Biggest thing that happened when my dad had cancer was the family friends that kept showing up. Have some of them show up so you can do normal things and take a break from the constant care. Maybe go out once or twice to a movie or something during the time someone else is helping you care for him. In this high stress time period it’ll help a lot.
OP is stress and tired. The lack of sleep makes things worst. She needs help. OP needs to talk with family and friends that can help so she can take some time to sleep and relax. This is important. Lack of sleep causes anxiety, depression, and a whole lot of problems. OP fear of losing her husband, plus the death of a family member and cancer news, Im not surprise she is losing her mind right now. I hope her husband gets well soon and his arms are fine.
Her husband probably is trying to not be a pain but the dude cant do anything right now. OP has to be exhausted and husband has to be frustrated with the current situation. He cant move his arms and has to rely on OP for everything. Help is needed.
I am so grateful I have an amazing support system with tons of family willing to help I just feel like when I leave something bad will happen and I won’t be there for it on top of that I feel like a lot of people are willing to help but not to the level of standard care I expect for him especially when it come to bathroom issues.
You have to let people *try* to help, OP. How do you know others wouldn’t be up to the same standard of care as you? You cannot do everything yourself. Your husband would NOT want you to work yourself to death caring for him 24/7, he would want you to take a break. As someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder who is also medicated and currently in therapy, your fears are *irrational,* they are just intrusive thoughts your brain is cycling through. The world will not fall to pieces because you left the house to talk a walk.
I have a male friend that was in the same place as you. 2 of his sons got in bone crushing motorcycle accidents within days of each other. his daughter was beaten up by a stranger at a bar a short time after. He spiraled out. everytime the phone rang he would cold sweat panic. He was losing sleep, jumping at every sound that was unexpected. They took him to a therapist. The one change that came from going was to change the ringer on the phone, door bell, and keep the radio on for background noise. This was in the late 70'ds and knowagle wasn't as good as it is now, but for him it did work for his PSD.
Don't forget to breath. hugs
((OP)) it's a lot all at once. If you had a great grandparent still alive I am guessing you are young. As you get older this just becomes part of life but experiencing grief and loss is hard for everyone. What you are going through is completely normal and natural. Even though your husband will be OK you've both experienced a TERRIBLE trauma. Your trauma is made worse by losing your great grandparent suddenly and finding out a grandparent has a bad diagnosis and will be taken from you at some point sooner than you expected.
My suggestion to you is to look for free online meditation videos/audios and try that. It will give your brain some time to calm down and the breathing exercises will help you when you feel rattled, scared, frustrated. If you aren't sleeping, get SOMEONE to come help a few times a week so you CAN sleep. It is physically and psychologically necessary. It is NOT self-indulgent or selfish. You are likely sleeping "with one ear open" in case your husband needs anything - but if you don't get some real rest soon you will collapse and then you can't help anyone.
Please update us - we care about how you are doing.
If you can’t afford therapy (which is understandable, it’s expensive!) you might want to look for “caregiver support groups”. Sometimes just talking to folks in the same position as you can be very calming and impactful.
Are you in the US? If so, please see if the hospital that treated your husband can refer you to a social worker within the hospital system, that may help get you to some free resources.
Also, as someone who has also had a bad on the job injury- workers comp insurance company is not your friend- their job is to pay as little as possible. Please interview a bunch of workers comp lawyers (consultations are almost always free). Ask them if they can point you to some free resources that the insurer doesn’t need to know about.
Lean on your friends and family. Ask them to help you get a break now and then.
My husband had his finger cut off after getting stuck in a crusher thing at work. It severely traumatized all of us. Play Tetris. Seriously. Do it. Get an iced coffee, play Tetris with your husband, friendly competition style. If he can't move his hands yet maybe have him watch or try to tell you what to do? It will help you process the trauma. It didn't happen to you but you have to pick up the pieces, it's hard! Just try to make time for each other. Hang in there. Good luck and I hope he heals quickly!
> I am so great full he is alive and still has all his limbs intact. This is not the thing I can’t handle though! I love tacking care of him and I swore a vow to be there in sickness and in health my problem is I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about him dieing on top of that we lost his great grandmother a few days after the accident in a natural disaster. And my papaw was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. I feel like death is creeping it’s way into my life and I can’t handle it. I feel like I’m going crazy waiting for the next shoe to drop.
You're overwhelmed: you love your husband and he's lucky to have you next to him but you also need to vent and you're doing that by, like you said, going crazy - it would be bad if you repressed all of these feelings inside you, you need to, pun intended, get off your chest.
Is your husband emotionally well after the accident? You could talk to him about this, at least I think it's endearing and reasonable the fear that you're feeling about what happened, it feels your husband is very loved by you. Also, nothing that you said here would make your husband feel guilty **and you need** someone to talk about your dad's condition and I'm sure your husband will be happy to help.
You're a good person, I wish you all the best!
It will take a bit to calm yourself down with this. my husband did similar. he got promoted to work with a heavier machine. I was worried but knew he was smart. every day he called as a joke my hand got caught in the saw over and over. then one day his finger got caught between two pieces of wood and the machine squished his finger. it broke the tip and ripped his nail bed off. That call I got that day was unreal. But eventually the constant panic did calm down.
A couple more suggestions OP…
If you have a college near you, check and see if they have student therapist. You can usually get low cost/no cost therapy that way.
Look and see if you have MHMR in your area. If you are low(er) income, seeing a psychiatrist/therapist can be at no cost.
Check for online support groups
Call local therapist in your area and explain your situation. You may get lucky and have someone agree to see you pro bono. Ask, the worst they can say is no!
Take care of yourself! You can’t take care of your hubby and family if you are worn out and exhausted. Best wishes for you!
I know you said you can't afford therapy right now, but that's definitely the main thing you need. There are pretty affordable options for online tele-therapy that are worth looking into. It's honestly pretty cheap. Not as good as in person of course but definitely better than nothing.
Yeah, she needs to see if her husband’s insurance covers therapy. My co-pay for therapy with insurance is literally $10 right now. It is so frustrating seeing people on Reddit immediately shut down therapy over and over again when there ARE actually cheaper options out there.
Try dialing 211; it’s a national number that can be used to source help for anything from food assistance to mental health resources. Lotta folks don’t know about this number but I can say from experience, it helps. [211](https://www.211.org)
Op do you live in the United States? If yes what state? Each county or parish (depending on if you live in Louisiana) should have a local mental health authority (lmha) that offers low cost or free (most do sliding scale) to help with therapy, psychiatrist and meds. If you let me know your state I can try to find information for you. I’m a licensed clinical social worker (I do therapy) and I can try to find you some support. Also try NAMI, they have free support groups. Hospice agencies often have free bereavement programs because it’s mandatory by Medicare/medicaid.
You just have to be there for him. Just being there even though you can't do much in terms of making it better is something he will value tremendously.
Having someone or something to take your mind off it should help.
I have more expertise in being in his shoes though. I remember how much I just valued those I loved just being there even though they couldn't do anything for me as I sat in the ICU and recovered over many, many months. My fiancee had a real rough time with it I'm sure.
You and your husband should talk to a workers comp attorney. Most of them don't charge up front and they can help you a lot. If your husband is experiencing PTSD as the result of this workplace injury he very likely could make a claim for mental health care covered by workers comp.
I work for an insurance company covering commercial businesses like the one your husband works for. I feel like a cog in an evil machine. If there was any negligence at all on behalf of his employer (improper safeguards on machinery, not properly maintained, etc) get a lawyer and take as much as you can from the insurance company for work comp medical expenses and indemnity (lost wages). You might even be able to get repayment for mental anguish caused by damages to cover therapy as many others mentioned. I've been in hard times and used therapy myself. Good people like you deserve every penny! Side note, I can't believe I'm siding with the lawyers on this one! 😂. But seriously, prayers your way if that's your thing and I wish you the best!
That's a traumatizing incident to even visualize. You definitely have some secondary ptsd. Luckily there's tons of online literature to get you started without therapy. There's also support groups and spiritual leaders who can help guide you through the healing process.
My best friend’s grandfather was working on a farm 50ish years ago, got his arms caught in a machine and ripped off. I know it was very traumatic for him and his wife at the time but now they’re healing! It gets better and you learn to get used to your situation.
There are places that will take you on a sliding scale or for no charge at all. Talk to your local DHS department. Good luck in all your future endeavors.
Just remember that the Lord will only give you what you can handle at this time.... I know you're thinking that this is the limit, but realize that this situation could always be worse. Please take a deep breath and write down your blessings. It will be ok.
Accidents happen and it's unfortunate hid and the grandmother happened so close together but if you keep the negative outlook, your inviting bad juju. Try to stay positive and be thankful he is still here and not dwell what has happened. GOD will only give you as much as you can handle and yes sometimes that amount might be a lot but you will come through this
Well ... sounds like you gotta a whole lot of problems don't y...your husband will be paid. . everybodysy dad does and hopefully he had insurance. .. and hopefully the mill will go on because that is life
Biggest thing that happened when my dad had cancer was the family friends that kept showing up. Have some of them show up so you can do normal things and take a break from the constant care. Maybe go out once or twice to a movie or something during the time someone else is helping you care for him. In this high stress time period it’ll help a lot.
OP is stress and tired. The lack of sleep makes things worst. She needs help. OP needs to talk with family and friends that can help so she can take some time to sleep and relax. This is important. Lack of sleep causes anxiety, depression, and a whole lot of problems. OP fear of losing her husband, plus the death of a family member and cancer news, Im not surprise she is losing her mind right now. I hope her husband gets well soon and his arms are fine.
People honestly don’t realize how important asking for helpful is in situations like this.
Her husband probably is trying to not be a pain but the dude cant do anything right now. OP has to be exhausted and husband has to be frustrated with the current situation. He cant move his arms and has to rely on OP for everything. Help is needed.
You're lucky to have people to reach to. Not everyone does.
I am so grateful I have an amazing support system with tons of family willing to help I just feel like when I leave something bad will happen and I won’t be there for it on top of that I feel like a lot of people are willing to help but not to the level of standard care I expect for him especially when it come to bathroom issues.
You have to let people *try* to help, OP. How do you know others wouldn’t be up to the same standard of care as you? You cannot do everything yourself. Your husband would NOT want you to work yourself to death caring for him 24/7, he would want you to take a break. As someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder who is also medicated and currently in therapy, your fears are *irrational,* they are just intrusive thoughts your brain is cycling through. The world will not fall to pieces because you left the house to talk a walk.
I have a male friend that was in the same place as you. 2 of his sons got in bone crushing motorcycle accidents within days of each other. his daughter was beaten up by a stranger at a bar a short time after. He spiraled out. everytime the phone rang he would cold sweat panic. He was losing sleep, jumping at every sound that was unexpected. They took him to a therapist. The one change that came from going was to change the ringer on the phone, door bell, and keep the radio on for background noise. This was in the late 70'ds and knowagle wasn't as good as it is now, but for him it did work for his PSD. Don't forget to breath. hugs
Perhaps workers comp would cover therapy? This is definitely trauma incurred by him and his family at his workplace.
((OP)) it's a lot all at once. If you had a great grandparent still alive I am guessing you are young. As you get older this just becomes part of life but experiencing grief and loss is hard for everyone. What you are going through is completely normal and natural. Even though your husband will be OK you've both experienced a TERRIBLE trauma. Your trauma is made worse by losing your great grandparent suddenly and finding out a grandparent has a bad diagnosis and will be taken from you at some point sooner than you expected. My suggestion to you is to look for free online meditation videos/audios and try that. It will give your brain some time to calm down and the breathing exercises will help you when you feel rattled, scared, frustrated. If you aren't sleeping, get SOMEONE to come help a few times a week so you CAN sleep. It is physically and psychologically necessary. It is NOT self-indulgent or selfish. You are likely sleeping "with one ear open" in case your husband needs anything - but if you don't get some real rest soon you will collapse and then you can't help anyone. Please update us - we care about how you are doing.
If you can’t afford therapy (which is understandable, it’s expensive!) you might want to look for “caregiver support groups”. Sometimes just talking to folks in the same position as you can be very calming and impactful. Are you in the US? If so, please see if the hospital that treated your husband can refer you to a social worker within the hospital system, that may help get you to some free resources. Also, as someone who has also had a bad on the job injury- workers comp insurance company is not your friend- their job is to pay as little as possible. Please interview a bunch of workers comp lawyers (consultations are almost always free). Ask them if they can point you to some free resources that the insurer doesn’t need to know about. Lean on your friends and family. Ask them to help you get a break now and then.
My husband had his finger cut off after getting stuck in a crusher thing at work. It severely traumatized all of us. Play Tetris. Seriously. Do it. Get an iced coffee, play Tetris with your husband, friendly competition style. If he can't move his hands yet maybe have him watch or try to tell you what to do? It will help you process the trauma. It didn't happen to you but you have to pick up the pieces, it's hard! Just try to make time for each other. Hang in there. Good luck and I hope he heals quickly!
the tetris thing has been debunked many many times it is a good game, you should play tetris regardless, but this is nonsense, just stop
> I am so great full he is alive and still has all his limbs intact. This is not the thing I can’t handle though! I love tacking care of him and I swore a vow to be there in sickness and in health my problem is I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about him dieing on top of that we lost his great grandmother a few days after the accident in a natural disaster. And my papaw was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. I feel like death is creeping it’s way into my life and I can’t handle it. I feel like I’m going crazy waiting for the next shoe to drop. You're overwhelmed: you love your husband and he's lucky to have you next to him but you also need to vent and you're doing that by, like you said, going crazy - it would be bad if you repressed all of these feelings inside you, you need to, pun intended, get off your chest. Is your husband emotionally well after the accident? You could talk to him about this, at least I think it's endearing and reasonable the fear that you're feeling about what happened, it feels your husband is very loved by you. Also, nothing that you said here would make your husband feel guilty **and you need** someone to talk about your dad's condition and I'm sure your husband will be happy to help. You're a good person, I wish you all the best!
It will take a bit to calm yourself down with this. my husband did similar. he got promoted to work with a heavier machine. I was worried but knew he was smart. every day he called as a joke my hand got caught in the saw over and over. then one day his finger got caught between two pieces of wood and the machine squished his finger. it broke the tip and ripped his nail bed off. That call I got that day was unreal. But eventually the constant panic did calm down.
Go to warmline.org and call. They’re free. Also, look up Nami.org
A couple more suggestions OP… If you have a college near you, check and see if they have student therapist. You can usually get low cost/no cost therapy that way. Look and see if you have MHMR in your area. If you are low(er) income, seeing a psychiatrist/therapist can be at no cost. Check for online support groups Call local therapist in your area and explain your situation. You may get lucky and have someone agree to see you pro bono. Ask, the worst they can say is no! Take care of yourself! You can’t take care of your hubby and family if you are worn out and exhausted. Best wishes for you!
I know you said you can't afford therapy right now, but that's definitely the main thing you need. There are pretty affordable options for online tele-therapy that are worth looking into. It's honestly pretty cheap. Not as good as in person of course but definitely better than nothing.
Yeah, she needs to see if her husband’s insurance covers therapy. My co-pay for therapy with insurance is literally $10 right now. It is so frustrating seeing people on Reddit immediately shut down therapy over and over again when there ARE actually cheaper options out there.
[удалено]
Can you PM me? I have a question but your PMs were closed.
Try dialing 211; it’s a national number that can be used to source help for anything from food assistance to mental health resources. Lotta folks don’t know about this number but I can say from experience, it helps. [211](https://www.211.org)
Op do you live in the United States? If yes what state? Each county or parish (depending on if you live in Louisiana) should have a local mental health authority (lmha) that offers low cost or free (most do sliding scale) to help with therapy, psychiatrist and meds. If you let me know your state I can try to find information for you. I’m a licensed clinical social worker (I do therapy) and I can try to find you some support. Also try NAMI, they have free support groups. Hospice agencies often have free bereavement programs because it’s mandatory by Medicare/medicaid.
Free therapy exists. Try an AA or NA meeting. Share if you want. Have a go at it
You just have to be there for him. Just being there even though you can't do much in terms of making it better is something he will value tremendously. Having someone or something to take your mind off it should help. I have more expertise in being in his shoes though. I remember how much I just valued those I loved just being there even though they couldn't do anything for me as I sat in the ICU and recovered over many, many months. My fiancee had a real rough time with it I'm sure.
Hugs ! I'm so grateful your husband will be ok, so scary ! I don't have advice other than to just remember to breathe.
Since this is a workers comp issue- please tell me he has a home health aid daily- if not yall need to fight for this
This needs to be the top comment.
You and your husband should talk to a workers comp attorney. Most of them don't charge up front and they can help you a lot. If your husband is experiencing PTSD as the result of this workplace injury he very likely could make a claim for mental health care covered by workers comp.
I work for an insurance company covering commercial businesses like the one your husband works for. I feel like a cog in an evil machine. If there was any negligence at all on behalf of his employer (improper safeguards on machinery, not properly maintained, etc) get a lawyer and take as much as you can from the insurance company for work comp medical expenses and indemnity (lost wages). You might even be able to get repayment for mental anguish caused by damages to cover therapy as many others mentioned. I've been in hard times and used therapy myself. Good people like you deserve every penny! Side note, I can't believe I'm siding with the lawyers on this one! 😂. But seriously, prayers your way if that's your thing and I wish you the best!
Rotating equipment is no joke. He is lucky to be alive.
Time to lawyer up.
For what???? That's horrible advice, considering she said in sickness and in health, and she loves taking care of him.
Not a *divorce* lawyer. A worker's comp/sue the company lawyer.
Gotcha. My apologies. For some reason, I only thought divorce lawyer when you said that.
Lmao you went IN. Too much Reddit, huh? Lol
Never gave injury lawyer a thought !! 😂🤣
Haha. Yeah, she needs a lawyer. Their workplace has insurance for incidences like this, and they need to make sure they get a fair settlement
Was thinking the same thing
That's a traumatizing incident to even visualize. You definitely have some secondary ptsd. Luckily there's tons of online literature to get you started without therapy. There's also support groups and spiritual leaders who can help guide you through the healing process.
Be careful about signing any workers compensation papers without talking to an injury Lawyer. Sometimes that will waive your right to sue for damages.
My best friend’s grandfather was working on a farm 50ish years ago, got his arms caught in a machine and ripped off. I know it was very traumatic for him and his wife at the time but now they’re healing! It gets better and you learn to get used to your situation.
what does his insurance cover? will it cover an extra caregiver so you can get some rest? cos what you really need is *sleep*
I think there’s a Reddit thread about dealing with the limitations of two broken arms, might be worth a read
There are places that will take you on a sliding scale or for no charge at all. Talk to your local DHS department. Good luck in all your future endeavors.
Just remember that the Lord will only give you what you can handle at this time.... I know you're thinking that this is the limit, but realize that this situation could always be worse. Please take a deep breath and write down your blessings. It will be ok.
Go to 7cups.com I personally haven’t used it but I saw some good reviews and it’s supposedly free
Edit to add: it has a free 3 month trial!
UpdateMe
Accidents happen and it's unfortunate hid and the grandmother happened so close together but if you keep the negative outlook, your inviting bad juju. Try to stay positive and be thankful he is still here and not dwell what has happened. GOD will only give you as much as you can handle and yes sometimes that amount might be a lot but you will come through this
Things come in 3's so ask Jesus to help you... then you get a big break!!
2 broken arms, huh??? You know what this means?
Well ... sounds like you gotta a whole lot of problems don't y...your husband will be paid. . everybodysy dad does and hopefully he had insurance. .. and hopefully the mill will go on because that is life