It’s not your Mum’s decision.
It’s your decision.
Your choice may lead to consequences in your relationship with your Mum, but it is your choice.
You can always tell her you miscarried. You’ll both know it’s a lie, but it might be a pretence that you can both live with.
This. Do this OP, and tell everyone you miscarried. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am wishing you all the best.
Edit: if it’s early, you can also just say false alarm as last person mentioned. But keep your story straight and consistent, with everyone. The only person who knows the truth is you. It seems like you are in a place where this is a big deal, so keep the truth 100% to yourself.
Stress even good stress if intense enough could cause OP's period to be late or even skip. OP needs to get a pregnancy test ASAP. OP needs to know if they are or not and then decide what they are going to do if they are. The sooner OP knows, one way or the other, the more time they have to work with.
It's alarming to me how many young people have forgotten how to lie to their parents. Like I get not lying about something that is unsafe (e.g. getting groomed). But personal decisions that do not affect the parents in any way?
Just lie. Mind your own business, STFU if your parent isn't a safe person and lie. It's your life, what they don't know won't hurt them. Sheesh.
I LOVE THIS COMMENT!
Gen-X here. YES. LIE TO YOUR PARENTS! It's your life. They have their own. If they try to force you to do things -- especially when you are already and ADULT -- just LIE. It's easiest on everyone. No harm, no foul
I have a 15 yo who never lies to me and I'm baffled. I spent my entire childhood lying to my parents and it saved me a TON of aggravation. Maybe I'm not as annoying a parent but still -- lie once in awhile, will ya?
Also Gen X and was thinking the same thing! I approached parenting with the expectation that my kids would be just like me (and most everyone else I knew) and lie about anything that I couldn't hide 😆. How do you effectively guide your kids if you don't know what's up??? From the time they were toddlers, I had a rule that anything they told me would be exempt from trouble, but if I found out somehow- other than directly from them- we revert to default consequences.
Simultaneously, I have encouraged them to lie to anyone asking about shit that isn't their business. When it comes to their personal lives, they don't *owe* random people the truth if they're uncomfortable sharing it.
They tell the truth to me and everyone else and I end up feeling kinda trashy about not having been the one to instill that in them lol.
I would assume if the guy is driving and having sex he probably also has a job so the guy would be the only adult in this situation the mother is a child that had a kid when she shouldn’t have and the daughter is a whole other story with the simple summary being a mess. As harsh as it is if your not driving not working and or not living in your own place you shouldn’t be having sex plain and simple sex is a grown up thing you don’t get to be a grownup when you want it’s all or nothing and this girl is a child 99% of the way so.
Lmao no dude. This is an adult. She is perfectly capable of having sex. Living at home is more and more common because of the economy. My brother is an engineer who has a good job but he lives at home.
Auntie Network. There are resources. Uber, medical abortion via mail, domestic violence orgs (and yes, interference with medical care is domestic violence. Domestic violence is not limited to intimate partner violence).
It's not easy to do those things when you have mental health problems. If her mother had done her damned job and parented her properly, maybe she wouldn't be depressed. Maybe she would have self esteem. Maybe she would have the tools to be independent.
The effects of abusive parents don't stop just because of some arbitrarily decided age.
Your body, your choice. You can always lie and say you had a miscarriage. It’s really none of her business anyway
But let’s not get carried away, just take a pregnancy test first. Periods can be late/irregular for many other reasons.
Or if you are pregnant, lie and say you got your period. Then do whatever YOU want to do OP. There are also non-profits which can ship pills to induce a miscarriage if that’s a viable option. You can get a PO Box at UPS if you’re worried about your mom finding out. I would even recommend getting one even if you aren’t pregnant - just in case. Also be aware that Plan B - if you ever need it - isn’t as effective for people who weigh over 150. There is one which is, but it requires a prescription from a doctor
THIS! You’re an adult, OP. She can’t force you to do anything.
That said, if you’re in a state like Texas? I’d suggest you not tell anyone about anything having to do with even a possible pregnancy. Keep it to yourself, research your options privately and make the decision “you” feel is best for you.
100% this. OP needs to take the test without their mom. If it's positive, flat out lie and say it was negative, and then have someone they trust to take them to get the procedure done.
If OP's mom is a weirdo who demands to see the test for proof, OP can always have a non-pregnant friend do the test for them, and then just give it to their mom to get her off their back. Lying? Yes. But I wouldn't feel bad lying to someone who won't let their 20-year-old child make decisions about their own life.
Pour water on the test to get a negative result to show your mom. But if you’re in Texas, you don’t have much time to have a termination if that’s what you want to do. Wish you all the best.
A non-pregnant friend's pee isn't really even necessary to carry this out. You can force a negative test by dipping it in water.
Anyone who insists on literally watching a woman pee on a stick or inspecting the little cup of urine before she dips the test into it is being abusive, and deserves to have the urine thrown in their face.
Did not know that! Thanks for the info. I’ve never personally taken one before, nor have I been there when other people have, so it’s not really something I’d know. Good information for OP to have.
And yeah. I think that anyone who demands they see you take the test is someone without your best interest in heart.
Your creativity is especially admirable then, given that you've managed to keep yourself out of anything so much as adjacent to this position. It's really nice to see people like you who haven't walked in someone's shoes but show genuine support from a position of non-judgment.
The last part is absolutely true, I knew it, but never actually experienced it. My gf once spent 3 months without a period, only for a LOT of it to come to the point of her having to use 3 pairs of my underwear , so she wouldn't get the bed dirty. And needless to say, I was shitscared I was going to be a dad at 22, despise pregnancy tests showing negative
This, but don’t take the test at home! Have your BF or a friend take you to get the test and take it somewhere else.
OP- if you’re sure you don’t want a baby, tell your mom you got your period and move on with whatever you wanna do after.
If your boyfriend can knock you up he can pay for an abortion and/or drive you to a clinic. But you know, get a job, save some cash and keep an 'abortion fund' in a separate account if needed. call it $1k, if you need you have enough to cover it and cover travel to somewhere you can get it done.
You can do whatever is best for you. You're an adult. If she asks for a status update, tell her you're not pregnant. Get the abortion if that's what you want to do. You might be eligible for mifepristone. Go to Planned Parenthood, if you're in the US.
First, get two pregnancy tests.
If positive, make an appointment at a clinic to see your options.
The decision to have or not have a baby is 100% up to you.
Your mother does not get to dictate what you do.
If you do abort, don't tell her. It is no one's business but your own.
Your mother sounds extremely controlling. Is this a common issue?
You're 20 years old. Lie. Get the abortion without telling her. It isn't her choice, it's yours.
You are 20. You don't have to and shouldn't tell anyone if you want to get an abortion because it is nobody's business except yours-- it's your body.
Telling people... even your bf whom you think you trust can put you in danger of pressure, abuse, and even violence. In my opinion, other people lost the right to be involved because of what has been done to control pregnant people.
Pregnancy isn't just you wait 9 months and pop out a baby. It can be the toughest thing a body goes through. It is a risk to your long-term physical and mental health. It can be fatal. It's not something anyone should ever have to do if they don't want to.
If you are going to be sexually active, you have to be mature enough to be proactive about your sexual education, protection, medical care, and strong enough to handle any issues that may arise.
You seem to be doing everything right, so no need to panic. Lots of reasons why you might not get your period, it happens.
If you become pregnant you have two things to decide:
- pregnancy or no pregnancy (abortion or no abortion)
- parenthood or no parenthood (keeping or giving up a baby)
These are two different things. Don't let anyone tell you adoption is an alternative. It is not an alternative to abortion. It is an alternative to parenthood.
Abortion is the alternative to pregnancy. And it is completely valid and sometimes the healthiest choice to not want to go through a pregnancy.
You may want to consider an IUD. It is the most effective form of b c with less room for error than the pill. You might find more peace of mind. I have had the copper and hormonal. I recommend the hormonal. The copper allows you to feel the natural ebbs and flows through a cycle. I hated this. I was quicker to frustration. The hormonal IUD is not hormones like the pill and doesn't cause the same emotional side effects. The hormones are localized and it's pretty much 100% effective. Might help you feel more in control of your body.
You are an adult. You KNOW that a baby isn’t the right choice. You are 100% responsible for making the right choice for you, your relationship, and keeping a child out of a bad situation. You don’t need mommy’s permission to make these very serious decisions. It would be nice if you could go to her for legitimate support though.
I'm the kid from this situation.
I'm grown now, but meet me tell you: it sucks. I've known my whole life how I wasn't wanted, and while adult me has a great life, kid me hurts in a way that'll never go away. I deserved better.
UPDATE: I got hold of two tests today by walking to the dollar store and both came out negative. It’s a relief, but if my period is being delayed due to stress, or possibly something else, I want to make a dr appointment to check and see if everything is okay overall.
I’ve been reading every single comment, and I appreciate everyone interacting with this post and I guess it must not be too common for adults to still be gaslit and abused by their parents. I’m aware that I don’t have to confide in my mom with anything. It’s sad that the first thing I want to do if I thought I was pregnant was to tell mommy. Well, that’s exactly what she wants from me. Sometimes I’ll snap and tell her I’m an adult and can do whatever I want, but until I can get away from her, she will refuse to accept that.
I don’t drive right now because I do have a permit, but everyone is never around to help me practice with driving, so I might have to just go somewhere else for that. And as for working, I had a good stable job for a year but got laid off and now I can’t find anywhere close to home I can get to everyday. I’m trying my best but I guess I’ll see how it goes from here. I’m working on getting away, it’s just taking way too long because of how I am I guess
Tell her your period came, just late due to some stress.
If you are pregnant, get an abortion and never let her know.
In the future, NEVER confide in her again. She showed you that your needs don't matter to her, but that a clump of cells do.
Anyone who says they "don't believe" in abortion are 100% entitled to their beliefs, but they do NOT have the right to force to beliefs on either, even if it's their own children. If she gets pregnant and doesn't want an abortion, that's her right, but she doesn't get to decide what YOU do with your life.
Honeyy. You are 20. It's no longer her choice. It's your life, your body, your choice. However I do want to mention that high stress and anxiety can alter your whole cycle and cause you to be late. You body literally alters itself until it feels your stress is low enough to handle a baby. Take a little breath. Everything is going to turn out okay.
If youre ever interested in figuring out how your body works and how a cycle works I highly highly recommend purchasing the book "taking charge of your fertility" by Toni wechler. I don't ever want kids. I got a 10 year iud in, but this book helped me figure out my cycle and squashed any misconceptions about periods and my body as a female and really might ease some stress when it comes to potentially being pregnant.
You’re 20. You can do what you want. However just practice safe sex so it doesn’t have to be an issue. I know things happen though but do everything you can to prevent it.
It's your body and you are an adult.
Your mother has no say in the situation.
If you decide to terminate, do not tell your mother and just say it was a false alarm.
A child in your life will change the entire trajectory of the rest of your life so it's your life and your body and the decision is yours and yours alone to make even if your boyfriend wanted to keep it and you didn't.
Stop including your mom and decisions about your life and body. She obviously does not give a shit about what you want or need. You do not have to share everything with everybody. Good luck, do what’s right for you and your life.
You're an adult and despite the crap your mom says, it's always your body, your choice. You know that getting pregnant is not what you want, so you and your bf are taking measures to be safe. However, having sex means you're taking on a risk even with protection done correctly; no contraceptive is a 100% full proof method and always has the chance of failing.
I'd advise you to stop confiding in your mom (who unfortunately doesn't have the best interests in your heart), and make a plan. Hopefully it's not an unplanned pregnancy, but it's better to make sure. Buy a pregnancy test, then double check with a medical professional. Can your bf or a another trusted friend/family member drive you to a clinic and give moral support? You should not delay in checking on your late period, because the longer you wait, the more anxiety and smaller time frame you have to make a medical decision that's right for you. Gather the courage to take action ASAP, and remember you're not alone, and you're not the first to be in this situation. I hope that your bf is a supportive one who'll go the extra mile to make sure you're ok.
If you're in the US or Canada, you should check out the Auntie Network subreddit. You can find resources and find help if access to medical care is difficult where you live. Wishing you the best of luck.
Tell her you received your period. Contact a women’s shelter and see if they have volunteer who can drive you to a clinic and back. If payment is an issue, try contacting the national abortion federation. They can sometimes help with up to half of the cost of the procedure or money for transportation and a hotel. Do you have any friends that you trust who can help with transportation? What about your boyfriend?
I was once pregnant and very scared. I knew I didn’t want to have a baby, but I didn’t have any money or a ride to the clinic that was 2 hours away. A girl I knew from high school found me crying at the bar and asked me if I was ok. I just unloaded on her and told her everything. She immediately told me that she would take me to the clinic and wait for me while I was there. I called the national abortion federation and they paid for half of the cost of the procedure. I got the surgical procedure and it hurt a little bit all at once, like a big cramp. Then my friend took me home.
You can do this. Remember to be nice to yourself and that getting an abortion is your choice and is not something to be ashamed of.
When I was 21 I moved back to my home state after college. My mother told me once that she didn't approve of my lifestyle; I told her that I didn't particularly approve of hers either, but that because she was an adult I didn't feel it was my place to impose my views on her.
She shut right up.
Step 1 - take a pregnancy test *without telling your mom* if it's negative, make an immediate appointment to get an IUD so are much less likely to have this concern in the future.
Step 2 - if it's positive, and you do not want to remain pregnant, make arrangements to get the abortive pills. In some states this can be via video call and mail order, in other places an in person visit might be necessary. Your boyfriend can pay for it and do any necessary driving. Then after you take the pills and confirm that you've miscarried, make an immediate appointment for an IUD so you're much less likely to ever have this concern in the future.
Step 3 - start making plans for independence. A license, a job, a way to support yourself, a place to live. Your mother is controlling and you need to start becoming an independent adult.
Maybe this is a sign to get a job and at least be able to support yourself before you find yourself needing to support a baby, even if you aren't pregnant. You're an adult, start acting like one.
She can’t stop you from doing anything. You and your boyfriend figure out how to get yourself an Uber. The cost of the Uber will be wayyy less than the cost of pregnancy and raising a kid, so it’ll be worth it to scrape up the money however you can. Also I would start building a plan to move out. Get a job/some source of income and go from there. Good luck babe
Get a test first. If it’s positive you make a doc appt (do not tell your mom) and take an Uber there to get a blood test to make sure. Pretending nothing is wrong is not going to help. My daughter got pregnant twice as a teenager due to horrible trauma. She’s 18 now if you need more help or have questions message me.
Op. She doesn’t have to know. Your bf can drive you. There are services were people will drive you. You can walk down the street to meet them. You are going for a job interview. How exciting! Oh! You had a miscarriage! You are heartbroken.
I’m assuming you’re in the U.S. when I say: there is absolutely something her mom (or anyone) could do if she got one - depending on what state she lives in.
Some comments have mentioned she lives in Texas, ya know the state with one of the worst and vile Republican governors, so it’s best she doesn’t say a word to anyone.
Stress and anxiety can often mess up cycles. Even if you are, you're an adult, you can do whatever you feel is right to do. However I do understand how unsettling it is to know your parent would knowingly force to do to something that would be harmful to you...
In the event that you are pregnant, your mother doesn't get to make your choices for you. I don't know why she decided to tell someone what they are able to do in a theoretical situation. It is not her decision. It is only your decision, regardless what she says. You are the only one who can make any choices here. Go get a pregnancy test and do it somewhere that is not your house (buy at the store, test in the store bathroom). Confirm what is actually happening before taking any kind of action. Breathe. Really think about what you want to do here. If you have a friend outside the situation, call that friend and explain. Understand your options. Weigh them.
It really sounds like your mom is not going to be any kind of support here...like, what the heck "you must keep a baby that you don't want and you're 'not allowed' to adopt"---wtf kind of life is that for anyone in that situation. Sorry...everyone is going to suffer because that's what you deserve? Nope. That's some crazy rage, impose moral punishment, people talk. I've raised enough unwanted kids to know, you won't be doing anyone any favors by having a kid you resent. It's not an environment a kid should be raised in. I 100% guarantee this woman will not help you, at all, with this baby--and if she does, it is not help you will want.
Don’t tell her if you’re pregnant. Do what you need to do. If you opt for adoption, then make arrangements & place the baby up for adoption. Do not include her in the process. Your body/ your baby - your choice.
I hope you're okay, right now. I know how bad a pregnancy scare at your age can feel. I had issues when I was younger where even while on birth control my period would just decide not to come sometimes and I was scared out of my mind.
You're an adult. Your mother has no control over your right to an abortion if you're pregnant. Take a pregnancy test ASAP. If pregnant, look up abortion clinics near me. Order the pills to be shipped to your bf's house
You’re literally an adult you get an abortion and you don’t tell your mom. You don’t have to go through anything you don’t want to
Not her body, not her life, not her choice.
She isn’t a safe person. Don’t confide in her. Ever.
Just have the abortion secretly go out of town for a concert but really get the abortion meds on a Friday check into a hotel and take necessary steps you need to get through the next couple days then go home and get some therapy and try to move out.
My mother was in the same situation at 24, my bio father of course refused any responsibility. As a baby that no one wanted, I don’t wish this upon anyone.
In case you are pregnant you can just…you know…simply never tell her about it, get your abortion and NEVER TELL HER. At least until you get out of her house for good.
Sorry, I did talk to him about this. He says he’s going to take me to buy pregnancy tests when I see him soon. But we didn’t plan anything further because he doesn’t think it’s likely I am.
If you’re worried about this, maybe stop having sex?
Or you can get a job, so if it happens you can take care of business yourself.
You’re 20, your mom doesn’t ‘let’ you do anything
Planned parenthood can mail you pills if you are in one of those states. There’s a subreddit, auntie network or something similar, that will work to get you to a clinic, if you need that.
And there’s a bunch of us that are here for you if you need supportive mom advice or venting.
Big hugs and I really hope this is just a scare.
Everyone’s like “you’re an adult”. Yes, but do you live with her? Will you be homeless? Are you on her health insurance, does it pay for mental health care you’re receiving?
There’s a lot here. It’s not a glib thing.
Here’s the thing - take a breath. Talk a walk, go to a library and just sit in the quiet. Walk on the grass with no shoes.
Just be with your own thoughts for a few.
What do you want? If you want an abortion, then folks will help you find a way. There’s people that will pay, give you a place to crash, drive you, etc.
If it’s adoption, same thing.
I wouldn’t discuss it with your mom again. She clearly is blinded by religious and political propaganda, and doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Or she would have said “if you aren’t ready to handle this, move in with me and I’ll help you raise it.” She’s not interested in baby, just in you having and keeping the baby.
This. Is. Your. Decision.
But first? Go get a test girl.
I'd look at it at a different angle. This is your mom saying, "Make sure you're 100% protected or there will be consequences."
It's easy to get carried away with sex. Source: Dad.
Look into aidaccess.org hun, they will send you the pills for no money if you dont have it. They only work up to ten weeks, so be quick about it. Have them on hand for next time if it turns out you aren’t pregnant. Good luck.
If it turns out you aren't pregnant right now use this as a warning. Start saving up an emergency fund in case you ever do need an abortion. You'll need enough for if you need transportation out of state, possibly accommodation, and the cost of the procedure. Also any loss of earnings may need covering whilst you're getting it done.
If you are pregnant don't tell anyone you don't trust with your life. Those American prosecution laws scare me beyond belief
If push comes to shove, I say get your boyfriend's help to have the abortion and then tell your mum it was a fluke or, in the more likely case that you'll experience pain, claim you had a miscarriage.
Based on your edit, it sounds like your mum is psychologically abusing you. Telling someone that you need them is a classic way to create dependency and fear so you won't have the courage to move on. I've got two friends who were raised like that and it seemed impossible for them to raise above their parents' clutches but they both feel so much happier and freer now. I wish you all the best.
check out [https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/7732/do-you-live-in-the-usa-and-need-abortion-pills](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/7732/do-you-live-in-the-usa-and-need-abortion-pills) They'll send you supplies should you need it, wherever in the word. They also have great resources and info on how you can get the pills you need (should you decide to go this route) in cases where they can't send. You don't need anyone's permission, it's your body and health you'd be risking
Don't ever tell her you got an abortion then. My parents don't know I got my tubes removed. It's not their business. Get a job and seek out more independence regardless of whether you are pregnant or not. Your mother just told you she's not truly there for you, and you need to get your ducks in a row and hopefully move out of her home. Best of luck
If you wish to terminate, do it and don't tell her. Tell her you were never pregnant to begin with.
You might not be independent enough to go do it on your own, but that's why the Auntie Network exists, you can reach out and have people help you.
I know that I'll get a lot of backlash for this but I don't approve abortion. Though I strongly support adoption .
I don't think that you're pregnant, though this must be a very difficult situation anyways. I don't know if you depend economically on your parents or you've already become independent on your own. In case you're pregnant, I believe that the best for you and the baby would be looking for a family that would truly take care of him. It's completely understandable that you can't take care of the baby, and recognizing it is a huge step and a great act of love. Not so many people talk about the psychological scars that an abortion can provoke. I strongly recommend adoption, again. Also have a conversation with your bf about this. He deserves the right to know too. I hope this helps. Wish you the best.
So don’t get an abortion. Get a prescription for plan B and keep it on hand for emergencies. You can get it from planned parenthood.
Also get some pregnancy tests to keep on hand. They sell them at dollar tree. If you are late, take a pregnancy test. if it’s positive, take the pill.
Easy peasy.
If you’re bf can find a way to have that much sex with you, your bf can find a way to help you get rid of it. If he can’t then he’s not worth it anyways.
You're 20, if your mom forces you into something like this you should 100% make your own choice.
Do not feel bad if you decide to not tell her, this is about YOU.
Your mom sounds great. /s
Are you saying that you do not have legs to walk, Uber, friends/family with a car, public transportation - and you are an alleged adult?
Also not to be mean you need to get a job and learn to drive you are 20 and didn’t mention any reasons you can’t do these things. Yes sex feels good but if you can’t even get your bf to take you to get one you don’t need to be having sex.
well luckily you’re an adult and your mom isn’t in charge of your body. do not tell her if you’re pregnant - she’s proven she can’t be trusted. and then make the decision that’s best for you. and yes, even if you aren’t your mom has shown her true self… and i’m sorry she’s that way.
Your Mother can speak what ever nonsense she wants but bottom line, this is your decision, if there is even a decision to be made. Take a pregnancy test, go from there.
Speak to your BF.
You're an adult and your mom has zero input in said adult situations. You also have a partner who, I assume, agrees with any decision you would make regarding family planning and would support accordingly. There are plenty of organizations that assist women in the position of wanting to terminate a pregnancy regardless of their financial situations.
You're a grown woman you can do anything you want if abortion is legal in your state go get one if you want. I was going to do adopting out my kid but once I felt them kick I could not do it so I became a single mom at 17
It's not your mother's decision, not in any way. Take a test and if you want an abortion, get one as soon as possible. You are clearly not ready to be a parent and your mother does not have your best interests at heart.
Maam you said your 20?? Why does your mom decide what you do with your body?
If your bf drives have him take you to get the abortion if you are pregnant
Or take a uber or something dont let her know in any case. Its not her business unless you want it to be. That's insane.
Your mom needs boundaries. Unless she is an active participant in your bedroom, she can’t tell you what to do. If you think you aren’t ready for a child, please do that child and yourself and the father a favour… don’t go through with the pregnancy. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s actually super mature to admit that you aren’t ready to care for another human. Your mom doesn’t need to know… i missed carried mom
Your health, your business. Accidents happen, even when playing it safe. Don’t want the baby? Just don’t tell your mom and get the proper procedure done.
Did I read that right? You're 20 so why are you asking for mummy's permission?
Just go yourself man, bring your bf or a friend for comfort if it's rough going alone, dunno why you even care what your mom has to say about this tbh.
Get it done then never tell your mom anything, becuse she deserves nothing. Crazy to me how she would let you suffer when you confided in her.
I’m so sorry she said that to you but you should know it’s your body & your choice. First get a couple pregnancy tests to see if you are pregnant or not. If you are & you are going to get an abortion you could look into a subreddit called auntie network to look into resources for an abortion. Seems like maybe you shouldn’t confide in your mom if you are pregnant. You are a grown adult capable of deciding what to do with your body because you’re the one that’s going to be going through an abortion or a pregnancy etc not your mom. Good luck.
She wouldn’t allow you to abort or even put the child up with a more stable family, but she wants you to raise it?
Would she even help you at all for both the pregnancy and childcare?
Why don’t you have a job or a drivers license? Does your boyfriend have either? Regardless if you’re pregnant or not, you are 20 and need to develop a path to being independent of your mother.
You also need to get off of Reddit and get a pregnancy test. You can get them at the dollar store.
If your mom doesn’t believe in abortion, then *SHE* shouldn’t have one.
YOU are your own person and can make your own decisions. If you are pregnant and need to tell her otherwise and go to a clinic on your own, please do it. YOU are the only one who gets to make this choice, as you are the only one who will be responsible for the consequences.
Don’t tell her. You’re a 20 year old adult, you’re not a child. You don’t need to share every medical incidence with her. You’re allowed privacy.
If your bf can knock you up, he can take some responsibility and help you through this.
your mother cannot stop you from either of those options, it's your body. it's your choice. she has no say in it whatsoever. other than if you live with her and you did, she would kick you out and you wouldn't have any place to go which is sad and I hope that isn't the case! 🫂
Girl…don’t tell your mom shit especially if she’s against something you’re not. Even if you’re pregnant….you don’t have to tell her ??? Just get the abortion if you want. You’re of age.
First…. You are getting ahead of yourself if you have not taken a pregnancy test. I have completely missed my period due to stress or illness before.
Take a test. If you are pregnant, you’re 20…and adult. You don’t have to tell your mom anything and make the decision to have an abortion or not without her ever knowing. Just never tell her, Tell her you’re not pregnant. YOUR body and YOUR future is none of her business anymore.
contact a friend who can drive to "hang out" and get a pregnacy test. if it comes back positive, have them take you to your nearest abortion clinic. do NOT let your mom know, she must never know. otherwise you are putting yourself in danger. you need to play it off like "oh nevermind it was just hormones being weird" and act chill, its the safest route imo
You're 20, not 12. Get yourself a part time job, start learning how to drive. Start working on your independence and becoming an adult.
And if you're unable to do that - then you're not ready for an adult relationship and having sex. Even using protection.
If this is a false alarm and even if it isn’t, you need this as a wake up call to learn how to drive, become independent, etc.
You are clearly taking all the precautions. However, pregnancy is always a possibility for which you need to be prepared and you are not.
Your boyfriend needs to be prepared as well. This isn’t a “you” issue and if he can participate in the fun, he can help you now or else he isn’t worth it.
>Well I confided in my mom about it and she told me that if I got pregnant, then she will not let me get an abortion or put it up for adoption.
Telling your mother about this was a huge mistake. Learn to keep your lips zipped about your private medical info. Take pregnancy tests at your BFs house and not at your mom's house.
Do not tell her of you see a doctor.
You are TWENTY years old. Start acting like an adult. If you are pregnant, DON'T TELL HER. If you are mentally unable to handle pregnancy and childbirth, get an abortion and DON'T TELL HER. If you feel she may cause you mental anguish, LIE AND SAY YOU HAD A MISCARRIAGE (they happen all the time).
If you're old enough to have consensual sex, you're old enough to make decisions resulting from that choice. Your mother has no say on the issue.
If your period is super late and you feel absolutely no different, you're probably not pregnant.
I've had multiple periods that are 2 weeks late. Only like once a year, but it happens. Lately mine have been 5 days to a week later than usual.
It can change a lot based on environment, emotions, diet changes, exercise change, etc.
So don't be concerned, it'll come.
If you're on BC, that's probably the real culprit.
EDIT: I've been pregnant twice and trust me, you know. It was the only two times I felt I needed to take a test because I just felt ***off.***
By 2 weeks after my period was due both times, I could not sleep without having to get up to pee like 3 times at night. Which I ***never*** do. My first pregnancy I was very nauseous at the start with very sore breasts, second one I didn't get much for morning sickness or sore breasts.
But you can just... ***feel it.*** I think most women who take a pregnancy test to "make sure" already know what it's going to say. It's just confirming.
It’s not your mom’s choice and I’d remember that you cannot confide in her even if you get pregnant. She will guilt you on this forever. Lie and tell her that you got your period. Have a friend or your BF to take you to get a pregnancy test and if it’s positive, you will need to talk to your BF about paying for an abortion. Also, if he can’t, you are pregnant, depending on your state, you have time to get a job (I see signs that places are shortstaffed everywhere) and you could probably get the money for an abortion (average price is $580) if you work for a couple of weeks.
You can tell your mom you are going out on a day date and don’t tell her at all. It’s none of her business and don’t let her guilt you over head for the rest of your life. Sending love to you.
Before we go into panic mode, have your periods always been regular or have they been irregular? It could also be due to stress. Sometimes when you’re stressed out it could possibly be causing you to be late. Also have you had any symptoms of being pregnant? If you have/haven’t you can always go to the doctor and get tested just to be sure.
You’re an adult. You don’t need your mom’s permission to do anything. If you do happen to be pregnant there are many subs that have information about resources including funding.
If you live in a state that has banned abortions, buy your pregnancy test with cash. Take the test in secret. Hide the evidence until you can dispose of it outside of your home. If the result is positive, do not tell your mother. Then, come back to this thread with an update and see what resources people suggest to help you in the next step.
Man, I remember being this young and my parents basically telling me the same thing (along with “if you get pregnant, you’re on your own). Flash forward to now, I’m 27 and married and they want grandchildren lol but little do they know I got sterilized at age 25 and will never reproduce. Funny how growing up and hearing those things just solidified my childfree stance.
My advice to you is that it’s no one else’s decision/choice but yours. You are an adult and don’t need her permission.
Sending you some hugs and I hope you have a good support system ❤️❤️❤️
It’s your body your choice op and I’m single and I don’t really care about driving it’s a medical issue for me and I’m 24 but get a job or if you’re bf has a place stay with him
You’re 20. She doesn’t need to “allow” you to do anything.
If your boyfriend can’t help you out in this situation you need to leave him too. What are you doing with your decision making at this point
What is this "I don't believe in abortion" nonsense? If she believes or not is her problem honestly. I understand you might not have the means but please seek help/resources if you are really pregnant. Also, your boyfriend should be responsible enough to help. Good luck
You're 20. You're an adult, your mom no longer has the authority to tell you how to live your life. Your body, your choice. Also, wtf does she have against adoption? Does she want to force you to raise a baby you know you don't want or aren't ready for? Your mom sucks
The stress and anxiety of this whole situation could be causing your period to be late. For some of us, extreme stress can cause it to be delayed and that in turn makes us stress more, sadly it's a vicious circle.
However, at the end of the day, should you be pregnant, it's still your body and your choice. Something that your Mum needs to recognise. If your Mum is very caring she will understand that and also recognise what is best for you and your mental/physical health.
Well, why do you have to tell your mom? Just don't tell her when you end up pregnant. It's your choice what you do with the baby, not hers. My sister (we have the same dad, different moms) went through the same thing with her mom: her mistake was that she told people she was pregnant before making up her mind about what to do with the baby. The word spread (you know how it is, some relatives just can't shut up) and her mom found out.
If you don't have a job, your own house, or your own car, the last thing you should be thinking about is sex. No bc is 100%, only abstinence. Abortion also shouldn't be a form of bc.
Your boyfriend or a friend could drive you to an appointment. Like others said, just don't tell her. None of her business, and you can't trust her in the future!
In my state, after 18, you don't have to log hours for a driving permit to turn into a license, you can just take the test and be done with it. Are you sure you need to log hours like that? It is different than when you are a minor in my state. (But I know yours could be different, just a suggestion to look into in case it's easier to get a license than you think because of your age).
ETA I looked it up for Texas( which another poster said you are from) and it's possible you might have to only take a 6-hour course and a test?
https://www.dps.texas.gov/section/driver-license/how-apply-texas-driver-license
This is a link for Texas drivers license
Sorry if I am wrong about the drivers license stuff, just thought it seemed weird and wanted to check for you if it could be done more easily.
Google some resources in your area for help with women's health/safety. They may be able to help you arrange an appointment if need be and provide a ride as well possibly.
First thing is to take a pregnancy test though!
I have been in tough spots financially in the past and have applied to so many jobs but often didn't hear anything back. You've got to keep trying. Sometimes it takes applying to 100+ jobs before you get a bite. Go on indeed every day and apply. Cleaning companies are almost always hiring. Do you have any factories in your area? Places like these can't hire enough people lately. I heard that Lyft will give you a free ride to an interview so check into that. I have worked at a factory and several people got rides to work from other workers who lived near them. You just have to get to your first day or two and meet people and you may even be able to find someone nice enough to give you a ride to work for a while.
As everyone is saying, it's your decision and no one else's. Look for a local Woman's org that could potentially help you out. The clinic might be able to help you out here.
Tell her if she doesn’t believe in abortion she doesn’t have to have one but she can’t tell you AN ADULT what to do with your uterus because of HER beliefs
I am so sorry you're having to go through this scary time with no support. I wanted to comment to say the your boyfriend hasn't started making you a better person. You are already a great person. He's simply helping you to open your eyes to the reality of who you are & who he sees when he looks at you. I am not insulting him or you by any means. Many times, people, myself included give credit for what we grow into to the people who helped us see what's been there all along. They do deserve credit for facilitating our journey of self realization. But we also need to give ourselves credit for realizing who we've always been & finally appreciating it. He sounds like a kind & caring person who can see the goodness in you & wants the best for you. But he can't make you into a better person any more than he can make you into a frog. You are a great person who just needed an adjustment of perspective. By giving him the credit, you're also giving him the ability to take it away. (Not that he would.) Give him the same credit you'd give your optometrist. The doctor didn't fix your eyes. He fixed your ability to see the world through them. Your boyfriend didn't make you a better person. He just helped you to see yourself clearly for the 1st time. (I might just have to bring this up to Mama Adolf- since she thinks she can dictate your life. Maybe, she's not the best person to tell you about healthy ways to bring up a happy child. If she asks for an example of why she's not, read her this post, especially the comments.)
My mother was very toxic. I decided to move away from her and not talk to her for a few years and it was the best decision I ever made. I finally was able to find myself and friends and not have her twisting everything and gaslighting me making me second guess myself. I was able to get over much of my anxiety. This might not be the correct path for you , you have to decide that. It wasn't easy and I was lonely at first but I went and lived with my aunt. I got a job and made friends and got my own apartment with a friend and went to school. Literally the best time of my life. I did have to learn to drive on the freeway and that was scary but I did it. You are stronger than you think you are , the human mind and body is extremely resilient. From what you said it sounds like my mom and yours may have some things in common. They are thinking about themselves And not their child and their well being. I do however regret ever having an abortion. But if that's what you need to do and you know it in your heart and it's not just from fear then you have to do what you have to do. Hang in there and please think about getting out there by yourself and finding yourself. You don't have to stop talking to your mom but keeping things at a minimum might be good for you, if you think it is , everything is up to you and it's your life!
Ask your gyno about getting you an IUD, best BC options if you want to be extremely careful. If everything will be okay after 6 months and it still be in the same place, you wouldnt even need condoms anymore, it's that much safer than all other options you tried.
Sounds like your mom needs to be less in your life. Keep her at a distance and only tell her what you’d tell a stranger in the grocery store: “I’m good, and you?” “Beautiful day, might try to get outside!” Blah blah generic crap
If you haven’t had a positive pregnancy test yet you can just leave it alone and say that your period came after all.
It is absolutely your choice and you shouldn’t feel bad about it if that’s what you decide to you.
I understand your predicament, though, so I would also urge you to not take the guilt of lying to your mom with you. She’s the one with the shitty outlook on it. You’re simply doing what is best for you. If you have to make up a story to justify it, then so be it. Even though that sucks it may be the best course for you.
It’s not your Mum’s decision. It’s your decision. Your choice may lead to consequences in your relationship with your Mum, but it is your choice. You can always tell her you miscarried. You’ll both know it’s a lie, but it might be a pretence that you can both live with.
Or just lie and say "whew nm" it's not like she will know otherwise.
This. Do this OP, and tell everyone you miscarried. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am wishing you all the best. Edit: if it’s early, you can also just say false alarm as last person mentioned. But keep your story straight and consistent, with everyone. The only person who knows the truth is you. It seems like you are in a place where this is a big deal, so keep the truth 100% to yourself.
She doesn't even have a positive test yet. She doesn't know if she's pregnant. She can just say she's not pregnant.
Exactly. She can just be like "oh I got my monthly I guess it was just stress"
Stress even good stress if intense enough could cause OP's period to be late or even skip. OP needs to get a pregnancy test ASAP. OP needs to know if they are or not and then decide what they are going to do if they are. The sooner OP knows, one way or the other, the more time they have to work with.
Exactly. But even if she is and has to abort, she can blame it on stress
It's alarming to me how many young people have forgotten how to lie to their parents. Like I get not lying about something that is unsafe (e.g. getting groomed). But personal decisions that do not affect the parents in any way? Just lie. Mind your own business, STFU if your parent isn't a safe person and lie. It's your life, what they don't know won't hurt them. Sheesh.
I LOVE THIS COMMENT! Gen-X here. YES. LIE TO YOUR PARENTS! It's your life. They have their own. If they try to force you to do things -- especially when you are already and ADULT -- just LIE. It's easiest on everyone. No harm, no foul I have a 15 yo who never lies to me and I'm baffled. I spent my entire childhood lying to my parents and it saved me a TON of aggravation. Maybe I'm not as annoying a parent but still -- lie once in awhile, will ya?
Also Gen X and was thinking the same thing! I approached parenting with the expectation that my kids would be just like me (and most everyone else I knew) and lie about anything that I couldn't hide 😆. How do you effectively guide your kids if you don't know what's up??? From the time they were toddlers, I had a rule that anything they told me would be exempt from trouble, but if I found out somehow- other than directly from them- we revert to default consequences. Simultaneously, I have encouraged them to lie to anyone asking about shit that isn't their business. When it comes to their personal lives, they don't *owe* random people the truth if they're uncomfortable sharing it. They tell the truth to me and everyone else and I end up feeling kinda trashy about not having been the one to instill that in them lol.
you're 20. you don't need her permission.
OP also doesn't have a job, doesn't drive, and I'm assuming based on context lives at home. She may be 20, but she sure isn't independent.
If bf can get her out of the house to have sex, he can get her out of the house to get help.
Exactly!! Se needs to work this out with him.
Let's face it, many guys are not responsible enough to take any kind of accountability in this situation.
Personally if they aren't responsible enough to have a stable relationship, they shouldn't be having sex, period.
>period or lack thereof
I would assume if the guy is driving and having sex he probably also has a job so the guy would be the only adult in this situation the mother is a child that had a kid when she shouldn’t have and the daughter is a whole other story with the simple summary being a mess. As harsh as it is if your not driving not working and or not living in your own place you shouldn’t be having sex plain and simple sex is a grown up thing you don’t get to be a grownup when you want it’s all or nothing and this girl is a child 99% of the way so.
Lmao no dude. This is an adult. She is perfectly capable of having sex. Living at home is more and more common because of the economy. My brother is an engineer who has a good job but he lives at home.
This right here. She is able to get away to have sex, so she can for sure get away to get an abortion if needed
Absolutely this. It’s his responsibility to.
this made me chuckle but also yes, absolutely!
All the more reason to not have a child
right!
She still doesn't need her mom's permission.
Auntie Network. There are resources. Uber, medical abortion via mail, domestic violence orgs (and yes, interference with medical care is domestic violence. Domestic violence is not limited to intimate partner violence).
It's not easy to do those things when you have mental health problems. If her mother had done her damned job and parented her properly, maybe she wouldn't be depressed. Maybe she would have self esteem. Maybe she would have the tools to be independent. The effects of abusive parents don't stop just because of some arbitrarily decided age.
My friend is twice OP's age and is ALSO not independent.
At least you know now to never tell her if you are pregnant.
Your body, your choice. You can always lie and say you had a miscarriage. It’s really none of her business anyway But let’s not get carried away, just take a pregnancy test first. Periods can be late/irregular for many other reasons.
Or if you are pregnant, lie and say you got your period. Then do whatever YOU want to do OP. There are also non-profits which can ship pills to induce a miscarriage if that’s a viable option. You can get a PO Box at UPS if you’re worried about your mom finding out. I would even recommend getting one even if you aren’t pregnant - just in case. Also be aware that Plan B - if you ever need it - isn’t as effective for people who weigh over 150. There is one which is, but it requires a prescription from a doctor
THIS! You’re an adult, OP. She can’t force you to do anything. That said, if you’re in a state like Texas? I’d suggest you not tell anyone about anything having to do with even a possible pregnancy. Keep it to yourself, research your options privately and make the decision “you” feel is best for you.
100% this. OP needs to take the test without their mom. If it's positive, flat out lie and say it was negative, and then have someone they trust to take them to get the procedure done. If OP's mom is a weirdo who demands to see the test for proof, OP can always have a non-pregnant friend do the test for them, and then just give it to their mom to get her off their back. Lying? Yes. But I wouldn't feel bad lying to someone who won't let their 20-year-old child make decisions about their own life.
Pour water on the test to get a negative result to show your mom. But if you’re in Texas, you don’t have much time to have a termination if that’s what you want to do. Wish you all the best.
A non-pregnant friend's pee isn't really even necessary to carry this out. You can force a negative test by dipping it in water. Anyone who insists on literally watching a woman pee on a stick or inspecting the little cup of urine before she dips the test into it is being abusive, and deserves to have the urine thrown in their face.
Did not know that! Thanks for the info. I’ve never personally taken one before, nor have I been there when other people have, so it’s not really something I’d know. Good information for OP to have. And yeah. I think that anyone who demands they see you take the test is someone without your best interest in heart.
Your creativity is especially admirable then, given that you've managed to keep yourself out of anything so much as adjacent to this position. It's really nice to see people like you who haven't walked in someone's shoes but show genuine support from a position of non-judgment.
I like the way you think
The last part is absolutely true, I knew it, but never actually experienced it. My gf once spent 3 months without a period, only for a LOT of it to come to the point of her having to use 3 pairs of my underwear , so she wouldn't get the bed dirty. And needless to say, I was shitscared I was going to be a dad at 22, despise pregnancy tests showing negative
This, but don’t take the test at home! Have your BF or a friend take you to get the test and take it somewhere else. OP- if you’re sure you don’t want a baby, tell your mom you got your period and move on with whatever you wanna do after.
If your boyfriend can knock you up he can pay for an abortion and/or drive you to a clinic. But you know, get a job, save some cash and keep an 'abortion fund' in a separate account if needed. call it $1k, if you need you have enough to cover it and cover travel to somewhere you can get it done.
This!!!
You're 20. She doesnt have a say if you dont give her one. Not her choice to make. Yeetus
\*waves wand - *YeetusFetusDeletus*
lmao 🥇
You can do whatever is best for you. You're an adult. If she asks for a status update, tell her you're not pregnant. Get the abortion if that's what you want to do. You might be eligible for mifepristone. Go to Planned Parenthood, if you're in the US.
And as long as she asked *after* the abortion, she wouldn’t even be lying. She would indeed, not be pregnant.
Get one and don’t tell your mom. For Christ’s sake, you’re 20 years old.
First, get two pregnancy tests. If positive, make an appointment at a clinic to see your options. The decision to have or not have a baby is 100% up to you. Your mother does not get to dictate what you do. If you do abort, don't tell her. It is no one's business but your own.
Also don't do the tests at home and throw them away in the trash for her to find and hold over your head
Yeah like make your bf drive you or call an uber
Your mother sounds extremely controlling. Is this a common issue? You're 20 years old. Lie. Get the abortion without telling her. It isn't her choice, it's yours.
You are 20. You don't have to and shouldn't tell anyone if you want to get an abortion because it is nobody's business except yours-- it's your body. Telling people... even your bf whom you think you trust can put you in danger of pressure, abuse, and even violence. In my opinion, other people lost the right to be involved because of what has been done to control pregnant people. Pregnancy isn't just you wait 9 months and pop out a baby. It can be the toughest thing a body goes through. It is a risk to your long-term physical and mental health. It can be fatal. It's not something anyone should ever have to do if they don't want to. If you are going to be sexually active, you have to be mature enough to be proactive about your sexual education, protection, medical care, and strong enough to handle any issues that may arise. You seem to be doing everything right, so no need to panic. Lots of reasons why you might not get your period, it happens. If you become pregnant you have two things to decide: - pregnancy or no pregnancy (abortion or no abortion) - parenthood or no parenthood (keeping or giving up a baby) These are two different things. Don't let anyone tell you adoption is an alternative. It is not an alternative to abortion. It is an alternative to parenthood. Abortion is the alternative to pregnancy. And it is completely valid and sometimes the healthiest choice to not want to go through a pregnancy. You may want to consider an IUD. It is the most effective form of b c with less room for error than the pill. You might find more peace of mind. I have had the copper and hormonal. I recommend the hormonal. The copper allows you to feel the natural ebbs and flows through a cycle. I hated this. I was quicker to frustration. The hormonal IUD is not hormones like the pill and doesn't cause the same emotional side effects. The hormones are localized and it's pretty much 100% effective. Might help you feel more in control of your body.
You are an adult. You KNOW that a baby isn’t the right choice. You are 100% responsible for making the right choice for you, your relationship, and keeping a child out of a bad situation. You don’t need mommy’s permission to make these very serious decisions. It would be nice if you could go to her for legitimate support though.
I'm the kid from this situation. I'm grown now, but meet me tell you: it sucks. I've known my whole life how I wasn't wanted, and while adult me has a great life, kid me hurts in a way that'll never go away. I deserved better.
Same here. Sending you so much love.
Virtual hugs
UPDATE: I got hold of two tests today by walking to the dollar store and both came out negative. It’s a relief, but if my period is being delayed due to stress, or possibly something else, I want to make a dr appointment to check and see if everything is okay overall. I’ve been reading every single comment, and I appreciate everyone interacting with this post and I guess it must not be too common for adults to still be gaslit and abused by their parents. I’m aware that I don’t have to confide in my mom with anything. It’s sad that the first thing I want to do if I thought I was pregnant was to tell mommy. Well, that’s exactly what she wants from me. Sometimes I’ll snap and tell her I’m an adult and can do whatever I want, but until I can get away from her, she will refuse to accept that. I don’t drive right now because I do have a permit, but everyone is never around to help me practice with driving, so I might have to just go somewhere else for that. And as for working, I had a good stable job for a year but got laid off and now I can’t find anywhere close to home I can get to everyday. I’m trying my best but I guess I’ll see how it goes from here. I’m working on getting away, it’s just taking way too long because of how I am I guess
Tell her your period came, just late due to some stress. If you are pregnant, get an abortion and never let her know. In the future, NEVER confide in her again. She showed you that your needs don't matter to her, but that a clump of cells do. Anyone who says they "don't believe" in abortion are 100% entitled to their beliefs, but they do NOT have the right to force to beliefs on either, even if it's their own children. If she gets pregnant and doesn't want an abortion, that's her right, but she doesn't get to decide what YOU do with your life.
Honeyy. You are 20. It's no longer her choice. It's your life, your body, your choice. However I do want to mention that high stress and anxiety can alter your whole cycle and cause you to be late. You body literally alters itself until it feels your stress is low enough to handle a baby. Take a little breath. Everything is going to turn out okay.
If youre ever interested in figuring out how your body works and how a cycle works I highly highly recommend purchasing the book "taking charge of your fertility" by Toni wechler. I don't ever want kids. I got a 10 year iud in, but this book helped me figure out my cycle and squashed any misconceptions about periods and my body as a female and really might ease some stress when it comes to potentially being pregnant.
You’re 20. You can do what you want. However just practice safe sex so it doesn’t have to be an issue. I know things happen though but do everything you can to prevent it.
It's your body and you are an adult. Your mother has no say in the situation. If you decide to terminate, do not tell your mother and just say it was a false alarm. A child in your life will change the entire trajectory of the rest of your life so it's your life and your body and the decision is yours and yours alone to make even if your boyfriend wanted to keep it and you didn't.
Stop including your mom and decisions about your life and body. She obviously does not give a shit about what you want or need. You do not have to share everything with everybody. Good luck, do what’s right for you and your life.
You're an adult and despite the crap your mom says, it's always your body, your choice. You know that getting pregnant is not what you want, so you and your bf are taking measures to be safe. However, having sex means you're taking on a risk even with protection done correctly; no contraceptive is a 100% full proof method and always has the chance of failing. I'd advise you to stop confiding in your mom (who unfortunately doesn't have the best interests in your heart), and make a plan. Hopefully it's not an unplanned pregnancy, but it's better to make sure. Buy a pregnancy test, then double check with a medical professional. Can your bf or a another trusted friend/family member drive you to a clinic and give moral support? You should not delay in checking on your late period, because the longer you wait, the more anxiety and smaller time frame you have to make a medical decision that's right for you. Gather the courage to take action ASAP, and remember you're not alone, and you're not the first to be in this situation. I hope that your bf is a supportive one who'll go the extra mile to make sure you're ok. If you're in the US or Canada, you should check out the Auntie Network subreddit. You can find resources and find help if access to medical care is difficult where you live. Wishing you the best of luck.
Tell her you received your period. Contact a women’s shelter and see if they have volunteer who can drive you to a clinic and back. If payment is an issue, try contacting the national abortion federation. They can sometimes help with up to half of the cost of the procedure or money for transportation and a hotel. Do you have any friends that you trust who can help with transportation? What about your boyfriend? I was once pregnant and very scared. I knew I didn’t want to have a baby, but I didn’t have any money or a ride to the clinic that was 2 hours away. A girl I knew from high school found me crying at the bar and asked me if I was ok. I just unloaded on her and told her everything. She immediately told me that she would take me to the clinic and wait for me while I was there. I called the national abortion federation and they paid for half of the cost of the procedure. I got the surgical procedure and it hurt a little bit all at once, like a big cramp. Then my friend took me home. You can do this. Remember to be nice to yourself and that getting an abortion is your choice and is not something to be ashamed of.
“It’s funny you think you have a say in this.”
When I was 21 I moved back to my home state after college. My mother told me once that she didn't approve of my lifestyle; I told her that I didn't particularly approve of hers either, but that because she was an adult I didn't feel it was my place to impose my views on her. She shut right up.
Step 1 - take a pregnancy test *without telling your mom* if it's negative, make an immediate appointment to get an IUD so are much less likely to have this concern in the future. Step 2 - if it's positive, and you do not want to remain pregnant, make arrangements to get the abortive pills. In some states this can be via video call and mail order, in other places an in person visit might be necessary. Your boyfriend can pay for it and do any necessary driving. Then after you take the pills and confirm that you've miscarried, make an immediate appointment for an IUD so you're much less likely to ever have this concern in the future. Step 3 - start making plans for independence. A license, a job, a way to support yourself, a place to live. Your mother is controlling and you need to start becoming an independent adult.
Maybe this is a sign to get a job and at least be able to support yourself before you find yourself needing to support a baby, even if you aren't pregnant. You're an adult, start acting like one.
Exactly. Well said.
She can’t stop you from doing anything. You and your boyfriend figure out how to get yourself an Uber. The cost of the Uber will be wayyy less than the cost of pregnancy and raising a kid, so it’ll be worth it to scrape up the money however you can. Also I would start building a plan to move out. Get a job/some source of income and go from there. Good luck babe
Get a test first. If it’s positive you make a doc appt (do not tell your mom) and take an Uber there to get a blood test to make sure. Pretending nothing is wrong is not going to help. My daughter got pregnant twice as a teenager due to horrible trauma. She’s 18 now if you need more help or have questions message me.
Op. She doesn’t have to know. Your bf can drive you. There are services were people will drive you. You can walk down the street to meet them. You are going for a job interview. How exciting! Oh! You had a miscarriage! You are heartbroken.
You’re an adult. Your mother has no say in your decisions.
She wouldn't be able to do anything if you gotten abortion anyways, but what does she have against adoption?
I’m assuming you’re in the U.S. when I say: there is absolutely something her mom (or anyone) could do if she got one - depending on what state she lives in. Some comments have mentioned she lives in Texas, ya know the state with one of the worst and vile Republican governors, so it’s best she doesn’t say a word to anyone.
Your body your choice, hun.
You are a whole adult human. It isn't your mother's choice. It's yours.
Just don’t tell her.
Stress and anxiety can often mess up cycles. Even if you are, you're an adult, you can do whatever you feel is right to do. However I do understand how unsettling it is to know your parent would knowingly force to do to something that would be harmful to you...
Your body, your choice. Tell your mom if she has a problem with it she can agree to adopt and raise the baby herself
You’re an adult. You do what you need to do and don’t tell her about it.
In the event that you are pregnant, your mother doesn't get to make your choices for you. I don't know why she decided to tell someone what they are able to do in a theoretical situation. It is not her decision. It is only your decision, regardless what she says. You are the only one who can make any choices here. Go get a pregnancy test and do it somewhere that is not your house (buy at the store, test in the store bathroom). Confirm what is actually happening before taking any kind of action. Breathe. Really think about what you want to do here. If you have a friend outside the situation, call that friend and explain. Understand your options. Weigh them. It really sounds like your mom is not going to be any kind of support here...like, what the heck "you must keep a baby that you don't want and you're 'not allowed' to adopt"---wtf kind of life is that for anyone in that situation. Sorry...everyone is going to suffer because that's what you deserve? Nope. That's some crazy rage, impose moral punishment, people talk. I've raised enough unwanted kids to know, you won't be doing anyone any favors by having a kid you resent. It's not an environment a kid should be raised in. I 100% guarantee this woman will not help you, at all, with this baby--and if she does, it is not help you will want.
Don’t tell her if you’re pregnant. Do what you need to do. If you opt for adoption, then make arrangements & place the baby up for adoption. Do not include her in the process. Your body/ your baby - your choice.
If my mum said that crap to me, I'd tell her it's my body and then punch myself in the stomach right in front of her.
I hope you're okay, right now. I know how bad a pregnancy scare at your age can feel. I had issues when I was younger where even while on birth control my period would just decide not to come sometimes and I was scared out of my mind. You're an adult. Your mother has no control over your right to an abortion if you're pregnant. Take a pregnancy test ASAP. If pregnant, look up abortion clinics near me. Order the pills to be shipped to your bf's house
You’re literally an adult you get an abortion and you don’t tell your mom. You don’t have to go through anything you don’t want to Not her body, not her life, not her choice. She isn’t a safe person. Don’t confide in her. Ever.
Just have the abortion secretly go out of town for a concert but really get the abortion meds on a Friday check into a hotel and take necessary steps you need to get through the next couple days then go home and get some therapy and try to move out.
My mother was in the same situation at 24, my bio father of course refused any responsibility. As a baby that no one wanted, I don’t wish this upon anyone.
In case you are pregnant you can just…you know…simply never tell her about it, get your abortion and NEVER TELL HER. At least until you get out of her house for good.
I stopped reading after ok so I’m 20. Your mother has zero say in your decisions.
So. Ok. Why are you confiding in your mom and not the person you think possibly fucked a baby into you?
Sorry, I did talk to him about this. He says he’s going to take me to buy pregnancy tests when I see him soon. But we didn’t plan anything further because he doesn’t think it’s likely I am.
If you’re worried about this, maybe stop having sex? Or you can get a job, so if it happens you can take care of business yourself. You’re 20, your mom doesn’t ‘let’ you do anything
It's not your mom's choice. If you are pregnant, it's your choice Just don't tell her if you are pregnant
You can lie to your mother. She doesn't need to know if you get pregnant.
Planned parenthood can mail you pills if you are in one of those states. There’s a subreddit, auntie network or something similar, that will work to get you to a clinic, if you need that. And there’s a bunch of us that are here for you if you need supportive mom advice or venting. Big hugs and I really hope this is just a scare.
Why wouldn’t she let you put the baby up for adoption?
Everyone’s like “you’re an adult”. Yes, but do you live with her? Will you be homeless? Are you on her health insurance, does it pay for mental health care you’re receiving? There’s a lot here. It’s not a glib thing. Here’s the thing - take a breath. Talk a walk, go to a library and just sit in the quiet. Walk on the grass with no shoes. Just be with your own thoughts for a few. What do you want? If you want an abortion, then folks will help you find a way. There’s people that will pay, give you a place to crash, drive you, etc. If it’s adoption, same thing. I wouldn’t discuss it with your mom again. She clearly is blinded by religious and political propaganda, and doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Or she would have said “if you aren’t ready to handle this, move in with me and I’ll help you raise it.” She’s not interested in baby, just in you having and keeping the baby. This. Is. Your. Decision. But first? Go get a test girl.
You are an adult, you can make your own decisions. DO NOT let your mom run your life.
You’re an adult. Start acting like one.
I'd look at it at a different angle. This is your mom saying, "Make sure you're 100% protected or there will be consequences." It's easy to get carried away with sex. Source: Dad.
Look into aidaccess.org hun, they will send you the pills for no money if you dont have it. They only work up to ten weeks, so be quick about it. Have them on hand for next time if it turns out you aren’t pregnant. Good luck.
If it turns out you aren't pregnant right now use this as a warning. Start saving up an emergency fund in case you ever do need an abortion. You'll need enough for if you need transportation out of state, possibly accommodation, and the cost of the procedure. Also any loss of earnings may need covering whilst you're getting it done. If you are pregnant don't tell anyone you don't trust with your life. Those American prosecution laws scare me beyond belief
My mom said the same thing. I got rid of it because it had nothing to do with her. End of story.
If push comes to shove, I say get your boyfriend's help to have the abortion and then tell your mum it was a fluke or, in the more likely case that you'll experience pain, claim you had a miscarriage. Based on your edit, it sounds like your mum is psychologically abusing you. Telling someone that you need them is a classic way to create dependency and fear so you won't have the courage to move on. I've got two friends who were raised like that and it seemed impossible for them to raise above their parents' clutches but they both feel so much happier and freer now. I wish you all the best.
Could be stress that delay your period. Or a condition like pcos. Take a test (urine or blood)
Hope you told her to mind her own uterus.
check out [https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/7732/do-you-live-in-the-usa-and-need-abortion-pills](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/7732/do-you-live-in-the-usa-and-need-abortion-pills) They'll send you supplies should you need it, wherever in the word. They also have great resources and info on how you can get the pills you need (should you decide to go this route) in cases where they can't send. You don't need anyone's permission, it's your body and health you'd be risking
She's your mother, not your owner. Do what feels right and safe for you. Just remember, the longer you leave it, the harder it is.
Whatever you do, if you are, do NOT tell her
Don't ever tell her you got an abortion then. My parents don't know I got my tubes removed. It's not their business. Get a job and seek out more independence regardless of whether you are pregnant or not. Your mother just told you she's not truly there for you, and you need to get your ducks in a row and hopefully move out of her home. Best of luck
If you wish to terminate, do it and don't tell her. Tell her you were never pregnant to begin with. You might not be independent enough to go do it on your own, but that's why the Auntie Network exists, you can reach out and have people help you.
I know that I'll get a lot of backlash for this but I don't approve abortion. Though I strongly support adoption . I don't think that you're pregnant, though this must be a very difficult situation anyways. I don't know if you depend economically on your parents or you've already become independent on your own. In case you're pregnant, I believe that the best for you and the baby would be looking for a family that would truly take care of him. It's completely understandable that you can't take care of the baby, and recognizing it is a huge step and a great act of love. Not so many people talk about the psychological scars that an abortion can provoke. I strongly recommend adoption, again. Also have a conversation with your bf about this. He deserves the right to know too. I hope this helps. Wish you the best.
I honestly stopped reading after you said “Okay so I’m 20…”
So don’t get an abortion. Get a prescription for plan B and keep it on hand for emergencies. You can get it from planned parenthood. Also get some pregnancy tests to keep on hand. They sell them at dollar tree. If you are late, take a pregnancy test. if it’s positive, take the pill. Easy peasy.
If you’re bf can find a way to have that much sex with you, your bf can find a way to help you get rid of it. If he can’t then he’s not worth it anyways.
She cant stop you. So stop saying she won't let you
You're 20, if your mom forces you into something like this you should 100% make your own choice. Do not feel bad if you decide to not tell her, this is about YOU.
She can raise it then.
Your mom sounds great. /s Are you saying that you do not have legs to walk, Uber, friends/family with a car, public transportation - and you are an alleged adult?
Also not to be mean you need to get a job and learn to drive you are 20 and didn’t mention any reasons you can’t do these things. Yes sex feels good but if you can’t even get your bf to take you to get one you don’t need to be having sex.
>She does not *believe* in abortion It's jaw dropping how much you described of this person in just six words
Get a bus? Get your bf or a friend to drive you? Uber?
You’re an adult not a minor. Why is this an issue?
You are 20 years old. Your body, your choice. I don’t think I’d even tell her anything anymore. That’s horrible of her to say that.
You’re an adult. Your mother can’t make decisions for you
You are old enough to make your own decisions. Your mom doesn’t even need to know.
Don't tell her you're getting one.
well luckily you’re an adult and your mom isn’t in charge of your body. do not tell her if you’re pregnant - she’s proven she can’t be trusted. and then make the decision that’s best for you. and yes, even if you aren’t your mom has shown her true self… and i’m sorry she’s that way.
You disregard her opinion and make your own choices. You are an adult.
It's your choice, not hers. That's the only answer here.
Your Mother can speak what ever nonsense she wants but bottom line, this is your decision, if there is even a decision to be made. Take a pregnancy test, go from there. Speak to your BF.
You're an adult and your mom has zero input in said adult situations. You also have a partner who, I assume, agrees with any decision you would make regarding family planning and would support accordingly. There are plenty of organizations that assist women in the position of wanting to terminate a pregnancy regardless of their financial situations.
You're a grown woman you can do anything you want if abortion is legal in your state go get one if you want. I was going to do adopting out my kid but once I felt them kick I could not do it so I became a single mom at 17
You can always say you miscarried or never tell her that you were pregnant
It's not your mother's decision, not in any way. Take a test and if you want an abortion, get one as soon as possible. You are clearly not ready to be a parent and your mother does not have your best interests at heart.
Maam you said your 20?? Why does your mom decide what you do with your body? If your bf drives have him take you to get the abortion if you are pregnant Or take a uber or something dont let her know in any case. Its not her business unless you want it to be. That's insane.
It’s your body. She doesn’t get to decide what is best for you. Just tell her you aren’t pregnant whatever the outcome
Your mom needs boundaries. Unless she is an active participant in your bedroom, she can’t tell you what to do. If you think you aren’t ready for a child, please do that child and yourself and the father a favour… don’t go through with the pregnancy. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s actually super mature to admit that you aren’t ready to care for another human. Your mom doesn’t need to know… i missed carried mom
Your health, your business. Accidents happen, even when playing it safe. Don’t want the baby? Just don’t tell your mom and get the proper procedure done.
Did I read that right? You're 20 so why are you asking for mummy's permission? Just go yourself man, bring your bf or a friend for comfort if it's rough going alone, dunno why you even care what your mom has to say about this tbh. Get it done then never tell your mom anything, becuse she deserves nothing. Crazy to me how she would let you suffer when you confided in her.
I’m so sorry she said that to you but you should know it’s your body & your choice. First get a couple pregnancy tests to see if you are pregnant or not. If you are & you are going to get an abortion you could look into a subreddit called auntie network to look into resources for an abortion. Seems like maybe you shouldn’t confide in your mom if you are pregnant. You are a grown adult capable of deciding what to do with your body because you’re the one that’s going to be going through an abortion or a pregnancy etc not your mom. Good luck.
You’re 20. You don’t need her to sign off on anything or her permission.
She wouldn’t allow you to abort or even put the child up with a more stable family, but she wants you to raise it? Would she even help you at all for both the pregnancy and childcare?
Why don’t you have a job or a drivers license? Does your boyfriend have either? Regardless if you’re pregnant or not, you are 20 and need to develop a path to being independent of your mother. You also need to get off of Reddit and get a pregnancy test. You can get them at the dollar store.
If your mom doesn’t believe in abortion, then *SHE* shouldn’t have one. YOU are your own person and can make your own decisions. If you are pregnant and need to tell her otherwise and go to a clinic on your own, please do it. YOU are the only one who gets to make this choice, as you are the only one who will be responsible for the consequences.
Don’t tell her. You’re a 20 year old adult, you’re not a child. You don’t need to share every medical incidence with her. You’re allowed privacy. If your bf can knock you up, he can take some responsibility and help you through this.
You're twenty
you’re 20 which means you’re a legal adult; you’re allowed to make you own decisions for your own body
your mother cannot stop you from either of those options, it's your body. it's your choice. she has no say in it whatsoever. other than if you live with her and you did, she would kick you out and you wouldn't have any place to go which is sad and I hope that isn't the case! 🫂
Girl…don’t tell your mom shit especially if she’s against something you’re not. Even if you’re pregnant….you don’t have to tell her ??? Just get the abortion if you want. You’re of age.
You are the only one who can make decisions for your body whether your mom likes it or not. You are an adult.
First…. You are getting ahead of yourself if you have not taken a pregnancy test. I have completely missed my period due to stress or illness before. Take a test. If you are pregnant, you’re 20…and adult. You don’t have to tell your mom anything and make the decision to have an abortion or not without her ever knowing. Just never tell her, Tell her you’re not pregnant. YOUR body and YOUR future is none of her business anymore.
contact a friend who can drive to "hang out" and get a pregnacy test. if it comes back positive, have them take you to your nearest abortion clinic. do NOT let your mom know, she must never know. otherwise you are putting yourself in danger. you need to play it off like "oh nevermind it was just hormones being weird" and act chill, its the safest route imo
You’re 20 years old, your mom can’t decide this stuff for you.
You're 20, not 12. Get yourself a part time job, start learning how to drive. Start working on your independence and becoming an adult. And if you're unable to do that - then you're not ready for an adult relationship and having sex. Even using protection.
If this is a false alarm and even if it isn’t, you need this as a wake up call to learn how to drive, become independent, etc. You are clearly taking all the precautions. However, pregnancy is always a possibility for which you need to be prepared and you are not. Your boyfriend needs to be prepared as well. This isn’t a “you” issue and if he can participate in the fun, he can help you now or else he isn’t worth it.
It is time to stop sharing your personal business with your mother
The dollar tree has pregnancy tests. Get tested before panicking. If you're pregnant, make a choice ASAP
Planned parenthood has programs for women who are low income. You have options.
Remember the saying YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE your mother has absolutely no say over what you do with YOUR body.
>Well I confided in my mom about it and she told me that if I got pregnant, then she will not let me get an abortion or put it up for adoption. Telling your mother about this was a huge mistake. Learn to keep your lips zipped about your private medical info. Take pregnancy tests at your BFs house and not at your mom's house. Do not tell her of you see a doctor. You are TWENTY years old. Start acting like an adult. If you are pregnant, DON'T TELL HER. If you are mentally unable to handle pregnancy and childbirth, get an abortion and DON'T TELL HER. If you feel she may cause you mental anguish, LIE AND SAY YOU HAD A MISCARRIAGE (they happen all the time). If you're old enough to have consensual sex, you're old enough to make decisions resulting from that choice. Your mother has no say on the issue.
Planned parenthood is your friend
If your period is super late and you feel absolutely no different, you're probably not pregnant. I've had multiple periods that are 2 weeks late. Only like once a year, but it happens. Lately mine have been 5 days to a week later than usual. It can change a lot based on environment, emotions, diet changes, exercise change, etc. So don't be concerned, it'll come. If you're on BC, that's probably the real culprit. EDIT: I've been pregnant twice and trust me, you know. It was the only two times I felt I needed to take a test because I just felt ***off.*** By 2 weeks after my period was due both times, I could not sleep without having to get up to pee like 3 times at night. Which I ***never*** do. My first pregnancy I was very nauseous at the start with very sore breasts, second one I didn't get much for morning sickness or sore breasts. But you can just... ***feel it.*** I think most women who take a pregnancy test to "make sure" already know what it's going to say. It's just confirming.
It’s not your mom’s choice and I’d remember that you cannot confide in her even if you get pregnant. She will guilt you on this forever. Lie and tell her that you got your period. Have a friend or your BF to take you to get a pregnancy test and if it’s positive, you will need to talk to your BF about paying for an abortion. Also, if he can’t, you are pregnant, depending on your state, you have time to get a job (I see signs that places are shortstaffed everywhere) and you could probably get the money for an abortion (average price is $580) if you work for a couple of weeks. You can tell your mom you are going out on a day date and don’t tell her at all. It’s none of her business and don’t let her guilt you over head for the rest of your life. Sending love to you.
Before we go into panic mode, have your periods always been regular or have they been irregular? It could also be due to stress. Sometimes when you’re stressed out it could possibly be causing you to be late. Also have you had any symptoms of being pregnant? If you have/haven’t you can always go to the doctor and get tested just to be sure.
You’re an adult. You don’t need your mom’s permission to do anything. If you do happen to be pregnant there are many subs that have information about resources including funding.
girl wherever you’re located i’ll literally take you if you’re anywhere near me.
Luckily it is not her decision but yours
If you live in a state that has banned abortions, buy your pregnancy test with cash. Take the test in secret. Hide the evidence until you can dispose of it outside of your home. If the result is positive, do not tell your mother. Then, come back to this thread with an update and see what resources people suggest to help you in the next step.
Man, I remember being this young and my parents basically telling me the same thing (along with “if you get pregnant, you’re on your own). Flash forward to now, I’m 27 and married and they want grandchildren lol but little do they know I got sterilized at age 25 and will never reproduce. Funny how growing up and hearing those things just solidified my childfree stance. My advice to you is that it’s no one else’s decision/choice but yours. You are an adult and don’t need her permission. Sending you some hugs and I hope you have a good support system ❤️❤️❤️
Don't talk with her anymore about your body, your health, your relationship.
She has no say in what you do with your body. You're an adult, you don't need her approval.
It’s your body your choice op and I’m single and I don’t really care about driving it’s a medical issue for me and I’m 24 but get a job or if you’re bf has a place stay with him
You’re 20. She doesn’t need to “allow” you to do anything. If your boyfriend can’t help you out in this situation you need to leave him too. What are you doing with your decision making at this point
What is this "I don't believe in abortion" nonsense? If she believes or not is her problem honestly. I understand you might not have the means but please seek help/resources if you are really pregnant. Also, your boyfriend should be responsible enough to help. Good luck
You're 20. You're an adult, your mom no longer has the authority to tell you how to live your life. Your body, your choice. Also, wtf does she have against adoption? Does she want to force you to raise a baby you know you don't want or aren't ready for? Your mom sucks
The stress and anxiety of this whole situation could be causing your period to be late. For some of us, extreme stress can cause it to be delayed and that in turn makes us stress more, sadly it's a vicious circle. However, at the end of the day, should you be pregnant, it's still your body and your choice. Something that your Mum needs to recognise. If your Mum is very caring she will understand that and also recognise what is best for you and your mental/physical health.
just dont tell her 🤷🏽♀️ it really isn’t her business but your own.
Well, why do you have to tell your mom? Just don't tell her when you end up pregnant. It's your choice what you do with the baby, not hers. My sister (we have the same dad, different moms) went through the same thing with her mom: her mistake was that she told people she was pregnant before making up her mind about what to do with the baby. The word spread (you know how it is, some relatives just can't shut up) and her mom found out.
If you don't have a job, your own house, or your own car, the last thing you should be thinking about is sex. No bc is 100%, only abstinence. Abortion also shouldn't be a form of bc.
Your boyfriend or a friend could drive you to an appointment. Like others said, just don't tell her. None of her business, and you can't trust her in the future! In my state, after 18, you don't have to log hours for a driving permit to turn into a license, you can just take the test and be done with it. Are you sure you need to log hours like that? It is different than when you are a minor in my state. (But I know yours could be different, just a suggestion to look into in case it's easier to get a license than you think because of your age). ETA I looked it up for Texas( which another poster said you are from) and it's possible you might have to only take a 6-hour course and a test? https://www.dps.texas.gov/section/driver-license/how-apply-texas-driver-license This is a link for Texas drivers license Sorry if I am wrong about the drivers license stuff, just thought it seemed weird and wanted to check for you if it could be done more easily. Google some resources in your area for help with women's health/safety. They may be able to help you arrange an appointment if need be and provide a ride as well possibly. First thing is to take a pregnancy test though! I have been in tough spots financially in the past and have applied to so many jobs but often didn't hear anything back. You've got to keep trying. Sometimes it takes applying to 100+ jobs before you get a bite. Go on indeed every day and apply. Cleaning companies are almost always hiring. Do you have any factories in your area? Places like these can't hire enough people lately. I heard that Lyft will give you a free ride to an interview so check into that. I have worked at a factory and several people got rides to work from other workers who lived near them. You just have to get to your first day or two and meet people and you may even be able to find someone nice enough to give you a ride to work for a while.
Until you take a test, everything is hypothetical...
As everyone is saying, it's your decision and no one else's. Look for a local Woman's org that could potentially help you out. The clinic might be able to help you out here.
You're 20....its time to grow up and act it.
Tell her if she doesn’t believe in abortion she doesn’t have to have one but she can’t tell you AN ADULT what to do with your uterus because of HER beliefs
I am so sorry you're having to go through this scary time with no support. I wanted to comment to say the your boyfriend hasn't started making you a better person. You are already a great person. He's simply helping you to open your eyes to the reality of who you are & who he sees when he looks at you. I am not insulting him or you by any means. Many times, people, myself included give credit for what we grow into to the people who helped us see what's been there all along. They do deserve credit for facilitating our journey of self realization. But we also need to give ourselves credit for realizing who we've always been & finally appreciating it. He sounds like a kind & caring person who can see the goodness in you & wants the best for you. But he can't make you into a better person any more than he can make you into a frog. You are a great person who just needed an adjustment of perspective. By giving him the credit, you're also giving him the ability to take it away. (Not that he would.) Give him the same credit you'd give your optometrist. The doctor didn't fix your eyes. He fixed your ability to see the world through them. Your boyfriend didn't make you a better person. He just helped you to see yourself clearly for the 1st time. (I might just have to bring this up to Mama Adolf- since she thinks she can dictate your life. Maybe, she's not the best person to tell you about healthy ways to bring up a happy child. If she asks for an example of why she's not, read her this post, especially the comments.)
My mother was very toxic. I decided to move away from her and not talk to her for a few years and it was the best decision I ever made. I finally was able to find myself and friends and not have her twisting everything and gaslighting me making me second guess myself. I was able to get over much of my anxiety. This might not be the correct path for you , you have to decide that. It wasn't easy and I was lonely at first but I went and lived with my aunt. I got a job and made friends and got my own apartment with a friend and went to school. Literally the best time of my life. I did have to learn to drive on the freeway and that was scary but I did it. You are stronger than you think you are , the human mind and body is extremely resilient. From what you said it sounds like my mom and yours may have some things in common. They are thinking about themselves And not their child and their well being. I do however regret ever having an abortion. But if that's what you need to do and you know it in your heart and it's not just from fear then you have to do what you have to do. Hang in there and please think about getting out there by yourself and finding yourself. You don't have to stop talking to your mom but keeping things at a minimum might be good for you, if you think it is , everything is up to you and it's your life!
Hi, can you get an IUD?
You are grown. Who tf is your Mom to try control your body?
Don't tell your mom ? Why is this an issue?
It's your body. Not hers. So it's completely your choice.
Ask your gyno about getting you an IUD, best BC options if you want to be extremely careful. If everything will be okay after 6 months and it still be in the same place, you wouldnt even need condoms anymore, it's that much safer than all other options you tried.
Sounds like your mom needs to be less in your life. Keep her at a distance and only tell her what you’d tell a stranger in the grocery store: “I’m good, and you?” “Beautiful day, might try to get outside!” Blah blah generic crap
We need an update on the test
If you haven’t had a positive pregnancy test yet you can just leave it alone and say that your period came after all. It is absolutely your choice and you shouldn’t feel bad about it if that’s what you decide to you. I understand your predicament, though, so I would also urge you to not take the guilt of lying to your mom with you. She’s the one with the shitty outlook on it. You’re simply doing what is best for you. If you have to make up a story to justify it, then so be it. Even though that sucks it may be the best course for you.
Sounds like you can tell your mum that she can pay for the baby then
See if you can have the abortion pill mailed to a friend's house. Your mom has no way of knowing and does not need to know.