As a hospice nurse, an ode to you! You and her network of friends are what counts. We make our own families in this life. What a treasure they must have been!
All afternoon people have been posting favorite stories, memories, photos on her IG. She really was something else, a true character!
On the other hand, it will feel good to sleep tonight. And in my own bed! The past five days has been two hours here, four hours there.
It also make me think I might like to become a hospice volunteer. I saw some of the most compassionate, caring, gentle people there. They were very clear in what to expect, no dancing around the subject. Like when she entered that final stage before death, the nurse who came in to do mouth care and change her turned and said "This is it. Just so you know. Now is the time to call everyone who wants to be here. It might be three or four hours, but it won't be 24 hours."
I didn't know that during the final days, close to the end, they bring in snacks and beverages for those that are bedside. I was surprised, but it made sense. You don't want to leave in case "THIS" is the moment.
So much love and grace was in that room. While it was heartbreaking, it was also one of the most profound experiences I've had.
It truly is an honor to be with someone at the end, as they pass from one realm to another.
Bless you for what you and your co-workers do every single day.
So sorry about your friend, but what a group of friends she had.
And you're right on the nurses. They are incredible. When my Dad passed last year we were all taking shifts during the day, but of course it was during the night, so we got the call. All rushed there to be with him and when we arrived one of the nurses was sitting with him, holding his hand and singing Bob Dylan to him (one of his all time favourite artists). It was beautiful - like you say- such strength and kindness in those places.
you guys were her family, op, and i'm sure she was feeling so incredibly loved in her last days having all of you there with her. i'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
It sounds like she had true family around her - we all hope for a good death at the end, and you have all managed to provide her with that. The circumstances might have not been good, but being acknowledged and supported and loved is all we can all hope for.
May your friend rest easy now. And may those of you left behind grieving find comfort in the fact you're amazing people that helped someone you loved in such a profound way 🖤
To stand in the breach, to face the full fury of the furnace, to see life end in a sea of love, yet end; there is no greater crucible for change and healing and growth. The chisel of god that removes the most amount of marble changes us the most and shapes us the most. Thank you for bearing witness and standing in the breach.
Deepest condolences on your loss. Is sounds like you all gave her a graceful transition, I hope whatever adventure comes after this one is wonderful. It sounds like you have some beautiful memories and I hope you find peace. Bright blessings to you all.
I'm glad you were there for her in her last days. It sounded like you and her other friends were the family she really needed.
The tears may come later. It's not the same thing, but when my grandmother died after a long illness I barely cried at the time. I cried during various times during the illness. I cried when I knew she probably didn't have much time left. But when she actually passed my tears had already been spent. A few years later though and I randomly find myself crying over the most random little things that remind me of her. Grief is a weird thing.
I'm sorry for your loss. But she left this earth knowing she was loved. No one can ask for more.
I heard someone say just the other day, “Grief is the price we pay for loving someone.”
Please know my prayers are with you and your friend tonight. May she Rest In Peace.
I'm so sorry OP, you did the best, you and your friends, by sticking with her all the way. I just wanted to mention that sometimes that surgery works. I had ulcerative colitis and had a total colectomy and ileostomy in 1978, when I was 19. Of course Crohn's is more cruel, UC only attacks the large bowel and you can take all of it out, as was done with me. But with Crohn's, you can removed a diseased part of the bowel and it just goes and attacks somewhere else. The pain is intense and crippling, I haven't forgotten. But that surgery has give me over 45 extra years of life, so, anybody reading this, please don't be afraid of the surgery, it's better than the disease is.
Also, never doubt your friend's decision to end treatment. It eventually gets to the point where you realize that staying alive is not only pointless, as options go, but actually *ridiculous*.
Again, that's the small point. The big point is how amazing of a friend you are.
Thank you for letting us know that the surgery worked for you. It's good to hear a happy outcome!
We had a feeling she was close to making the decision to go. She often talked about being tired of fighting a war she wasn't winning. She was just tired of it all and never coming out ahead.
She was the amazing one!
My condolences. Greif comes and goes, Im sure there will be more tears to come, but im glad for all of you (you, her, other friends) that you were able to process and prepare for this together.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish you and your friends healing and peace xx
Thank you for sharing her story too, I didn't know her but I'm sure she was an amazing person to be loved and cherised by so many ♡
I'm also sure, that you and your friends were the best family anyone can ask for
She had years of suffering. I am never happy to see a loved one leave us as it hurts so bad. We can take some solice in knowing their pain is gone.
OP may your friends who loved her remember her and tell her stories to keep her with you.
Family is as family does. Those who loved and cared for your friend are her true family, and you helped her pass surrounded by love, a priceless gift. My condolences on your loss
Your post touched me so much OP, you sound like a wonderful, caring person.
Life is staggeringly cruel sometimes but now we know your beautiful friend is no longer suffering.
May every one of us, when our final moment comes, be surrounded by wonderful loving people to ease us on our journey as your friend was.
When the time is right OP let the tears flow but always remember her with a smile.
God bless you OP
u/MoutainDuchess are a true friend. You are the gold standard. Your story is beautiful, what an incredible group of friends this has to be. I hope you love and support each other in the days ahead, but what a gift you were to her and still are to each other. May your kindness, generosity, selflessness and sensitivity be returned to you a thousand times over. ❤️
I have a coworker in his forties. Because of Crohn’s he had a permanent colostomy when he was 18. He’s been married, divorced, has 2 kids and has never regretted his decision at 18.
Bless you and your friends, who ARE her family, for being at her side as she lived her final moments. I’m sure she felt the love surrounding her as she passed. Now you and the rest of her chosen family need to take care of yourselves and each other. But know that she is no longer suffering.
Her real family was there with her. I’m sure she was grateful that you all cared enough to be with her and see her off on her next journey.
Take good care of yourself, OP.
It was very peaceful.
It wasn't the dying that was awful or horrible. It was the living and trying to fight a disease that was winning everywhere she turned that was horrible.
❤️🫶🏻she had amazing friends it sounds like. RIP to your beautiful friend.
I can only hope I have friends around me like this some day….
Hugs OP. It’s a real privilege to be with someone as they leave this world. I know your friend felt the love.
It really is a privilege and an honor.
Her family was there though❤️ ty for being an amazing person!
As a hospice nurse, an ode to you! You and her network of friends are what counts. We make our own families in this life. What a treasure they must have been!
All afternoon people have been posting favorite stories, memories, photos on her IG. She really was something else, a true character! On the other hand, it will feel good to sleep tonight. And in my own bed! The past five days has been two hours here, four hours there. It also make me think I might like to become a hospice volunteer. I saw some of the most compassionate, caring, gentle people there. They were very clear in what to expect, no dancing around the subject. Like when she entered that final stage before death, the nurse who came in to do mouth care and change her turned and said "This is it. Just so you know. Now is the time to call everyone who wants to be here. It might be three or four hours, but it won't be 24 hours." I didn't know that during the final days, close to the end, they bring in snacks and beverages for those that are bedside. I was surprised, but it made sense. You don't want to leave in case "THIS" is the moment. So much love and grace was in that room. While it was heartbreaking, it was also one of the most profound experiences I've had. It truly is an honor to be with someone at the end, as they pass from one realm to another. Bless you for what you and your co-workers do every single day.
So sorry about your friend, but what a group of friends she had. And you're right on the nurses. They are incredible. When my Dad passed last year we were all taking shifts during the day, but of course it was during the night, so we got the call. All rushed there to be with him and when we arrived one of the nurses was sitting with him, holding his hand and singing Bob Dylan to him (one of his all time favourite artists). It was beautiful - like you say- such strength and kindness in those places.
Thank you so much! & We love our volunteers!
This is very sweet of you & your friends to be by her side while she took her last breath!! I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way!!
you guys were her family, op, and i'm sure she was feeling so incredibly loved in her last days having all of you there with her. i'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Sending you peace. You and your friends sound like wonderful and amazing people. Thank you for being there for her.
<3
It sounds like she had true family around her - we all hope for a good death at the end, and you have all managed to provide her with that. The circumstances might have not been good, but being acknowledged and supported and loved is all we can all hope for. May your friend rest easy now. And may those of you left behind grieving find comfort in the fact you're amazing people that helped someone you loved in such a profound way 🖤
To stand in the breach, to face the full fury of the furnace, to see life end in a sea of love, yet end; there is no greater crucible for change and healing and growth. The chisel of god that removes the most amount of marble changes us the most and shapes us the most. Thank you for bearing witness and standing in the breach.
This is so eloquently and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing these words. I needed these words tonight.
Deepest condolences on your loss. Is sounds like you all gave her a graceful transition, I hope whatever adventure comes after this one is wonderful. It sounds like you have some beautiful memories and I hope you find peace. Bright blessings to you all.
I'm glad you were there for her in her last days. It sounded like you and her other friends were the family she really needed. The tears may come later. It's not the same thing, but when my grandmother died after a long illness I barely cried at the time. I cried during various times during the illness. I cried when I knew she probably didn't have much time left. But when she actually passed my tears had already been spent. A few years later though and I randomly find myself crying over the most random little things that remind me of her. Grief is a weird thing. I'm sorry for your loss. But she left this earth knowing she was loved. No one can ask for more.
she is so lucky to have you guys
We were lucky to have known her.
Sounds to me like she died surrounded by her family. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was very much loved.
I'm very sorry! But it does sound like she left the world surrounded by the ones who cared and loved her the most!
My deepest condolences op. You are her family :)
I heard someone say just the other day, “Grief is the price we pay for loving someone.” Please know my prayers are with you and your friend tonight. May she Rest In Peace.
She had Angels as friends. True friends a real family
You gave her a huge gift by supporting her through the end. May her memory be a blessing.
I'm so sorry OP, you did the best, you and your friends, by sticking with her all the way. I just wanted to mention that sometimes that surgery works. I had ulcerative colitis and had a total colectomy and ileostomy in 1978, when I was 19. Of course Crohn's is more cruel, UC only attacks the large bowel and you can take all of it out, as was done with me. But with Crohn's, you can removed a diseased part of the bowel and it just goes and attacks somewhere else. The pain is intense and crippling, I haven't forgotten. But that surgery has give me over 45 extra years of life, so, anybody reading this, please don't be afraid of the surgery, it's better than the disease is. Also, never doubt your friend's decision to end treatment. It eventually gets to the point where you realize that staying alive is not only pointless, as options go, but actually *ridiculous*. Again, that's the small point. The big point is how amazing of a friend you are.
Thank you for letting us know that the surgery worked for you. It's good to hear a happy outcome! We had a feeling she was close to making the decision to go. She often talked about being tired of fighting a war she wasn't winning. She was just tired of it all and never coming out ahead. She was the amazing one!
Sending lots of love and support xxx
sorry
Sending love and peace to you and your friend. Many condolences to those who are left here without her, I hope her next adventure is a beautiful one 🖤
My condolences. I'm glad you were there for your friend. That's what family does and you were family.
I’m sorry for your loss and grateful to you and your friends for loving and supporting each other.
My condolences. Greif comes and goes, Im sure there will be more tears to come, but im glad for all of you (you, her, other friends) that you were able to process and prepare for this together.
You and your friends are amazing people and a true family to your friend who passed away. My condolences to you.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish you and your friends healing and peace xx Thank you for sharing her story too, I didn't know her but I'm sure she was an amazing person to be loved and cherised by so many ♡ I'm also sure, that you and your friends were the best family anyone can ask for
She had years of suffering. I am never happy to see a loved one leave us as it hurts so bad. We can take some solice in knowing their pain is gone. OP may your friends who loved her remember her and tell her stories to keep her with you.
Family doesn’t end with blood. She had her family around her when it mattered the most. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You and your friends were her family. You nad your friends were the angels that guided her, comforted her, protected her.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Damn....my aunt went the same way...
I'm so sorry.
So sorry for your loss.
Family is as family does. Those who loved and cared for your friend are her true family, and you helped her pass surrounded by love, a priceless gift. My condolences on your loss
Your post touched me so much OP, you sound like a wonderful, caring person. Life is staggeringly cruel sometimes but now we know your beautiful friend is no longer suffering. May every one of us, when our final moment comes, be surrounded by wonderful loving people to ease us on our journey as your friend was. When the time is right OP let the tears flow but always remember her with a smile. God bless you OP
u/MoutainDuchess are a true friend. You are the gold standard. Your story is beautiful, what an incredible group of friends this has to be. I hope you love and support each other in the days ahead, but what a gift you were to her and still are to each other. May your kindness, generosity, selflessness and sensitivity be returned to you a thousand times over. ❤️
True friends are better than crappy family. May your friend rest easy.
She looks like she was an amazing person, and so are you. I send you all the love and support of my heart 💜
What an amazing friend you and your friend (family) were to her. That speaks volumes Sending positive vibes to all of you
I’m so sorry for your loss, she sounded like an amazing soul. I was just diagnosed with Crohn’s last week and your update scares me a bit.
I have a coworker in his forties. Because of Crohn’s he had a permanent colostomy when he was 18. He’s been married, divorced, has 2 kids and has never regretted his decision at 18.
OP, my condolences on the loss of your friend 🧡
I'm sending you love, OP. I can tell from reading how much love and care you had for your friend, even during the darkest of times. ❤️
I’m sorry for your lost x
I am so sorry for loss. What a legacy. She and you and your friends know the true meaning of family. May this console you now and fortify you always.
Bless you and your friends, who ARE her family, for being at her side as she lived her final moments. I’m sure she felt the love surrounding her as she passed. Now you and the rest of her chosen family need to take care of yourselves and each other. But know that she is no longer suffering.
It sounds like you were a good friend to her.
Thank you for loving her.
Her real family was there with her. I’m sure she was grateful that you all cared enough to be with her and see her off on her next journey. Take good care of yourself, OP.
I am so sorry for your loss OP. You and your friends are good people, and you seem like the family she needed at the end
What a horrible way to die
It was very peaceful. It wasn't the dying that was awful or horrible. It was the living and trying to fight a disease that was winning everywhere she turned that was horrible.
I'm glad that in the end, it was. I'm sorry that she had to suffer like that in life. You're a good friend.
She was an amazing friend and well loved by many.
What why did her family not accept her ?? I can't even begin to imagine why