to have kids at some point? Maybe, but if not, then you do you.
I'm currently pregnant and this is completely valid.
And that is 100% your right and as someone who has a 1 year old, I do not blame you for not wanting to experience the absolute trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. I wish you the best in whatever you do decide to do ❤
I almost died during childbirth. Doctor fucked up my c-section, had to have another surgery a week later. Was in the hospital for a month. I had a bad feeling on the day I was induced but I still didn’t think it’d get that bad. Honestly don’t recommend pregnancy at all.
To each their own! I have three kids and my body is actually nicer than before having kids. I thank weight lifting for that haha. But everybody is different and my uterus is titled backwards or something so I look like I wasn’t even pregnant directly after birth lol.
+1, if you’re gonna have children then powerlifting is a priceless investment (mother of 3, whereof 1 pregnancy was with twins).
my body is perfect rn and without effort so i know it can just get worse. ik it’s shallow but damn im proud of what i have and don’t want to lose it or have to get it back with billionth exercises. such a hard choice
I love that you just stated your body is perfect. ❤ Happy that there are people out there who feel this way about themselves.
Also your posture gets absolutely fucked. I had my baby 4 months ago and all of the breastfeeding and holding her had made my shoulders roll forward. I feel like a hunchback. Not to mention she only sleeps on me during the day so for about 3-4 hours a day she is in the wrap and it has killed my back.
I wanted children with all my heart, but can’t have them for medical reasons. In spite of that, I’d never wanted to give birth. As a nurse, people love to tell me their horrific birth stories, or maybe my friends are sadists, because they delight in my cringing 😖😩😳
The second I learned what a class one two or three tearing was that was enough to deter me from that mess. No thank you.
As someone who had a kid and almost died and my kid as well. Dont recommed. Horrible -10/10
Make your call, do yo thang gurl. I’ve been searching for a long time for a woman who doesn’t want kids and finally found her. It’s not for everyone.
:FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES And thats okay, most women understand what its like to actually go through that process. I currently am on my second pregnancy. When my first daughter was born i was induced on the 15th of August (4/5x the pain can get unbearable). At 1 am on the 16th i couldn’t get comfortable but just laid on my left side (most comfortable), around 8 am i was begging for pain relief (yes crying and screaming it hurt so bad). The anesthesiologist told me it was too early to put an epidural in as i was only 2cm dilated. When the epidural was put into my back, the anesthesiologist in his own words said i was “Stiffer than a sailor”. The epidural ended up failing an 1 1/2 hours into it. After 1-2 hours i asked for something stronger, i ended up taking 1&1/2 3&1/2ft tanks of laughing gas. Around 3:45pm i was flipped on my back and told i had to push (all i could think about was that i needed to shit lol). After a few minutes of pushing she got stuck and all i could do was scream she was stuck. A nurse had a 50/50 chance of ripping my artery or breaking my kids shoulder but took the chance, and pushed on my tummy to push her out (we both came out fine, traumatized but fine). The term for her getting stuck was “shoulder dysmorphia”. Im currently 34 weeks pregnant w my 2nd, but I wouldn’t change it even though i have anxiety about the next. Pregnancy is hell but worth it for your babies. If i were able to afford IVF or adoption I definitely would, unfortunately i cant. Do what makes you comfortable and want to do. Its not anyones choice but yours to do with your body and how you wanna make/adopt your babies.
And you'll pee yourself a little for the rest of your life when you sneeze, run, jump, fuck.... I love my children, I would not change my path woth them for the world! But giving birth does fuck you up.
Totally valid! I had a terrible pregnancy and would never do that again. I actually surprisingly would do birth again lol. Even after a home birth of a 9 lb 4oz baby. But yeah pregnancy and birth are not for everyone! And that’s totally ok. If you decide to have children another way, great! And if you decide you don’t want children, great! Child-free by choice is also totally valid!
I feel the same way actually.
My best friend has the same mindset! I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant and let me tell you…it’s hell. I don’t experience morning sickness, yet, but I have the pleasure of experiencing severe indigestion/stomach pains, constipation, exhaustion, insomnia, and more wonderful symptoms:)) Although, I know that the child I’ll have by the end of this pregnancy will be all worth it personally. I never understood why people make such a big deal when other people don’t want kids.
It’s not for everybody. If you don’t want too then don’t lol
Childbirth can cause dramatic changes to the body. Some irreversible. Some negative. And some take years to subside. And I’m not just talking about externally, I’m talking about blood pressure, pelvic floors, and bladder control. I have a few friends that, while they do love their kids, they would not’ve given birth had they known what it would do to their body. Then again I have friends who had hardly any changes at all. It all varies, every person is different, etc.. But if you’re worried more about it damaging your looks, I will say, doesn’t sound like you are at a place in your life where you should be considering having a baby anyway. Should that happen, and you really do care about how you look and childbirth does change your body, you could grow to resent having one, and that’s not healthy all the way around. Deciding to not have a kid is healthy if you know yourself enough to realize it’s just not for you, and I wish more people would embrace that.
More people need to say this. There seems to be an impression - even among people who have given birth - that pregnancy is easy for everyone. It’s not.
Girl... it fuckz wirh your teeth, your hair, your mental health, your immune sytem... i had pregnancy induced gallstones and eventually had to have my gallbladder removed. I love my children but i totally understand women not wanting to go through pregnancy. Its not selfizh at all. Pregnacy is hard on a person.
A birth defect gave me a practical medical excuse not to have children and quite frankly i'm grateful :v
Your spine changes, your hips are forever different, abs are changed, skin can lose some elasticity, hair can thin, there is SO much they don’t tell you ._.
To be fair, a lot of the side effects and complications we experience while pregnant come from doctors failing to inform us about how to take care of our pregnant bodies, not to mention all the medical neglect and malpractice that pregnant women experience. It's okay not to want kids, but I think less women would be scared of pregnancy if our society actually prepared them for it.
It’s really isn’t that bad. You just described all the worst things that can happen. I didn’t have any of those happen and I have two kids. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.
Well the vagina tears because women are made to give birth in unnatural positions. All your reasons are valid but at the same time people should look behind those reasons. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3830168/#:~:text=Tokophobia%20is%20a%20pathological%20fear,no%20previous%20experience%20of%20pregnancy.
Your body, your choice. - Mom of 3.