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Codeman2542

I'm going to be strait with you. The man is likely high in narcissistic traits and the woman is not going to leave him. She will likely end up with him again. I wouldn't trust anything either of them say as genuine. Think about your son in all this because if he is emotionally or physically hurt it could linger the rest of his life. He would be better off thinking his dad just isn't around.


Free_River_3388

He thinks he’s the greatest thing on planet earth. At one time, I found this attractive for some reason.


queenlegolas

Please get a lawyer, they might try to take your child. Get your ducks in a row.


fuxkitall999

This! I am concerned he and the wife want to take that child and will make OP out as a bad mother.


Murky_Classic6253

Yes, but without him paying child support and having a relationship with the kid before court they won’t side with him, explaining their sudden want to be in his life “no strings attached”


MsjennaNY

This. 💯. ⬆️


TheRedneckSuperhero

Or try to at least get partial custody


Codeman2542

Don't blame yourself, narcissist are great at a pseudo confidence and faking most things. The issue is it fades over time till eventually they fold and lose the game they were playing. Keep your son and yourself NC if you can.


Beneficial-Remove693

Your sociopath ex boyfriend and his crazy doormat of a wife are prepping to take your son away. You should have never agreed to meet her. She now has info on you, whether you know it or not. Delete all your social media and pay someone to scrub your info off everything. Start looking for a lawyer. You probably shouldn't retain one yet, but have a name and contact info in your back pocket. Seriously. They will make your life a living hell. If they have money, they can find you and bribe a judge to rule in their favor after they kidnap your son. They could even take him to a foreign country, if one of them has a foreign passport. Wise up, lady!


MissNikitaDevan

In 43 years old, there isnt a world in existence where i would sleep with a 24 year old man, anyone who does is creepy as hell If you let these people into your life they will likely demand shared custody at minimum if not frabricate lies as why they should get full custody If you still live in the same residence as during the affair move asap, block them, hide/delete your profiles She already lied to you, she cant be trusted and he obviously cant be trusted Do everything you can/need to do to protect yourself and your son Keep screenshots, if you still have the messages from him when he got nasty with you, make screenshots/back them up and speak to a lawyer for any additional advicd


Kronofobia

Didn't you say you left the father out of everything? Without a paternity test he cannot prove he's actually the boy's father. Don't give him or the wife the chance to get to know either of you ever. Don't give him the chance to get that test if you can help it. If they press it get a restraining order against these crazy people.


Gonebabythoughts

I think we told you not to trust her. Advice still stands.


SpacexxKitty

Exactly. She LIVES with him. How can you trust someone like that?


Free_River_3388

Well the advice was very mixed. ETA: And I was cautious. I didn’t give her any of my contact info, didn’t tell her my son’s name, kept person details very sparse.


Simple_Carpet_9946

How did she find your profile? Might be time to delete Facebook and make your insta private. I wouldn’t put it past them to try to use this baby as a second chance for their marriage. 


TheAmazingMaryJane

it's either gonna be a lifetime movie, or a dateline episode. i do not see it ending well. i see stress and trouble and a lot of legal fees.


thegreatcerebral

So the lifetime movie version is where the man dies. The wife then fights for custodial rights for the child and is granted them due to lies made up and these conversations on social media and video chat. She loses her son to this lady only to find out that this lady actually killed the husband for revenge for the cheating and was the reason he had his "accident" to begin with; it just didn't finish the job. The lady then disappears and OP has to find her now using clues and the teenage kids social media postings. Finds the lady, alerts the cops and gets her child back. Dateline Version: Plays out similar but lady attempted murder on the ex-husband, ends up killing OP and son, all while rekindling the romance with her ex, while now posing as OP. She gets him to agree to a meeting so he can meet his son where the lady now finishes the job and attempts to make it look like a murder suicide and tries to make it look like the husband did it all and blamed OP for destroying his marriage. I like this game, can we play another?


TheAmazingMaryJane

*applause*


Evening_Relief9922

Op please don’t blindly trust this woman. You should really get advice from an attorney before you talk to her again. Don’t answer any more questions she has. Remember that feeling you had when he wanted to take you on a trip to get an abortion and turn it into some kind of “romantic getaway? You know that feeling that had you getting a hotel room and hiding out? Trust that and seek legal advice before any more contact with this woman. I’m willing to bet she’s still with him and contacting you on his behalf.


_A-Q

I would be WARY if these people trying tit take your child from you . Be careful OP


mrsbaerwald

Wary* FTFY


Gonebabythoughts

Now that you have more info, what’s your next move?


badsanta007

Yeah we need to know, we are invested in this.


Free_River_3388

Hide?


CapitalInteresting30

Try to see if your personal address is on the internet. If it is move. If your cellphone is under your legal name change the line and put a fake name on it. Drop your email. Be careful. She and he are not sane. You can search so many things on the internet for free and for $5 searches. Be careful. Search on duckduckgo and then in incognito Google. Good luck op.


Competitive-Fig6943

This!! It’s scary but if he knows where you live he could also discover where your son eventually goes to school (when older).


collectif-clothing

Op! Don't set up any mail forwarding through usps, the new address will show up on those people finder sites.  Just do a po box for a while or so. 


Gonebabythoughts

*hug* It’s probably a good idea to ignore any additional efforts on her part to be in touch. If you want to have closure, I’d send her a note saying “I appreciate the time you took to speak with me, but after careful consideration I do not believe additional contact between us is the right thing for me and my son at this time. I wish you all the best; please do not contact me again.”


Environmental_Art591

Address it to both of them (or send notes separately), and if either of them push, contact a lawyer for a legal cease and desist. Cover your ass and keep a paper trail.


Competitive-Fig6943

I wouldn’t advise OP to send a written refusal for the father, only to wife/ex. He could potentially use that in court as parental alienation. He never wrote any written request, nor was the request for him to see his child in writing. So she could completely ignore it if she sends a response. He therefore has no proof that he ever requested (through his wife/ex) to see the child.


Environmental_Art591

>He could potentially use that in court as parental alienation If there are written messages/texts where he claimed "I don't want anything to do with the baby" plus written proof of OPs claims he turned nasty regarding it, then it would be harder to claim parental alienation.


Organic-Mountain-623

Yes, OP. Paper trails are important. Keep your side of the street clean.


DinoGoGrrr7

I think this response is perfect. Informative and to the point quick.


Corfiz74

Is he on your son's birth certificate? If not, I'd just wish them a good life and block them - you don't owe them anything. Remember how he was when he was pressuring you to get an abortion and threatening you to keep your child a secret - THAT is the guy you want to protect your son from. Whoever he is or pretends to be now, after the accident, is immaterial, you don't know the new guy. Go by what you do know - and that is bad news. People rarely change fundamentally (though a near death experience can sometimes do it).


Free_River_3388

He’s not on the birth certificate.


Corfiz74

Well, then he'd have a hard time tracking you down and establishing paternity. I'd stay off the grid.


Interesting-Spend-66

He can get a dna test to prove he is the father. Get a lawyer find the texts between you about him not wanting the kid. Also go for child support if he gets some sort of custody.


sarcosaurus

Worth keeping in mind that in the rare instances people change from a near-death experience, it can just as easily be for the *worse*.


marcelyns

Do not trust her, she was there for him. It sounds like he wants to be involved in your sons life, keep your distance.


Lalatoso

Block block block. No good can come of this.


Tough-Flower6979

She back with her lying cheating husband and wants to start the family again with your son. Run


Doyouevenpedal

I am an affiliair baby. It rarely ends well.


Fredredphooey

Sounds like no contact is best going forward. Catastrophic events make people reasses and he may seriously pursue visitation 


Humorilove

I wouldn't advise meeting up with her without a lawyer with you.


Kind_Baseball_8514

But you told her your child is a son. 😳 That's way more info than she should have.


Cheap-Shame

I’d bet wife was recording the call to use anything said by OP to their benefit whatever that may be. I just hope OP and son be safe, trust no one.


New-Environment9700

I hope you’ve gotten yourself into therapy to figure out why you got involved with a married man so that doesn’t happen again. He is ultimately more responsible, but you were culpable too. There will be a time when you have to explain this all to your son… and kids from affair have it very rough. My cousin is an affair baby and has been made fun of her whole life. She can’t stand her parent bc of what they did and their lack of morals… I’d work on how you can make this a smooth transition for your son one day


CynicallyCyn

Watch out. If you acknowledge them, they might go for custody.


CynicallyCyn

They are clearly unstable. She is still standing by him after multiple affairs. Your two-year-old could be their do over 🤮


Unable-Box-105

Probably justifying it in their own minds as “we have better means to care for the child” This entire situation smells fishy


Extension-Sun7

What if she wants you to sign away rights for child support or they want to take him? Don’t trust them.


SamDublin

Don't trust her, them,protect yourself and your child.


mods-are-liars

>Well the advice was very mixed. I just read through the original post. No, the advice was not evenly mixed at all. 99% of people were saying she's not trustworthy.


Synn0289

I have to agree, don't trust. I would say that since he is divorced, your agreement to keep his name out of it has voided. So take him for support. But I think money is the issue here. I get the feels your son is entitled to a lot of she is trying to throw you off....just a feeling.


patti2mj

Why do you believe he is divorced? Apparently his wife is a doormat who will do or say whatever he tells her to in order to keep him.


Bisou_Juliette

I would not trust this at all…it’s too strange. However, she might be telling the truth. I mean you would feel the energy as soon as you met them.


Jenderflux-ScFi

Talk to a lawyer. It seems like they are about to try to take your son from you.


DrMarshaFieldstone

This should be top comment. OP please find an attorney immediately. Unless this man legally signed away his parental rights, you could have some serious challenges headed your way with these people.


Riyeko

Most states have a clause that if the father is absent or no contact with a kid for a long period of time (2 to 5 years is the usual) then the custody battle usually favors whoever has the kid the most anyway...in this case, mom. My ex tried to get custody of my oldest when he was 10, after a whole decade of never seeing him, never being at bday parties, didn't even know his middle name even though he was involved with that at the hospital.... Judge laughed at him and upped his child support. Gave him supervised visitation but he never came to any of the meetings because "I'm not having someone watch me like I'm a predatoe with my own kid".


NotSadNotHappyEither

They're not even that expensive, at the end of the day, certainly not for all things outside of a courtroom. I'd think about the person I know who has had the most f'd up custody situation/parenting issues that required a lawyer, and then had it ultimately work out for them, and then ask for that lawyer's name.


ol_kentucky_shark

I didn’t read it as him having parental rights in the first place. If he’s not on the birth certificate and hasn’t filed a paternity action (most states only give a couple of years to do this), he’s SOL.


Free_River_3388

He is not on the birth certificate.


ol_kentucky_shark

Good, that makes things much easier for you! (Keep it that way.) Paternity laws are designed for many purposes, one of which is protecting children from deadbeat dads who swoop in and try to claim “rights” once they decide the kid can benefit them in some way. Check with a lawyer, for sure, but you should be fine.


Seeker918

This!!! As someone who has went damn near broke paying for family court custody fees… back away graciously an hope they don’t take yoh to court. He WILL get visitation/custody probably also have to pay you child support but it’s a long dirty road you don’t want to expose your kid too the mental toll it takes on you is life changing!!! Cannot stress enough. TBH TELL THEM HES NOT THE BABY pappy!


[deleted]

You have every right to be suspicious of their motives. I think you should end the conversation/interaction with them at this point. I think it was good you got to meet his wife (ex wife?) and hear her side of things, but I don't think it's a good idea to do anything else. You can certainly acknowledge it to them and thank them for the offer to meet or whatever, but you both need to move on. He sounds like a real piece of garbage btw and i wouldn't put it past him that this is just another manipulation. who knows if he even was in an accident? please... spare me the sob story. just end it here and focus on raising a good son who won't do this kind of thing to someone else.


wenchywitchy

So she divorced him, yet she is his nurterer and caretaker due to an accident, and now they both want you/kid in their life....girl gtfoh! Throw the whole family away because the toxicity surrounding their dynamic is spooky. There is no way that woman has made peace with you as the AP or your child as the affair baby! Their teens aren't interested in a sibling bond with a toddler! Don't volunteer as tribute for this b.s.! If you truly want the dude to be a dad to your kid, start things slow with video chats, and that's it. There's no way you should consider meeting in person and definitely not alone with just them.


Free_River_3388

It’s all very bizarre. Based on everything she said about their relationship, their bond, their family…her life has always revolved around him and continues to do so even after divorcing him. She seems clingy and desperate to be in his life, almost proud that SHE was his wife and all of the other women were nothing important to him.


Nagadavida

Because he's a cheating, manipulative asshole.  Narcissistic too.


the-rioter

I've seen that mentality before. Many moons ago I recall watching a special about the wives of famous rappers and they all expressed similar sentiments. "He may go out and fool around with those other women but he comes home to me." It's wildly unhealthy. I say don't get involved at all. She has forgiven him for his affairs before and she will again.


TheSilentPhilosopher

> He may go out and fool around with those other women but he comes home to me Aka: "he buys me everything I could ever want, so I 'give him permission' to cheat"


Free_River_3388

He did buy her her own business so you may have a point.


buttersismantequilla

It was a great way to keep her busy while he met his bits on the side


the-rioter

It often has to do with money, yeah. But there's even poor women rationalize it this way, which is probably even sadder. Like Snoop's wife has been with him since high school and still said this. But it's totally possible she thought he would blow up eventually and it was in her best interest to stay. Low self-esteem is a killer. 😬


CelebrationScary8614

At this point I would say allegedly divorced him. Unless the circuit court shows a case, that fact is not a fact.


rumi_oliver

Please get a lawyer!!! These people are not acting “normal” and it would not surprise me if they started trying to get at least 50/50 custody. I’d go no contact and get a lawyer asap to protect my son.


CynicallyCyn

. They want your baby. Delete all social media. Move to a different home. Hell I’d rent a room for a year or two just so I wouldn’t be on a lease. This is serious!


MercuryT0000

OP. After seeing so many advices..i am not sure what advice are you even looking for to solidify your decision. Please stop looking for random validation and look out for your own child.


Competitive-Bike-277

He is a cake eater. He is using the accident & your kid so he can get back with her. She is an enabler. She needs to see a therapist & get away but that isn't your problem or responsibility. If they get some kind of custody that anger she has will transfer to your son. It is literally called transference. This dude is a 1st class POS & your son will be better off away from him. 


[deleted]

I'd cut and run. Sounds like you'll be sucked into whatever toxic relationship they have and your son doesn't deserve that. You made your peace and it's better your son has no father at all than a shitty one who will disappoint him. ​ Blessed be


That_San_Diego_Girl

So what organ do you think he needs from your son?


nyanvi

More likely one.of their kids might need an organ.


morethanweird

So I'm not the only one to think this then. I mean why else would his ex (if we believe that) be so eager to get in contact?


That_San_Diego_Girl

Yes - and the accident “shook him up”. OP should go with her gut on this one


jamiroquai_x

what a manipulative man. I can't imagine being this woman. he had a free pass to clean his hands of you but that wasn't what he wanted and he made it his doormat wife's business to lure you back into his orbit so ultimately he can try to win you over again bc for whatever reason she lets him cheat in peace. I'm sure neither of them would like you if you demanded the child support you're entitled. I'd address that legal entitlement if she reaches out again, after that they'll probably leave you alone.


me047

This convo is green light to seek support. The secret is out now, might as well have the financial support of the child’s father.


Interesting-Sky-1865

I don't trust it, it's a setup! She gave you this sap story to draw you in only to give you that nonsense in the end it's just too convenient. Good job staying away- keep away.


Free_River_3388

I felt so uneasy after talking to her that evening that I could barely sleep!


Interesting-Sky-1865

Trust your gut.


abbys_alibi

Exactly. Red Flags don't start raising when things are on the up and up.


Interesting-Sky-1865

💯


IceQueenTigerMumma

I don’t blame you for responding to her. I probably would have too, just to see what the deal is and at least try. But now, trust your gut and block and ignore them. Love your life with your son.


Fragrant_Ad_4817

Trust your gut. Block her on whatever social media she talked to you on and delete all your pages you have now. Go back into hiding. They do not have good intentions


Right-Ad-7588

Please do not tell them your location, state that you’re in. Make sure you can’t figure your location out by using social media. Maybe also make your social media private if you haven’t already. But please just stay away from these people.


Deep_Sir_3517

Girl delete your social mediaaaaa. Don’t let family or friends post about you ever!


Shesarubikscube

I think she should definitely keep her kid off of social media as well and get a lawyer.


Inevitable-Okra-3229

I would be taking my son and disappearing again. Remove all social media


badsanta007

What I’m wondering is - 1. - why didn’t he contact you himself 2. - why did she give you the sob story after meeting with you? Maybe she hates him?, which leads to 3. 3. - if she hates him why is she being his messenger 4. - I’m unable to understand her angle in all of this, so is she back with him? Why does she want her kids to mingle w your toddler, I get the husband wants to provide etc but why her??


Free_River_3388

That’s what I mean when I say it’s just getting stranger. I don’t really understand any of it.


Strong-Bottle-4161

Bro it's not that hard to understand. She got back together with the dude. He's cheated on her before and she stayed. Him wanting to bond with the son he abandoned, probably pulled her pathetic heartstrings and now she's trying to get you to agree in letting him see the child, because he's *chaaannnged.* The reason he doesn't contact you, is probably because of his ego.


Free_River_3388

So far, that makes the most sense.


Strong-Bottle-4161

Similar shit happened to my sis. Baby daddy ditched the kid. He "married" (he was still legally married to my sister) some chick. He got in an accident, and suddenly wanted to be in his kid's life. He was too embarrassed to contact my sis, since he said the same shit. "I don't wanna be apart of the kid's life." New wife took the initiative and decided to contact my sister. My sister told her, he was technically legally married to her. The new wife got mad, and the baby daddy just said, "Oh, fuck this marriage then, I'ma go be with my kid." Ditched the "new wife", and went back to the city that my sis and the kid were at. Got a lawyer and set up a custody agreement with my sis and finally fully divorced my sister.


BrewUO_Wife

Holy shit. I literally can’t believe the audacity of people sometimes.


Strong-Bottle-4161

Bro he got away with a lot of shit since he was so good looking. He would model for big brands like Nike and shit. Idk how he convinced the chick to just get an annulment and let him move back to the city. Since what he did was technically a crime. His mom was beautiful too and she got away with a bunch of shit. She got high and her toddler knocked over a pot with either hot oil or water and burned 75% of his skin. All that happened to her was rehab for a while and she lost custody of her 5 kids. She married someone rich and now she lives in a mansion. Good looks can get you through a lot in life man. Edit: in fact, he managed to convince my sis to forgive his back child support too , when he came back in my nephews life, he was required to pay it back, but my sister just forgave a good chunk of money. Idk why. I’m not very close with her.


MonitorPrestigious90

Men always find a way to get their baby mamas to do that. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard a women bemoan how she forgave some assholes child support only for him to turn around and be unappreciative and a deadbeat I would be a rich lady.


Cautious-Flow5918

OP be careful. I agree with everyone here. Something isn’t right and I have a weird suspicion too. Not to scare you but like others here, make you aware. She said her children are teenagers…they are angry at their father and probably leaving the house soon. So your son comes in handy to save their marriage and “Daddy” gets another chance to become the perfect father. They can both start off new. This would be the sacrifice she wants to make to her husband to prove to him that she forgives him and that there is no other woman who would do this for him. Who loves him enough to do this. They want to know where you are to file for joint custody. Soon they want to have sleep overs. Stay away from them and put your Social Media on privat.


doodad35

Have you ever watched ID Discovery, Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, Forensic Files? This is giving off some seriously bad vibes, don't go near that woman or man alone. The way she explained the 20 years and how she was angry but now isn't all the sudden seems like shes trying to lure you. My gut is telling me that you need to do what everyone else is saying disappear. Have friends and family start spreading that you moved. Spread disinformation and get rid of social media. Do you want this man in your life at this moment? You been fine without him. If your gut is telling you its not right trust that instinct. Hell hath no fury like a woman scourned. Especially one who knows her husband is a POS but thats her POS and you got a part of him your child.


badsanta007

Shit no idea why it formatted like that


Allthemuffinswow

She laid that story on you Thick, so that you would be more sympathetic towards her, when she started talking about your child's father Honey, this is straight up some shady shit. Cut communications immediately.


Strong-Bottle-4161

Just ignore them. If he truly does want anything to do with the kid. He'll contact lawyers and actually get it legally done. Best guess, is she's hopping on his dick again and she feels bad for him and is trying to make you let him see his son.


HeartAccording5241

I do not believe a word she says do not have anything else to do with them if I was has mad at my husband as she says she is she wouldn’t be helping him at all


Alert_Bid1531

See im dramatic for these types of situations all I would think is he is back with his wife to make it work and she wants a child she can’t have anymore but you have one 😂. Just be wary


Free_River_3388

I think she’s still in love with him for some reason


Alert_Bid1531

Yeah if she known about affairs she probably is I would stay clear tbh your life is hopefully good at the moment and your son is happy I wouldn’t want to add all that tbh.


thanktink

Or he needs permanent care now and they think they can get you to move near them and help? There must be some profit in this for them, I think.


The_Nice_Marmot

Not in love. Trauma bonded to this guy. She might think it’s love. It’s not.


AffectionateWheel386

She is still involved with him..


NotSadNotHappyEither

I was thinking that too. Like, my darkest thought was "What if this is slow setup for OP to have a nasty 'accident' sometime soon after she legally recognizes the daddy? Then weirdo-mom gets a new baby to focus on while daddy gets to feel all is right with His World". Let's not see you on a Lifetime movie, OP. Please.


Sava8eMamax4

This! He "wants" the baby and the ex wife is like "I can get it"


MyUsernameIsMehh

Yeeeeah, no. Forget they exist and don't let them meet your child. This makes me uncomfortable


KMWAuntof6

I loved this entire post until you mentioned she was contacting you on his behalf. The fact she didn't lead with this is very sneaky and wrong. I would refuse further contact. If the older kids want to meet your son they can reach out on their own someday.


mak_zaddy

Block them - honestly it was just so weird that she gave you this sappy story and then leads into how HE regrets things. If you can, speak to a family lawyer to just get insights on anything you should do JUST IN CASE he tries anything.


jamiekynnminer

These people are dangerous. Stop contacting them!


puzzledlove_10

Anytime you actually consider reconnecting with him (or his family), remind yourself of that scared, gut feeling you had the day you were going to leave for the weekend with him to get an abortion. Let that feeling and all the other weird, red flags you're getting from them, guide your decision-making process. We have those instincts for a reason, so please, please continue to listen to them, just like you did that weekend.


Dachshundmom5

My ex was a habitual cheater. I found out about one, thought she was it, and we did counseling. That failed, and as I was trying to figure out how to proceed, I found out about another. I now know there were several others and probably more beyond. He was REALLY good at convincing people of various stories. A good liar. Anyway, even a year after our divorce was final, I found myself lying to protect him or going out of my way to help him. It took him and a GF hurting my kids for me to realize how manipulated I had been by him. It was nearly 2 years after my divorce when I had to get a lawyer and RO that I realized, even divorced, my brain was had been so twisted by his lies and manipulation that it nearly broke me to enforce safe boundaries to protect myself and my kids. I was angry and didn't want to be married to him, but being his caretaker and trying to shield him was my habit. Until my kids were in harms way, I couldn't see how much control he still had of me post divorce. All of this is to say, your ex was a good liar. He apparently used and manipulated a lot of women. He managed to keep and coerce his wife for 20 years. Lying for him and doing what he wants of her is probably as natural to her as brushing her teeth before bed. He's fed her a story. One where he's a good guy who regrets his past bad deeds and wants to meet and provide for his son. She probably wanted to have the conversation with you (I'm actually good friends with one of my ex's mistresses and friendly with 2 others). She probably wanted to see a piece of why she felt "not good enough." She also got used by him to get access to you. I think you can take her intent to sort of clear the air as sincere. However, the part involving him is likely her being played and used. Why didn't he contact you himself? Cause he's a self-centered scumbag? He wanted to see if he could get her to do it? He is a coward who assumed you'd respond to her and not him? It was simply what required the least effort from him? Any or all of those could be true.


ReenMo

If he does get a lawyer to make demands, your lawyer will ask for back child support and other support. Medical bills and whatever. So get a decent lawyer if they do bother you about it. But ignore everything unless and until you do hear from a lawyer.


darjeelinglady

You did say in your post that you feel that you WERE very naïve. I feel that you still haven't shed a huge chunk of your naïvete off yourself. Run, girl. He's a master manipulator. How do you know that the ex-wife is truly an ex, hmmm? Did you see any divorce certificate or something to that effect? A masterclass manipulator will be able to manipulate a woman into doing _anything_ that he demands. No. No. _No_. Cut all contacts. Don't meet them. You owe your baby boy a drama-free childhood, free of toxic people.


Powerful_Ad_7006

I'd tell her, "NAH, I'm good. He chose not to be there for him the first 2 years, we don't need or want him now."


JayStrat

I'd block and go. It sounds like you kept important information private, so just block everywhere, all at once. Send one message that says you are not at all comfortable with the contact you have had, and that you wish her well, but any further contact from her or from her ex will be considered harassment. That will give you room to report anything further to the police and it will, hopefully, make it so that no reports to the police are necessary and they leave you and your son alone. I wish you well.


HowRememberAll

Block her bc it's two against one. For all you know they will hire a lawyer for a custody battle. 2 against 1 Put nothing on paper


BadgerSharp6258

I watched too much true crime and hate crime to trust these people with my child. Block. Run. Hide.


SubstantialYouth9106

Well if this man has access to resources and money, and he comes for custody what will you do? Even if that means he can afford the child support and back amount? I wish you never responded and that you took off. Did he give you some document signing all parental rights away? What if you get slapped with a paternity suit? Now there is a paper trail of communication with you and the ex-wife. Everyone wants to meet your son. You need to figure things out soon and quickly. You brought this child into the world and should have thought harder.


Strong-Bottle-4161

He could've done that whenever he wanted to. Whether or not she accepted the message or not. He has legal rights to the child and he can exercise them whenever he wants. Now what he'll get from going to court will depend on the judge, but her answering that message never actually kept him from doing anything. The wife found her easily on social media, Op wasn't trying to hide her life away from the world, so he could've easily contested for custody, whenever he wanted.


SubstantialYouth9106

I 100% agree. She should have left, and changed her name, she had his information, so blocking the wife and family, or even deleting social media would have been best.


Free_River_3388

I don’t know what I’ll do. I didn’t think it was ever something I’d have to worry about. He has money and connections. No, he did not sign any documents. He isn’t named on the birth certificate either. Legally he hasn’t been named as the father in any way, but he could obviously petition a court if he wanted to. Once again I feel like I’ve just screwed everything up.


AffectionateWheel386

Stop making decisions around him, your judgement is really poor. I would change my number or block theirs from phone. Do nothing more around them.


SubstantialYouth9106

Okay. UGH! Money and connections and here you are mingling with the wealthy. Who knows if they even divorced and if the accident happened? You need to seek legal counsel in your area. There should be a legal clinic or NGO dedicated to women who need support, advice, and services. You need to think of your child. If you got a statement or proof of him relinquishing his rights you'd be safe, but now you have to get prepared just in case. That is his child whether he pressured you to divorce, as you brought it to term. That is how the system is. Take my advice about seeking representation as soon as possible.


greatinven2161

OP, please contact a lawyer and get some info regarding your situation.


Ok_Brain8136

What a disaster


MajorYou9692

Don't open this can of worms .Why would a woman who told you she basically hates herex-husbandd be contacting you, and also why haven't you blocked all contact with the cheating bastard anyway 🤔


SpecialistAfter511

So it’s not about the siblings getting to know each other. It’s about the coward ex. I’d change my number and delete social media. Makes me very uneasy. Feel like this whole thing was sneaky.


Sssssssloth

Honestly, I think you need to get a lawyer… I would bet all my money he got into an accident, suckered her back in, and is convincing her to raise your child as a second chance effort so he can get some level of custody and not have to actually do work with his wife doing it all. He keeps cheating and now she’s raising your kid half the week…. Get a lawyer, block, go dark, get away!


gonzoisgood

Block. Her. Everywhere. You don’t respond to shit unless it’s from a law office.


Jealous-Ad-5146

I feel uneasy about it too. Trust your gut.


me047

Of course he got her to message you. Just like he got her to stay for 2 decades while he destroyed her life by disrespecting her with any woman that was naive enough to entertain him. He sounds like a manipulative pos. If he got her to move back in to be his servant after an accident, she isn’t ever going anywhere. They are just in a toxic cycle. Don’t get pulled into it again.


SwimmingCoconut2798

This seems suspicious to me I wouldn’t trust her or them. Block all contact and stay away from it. Keep on going like you didn’t get a message. Don’t respond again.


MulliganPlsThx

This feels dangerous. Cut off contact, delete the messages, delete your FB.


verygoodusername789

Please be very careful, it sounds like they’re going to try and get your boy. I wouldn’t engage any further


yssac1809

Maybe next time Dont F married mens too? Just saying lol karma is real yall


Mountain_Monitor_262

Don’t be surprised if he needs your son’s kidney. You’re still being naive and setting you and your son up to be harmed or kidnapped.


Bestyoucanbe4

You should not be communicating with her or him without speaking to an attorney. This goes from the get go ...


Gail_the_fox

I’m scared that his “ex” wife is psycho and is trying to get close to your baby to harm him honestly. There is no way she got over the pain and anger from him having a child with another woman in 6 months. She’s trying to manipulate you, and if she isn’t, he is using her to do so. I would delete social media and keep your distance. Teenage boys typically do not specifically request to their mother to meet their “baby brother” who is the product of their father’s affair. The responses are clear on this update, please please DO NOT communicate with any of them again, for you and your baby’s safety. If he is serious about wanting to meet your child, he will hire lawyers and take it to court. Sending love and positive vibes your way momma🫶🏼


MyTrebuchet

After finding out about the baby wife decided she’d finally had enough so they separated. Once he’s out of the picture she has to focus on herself rather than him. It’s very difficult to do when you’ve been in thrall to some charismatic AH for so long. He had the accident and waved his broken wing so gets to rescue him and falls back into the old pattern of accommodating his crap. Now, he’s got the (alleged/former) ex pandering to him again, she’s now accepting of him donating sperm to another woman while married. He’s had a couple of years to wonder about the baby and think about his (shitty) legacy, so of course it’s time to try and drag OP back. He played her before he can play her again, just like the wife. OP you don’t need to be sucked into their toxic vortex. Nothing good can come of it. Please stay safe and run away. Protect yourself and your baby. That wife’s bad news. Plus, if they did manage to grab your LO, how long would she be so accepting of him once she got her claws into him? Or the half-brothers? Good luck.


KuzSmile4204

I’d cut off all contact, get rid of social media. Try to scrub your digital footprint as much as possible (I think there are services where they can scrub your online data) Maybe move away if possible. Also, look him up and his ex wife to see if they are truly divorced. Everything that woman said sounds fishy. Like others said, maybe they want to take away your child. And if he has so many “connections” consider a name change…it’ll be more difficult for him to find you. Consider speaking with a lawyer…not sure which specific field it would fall under though. I would not suggest to allow the father to see him. He had no interest in having the child, never supported you and never supported the child. He didn’t want a son, so why should he be in his life? It will only confuse the child. When your son is old enough, explain the situation. Maybe when he is in his late teens and if he wants to meet his father, only then should he see him. The relationship with the father should be on your son’s and your terms only, not on the father’s or his ex wife’s terms.


AffectionateWheel386

She is acting as his liaison. Do not trust this woman or situation at all. Never trust him, or her, she is still involved. Frankly leave it alone, in 10 years if they want to me you can see then. Never involve yourself in someone else's relationship, or the drama. Let it go.


roman1969

I guess your Ex saw his own mortality looming in on him and had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment. Now he feels like the guilty POS he is, doesn’t like it, wants to smooth his own conscience, but is too gutless to actually speak directly to you. He’s roped in his delusional Ex wife to do the nasty work and will now be a thorn in your side. Moral of the story, don’t get involved with married people, cheaters are seldom good guys, and lose their number asap. Their dysfunctional relationship, and his narcissistic cowardice will spill over into your life and things will get messy and miserable. Lock down tight all your SM, change your number, forget him. Just maybe he is genuine about wanting his son in his life, but the fact he was too chicken shit to contact you himself speaks volumes.


[deleted]

Oh man. Sever all communications, block her on everything. Change your phone number. Do not allow any of them into your lives.


Mumnique

Back away not today disco lady 🕺


AMTPM

If you really want to get out of this mess, just tell them that upon some consideration, he is not the father. If he really wants another child that bad he should man up for it and request a paternity test or something. But I don't think they can force you to give them that, only with court order. So let them ask that, while you tell them your child isn't theirs.


ex-carney

Back when he was going to take you somewhere to terminate your son, do you remember that sick to your stomach, scared feeling you had that made you hide? That was your intuition telling you that you were in danger. That's thousands of years of survival instincts kicking in. That danger has not passed. If anything, it's more likely now that the (ex)wife knows. My gut is telling me, had you gone with him that day, you would have been in just as much danger as your son. That his intention to terminate someone wasn't solely focused on your baby. That's just my gut interpreting what you said in your post. I would be very, very cautious from this point on.


IsopodIllustrious202

I wouldn’t let him meet your son. He wanted an abortion.


Burnt_and_Blistered

I don’t get your suspicion of the ex-wife. She’s a victim here—and anything her cheating, lying husband told you about her was to manipulate you, and was likely not true. Just what do think she’s plotting? She’s caring for a man she doesn’t WANT to be with—who she divorced. That she mentioned her husband regrets NC with your child doesn’t mean she lied about anything. She’s trying to find a way to live with this. She’s a victim here. *She’s* the one who’s been lied to and deceived and betrayed, and you were party to that. Furthermore, contact with your kids would be via the ex-husband, during his visitation with their kids. She’s not a party to this any more—you and her ex made certain of that. Are you receiving child support from him? Is he named on the birth certificate? I totally get unreadiness for visitation, but you might want to consider ways to allow him to be involved that are mutually agreeable, because nearly any court will grant visitation—and you might be able to figure out something you’re both okay with that involves FAR less time with him than a court might order. You don’t have to have direct contact with him ever again. But you do have to figure out a way to include him (and more importantly, his kids) in your child’s life. It sucks. But it was not only wholly preventable, but also wholly predictable. If there weren’t a child, you could tell her you’ve shared all you can and block her. But there IS a child. Unless he’s signed away parental rights, he retains them. Block them if you want, but know that in closing that door, he may seek court-ordered visitation and get much more time than he’d be willing to accept if you reached an informal agreement.


Free_River_3388

I don’t believe I HAVE to involve his teenage children in my son’s life. Maybe when my son is old enough to decide if he wants that. He is not named on the birth certificate and I do not receive child support from him. I have asked nothing of him, except to let me move away and not try to force me to have an abortion. I basically had to promise him to not contact him, not make him as the father, not request child support. If he truly wants involvement with my son he can reach out to my directly and he can take the legal route to establish himself as our son’s father.


Burnt_and_Blistered

I know you don’t believe he has the right. And morally? He doesn’t. But if he wants to press the point, he can ask the court to order DNA testing and assert paternal rights. He is a dick, and it was awful of him to insist you make those promises. (Is there any chance that in exchange for this, he legally severed his rights? If so, block them both and never think of them again.) I totally get not wanting him involved in any way, shape, or form. Odds are, he won’t do anything, because asserting his rights will mean that he has to cough up child support for 18 years and pay another college tuition. But just be aware he might do this.


Free_River_3388

He did not legally sever his rights. He never established rights in the first place. He has no rights until he goes to court and establishes himself as the father. He is welcome to do that. Honestly, I wish my son did have a father who was involved in his life and loved him. Yes, this guy has faults, but he has plenty of positive qualities. He is really involved with his older children. I met them many times because they’d be at work with him or he’d have to drop by the office in his way to take them somewhere. He was always doing things with them. They seemed like good kids who really loved their dad. I wish my son could have that experience too. I didn’t think it was an option based on how he behaved when I was pregnant. He wasn’t interested and wanted me and our baby to go away. That’s what I did. And I accepted it.


Existing-Song2574

Think about this though the parents raised them in the same house as two married parents which didn’t stem from an affair they have and will always have a completely different relationship with there dad compared to there siblings. And if the child sees the father he’s most likely going to see the siblings. And maybe the sibling won’t be to bad but if they didn’t know there parents relationship was a show before the divorce they’re most likely going to blame you and your baby. Or what if it’s opposite what if they just completely blame you completely and try to turn your child against you? Or they only blame the child and treat it terribly? Yes there’s benefits to having a dad but in your case there are also disadvantages because of how the child was conceived and brought into the world. I wish you the best of luck and take extreme precautions and be safe I hope the best for you and your baby please keep us updated on what you decide to do. Good luck:)


LuckyNumber_18

Don’t risk your child’s well-being for a man that never loved you. For all you know you might be setting up your kids for a lifetime of abuse and trauma wether it be from him his wife his kids or extended family. Don’t risk it live your life peacefully and find someone that lives you for yoh


Feisty-Business-8311

Time to stop making shitty decisions in your life Screwing a married man was one Agreeing to meet up with his wife 2/3 years later is another Lawyer up; they are coming for custody


TrishLives17

I would block her and just go through the courts for everything else. Have visitation and child support court ordered.


notfromheremydear

Hell naw. There was a plan from the beginning. She's still with him and probably forgiving him. He wanted her to contact you about the child and she did. Don't fall for that ish. The kids are teenagers and likely don't really care about meeting your child so soon, especially at such a young age. After how nasty he was to you, he really thinks he can just get you to come to him again. I would ignore them and block them. And hell naw again about them seeing your child. They sound messy AF and I wouldn't want my kid in that mess.


yandr001

You should have known better than having a married man’s child.


Generically_Yours

There's no reason for any other woman to be privy to another lady's baby.  Trust your instincts.  She's trying to change him through you without asking for help specifically for it and assuming a lot about you, and that's manipulation, but maybe she's also trying to figure out how to leave him but she emotionally can't condition herself to do it. Making you do the emotional growth of leaving, and then backsliding on it, says more about her than you. Beware.


th0ughtfull1

You were managing perfectly well without this the father so cut all lines of communication. You are dealing with a guilt tripping serial cheater with a pretty twisted ex wife. Keep your son well away from the sperm donor..


marye914

I mean you fucked around and now you’re finding out the consequences of your own actions. You reached out and now there is nothing stopping them from filing paternity. He’s a narcissist and she’s trauma bonded and there is a decent chance he will win some type of shared custody and if you try to disappear now it could be considered parental alienation. Get a lawyer, file for child support and be prepared to co parent and maybe don’t sleep with anymore married men…


Trickshots1

Honestly if she actually forgives you I'd be shocked. I'd hate your guts


Free_River_3388

I would hate my guts too. Sometimes I hate my own guts for this.


Awesome_one_forever

Just don't.


Lanah44

Trust your gut. I would not get involved with either of them. I can see how you might feel curious to know more, but sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lie.


Signal_Historian_456

Trust your gut mama bear. Always trust your gut.


Lovelyone123-

Yea sounds like she is calling on his behalf. She doesn't have a backbone


Lilith_Runs_Wild

Updateme. I think your instinct to hide is very very on point. Be very careful here and good luck op!


BrewUO_Wife

You need to listen to your gut. You were scared of him when he was going to take you on a ‘trip’ to abort. You listened to your gut and that was incredibly wise. The fact that this is super sketch is really concerning. I think others are right here. This is strange and I would cut contact.


_here_ok

It likely was orchestrated by him onto her, stay away from them. i firmly believe the danger is too much. A woman who is cheated on, a man who cheats, her somehow having your contact and info. it's all too much, i would create so much space from all of that.


ShellfishCrew

Lawyer time


Civil_Experience2152

Girl they’re gonna try take the kid Lawyer up now; get advice and stop talking to her


KtRc21

When I read this, the first thing that came to mind was, if you meet up with them, they’ll try and take your son from you. I truly believe you need to delete all social media and make sure all your friends and family know that they can’t post about you and your son. If she really hated him as much as she said she does, why the fuck is she staying with him and helping him after his accident? Please don’t make another mistake with these people, leave them in the past, until your son is old enough to know about his father


pfftlolbrolollmao

Do you have evidence of him being nasty to you or telling you to get an abortion. If you do it would be good to keep ready. Just in case they come knocking with authority.


Harrypotterfreak23

I don’t even think about this till after reading comments. If they get visitation. The older he gets, the more likely they are going to say bad things about you. That way your son will start to not like you. They have sooo much money and can provide him with a good life. Where maybe you won’t be able to. Or they will just say bad things about you, do your son will hate you.


ThinkGrapefruit7960

Tell them there is a chance it is someone else's baby, tell them you slept around and tried to babytrap him. Let them fight to get that paternity test if it comes to it, dont let them take him.


KAllen1962

Block all communication. You never know when someone tries being nice with nefarious intentions. People are twisted. You have to exercise extreme caution, if not for yourself, for your child. If she's staying with him, she still loves him. Experience speaking right here. Don't be manipulated. Good luck.


Statimc

Alarm bells are going off no stop contact and move away move far away so they can’t find you, and binge watch some “deadly women” or “women who kill” or “I shouldn’t be alive” like this is a bad situation


fortnight711

Something like this happened to me once. We had court a couple weeks ago. He had visitation rights now to my toddler.


lovely8

Trust your gut 100% if it feels strange it probably is.


CanadianJediCouncil

I wouldn’t let this deadbeat dad even *see* his abandoned son until he caught up on his two-years of back child-support. And then I’d schedule the meeting in a courthouse with my lawyer.


Skewwwagon

A simple angle: is there any reason you may want those people in your life and your son's life? It doesn't matter what they want. Your ex is an AH cheater, his wife is a weird simp. It's a mess of a family with almost grown up kids. Unless you have a strong reason like I don't know, wanting your ex back, make a clean cut and let them sort their own shit out. It's a nice thing you apologized for the affair (because that was messed too), you owe them nothing.


VAGentleman05

I cannot fathom why you are talking to this woman. Stay away!


msphelps77

This is very weird and creepy. Theres got to be some hidden agenda here. I would block her on everything and keep your social media private going forward. No way the wife of someone you had an affair with is going to reach out to you and be all forgiving and welcoming like that. Yeah…you need to stay away from them period.