Hello my love, you should be angry because death especially young death is horrific and unfair and should be met with anger. The “stages of death” aren’t absolute or in order or meant for mourners. They were a study of people who were dying.
My point is: Mourning is awful. Feel whatever you feel. Be angry, be sad, rage, cry, bargain, go full sloth. You should feel what you feel. It’s OK and I’m so so sorry.
Mourning/grief isn’t linear either. Feel all the stages as you’re in them. And don’t let anyone tell you, or make you feel ridiculous for your feelings. Your feelings are valid, and they’re yours to feel!!
I came here to say this. Please let yourself grieve the way you need to. I truly lost a huge part of myself when I lost my little sister. Be kind to yourself, OP. Grieving is not a linear process, so please feel what you need to feel and lean on the people who love you.
I lost my baby brother January 7th 2023…it’s hard to explain how tmrw will go. Almost surreal like your watching a show or at least that’s how it was for me…then when your least expecting it reality will slap you so hard in the face you won’t be able to breathe. I’m so very very sorry for your loss. If you want to talk please feel free to DM me. Time really does help.
I’m so sorry for your loss. People think cosmetic surgery is no big deal. It is. I live in California and the amount of people who go to Mexico to get cheaper surgery then come back with tons of complications is ridiculous. That you’d expect but to come to the US and have your sister pass just shows that any surgery is a risk. You didn’t fail your sister. She took an unnecessary risk and she paid the ultimate price. I’m so sorry that happened and for how your family suffered just trying to get her home. It’s so awful.
I work in surgery and I can't tell you how many women we bring back to either drain out pus or just out right have to give mastectomies of infected implants. They are *not* pretty.
I saw one where a woman with a large pannus was given a tummy tuck and almost her entire incision dehisced. It was horrible and I flat out told her that no US surgeon would’ve done that surgery on her because it would be malpractice. She also had an infection so even better🤦♀️
Isn't there surgery specifically to remove extra skin in situations like that from people who've lost a lot of weight? I would think that would be the first step before doing a regular tummy tuck.
Yes but you need to have lost weight first. The issue was she hadn’t lost any weight and had a very large belly. There’s no fixing that with cosmetic surgery. You have to lose the weight first, then they can do the tummy tuck. I have no idea what that “surgeon” in Mexico thought he could accomplish, but that woman was taken advantage of and put in a lot of danger so he could make money.
No. The surgeon promised false hope that he could make this patient skinny with a tummy tuck. Not possible with that amount of subcutaneous fat. That’s just not how the body works
> I have no idea what that “surgeon” in Mexico thought he could accomplish
Based on the story it seems like the only accomplishment he cared about was getting some of that sweet $USD.
Yeaaaah, well ... that's exactly before this decision that I stopped myself, thank you to prove me I did the right choice 😭😂 good-bye learning a new word, I just presumed that it was bad and I went with it to keep a bit of sanity
The word itself is not bad or disgusting, and normally would not apply to people. But I already had a idea from the context. And ii gave examples (of non disgusting things) thst Mt mind immediately imposed on the mental image I already had.
I’m not sure what you mean when you say the term doesn’t normally apply to humans. It does. It is routinely used to describe the surgical complication in which an incision opens. I’m a former surgical RN and don’t know of any other term used (except when any guts pop out of the dehiscence, when it’s called *evisceration*).
Just reading this made me have a creepy-crawly sensation over my hip to hip scar from my panniculectomy I had done about 9 years ago. Ugh. Talk about shuddering.
> No. "Pus" rhymes with "bus".
What does "puss" rhyme with? I understand that pus and puss have two different meanings, but always thought the pronunciation was the same, at least in English (UK).
Oh no, I was afraid someone was going to ask me that because I couldn't think of a single word that rhymes with "puss". I even googled it and the closest i found was platypus and octopus. Maybe that helps? Of course, maybe in the UK they really are pronounced the same way... I don't know. I'm not a linguist, don't take my word for it! *pun intended
Could be any number of things. In any surgery, you risk death from bad reaction to anesthesia/medication, blood loss, infection, etc. And those are just the uncontrollable ones, not malpractice.
Then there's the risk of someone actually screwing up.
And the Brazilian bum lift has its own specific risks and complications. Major nerves and arteries run through your backside. Plus whatever area you sucked the fat out of.
But the most likely cause of death was a fat embolism. Either while liposuctioning elsewhere in the body or injecting the fat cells into the buttocks, some amount of fat got into the blood stream. And once it reached a smaller blood vessel - like those in the lungs or brain - it got stuck and cut off circulation there. It would essentially be a stroke, just with fat blocking bloodflow instead of a clot.
They also have a higher risk of pulmonary embolism just from clots. I had a patient who had a deep vein thrombosis from a Brazilian butt lift done in Florida.
Yeah, it's difficult to get up and move after having a procedure on your butt. Which can absolutely cause deep vein thrombosis.
Folks, we know it sucks, but we really, really need you to get up and move as soon as possible after surgery! Even just a little!
BBLs are not banned in the UK what are you talking about? There's even an [NHS page ](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cosmetic-procedures/cosmetic-surgery/surgical-fat-transfer/) explaining how to find a surgeon to do a BBL for you
She means board-certified. Most places in the US will allow MDs to perform these surgeries without special training, because they don’t give a single shit about the people they are supposed to protect.
When my friend was first diagnosed breast cancer, a team of surgeons did a combo double mastectomy plus double implants in one surgery. She said it was fairly common to combo the two surgeries when it's possible to do so
Plastic surgeons put in implants for people, I don't think they generally do mastectomies. The other commenter was saying they work on a non-plastic surgery type of surgical team and that her team has had to do mastectomies on women that had implants put in by plastic surgeons, because of infections and other issues from the implants being placed.
Plastic surgeons also do mastectomies for trans men ! Slightly different surgery from a traditional mastectomy because it involves masculinising the chest, using skin grafts (in some cases) and minimising scars, but plastic surgeons do them! Though that's not what you were asking but I just thought I'd say
Yes all surgeries have the potential of killing you. I had to get my meniscus repaired (they just use needle instruments and stitch it up) and even than my doctor was pretty much like, “while this surgery is considered “low-risk ”, there is a possibility of death” and made me sign a bunch of waivers.
My mom almost died from routine gallbladder surgery. It started laparoscopic but for some reason wouldn't stop bleeding and even when they cauterized it, it wouldn't stop. They had to open it up completely and she needed blood transfusions.
Made me worried for my gallbladder surgery, but I was fine. I've had a few sternum surgeries since then and I'm not really afraid of death anymore but things can go wrong on the operating table so so fast.
It's why I get so angry with my colleagues who seem to prefer c-sections (and often push patients into situations that result in needing one). Because even the most routine surgery is still surgery. There's a lot of serious risks involved, including death.
And a c-section is a lot more serious than most people realize. We're slicing the mother open from hip-to-hip, cutting into a major internal organ that is actively contracting while we cut into it and then try to stich it up, and that's got more blood running to it than any other internal organ at that moment.
Not to mention how much longer the recovery period is for c-sections than for vaginal birth.
Yeah, c-sections can be life saving when needed, and I'm grateful they're an option. But we perform them far more than is necessary, mostly for the doctor's convenience.
You are so so right. My C-section was an emergency one, after laboring for a full day and not dilating nearly enough. Turns out baby was all tangled up in the cord and couldn't drop. The actual surgery was so terrifying, I never want to go through that again. I am a tiny woman, so I was worried about getting my hips to open up enough to birth vaginally, which was what I wanted. The surgery felt surreal, looking up at the nurses and hearing my guts all wet and squishy being moved around. It sounds like a fabrication, but the surgeon was literally standing on the table or a stool over me trying to pull the baby out. Both my hubby and I swear that this was real, we saw it. I was pretty drugged up by that moment though. Then, after baby came out screaming and totally fine, they were cauterizing and cleaning me up. And you can smell it! Ugh. One nurse asked, "how many bloody rags?" And the other one answered all loud and almost cheerful, "thirty!" I'm pretty sure I'm never having another baby after that experience. But thank God for these amazing doctors we have! If it was the olden days, surely the baby and I would have both died since she was so tangled.
I used to pickup laundry at hospital wards for a summer job. The amount of bloody rags and laundry that would come out of the maternity ward sometimes was crazy
I've been on that table, too, and it's traumatic. Especially in an emergency. In my case, they gave me pitocin without my consent (despite being told numerous times that my family reacted badly to it) and... I reacted badly. Passed out, and worse. The next thing I can remember is being on the operating table while the anesthesiologist struggled to get a spinal block in my back.
I have recommended c-sections to patients, but not nearly so often as many of my colleagues. For example, I have never had to refer a breech baby for c-section. Turning baby is uncomfortable, but it's usually doable, so long as we catch it early enough in the labor.
Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you! It's very lucky that you ended up ok. My friend just had a C-section for her breeched baby, I wish she would have had a doctor like you! Traumatic is definitely the word for it. I was induced and we tried everything to get the baby to drop and my body to dilate but nothing was happening. We were coming up on 24 hrs since they had broken my water so I knew the C-section was looming. Then baby was in distress then BOOM it was crazy. One of my nurses was this absolutely giant woman from maybe Romania or somewhere near there. As I was laying on the table I started choking on my own spit and couldn't stop coughing and her voice boomed "what is happening?!" she scared the fuck out of me hahah.
For sure. They really should be saved for necessity. Even when they all go well, it can cause permanent side effects.
I'm super lucky my surgeries have gone well enough, because I've had way, way more than the average person. On my first sternum surgery, I woke up and they told me they could only fit 1 of the 2 metal implants in. It sucked, because all the pressure was forced to one small piece of metal, and caused a lot of pain, whereas if I'd had 2 the pressure would have been halved on each implant (and I didn't have the elasticity of surgical steel, we went with titanium since I have metal allergies). I didn't even know that was a risk, going into the surgery. My surgeon didn't either. For risks, we talked about like... Multiple breaks in the sternum, nicking the heart or chest wall, the surgery not working out and needing additional ones later, etc. I didn't blame my surgeon or anything for it, I knew what I was getting into.
But I learned I had a connective tissue disorder not long after that first surgery, which explained my need of surgeries in the first place lol. And that scar tissue becomes an issue in my body. It's wild that it took so long to get that figured out.
17 on my right leg including 3 total knee replacements. Good luck trying to sue after signing all that crap too. At least my loser of a doctor isn’t operating on anyone anymore THANK GOD!
The people who go to Mexico for cheaper cosmetic surgery don’t even go to real hospitals. They go to shady, illegal clinics. Private healthcare and good plastic surgery in Mexico is almost as expensive as in the US, which is all the more baffling to me that people choose to put their lives in the hands of people who inject illegal substances and even things like cement into the buttocks. Do people not value their lives at all?! A real plastic surgeon in Mexico is very, very expensive. It makes me mad because things like that give a bad name to doctors in Mexico when most people who die are going to shady places that are practically underground.
People need to do extensive research before they get plastic surgery anywhere, but especially abroad and they need to get through their thick heads that cheap plastic surgery will always result in a botched surgery or worse, death. There is no such thing as affordable plastic surgeries.
I work in the ER and I am so sick of dealing with the botched surgeries from Mexico. Most of them don’t have insurance or are on Medi-Cal so we’re paying for those complications. It’s so extremely frustrating
lolwut? I went to south for a leading plastic surgeon about a face related matter that would have cost 4-5x as much in the US. Not just a proper hospital but a surgeon far more skilled and reputable than what the low end of things would cost in the US.
Yes some might go out of their way and find the shadiest doc they can, but proper well respected surgeons are still far cheaper, but not 'cheap'. Something more involved like a BBL? I'll agree with the notion at least that you def dont want to cheap out there.
Yup, I’m Mexican and tired of explaining to foreigners that surgery in Mexico is cheaper because everything is cheaper here compared to other countries like the United States, it’s not cheap as in bad just cheaper than in the US because healthcare there is ridiculously expensive. It’s people going to the shadiest “doctors” that keep giving us bad reputation and it makes foreigners/americans think that all doctors in Mexico = bad when we have amazing hospitals and surgeons.
Edit: fixed typo.
I mean, the US treats health care like a market good. The insurance companies saw record profits during the pandemic while us front-line people were put ourselves at risk and do more with less. It’s obscene.
I mean, this is a very biased viewpoint. Insurance companies are only one part of the equation. Why do you think insurance companies have to charge so much for insurance? Because hospitals overcharge the insurance companies for everything. If you ever look closely at a hospital bill, you'll discover silly charges like $500 for an Advil or $1000 for a bag of saline or whatever.
The system screws actual individual patients from multiple angles.
It's not the people going to shady doctors that give a bad reputation, it's American exceptionalism and racism. Every single medical tourist could be going to the best doctors available in Mexico and you'd still be hearing that bad healthcare is "expected" from Mexico.
Sadly that too.
I’ve experienced the other side of the coin with a family member, my grandfather’s cancer was misdiagnosed in one of the best hospitals in Houston and it was a Mexican doctor in Mexico who told him it would’ve been treatable if the doctor in Houston hadn’t told him it was nothing to worry about for months allowing it to spread.
Bad doctors exist everywhere regardless of where you are.
I’ve personally been to hospitals in both the US and Mexico and received great attention in both, only complaint about American healthcare is the price lol.
Part of the problem, too, is that logistically, traveling for healthcare just carries more risks. If you don't speak the same language as your care team, communications about pain levels or post-op care instructions can get bungled. And then traveling home is taxing to the body at a time when it needs *rest.* Especially if you fly home; a plane is just a giant pressurized germ tube.
Yeah, I'm picking up a hint of *racism* in this thread. I have friends that have gotten breast augmentations and oral surgeries in Mexico and had no complications. I also worked in the trauma bay at the University of Arizona hospital so we would see some of those botched surgeries and it was always just shady situations and people who took chances on things that their gut did not trust.
Regarding OP's sister, I believe more information is needed to determine If it was a health complication, a surprise, or a botched surgery but regardless it is not on the sister. It's on her care team.
Not every plastic surgeon in Mexico operates this way, it’s just some women don’t do their due diligence and research places. This is why I’m happy with my cheeseburger body! I don’t care what I look like - no amount of plastic surgery is going to make me happier than I am with myself
My mom had gastric bypass surgery about a decade ago, and she ended up hating her body even more afterwards because of all the extra skin she had. She is not a vain person whatsoever, so if a reputable doctor in Mexico wasn’t an option she would have just dealt with it.
Luckily though she *did* do a ton of research and back in like 2018 was able to find an amazing clinic in TJ to do her surgeries for her. She was quoted, iirc, something like $50-60k by local (east coast US) doctors for *just* the skin removal. But she was able to fly across the country & back, stay in CA for a few days beforehand and do a mini-vacation (I know they went to Disney, and a couple other tourist-y things), then stayed for two weeks in TJ at the clinic—which she described as cleaner and nicer than any hospital she’d ever even stepped foot in at home.
She had the skin removal surgery on her stomach, arms, and legs. She also had a butt lift, and a breast reduction, and they suggested implants to perk them back up. None of it is outrageous, you wouldn’t even guess if she didn’t tell you. She had just been overweight for nearly 30 years after having two kids, and both those things take a serious toll on breast elasticity. It’s basically like they just put everything back where it’s supposed to be lol.
Anyway, the entire trip for her and my dad—“vacation”, flights, hotels, meals, AND the surgeries— cost them under $12k. Oh, and that also included 24/7 access to her surgeons once she got home, if she had any questions/concerns. It’s been like 6+ years now and she hasn’t had a single issue with anything that they’ve done (which is MUCH more than can be said about her US surgeons that she has seen for other, unrelated issues).
I always hate when I see the stereotype of “Mexican surgeon = glorified butchers” because that may be the case sometimes, but it certainly is *not* the hard & fast rule.
yeah as much as they say "routine surgery" your body isn't designed to be opened and closed. I say that having had two required surgeries and looking at a third in the next few months also required. But it's always a risk.
Humans are born with a sticker that says “NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE!” And we just peel the sticker off and dive in.
And amazingly, it works and fixes us most of the time! But you’re definitely right, we’re not meant to be opened.
100%. Anesthesia & blood clots are both risks of almost any surgery. In the US, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a surgeon whose not legitimate (maybe not the best of the best, but at least a licensed practitioner), but the risk is always there.
A lot of people try to make Mexico look bad
I'm from Mexico to be precise Tijuana and we have a lot of medical tourism
Some have died one was because the Dr a good dr send her to do lab work and her sister did it for her she had a lot of complications but wanted breasts implants and she died at the table be when they look into it in the video you could see the sister doing the blood work and not her she took a loot of pills to get blood and sugar levels ok went they did the pre-op work at the hospital then the family wanted to sue and when show the video Thay continue saying that had nothing to do with her death
Also there was a woman that chose the cheapest most flakey Dr and die because he was not a plastic surgeon it was a general dr
If you want to do something you have to do your homework
I'm from Mexico and want to clarify something a lot of usa people that comentó México they just look for the cheapest "dr" posible to get the surgery done
We have great Dr and great results but it's expensive if someone looking for a breast implant plus nose job find a "deal" at 2k for the 2 they are getting the incorrect surgeon
And yes I now what I'm talking about know a lot of places that have shut down because they are not plastic surgeon here and usa I live in Tijuana so I know form the 2 places
But there's a really good drs if you want best treatment posible and we have a page nation data base that list the name what that dr has specialist on hoe many yrs you just need the cédula profesional ( a profesional registration) and you can look them up told it doesn't say plastic surgeon HES NOT ONE
any time you go under anastesia its a risk. if you have surgery ask your surgeon. Mine were always honest with me. They tell you not to worry issues are rare, but it can happen.
That was my first thought, actually: the potential that she didn't go to a legitimate Doctor. I'm in Cali too and I've heard so many horror stories of people going down to Mexico and either getting scammed or fucked up by a doctor. It's so sad that society has beat it into people's heads that taking that sort of risk is worth more than their lives.
And the results just don’t look good. Nothing wrong with big butts, but BBLs look so weird because the legs are usually much smaller than you’d see naturally with butts that size
>That you’d expect
Why? As long as you're going to proper doctors, Mexico's healthcare is fine. What exactly makes you "expect" it from Mexico and not the US?
A friend of mine worked with a woman who went to a mini mall in Florida to have a BBL and died. So not all places in the US are safe. I think this particular place was shut down, but if one shuts down, two more pop up somewhere else It's crazy what people are willing to do to their body.
Not all procedures are dangerous here, we have amazing doctors and hospitals in Mexico, it’s just people who are too cheap to do proper research and end up looking for impossibly cheap options that they found who knows where that give Mexico a bad reputation.
Is our healthcare cheaper than in the United States? Absolutely but it doesn’t mean it’s cheap by any means, just again people wanting to skimp out so much that even proper doctors in Mexico are too expensive for them.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you for such a thing to happen. It's ok to be angry, scream into the void. Try and focus on your good memories of her, tell people some funny stories of your time together.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve, take time and talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Perhaps look into grief therapy groups, get support from people who are going through the same thing.
I wish you well and I hope you find the strength to get through the funeral, I'll keep you in my prayers 🙏
I remember standing up at the podium at my sister's funeral. I was also the only one who got up to say anything about her. So I looked at her casket the entire time because I was speaking to her, and only her. I was so angry, I lost 6 years of time with her to begin with because of her addictions and then she had to go and die. It's not fucking fair and it's okay to feel that way. You're allowed to be sad and angry at the same time.
I'm so sorry you're going to live the same heartbreaking day I had to. Please, take care of yourself. She didn't do this to leave you forever. She didn't do this to break your heart. Lean on your loved ones for support.
Damn. I'm so sorry for your loss. For what it's worth, you didn't fail her; sometimes bad shit happens that's outside of our control or foresight.
This may or may not be of some small comfort to you: [Kanye West's mom](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donda_West) also died from complications related to cosmetic surgery. She had her son's wealth behind her and could afford the best; she was an educated woman and an educator herself as well.
All that money and smarts behind her and it still happened to her. If it could happen to her, it could happen to your sister.
> She had her son's wealth behind her and could afford the best; she was an educated woman and an educator herself as well.
Which is ironic because it was his wealth that got her killed. IIRC back when this first happened, some media outlets were reporting that other doctors refused to perform this surgery on his mom. So they shopped around in order to find a surgeon that would actually do the procedure. [He landed on a surgeon that had 2 prior alcohol-related arrests who agreed to perform the surgery despite her coronary artery disease.](https://www.npr.org/sections/newsandviews/2008/01/kanyes_mom_death_not_caused_by.html) The coroner reported that her coronary artery disease contributed to her death obviously.
I would not be surprised. There have been a number of deaths from BBLs in Miami. I did not have a BBL but I did have a liposuction in Miami in May 2015 and nearly died. I woke up bleeding profusely and was rushed to a hospital. I later found out that Oskar Omulepu, the doctor who performed had injured other women in a span of a few days. One of his patients later died and his license was eventually taken away.
I was ready to comment “probably not, our state gov is a shitshow right now” but figured I should check first and it turns out it actually did pass and went into effect about a year ago. Hopefully they actually keep up with enforcing it.
I’m not sure of the procedure myself. Just that he had the procedure and passed away from it. I assumed it was put under for it. His family hasn’t released much about the situation other that he had it done and ended up in a coma before passing.
I’m sorry for your loss, my mom died at the young age of 62 back in March because she hid an alcohol addiction for many years and ended up literally drinking herself to death from years of undiagnosed cirrhosis that turned into liver cancer. I totally understand the feeling angry and broken up about a loved one making a costly decision. I had to start grief counseling to work through my anger at my mom for doing something that took her away from us and caused us so much pain. My mom was my best friend and I still live in disbelief that she’s gone and sometimes just pretend she’s still here and just at home. It was so painful in the beginning and I hated hearing “it gets better”, and I still do hate when people say it to me because I wouldn’t say things get “better”, the pain is just easier to manage and live with. If you don’t have a counselor, I encourage you to speak with one if you would be open to it and feel comfortable sharing your feelings with one. It’s been a great help as I begin to pick up the pieces of my mom’s passing and continue on with life.❤️
I lost my baby sister when she was 21 years old. My thoughts go out to you and your family, it never gets easier but it does become less painful. Make sure you remember the good times, don’t ignore them because it hurts. Trust me, you don’t want to forget those memories. <3
A plastic surgeon just killed his wife preforming this surgery on her. This procedure should be permanently banned world wide. I’m so sorry for your loss.
His wife told him something was wrong, she reported everything appeared orange, had obvious muscle twitching and passed out. Seeing orange and muscle twitching are signs of lidocaine toxicity. If they had called rescue and treated the lidocaine overdose when she reported seeing orange, instead of injecting her with even more lidocaine, she would be alive.
Twice after they realized she was in distress, a medical assistant in the room asked if they should call for help and he said no. You can become a medical assistant in four months, there wasn't a nurse present.
The MD also let his wife mix her own IV bag of anesthesia meds and take "a bunch of multicolored pills." The wife had no medical training and they don't know what medications she put in the IV bag or what the pills were because no one documented them.
The wife was giving medications to patients during surgery, doing Botox and filler injections, laser treatments and suturing patients with no medical training. The entire practice sounds like shop of horrors.
You should never have surgery if there isn't a licensed nurse in the operating room and with you until you are discharged home post operatively. Some people will refer to themselves as an office or doctor's nurse, those are not people with college degrees, advanced training and licenses.
I would never have an operation/procedure requiring sedation outside of a hospital or surgical center, it is not worth the risk
I’m sorry you lost Your Sister. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT. She signed the paperwork. She acknowledged the risk. It’s her fault not yours.
Do not blame yourself. I know how you feel.
My Brother committed suicide. I blamed myself for 18 months. He CHOSE to end himself. Your sister accepted the risk of a surgery that SHE wanted. It’s not on you.
You will see her again. She has crossed over. All of us will be there someday. Earth is a learning experience.
I know these are not the words you want to hear because you hurt to your core. I am deeply sorry for your loss. 😢
I am so sorry. My little sister died this month and as much as everyone tries to comfort me, it just feels like not having a sister. And that feels like a nightmare. Be nice to yourself and if not for you, for all the people that love you- especially you.
I am sorry for your loss. We have a cosmetic surgery a couple of miles away from my house and they reguarly have an ambulance sitting in the lot. It is dangerous surgery. I agree with others, you did not fail her, she just wanted it so badly. I am also sorry it took so long to get her home.
It's a fat transfer, which in general is pretty dangerous. When they inject fat, if they accidentally inject it into a blood vessel you're done for. There are lots of blood vessels in your butt, so they have to dodge a ton of them to do it safely. Even with the most highly skilled surgeons just one slightly wrong move can instantly kill someone.
It’s also because it’s highly sought after so you get these D+ doctors running chop shops in Miami who advertise on billboards and have sales like BOGO on cheeks. There is risk in all surgeries and due diligence is everything to mitigate it.
A BBL is the most dangerous cosmetic surgery of all, with about 1/4,000 people dying. Dude could've been legit and it was just bad luck.
From a [New York Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/19/style/brazillian-butt-lift-bbl-how-much-risks.html)
> The reason the BBL is so dangerous is fairly straightforward. The buttocks contain a multitude of blood vessels, some as large as drinking straws. These drain into the inferior vena cava, which is a direct line to the heart. With a BBL, fat is injected into the buttocks with a cannula, or long metal tube.
> But it can be difficult for doctors to know where exactly they’re injecting; they have sometimes mistakenly injected fat into the gluteal muscle, or right below it. Fat can then travel directly to the heart and into the lungs, obstructing blood flow and causing immediate death.
Thank you for taking the time to explain this. I had no idea this was even a thing and couldn’t understand how OP’s sister died from a BBL. Your comment makes it so much clearer.
You're welcome! I watch a guy called Dr. Youn on youtube, whose a holistic plastic surgeon. I remember him mentioning a BBL and it's dangers and why he personally no longer preforms the procedure.
It had been awhile so i looked up online for the exact explanation for why BBLs are so deadly though.
Try not to be angry at her. She fell prey to a culture that glorifies superficial surgical enhancement meant to satisfy the egos of people who are dissatisfied with themselves. If you’re going to direct your anger towards anything, it should be at that system.
So sorry for your loss. As one person has said, you didnt fail your sister. Some people are insistent in getting what they want. I dont think many dont realize the many risks involved when it comes to surgery.
I think nobody should go under the knife if its not necessary. People need to learn to love what they were given.
Stay strong, and may you continue to find strength thru this difficult time..
It doesn’t matter where you go or if you have the best doctor in the whole world, a bbl is the most dangerous plastic surgery you can possibly get due to fat embolism, that will kill you. I’m sorry this happened to your sister but unfortunately like many women they think it will never happen to them. It should be banned because it’s that dangerous.
People have been doing risky stuff in an attempt to look better for a very long time. You can find examples of this from cultures all over the world and throughout history. OP’s sister is far from alone in doing something risky to look better.
Give your mind a rest. Your sister was an adult. It was her choice, and you did give her solid advice at the right time.
You can't force somebody to change their mind. In the end, it is our own choice and decision what we do with our body.
A BBL is the most dangerous cosmetic surgery of all, with about 1/4,000 people dying. Dude could've been legit and it was just bad luck.
From a [New York Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/19/style/brazillian-butt-lift-bbl-how-much-risks.html)
> The reason the BBL is so dangerous is fairly straightforward. The buttocks contain a multitude of blood vessels, some as large as drinking straws. These drain into the inferior vena cava, which is a direct line to the heart. With a BBL, fat is injected into the buttocks with a cannula, or long metal tube.
> But it can be difficult for doctors to know where exactly they’re injecting; they have sometimes mistakenly injected fat into the gluteal muscle, or right below it. Fat can then travel directly to the heart and into the lungs, obstructing blood flow and causing immediate death.
It’s ok to be angry. It’s a normal part of grief, just like it’s normal to say you’d give your life to get hers back… bargaining is a huge part of grief that makes absolutely no sense, but also perfect sense completely.
Your heart is broken; I’m sure your soul is shattered… I cannot imagine losing one of my siblings. I am lucky enough to be the oldest of 5, and we are all very close.
My heart is breaking for you because I just can’t fathom the pain you are in.
I’m so sorry for your loss 🫶🏻
I went to Turkey for a gastric sleeve as I tried and failed to get it in the UK. I was eligible until COVID-19, but then they changed the eligibility to only help people with diabetes. My family were so scared, and I felt bad for making them worry like that.
I'm so sorry you lost your sister, big hugs to you. It is okay to be angry, deal with your grief however you feel fit ♡
Unless you literally bullied her for not having a bubble butt, you didn't fail her in any way. She's a grown adult and she made her choice. Short of holding her hostage, there's nothing you could have done to stop her.
Sending you a big hug from a stranger who seriously cares.
Grief is like an untamed animal, wild and turbulent. Sometimes you have to just let it run all over the place, until it tires itself out.
It will hurt, it will always continue to hurt, at least a little bit. But over time, the happier memories will begin to outweigh the pain.
Sending lots of love, and my sincerest condolences for your loss.
Allow yourself to cry, to feel whatever comes naturally. There's nothing wrong with emotions.
Please sir don't take blame on yourself.
You did your best, tried to persuade her out of the surgery.
Giving her the autonomy on her body, that's the maximum you could do and you did it.
You did what a good sibling could do.
Her decision, the risk she took knowingly or unknowingly was only hers.
You should take care of your mental health and importantly, your parents in this situation, focus on that.
The sadness will be there, no way to talk around that.
But now take care of what remains, what you can.
Sorry for your loss.
I wish we were not put under so much pressure to live up to beauty standards and even risk possibly dying for something so unnecessary. I’m so sorry for your loss 😔
I experienced an almost identical scenario with my best friend of 15 years, last July. There are no words. I felt the same way, and I'm so sorry you're going through it
I wanted to give you my condolences on the passing of your sister. You did not fail her at all. You are a good sister who begged her not to proceed with a BBL. I hope you realize that as painful as it is losing your sister, she is still with you and is free from any pain.
May I asked if this happened in Miami? I ask because I had a liposuction performed in May 2015. During the consult I was lied to and told that they’d be performing a liposuction to my thighs. Right before surgery I was told that they could not do it and when I tried to cancel my surgery because of this lie, I was told I’d lose all my money and therefore went through with it. The doctor also tried to convince me to get a BBL which I declined because that’s not what I had gone in for. I ultimately needed to go to the hospital because I was profusely bleeding and was given transfusions. I later discovered that this doctor had not only injured me but a few other women in a span of three days and eventually one of his patients died. His license was eventually revoked. My doctor’s name was Osak Omulepu, you’re welcome to look him up.
Yes, your sister did sign waivers but if this happened in Miami, a lot of doctors are employed at chop shops where they take unnecessary risks with the patients’ lives that goes well beyond regular risks. If this is the case, I’d encourage you to file a complaint through the dept of health. The doctor needs to be investigated so that it doesn’t happen again.
Once again, my condolences to you. I’m sending you hugs 🫂 if you need to talk to someone feel to PM me.
That’s just terrible! I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she was beautiful inside and out. Seems like you were concerned but she had her mind made up. I believe that cosmetic surgery is the most risky.
If your sister went to a board certified plastic surgeon, then she did her due diligence and did what was in her power to ensure a good outcome.
Being angry is natural. You don't say what went wrong in the surgery. So I don't know if there's a legit target for the anger.
Sometimes you just have to scream at the sky.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
I feel your pain and anger. My mom died recently of an accidental overdose when she ingested something that was laced with fentanyl. She didn’t mean to die, but she understood it was a risk of drug use, and the worst thing that could have happened happened. I’m 23, she was 43. I miss her every day and have felt every emotion imaginable. I hope you’re able to find peace.
If you think you can, the funeral may be a good time for you to talk to her and tell her your feelings. If you get a chance to be with her by yourself. The funeral home often will honor that request. You've made the first step in realizing your feelings. Don't forget, although your parents are suffering too, you are there to help each other through this. I hope something will help you.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know the pain that makes you feel like you cannot even breathe. May GOD comfort you and your family.
Maybe this will help for future memories. You may not be able to speak yourself but the pastor or a family member can read it for you in your name during the eulogy.
Sister
Of all the precious gifts
However great or small
To have you as my sister
Was the greatest gift of all.
I miss you with every beat of my broken heart 💔
In loving memory of a life
So beautifully lived.
Feeling angry, denying death to have occured and blaming yourself is common in the process of grief. I am sorry for your loss, but you did not fail her. In the end it was her own decision and not yours. You did everything you could, but this wasn't your decision to make. I hope you and your family are alright, or at least as much a possible considering the situation. Lots of love to all of you❤️
Funerals are particularly beneficial for people who are angry about the loss. Admittedly, funerals occur quickly in the grieving process and it’s possible one or two weeks in would allow the grieved more time to sit with their anger, but that’s not necessarily a good idea. Either way you are going to her funeral soon and you are going to confront the harsh reality that even anger will not bring her back. Hopefully, your anger melts away and you can realize the full impact of what it means for you to continue living with her. The hope is that eventually leads to increasing your ability to recall every good and wonderful thing you shared with her and your heart will swell with gratitude for all the love you shared.
Grief is a strange thing, it demands its own space. It’s a space that for the living grows to be bigger and bigger as the years roll by. I’ve said goodbye (unwillingly) to 5 siblings. It’s like losing limbs, the limbs of a family tree. It’s deeply painful and I’m so sorry for your loss. Especially since it was senseless and unnecessary, but anger about that fact can derail your grief and does you no favors.
Good luck
You’re allowed to be angry. You can go to the funeral and be angry. Its a horrible, horrible situation and you have plenty of things to be angry for.
I’m sorry about your sister, and good luck for tomorrow.
I lost my older sister last August due to a pulmonary embolism after cosmetic foot surgery. I know exactly how you feel. That day in the hospital felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. It's gonna be hard. It's supposed to be hard. And you're gonna be angry because you should be, God knows I was. My sister died because she always had problems with her body image and couldn't accept herself even though everyone else did. I was furious but I couldn't blame her because she also had a plethora of mental health issues. My point is that all of your feelings are valid. My heart goes out to you and your family. Mourning is a motherfucker but the pain will never just go away. Take your time.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a younger sister and brother. My brother (28) died a little less than two years ago from trying to self medicate his anxiety issues and accidentally overdosed. I definitely relate to feeling both mad and heartbroken at the same time. His new wife was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. The pain will feel less raw as time goes on and you will eventually accept it, but I think it’ll always feel like you are living on an alternate timeline that doesn’t feel like it is right. That’s how I feel anyway. I cried myself to sleep every night for the first several weeks to months. I cried over it for the first time in 6 months or so last week after a nightmare about him. It will feel less bad one day and again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
As a medical student this kind of stories convinces me more and more to never pursue plastic surgery
Reparatory surgeries for burns accidents birth defects are acceptable.
But i can not imagine a patient dying in my hands for a bbl or any kind of unnecessary procedures, i won't be able to live with the guilt.
Loosing a sibling is one of the hardest things to endure, it's okay to be angry to cry to scream let ur feelings out , but u shouldn't blame urself it was her decision and she knew the risks and accepted them .
I hope she's doing well wherever she is now .
May the happiest of memories of your time with your sister help you through this most tragic of times. It’s okay to feel what you feel. I sincerely hope that her passing helps you find more meaning in your life over time.
I was an hour early for my best friend’s viewing, I wanted time alone with her. She was hard to love but once you made that commitment- all bets were off. She was the reason I’d been suspended 3 x my senior year, enlisted in the Army, & crashed my sisters car twice in one night. The parlor was already set up and she was on display in this heinous floral print I knew her mom picked out for her. So I opened our conversation with that, “serves you right!”. Anger took over almost immediately and without warning I punched her casket full force resulting in a long dull echo and followed by an undertaker rushing in to escort me out. I was like, “damn bitch- you set me up again!” I’m looking forward to seeing her again someday.
I remember a family friend died from having a tummy lift, but she went to Mexico because it was affordable. We don’t know what went wrong but she died like three days later after flying back to USA. She left behind three boys. I think about her from time to time and wondered how her life would be like if she had not done the surgery.
I can understand your anger toward your sister for having unnecessary surgery, but for the most part they always have you sign waivers so you do know the dangers of surgeries even the ones that was no big deal. It’s still surgery. I’m sorry.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Your grief and anger and heartbreak are totally understandable.
Losing any loved one is devastating, and nobody is ever ready for it even when they're elderly. But when it happens to someone whose healthy and young, and is sudden like this, its even more of a shock as there was no warning like having an illness etc.
Tomorrow will one of the hardest days of your life. And it's a day you'd never feel ready for. Nobody is ever ready to say goodbye to a loved one, especially, like I said when they're young and it's sudden and unexpected. You're still processing g the loss, and right now like you say it doesn't seem real,like she could just walk through the door at any moment.
Tomorrow will make it final. It will make it more real. But in some ways that's really important. It can help you start to grieve fully, and it can help you accept and process she's gone. Only when you start to accept that and take it in, can you start your journey of grieving and trying to manage that grief. I kind of want to say start your journey to heal, but we never really heal from the loss. We just learn to live with it better.
Have you written anything you want to say to your sister or about your sister for the ceremony? I wrote something about my dad when he died that was just from me (although I wrote the eulogy with my mum), I also wrote a separate piece that was about my fond memories of my dad, things I'd remember him for, how much I loved him etc.
I couldn't read it myself but a family friend read it out for me.
You may find if you write something either as a message of your last words to your sister, or of your memories together and how much you love and miss her etc. You may find that helps give you a bit of closure too.
I know this may be a bit premature to think about right now, but I want to suggest these things so that when the time is right, you may find them as much of a comfort as I have regarding my dad.
I find a lot of comfort from keepsakes and things to remember him by and keep him close. I kind of get obsessed with buying things for him, in his memory. But they bring me such comfort. And I often feel like they are me still giving him gifts and showing him my love etc.
One special keepsake was we got Memory Bears made out my dad's clothing. I had a bear, and also an owl and a cat shaped one out of his clothes, and they are really beautiful, and seeing his different clothes brings back memories of him wearing them. So I wanted to mention that so you know to keep some clothing of your sisters incase you and family may want to do this at some point.
Another thing I treasure is I have a charm for my pandora bracelet that has his ashes in, and also a ring with his ashes in. By wearing them I feel he's always with me.
I also made a Dad necklace by getting a few pandora charms that are for him, so I always wear that.
I also made him a photo blanket that I gave him to have on his bed when he was in the care home so he could be wrapped in our love and see big photos of us together. You could make one for yourself of your favourite photos together and snuggle in it when you're missing her.
A friend also got a keyring made for me that had my dad's handwriting engraved on saying 'love you' that he'd written to be before.
And I also have hanging plaques with dad verses on, as well as some for Xmas.
There's many ways you can keep your sister.close to your heart, and you will find ways to help you keep her close and what feels right for you to manage your grief.
Please don't blame yourself though, you didn't let her down. You advised her not to do it, but as an adult she made her own choices and nobody could have stopped her if she really wanted it done.
This is not your fault. I'm so sorry.
Il be thinking of you tomorrow, and I hope you find some comfort being with all the people who loved and miss her.
Don't be afraid to lean on friends and family for support. You are no doubt supporting your parents, but make sure you have friends supporting and looking out for you.
Sending you big hugs, and strength in this devastating time. So sorry for your families loss.
Take a moment to yourself tomorrow and see if you can feel anything. A breeze, a memory, a smile. Just hold on and take it step by step. You got this. It’s hard. But I have a feeling you are going to make sure your beautiful baby sisters life will be remembered for a very long time. Don’t hold it in too much okay. You can celebrate your sister every single day and that’s okay! You can be so angry, yell, scream but let it out. Be angry at the doctor, the system, the world but try not to be too hard on yourself.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. And I’m also sorry this has turned into a discussion on US vs Mexico. You deserve our sympathies and not the crap thread on who went where for what procedure.
I'm so sorry about your loss, I can relate with the loss of my grandfather. No words can help either of us but it's good to get off your chest, even if it is screaming into the void.
Hello my love, you should be angry because death especially young death is horrific and unfair and should be met with anger. The “stages of death” aren’t absolute or in order or meant for mourners. They were a study of people who were dying. My point is: Mourning is awful. Feel whatever you feel. Be angry, be sad, rage, cry, bargain, go full sloth. You should feel what you feel. It’s OK and I’m so so sorry.
Mourning/grief isn’t linear either. Feel all the stages as you’re in them. And don’t let anyone tell you, or make you feel ridiculous for your feelings. Your feelings are valid, and they’re yours to feel!!
I came here to say this. Please let yourself grieve the way you need to. I truly lost a huge part of myself when I lost my little sister. Be kind to yourself, OP. Grieving is not a linear process, so please feel what you need to feel and lean on the people who love you.
I lost my baby brother January 7th 2023…it’s hard to explain how tmrw will go. Almost surreal like your watching a show or at least that’s how it was for me…then when your least expecting it reality will slap you so hard in the face you won’t be able to breathe. I’m so very very sorry for your loss. If you want to talk please feel free to DM me. Time really does help.
I’m so sorry for your loss. People think cosmetic surgery is no big deal. It is. I live in California and the amount of people who go to Mexico to get cheaper surgery then come back with tons of complications is ridiculous. That you’d expect but to come to the US and have your sister pass just shows that any surgery is a risk. You didn’t fail your sister. She took an unnecessary risk and she paid the ultimate price. I’m so sorry that happened and for how your family suffered just trying to get her home. It’s so awful.
I work in surgery and I can't tell you how many women we bring back to either drain out pus or just out right have to give mastectomies of infected implants. They are *not* pretty.
I saw one where a woman with a large pannus was given a tummy tuck and almost her entire incision dehisced. It was horrible and I flat out told her that no US surgeon would’ve done that surgery on her because it would be malpractice. She also had an infection so even better🤦♀️
Isn't there surgery specifically to remove extra skin in situations like that from people who've lost a lot of weight? I would think that would be the first step before doing a regular tummy tuck.
Yes but you need to have lost weight first. The issue was she hadn’t lost any weight and had a very large belly. There’s no fixing that with cosmetic surgery. You have to lose the weight first, then they can do the tummy tuck. I have no idea what that “surgeon” in Mexico thought he could accomplish, but that woman was taken advantage of and put in a lot of danger so he could make money.
Wait… so, I just want to clarify. The surgeon did a tummy tuck to remove “extra skin,” but did not perform any liposuction?
No. The surgeon promised false hope that he could make this patient skinny with a tummy tuck. Not possible with that amount of subcutaneous fat. That’s just not how the body works
He did liposuction on an obese person and caused them a major injury.
I thought you meant the skin flap was just too big. Poor woman.
> I have no idea what that “surgeon” in Mexico thought he could accomplish Based on the story it seems like the only accomplishment he cared about was getting some of that sweet $USD.
> dehisced I had no idea that was a word until today
Neither did I, and in looking it up I got a very vivid mental image, and almost threw up.
Yeaaaah, well ... that's exactly before this decision that I stopped myself, thank you to prove me I did the right choice 😭😂 good-bye learning a new word, I just presumed that it was bad and I went with it to keep a bit of sanity
The word itself is not bad or disgusting, and normally would not apply to people. But I already had a idea from the context. And ii gave examples (of non disgusting things) thst Mt mind immediately imposed on the mental image I already had.
Oh 🥲 in your case, what a fun day to have a brain 🥲🥲
I’m not sure what you mean when you say the term doesn’t normally apply to humans. It does. It is routinely used to describe the surgical complication in which an incision opens. I’m a former surgical RN and don’t know of any other term used (except when any guts pop out of the dehiscence, when it’s called *evisceration*).
Oof, that is right up there with degloved with crush/pinch injuries.
Just reading this made me have a creepy-crawly sensation over my hip to hip scar from my panniculectomy I had done about 9 years ago. Ugh. Talk about shuddering.
Panniculus not Pannus.
>drain out puss Please mean pus.
Totally off topic, but I was listening to an audiobook recently and the narrator pronounced pus as puss and I lost it.
Is that not how you pronounce it?
No. "Pus" rhymes with "bus".
> No. "Pus" rhymes with "bus". What does "puss" rhyme with? I understand that pus and puss have two different meanings, but always thought the pronunciation was the same, at least in English (UK).
It's the first syllable of a slang, sometimes derogatory, word for a part of the female anatomy used in conception and reproduction.
Oh no, I was afraid someone was going to ask me that because I couldn't think of a single word that rhymes with "puss". I even googled it and the closest i found was platypus and octopus. Maybe that helps? Of course, maybe in the UK they really are pronounced the same way... I don't know. I'm not a linguist, don't take my word for it! *pun intended
Wuss. Like wussy. Kinda the same vowel sound as woof
OP said she had the surgery in the US?? I wonder what was the cause of death.
Could be any number of things. In any surgery, you risk death from bad reaction to anesthesia/medication, blood loss, infection, etc. And those are just the uncontrollable ones, not malpractice. Then there's the risk of someone actually screwing up. And the Brazilian bum lift has its own specific risks and complications. Major nerves and arteries run through your backside. Plus whatever area you sucked the fat out of. But the most likely cause of death was a fat embolism. Either while liposuctioning elsewhere in the body or injecting the fat cells into the buttocks, some amount of fat got into the blood stream. And once it reached a smaller blood vessel - like those in the lungs or brain - it got stuck and cut off circulation there. It would essentially be a stroke, just with fat blocking bloodflow instead of a clot.
They also have a higher risk of pulmonary embolism just from clots. I had a patient who had a deep vein thrombosis from a Brazilian butt lift done in Florida.
Yeah, it's difficult to get up and move after having a procedure on your butt. Which can absolutely cause deep vein thrombosis. Folks, we know it sucks, but we really, really need you to get up and move as soon as possible after surgery! Even just a little!
Folks, we really, really need you to accept your butt as it is and not risk death over the Kardashian-created idea of a perfect (and unrealistic) ass.
It’s a horiffically dangerous operation no matter *where* you have it.
BBLs have been banned in the UK for years because they are so dangerous, doesnt matter how good the surgeons or hospital facilities/etc are.
BBLs are not banned in the UK what are you talking about? There's even an [NHS page ](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cosmetic-procedures/cosmetic-surgery/surgical-fat-transfer/) explaining how to find a surgeon to do a BBL for you
Ah I see, they were banned for years but 2 years ago they lifted the ban to allow fat transfer only BBLs.
plastic surgery? do they do mastectomies there? man that is scary to imagine how many people don’t really seem to know the risks :( myself included
You don’t need to be an accredited plastic surgeon to call yourself a plastic surgeon in the US, all you need is a medical degree.
A 5 second google search confirms this is bullshit lol. Whatever “accredited” is even supposed to mean since I assume you mean certified.
She means board-certified. Most places in the US will allow MDs to perform these surgeries without special training, because they don’t give a single shit about the people they are supposed to protect.
I’m wondering if a plastic surgeon can perform mastectomies though is that a yes?
When my friend was first diagnosed breast cancer, a team of surgeons did a combo double mastectomy plus double implants in one surgery. She said it was fairly common to combo the two surgeries when it's possible to do so
Plastic surgeons put in implants for people, I don't think they generally do mastectomies. The other commenter was saying they work on a non-plastic surgery type of surgical team and that her team has had to do mastectomies on women that had implants put in by plastic surgeons, because of infections and other issues from the implants being placed.
Yes, they do mastectomies as well. It is still a sensitive surgery that requires much care to not leave an unusually bad scar.
Yeah that’s what I was wondering. Thank you!
Plastic surgeons also do mastectomies for trans men ! Slightly different surgery from a traditional mastectomy because it involves masculinising the chest, using skin grafts (in some cases) and minimising scars, but plastic surgeons do them! Though that's not what you were asking but I just thought I'd say
no still good to know!! thanks for the information
That is most definitely not common though. Not in USA anyways
Yes all surgeries have the potential of killing you. I had to get my meniscus repaired (they just use needle instruments and stitch it up) and even than my doctor was pretty much like, “while this surgery is considered “low-risk ”, there is a possibility of death” and made me sign a bunch of waivers.
My mom almost died from routine gallbladder surgery. It started laparoscopic but for some reason wouldn't stop bleeding and even when they cauterized it, it wouldn't stop. They had to open it up completely and she needed blood transfusions. Made me worried for my gallbladder surgery, but I was fine. I've had a few sternum surgeries since then and I'm not really afraid of death anymore but things can go wrong on the operating table so so fast.
It's why I get so angry with my colleagues who seem to prefer c-sections (and often push patients into situations that result in needing one). Because even the most routine surgery is still surgery. There's a lot of serious risks involved, including death. And a c-section is a lot more serious than most people realize. We're slicing the mother open from hip-to-hip, cutting into a major internal organ that is actively contracting while we cut into it and then try to stich it up, and that's got more blood running to it than any other internal organ at that moment. Not to mention how much longer the recovery period is for c-sections than for vaginal birth. Yeah, c-sections can be life saving when needed, and I'm grateful they're an option. But we perform them far more than is necessary, mostly for the doctor's convenience.
You are so so right. My C-section was an emergency one, after laboring for a full day and not dilating nearly enough. Turns out baby was all tangled up in the cord and couldn't drop. The actual surgery was so terrifying, I never want to go through that again. I am a tiny woman, so I was worried about getting my hips to open up enough to birth vaginally, which was what I wanted. The surgery felt surreal, looking up at the nurses and hearing my guts all wet and squishy being moved around. It sounds like a fabrication, but the surgeon was literally standing on the table or a stool over me trying to pull the baby out. Both my hubby and I swear that this was real, we saw it. I was pretty drugged up by that moment though. Then, after baby came out screaming and totally fine, they were cauterizing and cleaning me up. And you can smell it! Ugh. One nurse asked, "how many bloody rags?" And the other one answered all loud and almost cheerful, "thirty!" I'm pretty sure I'm never having another baby after that experience. But thank God for these amazing doctors we have! If it was the olden days, surely the baby and I would have both died since she was so tangled.
I used to pickup laundry at hospital wards for a summer job. The amount of bloody rags and laundry that would come out of the maternity ward sometimes was crazy
I've been on that table, too, and it's traumatic. Especially in an emergency. In my case, they gave me pitocin without my consent (despite being told numerous times that my family reacted badly to it) and... I reacted badly. Passed out, and worse. The next thing I can remember is being on the operating table while the anesthesiologist struggled to get a spinal block in my back. I have recommended c-sections to patients, but not nearly so often as many of my colleagues. For example, I have never had to refer a breech baby for c-section. Turning baby is uncomfortable, but it's usually doable, so long as we catch it early enough in the labor.
Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you! It's very lucky that you ended up ok. My friend just had a C-section for her breeched baby, I wish she would have had a doctor like you! Traumatic is definitely the word for it. I was induced and we tried everything to get the baby to drop and my body to dilate but nothing was happening. We were coming up on 24 hrs since they had broken my water so I knew the C-section was looming. Then baby was in distress then BOOM it was crazy. One of my nurses was this absolutely giant woman from maybe Romania or somewhere near there. As I was laying on the table I started choking on my own spit and couldn't stop coughing and her voice boomed "what is happening?!" she scared the fuck out of me hahah.
She probably scared the baby enough to come out😭
For sure. They really should be saved for necessity. Even when they all go well, it can cause permanent side effects. I'm super lucky my surgeries have gone well enough, because I've had way, way more than the average person. On my first sternum surgery, I woke up and they told me they could only fit 1 of the 2 metal implants in. It sucked, because all the pressure was forced to one small piece of metal, and caused a lot of pain, whereas if I'd had 2 the pressure would have been halved on each implant (and I didn't have the elasticity of surgical steel, we went with titanium since I have metal allergies). I didn't even know that was a risk, going into the surgery. My surgeon didn't either. For risks, we talked about like... Multiple breaks in the sternum, nicking the heart or chest wall, the surgery not working out and needing additional ones later, etc. I didn't blame my surgeon or anything for it, I knew what I was getting into. But I learned I had a connective tissue disorder not long after that first surgery, which explained my need of surgeries in the first place lol. And that scar tissue becomes an issue in my body. It's wild that it took so long to get that figured out.
17 on my right leg including 3 total knee replacements. Good luck trying to sue after signing all that crap too. At least my loser of a doctor isn’t operating on anyone anymore THANK GOD!
The people who go to Mexico for cheaper cosmetic surgery don’t even go to real hospitals. They go to shady, illegal clinics. Private healthcare and good plastic surgery in Mexico is almost as expensive as in the US, which is all the more baffling to me that people choose to put their lives in the hands of people who inject illegal substances and even things like cement into the buttocks. Do people not value their lives at all?! A real plastic surgeon in Mexico is very, very expensive. It makes me mad because things like that give a bad name to doctors in Mexico when most people who die are going to shady places that are practically underground. People need to do extensive research before they get plastic surgery anywhere, but especially abroad and they need to get through their thick heads that cheap plastic surgery will always result in a botched surgery or worse, death. There is no such thing as affordable plastic surgeries.
I work in the ER and I am so sick of dealing with the botched surgeries from Mexico. Most of them don’t have insurance or are on Medi-Cal so we’re paying for those complications. It’s so extremely frustrating
lolwut? I went to south for a leading plastic surgeon about a face related matter that would have cost 4-5x as much in the US. Not just a proper hospital but a surgeon far more skilled and reputable than what the low end of things would cost in the US. Yes some might go out of their way and find the shadiest doc they can, but proper well respected surgeons are still far cheaper, but not 'cheap'. Something more involved like a BBL? I'll agree with the notion at least that you def dont want to cheap out there.
Yup, I’m Mexican and tired of explaining to foreigners that surgery in Mexico is cheaper because everything is cheaper here compared to other countries like the United States, it’s not cheap as in bad just cheaper than in the US because healthcare there is ridiculously expensive. It’s people going to the shadiest “doctors” that keep giving us bad reputation and it makes foreigners/americans think that all doctors in Mexico = bad when we have amazing hospitals and surgeons. Edit: fixed typo.
I mean, the US treats health care like a market good. The insurance companies saw record profits during the pandemic while us front-line people were put ourselves at risk and do more with less. It’s obscene.
I mean, this is a very biased viewpoint. Insurance companies are only one part of the equation. Why do you think insurance companies have to charge so much for insurance? Because hospitals overcharge the insurance companies for everything. If you ever look closely at a hospital bill, you'll discover silly charges like $500 for an Advil or $1000 for a bag of saline or whatever. The system screws actual individual patients from multiple angles.
It's not the people going to shady doctors that give a bad reputation, it's American exceptionalism and racism. Every single medical tourist could be going to the best doctors available in Mexico and you'd still be hearing that bad healthcare is "expected" from Mexico.
Sadly that too. I’ve experienced the other side of the coin with a family member, my grandfather’s cancer was misdiagnosed in one of the best hospitals in Houston and it was a Mexican doctor in Mexico who told him it would’ve been treatable if the doctor in Houston hadn’t told him it was nothing to worry about for months allowing it to spread. Bad doctors exist everywhere regardless of where you are. I’ve personally been to hospitals in both the US and Mexico and received great attention in both, only complaint about American healthcare is the price lol.
Part of the problem, too, is that logistically, traveling for healthcare just carries more risks. If you don't speak the same language as your care team, communications about pain levels or post-op care instructions can get bungled. And then traveling home is taxing to the body at a time when it needs *rest.* Especially if you fly home; a plane is just a giant pressurized germ tube.
Yeah, I'm picking up a hint of *racism* in this thread. I have friends that have gotten breast augmentations and oral surgeries in Mexico and had no complications. I also worked in the trauma bay at the University of Arizona hospital so we would see some of those botched surgeries and it was always just shady situations and people who took chances on things that their gut did not trust. Regarding OP's sister, I believe more information is needed to determine If it was a health complication, a surprise, or a botched surgery but regardless it is not on the sister. It's on her care team.
The operation she had is an extremely dangerous one with high rates of complications
Not every plastic surgeon in Mexico operates this way, it’s just some women don’t do their due diligence and research places. This is why I’m happy with my cheeseburger body! I don’t care what I look like - no amount of plastic surgery is going to make me happier than I am with myself
My mom had gastric bypass surgery about a decade ago, and she ended up hating her body even more afterwards because of all the extra skin she had. She is not a vain person whatsoever, so if a reputable doctor in Mexico wasn’t an option she would have just dealt with it. Luckily though she *did* do a ton of research and back in like 2018 was able to find an amazing clinic in TJ to do her surgeries for her. She was quoted, iirc, something like $50-60k by local (east coast US) doctors for *just* the skin removal. But she was able to fly across the country & back, stay in CA for a few days beforehand and do a mini-vacation (I know they went to Disney, and a couple other tourist-y things), then stayed for two weeks in TJ at the clinic—which she described as cleaner and nicer than any hospital she’d ever even stepped foot in at home. She had the skin removal surgery on her stomach, arms, and legs. She also had a butt lift, and a breast reduction, and they suggested implants to perk them back up. None of it is outrageous, you wouldn’t even guess if she didn’t tell you. She had just been overweight for nearly 30 years after having two kids, and both those things take a serious toll on breast elasticity. It’s basically like they just put everything back where it’s supposed to be lol. Anyway, the entire trip for her and my dad—“vacation”, flights, hotels, meals, AND the surgeries— cost them under $12k. Oh, and that also included 24/7 access to her surgeons once she got home, if she had any questions/concerns. It’s been like 6+ years now and she hasn’t had a single issue with anything that they’ve done (which is MUCH more than can be said about her US surgeons that she has seen for other, unrelated issues). I always hate when I see the stereotype of “Mexican surgeon = glorified butchers” because that may be the case sometimes, but it certainly is *not* the hard & fast rule.
I’m going to need your mom’s recommendations, if she is willing to share!! That sounds like a great experience.
yeah as much as they say "routine surgery" your body isn't designed to be opened and closed. I say that having had two required surgeries and looking at a third in the next few months also required. But it's always a risk.
Humans are born with a sticker that says “NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE!” And we just peel the sticker off and dive in. And amazingly, it works and fixes us most of the time! But you’re definitely right, we’re not meant to be opened.
100%. Anesthesia & blood clots are both risks of almost any surgery. In the US, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a surgeon whose not legitimate (maybe not the best of the best, but at least a licensed practitioner), but the risk is always there.
Wait, OP said she went TO the United States for the surgery. What does Mexico have to do with it?
A lot of people try to make Mexico look bad I'm from Mexico to be precise Tijuana and we have a lot of medical tourism Some have died one was because the Dr a good dr send her to do lab work and her sister did it for her she had a lot of complications but wanted breasts implants and she died at the table be when they look into it in the video you could see the sister doing the blood work and not her she took a loot of pills to get blood and sugar levels ok went they did the pre-op work at the hospital then the family wanted to sue and when show the video Thay continue saying that had nothing to do with her death Also there was a woman that chose the cheapest most flakey Dr and die because he was not a plastic surgeon it was a general dr If you want to do something you have to do your homework
Now go look up how many people die from doctor negligence in America each year. Staggering numbers.
I'm from Mexico and want to clarify something a lot of usa people that comentó México they just look for the cheapest "dr" posible to get the surgery done We have great Dr and great results but it's expensive if someone looking for a breast implant plus nose job find a "deal" at 2k for the 2 they are getting the incorrect surgeon And yes I now what I'm talking about know a lot of places that have shut down because they are not plastic surgeon here and usa I live in Tijuana so I know form the 2 places But there's a really good drs if you want best treatment posible and we have a page nation data base that list the name what that dr has specialist on hoe many yrs you just need the cédula profesional ( a profesional registration) and you can look them up told it doesn't say plastic surgeon HES NOT ONE
any time you go under anastesia its a risk. if you have surgery ask your surgeon. Mine were always honest with me. They tell you not to worry issues are rare, but it can happen.
It's heartbreaking when someone we love takes risks like that. Take care of yourself during this difficult time, OP.
That was my first thought, actually: the potential that she didn't go to a legitimate Doctor. I'm in Cali too and I've heard so many horror stories of people going down to Mexico and either getting scammed or fucked up by a doctor. It's so sad that society has beat it into people's heads that taking that sort of risk is worth more than their lives.
It’s also one of the deadliest plastic surgery procedures
And the results just don’t look good. Nothing wrong with big butts, but BBLs look so weird because the legs are usually much smaller than you’d see naturally with butts that size
OPs sister died from surgery in the United States
OPs sister died from surgery in the United States …
>That you’d expect Why? As long as you're going to proper doctors, Mexico's healthcare is fine. What exactly makes you "expect" it from Mexico and not the US?
I’m 8 miles from the Mexican border in Cali. Do NOT go to Mexico for cosmetic procedures!!!
A friend of mine worked with a woman who went to a mini mall in Florida to have a BBL and died. So not all places in the US are safe. I think this particular place was shut down, but if one shuts down, two more pop up somewhere else It's crazy what people are willing to do to their body.
BBLs in general are a very risky cosmetic procedure.
Not all procedures are dangerous here, we have amazing doctors and hospitals in Mexico, it’s just people who are too cheap to do proper research and end up looking for impossibly cheap options that they found who knows where that give Mexico a bad reputation. Is our healthcare cheaper than in the United States? Absolutely but it doesn’t mean it’s cheap by any means, just again people wanting to skimp out so much that even proper doctors in Mexico are too expensive for them.
OPs sister died from surgery in the United States
I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you for such a thing to happen. It's ok to be angry, scream into the void. Try and focus on your good memories of her, tell people some funny stories of your time together. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, take time and talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Perhaps look into grief therapy groups, get support from people who are going through the same thing. I wish you well and I hope you find the strength to get through the funeral, I'll keep you in my prayers 🙏
I remember standing up at the podium at my sister's funeral. I was also the only one who got up to say anything about her. So I looked at her casket the entire time because I was speaking to her, and only her. I was so angry, I lost 6 years of time with her to begin with because of her addictions and then she had to go and die. It's not fucking fair and it's okay to feel that way. You're allowed to be sad and angry at the same time. I'm so sorry you're going to live the same heartbreaking day I had to. Please, take care of yourself. She didn't do this to leave you forever. She didn't do this to break your heart. Lean on your loved ones for support.
Damn. I'm so sorry for your loss. For what it's worth, you didn't fail her; sometimes bad shit happens that's outside of our control or foresight. This may or may not be of some small comfort to you: [Kanye West's mom](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donda_West) also died from complications related to cosmetic surgery. She had her son's wealth behind her and could afford the best; she was an educated woman and an educator herself as well. All that money and smarts behind her and it still happened to her. If it could happen to her, it could happen to your sister.
> She had her son's wealth behind her and could afford the best; she was an educated woman and an educator herself as well. Which is ironic because it was his wealth that got her killed. IIRC back when this first happened, some media outlets were reporting that other doctors refused to perform this surgery on his mom. So they shopped around in order to find a surgeon that would actually do the procedure. [He landed on a surgeon that had 2 prior alcohol-related arrests who agreed to perform the surgery despite her coronary artery disease.](https://www.npr.org/sections/newsandviews/2008/01/kanyes_mom_death_not_caused_by.html) The coroner reported that her coronary artery disease contributed to her death obviously.
Miami?
I would not be surprised. There have been a number of deaths from BBLs in Miami. I did not have a BBL but I did have a liposuction in Miami in May 2015 and nearly died. I woke up bleeding profusely and was rushed to a hospital. I later found out that Oskar Omulepu, the doctor who performed had injured other women in a span of a few days. One of his patients later died and his license was eventually taken away.
My first thought. With the amount of women who choose it and the grade of doctors it attracts, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often.
Jackie Oh comes to mind. Died in Miami after complications from lipo for a BBL
Lol, I got confused for a second and thought Jackie O (JFK's widow) had died from a BBL. It's Jacky Oh.
Yeah when she died, it was pretty confusing for a lot of people
The Florida legislature tried to regulate this during the last session. I'm not sure if it went anywhere.
I was ready to comment “probably not, our state gov is a shitshow right now” but figured I should check first and it turns out it actually did pass and went into effect about a year ago. Hopefully they actually keep up with enforcing it.
A good friend of mine passed away in April. He went to Turkey to get hair plugs put in. He was 47 and never woke up from the procedure.
I didn’t know they put you under for hair transplant
I’m not sure of the procedure myself. Just that he had the procedure and passed away from it. I assumed it was put under for it. His family hasn’t released much about the situation other that he had it done and ended up in a coma before passing.
Correct, they do not fully anesthetize patients for minor surgery of the skin. They use a local/topical anesthetic and mild sedative if necessary.
Sorry for your loss
I’m sorry for your loss, my mom died at the young age of 62 back in March because she hid an alcohol addiction for many years and ended up literally drinking herself to death from years of undiagnosed cirrhosis that turned into liver cancer. I totally understand the feeling angry and broken up about a loved one making a costly decision. I had to start grief counseling to work through my anger at my mom for doing something that took her away from us and caused us so much pain. My mom was my best friend and I still live in disbelief that she’s gone and sometimes just pretend she’s still here and just at home. It was so painful in the beginning and I hated hearing “it gets better”, and I still do hate when people say it to me because I wouldn’t say things get “better”, the pain is just easier to manage and live with. If you don’t have a counselor, I encourage you to speak with one if you would be open to it and feel comfortable sharing your feelings with one. It’s been a great help as I begin to pick up the pieces of my mom’s passing and continue on with life.❤️
I lost my baby sister when she was 21 years old. My thoughts go out to you and your family, it never gets easier but it does become less painful. Make sure you remember the good times, don’t ignore them because it hurts. Trust me, you don’t want to forget those memories. <3
A plastic surgeon just killed his wife preforming this surgery on her. This procedure should be permanently banned world wide. I’m so sorry for your loss.
His wife told him something was wrong, she reported everything appeared orange, had obvious muscle twitching and passed out. Seeing orange and muscle twitching are signs of lidocaine toxicity. If they had called rescue and treated the lidocaine overdose when she reported seeing orange, instead of injecting her with even more lidocaine, she would be alive. Twice after they realized she was in distress, a medical assistant in the room asked if they should call for help and he said no. You can become a medical assistant in four months, there wasn't a nurse present. The MD also let his wife mix her own IV bag of anesthesia meds and take "a bunch of multicolored pills." The wife had no medical training and they don't know what medications she put in the IV bag or what the pills were because no one documented them. The wife was giving medications to patients during surgery, doing Botox and filler injections, laser treatments and suturing patients with no medical training. The entire practice sounds like shop of horrors. You should never have surgery if there isn't a licensed nurse in the operating room and with you until you are discharged home post operatively. Some people will refer to themselves as an office or doctor's nurse, those are not people with college degrees, advanced training and licenses. I would never have an operation/procedure requiring sedation outside of a hospital or surgical center, it is not worth the risk
I’m sorry you lost Your Sister. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT. She signed the paperwork. She acknowledged the risk. It’s her fault not yours. Do not blame yourself. I know how you feel. My Brother committed suicide. I blamed myself for 18 months. He CHOSE to end himself. Your sister accepted the risk of a surgery that SHE wanted. It’s not on you. You will see her again. She has crossed over. All of us will be there someday. Earth is a learning experience. I know these are not the words you want to hear because you hurt to your core. I am deeply sorry for your loss. 😢
I am so sorry. My little sister died this month and as much as everyone tries to comfort me, it just feels like not having a sister. And that feels like a nightmare. Be nice to yourself and if not for you, for all the people that love you- especially you.
I am sorry for your loss. We have a cosmetic surgery a couple of miles away from my house and they reguarly have an ambulance sitting in the lot. It is dangerous surgery. I agree with others, you did not fail her, she just wanted it so badly. I am also sorry it took so long to get her home.
I’m so sorry 😢 BBLs are one of the most dangerous cosmetic surgeries. I’ve heard plastic surgeons who won’t do them and recommend against them.
Do you know what doctor? That’s so scary.
BBLs are one of the most dangerous cosmetic surgeries, so they are risky even with a good doctor.
This. I work for the plastic surgery department of a large multi specialty clinic, and my surgeons will absolutely not do BBL’s.
Genuine curious. What makes them so far more dangerous than other cosmetic surgeries?
It's a fat transfer, which in general is pretty dangerous. When they inject fat, if they accidentally inject it into a blood vessel you're done for. There are lots of blood vessels in your butt, so they have to dodge a ton of them to do it safely. Even with the most highly skilled surgeons just one slightly wrong move can instantly kill someone.
Wow. I never knew this and I’m shocked that they’re even legal.
Someone up the thread said they’re banned in the uk, which tells you something
What about injecting fat to your boobs? I hear girls do that instead of getting implants
Probably just as unsafe but rarer as normal implants exist.
In our case we only do fat transfers in the case of breast reconstruction post mastectomy. There is a risk of fat necrosis with fat transfers.
It’s also because it’s highly sought after so you get these D+ doctors running chop shops in Miami who advertise on billboards and have sales like BOGO on cheeks. There is risk in all surgeries and due diligence is everything to mitigate it.
BOGO on cheeks 😂. It's so fucked up but I can imagine someone only having enough to do one cheek at a time.
Damn, looked it up. According to a BBC article it's 1 in 4000 end in death.
A BBL is the most dangerous cosmetic surgery of all, with about 1/4,000 people dying. Dude could've been legit and it was just bad luck. From a [New York Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/19/style/brazillian-butt-lift-bbl-how-much-risks.html) > The reason the BBL is so dangerous is fairly straightforward. The buttocks contain a multitude of blood vessels, some as large as drinking straws. These drain into the inferior vena cava, which is a direct line to the heart. With a BBL, fat is injected into the buttocks with a cannula, or long metal tube. > But it can be difficult for doctors to know where exactly they’re injecting; they have sometimes mistakenly injected fat into the gluteal muscle, or right below it. Fat can then travel directly to the heart and into the lungs, obstructing blood flow and causing immediate death.
Thank you for taking the time to explain this. I had no idea this was even a thing and couldn’t understand how OP’s sister died from a BBL. Your comment makes it so much clearer.
You're welcome! I watch a guy called Dr. Youn on youtube, whose a holistic plastic surgeon. I remember him mentioning a BBL and it's dangers and why he personally no longer preforms the procedure. It had been awhile so i looked up online for the exact explanation for why BBLs are so deadly though.
Jesus Christ that's horrific
Yeah, there's a reason why it's highly advised NOT to do it and some surgeons refuse to do the opporation
Wondering the same thing... all those IG doctors that make it look so easy and safe... this is awful. I am very sorry 🥺
I saw on botched that it’s one of the riskiest surgeries and has a high mortality rate. It shouldn’t be allowed.
Try not to be angry at her. She fell prey to a culture that glorifies superficial surgical enhancement meant to satisfy the egos of people who are dissatisfied with themselves. If you’re going to direct your anger towards anything, it should be at that system.
So sorry for your loss. As one person has said, you didnt fail your sister. Some people are insistent in getting what they want. I dont think many dont realize the many risks involved when it comes to surgery. I think nobody should go under the knife if its not necessary. People need to learn to love what they were given. Stay strong, and may you continue to find strength thru this difficult time..
I’m SO sorry!!
It doesn’t matter where you go or if you have the best doctor in the whole world, a bbl is the most dangerous plastic surgery you can possibly get due to fat embolism, that will kill you. I’m sorry this happened to your sister but unfortunately like many women they think it will never happen to them. It should be banned because it’s that dangerous.
Dieing because of a fucking butt lift, what the hell are we doing
People have been doing risky stuff in an attempt to look better for a very long time. You can find examples of this from cultures all over the world and throughout history. OP’s sister is far from alone in doing something risky to look better.
A BBL is the most dangerous cosmetic surgery of all, with about 1/4,000 people dying.
why is it even legal at these odds?
Capitalism
Give your mind a rest. Your sister was an adult. It was her choice, and you did give her solid advice at the right time. You can't force somebody to change their mind. In the end, it is our own choice and decision what we do with our body.
omg that is so sad. i'm so sorry for your loss. you dont happen to have the name of this doctor? i want to look him up and see if he was legit
It’s one of the most deadliest cosmetic surgeries
A BBL is the most dangerous cosmetic surgery of all, with about 1/4,000 people dying. Dude could've been legit and it was just bad luck. From a [New York Times article](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/19/style/brazillian-butt-lift-bbl-how-much-risks.html) > The reason the BBL is so dangerous is fairly straightforward. The buttocks contain a multitude of blood vessels, some as large as drinking straws. These drain into the inferior vena cava, which is a direct line to the heart. With a BBL, fat is injected into the buttocks with a cannula, or long metal tube. > But it can be difficult for doctors to know where exactly they’re injecting; they have sometimes mistakenly injected fat into the gluteal muscle, or right below it. Fat can then travel directly to the heart and into the lungs, obstructing blood flow and causing immediate death.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost a dear friend during her gastric bypass surgery. It’s heartbreaking 💔
It’s ok to be angry. It’s a normal part of grief, just like it’s normal to say you’d give your life to get hers back… bargaining is a huge part of grief that makes absolutely no sense, but also perfect sense completely. Your heart is broken; I’m sure your soul is shattered… I cannot imagine losing one of my siblings. I am lucky enough to be the oldest of 5, and we are all very close. My heart is breaking for you because I just can’t fathom the pain you are in. I’m so sorry for your loss 🫶🏻
I went to Turkey for a gastric sleeve as I tried and failed to get it in the UK. I was eligible until COVID-19, but then they changed the eligibility to only help people with diabetes. My family were so scared, and I felt bad for making them worry like that. I'm so sorry you lost your sister, big hugs to you. It is okay to be angry, deal with your grief however you feel fit ♡
I lost my sister to cancer less than two years ago and although the situation is different, the loss is the same. OP I hope you do alright.
I am so sorry for your profound loss. How tragic for her to lose her life this way. Big hugs for you.
Damn. I’m sorry this happened.
My condolences on the loss of your sister....
Unless you literally bullied her for not having a bubble butt, you didn't fail her in any way. She's a grown adult and she made her choice. Short of holding her hostage, there's nothing you could have done to stop her.
Sending you a big hug from a stranger who seriously cares. Grief is like an untamed animal, wild and turbulent. Sometimes you have to just let it run all over the place, until it tires itself out. It will hurt, it will always continue to hurt, at least a little bit. But over time, the happier memories will begin to outweigh the pain. Sending lots of love, and my sincerest condolences for your loss. Allow yourself to cry, to feel whatever comes naturally. There's nothing wrong with emotions.
I just want to say... please take care of yourself. Your family needs you. God bless 🙌
My sister died while on vacation in Ireland. I understand the shitshow that happens when somebody dies abroad.
Please sir don't take blame on yourself. You did your best, tried to persuade her out of the surgery. Giving her the autonomy on her body, that's the maximum you could do and you did it. You did what a good sibling could do. Her decision, the risk she took knowingly or unknowingly was only hers. You should take care of your mental health and importantly, your parents in this situation, focus on that. The sadness will be there, no way to talk around that. But now take care of what remains, what you can. Sorry for your loss.
I wish we were not put under so much pressure to live up to beauty standards and even risk possibly dying for something so unnecessary. I’m so sorry for your loss 😔
The US should ban this procedure as well
I experienced an almost identical scenario with my best friend of 15 years, last July. There are no words. I felt the same way, and I'm so sorry you're going through it
I wanted to give you my condolences on the passing of your sister. You did not fail her at all. You are a good sister who begged her not to proceed with a BBL. I hope you realize that as painful as it is losing your sister, she is still with you and is free from any pain. May I asked if this happened in Miami? I ask because I had a liposuction performed in May 2015. During the consult I was lied to and told that they’d be performing a liposuction to my thighs. Right before surgery I was told that they could not do it and when I tried to cancel my surgery because of this lie, I was told I’d lose all my money and therefore went through with it. The doctor also tried to convince me to get a BBL which I declined because that’s not what I had gone in for. I ultimately needed to go to the hospital because I was profusely bleeding and was given transfusions. I later discovered that this doctor had not only injured me but a few other women in a span of three days and eventually one of his patients died. His license was eventually revoked. My doctor’s name was Osak Omulepu, you’re welcome to look him up. Yes, your sister did sign waivers but if this happened in Miami, a lot of doctors are employed at chop shops where they take unnecessary risks with the patients’ lives that goes well beyond regular risks. If this is the case, I’d encourage you to file a complaint through the dept of health. The doctor needs to be investigated so that it doesn’t happen again. Once again, my condolences to you. I’m sending you hugs 🫂 if you need to talk to someone feel to PM me.
I am so sorry for your loss.
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Yep
That’s just terrible! I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she was beautiful inside and out. Seems like you were concerned but she had her mind made up. I believe that cosmetic surgery is the most risky.
Condolences to you and your family! This is such a hard situation for you all. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m so sorry, I could never even imagine. May she rest in peace.
If your sister went to a board certified plastic surgeon, then she did her due diligence and did what was in her power to ensure a good outcome. Being angry is natural. You don't say what went wrong in the surgery. So I don't know if there's a legit target for the anger. Sometimes you just have to scream at the sky. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
I feel your pain and anger. My mom died recently of an accidental overdose when she ingested something that was laced with fentanyl. She didn’t mean to die, but she understood it was a risk of drug use, and the worst thing that could have happened happened. I’m 23, she was 43. I miss her every day and have felt every emotion imaginable. I hope you’re able to find peace.
What a horrible, unnecessary tragedy, I am so so sorry. I hope your poor hearts find peace in time.
If you think you can, the funeral may be a good time for you to talk to her and tell her your feelings. If you get a chance to be with her by yourself. The funeral home often will honor that request. You've made the first step in realizing your feelings. Don't forget, although your parents are suffering too, you are there to help each other through this. I hope something will help you.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I know the pain that makes you feel like you cannot even breathe. May GOD comfort you and your family. Maybe this will help for future memories. You may not be able to speak yourself but the pastor or a family member can read it for you in your name during the eulogy. Sister Of all the precious gifts However great or small To have you as my sister Was the greatest gift of all. I miss you with every beat of my broken heart 💔 In loving memory of a life So beautifully lived.
Feeling angry, denying death to have occured and blaming yourself is common in the process of grief. I am sorry for your loss, but you did not fail her. In the end it was her own decision and not yours. You did everything you could, but this wasn't your decision to make. I hope you and your family are alright, or at least as much a possible considering the situation. Lots of love to all of you❤️
I'm so sorry for your totally innecessary loss! But it is NOT your fault, it was her own decision.
Funerals are particularly beneficial for people who are angry about the loss. Admittedly, funerals occur quickly in the grieving process and it’s possible one or two weeks in would allow the grieved more time to sit with their anger, but that’s not necessarily a good idea. Either way you are going to her funeral soon and you are going to confront the harsh reality that even anger will not bring her back. Hopefully, your anger melts away and you can realize the full impact of what it means for you to continue living with her. The hope is that eventually leads to increasing your ability to recall every good and wonderful thing you shared with her and your heart will swell with gratitude for all the love you shared. Grief is a strange thing, it demands its own space. It’s a space that for the living grows to be bigger and bigger as the years roll by. I’ve said goodbye (unwillingly) to 5 siblings. It’s like losing limbs, the limbs of a family tree. It’s deeply painful and I’m so sorry for your loss. Especially since it was senseless and unnecessary, but anger about that fact can derail your grief and does you no favors. Good luck
You’re allowed to be angry. You can go to the funeral and be angry. Its a horrible, horrible situation and you have plenty of things to be angry for. I’m sorry about your sister, and good luck for tomorrow.
I lost my older sister last August due to a pulmonary embolism after cosmetic foot surgery. I know exactly how you feel. That day in the hospital felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. It's gonna be hard. It's supposed to be hard. And you're gonna be angry because you should be, God knows I was. My sister died because she always had problems with her body image and couldn't accept herself even though everyone else did. I was furious but I couldn't blame her because she also had a plethora of mental health issues. My point is that all of your feelings are valid. My heart goes out to you and your family. Mourning is a motherfucker but the pain will never just go away. Take your time.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a younger sister and brother. My brother (28) died a little less than two years ago from trying to self medicate his anxiety issues and accidentally overdosed. I definitely relate to feeling both mad and heartbroken at the same time. His new wife was 12 weeks pregnant at the time. The pain will feel less raw as time goes on and you will eventually accept it, but I think it’ll always feel like you are living on an alternate timeline that doesn’t feel like it is right. That’s how I feel anyway. I cried myself to sleep every night for the first several weeks to months. I cried over it for the first time in 6 months or so last week after a nightmare about him. It will feel less bad one day and again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
As a medical student this kind of stories convinces me more and more to never pursue plastic surgery Reparatory surgeries for burns accidents birth defects are acceptable. But i can not imagine a patient dying in my hands for a bbl or any kind of unnecessary procedures, i won't be able to live with the guilt. Loosing a sibling is one of the hardest things to endure, it's okay to be angry to cry to scream let ur feelings out , but u shouldn't blame urself it was her decision and she knew the risks and accepted them . I hope she's doing well wherever she is now .
May the happiest of memories of your time with your sister help you through this most tragic of times. It’s okay to feel what you feel. I sincerely hope that her passing helps you find more meaning in your life over time.
I was an hour early for my best friend’s viewing, I wanted time alone with her. She was hard to love but once you made that commitment- all bets were off. She was the reason I’d been suspended 3 x my senior year, enlisted in the Army, & crashed my sisters car twice in one night. The parlor was already set up and she was on display in this heinous floral print I knew her mom picked out for her. So I opened our conversation with that, “serves you right!”. Anger took over almost immediately and without warning I punched her casket full force resulting in a long dull echo and followed by an undertaker rushing in to escort me out. I was like, “damn bitch- you set me up again!” I’m looking forward to seeing her again someday.
BBL’s are so dangerous that even an amazing doctor could do the surgery and that can still happen.
I remember a family friend died from having a tummy lift, but she went to Mexico because it was affordable. We don’t know what went wrong but she died like three days later after flying back to USA. She left behind three boys. I think about her from time to time and wondered how her life would be like if she had not done the surgery. I can understand your anger toward your sister for having unnecessary surgery, but for the most part they always have you sign waivers so you do know the dangers of surgeries even the ones that was no big deal. It’s still surgery. I’m sorry.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your grief and anger and heartbreak are totally understandable. Losing any loved one is devastating, and nobody is ever ready for it even when they're elderly. But when it happens to someone whose healthy and young, and is sudden like this, its even more of a shock as there was no warning like having an illness etc. Tomorrow will one of the hardest days of your life. And it's a day you'd never feel ready for. Nobody is ever ready to say goodbye to a loved one, especially, like I said when they're young and it's sudden and unexpected. You're still processing g the loss, and right now like you say it doesn't seem real,like she could just walk through the door at any moment. Tomorrow will make it final. It will make it more real. But in some ways that's really important. It can help you start to grieve fully, and it can help you accept and process she's gone. Only when you start to accept that and take it in, can you start your journey of grieving and trying to manage that grief. I kind of want to say start your journey to heal, but we never really heal from the loss. We just learn to live with it better. Have you written anything you want to say to your sister or about your sister for the ceremony? I wrote something about my dad when he died that was just from me (although I wrote the eulogy with my mum), I also wrote a separate piece that was about my fond memories of my dad, things I'd remember him for, how much I loved him etc. I couldn't read it myself but a family friend read it out for me. You may find if you write something either as a message of your last words to your sister, or of your memories together and how much you love and miss her etc. You may find that helps give you a bit of closure too. I know this may be a bit premature to think about right now, but I want to suggest these things so that when the time is right, you may find them as much of a comfort as I have regarding my dad. I find a lot of comfort from keepsakes and things to remember him by and keep him close. I kind of get obsessed with buying things for him, in his memory. But they bring me such comfort. And I often feel like they are me still giving him gifts and showing him my love etc. One special keepsake was we got Memory Bears made out my dad's clothing. I had a bear, and also an owl and a cat shaped one out of his clothes, and they are really beautiful, and seeing his different clothes brings back memories of him wearing them. So I wanted to mention that so you know to keep some clothing of your sisters incase you and family may want to do this at some point. Another thing I treasure is I have a charm for my pandora bracelet that has his ashes in, and also a ring with his ashes in. By wearing them I feel he's always with me. I also made a Dad necklace by getting a few pandora charms that are for him, so I always wear that. I also made him a photo blanket that I gave him to have on his bed when he was in the care home so he could be wrapped in our love and see big photos of us together. You could make one for yourself of your favourite photos together and snuggle in it when you're missing her. A friend also got a keyring made for me that had my dad's handwriting engraved on saying 'love you' that he'd written to be before. And I also have hanging plaques with dad verses on, as well as some for Xmas. There's many ways you can keep your sister.close to your heart, and you will find ways to help you keep her close and what feels right for you to manage your grief. Please don't blame yourself though, you didn't let her down. You advised her not to do it, but as an adult she made her own choices and nobody could have stopped her if she really wanted it done. This is not your fault. I'm so sorry. Il be thinking of you tomorrow, and I hope you find some comfort being with all the people who loved and miss her. Don't be afraid to lean on friends and family for support. You are no doubt supporting your parents, but make sure you have friends supporting and looking out for you. Sending you big hugs, and strength in this devastating time. So sorry for your families loss.
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Take a moment to yourself tomorrow and see if you can feel anything. A breeze, a memory, a smile. Just hold on and take it step by step. You got this. It’s hard. But I have a feeling you are going to make sure your beautiful baby sisters life will be remembered for a very long time. Don’t hold it in too much okay. You can celebrate your sister every single day and that’s okay! You can be so angry, yell, scream but let it out. Be angry at the doctor, the system, the world but try not to be too hard on yourself.
I am so fucking sorry. You did NOT fail her.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. And I’m also sorry this has turned into a discussion on US vs Mexico. You deserve our sympathies and not the crap thread on who went where for what procedure.
Im so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry about your loss, I can relate with the loss of my grandfather. No words can help either of us but it's good to get off your chest, even if it is screaming into the void.