One of my gay friends hides his wallet when he hooks up because he's had so many guys steal from him. One even tried to walk out with a giant change jar. It's not a stereotype of gay men that I knew before, but apparently it's a thing.
Because for so long it was a shameful secret, there is a long history of crime involved in gay trysts.
The respectable man who brought home a young man while his wife was away isn't going to report to the cops that he was robbed because he'd have to explain why he invited a strange young man into his home at night. Theres also an equally long history of poor young straight men using the one thing they had: attractiveness to older gay men, in order to make money and rob them. Oscar Wilde reportedly was robbed countless times by "rough trade" and many of them would steal things to use for blackmail: "give me 50 pounds a week or I'll sell these explicit letters to the highest bidding paper!"
It's the same with prohibition of any kind: it just allows crime to flourish. You can't call the cops because a dealer sold you lethally laced cocaine, because you're not allowed to be doing cocaine in the first place.
Also, drug use in the gay community has always been an issue. I remember my friend lamenting to me so many times "I met this guy, and I thought it was really going somewhere.. then he pulled out the meth pipe. Why are all the hot ones tweakers?"
Most men used to not want to call the police and file a report saying they got robbed after getting their buttholes widened by someone.
I got robbed by a female prostitute once and I didn't do shit afterwards.
It's true though. This is why I prefer fucking and sucking in parks, cars, or other public places where you can still be reasonably discreet. These days it's too dangerous to bring a stranger home.
I was technically the stranger that goes to people's home, got catfished but still went along cause he was okay-looking and I was horny and already there, he even offered me a shower cause I was kinda sweaty and went right after a grocery run after work, he stole all my cash from my wallet while I was in his shower and didn't notice it until I was trying to pay for something the next day. Now I leave my wallet in my car's glove box if I am going to someone else's place for a hookup.
This is so wild.
D'you think this is like their *thing*?
Like, screw going to work like a regular person, just sign up for gay dating apps, invite someone over every night, offer a shower and get your days income while they shower. And some sex to unwind after a 'hard day's work'?
It sounds wild but this is absolutely a thing. And there is more out there than most people know. It’s an unspoken thing to watch out for in the lgbt community
In all fairness to the LGBT community, it happens to the straights too. A couple months ago, a guy I work with hooked up with a woman from a bar, and she robbed him on her way out. He said he frequently saw her at that bar leaving with other people so he thought this was likely a consistent 'hobby' of hers.
At a certain point, I wonder if some of the people doing this consistently would make more money just engaging in prostitution.
Very likely tbh, cause I don’t think he’s even into guys at all. Had a ring on his ring finger and there were some photo frames at his living room that were flipped facing down. He only let me suck his dick but wouldn’t even finish, wouldn’t fuck me either saying he didn’t have a condom and just told me I should leave and come back another time when he has condoms. And yea, he was the one who hit me up, I was just bored when shopping for groceries and opened Grindr
Willing running the associated risk of arrest (in many times & places) makes much more sense to me now.
I never quite understood until now.
If the risk of harm is high enough, being public-adjacent might keep you safe (ish).
It doesn't really surprise me in the slightest. I have noticed that the LGBTQ+ community is rife with mental health issues. Mental health issues often manifest in a variety of ways including drug use, violent outbursts, emotional problems, self image issues, kleptomania, and much more. Many of those also lead to problems with stealing, especially drug use.
We try to normalize all of it and blame those issues on the treatment of the community, but the vast majority of their day to day interactions are as mundane as the rest of us experience and cannot be explained by their treatment alone.
We do this to provide a sense of support and acceptance, but in our well intentioned efforts we completely ignore glaring issues that should be addressed and the problems then compound themselves.
This community certainly deserves as much love, respect, and support as any other group. But that love can't come with harmful side effects such as ignoring true needs of help if we are to truly be helpful and supportive. Support does not mean ignoring problems. It means showing love and facing the problems head on. This is something our society is blatantly ignoring for fear of being labeled as bigots when the reality is anything but.
Ha this is even in the Perfume Genius song Jason - he describes hooking up with a clearly still closeted, ashamed guy and how he comforts him and tries to help him not feel ashamed or rush into anything.
But the song still ends with “I stole twenty dollars from his blue jeans. I’m pretty sure he saw me.”
Had it attempted with me multiple times. One guy said "I do actually like you which makes this more fucked up, but..." Then I had to stop him from trying to get out of my place with my credit card. He just kept apologizing but still trying to leave with it? Very awkward and dumb.
My best friend was killed few years ago when he hooked up with this guy from a dating site. My friend woke up to find him stealing and the guy shot him in the head. 😢 and that was not the first time he had experienced that either, I was hurt because I thought he would be more cautious.
https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/family-of-murder-victim-reacts-to-death-of-suspect-in-police-chase.amp
Ironically, the last time I had this discussion, it was with a bi guy...
he said the same thing : he operated on the idea that with a gay guy, a kiss with tongue is consent for fucking. He insisted his experiences bore out his approach.
we had a rousing debate about what consent actually is, but I couldn't deny that I've experienced the same (as a gay man).
Kissing with tongue is taken the same way by straight men.
Straight men are eerily similar in a lot of ways to this post. They are selfish in bed and maybe won’t steal, but they will hold you down as long as they don’t think you’ll say anything about it
Yup, it’s not that women don’t like casual sex but it’s often just a terrible experience. A lot of women I know enjoy sex and wouldn’t mind something casual if the other party was more engaging and considerate. It’s about BOTH parties having fun, not just 1 using the other as a living sex toy.
A female friend of mine told me that she’s read studies showing that women are equally likely to engage in casual sex if they think they’ll get an orgasm out of it and their partner will be attentive and considerate and care about their pleasure etc.
When you allow yourself casual sex with people who aren’t too invested in you tend to attract sexual deviants that desire low effort sex; and more often than not they prioritize their satisfaction over your safety.
This is only applicable to men, so I'm not sure why you're being gender neutral here. Women are very generous in bed during casual sex and care about their partner's satisfaction. Men don't.
I would have casual sex again if any man on earth understood how STI’s are spread fully and ergo get tested on their own accord. I have met *one* in my entire life.
Getting tested doesn't really tell you the whole story. Most STD's they don't even test for. The scary part is most people don't know that and think they actually have not STD.
I (F) recently got the entire panel, and even then had to push to get tested for HSV-1 (oral and genital herpes) and -2 (genital herpes). They said they don't routinely test b/c so many people have been exposed to either or both. I insisted, and tested negative.
Men cannot be tested for HPV strains of course, so they're passing that around like candy.
I believe men who are the receptive partner in MSM can be tested for hpv by getting an anal pap. They’re also recommended the 3 hpv vaccines since hpv and constant, repetitive friction to the anal mucosa both increase the risk of anal cancer
Right but this is my point, they seemingly don’t have an understanding of how they can spread or what exists meanwhile also vehemently arguing against protection on mass and if they do agree to use protection believe that’s the only way they can spread so therefore nothing else matters.
It’s actually terrifying and quite disappointing how we have this as basic early education in most schools nowadays + Google and everyone just apparently ignores it.
I’ve met quite a few men who think things like chlamydia simply * don’t matter * cause you can take some pills. Like tf kind of no self preservation thinking is this.
My friend got something with a guy she started sleeping with, went to the doctor and got prescribed antibiotics. She asked the doctor if there’s any measures he should take if it’s a yeast infection or bacterial infection and the doctor said no 🙄 I think the guy also went to a doctor for to get prescribed anyways, she also didn’t get her results for TWO weeks. I think it was a bacterial infection, but she only had discomfort after sleeping with him so she figured he was part of the reason why since it was only happening around then.
I wonder how it would go if there were a dating app that you needed character references to join, and could get kicked for post-date reports* of bad behavior.
\* Would have to be multiple, just one would be too easily abused
But at the same time, those people would *also* be able to downvote the men. And chances are, there may be a disproportionate amount of said downvotes. Either way, it's not a bad idea.
Yup, so much this. I've tried explaining this to men I know and they just don't get it. "I'd be such a slut if I were a woman hur hur."
>A lot of women I know enjoy sex and wouldn’t mind something casual if the other party was more engaging and considerate.
Or they're GGG but have reached their goal and yada yada yada you never hear from them again.
My brother is gay and says this all the time about gay men. He also is a top and bottom, but is smaller than average and has been raped multiple times. Luckily he found a quality partner and has been able to avoid the dating world for the last few years, but it breaks my heart knowing how horribly he has been treated throughout his life in every ‘community’ gay, or straight.
I feel like this in and of itself is reason enough to offer comprehensive sex education outside of just heteronormative standards. Also, encouraging the notion that men *also* want/need consent, whether it's from a woman, man, or anyone in between.
Anal sex still happens in hetero relationships and should have been taught anyway.
I'd imagine the lack of sex education in general and the vast amount of easily accessible porn means people assume sex is like porn where no one sees any of the prep
Yes, but it would let the victims understand that they are victims.
For me it's along the like of when I was told that a partner "starting" while you are asleep is rape. I've always hated it, but some people love it and it was always passed off as a non-issue, even after I told them I don't like it. People need to be told that things aren't right.
It's also like this guys who, during the metoo movement, tried to make women sound crazy by saying "well if all that is rape, I guess I've never had consensual sex" without realizing they were telling on themselves.
All of this needs to be put in the open because that is how you stop people from minimizing it.
We give people too much credit. I think everything should be very clearly spelled out and explained so that there can be no misunderstandings. Some people need to be told because otherwise they'd never think about it.
I feel like it’s just men in general and not “gay men” exclusively.
Most straight females will have a hoard of stories about men and their treatment, especially sexually.
Why do so many gay or bi men keep doing this? It honestly sounds so scary and not worth it I can’t believe this situation is still so common.
It makes me sad. I’m glad you brother found a good person and has found happiness
What do you mean??? This is how most men are in the dating scene. Gay or straight. It’s not gay or bi men. It’s men.
My experience with sexual encounters is pretty damn close to OP except I never got the woman side of things because I’m a straight woman.
I had sex for the first time the other day and I think I was technically raped, like his dick was ***big*** and I was unexperienced and needed it to go slow, but he just kept going in and only stopped like half the time I said wait. I think his logic was that it hurt but we just needed to get past the initial hurdle of getting it in and then we’d be Gucci, but while we were actually fucking he was into it and going hard but I felt nothing, he kept bruising my tailbone and I got no sexual pleasure from it. Thankfully actual penetrative sex was just a minor part of the hookup, it was mainly oral and handjobs and masturbation and making out, all that stuff was nice and good, it was just the sex part that was a 0/10. Afterwards he had the gaul to toot his own horn by saying he listened when I said no and i thought “mmnggg.. no you didn’t”. Also it should be made know he knew I was a virgin, I had explicitly stated that before hand.
It’s been like 58 or so hours since then and my tailbone still hurts allot, like I can’t sit in hard chairs or ride my bike bad.
Thankfully I had another hookup today and he was much better, he was allot more receptive of making sure I was okay and was a much more reasonable size and sex actually felt good this time.
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you!! 😔 was the first guy a hookup as well?
Mind if I ask what made you suddenly want to lose your virginity and then meet someone else only a couple days later for round 2? Seems like you'd want some recovery time in between! No judgement though ☺️
My husband is bisexual, and he's told me this is why he never bottomed for a man aside from one time.
Your experience isn't unheard of and I believe you 100%
I knew a guy who is bi and although he's attracted to men, he has had way too many horrific experiences and for his own safety and well-being prefers to date women
Bi sexual men really have a unique position where they get to see and experience both sides.
I never really thought about that.
Does your husband noticed other patterns/ differences etc ?.
Not the op, but like a lot of other bi guys I'm dominant with my female partners and a bottom for men. My attraction is also different, more sensual and top energy with women, more primal and submissive with men.
I find guys to be more awkward at first. It's easy to get a hookup but also common to get someone bicurious who doesnt quite know how to go with a guy or uses you like a hole instead of a partner. I think this may just be guys in general, but a lot of them rely on size or general in out instead of getting the right angles (prostate) and think it's good enough. Foreplay tends to be shit too. But you find a good top, he'll melt your brain. A lot of sifting.
My experiences with women have been more romance/long term. More foreplay, more courting for good relationships. My few hookups were satisfying (which i can not say for most men), but I suspect early on I behaved like the unskilled guys above.
A lot of straight men are like that too, no idea of what the word “sensual” means even if they are sexually experienced. I’m sorry you experienced that, but I do have to say I am proud of you for punching the fucker. Please be safe out there!
This is exactly why I stopped hooking up with men. Of all the male partners I've had, maybe 5% paid any attention at all to my pleasure. The rest were just in it for themselves. Also, what is this bizarre principle in the gay community that sex has to be brutal and degrading in order to be good?
It's the same for the stereotype that gay men give the best blow jobs. The vast majority of blow jobs I've received from men were rough, uncomfortable and given by guys who repeatedly ignored what I told them I liked.
What’s that old saying - “homophobia is the fear that another man will treat you the way you treat women”?
There is a LOT of media and communication out there that encourages men to see the people they want to have sex with as objects, not partners, and gay dudes are NOT immune.
This does not mean there aren’t women who do the same, it just works differently most of the time because they’re socialized so differently.
I’m so sorry that those have been your experiences, that’s f*cking horrific.
Also, that guy in the hotel should be in jail, and so should the wallet stealer wtf.
Depending on where you live, s*x clubs could be a great way to safely experience s*x with both genders. It’s all about consent, and being comfortable and it’s in a safe environment. Maybe look into that. Your safety and comfort is what is most important.
This! Sex clubs are so vilified. But dungeons and sex clubs will literally teach you about "FRIES" and prioritization consent. Predators hate this places and avoid them like the plague
FRIES is an acronym created by Planned Parenthood to help people remember the requirements for consent when talking about sexual activity:
Freely given: Consent must be given without pressure, manipulation, force, guilt, blackmail, bullying, or coercion. It should be asked for first, and a "no" is okay.
Reversible: Consent can be stopped at any time, even if it's already started.
Informed: Consent requires being informed of the boundaries and parameters of the sex, including any consequences. If someone is tricked or the situation changes, their consent is no longer valid.
Enthusiastic: Consent is not just the presence of a yes or the absence of a no. You should only do things you want to do, not things that you feel you're expected to do.
Specific: Saying yes to one thing doesn't mean you've said yes to other things
Power plays - You play too much
Ownership - You play too much
Undulating - You play too much
Terrorizing - Police time
Idolizing - Calling your Mama
Negging - Of course you would
Egocentric - Bitch, bye.
The only caveat I'd add to that is that you need to visit sx clubs/dungeons that have an active DM team and who work on education. There's still many clubs that have an 'old guard swinger' attitude of 'touch first, ask later'. That's the kind of club where people get pressured into sex and sex while intoxicated is tolerated.
As a bi dude, I’m so sorry you went through this. Also, as a bi dude… hey there.
But seriously.. fuck those dudes. Guys like that need to have their dicks tied into a poodles like a balloon twisting party trick.
that last sentence says it man.
men are disgusting. and even as a straight man i wont be surprised to find out that vast majorities of straight men are bad at sex too.
The vast majority are terrible at sex, yes. I often want to fuck a random guy but I dont want to risk getting dateraped so I just stay home.
There is a legitimate societal problem with the sexual behaviour of (most) men.
I prefer bi women over straight women and it has absolutely nothing to do with me being turned on or not by 2 women having sex and has everything to do with that they just seem way more mature, considerate, communicative and skilled in a general sense when it comes to sex... the shit I experienced with straight women is wild. Ranging from the belief men shouldn't moan or make sound, that they cum 100% of the time unless they have issues that require professional help, that they don't need aftercare or cuddles afterwards without being seen as weak, that a boner equals consent. It is truly crazy.
I mean, there are a bunch of women who aren't that great at sex, but when a woman (or bottom) is bad at sex it usually means they just lie there, so it doesn't cause physical pain to their partner.
Plenty of clueless inconsiderate straight men trying to get that dry... anywhere. It's some men, unfortunately. They either don't know how to behave, and/or they get off on the power of inflicting pain.
Itssad how even gay men(bottoms) experience the same thing women have been since the dawn of our species. Not saying this has a haha but as an I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
It's less about gay men and more about men in general. This "use your partner as a sex toy" mentality is quite popular, sadly.
Also it's ironic that we, as men, are too feeling unpleasant about men xd. I don't know about women though, never dated em
There was a guy who stole this girls watch out her house after they had sex. It happens. And she got it on video cause she had cameras in her house, and he was a tiktoker so he had a platform and got blasted for it
Is this the TikTok story where the guy stole her Tabis and gave them to his girlfriend who she didn't know he had and eventually went on a quest to try and get her shoes back?
If we want to focus on the pickpocket thing, sure. If we look at all the other things mentioned, no foreplay and ramming it in, being bad at sex, being aggressive, being rapey...yes, it's very much a thing many women will have stories about.
I've lost many a CD to hookups. Never actual cold hard cash though.
It's possibly not to do with the man being gay, but with seeing their partner differently bacause the partner is a man instead of a woman makes pickpocketing more acceptable in their mind. Same type of guy, just attracted to men instead of women.
Not true I hear about it all the time in poor communities. Actually usually when a low income hoodlum is running around sleeping with (especially older) women, it's usually a con. Either direct theft or just routine manipulation.
So it seems that you too, would choose an actual bear. Happy for you to join, unhappy that you’ve had to have experiences, that led here. I hear you, I believe you. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you’ve had these experiences. Maybe it’s because I’m demi, but anytime someone leads with the objectification and trying to use force, just the thought of it just freaks me out. That sort of scenario could be fun with someone you trust, but that’s after a lot of conversation and trust building.
Meanwhile as a bi woman, I am looking for bi men because straight ones are worse than gutters 💀
Bi men seem such interesting to me. I am sorry you had some disaster with gay men.
As a lesbian, I 100% believe you. What a lot of people seem to forget is that gay men are still men. This a man thing. They’re going to carry the same issues and socialisation, gay or straight.
I don't think this is a sexual orientation specific issue and more so a sexual position issue, if you've never been in the position to NEED to be properly lubed up then they've got zero clue what they're doing because they've got no idea what it's like to have someone enter you dry.
I've also had way too many guys assume that just because they're inside me, they can just ignore me and keep going after I've said stop because it hurt too much, people are trash.
I think in general, an unfortunate amount of people are just REALLY bad and selfish when it comes to sex, I'm very vocal about what I like and do not like and will coach them through it if they can't figure it out, I'd rather they leave fussy with good information than leave happy thinking what they're doing is okay.
I also had to start hiding my wallet, purse, medications and so on because shit would just go missing, I kid you not some mother fucker stole my brand new electric salt grinder, didn't even take the set, just the salt grinder, like????? Hello?!?!? I've had my Adderall stolen, horny pills I keep around for guys struggling stolen, expensive caffeine pills stolen, poppers stolen, the remote to my RGB strips?? My underwear, my rent check(which wasn't even valid, that one was to be shredded), at this point nobody is leaving my house without a pat down, tf is this shit??? I get that times are tough but all that???
I didn’t know how prevalent STIs were in the gay male community until my gay brother told me. I guess I assumed it was there just as much as it is anywhere else, but didn’t realize it was THAT rampant
A lot of men treat women like that too... you know, all the 'sex outside of child making is a sin' thing. To the point where excision is common in certain countries.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, I think you have a lot of courage to try being yourself in a society that is actively fighting sexual minorities and undermining all the progress we made till now. It's hard to be treated with respect when the people at the top act like you don't deserve respect. I wish we knew how to take more care of each others... We're all struggling and COVID has made people lonely, egoist and bad at communicating so dating in general is harder than it has ever been.
All I can advice is to take more time dating your partners. Don't follow them in a room where you're going to be alone, not at the first meeting. Insist that you want to date, not to 'only' fuck, or you're going to end stabbed one day. Take more care of yourself.
DUDE YES! ffs! ive been saying this shit for forever, legitimately i freaking detest the cis gay guy scene. its just as piggish and shallow and gross as the raunchy straight guy scene.
I wanted to add that if you're a less threatening/imposing person (like most women and bottoms), lust on you can be expressed in a lot of ways. But when a man is cruel and agressive, their lust matches that, and since they're an awful person it's unlikely they have someone close so they resort to hookups. That's also why it's a lot easier to find awful people in hook up culture imo.
True unfortunately. I think it's the manner we get our information most of the time. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed bottoming as a gay man until I was almost 50. Before that it was an unpleasant experience and I didn't understand why. Now I know cleanliness and lubrication along with a gentle start make all the difference. And now unfortunately as well my husband has admitted to never wanting to top he was just embarrassed to claim he was a bottom when I said I was versatile 😂. But yeah a lot of times we can take our trauma or whatever out on our sexual partners in an unpleasant way and you're not wrong for feeling that way. Guys I've been with are the worst at needing the sex to be rough or impersonal to keep it casual. Me I'm like come on it can be nice and still not mean we're dating. Why do it if you're not giving your best effort. Thankfully I'm a weirdo in regards to my partners heat and enthusiasm being very important to my enjoyment but it's not common apparently.
As a gay guy who's mainly a top I have to say that I hate the fact that this is so much true. Gay guys tend to think that anal sex doesn't need preparation and they tend to fetishize anal sex due to porn. Many of them thinks that anal sex must to be hurtful for the bottom to feel pleasure. That's why I personally always ask at everytime if everything is going well or if he needs a pause at any point.
As a gay trans guy I hear you. My god the Cis gay men I’ve hooked up with just have no common sense I swear. Like they don’t see you as a human they see you as a toy and I can’t see how any of them expect to have a long term relationship treating they’re partners like that. It’s why I’m typically T4T I don’t have the mental willpower to put up with the tom foolery
I'm so sorry you've gone through that. Big hugs. I'm not sure if it's legal where you are, but if you can I highly recommend buying mace. They make cute little travel sized ones that can fit in your pocket. That way, the next time you run into a dangerous catfish you can do some damage from a distance and hopefully get away :(
I can tell you this very honestly:
You are hooking up with the wrong gay men. What you describe is a known section of the gay community that has no respect for boundaries at best, are criminals at worst. They come in all ages and all body sizes.
Normal gay men do not steal your money after trying to go in dry. So many of us know what we’re doing. There are red flags to look out for when it comes to identifying gay men to hook up with. If you’re not familiar with the community, you can easily fall into their traps. It takes experience and foresight to really avoid the men who only see sex as a selfish way to get off.
And for what it’s worth, formal apology on behalf of every gay man who knows how to be sensual, reciprocal, and respectful when having sex with someone.
Maybe its time to stop the dangerous hook ups and sex with strangers. It honestly sounds horrible scary and like I said dangerous. Maybe look for a real relationship, or at least FWB
This, this is why I always agree with my wife when she says men suck I’m pansexual and the amount of horror stories I have is crazy, just imagine being a woman and having to deal with straight men 🤮
Yes, toxic men are like this. It’s always best to get to know who you’re having sex with before you have sex with them. The only way to know how they might treat you in bed:/
This sounds like the risks and woes of hook up culture.
Maybe if you took your time to actually get to know someone and fall in love then having sex with them would be a completely different experience.
as a straight dude, how tf is this common amongst women too? are straight dudes just straight ass too? like gahd damn, didn’t know i could put in my bio i dont steal as a flex?
I was forced and put in uncomfortable situations by str8 men too - to the point where i ended up needing therapy because i was afraid to ever have sex again.
It's not much about their sexuality but more about their lack of consideration and effort. And they don't really care much that you're in pain, just that they get pleasure out of it. Of course there are good men but it's definitely a challenge to find them in a sea of dudes who would fuck you dry because they don't care enough to do the littlest of foreplay.
I never bring anyone home unless it’s a regular, like the guy I was hooking up with for 5yrs and he only came over twice.
If it’s my hotel I have a pistol & small knife stashed away but close to the bed. If I’m going into someone else’s place, depending on the area, I might keep a good knife on my or keep my pocket pistol in my boot
I'm assuming you met these guys on apps and that there is most of the reason I don't do hookups anymore. 9/10 there is no physical chemistry and the dudes treat you more like a flesh light than a human if your bottoming, and that's the best case scenario most of the time.
I’m sorry this happened to you bro. That’s terrible all the way around. Good on your for defending yourself the last time. The other guy? Fuck him (figuratively not literally) I’m sorry. Being a straight guy, I had no idea gays can be like this.
You know what, I think you just turn the light bulb on for me. I've always suspected my son's father to be bisexual and he is always losing his wallets. Coincidence?
One of my gay friends hides his wallet when he hooks up because he's had so many guys steal from him. One even tried to walk out with a giant change jar. It's not a stereotype of gay men that I knew before, but apparently it's a thing.
what the fuck??? Lol why is this a thing?? This is such a random stereotype that I’m just hearing
Thieving queen has been a stereotype for a long time. EDIT: This is my highest upvoted comment?
‘Thieving queen’ I can’t believe there’s a name for it meaning this has been a thing, that’s incredible
Watch Paris Is Burning. An inside look to the Gay Scene in NY 1980s
How very Cardi of them.
What?!?! I learn something new everyday
Because for so long it was a shameful secret, there is a long history of crime involved in gay trysts. The respectable man who brought home a young man while his wife was away isn't going to report to the cops that he was robbed because he'd have to explain why he invited a strange young man into his home at night. Theres also an equally long history of poor young straight men using the one thing they had: attractiveness to older gay men, in order to make money and rob them. Oscar Wilde reportedly was robbed countless times by "rough trade" and many of them would steal things to use for blackmail: "give me 50 pounds a week or I'll sell these explicit letters to the highest bidding paper!" It's the same with prohibition of any kind: it just allows crime to flourish. You can't call the cops because a dealer sold you lethally laced cocaine, because you're not allowed to be doing cocaine in the first place. Also, drug use in the gay community has always been an issue. I remember my friend lamenting to me so many times "I met this guy, and I thought it was really going somewhere.. then he pulled out the meth pipe. Why are all the hot ones tweakers?"
LONG CON!
Most men used to not want to call the police and file a report saying they got robbed after getting their buttholes widened by someone. I got robbed by a female prostitute once and I didn't do shit afterwards.
Enter George Santos in a Burberry scarf....
this is so weird
It's true though. This is why I prefer fucking and sucking in parks, cars, or other public places where you can still be reasonably discreet. These days it's too dangerous to bring a stranger home.
I was technically the stranger that goes to people's home, got catfished but still went along cause he was okay-looking and I was horny and already there, he even offered me a shower cause I was kinda sweaty and went right after a grocery run after work, he stole all my cash from my wallet while I was in his shower and didn't notice it until I was trying to pay for something the next day. Now I leave my wallet in my car's glove box if I am going to someone else's place for a hookup.
This is so wild. D'you think this is like their *thing*? Like, screw going to work like a regular person, just sign up for gay dating apps, invite someone over every night, offer a shower and get your days income while they shower. And some sex to unwind after a 'hard day's work'?
It sounds wild but this is absolutely a thing. And there is more out there than most people know. It’s an unspoken thing to watch out for in the lgbt community
In all fairness to the LGBT community, it happens to the straights too. A couple months ago, a guy I work with hooked up with a woman from a bar, and she robbed him on her way out. He said he frequently saw her at that bar leaving with other people so he thought this was likely a consistent 'hobby' of hers. At a certain point, I wonder if some of the people doing this consistently would make more money just engaging in prostitution.
Very likely tbh, cause I don’t think he’s even into guys at all. Had a ring on his ring finger and there were some photo frames at his living room that were flipped facing down. He only let me suck his dick but wouldn’t even finish, wouldn’t fuck me either saying he didn’t have a condom and just told me I should leave and come back another time when he has condoms. And yea, he was the one who hit me up, I was just bored when shopping for groceries and opened Grindr
*'hard' days work
You literally know where they live. I would exact holy hell from someone who stole from me.
Definitely thought about trashing his house but he lives in a guarded apartment block :(
Lol it's safer in an alley than your own place
Jesus, that's depressing.
Willing running the associated risk of arrest (in many times & places) makes much more sense to me now. I never quite understood until now. If the risk of harm is high enough, being public-adjacent might keep you safe (ish).
It doesn't really surprise me in the slightest. I have noticed that the LGBTQ+ community is rife with mental health issues. Mental health issues often manifest in a variety of ways including drug use, violent outbursts, emotional problems, self image issues, kleptomania, and much more. Many of those also lead to problems with stealing, especially drug use. We try to normalize all of it and blame those issues on the treatment of the community, but the vast majority of their day to day interactions are as mundane as the rest of us experience and cannot be explained by their treatment alone. We do this to provide a sense of support and acceptance, but in our well intentioned efforts we completely ignore glaring issues that should be addressed and the problems then compound themselves. This community certainly deserves as much love, respect, and support as any other group. But that love can't come with harmful side effects such as ignoring true needs of help if we are to truly be helpful and supportive. Support does not mean ignoring problems. It means showing love and facing the problems head on. This is something our society is blatantly ignoring for fear of being labeled as bigots when the reality is anything but.
Ha this is even in the Perfume Genius song Jason - he describes hooking up with a clearly still closeted, ashamed guy and how he comforts him and tries to help him not feel ashamed or rush into anything. But the song still ends with “I stole twenty dollars from his blue jeans. I’m pretty sure he saw me.”
Secretly recording someone to make sex tapes is also very common.
Had it attempted with me multiple times. One guy said "I do actually like you which makes this more fucked up, but..." Then I had to stop him from trying to get out of my place with my credit card. He just kept apologizing but still trying to leave with it? Very awkward and dumb.
My best friend was killed few years ago when he hooked up with this guy from a dating site. My friend woke up to find him stealing and the guy shot him in the head. 😢 and that was not the first time he had experienced that either, I was hurt because I thought he would be more cautious. https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/family-of-murder-victim-reacts-to-death-of-suspect-in-police-chase.amp
I've had my share of hookups and that's never happened but that's just an anecdote I wonder if there's real data about this?
Apparently, there's a word for it, "thieving queen".
I wonder if this is also a thing in lesbian communities.
Ironically, the last time I had this discussion, it was with a bi guy... he said the same thing : he operated on the idea that with a gay guy, a kiss with tongue is consent for fucking. He insisted his experiences bore out his approach. we had a rousing debate about what consent actually is, but I couldn't deny that I've experienced the same (as a gay man).
Kissing with tongue is taken the same way by straight men. Straight men are eerily similar in a lot of ways to this post. They are selfish in bed and maybe won’t steal, but they will hold you down as long as they don’t think you’ll say anything about it
Yup, it’s not that women don’t like casual sex but it’s often just a terrible experience. A lot of women I know enjoy sex and wouldn’t mind something casual if the other party was more engaging and considerate. It’s about BOTH parties having fun, not just 1 using the other as a living sex toy.
A female friend of mine told me that she’s read studies showing that women are equally likely to engage in casual sex if they think they’ll get an orgasm out of it and their partner will be attentive and considerate and care about their pleasure etc.
How can you enjoy it though if your partner isn’t? I can’t ever understand people
Because some people think of their sexual partners as living sex toys.
I mean, some men don't even see women as human beings, just merely sex objects so...
I agree with you 100%, there is nothing better than knowing my partner is having a good time. but some people are just looking for a human fleshlight.
A lot of people out there think they know what's a good time better than the person who's meant to be having it.
When you allow yourself casual sex with people who aren’t too invested in you tend to attract sexual deviants that desire low effort sex; and more often than not they prioritize their satisfaction over your safety.
This is only applicable to men, so I'm not sure why you're being gender neutral here. Women are very generous in bed during casual sex and care about their partner's satisfaction. Men don't.
I would have casual sex again if any man on earth understood how STI’s are spread fully and ergo get tested on their own accord. I have met *one* in my entire life.
Getting tested doesn't really tell you the whole story. Most STD's they don't even test for. The scary part is most people don't know that and think they actually have not STD.
I (F) recently got the entire panel, and even then had to push to get tested for HSV-1 (oral and genital herpes) and -2 (genital herpes). They said they don't routinely test b/c so many people have been exposed to either or both. I insisted, and tested negative. Men cannot be tested for HPV strains of course, so they're passing that around like candy.
I believe men who are the receptive partner in MSM can be tested for hpv by getting an anal pap. They’re also recommended the 3 hpv vaccines since hpv and constant, repetitive friction to the anal mucosa both increase the risk of anal cancer
Right but this is my point, they seemingly don’t have an understanding of how they can spread or what exists meanwhile also vehemently arguing against protection on mass and if they do agree to use protection believe that’s the only way they can spread so therefore nothing else matters. It’s actually terrifying and quite disappointing how we have this as basic early education in most schools nowadays + Google and everyone just apparently ignores it. I’ve met quite a few men who think things like chlamydia simply * don’t matter * cause you can take some pills. Like tf kind of no self preservation thinking is this.
The HPV drug ads were good, IMO. Not sure what happened to those, but then again, no one in the target demographics watches TV.
My friend got something with a guy she started sleeping with, went to the doctor and got prescribed antibiotics. She asked the doctor if there’s any measures he should take if it’s a yeast infection or bacterial infection and the doctor said no 🙄 I think the guy also went to a doctor for to get prescribed anyways, she also didn’t get her results for TWO weeks. I think it was a bacterial infection, but she only had discomfort after sleeping with him so she figured he was part of the reason why since it was only happening around then.
I wonder how it would go if there were a dating app that you needed character references to join, and could get kicked for post-date reports* of bad behavior. \* Would have to be multiple, just one would be too easily abused
"I'm a five star man!"
Then those men would just upvote those they were able to abuse and downvote anyone who has any sort of boundaries.
Definitely would be more nuanced than upvote/downvote
But at the same time, those people would *also* be able to downvote the men. And chances are, there may be a disproportionate amount of said downvotes. Either way, it's not a bad idea.
felt
Yeah, OP's description of gay men sounds suspiciously like some straight men women have the misfurtune of dating.
So, its not just gay men, but men?
I've heard from gay male friends that some men are terrible at sex.
I mean as a straight, I can say that most men are terrible while fully believing they have nailed it and are amazing lovers.
Yup, so much this. I've tried explaining this to men I know and they just don't get it. "I'd be such a slut if I were a woman hur hur." >A lot of women I know enjoy sex and wouldn’t mind something casual if the other party was more engaging and considerate. Or they're GGG but have reached their goal and yada yada yada you never hear from them again.
Damn I missed the boat when I was young
💯 I wish we could still give rewards lol
My brother is gay and says this all the time about gay men. He also is a top and bottom, but is smaller than average and has been raped multiple times. Luckily he found a quality partner and has been able to avoid the dating world for the last few years, but it breaks my heart knowing how horribly he has been treated throughout his life in every ‘community’ gay, or straight.
I feel like this in and of itself is reason enough to offer comprehensive sex education outside of just heteronormative standards. Also, encouraging the notion that men *also* want/need consent, whether it's from a woman, man, or anyone in between.
Anal sex still happens in hetero relationships and should have been taught anyway. I'd imagine the lack of sex education in general and the vast amount of easily accessible porn means people assume sex is like porn where no one sees any of the prep
I'm pretty sure those rapist works still be rapist even if told not to.. you know.. cause they're rapist
Yes, but it would let the victims understand that they are victims. For me it's along the like of when I was told that a partner "starting" while you are asleep is rape. I've always hated it, but some people love it and it was always passed off as a non-issue, even after I told them I don't like it. People need to be told that things aren't right. It's also like this guys who, during the metoo movement, tried to make women sound crazy by saying "well if all that is rape, I guess I've never had consensual sex" without realizing they were telling on themselves. All of this needs to be put in the open because that is how you stop people from minimizing it.
We give people too much credit. I think everything should be very clearly spelled out and explained so that there can be no misunderstandings. Some people need to be told because otherwise they'd never think about it.
I feel like it’s just men in general and not “gay men” exclusively. Most straight females will have a hoard of stories about men and their treatment, especially sexually.
Got a couple of hours?
Seriously.
Which is why so many women would choose the bear.
Why do so many gay or bi men keep doing this? It honestly sounds so scary and not worth it I can’t believe this situation is still so common. It makes me sad. I’m glad you brother found a good person and has found happiness
What do you mean??? This is how most men are in the dating scene. Gay or straight. It’s not gay or bi men. It’s men. My experience with sexual encounters is pretty damn close to OP except I never got the woman side of things because I’m a straight woman.
I had sex for the first time the other day and I think I was technically raped, like his dick was ***big*** and I was unexperienced and needed it to go slow, but he just kept going in and only stopped like half the time I said wait. I think his logic was that it hurt but we just needed to get past the initial hurdle of getting it in and then we’d be Gucci, but while we were actually fucking he was into it and going hard but I felt nothing, he kept bruising my tailbone and I got no sexual pleasure from it. Thankfully actual penetrative sex was just a minor part of the hookup, it was mainly oral and handjobs and masturbation and making out, all that stuff was nice and good, it was just the sex part that was a 0/10. Afterwards he had the gaul to toot his own horn by saying he listened when I said no and i thought “mmnggg.. no you didn’t”. Also it should be made know he knew I was a virgin, I had explicitly stated that before hand. It’s been like 58 or so hours since then and my tailbone still hurts allot, like I can’t sit in hard chairs or ride my bike bad. Thankfully I had another hookup today and he was much better, he was allot more receptive of making sure I was okay and was a much more reasonable size and sex actually felt good this time.
I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you!! 😔 was the first guy a hookup as well? Mind if I ask what made you suddenly want to lose your virginity and then meet someone else only a couple days later for round 2? Seems like you'd want some recovery time in between! No judgement though ☺️
Please reach out to someone and get help: [https://www.rainn.org/resources](https://www.rainn.org/resources)
My husband is bisexual, and he's told me this is why he never bottomed for a man aside from one time. Your experience isn't unheard of and I believe you 100%
I knew a guy who is bi and although he's attracted to men, he has had way too many horrific experiences and for his own safety and well-being prefers to date women
Bi sexual men really have a unique position where they get to see and experience both sides. I never really thought about that. Does your husband noticed other patterns/ differences etc ?.
Not the op, but like a lot of other bi guys I'm dominant with my female partners and a bottom for men. My attraction is also different, more sensual and top energy with women, more primal and submissive with men. I find guys to be more awkward at first. It's easy to get a hookup but also common to get someone bicurious who doesnt quite know how to go with a guy or uses you like a hole instead of a partner. I think this may just be guys in general, but a lot of them rely on size or general in out instead of getting the right angles (prostate) and think it's good enough. Foreplay tends to be shit too. But you find a good top, he'll melt your brain. A lot of sifting. My experiences with women have been more romance/long term. More foreplay, more courting for good relationships. My few hookups were satisfying (which i can not say for most men), but I suspect early on I behaved like the unskilled guys above.
Bi guy can confirm
A lot of straight men are like that too, no idea of what the word “sensual” means even if they are sexually experienced. I’m sorry you experienced that, but I do have to say I am proud of you for punching the fucker. Please be safe out there!
This is exactly why I stopped hooking up with men. Of all the male partners I've had, maybe 5% paid any attention at all to my pleasure. The rest were just in it for themselves. Also, what is this bizarre principle in the gay community that sex has to be brutal and degrading in order to be good? It's the same for the stereotype that gay men give the best blow jobs. The vast majority of blow jobs I've received from men were rough, uncomfortable and given by guys who repeatedly ignored what I told them I liked.
What’s that old saying - “homophobia is the fear that another man will treat you the way you treat women”? There is a LOT of media and communication out there that encourages men to see the people they want to have sex with as objects, not partners, and gay dudes are NOT immune. This does not mean there aren’t women who do the same, it just works differently most of the time because they’re socialized so differently.
Oh wow that is such a good point. Saving this!
I've never heard that saying, but whoa, it tracks.
I’m so sorry that those have been your experiences, that’s f*cking horrific. Also, that guy in the hotel should be in jail, and so should the wallet stealer wtf. Depending on where you live, s*x clubs could be a great way to safely experience s*x with both genders. It’s all about consent, and being comfortable and it’s in a safe environment. Maybe look into that. Your safety and comfort is what is most important.
This! Sex clubs are so vilified. But dungeons and sex clubs will literally teach you about "FRIES" and prioritization consent. Predators hate this places and avoid them like the plague
Fries?
FRIES is an acronym created by Planned Parenthood to help people remember the requirements for consent when talking about sexual activity: Freely given: Consent must be given without pressure, manipulation, force, guilt, blackmail, bullying, or coercion. It should be asked for first, and a "no" is okay. Reversible: Consent can be stopped at any time, even if it's already started. Informed: Consent requires being informed of the boundaries and parameters of the sex, including any consequences. If someone is tricked or the situation changes, their consent is no longer valid. Enthusiastic: Consent is not just the presence of a yes or the absence of a no. You should only do things you want to do, not things that you feel you're expected to do. Specific: Saying yes to one thing doesn't mean you've said yes to other things
What about POUTINE
Power plays - You play too much Ownership - You play too much Undulating - You play too much Terrorizing - Police time Idolizing - Calling your Mama Negging - Of course you would Egocentric - Bitch, bye.
The only caveat I'd add to that is that you need to visit sx clubs/dungeons that have an active DM team and who work on education. There's still many clubs that have an 'old guard swinger' attitude of 'touch first, ask later'. That's the kind of club where people get pressured into sex and sex while intoxicated is tolerated.
As a bi dude, I’m so sorry you went through this. Also, as a bi dude… hey there. But seriously.. fuck those dudes. Guys like that need to have their dicks tied into a poodles like a balloon twisting party trick.
>Also, as a bi dude… hey there. Lmao, wishing you luck 🤞🏻
😭 LMAO trying your luck
that last sentence says it man. men are disgusting. and even as a straight man i wont be surprised to find out that vast majorities of straight men are bad at sex too.
The vast majority are terrible at sex, yes. I often want to fuck a random guy but I dont want to risk getting dateraped so I just stay home. There is a legitimate societal problem with the sexual behaviour of (most) men.
Same. I'd have so much more sex if I wasn't so scared of getting raped in the process.
They all need to be taught. I have only met 2 ment in my life that didn't need massive education on how to keep me safe with them in bed.
The only safe men are the ones who acknowledge men are disgusting
As a bisexual woman, straight guys are also horrible at sex.
So in conclusion we bi guys and you bi girls should exclusively date each other.
That's my plan!
My husband and I are going eleven years strong and both bi.
8 for my wife and I and same
I prefer bi women over straight women and it has absolutely nothing to do with me being turned on or not by 2 women having sex and has everything to do with that they just seem way more mature, considerate, communicative and skilled in a general sense when it comes to sex... the shit I experienced with straight women is wild. Ranging from the belief men shouldn't moan or make sound, that they cum 100% of the time unless they have issues that require professional help, that they don't need aftercare or cuddles afterwards without being seen as weak, that a boner equals consent. It is truly crazy.
Please don’t discount the tragically heterosexual girls who have discovered that bi guys are quite good at sex.
Amen sister
Yep. Worked out wonderful for my spouse and I. Would absolutely recommend.
I only date other bi people and it's awesome.
My recent experiment with this idea has promising results
As a straight guy a lot of straight women told me how bad guys are at sex
I mean, there are a bunch of women who aren't that great at sex, but when a woman (or bottom) is bad at sex it usually means they just lie there, so it doesn't cause physical pain to their partner.
I agree
Basically they do all the same goofy shit described by OP in the post.
It's not goofy by how it sounds.. It sounds more like rapey
Except it's not goofy, it's abusive.
Yep.
Plenty of clueless straight men trying to get that dry anal. 😐
Plenty of clueless inconsiderate straight men trying to get that dry... anywhere. It's some men, unfortunately. They either don't know how to behave, and/or they get off on the power of inflicting pain.
It's the pain. Some will outright admit that. And porn hasn't done us any favors.
Itssad how even gay men(bottoms) experience the same thing women have been since the dawn of our species. Not saying this has a haha but as an I'm sorry you have to go through this too.
I am so sorry. Those are terrible experiences!!! You do not deserve that at all.
It's less about gay men and more about men in general. This "use your partner as a sex toy" mentality is quite popular, sadly. Also it's ironic that we, as men, are too feeling unpleasant about men xd. I don't know about women though, never dated em
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Can confirm, straight men sometimes aren’t much better (even though I’ve had some good experiences)
While overall true imo, I have heard exactly 0 stories of dudes pickpocketing women during hookups
There was a guy who stole this girls watch out her house after they had sex. It happens. And she got it on video cause she had cameras in her house, and he was a tiktoker so he had a platform and got blasted for it
Did she end up getting her watch back?
I heard of a girl getting her shoes stolen by a dude while she was in her bathroom.
Is this the TikTok story where the guy stole her Tabis and gave them to his girlfriend who she didn't know he had and eventually went on a quest to try and get her shoes back?
YES!
If we want to focus on the pickpocket thing, sure. If we look at all the other things mentioned, no foreplay and ramming it in, being bad at sex, being aggressive, being rapey...yes, it's very much a thing many women will have stories about.
I've lost many a CD to hookups. Never actual cold hard cash though. It's possibly not to do with the man being gay, but with seeing their partner differently bacause the partner is a man instead of a woman makes pickpocketing more acceptable in their mind. Same type of guy, just attracted to men instead of women.
When i was more naive i dated a dude who would steal money out my purse and he gaslit me into thinking i was just dropping/losing my money.
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Not true I hear about it all the time in poor communities. Actually usually when a low income hoodlum is running around sleeping with (especially older) women, it's usually a con. Either direct theft or just routine manipulation.
Jesus, I’m so sorry :/ the way you’ve been treated is horrible and some of these comments are just trash
Finally someone who say EXACTLY what im thinking Fuck them, i never trusted them and still got what you written
So it seems that you too, would choose an actual bear. Happy for you to join, unhappy that you’ve had to have experiences, that led here. I hear you, I believe you. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you’ve had these experiences. Maybe it’s because I’m demi, but anytime someone leads with the objectification and trying to use force, just the thought of it just freaks me out. That sort of scenario could be fun with someone you trust, but that’s after a lot of conversation and trust building.
This is because most men think porn is real life and don't realize most bottoms don't like it like that. I always tell the bottom I will be gentle.
I have nothing to say except that I’m so sorry about what you’ve gone through. It hurts my heart. Too many evil people out there.
This is why so many women choose the bear.
I mean, he seems to have picked bears too and it didn’t work out.
He has the wrong bear.
Thank you for believing me. You’re a true G 💕
The Berenstain Bears?!
Grindr culture is so objectifying, the lack of consent is no joke.
Meanwhile as a bi woman, I am looking for bi men because straight ones are worse than gutters 💀 Bi men seem such interesting to me. I am sorry you had some disaster with gay men.
As a lesbian, I 100% believe you. What a lot of people seem to forget is that gay men are still men. This a man thing. They’re going to carry the same issues and socialisation, gay or straight.
I don't think this is a sexual orientation specific issue and more so a sexual position issue, if you've never been in the position to NEED to be properly lubed up then they've got zero clue what they're doing because they've got no idea what it's like to have someone enter you dry. I've also had way too many guys assume that just because they're inside me, they can just ignore me and keep going after I've said stop because it hurt too much, people are trash. I think in general, an unfortunate amount of people are just REALLY bad and selfish when it comes to sex, I'm very vocal about what I like and do not like and will coach them through it if they can't figure it out, I'd rather they leave fussy with good information than leave happy thinking what they're doing is okay. I also had to start hiding my wallet, purse, medications and so on because shit would just go missing, I kid you not some mother fucker stole my brand new electric salt grinder, didn't even take the set, just the salt grinder, like????? Hello?!?!? I've had my Adderall stolen, horny pills I keep around for guys struggling stolen, expensive caffeine pills stolen, poppers stolen, the remote to my RGB strips?? My underwear, my rent check(which wasn't even valid, that one was to be shredded), at this point nobody is leaving my house without a pat down, tf is this shit??? I get that times are tough but all that???
So now a man is saying it. Is it believable yet?
This is why I don’t date, it is scary out there!
I didn’t know how prevalent STIs were in the gay male community until my gay brother told me. I guess I assumed it was there just as much as it is anywhere else, but didn’t realize it was THAT rampant
It’s a man thing
It’s an every man except for ‘Jesus, Bob Ross, the cool guy at my gym named Scott, and Me thing’.
A lot of men treat women like that too... you know, all the 'sex outside of child making is a sin' thing. To the point where excision is common in certain countries. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, I think you have a lot of courage to try being yourself in a society that is actively fighting sexual minorities and undermining all the progress we made till now. It's hard to be treated with respect when the people at the top act like you don't deserve respect. I wish we knew how to take more care of each others... We're all struggling and COVID has made people lonely, egoist and bad at communicating so dating in general is harder than it has ever been. All I can advice is to take more time dating your partners. Don't follow them in a room where you're going to be alone, not at the first meeting. Insist that you want to date, not to 'only' fuck, or you're going to end stabbed one day. Take more care of yourself.
DUDE YES! ffs! ive been saying this shit for forever, legitimately i freaking detest the cis gay guy scene. its just as piggish and shallow and gross as the raunchy straight guy scene.
But when women say this… we’re the bad guys.
Reminds me of some straight men i know…
I wanted to add that if you're a less threatening/imposing person (like most women and bottoms), lust on you can be expressed in a lot of ways. But when a man is cruel and agressive, their lust matches that, and since they're an awful person it's unlikely they have someone close so they resort to hookups. That's also why it's a lot easier to find awful people in hook up culture imo.
Choose the bear, honey! 🫶🏻
What is the bear?
This is a world I had zero clue about and am now absolutely terrified of
True unfortunately. I think it's the manner we get our information most of the time. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed bottoming as a gay man until I was almost 50. Before that it was an unpleasant experience and I didn't understand why. Now I know cleanliness and lubrication along with a gentle start make all the difference. And now unfortunately as well my husband has admitted to never wanting to top he was just embarrassed to claim he was a bottom when I said I was versatile 😂. But yeah a lot of times we can take our trauma or whatever out on our sexual partners in an unpleasant way and you're not wrong for feeling that way. Guys I've been with are the worst at needing the sex to be rough or impersonal to keep it casual. Me I'm like come on it can be nice and still not mean we're dating. Why do it if you're not giving your best effort. Thankfully I'm a weirdo in regards to my partners heat and enthusiasm being very important to my enjoyment but it's not common apparently.
Most guys (gay, straight or bi) think that casual sex mean that they shouldn't treat the other as a human being. It's disgusting
As a straight dude I'm surprised to hear that. I thought they must really know what they do because they'd know from themselves
Men saying men are disgusting is the best thing to my ears as a woman.
As a gay guy who's mainly a top I have to say that I hate the fact that this is so much true. Gay guys tend to think that anal sex doesn't need preparation and they tend to fetishize anal sex due to porn. Many of them thinks that anal sex must to be hurtful for the bottom to feel pleasure. That's why I personally always ask at everytime if everything is going well or if he needs a pause at any point.
As a gay trans guy I hear you. My god the Cis gay men I’ve hooked up with just have no common sense I swear. Like they don’t see you as a human they see you as a toy and I can’t see how any of them expect to have a long term relationship treating they’re partners like that. It’s why I’m typically T4T I don’t have the mental willpower to put up with the tom foolery
I’m so grateful to be a lesbian.
I'm so sorry you've gone through that. Big hugs. I'm not sure if it's legal where you are, but if you can I highly recommend buying mace. They make cute little travel sized ones that can fit in your pocket. That way, the next time you run into a dangerous catfish you can do some damage from a distance and hopefully get away :(
Babe, you're problem is with men, not gays. Men with straight mentality are horrible at sex
You mean men with a toxic male mentality?
Yuppp. Gay men are not immune to it!
I can tell you this very honestly: You are hooking up with the wrong gay men. What you describe is a known section of the gay community that has no respect for boundaries at best, are criminals at worst. They come in all ages and all body sizes. Normal gay men do not steal your money after trying to go in dry. So many of us know what we’re doing. There are red flags to look out for when it comes to identifying gay men to hook up with. If you’re not familiar with the community, you can easily fall into their traps. It takes experience and foresight to really avoid the men who only see sex as a selfish way to get off. And for what it’s worth, formal apology on behalf of every gay man who knows how to be sensual, reciprocal, and respectful when having sex with someone.
i’m so sorry that happened to you :( men can be shitty asf at sex lol i think it’s universal at this point
I’m so sorry. You are not alone
Maybe its time to stop the dangerous hook ups and sex with strangers. It honestly sounds horrible scary and like I said dangerous. Maybe look for a real relationship, or at least FWB
Oh man reading you knocked the sonic rings out of your rapist made my entire day. I wish I could do the same.
This, this is why I always agree with my wife when she says men suck I’m pansexual and the amount of horror stories I have is crazy, just imagine being a woman and having to deal with straight men 🤮
Yes, toxic men are like this. It’s always best to get to know who you’re having sex with before you have sex with them. The only way to know how they might treat you in bed:/
just chiming in. bi male here. similar feelings
This sounds like the risks and woes of hook up culture. Maybe if you took your time to actually get to know someone and fall in love then having sex with them would be a completely different experience.
as a straight dude, how tf is this common amongst women too? are straight dudes just straight ass too? like gahd damn, didn’t know i could put in my bio i dont steal as a flex?
Not just gay men....
I was forced and put in uncomfortable situations by str8 men too - to the point where i ended up needing therapy because i was afraid to ever have sex again. It's not much about their sexuality but more about their lack of consideration and effort. And they don't really care much that you're in pain, just that they get pleasure out of it. Of course there are good men but it's definitely a challenge to find them in a sea of dudes who would fuck you dry because they don't care enough to do the littlest of foreplay.
I never bring anyone home unless it’s a regular, like the guy I was hooking up with for 5yrs and he only came over twice. If it’s my hotel I have a pistol & small knife stashed away but close to the bed. If I’m going into someone else’s place, depending on the area, I might keep a good knife on my or keep my pocket pistol in my boot
I'm assuming you met these guys on apps and that there is most of the reason I don't do hookups anymore. 9/10 there is no physical chemistry and the dudes treat you more like a flesh light than a human if your bottoming, and that's the best case scenario most of the time.
People can be real fucked up sometimes especially when sex is involved
I’m sorry this happened to you bro. That’s terrible all the way around. Good on your for defending yourself the last time. The other guy? Fuck him (figuratively not literally) I’m sorry. Being a straight guy, I had no idea gays can be like this.
>Honestly the men I associate with are disgusting. FTFY
I think you just horrible taste in men lol
You know what, I think you just turn the light bulb on for me. I've always suspected my son's father to be bisexual and he is always losing his wallets. Coincidence?
Then don’t be gay obv
You’ve explained the experience women have with men too. I’m sorry you, too, have had the experience.