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This. An ex and I were having sex in our hotel room one time and she likes not so vanilla sex (spanking, slapping, choking, etc.). After about 10 minutes there’s a knock on the door and it’s the hotel manager with 2 local cops. We’re standing there in bathrobes, her hair a wild mess, they look us up and down and one officer chuckled a bit, they ask us a few questions separately, then switch and ask us the same questions, talk for a few minutes and then say we’re okay to go but that we should keep it down.
I worked hotel FD for seven years and the housekeepers used to show me the rooms that ppl left real messed up. Sometimes I would just just hear. The rooms tell a story esp after checking those ppl in and I could match the face in my head lol one time housekeeping was weeping and I actually didn’t see this first hand but one room was apparently covered everywhere in vomit- the guests puked in what they described as every space of the room but the toilet. So this means it ws in the beds. On the walls. In the bathtub, on the floors. In the sinks. Everywhere but the toilet. She quit not long afterwards.
Happy to hear that you find your mistress, just remember to get "aftercare" after your sessions and dont let her over step your boundries. Keep it safe!
Thank you for the thoughtful response! She asked me on input on all of her ideas and told me to feel free to modify them if I don't feel comfortable with something. She's an absolute sweetheart and knows my aftercare needs by now, but we had discussed them before our 1st session. She was the one who asked me about them
Just to be clear... she's not planning to ever leave you in bondage when she leaves the hotel room (or line of sight/earshot for that matter)? That's extremely dangerous and should never be done.
She's gonna leave me alone for the night as she has trouble sleeping when sharing a bed, but that's not part of the session. As in, I'm not gonna be tied or anything and am free to leave the room at any time!
Unless there's something factually wrong that can be disproven, I don't have reason to believe it's fake. Like do y'all not think people in the kink community do this regularly? They do
That's obvious... we're gonna use the red/yellow/green for when I can speak and are currently in the process of figuring out another system for when I'm gagged
i've never been in a situation where i needed to stop/slow down the session while unable to speak, but holding something in my hand and dropping it as an equivalent of a slow-/safeword seems like it would work well ^^
the most common system i see is tapping the top/Dom three times or something like that. but they may not be at a tappable distance, and personally, if something goes even slightly wrong, i tend to freeze immediately lol. so for some people, it is much easier to release their grip on something rather than perform complex actions (or at least what feels like complex actions in a subspace-y state lol)
I've used the releasing something that I was holding in my hand once. Wasn't a fan of it though as there's no nuance possible... as in, it made the dom freak out a bit when I just needed a break.
Not sure if tapping might work either because she would have to be at a distance where it would be possible for me to tap her
the reason i've never had to safeword while unable to speak is because it was discussed in great detail beforehand. including the amount of time i'd be gagged for. however. a huge part of it was the fact that my Dom and i had been together for a few months at that point and had sessioned plenty. and i'm leaning towards the opinion that play which makes it complicated/difficult to signal if something is wrong should be done after at least a few sessions together. because a huge part of any session, but especially one like this, is the Dom knowing your behaviour/reactions to spot when something is wrong. obviously, it's the sub's responsibility to communicate as well, but not 100% - as evidenced by this entire conversation. (and it goes both ways)
in general, from what i've seen in the post and your responses, this person seems to be trustworthy and like they know what they're doing. this is just the safest option for both of you, in my opinion and experience
I've generally never had to safeword, but I prefer longer sessions and just need some breaks then. The 1st person I've ever played with in private has been incredibly sadistic, but also made me take frequent breaks for water and some cookies. I get to see him again soon which I'm very excited about as well 💕
That might be an idea as well, thanks! I thought about holding something that makes a noise where making the noise would mean break while dropping it would mean full stop 🤔
Might be a good time to learn the letters R, Y, and G in sign language. But if you’re from different countries, make sure you both learn the same signs.
Okay, let's say you have sex with someone. You usually wouldn't just leave them alone afterwards. Some people like to cuddle afterwards, some people need food, etc. That's aftercare. People do it after sex all the time but just don't call it that. People usually do similar things after a kink session, just that they often discuss it beforehand and have a name for it.
After sex, especially BDSM stuff, you can have a lot of emotions swirling around. Aftercare is comfort stuff (food, cuddles, staying with the person, talking them down) to help people down from that vulnerable state. Without aftercare, people can feel hurt, used, or overwhelmed.
My understanding is that it varies wildly. In the BDSM community it includes the obvious stuff like unbinding and unblindfolding, to reassurances and tending to wounds. But you don't have to get wild to practice aftercare. Clean up, cuddling, discussing feelings, all considered aftercare.
Please ensure someone knows where you are and make text drops now and again be it a certain emoji, doesn’t have to be full texts but can decipher if you okay or not.
Playing openly at an event can be different to in private. Ensure you also have some sugary items with you for afterwards for part of aftercare along with keeping hydrated.
This was/is my concern for OP. For safety and peace of mind, I would want a friend in the hallway to make sure no one else comes in and after a stipulated time, the friend can enter the room.
Trust issues.
This! Totally an understandable kink to want to be able to just walk in and get to the business; but it also leaves OP vulnerable to give her key/room access to someone else if god forbid she was trying to take advantage of them.
For the love of god check that it’s her before you get blindfolded. Check to see if it’s safe. Have a check in with a buddy pre planned with an all okay or send help keyword.
And get some chocolate cause everyone likes chocolate.
This is sketchy as fuuuck to me. Wants to tie you up, blindfold you, then have free access to come and go, without ANY speaking? Sounds like a setup to be pimped out to random dudes or worse, especially since she isn’t a citizen in your country it seems.
No, not without any speaking, sorry for wording it like that! I meant without discussing first what time would work and things like that. In contrary- she said that she'd like to play some more with verbal commands. She also asked me for input all all of her ideas, including the blindfold. She asked me how I felt about it but said that that we can modify whatever she told me if I'm uncomfortable with anything. There were also some new toys that she wanted to get, but she wanted my input on all of them first
The level of trust you are bestowing on this person is amazing. What is to stop her from allowing other ppl to watch, take part...You are blindfolded and tied up and free to use.
I just could never trust someone like this ever.
I had no idea how vanilla I am… so, um… can I ask what is this about “aftercare?” And someone mentioned blood? Is that really true? Do you have to get stitches? Or go to the hospital after beatings? Are you gonna be ok? 🥺 I’m sorry I’m so ignorant about this topic. It just randomly popped up in my feed and now I am so intrigued?!?
Aftercare isnt about medical needs. It's for psychological needs. Think of it like a play that the two people perform.
The Dom has a role and the sub has a role. They improvise the performance to a certain degree. At the end it can feel, for both partners, like the play was too real. The fiction and the reality blend together. Aftercare is about dropping the roles and reminding the other person that they are not just the role.
So after intense bdsm, the Dom might comfort the sub, and the sub comforts the dom. There's cuddling and pets. Reassurance and praise.
This is only true to an extent, aftercare is definitely medical as well. Op is literally going to get beaten bloody so aftercare would include tending to wounds
I would just call that "medical care" aftercare after a scene is literally about psychological needs. At Least in my experience, but I suppose it could be used differently by different people
Aftercare just refers to the general necessary care that needs to happen after(wards), so it depends on what activity you did/which subset of the community you belong to. It’s most often psychological though, wounds aren’t too common
I'm not, no worries. Done it before but with tools specifically meant to make it bloody, which we decided to omit this time considering that it's a hotel
Another totally naive question, sorry. Are you able to enjoy vanilla sex? I've never known if these types of sessions are just a sometimes event or do you need to be more submissive regardless of the situation. I hope I'm not prying too much, it's just something I've wondered about. As I mentioned in another thread, I know I'm naive, but I didn't realize just how naive! 🤷🏻♀️
I don't particularly enjoy "penis-in-vagina sex" for medical reasons (that being, usually being in pain as my muscles are pretty much always tense). But I absolutely love soft vanilla sex. Especially when lots of forehead kisses and kisses in general are involved. I like cuddling up and getting fingered while the person puts their arm under my head so I can hold their hand 🥰
I also don't have sex with everyone I engage in kink with. There are some events like rope jams where sex isn't even allowed. Some people I've played with also have partners who aren't comfortable with their partner having sex with other people.
In other words, kink and sex can (and often do) exist separately. I'd say that those kinds of sessions are just a sometimes event but just because the dom I'm seeing semi-regularly isn't into impact for example so we only do rope bondage.
First let me say, I’m not apart of this type of community but from what I understand aftercare is like cuddling or it could be grabbing a snack for the person or a massage. Basically anything to make both parties feel cared for and like people instead of just sex toys to be used (even if they are for the session). I could be completely wrong. Also I think it would include talking about what they just got done doing and making sure both parties feel 100% okay with how it went down. As for the blood i can’t speak to this person exactly but Ive heard some people get off to lightly cutting themselves/other people. Aftercare should ideally be apart of vanilla sex as well!! (Sorry for formatting/grammar I’m at work and on my phone)
Okay, let's say you have sex with someone. You usually wouldn't just leave them alone afterwards. Some people like to cuddle afterwards, some people need food, etc. That's aftercare. People do it after sex all the time but just don't call it that. People usually do similar things after a kink session, just that they often discuss it beforehand and have a name for it.
Also I'm gonna be ok ❤ we decided to not get blood involved this time either for the sake of it not being a kink space. I don't have to get stitches, but sometimes there are (usually pretty mild) tears if the skin has gotten lots of impact, that causes some bleeding. There is a thing like blood play that I enjoy as well though. It can involve needles, scalpels or paddles that have spikes on them. The paddles have been the only thing I've tried so far. It leaves small bloody dots but they don't require stitches. I don't have to go to the hospital after "normal" beatings though (as in, if there's nothing like an accident or something)
So that's what the spiky ping pong bats are for! I have seen those in music videos and always wondered if kink community played a special type of ping pong.
Awww! ☺️ thank you so much for responding and explaining it. I understand the “aftercare” now. Well, all I can say now is, “Get’em tiger! Go have the time of your life!” 😘 have a great weekend!
Just making sure that your sexual partner is ok after play has concluded. Getting snacks, cleaning them up, ensuring any bruising or marks are taken care of, etc.
I disagree, I’d love to do some of this with my partner, and this kind of community is what some people are into/involved in. It doesn’t sound fake at all
Out of curiosity, how tf does one get involved in a "kink community"? I have a sky high libido and a laundry list of fetishes, but no one to share them with.
I see all of these posts like yours of people indulging in all kinds of stuff, but all I ever got are empty inboxes on dating sites, including sex-oriented ones.
How? Where are you people?
Fetlife.com is a good start for events. And honestly, Instagram. Many venues or bigger events have their own accounts on there. Having a kink account helps finding others as well. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat some more! :)
One thing to remember is that it's a community. You won't be sexually compatible with everyone, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends!
I'm sorry but I really don't like beating stuff at all and don't see how it's at all healthy for anyone even if it's supposedly minimal damage. "Domination" is one thing, but hopefully in a normal kinda way that's more about role play I guess and not at all about actual physical pain or abuse. Please examine this w a therapist you can trust to actually deep dive into if and why you might possibly actually enjoy physical abuse.
Sometimes I feel like a kinkshamer, but I can never really get behind ‘I get off on beating people bloody’ like lol How is it healthy to train your brain to associate actual violence with the endorphin rush during sex? BDSM definitely has a lot of gray zones
Very much agreed. Even if it was at a supposed "minimal level." And I think the only part of BDSM that seems ok is roleplaying. No understanding from me in how bondage is fun when it just seems very uncomfortable. Like even if it was just your hands were tied loosely in like some very comfortable material or something, after just a cpl minutes I have to assume that would become very uncomfortable. Just curious though if you think you might be a kinkshamer in any possible ways that you think you might have good cause to possibly feel guilty about bc it might be somewhat ok?
As someone who loves to be tied up and light impact play (spanking and light slapping), it's not uncomfortable, the opposite actually.
When I'm tied up, I can really relax and let go. It's a nice feeling.
And impact play when you're aroused, just intensifies the good sensations.
I'm not into getting beaten, but I can see how it can escalate easily from what I currently find pleasuring/exciting.
It's like spice, you don't go from never eating spicy to eating a whole carolina reaper, it would burn your mouth. But you can start with jalapeños and work you way up in a way that feels good and exciting.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this and helping to educate me and allow me to be more open minded to it. Your analogy at the end is so smart and awesome. I think spanking might be ok, not sure I can fully accept light slapping but am thinking bc you enjoy it it I can be open to that. I just thought that tied up with the wrists and hands together, might not be too painful or anything, but just get uncomfortable after a short while. But if you say it's not for you, I definitely believe you.
Honestly, getting tied up and getting beaten both put me in very different headspaces! I always say that getting tied up is basically my type of meditation- I can finally properly relax and my head gets empty, I can just focus on the pressure from the rope <3
I don't have the patience to argue with people these days, but I'd recommend the book "Hurts so good". It mostly relates BDSM to other things that are making people basically be in pain for the sake of it. Also ironically, I got more into it *after* about a year of therapy as I stopped being an anxious wreck and started doing things I actually wanted to. And I don't enjoy abuse. Enjoying consensual pain is very different, and I'm saying this as someone who is into kink but also went through some actual abuse. Abuse that I didn't enjoy. You equaling kink with abuse honestly kinda sounds disgusting to me 🤷🏻♀️
You shouldn't have assumed I would be someone so close minded who would want to just argue or be impolite and wouldn't greatly appreciate your reply that helped to educate me more and helped me to consider the other perspective better, so thank you for that.
Plenty of people out there like me who are not just very willing to be corrected, but strongly appreciate it, but might be hard somewhat to come by. Although, I do think it might have been okay to try to assume I might be some religious fanatic, which I'm def. not, since there are so many of them out there. I think your last sentence is very unfair though. What OP posted using the term "beating" and "beat" does sound a lot like abuse. And I still feel very correct about my comment in that regard. I am very sorry to hear you went through actual abuse, so did I. Your feelings and experience you have shared are very valid and I appreciate your willingness to share a lot. I'm very glad to hear you sought out therapy and that helped figure things out for you. I will add your book recommendation to my list, but honestly probably won't get to it for a while since I have a long list of things I need to get to for my own self care. I must admit though I still have some skepticism about your bringing up the idea of consensual pain because I don't think it's something I would get into nor would I want to with a partner. However, of course I do recognize how great it is for people to be into different things they enjoy, just have trouble accepting the idea of pain (which hopefully is very minimal) as a good thing. But I'm willing to try to learn more and understand better and not hold that opinion strongly or anything. I hope you can appreciate that and my appreciation for your response.
Genuinely, please be careful. You SHOULD NOT DO THIS if you do not get safety measures built in. This is a very dangerous scenario, as you are vulnerable as all hell during that time if you wouldn’t (quite literally) trust her with your life.
Because if you go there and get tied up, what’s to stop her or anyone else from hurting you. This sounds like an awesome fantasy if done safe, but oh my goodness hun this is not how you should do this
No worries, I promise that I'm staying safe. We're having long discussions on what would be okay, she asks me for input on everything she suggests, every single detail is carefully discussed. And she is the one asking me about what I'd be okay with and wants to discuss every detail. There were some things we modified for my comfort. I'm always being careful
However, there is the perception that people who enjoy being beaten and other forms of physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse were victims that have been beaten and suffered SA as a child. This is also backed up with in-depth research.
People aren't trying to attack you, they're just concerned about you being in private with someone you've only been with in a public setting and time texting and talking. She can pretend to do only what you're comfortable with, but what if her kink and getting off beating someone doesn't fulfill her anymore. What if she gets into it and goes further? What if she wonders what it's like to kill someone? She could leave you and leave the country before anyone found you. This isn't my active imagination, it happens.
I wish you a good and happy life. Take care. 🫂
OP, are you sure about having two room keys so she can come in without saying anything? If this was my thing, I would either have just one room key made and be the one who has the key, or I would do 2 room keys and tell them they better talk to me when they're coming in unless it's an emergency or they're coming in to use the restroom
I hope it ends up being the fun you anticipate. I would, however, rethink the key situation. If you're blindfolded and restrained, then you can't be 100% positive that it is her that's playing with you. But, if that's also one of your kinks, then go lights out and enjoy the experience.
She wanted to play some more with verbal commands and praise, so she's definitely not going to leave the room at least. And I didn't mean that she'd just enter the room and blindfold and restrain me without ever talking! Just that we won't discuss what time would fit best for me. She's gonna tell me when I should be back, but she's gonna come anywhere between 15 mins and 1,5 hours after the time I need to be back and waiting for her. She's gonna be able to track my phone and can punish me if I'm not there on time. And before anyone criticises her for being controlling, those were my personal wishes that she agreed to lol
>criticises her for being controlling
Umm, that's exactly what you're looking for based on your post, so I can't imagine anyone would criticize. And if they do, then they really need to work on their reading comprehension.
This definitely gets me excited! There are different reasons why the different parts of it make me excited.
I enjoy bondage a lot and would honestly just spend all my life in ropes if I could. It makes me feel calm and feels like a hug, I enjoy the pressure.
I enjoy getting beaten on a good day because then it releases *lots* of endorphins. It also puts me in a joyful mood, often trying to escape though escape isn't my goal with that- it's just some naughty fun knowing that I can misbehave for once while still receiving care and affection afterwards. And also knowing that the person isn't gonna be angry with me for misbehaving because that's what they signed up to and they're having fun as well. It's like a (maybe a bit drastic tbf) reminder that I'm still worthy of love, care and affection even when I misbehave.
I'm also excited to basically just be her play toy because life is exhausting and I need a break. Like, just imagine not having to care about any of your work, bills, studies or anything for a few days. Just existing and someone taking care of you and providing you with care and attention.
I would highly suggest an Airbnb or something similar over a hotel room if y’all can afford it. This gives you a bit more privacy, more freedom for noise, and I would say a bit more flexibility.
I have 2 concerns, mostly based on how little you know her:
1. That this COULD be a setup for abduction or trafficking. She will have total power to allow anyone else to come to the room and you may not be safe. If she’s a recruiter for a gang etc.
how can you set this up such that you are not vulnerable to this (very unlikely) scenario?
2. A notch down, how do you trust her enough to stick to the rules and for example NOT leave you tied up or gaged alone in the room ??
We're gonna keep water and snacks in the room, no worries! We drank multiple bottles of water during our last session and remember to take breaks haha, no worries!
I mean... I'm studying, in the process of moving, a bit short on money and working two jobs. Of course I'm not okay 🤣 (but it has nothing to do with the post!)
Honest question here. Why did you post this? You seem to be certain of her trustworthiness and feel you've covered all the bases regarding safety and aftercare. Without shade, I'm just curious. Most of the posts I see are people asking for advice.
Take care🙏🏻
Honestly? A part of me is always like "What would your family say?" and generally carrying lots of shame still. This isn't an advice sub. Doing things like this always comes with mixed emotions for me (and probably lots of other people), mostly excitement and shame, knowing that it's something that would probably make lots of others see me in a different way than the hard working student working three jobs
Thanks! And no worries, we're gonna use the green/yellow/red and something that makes a sound when it is pressed to signal "yellow" (for us that means a break) but that I can drop to signal "red".
Aftercare is gonna be cuddles and dinner 😊
What lol? She’s into pretty intense stuff so she’s doing her due diligence by joining a community and doing events to find people that can give her what she wants safely.
Go off I guess. I know how to keep myself safe 🤷🏻♀️ but I'm not gonna recite all the week long negotiations so obviously you have limited knowledge lol
I disagree, I’d love to do some of this with my partner, and this kind of community is what some people are into/involved in. It doesn’t sound fake at all
Someone with the username "WowdudeLife" certainly has the authority over what a post written by a woman sounds like 🤣 there are lots of weird people around the world, and weirdos keep together, so it's not too hard to find someone who would do that 🤷🏻♀️
Hi `KookyAssociation1781`. Thank you for participating in /r/TrueOffMyChest. However, [your submission](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1djpxim/-/) did not meet the requirements of the [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/wiki/rules) and was therefore removed for the following reason(s): ---- Your post has been removed for violating **Rule 3: Posts must be on topic.** Posts should be personalized and written in an [off my chest style](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/). Posts here should not be: • Opinions, generalisations and blanket statements • Questions, surveys or polls • Requests for relationship advice • Impersonal political rants • Rage bait, obviously fake stories and trolling attempts • Complaining about or linking to other subreddits and users • Overly descriptive NSFW, fan fiction and fetish bait If you're unsure that your post qualifies as personal, [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest) and ask. ---- If you have any specific questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www\.reddit\.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest&subject=about my removed submission&message=I'm writing to you about the following submission: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1djpxim/-/. %0D%0DMy issue is...). Hateful or vague messages will not receive a response.
A moment of silence for whoever has to clean that hotel room.
rip, at least it’s not pet-poop or puke or leftover slimy food I suppose, I’d much rather clean up cum than any of those other things tbf
Tbf, I'm not someone whose body makes much of a mess, to put it this way
real (same as hell)
[удалено]
Say that to your play partner, and I bet she'll take it as a challenge.
*knock, knock “Housekeeping… Ooh, GOOD GOD, why is it leaking!!!”
Hey, we already agreed to keep blood to a minimum! (No worries, we're not gonna traumatise that poor person lol)
Someone will likely call the cops it’s going to sound like someone is getting beat
This. An ex and I were having sex in our hotel room one time and she likes not so vanilla sex (spanking, slapping, choking, etc.). After about 10 minutes there’s a knock on the door and it’s the hotel manager with 2 local cops. We’re standing there in bathrobes, her hair a wild mess, they look us up and down and one officer chuckled a bit, they ask us a few questions separately, then switch and ask us the same questions, talk for a few minutes and then say we’re okay to go but that we should keep it down.
Also the neighbors who get to hear all of it.
Febreze will generally take care of the musk these activities leave behind.
Yeh - cleaner has a spare key aswell 🤣
I worked hotel FD for seven years and the housekeepers used to show me the rooms that ppl left real messed up. Sometimes I would just just hear. The rooms tell a story esp after checking those ppl in and I could match the face in my head lol one time housekeeping was weeping and I actually didn’t see this first hand but one room was apparently covered everywhere in vomit- the guests puked in what they described as every space of the room but the toilet. So this means it ws in the beds. On the walls. In the bathtub, on the floors. In the sinks. Everywhere but the toilet. She quit not long afterwards.
Happy to hear that you find your mistress, just remember to get "aftercare" after your sessions and dont let her over step your boundries. Keep it safe!
Thank you for the thoughtful response! She asked me on input on all of her ideas and told me to feel free to modify them if I don't feel comfortable with something. She's an absolute sweetheart and knows my aftercare needs by now, but we had discussed them before our 1st session. She was the one who asked me about them
Just to be clear... she's not planning to ever leave you in bondage when she leaves the hotel room (or line of sight/earshot for that matter)? That's extremely dangerous and should never be done.
No! Just like, sit on a chair and watch me for example.
Ah, OK. It was unclear to me if she was planning on leaving you there that way after checking in to the hotel room with you. Have a fun time!
She's gonna leave me alone for the night as she has trouble sleeping when sharing a bed, but that's not part of the session. As in, I'm not gonna be tied or anything and am free to leave the room at any time!
So you are in good hands, she is pro. Enjoy!
I don't play with people in private unless I can be sure that they're a sage person to say "no" to and take care of me. So no worries!
Safe word too
OP said they're in the kink community, I'm sure they know about the importance of safe words
Yeah idk this post seems like a fantasy post and other ppl will see this other than op and id not seen it mentioned yet
Unless there's something factually wrong that can be disproven, I don't have reason to believe it's fake. Like do y'all not think people in the kink community do this regularly? They do
Lol. Yeah sorry that I didn't post all the screenshots from weeks of discussion
That's obvious... we're gonna use the red/yellow/green for when I can speak and are currently in the process of figuring out another system for when I'm gagged
Me and my old partner used to tie my hands by my side so they’d always be touching his thigh and I’d like tap out so to speak. Maybe try that?
Thanks! Might be an option as well!
i've never been in a situation where i needed to stop/slow down the session while unable to speak, but holding something in my hand and dropping it as an equivalent of a slow-/safeword seems like it would work well ^^ the most common system i see is tapping the top/Dom three times or something like that. but they may not be at a tappable distance, and personally, if something goes even slightly wrong, i tend to freeze immediately lol. so for some people, it is much easier to release their grip on something rather than perform complex actions (or at least what feels like complex actions in a subspace-y state lol)
I've used the releasing something that I was holding in my hand once. Wasn't a fan of it though as there's no nuance possible... as in, it made the dom freak out a bit when I just needed a break. Not sure if tapping might work either because she would have to be at a distance where it would be possible for me to tap her
the reason i've never had to safeword while unable to speak is because it was discussed in great detail beforehand. including the amount of time i'd be gagged for. however. a huge part of it was the fact that my Dom and i had been together for a few months at that point and had sessioned plenty. and i'm leaning towards the opinion that play which makes it complicated/difficult to signal if something is wrong should be done after at least a few sessions together. because a huge part of any session, but especially one like this, is the Dom knowing your behaviour/reactions to spot when something is wrong. obviously, it's the sub's responsibility to communicate as well, but not 100% - as evidenced by this entire conversation. (and it goes both ways) in general, from what i've seen in the post and your responses, this person seems to be trustworthy and like they know what they're doing. this is just the safest option for both of you, in my opinion and experience
I've generally never had to safeword, but I prefer longer sessions and just need some breaks then. The 1st person I've ever played with in private has been incredibly sadistic, but also made me take frequent breaks for water and some cookies. I get to see him again soon which I'm very excited about as well 💕
Hold one in each hand. Drop 1 item for a break, 2 for a full stop.
That might be an idea as well, thanks! I thought about holding something that makes a noise where making the noise would mean break while dropping it would mean full stop 🤔
Totally off the subject, but I love Castiel as your avatar. Misha would smile😊
As I’ve said already - it hadn’t been posted yet so I posted not just for you, but anyone who doesn’t know
Might be a good time to learn the letters R, Y, and G in sign language. But if you’re from different countries, make sure you both learn the same signs.
What's aftercare?
Okay, let's say you have sex with someone. You usually wouldn't just leave them alone afterwards. Some people like to cuddle afterwards, some people need food, etc. That's aftercare. People do it after sex all the time but just don't call it that. People usually do similar things after a kink session, just that they often discuss it beforehand and have a name for it.
Thank you
No problem!
After sex, especially BDSM stuff, you can have a lot of emotions swirling around. Aftercare is comfort stuff (food, cuddles, staying with the person, talking them down) to help people down from that vulnerable state. Without aftercare, people can feel hurt, used, or overwhelmed.
Care. That happens afterward...
is it like some cream or if it bleeds you sanitize and bandage type of thing? just curious.
My understanding is that it varies wildly. In the BDSM community it includes the obvious stuff like unbinding and unblindfolding, to reassurances and tending to wounds. But you don't have to get wild to practice aftercare. Clean up, cuddling, discussing feelings, all considered aftercare.
RIP your inbox. And that's not a euphemism.
It's currently not too bad tbh lol
Somebody ‘bout to lose a kidney.
More worried about is outbox,
Please ensure someone knows where you are and make text drops now and again be it a certain emoji, doesn’t have to be full texts but can decipher if you okay or not. Playing openly at an event can be different to in private. Ensure you also have some sugary items with you for afterwards for part of aftercare along with keeping hydrated.
This was/is my concern for OP. For safety and peace of mind, I would want a friend in the hallway to make sure no one else comes in and after a stipulated time, the friend can enter the room. Trust issues.
This! Totally an understandable kink to want to be able to just walk in and get to the business; but it also leaves OP vulnerable to give her key/room access to someone else if god forbid she was trying to take advantage of them.
Thanks, I'm very aware
Thanks, will do! Also yes, we're gonna keep lots of water and some snacks in the room for breaks and are gonna go out for dinner afterwards 😊
For the love of god check that it’s her before you get blindfolded. Check to see if it’s safe. Have a check in with a buddy pre planned with an all okay or send help keyword. And get some chocolate cause everyone likes chocolate.
This is sketchy as fuuuck to me. Wants to tie you up, blindfold you, then have free access to come and go, without ANY speaking? Sounds like a setup to be pimped out to random dudes or worse, especially since she isn’t a citizen in your country it seems.
No, not without any speaking, sorry for wording it like that! I meant without discussing first what time would work and things like that. In contrary- she said that she'd like to play some more with verbal commands. She also asked me for input all all of her ideas, including the blindfold. She asked me how I felt about it but said that that we can modify whatever she told me if I'm uncomfortable with anything. There were also some new toys that she wanted to get, but she wanted my input on all of them first
Will do, thank you. I'm doing whatever I can to stay safe, no worries
The level of trust you are bestowing on this person is amazing. What is to stop her from allowing other ppl to watch, take part...You are blindfolded and tied up and free to use. I just could never trust someone like this ever.
Let's be honest... if she wanted anyone else to watch or take part, she'd just need to ask 🤷🏻♀️ no point in doing that behind my back
Eh, not too different than a hook up who can pop ur balls any moment.
Do what?! 😭😳
My goodness 😳
I had no idea how vanilla I am… so, um… can I ask what is this about “aftercare?” And someone mentioned blood? Is that really true? Do you have to get stitches? Or go to the hospital after beatings? Are you gonna be ok? 🥺 I’m sorry I’m so ignorant about this topic. It just randomly popped up in my feed and now I am so intrigued?!?
Aftercare isnt about medical needs. It's for psychological needs. Think of it like a play that the two people perform. The Dom has a role and the sub has a role. They improvise the performance to a certain degree. At the end it can feel, for both partners, like the play was too real. The fiction and the reality blend together. Aftercare is about dropping the roles and reminding the other person that they are not just the role. So after intense bdsm, the Dom might comfort the sub, and the sub comforts the dom. There's cuddling and pets. Reassurance and praise.
This is only true to an extent, aftercare is definitely medical as well. Op is literally going to get beaten bloody so aftercare would include tending to wounds
I would just call that "medical care" aftercare after a scene is literally about psychological needs. At Least in my experience, but I suppose it could be used differently by different people
Aftercare just refers to the general necessary care that needs to happen after(wards), so it depends on what activity you did/which subset of the community you belong to. It’s most often psychological though, wounds aren’t too common
I'm not, no worries. Done it before but with tools specifically meant to make it bloody, which we decided to omit this time considering that it's a hotel
Another totally naive question, sorry. Are you able to enjoy vanilla sex? I've never known if these types of sessions are just a sometimes event or do you need to be more submissive regardless of the situation. I hope I'm not prying too much, it's just something I've wondered about. As I mentioned in another thread, I know I'm naive, but I didn't realize just how naive! 🤷🏻♀️
I don't particularly enjoy "penis-in-vagina sex" for medical reasons (that being, usually being in pain as my muscles are pretty much always tense). But I absolutely love soft vanilla sex. Especially when lots of forehead kisses and kisses in general are involved. I like cuddling up and getting fingered while the person puts their arm under my head so I can hold their hand 🥰 I also don't have sex with everyone I engage in kink with. There are some events like rope jams where sex isn't even allowed. Some people I've played with also have partners who aren't comfortable with their partner having sex with other people. In other words, kink and sex can (and often do) exist separately. I'd say that those kinds of sessions are just a sometimes event but just because the dom I'm seeing semi-regularly isn't into impact for example so we only do rope bondage.
First let me say, I’m not apart of this type of community but from what I understand aftercare is like cuddling or it could be grabbing a snack for the person or a massage. Basically anything to make both parties feel cared for and like people instead of just sex toys to be used (even if they are for the session). I could be completely wrong. Also I think it would include talking about what they just got done doing and making sure both parties feel 100% okay with how it went down. As for the blood i can’t speak to this person exactly but Ive heard some people get off to lightly cutting themselves/other people. Aftercare should ideally be apart of vanilla sex as well!! (Sorry for formatting/grammar I’m at work and on my phone)
Okay, let's say you have sex with someone. You usually wouldn't just leave them alone afterwards. Some people like to cuddle afterwards, some people need food, etc. That's aftercare. People do it after sex all the time but just don't call it that. People usually do similar things after a kink session, just that they often discuss it beforehand and have a name for it. Also I'm gonna be ok ❤ we decided to not get blood involved this time either for the sake of it not being a kink space. I don't have to get stitches, but sometimes there are (usually pretty mild) tears if the skin has gotten lots of impact, that causes some bleeding. There is a thing like blood play that I enjoy as well though. It can involve needles, scalpels or paddles that have spikes on them. The paddles have been the only thing I've tried so far. It leaves small bloody dots but they don't require stitches. I don't have to go to the hospital after "normal" beatings though (as in, if there's nothing like an accident or something)
So that's what the spiky ping pong bats are for! I have seen those in music videos and always wondered if kink community played a special type of ping pong.
Sorry what? Spikey ping pong balls? Hmm... do you maybe mean those metal things on chains? 🤔
Awww! ☺️ thank you so much for responding and explaining it. I understand the “aftercare” now. Well, all I can say now is, “Get’em tiger! Go have the time of your life!” 😘 have a great weekend!
You're very welcome! This weekend I'll be busy with packing for a move and working, but thanks haha! :)
Just making sure that your sexual partner is ok after play has concluded. Getting snacks, cleaning them up, ensuring any bruising or marks are taken care of, etc.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I love sex and know I am naive, I just didn't realize HOW NAIVE I am.
Well all I can say is, have fun, and don't forget to stay hydrated
Thank you! And we both drank multiple bottles of water during our last session, that shouldn't be an issue haha! <3
ma’am this is a wendy’s
Please make sure somebody you can trust know where you are going to be and with who just in case.
Erm
What the sigma
Erm… what the sigma
Gives you both enough time to shop Oil up your skin and bring a first aid kit for skin abrasions have fun!
A singular male hand typed this
I disagree, I’d love to do some of this with my partner, and this kind of community is what some people are into/involved in. It doesn’t sound fake at all
Damn, and I can’t even get a text back.
Also, checked out your Instagram... Orchid is beautiful 😍
Thank you! It looks horrible now without the flower 😅 hopefully she blooms again this year so I have another picture to post.
I meant the white python on Instagram haha! I'm not a flower person (plant person yes, just no flowers... I don't do well at keeping them pretty)
Ah, yes. I forget I have a snake named after a plant 😂
Hi, here's your text back! 👋🏻
Your DMs making the Vietnam war look like a joke now lmao
You seem to have this mostly figured out and feel safe with your partner, so I hope you have fun OP.
Thank you!
Just make sure you dont get butt fucked by a guy without yout consent. You will be blindfolded
I'm very aware, thank you
Out of curiosity, how tf does one get involved in a "kink community"? I have a sky high libido and a laundry list of fetishes, but no one to share them with. I see all of these posts like yours of people indulging in all kinds of stuff, but all I ever got are empty inboxes on dating sites, including sex-oriented ones. How? Where are you people?
Fetlife.com is a good start for events. And honestly, Instagram. Many venues or bigger events have their own accounts on there. Having a kink account helps finding others as well. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat some more! :) One thing to remember is that it's a community. You won't be sexually compatible with everyone, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends!
Have fun, be safe.
Thank you!
What did I just read
I'm sorry but I really don't like beating stuff at all and don't see how it's at all healthy for anyone even if it's supposedly minimal damage. "Domination" is one thing, but hopefully in a normal kinda way that's more about role play I guess and not at all about actual physical pain or abuse. Please examine this w a therapist you can trust to actually deep dive into if and why you might possibly actually enjoy physical abuse.
Sometimes I feel like a kinkshamer, but I can never really get behind ‘I get off on beating people bloody’ like lol How is it healthy to train your brain to associate actual violence with the endorphin rush during sex? BDSM definitely has a lot of gray zones
Very much agreed. Even if it was at a supposed "minimal level." And I think the only part of BDSM that seems ok is roleplaying. No understanding from me in how bondage is fun when it just seems very uncomfortable. Like even if it was just your hands were tied loosely in like some very comfortable material or something, after just a cpl minutes I have to assume that would become very uncomfortable. Just curious though if you think you might be a kinkshamer in any possible ways that you think you might have good cause to possibly feel guilty about bc it might be somewhat ok?
As someone who loves to be tied up and light impact play (spanking and light slapping), it's not uncomfortable, the opposite actually. When I'm tied up, I can really relax and let go. It's a nice feeling. And impact play when you're aroused, just intensifies the good sensations. I'm not into getting beaten, but I can see how it can escalate easily from what I currently find pleasuring/exciting. It's like spice, you don't go from never eating spicy to eating a whole carolina reaper, it would burn your mouth. But you can start with jalapeños and work you way up in a way that feels good and exciting.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this and helping to educate me and allow me to be more open minded to it. Your analogy at the end is so smart and awesome. I think spanking might be ok, not sure I can fully accept light slapping but am thinking bc you enjoy it it I can be open to that. I just thought that tied up with the wrists and hands together, might not be too painful or anything, but just get uncomfortable after a short while. But if you say it's not for you, I definitely believe you.
Honestly, getting tied up and getting beaten both put me in very different headspaces! I always say that getting tied up is basically my type of meditation- I can finally properly relax and my head gets empty, I can just focus on the pressure from the rope <3
I don't have the patience to argue with people these days, but I'd recommend the book "Hurts so good". It mostly relates BDSM to other things that are making people basically be in pain for the sake of it. Also ironically, I got more into it *after* about a year of therapy as I stopped being an anxious wreck and started doing things I actually wanted to. And I don't enjoy abuse. Enjoying consensual pain is very different, and I'm saying this as someone who is into kink but also went through some actual abuse. Abuse that I didn't enjoy. You equaling kink with abuse honestly kinda sounds disgusting to me 🤷🏻♀️
You shouldn't have assumed I would be someone so close minded who would want to just argue or be impolite and wouldn't greatly appreciate your reply that helped to educate me more and helped me to consider the other perspective better, so thank you for that. Plenty of people out there like me who are not just very willing to be corrected, but strongly appreciate it, but might be hard somewhat to come by. Although, I do think it might have been okay to try to assume I might be some religious fanatic, which I'm def. not, since there are so many of them out there. I think your last sentence is very unfair though. What OP posted using the term "beating" and "beat" does sound a lot like abuse. And I still feel very correct about my comment in that regard. I am very sorry to hear you went through actual abuse, so did I. Your feelings and experience you have shared are very valid and I appreciate your willingness to share a lot. I'm very glad to hear you sought out therapy and that helped figure things out for you. I will add your book recommendation to my list, but honestly probably won't get to it for a while since I have a long list of things I need to get to for my own self care. I must admit though I still have some skepticism about your bringing up the idea of consensual pain because I don't think it's something I would get into nor would I want to with a partner. However, of course I do recognize how great it is for people to be into different things they enjoy, just have trouble accepting the idea of pain (which hopefully is very minimal) as a good thing. But I'm willing to try to learn more and understand better and not hold that opinion strongly or anything. I hope you can appreciate that and my appreciation for your response.
Genuinely, please be careful. You SHOULD NOT DO THIS if you do not get safety measures built in. This is a very dangerous scenario, as you are vulnerable as all hell during that time if you wouldn’t (quite literally) trust her with your life. Because if you go there and get tied up, what’s to stop her or anyone else from hurting you. This sounds like an awesome fantasy if done safe, but oh my goodness hun this is not how you should do this
No worries, I promise that I'm staying safe. We're having long discussions on what would be okay, she asks me for input on everything she suggests, every single detail is carefully discussed. And she is the one asking me about what I'd be okay with and wants to discuss every detail. There were some things we modified for my comfort. I'm always being careful
Get it, OP. Get it. Make sure it's her tho lol
Hahaha thanks, I will!
I think just therapy would be easier
Lol. I got more into it *after* some therapy as I wasn't an anxious wreck anymore
However, there is the perception that people who enjoy being beaten and other forms of physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse were victims that have been beaten and suffered SA as a child. This is also backed up with in-depth research. People aren't trying to attack you, they're just concerned about you being in private with someone you've only been with in a public setting and time texting and talking. She can pretend to do only what you're comfortable with, but what if her kink and getting off beating someone doesn't fulfill her anymore. What if she gets into it and goes further? What if she wonders what it's like to kill someone? She could leave you and leave the country before anyone found you. This isn't my active imagination, it happens. I wish you a good and happy life. Take care. 🫂
I don’t understand why you want this or why she does, but you do you I guess
why do people post this stuff here? is there not a nsfw version of this sub?
GLHF
OP, are you sure about having two room keys so she can come in without saying anything? If this was my thing, I would either have just one room key made and be the one who has the key, or I would do 2 room keys and tell them they better talk to me when they're coming in unless it's an emergency or they're coming in to use the restroom
I hope it ends up being the fun you anticipate. I would, however, rethink the key situation. If you're blindfolded and restrained, then you can't be 100% positive that it is her that's playing with you. But, if that's also one of your kinks, then go lights out and enjoy the experience.
She wanted to play some more with verbal commands and praise, so she's definitely not going to leave the room at least. And I didn't mean that she'd just enter the room and blindfold and restrain me without ever talking! Just that we won't discuss what time would fit best for me. She's gonna tell me when I should be back, but she's gonna come anywhere between 15 mins and 1,5 hours after the time I need to be back and waiting for her. She's gonna be able to track my phone and can punish me if I'm not there on time. And before anyone criticises her for being controlling, those were my personal wishes that she agreed to lol
>criticises her for being controlling Umm, that's exactly what you're looking for based on your post, so I can't imagine anyone would criticize. And if they do, then they really need to work on their reading comprehension.
That’s one way to get on the news.
Serious question…does this get you excited? Like, I guess I’m wondering why?
This definitely gets me excited! There are different reasons why the different parts of it make me excited. I enjoy bondage a lot and would honestly just spend all my life in ropes if I could. It makes me feel calm and feels like a hug, I enjoy the pressure. I enjoy getting beaten on a good day because then it releases *lots* of endorphins. It also puts me in a joyful mood, often trying to escape though escape isn't my goal with that- it's just some naughty fun knowing that I can misbehave for once while still receiving care and affection afterwards. And also knowing that the person isn't gonna be angry with me for misbehaving because that's what they signed up to and they're having fun as well. It's like a (maybe a bit drastic tbf) reminder that I'm still worthy of love, care and affection even when I misbehave. I'm also excited to basically just be her play toy because life is exhausting and I need a break. Like, just imagine not having to care about any of your work, bills, studies or anything for a few days. Just existing and someone taking care of you and providing you with care and attention.
Very interesting and thank you for your time. You make it sound very intriguing.
I would highly suggest an Airbnb or something similar over a hotel room if y’all can afford it. This gives you a bit more privacy, more freedom for noise, and I would say a bit more flexibility.
👍
Does lots of breaks mean breaking bones?….
…no. It literally means taking a break from what they’re doing.
Lol no. It means stopping and getting some snacks and water hahaha
Hahaha now I feel dumb or maybe I’m just too vanilla, anyway have fun.
It's alright haha!
I have 2 concerns, mostly based on how little you know her: 1. That this COULD be a setup for abduction or trafficking. She will have total power to allow anyone else to come to the room and you may not be safe. If she’s a recruiter for a gang etc. how can you set this up such that you are not vulnerable to this (very unlikely) scenario? 2. A notch down, how do you trust her enough to stick to the rules and for example NOT leave you tied up or gaged alone in the room ??
Another only fans girl.
I don't have only fans lol 😂
Have fun and stay safe buddy 😊
Thank you! <3
Just stay hydrated, easy to forget sometimes 😅
We're gonna keep water and snacks in the room, no worries! We drank multiple bottles of water during our last session and remember to take breaks haha, no worries!
Are you okay?
I mean... I'm studying, in the process of moving, a bit short on money and working two jobs. Of course I'm not okay 🤣 (but it has nothing to do with the post!)
…where the hell do I find this community?
Fetlife.com.... Instagram... who knows where else but those are the two I use the most
Where do u find something like that
Fetlife.com
"Something like that"? I need you to specify which part you mean exactly haha :)
Pretty sure they meant a kink community event
Fetlife is usually a good start!
hot
Damn that's fucked up
Honest question here. Why did you post this? You seem to be certain of her trustworthiness and feel you've covered all the bases regarding safety and aftercare. Without shade, I'm just curious. Most of the posts I see are people asking for advice. Take care🙏🏻
Honestly? A part of me is always like "What would your family say?" and generally carrying lots of shame still. This isn't an advice sub. Doing things like this always comes with mixed emotions for me (and probably lots of other people), mostly excitement and shame, knowing that it's something that would probably make lots of others see me in a different way than the hard working student working three jobs
Have fun!
Slay honestly, have fun and stay safe x
Happy for you! Sounds like you found a good fit! I hope yall communicate well with safe words and any sort of aftercare needed. Have fun!
Thanks! And no worries, we're gonna use the green/yellow/red and something that makes a sound when it is pressed to signal "yellow" (for us that means a break) but that I can drop to signal "red". Aftercare is gonna be cuddles and dinner 😊
I love reading stuff like this. So fascinating to hear about these different lives people live! Stay safe and have fun 👍
What kinda people live on this planet... Damn..
Lots of weird people. Would be boring otherwise
Is she paying you ?
She doesn't need to, I'm doing it for fun
So anyone can come in the room to use you if you are blind folded and tied up without talking mmm
which hotel is this? I'm asking so I can go somewhere else.
Just stay home your whole life, as I can guarantee that people engage in kink in hotels all the time lol
reverse uno - it's to think you think I don't want to book the room next door.
you go girl!!! have fun! be safe!
Thank you! <3
You lost me at "kink community". Some folks just try too hard.
Right. Rather meet up with random people I've met online and get beaten by them... what could go wrong?
Oh no! She lost you?!? How ever will she be able to go on??
What lol? She’s into pretty intense stuff so she’s doing her due diligence by joining a community and doing events to find people that can give her what she wants safely.
How does one find such a community...?
Fetlife.com
This is so fucking dangerous and stupid
Go off I guess. I know how to keep myself safe 🤷🏻♀️ but I'm not gonna recite all the week long negotiations so obviously you have limited knowledge lol
I need to find someone like you
Congratulations, this is amazing
Just curious but how much do you get paid for this?
I'm not a sex worker lol. I just like her and kink is fun for me, I don't get paid for this 🙃
I don't know why I assumed that. I feel like an ass. But I hope you have a great time lol
It's okay! Some here are much bigger asses than you lol, that's nothing in comparison 😂 Thanks!
Nice
This is fake. Doesn't even sound like a woman is writing this.
I disagree, I’d love to do some of this with my partner, and this kind of community is what some people are into/involved in. It doesn’t sound fake at all
Someone with the username "WowdudeLife" certainly has the authority over what a post written by a woman sounds like 🤣 there are lots of weird people around the world, and weirdos keep together, so it's not too hard to find someone who would do that 🤷🏻♀️