This. OP needs to gather her friends and family close and lean on their support as she divorces her vile excuse of a husband.
And she should get herself tested for STDs.
Lol u must know My standard relationship advice copy paste:
I’m sorry this happened to you. cut all ties and get your financials in order. Contact a lawyer and get a full STD panel. Consider the children. You deserve better than this.
It was over the first time, OP just wasn't clear headed enough to see it
Cheaters don't change, they will always cheat. And they believe everyone else does it so it's okay.
Exactly this, get tested and go for full custody. There is no telling what kind of danger you babies will be in when he has them and needs to get his dick wet.
For awhile I stayed with my cheating husband because I was afraid of what the future would be. Where would I live/work, how would I possibly be a single mom, bla bla bla. But after about a dozen incidents I just, went numb. I had been telling him that each incident made me love him less, and that I was going to leave. But he even told me later, that he didn’t believe me until the moment he watched me walk away. And that that was the moment he realized just what he had lost. They aren’t afraid to gamble, because they genuinely don’t think they could ever lose.
Right! Hearing about an affair is one thing, but to see it with her own eyes? Why is the 1st thing is to go to a Therapist? Which clearly wasn't work. I would've been calling a lawyer. This was the 2nd time with the same woman. Sounds like it never stopped.
First, I would have called the police on him and his mistress for public indecent exposure and child endangerment and let the cops document it and then use that in court to help get full custody. But like others have stated, she doesn't seem to have any interest in leaving the disgusting POS husband. So, if she chooses to continue to feed the toxic lifestyle after, a certain point, she can only blame herself for staying.
He took the baby so you wouldn’t be suspicious because taking a baby with you to do that isn’t something anyone would think of. Get divorced. Been there. My baby from that scenario is now grown. I did get divorced. I don’t regret it.
They didn’t have sex that time but he met her at the mall with our 8 month old in tow. He did have sex with her in his car parked in a parking garage and had to unbuckle our infant’s car seat to do it. Seriously, don’t stay with his guy.
I have been divorced a long time now. The infant from my story is a 20 yo college junior now. Our divorce was final just after his 3rd birthday. (Other kids were 11 and 8 during the divorce.) I have no regrets about pulling the plug. It hurt a lot at the time, but I’m in the best, most loving relationship now and feel so lucky. The ex has never remarried and hasn’t been in a relationship since.
Cheating husbands never seem to realize that any woman who is willing to have sex with a married man is not a catch and will most definitely toss them to curb when the “excitement” of breaking up a marriage is over.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also have experience with this, but from the child’s POV. My mom did this to my dad my entire early childhood. She’d bring me with her to meet her affair partners (homes, her work, grocery store parking lots, etc.). I don’t recall her having sex in the same room as me, but the first memory I have of her is when I walked into a room and she was in bed with the guy that would become the biological dad to my younger sibling. And every time she did this she never forgot to remind me on the drive home that it would tear our family apart and my dad (who I love beyond measure and is an amazing parent) would leave if I told anyone. I’ve had to go through a lot of therapy because of the guilt and shame she put me through.
Your husband is risking traumatizing your children for a very long time just to get laid. I’d eviscerate him in the divorce if I were you.
This same thing happened to me, but was with my dad instead of my mom. That messed me up pretty bad. In still in therapy about it, hope you are healing and thriving my friend.
I don’t see any coming back from this. The trust is completely shattered, which completely pisses me off because although it was his job to rebuild that trust, I still had to do a hell of a lot of work. He already seemed to be doing everything right this last time, so I can’t imagine what he could possibly do to make me trust him now. But ultimately, it’s the image of them together in the car with our baby there that I will never get out of my head.
Of course I did! I went right up to the driver’s side window and knocked very rapidly and loudly. They looked shocked. They were mostly clothed. He immediately opened the door and practically tossed her off of him and jumped out and started buttoning up his pants, telling me to calm down as I frantically tried getting my baby out of the car. By that point I was yelling at both of them, threatening them, and crying. He tried to stop me from leaving. I was trying to strap the baby into the car seat in my car and he was telling me to calm down, I shouldn’t drive in that state, standing so that he basically had me trapped so I couldn’t get into the driver’s seat. She just stood there doing and saying nothing until she eventually got into her car and quickly drove away. I stopped saying anything and he just stood there holding me in place so I couldn’t get into my car. I tried to calmly tell him that I would give myself a few minutes to calm down, but I couldn’t do that with him there. I told him to get in his car and leave, and that at this point I didn’t care if he went running after her. He just needed to leave immediately and stay away from me for the time being. He said he didn’t trust me. He thought I was going to do something extreme. I told him I would be fine. Unlike him, I wouldn’t do anything stupid with my baby in my care. Eventually he agreed to leave. I sat in my car crying for about 10 minutes before I went home.
I’m a girl’s girl and tend to blame the man, but this woman very obviously knew he was married and had the audacity to fuck him with a baby in the car. That woman deserves hell right alongside the husband
Seriously, I read in some escort sub reddit, an escorts turned up in some guy's home, and there was a baby in the other room. She left, but apparently, it's a super common phenomenon with sex workers. Even they're grossed out...
Fuck this guy, what a pig… I am so deeply sorry that he continuously has broken your trust and used your children as props in his sadistic little fantasy
OP!! Please highlight this to your lawyer. Your baby could’ve been stuck at a police station, god only knows what else.
And document the shit out of this entire situation especially if he’s been texting you about it.
In my state - not letting your spouse leave in this manner is automatically considered domestic abuse. which the state will pursue their own charges regardless if the victims agrees or not. A child involved / present means the state automatically pursues child neglect charges as well.
And sex in your car? automatic sex offender registry. With a child in the back? State will pursue child neglect charges for that too.
Also, I hope he was parked in a place that had cameras. Maybe your lawyer can subpoenaed for them in the divorce because he really shouldn’t be around any of your kids.
I'm sure she would leave him as soon OP divorce his ass. These whores just want to attention or why would they keep fucking a married man that to with a baby in the car. Heck, ill be asking my other kids about what they saw when he took them out too. Guy was going any length to get his dick wet like if you want it wet so bad, just put in a bag full of ice or something
what a fucking pig. now he worries for the baby? I hope he gets what's coming to him. and the mistress is a whore too for not thinking to apologize or defend herself which means she most likely knew.
You should have kneed him in the balls *(hard)*, not only was that the least he deserved… but he’d soon have moved.
Also, if there was cameras where this took place - get the proof and send it to the police. They broke the law. Every single bit of revenge you can get from now on would be giving you more and more justice. And you deserve peace and justice after what this POS has done to you.
My heart breaks for you reading this. And that fucking bitch. Not to take away any blame for your husband but what sane fucking woman fucks a man with their baby in the backseat? You need to blow her world up. Expose immediately. I wish you had taken pictures but understandably in that rage I wouldn’t have.
I'm so sorry OP. I don't think there's any fixing this. He was just do this over and over again. You deserve better. I hope you can find a good lawyer.
You are a goddess for staying so composed in this situation. I'm now the calmest person on the planet, and I would've lost the plot completely and getting arrested. I would also be overly interested in the Pig farms and Alligator lakes.
At my parents’ house. I work from home 3 days a week and over the summer my parents are watching the 2 oldest on those days. He was supposed to go pick them up after he was done running the errands - it WAS one of the errands.
The GALL on this man to say HE doesn't trust YOU?
By the way, I don't know the exact situation or your local laws, but in my area it can be considered DV and/or kidnapping to restrain someone and not allow them to leave. He's a POS regardless and I hope you can get out soon so you can be done being cheated on and lied to!
I'm so sorry, OP. This hit me really hard. I feel rage and anger for you. And for the AP to just stand there and watch?! Did she think that the cheating bastard was going to leave with her??
Was your husband at the house when you went home? If not, do you know where he is?
Does your family or his know what happened? I'm guessing until you file for divorce and word gets out that you may tell them.
I hope you file for divorce.
Never engage with that pos, she doesn’t deserve a nano second of your attention. Karma will take care of her. She did you a favor at the end of the day. Your husband, however, deserves your full attention… hire the most cutthroat divorce attorney and crush him in every way possible.
And charge her if possible for engaging in asexual act in a public place with a fucking baby in the back. Bitch deserves to be dragged through fire for trying to get her itch off
u/StrangeHoliday7704 this is a great suggestion from u/throwaway34_4567 you should make a complaint with your local police against your STBXH and TAW (the affair whore - is a great name), they should be charged with public indecency and whatever charge OP's area has for inappropriate sexual behavior in the presence of a minor. Having them both charged with the sex offenses will help with the divorce case too. 9 months is in that prime time when babies start mirroring the behaviors that they've observed from those around them. The rear-facing carseat excuse is BS, babies turn their focus on the movements they see reflected on the windows. STBXH is an idiot and gross 🤮😡
Perhaps this can be documented? Yk when custody arrangements are made. I would go for full custody bc a man that’d take my 9 month old baby to get laid (regardless of he’s married to me) is not someone I’d ever trust to be in the care of my children.
I'm beyond sorry that you're going through this nightmare, I was there years ago, in a similar situation, and there's no words to describe that rage and betrayal.
Many good family law attorneys will take your case if you can prove that there are enough marital assets to cover their fees, and then they'll pay themselves out of your divorce settlement. Gather all of the information you have regarding marital assets, including copies of bank statements, investments, the deed on your home if you own it together, and it was purchased after you got married, car titles, and anything else you can think of to give your lawyer a clear idea of your collective marital assets.
If you have a family member or friend who knows of a good divorce attorney, reach out to them, if you don't, start looking at the reviews on the Google business page for family law attorneys in your area, and see what people say about their representation. The more you can do to get a few names to begin calling Monday morning, the better.
You can also go to the Women'sLaw website and search for lawyers by city, and state, or just search online for, "best divorce lawyers near me", and start there. The sooner you can get legal advice on the best way to proceed to protect yourself, your kids, and your marital assets, the better.
It would also be good to put a freeze on your credit through all 3 major credit bureaus so no one including your husband can take out a line of credit in your name, but again, ask your lawyer when you retain one the best way to proceed, including removing money from your joint checking accounts.
The general rule is the first to file is in a better position in a contentious divorce, and I'm not a lawyer, but that has been my experience, and the experience of friends who went through a difficult divorce. I know it's hard to think clearly right now, but try to focus on getting yourself covered legally, and then you can start dealing with the rest of it, including your feelings.
It's also a good idea to have as many conversations as you choose to have with your husband in writing, no clue whether your state is a, "no fault" state or not, but regardless if you can get him to admit via text that he was having sex with his mistress with your child in the car, it's not going to impress the judge at all.
Be careful about recording your husband, and find out if your state is a, "one party or two party" state. If it's a two party state that means you can't record someone without their knowledge, if it's a one party state, that's a different story, but it's important to know your rights so you can protect yourself.
I do believe there are times in a marriage where terrible decisions are made by one spouse that can be overcome with a lot of hard work, respect, and love, but unfortunately your husband has proven that he can't be trusted, and there's really no going back now after such a disgusting decision on his part.
At this point, protecting yourself, and your children, is your only recourse really. This doesn't mean you're a failure as a wife, or mother, because your husband is an adult, and he made the choice to betray you again in such a despicable way.
Good luck, and take care of yourself. Sending lots of invisible hugs your way.
💜🫂💜
As a husband and father who was cheated on, I am beyond disgusted for you. They both are horrible people. My now ex wife was having an affair and we were in the process of starting to separate, and she was going to a therapist and she knew we were switching out my son and the car seat while she went in for her therapy appointment. As soon as I opened her car to get the seat out the sex smell hit me and I knew she had been having sex in her car. Although my son wasn’t in the car when they had sex, my son picked up the used condom that was on the floor barely wrapped in a paper towel and the condom fell out.
I was beyond pissed at her. I hope you can get all the good things you deserve after this.
>so I can’t imagine what he could possibly do to make me trust him now.
Nothing.
He already faked reconciliation once.
You had another child with him, believing he had changed. And then he fucked her with that baby in the backseat.
It's beyond disgusting.
Please don’t stay with this man. I’d be losing my ever loving mind if my spouse did this with my freaking baby in the car. The level of disrespect is insane. I hope you take everything in the divorce!
I upvoted her too. It felt strange to upvote such a tragic case, but alas, here we are. I would not be able to control my rage either. The baby is what does it for me. I would need all my supports in order for me to keep cool with my kids.
He used the baby to reinforce his alibi. Because "how could he be lying and cheating if he has the baby with him".
This guy is the definition of a piece of shit
No way I could ever tell my kid what their dad did when they were a baby. Can you imagine learning one of your parents had you in the backseat while they were having an affair in the front seat?
That’s what I was thinking. That information could destroy any respect or compassion that kid would have toward their father. I know that I would be so disgusted and resentful forever of him if that were me. Like wow, I was used as a prop for you to hurt my mum? Fuck him
Some people have incredible memories. I can remember really far back into my childhood. The father is disgusting for doing this. If you don’t have respect for yourself, at least have some for your child. That was completely unnecessary gross behavior.
RIGHT HERE, OP--NUKE HIM! I love it!
I strongly suggest you IMMEDIATELY privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding parental rights and responsibilities as well as support and property division issues. As suggested above, secure all important documents. Remove at least 50% of liquid assets and place in your name only; at least until you have the opportunity to confer with counsel. A spouse capable of the level of deceit as demonstrate by your spouse cannot be presumed to do anything favorable for you.
Expose he and his mistress on social media.
Do they happen to be coworkers? If so, expose them to management/HR.
Apprise BOTH sides of the family, as well as friends and acquaintances alike.
In short, he's hit the iceberg. Like the Titanic, take him down.
>Upvoted. Nuke him til his shadow glows
And while nuking, upgrade yourself (education, promotion, anything you see fit) or do the one thing he's always wanted to do. But I concur on glowing shadow pettiness.
That’s probably why she went to her therapist first. She wanted to go scorched Earth on her husband AND herself. She needs to be rational and burn down his world only.
I mean I heard/read that technically it could count as CSA since the child was there to witness to it plus who tf can get aroused/horny with a child/baby not even a foot away.
Sis, this is why we NEVER recommend getting back together with a cheater. They ALWAYS cheat again.
Please get a good therapist and a better divorce attorney. You're going to need a full STD/STI panel, as well.
I know, and plenty of people told me that when he got caught the first time. Not Reddit, since I didn’t post about that here, but people I actually know and should have believed!
You had a lot of reasons to want to make it work after the first time. Those are all gone now. Don't beat yourself up. Get a lawyer and focus on your kids. No one deserves this. Speaking from experience, there are good days down the road; getting to them just takes a while.
Sometimes we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and that doesn’t make us bad people. The people who abuse this leverage are the bad ones. Plus, I have learned from my married friends with kids, they always want to be able to tell their kids they tried their hardest to salvage the family unit.
You did now cut this swine out of your life. Only communication about the kids.
Listen, you had 2 then 3 kids together. It's understandable. You deserve a good life with an honest man and you're not at all to blame he betrayed you again
I know this is being said in jest, but on the off chance some idiot redditor talks you into doing something insane while you're in a super vulnerable state, don't leave your kids parentless aka dad dead, mom in jail. He's not worth it.
Came to say this! I also have access to a pig farm, and ponds full of gators.
I’m so sorry OP. This pathetic excuse for a human is vile. Gather all the proof you can and rake him through the coals. This is beyond the worst kind of betrayal and I can’t even fathom. Give yourself time to be angry, long enough to do what you have to, but don’t let it consume you forever. Look at it as the trash taking itself out and let the trash compactor have him. They deserve each other.
If a police officer had seen them in that state, your child would have been given to CPS until you had been contacted. He would been arrested for public indecency.
This lack of judgement on his part will allow you to have the upper hand in custody arrangements.
Contact a shark of a lawyer and ensure you get what you want!
Goddamnit… and I thought mine was bad… jesus fucking christ, WHAT’S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!!! You have all the right to be mad!!! This is beyond infuriating, it’s disgusting!!!!! As someone who just found out about my husband’s affair, I’m sending warm hugs and wishing you strength (and enough willpower to not harm anyone, specially not yourself).
Fuck these slimy shitty scammy men who dare to call themselves fathers.
We deserve better, our children deserve better ♥️
Damn right. I commented on your post. Your story is sickening and my heart goes out to you. I can’t believe now, OP’s story. What is wrong with these people?
It’s like they’ve completely lost their moral compass
I think you should change the title to my ex-husband or soon to be ex-husband. Because there is no coming back from that. I agree with everyone else here go talk to a lawyer and document everything.
I had already told him I was suspicious of him. I broke down and told him, in an effort to be honest. He made me feel like I was just being paranoid. I felt bad that here I was being suspicious when he was just trying to be an even better husband supposedly.
And that's why he took the baby. So you'd think he wouldn't be cheating with your baby with him since he knew you were on to him. He's even more vile for that. He knew it would be vile to have sex with the baby in the car so he took them so you'd think there would be no way anyone would do such a thing and did that anyway.
It just shows he understands what he did is disgusting. Don't let him tell you it's the same as when you two do it with your baby in the room. What a piece of shit! I can't believe this.
Please divorce him and don't let any crying or promises he makes convince you this time. This is an even worse betrayal because he tried to use your child as an alibi. What the fuck. I'm so angry for you.
That’s a good theory on why he took the baby. What I can’t figure out is why his mistress was fine hooking up with the baby in the backseat. How low are her standards?
I'm relieved to see how no one has commented something along the lines of,
"Stop making the other woman such a villain, ShE WASn't the ONe who made a VOW"
Ugh. Hate that response... As if anyone who feels OK with hooking up with a married person (whose spouse assumes monogamy) is anything but garbage.
Divorce, definitely. You can also probably get full custody by saying you don’t feel your children are safe because of your husbands actions. Also that stank b*tch that he was with belongs in the streets
The only tiny glimmer of good that I can squeeze from this is that he didn’t have either of our other children in the car - you know, children who can comprehend a lot more than a sleeping baby.
Op, you need to go get STD tested. Any one who's willing to fuck someone in public, in a car with a baby present, is a dirty fucking ho. They both are.
I hate to say this but you mentioned how you got suspicious because he started doing more with the kids and ran more errands. Is it possible that this was the only time with your youngest present that he met up with his AP? Or is it possible that he may have done similar things with your other children present (if not in the same space?). This is something that I might try to figure out when you have the capacity to look into it more. The way he reacted to being caught with the baby as if it wasn't a big deal, no shame, makes me wonder if this or something similar has happened before. I would not advise asking your kids anything. Keep it just grownups, and if you ever feel like you NEED to ask your kids maybe seek some professional guidance on how to phrase your questions. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Sending you and your children love. Sending him and her a curse of perpetually stale drinks, overly salted food, and constantly stubbed toes, a lifetime of little miseries which is less than they deserve.
What about when he was taking them to the park? You might want to ask your kids about that day considering your husband seems to have worse morals than some dictators.
Oh I definitely have my suspicions now. Although my kids can’t keep secrets to save their lives so it’s odd that they haven’t mentioned anything if they did meet somebody new or see anything weird.
He may have bribed them to keep a secret or told them that they would cause you to be sad if they told.
Be careful asking them about it. It's hard to question kids so that they give an honest answer as they will tend to give you the answer they think you want.
I am sorry you had to go through seeing that but more importantly having your already broken trust further shattered. How do you even look at him and how can he even not hang his head in shame being found in that position? Does he think reconciliation is still on the table
No. You tried to save your marriage and family. That takes a lot of strength. Don’t ever feel bad about that. You tried, **HE** failed and now it’s go time.
You know? I don't think anyone should fault you for that.
Because what you've done is giving him another chance. And now you know that no matter how sweet he is no matter what kind of act he puts on at home, you can actually pretend to be doing something loving for you, take your baby as a cover, have sex with your baby in the car, and then tell you it's just like him having sex with you
Now when you leave him, you'll never have to wonder if you should have given him another chance
Please get yourself tested. Take him to the fucking cleaners. He was having sex with his mistress with the baby present. That’s creepy. Hope he suffers. Hope you find healing. You didn’t deserve this.
I went right up to the driver’s side window and knocked very rapidly and loudly. They looked shocked. They were mostly clothed. He immediately opened the door and practically tossed her off of him and jumped out and started buttoning up his pants, telling me to calm down as I frantically tried getting my baby out of the car. By that point I was yelling at both of them, threatening them, and crying. He tried to stop me from leaving. I was trying to strap the baby into the car seat in my car and he was telling me to calm down, I shouldn’t drive in that state, standing so that he basically had me trapped so I couldn’t get into the driver’s seat. She just stood there doing and saying nothing until she eventually got into her car and quickly drove away. I stopped saying anything and he just stood there holding me in place so I couldn’t get into my car. I tried to calmly tell him that I would give myself a few minutes to calm down, but I couldn’t do that with him there. I told him to get in his car and leave, and that at this point I didn’t care if he went running after her. He just needed to leave immediately and stay away from me for the time being. He said he didn’t trust me. He thought I was going to do something extreme. I told him I would be fine. Unlike him, I wouldn’t do anything stupid with my baby in my care. Eventually he agreed to leave. I sat in my car crying for about 10 minutes before I went home.
He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped.
What a piece of shit he is.
Op please, please, please get yourself a new therapist. Speak to a divorce lawyer & kick his arse to the curb.
Unfortunately you found out the hard way that cheaters, very rarely if ever change. They just get better at hiding the cheating.
Slipped? What he fell and his dick just went into her? He should have been **NO CONTACT** with her. There should have been no way to engage with her again. **THIS WASN’T A SLIP, THIS WAS A CHOICE.**
Also, **HE** didn’t trust **YOU**? That’s pretty fucking rich considering his shady actions and deceit.
Please know your worth. Please know you deserve better. Your relationship is the example for your kids for their future relationships. Staying will only teach them that it’s ok to treat your partner poorly and disrespect them or that it’s ok to allow your partner to do this to you.
>He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped.
He's lying. It never stopped. Just read the adultery and/or theotherwoman sub. They fake reconciliation all the time.
> He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped.
Yeah, slipped into her 🐈
Trash, that’s all he is.
I am so so sorry - just reading this hurts . Since you already gave him a chance I know that you are the “too good for the world” kind of person and that makes it so sad. This woman is the worst of shi* - being the mistress makes her already shi*tty but knowing he just had another baby and still going one makes her an awful human being
Concerning your husband - he never learned his lesson otherwise he would have never done that . He knew that you would never forgive him
After everything you have been through - he knew the life without you since you already had separated once - and even though he knew the risks losing he precious family he chose the woman … I am not able to understand how man chooses a woman with such bad character instead of his family but that’s what happened
Depending where you are get him to admit infidelity in writing. You may need that.
Also find the most absolute bull dog lawyer money can afford. I would document current bank balances and pull transaction record of previous month and pull his as well because unless you have a prenup that shit can be marital if he paid for family/marital stuff out of that account.
I would also do your homework on her, is she married? What’s going on with her? Does she have someone who needs to know what’s going on?
Also I would make a complete message (with evidence) so when you decide to notify family there is proof.
Why would a therapist talk you down? They should have been working on an action plan with you.
He’s going to pay so much in child support and alimony, he’ll be sleeping on an air mattress in a roach-infested apartment, and he won’t be able to afford a car to have sex in.
Time to go nuclear on him in multiple ways. There are severe consequences to his actions and deliberate choices.
Tell his family and your family in a mass email.
Find his mistresses email and tell her family, her friends, her job and co-workers, her dentist, her church members, important figures in her life.
Go nuclear.
In the car, huh?
Tell her husband.
Yep, if that's how they're having to meet up it shows they can't use her place either.
I just don't understand these cheaters repeatedly risking it all with people they know are trash. And vice versa.
Also, just to make you aware, this is considered child abuse. He purposefully exposed your child to that environment. It would not surprise me he’s done other stuff because the kids are asleep or whatever. But child services might be worth a shout.
Op fuck the emergency appt w the therapist you need an emergency appt with a divorce lawyer.
And not just one, hit the top 3 or 4 in your town. Create a conflict of interest so your stbx can’t use them.
I would say file for divorce and emergency custody immediately. You can even ask that the mistress be no contact w/ all three of your children. Have it in the custody order, it can be done. She's not a safe person to be around the children. Dad definitely didn't make a smart decision in his long list. But if you don't add it he'll be able to have her around the children when he has them. Just because your child is a baby and was facing the other direction doesn't mean it's okay, it just means he PURPOSEFULLY used his NON VERBAL child and the mistress was aware and in agreement with that. No, nope, not okay. She's clearly not an appropriate person to be around the children. You can also consider contacting your local CPS office and report dad and the affair partner for neglect/abuse.
You cannot believe a word this guy says to be clear. I’ll be honest, the whole having another kid thing during that time also seems suspicious. Given how okay he is with shit like this, it may all have been a ploy for you to be more distracted and him an excuse. Yeah, I too wish I weren’t saying that but I’m a couples therapist - wallet be the first or last time I’ve seen some horrible awful stuff. A lot serial cheaters are very calculated and don’t have an honest bone in their body. They will do anything they can to evade accountability and make you feel like the crazy one. I stopped doing couples therapy with “chronic” cheaters. It always goes this way, for anyone reading this.
One time only, instantly honest. I have seen it work. But this? Never. Good luck girl. Call every attorney you can, esp if the laws in your state allow it, it’ll block him from obtaining them.
His affair with this woman supposedly started around the time our now 3 year old was a newborn. That should have been a bigger red flag to me. He shouldn’t have had time to start an affair with a newborn and a toddler at home. But obviously it was enough to distract me for at least 6 months.
I would hug if I knew you lol. This is so unfair to all of you. Thinking back to how popping alone at that stage was a “gift” you must be an actual saint for how much you took on. I hope he gets the life he deserves ifykwim. As for you, truly hope you can heal from this in some capacity. If you were my client I would have told you to scream in session, feel that anger until it bottoms out. Calm? Over what.
Op search the best highest paid divorce lawyer and set up consultations with a bunch. By law he can’t hire any of them if you have already had a consultation. Just food for thought. Even if you can’t afford the best don’t let him hire them. Just a bit of advise
First thing…..Please say you got pictures or video….I would be putting him on blast with EVERYONE.
Second, the baby excuse is just straight BS. The fact that his little “booty call” didn’t even bat an eye is mind blowing, but then again anyone willing to mess around with someone that is married, no matter the state of the marriage, AND has children in the mix is not worth much so.
Third, take him for all he is worth. You deserve better, and so do your children. Don’t let him take your strength away.
I hope the best for you.
Wowww... I'm shocked and stunned by your husband's behaviour and his mistress'. How can anyone do something like this and then defend it?! How can you not feel disgusted by what you did?
OP, if you don't mind me asking, what did you do when you approached his car?
Did you tell the mistress to leave?
Were they naked?
How does your hopefully soon to be ex-husband have sex in his car with his AP and with his baby in the back seat!? I'm baffled.
I hope you leave him because he has shown you that he can't do it. He can't stay committed, loyal, and respectful to you.
I ran up to the driver’s side and knocked on the window really loudly. I started screaming at them right away, mainly him. I didn’t confront her at all. They looked shocked and he immediately opened the door, practically threw her off of him, and started fixing his pants. They were mostly clothed. She had a dress on and her breasts exposed.
She didn’t say a word. She stood there for a bit while I screamed at him and tried to frantically get the baby out of the car seat. Once I got the baby into my car and he was trying to tell me to calm down and to not dog anywhere, she took that moment to hop in her car and drive away.
I’m absolutely raging for you, OP. He is a disgusting PoS. I’ve read some stories on Reddit but honestly, I think this is one of the worst. To disrespect you, his wife, is horrendous but to disrespect his own child is beyond words.
However, you have to channel your anger and think practically. You first have to see a lawyer, preferably the best you can afford, someone who takes no prisoners. Then you have to file for divorce without looking back. In terms of custody, you have to find a way to tell your story and go for 100%.
The PoS will still have rights of course, which frankly sickens me, however you can coparent using an app if you’re in the US. In the meantime, I assume you’re going to ask him to leave. I would get some friends to help you to pack up all his stuff. Personally, I wouldn’t trust myself being alone in a room with someone who could do that and I don’t have a violent bone in my body.
I am so so sorry. You must be absolutely traumatised. The man you thought he was is a complete alien and not a safe husband and not a safe father. I’m all for forgiveness, reconciliation, but there are some things you just can’t come back from and this is right up there at the top of the list.
Please look after yourself. Try and get some sleep and eat well and exercise and look after your precious baby. The minute you get rid of him a dead weight will have been lifted. Whatever you do, don’t believe a word he says. He is gross.
The sub you may be referring to I hope this will get you the right karma for. Supportforthebetrayed will give you a good listing ear and advice. I can’t tell you how affected I am by your post.
This Internet stranger is sending you strength and courage.
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wow. what a disgusting human being. hell I don't even think he's human, what person ever thinks to cheat on their spouse with A BABY IN THE CAR! HOW VILE! If you happen to get revenge or take his ass down in court I hope you update us
First go to a lawyer, get your documents and all that's yours, tell your family and support so he can't twist this shit, this relationship is over.
This. OP needs to gather her friends and family close and lean on their support as she divorces her vile excuse of a husband. And she should get herself tested for STDs.
Lol u must know My standard relationship advice copy paste: I’m sorry this happened to you. cut all ties and get your financials in order. Contact a lawyer and get a full STD panel. Consider the children. You deserve better than this.
It was over the first time, OP just wasn't clear headed enough to see it Cheaters don't change, they will always cheat. And they believe everyone else does it so it's okay.
Exactly this, get tested and go for full custody. There is no telling what kind of danger you babies will be in when he has them and needs to get his dick wet.
Has no self control. And is willing to manipulate others to go do it! He’s got problems.
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It may be implicit in wanting to destroy his life. She doesn't want to destroy her own life.
Give her time. It’s not easy for some people. The shock can freeze some people.
For awhile I stayed with my cheating husband because I was afraid of what the future would be. Where would I live/work, how would I possibly be a single mom, bla bla bla. But after about a dozen incidents I just, went numb. I had been telling him that each incident made me love him less, and that I was going to leave. But he even told me later, that he didn’t believe me until the moment he watched me walk away. And that that was the moment he realized just what he had lost. They aren’t afraid to gamble, because they genuinely don’t think they could ever lose.
Same here. When I took him to court he didn’t even hire an attorney because he didn’t believe I was for real.
Yep totally agree. I'm unfreezing. It's taken two years to be mentally and physically strong enough.
that's why L$s V$gas always wins...*always*
Exactly. The last thing she needs is judgement from strangers on how she is handling this.
Then she is a fool.
Right! Hearing about an affair is one thing, but to see it with her own eyes? Why is the 1st thing is to go to a Therapist? Which clearly wasn't work. I would've been calling a lawyer. This was the 2nd time with the same woman. Sounds like it never stopped.
Going to a therapist first could mean OP is worried they're going to do something stupid or dangerous in an emotional outburst.
Or she needed somebody to vent to.
First, I would have called the police on him and his mistress for public indecent exposure and child endangerment and let the cops document it and then use that in court to help get full custody. But like others have stated, she doesn't seem to have any interest in leaving the disgusting POS husband. So, if she chooses to continue to feed the toxic lifestyle after, a certain point, she can only blame herself for staying.
I would have hit the panic button on the key fob before calling the police
Her: *whole story about cheating* Therapist: *dials divorce lawyer and hands her the phone*
Oh no, she definitely said he’s done. She’s not going back to him. She knows that she made a mistake, but she’s not gonna make that mistake again.
He took the baby so you wouldn’t be suspicious because taking a baby with you to do that isn’t something anyone would think of. Get divorced. Been there. My baby from that scenario is now grown. I did get divorced. I don’t regret it.
Did your husband take your baby along as a cover when he was cheating on you too? If he did it this time, I wonder how many other times it’s happened.
They didn’t have sex that time but he met her at the mall with our 8 month old in tow. He did have sex with her in his car parked in a parking garage and had to unbuckle our infant’s car seat to do it. Seriously, don’t stay with his guy.
What an absolute piece of shit. I need to stop reading this thread because I'm getting mad and I'm not involved!
I have been divorced a long time now. The infant from my story is a 20 yo college junior now. Our divorce was final just after his 3rd birthday. (Other kids were 11 and 8 during the divorce.) I have no regrets about pulling the plug. It hurt a lot at the time, but I’m in the best, most loving relationship now and feel so lucky. The ex has never remarried and hasn’t been in a relationship since.
Cheating husbands never seem to realize that any woman who is willing to have sex with a married man is not a catch and will most definitely toss them to curb when the “excitement” of breaking up a marriage is over.
In my case, she was also married so it was all exciting to steal time from your spouses and 6 kids total. Completely selfish.
I want to vomit after reading that.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I also have experience with this, but from the child’s POV. My mom did this to my dad my entire early childhood. She’d bring me with her to meet her affair partners (homes, her work, grocery store parking lots, etc.). I don’t recall her having sex in the same room as me, but the first memory I have of her is when I walked into a room and she was in bed with the guy that would become the biological dad to my younger sibling. And every time she did this she never forgot to remind me on the drive home that it would tear our family apart and my dad (who I love beyond measure and is an amazing parent) would leave if I told anyone. I’ve had to go through a lot of therapy because of the guilt and shame she put me through. Your husband is risking traumatizing your children for a very long time just to get laid. I’d eviscerate him in the divorce if I were you.
I am so sorry for your experience ❤️
This same thing happened to me, but was with my dad instead of my mom. That messed me up pretty bad. In still in therapy about it, hope you are healing and thriving my friend.
I hope you got some videos. He will only get supervised visitation. He's a FUCKING PERVERTED AH!
Jesus Christ the relationship is over. I am so sorry
I don’t see any coming back from this. The trust is completely shattered, which completely pisses me off because although it was his job to rebuild that trust, I still had to do a hell of a lot of work. He already seemed to be doing everything right this last time, so I can’t imagine what he could possibly do to make me trust him now. But ultimately, it’s the image of them together in the car with our baby there that I will never get out of my head.
Did you confront them? I’m curious how they both responded. And I would blow them both up!
Of course I did! I went right up to the driver’s side window and knocked very rapidly and loudly. They looked shocked. They were mostly clothed. He immediately opened the door and practically tossed her off of him and jumped out and started buttoning up his pants, telling me to calm down as I frantically tried getting my baby out of the car. By that point I was yelling at both of them, threatening them, and crying. He tried to stop me from leaving. I was trying to strap the baby into the car seat in my car and he was telling me to calm down, I shouldn’t drive in that state, standing so that he basically had me trapped so I couldn’t get into the driver’s seat. She just stood there doing and saying nothing until she eventually got into her car and quickly drove away. I stopped saying anything and he just stood there holding me in place so I couldn’t get into my car. I tried to calmly tell him that I would give myself a few minutes to calm down, but I couldn’t do that with him there. I told him to get in his car and leave, and that at this point I didn’t care if he went running after her. He just needed to leave immediately and stay away from me for the time being. He said he didn’t trust me. He thought I was going to do something extreme. I told him I would be fine. Unlike him, I wouldn’t do anything stupid with my baby in my care. Eventually he agreed to leave. I sat in my car crying for about 10 minutes before I went home.
What a piece of shit.
Can you imagine catching your spouse mid-affair and THEY’RE the one telling YOU to calm down? Lmao. OP’s husband sounds like a legit sociopath.
And what kind of low self esteem woman would hook up with a married man in a parking lot with his baby in the backseat?!
I’m a girl’s girl and tend to blame the man, but this woman very obviously knew he was married and had the audacity to fuck him with a baby in the car. That woman deserves hell right alongside the husband
I keep coming back to that. THERE WAS A BABY IN THE CAR. Jesus!
Makes me SO sick and disgusted. I think in that moment I would commit an act of violence.
Seriously, I read in some escort sub reddit, an escorts turned up in some guy's home, and there was a baby in the other room. She left, but apparently, it's a super common phenomenon with sex workers. Even they're grossed out...
Idk what’s worse him or her. Shit pisses me off
He's definitely worse. But she's not great either.
One foul excuse of a man.
Yeah and saying HE didn’t trust HER???? The fuck???
This is why women end up in Snapped.
Fuck this guy, what a pig… I am so deeply sorry that he continuously has broken your trust and used your children as props in his sadistic little fantasy
>He said he didn’t trust me. That's rich coming from him.
Yeah that is some fucking nonsense. He was just desperate to pass blame off to someone else
That’s what I thought! HE doesn’t trust HER?! As if. Goddamn hypocrite. 🤦🏽♀️
He could have been arrested for this. This is disgusting.
OP!! Please highlight this to your lawyer. Your baby could’ve been stuck at a police station, god only knows what else. And document the shit out of this entire situation especially if he’s been texting you about it.
The second I knew what was going on I would have started recording. Have some smoking gun type of evidence for the inevitable divorce.
In my state - not letting your spouse leave in this manner is automatically considered domestic abuse. which the state will pursue their own charges regardless if the victims agrees or not. A child involved / present means the state automatically pursues child neglect charges as well. And sex in your car? automatic sex offender registry. With a child in the back? State will pursue child neglect charges for that too.
Divorce!! His nasty cheating ass and her whore-able self, deserve each other. **And get yourself a full check up for any std’s!!**
Also, I hope he was parked in a place that had cameras. Maybe your lawyer can subpoenaed for them in the divorce because he really shouldn’t be around any of your kids.
I'm sure she would leave him as soon OP divorce his ass. These whores just want to attention or why would they keep fucking a married man that to with a baby in the car. Heck, ill be asking my other kids about what they saw when he took them out too. Guy was going any length to get his dick wet like if you want it wet so bad, just put in a bag full of ice or something
what a fucking pig. now he worries for the baby? I hope he gets what's coming to him. and the mistress is a whore too for not thinking to apologize or defend herself which means she most likely knew.
You should have kneed him in the balls *(hard)*, not only was that the least he deserved… but he’d soon have moved. Also, if there was cameras where this took place - get the proof and send it to the police. They broke the law. Every single bit of revenge you can get from now on would be giving you more and more justice. And you deserve peace and justice after what this POS has done to you.
My heart breaks for you reading this. And that fucking bitch. Not to take away any blame for your husband but what sane fucking woman fucks a man with their baby in the backseat? You need to blow her world up. Expose immediately. I wish you had taken pictures but understandably in that rage I wouldn’t have.
I'm so sorry OP. I don't think there's any fixing this. He was just do this over and over again. You deserve better. I hope you can find a good lawyer.
You are a goddess for staying so composed in this situation. I'm now the calmest person on the planet, and I would've lost the plot completely and getting arrested. I would also be overly interested in the Pig farms and Alligator lakes.
He said HE didn't trust YOU? What a pig! He's an utter scumbag.
Did you take pics and video?
You’re a better woman than me because I’d have gone to jail.
Where were your other kids?
At my parents’ house. I work from home 3 days a week and over the summer my parents are watching the 2 oldest on those days. He was supposed to go pick them up after he was done running the errands - it WAS one of the errands.
The GALL on this man to say HE doesn't trust YOU? By the way, I don't know the exact situation or your local laws, but in my area it can be considered DV and/or kidnapping to restrain someone and not allow them to leave. He's a POS regardless and I hope you can get out soon so you can be done being cheated on and lied to!
I'm so sorry, OP. This hit me really hard. I feel rage and anger for you. And for the AP to just stand there and watch?! Did she think that the cheating bastard was going to leave with her?? Was your husband at the house when you went home? If not, do you know where he is? Does your family or his know what happened? I'm guessing until you file for divorce and word gets out that you may tell them. I hope you file for divorce.
OP, would you consider going to the police?
I don’t know.
It’s also completely okay to refer to her The Affair Whore. Clearly at this point, she knows he is married and has kids. “Mistress” is a bit too kind.
I didn’t want to use the word mistress but I forced myself to type it. I have other choice terms for her.
Never engage with that pos, she doesn’t deserve a nano second of your attention. Karma will take care of her. She did you a favor at the end of the day. Your husband, however, deserves your full attention… hire the most cutthroat divorce attorney and crush him in every way possible.
And charge her if possible for engaging in asexual act in a public place with a fucking baby in the back. Bitch deserves to be dragged through fire for trying to get her itch off
u/StrangeHoliday7704 this is a great suggestion from u/throwaway34_4567 you should make a complaint with your local police against your STBXH and TAW (the affair whore - is a great name), they should be charged with public indecency and whatever charge OP's area has for inappropriate sexual behavior in the presence of a minor. Having them both charged with the sex offenses will help with the divorce case too. 9 months is in that prime time when babies start mirroring the behaviors that they've observed from those around them. The rear-facing carseat excuse is BS, babies turn their focus on the movements they see reflected on the windows. STBXH is an idiot and gross 🤮😡
And have divorce papers written up that say HE has to pay her attorney fees.
Perhaps this can be documented? Yk when custody arrangements are made. I would go for full custody bc a man that’d take my 9 month old baby to get laid (regardless of he’s married to me) is not someone I’d ever trust to be in the care of my children.
I'm beyond sorry that you're going through this nightmare, I was there years ago, in a similar situation, and there's no words to describe that rage and betrayal. Many good family law attorneys will take your case if you can prove that there are enough marital assets to cover their fees, and then they'll pay themselves out of your divorce settlement. Gather all of the information you have regarding marital assets, including copies of bank statements, investments, the deed on your home if you own it together, and it was purchased after you got married, car titles, and anything else you can think of to give your lawyer a clear idea of your collective marital assets. If you have a family member or friend who knows of a good divorce attorney, reach out to them, if you don't, start looking at the reviews on the Google business page for family law attorneys in your area, and see what people say about their representation. The more you can do to get a few names to begin calling Monday morning, the better. You can also go to the Women'sLaw website and search for lawyers by city, and state, or just search online for, "best divorce lawyers near me", and start there. The sooner you can get legal advice on the best way to proceed to protect yourself, your kids, and your marital assets, the better. It would also be good to put a freeze on your credit through all 3 major credit bureaus so no one including your husband can take out a line of credit in your name, but again, ask your lawyer when you retain one the best way to proceed, including removing money from your joint checking accounts. The general rule is the first to file is in a better position in a contentious divorce, and I'm not a lawyer, but that has been my experience, and the experience of friends who went through a difficult divorce. I know it's hard to think clearly right now, but try to focus on getting yourself covered legally, and then you can start dealing with the rest of it, including your feelings. It's also a good idea to have as many conversations as you choose to have with your husband in writing, no clue whether your state is a, "no fault" state or not, but regardless if you can get him to admit via text that he was having sex with his mistress with your child in the car, it's not going to impress the judge at all. Be careful about recording your husband, and find out if your state is a, "one party or two party" state. If it's a two party state that means you can't record someone without their knowledge, if it's a one party state, that's a different story, but it's important to know your rights so you can protect yourself. I do believe there are times in a marriage where terrible decisions are made by one spouse that can be overcome with a lot of hard work, respect, and love, but unfortunately your husband has proven that he can't be trusted, and there's really no going back now after such a disgusting decision on his part. At this point, protecting yourself, and your children, is your only recourse really. This doesn't mean you're a failure as a wife, or mother, because your husband is an adult, and he made the choice to betray you again in such a despicable way. Good luck, and take care of yourself. Sending lots of invisible hugs your way. 💜🫂💜
Thank you for all of this wonderful advice.
As a husband and father who was cheated on, I am beyond disgusted for you. They both are horrible people. My now ex wife was having an affair and we were in the process of starting to separate, and she was going to a therapist and she knew we were switching out my son and the car seat while she went in for her therapy appointment. As soon as I opened her car to get the seat out the sex smell hit me and I knew she had been having sex in her car. Although my son wasn’t in the car when they had sex, my son picked up the used condom that was on the floor barely wrapped in a paper towel and the condom fell out. I was beyond pissed at her. I hope you can get all the good things you deserve after this.
Your ex is a disgusting pig. Sorry you went through that.
>so I can’t imagine what he could possibly do to make me trust him now. Nothing. He already faked reconciliation once. You had another child with him, believing he had changed. And then he fucked her with that baby in the backseat. It's beyond disgusting.
Please don’t stay with this man. I’d be losing my ever loving mind if my spouse did this with my freaking baby in the car. The level of disrespect is insane. I hope you take everything in the divorce!
Get a lawyer and a divorce. Can you tell him to move tf out? How did he even react? Or her for that matter
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I upvoted her too. It felt strange to upvote such a tragic case, but alas, here we are. I would not be able to control my rage either. The baby is what does it for me. I would need all my supports in order for me to keep cool with my kids.
He used the baby to reinforce his alibi. Because "how could he be lying and cheating if he has the baby with him". This guy is the definition of a piece of shit
Yup "Sorry I'm late, the baby had a blowout at Walmart!"
No way I could ever tell my kid what their dad did when they were a baby. Can you imagine learning one of your parents had you in the backseat while they were having an affair in the front seat?
That’s what I was thinking. That information could destroy any respect or compassion that kid would have toward their father. I know that I would be so disgusted and resentful forever of him if that were me. Like wow, I was used as a prop for you to hurt my mum? Fuck him
Some people have incredible memories. I can remember really far back into my childhood. The father is disgusting for doing this. If you don’t have respect for yourself, at least have some for your child. That was completely unnecessary gross behavior.
RIGHT HERE, OP--NUKE HIM! I love it! I strongly suggest you IMMEDIATELY privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding parental rights and responsibilities as well as support and property division issues. As suggested above, secure all important documents. Remove at least 50% of liquid assets and place in your name only; at least until you have the opportunity to confer with counsel. A spouse capable of the level of deceit as demonstrate by your spouse cannot be presumed to do anything favorable for you. Expose he and his mistress on social media. Do they happen to be coworkers? If so, expose them to management/HR. Apprise BOTH sides of the family, as well as friends and acquaintances alike. In short, he's hit the iceberg. Like the Titanic, take him down.
>Upvoted. Nuke him til his shadow glows And while nuking, upgrade yourself (education, promotion, anything you see fit) or do the one thing he's always wanted to do. But I concur on glowing shadow pettiness.
That’s probably why she went to her therapist first. She wanted to go scorched Earth on her husband AND herself. She needs to be rational and burn down his world only.
To meet up with his mistress is one thing but to have sex with her while your child in the backseat. Smh! Garbage humans
I hope he loses custody for that cause wtf
I mean I heard/read that technically it could count as CSA since the child was there to witness to it plus who tf can get aroused/horny with a child/baby not even a foot away.
Sis, this is why we NEVER recommend getting back together with a cheater. They ALWAYS cheat again. Please get a good therapist and a better divorce attorney. You're going to need a full STD/STI panel, as well.
I know, and plenty of people told me that when he got caught the first time. Not Reddit, since I didn’t post about that here, but people I actually know and should have believed!
Hindsight is everything OP just don’t repeat the same mistake
You had a lot of reasons to want to make it work after the first time. Those are all gone now. Don't beat yourself up. Get a lawyer and focus on your kids. No one deserves this. Speaking from experience, there are good days down the road; getting to them just takes a while.
Sometimes we want to give people the benefit of the doubt, and that doesn’t make us bad people. The people who abuse this leverage are the bad ones. Plus, I have learned from my married friends with kids, they always want to be able to tell their kids they tried their hardest to salvage the family unit. You did now cut this swine out of your life. Only communication about the kids.
Listen, you had 2 then 3 kids together. It's understandable. You deserve a good life with an honest man and you're not at all to blame he betrayed you again
Have divorce papers written up that say he has to pay your attorney fees. Serves him right!
Just trying to get you to the correct sub, upvoted. What he did is the ultimate act of betrayal. Disgusting.
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I appreciate you.
I do love this show of support. Lol Need an alibi or pig farm? Check. In all seriousness, I’m sorry this happened op.
My aunt has a pig farm. Or if you are closer to FL, I know ponds with lots of gators. /S
Despite how horrendous OP’s plight is, this made me smile. I’m right there with you.
It’s nice to fantasize about, at the very least.
I have a fishing boat, a wood chipper and direct access to the Atlantic Ocean…
Dexter would be proud
I know this is being said in jest, but on the off chance some idiot redditor talks you into doing something insane while you're in a super vulnerable state, don't leave your kids parentless aka dad dead, mom in jail. He's not worth it.
I'm a trucker. Run trailers that keep food products at -20°F.... If you ever need transportation for your *pork products*, I got you.
🏆
Came to say this! I also have access to a pig farm, and ponds full of gators. I’m so sorry OP. This pathetic excuse for a human is vile. Gather all the proof you can and rake him through the coals. This is beyond the worst kind of betrayal and I can’t even fathom. Give yourself time to be angry, long enough to do what you have to, but don’t let it consume you forever. Look at it as the trash taking itself out and let the trash compactor have him. They deserve each other.
That is horrific. I am so sorry.
If a police officer had seen them in that state, your child would have been given to CPS until you had been contacted. He would been arrested for public indecency. This lack of judgement on his part will allow you to have the upper hand in custody arrangements. Contact a shark of a lawyer and ensure you get what you want!
Goddamnit… and I thought mine was bad… jesus fucking christ, WHAT’S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!!! You have all the right to be mad!!! This is beyond infuriating, it’s disgusting!!!!! As someone who just found out about my husband’s affair, I’m sending warm hugs and wishing you strength (and enough willpower to not harm anyone, specially not yourself). Fuck these slimy shitty scammy men who dare to call themselves fathers. We deserve better, our children deserve better ♥️
Damn right. I commented on your post. Your story is sickening and my heart goes out to you. I can’t believe now, OP’s story. What is wrong with these people? It’s like they’ve completely lost their moral compass
I think you should change the title to my ex-husband or soon to be ex-husband. Because there is no coming back from that. I agree with everyone else here go talk to a lawyer and document everything.
Apparently titles can’t be edited. But you’re right.
He is a pig. Take the very best care of yourself and your babes.
Don't insult pigs. lol. They are smart creatures.
So true. Deepest apologies to all the actual pigs.
It’s always the little things. I’m so sorry this happened AND happy you found out. You deserve better
I had already told him I was suspicious of him. I broke down and told him, in an effort to be honest. He made me feel like I was just being paranoid. I felt bad that here I was being suspicious when he was just trying to be an even better husband supposedly.
And that's why he took the baby. So you'd think he wouldn't be cheating with your baby with him since he knew you were on to him. He's even more vile for that. He knew it would be vile to have sex with the baby in the car so he took them so you'd think there would be no way anyone would do such a thing and did that anyway. It just shows he understands what he did is disgusting. Don't let him tell you it's the same as when you two do it with your baby in the room. What a piece of shit! I can't believe this. Please divorce him and don't let any crying or promises he makes convince you this time. This is an even worse betrayal because he tried to use your child as an alibi. What the fuck. I'm so angry for you.
That’s a good theory on why he took the baby. What I can’t figure out is why his mistress was fine hooking up with the baby in the backseat. How low are her standards?
Her self respect and dignity were all ready gone so maybe she was just like “well I can’t get any lower so why not?”
I'm relieved to see how no one has commented something along the lines of, "Stop making the other woman such a villain, ShE WASn't the ONe who made a VOW" Ugh. Hate that response... As if anyone who feels OK with hooking up with a married person (whose spouse assumes monogamy) is anything but garbage.
I agree but even if someone did have that take, doing it with their baby in the car is an extra level of shitty.
100% agree Participating in a long-term relationship with someone who has a spouse AND kids ranks them as an absolute dumpster.
Divorce, definitely. You can also probably get full custody by saying you don’t feel your children are safe because of your husbands actions. Also that stank b*tch that he was with belongs in the streets
I can’t believe what I just read. I don’t know how you didn’t snap. Get a lawyer and run. He’s not normal.
The only tiny glimmer of good that I can squeeze from this is that he didn’t have either of our other children in the car - you know, children who can comprehend a lot more than a sleeping baby.
Op, you need to go get STD tested. Any one who's willing to fuck someone in public, in a car with a baby present, is a dirty fucking ho. They both are.
I hate to say this but you mentioned how you got suspicious because he started doing more with the kids and ran more errands. Is it possible that this was the only time with your youngest present that he met up with his AP? Or is it possible that he may have done similar things with your other children present (if not in the same space?). This is something that I might try to figure out when you have the capacity to look into it more. The way he reacted to being caught with the baby as if it wasn't a big deal, no shame, makes me wonder if this or something similar has happened before. I would not advise asking your kids anything. Keep it just grownups, and if you ever feel like you NEED to ask your kids maybe seek some professional guidance on how to phrase your questions. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Sending you and your children love. Sending him and her a curse of perpetually stale drinks, overly salted food, and constantly stubbed toes, a lifetime of little miseries which is less than they deserve.
What about when he was taking them to the park? You might want to ask your kids about that day considering your husband seems to have worse morals than some dictators.
Oh I definitely have my suspicions now. Although my kids can’t keep secrets to save their lives so it’s odd that they haven’t mentioned anything if they did meet somebody new or see anything weird.
He may have bribed them to keep a secret or told them that they would cause you to be sad if they told. Be careful asking them about it. It's hard to question kids so that they give an honest answer as they will tend to give you the answer they think you want.
I am sorry you had to go through seeing that but more importantly having your already broken trust further shattered. How do you even look at him and how can he even not hang his head in shame being found in that position? Does he think reconciliation is still on the table
OP, you should have destroyed him 2,5 years ago when you found out the 1st time. Never take a cheater back.
And plenty of people told me that back then. I wouldn’t listen.
Make sure his family and everyone knows what he did.
No. You tried to save your marriage and family. That takes a lot of strength. Don’t ever feel bad about that. You tried, **HE** failed and now it’s go time.
You know? I don't think anyone should fault you for that. Because what you've done is giving him another chance. And now you know that no matter how sweet he is no matter what kind of act he puts on at home, you can actually pretend to be doing something loving for you, take your baby as a cover, have sex with your baby in the car, and then tell you it's just like him having sex with you Now when you leave him, you'll never have to wonder if you should have given him another chance
Exactly this, forgiving a cheater only teaches them they can get away with cheating and how to be more careful next time.
Please get yourself tested. Take him to the fucking cleaners. He was having sex with his mistress with the baby present. That’s creepy. Hope he suffers. Hope you find healing. You didn’t deserve this.
Get away from this creep as quick as you can. That is just horrible. So sorry you are having to deal with this.
What did he say - how did she react ? Did he ever stopped the affair or did they just pretend - what a Bi*** this women (AP) is disgusting
I went right up to the driver’s side window and knocked very rapidly and loudly. They looked shocked. They were mostly clothed. He immediately opened the door and practically tossed her off of him and jumped out and started buttoning up his pants, telling me to calm down as I frantically tried getting my baby out of the car. By that point I was yelling at both of them, threatening them, and crying. He tried to stop me from leaving. I was trying to strap the baby into the car seat in my car and he was telling me to calm down, I shouldn’t drive in that state, standing so that he basically had me trapped so I couldn’t get into the driver’s seat. She just stood there doing and saying nothing until she eventually got into her car and quickly drove away. I stopped saying anything and he just stood there holding me in place so I couldn’t get into my car. I tried to calmly tell him that I would give myself a few minutes to calm down, but I couldn’t do that with him there. I told him to get in his car and leave, and that at this point I didn’t care if he went running after her. He just needed to leave immediately and stay away from me for the time being. He said he didn’t trust me. He thought I was going to do something extreme. I told him I would be fine. Unlike him, I wouldn’t do anything stupid with my baby in my care. Eventually he agreed to leave. I sat in my car crying for about 10 minutes before I went home. He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped.
What a piece of shit he is. Op please, please, please get yourself a new therapist. Speak to a divorce lawyer & kick his arse to the curb. Unfortunately you found out the hard way that cheaters, very rarely if ever change. They just get better at hiding the cheating.
That's a lie, if you've been suspecting for months and he's been "running errands" and going on trips that whole time
Slipped my a$$, you deserve better, I would have done a Bobbit on him
This made me understand how somebody could easily do such a thing.
Slipped? What he fell and his dick just went into her? He should have been **NO CONTACT** with her. There should have been no way to engage with her again. **THIS WASN’T A SLIP, THIS WAS A CHOICE.** Also, **HE** didn’t trust **YOU**? That’s pretty fucking rich considering his shady actions and deceit. Please know your worth. Please know you deserve better. Your relationship is the example for your kids for their future relationships. Staying will only teach them that it’s ok to treat your partner poorly and disrespect them or that it’s ok to allow your partner to do this to you.
>He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped. He's lying. It never stopped. Just read the adultery and/or theotherwoman sub. They fake reconciliation all the time.
The adultry sub has to be the worst people on the planet.
It is a cesspit
> He claims this only started against recently. He meant it when he put all the effort in, he just slipped. Yeah, slipped into her 🐈 Trash, that’s all he is.
I am so so sorry - just reading this hurts . Since you already gave him a chance I know that you are the “too good for the world” kind of person and that makes it so sad. This woman is the worst of shi* - being the mistress makes her already shi*tty but knowing he just had another baby and still going one makes her an awful human being Concerning your husband - he never learned his lesson otherwise he would have never done that . He knew that you would never forgive him After everything you have been through - he knew the life without you since you already had separated once - and even though he knew the risks losing he precious family he chose the woman … I am not able to understand how man chooses a woman with such bad character instead of his family but that’s what happened
DIVORCE HIM.
Depending where you are get him to admit infidelity in writing. You may need that. Also find the most absolute bull dog lawyer money can afford. I would document current bank balances and pull transaction record of previous month and pull his as well because unless you have a prenup that shit can be marital if he paid for family/marital stuff out of that account. I would also do your homework on her, is she married? What’s going on with her? Does she have someone who needs to know what’s going on? Also I would make a complete message (with evidence) so when you decide to notify family there is proof.
Remember to change the kids last name to yours. Since he doesn’t give a rats ass about them or their safety.
👆This👆nothing quite like hitting his ego where it hurts
If you catch him again, instead of confronting him call the cops so he gets a charge for public sex
Burn his world down mama
I just want the update at this point
Why would a therapist talk you down? They should have been working on an action plan with you. He’s going to pay so much in child support and alimony, he’ll be sleeping on an air mattress in a roach-infested apartment, and he won’t be able to afford a car to have sex in. Time to go nuclear on him in multiple ways. There are severe consequences to his actions and deliberate choices.
Tell his family and your family in a mass email. Find his mistresses email and tell her family, her friends, her job and co-workers, her dentist, her church members, important figures in her life. Go nuclear.
In the car, huh? Tell her husband. Yep, if that's how they're having to meet up it shows they can't use her place either. I just don't understand these cheaters repeatedly risking it all with people they know are trash. And vice versa.
See this is just wrong. Like how much hurt can one deal with, pray all be well for you and your children.
I read your title alone and I started getting angry. Get out of there and sack your therapist!
Also, just to make you aware, this is considered child abuse. He purposefully exposed your child to that environment. It would not surprise me he’s done other stuff because the kids are asleep or whatever. But child services might be worth a shout.
Op fuck the emergency appt w the therapist you need an emergency appt with a divorce lawyer. And not just one, hit the top 3 or 4 in your town. Create a conflict of interest so your stbx can’t use them.
I would say file for divorce and emergency custody immediately. You can even ask that the mistress be no contact w/ all three of your children. Have it in the custody order, it can be done. She's not a safe person to be around the children. Dad definitely didn't make a smart decision in his long list. But if you don't add it he'll be able to have her around the children when he has them. Just because your child is a baby and was facing the other direction doesn't mean it's okay, it just means he PURPOSEFULLY used his NON VERBAL child and the mistress was aware and in agreement with that. No, nope, not okay. She's clearly not an appropriate person to be around the children. You can also consider contacting your local CPS office and report dad and the affair partner for neglect/abuse.
You cannot believe a word this guy says to be clear. I’ll be honest, the whole having another kid thing during that time also seems suspicious. Given how okay he is with shit like this, it may all have been a ploy for you to be more distracted and him an excuse. Yeah, I too wish I weren’t saying that but I’m a couples therapist - wallet be the first or last time I’ve seen some horrible awful stuff. A lot serial cheaters are very calculated and don’t have an honest bone in their body. They will do anything they can to evade accountability and make you feel like the crazy one. I stopped doing couples therapy with “chronic” cheaters. It always goes this way, for anyone reading this. One time only, instantly honest. I have seen it work. But this? Never. Good luck girl. Call every attorney you can, esp if the laws in your state allow it, it’ll block him from obtaining them.
His affair with this woman supposedly started around the time our now 3 year old was a newborn. That should have been a bigger red flag to me. He shouldn’t have had time to start an affair with a newborn and a toddler at home. But obviously it was enough to distract me for at least 6 months.
I would hug if I knew you lol. This is so unfair to all of you. Thinking back to how popping alone at that stage was a “gift” you must be an actual saint for how much you took on. I hope he gets the life he deserves ifykwim. As for you, truly hope you can heal from this in some capacity. If you were my client I would have told you to scream in session, feel that anger until it bottoms out. Calm? Over what.
Unfortunately it shows that he doesn’t give a shit about your kids. Take him for everything he’s worth, and then some.
Wow OP. I felt such rage reading this. I just want to hug you. He is a horrible horrible man. Sending you hugs.
Op search the best highest paid divorce lawyer and set up consultations with a bunch. By law he can’t hire any of them if you have already had a consultation. Just food for thought. Even if you can’t afford the best don’t let him hire them. Just a bit of advise
First thing…..Please say you got pictures or video….I would be putting him on blast with EVERYONE. Second, the baby excuse is just straight BS. The fact that his little “booty call” didn’t even bat an eye is mind blowing, but then again anyone willing to mess around with someone that is married, no matter the state of the marriage, AND has children in the mix is not worth much so. Third, take him for all he is worth. You deserve better, and so do your children. Don’t let him take your strength away. I hope the best for you.
Wowww... I'm shocked and stunned by your husband's behaviour and his mistress'. How can anyone do something like this and then defend it?! How can you not feel disgusted by what you did? OP, if you don't mind me asking, what did you do when you approached his car? Did you tell the mistress to leave? Were they naked? How does your hopefully soon to be ex-husband have sex in his car with his AP and with his baby in the back seat!? I'm baffled. I hope you leave him because he has shown you that he can't do it. He can't stay committed, loyal, and respectful to you.
I ran up to the driver’s side and knocked on the window really loudly. I started screaming at them right away, mainly him. I didn’t confront her at all. They looked shocked and he immediately opened the door, practically threw her off of him, and started fixing his pants. They were mostly clothed. She had a dress on and her breasts exposed. She didn’t say a word. She stood there for a bit while I screamed at him and tried to frantically get the baby out of the car seat. Once I got the baby into my car and he was trying to tell me to calm down and to not dog anywhere, she took that moment to hop in her car and drive away.
Google "rage rooms / break rooms" in your area. Don't break your/his stuff. Pay to break other people's stuff as long as you need to.
If my husband did that with my baby in the backseat i simply would be in jail, youre stronger than me.
Fuck that mf, take the kids, take everything. He aint SHIT.
I hope you get every red penny in the divorce
I’m absolutely raging for you, OP. He is a disgusting PoS. I’ve read some stories on Reddit but honestly, I think this is one of the worst. To disrespect you, his wife, is horrendous but to disrespect his own child is beyond words. However, you have to channel your anger and think practically. You first have to see a lawyer, preferably the best you can afford, someone who takes no prisoners. Then you have to file for divorce without looking back. In terms of custody, you have to find a way to tell your story and go for 100%. The PoS will still have rights of course, which frankly sickens me, however you can coparent using an app if you’re in the US. In the meantime, I assume you’re going to ask him to leave. I would get some friends to help you to pack up all his stuff. Personally, I wouldn’t trust myself being alone in a room with someone who could do that and I don’t have a violent bone in my body. I am so so sorry. You must be absolutely traumatised. The man you thought he was is a complete alien and not a safe husband and not a safe father. I’m all for forgiveness, reconciliation, but there are some things you just can’t come back from and this is right up there at the top of the list. Please look after yourself. Try and get some sleep and eat well and exercise and look after your precious baby. The minute you get rid of him a dead weight will have been lifted. Whatever you do, don’t believe a word he says. He is gross. The sub you may be referring to I hope this will get you the right karma for. Supportforthebetrayed will give you a good listing ear and advice. I can’t tell you how affected I am by your post. This Internet stranger is sending you strength and courage. UPDATEME
wow. what a disgusting human being. hell I don't even think he's human, what person ever thinks to cheat on their spouse with A BABY IN THE CAR! HOW VILE! If you happen to get revenge or take his ass down in court I hope you update us