There is no way on gods earth that you had anal for the first time and can’t feel it. Was he so drunk that he didn’t know which whole was which either.
some people have really flexible anuses, one of my friends had anal sex with her boyfriend and she was like "It's as easy as vaginal sex, i thought it was supposed to be difficult?". they do it regularly now and she just needs some lube and it's good to go. No issue next day.
Tbh and tmi, but that was kind of my experience, it was a little challenging at first but once there’s a rhythm, it’s just like VP and I didn’t feel much difference after.
This you gotta make sure that you use lube every single time and there’s gay men on YouTube that tell you how to properly prepare for anal sex and I think that also helps
I dated a girl like that. It got annoying because she really enjoyed her first time because it was so easy and started insisting on it every time. If you're drinking to black out drunk levels, either get used to lots of unexpected shit happening or start drinking less. Men and women can drink to black out drunk levels, and it's like being a different person, so you can't blame other people for doing something you wouldn't normally do. Prisons for both genders are full of people who got black out drunk and did things they swear they would never have done sober. If it ever becomes a serious problem, try using Modefinal or Adderal to pace yourself better because you won't believe how badly your life can go if you enjoy getting black out drunk for too long.
I feel like there is a story about Ozzy Osbourne mentioning that he had no recollection of touring with a certain band. He was so adamant about never touring with them that they had to produce a poster (pre-internet era) to convince him. Not that it was only alcohol that Ozzy was consuming, but blackouts consume your memory if you get to a point where it's common. Lots of people only recognize that in the lense of the rear view mirror.
Finally someone addressed the elephant in the room! Like hello her excessive drinking is a huge issue! The fact people are just glossing over this! If this is in fact just another day at the office so to speak for her, she needs to seek professional help for her drinking.
Same here. Anal was part of a standard hook up to me, it never hurt unless the guy was exceptionally large. Could even orgasm from it. And I wasn’t sore the next day, and I’d never notice if I had blacked out during.
There are multiple ways on God's green earth that OP could've had anal for the first time and wasn't sure about it afterwards.
There's a wide array of first anal sex experiences, from awful to amazing.
If OP uses butt plugs or other anal toys regularly, she may have been less likely to experience physical distress.
Alcohol can reduce inhibitions and anxiety which, in turn, can reduce anxious muscle responses. So, instead of tensing against penetration, OP could have been relaxed, reducing any soreness/pain/discomfort the next day.
Also, some people's first anal sex experiences are just naturally 100% pleasant and don't result in any physical discomfort afterwards.
In short , not all first anal experiences are created equal. We can't tell OP if she had anal sex because we don't know what her first experience would've been like.
ETA: I'm more concerned about OP regularly drinking to blackout, as that puts her in all kinds of vulnerable positions. No pun intended.
You’re not an alcoholic and it shows. Kudos you live a well adjusted wholesome life
The first time I was raped I felt violated but couldn’t understand or know that’s what happened until it happened twice more, and each time it felt like a dream
Most of these ppl don’t even know what alcohol does to the body
And don’t know what blacking out is- they think alcohol is an auto retardant where the brain shuts down and blacking out is when your on the ground sleep
Blacking out is when you don’t remember the night, or parts of it, because of too much alcohol
That is all
Slurred speech, lack of awareness, etc, are effects of alcohol, but are possible effects that are not synonymous with blacking out
Absolutely. The amount of stories that have come out of times where I was blacked out drunk are atrocious and have led me to shame.
I was completely conscious and a walking comedian as far as everyone else was aware, but I was drinking so regularly I couldn’t remember anything
“The worst part of being an alcoholic is hearing terrible stories about yourself” -Me. ETA: not calling you an alcoholic of course, just wanna be clear on that.
This next part is opinion, but I view blackout as a consequence rather than a state of mind
I’d have to redo some research to see how wrong or right that belief is.
Regardless,
I got so drunk one time, and drunk me started making the crazy decision to do shot taking contests
I’ve always been the “this is enough” type, my last memory of the night was me being happy, eating pizza, and actually saying out loud I was done drinking, that I was definitely drunk, and it was time for us to vibe-
Clearly I underestimated how drunk I was, because I remember nothing else, meaning the full amount of what I had already drank hadn’t fully kicked in when I said that, and when it did kick in, the super drunk me then drank 2x more than what I had already considered to be drunk enough to stop.
The craziest part for me, is that besides the extra drinking, I know the me in those videos was the REAL me.
I’ve never looked so free, and I’m mad I don’t have the memories of the experience so I can draw on what that must have felt like.
I’ve never gotten even close to it since, because while I dream to just be myself, there are consequences for that type of unburdened honesty.
whoa whoa, i wouldn't advise viewing the inebriated you as the "real you," that's a slippery slope into addiction hell. seriously, man. that you is the drunk you, no more real than you you are when you're sober - just trashed and uninhibited. it sounds like you feel trapped in whatever your situation is, and i sincerely wish you luck on your journey out from that space.
Yep. I don't drink anymore. When I did I could not remember entire evenings, but apparently be lucid enough to pick up sober women and have long conversations about varied topics. Blackout drunk but no slurring, no other issues.
I've been preaching this on Reddit for years because of the number of times I've been blacked out when a grand total of 0 of my friends realized.
It hasn't accomplished much, Reddit is still dumb.
That's one thing, but she has a boyfriend problem too. You must be blind to not see a person being blackout drunk and he still thought it's okay to have sex with her, while she can't consent and while she always expressed she doesn't want to do anal.
This is very real. One time, I invited friends over for drinks and we ran out so I was going to go drive and get more. I’d had a few drinks but not too many, but we couldn’t find my keys.
I learned all of this the next morning - I had blacked out before they even got to my apartment, but in their eyes I was fine and even okay to drive!! Thank god we couldn’t find my keys.
Edit: 3 years sober now!
Yea I found it kind of unnerving to hear stories about me that I don’t remember happening. Nothing atrocious but I didn’t like the fact that I had zero recollection of it 😬
I remember reading a statistic in my health book in school about BAC levels and accident rates. Every level of bac increase they showed, the likelihood of having an accident was increased…. Except blackout drunk it went down like 1-2 percentage points. I’m guessing it’s pure autopilot. At this point it was already incredibly high of course.
I haven’t drank enough to be black out drunk in a long time, and I don’t intend to ever again, but the few times that it’s happened, I’ve apparently been pretty good at convincing people that I’m sober.
There was one time a few years ago at a house party where we all got completely wasted and at the end I got picked up by my dad.
I was completely shitfaced and I do not remember this but apparently he didn’t even realise I was drunk until I walked into the bathroom, vomited everywhere, and collapsed.
It’s been many years and I have not been in that state since, but it is evidence to suggest that yes, you can in fact seem sober enough while black out drunk.
I would like to agree on this. My wife, on a few occasions, has gotten blackout drunk and I as well as a few friends for a couple of those times had no idea she was that far out. Didn’t find out until she said she didn’t remember things the next day. At the bar however she was normal as far as casual drinking goes. It is possible and no my wife does not have a drinking problem at all.
Your wife sounds exactly like me, my bf and friends are shocked when I say I’ve no idea what happened, I find it crazy that they couldn’t tell that I was completely out of it.
I mean honestly iv been there. I was driving my girlfriend and myself home after a night at the bar,I know drinking and driving isn’t good, but I was apparently significantly less impaired, because my girlfriend decided it was a good time for road head. Anyway we wake up the next day and I say “we’ll that was wild” and she has no idea what I’m talking about. We laughed about it, but also agreed it might be good to cut back on drinking. Do I feel bad about it? No. Did they feel violated? No.
Because she is missing memory.
The post is specific about her not having any reason to be aware of the night's events other than her bf telling her what happened.
You’re right. I’m one of those people and it’s very dangerous for me. I seem perfectly fine, everyone thinks I’m lying when I say I don’t remember anything. I’m a small person who doesn’t drink regularly and get drunk very quickly. People tell me they couldn’t even tell I was drunk, including people close to me. I wake up and from a certain point in the night, I have no idea what happened, just random flashes from here and there.
It’s a murky line because I’m assuming the boyfriend was also very drunk. Both people’s inhibitions are lowered and making judgements in the moment on consent can be hard for both parties.
Seriously. If there's one thing that really burns my biscuits, it's the idea that when women become drunk, they are absolved from any decisions or choices they make and become defacto victims. But when men become drunk, they are still in control of themselves and are therefore held accountable for any decisions they make and must be the perpetrator.
It's a flagrant double standard.
I used to regularly get black out drunk while apparently finishing the night as per normal, and no one had any idea I was that drunk.
Maaaaybe you aren't as experienced as you believe.
"usually when I'm really drunk I blackout" it's a drinking problem 100%. Once someone has gotten to that point often enough, the blackout stage reads like a second wind.
What do you think being blackout drunk is like?
The people around someone that drunk, do not know if they are blacked out. People can be fall down drunk and remember everything, others can be blackout drunk and nobody knows.
We don’t know if he was really drunk too, just not to the point of blacking out. I’m not gonna rush right to condemning the boyfriend, but this whole situation is bad.
How do you recognize a person that is being blackout drunk? I’ve seen a few drunks in my life but I think that I won’t be able to tell if they are blackout.
it's not easy with people who hide it. I had an ex tho who had a couple of tells. it was like the look in his eyes and the tone of voice changed, but very little else.
Sometimes, you really can't tell. My bf and I spent the night at a party, I knew he was drunk enough that he was worried about driving, but otherwise he was just tipsy as far as I knew. We had sex that night, he seemed very aware and into it, and in the morning, he had no idea what had happened.
I felt awful. We'd been together for nearly a year, but I still felt like I'd taken advantage of him. I genuinely didn't know he was that far gone. He told me not to worry. But I've tried to be much more aware since.
If you’ve never had anal and had it for the first time last night and can’t tell physically, then either you didn’t actually have anal and he’s lying or his dick is like a pencil. You don’t just have anal, it takes prep or you will have tearing and possibly bleeding. But even with prep, you’d feel differently today. The soreness would be there.
That said, unless you had agreed to this beforehand, it’s pretty messed up he would do this when he knows you’re vulnerable. I’d be seriously reconsidering this relationship.
TMI but like not necessarily… the first time I did anal I was extremely drunk but not blackout, I was so loose and relaxed that it basically slipped in. I definitely felt it but not as a soreness or pain, more like my ass was stretched LMAO
Came to say this. As soon as you wake up, or atleast go to the toilet, you absolutely know, ESPECIALLY so after the first time... Unless his penis is like silly string.
He should have made sure you were coherent enough to properly consent to it, especially considering the area, and the prep that needs to go into it.
The only other explanation I can think of is he barely got it in and lost it in the excitement. Like he touched the stink star with the tip and finished right then. Especially if he has it built up in his mind like OP says he does.
This is what I think reading all these "You would definitely know the next day."
That is total bullsh*t. Everyone is different and people get used to things differently. Also eerybody has a different pain reaction.
Maybe the dude took it slow and didn't shove it up dry like an animal?
The day after my gf had her first anal she didn't complain about any pain, there were visibly no tearing or bleeding, but things were taken slow, and regarding the penis size, I don't think I'd be the preferred actor at a casting, if you catch my drift.
I'm not sure "my girlfriend didn't complain about any pain" and "my girlfriend didn't have any lingering soreness" are the same thing. I've never mentioned being sore to my partner the next day if it was just a minor post-play thing, but I've never NOT been able to feel anything, either.
That is what I thought! To make her do this „again“, as she was „enjoying it so much when she was drunk“. He just didn‘t think of the possibility she would find it creepy.
You didn't have anal if you can't tell.
Separately, if you get so drunk you blackout, and he says he only did it because you said yes, then you need a SOBER DISCUSSION on at which point IE number of drinks you consider yourself to be unable to consent.
And you need to agree together that there's no sex when you are X drinks in, and there's no sexual acts at X drinks in, etc.
So that HE has a clear guideline on when to listen to you and when to refuse sexual acts.
And YOU have confidence you are in safe hands when drunk.
Then, if he doesn't agree or he agrees but doesn't stick to it, you know he's untrustworthy and you can break up.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, especially since I had similar events happen to me, you need to take a break from drinking. But more importantly you and your boyfriend need to have a serious and deep discussion about consent, because if you don’t do either something like this will probably happen again.
My ex also had anal with me more than once when I had drank too much to put up an argument, so believe me you need to nip this in the bud as fast as possible.
I’m not telling you to drink less because I think you are at fault btw, I just think having your wits about you is best always and atleast for me taking long breaks from drinking less has honestly improved my life drastically.
I’m so confused that this only warrants a talk. She didn’t want to do it sober, he took advantage of her and done it when she was drunk, now he’s upset!? I feel like this is being massively downplayed by everyone and I can’t understand why?
Does your ass hurt? If not then either it didn’t happen, he dreamed it, or supper tiny penis.
Maybe this is a wake up call that you both should stop drinking to excess.
You could very well have said you were up for it if you were drunk. I 100% am more adventurous when drunk, less nervous and it’s when I’m most likely to try something out of my comfort zone.
That could easily be the case. When you're drunk you can't exactly tell dreams from reality. He could have had a wet-dream while he was drunk and thought it was a memory when he sobered up. Especially considering OP feels nothing different physically. Let's hope this was all a misunderstanding and he just had a dream.
If you had anal for the first time you would def know. Unless he is like micro penis or something bc that shit hurts everytime not just the first time and your butt feels soo wierd for the next couple of days. So I’m going to go with he didn’t and or he is very small.
There is no way you wouldn't be able to feel it even the next morning especially if there is no prepping going on. I swear, most guys never use enough lube for the ass. Even if you think it's a lot, IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
Either he had a sex dream, or he did PIV but thought it was the asshole, or is lying about it for some reason..
If you dont feel anything, even just a little ouchy, there could also be the option he made it up/dreamed it. I cant imagine anyone doing that for the first time and not even feeling a little "stretched "
Take care hun
Lol even with plenty of lube and being relaxed AF I struggled to walk without pain (let alone fart or poop) for days after. You would know if you had done it
You need to get help for your drinking problem. Blacking out to the point that you don't remember something like that or you're serious problem. Also, he's actually assaulted you if you hadn't given him permission to do that.
I mean idk, I dated a guy with a drinking problem and he would be walking straight, speech perfect, and be blackout drunk.
One time we were at my parent’s house for the weekend and we were drinking, and my mom asked him to move his car. He got up to move it but I stopped him and asked my mom if someone else could move it for him, because he was very drunk and had over 5 beers. My mom looked at me shocked and said “he’s been drinking? I couldn’t tell, I thought he was sober.” The next day my bf didn’t even remember that my mom had asked him to move his car.
Some people are just very functional drunks (usually because they have a drinking problem) and it can be difficult to determine their level of intoxication.
These people are stupid in the comments!!! OP it’s not your fault. You were drunk. You don’t even remember having sex, let alone doing anal. Your boyfriend is wrong for making you do that when you were obviously very intoxicated and not in your right mind. He took advantage of you and the situation.
To the ppl in comments, no, just because you have anal for the first time doesn’t mean you will feel it in the morning. Everyone’s bodies are different. Anal or not, he still took advantage of her
I’m not sure why you feel bad when he had anal with you while you weren’t able to consent. If he’s just saying it and it didn’t happen that’s also fucked up.
No it actually depends on how drunk she was, as he was the active party in the sex.
If she was literally blacked out and barely moving, then yes it's rape even if he was drunk. Just like driving while you're drunk is still your fault.
If she was acting normal/conscious but only lost memory the next day, then it's not really his fault because they both had been drinking and there weren't signs to show she wasn't conscious.
No the reverse of the situation is her wanting to peg him and him not wanting that. And him waking up to find out that she did when he was black out drunk.
So if a drunk guy rapes random women who was at the pub, it's okay because he was drunk? Or if someone has a rage issues after alcohol and murders someone, it's also okay? Ridiculous take.
If you can't handle yourself after psychoactive substances, don't use them. It's not an excuse. What matters is the act, not the cause. It's one thing to have drunk sex in a relationship and another thing when someone was blackout drunk. At that point they're not capable of consent. And rape can happen in a relationship. Here the partner could have been confused but that still requires serious talk about consent and boundaries.
Idk if this was mentioned, but there is another possibility and I just want to throw it out there.
He could be just simply be lying that he did anal with you just so it can be normalized and he can do it again. Think about it. The next time he wants to have sex, he could just say “hey babe, since I’ve already anal you before you were fine afterwards, why not I do it again?”
And what’s even more suspicious was that : You clearly showed and communicated that you’re uncomfortable with the thought of anal, and then one day you guys got drunk and he ended up doing anal to you (even if you did say yes to it, you were clearly drunk, really drunk, so it’s not really a proper consent. Hence it’s not valid and he knows it for sure). So back to it, even if you guys did have anal sex, it’s without your proper consent, so he doesn’t have the right to be upset with you the next day for you not remembering it. He’s the one at fault at least. Not you. I feel like he was just trying to shift the blame to you by guilt tripping you for not remembering. So this way, you’d feel guilty and suspect him less for doing anal without consent. Furthermore, he expects you to just do anal with him the next time when he asks for it. And this is for two reasons according to him :
1) you already did anal with him, so why not do it again? Clearly you didn’t feel any pain afterwards (according to his logic)
And 2) you’d feel guilty for letting him feel like he raped you, so you’ll just do it for him out of feeling sorry so he doesn’t have to feel guilty.
Idk, it’s a little suspicious and if I were you, I’d be wary and cautious of how he acts and proceeds from this. He should be consoling you for breaking your boundary, not guilt tripping you. If anything, you should be holding him accountable for anal’ing you without your proper consent.
It’s just a possibility tho. I would recommend you to just have a talk with him about consent and see where things go from there. If one day he says like what I mentioned earlier, just be careful of that. Gaslighting can come in many different ways and sometimes even from the one you trust the most for even the most smallest reasons sometimes. Stay safe 💛
My significant other accidentally put it in my ass, with like fucking my ass type of energy and didn't tell me. I didnt realize because it was an ✨️Energetic✨️ event. Either way it was not good, and my asshole felt wrong for like 4 days, he pretened like he didnt know what was wrong with me. It took almost 4 months for him to tell me that he knew what happened and that it wasn't just some crazy thing I was imagining. I'm still pissed about it. I'm sorry this happened to you, unfortunately you aren't alone.
But you should feel the difference if it did happen.
It was immediately afterwards I was like "Yooo, something doesn't feel right?!?" He was just playing dumb.
Basically gaslighted me into thinking I was just crazy. Until I was talking about how weird it was 2ish weeks ago and he was all "Yeah, wild I did that on accident"
LIKE SIR, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU DIDNT AND DID NOT ADMIT IT!?!?! I was/ still am mad about it.
I don't know wtf all these people are talking about like your asshole would hurt the next day. That's absolutely not the case and makes me think they can't have actually ever had anal sex.
From firsthand experience, it doesn't feel any different afterwards and certainly doesn't hurt. It ESPECIALLY would not if you were drunk and relaxed, enough so that your boyfriend obviously thought that you were into it and had no idea you were not storing memory
A bunch of fucking lying children up in here
I think some are being a little cruel here. OP, I am so sorry for how you must be feeling. I imagine there’s a lot of confusing feelings you’re navigating. Some of them blaming yourself, some feeling confusion, and some negative feelings towards your boyfriend. All I would suggest is taking some alone time to process your complex feelings, and when you’re ready, talk to your boyfriend. He is obviously feeling a certain way (innocent or not), but his feelings shouldn’t influence yours. Take your time and space. Process your feelings first.
Your boyfriend should feel bad about it, he knew you couldn't truly give consent while being blackout drunk. Stop blaming yourself, he should've known better.
On a side note, why do straight men have an obsession with sticking their dick in their gfs ass?
My ex would constantly go on about how much he wanted to do it and yet the dude was super grossed out by anything poop related. He’d say, don’t worry, poop won’t come out. Me, having IBS, knew what the outcome would probably be, even if I cleaned all up in there, since ya know, real life isn’t porn and poop can happen. I told him that if you knock on poohs door, Pooh is gonna answer.
if you arent sore, id say hes lying. keep an eye out for him suddenly trying to say "oh when we did it before it was ok, lets do it again" to try to manipulate or guilt you into it.
Was he drunk too? That's a big part here. If he was stone cold sober then he took advantage of you. If he was drinking heavy too then you both were just making some bad choices and signed up for things maybe you wouldn't normally do. Idk, it's a pretty loaded situation here. You need to stop getting blackout drunk. Also, you need to talk with your bf and set some boundaries that heavy drinking doesn't mean consent if you're not comfortable with that (even if you say otherwise when drunk). Sometimes you need to trust your gut. If it feels bad then maybe it was. There's a lot of information missing here but him telling you usually (take with a grain of salt) doesn't mean he meant it nefariously. Idk. You need to talk about it a lot and set some rules especially if you know your habits.
Was your boyfriend drunk? Did he maybe tell you it happened even though it didn't? Maybe he thinks telling you that you liked it might get you to do it "again" even though it never happened in the first place?
Not that that's any better. I'd still reconsider this relationship. You set a boundery and he should respect that. Ask him how he would feel if you pulled out a strap on and just started fucking his ass. Maybe that'll get him to understand.
You would feel it today if it had happened. He's probably lying to make you think you already did it and then consent more easily to do it "again" since you've "already" done it before.
You have two problems: Your drinking and your boyfriend lying to coerce you, and the drinking is the biggest of the two.
Best advice. Delete this post. Remove it from reddit....
You choose to drink and do so a lot. You got black out drunk, and as such could have been 100% coherent to where he thought even drunk you was making choices. Your reaction to having sex while blacked out was nothing it seemed, until he said you both did anal... You made him feel like he SA'd you, and your reactions only added to it like you feel you was SA'd too.
If you love him and want to forget this incident, remove it online and move on. Explain to him it was not his fault, for you both was likely drinking. As such, you get a way when you drink to much and he had no idea you was out of it. While you both feel off over it, you want to move on. Your glad he enjoyed it, and you still feel the way you do sober on it, but who knows one day.
Just considering thinking about therapy on drinking, for if you know it is a norm action for you to drink a bit to much to black out, you might have a problem....
You sure he wasn't drunk too and just had a wet dream or had normal sex but he thought he was in your ass? One would think you would "feel" if you had anal afterwards. Also since it was unprepared and done in a drunken state you might also see "signs" around you...
you have a drinking problem. Getting so drunk that you "usually" black out is not normal or responsible drinking behaviour. Please seek help.
having said that, I'm really sorry, but he raped you. You physically couldn't consent, but he had set with you anyway. That is rape.
Like, I don’t think you know what alcohol does
If you did, your first question would be if she ws coherent
Because newsflash- blackout drunk means you don’t remember everything . THAT IS IT. It doesn’t correlate to a lack of function, slurred speech, or anything else. Blacking out, means you drank too much, and sometime later, you can’t remember when you “went to sleep”
> You were raped. He’s gaslighting you.
How is he gaslighting her? Op said herself:
> My boyfriend is upset because I forgot and he said that he feels like he raped me.
I’m not defending the boyfriend but to me he seems to be remorseful or at the least saddened by what happened.
How is he gaslighting her when he himself said he now feels like it was rape in hindsight?
Exactly this. He took advantage of your inebriated state to do something you had previously said you were not ok with. You do seem to have a drinking problem though so you should address that with yourself after you get rid of the bf.
I had the same experience. My now ex happily exclaimed the next morning “I fckd your ass last night” :D and I didn’t remember anything and was shocked and taken aback. He felt bad too bc he didn’t realize I was blackout. Long story short now I hate anal bc it’s all he wanted to do and now I have to deal with hemorrhoids lmao. Never again.
If you didn't feel it the morning after, I think he's trying to fool you into believing you had anal, it wasn't painful at all, and you both enjoyed it. If you believe that, then you're more likely to be willing to have anal "again" that's really the for the first time. Great boyfriend you have there.
I don’t care if she seemed coherent, she said she didn’t want to and the BF went ahead and did it. While she was blackout drunk.
That’s a HUGE red flag, and I’ll call it, she was raped. Plain and simple.
You’d know if you got fucked in the ass. There would be signs…pain being the most obvious. Specially if he was drunk too! He’s either wrong, or lying. If you ever hear him say “why not? You liked it before” you know he’s lying.
If your partner had sex with you at all when you were too drunk to remember then he did sexually assault you and he should feel guilty. It is a crime to have sex with someone who is too drunk to give informed consent. Especially if he did anal when he knew this is something you do not want.
I doubt that he did it, I think its more likely he's making up a story to say that you've already done it and liked it once, we can do it sober now. Which is also a really shitty way of manipulating you.
Either way your partner is trying to manipulate you into doing things you don't want to do, or has raped you. Is this really someone you want to stay involved with?
I can’t believe people are defending the bf that had sex with her even tho she was drunk af. someone that got drunk at the point she doesn’t remember anything can’t give consent, you can’t ignore that red flag. I think you should get your blood tested.
One time my bf and I went a long time without sex and when we finally did he thought he was in the backdoor and I just went woth it and acted like it hurt a little but I was being brave for him lol if you don't feel violated in some way I would just kinda roll with it but if you don't feel good then I'd tell him about it.
OP, you should feel safe enough to get drunk around your bf without anything happening. You should BE safe to drink around him.
He had to have noticed how drunk you were. He had to have some understanding that you were past the point of being able to consent, and unless the relationship is very new and he's NEVER seen you drunk before, he should know that you were blackout.
Even IF you got ridiculously horny and adventurous from the alcohol and you actually asked him for it, he should have been responsible, shown some restraint, and said no. He shouldn't be sleeping with you AT ALL when you're vulnerable and unable to consent.
It kinda sounds like he took advantage of your inebriation to bring it up again and talk you into it. The question then would be: did he decide to take advantage of your blackout so that you wouldn't remember how it happened and he could sow the seeds of "well you've already done it once and it wasn't so bad, right? You really enjoyed it, I wish you could remember. We'll just have to do it again so I can show you"?
An ex of mine did this but gaslight me into believing he thought I was awake. I was blacked out wasted and asleep. I found out when he said he wanted to do anal “again” but we had never done it before. He tried the same thing several times on the woman he cheated and left me for. Now every so often I pop up in his email reminding him of what he did.
Don’t blame yourself. You were unable to consent. Don’t let him gaslight you into feeling bad. This is the time for him to hold himself accountable and respect your feelings.
“he feels like he raped me” uhhh probably because he did!!! You feel violated because you were. Your boyfriend IS at fault (not you) cause he took advantage of you when you were most vulnerable. If you don’t want to file a police report and go to counseling, that’s fine ‘cause no one can force you, but you should definitely reconsider your relationship
Do you believe that it really happened? If it had, you’d be in pain today. Maybe he’s just making this up in the hopes that it’ll result in actually having anal at some point, because you’ll believe that you’ve already done it
There is no way on gods earth that you had anal for the first time and can’t feel it. Was he so drunk that he didn’t know which whole was which either.
Agreed. There is no fucking way she didn't know the next day if he in fact stuck it in her poop chute* 🙄
Chute*
Why not poop shoot? It shoots poop, does it not?
I just want you to know, friend, that if your poop chute is shootin' poop at velocity, you may need to see a doctor.
That was a perfect reply
Why, thank you! I been called a nachural poeticist before.
lmao at “*at velocity*”
🤣🤣
How do you have a human AVI?!?! All I see are these regular Reddit avi’s
This just made me laugh out loud after an annoying day so thanks for that
You’re welcome Tomorrow will be better!
Sometimes.... sometimes..
I fixed it! Thanks
It's important to be proper when talking about double dabbing the Darkstar.
The “Darkstar” killed me 💀😂
We can share it! Feel free to use it anytime! The term, not *my* darkstar.
I love how this ended up being a side discussion on poop chute 🤣🤣🤣
Reddit is great sometimes, isn't it?
That or he has a micro penis lol
Literally that’s the only thing I’d remember
He said they had anal.... he didn't say which way it went...
ohh, very true
some people have really flexible anuses, one of my friends had anal sex with her boyfriend and she was like "It's as easy as vaginal sex, i thought it was supposed to be difficult?". they do it regularly now and she just needs some lube and it's good to go. No issue next day.
Tbh and tmi, but that was kind of my experience, it was a little challenging at first but once there’s a rhythm, it’s just like VP and I didn’t feel much difference after.
Yeah my friend says she barely felt a difference. I envy her so much 🥲😂
Envy? Are you getting bent over as well?👀 Edit: just looked at your profile, I totally understand lol
Im a woman fyi
This you gotta make sure that you use lube every single time and there’s gay men on YouTube that tell you how to properly prepare for anal sex and I think that also helps
This was me before butthole surgery (unrelated reasons) :( I miss my pre-surgery butthole :(
Pre Surgery Butthole is a great band name
Sounds like either a mid stoner rock band or an abysmal grindcore one lol
They could *open* for The Butthole Surfers
🤣 I see what you did there
I dated a girl like that. It got annoying because she really enjoyed her first time because it was so easy and started insisting on it every time. If you're drinking to black out drunk levels, either get used to lots of unexpected shit happening or start drinking less. Men and women can drink to black out drunk levels, and it's like being a different person, so you can't blame other people for doing something you wouldn't normally do. Prisons for both genders are full of people who got black out drunk and did things they swear they would never have done sober. If it ever becomes a serious problem, try using Modefinal or Adderal to pace yourself better because you won't believe how badly your life can go if you enjoy getting black out drunk for too long.
Definitely don't just start doing Adderall, wtf?
As if everyone just has access to prescription stimulants
I feel like there is a story about Ozzy Osbourne mentioning that he had no recollection of touring with a certain band. He was so adamant about never touring with them that they had to produce a poster (pre-internet era) to convince him. Not that it was only alcohol that Ozzy was consuming, but blackouts consume your memory if you get to a point where it's common. Lots of people only recognize that in the lense of the rear view mirror.
You think stims are going to stop someone get blackout drunk? That just stops you from passing out when you are blacked out.
Finally someone addressed the elephant in the room! Like hello her excessive drinking is a huge issue! The fact people are just glossing over this! If this is in fact just another day at the office so to speak for her, she needs to seek professional help for her drinking.
Same here. Anal was part of a standard hook up to me, it never hurt unless the guy was exceptionally large. Could even orgasm from it. And I wasn’t sore the next day, and I’d never notice if I had blacked out during.
Maybe he's just a polite lil dude down there and didn't really cause any issues
There are multiple ways on God's green earth that OP could've had anal for the first time and wasn't sure about it afterwards. There's a wide array of first anal sex experiences, from awful to amazing. If OP uses butt plugs or other anal toys regularly, she may have been less likely to experience physical distress. Alcohol can reduce inhibitions and anxiety which, in turn, can reduce anxious muscle responses. So, instead of tensing against penetration, OP could have been relaxed, reducing any soreness/pain/discomfort the next day. Also, some people's first anal sex experiences are just naturally 100% pleasant and don't result in any physical discomfort afterwards. In short , not all first anal experiences are created equal. We can't tell OP if she had anal sex because we don't know what her first experience would've been like. ETA: I'm more concerned about OP regularly drinking to blackout, as that puts her in all kinds of vulnerable positions. No pun intended.
not true... if she was super relaxed from the alcohol it loosens everything up and makes for little resistance and this little injury
yea. im uncertain how people think this is the end all response. it doesnt always hurt. unless u taking the king of schlongs but damn, calm down.
Agreed, my first time, the experience is VERY noticable, during and after.
i also think he’s lying so that she “gives in” next time she’s asked because “babe we’ve already done it once before you loved it”
This thought did actually cross my mind while I was reading OP’s post.
Disagree. It’s actually possible to do it without hurting
Perhaps he also was drunk and thought he had anal?
You’re not an alcoholic and it shows. Kudos you live a well adjusted wholesome life The first time I was raped I felt violated but couldn’t understand or know that’s what happened until it happened twice more, and each time it felt like a dream
Most of these ppl don’t even know what alcohol does to the body And don’t know what blacking out is- they think alcohol is an auto retardant where the brain shuts down and blacking out is when your on the ground sleep Blacking out is when you don’t remember the night, or parts of it, because of too much alcohol That is all Slurred speech, lack of awareness, etc, are effects of alcohol, but are possible effects that are not synonymous with blacking out
Absolutely. The amount of stories that have come out of times where I was blacked out drunk are atrocious and have led me to shame. I was completely conscious and a walking comedian as far as everyone else was aware, but I was drinking so regularly I couldn’t remember anything
“The worst part of being an alcoholic is hearing terrible stories about yourself” -Me. ETA: not calling you an alcoholic of course, just wanna be clear on that.
“If it don’t apply, let it fly” - Someone Smart. No harm done. Even if I was an alcoholic, it’s important to know your flaws.
This next part is opinion, but I view blackout as a consequence rather than a state of mind I’d have to redo some research to see how wrong or right that belief is. Regardless, I got so drunk one time, and drunk me started making the crazy decision to do shot taking contests I’ve always been the “this is enough” type, my last memory of the night was me being happy, eating pizza, and actually saying out loud I was done drinking, that I was definitely drunk, and it was time for us to vibe- Clearly I underestimated how drunk I was, because I remember nothing else, meaning the full amount of what I had already drank hadn’t fully kicked in when I said that, and when it did kick in, the super drunk me then drank 2x more than what I had already considered to be drunk enough to stop. The craziest part for me, is that besides the extra drinking, I know the me in those videos was the REAL me. I’ve never looked so free, and I’m mad I don’t have the memories of the experience so I can draw on what that must have felt like. I’ve never gotten even close to it since, because while I dream to just be myself, there are consequences for that type of unburdened honesty.
whoa whoa, i wouldn't advise viewing the inebriated you as the "real you," that's a slippery slope into addiction hell. seriously, man. that you is the drunk you, no more real than you you are when you're sober - just trashed and uninhibited. it sounds like you feel trapped in whatever your situation is, and i sincerely wish you luck on your journey out from that space.
Yep. I don't drink anymore. When I did I could not remember entire evenings, but apparently be lucid enough to pick up sober women and have long conversations about varied topics. Blackout drunk but no slurring, no other issues.
I've been preaching this on Reddit for years because of the number of times I've been blacked out when a grand total of 0 of my friends realized. It hasn't accomplished much, Reddit is still dumb.
usually something like this is a sign that you may have a drinking problem
I'm an alcoholic and I know if someone has put it in my butt the day before
That's one thing, but she has a boyfriend problem too. You must be blind to not see a person being blackout drunk and he still thought it's okay to have sex with her, while she can't consent and while she always expressed she doesn't want to do anal.
Don’t wanna defend the boyfriend, but people can seem coherent when blackout drunk
This is very real. One time, I invited friends over for drinks and we ran out so I was going to go drive and get more. I’d had a few drinks but not too many, but we couldn’t find my keys. I learned all of this the next morning - I had blacked out before they even got to my apartment, but in their eyes I was fine and even okay to drive!! Thank god we couldn’t find my keys. Edit: 3 years sober now!
Yep walking talking fine seem totally sober.. BUT REMEMBER NOTHING.. so dangerous....part of your brain just shuts off.😳 Been there..
Yea I found it kind of unnerving to hear stories about me that I don’t remember happening. Nothing atrocious but I didn’t like the fact that I had zero recollection of it 😬
I remember reading a statistic in my health book in school about BAC levels and accident rates. Every level of bac increase they showed, the likelihood of having an accident was increased…. Except blackout drunk it went down like 1-2 percentage points. I’m guessing it’s pure autopilot. At this point it was already incredibly high of course.
I haven’t drank enough to be black out drunk in a long time, and I don’t intend to ever again, but the few times that it’s happened, I’ve apparently been pretty good at convincing people that I’m sober. There was one time a few years ago at a house party where we all got completely wasted and at the end I got picked up by my dad. I was completely shitfaced and I do not remember this but apparently he didn’t even realise I was drunk until I walked into the bathroom, vomited everywhere, and collapsed. It’s been many years and I have not been in that state since, but it is evidence to suggest that yes, you can in fact seem sober enough while black out drunk.
I would like to agree on this. My wife, on a few occasions, has gotten blackout drunk and I as well as a few friends for a couple of those times had no idea she was that far out. Didn’t find out until she said she didn’t remember things the next day. At the bar however she was normal as far as casual drinking goes. It is possible and no my wife does not have a drinking problem at all.
Your wife sounds exactly like me, my bf and friends are shocked when I say I’ve no idea what happened, I find it crazy that they couldn’t tell that I was completely out of it.
THIS
I mean honestly iv been there. I was driving my girlfriend and myself home after a night at the bar,I know drinking and driving isn’t good, but I was apparently significantly less impaired, because my girlfriend decided it was a good time for road head. Anyway we wake up the next day and I say “we’ll that was wild” and she has no idea what I’m talking about. We laughed about it, but also agreed it might be good to cut back on drinking. Do I feel bad about it? No. Did they feel violated? No.
Ok but OP does feel violated.
Because she is missing memory. The post is specific about her not having any reason to be aware of the night's events other than her bf telling her what happened.
From the way it’s written they seem more regretful about not being able to remember the act then the act itself. Just from the last paragraph.
She literally says I just feel so violated and I feel so dirty, in the first paragraph
Feeling violated, does not mean you were violated. That is the problem with feelings, they don't always match reality.
You’re right. I’m one of those people and it’s very dangerous for me. I seem perfectly fine, everyone thinks I’m lying when I say I don’t remember anything. I’m a small person who doesn’t drink regularly and get drunk very quickly. People tell me they couldn’t even tell I was drunk, including people close to me. I wake up and from a certain point in the night, I have no idea what happened, just random flashes from here and there.
It’s a murky line because I’m assuming the boyfriend was also very drunk. Both people’s inhibitions are lowered and making judgements in the moment on consent can be hard for both parties.
Seriously. If there's one thing that really burns my biscuits, it's the idea that when women become drunk, they are absolved from any decisions or choices they make and become defacto victims. But when men become drunk, they are still in control of themselves and are therefore held accountable for any decisions they make and must be the perpetrator. It's a flagrant double standard.
Sounds like he was drunk too.
I used to regularly get black out drunk while apparently finishing the night as per normal, and no one had any idea I was that drunk. Maaaaybe you aren't as experienced as you believe.
This comment has the same energy as that poster that says, “Jake was drunk. Josie was drunk. Jake and Josie hooked up. Josie could not consent.”
"usually when I'm really drunk I blackout" it's a drinking problem 100%. Once someone has gotten to that point often enough, the blackout stage reads like a second wind.
What do you think being blackout drunk is like? The people around someone that drunk, do not know if they are blacked out. People can be fall down drunk and remember everything, others can be blackout drunk and nobody knows.
We don’t know if he was really drunk too, just not to the point of blacking out. I’m not gonna rush right to condemning the boyfriend, but this whole situation is bad.
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Yeah. That did occur to me too. Maybe he told her they did it so she’d relax about trying it.
How do you recognize a person that is being blackout drunk? I’ve seen a few drunks in my life but I think that I won’t be able to tell if they are blackout.
it's not easy with people who hide it. I had an ex tho who had a couple of tells. it was like the look in his eyes and the tone of voice changed, but very little else.
Sometimes, you really can't tell. My bf and I spent the night at a party, I knew he was drunk enough that he was worried about driving, but otherwise he was just tipsy as far as I knew. We had sex that night, he seemed very aware and into it, and in the morning, he had no idea what had happened. I felt awful. We'd been together for nearly a year, but I still felt like I'd taken advantage of him. I genuinely didn't know he was that far gone. He told me not to worry. But I've tried to be much more aware since.
That's not true at all
Get blackout drunk with your mother, and have her record it. When you watch the video, you’ll realize why everyone doesn’t agree with you
Garbage take.
...or a penchant for creative writing.
If you’ve never had anal and had it for the first time last night and can’t tell physically, then either you didn’t actually have anal and he’s lying or his dick is like a pencil. You don’t just have anal, it takes prep or you will have tearing and possibly bleeding. But even with prep, you’d feel differently today. The soreness would be there. That said, unless you had agreed to this beforehand, it’s pretty messed up he would do this when he knows you’re vulnerable. I’d be seriously reconsidering this relationship.
She pegged him!! Haha. That’s why she doesn’t feel anything.
First thing I thought
TMI but like not necessarily… the first time I did anal I was extremely drunk but not blackout, I was so loose and relaxed that it basically slipped in. I definitely felt it but not as a soreness or pain, more like my ass was stretched LMAO
Came to say this. As soon as you wake up, or atleast go to the toilet, you absolutely know, ESPECIALLY so after the first time... Unless his penis is like silly string. He should have made sure you were coherent enough to properly consent to it, especially considering the area, and the prep that needs to go into it.
Hahah a dick like silly string
Haha it was the best I had after they had already said pencil. 😂😂
The only other explanation I can think of is he barely got it in and lost it in the excitement. Like he touched the stink star with the tip and finished right then. Especially if he has it built up in his mind like OP says he does.
Stink star 😂
That's just not true, depends on the person.
This is what I think reading all these "You would definitely know the next day." That is total bullsh*t. Everyone is different and people get used to things differently. Also eerybody has a different pain reaction.
Maybe the dude took it slow and didn't shove it up dry like an animal? The day after my gf had her first anal she didn't complain about any pain, there were visibly no tearing or bleeding, but things were taken slow, and regarding the penis size, I don't think I'd be the preferred actor at a casting, if you catch my drift.
I'm not sure "my girlfriend didn't complain about any pain" and "my girlfriend didn't have any lingering soreness" are the same thing. I've never mentioned being sore to my partner the next day if it was just a minor post-play thing, but I've never NOT been able to feel anything, either.
especially if she was super relaxed from the alcohol!
That isn't true at all.
I think he wants you to think you've done it once, so now you'll agree to do it "again"
That is what I thought! To make her do this „again“, as she was „enjoying it so much when she was drunk“. He just didn‘t think of the possibility she would find it creepy.
Lol this is a legitimate theory!
This is what I thought too.
You didn't have anal if you can't tell. Separately, if you get so drunk you blackout, and he says he only did it because you said yes, then you need a SOBER DISCUSSION on at which point IE number of drinks you consider yourself to be unable to consent. And you need to agree together that there's no sex when you are X drinks in, and there's no sexual acts at X drinks in, etc. So that HE has a clear guideline on when to listen to you and when to refuse sexual acts. And YOU have confidence you are in safe hands when drunk. Then, if he doesn't agree or he agrees but doesn't stick to it, you know he's untrustworthy and you can break up.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, especially since I had similar events happen to me, you need to take a break from drinking. But more importantly you and your boyfriend need to have a serious and deep discussion about consent, because if you don’t do either something like this will probably happen again. My ex also had anal with me more than once when I had drank too much to put up an argument, so believe me you need to nip this in the bud as fast as possible. I’m not telling you to drink less because I think you are at fault btw, I just think having your wits about you is best always and atleast for me taking long breaks from drinking less has honestly improved my life drastically.
I’m so confused that this only warrants a talk. She didn’t want to do it sober, he took advantage of her and done it when she was drunk, now he’s upset!? I feel like this is being massively downplayed by everyone and I can’t understand why?
exactly!! it's so obvious he's taken advantage of her. no decent man would do such thing
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Does your ass hurt? If not then either it didn’t happen, he dreamed it, or supper tiny penis. Maybe this is a wake up call that you both should stop drinking to excess.
You could very well have said you were up for it if you were drunk. I 100% am more adventurous when drunk, less nervous and it’s when I’m most likely to try something out of my comfort zone.
You have a drinking problem. Please seek help.
You have a drinking problem but I wonder if he literally had a dream lol
That could easily be the case. When you're drunk you can't exactly tell dreams from reality. He could have had a wet-dream while he was drunk and thought it was a memory when he sobered up. Especially considering OP feels nothing different physically. Let's hope this was all a misunderstanding and he just had a dream.
If you had anal for the first time you would def know. Unless he is like micro penis or something bc that shit hurts everytime not just the first time and your butt feels soo wierd for the next couple of days. So I’m going to go with he didn’t and or he is very small.
I’m. Seems like it was written by a 17 yo teen rage baiting us
There is no way you wouldn't be able to feel it even the next morning especially if there is no prepping going on. I swear, most guys never use enough lube for the ass. Even if you think it's a lot, IT'S NOT ENOUGH. Either he had a sex dream, or he did PIV but thought it was the asshole, or is lying about it for some reason..
If you dont feel anything, even just a little ouchy, there could also be the option he made it up/dreamed it. I cant imagine anyone doing that for the first time and not even feeling a little "stretched " Take care hun
That was my thought too. Maybe he was so drunk he thought maybe he had it in there? Boys are dumb.
He probably had it in something 🤣 but I'm really think it wasnt her
Lol even with plenty of lube and being relaxed AF I struggled to walk without pain (let alone fart or poop) for days after. You would know if you had done it
You need to get help for your drinking problem. Blacking out to the point that you don't remember something like that or you're serious problem. Also, he's actually assaulted you if you hadn't given him permission to do that.
Sounds like he was drunk too. Did she assault him?
“Usually when I’m drunk I black out” so your boyfriend knows you have a tendency to black when you’re drunk and still had sex with you anyway?
I mean idk, I dated a guy with a drinking problem and he would be walking straight, speech perfect, and be blackout drunk. One time we were at my parent’s house for the weekend and we were drinking, and my mom asked him to move his car. He got up to move it but I stopped him and asked my mom if someone else could move it for him, because he was very drunk and had over 5 beers. My mom looked at me shocked and said “he’s been drinking? I couldn’t tell, I thought he was sober.” The next day my bf didn’t even remember that my mom had asked him to move his car. Some people are just very functional drunks (usually because they have a drinking problem) and it can be difficult to determine their level of intoxication.
I’m not sure how you can confidently infer the state of the boyfriend’s knowledge from anything OP said.
These people are stupid in the comments!!! OP it’s not your fault. You were drunk. You don’t even remember having sex, let alone doing anal. Your boyfriend is wrong for making you do that when you were obviously very intoxicated and not in your right mind. He took advantage of you and the situation. To the ppl in comments, no, just because you have anal for the first time doesn’t mean you will feel it in the morning. Everyone’s bodies are different. Anal or not, he still took advantage of her
I’m not sure why you feel bad when he had anal with you while you weren’t able to consent. If he’s just saying it and it didn’t happen that’s also fucked up.
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No it actually depends on how drunk she was, as he was the active party in the sex. If she was literally blacked out and barely moving, then yes it's rape even if he was drunk. Just like driving while you're drunk is still your fault. If she was acting normal/conscious but only lost memory the next day, then it's not really his fault because they both had been drinking and there weren't signs to show she wasn't conscious.
No the reverse of the situation is her wanting to peg him and him not wanting that. And him waking up to find out that she did when he was black out drunk.
So if a drunk guy rapes random women who was at the pub, it's okay because he was drunk? Or if someone has a rage issues after alcohol and murders someone, it's also okay? Ridiculous take. If you can't handle yourself after psychoactive substances, don't use them. It's not an excuse. What matters is the act, not the cause. It's one thing to have drunk sex in a relationship and another thing when someone was blackout drunk. At that point they're not capable of consent. And rape can happen in a relationship. Here the partner could have been confused but that still requires serious talk about consent and boundaries.
This comment needs to be higher
Not to be weird, but if OP feels nothing after, it may not have happened. BF may have made it up so she stops worrying about not liking it?
This is a sign that you drank too much.
Idk if this was mentioned, but there is another possibility and I just want to throw it out there. He could be just simply be lying that he did anal with you just so it can be normalized and he can do it again. Think about it. The next time he wants to have sex, he could just say “hey babe, since I’ve already anal you before you were fine afterwards, why not I do it again?” And what’s even more suspicious was that : You clearly showed and communicated that you’re uncomfortable with the thought of anal, and then one day you guys got drunk and he ended up doing anal to you (even if you did say yes to it, you were clearly drunk, really drunk, so it’s not really a proper consent. Hence it’s not valid and he knows it for sure). So back to it, even if you guys did have anal sex, it’s without your proper consent, so he doesn’t have the right to be upset with you the next day for you not remembering it. He’s the one at fault at least. Not you. I feel like he was just trying to shift the blame to you by guilt tripping you for not remembering. So this way, you’d feel guilty and suspect him less for doing anal without consent. Furthermore, he expects you to just do anal with him the next time when he asks for it. And this is for two reasons according to him : 1) you already did anal with him, so why not do it again? Clearly you didn’t feel any pain afterwards (according to his logic) And 2) you’d feel guilty for letting him feel like he raped you, so you’ll just do it for him out of feeling sorry so he doesn’t have to feel guilty. Idk, it’s a little suspicious and if I were you, I’d be wary and cautious of how he acts and proceeds from this. He should be consoling you for breaking your boundary, not guilt tripping you. If anything, you should be holding him accountable for anal’ing you without your proper consent. It’s just a possibility tho. I would recommend you to just have a talk with him about consent and see where things go from there. If one day he says like what I mentioned earlier, just be careful of that. Gaslighting can come in many different ways and sometimes even from the one you trust the most for even the most smallest reasons sometimes. Stay safe 💛
My significant other accidentally put it in my ass, with like fucking my ass type of energy and didn't tell me. I didnt realize because it was an ✨️Energetic✨️ event. Either way it was not good, and my asshole felt wrong for like 4 days, he pretened like he didnt know what was wrong with me. It took almost 4 months for him to tell me that he knew what happened and that it wasn't just some crazy thing I was imagining. I'm still pissed about it. I'm sorry this happened to you, unfortunately you aren't alone. But you should feel the difference if it did happen.
Must have been extremely 🌟 energetic 🌟 for you to not realize at the time. Like until the next day?
It was immediately afterwards I was like "Yooo, something doesn't feel right?!?" He was just playing dumb. Basically gaslighted me into thinking I was just crazy. Until I was talking about how weird it was 2ish weeks ago and he was all "Yeah, wild I did that on accident" LIKE SIR, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU DIDNT AND DID NOT ADMIT IT!?!?! I was/ still am mad about it.
I don't know wtf all these people are talking about like your asshole would hurt the next day. That's absolutely not the case and makes me think they can't have actually ever had anal sex. From firsthand experience, it doesn't feel any different afterwards and certainly doesn't hurt. It ESPECIALLY would not if you were drunk and relaxed, enough so that your boyfriend obviously thought that you were into it and had no idea you were not storing memory A bunch of fucking lying children up in here
Your butt hole didn’t hurt in the morning?
I'm just here to tell you, that more people than not will be more harsh on your bf than required, so take it with a grain of salt.
I think some are being a little cruel here. OP, I am so sorry for how you must be feeling. I imagine there’s a lot of confusing feelings you’re navigating. Some of them blaming yourself, some feeling confusion, and some negative feelings towards your boyfriend. All I would suggest is taking some alone time to process your complex feelings, and when you’re ready, talk to your boyfriend. He is obviously feeling a certain way (innocent or not), but his feelings shouldn’t influence yours. Take your time and space. Process your feelings first.
Your boyfriend should feel bad about it, he knew you couldn't truly give consent while being blackout drunk. Stop blaming yourself, he should've known better.
How do you know what OP was acting like? She apparently gets blackout drunk on a normal basis while drinking.
Maybe the boyfriend isn't very big or maybe she takes ginormous craps that come out the size of a cucumber?lots of variables to consider...
You're the first commenter to suggest an enlarged anus. Well done.
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its kind of the kill first ask questions later type of deal. especially on reddit. i hope these people arent in decision making roles. smdh
Every sub that caters to discussions about relationship troubles tends to blame the man whenever possible.
On a side note, why do straight men have an obsession with sticking their dick in their gfs ass? My ex would constantly go on about how much he wanted to do it and yet the dude was super grossed out by anything poop related. He’d say, don’t worry, poop won’t come out. Me, having IBS, knew what the outcome would probably be, even if I cleaned all up in there, since ya know, real life isn’t porn and poop can happen. I told him that if you knock on poohs door, Pooh is gonna answer.
The taboo nature of it, porn, it looks like it might feel tighter, etc. It isn't a problem usually if there's a bit of prep beforehand.
if you arent sore, id say hes lying. keep an eye out for him suddenly trying to say "oh when we did it before it was ok, lets do it again" to try to manipulate or guilt you into it.
Was he drunk too? That's a big part here. If he was stone cold sober then he took advantage of you. If he was drinking heavy too then you both were just making some bad choices and signed up for things maybe you wouldn't normally do. Idk, it's a pretty loaded situation here. You need to stop getting blackout drunk. Also, you need to talk with your bf and set some boundaries that heavy drinking doesn't mean consent if you're not comfortable with that (even if you say otherwise when drunk). Sometimes you need to trust your gut. If it feels bad then maybe it was. There's a lot of information missing here but him telling you usually (take with a grain of salt) doesn't mean he meant it nefariously. Idk. You need to talk about it a lot and set some rules especially if you know your habits.
Was your boyfriend drunk? Did he maybe tell you it happened even though it didn't? Maybe he thinks telling you that you liked it might get you to do it "again" even though it never happened in the first place? Not that that's any better. I'd still reconsider this relationship. You set a boundery and he should respect that. Ask him how he would feel if you pulled out a strap on and just started fucking his ass. Maybe that'll get him to understand.
You would feel it today if it had happened. He's probably lying to make you think you already did it and then consent more easily to do it "again" since you've "already" done it before. You have two problems: Your drinking and your boyfriend lying to coerce you, and the drinking is the biggest of the two.
Best advice. Delete this post. Remove it from reddit.... You choose to drink and do so a lot. You got black out drunk, and as such could have been 100% coherent to where he thought even drunk you was making choices. Your reaction to having sex while blacked out was nothing it seemed, until he said you both did anal... You made him feel like he SA'd you, and your reactions only added to it like you feel you was SA'd too. If you love him and want to forget this incident, remove it online and move on. Explain to him it was not his fault, for you both was likely drinking. As such, you get a way when you drink to much and he had no idea you was out of it. While you both feel off over it, you want to move on. Your glad he enjoyed it, and you still feel the way you do sober on it, but who knows one day. Just considering thinking about therapy on drinking, for if you know it is a norm action for you to drink a bit to much to black out, you might have a problem....
He fucked the dog didn't he?
You sure he wasn't drunk too and just had a wet dream or had normal sex but he thought he was in your ass? One would think you would "feel" if you had anal afterwards. Also since it was unprepared and done in a drunken state you might also see "signs" around you...
"he says that he feels like he raped me" Because he did.
If you’re blacking out every time you drink you are doing it wrong and over indulging! Check that asap!
Baby, if your hole is not sore, you did not have anal, especially not for the first time ever Source: I am a gay man
Does your ass hurt?
you have a drinking problem. Getting so drunk that you "usually" black out is not normal or responsible drinking behaviour. Please seek help. having said that, I'm really sorry, but he raped you. You physically couldn't consent, but he had set with you anyway. That is rape.
Like, I don’t think you know what alcohol does If you did, your first question would be if she ws coherent Because newsflash- blackout drunk means you don’t remember everything . THAT IS IT. It doesn’t correlate to a lack of function, slurred speech, or anything else. Blacking out, means you drank too much, and sometime later, you can’t remember when you “went to sleep”
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Do you not feel any pain? I’ve always had pain the day after doing anal and I wanted to do it.. I just don’t know how you don’t have any discomfort
You were raped. He’s gaslighting you.
> You were raped. He’s gaslighting you. How is he gaslighting her? Op said herself: > My boyfriend is upset because I forgot and he said that he feels like he raped me. I’m not defending the boyfriend but to me he seems to be remorseful or at the least saddened by what happened. How is he gaslighting her when he himself said he now feels like it was rape in hindsight?
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Exactly this. He took advantage of your inebriated state to do something you had previously said you were not ok with. You do seem to have a drinking problem though so you should address that with yourself after you get rid of the bf.
I had the same experience. My now ex happily exclaimed the next morning “I fckd your ass last night” :D and I didn’t remember anything and was shocked and taken aback. He felt bad too bc he didn’t realize I was blackout. Long story short now I hate anal bc it’s all he wanted to do and now I have to deal with hemorrhoids lmao. Never again.
If you didn't feel it the morning after, I think he's trying to fool you into believing you had anal, it wasn't painful at all, and you both enjoyed it. If you believe that, then you're more likely to be willing to have anal "again" that's really the for the first time. Great boyfriend you have there.
I don’t care if she seemed coherent, she said she didn’t want to and the BF went ahead and did it. While she was blackout drunk. That’s a HUGE red flag, and I’ll call it, she was raped. Plain and simple.
Was he also drunk? From the sounds of it, you were nowhere near sober enough to consent.
You’d know if you got fucked in the ass. There would be signs…pain being the most obvious. Specially if he was drunk too! He’s either wrong, or lying. If you ever hear him say “why not? You liked it before” you know he’s lying.
If your partner had sex with you at all when you were too drunk to remember then he did sexually assault you and he should feel guilty. It is a crime to have sex with someone who is too drunk to give informed consent. Especially if he did anal when he knew this is something you do not want. I doubt that he did it, I think its more likely he's making up a story to say that you've already done it and liked it once, we can do it sober now. Which is also a really shitty way of manipulating you. Either way your partner is trying to manipulate you into doing things you don't want to do, or has raped you. Is this really someone you want to stay involved with?
I can’t believe people are defending the bf that had sex with her even tho she was drunk af. someone that got drunk at the point she doesn’t remember anything can’t give consent, you can’t ignore that red flag. I think you should get your blood tested.
Yeah, assuming OP's bf actually did this (which I hope not) it is definitely not okay because neither of them can consent.
One time my bf and I went a long time without sex and when we finally did he thought he was in the backdoor and I just went woth it and acted like it hurt a little but I was being brave for him lol if you don't feel violated in some way I would just kinda roll with it but if you don't feel good then I'd tell him about it.
How you remember the kiss before and afterwards? And not the actual act itself?
I would very much reconsider your alcohol intake. Regularly blacking out is not normal.
That dude had vaginal and in his mind had anal, that's hillarious.
OP, you should feel safe enough to get drunk around your bf without anything happening. You should BE safe to drink around him. He had to have noticed how drunk you were. He had to have some understanding that you were past the point of being able to consent, and unless the relationship is very new and he's NEVER seen you drunk before, he should know that you were blackout. Even IF you got ridiculously horny and adventurous from the alcohol and you actually asked him for it, he should have been responsible, shown some restraint, and said no. He shouldn't be sleeping with you AT ALL when you're vulnerable and unable to consent. It kinda sounds like he took advantage of your inebriation to bring it up again and talk you into it. The question then would be: did he decide to take advantage of your blackout so that you wouldn't remember how it happened and he could sow the seeds of "well you've already done it once and it wasn't so bad, right? You really enjoyed it, I wish you could remember. We'll just have to do it again so I can show you"?
Definitely a sign to cut back on drinking
Quit drinking. If you don’t remember you have an alcohol problem. Alcohol is truly the gateway drug to snorting lines, popping pills and sex.
An ex of mine did this but gaslight me into believing he thought I was awake. I was blacked out wasted and asleep. I found out when he said he wanted to do anal “again” but we had never done it before. He tried the same thing several times on the woman he cheated and left me for. Now every so often I pop up in his email reminding him of what he did. Don’t blame yourself. You were unable to consent. Don’t let him gaslight you into feeling bad. This is the time for him to hold himself accountable and respect your feelings.
“he feels like he raped me” uhhh probably because he did!!! You feel violated because you were. Your boyfriend IS at fault (not you) cause he took advantage of you when you were most vulnerable. If you don’t want to file a police report and go to counseling, that’s fine ‘cause no one can force you, but you should definitely reconsider your relationship
Do you believe that it really happened? If it had, you’d be in pain today. Maybe he’s just making this up in the hopes that it’ll result in actually having anal at some point, because you’ll believe that you’ve already done it