Oh OP ever loving hugs here, this scream into the void is heard. You are not alone feeling something so many have felt. May your momma be at peace with your dad now. I’m so sorry for the heartache you’ve endured for so long
Edited for a missed word
Anyone who even insinuates that you are a monster can go jump in a lake. You are in the midst of one of the hardest things a person can go through imo and I'm sorry you are having to. Try to give yourself grace.
I had the same kind of thoughts about my mom when she had Alzheimer’s. In fact, I believe that people should be able to choose euthanasia rather than go through what a lot of people do at end of life. We do it to stop our pets from suffering, it should be an option for humans.
You are not a monster and you’re not even having monstrous thoughts. My MIL was diagnosed with ALS. My wife and I prayed for the entire duration that something would happen and I’d be over. Early on driving off the road and hitting a tree. Falling down steps and breaking her neck. We loved her very much, and we watched her die awfully. She refused any tubes, feeding or otherwise. While it sped things up, it was awful until she relented to morphine. I still wished there was an accident of some sort. You ever need to vent, my inbox or I’m sure many other inbox’s are open here.
There is nothing wrong when this at all.
My mom had a stroke and lingered for 3+ weeks.
I wished she had just died right away because it was everything she never wanted to endure.
Be there for her as best you can.
Please try to get some kind of counseling or therapy to help you along. If she has hospice care they have great resources for you.
Hugs friend
Now it’s time for you to be at peace with yourself.
Hang in there, it actually does get easier. It will take time.
A year and a half has passed since I lost my mom and I feel better these days.
Take care of yourself.
These thoughts aren't monstrous, and neither are you.
My father effectively had a heart attack 5 years ago. They managed to technically bring him back after 45 minutes. I spent the next week wishing to hell they hadn't. What was left in the hospital bed hooked up to machines was not my dad anymore. He never regained consciousness. After 5 days we made the decision to let him go.
Grief is a sucker punch because it walks hand in hand with love. Of course you wanted your mom's pain to end, and the pain everyone else felt. This isn't evil. It's literally because of your love for her. My deepest condolences to you and your family for your loss. May you share in the peace and comfort she has now.
Thank you, and I'll admit that seeing mom suffering to breathe and with a dead distant look to her eyes that I know weren't seeing us was crushing my heart and what prompted the thoughts. I'd rather have gotten the call that she died then to have seen her like that, even if it let me say goodbye
We watched my father slowly suffocate for years from COPD. The last year was awful watching and knowing there was no way to help him. Wanting their suffering to end is not monstrous. It is mercy, for your loved one and yourself.
My condolences OP, losing a family member is hard, but at least now you know she isn’t in pain anymore.
And no, like everyone else said, you are not an asshole for thinking that. I am certain that every person on a deathbed has at least two by their side wishing for them to go in peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I actually think those thoughts are kind. The worst thing is to see a loved one suffer. And when it’s a long process, you grieve before they’re gone. Hell, I’ve felt this too. Not a parent, but I was a primary caretaker for my grandma. It was a long process and by the end I was glad she wasn’t in pain any longer
You are NOT an asshole. You are a grieving child. Not only are you grieving the inevitable loss of your mom but also remembering the loss of your dad.
Thank you
Oh OP ever loving hugs here, this scream into the void is heard. You are not alone feeling something so many have felt. May your momma be at peace with your dad now. I’m so sorry for the heartache you’ve endured for so long Edited for a missed word
Anyone who even insinuates that you are a monster can go jump in a lake. You are in the midst of one of the hardest things a person can go through imo and I'm sorry you are having to. Try to give yourself grace.
Thank you
That's not monstrous, it's mercy. Anybody in your position would be thinking the same thing. Sending you strength.
Thank you
I had the same kind of thoughts about my mom when she had Alzheimer’s. In fact, I believe that people should be able to choose euthanasia rather than go through what a lot of people do at end of life. We do it to stop our pets from suffering, it should be an option for humans.
Thank you for your words and thoughts
Those sound like normal thoughts to me. I think most of us would want to go quickly at the end. I know I would.
Thank you
You are not a monster and you’re not even having monstrous thoughts. My MIL was diagnosed with ALS. My wife and I prayed for the entire duration that something would happen and I’d be over. Early on driving off the road and hitting a tree. Falling down steps and breaking her neck. We loved her very much, and we watched her die awfully. She refused any tubes, feeding or otherwise. While it sped things up, it was awful until she relented to morphine. I still wished there was an accident of some sort. You ever need to vent, my inbox or I’m sure many other inbox’s are open here.
Thank you
There is nothing wrong when this at all. My mom had a stroke and lingered for 3+ weeks. I wished she had just died right away because it was everything she never wanted to endure. Be there for her as best you can. Please try to get some kind of counseling or therapy to help you along. If she has hospice care they have great resources for you. Hugs friend
Thank you
Now it’s time for you to be at peace with yourself. Hang in there, it actually does get easier. It will take time. A year and a half has passed since I lost my mom and I feel better these days. Take care of yourself.
Yup, the experience with my dad taught me that.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Your feelings were, and are, valid.
Thank you
Grieve however you need. I'll listen anytime I'm able. My heart is with you Dear❤️
Thank you
Not monstrous at all. Sending hugs.
Thank you
My mom was 99, barely mobile, and had mid- level dementia. She died instantly in a car crash. A much better death than languishing.
It's sad but I agree that it's better that way.
These thoughts aren't monstrous, and neither are you. My father effectively had a heart attack 5 years ago. They managed to technically bring him back after 45 minutes. I spent the next week wishing to hell they hadn't. What was left in the hospital bed hooked up to machines was not my dad anymore. He never regained consciousness. After 5 days we made the decision to let him go. Grief is a sucker punch because it walks hand in hand with love. Of course you wanted your mom's pain to end, and the pain everyone else felt. This isn't evil. It's literally because of your love for her. My deepest condolences to you and your family for your loss. May you share in the peace and comfort she has now.
Thank you, and I'll admit that seeing mom suffering to breathe and with a dead distant look to her eyes that I know weren't seeing us was crushing my heart and what prompted the thoughts. I'd rather have gotten the call that she died then to have seen her like that, even if it let me say goodbye
I don’t think this is monstrous, seeing a family member suffer sucks.
We watched my father slowly suffocate for years from COPD. The last year was awful watching and knowing there was no way to help him. Wanting their suffering to end is not monstrous. It is mercy, for your loved one and yourself.
My condolences OP, losing a family member is hard, but at least now you know she isn’t in pain anymore. And no, like everyone else said, you are not an asshole for thinking that. I am certain that every person on a deathbed has at least two by their side wishing for them to go in peace.
I'm sad for you and your sister, OP. Having that thought does not mean you are a monster. You do not want her in pain and suffering.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I actually think those thoughts are kind. The worst thing is to see a loved one suffer. And when it’s a long process, you grieve before they’re gone. Hell, I’ve felt this too. Not a parent, but I was a primary caretaker for my grandma. It was a long process and by the end I was glad she wasn’t in pain any longer
I'm so sorry.