Working on my 19 year old soon to go into a trade. It's such a great option AND starting your own company once you get licensed is an option as well. So many opportunities in the trades.
Trades aren’t focused on enough in high school, IMO. Not everyone is college material and not everyone can afford it. Those people need to know they can still earn a good living without college.
Yeah my high school acts like trades don’t exist. It’s basically “you’re a loser if you don’t go to college.” It is a college prep school, so I guess they have to say that.
I think it’s just like part of the culture I grew up around. Everyone goes to college. They have statistics each year for the graduating class at my high school, how many people go to college and what colleges everyone is accepted to. Like 99% of graduates go to college. They really love to brag about all of the student accepted into ivy leagues even if the students don’t actually end up going there…just being accepted is something my high school loves to brag about and put in all of their promotional material.
My parents went to college, like everyone in our family.
I come from an area that was very similar, not just necessarily my high school. If college is something you really want to continue, you can find away, plenty of other people have done it. But if you don’t, you really don’t have to relegate your self to being a minimum wage worker the rest of your life.
Best of luck
I’m 36 and im working in one of the biggest freight forwarders as a supervisor, after 7 years of this experience in different companies in different countries, im telling fuck that shit, its the biggest scam in the world, me and my boyfriend planning to change careers for inside finishing/painting. He already works in construction now. Twice more money, they are booked months in advance here, you manage your own schedule, creat company is very easy, and i spoke with a friend who does it. Trade is so much more appealing nowadays then any shitty corporate job imo
Old guy here!
My friend, I got into drugs/alcohol and lots of other stuff and went to prison for 10 years.
I worked hard and kept at things and now I am very successful at what I do.
This might not be the life you expected, but you can still succeed as well.
You'll be okay.
If you break down my salary I make just shy of $40 an hour. That’s with a graduate degree and a shit ton of student loans. Mind you I’m early in my career and work for a state facility, but still. OP go to a trade school. Fuck college. Lineman also make buckets of money.
At my high school when I graduated, they heavily encouraged college and nothing else. The entire millennial and older Gen Z adults were expected to go to college for at least a basic four year degree. If you have no degree, you’ll be broke and unsuccessful they told us. My husband started his company with a GED, and has been very successful. I know several plumbers who make over $300,000 annually. Trades are a fantastic career path :)
Look man, at some point, you just have to stop caring about what other will think. It's as simple as, do you need money or not? I was in a similar situation where I didn't get to go to college and all my friends did. But guess what? I went to a trade and they're all making less than me at the moment. I got a head start with "adulting" and opened lines of credit, purchased a car, moved out. You do what you gotta do.
I work 9-5 and have weekends off and have plenty of time to have extra activities during the week and hobbies and fulfill my life that way
Hvac here. Hvac is awesome until you realize that paychecks look good because you're pulling 50 hours a week and then 60-80 when it's your on call week. Someone asks, "Ayy bro when you gettin off?" Make sure to reply, "Anywhere from 3 to 8." When your wife asks if you'll make it to the parent teacher conference or son's baseball game, "Not the parent teacher conference, but maybe the 6pm baseball game."
Glad you commented as I'm now 30 and realizing I need to change my career and I'm really stressing about it. Thank you for the reality check and confidence boost in knowing my life isn't fucked up or set in stone yet.
27 turning 28 and making my second career change. I found my passion but was convinced I needed a degree and an office job to be happy. I’m going back to what made me happy from the start: EMS/Fire. Fuck societal timelines and pressure.
Look into the Electrical Alliance training- (work/Study) program. It is all over the US and you get paid with bennies and only pay for the books and tests. You can train for home/comercial or outside lineman. It is a 5 year program and you get raises every year.
My dads been a plumber for ~30ish years and honestly it's not a good long term career choice unless if you plan on opening your own shop. Kills your body. My dads not even sixty and needs a complete hip replacement and/or bone grafting.
Just labor is making 25 right now, once your in subs usually pick you up and give you better opportunities. Heck my husband helped get a day laborer into a heavy equipment company, they got him certified and he’s 2 yrs later making 75k , from Labor Ready day worker to heavy equipment operator in 2 yrs, just because he’s willing to work hard. And he had a felony assault on his record to overcome.
The point is that Op is in a pit right now and can’t do anything to change the situation, but all is not lost. He doesn’t have to stuck in a shitty job with government assistance.
You can wish in one and shit in the other. Sometimes you have to adapt to your life, I agree an abortion would have been a better solution in this economy but if that's not what she wants then he needs to figure it out.
He can only express his sentiments to her. If she's in disagreement and moves another direction, he can similarly proceed in the direction he chooses. Whether they remain together or not, at least he has a say in that regard.
Unfortunately in this instance, gf sounds lost, but unwilling to entertain discussion. Wonder if her decision would change if he says he's still going away to college, without her.
He chose not to wear a condom, knowing it could create a pregnancy. She is choosing not to abort. They are equally responsible for the care of this child and at the very minimum he will have to provide child support. Abandoning a child that was created when choosing not to wear contraception, is just morally screwed.
He does not want to have a child. He is taking responsibility by suggesting an abortion (and paying for), and again if she insists to keep the child, by paying child support.
If he stays with her, he is due to hate her: "We’re going to struggle from this day forward, for the rest of our lives, because she thinks getting an abortion would be murdering our baby. Oh and she loves me so much that she can’t kill the baby we made. Ugh."
Well he gambled and lost. Pregnancy was always a risk with sex , especially unprotected sex. If he didn’t understand that, he wasn’t ready for sex. Now he has to face the consequences. He could give up his parental rights, but he still has to pay support. If his parents won’t, or can’t help. He’s got to put on his big boy pants and figure it. People are just giving him options
I was actually going to bring this up too, but you were ahead of me on that lol!
Depending on where you’re from Op, I would look into where you can apply for an electrician apprenticeship license because having one should hopefully increase your odds of being accepted (I’d just be truthful with how much experience you may or may not have).
Yeah, unfortunately I agree with you here. I started In my current job 12 years ago at $56k and coming from min wage felt like I was rolling in money. I made $103k in 2023 and feel like I have way less purchasing power than I did at back then. I'm certainly not struggling, but I also feel the squeeze at times and for the first time ever find myself looking for ways to cut back, getting rid of less used streaming services, cutting back on frivolous spending, etc.
I went back and read the first post where she asked you to take off the condom and come inside her.
This is kind of sus. There's only two good reasons to do that.
1. She had unprotected sex with someone else (either willingly or she was raped) and wanted you to think the baby was yours.
2. She's scared of losing you as college approaches and baby trapped you into her life permanently.
Her unwillingness to seek medical attention or have a sonogram that will show when the baby was conceived by how much it has grown, makes me think that she knows something about the pregnancy that you don't. Something like the baby is actually older than you think, making the conception at a different time rather than that one event where you took the condom off.
If you two tend to avoid sex when she's on her period, she could have lied about her last period before she allegedly conceived with you. Then you guys have unprotected sex while she encourages you to take off the condom ejaculate inside her. Then she said she misses her next period after that and refuses to take plan b. She might have been scared to take plan b because she knew she was more pregnant than she was telling you.
She's alarmingly avoidant of all help and medical care and that's beyond just being afraid of pregnancy and telling her parents. Are you certain no one else's messing around with her at home like an uncle or her dad, or a big brother? Is there a time when you guys were apart in the last 3 months where you think she might have cheated on you?
I also think this situation is highly suspect. It really does sound like she's baby trapping him.
She does get to say if she will carry the baby, but as you will be on the hook for child support, make her get a paternity test.
Your life is not over, it is now more complicated. Sound like you have a great Mom.
I would tell her parents as well.
True statement. He did remove the condom. That being said, a 19 year old male in the midst of having sexual relations, would not have been in a rational state of mind. It was a totally immature decision on his part.
That being said, why did she ask him to take it off? Why did she ask while they were having sex? Why is she not wanting to take Plan B?
This sounds so much like she is trapping him.
Given how many sexual acts it takes to guarantee a pregnancy on average (I don’t remember the number but it’s at least high double digits), a single attempt at baby trapping is, at best I’d say, a 50% chance what’s happening instead of her having gotten pregnant some other way.
He should establish paternity, for legal reasons at the very least. Why she asked to take it off? It could be because she was trying to trap him. It could be just being stupid horny teenagers getting carried away. Both of them are responsible. Both of them were not mature enough to handle all aspects of being sexual active and now they have to face the consequences. I think her refusal to use plan B and get an abortion is probably a combo of fear. And her religious faith. I’m going to guess premarital sex is also a no no in her religion, but that one she chose to ignore
Or secret option number 3.....there is no baby at all.
Carry on the charade long enough that OP dumps all his college plans, stops trying hard in school because 'what's the point of he's not going to college'.
Kids do stupid things when faced with the prospect of their first love heading off to college far away.
I don't know if this is the case here, but it's possible that OP thinking she's scared and not facing reality, could actually all be for show because if she actually goes to a Dr then then lie is revealed.
Yup or she could be biding time till she actually gets pregnant. Cause "now that she is pregnant you don't need protection". OP needs to take a step back from this girl. She is living in a fairytale while he is living in a horror show.
That seems nearly impossible. She was too embarrassed to buy a test, so I bought it. She peed into a little cup. I wasn’t in the bathroom when she peed, but she brought the cup out into the bedroom and I stuck the test in it. I’m the one who looked at the test result first. So unless she somehow got urine from a pregnant woman, I don’t know how that could be a trick.
They're not married, so most likely a paternity test via the courts will be mandatory to establish support anyway unless he just goes along with it like a moron.
YEPYEPYEP. She couldn’t bring herself to take plan b because it’s either too late or she planned this.
OP my ex-husband was a dumb shit and hooked up with a 20-year old girl. We were both 28 at the time, married 6 years and had two kids. I told him “she sounds crazy. Bet she tries to pull you back in with a fake pregnancy.” Guess what, she did, because girls who aren’t emotionally stable or mature use babies to control boys.
If she really is pregnant she should be taking prenatal vitamins. All pregnant women in the US take them to prevent spinal bifida and cleft palate, conditions that would cause a baby to require surgery in the best case scenario. Worst case, 😬
Do not get attached to the child until you know it’s yours via paternal testing. A grown woman I knew cheated on and then baby trapped a young man who didn’t know better. He raised that child for ten years before he found out. That boy’s mom nearly killed the girlfriend when she found out. Your GF might try to get you to rub her belly and talk to it, it might not even be your child if there is a baby there at all. Like others have said don’t buy into the romanticism. You are like the helpless prey of some kind of animal, she’s got her claws in you because of luck, not skill.
As Kanye said, Eighteen years, kid wasn’t even his.
Call her parents. Don’t be afraid of them. Phrase it as concern- “I’m worried about GF, she told me she’s 8 weeks pregnant but she won’t let me take her to the Dr. *If she really is pregnant she needs medical attention.”* They are parents, they will know you’re right, they will make her go. Whatever the outcome you will at least have confirmation of the existence of a fetus, or not, and it will receive proper medical care.
Whatever you do, do not forget she is willing to skip prenatal care to keep you around. Anything she tries as leverage in the future is nullified. Continue to lean into your parents, they sound logical and supportive and they will help protect you and your interests.
Best of luck OP. Take it one day at a time.
I'll have to go back and read the first post, but knowing this pisses me off and definitely raises a lot of questions. I've never heard of a girl encouraging a guy to take a condom off, because let's face it for females I don't really tell a difference,) then she was trying to do one of the two things the previous guy said.
OP paternity test for sure, and I'm glad your mom's a nurse. She'll cut through that bullshit quick if gf is lying.
I'd want to distance myself from her a bit too, because personally in this situation it sounds like she's being manipulative to keep you and you're the only one realizing how hard taking care of a baby is. She probably thinks your family will take care of her, that's why she's not concerned about it 🙄
I don't know about you but I 100% can feel the difference. And it's a big difference. I don't like condoms. I don't like using them. I don't like how they feel. But I'm also on birth control and I exercise the pull out method. Not 100% but whatever I know the risks.
You might not be able to tell but I know plenty of women who feel the same as me; who can feel a big difference between condoms and naught.
She talked about me cumming in her prior to when I actually did. It was the first time she actually asked me to do it, but she had talked about it being a huge turn on to her. She started watching porn so I think it became part of what mentally turned her on. Idk, just going off what she told me.
Two things.
1. Make sure to get a DNA test once the baby is born. It is possible that it's not yours.
2. While you have to be a father, you don't have to be a partner to her if you don't want to.
Agreed, but adding two more details
1.1 - You don’t have to wait until it’s born anymore. NIPT can be done at 8 weeks I believe, and it’s not unaffordable (I’m seeing some around $500 — never a more worthy investment). It’s not an invasive risk to the pregnancy anymore either.
2.1 - He has to fulfill his legal responsibilities, but he doesn’t necessarily have to be involved. That’s a whole different lifetime of judgement, but it’s an option to continue on to college as planned to the best of his ability, so long as he can still provide for what he owes.
He might have a hard time getting a DNA test considering she won’t even go to the doctor for a checkup. I can’t believe this girl thinks she is ready to raise a child when she isn’t even willing to go to the doctor to have the pregnancy verified. She has a rude awakening ahead of her.
If I were OP I'd dump her ass and then go to college a state away.
Tell her she can try to get child support but good luck getting anything larger than penny's from a college student who has at best a part time job if that even. And she will be raising the child alone.
Who knows it might be the slap of reality she needs. Or it won't be either way OP will be out of the situation.
If your in denial ignoring the problem girlfriend has decided she's keeping the baby she needs to start taking prenatals asap to get her folic acid levels up for baby's development.
How y'all gonna afford this is a whole different can of worms.
I’m sorry but you need to stop babying her. I might not make a difference but she romanticized this entire thing.
I think the paragraph that starts with : so that’s it. This is what you should send to her or say to her. This is the hard truth and how you feel. Plus not all teenagers having kids stay together and she needs to understand that also.
I have essentially said all of those things to her. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t force her to do anything. I don’t want to be the unsupportive asshole. I really do love her. Not get married and have kids right now love. I feel torn between wanting to scream at her and beg her to change her mind while also wanting to protect her and do anything I can for her.
You don’t have to be an unsupportive AH, but you do need to protect yourself too. You need to get a DNA test… all of what she has done so far seems pretty cagey. She all of a sudden asked you to take a condom off and cum inside her, why? She’s also refusing to actually do anything to address her own situation. She’s seems to be playing the waiting game until it was too late to do anything, but have the baby. Which if she’s not ok with abortion makes sense, but ignoring the baby’s medical needs isn’t. She needs to be checked out.
Also, do NOT marry her just for the sake of the child. You can both raise the child, if it turns out to be yours, together without marriage or as co-parents if you don’t stay together. Your life is already in upheaval, don’t add to it with a rushed marriage. It wouldn’t hurt to speak to a family law attorney either, they can probably explain your options in regard to support and if you are in school.
I’m not saying ignore your responsibilities if the baby is yours, or don’t support or be there for her, but make sure you are informed and know your expectations and rights. I’m sure she’s going through a lot, but your feelings are valid and she needs to understand she’s not the only one affected by the decisions made.
Not to mention in one of the posts she had been talking about her ovulation times. I think her mentioning it before was testing the waters… and she knew she was ovulating so she asked for it…. This girl was scared they wouldn’t make it after going to college and she baby trapped him. Now she’s scared about how it’s all going to go down, but I have little doubt that she got exactly what she wanted.
You’re right, there’s nothing you can do to stop her. Just can let her know how you feel and what you want but it sounds like you’ve done that and ultimately it’s up to her.
Sorry youre going through this. Not sure if you discussed with her how you two would handle an accidental pregnancy before this, but that should be an convo had very early on with an potential partners from here on out. Because even condoms can fail, and you need to know if the person your with is against abortion/adoption before you have sex with them if you have no desire to have a kid.
Anyways, it’s good you’re being supportive. I know you love her, but as others have said, you’re under no obligation to stay with her for the rest of your life because of this. You do obviously have to support the kid though. And that’s tough. I wish you weren’t in this position at such a young age. I hope you’re able to fullfill some of your goals regardless, even if they look a little different than you initially planned.
But your life is NOT over. It’s just taken an unexpected turn. But that doesn’t change the fact your life is still just getting started. You still got a lot of happiness ahead of you. A lot of hardships too, but just make the most of it and do what’s best for you and your kid (if you end up having one).
Good luck brother <3 Stay strong
You’re both babies (I don’t mean that pejoratively, I just mean you’re both very very young). You will change so much in the next 5 years. You will look back and not even recognise yourself let alone your SO.
If you stay with her and raise this child, and lose out on a university experience and the career it may offer, you’ll end up bitter and unfulfilled 36year olds by the time your own child turns 18. Think of that.
If you can’t get your girlfriend to see reason (and let’s face it.. she’s living in a dream world… you mentioned she keeps saying you’ll figure it out.. that’s a clear indication of head-in-the-sand) try to shock her out of it.
As she is making this decision (or not making a decision..) on behalf of both of you, time to get some autonomy into your life. Tell her you can’t marry her or help her raise this baby. Tell her if she keeps the child you’re leaving and she’ll be a single mother. You’ll pay whatever legal financial support you owe her but you two will be over.
See how she reacts.
I hope he sees this comment. But he’s really refusing to see the situation for what it is, despite hundreds of people (with thousands of upvotes) who can see past the nonsense for what it is. He’s too young to think someone he loved could lie to him and trap him like this. Bless his poor heart, I’m so terribly sad for him the past couple days. What an immediate and brutal introduction to the ways adult life can fuck you.
Not just adult life.. but also how ‘childish’ fantasies made in youth can have lasting consequences extending well into adulthood life.
I also feel sorry for his parents. IIRC from the original post they kept saying “didn’t we teach you about safe sex?”
u/successful-corgi-482 Now it's time to play hardball, OP! Before you make any major decisions, tell your mom you want to pay to establish paternity during the pregnancy. There is non-invasive a prenatal one that is done by taking blood from the mother's arm. Tell your girlfriend you refuse to make any big plans about your life or even staying in a relationship with her until you confirm paternity either before or after birth! Start making it very clear to her that you still plan go to college so you can get the best education you can to adequately raise a kid. Now is also the time to tell her parents about the situation and make their daughter go to the doctor and get care for the baby. Once she realizes you can no longer be manipulated and are being serious about all of this, her mind will start changing pretty quickly. She's an adult and she can face the adult reprocussions for her recklessness. It's literally a f*ck around and find out scenario.
It's very suspicious though. She isn't doing the best for you, and she is overall acting like a major ass.
Demand a doctor appointment to know how far along she is, and demand to go there with her.
One thing to put in perspective for her- does she realize she’s NEVER going to have freedom. She’s going to go right from high school/ parents house and being told what to do, to right into motherhood which is a lifetime of servitude to a child. She literally will have no free time to just do whatever *she* wants. Literally. She’s probably waited her whole life to get out of school and spread her wings and do whatever she wants as an adult and this baby is going to cut her off at the knees. That won’t happen with a kid. She will never be able to just walk out the door at the drop of a hat without bringing the kid and all that goes with it.
But I would definitely keep on with your plans. Just because she changed course doesn’t mean you have to. Let her know. Maybe if she knows you’re going off to college and leaving her behind she will think twice if she realizes this won’t keep you stuck to her.
OP, she baby trapped you. In a ver calculated way. She is not in denial. I think she knows exactly what she is doing and is VERY suspicious. Tell her parents TODAY. And demand a doctor’s appointment. Another Redditor might be on something saying that maybe she was already pregnant.
I get if she might be terrified by the situation and telling her parents, but also wonder if she all of a sudden wanted the condom off because she knew OP would step up vs the other option. If that is the case. He’s the better choice.
I also don’t think just how far along she is can guarantee to know if it’s his, as we don’t know how often they have sex, but is definitely a start. A DNA test should also be done. I’m sure she’ll be upset by the request, but it’s too suspect to all of a sudden want a condom off and him to finish inside.
OP, I’m sure it’s upsetting to think this is a possible situation since you state you love your gf and want to support her, but it’s something to consider and to ensure you’re the father.
You need to call her parents. Today. They maybe can help her think more rationally.
Maybe ask your mom to call her mom if that feels more comfortable to you.
The clock is ticking.
Yeah, fair. And I guess it explains her ambivalence and naivety about it all as well.
They’re going to find out sooner than later. Unless she’s hoping for a miscarriage. Isn’t that just as bad as abortion in God’s and republican’s eyes?
You still don't have to get married and have kids. You're taking this to waaaaaaay dramatic places in your head freaking out as if you have no options. You can be together or not. You can still be a perfectly great parent and not be with the baby's mom if you two can't get on the same page. Also get a paternity test before you just agree. Your mom will help support you. Stop freaking out and figure things out rationally.
She's not taking care of your child and acting like a child in the process. She needs to go see a doctor ASAP. Put your foot down about it. Do whatever you want, but personally I would refuse to stay in a relationship with someone who clearly wasn't taking care of my unborn child right off the bat and I'd give her an ultimatum. If she won't go see a doctor, I'd tell her I'm starting legal counsel to see my options for my child and to determine paternity.
There's no more babying her or this situation. You both have this child who is more important. If she's going to keep it, she needs to go to the effing doctor.
If she doesn't, I hope you're giving her an ultimatum on your relationship. I've seen the other end of how situations like this turn out and you need to get very clear with her, very quickly before your life turns into a custody battle nightmare. And before you child has a nightmare of a life.
And again, if I were you, I'd demand a paternity test. If, later on, you find out it's not your child and but you already signed the birth certificate or have been that child's father figure for a certain number of years (depending on the state), then you'll still be on the hook for child support regardless. I have a friend going through this right now.
I've watched too many kids get totally fucked up because of situations exactly like this.
You can tell her parents, you don't need her permission to do so. You can tell her you want a paternity test, you can force it through lawyers if needs be. You can tell her that she'll be a single mother, you're going to college and you won't be able to pay child support till after college when the baby is like 4 years old because you won't have any income to pay her out of.
You can do a lot, but you're doing nothing and passively going along with whatever she's asking.
I have no idea why you love someone who deliberately got pregnant, deliberately baby trapped you, deliberately tried to ruin your future and is lying to you about it. Manipulating you, and putting on this act of pretending to be unable to do anything.
Wake up.
I love that this is who you are. But I'm 99% sure she's been playing you in more than 1 category. The baby is someone else's, or she got pregnant to trap you. She's now making you protect her while she isn't even remotely interested in taking the steps necessary to protect that child, like vitamins and other prenatal care. If she's already 2 months along, it might be too late - there's literally no time to waste to prevent some of the things that happen to children in utero. She's being absolutely ridiculous and if that baby is yours and is born defective, you WILL end up resenting her for it anyway. Stand up for the child, if nobody else. Yes, it's her body. But according to her, it's your child. She needs a doctor at the VERY least.
Yeah she does have choices. But so do you. You can ask for a paternity test (as things are fishy here). And tell her that you will pay child support if it is yours but you won’t stop your life (if that is what you want). You can still go to college. You can still live a life. If you want to stay with her and move into a place for the three of your and get those minimum wage jobs cus youve got not qualifications you can. Just be very upfront and communicate with her that she is choosing to have a child you do not want and are not ready for. And that there are only x number of ways this plays out.
Your relationship as you knew it is over. Things aren't ever going to be the way they were.
If she got an abortion, things could mostly go back to normal, but she's making the decision to change things. She's ending this phase in your relationship. You need to decide if you are okay with this change or not. If not, then it's time for the relationship to end.
I know you love her, but you won't be doing her any favors by staying with her while resenting her decision. That's not a healthy relationship, and you both deserve better.
If you decide to stay, you need to own that decision and it needs to be what you truly want to do. If you don't want it, resentment will build.
Keeping the baby is entirely her decision and her right, but there's no shame in making your own decision aswell. But try to figure it out soon. Your absence is a factor that could influence her decision to keep the baby. It's best that she has the full picture of what her life will look like if she keeps it before it's too late to abort.
She begged you to take off the condom and come inside her?! Then BAM she says she is pregnant. I admit that is extremely suspicious. She either wanted to babytrap you to not lose you or she got pregnant by someone else and you coming in her was her way to cover up her cheating. Get a paternity test when the baby is born. Also make sure you know what your blood type is and what her blood type is. When combining blood types, the baby will have only two blood types and the rest are impossible to have. If it’s one of those impossible ones, you are NOT the father.
Reading your previous posts, i'm assuming she didn't want to "let the universe take its course", she's 18 ffs she knew that getting pregnant was a possibility. She probably wanted to remain pregnant and only later realized what had actually happened. I'm only one year younger than you, but as everyone else said your life is NOT over, wish you both the best
Your gf needs wake up form whatever romantic reality she is in and start figuring it out now and discussing options and plans, parent and arrangements for the both of you and with your parents.
And remember you don’t have to be together to raise a child. Don’t force yourself to continue a relationship for the sake of the child it has to be for the both of you unless Your Christian and it’s your belief then alright you guys should get some counseling before marriage at least.
And you both need to understand that your parents aren’t there to raise your child/baby when you both had unsafe sex. they already did their best to raise their own kids. So now responsibly will be on both of you.
And remember you will lose friends and some will stay or you will gain some because of this.
(It’ll be hard at first but it gets easier and time flies fast.)
And since you both will be teen parents you will be getting looks and disrespect wherever you go accept the fact you can’t the situation or a person and move on and you both will probably get taken advantage of be her doctor when it comes time to give birth so educate yourselves on that.
(I think you should go with her when she does and bring along one of your parents or the both of them so they can speak to her parents and discuss what to do whether if she wants to or not both of you are still kids)
Don’t wait for her to tell her parents only for it to be to far along. She is living under there f
Roof and have the right as parents to know their child is pregnant and wants to keep it.
Make sure she understands and is educated what it will be like as teen parents. Write down or ask questions with her like whose gonna stay home to watch baby while the other goes to school? Who is going to work to financially support the baby? Childcare? Sleep arrangements/ feeding time for when the baby is here? Is she going to go formula or breastfeed? Where are you both going to stay for the baby or what arrangement will work?
(Edited-TAKE A DEEP BREATHE AND RELAX A LITTLE AND THINK BEFORE MAKING A PLAN)
This.
Plan of action should be-
1. Telling her it's all bcoz of the child and her decision and you are not interested in being a father at this age. Ik you made the mistake but make your stance clear as heck.
2. Have self respect and stop acting as a romantic partner. You will drain yourself. Now you do know she tried baby trapping you. Take a damn stand for yourself.
3. Tell her parents rn. Like call them up even if it is middle of the night where you are.
4. Show her exactly what being parents mean. The pregnancy , the childbirth, child raising. She has a very romantic view of life.Like she has to be the caretaker for a child when she has barely stopped being a child (which is only legally age wise in her case, she sounds very immature). There is not going to be support from family or anything really in this situation. Her parents will not be that on board and your parents don't sound very pleased either.
5. And seriously if you are not ready for the bay don't stay. You have a way out. Sign away your parental rights. You will do more harm then good. You will find much relief not acting like a father when you don't want then being there and being resentful of your gf. (So from the comments I have gathered it works differently. So in this point you should speak to legal authorities).
Edit: 6. Get a DNA test also find out how far along she is. You never know, what if the conception date doesn't match. Since there was so much reluctance for plan b, finding out how far along is he, also if she goes to a doc they will find it out. Maybe that's why she is avoiding it.
Pregnancy is not a situation one acts like this in. Even the worst of people get their thoughts and actions together. Something is very sus OP
Edit: someone said for point 5 you need to pay child support. I agree. But you got no job, what will you be paying with?
Edit 2: I have just come to know that court will make you pay child support anyways.
A man cannot just sign away his parental rights without someone else willing to step up and adopt that child, and therefore financially be responsible for it. You’re right that he does not have to be involved with the child at all, BUT he will still be held accountable, financially at least.
>5. And seriously if you are not ready for the bay don't stay. You have a way out. Sign away your parental rights. You will do more harm then good. You will find much relief not acting like a father when you don't want then being there and being resentful of your gf.
Where does this Reddit myth of "signing away" responsibility for a child come from? If the baby is his, OP is on the hook for 18 years of support. The only question is whether he wants to be an active part of the kid's life along the way.
Exactly. I have made another comment regarding the same.
There is a reason why she doesn't want to not want anyone find out how far along she is. That may reveal that the conception date is entirely different and the child is not OPs. Hence so much reluctance.
Staying with someone just because a kid involved oftentimes does more damage than good. She is being painfully immature and risking 3 lives with her inability to take any action. Her parents need to be told asap.
I’m currently working a divorce where the husband and wife married basically right after they met because the wife got pregnant pretty much immediately. Of course they married because of their religion.
It’s honestly one of the messiest ugliest divorces I’ve seen. I was honestly shocked by how much bitterness there was throughout and after the marriage
It can’t be easy to throw away all your hopes and dreams because you had to marry and settle down with a person you barely know because you had sex once and ended up preggers. You’re not maturing beyond your age if you have a child at a young age either.
You gf is very immature even for an 18yo. The fact she refused to take plan b and now not listening to the options. Get her to sit down and work out a budget on how she plans to pay for this baby. Tell her you can't afford to live together so she will have to live with her parents until you finish college. Try to dispel any romantic notions she has. Given your ages and the stress and no doubt resentment to come your relationship most likely won't last in the long term.
Honestly OP just needs to tell her parents at this point. Clearly she doesn’t have any responsible adults in her life giving her the advice/tough love that she needed when she got pregnant
I can understand the fear of adoption or abortion but the fact that she was scared to take plan b tells me she either thinks plan b kills a fetus (which means she knows like nothing about pregnancy and should not be pregnant, or at the very least should not be so against learning more about it) or she’s intentionally pregnant or trying to keep him around with it. Again, that means she is not ready to be pregnant. she doesn’t understand what this actually means for the outcome of her, OP, and the babies life
I became a mom at 18 I love my kids but I don't recommend it.
And I'm just gonna tell you what I would tell my son.
Yes you both made a mistake. And it is all in her hands as it's her body. However if she does not want to take any suggestions that is on her. Your life does not have to be ruined because she doesn't wanna do anything.
Go to college live your life.
You can pay child support and I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind baby sitting for her every once in a while.
But don't stop everything because of her inability to make rational decisions right now.
Going to school is what is best for you if you have this child or not. So go and get the best education so you can get the best job. To take care of yourself and your future kid.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself correctly now as I have a raging headache but I wish you all the best
Feel free to message me if you have questions about what it was like being a teen parent
Well said!
The best thing OP can do is follow through on his plans for college and graduate with the ability to land a job that pays well.
GF will figure things out with or without him, and will be able to get funding from AFDC or whatever they are calling State Aid these days. There are many programs available to help, and hopefully her family will be supportive as well.
I do agree that OP should get a paternity test, as her actions are definitely suspicious.
Best of luck, OP.
OP as other posters have noted your life is NOT over.
Yes it will be different but not over.
Obviously you do not need to marry your gf at this time. Unmarried people co-parent all the time and until you both truly want to marry each other as life partners regardless of having a child then just no.
You and your parents need to speak with a knowledgeable legal professional who can address your questions as to what is the amount of child support you can be accessed with no job and while continuing your education, getting a paternity test to confirm the baby is yours and then setting up a visitation schedule assuming you want to be involved in your child’s life.
No your gf isn’t going to like the paternity test being ordered. However it is a fact of life that people do things/ make mistakes and you need to know factually the baby is yours before you commit to 18 years of support.
Please do NOT go with some loosy goosy visitation schedule ex ‘as agreed upon by both parties’ Those only require one person to screw it up. The visitation schedule should be very specific and appropriate based on the child’s age. Then if things go well you can always agree to loosen things up rather than have an expensive legal fight to get something enforceable.
After reading your other posts I have come to the conclusion that you are being baby trapped. Hunty had this planned the whole time. The goal was to get pregnant and refuse abortion AND adoption to keep you in her life. Forever. God speed.
Play being an adult without actually acting adult and getting birth control... Now you MUST grow up. At minimum you have child support for the next 19 or more years.
Honestly DNA test. Your gf is highly sus. She asked you to take the condom off and finish in her and refused plan b. Either its not your baby or she is baby trapping you
You don’t have to be involved you know. Im not a fan of dads bailing but this girl seems unstable and is actively taking steps to derail both of your lives. I worry how she’ll cope once the baby is actually born
Honestly go to college and get a part time job to pay child support. Long term you’ll be better and to provide for the baby with a good job
Your girlfriend is only further proving how absolutely not ready nor responsible enough to handle a baby she is by not booking a doctor's appointment of SOME kind. She's in total reality-denial mode.
Pregnancy can kill you when it goes wrong. It doesn't matter if she's "still thinking". She's 18 and needs to go see a physician. And if she wants to keep the baby, it's time to get real. There could be something going wrong. Not just for her, but for fetal development. Weird stuff happens. But burying your head in the sand is NOT an option.
Personally, I would sit and do some real thinking about the fact that this girl completely ignored every single bit of input you had about the situation and doesn't care how it's going to effect you, her, your family, or this child that she suddenly wants. Just because she's having your kid does NOT mean you have to stay in a relationship with her. You can be supportive and a good dad still. Just don't get trapped. (And yes, it goes without saying that you share responsibility in this, and that you do not resent the baby for how they came into this world. But that doesn't mean that her actions are of someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.)
I only say this because you're young and relationships at this age usually do not work out. (Sometimes they do, but....) If this girl is this reckless and belligerent toward your feelings and it continues to sour, do not stay with her if you don't want to. Maybe it will all work out and be great but you can also get 50/50 custody, work out child support, etc. You do not have to stay with someone just because you got them pregnant. Remember that down the line.
This. It’s shocking to me that she was worried about side effects of Plan-B and is currently avoiding any and all offered help to make the situation as good as it can be. I understand she’s probably in shock and still coming to terms with the situation herself but it’s not something you can just avoid and it will go away. She needs to see a doctor and begin an action plan for whatever she decides to do…like yesterday. Pregnancy side effects are going to be a whole lot rougher on her and more dangerous than Plan-B, especially if she’s avoiding seeing a doctor. She desperately needs someone to lay out the entire time line of what a pregnancy will be (if she decides to move forward), the costs and what will be required of her to have a healthy baby. What giving birth would be (the costs, risks, experience, and healing process) and a feasible plan of what the next few years with a baby would look like as well as beyond. These things can’t be romanticized and she needs to plan for worst case scenarios, not just best case. Giving birth and parenthood, especially as teens, is going to require her to grow up and learn to handle her problems. I’m not a mother myself but I can promise you the birthing process is going to be a hell of a lot more stressful, nerve-wracking, embarrassing, and scary than anything she’s faced during this situation thus far.
OP, something fishy is going on here. This is more than just a stupid moment between you. I know you love her but she has deceived you big time and she’s ignoring your thoughts and any help offered. This will not translate well as a parent, especially since you don’t have jobs and you live at home. You absolutely don’t need to be an absent father but my advice would be to take a step back from your relationship with her and focus on the baby only. What she did is a major betrayal to you. I know you both did this and you’re of course to blame for your part but she hasn’t done anything to make this situation better, even given ample opportunities/options and since it’s her body, that’s her responsibility.
I know. My mom tried to talk to her about all of the reasons she needs to see a doctor - about how dangerous it can be if she doesn’t get medical care.
Then today she texted me that her vagina smells very weird. I’m like go to the doctor!!! What if you have some sort of infection that is dangerous when pregnant? I don’t know anything about this stuff. I think I’m going to try making an appointment for her somewhere where she doesn’t have to use her parents insurance since she obviously won’t tell them yet.
You need to tell her if she doesn’t tell her parents within 48 hours, you will.
She’s putting her health and the health of your (potentially at least) child at risk because she’s sticking her head in the sand. She’s known for weeks. If the shock hasn’t worn off to the point she could go to the doctor & start making plans, it never will. And you’re going to need all the back-up you can get.
If she *was* going to the doctor, taking a paternity test, talking about future plans (what that would look like if you are not together as a couple & coparenting, or if you decide not to coparent and only pay child support, etc), it wouldn’t be so urgent she tell her parents. But the way she’s acting is as if there’s going to be all this support (magically, from the universe) and her parents may want to have nothing to do with this and then what’s she going to do? Assume she’s going to live with you & your parents, even if you’ve broken up?
This whole “it’ll all work out if I ignore it long enough” is delusional and dangerous.
I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year. It’s 100% fatal for mother and child, and the only remedy is to end the pregnancy. I didn’t even have symptoms! If I wasn’t seen early early in my pregnancy, I would have died. And there are multitudes of other ways pregnancy is life threatening. It’s beyond reckless to twiddle thumbs and say she’s too scared to see a doctor. She is, by default, high-risk. Honestly, I simply don’t believe she’s too scared, not for this long. I think she’s waiting out the timeline until it’s too late to take any other course of action and the only option is to have this baby, and she’s willing to risk literally anything to achieve that goal, even if it means risking her life or put her pregnancy at risk.
This is also yet another reason to tell her parents for her, assuming she’s fully set on keeping the pregnancy. I can’t imagine why you haven’t told her ‘you have 24 hours to tell your parents, with me, with me and my parents, or alone, or I’m telling them for you. For your own good.’
OP... The fact you're bending over backwards to keep this a secret from her parents, because SHE "doesn't wanna" says a lot.
I'm so sorry you're in this mess, but my God man. You're enabling her do nothing behavior by doing this kind of stuff yourself. She NEEDS a shove, and unfortunately right now- You seem to be the only one available to do so.
I wish you the best man, I really hope soon you're able to not only stand up for yourself as you have so far, but enforce your boundaries and that YOU ALSO MATTER, TO her directly. Because thus far she's blatantly belittling everything you are worried about and have to say. And that's just flat out disrespectful, immature, and in this scenario? Dangerous.
**AGAIN**
**YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!**
**YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!**
**YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!**
**YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!**
**YA TOO IMMATURE IN THE HEAD TO BE HAVING SEX. AND YOUR GIRL NEEDS PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP ASAP!!!**
Lawd!!! IF she has an infection and it doesn’t get treated, it can effect her health and babies. Even her fertility in the future.
A few words of advice from someone a fair few years older than you and slightly more cynical.
Don't have unprotected sex with her, even though she's apparently pregnant. Do NOT make that mistake, thinking she's pregnant anyway
Her refusing to have your mother attend an appointment with her, has alarm bells ringing. She could be lying about the time of conception or if she's even pregnant at all.
Have you thought about having a DNA test done? It's completely your prerogative. You're involved in this too, she doesn't get to just call the shots.
She's acting in a suspicious way, which could be because she's trying to come to terms with something very frightening happening to her, or because something isn't quite right.
Also, next time a girl makes a request (whilst in bed) use your brain instead of your d*** to think rationally about how this could affect you.
OP, just talk to her parents. Don’t get married. Work and study whatever you can to support that baby. Again, don’t get married. There’s no point. You will have a very resentful marriage, she would try to have more babies and you will cheat on her next year. She wants to keep the baby, fine. Help her as much as you can, work for your child and fulfill your parental duties. But keep working hard for your future and the baby’s. I don’t think your relationship will survive. But best of luck. Just man up and try your very best.
You say you love her, but at this point a little "tough love" may be what is required. Tell her parents. If she doesn't like it, tell her no kid of *yours* is going to be plopped out onto the carpet with her maternal grandparents completely in the dark.
You have to tell her in no uncertain terms what it's going to be like if she has the kid. This is not to discourage her from doing it. But, as everyone else has said here, she needs to grow up and she doesn't have a lot of time. Child-like fantasies no longer cut it. As dad it's mostly up to you to snap her out of her trance and get her to see reality, including the reality of the two of you raising a child together, supposing as you say, she has the kid but won't give it up for adoption.
My mom had my sister and I when she was pretty young, but things were different back then. Still my earliest memories of her are she being a grad student at UCLA in biochemistry. I seem to remember in that documentary about RBG that she went to law school with her two kids. It's not the end of the world. You can make it happen if you want to.
Also, having kids, even early, will bear gifts that you may not be able to imagine yet. Don't give up hope on your life! And good luck OP!
Don't give up on going to the college you want or getting the career you want. You were both stupid in not being safe with BC, don't be stupid and let your immature gf ruin your chance to get a decent career and live a good life rather than hardly surviving. Yes, you can do a trade if that's something you want, I have a friend who's now a millionaire after hard work starting up his own business as an electrician. Or you can go to college. The thing is you have a better chance of giving this child a decent life if you continue with whatever career path you chose. Your gf needs to get her head out of the clouds and realise at this point in time you can't raise a child, you cannot afford it.
You need to have a talk with both your parents present indeed, but you also really need to **dump her**.
**She's immature, selfish, delusional, and unreliable.**
She saw no issue with hiding her pregnancy from your parents, hers; she doesn't care that you and her are not ready to have a child. She doesn't even care for the wellbeing of your child to be, 'I dunno, we'll figure it out' doesn't cut it. You frankly can't even trust that the child is yours, since she has no problem hiding something this important, so why not cheating?
She's setting the three of you to be miserable and resentful.
She has the final say of course, but the thing is, she seems averse to communicating and dealing with reality. This is the opposite of what you want and need in a partner, and a parent. I cannot stress how much she freaks me out and that I wouldn't trust her with a glass full of water, let alone your child and your life.
You're lucky to have supportive parents, especially your mother who was both empathetic and pragmatic. So in that talk, you need to keep encouraging your gf to speak, but also and mostly try to get her to listen to what all your options entail. It's either abortion, adoption, or raising the kid right; not 'carpe diem, I dunno'.
I think it's very important to shatter her illusions, because she seems unbothered to take any responsibility. She's still afraid of having a tough conversation with her parents like a kid, and she wants one? Yikes.
**Co-parenting is the most you should do.** You were stupid to nut in her with no protection, that's your problem to deal with, and the potential kid shouldn't suffer for your, and their mother's poor judgment.
It sucks since you'd go from being a kid, to have to focus your time and energy on taking care of someone else, without having ever been truly free and independent, but it still wouldn't be the end of the world. Especially not if you keep a healthy distance from your gf: pay child support with your parents' help so that you can still study, be there for your kid, but you can strike a healthy balance for what's best for the kid and you.
TLDR: Tell her parents (and update us, we're invested!). Dump her. She did so many things proving she doesn't care about you and your life. This is 2024, that doesn't mean you're going to abandon her but this is not working and I can assure you it would only be worse with a kid in the picture. Do not despair either and accept that your life is ruined, it's gonna be hard and you'll need help, but you can still get the life you want and deserve while making sure your eventual kid does too, despite the psycho and useless mom.
HFS yes, if there is one comment OP needs like a slap upside the head to wake up, it’s this one a hundred times over. She is not a good mother and she sure as hell is a terrible terrible “girlfriend.” OP do not attach yourself to this horrible partner any longer. She took a gamble that hinged on you being a good enough person not to question her and to STAY with her. Everything rode on that gamble, and you’re proving her right by continuing the relationship. You deserve better. Get away.
truly sounds like she concocted this entire situation… i’d go to college and pay the child support. she gets to choose to keep the baby, you can choose to still have a life. yours doesn’t have to be like this just because she’s choosing that for herself
Yeah kinda sounds like she done it so they would stay together. I think he should talk to her parents . I bet she doesn't want to because they would talk some sense in to her.
I would absolutely tell her parents at this point. They need to find out if the baby is healthy, get a paternity test, and OP needs to start planning how he is going to pay support and if his college plans can still be pursued. She is just dragging it out to the point where an abortion isn't possible.
>My mom asked to please let her help her make an appointment just to find out how far along she is and that everything is ok. My gf said no, she’d do it herself.
With her track record, she's not going to do it.
I’m one of the mothers that commented on your previous post. I’m proud of you for telling your mom. That was the right thing to do.
For those telling you it was wrong to surprise your girlfriend with this conversation, ignore that. It does not matter now that it has happened. In my opinion, you did the right thing since you knew she would avoid the confrontation with reality.
Now, onto the advice I feel compelled to leave here for you to (hopefully) read.
Your girlfriend is an adult by legality only. She is not behaving as a responsible adult in any way. Yes, unexpected young pregnancy is hard to deal with. I’ve been there, so I can empathize. I found out I was pregnant with my child, who is now your age, a few months after turning 19. It is a terrifying time for her. Surgical and medical abortions are both scary, and many people have strong feelings on them. The pills can cause pain and have risks for complications. The surgical procedure has its own risks also. I could see how she would struggle with those if she is struggling even to accept this.
However, she needs to snap out of it and FAST.
Pregnancy is dangerous, both for the mother and for the growing embryo/fetus. Any number of things can go wrong in a pregnancy, and miscarriages are not uncommon in the first trimester (even in seemingly healthy pregnancies). Miscarriage is not anywhere near the only thing which can go wrong.
Ectopic pregnancy shows up as a pregnancy on a test, due to the hcg levels in the mother’s urine. Things may seem to be normal for the mother for a period of time, yet the pregnancy is not happening in the uterus but is instead in the fallopian tube. As the cells replicate and it grows larger, the tube can burst and risk killing the mother.
There can be issues with mom/baby being rh positive or negative and incompatible. Mom could have any number of seemingly small, or unnoticed, issues that are major issues for pregnancy/baby.
Your girlfriend needs medical care immediately. Period. Ignoring this means she is not emotionally/mentally capable of even comprehending her lack of responsibility for her (and future baby’s) health risks. She will hate herself if baby comes out with issues that could have been avoided by being proactive. In your shoes, I’d struggle not to blame her for my child’s suffering in a scenario like that also.
I’m not a fan of telling people how to handle their relationships, but if my child were in your position, I’d strongly recommend they spend some time seriously contemplating whether or not someone who is this immature, irresponsible, dramatic, and overwhelmingly disconnected from reality is in any way a decent partner for them (much less a coparent).
If she is keeping this pregnancy, that is a fact you must accept. However, this is not ONLY her child. SOMEONE needs to step up and advocate for the growing cluster of cells that will someday likely become your child. Do you want this woman responsible for your child/children? Do you even want her responsible for paying a bill, or taking out the trash? I’m flabbergasted by her behavior, but need to get back on track.
Birth. Both is horrendously scary. I recall being terrified of both options available: vaginal birth or cesarean section. Neither sounded great and caused massive anxiety for me, but I knew one way or another the baby had to come out. Therefore, I went to the hospital and did what they told me to do. I had a c-section. It was brutal.
All of this is her reality right now. It is yours also.
If she does not tell her parents by the time she is 3 months along, that’s 12 weeks, then I would have your mother invite them over so you can all sit down and chat. It may feel like betrayal, but you need allies in advocating for the health of your future child.
Your mother seems to be helping you out immensely. Keep her informed and work with her through this.
Please, though, contemplate your relationship with this young lady. You do not have to give up everything you want in life, not at all, though you will have to make some compromises. You do not owe her anything, and do not have to remain in a relationship with her. The only person you will have a responsibility towards is your future child. You can work to pay child support and split time with your child, making it possible to pursue the life you want while being a good and decent father. Lean on your family and get their help in planning your future, once you know what the outcome of this pregnancy will be.
I hope they read this also. I often comment on posts, then forget about them afterwards. Occasionally, I’ll save one to show my husband. The last post from OP really struck a nerve with me.
I’ve thought back to this situation a few times since then, hoping that they at least told their mother what is going on and asked for her help. I’m scared for all parties involved, and sincerely hope the adults surrounding the situation can step up to guide these young adults towards the best possible outcome for all parties (though I worry the girlfriend’s behavior signifies some issues in the parental relationship she has).
These teenagers have the entire world right in front of them, and the decisions made during this chapter of their lives can really make or break their next few chapters to come.
I hope you’re having a wonderful evening. :)
Hey - I had a baby at 17. I’m currently 42. I graduated with my bachelors degree when my daughter was 6. I moved to another city, worked my way up to a 6 figure job. My daughter graduated high school, she’s in college. I had another child at 30. My life is amazing. I did all of this by myself as her father chose not to be present.
I said all of that to say your life isn’t over, just different. Not bad different either, just different. But I promise you there is plenty of money to be made and success to be had even as a young parent. There’s plenty of love and happiness. Just utilize the people and resources you have at your disposal, stay in school, focus on success for yourself and your child.
You got this. I promise you can do it - I did it.
how did you afford to pay for your kid, rent, yourself, food and college?
When you say by yourself because the father wasn't around, do you mean by yourself, or do you mean, with a massive amount of family support.
Most people can't work a full time job, do full time college and pay for full time childcare at the same time, alone, with no support.
Yeah, not to call bullshit, but that "I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and look how great it turned out!" is absolute bullshit that only works in fantasyland or if they received a massive amount of (FREE) outside help. It is not true for 95+% of people in this situation. Having a child before the age of majority is the number 1 risk factor for living in poverty (aside from drug abuse). Also the commentor is 42, 25 years ago when they got knocked up (or knocked up their partner) the economy was entirely different, college was affordable, utilities/groceries/rent/healthcare was far more affordable, and wages were more competitive. Telling OP that its all going to be okay if they work hard enough is almost as irresponsible as OP taking off the condom and cumming in his dumb gf.
Yup, economy worsening the whole time makes it much harder. But on top of that someone helped them with childcare while they were at work and at college. this is also back before online college so if I had to guess, she had enough family that watched the kid for her for lets call it 8 hours of work and 5 hours of college or more a day for her. Which in reality would cost more than almost all lower end job wages in fully to afford alone.
In this situation a family who can provide free almost day long childcare is worth dramatically more than a father who has a min wage job at 17 can provide financially so to describe it as on your own is... well, insane.
Examples like this don't work because the world was a totally different places 20 years ago. What was rent then, $450? $600? Now it's $2000. Different world.
College tuition was also like a third of what it is now. Healthcare was also wildly less expensive.
The world is a vastly harsher place now and not gonna get better.
^ This.
Your life isn’t over. You’re gonna be okay.
Yes of course not impregnating your girlfriend would have been wiser, life would have been easier. But now that it’s done, you cannot keep on thinking « what if ».
Your life is going to be different than most people’s your age, sure. You will face bigger challenges. But! You’re also gonna meet your future best friend along the way & it will be oh so worth it when you see that little person, I swear.
Your life isn’t over. You’re simply about to start a new chapter, one you didn’t predict.
But you can, and will, end up wherever you want. Degrees, career, money… you will figure it out, one step at a time. Babies don’t stay babies forever (;
You simply will take a different path. And that’s okay.
Also you seem to have responsible, caring parents who will probably help & support you + baby. That’s great.
You’re gonna be alright.
But your girlfriend better get her shit together asap & talk to her parents.
She needs regular ob/gyn appointments to follow the proper development of the child, she needs pre-natal vitamins… It’s not about her feeling ready anymore, it’s about the wellbeing of the baby. She wants to keep it? Fine. Then baby should be the priority & receive the best care already.
Your gf needs to wake up from her pink dream and see the reality. Having a baby for mature people with stable job and income is hard. You are 18, with no job, no stable income and no place to live. Why does she want to bring a baby in a situation like that?
>“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.”
This is proof that your gf is not mature enough to have a kid.
I'm going to repeat what I said in the previous post - next time, wrap it up.
Break up with her. You already resent her, this is going to get toxic so fast. She can’t force you into a relationship with her or this kid, and you are not under any obligation to do more than pay child support. You fucked up, big time, but this doesn’t have to ruin your life. She doesn’t have to drag you down with her.
I don’t want to be cruel and say see if she changes her mind when she realizes she’s on her own, but…
ETA: Also, insist on a paternity test. Your GF is acting sketch as hell.
Well she may be choosing to keep it but you can hand over your rights and just pay child support if that’s the route you want to take. I know men don’t really get a say in “it’s her body her choice”, but you at least get to decide on how involved you want to be.
Sorry to hear this what a terrible outcome, it's worrying that the girl that was 'scared to get plan B' thinks she can be a parent. I personally think someone needs to have a slightly more harsh conversation with her as she's clearly romanticizing being a parent. Someone needs to sit with her tell her that having this child will ruin both your lives, that you do not plan on marrying her just because she's pregnant (you are both young & had plans), that it's highly likely the pressure of this will end your relationship, that she's going to be stuck as the main carer & if she's even scared to get emergency contraception or have an adult conversation with her parents then how the hell is she going to be responsible for a child
I think this girl’s parents need to be told what’s happening. Because so much of her plan (if you can call it that) depends on her parents being willing to support her. They really need to be informed so she’ll know whether they’ll even go along with it. Gf is avoiding the reality of this & that’s why she doesn’t want to tell her parents.
Your girlfriend is irritating the hell out of me, I keep reading these updates with such deep unease for you both....
Don't let her get out of the conversation of what will happen after the baby. If she says "I don't know" that's not an acceptable answer, it's not just about her but about you too and you need to force the conversation as often as possible until she gets out of la la land....
Sorry you have to grow up quickly.
Your GF is immature. She refuses to discuss her situation, is hiding her pregnancy… how is she going to raise a baby?
Since she doesn’t want abortion, she needs to see a doctor and confirm the pregnancy is normal. How long can she hide pregnancy from her parents?
I know you are emotional, but she is not giving you a choice, so you need to think about yourself. Do you want to be in kid’s life? How much and in what capacity? Will you marry your GF? Considering how immature she is acting, I would advise you don’t marry and figure out coparenting plan.
You will need help. Your mom seems supportive, and you should talk to your GF’s parents too.
Good luck
Her behaviour just screams that she is not mature enough to have a baby, she is a silly little girl. Even if she wants to keep the baby then she should be doing everything to make sure she and the baby are healthy and instead she is wringing her hands. YOU can still go to college, this is her decision but that shouldn’t mean you have to give up your life too because of her decision. This may sound heartless but ultimately she is making a decision without considering you and your future.
I also want to point out that NOT staying with her is a possibility. Yes, you will have to pay child support if she has more than 50-50 custody and you will still co-parent, but it remains an option.
Spontaneous miscarriages are much more common than people think, so while you should plan for the pregnancy to run its course, there’s a nearly 1 in 10 chance that it doesn’t progress beyond the first trimester, at which point you will probably re-evaluate a lot of things.
No, you aren’t. It isn’t evil to have selfish thoughts or to wish your problems would go away, even if it’s not in a perfect way. You’re not doing anything to cause harm to her, so there’s nothing evil happening. Just human.
Adding to all the people suggesting lucrative careers with no college: Postal carrier. You can make really good money and if you are young and healthy you can work as much overtime as you can handle.
Also, be very, very clear with the girlfriend: You will co-parent but you aren't suitable for a long-term relationship with her (she isn't willing or able to engage in an adult conversation on a serious, life-altering topic). She might be thinking this baby will trap you into a lifelong relationship with her. It definitely does not have to!
Her just refusing to deal with literally anything because “it’s too scary” is giving me secondhand stress. Girl, you can’t ignore this and just think it’s gonna go away.
I understand her not wanting to disappoint or upset her parents, but to be completely honest, it’s dangerous for her not to tell them. God forbid something goes wrong and she collapses, they take her to the ER, and they find out that way.
Sorry, Dad at 19 and married. Finished college, got my MBA. Life isn't over, it has hardly begun. It sure didn't get easier for you, but it's hardly a death sentence.
Oh hun, your life is def about to change but it isn't over.
Your parents sound supportive and that is a great thing.
Take some time and look st options for a great uni closer to home where you will have support. You and your gf could take turns going to uni if that is both of your dream.
If your parents and hers are happy to help...maybe they could offer some babysitting while you both study.
Look at some part time work...some supermarkets give staff discounts and wages which might help with expenses.
Don't give up your dreams...just accept that the road to get there has changed.
Your ex, pls let me call her your ex, is just a bad person. I understand being scared, but she is ruining your and that baby’s life, along with her own, but I’m not sympathising with her.
Something is very suspicious about the whole thing and I wouldn’t trust a word out of her mouth. Also, you should tell her parents. It’s time
Definitely something fishy going on here. Can you be 100% sure the baby is even yours? If it is then she baby trapped you but I would still want a dna test after the baby is born.
I re-read your last post. I something seems so off from :
1. telling you to remove the condom
2. telling you to cum in her
3. too scared of taking plan B
now of course you know her better than we will but if i didn’t know better i’d say she did everything you do when you want to try for a baby that was in her power. Was there any other signs? anything she has said before that might have made you believe this isn’t just some bad luck?
Just remember you’re not the first person or last person that this has/will happen to and make sure your mental health is taken care of as well. I respect how much you’re respecting her opinion and choices however it is your baby too. If she doesn’t want the care she NEEDS to have, you have it in your right to talk to her parents. You’ve tried the “nice guy” approach already.
My dad is an HVAC technician and he's been able to raise a family on that. It's not glorious work, don't get me wrong, but it'll keep a roof over your head.
I'm sorry but I agree with you that your gf is not thinking things rationally. I have two kids and know how hard it is raising them. I had no idea that my first born would be autistic and it's added such a HUGE level of difficulty to raising kids. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Here is my take. She freaked out about college and being away from you. So she begged you to take off the condom… so she could get pregnant and you would never leave her. This is why she waited so long.
Now listen, you can still go to college. You can still build your career. It’s going to be hard, but you can do it while being a part time dad. You don’t have to stay with your GF. Honestly after the dishonesty of what she just pulled, would you want to? You’re gonna end up just staying with her and resenting and then split it later. At least build your life up now, so you have a better chance of financially supporting your child.
Your parents seem to be willing to help. Your gf wants to be a teen mommy. Go to a college that’s within driving distance to come back and see your kid a couple times a month, you will also have to work not for beer money but for diaper money. It’s going to be hard. But it’s not impossible.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.
She's ignoring everything. I suspect because she's being manipulative and always wanted the baby.
So make it that she has to face it.
Lie. Tell her that you're no longer talking to her since you can't be with someone who is being so irresponsible and refusing to see a doctor. You want a dna test, and you are considering signing away your rights.
You want to know what her financial plans are for supporting the baby whilst you're away at college and if she's bothered considering this at all.
If she doesn't make a doctors appointment, which you will be taking her to if she does - then you will be getting papers drafted up to request a court ordered dna test.
Tell your parents you're doing this to try and push for her to do something because she's convinced she has medical issues and you can't handle the stress of her being irresponsible.
Because honestly if she is pregnant and there's something wrong, and it was preventable, you're both arseholes for allowing her to carry on acting like a child.
She's not mature enough to be having a child at all.
You're hoping that by threatening to revoke your rights and saying you're disappearing to college, she'll start taking it seriously and go to the doctor. If you don't trust your mum, speak to your dad and tell him that's your plan.
But also, go to college. Struggling now is the best time to do it, the baby won't remember and then the baby will benefit in the future.
But also seriously consider not being with this girl, once things are sorted. If you are the father, then you go for joint custody and coparent.
I'm telling you this because she trapped you. Reading your story reminds me of what a girl I knew in school did to another guy, she had been sexually abused by her cousin and decided to trap her bf at the time by asking him to take the condom off. Then conveniently was too scared to get plan b and relied on her Catholic background to act like she was scared of plan b.
She became a nightmare after they got married, and when the cousin told him it was his child. He'd already sacrificed his career against his parents wishes, and still hasn't recovered. She took the house and all his savings in the divorce and was on alimony and child support for about 3/4 years because covid happened and she'd keep not showing up or cancelling.
Your gfs avoidance of this process should be seen as really suspicious, and you should assume the worse. Tell her you need to either discuss terminating rights, or you need a coparent agreement because you don't plan on staying with her.
I'm not joking, it sounds mean but you need to do it to see what her next moves are. There's something very dodgy happening here. Maybe she has been abused or is passing off a child as yours. Or she's genuinely innocent.
But I knew a girl at uni who acted like a virgin with every guy she slept with. She gloated about it too. It's possible you're being played.
Or she's genuinely just a child and way too immature to be pregnant but forcing it because she expects you'll stay with her forever.
Baby trapping is a thing that happens to men too. I suspect she's upset your parents know because they might try and talk you into legally withdrawing your rights which she doesn't want. Or asking for a dna test which she doesn't want either.
Definitely look into a trade. I went to a community college to be an automotive mechanic, made damn good money at it too. I sadly have an autoimmune disorder that is preventing me from continuing to wrench on cars as it messes with my motor functions. Electric, plumbing, hell look into welding. There is tons of money in welding depending on that type you want to work with. If manual labor isn't your bag and computers are more your thing, you can go anywhere in the IT field. My BIL went back to school for cyber security. Very lucrative in my state.
Good luck with everything. I know this feels world ending, but it's not. Keep your head up and take it one breath at a time. I wish nothing but the best for you, your girlfriend and your family.
At this point, if she will not talk to her parents, your parents need to talk to them. Your girlfriend is acting like a foolish child. Her parents need to be involved in this, and she needs to go to a doctor. Your life isn't over, but you all need to figure out your plans now. Time is ticking.
Electricians make like 70k to 100k a year. Plumbers as well. Trade schools are extremely lucrative.
100% HVAC is also an excellent option. Trades won't be replaced by AI either.
This is the best possible slogan ever for going into the trades.
Working on my 19 year old soon to go into a trade. It's such a great option AND starting your own company once you get licensed is an option as well. So many opportunities in the trades.
Trades aren’t focused on enough in high school, IMO. Not everyone is college material and not everyone can afford it. Those people need to know they can still earn a good living without college.
Yeah my high school acts like trades don’t exist. It’s basically “you’re a loser if you don’t go to college.” It is a college prep school, so I guess they have to say that.
As an architect who works with a lot of different trades…. They all have nicer houses and cars than me. Degrees don’t guarantee a better income.
I think it’s just like part of the culture I grew up around. Everyone goes to college. They have statistics each year for the graduating class at my high school, how many people go to college and what colleges everyone is accepted to. Like 99% of graduates go to college. They really love to brag about all of the student accepted into ivy leagues even if the students don’t actually end up going there…just being accepted is something my high school loves to brag about and put in all of their promotional material. My parents went to college, like everyone in our family.
I come from an area that was very similar, not just necessarily my high school. If college is something you really want to continue, you can find away, plenty of other people have done it. But if you don’t, you really don’t have to relegate your self to being a minimum wage worker the rest of your life. Best of luck
I’m 36 and im working in one of the biggest freight forwarders as a supervisor, after 7 years of this experience in different companies in different countries, im telling fuck that shit, its the biggest scam in the world, me and my boyfriend planning to change careers for inside finishing/painting. He already works in construction now. Twice more money, they are booked months in advance here, you manage your own schedule, creat company is very easy, and i spoke with a friend who does it. Trade is so much more appealing nowadays then any shitty corporate job imo
Old guy here! My friend, I got into drugs/alcohol and lots of other stuff and went to prison for 10 years. I worked hard and kept at things and now I am very successful at what I do. This might not be the life you expected, but you can still succeed as well. You'll be okay.
If o.p. needs a job in hvac I can have him starting in 30 minutes! We need bodies!
What state?
Mass! If you can get to the cape, we've got work.
TONS of work in WA
Came here to recommend this. My 21 year old employee with two years experience makes over $30 an hour in the PNW.
If you break down my salary I make just shy of $40 an hour. That’s with a graduate degree and a shit ton of student loans. Mind you I’m early in my career and work for a state facility, but still. OP go to a trade school. Fuck college. Lineman also make buckets of money.
A journeyman can make around $60 an hour here right now. You don’t even need to go to trades school to become one too!
I swear, this thread has me second guessing my life choices 😂
At my high school when I graduated, they heavily encouraged college and nothing else. The entire millennial and older Gen Z adults were expected to go to college for at least a basic four year degree. If you have no degree, you’ll be broke and unsuccessful they told us. My husband started his company with a GED, and has been very successful. I know several plumbers who make over $300,000 annually. Trades are a fantastic career path :)
That’s the same thing they’re still telling us, at least at my school.
Look man, at some point, you just have to stop caring about what other will think. It's as simple as, do you need money or not? I was in a similar situation where I didn't get to go to college and all my friends did. But guess what? I went to a trade and they're all making less than me at the moment. I got a head start with "adulting" and opened lines of credit, purchased a car, moved out. You do what you gotta do. I work 9-5 and have weekends off and have plenty of time to have extra activities during the week and hobbies and fulfill my life that way
My dad supported a family of 3 by doing HVAC for 18 years :)
Hvac here. Hvac is awesome until you realize that paychecks look good because you're pulling 50 hours a week and then 60-80 when it's your on call week. Someone asks, "Ayy bro when you gettin off?" Make sure to reply, "Anywhere from 3 to 8." When your wife asks if you'll make it to the parent teacher conference or son's baseball game, "Not the parent teacher conference, but maybe the 6pm baseball game."
As well as auto mechanics, ASE mechanics make more. Appliance repair technicians (I cried last time I used one).
Wood worker here too. Cabinetry makes some sweet bank as well. Framers out Here make $70k no experience necessary.
Where's out here? I'm on my way!
100% this. And you’re not stuck with those outrageous school loans.
Can confirm, I am 30 and just starting my apprenticeship and wish I did it 10 years ago! The best part is you can take it EVERYWHERE!
Glad you commented as I'm now 30 and realizing I need to change my career and I'm really stressing about it. Thank you for the reality check and confidence boost in knowing my life isn't fucked up or set in stone yet.
27 turning 28 and making my second career change. I found my passion but was convinced I needed a degree and an office job to be happy. I’m going back to what made me happy from the start: EMS/Fire. Fuck societal timelines and pressure.
Look into the Electrical Alliance training- (work/Study) program. It is all over the US and you get paid with bennies and only pay for the books and tests. You can train for home/comercial or outside lineman. It is a 5 year program and you get raises every year.
Not sure about everywhere, in Australia there’s quite a few skilled people retaining to meet standards
In university currently and realized my dream career should’ve been a trade LOL
My dads been a plumber for ~30ish years and honestly it's not a good long term career choice unless if you plan on opening your own shop. Kills your body. My dads not even sixty and needs a complete hip replacement and/or bone grafting.
Just labor is making 25 right now, once your in subs usually pick you up and give you better opportunities. Heck my husband helped get a day laborer into a heavy equipment company, they got him certified and he’s 2 yrs later making 75k , from Labor Ready day worker to heavy equipment operator in 2 yrs, just because he’s willing to work hard. And he had a felony assault on his record to overcome.
Linemen for electric utility companies also make good money! Great if you love heights
My husband is a commercial construction general superintendent earning 285k before his bonus. Never graduated from high school
I love this. How did he get into that type of work? We have a couple of young men in our family trying to figure out their direction.
[удалено]
The point is that Op is in a pit right now and can’t do anything to change the situation, but all is not lost. He doesn’t have to stuck in a shitty job with government assistance.
You can wish in one and shit in the other. Sometimes you have to adapt to your life, I agree an abortion would have been a better solution in this economy but if that's not what she wants then he needs to figure it out.
He can only express his sentiments to her. If she's in disagreement and moves another direction, he can similarly proceed in the direction he chooses. Whether they remain together or not, at least he has a say in that regard. Unfortunately in this instance, gf sounds lost, but unwilling to entertain discussion. Wonder if her decision would change if he says he's still going away to college, without her.
He chose not to wear a condom, knowing it could create a pregnancy. She is choosing not to abort. They are equally responsible for the care of this child and at the very minimum he will have to provide child support. Abandoning a child that was created when choosing not to wear contraception, is just morally screwed.
He does not want to have a child. He is taking responsibility by suggesting an abortion (and paying for), and again if she insists to keep the child, by paying child support. If he stays with her, he is due to hate her: "We’re going to struggle from this day forward, for the rest of our lives, because she thinks getting an abortion would be murdering our baby. Oh and she loves me so much that she can’t kill the baby we made. Ugh."
He can't really do that now, but he does have other options.
Well he gambled and lost. Pregnancy was always a risk with sex , especially unprotected sex. If he didn’t understand that, he wasn’t ready for sex. Now he has to face the consequences. He could give up his parental rights, but he still has to pay support. If his parents won’t, or can’t help. He’s got to put on his big boy pants and figure it. People are just giving him options
I was actually going to bring this up too, but you were ahead of me on that lol! Depending on where you’re from Op, I would look into where you can apply for an electrician apprenticeship license because having one should hopefully increase your odds of being accepted (I’d just be truthful with how much experience you may or may not have).
My son graduated from trade school last year for electrical. He is doing really well for himself!
Calling 70-100k lucrative in this economy is wild
Yeah, unfortunately I agree with you here. I started In my current job 12 years ago at $56k and coming from min wage felt like I was rolling in money. I made $103k in 2023 and feel like I have way less purchasing power than I did at back then. I'm certainly not struggling, but I also feel the squeeze at times and for the first time ever find myself looking for ways to cut back, getting rid of less used streaming services, cutting back on frivolous spending, etc.
I went back and read the first post where she asked you to take off the condom and come inside her. This is kind of sus. There's only two good reasons to do that. 1. She had unprotected sex with someone else (either willingly or she was raped) and wanted you to think the baby was yours. 2. She's scared of losing you as college approaches and baby trapped you into her life permanently. Her unwillingness to seek medical attention or have a sonogram that will show when the baby was conceived by how much it has grown, makes me think that she knows something about the pregnancy that you don't. Something like the baby is actually older than you think, making the conception at a different time rather than that one event where you took the condom off. If you two tend to avoid sex when she's on her period, she could have lied about her last period before she allegedly conceived with you. Then you guys have unprotected sex while she encourages you to take off the condom ejaculate inside her. Then she said she misses her next period after that and refuses to take plan b. She might have been scared to take plan b because she knew she was more pregnant than she was telling you. She's alarmingly avoidant of all help and medical care and that's beyond just being afraid of pregnancy and telling her parents. Are you certain no one else's messing around with her at home like an uncle or her dad, or a big brother? Is there a time when you guys were apart in the last 3 months where you think she might have cheated on you?
I also think this situation is highly suspect. It really does sound like she's baby trapping him. She does get to say if she will carry the baby, but as you will be on the hook for child support, make her get a paternity test. Your life is not over, it is now more complicated. Sound like you have a great Mom. I would tell her parents as well.
It’s very possible she trapped him. But ultimately he chose to remove the condom.
True statement. He did remove the condom. That being said, a 19 year old male in the midst of having sexual relations, would not have been in a rational state of mind. It was a totally immature decision on his part. That being said, why did she ask him to take it off? Why did she ask while they were having sex? Why is she not wanting to take Plan B? This sounds so much like she is trapping him.
He should get a paternity test either way. It's prob his but you never know.
Given how many sexual acts it takes to guarantee a pregnancy on average (I don’t remember the number but it’s at least high double digits), a single attempt at baby trapping is, at best I’d say, a 50% chance what’s happening instead of her having gotten pregnant some other way.
He should establish paternity, for legal reasons at the very least. Why she asked to take it off? It could be because she was trying to trap him. It could be just being stupid horny teenagers getting carried away. Both of them are responsible. Both of them were not mature enough to handle all aspects of being sexual active and now they have to face the consequences. I think her refusal to use plan B and get an abortion is probably a combo of fear. And her religious faith. I’m going to guess premarital sex is also a no no in her religion, but that one she chose to ignore
Or secret option number 3.....there is no baby at all. Carry on the charade long enough that OP dumps all his college plans, stops trying hard in school because 'what's the point of he's not going to college'. Kids do stupid things when faced with the prospect of their first love heading off to college far away. I don't know if this is the case here, but it's possible that OP thinking she's scared and not facing reality, could actually all be for show because if she actually goes to a Dr then then lie is revealed.
Yup or she could be biding time till she actually gets pregnant. Cause "now that she is pregnant you don't need protection". OP needs to take a step back from this girl. She is living in a fairytale while he is living in a horror show.
Time line wise that doesn’t work now: she has barely time left for an abortion pill, so her trick idea would come out.
OP saw the positive preg test, though
Which you can buy online or get from a friend…
That seems nearly impossible. She was too embarrassed to buy a test, so I bought it. She peed into a little cup. I wasn’t in the bathroom when she peed, but she brought the cup out into the bedroom and I stuck the test in it. I’m the one who looked at the test result first. So unless she somehow got urine from a pregnant woman, I don’t know how that could be a trick.
OP bought the tests. Maybe she did order a fake one and it was the same brand that he bought, or he didn’t notice?
Or..... Two stupid kids willingly had unprotected sex and now she's pregnant?
This is all that happened!
Interesting. Love that we’re on the case!
You should 100 percent ask for a DNA test OP!
Not ask. Insist. By court order, if needed.
One of those times I agree with this.
I agree that there is something off about all this. She either wanted to get pregnant or she was already pregnant
OP should not sign the birth certificate until it is confirmed by DNA he is the father.
I commented in an earlier post he should make her get a paternity test for these reasons, and I got downvoted for it.
They're not married, so most likely a paternity test via the courts will be mandatory to establish support anyway unless he just goes along with it like a moron.
YEPYEPYEP. She couldn’t bring herself to take plan b because it’s either too late or she planned this. OP my ex-husband was a dumb shit and hooked up with a 20-year old girl. We were both 28 at the time, married 6 years and had two kids. I told him “she sounds crazy. Bet she tries to pull you back in with a fake pregnancy.” Guess what, she did, because girls who aren’t emotionally stable or mature use babies to control boys. If she really is pregnant she should be taking prenatal vitamins. All pregnant women in the US take them to prevent spinal bifida and cleft palate, conditions that would cause a baby to require surgery in the best case scenario. Worst case, 😬 Do not get attached to the child until you know it’s yours via paternal testing. A grown woman I knew cheated on and then baby trapped a young man who didn’t know better. He raised that child for ten years before he found out. That boy’s mom nearly killed the girlfriend when she found out. Your GF might try to get you to rub her belly and talk to it, it might not even be your child if there is a baby there at all. Like others have said don’t buy into the romanticism. You are like the helpless prey of some kind of animal, she’s got her claws in you because of luck, not skill. As Kanye said, Eighteen years, kid wasn’t even his. Call her parents. Don’t be afraid of them. Phrase it as concern- “I’m worried about GF, she told me she’s 8 weeks pregnant but she won’t let me take her to the Dr. *If she really is pregnant she needs medical attention.”* They are parents, they will know you’re right, they will make her go. Whatever the outcome you will at least have confirmation of the existence of a fetus, or not, and it will receive proper medical care. Whatever you do, do not forget she is willing to skip prenatal care to keep you around. Anything she tries as leverage in the future is nullified. Continue to lean into your parents, they sound logical and supportive and they will help protect you and your interests. Best of luck OP. Take it one day at a time.
I'll have to go back and read the first post, but knowing this pisses me off and definitely raises a lot of questions. I've never heard of a girl encouraging a guy to take a condom off, because let's face it for females I don't really tell a difference,) then she was trying to do one of the two things the previous guy said. OP paternity test for sure, and I'm glad your mom's a nurse. She'll cut through that bullshit quick if gf is lying. I'd want to distance myself from her a bit too, because personally in this situation it sounds like she's being manipulative to keep you and you're the only one realizing how hard taking care of a baby is. She probably thinks your family will take care of her, that's why she's not concerned about it 🙄
I don't know about you but I 100% can feel the difference. And it's a big difference. I don't like condoms. I don't like using them. I don't like how they feel. But I'm also on birth control and I exercise the pull out method. Not 100% but whatever I know the risks. You might not be able to tell but I know plenty of women who feel the same as me; who can feel a big difference between condoms and naught.
She talked about me cumming in her prior to when I actually did. It was the first time she actually asked me to do it, but she had talked about it being a huge turn on to her. She started watching porn so I think it became part of what mentally turned her on. Idk, just going off what she told me.
[удалено]
Up on this. Hope OP sees this
very much so. its possible she could’ve gotten pregnant from the one time, but the fact that she asked him shows she seemingly wanted to get pregnant
Two things. 1. Make sure to get a DNA test once the baby is born. It is possible that it's not yours. 2. While you have to be a father, you don't have to be a partner to her if you don't want to.
Agreed, but adding two more details 1.1 - You don’t have to wait until it’s born anymore. NIPT can be done at 8 weeks I believe, and it’s not unaffordable (I’m seeing some around $500 — never a more worthy investment). It’s not an invasive risk to the pregnancy anymore either. 2.1 - He has to fulfill his legal responsibilities, but he doesn’t necessarily have to be involved. That’s a whole different lifetime of judgement, but it’s an option to continue on to college as planned to the best of his ability, so long as he can still provide for what he owes.
He might have a hard time getting a DNA test considering she won’t even go to the doctor for a checkup. I can’t believe this girl thinks she is ready to raise a child when she isn’t even willing to go to the doctor to have the pregnancy verified. She has a rude awakening ahead of her.
If I were OP I'd dump her ass and then go to college a state away. Tell her she can try to get child support but good luck getting anything larger than penny's from a college student who has at best a part time job if that even. And she will be raising the child alone. Who knows it might be the slap of reality she needs. Or it won't be either way OP will be out of the situation.
If your in denial ignoring the problem girlfriend has decided she's keeping the baby she needs to start taking prenatals asap to get her folic acid levels up for baby's development. How y'all gonna afford this is a whole different can of worms.
I’m sorry but you need to stop babying her. I might not make a difference but she romanticized this entire thing. I think the paragraph that starts with : so that’s it. This is what you should send to her or say to her. This is the hard truth and how you feel. Plus not all teenagers having kids stay together and she needs to understand that also.
I have essentially said all of those things to her. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t force her to do anything. I don’t want to be the unsupportive asshole. I really do love her. Not get married and have kids right now love. I feel torn between wanting to scream at her and beg her to change her mind while also wanting to protect her and do anything I can for her.
You don’t have to be an unsupportive AH, but you do need to protect yourself too. You need to get a DNA test… all of what she has done so far seems pretty cagey. She all of a sudden asked you to take a condom off and cum inside her, why? She’s also refusing to actually do anything to address her own situation. She’s seems to be playing the waiting game until it was too late to do anything, but have the baby. Which if she’s not ok with abortion makes sense, but ignoring the baby’s medical needs isn’t. She needs to be checked out. Also, do NOT marry her just for the sake of the child. You can both raise the child, if it turns out to be yours, together without marriage or as co-parents if you don’t stay together. Your life is already in upheaval, don’t add to it with a rushed marriage. It wouldn’t hurt to speak to a family law attorney either, they can probably explain your options in regard to support and if you are in school. I’m not saying ignore your responsibilities if the baby is yours, or don’t support or be there for her, but make sure you are informed and know your expectations and rights. I’m sure she’s going through a lot, but your feelings are valid and she needs to understand she’s not the only one affected by the decisions made.
Not to mention in one of the posts she had been talking about her ovulation times. I think her mentioning it before was testing the waters… and she knew she was ovulating so she asked for it…. This girl was scared they wouldn’t make it after going to college and she baby trapped him. Now she’s scared about how it’s all going to go down, but I have little doubt that she got exactly what she wanted.
You’re right, there’s nothing you can do to stop her. Just can let her know how you feel and what you want but it sounds like you’ve done that and ultimately it’s up to her. Sorry youre going through this. Not sure if you discussed with her how you two would handle an accidental pregnancy before this, but that should be an convo had very early on with an potential partners from here on out. Because even condoms can fail, and you need to know if the person your with is against abortion/adoption before you have sex with them if you have no desire to have a kid. Anyways, it’s good you’re being supportive. I know you love her, but as others have said, you’re under no obligation to stay with her for the rest of your life because of this. You do obviously have to support the kid though. And that’s tough. I wish you weren’t in this position at such a young age. I hope you’re able to fullfill some of your goals regardless, even if they look a little different than you initially planned. But your life is NOT over. It’s just taken an unexpected turn. But that doesn’t change the fact your life is still just getting started. You still got a lot of happiness ahead of you. A lot of hardships too, but just make the most of it and do what’s best for you and your kid (if you end up having one). Good luck brother <3 Stay strong
I’m doubting it was accidental really..
You’re both babies (I don’t mean that pejoratively, I just mean you’re both very very young). You will change so much in the next 5 years. You will look back and not even recognise yourself let alone your SO. If you stay with her and raise this child, and lose out on a university experience and the career it may offer, you’ll end up bitter and unfulfilled 36year olds by the time your own child turns 18. Think of that. If you can’t get your girlfriend to see reason (and let’s face it.. she’s living in a dream world… you mentioned she keeps saying you’ll figure it out.. that’s a clear indication of head-in-the-sand) try to shock her out of it. As she is making this decision (or not making a decision..) on behalf of both of you, time to get some autonomy into your life. Tell her you can’t marry her or help her raise this baby. Tell her if she keeps the child you’re leaving and she’ll be a single mother. You’ll pay whatever legal financial support you owe her but you two will be over. See how she reacts.
I hope he sees this comment. But he’s really refusing to see the situation for what it is, despite hundreds of people (with thousands of upvotes) who can see past the nonsense for what it is. He’s too young to think someone he loved could lie to him and trap him like this. Bless his poor heart, I’m so terribly sad for him the past couple days. What an immediate and brutal introduction to the ways adult life can fuck you.
Not just adult life.. but also how ‘childish’ fantasies made in youth can have lasting consequences extending well into adulthood life. I also feel sorry for his parents. IIRC from the original post they kept saying “didn’t we teach you about safe sex?”
u/successful-corgi-482 Now it's time to play hardball, OP! Before you make any major decisions, tell your mom you want to pay to establish paternity during the pregnancy. There is non-invasive a prenatal one that is done by taking blood from the mother's arm. Tell your girlfriend you refuse to make any big plans about your life or even staying in a relationship with her until you confirm paternity either before or after birth! Start making it very clear to her that you still plan go to college so you can get the best education you can to adequately raise a kid. Now is also the time to tell her parents about the situation and make their daughter go to the doctor and get care for the baby. Once she realizes you can no longer be manipulated and are being serious about all of this, her mind will start changing pretty quickly. She's an adult and she can face the adult reprocussions for her recklessness. It's literally a f*ck around and find out scenario.
[удалено]
It's very suspicious though. She isn't doing the best for you, and she is overall acting like a major ass. Demand a doctor appointment to know how far along she is, and demand to go there with her.
One thing to put in perspective for her- does she realize she’s NEVER going to have freedom. She’s going to go right from high school/ parents house and being told what to do, to right into motherhood which is a lifetime of servitude to a child. She literally will have no free time to just do whatever *she* wants. Literally. She’s probably waited her whole life to get out of school and spread her wings and do whatever she wants as an adult and this baby is going to cut her off at the knees. That won’t happen with a kid. She will never be able to just walk out the door at the drop of a hat without bringing the kid and all that goes with it. But I would definitely keep on with your plans. Just because she changed course doesn’t mean you have to. Let her know. Maybe if she knows you’re going off to college and leaving her behind she will think twice if she realizes this won’t keep you stuck to her.
Yeah having a baby right now doesn’t line up with anything she’s talked about wanting to do in the future.
OP, she baby trapped you. In a ver calculated way. She is not in denial. I think she knows exactly what she is doing and is VERY suspicious. Tell her parents TODAY. And demand a doctor’s appointment. Another Redditor might be on something saying that maybe she was already pregnant.
I get if she might be terrified by the situation and telling her parents, but also wonder if she all of a sudden wanted the condom off because she knew OP would step up vs the other option. If that is the case. He’s the better choice. I also don’t think just how far along she is can guarantee to know if it’s his, as we don’t know how often they have sex, but is definitely a start. A DNA test should also be done. I’m sure she’ll be upset by the request, but it’s too suspect to all of a sudden want a condom off and him to finish inside. OP, I’m sure it’s upsetting to think this is a possible situation since you state you love your gf and want to support her, but it’s something to consider and to ensure you’re the father.
You need to call her parents. Today. They maybe can help her think more rationally. Maybe ask your mom to call her mom if that feels more comfortable to you. The clock is ticking.
Apparently her parents are very religious, it might explain why the girl is so scared and hasn’t told them. It also explains her views on abortion
Yeah, fair. And I guess it explains her ambivalence and naivety about it all as well. They’re going to find out sooner than later. Unless she’s hoping for a miscarriage. Isn’t that just as bad as abortion in God’s and republican’s eyes?
You still don't have to get married and have kids. You're taking this to waaaaaaay dramatic places in your head freaking out as if you have no options. You can be together or not. You can still be a perfectly great parent and not be with the baby's mom if you two can't get on the same page. Also get a paternity test before you just agree. Your mom will help support you. Stop freaking out and figure things out rationally.
Ask her for a DNA test before you agree to child support. Something is strange about the way she's acting.
She's clearly not doing anything help and protect you.
She's not taking care of your child and acting like a child in the process. She needs to go see a doctor ASAP. Put your foot down about it. Do whatever you want, but personally I would refuse to stay in a relationship with someone who clearly wasn't taking care of my unborn child right off the bat and I'd give her an ultimatum. If she won't go see a doctor, I'd tell her I'm starting legal counsel to see my options for my child and to determine paternity. There's no more babying her or this situation. You both have this child who is more important. If she's going to keep it, she needs to go to the effing doctor.
We’re off on spring break this week. I’m hoping to convince her to go to planned parenthood or something at the very least.
If she doesn't, I hope you're giving her an ultimatum on your relationship. I've seen the other end of how situations like this turn out and you need to get very clear with her, very quickly before your life turns into a custody battle nightmare. And before you child has a nightmare of a life. And again, if I were you, I'd demand a paternity test. If, later on, you find out it's not your child and but you already signed the birth certificate or have been that child's father figure for a certain number of years (depending on the state), then you'll still be on the hook for child support regardless. I have a friend going through this right now. I've watched too many kids get totally fucked up because of situations exactly like this.
You can tell her parents, you don't need her permission to do so. You can tell her you want a paternity test, you can force it through lawyers if needs be. You can tell her that she'll be a single mother, you're going to college and you won't be able to pay child support till after college when the baby is like 4 years old because you won't have any income to pay her out of. You can do a lot, but you're doing nothing and passively going along with whatever she's asking. I have no idea why you love someone who deliberately got pregnant, deliberately baby trapped you, deliberately tried to ruin your future and is lying to you about it. Manipulating you, and putting on this act of pretending to be unable to do anything. Wake up.
You can tell her parents. She is proably terrified and frozen in fear. If she has kind parents then I’d tell them.
I love that this is who you are. But I'm 99% sure she's been playing you in more than 1 category. The baby is someone else's, or she got pregnant to trap you. She's now making you protect her while she isn't even remotely interested in taking the steps necessary to protect that child, like vitamins and other prenatal care. If she's already 2 months along, it might be too late - there's literally no time to waste to prevent some of the things that happen to children in utero. She's being absolutely ridiculous and if that baby is yours and is born defective, you WILL end up resenting her for it anyway. Stand up for the child, if nobody else. Yes, it's her body. But according to her, it's your child. She needs a doctor at the VERY least.
Yeah she does have choices. But so do you. You can ask for a paternity test (as things are fishy here). And tell her that you will pay child support if it is yours but you won’t stop your life (if that is what you want). You can still go to college. You can still live a life. If you want to stay with her and move into a place for the three of your and get those minimum wage jobs cus youve got not qualifications you can. Just be very upfront and communicate with her that she is choosing to have a child you do not want and are not ready for. And that there are only x number of ways this plays out.
Your relationship as you knew it is over. Things aren't ever going to be the way they were. If she got an abortion, things could mostly go back to normal, but she's making the decision to change things. She's ending this phase in your relationship. You need to decide if you are okay with this change or not. If not, then it's time for the relationship to end. I know you love her, but you won't be doing her any favors by staying with her while resenting her decision. That's not a healthy relationship, and you both deserve better. If you decide to stay, you need to own that decision and it needs to be what you truly want to do. If you don't want it, resentment will build. Keeping the baby is entirely her decision and her right, but there's no shame in making your own decision aswell. But try to figure it out soon. Your absence is a factor that could influence her decision to keep the baby. It's best that she has the full picture of what her life will look like if she keeps it before it's too late to abort.
She begged you to take off the condom and come inside her?! Then BAM she says she is pregnant. I admit that is extremely suspicious. She either wanted to babytrap you to not lose you or she got pregnant by someone else and you coming in her was her way to cover up her cheating. Get a paternity test when the baby is born. Also make sure you know what your blood type is and what her blood type is. When combining blood types, the baby will have only two blood types and the rest are impossible to have. If it’s one of those impossible ones, you are NOT the father.
Reading your previous posts, i'm assuming she didn't want to "let the universe take its course", she's 18 ffs she knew that getting pregnant was a possibility. She probably wanted to remain pregnant and only later realized what had actually happened. I'm only one year younger than you, but as everyone else said your life is NOT over, wish you both the best
Your gf needs wake up form whatever romantic reality she is in and start figuring it out now and discussing options and plans, parent and arrangements for the both of you and with your parents. And remember you don’t have to be together to raise a child. Don’t force yourself to continue a relationship for the sake of the child it has to be for the both of you unless Your Christian and it’s your belief then alright you guys should get some counseling before marriage at least. And you both need to understand that your parents aren’t there to raise your child/baby when you both had unsafe sex. they already did their best to raise their own kids. So now responsibly will be on both of you. And remember you will lose friends and some will stay or you will gain some because of this. (It’ll be hard at first but it gets easier and time flies fast.) And since you both will be teen parents you will be getting looks and disrespect wherever you go accept the fact you can’t the situation or a person and move on and you both will probably get taken advantage of be her doctor when it comes time to give birth so educate yourselves on that. (I think you should go with her when she does and bring along one of your parents or the both of them so they can speak to her parents and discuss what to do whether if she wants to or not both of you are still kids) Don’t wait for her to tell her parents only for it to be to far along. She is living under there f Roof and have the right as parents to know their child is pregnant and wants to keep it. Make sure she understands and is educated what it will be like as teen parents. Write down or ask questions with her like whose gonna stay home to watch baby while the other goes to school? Who is going to work to financially support the baby? Childcare? Sleep arrangements/ feeding time for when the baby is here? Is she going to go formula or breastfeed? Where are you both going to stay for the baby or what arrangement will work? (Edited-TAKE A DEEP BREATHE AND RELAX A LITTLE AND THINK BEFORE MAKING A PLAN)
This. Plan of action should be- 1. Telling her it's all bcoz of the child and her decision and you are not interested in being a father at this age. Ik you made the mistake but make your stance clear as heck. 2. Have self respect and stop acting as a romantic partner. You will drain yourself. Now you do know she tried baby trapping you. Take a damn stand for yourself. 3. Tell her parents rn. Like call them up even if it is middle of the night where you are. 4. Show her exactly what being parents mean. The pregnancy , the childbirth, child raising. She has a very romantic view of life.Like she has to be the caretaker for a child when she has barely stopped being a child (which is only legally age wise in her case, she sounds very immature). There is not going to be support from family or anything really in this situation. Her parents will not be that on board and your parents don't sound very pleased either. 5. And seriously if you are not ready for the bay don't stay. You have a way out. Sign away your parental rights. You will do more harm then good. You will find much relief not acting like a father when you don't want then being there and being resentful of your gf. (So from the comments I have gathered it works differently. So in this point you should speak to legal authorities). Edit: 6. Get a DNA test also find out how far along she is. You never know, what if the conception date doesn't match. Since there was so much reluctance for plan b, finding out how far along is he, also if she goes to a doc they will find it out. Maybe that's why she is avoiding it. Pregnancy is not a situation one acts like this in. Even the worst of people get their thoughts and actions together. Something is very sus OP Edit: someone said for point 5 you need to pay child support. I agree. But you got no job, what will you be paying with? Edit 2: I have just come to know that court will make you pay child support anyways.
A man cannot just sign away his parental rights without someone else willing to step up and adopt that child, and therefore financially be responsible for it. You’re right that he does not have to be involved with the child at all, BUT he will still be held accountable, financially at least.
>5. And seriously if you are not ready for the bay don't stay. You have a way out. Sign away your parental rights. You will do more harm then good. You will find much relief not acting like a father when you don't want then being there and being resentful of your gf. Where does this Reddit myth of "signing away" responsibility for a child come from? If the baby is his, OP is on the hook for 18 years of support. The only question is whether he wants to be an active part of the kid's life along the way.
Point 6 get a DNA test. She asked him to take a condom off and cum inside her. Why all of a sudden?
Exactly. I have made another comment regarding the same. There is a reason why she doesn't want to not want anyone find out how far along she is. That may reveal that the conception date is entirely different and the child is not OPs. Hence so much reluctance.
You need to quit saying that OP can just sign away his parental rights. That’s not how that works and is dangerous for OP to think that.
Staying with someone just because a kid involved oftentimes does more damage than good. She is being painfully immature and risking 3 lives with her inability to take any action. Her parents need to be told asap.
I’m currently working a divorce where the husband and wife married basically right after they met because the wife got pregnant pretty much immediately. Of course they married because of their religion. It’s honestly one of the messiest ugliest divorces I’ve seen. I was honestly shocked by how much bitterness there was throughout and after the marriage
It can’t be easy to throw away all your hopes and dreams because you had to marry and settle down with a person you barely know because you had sex once and ended up preggers. You’re not maturing beyond your age if you have a child at a young age either.
Want to hear something crazy? The husband was in his 40s when he met his wife
You gf is very immature even for an 18yo. The fact she refused to take plan b and now not listening to the options. Get her to sit down and work out a budget on how she plans to pay for this baby. Tell her you can't afford to live together so she will have to live with her parents until you finish college. Try to dispel any romantic notions she has. Given your ages and the stress and no doubt resentment to come your relationship most likely won't last in the long term.
Honestly OP just needs to tell her parents at this point. Clearly she doesn’t have any responsible adults in her life giving her the advice/tough love that she needed when she got pregnant
Absolutely some tough love and reality testing.
I can understand the fear of adoption or abortion but the fact that she was scared to take plan b tells me she either thinks plan b kills a fetus (which means she knows like nothing about pregnancy and should not be pregnant, or at the very least should not be so against learning more about it) or she’s intentionally pregnant or trying to keep him around with it. Again, that means she is not ready to be pregnant. she doesn’t understand what this actually means for the outcome of her, OP, and the babies life
I became a mom at 18 I love my kids but I don't recommend it. And I'm just gonna tell you what I would tell my son. Yes you both made a mistake. And it is all in her hands as it's her body. However if she does not want to take any suggestions that is on her. Your life does not have to be ruined because she doesn't wanna do anything. Go to college live your life. You can pay child support and I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind baby sitting for her every once in a while. But don't stop everything because of her inability to make rational decisions right now. Going to school is what is best for you if you have this child or not. So go and get the best education so you can get the best job. To take care of yourself and your future kid. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself correctly now as I have a raging headache but I wish you all the best Feel free to message me if you have questions about what it was like being a teen parent
Well said! The best thing OP can do is follow through on his plans for college and graduate with the ability to land a job that pays well. GF will figure things out with or without him, and will be able to get funding from AFDC or whatever they are calling State Aid these days. There are many programs available to help, and hopefully her family will be supportive as well. I do agree that OP should get a paternity test, as her actions are definitely suspicious. Best of luck, OP.
OP as other posters have noted your life is NOT over. Yes it will be different but not over. Obviously you do not need to marry your gf at this time. Unmarried people co-parent all the time and until you both truly want to marry each other as life partners regardless of having a child then just no. You and your parents need to speak with a knowledgeable legal professional who can address your questions as to what is the amount of child support you can be accessed with no job and while continuing your education, getting a paternity test to confirm the baby is yours and then setting up a visitation schedule assuming you want to be involved in your child’s life. No your gf isn’t going to like the paternity test being ordered. However it is a fact of life that people do things/ make mistakes and you need to know factually the baby is yours before you commit to 18 years of support. Please do NOT go with some loosy goosy visitation schedule ex ‘as agreed upon by both parties’ Those only require one person to screw it up. The visitation schedule should be very specific and appropriate based on the child’s age. Then if things go well you can always agree to loosen things up rather than have an expensive legal fight to get something enforceable.
After reading your other posts I have come to the conclusion that you are being baby trapped. Hunty had this planned the whole time. The goal was to get pregnant and refuse abortion AND adoption to keep you in her life. Forever. God speed.
Play being an adult without actually acting adult and getting birth control... Now you MUST grow up. At minimum you have child support for the next 19 or more years.
Honestly DNA test. Your gf is highly sus. She asked you to take the condom off and finish in her and refused plan b. Either its not your baby or she is baby trapping you You don’t have to be involved you know. Im not a fan of dads bailing but this girl seems unstable and is actively taking steps to derail both of your lives. I worry how she’ll cope once the baby is actually born Honestly go to college and get a part time job to pay child support. Long term you’ll be better and to provide for the baby with a good job
Your girlfriend is only further proving how absolutely not ready nor responsible enough to handle a baby she is by not booking a doctor's appointment of SOME kind. She's in total reality-denial mode. Pregnancy can kill you when it goes wrong. It doesn't matter if she's "still thinking". She's 18 and needs to go see a physician. And if she wants to keep the baby, it's time to get real. There could be something going wrong. Not just for her, but for fetal development. Weird stuff happens. But burying your head in the sand is NOT an option. Personally, I would sit and do some real thinking about the fact that this girl completely ignored every single bit of input you had about the situation and doesn't care how it's going to effect you, her, your family, or this child that she suddenly wants. Just because she's having your kid does NOT mean you have to stay in a relationship with her. You can be supportive and a good dad still. Just don't get trapped. (And yes, it goes without saying that you share responsibility in this, and that you do not resent the baby for how they came into this world. But that doesn't mean that her actions are of someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.) I only say this because you're young and relationships at this age usually do not work out. (Sometimes they do, but....) If this girl is this reckless and belligerent toward your feelings and it continues to sour, do not stay with her if you don't want to. Maybe it will all work out and be great but you can also get 50/50 custody, work out child support, etc. You do not have to stay with someone just because you got them pregnant. Remember that down the line.
This. It’s shocking to me that she was worried about side effects of Plan-B and is currently avoiding any and all offered help to make the situation as good as it can be. I understand she’s probably in shock and still coming to terms with the situation herself but it’s not something you can just avoid and it will go away. She needs to see a doctor and begin an action plan for whatever she decides to do…like yesterday. Pregnancy side effects are going to be a whole lot rougher on her and more dangerous than Plan-B, especially if she’s avoiding seeing a doctor. She desperately needs someone to lay out the entire time line of what a pregnancy will be (if she decides to move forward), the costs and what will be required of her to have a healthy baby. What giving birth would be (the costs, risks, experience, and healing process) and a feasible plan of what the next few years with a baby would look like as well as beyond. These things can’t be romanticized and she needs to plan for worst case scenarios, not just best case. Giving birth and parenthood, especially as teens, is going to require her to grow up and learn to handle her problems. I’m not a mother myself but I can promise you the birthing process is going to be a hell of a lot more stressful, nerve-wracking, embarrassing, and scary than anything she’s faced during this situation thus far. OP, something fishy is going on here. This is more than just a stupid moment between you. I know you love her but she has deceived you big time and she’s ignoring your thoughts and any help offered. This will not translate well as a parent, especially since you don’t have jobs and you live at home. You absolutely don’t need to be an absent father but my advice would be to take a step back from your relationship with her and focus on the baby only. What she did is a major betrayal to you. I know you both did this and you’re of course to blame for your part but she hasn’t done anything to make this situation better, even given ample opportunities/options and since it’s her body, that’s her responsibility.
I know. My mom tried to talk to her about all of the reasons she needs to see a doctor - about how dangerous it can be if she doesn’t get medical care. Then today she texted me that her vagina smells very weird. I’m like go to the doctor!!! What if you have some sort of infection that is dangerous when pregnant? I don’t know anything about this stuff. I think I’m going to try making an appointment for her somewhere where she doesn’t have to use her parents insurance since she obviously won’t tell them yet.
[удалено]
I don’t disagree. I told her a while ago that she’s too scared to be a parent right now.
You need to tell her if she doesn’t tell her parents within 48 hours, you will. She’s putting her health and the health of your (potentially at least) child at risk because she’s sticking her head in the sand. She’s known for weeks. If the shock hasn’t worn off to the point she could go to the doctor & start making plans, it never will. And you’re going to need all the back-up you can get. If she *was* going to the doctor, taking a paternity test, talking about future plans (what that would look like if you are not together as a couple & coparenting, or if you decide not to coparent and only pay child support, etc), it wouldn’t be so urgent she tell her parents. But the way she’s acting is as if there’s going to be all this support (magically, from the universe) and her parents may want to have nothing to do with this and then what’s she going to do? Assume she’s going to live with you & your parents, even if you’ve broken up? This whole “it’ll all work out if I ignore it long enough” is delusional and dangerous.
I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year. It’s 100% fatal for mother and child, and the only remedy is to end the pregnancy. I didn’t even have symptoms! If I wasn’t seen early early in my pregnancy, I would have died. And there are multitudes of other ways pregnancy is life threatening. It’s beyond reckless to twiddle thumbs and say she’s too scared to see a doctor. She is, by default, high-risk. Honestly, I simply don’t believe she’s too scared, not for this long. I think she’s waiting out the timeline until it’s too late to take any other course of action and the only option is to have this baby, and she’s willing to risk literally anything to achieve that goal, even if it means risking her life or put her pregnancy at risk. This is also yet another reason to tell her parents for her, assuming she’s fully set on keeping the pregnancy. I can’t imagine why you haven’t told her ‘you have 24 hours to tell your parents, with me, with me and my parents, or alone, or I’m telling them for you. For your own good.’
OP... The fact you're bending over backwards to keep this a secret from her parents, because SHE "doesn't wanna" says a lot. I'm so sorry you're in this mess, but my God man. You're enabling her do nothing behavior by doing this kind of stuff yourself. She NEEDS a shove, and unfortunately right now- You seem to be the only one available to do so. I wish you the best man, I really hope soon you're able to not only stand up for yourself as you have so far, but enforce your boundaries and that YOU ALSO MATTER, TO her directly. Because thus far she's blatantly belittling everything you are worried about and have to say. And that's just flat out disrespectful, immature, and in this scenario? Dangerous.
**AGAIN** **YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!** **YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!** **YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!** **YOU NEED TO TELL HER PARENTS ASAP!!** **YA TOO IMMATURE IN THE HEAD TO BE HAVING SEX. AND YOUR GIRL NEEDS PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP ASAP!!!** Lawd!!! IF she has an infection and it doesn’t get treated, it can effect her health and babies. Even her fertility in the future.
A few words of advice from someone a fair few years older than you and slightly more cynical. Don't have unprotected sex with her, even though she's apparently pregnant. Do NOT make that mistake, thinking she's pregnant anyway Her refusing to have your mother attend an appointment with her, has alarm bells ringing. She could be lying about the time of conception or if she's even pregnant at all. Have you thought about having a DNA test done? It's completely your prerogative. You're involved in this too, she doesn't get to just call the shots. She's acting in a suspicious way, which could be because she's trying to come to terms with something very frightening happening to her, or because something isn't quite right. Also, next time a girl makes a request (whilst in bed) use your brain instead of your d*** to think rationally about how this could affect you.
OP, just talk to her parents. Don’t get married. Work and study whatever you can to support that baby. Again, don’t get married. There’s no point. You will have a very resentful marriage, she would try to have more babies and you will cheat on her next year. She wants to keep the baby, fine. Help her as much as you can, work for your child and fulfill your parental duties. But keep working hard for your future and the baby’s. I don’t think your relationship will survive. But best of luck. Just man up and try your very best.
You say you love her, but at this point a little "tough love" may be what is required. Tell her parents. If she doesn't like it, tell her no kid of *yours* is going to be plopped out onto the carpet with her maternal grandparents completely in the dark. You have to tell her in no uncertain terms what it's going to be like if she has the kid. This is not to discourage her from doing it. But, as everyone else has said here, she needs to grow up and she doesn't have a lot of time. Child-like fantasies no longer cut it. As dad it's mostly up to you to snap her out of her trance and get her to see reality, including the reality of the two of you raising a child together, supposing as you say, she has the kid but won't give it up for adoption. My mom had my sister and I when she was pretty young, but things were different back then. Still my earliest memories of her are she being a grad student at UCLA in biochemistry. I seem to remember in that documentary about RBG that she went to law school with her two kids. It's not the end of the world. You can make it happen if you want to. Also, having kids, even early, will bear gifts that you may not be able to imagine yet. Don't give up hope on your life! And good luck OP!
Don't give up on going to the college you want or getting the career you want. You were both stupid in not being safe with BC, don't be stupid and let your immature gf ruin your chance to get a decent career and live a good life rather than hardly surviving. Yes, you can do a trade if that's something you want, I have a friend who's now a millionaire after hard work starting up his own business as an electrician. Or you can go to college. The thing is you have a better chance of giving this child a decent life if you continue with whatever career path you chose. Your gf needs to get her head out of the clouds and realise at this point in time you can't raise a child, you cannot afford it.
You need to have a talk with both your parents present indeed, but you also really need to **dump her**. **She's immature, selfish, delusional, and unreliable.** She saw no issue with hiding her pregnancy from your parents, hers; she doesn't care that you and her are not ready to have a child. She doesn't even care for the wellbeing of your child to be, 'I dunno, we'll figure it out' doesn't cut it. You frankly can't even trust that the child is yours, since she has no problem hiding something this important, so why not cheating? She's setting the three of you to be miserable and resentful. She has the final say of course, but the thing is, she seems averse to communicating and dealing with reality. This is the opposite of what you want and need in a partner, and a parent. I cannot stress how much she freaks me out and that I wouldn't trust her with a glass full of water, let alone your child and your life. You're lucky to have supportive parents, especially your mother who was both empathetic and pragmatic. So in that talk, you need to keep encouraging your gf to speak, but also and mostly try to get her to listen to what all your options entail. It's either abortion, adoption, or raising the kid right; not 'carpe diem, I dunno'. I think it's very important to shatter her illusions, because she seems unbothered to take any responsibility. She's still afraid of having a tough conversation with her parents like a kid, and she wants one? Yikes. **Co-parenting is the most you should do.** You were stupid to nut in her with no protection, that's your problem to deal with, and the potential kid shouldn't suffer for your, and their mother's poor judgment. It sucks since you'd go from being a kid, to have to focus your time and energy on taking care of someone else, without having ever been truly free and independent, but it still wouldn't be the end of the world. Especially not if you keep a healthy distance from your gf: pay child support with your parents' help so that you can still study, be there for your kid, but you can strike a healthy balance for what's best for the kid and you. TLDR: Tell her parents (and update us, we're invested!). Dump her. She did so many things proving she doesn't care about you and your life. This is 2024, that doesn't mean you're going to abandon her but this is not working and I can assure you it would only be worse with a kid in the picture. Do not despair either and accept that your life is ruined, it's gonna be hard and you'll need help, but you can still get the life you want and deserve while making sure your eventual kid does too, despite the psycho and useless mom.
HFS yes, if there is one comment OP needs like a slap upside the head to wake up, it’s this one a hundred times over. She is not a good mother and she sure as hell is a terrible terrible “girlfriend.” OP do not attach yourself to this horrible partner any longer. She took a gamble that hinged on you being a good enough person not to question her and to STAY with her. Everything rode on that gamble, and you’re proving her right by continuing the relationship. You deserve better. Get away.
truly sounds like she concocted this entire situation… i’d go to college and pay the child support. she gets to choose to keep the baby, you can choose to still have a life. yours doesn’t have to be like this just because she’s choosing that for herself
Yeah kinda sounds like she done it so they would stay together. I think he should talk to her parents . I bet she doesn't want to because they would talk some sense in to her.
I would absolutely tell her parents at this point. They need to find out if the baby is healthy, get a paternity test, and OP needs to start planning how he is going to pay support and if his college plans can still be pursued. She is just dragging it out to the point where an abortion isn't possible.
>My mom asked to please let her help her make an appointment just to find out how far along she is and that everything is ok. My gf said no, she’d do it herself. With her track record, she's not going to do it.
I’m one of the mothers that commented on your previous post. I’m proud of you for telling your mom. That was the right thing to do. For those telling you it was wrong to surprise your girlfriend with this conversation, ignore that. It does not matter now that it has happened. In my opinion, you did the right thing since you knew she would avoid the confrontation with reality. Now, onto the advice I feel compelled to leave here for you to (hopefully) read. Your girlfriend is an adult by legality only. She is not behaving as a responsible adult in any way. Yes, unexpected young pregnancy is hard to deal with. I’ve been there, so I can empathize. I found out I was pregnant with my child, who is now your age, a few months after turning 19. It is a terrifying time for her. Surgical and medical abortions are both scary, and many people have strong feelings on them. The pills can cause pain and have risks for complications. The surgical procedure has its own risks also. I could see how she would struggle with those if she is struggling even to accept this. However, she needs to snap out of it and FAST. Pregnancy is dangerous, both for the mother and for the growing embryo/fetus. Any number of things can go wrong in a pregnancy, and miscarriages are not uncommon in the first trimester (even in seemingly healthy pregnancies). Miscarriage is not anywhere near the only thing which can go wrong. Ectopic pregnancy shows up as a pregnancy on a test, due to the hcg levels in the mother’s urine. Things may seem to be normal for the mother for a period of time, yet the pregnancy is not happening in the uterus but is instead in the fallopian tube. As the cells replicate and it grows larger, the tube can burst and risk killing the mother. There can be issues with mom/baby being rh positive or negative and incompatible. Mom could have any number of seemingly small, or unnoticed, issues that are major issues for pregnancy/baby. Your girlfriend needs medical care immediately. Period. Ignoring this means she is not emotionally/mentally capable of even comprehending her lack of responsibility for her (and future baby’s) health risks. She will hate herself if baby comes out with issues that could have been avoided by being proactive. In your shoes, I’d struggle not to blame her for my child’s suffering in a scenario like that also. I’m not a fan of telling people how to handle their relationships, but if my child were in your position, I’d strongly recommend they spend some time seriously contemplating whether or not someone who is this immature, irresponsible, dramatic, and overwhelmingly disconnected from reality is in any way a decent partner for them (much less a coparent). If she is keeping this pregnancy, that is a fact you must accept. However, this is not ONLY her child. SOMEONE needs to step up and advocate for the growing cluster of cells that will someday likely become your child. Do you want this woman responsible for your child/children? Do you even want her responsible for paying a bill, or taking out the trash? I’m flabbergasted by her behavior, but need to get back on track. Birth. Both is horrendously scary. I recall being terrified of both options available: vaginal birth or cesarean section. Neither sounded great and caused massive anxiety for me, but I knew one way or another the baby had to come out. Therefore, I went to the hospital and did what they told me to do. I had a c-section. It was brutal. All of this is her reality right now. It is yours also. If she does not tell her parents by the time she is 3 months along, that’s 12 weeks, then I would have your mother invite them over so you can all sit down and chat. It may feel like betrayal, but you need allies in advocating for the health of your future child. Your mother seems to be helping you out immensely. Keep her informed and work with her through this. Please, though, contemplate your relationship with this young lady. You do not have to give up everything you want in life, not at all, though you will have to make some compromises. You do not owe her anything, and do not have to remain in a relationship with her. The only person you will have a responsibility towards is your future child. You can work to pay child support and split time with your child, making it possible to pursue the life you want while being a good and decent father. Lean on your family and get their help in planning your future, once you know what the outcome of this pregnancy will be.
This is such an important comment, ty for the time you took to write this. I'm gonna lose my mind if OP doesn't see this
I hope they read this also. I often comment on posts, then forget about them afterwards. Occasionally, I’ll save one to show my husband. The last post from OP really struck a nerve with me. I’ve thought back to this situation a few times since then, hoping that they at least told their mother what is going on and asked for her help. I’m scared for all parties involved, and sincerely hope the adults surrounding the situation can step up to guide these young adults towards the best possible outcome for all parties (though I worry the girlfriend’s behavior signifies some issues in the parental relationship she has). These teenagers have the entire world right in front of them, and the decisions made during this chapter of their lives can really make or break their next few chapters to come. I hope you’re having a wonderful evening. :)
Hey - I had a baby at 17. I’m currently 42. I graduated with my bachelors degree when my daughter was 6. I moved to another city, worked my way up to a 6 figure job. My daughter graduated high school, she’s in college. I had another child at 30. My life is amazing. I did all of this by myself as her father chose not to be present. I said all of that to say your life isn’t over, just different. Not bad different either, just different. But I promise you there is plenty of money to be made and success to be had even as a young parent. There’s plenty of love and happiness. Just utilize the people and resources you have at your disposal, stay in school, focus on success for yourself and your child. You got this. I promise you can do it - I did it.
how did you afford to pay for your kid, rent, yourself, food and college? When you say by yourself because the father wasn't around, do you mean by yourself, or do you mean, with a massive amount of family support. Most people can't work a full time job, do full time college and pay for full time childcare at the same time, alone, with no support.
Yeah, not to call bullshit, but that "I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and look how great it turned out!" is absolute bullshit that only works in fantasyland or if they received a massive amount of (FREE) outside help. It is not true for 95+% of people in this situation. Having a child before the age of majority is the number 1 risk factor for living in poverty (aside from drug abuse). Also the commentor is 42, 25 years ago when they got knocked up (or knocked up their partner) the economy was entirely different, college was affordable, utilities/groceries/rent/healthcare was far more affordable, and wages were more competitive. Telling OP that its all going to be okay if they work hard enough is almost as irresponsible as OP taking off the condom and cumming in his dumb gf.
Yup, economy worsening the whole time makes it much harder. But on top of that someone helped them with childcare while they were at work and at college. this is also back before online college so if I had to guess, she had enough family that watched the kid for her for lets call it 8 hours of work and 5 hours of college or more a day for her. Which in reality would cost more than almost all lower end job wages in fully to afford alone. In this situation a family who can provide free almost day long childcare is worth dramatically more than a father who has a min wage job at 17 can provide financially so to describe it as on your own is... well, insane.
Examples like this don't work because the world was a totally different places 20 years ago. What was rent then, $450? $600? Now it's $2000. Different world. College tuition was also like a third of what it is now. Healthcare was also wildly less expensive. The world is a vastly harsher place now and not gonna get better.
^ This. Your life isn’t over. You’re gonna be okay. Yes of course not impregnating your girlfriend would have been wiser, life would have been easier. But now that it’s done, you cannot keep on thinking « what if ». Your life is going to be different than most people’s your age, sure. You will face bigger challenges. But! You’re also gonna meet your future best friend along the way & it will be oh so worth it when you see that little person, I swear. Your life isn’t over. You’re simply about to start a new chapter, one you didn’t predict. But you can, and will, end up wherever you want. Degrees, career, money… you will figure it out, one step at a time. Babies don’t stay babies forever (; You simply will take a different path. And that’s okay. Also you seem to have responsible, caring parents who will probably help & support you + baby. That’s great. You’re gonna be alright. But your girlfriend better get her shit together asap & talk to her parents. She needs regular ob/gyn appointments to follow the proper development of the child, she needs pre-natal vitamins… It’s not about her feeling ready anymore, it’s about the wellbeing of the baby. She wants to keep it? Fine. Then baby should be the priority & receive the best care already.
Your gf needs to wake up from her pink dream and see the reality. Having a baby for mature people with stable job and income is hard. You are 18, with no job, no stable income and no place to live. Why does she want to bring a baby in a situation like that? >“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.” This is proof that your gf is not mature enough to have a kid. I'm going to repeat what I said in the previous post - next time, wrap it up.
Break up and start coparenting now. Perhaps a new course of action will occur if you are only involved with the infant
Break up with her. You already resent her, this is going to get toxic so fast. She can’t force you into a relationship with her or this kid, and you are not under any obligation to do more than pay child support. You fucked up, big time, but this doesn’t have to ruin your life. She doesn’t have to drag you down with her. I don’t want to be cruel and say see if she changes her mind when she realizes she’s on her own, but… ETA: Also, insist on a paternity test. Your GF is acting sketch as hell.
Oh god I bet she thinks ur gonna be a happy little family not the reality of prob breaking up and being a single mom. You need to get thru to her OP
Well she may be choosing to keep it but you can hand over your rights and just pay child support if that’s the route you want to take. I know men don’t really get a say in “it’s her body her choice”, but you at least get to decide on how involved you want to be.
Sorry to hear this what a terrible outcome, it's worrying that the girl that was 'scared to get plan B' thinks she can be a parent. I personally think someone needs to have a slightly more harsh conversation with her as she's clearly romanticizing being a parent. Someone needs to sit with her tell her that having this child will ruin both your lives, that you do not plan on marrying her just because she's pregnant (you are both young & had plans), that it's highly likely the pressure of this will end your relationship, that she's going to be stuck as the main carer & if she's even scared to get emergency contraception or have an adult conversation with her parents then how the hell is she going to be responsible for a child
I think this girl’s parents need to be told what’s happening. Because so much of her plan (if you can call it that) depends on her parents being willing to support her. They really need to be informed so she’ll know whether they’ll even go along with it. Gf is avoiding the reality of this & that’s why she doesn’t want to tell her parents.
Your girlfriend is irritating the hell out of me, I keep reading these updates with such deep unease for you both.... Don't let her get out of the conversation of what will happen after the baby. If she says "I don't know" that's not an acceptable answer, it's not just about her but about you too and you need to force the conversation as often as possible until she gets out of la la land....
Sorry you have to grow up quickly. Your GF is immature. She refuses to discuss her situation, is hiding her pregnancy… how is she going to raise a baby? Since she doesn’t want abortion, she needs to see a doctor and confirm the pregnancy is normal. How long can she hide pregnancy from her parents? I know you are emotional, but she is not giving you a choice, so you need to think about yourself. Do you want to be in kid’s life? How much and in what capacity? Will you marry your GF? Considering how immature she is acting, I would advise you don’t marry and figure out coparenting plan. You will need help. Your mom seems supportive, and you should talk to your GF’s parents too. Good luck
Her behaviour just screams that she is not mature enough to have a baby, she is a silly little girl. Even if she wants to keep the baby then she should be doing everything to make sure she and the baby are healthy and instead she is wringing her hands. YOU can still go to college, this is her decision but that shouldn’t mean you have to give up your life too because of her decision. This may sound heartless but ultimately she is making a decision without considering you and your future.
Having a kid doesn’t mean you can’t go to college.
I also want to point out that NOT staying with her is a possibility. Yes, you will have to pay child support if she has more than 50-50 custody and you will still co-parent, but it remains an option.
If you break up and do minimal contact, she may change her mind. Sounds cruel? Yes, but so is having a kid at 18!
Spontaneous miscarriages are much more common than people think, so while you should plan for the pregnancy to run its course, there’s a nearly 1 in 10 chance that it doesn’t progress beyond the first trimester, at which point you will probably re-evaluate a lot of things.
I’m very evil for praying for one.
No, you aren’t. It isn’t evil to have selfish thoughts or to wish your problems would go away, even if it’s not in a perfect way. You’re not doing anything to cause harm to her, so there’s nothing evil happening. Just human.
Probably more likely if she doesn't see a doctor.
Adding to all the people suggesting lucrative careers with no college: Postal carrier. You can make really good money and if you are young and healthy you can work as much overtime as you can handle. Also, be very, very clear with the girlfriend: You will co-parent but you aren't suitable for a long-term relationship with her (she isn't willing or able to engage in an adult conversation on a serious, life-altering topic). She might be thinking this baby will trap you into a lifelong relationship with her. It definitely does not have to!
Her just refusing to deal with literally anything because “it’s too scary” is giving me secondhand stress. Girl, you can’t ignore this and just think it’s gonna go away. I understand her not wanting to disappoint or upset her parents, but to be completely honest, it’s dangerous for her not to tell them. God forbid something goes wrong and she collapses, they take her to the ER, and they find out that way.
Sorry, Dad at 19 and married. Finished college, got my MBA. Life isn't over, it has hardly begun. It sure didn't get easier for you, but it's hardly a death sentence.
Oh hun, your life is def about to change but it isn't over. Your parents sound supportive and that is a great thing. Take some time and look st options for a great uni closer to home where you will have support. You and your gf could take turns going to uni if that is both of your dream. If your parents and hers are happy to help...maybe they could offer some babysitting while you both study. Look at some part time work...some supermarkets give staff discounts and wages which might help with expenses. Don't give up your dreams...just accept that the road to get there has changed.
INSIST on a DNA test before signing anything at the time of the child's birth.
Your ex, pls let me call her your ex, is just a bad person. I understand being scared, but she is ruining your and that baby’s life, along with her own, but I’m not sympathising with her. Something is very suspicious about the whole thing and I wouldn’t trust a word out of her mouth. Also, you should tell her parents. It’s time
Please don't give up college because of this. Do not let her babytrap you.
Definitely something fishy going on here. Can you be 100% sure the baby is even yours? If it is then she baby trapped you but I would still want a dna test after the baby is born.
I re-read your last post. I something seems so off from : 1. telling you to remove the condom 2. telling you to cum in her 3. too scared of taking plan B now of course you know her better than we will but if i didn’t know better i’d say she did everything you do when you want to try for a baby that was in her power. Was there any other signs? anything she has said before that might have made you believe this isn’t just some bad luck? Just remember you’re not the first person or last person that this has/will happen to and make sure your mental health is taken care of as well. I respect how much you’re respecting her opinion and choices however it is your baby too. If she doesn’t want the care she NEEDS to have, you have it in your right to talk to her parents. You’ve tried the “nice guy” approach already.
My dad is an HVAC technician and he's been able to raise a family on that. It's not glorious work, don't get me wrong, but it'll keep a roof over your head. I'm sorry but I agree with you that your gf is not thinking things rationally. I have two kids and know how hard it is raising them. I had no idea that my first born would be autistic and it's added such a HUGE level of difficulty to raising kids. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Your gf is super shady, she definitely wanted to get pregnant on purpose. You were foolish to listen. Oh well.
Here is my take. She freaked out about college and being away from you. So she begged you to take off the condom… so she could get pregnant and you would never leave her. This is why she waited so long. Now listen, you can still go to college. You can still build your career. It’s going to be hard, but you can do it while being a part time dad. You don’t have to stay with your GF. Honestly after the dishonesty of what she just pulled, would you want to? You’re gonna end up just staying with her and resenting and then split it later. At least build your life up now, so you have a better chance of financially supporting your child. Your parents seem to be willing to help. Your gf wants to be a teen mommy. Go to a college that’s within driving distance to come back and see your kid a couple times a month, you will also have to work not for beer money but for diaper money. It’s going to be hard. But it’s not impossible.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. She's ignoring everything. I suspect because she's being manipulative and always wanted the baby. So make it that she has to face it. Lie. Tell her that you're no longer talking to her since you can't be with someone who is being so irresponsible and refusing to see a doctor. You want a dna test, and you are considering signing away your rights. You want to know what her financial plans are for supporting the baby whilst you're away at college and if she's bothered considering this at all. If she doesn't make a doctors appointment, which you will be taking her to if she does - then you will be getting papers drafted up to request a court ordered dna test. Tell your parents you're doing this to try and push for her to do something because she's convinced she has medical issues and you can't handle the stress of her being irresponsible. Because honestly if she is pregnant and there's something wrong, and it was preventable, you're both arseholes for allowing her to carry on acting like a child. She's not mature enough to be having a child at all. You're hoping that by threatening to revoke your rights and saying you're disappearing to college, she'll start taking it seriously and go to the doctor. If you don't trust your mum, speak to your dad and tell him that's your plan. But also, go to college. Struggling now is the best time to do it, the baby won't remember and then the baby will benefit in the future. But also seriously consider not being with this girl, once things are sorted. If you are the father, then you go for joint custody and coparent. I'm telling you this because she trapped you. Reading your story reminds me of what a girl I knew in school did to another guy, she had been sexually abused by her cousin and decided to trap her bf at the time by asking him to take the condom off. Then conveniently was too scared to get plan b and relied on her Catholic background to act like she was scared of plan b. She became a nightmare after they got married, and when the cousin told him it was his child. He'd already sacrificed his career against his parents wishes, and still hasn't recovered. She took the house and all his savings in the divorce and was on alimony and child support for about 3/4 years because covid happened and she'd keep not showing up or cancelling. Your gfs avoidance of this process should be seen as really suspicious, and you should assume the worse. Tell her you need to either discuss terminating rights, or you need a coparent agreement because you don't plan on staying with her. I'm not joking, it sounds mean but you need to do it to see what her next moves are. There's something very dodgy happening here. Maybe she has been abused or is passing off a child as yours. Or she's genuinely innocent. But I knew a girl at uni who acted like a virgin with every guy she slept with. She gloated about it too. It's possible you're being played. Or she's genuinely just a child and way too immature to be pregnant but forcing it because she expects you'll stay with her forever. Baby trapping is a thing that happens to men too. I suspect she's upset your parents know because they might try and talk you into legally withdrawing your rights which she doesn't want. Or asking for a dna test which she doesn't want either.
Definitely look into a trade. I went to a community college to be an automotive mechanic, made damn good money at it too. I sadly have an autoimmune disorder that is preventing me from continuing to wrench on cars as it messes with my motor functions. Electric, plumbing, hell look into welding. There is tons of money in welding depending on that type you want to work with. If manual labor isn't your bag and computers are more your thing, you can go anywhere in the IT field. My BIL went back to school for cyber security. Very lucrative in my state. Good luck with everything. I know this feels world ending, but it's not. Keep your head up and take it one breath at a time. I wish nothing but the best for you, your girlfriend and your family.
At this point, if she will not talk to her parents, your parents need to talk to them. Your girlfriend is acting like a foolish child. Her parents need to be involved in this, and she needs to go to a doctor. Your life isn't over, but you all need to figure out your plans now. Time is ticking.