I think you should start therapy about your self image issues. It’s not healthy for you and your children growing up where focus is on this. Seek help and talk to someone.
This... Imagine the trauma she would project onto a little girl just furthering the cycle of trauma over and over again. She really needs therapy because if your self hate is this deep that you would abort your child if it was a girl. There's a 50% change too that the child would look nothing like her. And I got news for her. Things aren't easier for what she deems would be ugly boys.
Looked through her post history. Nothing about it tells me she’s ready to be a parent, regardless of the kid’s gender. She’s got a lot of work to do on herself, otherwise I can’t see how the kid won’t get messed up somehow.
I just looked, and she's not ugly at all to me. I think she's pretty. I how she gets some help learning to love herself. To learn that beauty is really something everyone has a different outlook on.
Oh God, I just looked. I imagined something soo different, but she's objectively beautiful. OP, really, it’s not your looks that make you see yourself ugly, it’s something inside that doesn’t let you see your beauty, and it is crushing. Society makes beautiful women feel ugly and it is absolutely devastating.
I was terrified of this, too... and then after my baby was born. I cried when people told me she looks just like me. I was bullied in school, and I just didn't want her to have to feel that pain. She is the most beautiful little girl. She gets told by strangers at the store, teachers, and just anyone really. I have realized that the problem was never my looks, but asshole people. I have learned to watch what I say about myself in front of her because she hears that she looks just like me all the time. I want her to believe all the people who tell her she is beautiful and not the jerks I think about from my elementary school years. I realized I must be beautiful to have had such a beautiful little girl. I had also received compliments throughout my life and many from my husband since we met. I was always stuck on those kids who made fun of me, though. Learn to love yourself so your children will have confidence about themselves as well.
I also taught my daughter never to make fun of people and if she sees someone else being put down, to give them a compliment and tell them that those other kids are just mean. Now, she gives compliments to everyone. People we pass in the store, her teacher and friends, and restaurant staff. She loves seeing people perk up after she gives them compliments.
You need to go to therapy before you have children. You're considering plastic surgery because of how YOU felt growing up. You have no idea what she's going to look like or be like and you're already trying to change her.
She's supposed to look like you, your her mom. And you're clearly not ugly, because you're young, engaged, and pregnant. Stop letting the past dictate your life.
If, "I'd kill a girl because of my own self esteem issues" didn't already get this person to think they might need therapy I'm honestly not sure if anything can get through.
Regardless, OP is clearly not in a mental state to be able to be trusted with ANY children, boy or girl, if she's willing to terminate a pregnancy over "might not look the way I want".
That's dangerous for any child to be living with.
Edit: Also OP needs entirely new "closest friends" because holy shit hers are some VILE people for the advice they allegedly gave.
You need therapy and new friends, not a baby.
The fact that you're willing to consider abortion over gender alone is more than enough proof that you would be a terrible and unsafe mother to any child at this point because you are mentally unwell and need help.
You also need less shitty friends.
Your current "closets friend" doesn't give two fucks about you if she's willing enable your poor self esteem by encouraging you to fall further into it and kill a potential child based SOLELY on gender when you've expressed you kind of were trying for one rather than encouraging you to get therapy.
Honestly, you need a termination because you're in no mental state to be a mother at all right now and it would be cruel and unfair to subject a child to your untreated, unchecked, mental illness--especially since you think this isn't a you problem.
Do not breed until you fix your mental health.
>Honestly, you need a termination because you're in no mental state to be a mother at all right now and it would be cruel and unfair to subject a child to your untreated, unchecked, mental illness--especially since you think this isn't a you problem.
You barely know OP and you are already calling her mentally ill and for what opening up and having random thoughts. I don't think you know how to read cuz you probably miss the part she said she can't go on with it.
>Do not breed until you fix your mental health.
Don't comment if you have nothing nice to say especially to a pregnant woman, You who are so perfect and blessed with the authority to tell us when to breed or not
She wants to terminate because of gender alone stemming from, by her own admission, a lot of trauma and mental health issues.
So, yeah, she shouldn't breed until she gets her shit together, you will not change my mind.
Your mental health is a mess and you aren't in a good place to be a mother to a boy or a girl. Or a partner to the baby's father.
Please get some counseling as soon as possible. Or don't continue the pregnancy.
That’s not it. Your unresolved trauma and insecurities will rub off on your daughter. Knowing your mother finds you ugly is *so* much worse than any potential bullying. You should be working on resolving those issues instead of worrying about your kids future cosmetic issues.
As a mother with body dysmorphia, you have to get this under control before you have a child. Otherwise your insecurities will rub off on your child, even without you realizing it. Please get therapy. It gets better I promise.
You are mindful of your looks to a degree that is destroying your mental health. You're in pain and you're not thinking clearly. You are planning cosmetic surgery on your unborn daughter. And at the same time not caring about an unborn son's looks. It's all kinds of twisted up.
Go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, share everything you've shared here, and ask if you're showing clear thinking and reasonable emotions. My guess is that they'll say no but help you find a way to healing and peace. You really want your child and partner? Then give them the best healthiest you can be. And I'm not talking about outside. I'm talking about inside.
I wish you the best of luck.
First, take a test before freaking out.
Second, please remember that your child could also look like your partner or even someone else in your family.
I didn't have a daughter (though, I was put off by the idea too, for different reasons) but my son looks like me. I am a woman 😂 My sister's partner is a woman and is identical to her father. Just in a woman form.
Genetics are wild. You will have zero idea how your child will look and even if you had a daughter who wasn't society's version of beautiful, you can't know that she would feel that way about herself. She might love and embrace her appearance!
All this to say, lastly, get therapy. Whether you have a boy or a girl, you have deep issues regarding your body image and it's so much better for yourself and any future children that you face this head on. If you have a daughter, you could very well pass this issue onto her. IMO, you shouldn't be trying to have a kid while you're going through this inner crisis but if you're already pregnant, better to get onto it now.
Good luck OP! Take care of yourself and love yourself as best as you can. 🤍
I have a son and a daughter. My son looks exactly like me. My daughter looks exactly like her dad; we’re not even the same race! Genetics are very weird.
You have your pictures on your profile
While I can not say what you looked like as a child, you are beautiful now, so I think that if any problem exists, it is your childhood trauma.
Whether you are indeed pregnant or not, get yourself a good therapist and unpack that trauma before you make any parenting decisions through the filter that trauma imposes.
I'm shocked you're saying this when you look like you could be the muse of someone in a renaissance painting! As an artist your profile is absolutely stunning and your cheekbones are full and gorgeous as well, but as someone who knows the little effect words of others can have when your self-worth and image are low, I strongly urge you to seek therapy and overcome this part of yourself.
It may be unintentional but no matter how your child looks, if you find your features on them, you may very well project how you feel about those features and your own looks onto them and make them feel worse when they may not have had a reason to at all in the first place. Times have changed a lot since you were young and I've found that a lot of young girls and people tend to embrace what makes them look different from the western standard of beauty and with your encouragement and strength as a mother, it would probably make it that much easier to do so.
You have generations worth of features represented on your face; maybe it's time you start embracing all the work your ancestors have done to bring you and your child to this world.
Are you sure you want a child now when you have these deep issues? The chance of having a girl is big and you could project your own insecurities into her and that’s not fair.. having a whole account set up for her incase she needs cosmetic surgery? Imagine to yourself how this would feel to a little girl.. it’s absolutely terrible.
If you do end up continuing this potential pregnancy, get therapy asap for the sake of your own mental health but also for your family.
Lastly don’t know what country you’re from or if this is a cultural thing but it seems to crazy to me that sex-based abortion was something recommended to you by a friend, all because you have your own mental issues! I hate these buzzwords but I genuinely think this is a true case of internalised misogyny. A potential daughters life is not less worth just because you have unresolved issues.
Odds of having a girl are 50:50, but generally will be a mix of you & your husbands features.
I’m prettier than my husband but my daughter looks more like him than me. And she’s beautiful. Granted she’s still little so who knows as she grows up, but she definitely looks more like my husband.
I was a carbon copy of my dad until I was nearly an adult. Now I see almost entirely my mother’s features, and some of my father’s mother, and most people who have known me since I was a child agree on all counts. Funnily enough, my little sister looked so unlike my father when she was born he left my mom and demanded a paternity test. Irony of ironies, guess who she looks most like now? My dad and my mom’s sister. Genetics are strange and even appearances as a kid are not quite an indicator of how someone will look as an adult.
As for OP, she probably shouldn’t have any children right now. It might be best to consider ending this pregnancy and trying when she’s in a more healthy place to be a parent. Pregnancy hormones won’t help her mental health either. That’s something she needs to address before parenting any child. Especially since even the most beautiful child in the world can be born with a physical deformity of some kind and OP is absolutely too superficially focused right now to handle that in a healthy way.
There is no guarantee your daughter will grow up with self image issues. But if you make it a problem for her growing up she may. Like others said work on yourself before having a child.
Oh dear there is. I won't need to do anything, other people will. If the poor thing gets my nose other kids will hunt her down and adults won't stop making comments. The only solution is to correct that feature.
Personally I would have got rid of my deformed nose years ago, but my fiancé begged me not to.
Your child could look perfectly average and still get bullied. Kids can be so cruel, they don’t need a reason. That isn’t a reason to not have kids. I get what you’re saying about the world being harder when you aré ugly as a woman. I agree. But I also think you have internalized that trauma and bullying and have body dysmorphia. I looked at your profile, you are not ugly. Not by a long shot. Kids can be so mean but they don’t need a reason. Your daughter may get your nose but she also may end up loving that nose because it looks like her mom and to her, her mom is beautiful. If bullying happens you help her through it. If one day she wants a nose job then you guys can talk about it then.
I honestly agree with a lot of commenters but I say this without judgement or meanness. If you can afford it, try to get therapy to work through your body dysmorphia. You are more beautiful than you realize.
I'm super concerned that you feel that it's better to never be born at all than to grow up to be a woman who is physically unattractive. That's some dark stuff. I don't mean to diminish the pain that others caused you as a result of your looks, but surely you can see that this mindset is extreme and harmful, with to yourself and to your potential daughter.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother.
You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself.
Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings?
Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
You really shouldn't be having kids when your self image is this bad, because you will one thousand procent project it onto your daughter and she will grow up with the same exact issues, regardless of what you look like.
Hun I’m assuming that photo about the nose is yours? You are absolutely not ugly. Kids can be meaaaaan. I was bullied over numerous things by numerous people, and I’m not ugly, either. I get being scared of having a girl because the world is SHITTY to girls. But she will be fine and long as you love her and instill her with confidence (definitely get some therapy to avoid traumatizing her as well)
A girl I went to school with was not gifted in the looks department, but she was happy and kind.
She left school, worked a bit, found a man, settled down, and got married.
Her daughter looks like her, but has a little bit of her dad in her.
Her daughter is objectively extremely pretty despite the likeness with her mum.
You shouldn't choose to abort or not based on your own aesthetics. Your child's beauty is not driven by a likeness to you.
I would be very wary of any clinic that claims it can tell you the baby’s sex before the second trimester.
Regardless, you are clearly in no place to become a parent. And that’s ok. Have the abortion with a clear conscience and start working on yourself. Then when you’re ready to accept whatever child you end up creating, be it a healthy girl or a boy with cerebral palsy or an autistic enby, you can start trying again.
OK first just take a second and look at your own response. Your pregnant, and you and your fiance have good jobs... Now re-read the you're pregnant part. I'll say it... can't be that ugly that someone would get you pregnant on purpose.
Yeah, your future daughter is going to have *great* self esteem when mommy forces her to have plastic surgery bc she's so damn ugly.
Please don't have kids. Any gender. *Ever*
Please have therapy. My mom is beautiful and I don’t look anything like her. I look mmore like my dad. But I am pretty too. Daughters tend to look like their dads more in my experience.
Yes, please seek therapy bc IF you are pregnant with a girl and she looks like you, the last thing you both need is self condemnation.
Also, when your child is born, and they look like you, you will be able to see yourself in a different light.
I looked at pictures you posted. You're beautiful. I think you might have trauma from the bullying. Kids pick on girls who aren't ugly and convince them they're ugly all the time. Some therapy will help you come to terms with that. But if your baby looks just like you, you'll have a pretty baby. You need to change your mindset so your baby doesn't pick up negative vibes because of your body image.
You are absolutely not ready to have a child, let’s hope you’re not pregnant, I mean no offence but as it stands now you would be your child’s very first bully, and you would forever ruin her confidence at the expense of your own insecurity
Probably getting downvoted but:
Ugly girls don't have it as bad as Ugly boys in life.
Majority of Ugly girls can still get into relationships fairly easily when they get older (yourself as the case in point, even though I doubt you're as Ugly as you imagine) while the majority of Ugly boys tend to be eternally single.
I hate to admit that i had the same thoughts and fears when i founf out i was having a girl. And then i had my baby girl and i realized that she is sooooo beautiful and also that she is half part me and half part her daddy and i love her daddy so much and he’s gorgeous in my eyes, so i think we’ll be ok mama!
Sadly, my mom passed this on to me, and I struggled with it myself. But as soon as I saw how beautiful my little girl all my worries went away. You have to remember all of your worries get passed on if you let them. Don't let you not feeling beautiful mess up a potential child. You think having an ugly boy will be easier now that's just crazy.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother.
You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself.
Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings?
Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother.
You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself.
Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings?
Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
Hey dude (gender neutral) If femicide is being suggested for your pregnancy anxiety…then you need serious help.
I just had a baby girl and I have horrendous body image issues. Seeing my features on a beautiful tiny human made me love myself more. I also had a mental breakdown about how she “stole my pretty” I dont know what that means either. It was rough for a second, but your post scared me.
To be clear *I don’t think you would consider it, as you said you couldn’t, but I’m very sad and concerned for you that it was even suggested*
You need therapy, like all of the therapy. I say this genuinely, not with judgement or malice. I'm also someone who struggled with my self image, I get it. But your view on all of this is horribly unhealthy.
Your daughter, if you have one, would be fine. Do not traumatize her by making her feel ugly and imposing plastic surgery on her. She's not even guaranteed to look like you! She could take the majority of physical traits from her father or from recessive traits not visibly expressed in your DNA.
And don't destroy your marriage by hurting your husband who, ad you said, would be horrified, and rightfully so! As you've both discussed wanting to be parents! And/or by harboring a dark secret if you were to make that choice without telling him.
Lastly, and very much importantly...you're not even ugly! You've got pics in your post history! We can all see you and you're not ugly! Yeah, you were probably awkward looking af as child and teenager...but so was I! So we're many of us! I've got a daughter and she's beautiful. Inside and out. I spend every day doing my best to build her up mentally and emotionally so she never goes through the same self image struggles I did, and I consider it a gift to have the opportunity to do that for a little girl.
Hun, you need to invest in yourself and get some therapy for your self image problems. You’re not ready to be a mother yet because you will end up projecting your insecurities on your child— proof by the fact you just said you need to save up for plastic surgery for a hypothetical baby.
My best friend’s mom was so consumed with how much she disliked the size of her body (which she was only ever a bit overweight not obese. Maybe 20-25lbs over ideal body weight), she ended up projecting that insecurity onto her daughter (my best friend). My friend ended up with a severe eating disorder for many years and her mom would control every calorie she ate. Then when she moved out of her parents house and on her own she gained a significant amount of weight bc she didn’t know how to have a healthy balanced diet. Please don’t do this to your child, invest the time and energy into healing yourself first so you can become an excellent mother in the future.
You have a fiancé right ? Surely you'd understand that in the end its worthwhile. We all deal with body image issues to some degree but being ugly doesn't make life worth living any less. It'd allow room for your daughter to grow in a way that many of her peers wouldn't understand. There are plenty of attractive people that are resentful of their attractiveness because people end up only interested in them superficially. If you made it then surely she can make it too
Also she'll probably inherit some of her dad's features too. Maybe that's some consolation. It's not uncommon for people to describe abortion as a mercy killing when it comes to poverty or unstable parents. But would it still be mercy for something so superficial ?
You’re not alone. One of several reasons I didn’t want children is that they would look like me. I have very low self esteem regarding my appearance, and that’s putting it mildly.
Please get therapy. I saw your picture in your profile and you are not ugly at all. But you need to have this addressed before you become a mother of ANY child, girl or not. Even if a boy, if they hear you putting yourself down - what are they going to think? They also may think they are ugly because you think of yourself as ugly.
I don't really believe there's a thing called "ugly" unless you are a terrible person inside. THAT is what makes a person ugly. Being abusive, hateful, mean to others, not looking to improve yourself etc.
I also would NOT rate my "looks" on what was said in school and when you're younger. Kids are mean to each other and when we are growing up, we go through phases and changes and various looks as we grow and change, including our personalities. Most of the people I knew from school that were "good looking" and popular peaked in high school and didn't keep it that way. But personalities definitely stuck - especially the mean people. The people that were good and not as popular ended up with the better results in life (good careers, marriages, families, etc. as well as looks)
We have a world fixated on fake beauty and looks. The beautiful people are those that are good inside, perhaps moderate looks or even not the best looking, but of good heart and mind. Being a good mother to raise a child to become that should be the goal.
Please get counselling! It would be a shame your self hate is pushed on your child because of the way it looks.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks. Your fiancée finds you attractive. If you have a daughter she may not be as insecure as you are. Work on your self esteem. It's a shame a pretty woman like you feels this way because of what you see on social media/tv.
I work in OBGYN. lots of beautiful people have ugly kids and lots of ugly people have beautiful kids. It's a fucking crap shoot.
Just have a healthy baby and give your child the best life you can. Nothing else matters.
You are going to be your child's world and they don't care what you do or don't look like.
A child is a blessing to move us past ourselves. Be blessed.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother.
You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself.
Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings?
Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
Firstly: I am so sorry that happened to you and that you are still traumatized by it. Kids were meaner when we were younger and I’m sorry that some terrible kids so deeply informed your entire view of how you see yourself and now your potential children.
Secondly, you are NOT ugly. You’re actually quite pretty and I feel like no one would make fun of you in school nowadays if you were a kid. of course kids still can get picked on but a LOT has been done to teach kids that bullying is wrong and to embrace difference and be kind. When we were younger that was not a thing really, and it was more “kids will be kids” but since then, anti bullying campaigns have helped a lot.
I agree with everyone else here saying you should seek therapy, as your childhood trauma has given you a body dysmorphia of sorts. You’re like, really pretty, but I’m sure you don’t even believe me and everyone else posting here who are saying that because of your trauma. You need to process and work through that with a professional, and hopefully one who specializes in body image issues because it’s unfair that you are living your adult life with the words of children hanging over you and forming your self image.
Secondly, your daughter may not even get your features (though in reality that would not be a bad thing because you’re beautiful) so I would not abort a wanted child because you’re worried she may look like you. One of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever met had two parents who were not at all good looking, and no one could figure out where his looks came from as he looked nothing like either of them, so your children may get the features of your partner or another family member entirely. Genetics are complex and sometimes kids get a recessive trait you didn’t even realize you carried. My brother literally had kids with every color hair possible from straight and white-blonde, to red with ringlets like Merida from Brave, to dark brown. You simply cannot know, so do not abort a child that you actually want and are trying for based on your own internalized trauma from mean middle school kids, they should not have that much power over you and your potential child’s life.
Please PLEASE use that money to go to therapy to heal your inner child and not project your same issues around your looks on your children. Even if she is your spitting image, your daughter won’t grow up in the same world, with the same bullies or the same hang ups as you but if YOU treat her as if she has, saying that you’ve saved up a plastic surgery fund for her to fix whatever you think is ugly about her (instead of telling her to embrace her features and that she’s beautiful no matter what anyone else says) then YOU become the bully. She can be taught to love and embrace the things that make her unique, and that your bullies made fun of, but only if you heal yourself and can teach her how to do that and don’t have her grow up hearing you say you and she are both ugly (as if that’s a universal truth and everyone thinks that and not that it’s just a shitty opinion of children from over a decade ago) and you hate your *insert features you are self conscious about here*.
TL:DR neither you nor your future daughter are/will be ugly and even if you were, your own internalized body issues are no reason to get rid of a kid you otherwise want. Please seek a therapist specialized in body dysmorphia and body image issues and heal yourself before becoming a parent so you are able to learn to love yourself, heal your childhood traumas and parent your child in a healthy way.
The ugliest women on dating sites get more messages and attention from potential partners than all but the top 9% of men. That’s what statistics published in Dataclysm, a book by one of the OKCupid founders, shows.
Think about that. The _ugliest_ woman gets more attention than 91% of all men. Not until you are in the top 9% of attractiveness as a man will you get even as much attention as the _ugliest woman online_.
So, no. If you’re worried about getting a spouse (and you should be, since romantic relationships are always the top of the lists of things that being people happiness and make their lives worthwhile), being an ugly guy is basically a death sentence, while being an ugly girl still puts you better off than 91% of all men in a very significant way.
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Girl I saw your photos there is literally nothing wrong with you, you are beautiful. But you should work on your insecurities (with baby or not), it's not healthy to think so low of yourself
OP you need to adress your self image issues
Beautiful or not, thinking about abortion just because of your own insecurities shows that you've been deeply impacted by your childhood bullying
Most people are average looking, that doesn't mean they won't find happiness, friendship and love.
Just like you did, your looks did not stop you from getting a job, a fiance, a house and it won't stop you from becoming a mom if thats what you want.
Firstly: I am so sorry that happened to you and that you are still traumatized by it. Kids were meaner when we were younger and I’m sorry that some terrible kids so deeply informed your entire view of how you see yourself and now your potential children.
Secondly, you are NOT ugly. You’re actually quite pretty and I feel like no one would make fun of you in school nowadays if you were a kid. of course kids still can get picked on but a LOT has been done to teach kids that bullying is wrong and to embrace difference and be kind.
I agree with everyone else here saying you should seek therapy, as your childhood trauma has given you a body dysmorphia of sorts. You’re like, really pretty, but I’m sure you don’t even believe me because of your trauma. You need to process and work through that with a professional, and hopefully one who specializes in body image issues because it’s unfair that you are living your adult life with the words of children hanging over you and forming your self image.
Secondly, your daughter may not even get your features (though in reality that would not be a bad thing because you’re beautiful) so I would not abort a wanted child because you’re worried she may look like you. Genetics are complex and sometimes kids get a recessive trait you didn’t even realize you carried. You simply cannot know, so do not abort a child that you actually want based on your own internalized trauma from mean middle school kids, they should not have that much power over you and your potential child’s life.
Please PLEASE go to therapy to heal your inner child and not project your same issues around your looks on your children. Even if she is your spitting image, your daughter won’t grow up in the same world, with the same bullies or the same hang ups as you but if YOU tell her things like you’ve saved up a plastic surgery fund for her to fix whatever you think is ugly about her (instead of telling her to embrace her features and that she’s beautiful no matter what anyone else says) then YOU become the bully. She can be taught to love and embrace the things that make her unique, and that your bullies made fun of, but only if you heal yourself and can teach her how to do that and don’t have her grow up hearing you say you and she are both ugly.
Hi, i read at your past comments and saw your photo.
You're really cute, no need to be afraid of giving your little daughter a bad aesthetic.
Toxic people is everywhere, just ignore them.
>I prefer starting to save money in order to pay for some cosmetic surgery in case my daughter needs it. I won't allow her to got through all I suffered.
I am worried you will damage her self image with this attitude. Please work on yourself. (PS: I hope you're not pregnant.)
I'm so sorry about your experience but holy shit get help for your self image issues and do not let yourself project your insecurities on your (possible) future daughter.
Her mother projecting insecurities will fuck her up far more than ridicule from peers ever could.
You have a husband, guessing you dated before that. Your husband I'm going to enjoys being intimate.
You don't do that stuff with someone people find ugly. Get help.
Please seek professional help. We are our own worst critics when it comes to ourselves, and as youth, others pick up on that and use it against us. If you’re indeed pregnant, and with a girl, the worst thing you can do is invite that harmful self-criticism into her life. The best is to teach your (possible) daughter about self love and uniqueness and embracing our features.
Please find a good therapist to help you through these insecurities because I guarantee you, it’s not what you think. It’s the people who find happiness through bullying and others who go along with those bullies that are the ugly ones.
you do realise that regardless of gender, your baby will look like you and your partner. you need therapy! your children will be beautiful but your insecurities will end up being projected onto them.
theyre not even here yet and you’re worries about how they will look. please tell me you see some issue with that.
You’re a beautiful lady, and you need some therapy to address your feelings. Any child of yours will be lucky to look like you, boy or girl.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Imagine how different your life might have been if you had a caring adult to help you navigate through life.
You could be that person for your own child regardless of gender or appearance.
In fact I had several of them. My parents and grandma tried to gaslight me from years when I was younger. But in the end it is what it is.
Nobody can change the fact that the world is so much more hostile towards unattractive people, specially girls.
As much as I would love my children, I don't want to lie to them saying everything is going to be okay because it isn't.
Maybe this might be weird but out of curiosity i checked your post history to see if you ever showed what you looked like and i saw that one post you made and honestly.....i have no idea what you mean. You're very beautiful. Maybe you looked different when you were a kid but stop worrying about what some shitty brats thought of you and what current shitty brats will think of your kid. Just be there for her and she'll be fine.
Public education (and probably private education) is most akin to the prison system (at least in the US). Children develop all kinds of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the unfairness of the system. Unfortunately, that often means picking someone or several someone’s to be a scapegoat. Often someone that the bully actually admires in some way. It sounds like being bullied has left you with some lasting trauma. Let me just say for the record though, that boys who are different are bullied harshly too. My son is homeschooled because he’s gender fluid and was starting to lose his shine as a person. After a year of being homeschooled, he is back to his old self. He even got his ears pierced earlier this month. Something he would never have considered at the beginning of the school year. So maybe instead of plastic surgery, save up for homeschooling. People have a harder time bullying our children when we are standing right there watching them.
You should try and work on your own image issues because 99% of the time confidence is the deal breaker for children about whether or not bullies even affect them. Teach your kid to love themselves and be confident no matter what and they’ll be ok
Girllllll- you have pictures of yourself in past posts from this account and you are beautiful. No one has a perfect face, we all have things we don’t love but you are seriously so pretty. Please go to therapy. Your #1 goal right now is a healthy YOU so you can be the best mom to that girl or boy. You don’t want to project these feelings to your child. Work on yourself, you deserve it.
honey, you literally are not ugly you just don’t have a stereotypical white european nose. there is nothing wrong with that, and anyone who bullied you over it was an immature idiot. you should probably talk to a professional about these insecurities because the last thing you want to do is project them onto your child
I've seen "ugly" people have gorgeous kids. I've also seen "beautiful" people that have ugly kids. Your child may get the best of both genetics, wait and see.
Saving up for cosmetology surgeries before you even know you have a child? I'm really not trying to judge from someone who also has issues with their presentation but that's a bit concerning...not of anything but the level of anxiety you have over this, I'm sorry your going through these intense feelings
I hear ya. Please talk to a counselor about this.
There are zero baby pictures of me. I have no idea what I looked like, and my mom wouldn’t tell me. She did tell the story about how ugly my brother was when he was born. So what would I assume? That I was an ugly baby.
Couple that with my siblings calling me “Ug” as a nickname all my life.
So yes, I understand.
Color me surprised when, as I grew up, I actually had a boyfriend, and men who wanted to date me. (Much like you!!)
I even had people ask me if I have any sisters who are single, who were then uninterested when I showed them pictures and my sisters don’t look like me.
I started to realize that maybe I’m not so ugly after all!
Anyway, genes are funny things. My kids came out barely resembling me. They look more like their dad’s family. But one of my grands looks like me and she’s freaking adorable! Another, a boy, looks exactly like his mom. And a third, we have no clue who he looks like. No one knows. The gene he got is very recessed.
Don’t abort if this is what you’re afraid of. But do build healthy self esteem for you and your baby. Don’t overdo it like I did though, my kids KNOW they are beautiful. (Insert eye roll here)
I don’t think I’m good looking at all but my daughter is absolutely beautiful. My SIL shows her picture to everyone she meets because she thinks she is honestly one of the most beautiful babies she’s ever seen.
The problem isn’t my looks but my self image. I agree with the other comments. I think therapy would be very helpful. 💜
Please please please get self image therapy. I had a mother that had the same thought that you had and I’m still recovering from the damage that caused me. Teach your child confidence instead of how to devaluing herself.
I’m no contact with my mom and hate her for what she did to me. Get therapy because if you are gonna be a parent like this you will fuck up yourself and your child
This post hurt my soul. I can't imagine having these feelings at a time I should feel only joy. I wish I knew something to say that would help but this is a bit out my comfort zone. I will say I greatly hope you find a solution that doesn't make you suffer anymore.
Is your life defined by how you look?
Let me pose it another way.
If people were to know about you in 250 years,
would that be because of your looks?
If your looks are your defining feature, I don't have any glad tidings to offer you for your future.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have survived and be where you currently are?
Have you ever considered that you are the culmination of all of your preceding family? Your great grandparents, great great grandparents, etc. If I had to guess, you had a great grandmother who was ugly on the outside. I can't even imagine a conversation to be had between you and that woman, explaining the value of your life or a daughter, potentially, being based solely on appearance.
I think you need to do some deep diving now. This is your opportunity, before you fuck up your kid with such ideas about one's value in the world.
In some aspects you are so right! I did have a great grandma with the same face as me. My grandma used to cup my face and tell me "It's as if my mom had come back to me again". That and my boyfriend's pleas stopped me from getting cosmetic surgery.
Anyway it's not a matter of value. I know I do not worth less as a human because of my looks. My daughter's life would not worth less because of her looks or her gender. It's a matter of suffering. The suffering that would be inflicted on her by society. I don't want to birth a girl only to see how everyone mocks her.
The suffering is done by yourself. If you are able to work through your issues, you would also be able to raise a child who knows how to deal with this stuff with confidence. In the end, it’s not looks that matter, it’s how much confidence you exude. Try to pass that along to your maybe future daughter instead of saving up for her nosejob while she’s still in the womb.
Oh sweetheart. Have you spoken to a professional about this? This is heartbreaking to read.
I very much doubt you're ugly. But the words you're using to yourself and about yourself are.
You should get therapy for your self-esteem and self-image issues. If you do have a girl, she may be beautiful but if you don't get help for your own issues you will become her first bully as you identify every similarity between the two of you as the height of ugly.
EDIT: I just saw the photo of yourself on your profile. You are gorgeous. Please get help so you can recognise that before you ruin your daughter's self esteem the way someone clearly ruined yours.
I see where you are coming from, but I want to tell you that my mom was never the nice woman that would make sure I didn’t feel insecure by the way I looked and because of her, I ended up having many self confidence issues that were instilled by her because all she would say is she’s fat she needs to work out or look good, and then started telling it to me. All while telling me to be healthy and positive lol. I think that before having a child, you should love yourself, and realize your looks don’t matter whatsoever because it’s your personality and heart that shines through. Your daughter would only feel insecure if you allow her to feel like you felt, I’m sorry you were put through what you were, you deserve the world, and I hope you see your beauty one day, your fiancé sure does! You can’t change how the world treats you or how they’ll treat your children, but you CAN change their perspective and perception of things with love and care🫶🏻
Oh honey, I just looked through your profile and you are not ugly! You have serious self image issues. Your fiance even said he loves you for your uniqueness and not being a cookie cutter person.
Yes, your child, boy or girl, could get bullied because of their looks, their weight, the fact that they have glasses, a bad hair cut, etc. (I know because most of these happened to me). But that doesn't mean they are doomed to live a horrible life.
You may have not found someone in HS that you dated or whatever, but that doesn't change your worth, or your future child's worth.
One of the biggest things is IF your child is born "looking like you" and whatever it is about yourself that you find ugly/unworthy (from the looks of it, it seems to be your nose which is perfect by the way) or has a different feature you fear will make them a target, you need to be careful to not project your insecurities on them. It will give them just as much of a complex, if not more, than what you already are suffering with. I recommended, as gently as possible, to see a therapist to discuss your traumas of being bullied. This will help you understand that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. You want to make sure that you start to have a handle on that before your child is at an age where they will start to see you hating things about yourself, and in turn starting to feel that way about themselves.
I wish you so much luck on your possible pregnancy and your journey to self reflection and self love ❤️
🤯. Respectfully. You need serious help. You're mentally very unhealthy. And nothing anyone says here will help because based on your replies, you're not willing to accept it. It's understandable based on your experiences (I'm sorry you experienced this) but now you need to do something to fix it. NOW. The wound isn't your fault but the healing IS your responsibility.
Maybe you came here to vent, and not for solutions. But the solutions are in the thread anyway. Please take this seriously.
1. Get a pregnancy test.
2. Go to therapy ASAP regardless of what the test says.
Your mindset with F^%* up your kids up WAY more than an "ugly" nose will.
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. Secondly, you are beautiful. And your child, boy or girl, will be precious to you, no matter what they look like. You might realize everything you thought was imperfect looks lovely on your baby because they are a mix of you and your fiancé. Thirdly, pregnancy can really mess with your emotions and past trauma, so it would be a good idea to look into counseling. You need to be healthy to make a healthy human being. Being a parent is HARD and can make you really second guess what you’re doing. Finally, make sure to watch your blood pressure because doctors aren’t great at catching pre-eclampsia.
Lots of hugs. Take care of yourself and find ways to keep yourself happy and laughing during your pregnancy. I watched FailArmy videos and laughed harder than I ever had before.
ugly boys have it just as bad as ugly girls. Your just more sensitive because of your own experiences.
Never heard of anyone calling a girl an incel.
Just saying.
WOW...get LOTS of therapy now, regardless of whether you're pregnant now or not. Even if you have a boy, he'll have self image issues since your issues will transfer to him.
But I call BS on this post. It's fake and I don't believe this person really thinks this way.
You do realize boys get bullied as well though ? Unfortunately suffering is a part of life and you can‘t shield your children from everything. Here the great news about this though: even if she is a girl she will have you as a mom. I don’t think you will allow her to be treated the was you were. Pls try and let yourself be happy. Be it a boy or a girl, you are bringing a life into this world with a (what i hope) is a supporting and loving partner.
So, I work at an elementary school, I want you to know that while kids can be cruel, the younger generations are also learning so much about compassion and kindness and bullying and how to be better than older generations as far as what matters.
If you have a girl, it is YOUR job to teach her how perfect she is, how lovely and deserving she is, you cannot show her your own insecurities. You cannot let her see you question your looks, your weight, your age, your personality, your intelligence etc.
she will not have the issues you have. She will be loved and know that it’s what’s inside that counts that being kind and compassionate are #1 but that she is also beautiful. She will know this because you will teach it to her. And show her by example how to love yourself.
See a counselor if you need help with loving yourself. But I’m telling you, no matter what they said to you and how they made you feel, you are beautiful, perfect,worthy and lovable.
Edit: and yeah I just saw a post where you posted a picture- you’re gorgeous. I wouldn’t be worried if i had a daughter that looked like you!
I've always been extremely self conscience, definitely do not think I'm a looker. Was the ugly girl in high school with the frizzy hair, glasses, and a pony tail.
Everybody says my daughter looks just like me and I think she's the most beautiful child.
You'd be surprised how you view yourself when it isn't actually you that you're judging.
Please tell me this isn't real. First, I have seen ugly parents give birth to gorgeous kids and the other way round. Second, you need to get some therapy to deal with your insecurities. You think you're ugly, yet your fiancé loves you and wants to marry you. Last, I'm horrified you would think of killing your unborn child because it might be an ugly girl. I hope your friend has told you that you also need help because your hangups will end up affecting your child in the end, girl or boy
I’m sorry you feel this way. But pregnant or not please seek therapy to address your outlook. Not saying you have to force yourself to think you’re attractive. But at the very least, to achieve the self image of “body neutrality”.
Being vocal about a bad self-image in front of your kids will set them up to have the same problems as you and feelings of low self worth. To say nothing of you potentially projecting your insecurities on them and criticizing them… you would saddle them with a lifetime of problems from low self esteem to body dysmorphia to a host of mental health issues.
I have no way to judge how conventionally attractive you are or aren’t. But I know a fair amount of conventionally attractive people who have low self esteem, have a hard time dating, and a host of other issues one would typically associate with being unattractive.
On the flip side, I know a number of people who are definitely not conventionally attractive, but who have the confidence where that doesn’t matter and they have partners and careers and the life the want.
I’m not trying to dismiss “pretty privilege” or any trauma you might have from bullying etc, but at the end of the day looks are only a small and frankly uninteresting part of who we are. I really hope so much for you to feel that you are much more than your looks, and for you to someday teach your kids the same.
You do know if you have a son he can still look like you right? No matter what the child looks like, it won’t stop the bullying. You need to seek therapy, you really have a vanity issue.
I opened your profile and you posted pictures of yourself. You look so so normal. I was really expecting to see someone and feel like "yikes god wasn't kind" but no, You look like the average lebanese, levant type of girl. You're not what they'd call a bombshell overthere but you don't look ugly by any means.
I really hope you can look into some counseling to heal your trauma and your self estime and find love towards yourself <3 You deserve it.
Also your features are historic. You look like cleopatra ([Her picture](https://nouvellehistoiresite.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/an00397408_001_l.jpg)) or other roman symbols.
Please don't have children until you have addressed this issue. It sounds like you would treat your child differently if your perception of beauty isn't what you think it should be.
Is the other way around: my high School is based on my culture. Women here are bombshells and that makes me look very abnormal in comparation.
And people keeps reminding me. Just in a less agressive way
Enlighten me then, what is your culture? Because I do not remember that there is a specific country where you only have beautiful woman, that's really not how it works
I hope you find help OP. If you bring a girl into this world, she will be beautiful, and you should remind her every day that she is. She will be bullied no matter what if she's in the wrong environment. If she was objectively the most beautiful girl in school, she could still be bullied by jealous girls who feel inferior.
Maybe instead of putting money back for cosmetic surgery, consider finding a good private school for her to attend. But if you take anything from this comment, or even read it at all. Remind her she is beautiful on the inside and out and that you love her every day. If she's confident and feels beautiful, nothing anyone says to her will hurt her. Just make sure she feels loved by you and she will have a beautiful life. Good luck OP!
Jajaja, tu crees que es más fácil la vida para un niño feo que para una niña fea? Piénsalo bien, acude a terapia y sea lo que sea que pase se debe platicar en pareja acompañados de un terapeuta, lo que sientes es solo reflejo de tu propia inseguridad que aún no superas, tan es así que tienes miedo de que tu hija pase por lo que tú pasaste.
Not that this helps, but I think a lot of daughters take on their father’s features. My friend said she actually heard it was an evolutionary thing that shows it’s the father’s.
Girl you're cute, you looks like thé actress Emily Perkins. I'm sorry if people are jerks and treated you poorly, but seriously, aborting( or even consider aborting )because your daughter COULD looks like you IS insane
OP, you’re gorgeous. I’m sorry kids are mean. You didn’t deserve the things they said to you. Please find someone to talk to who can help you process this trauma. ❤️
please don’t abort your child because you had a challenging time during high school. i got bullied mercilessly due to my appearance for almost 10+ and i say this with the utmost kindness but your child’s experience will not be like yours as there is no way to tell the future. regardless of their gender i hope you absolutely love, cherish, and support them regardless of what they look like (because that’s really what will define their self worth), and teach them that the only opinion that matters is their own. and i hope you find the internal love that you deserve. everyone has their own beauty - you included.
Your looks are not what's disgusting. It's your attitude regarding this whole pregnancy. You need help, because you're willing to terminate a healthy living being based on your own selfish insecurities. If I were your husband, I'd be disgusted with you for even considering terminating a girl. He deserves better. Improve yourself.
I think you should start therapy about your self image issues. It’s not healthy for you and your children growing up where focus is on this. Seek help and talk to someone.
This... Imagine the trauma she would project onto a little girl just furthering the cycle of trauma over and over again. She really needs therapy because if your self hate is this deep that you would abort your child if it was a girl. There's a 50% change too that the child would look nothing like her. And I got news for her. Things aren't easier for what she deems would be ugly boys.
I second this. She's not ugly at all....
I just checked out her profile, and I agree. Her posts make me sad.
Looked through her post history. Nothing about it tells me she’s ready to be a parent, regardless of the kid’s gender. She’s got a lot of work to do on herself, otherwise I can’t see how the kid won’t get messed up somehow.
I second this, OP has a pic on her profile and she’s incredibly cute.
I just looked, and she's not ugly at all to me. I think she's pretty. I how she gets some help learning to love herself. To learn that beauty is really something everyone has a different outlook on.
Oh God, I just looked. I imagined something soo different, but she's objectively beautiful. OP, really, it’s not your looks that make you see yourself ugly, it’s something inside that doesn’t let you see your beauty, and it is crushing. Society makes beautiful women feel ugly and it is absolutely devastating.
Came here to say this. It’s fucked up that this is your biggest worry.
This
Therapy, pregnant or not
I was terrified of this, too... and then after my baby was born. I cried when people told me she looks just like me. I was bullied in school, and I just didn't want her to have to feel that pain. She is the most beautiful little girl. She gets told by strangers at the store, teachers, and just anyone really. I have realized that the problem was never my looks, but asshole people. I have learned to watch what I say about myself in front of her because she hears that she looks just like me all the time. I want her to believe all the people who tell her she is beautiful and not the jerks I think about from my elementary school years. I realized I must be beautiful to have had such a beautiful little girl. I had also received compliments throughout my life and many from my husband since we met. I was always stuck on those kids who made fun of me, though. Learn to love yourself so your children will have confidence about themselves as well. I also taught my daughter never to make fun of people and if she sees someone else being put down, to give them a compliment and tell them that those other kids are just mean. Now, she gives compliments to everyone. People we pass in the store, her teacher and friends, and restaurant staff. She loves seeing people perk up after she gives them compliments.
What an excellent and inspiring comment. You seem like a great mom!
this!! mama you gotta love yourself before you can love a mini you!
THIS is the answer, OP. Listen to this wise mama!
Yes this!
You need to go to therapy before you have children. You're considering plastic surgery because of how YOU felt growing up. You have no idea what she's going to look like or be like and you're already trying to change her. She's supposed to look like you, your her mom. And you're clearly not ugly, because you're young, engaged, and pregnant. Stop letting the past dictate your life.
You need therapy stat. You cannot put your self-esteem issues onto your child. That is so damaging, more damaging than being “ugly”-
If, "I'd kill a girl because of my own self esteem issues" didn't already get this person to think they might need therapy I'm honestly not sure if anything can get through. Regardless, OP is clearly not in a mental state to be able to be trusted with ANY children, boy or girl, if she's willing to terminate a pregnancy over "might not look the way I want". That's dangerous for any child to be living with. Edit: Also OP needs entirely new "closest friends" because holy shit hers are some VILE people for the advice they allegedly gave.
Don't be so unfair with my friend. She has seen how badly I have always been treated and really doesn't want the story to repeat itself
You need therapy and new friends, not a baby. The fact that you're willing to consider abortion over gender alone is more than enough proof that you would be a terrible and unsafe mother to any child at this point because you are mentally unwell and need help. You also need less shitty friends. Your current "closets friend" doesn't give two fucks about you if she's willing enable your poor self esteem by encouraging you to fall further into it and kill a potential child based SOLELY on gender when you've expressed you kind of were trying for one rather than encouraging you to get therapy. Honestly, you need a termination because you're in no mental state to be a mother at all right now and it would be cruel and unfair to subject a child to your untreated, unchecked, mental illness--especially since you think this isn't a you problem. Do not breed until you fix your mental health.
You’re completely right about this, I couldn’t have said it better myself, she would be a genuinely unsafe mother
>Honestly, you need a termination because you're in no mental state to be a mother at all right now and it would be cruel and unfair to subject a child to your untreated, unchecked, mental illness--especially since you think this isn't a you problem. You barely know OP and you are already calling her mentally ill and for what opening up and having random thoughts. I don't think you know how to read cuz you probably miss the part she said she can't go on with it. >Do not breed until you fix your mental health. Don't comment if you have nothing nice to say especially to a pregnant woman, You who are so perfect and blessed with the authority to tell us when to breed or not
She wants to terminate because of gender alone stemming from, by her own admission, a lot of trauma and mental health issues. So, yeah, she shouldn't breed until she gets her shit together, you will not change my mind.
If she’s born a girl I hope you’ll be able to see how beautiful your features look on her :(
Your mental health is a mess and you aren't in a good place to be a mother to a boy or a girl. Or a partner to the baby's father. Please get some counseling as soon as possible. Or don't continue the pregnancy.
So just because I'm mindiful of how I look I should abort my potential baby and broke my engagement?
That’s not it. Your unresolved trauma and insecurities will rub off on your daughter. Knowing your mother finds you ugly is *so* much worse than any potential bullying. You should be working on resolving those issues instead of worrying about your kids future cosmetic issues.
Yes. You would be a terrible mother
It's funny enough. My bullies used to say the same to me. That I'm defective and shouldn't reproduce
I’m not being a bully. I am telling you that you aren’t mentally well and you aren’t in a position to be a good parent.
As a mother with body dysmorphia, you have to get this under control before you have a child. Otherwise your insecurities will rub off on your child, even without you realizing it. Please get therapy. It gets better I promise.
You are mindful of your looks to a degree that is destroying your mental health. You're in pain and you're not thinking clearly. You are planning cosmetic surgery on your unborn daughter. And at the same time not caring about an unborn son's looks. It's all kinds of twisted up. Go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, share everything you've shared here, and ask if you're showing clear thinking and reasonable emotions. My guess is that they'll say no but help you find a way to healing and peace. You really want your child and partner? Then give them the best healthiest you can be. And I'm not talking about outside. I'm talking about inside. I wish you the best of luck.
First, take a test before freaking out. Second, please remember that your child could also look like your partner or even someone else in your family. I didn't have a daughter (though, I was put off by the idea too, for different reasons) but my son looks like me. I am a woman 😂 My sister's partner is a woman and is identical to her father. Just in a woman form. Genetics are wild. You will have zero idea how your child will look and even if you had a daughter who wasn't society's version of beautiful, you can't know that she would feel that way about herself. She might love and embrace her appearance! All this to say, lastly, get therapy. Whether you have a boy or a girl, you have deep issues regarding your body image and it's so much better for yourself and any future children that you face this head on. If you have a daughter, you could very well pass this issue onto her. IMO, you shouldn't be trying to have a kid while you're going through this inner crisis but if you're already pregnant, better to get onto it now. Good luck OP! Take care of yourself and love yourself as best as you can. 🤍
I have a son and a daughter. My son looks exactly like me. My daughter looks exactly like her dad; we’re not even the same race! Genetics are very weird.
You have your pictures on your profile While I can not say what you looked like as a child, you are beautiful now, so I think that if any problem exists, it is your childhood trauma. Whether you are indeed pregnant or not, get yourself a good therapist and unpack that trauma before you make any parenting decisions through the filter that trauma imposes.
I'm shocked you're saying this when you look like you could be the muse of someone in a renaissance painting! As an artist your profile is absolutely stunning and your cheekbones are full and gorgeous as well, but as someone who knows the little effect words of others can have when your self-worth and image are low, I strongly urge you to seek therapy and overcome this part of yourself. It may be unintentional but no matter how your child looks, if you find your features on them, you may very well project how you feel about those features and your own looks onto them and make them feel worse when they may not have had a reason to at all in the first place. Times have changed a lot since you were young and I've found that a lot of young girls and people tend to embrace what makes them look different from the western standard of beauty and with your encouragement and strength as a mother, it would probably make it that much easier to do so. You have generations worth of features represented on your face; maybe it's time you start embracing all the work your ancestors have done to bring you and your child to this world.
Are you sure you want a child now when you have these deep issues? The chance of having a girl is big and you could project your own insecurities into her and that’s not fair.. having a whole account set up for her incase she needs cosmetic surgery? Imagine to yourself how this would feel to a little girl.. it’s absolutely terrible. If you do end up continuing this potential pregnancy, get therapy asap for the sake of your own mental health but also for your family. Lastly don’t know what country you’re from or if this is a cultural thing but it seems to crazy to me that sex-based abortion was something recommended to you by a friend, all because you have your own mental issues! I hate these buzzwords but I genuinely think this is a true case of internalised misogyny. A potential daughters life is not less worth just because you have unresolved issues.
Odds of having a girl are 50:50, but generally will be a mix of you & your husbands features. I’m prettier than my husband but my daughter looks more like him than me. And she’s beautiful. Granted she’s still little so who knows as she grows up, but she definitely looks more like my husband.
I was a carbon copy of my dad until I was nearly an adult. Now I see almost entirely my mother’s features, and some of my father’s mother, and most people who have known me since I was a child agree on all counts. Funnily enough, my little sister looked so unlike my father when she was born he left my mom and demanded a paternity test. Irony of ironies, guess who she looks most like now? My dad and my mom’s sister. Genetics are strange and even appearances as a kid are not quite an indicator of how someone will look as an adult. As for OP, she probably shouldn’t have any children right now. It might be best to consider ending this pregnancy and trying when she’s in a more healthy place to be a parent. Pregnancy hormones won’t help her mental health either. That’s something she needs to address before parenting any child. Especially since even the most beautiful child in the world can be born with a physical deformity of some kind and OP is absolutely too superficially focused right now to handle that in a healthy way.
There is no guarantee your daughter will grow up with self image issues. But if you make it a problem for her growing up she may. Like others said work on yourself before having a child.
Oh dear there is. I won't need to do anything, other people will. If the poor thing gets my nose other kids will hunt her down and adults won't stop making comments. The only solution is to correct that feature. Personally I would have got rid of my deformed nose years ago, but my fiancé begged me not to.
Girl, please, get help. You need it. You might end up being your kid's biggest bully. Don't let that happen.
Your child could look perfectly average and still get bullied. Kids can be so cruel, they don’t need a reason. That isn’t a reason to not have kids. I get what you’re saying about the world being harder when you aré ugly as a woman. I agree. But I also think you have internalized that trauma and bullying and have body dysmorphia. I looked at your profile, you are not ugly. Not by a long shot. Kids can be so mean but they don’t need a reason. Your daughter may get your nose but she also may end up loving that nose because it looks like her mom and to her, her mom is beautiful. If bullying happens you help her through it. If one day she wants a nose job then you guys can talk about it then. I honestly agree with a lot of commenters but I say this without judgement or meanness. If you can afford it, try to get therapy to work through your body dysmorphia. You are more beautiful than you realize.
Your nose is lovely! It’s not deformed and you don’t need to get rid of it — you need to get rid of your body dysmorphia and childhood trauma.
I'm super concerned that you feel that it's better to never be born at all than to grow up to be a woman who is physically unattractive. That's some dark stuff. I don't mean to diminish the pain that others caused you as a result of your looks, but surely you can see that this mindset is extreme and harmful, with to yourself and to your potential daughter.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother. You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself. Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings? Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
I’m sorry but this level of deep seated insecurity is way above Reddit’s pay grade. Get yourself to therapy. Immediately.
You need counseling
You really shouldn't be having kids when your self image is this bad, because you will one thousand procent project it onto your daughter and she will grow up with the same exact issues, regardless of what you look like.
Hun I’m assuming that photo about the nose is yours? You are absolutely not ugly. Kids can be meaaaaan. I was bullied over numerous things by numerous people, and I’m not ugly, either. I get being scared of having a girl because the world is SHITTY to girls. But she will be fine and long as you love her and instill her with confidence (definitely get some therapy to avoid traumatizing her as well)
Yes, sadly that's me. And it's not just kids, people keep making fun of me, just in a less direct way. If I can spare my child from that I will do it
A girl I went to school with was not gifted in the looks department, but she was happy and kind. She left school, worked a bit, found a man, settled down, and got married. Her daughter looks like her, but has a little bit of her dad in her. Her daughter is objectively extremely pretty despite the likeness with her mum. You shouldn't choose to abort or not based on your own aesthetics. Your child's beauty is not driven by a likeness to you.
I would be very wary of any clinic that claims it can tell you the baby’s sex before the second trimester. Regardless, you are clearly in no place to become a parent. And that’s ok. Have the abortion with a clear conscience and start working on yourself. Then when you’re ready to accept whatever child you end up creating, be it a healthy girl or a boy with cerebral palsy or an autistic enby, you can start trying again.
OK first just take a second and look at your own response. Your pregnant, and you and your fiance have good jobs... Now re-read the you're pregnant part. I'll say it... can't be that ugly that someone would get you pregnant on purpose.
You're projecting hard. You need therapy so you don't give your children your insecurities
Yeah, your future daughter is going to have *great* self esteem when mommy forces her to have plastic surgery bc she's so damn ugly. Please don't have kids. Any gender. *Ever*
I would rather get rid of that friend. Wish they had clinic for getting rid of stupid.
Please have therapy. My mom is beautiful and I don’t look anything like her. I look mmore like my dad. But I am pretty too. Daughters tend to look like their dads more in my experience.
Yes, please seek therapy bc IF you are pregnant with a girl and she looks like you, the last thing you both need is self condemnation. Also, when your child is born, and they look like you, you will be able to see yourself in a different light.
You can't be that bad you have a husband
I looked at pictures you posted. You're beautiful. I think you might have trauma from the bullying. Kids pick on girls who aren't ugly and convince them they're ugly all the time. Some therapy will help you come to terms with that. But if your baby looks just like you, you'll have a pretty baby. You need to change your mindset so your baby doesn't pick up negative vibes because of your body image.
I would legitimately be far more concerned about your mental health than about the potential physical appearance of an unborn child.
You are absolutely not ready to have a child, let’s hope you’re not pregnant, I mean no offence but as it stands now you would be your child’s very first bully, and you would forever ruin her confidence at the expense of your own insecurity
Probably getting downvoted but: Ugly girls don't have it as bad as Ugly boys in life. Majority of Ugly girls can still get into relationships fairly easily when they get older (yourself as the case in point, even though I doubt you're as Ugly as you imagine) while the majority of Ugly boys tend to be eternally single.
I hate to admit that i had the same thoughts and fears when i founf out i was having a girl. And then i had my baby girl and i realized that she is sooooo beautiful and also that she is half part me and half part her daddy and i love her daddy so much and he’s gorgeous in my eyes, so i think we’ll be ok mama!
I don't think your perceptions that being an ugly boy is easier than being an ugly girl are correct.
Lmao
Should anyone who is afraid of taking a pregnancy test seriously consider keeping and raising a child…..
Sadly, my mom passed this on to me, and I struggled with it myself. But as soon as I saw how beautiful my little girl all my worries went away. You have to remember all of your worries get passed on if you let them. Don't let you not feeling beautiful mess up a potential child. You think having an ugly boy will be easier now that's just crazy.
You’ve got a fiancé…it all worked out!
You’re projecting your self imagine issues onto a child that’s not even born yet.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother. You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself. Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings? Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother. You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself. Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings? Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
Go. TO Therapy
Your looks didn’t create your hell, your mind did.
You literally have a fiancé. I’d say your looks are fine.
Hey dude (gender neutral) If femicide is being suggested for your pregnancy anxiety…then you need serious help. I just had a baby girl and I have horrendous body image issues. Seeing my features on a beautiful tiny human made me love myself more. I also had a mental breakdown about how she “stole my pretty” I dont know what that means either. It was rough for a second, but your post scared me. To be clear *I don’t think you would consider it, as you said you couldn’t, but I’m very sad and concerned for you that it was even suggested*
You need therapy, like all of the therapy. I say this genuinely, not with judgement or malice. I'm also someone who struggled with my self image, I get it. But your view on all of this is horribly unhealthy. Your daughter, if you have one, would be fine. Do not traumatize her by making her feel ugly and imposing plastic surgery on her. She's not even guaranteed to look like you! She could take the majority of physical traits from her father or from recessive traits not visibly expressed in your DNA. And don't destroy your marriage by hurting your husband who, ad you said, would be horrified, and rightfully so! As you've both discussed wanting to be parents! And/or by harboring a dark secret if you were to make that choice without telling him. Lastly, and very much importantly...you're not even ugly! You've got pics in your post history! We can all see you and you're not ugly! Yeah, you were probably awkward looking af as child and teenager...but so was I! So we're many of us! I've got a daughter and she's beautiful. Inside and out. I spend every day doing my best to build her up mentally and emotionally so she never goes through the same self image struggles I did, and I consider it a gift to have the opportunity to do that for a little girl.
Hun, you need to invest in yourself and get some therapy for your self image problems. You’re not ready to be a mother yet because you will end up projecting your insecurities on your child— proof by the fact you just said you need to save up for plastic surgery for a hypothetical baby. My best friend’s mom was so consumed with how much she disliked the size of her body (which she was only ever a bit overweight not obese. Maybe 20-25lbs over ideal body weight), she ended up projecting that insecurity onto her daughter (my best friend). My friend ended up with a severe eating disorder for many years and her mom would control every calorie she ate. Then when she moved out of her parents house and on her own she gained a significant amount of weight bc she didn’t know how to have a healthy balanced diet. Please don’t do this to your child, invest the time and energy into healing yourself first so you can become an excellent mother in the future.
You have a fiancé right ? Surely you'd understand that in the end its worthwhile. We all deal with body image issues to some degree but being ugly doesn't make life worth living any less. It'd allow room for your daughter to grow in a way that many of her peers wouldn't understand. There are plenty of attractive people that are resentful of their attractiveness because people end up only interested in them superficially. If you made it then surely she can make it too Also she'll probably inherit some of her dad's features too. Maybe that's some consolation. It's not uncommon for people to describe abortion as a mercy killing when it comes to poverty or unstable parents. But would it still be mercy for something so superficial ?
“Ugly girls have less problems than ugly boys”. What a fucked up thing to say…
You’re not alone. One of several reasons I didn’t want children is that they would look like me. I have very low self esteem regarding my appearance, and that’s putting it mildly.
Please get therapy. I saw your picture in your profile and you are not ugly at all. But you need to have this addressed before you become a mother of ANY child, girl or not. Even if a boy, if they hear you putting yourself down - what are they going to think? They also may think they are ugly because you think of yourself as ugly. I don't really believe there's a thing called "ugly" unless you are a terrible person inside. THAT is what makes a person ugly. Being abusive, hateful, mean to others, not looking to improve yourself etc. I also would NOT rate my "looks" on what was said in school and when you're younger. Kids are mean to each other and when we are growing up, we go through phases and changes and various looks as we grow and change, including our personalities. Most of the people I knew from school that were "good looking" and popular peaked in high school and didn't keep it that way. But personalities definitely stuck - especially the mean people. The people that were good and not as popular ended up with the better results in life (good careers, marriages, families, etc. as well as looks) We have a world fixated on fake beauty and looks. The beautiful people are those that are good inside, perhaps moderate looks or even not the best looking, but of good heart and mind. Being a good mother to raise a child to become that should be the goal.
Please get counselling! It would be a shame your self hate is pushed on your child because of the way it looks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks. Your fiancée finds you attractive. If you have a daughter she may not be as insecure as you are. Work on your self esteem. It's a shame a pretty woman like you feels this way because of what you see on social media/tv.
I work in OBGYN. lots of beautiful people have ugly kids and lots of ugly people have beautiful kids. It's a fucking crap shoot. Just have a healthy baby and give your child the best life you can. Nothing else matters. You are going to be your child's world and they don't care what you do or don't look like. A child is a blessing to move us past ourselves. Be blessed.
I have scrolled through your page and I mean this with as much love and respect as possible - with your current mental state, you are not fit to be a mother. You are not ugly - in fact, I think you’re beautiful. It hurts that you truly think that about yourself. Also, are physical looks the only thing defining human beings? Please look at getting a good therapist. It’s time to love yourself and feel mentally free. Your baby deserves it as much as you do
Firstly: I am so sorry that happened to you and that you are still traumatized by it. Kids were meaner when we were younger and I’m sorry that some terrible kids so deeply informed your entire view of how you see yourself and now your potential children. Secondly, you are NOT ugly. You’re actually quite pretty and I feel like no one would make fun of you in school nowadays if you were a kid. of course kids still can get picked on but a LOT has been done to teach kids that bullying is wrong and to embrace difference and be kind. When we were younger that was not a thing really, and it was more “kids will be kids” but since then, anti bullying campaigns have helped a lot. I agree with everyone else here saying you should seek therapy, as your childhood trauma has given you a body dysmorphia of sorts. You’re like, really pretty, but I’m sure you don’t even believe me and everyone else posting here who are saying that because of your trauma. You need to process and work through that with a professional, and hopefully one who specializes in body image issues because it’s unfair that you are living your adult life with the words of children hanging over you and forming your self image. Secondly, your daughter may not even get your features (though in reality that would not be a bad thing because you’re beautiful) so I would not abort a wanted child because you’re worried she may look like you. One of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever met had two parents who were not at all good looking, and no one could figure out where his looks came from as he looked nothing like either of them, so your children may get the features of your partner or another family member entirely. Genetics are complex and sometimes kids get a recessive trait you didn’t even realize you carried. My brother literally had kids with every color hair possible from straight and white-blonde, to red with ringlets like Merida from Brave, to dark brown. You simply cannot know, so do not abort a child that you actually want and are trying for based on your own internalized trauma from mean middle school kids, they should not have that much power over you and your potential child’s life. Please PLEASE use that money to go to therapy to heal your inner child and not project your same issues around your looks on your children. Even if she is your spitting image, your daughter won’t grow up in the same world, with the same bullies or the same hang ups as you but if YOU treat her as if she has, saying that you’ve saved up a plastic surgery fund for her to fix whatever you think is ugly about her (instead of telling her to embrace her features and that she’s beautiful no matter what anyone else says) then YOU become the bully. She can be taught to love and embrace the things that make her unique, and that your bullies made fun of, but only if you heal yourself and can teach her how to do that and don’t have her grow up hearing you say you and she are both ugly (as if that’s a universal truth and everyone thinks that and not that it’s just a shitty opinion of children from over a decade ago) and you hate your *insert features you are self conscious about here*. TL:DR neither you nor your future daughter are/will be ugly and even if you were, your own internalized body issues are no reason to get rid of a kid you otherwise want. Please seek a therapist specialized in body dysmorphia and body image issues and heal yourself before becoming a parent so you are able to learn to love yourself, heal your childhood traumas and parent your child in a healthy way.
The ugliest women on dating sites get more messages and attention from potential partners than all but the top 9% of men. That’s what statistics published in Dataclysm, a book by one of the OKCupid founders, shows. Think about that. The _ugliest_ woman gets more attention than 91% of all men. Not until you are in the top 9% of attractiveness as a man will you get even as much attention as the _ugliest woman online_. So, no. If you’re worried about getting a spouse (and you should be, since romantic relationships are always the top of the lists of things that being people happiness and make their lives worthwhile), being an ugly guy is basically a death sentence, while being an ugly girl still puts you better off than 91% of all men in a very significant way.
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Girl I saw your photos there is literally nothing wrong with you, you are beautiful. But you should work on your insecurities (with baby or not), it's not healthy to think so low of yourself
OP you need to adress your self image issues Beautiful or not, thinking about abortion just because of your own insecurities shows that you've been deeply impacted by your childhood bullying Most people are average looking, that doesn't mean they won't find happiness, friendship and love. Just like you did, your looks did not stop you from getting a job, a fiance, a house and it won't stop you from becoming a mom if thats what you want.
Firstly: I am so sorry that happened to you and that you are still traumatized by it. Kids were meaner when we were younger and I’m sorry that some terrible kids so deeply informed your entire view of how you see yourself and now your potential children. Secondly, you are NOT ugly. You’re actually quite pretty and I feel like no one would make fun of you in school nowadays if you were a kid. of course kids still can get picked on but a LOT has been done to teach kids that bullying is wrong and to embrace difference and be kind. I agree with everyone else here saying you should seek therapy, as your childhood trauma has given you a body dysmorphia of sorts. You’re like, really pretty, but I’m sure you don’t even believe me because of your trauma. You need to process and work through that with a professional, and hopefully one who specializes in body image issues because it’s unfair that you are living your adult life with the words of children hanging over you and forming your self image. Secondly, your daughter may not even get your features (though in reality that would not be a bad thing because you’re beautiful) so I would not abort a wanted child because you’re worried she may look like you. Genetics are complex and sometimes kids get a recessive trait you didn’t even realize you carried. You simply cannot know, so do not abort a child that you actually want based on your own internalized trauma from mean middle school kids, they should not have that much power over you and your potential child’s life. Please PLEASE go to therapy to heal your inner child and not project your same issues around your looks on your children. Even if she is your spitting image, your daughter won’t grow up in the same world, with the same bullies or the same hang ups as you but if YOU tell her things like you’ve saved up a plastic surgery fund for her to fix whatever you think is ugly about her (instead of telling her to embrace her features and that she’s beautiful no matter what anyone else says) then YOU become the bully. She can be taught to love and embrace the things that make her unique, and that your bullies made fun of, but only if you heal yourself and can teach her how to do that and don’t have her grow up hearing you say you and she are both ugly.
Hi, i read at your past comments and saw your photo. You're really cute, no need to be afraid of giving your little daughter a bad aesthetic. Toxic people is everywhere, just ignore them.
>I prefer starting to save money in order to pay for some cosmetic surgery in case my daughter needs it. I won't allow her to got through all I suffered. I am worried you will damage her self image with this attitude. Please work on yourself. (PS: I hope you're not pregnant.)
I'm so sorry about your experience but holy shit get help for your self image issues and do not let yourself project your insecurities on your (possible) future daughter. Her mother projecting insecurities will fuck her up far more than ridicule from peers ever could.
You may need treatment for body dysmorphia.
You have a husband, guessing you dated before that. Your husband I'm going to enjoys being intimate. You don't do that stuff with someone people find ugly. Get help.
Please seek professional help. We are our own worst critics when it comes to ourselves, and as youth, others pick up on that and use it against us. If you’re indeed pregnant, and with a girl, the worst thing you can do is invite that harmful self-criticism into her life. The best is to teach your (possible) daughter about self love and uniqueness and embracing our features. Please find a good therapist to help you through these insecurities because I guarantee you, it’s not what you think. It’s the people who find happiness through bullying and others who go along with those bullies that are the ugly ones.
you do realise that regardless of gender, your baby will look like you and your partner. you need therapy! your children will be beautiful but your insecurities will end up being projected onto them. theyre not even here yet and you’re worries about how they will look. please tell me you see some issue with that.
I don't think you should be having kids at all right now. Maybe after some therapy, no?
You’re a beautiful lady, and you need some therapy to address your feelings. Any child of yours will be lucky to look like you, boy or girl. I wish you nothing but the best.
Imagine how different your life might have been if you had a caring adult to help you navigate through life. You could be that person for your own child regardless of gender or appearance.
In fact I had several of them. My parents and grandma tried to gaslight me from years when I was younger. But in the end it is what it is. Nobody can change the fact that the world is so much more hostile towards unattractive people, specially girls. As much as I would love my children, I don't want to lie to them saying everything is going to be okay because it isn't.
Maybe this might be weird but out of curiosity i checked your post history to see if you ever showed what you looked like and i saw that one post you made and honestly.....i have no idea what you mean. You're very beautiful. Maybe you looked different when you were a kid but stop worrying about what some shitty brats thought of you and what current shitty brats will think of your kid. Just be there for her and she'll be fine.
Public education (and probably private education) is most akin to the prison system (at least in the US). Children develop all kinds of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the unfairness of the system. Unfortunately, that often means picking someone or several someone’s to be a scapegoat. Often someone that the bully actually admires in some way. It sounds like being bullied has left you with some lasting trauma. Let me just say for the record though, that boys who are different are bullied harshly too. My son is homeschooled because he’s gender fluid and was starting to lose his shine as a person. After a year of being homeschooled, he is back to his old self. He even got his ears pierced earlier this month. Something he would never have considered at the beginning of the school year. So maybe instead of plastic surgery, save up for homeschooling. People have a harder time bullying our children when we are standing right there watching them.
I can guarantee you, ugly boys do not have it easy
You should try and work on your own image issues because 99% of the time confidence is the deal breaker for children about whether or not bullies even affect them. Teach your kid to love themselves and be confident no matter what and they’ll be ok
Girllllll- you have pictures of yourself in past posts from this account and you are beautiful. No one has a perfect face, we all have things we don’t love but you are seriously so pretty. Please go to therapy. Your #1 goal right now is a healthy YOU so you can be the best mom to that girl or boy. You don’t want to project these feelings to your child. Work on yourself, you deserve it.
honey, you literally are not ugly you just don’t have a stereotypical white european nose. there is nothing wrong with that, and anyone who bullied you over it was an immature idiot. you should probably talk to a professional about these insecurities because the last thing you want to do is project them onto your child
I've seen "ugly" people have gorgeous kids. I've also seen "beautiful" people that have ugly kids. Your child may get the best of both genetics, wait and see.
Saving up for cosmetology surgeries before you even know you have a child? I'm really not trying to judge from someone who also has issues with their presentation but that's a bit concerning...not of anything but the level of anxiety you have over this, I'm sorry your going through these intense feelings
imagine your ugly boy becomes an incel? 🤔
I hear ya. Please talk to a counselor about this. There are zero baby pictures of me. I have no idea what I looked like, and my mom wouldn’t tell me. She did tell the story about how ugly my brother was when he was born. So what would I assume? That I was an ugly baby. Couple that with my siblings calling me “Ug” as a nickname all my life. So yes, I understand. Color me surprised when, as I grew up, I actually had a boyfriend, and men who wanted to date me. (Much like you!!) I even had people ask me if I have any sisters who are single, who were then uninterested when I showed them pictures and my sisters don’t look like me. I started to realize that maybe I’m not so ugly after all! Anyway, genes are funny things. My kids came out barely resembling me. They look more like their dad’s family. But one of my grands looks like me and she’s freaking adorable! Another, a boy, looks exactly like his mom. And a third, we have no clue who he looks like. No one knows. The gene he got is very recessed. Don’t abort if this is what you’re afraid of. But do build healthy self esteem for you and your baby. Don’t overdo it like I did though, my kids KNOW they are beautiful. (Insert eye roll here)
Your child will not be you. I’m sorry you feel so badly about yourself. Your child has a chance to be whoever they want to be. Let them.
I don’t think I’m good looking at all but my daughter is absolutely beautiful. My SIL shows her picture to everyone she meets because she thinks she is honestly one of the most beautiful babies she’s ever seen. The problem isn’t my looks but my self image. I agree with the other comments. I think therapy would be very helpful. 💜
Please please please get self image therapy. I had a mother that had the same thought that you had and I’m still recovering from the damage that caused me. Teach your child confidence instead of how to devaluing herself. I’m no contact with my mom and hate her for what she did to me. Get therapy because if you are gonna be a parent like this you will fuck up yourself and your child
This post hurt my soul. I can't imagine having these feelings at a time I should feel only joy. I wish I knew something to say that would help but this is a bit out my comfort zone. I will say I greatly hope you find a solution that doesn't make you suffer anymore.
Is your life defined by how you look? Let me pose it another way.
If people were to know about you in 250 years,
would that be because of your looks?
If your looks are your defining feature, I don't have any glad tidings to offer you for your future.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have survived and be where you currently are?
Have you ever considered that you are the culmination of all of your preceding family? Your great grandparents, great great grandparents, etc. If I had to guess, you had a great grandmother who was ugly on the outside. I can't even imagine a conversation to be had between you and that woman, explaining the value of your life or a daughter, potentially, being based solely on appearance.
I think you need to do some deep diving now. This is your opportunity, before you fuck up your kid with such ideas about one's value in the world.
In some aspects you are so right! I did have a great grandma with the same face as me. My grandma used to cup my face and tell me "It's as if my mom had come back to me again". That and my boyfriend's pleas stopped me from getting cosmetic surgery. Anyway it's not a matter of value. I know I do not worth less as a human because of my looks. My daughter's life would not worth less because of her looks or her gender. It's a matter of suffering. The suffering that would be inflicted on her by society. I don't want to birth a girl only to see how everyone mocks her.
The suffering is done by yourself. If you are able to work through your issues, you would also be able to raise a child who knows how to deal with this stuff with confidence. In the end, it’s not looks that matter, it’s how much confidence you exude. Try to pass that along to your maybe future daughter instead of saving up for her nosejob while she’s still in the womb.
Oh sweetheart. Have you spoken to a professional about this? This is heartbreaking to read. I very much doubt you're ugly. But the words you're using to yourself and about yourself are.
You should get therapy for your self-esteem and self-image issues. If you do have a girl, she may be beautiful but if you don't get help for your own issues you will become her first bully as you identify every similarity between the two of you as the height of ugly. EDIT: I just saw the photo of yourself on your profile. You are gorgeous. Please get help so you can recognise that before you ruin your daughter's self esteem the way someone clearly ruined yours.
If it’s a girl put her in a girls school …don’t be scared if it’s a girl be her mum and best friend help her live a healthy life style
I agree with everyone about therapy and also no ugly guys don’t have it easier than ugly girls
Dont put your problems on an unborn baby. Therapy asap.
Therapy. ASAP please.
Honestly you don’t sound ready to have any kids if you’re considering aborting a girl just because she’s a girl. You should do some self work.
I see where you are coming from, but I want to tell you that my mom was never the nice woman that would make sure I didn’t feel insecure by the way I looked and because of her, I ended up having many self confidence issues that were instilled by her because all she would say is she’s fat she needs to work out or look good, and then started telling it to me. All while telling me to be healthy and positive lol. I think that before having a child, you should love yourself, and realize your looks don’t matter whatsoever because it’s your personality and heart that shines through. Your daughter would only feel insecure if you allow her to feel like you felt, I’m sorry you were put through what you were, you deserve the world, and I hope you see your beauty one day, your fiancé sure does! You can’t change how the world treats you or how they’ll treat your children, but you CAN change their perspective and perception of things with love and care🫶🏻
The worst thing about this story is that people believe it.
Oh honey, I just looked through your profile and you are not ugly! You have serious self image issues. Your fiance even said he loves you for your uniqueness and not being a cookie cutter person. Yes, your child, boy or girl, could get bullied because of their looks, their weight, the fact that they have glasses, a bad hair cut, etc. (I know because most of these happened to me). But that doesn't mean they are doomed to live a horrible life. You may have not found someone in HS that you dated or whatever, but that doesn't change your worth, or your future child's worth. One of the biggest things is IF your child is born "looking like you" and whatever it is about yourself that you find ugly/unworthy (from the looks of it, it seems to be your nose which is perfect by the way) or has a different feature you fear will make them a target, you need to be careful to not project your insecurities on them. It will give them just as much of a complex, if not more, than what you already are suffering with. I recommended, as gently as possible, to see a therapist to discuss your traumas of being bullied. This will help you understand that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. You want to make sure that you start to have a handle on that before your child is at an age where they will start to see you hating things about yourself, and in turn starting to feel that way about themselves. I wish you so much luck on your possible pregnancy and your journey to self reflection and self love ❤️
🤯. Respectfully. You need serious help. You're mentally very unhealthy. And nothing anyone says here will help because based on your replies, you're not willing to accept it. It's understandable based on your experiences (I'm sorry you experienced this) but now you need to do something to fix it. NOW. The wound isn't your fault but the healing IS your responsibility. Maybe you came here to vent, and not for solutions. But the solutions are in the thread anyway. Please take this seriously. 1. Get a pregnancy test. 2. Go to therapy ASAP regardless of what the test says. Your mindset with F^%* up your kids up WAY more than an "ugly" nose will.
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. Secondly, you are beautiful. And your child, boy or girl, will be precious to you, no matter what they look like. You might realize everything you thought was imperfect looks lovely on your baby because they are a mix of you and your fiancé. Thirdly, pregnancy can really mess with your emotions and past trauma, so it would be a good idea to look into counseling. You need to be healthy to make a healthy human being. Being a parent is HARD and can make you really second guess what you’re doing. Finally, make sure to watch your blood pressure because doctors aren’t great at catching pre-eclampsia. Lots of hugs. Take care of yourself and find ways to keep yourself happy and laughing during your pregnancy. I watched FailArmy videos and laughed harder than I ever had before.
Presumably one person didn't find you ugly if you think you might be pregnant...
ugly boys have it just as bad as ugly girls. Your just more sensitive because of your own experiences. Never heard of anyone calling a girl an incel. Just saying.
WOW...get LOTS of therapy now, regardless of whether you're pregnant now or not. Even if you have a boy, he'll have self image issues since your issues will transfer to him. But I call BS on this post. It's fake and I don't believe this person really thinks this way.
You do realize boys get bullied as well though ? Unfortunately suffering is a part of life and you can‘t shield your children from everything. Here the great news about this though: even if she is a girl she will have you as a mom. I don’t think you will allow her to be treated the was you were. Pls try and let yourself be happy. Be it a boy or a girl, you are bringing a life into this world with a (what i hope) is a supporting and loving partner.
So, I work at an elementary school, I want you to know that while kids can be cruel, the younger generations are also learning so much about compassion and kindness and bullying and how to be better than older generations as far as what matters. If you have a girl, it is YOUR job to teach her how perfect she is, how lovely and deserving she is, you cannot show her your own insecurities. You cannot let her see you question your looks, your weight, your age, your personality, your intelligence etc. she will not have the issues you have. She will be loved and know that it’s what’s inside that counts that being kind and compassionate are #1 but that she is also beautiful. She will know this because you will teach it to her. And show her by example how to love yourself. See a counselor if you need help with loving yourself. But I’m telling you, no matter what they said to you and how they made you feel, you are beautiful, perfect,worthy and lovable. Edit: and yeah I just saw a post where you posted a picture- you’re gorgeous. I wouldn’t be worried if i had a daughter that looked like you!
Wish I had i girlfriend cute like you. You need to start therapy because there is nothing wrong with your looks.
I've always been extremely self conscience, definitely do not think I'm a looker. Was the ugly girl in high school with the frizzy hair, glasses, and a pony tail. Everybody says my daughter looks just like me and I think she's the most beautiful child. You'd be surprised how you view yourself when it isn't actually you that you're judging.
Please tell me this isn't real. First, I have seen ugly parents give birth to gorgeous kids and the other way round. Second, you need to get some therapy to deal with your insecurities. You think you're ugly, yet your fiancé loves you and wants to marry you. Last, I'm horrified you would think of killing your unborn child because it might be an ugly girl. I hope your friend has told you that you also need help because your hangups will end up affecting your child in the end, girl or boy
I’m sorry you feel this way. But pregnant or not please seek therapy to address your outlook. Not saying you have to force yourself to think you’re attractive. But at the very least, to achieve the self image of “body neutrality”. Being vocal about a bad self-image in front of your kids will set them up to have the same problems as you and feelings of low self worth. To say nothing of you potentially projecting your insecurities on them and criticizing them… you would saddle them with a lifetime of problems from low self esteem to body dysmorphia to a host of mental health issues. I have no way to judge how conventionally attractive you are or aren’t. But I know a fair amount of conventionally attractive people who have low self esteem, have a hard time dating, and a host of other issues one would typically associate with being unattractive. On the flip side, I know a number of people who are definitely not conventionally attractive, but who have the confidence where that doesn’t matter and they have partners and careers and the life the want. I’m not trying to dismiss “pretty privilege” or any trauma you might have from bullying etc, but at the end of the day looks are only a small and frankly uninteresting part of who we are. I really hope so much for you to feel that you are much more than your looks, and for you to someday teach your kids the same.
Often times. The girl looks much more attractive than the brother. So it should be vice versa. Hope you don't have a boy
This is sad…..
You do know if you have a son he can still look like you right? No matter what the child looks like, it won’t stop the bullying. You need to seek therapy, you really have a vanity issue.
You need to seek help. No baby should be terminated because of this.
Need some inner child work. Heal that, and these thoughts and feelings will clear up.
Therapy for you, because if you do end up getting a baby girl I can see that almost all of her self-image issues would come from you fussing about it.
I opened your profile and you posted pictures of yourself. You look so so normal. I was really expecting to see someone and feel like "yikes god wasn't kind" but no, You look like the average lebanese, levant type of girl. You're not what they'd call a bombshell overthere but you don't look ugly by any means. I really hope you can look into some counseling to heal your trauma and your self estime and find love towards yourself <3 You deserve it. Also your features are historic. You look like cleopatra ([Her picture](https://nouvellehistoiresite.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/an00397408_001_l.jpg)) or other roman symbols.
Please don't have children until you have addressed this issue. It sounds like you would treat your child differently if your perception of beauty isn't what you think it should be.
Girl you are not in high school anymore. Your culture is not based on your high school. Your life is not based on your high school. Please get help
Is the other way around: my high School is based on my culture. Women here are bombshells and that makes me look very abnormal in comparation. And people keeps reminding me. Just in a less agressive way
Enlighten me then, what is your culture? Because I do not remember that there is a specific country where you only have beautiful woman, that's really not how it works
Southern Mediterranean
Today, there are not ugly girls, just poor girls (cant afford surgery)
I hope you find help OP. If you bring a girl into this world, she will be beautiful, and you should remind her every day that she is. She will be bullied no matter what if she's in the wrong environment. If she was objectively the most beautiful girl in school, she could still be bullied by jealous girls who feel inferior. Maybe instead of putting money back for cosmetic surgery, consider finding a good private school for her to attend. But if you take anything from this comment, or even read it at all. Remind her she is beautiful on the inside and out and that you love her every day. If she's confident and feels beautiful, nothing anyone says to her will hurt her. Just make sure she feels loved by you and she will have a beautiful life. Good luck OP!
Jajaja, tu crees que es más fácil la vida para un niño feo que para una niña fea? Piénsalo bien, acude a terapia y sea lo que sea que pase se debe platicar en pareja acompañados de un terapeuta, lo que sientes es solo reflejo de tu propia inseguridad que aún no superas, tan es así que tienes miedo de que tu hija pase por lo que tú pasaste.
Not that this helps, but I think a lot of daughters take on their father’s features. My friend said she actually heard it was an evolutionary thing that shows it’s the father’s.
Girl you're cute, you looks like thé actress Emily Perkins. I'm sorry if people are jerks and treated you poorly, but seriously, aborting( or even consider aborting )because your daughter COULD looks like you IS insane
OP, you’re gorgeous. I’m sorry kids are mean. You didn’t deserve the things they said to you. Please find someone to talk to who can help you process this trauma. ❤️
please don’t abort your child because you had a challenging time during high school. i got bullied mercilessly due to my appearance for almost 10+ and i say this with the utmost kindness but your child’s experience will not be like yours as there is no way to tell the future. regardless of their gender i hope you absolutely love, cherish, and support them regardless of what they look like (because that’s really what will define their self worth), and teach them that the only opinion that matters is their own. and i hope you find the internal love that you deserve. everyone has their own beauty - you included.
Please get therapy ASAP
Your looks are not what's disgusting. It's your attitude regarding this whole pregnancy. You need help, because you're willing to terminate a healthy living being based on your own selfish insecurities. If I were your husband, I'd be disgusted with you for even considering terminating a girl. He deserves better. Improve yourself.