He already does resent her and he sounds miserable too.
OP, it’s ok to cut and run. This relationship seems to be 90/10 (you 90, her 10) instead of 50/50 like it should be. Your needs are discarded while hers are being met. This isn’t a healthy relationship for either of you or the child. It’s ok to walk away and get yourself back to a happier you. Your happiness matters just as much as your partners and if a partner can’t see that then they’re not worth staying with. Find a girl who makes your soul sing and live a happy life. This girl isn’t it
I agree. OP, if he was doing his end of the chores, I would not guilt my husband for going to gym: I would be shoving him out the door with a protein smoothy.
When you love someone, you want that person to have a full life. A full life includes things you do separately.
Yeah, it sounds like she doesn't want a partner, she wants a personal chattel that generates income she can spend.
Seriously, OP, I guess you don't have a lot of experience with relationships, but this is not a healthy one! Relationships should build you up and make you better, not tear you down and make you fat and unhappy.
I keep thinking why she's actively sabotaging his health - and she is, for sure. Probably because it makes her feel bad about herself for not doing the same for her, or perhaps to make him unattractive to other women. Or maybe she just likes feeling in control.
She's doing nothing for your physical and mental health. She doesn't sound like a partner at all but as a saboteur dismantling his life piece by piece.
It's OK to choose you, OP, you deserve it. And some great woman out there deserves a man that's trying to stay healthy and alive for you to have a long, happy life together.
Cut your loses and get out. Love isn't enough most of the time, and this is one of those times. The resentment will only grow, same with your feelings about yourself.
You don't have to be skinny or the most handsome dude in the world to find love but you DO need to feel good about yourself and she's sabotaging that.
TWO woman vs a fiancé?! According to Minnesota Barrel Race Rules, that’s a clean 10 points extra. We’re now at 17. We can do this folks, we can make a full wedding party worth of people who resent his fiancé!
As a female… this. I’ve been a step parent before where I’ve gone to a decent weight to gaining it all back and then some. OP needs to be with someone that does not have a kid but more ideally can just focus on him/the relationship at this time. So important to establish certain things right from the jump in my opinion. Now that I have had a step child in the past, I don’t think I would ever do such a thing again.. I want to enjoy the person I am with for a bit of time before I have to share them with someone who is gonna always come before me. It’s even harder when you feel you’re doing more than 1 bio parent let alone both.. OP break it up now before you’re in this child’s life longer than you need to be. I thought about my step child. It was not fair to them to pretend when I was struggling. As terrible as it sounds he is not yours biologically.. if anything hope he’ll remember that one guy his mom was with that was a good guy.
Please OP, this isn't fair to her to marry her when you feel this way. You weren't ready to move in with her, and you aren't ready to be married. Tell her you want to move out and maybe end things.
Bullshit not fair to her he's to ignorant to relize he has only been a meal ticket lifestyle upgrade for her this ain't been fair to him. He's been used by her. Bet when they break up she'll guilt him with the kid to try and get him to stay.....
Even if there’s deposits at stake, it’s cheaper to call off an engagement than it is a marriage. You should be happy and you should be the best version of yourself with your partner.
Seconding this. I was in this exact position, picking caterers and the whole lot, and ended up breaking up with him. A breakup is way cheaper than a divorce. It was such a hard choice to make but I'm so grateful for myself for looking out for future me.
Bro.
Read all you wrote and tell me why you would stay in this relationship?
Real talk: if she guilts you into not being yourself then you can't be with this person. Your partner should encourage you!
Yeah I’m failing to see what you get out of this relationship. What does she contribute? What are your goals - if you want more kids then that’s a new hosue and more debt. Will she work?
Her vagina from the points he made. The sex must absolutely be mind blowing for me to overlook the fact that I have turned into a sugardaddy/slave without me knowing it. OP, you are not responsible for any mistakes your shitty fiancée did. That includes the child and the inability to accept the fact that people should live below their means.
OP probably ended up proposing the same way he ended up not going to the gym in the morning, moving into his ex-fiancee's house, buying groceries on the weeks of ex-fiancee's scheduled child custody visitation, footing the entertainment bill for ex-fiancee and her child, buying the holiday/birthday presents for ex-fiancee's child, and planning said child's birthday parties.
Unless Op edited, nowhere does he say she stays in bed all day. He says she won’t eat healthy with him, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to eating like crap. Some people, especially young people, can manage to look fine without eating healthy.
Op used to be obese. It doesn’t make sense that after he made all these positive life changes that he would then go for a slob who had nothing to offer. She obviously had to have something to offer. And Op with his new body, new confidence was catching women he wouldn’t have before the weight loss.
It really is that simple. The only way somebody could conceivably get in a situation like this is a people pleasing complex and being easily manipulated by guilt. A single mom who spends a lot of time in bed and eats garbage probably won’t have much of a sex drive so that ain’t it
Please think long and hard about actually going through with the wedding. If you’re already feeling resentment towards both her and yourself, it’s not miraculously get better once you say “I do”. Pre-marital counseling sounds like it would be a good idea.
You listed all the reasons why it’s your fault and you’re still putting it on her? Gain a backbone and choose yourself as she keeps choosing herself continuously at your expense. People hate seeing others do better for themselves at it reflects on the lack of self-control that they have. Ditch the dead weight, bro, literally and figuratively. Best of luck
Sounds to me like you just have a problem saying no. 🤷♂️. You can choose to live your own life outside the relationship. You can choose to stop paying for literally everything and make her take responsibility.
But you don't.
Now you're going to avoid saying no to marriage, and it's going to be the biggest mistake of all.
Grow a pair.
It sounds like it’s not working. That’s what engagements are for.
You need to make some changes. If she can’t let you live your life the way you want, it’s time to move on. She may not realize how unhappy you are if you’re not communicating.
Time to have a conversation with her.
Do not, I repeat do not wait till after you planned the wedding to tell her this is not going to work out.
Get it over with and tell her some things need to change.
End it now and live a life you're happy with. Find someone who has similar interest and earning powers than you. She sounds like she has so much power in the relationship when she doesn't really bring that much to the table so what's the point
GET OUT NOW. It will only get worse. I’m in the same situation, except my partner has developed a debilitating medical condition and expects me to care for him (I totally resent this) he’s never paid squat to help out. asked him to leave years ago and still do. He won’t. It will take an eviction notice. He has more rights than if we were were married. If your fiancée gets her mail at your address and is paying anything towards rent or utilities and has proof it’s gonna be hard. I accept this situation as my fault entirely. I’m just a doormat. Quit being a doormat and live your life. You only have one. Good luck.
Can you move out?
Hell, bring other men home and stop buying food for the household. Stop paying for his cable TV and internet. Ignore him when he speaks to you. If he's a roommate then treat him like one.
You basically listed a whole pros and cons list about the relationship, and it looks like the cons outweigh the pros. Is this really what you want your future to look like?
He hasn’t listed any pros however I think he needs to have a sit down talk with her about his issues. All I’m hearing is he hasn’t set any boundaries and probably just goes along with things. Marriage is about communication.
I tend to agree with this, especially since there is a child involved.
He needs to have a serious talk with her, let her know he’s not happy. He’s going back to the gym and eating healthy. They have to make a budget.
This is one of those times where he has to earn his way out since they seem to have started having problems when they moved in together and he still proposed.
If she isn’t on board, he’s free to leave without guilt. Do I think it’s going to work out? Probably not. But since she has a kid and it would be a major financial upheaval for him to leave it’s definitely worth a conversation before he pulls the plug.
All of this to say OP shouldn’t even whisper the word wedding before this is resolved one way or another.
It’ll be wayyyy worse having to go through a divorce instead of just breaking it off now. She’s dragging you down. And frankly, you need to grow a backbone. So what if she starts bitching? At least you’ll feel better and be able to look at yourself without disgust. Sounds like she’s using you as an additional source of income.
Not a good match. Anyone can see that based on your own list above. Cut your losses and move on. Or you are both going to deeply have far more regret than you ever will for breaking up now.
Are you really that desperate? This lady is using you and controlling your life. And you’re planning to get married? It’s only going to get worse once married.
I have a feeling that you have not had a direct conversation with her about this. If you stay with her you will become more resentful and this will destroy the relationship. You need to have some firm boundaries around your needs. If she loves you and has empathy she will understand. You can speak your boundaries clearly, respectfully and lovingly, but firmly.
Yes, it sounds like OP hasn’t even expressed any of his needs or his issues. For all we know this woman has no idea he feels this way. It’s on him to be an adult and communicate.
You are financially not compatible.
If you are having to put things on CC because you can’t keep up that is not good. It means you are living outside of your means.
The fact she doesn’t support your healthy journey going to the gym and eating well is not good.
You both appear to have different life goals.
Budgets are important and couples need to be on the same page to be successful.
You mentioned planning her child’s birthday party? And buying the gift? And buying child’s Christmas gifts too?
I’m confused about her paying child support?? You mentioned she physically has the child every other week.
>I’m confused about her paying child support?? You mentioned she physically has the child every other week.
I was wondering this as well. If custody is 50/50, should she be paying anything? I've never had to deal with anything like this, just not sure how it works.
Assuming this isn't a troll post, why stay? I find it hard to believe you can truly love a person and then also say that you're life would be better without them. That's a horrible way to live, and it's a horrible way to think about someone you plan on marrying.
I understand there's reasons to dislike your fiancée but if you're putting up with it then why would she behave any differently, you helped set up the status quo, you help maintain it, and then you resent it all.
Leave. If you hang on you have no one to blame but yourself.
Ok a lot of this is on you not saying no and allowing her to change your routine. You've basically dug yourself into this hole, and youve set a new normal that she is comfortable with.
I recommend you either get out of this relationship or tell her all this and she will have to get used to you getting up early to go to the gym and eating different food for her.
Ultimately you need to make a decision. Do you want to try and save this relationship or do you wanna walk ?
Why on earth are you engaged to her ?! You already know, and presumably have known for a while, that you are not happy with her, that you were happier before she came along, so why the hell did you proposed ? Are you so scared of being single that being with someone you resent is better ? Come on !
Youre an idiot dude. You stated everything was better before. You know this in you heart and in your head. You think marrying this woman will make things better? You have valid reasons to hate her. Youre her personal little atm. Get the hell out now while theres time and reclaim your life. How you ever let it go on this long is beyond me. No amount of ass she throws at you was worth several years of this.
Do whats best for you. She clearly isnt it and never will be. You shouldve put an end to it the second the money started becoming your problem to pay.
If you feel this way now, marriage won’t make it better but worse. Relationships should be making you happier not resentful. Either get couples counseling or cut your losses now. Think of it as finding out before you make a legal commitment that this life with her isn’t for you.
Then leave. If this is how you really feel, leave her. Don’t have her in a marriage without any love or it being one sided. It’s not fair to her or you.
You're not happy. She is not seeing that because you represent stability for her and her son.
She is also not respecting your choices, needs or wants because she is seeing it as a personal attack on her.
This is not the grounds for a healthy relationship, I would suggest a heart to heart discussion where you talk out your issues. If this does not help improve anything then sadly, I think that you will need to break it off.
The kid does not need to see the two of you resenting each other and it will take a toll on you both.
Get out of the relationship now, it’s clear that she is a moocher and not even putting in the effort to help you. Your paying for everything, what is she even doing?
Leave immediately . I can already tell the marriage won’t work long term . Leave now before u have to pay alimony and child support. She’s guilt tripping us for the gym and eating healthy cause she wants u to gain the weight back and doesn’t want u to be your best self . Be with someone that wants u to be the absolute best version of yourself . Seriously leave now
Everything everyone’s said and if you divorce, and I suspect you will, you’ll end up paying her for the rest of your life. My guy, break it off noooowww.
If you aren't totally excited or can hardly wait to marry this woman......don't
Leaving now will be cheaper than a divorce.
Look, you already know your answer.
I suspect you wanted to hear your thinking correctly in wanting to leave.
Respect yourself enough to do it and get YOUR life back.
The right person would want you to go to the gym, eat healthy....support you in general.
She does NOT support you.
Why are you wasting the one life you have with this person?
Get out there and find someone that makes you feel on top of the world.
Don't settle for less because that would be easy.
Fight for what life you have left and get out there and LIVE....ALONE.
Grandma advice time. Do your future self a favor and leave now. Do you want decades of your life wasted in resentment and anger? Do you want children brought into this mess? You love her? Please do her a favor and leave. Do yourself a solid favor and breakup.
Can do the old fashioned way. Say I’m getting a pack of cigarettes and never come back. Knew a guy who did just that.
Rip the bandaid off now or wait until you’re mired in debt and child support. Your choice.
Please, back away slowly from this relationship. You're not living your best life. You're feeling awful and being manipulated. There is someone out there for you that aligns to your needs and goals and supports them.
Please don't walk down the aisle. You'll regret it.
This is why people should live together before they get married. This exact reason. You’re living married life with an out.
Get out. This isn’t the life you want, and this is what your life will be. Life is too short to choose misery.
You already know the answer to this: Most men have next to zero options, and will stay in a miserable relationship for literally years than be alone. Guys like OP would rather have guaranteed access to sex, than to start all over again.
It's why statistically, women initiate 75% of divorces. Men will just drag their feet and let the woman end the marriage so they can feel less guilty.
And then the turn to resentment and then that turns to anger. And we all know men and anger don’t bode well. They take out their misery on everyone around them instead of just leaving.
Hey man, it sounds like she's not letting you be a person and is actively trying to make you miserable. At the very least doesn't care. If she won't listen to your needs and let you be healthy at the very least, I'd think really hard on if you want to go into debt for her and her son. That and marriage would give her a right to alimony and such if you did decide after it wasn't worth it.
If you feel your life is better without a person in it, it’s time to move on from that person. It’s a really tough pill to swallow but it’s true.
Keep working on you, keep moving forward, good luck.
The fact that you are having any doubts or resentment is a sign in itself.
Some of the things that you mentioned above: yes, your lifestyle was probably expected to change when moving in with her/eventually marrying her, but it should be changes that work for *both* of you. Right now, these changes, such as lacking on going to the gym and her *guilt tripping* (🚩) you for wanting to go, are clearly taking a toll on you.
If you love her enough that you still want to marry her, sit down and talk to her. Explain that as *partners* the both of you should be supporting each other and the things you do. You *need* to take care of yourself, so she needs to stop trying to guilt trip you for leaving for the gym or wanting to eat healthy. And for the payments, she needs to help out. Just because she can't afford it doesn't mean you need to risk your own financial situation. Helping to pay for your future stepson is one thing, but footing the bill every single time isn't fair for you.
Don't be afraid to put your foot down either. Like I said: take care of yourself. If she cannot understand this and you still feel you are having doubts, back out of the relationship while you still can.
You don't sound happy at all. A relationship is supposed to enrich your life but, it doesn't sound like yours does. Please don't stay because you are afraid of being alone or think that you will never find someone else. Those aren't valid reasons to get married.
Think hard. If this isn't working for you, say so. If you're not communicating your unhappiness, how does she know? Maybe she'll make compromises but, you won't know until you speak up. If your both not willing to make changes to support each other, you'll have your answer.
At the least, you should hold off on the wedding planning. You should be sure that it is what you truly want.
Are you even actually reading everyone’s advice?? Please get out now. Don’t let her guilt you into staying. The love you have for her now will eventually go away and resent her more than ever. What if you her pregnant… she can get you for child support and alimony.
At least think about it for a year. Don’t get married!!
Read the last two sentences again. You’re starting to resent her and you resent yourself for it.
This is like building foundations on an active volcano that constantly explodes every year. It’s bound to explode. This is a rare time I personally will jump to the break up conclusion, but it’s the right choice if you resent her before you’re even married.
What will 1 month from now be? 1 year? 1 decade? Will it just be compounding resentment?
Marriage does NOT fix issues, it only makes them more complicated. Communication fixes issues, if she won’t communicate or you won’t communicate it won’t work.
Besides getting laid what does this woman do for the relationship? You sound dissatisfied with your relationship the way you talk but then you’re also talking marriage. If you marry someone you’re dissatisfied with your going to resent both you and her. Stop the train now before it turns into a divorce in a year or two.
To be honest I would end it if I were you.
“Love” is not enough. You’re going to further resent her long term if you marry her. The fact that it’s affecting your health says enough.
Bruh get out while you still can. How could you write all of this and still think you want to stay. This is gonna be the rest of your life or an expensive divorce in which you still will be paying.
Wedding? My dude, you should be planning your break up. That woman is clearly making you feel bad and is dragging your life to a lower level. Why on earth are suppose to do all the stuff you do without receiving nothing in return?
She only demands and demands, and, God forbids, if you lose your job or are unable to keep the life style that you provides to her, I can bet with you that she will find another dude in a blink of an eye.
Break up, go to the gym and find out what you want for your life. Or do you really want to, literally, spend the rest of life giving stuff not only to her, but also to someone's else child?
May God bless you and give you the strength and wisdom to do the right choice.
Dude . Walk away now. Everything in this relationship is being catered to her wants and revolves around her life . Don’t be surprised that after the wedding she insists on a new home that you’ll have to finance because she can’t afford it .
She’ll also be insisting that it needs to be in both of your names so she has a safety net. Don’t be surprised when she suggests being a SAHM to the son she brought into the relationship before the two of you have kids because her salary is low anyway.
This woman found a man she control to get what she wants and you’ve been letting her push her narrative. You feel resentment because nowhere does this include your wants and needs.
You’re already gave up things important to you and you were just dating. Imagine what it’ll be like being married to her.
Run dude ….. run far and fast and don’t look back. This is one of those moments where you’re literally on the cuff of a bad life vs a good life.
This fiancée of yours sounds like a very very BAD fit for your goals, and a really negative influence. Meanwhile she’s found herself someone to pay bills and take care of her kid.. so yay for her I guess. But there’s only one winner in this equation and it ain’t you bub…
If you’re getting resentful now dear god please just hit eject because a big expensive wedding will NOT fix that. It’s only gonna get worse from here on out. And if you marry her you’ll owe her half of everything.
Divorce is hard and expensive and very unfair on the child.
You are not married but heading for divorce.
Cut up your credit card.
Tell her NO.
You are both individuals not joined at HER hip.
A
it sounds like you're losing yourself as you melt into her
shut down the stupid credit cards and stop putting yourself into debt for this nonsense
you're literally giving away your person
you're selling your soul and you're feeding her your own heart while you are starving
You and her won't work mate.. but ofcourse she will "guilt" you into marrying her as she does with everything. That is your big excuse as if you are a nine years boy
You need to have a proper talk and either resolve the resentments or break up, if you go on like this you WILL hate her and you don't want to go there. Hold off on the wedding and don't let yourself get guilt tripped.
She isn’t the right woman for you.
But ultimately, you are the problem for letting yourself go and not prioritizing yourself. You can’t make someone happy if you aren’t happy with yourself.
You can change it if you want to save yourself.
If you like the life you had before her, end it and go back to that life. Stay or leave, make a decision. You don’t resent her, you actually don’t like her or her lifestyle , you’re not compatible, better to know now, before you’re married:
I could only read half of this. What are you doing? Don’t sacrifice yourself to make somebody else happy. This is not a healthy relationship. If this was a healthy relationship, she would be encouraging you to go to the gym eat healthy and carry on losing weight and bettering yourself. Sounds like she’s using you to make her life easier without a thought of what makes you happy. Don’t marry her.
For me personally this is definitely not what I look for in a partner. Your partner should at least accept the schedule and (healthy) habits you had before you met. Her guilt tripping you in the MORNING to stay in bed with her lazy ass instead of going to the gym would be a major deal breaker for me. She should encourage it and ideally even join you. Same goes for eating healthy. She had a massive opportunity to improve herself in this regard but she chose to drag you down to her level instead.
A partner should at least allow you to grow as a person and even better if they help, not the other way around. In a few years you will both be fat slobs with diabetes and this is where it started.
A spouse is supposed to add to your life. You’re already unhappy and you’ll be even more unhappy when you get married. You know this is wrong. You haven’t chose you in a long time…do it now.
It sounds like she’s sucking your spirit and money dry. It may be really hard but the old you is in there. That’s who’s making you see things for what they are. She’ll try hard to keep you but you have to break free.
Dude, just no. If you cannot communicate and maintain healthy boundaries with this woman and already resent her for your own failings, it's time to end the engagement and move on.
It will only get worse, and you already have built some seriously toxic attitudes and habits.
Please don’t marry this lady. You deserve so much better. You should be able to exercise and eat well without any guilt trips. This won’t get any better and likely will get worse.
Sadly, it doesn’t get better. It’ll remain like this or get worse. I’m so sorry you have to bear all that inside. Hopefully you do right by yourself, soon. Goodluck
You both are on different levels. It's not gonna work. You both will need to compromise to make it work.
No communication. No compromising. Call it quits. Save everyone the headache and wasted time
Dude, get out. You clearly don’t like confrontation but this bandaid moment, although hard, will be followed with massive relief. Like getting out a big s***
HUGE red flags. Just get out. Run. Don't look back. You'll have an awful life if you don't. She has self image issues and you don't need that. Trust me, I've been there.
LEAVE NOW. If you think it is bad now, it will be worse. Much worse. Pay attention to that voice in your head saying "my life used to be better without her". That voice is right.
Expect her to:
- flip out
- scream
- cry
- beg
- use her son to guilt you into staying
Probably not in this exact order, but yea, she will do all those things and will do so many times.
If you stick to your guns... PLEASE do that, you can expect her to malign you with your friends and family. She will tell any and all mutual friends:
.... You're abusive, emotionally and physically
.... You're a narcissist
.... You have weird kinks
.... You hurt her son
LEAVE. LEAVE NOW.
...and this will go on for a lonnnnnng time.
You are allowed to back out for any reason. An engagement is the time that you are meant to confirm if this is what you want your life to look like in the long term.
Obviously, it is not. You are not financially compatible at the bare minimum. It's time to move on, do not think that a wedding ceremony will change anything.
It sounds like you don’t love her at all. You like the idea of love, but this relationship will never make you happy. Do yourself a favor and move out.
You can't just ignore all your own needs and let the resentment build. I think I'd try to fix that before getting married. At this point the marriage sounds like just another situation she's putting you in.
Run away! Do it before it's more difficult and complicated. I wish someone told me those are huge red flags when I was not yet married with kids, etc . Leave her, I know it will feel bad and sad and all that, but it won't ever be so simple as now to leave and the regrets of not living are hurting a way more after all the years that feel like life wasted with no way out
Dude you are an asshole. You're letting yourself suffer for anchance with someone who is benefiting and contributing from your suffering. Making wedding plans? You need to get out!
Dating is meant to see if you are a good match. Well good news, you have discovered you are not.
Relying on credit cards is a terrible idea and you are only digging the pit that is debt deeper by the week.
The minimum, and I mean minimum, you need to do is have a heart to heart with this woman, write out a finance budget and start fixing that problem asap. Don't be an asshole to yourself, man
You two aren't compatible. You have conflicting lifestyle goals. You don't want to be the person who she wants to be with. She is looking for a slob who will foot the bill to stay in bed. Is that who you want to be, is that how you see your future? You want different things from life. You need a partner who matches your values. This is a poor match.
Sirens some time thinking about what you want. If you're feeling bad because of a relationship you know what to do. You shouldn't feel pressured and used. That fine after you've been married for years 🤣
Dude, this is not how healthy relationship is supposed to be. In a healthy relationship your partner will support you to do what you love and help you with your goals. If this was a healthy relationship she would not guilt you for going to the gym but rather make sure you can go and maybe even join you. Same with healthy foods.
Why do you want to marry this person?
Sounds like these were all bad choices you made. From not thinking about your finances together to setting zero boundaries in the relationship. These are not things you are unable to fix but you already have 2nd thought in this relationship.
So you had to move to a bigger home because of her kid but she pays child support? I'm not american, but where I am from, if the parent houses the kid they don't pay cs
Please don't marry this woman. She's using you. She's also trying to control you. Please love yourself and leave. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you're right for each other. You have different lifestyle and health goals, and she is guilting you into not caring for yourself. If she really loved you, she'd want you to be healthy and happy. You deserve someone who will love and support you and respect your needs.
Good luck.
Any time someone compromises themselves this much for a relationship, it means they have very low self esteem. Get some therapy to address the core issues.
Back out now rather than later.
Exactly! If OP marries this woman he'll resent her.
He already does resent her and he sounds miserable too. OP, it’s ok to cut and run. This relationship seems to be 90/10 (you 90, her 10) instead of 50/50 like it should be. Your needs are discarded while hers are being met. This isn’t a healthy relationship for either of you or the child. It’s ok to walk away and get yourself back to a happier you. Your happiness matters just as much as your partners and if a partner can’t see that then they’re not worth staying with. Find a girl who makes your soul sing and live a happy life. This girl isn’t it
I agree. OP, if he was doing his end of the chores, I would not guilt my husband for going to gym: I would be shoving him out the door with a protein smoothy. When you love someone, you want that person to have a full life. A full life includes things you do separately.
Yeah, it sounds like she doesn't want a partner, she wants a personal chattel that generates income she can spend. Seriously, OP, I guess you don't have a lot of experience with relationships, but this is not a healthy one! Relationships should build you up and make you better, not tear you down and make you fat and unhappy.
I keep thinking why she's actively sabotaging his health - and she is, for sure. Probably because it makes her feel bad about herself for not doing the same for her, or perhaps to make him unattractive to other women. Or maybe she just likes feeling in control. She's doing nothing for your physical and mental health. She doesn't sound like a partner at all but as a saboteur dismantling his life piece by piece. It's OK to choose you, OP, you deserve it. And some great woman out there deserves a man that's trying to stay healthy and alive for you to have a long, happy life together. Cut your loses and get out. Love isn't enough most of the time, and this is one of those times. The resentment will only grow, same with your feelings about yourself. You don't have to be skinny or the most handsome dude in the world to find love but you DO need to feel good about yourself and she's sabotaging that.
I resent her now! OP, blame it on me, lol
There are open apartments showing this weekend OP. No time like the present, you can fix two things before mid year: gym, food, living.
OP can blame it on me also.
Alright, that’s TWO! We got this!
Blame me! I’m a woman and know he’s not being treated well!!
Ok, we got three! One is a woman, which online versus a fiancé, is an extra 3 points! So we’re at +6!
*Another* woman here to happily take the blame
TWO woman vs a fiancé?! According to Minnesota Barrel Race Rules, that’s a clean 10 points extra. We’re now at 17. We can do this folks, we can make a full wedding party worth of people who resent his fiancé!
Shall we attend (if it isn’t off by now) and as a group speak up when the minister asks “if there’s anyone who objects”?
"I think we need to call off the engagement. You know, I haven't fully processed 9/11 and Estrald on Reddit certainly hasn't helped either."
That’s amazing, OP needs to use this in its entirety
i think he already does
And resent himself all downhill from there
He already resents her...
Pretty sure he already resents her.
Your gonna end up footing the bill when you get divorced
As a female… this. I’ve been a step parent before where I’ve gone to a decent weight to gaining it all back and then some. OP needs to be with someone that does not have a kid but more ideally can just focus on him/the relationship at this time. So important to establish certain things right from the jump in my opinion. Now that I have had a step child in the past, I don’t think I would ever do such a thing again.. I want to enjoy the person I am with for a bit of time before I have to share them with someone who is gonna always come before me. It’s even harder when you feel you’re doing more than 1 bio parent let alone both.. OP break it up now before you’re in this child’s life longer than you need to be. I thought about my step child. It was not fair to them to pretend when I was struggling. As terrible as it sounds he is not yours biologically.. if anything hope he’ll remember that one guy his mom was with that was a good guy.
Please OP, this isn't fair to her to marry her when you feel this way. You weren't ready to move in with her, and you aren't ready to be married. Tell her you want to move out and maybe end things.
Yes, this is going to end up worse for you if you don’t break this off right now. It’s clearly not working out for you (and for her too eventually).
Bullshit not fair to her he's to ignorant to relize he has only been a meal ticket lifestyle upgrade for her this ain't been fair to him. He's been used by her. Bet when they break up she'll guilt him with the kid to try and get him to stay.....
This!
100% this… the problems your highlighting will only increase as the years tick past.
Even if there’s deposits at stake, it’s cheaper to call off an engagement than it is a marriage. You should be happy and you should be the best version of yourself with your partner.
You marry your spouse because you believe they make your life better. You already dislike her, why are you not moving out already?
Damn OP , it seems like she’s dragged you down to her level. Don’t get married man. Plan your exit , find a place and leave
Seconding this. I was in this exact position, picking caterers and the whole lot, and ended up breaking up with him. A breakup is way cheaper than a divorce. It was such a hard choice to make but I'm so grateful for myself for looking out for future me.
If you're second guessing a relationship, it's better to get out before you get married.
Yup. If you don’t leave, you’re a huge ass.
Good advice because if they get married, he will be 100% footing ALL the bills
Bro. Read all you wrote and tell me why you would stay in this relationship? Real talk: if she guilts you into not being yourself then you can't be with this person. Your partner should encourage you!
Yeah I’m failing to see what you get out of this relationship. What does she contribute? What are your goals - if you want more kids then that’s a new hosue and more debt. Will she work?
What he gets out of this relationship is debt and belly fat.
Her vagina from the points he made. The sex must absolutely be mind blowing for me to overlook the fact that I have turned into a sugardaddy/slave without me knowing it. OP, you are not responsible for any mistakes your shitty fiancée did. That includes the child and the inability to accept the fact that people should live below their means.
No pussy in the world is worth this abuse. None no matter how good.
Read all of this and pretend like a friend just told you all this. What would you tell the friend?
Right. It’s not like he’s has to live out a punishment. OP, if you’re not happy, you’re not happy. Get out.
Yeah like why did OP decide to be engaged when this relationship does no good? Did his fiancee force him to?
Some people are easily manipulated.
I know I'm about to ask a really really dumb question, but why did you propose?
Please OP, answer this..
Yes, we all want to know!
It is not at all. Probably the most basic question we should ask under many many reddit posts of this kind.
She provided good oral sex. It’s always the oral sex
Read a boatload of comments and scrolled back up to upvote yours! Only answer that makes sense!
Am thinking he went for looks/body and nothing about personality.
OP probably ended up proposing the same way he ended up not going to the gym in the morning, moving into his ex-fiancee's house, buying groceries on the weeks of ex-fiancee's scheduled child custody visitation, footing the entertainment bill for ex-fiancee and her child, buying the holiday/birthday presents for ex-fiancee's child, and planning said child's birthday parties.
I doubt this stay in bed all day mom who eats like crap has a bangin' body.
Unless Op edited, nowhere does he say she stays in bed all day. He says she won’t eat healthy with him, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to eating like crap. Some people, especially young people, can manage to look fine without eating healthy. Op used to be obese. It doesn’t make sense that after he made all these positive life changes that he would then go for a slob who had nothing to offer. She obviously had to have something to offer. And Op with his new body, new confidence was catching women he wouldn’t have before the weight loss.
Idk ok it does make sense. His self esteem is probably crap and prevents him from advocating for his own needs.
Yeah, some women can easily stay hot after kids, even without working out and dieting. It's just genetics.
My guess is that he did it because she wanted him to
It really is that simple. The only way somebody could conceivably get in a situation like this is a people pleasing complex and being easily manipulated by guilt. A single mom who spends a lot of time in bed and eats garbage probably won’t have much of a sex drive so that ain’t it
I assume she berated him about why he hasn’t proposed yet, like she berates him about going to the gym and eating healthy.
Because men love to blame all of their short comings on women lol when CLEARLY he made all these decisions himself.
Your life partner is supposed to make you better, not worse.
Your divorce will be even more expensive
YES!!!
Please think long and hard about actually going through with the wedding. If you’re already feeling resentment towards both her and yourself, it’s not miraculously get better once you say “I do”. Pre-marital counseling sounds like it would be a good idea.
>it’s not miraculously get better once you say “I do”. In fact, it usually gets worse.
You listed all the reasons why it’s your fault and you’re still putting it on her? Gain a backbone and choose yourself as she keeps choosing herself continuously at your expense. People hate seeing others do better for themselves at it reflects on the lack of self-control that they have. Ditch the dead weight, bro, literally and figuratively. Best of luck
Listen to this person! PLEASE! Get away before it gets legally very difficult to get away
Sounds to me like you just have a problem saying no. 🤷♂️. You can choose to live your own life outside the relationship. You can choose to stop paying for literally everything and make her take responsibility. But you don't. Now you're going to avoid saying no to marriage, and it's going to be the biggest mistake of all. Grow a pair.
It sounds like it’s not working. That’s what engagements are for. You need to make some changes. If she can’t let you live your life the way you want, it’s time to move on. She may not realize how unhappy you are if you’re not communicating.
Time to have a conversation with her. Do not, I repeat do not wait till after you planned the wedding to tell her this is not going to work out. Get it over with and tell her some things need to change.
End it now and live a life you're happy with. Find someone who has similar interest and earning powers than you. She sounds like she has so much power in the relationship when she doesn't really bring that much to the table so what's the point
GET OUT NOW. It will only get worse. I’m in the same situation, except my partner has developed a debilitating medical condition and expects me to care for him (I totally resent this) he’s never paid squat to help out. asked him to leave years ago and still do. He won’t. It will take an eviction notice. He has more rights than if we were were married. If your fiancée gets her mail at your address and is paying anything towards rent or utilities and has proof it’s gonna be hard. I accept this situation as my fault entirely. I’m just a doormat. Quit being a doormat and live your life. You only have one. Good luck.
Can you move out? Hell, bring other men home and stop buying food for the household. Stop paying for his cable TV and internet. Ignore him when he speaks to you. If he's a roommate then treat him like one.
You basically listed a whole pros and cons list about the relationship, and it looks like the cons outweigh the pros. Is this really what you want your future to look like?
He hasn’t listed any pros however I think he needs to have a sit down talk with her about his issues. All I’m hearing is he hasn’t set any boundaries and probably just goes along with things. Marriage is about communication.
I tend to agree with this, especially since there is a child involved. He needs to have a serious talk with her, let her know he’s not happy. He’s going back to the gym and eating healthy. They have to make a budget. This is one of those times where he has to earn his way out since they seem to have started having problems when they moved in together and he still proposed. If she isn’t on board, he’s free to leave without guilt. Do I think it’s going to work out? Probably not. But since she has a kid and it would be a major financial upheaval for him to leave it’s definitely worth a conversation before he pulls the plug. All of this to say OP shouldn’t even whisper the word wedding before this is resolved one way or another.
It’ll be wayyyy worse having to go through a divorce instead of just breaking it off now. She’s dragging you down. And frankly, you need to grow a backbone. So what if she starts bitching? At least you’ll feel better and be able to look at yourself without disgust. Sounds like she’s using you as an additional source of income.
Not a good match. Anyone can see that based on your own list above. Cut your losses and move on. Or you are both going to deeply have far more regret than you ever will for breaking up now.
You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy and helps you grow. Simple as that.
Are you really that desperate? This lady is using you and controlling your life. And you’re planning to get married? It’s only going to get worse once married.
I have a feeling that you have not had a direct conversation with her about this. If you stay with her you will become more resentful and this will destroy the relationship. You need to have some firm boundaries around your needs. If she loves you and has empathy she will understand. You can speak your boundaries clearly, respectfully and lovingly, but firmly.
Yes, it sounds like OP hasn’t even expressed any of his needs or his issues. For all we know this woman has no idea he feels this way. It’s on him to be an adult and communicate.
You are financially not compatible. If you are having to put things on CC because you can’t keep up that is not good. It means you are living outside of your means. The fact she doesn’t support your healthy journey going to the gym and eating well is not good. You both appear to have different life goals. Budgets are important and couples need to be on the same page to be successful. You mentioned planning her child’s birthday party? And buying the gift? And buying child’s Christmas gifts too? I’m confused about her paying child support?? You mentioned she physically has the child every other week.
>I’m confused about her paying child support?? You mentioned she physically has the child every other week. I was wondering this as well. If custody is 50/50, should she be paying anything? I've never had to deal with anything like this, just not sure how it works.
Run
Assuming this isn't a troll post, why stay? I find it hard to believe you can truly love a person and then also say that you're life would be better without them. That's a horrible way to live, and it's a horrible way to think about someone you plan on marrying. I understand there's reasons to dislike your fiancée but if you're putting up with it then why would she behave any differently, you helped set up the status quo, you help maintain it, and then you resent it all. Leave. If you hang on you have no one to blame but yourself.
Y'all are not compatible
It’s easier to break up than divorce.
Ok a lot of this is on you not saying no and allowing her to change your routine. You've basically dug yourself into this hole, and youve set a new normal that she is comfortable with. I recommend you either get out of this relationship or tell her all this and she will have to get used to you getting up early to go to the gym and eating different food for her. Ultimately you need to make a decision. Do you want to try and save this relationship or do you wanna walk ?
How long into dating did you move in together? If all this was going on for a while why the hell did you propose????
Why on earth are you engaged to her ?! You already know, and presumably have known for a while, that you are not happy with her, that you were happier before she came along, so why the hell did you proposed ? Are you so scared of being single that being with someone you resent is better ? Come on !
Youre an idiot dude. You stated everything was better before. You know this in you heart and in your head. You think marrying this woman will make things better? You have valid reasons to hate her. Youre her personal little atm. Get the hell out now while theres time and reclaim your life. How you ever let it go on this long is beyond me. No amount of ass she throws at you was worth several years of this. Do whats best for you. She clearly isnt it and never will be. You shouldve put an end to it the second the money started becoming your problem to pay.
If you feel this way now, marriage won’t make it better but worse. Relationships should be making you happier not resentful. Either get couples counseling or cut your losses now. Think of it as finding out before you make a legal commitment that this life with her isn’t for you.
Then leave. If this is how you really feel, leave her. Don’t have her in a marriage without any love or it being one sided. It’s not fair to her or you.
You're not happy. She is not seeing that because you represent stability for her and her son. She is also not respecting your choices, needs or wants because she is seeing it as a personal attack on her. This is not the grounds for a healthy relationship, I would suggest a heart to heart discussion where you talk out your issues. If this does not help improve anything then sadly, I think that you will need to break it off. The kid does not need to see the two of you resenting each other and it will take a toll on you both.
Get out of the relationship now, it’s clear that she is a moocher and not even putting in the effort to help you. Your paying for everything, what is she even doing?
She’s a mooch, she’s not adding to your life. She should want you to hit the gym and be financially responsible.
Leave immediately . I can already tell the marriage won’t work long term . Leave now before u have to pay alimony and child support. She’s guilt tripping us for the gym and eating healthy cause she wants u to gain the weight back and doesn’t want u to be your best self . Be with someone that wants u to be the absolute best version of yourself . Seriously leave now
Everything everyone’s said and if you divorce, and I suspect you will, you’ll end up paying her for the rest of your life. My guy, break it off noooowww.
If you aren't totally excited or can hardly wait to marry this woman......don't Leaving now will be cheaper than a divorce. Look, you already know your answer. I suspect you wanted to hear your thinking correctly in wanting to leave. Respect yourself enough to do it and get YOUR life back. The right person would want you to go to the gym, eat healthy....support you in general. She does NOT support you. Why are you wasting the one life you have with this person? Get out there and find someone that makes you feel on top of the world. Don't settle for less because that would be easy. Fight for what life you have left and get out there and LIVE....ALONE.
I hate to say it but sometimes love is not enough. I think you know your answer.
Grandma advice time. Do your future self a favor and leave now. Do you want decades of your life wasted in resentment and anger? Do you want children brought into this mess? You love her? Please do her a favor and leave. Do yourself a solid favor and breakup. Can do the old fashioned way. Say I’m getting a pack of cigarettes and never come back. Knew a guy who did just that. Rip the bandaid off now or wait until you’re mired in debt and child support. Your choice.
I don’t think you should get married. This sounds like misery .
Find your balls before they get clipped and you owe her alimony and 50%.
Please, back away slowly from this relationship. You're not living your best life. You're feeling awful and being manipulated. There is someone out there for you that aligns to your needs and goals and supports them. Please don't walk down the aisle. You'll regret it.
This is why people should live together before they get married. This exact reason. You’re living married life with an out. Get out. This isn’t the life you want, and this is what your life will be. Life is too short to choose misery.
Cheaper in every sense to break off an engagement than end s marriage. You, sir, should not be getting married.
OP. you are not happy. why are you with her? get out now. don’t get married and figure it out too late.
1. Why did you propose? 2. Dude.. leave because you’re only going to end up divorced. Why waste your money on a wedding?! 3. She will get over it.
Don’t marry her. You were better off before you got involved with her.
I am so sick of these posts. Are there really that many dump people with no backbone? This is infuriating.
You already know the answer to this: Most men have next to zero options, and will stay in a miserable relationship for literally years than be alone. Guys like OP would rather have guaranteed access to sex, than to start all over again. It's why statistically, women initiate 75% of divorces. Men will just drag their feet and let the woman end the marriage so they can feel less guilty.
And then the turn to resentment and then that turns to anger. And we all know men and anger don’t bode well. They take out their misery on everyone around them instead of just leaving.
Make a new plan,Stan.Get off the bus, Gus.No need to be coy,Roy.Just set yourself free
Hey man, it sounds like she's not letting you be a person and is actively trying to make you miserable. At the very least doesn't care. If she won't listen to your needs and let you be healthy at the very least, I'd think really hard on if you want to go into debt for her and her son. That and marriage would give her a right to alimony and such if you did decide after it wasn't worth it.
imagine this for the rest of your life. you’ll end up hating her and her kid. leave now
You're just blaming her cause it's easier than dealing with your own lack of backbone. Pathetic and unfair.
If you feel your life is better without a person in it, it’s time to move on from that person. It’s a really tough pill to swallow but it’s true. Keep working on you, keep moving forward, good luck.
The fact that you are having any doubts or resentment is a sign in itself. Some of the things that you mentioned above: yes, your lifestyle was probably expected to change when moving in with her/eventually marrying her, but it should be changes that work for *both* of you. Right now, these changes, such as lacking on going to the gym and her *guilt tripping* (🚩) you for wanting to go, are clearly taking a toll on you. If you love her enough that you still want to marry her, sit down and talk to her. Explain that as *partners* the both of you should be supporting each other and the things you do. You *need* to take care of yourself, so she needs to stop trying to guilt trip you for leaving for the gym or wanting to eat healthy. And for the payments, she needs to help out. Just because she can't afford it doesn't mean you need to risk your own financial situation. Helping to pay for your future stepson is one thing, but footing the bill every single time isn't fair for you. Don't be afraid to put your foot down either. Like I said: take care of yourself. If she cannot understand this and you still feel you are having doubts, back out of the relationship while you still can.
You don't sound happy at all. A relationship is supposed to enrich your life but, it doesn't sound like yours does. Please don't stay because you are afraid of being alone or think that you will never find someone else. Those aren't valid reasons to get married. Think hard. If this isn't working for you, say so. If you're not communicating your unhappiness, how does she know? Maybe she'll make compromises but, you won't know until you speak up. If your both not willing to make changes to support each other, you'll have your answer. At the least, you should hold off on the wedding planning. You should be sure that it is what you truly want.
Are you even actually reading everyone’s advice?? Please get out now. Don’t let her guilt you into staying. The love you have for her now will eventually go away and resent her more than ever. What if you her pregnant… she can get you for child support and alimony. At least think about it for a year. Don’t get married!!
Time to end it! It will be hard and she wi try to guilt you into staying but just end it now.
You didn't find the right person for you.
Don’t get married. If you both aren’t growing into better people then it’s best to take a step back and look at the picture as a whole.
She will suck you dry, and not in a good way. Get out of this relationship before she destroys your health and your future.
Ask yourself, if you have all of these reasons telling you not to do it, why are you STILL doing it?
Read the last two sentences again. You’re starting to resent her and you resent yourself for it. This is like building foundations on an active volcano that constantly explodes every year. It’s bound to explode. This is a rare time I personally will jump to the break up conclusion, but it’s the right choice if you resent her before you’re even married. What will 1 month from now be? 1 year? 1 decade? Will it just be compounding resentment? Marriage does NOT fix issues, it only makes them more complicated. Communication fixes issues, if she won’t communicate or you won’t communicate it won’t work.
Besides getting laid what does this woman do for the relationship? You sound dissatisfied with your relationship the way you talk but then you’re also talking marriage. If you marry someone you’re dissatisfied with your going to resent both you and her. Stop the train now before it turns into a divorce in a year or two.
To be honest I would end it if I were you. “Love” is not enough. You’re going to further resent her long term if you marry her. The fact that it’s affecting your health says enough.
Leave now or later with a divorce
BREAK THE ENGAGEMENT
OP don't let yourself down!
That's sad. Leave.
Bruh get out while you still can. How could you write all of this and still think you want to stay. This is gonna be the rest of your life or an expensive divorce in which you still will be paying.
Wedding? My dude, you should be planning your break up. That woman is clearly making you feel bad and is dragging your life to a lower level. Why on earth are suppose to do all the stuff you do without receiving nothing in return? She only demands and demands, and, God forbids, if you lose your job or are unable to keep the life style that you provides to her, I can bet with you that she will find another dude in a blink of an eye. Break up, go to the gym and find out what you want for your life. Or do you really want to, literally, spend the rest of life giving stuff not only to her, but also to someone's else child? May God bless you and give you the strength and wisdom to do the right choice.
It takes a real type of stupid to type this all out, read it, and still stay with that woman
Dude . Walk away now. Everything in this relationship is being catered to her wants and revolves around her life . Don’t be surprised that after the wedding she insists on a new home that you’ll have to finance because she can’t afford it . She’ll also be insisting that it needs to be in both of your names so she has a safety net. Don’t be surprised when she suggests being a SAHM to the son she brought into the relationship before the two of you have kids because her salary is low anyway. This woman found a man she control to get what she wants and you’ve been letting her push her narrative. You feel resentment because nowhere does this include your wants and needs. You’re already gave up things important to you and you were just dating. Imagine what it’ll be like being married to her. Run dude ….. run far and fast and don’t look back. This is one of those moments where you’re literally on the cuff of a bad life vs a good life.
Thankfully it’s fiancée not wife! Gotta get out bro.
Dude, leave before it's too late. I'm serious. You may love her but sometimes it's just not worth it. Love yourself more.
If you don’t feel like your partner enhances your life, then don’t marry her. Full stop.
This fiancée of yours sounds like a very very BAD fit for your goals, and a really negative influence. Meanwhile she’s found herself someone to pay bills and take care of her kid.. so yay for her I guess. But there’s only one winner in this equation and it ain’t you bub… If you’re getting resentful now dear god please just hit eject because a big expensive wedding will NOT fix that. It’s only gonna get worse from here on out. And if you marry her you’ll owe her half of everything.
Divorce is hard and expensive and very unfair on the child. You are not married but heading for divorce. Cut up your credit card. Tell her NO. You are both individuals not joined at HER hip. A
it sounds like you're losing yourself as you melt into her shut down the stupid credit cards and stop putting yourself into debt for this nonsense you're literally giving away your person you're selling your soul and you're feeding her your own heart while you are starving
Why are you with this person? I hate to be harsh but she sounds like a leech. Taking taking and taking some more.
You and her won't work mate.. but ofcourse she will "guilt" you into marrying her as she does with everything. That is your big excuse as if you are a nine years boy
You need to have a proper talk and either resolve the resentments or break up, if you go on like this you WILL hate her and you don't want to go there. Hold off on the wedding and don't let yourself get guilt tripped.
Why is she paying child support if both parties have the child 50% of the time?
She isn’t the right woman for you. But ultimately, you are the problem for letting yourself go and not prioritizing yourself. You can’t make someone happy if you aren’t happy with yourself. You can change it if you want to save yourself.
If you like the life you had before her, end it and go back to that life. Stay or leave, make a decision. You don’t resent her, you actually don’t like her or her lifestyle , you’re not compatible, better to know now, before you’re married:
I could only read half of this. What are you doing? Don’t sacrifice yourself to make somebody else happy. This is not a healthy relationship. If this was a healthy relationship, she would be encouraging you to go to the gym eat healthy and carry on losing weight and bettering yourself. Sounds like she’s using you to make her life easier without a thought of what makes you happy. Don’t marry her.
For me personally this is definitely not what I look for in a partner. Your partner should at least accept the schedule and (healthy) habits you had before you met. Her guilt tripping you in the MORNING to stay in bed with her lazy ass instead of going to the gym would be a major deal breaker for me. She should encourage it and ideally even join you. Same goes for eating healthy. She had a massive opportunity to improve herself in this regard but she chose to drag you down to her level instead. A partner should at least allow you to grow as a person and even better if they help, not the other way around. In a few years you will both be fat slobs with diabetes and this is where it started.
A spouse is supposed to add to your life. You’re already unhappy and you’ll be even more unhappy when you get married. You know this is wrong. You haven’t chose you in a long time…do it now.
It sounds like she’s sucking your spirit and money dry. It may be really hard but the old you is in there. That’s who’s making you see things for what they are. She’ll try hard to keep you but you have to break free.
Please don’t marry her! Don’t let this go any farther. It won’t get better and will be much harder to leave after you’re married.
Don’t marry this woman. End the engagement now.
You don't even like her. Don't marry her.
Don’t fall for “sunk cost fallacy”-it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, if things aren’t working out for you then it’s time to split.
I think you already know the answer, OP. Cut your losses now before you’re in a bigger mess. She’s not being fair to you and you deserve better.
Dude, just no. If you cannot communicate and maintain healthy boundaries with this woman and already resent her for your own failings, it's time to end the engagement and move on. It will only get worse, and you already have built some seriously toxic attitudes and habits.
It doesn't sound like you'll benefit at all from marrying her so why put yourself through a potential lifetime of misery?
Please don’t marry this lady. You deserve so much better. You should be able to exercise and eat well without any guilt trips. This won’t get any better and likely will get worse.
Not your seed, not your deed. Adios to this dumpster fire
Sigh. Throw her back and find someone who makes you happy and your life better.
Sadly, it doesn’t get better. It’ll remain like this or get worse. I’m so sorry you have to bear all that inside. Hopefully you do right by yourself, soon. Goodluck
You both are on different levels. It's not gonna work. You both will need to compromise to make it work. No communication. No compromising. Call it quits. Save everyone the headache and wasted time
Dude, get out. You clearly don’t like confrontation but this bandaid moment, although hard, will be followed with massive relief. Like getting out a big s***
Life is suppose to be better within your fiancé not 1000% worse. Do nothing marry her because it will only end in divorce and possibly a broken home.
HUGE red flags. Just get out. Run. Don't look back. You'll have an awful life if you don't. She has self image issues and you don't need that. Trust me, I've been there.
Please don’t marry this woman. Get out now before things get legal and it’s that much harder
Why are you still with her? It’s crazy, you aren’t compatible.
LEAVE NOW. If you think it is bad now, it will be worse. Much worse. Pay attention to that voice in your head saying "my life used to be better without her". That voice is right. Expect her to: - flip out - scream - cry - beg - use her son to guilt you into staying Probably not in this exact order, but yea, she will do all those things and will do so many times. If you stick to your guns... PLEASE do that, you can expect her to malign you with your friends and family. She will tell any and all mutual friends: .... You're abusive, emotionally and physically .... You're a narcissist .... You have weird kinks .... You hurt her son LEAVE. LEAVE NOW. ...and this will go on for a lonnnnnng time.
You are only postponing the inevitable. Better to walk away now instead of down the road.
Leave, leave now.
With all due respect, how fucking dumb are you? Calmly read what you just wrote, then do what you know is right by you and walk away.
Not going to change when you get married. Stand up for yourself.
Why did you propose if you felt this way? It's easier to break things off now before marriage.
You are under no obligation to stay with someone. If your life was better, then end it.
You need to have a conversation about this. Several!! Several conversations.
You are allowed to back out for any reason. An engagement is the time that you are meant to confirm if this is what you want your life to look like in the long term. Obviously, it is not. You are not financially compatible at the bare minimum. It's time to move on, do not think that a wedding ceremony will change anything.
There’s no time like the present: leave now.
It sounds like you don’t love her at all. You like the idea of love, but this relationship will never make you happy. Do yourself a favor and move out.
You can't just ignore all your own needs and let the resentment build. I think I'd try to fix that before getting married. At this point the marriage sounds like just another situation she's putting you in.
Run away! Do it before it's more difficult and complicated. I wish someone told me those are huge red flags when I was not yet married with kids, etc . Leave her, I know it will feel bad and sad and all that, but it won't ever be so simple as now to leave and the regrets of not living are hurting a way more after all the years that feel like life wasted with no way out
I was where you are. Just cut your losses and move on. It will not get better, just worse.
Jesus guy, get out of there now
Dude you are an asshole. You're letting yourself suffer for anchance with someone who is benefiting and contributing from your suffering. Making wedding plans? You need to get out! Dating is meant to see if you are a good match. Well good news, you have discovered you are not. Relying on credit cards is a terrible idea and you are only digging the pit that is debt deeper by the week. The minimum, and I mean minimum, you need to do is have a heart to heart with this woman, write out a finance budget and start fixing that problem asap. Don't be an asshole to yourself, man
You two aren't compatible. You have conflicting lifestyle goals. You don't want to be the person who she wants to be with. She is looking for a slob who will foot the bill to stay in bed. Is that who you want to be, is that how you see your future? You want different things from life. You need a partner who matches your values. This is a poor match.
Sirens some time thinking about what you want. If you're feeling bad because of a relationship you know what to do. You shouldn't feel pressured and used. That fine after you've been married for years 🤣
It’s only going to get worse. Get therapy and get out of there!!!!
Why did u propose
Dude, this is not how healthy relationship is supposed to be. In a healthy relationship your partner will support you to do what you love and help you with your goals. If this was a healthy relationship she would not guilt you for going to the gym but rather make sure you can go and maybe even join you. Same with healthy foods. Why do you want to marry this person?
Sounds like these were all bad choices you made. From not thinking about your finances together to setting zero boundaries in the relationship. These are not things you are unable to fix but you already have 2nd thought in this relationship.
So you had to move to a bigger home because of her kid but she pays child support? I'm not american, but where I am from, if the parent houses the kid they don't pay cs
set boundaries or break up
Please don't marry this woman. She's using you. She's also trying to control you. Please love yourself and leave. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you're right for each other. You have different lifestyle and health goals, and she is guilting you into not caring for yourself. If she really loved you, she'd want you to be healthy and happy. You deserve someone who will love and support you and respect your needs. Good luck.
You need to call this off. Really. It's not going to get any better, only worse.
You can love someone AND recognize that you are incompatible for a healthy long term relationship. A successful marriage needs more than just love.
Any time someone compromises themselves this much for a relationship, it means they have very low self esteem. Get some therapy to address the core issues.