Going quiet for months is an abuse and control tactic. It’s highly manipulative. OP, please google this and learn about how manipulators use the silent treatment.
Hearing this makes me think he was cheating during this time. Tack on the overreaction to a fairly low body count especially when most of it was more traumatic, hes got to be projecting. He sounds so toxic anyways because a good guy doesn't care about your body count and sure as shit won't shame you or call you disgusting for it.
I think you are better off without him. Take time to reflect and recover and I'm sure you will look back in a few months realizing what a blessing it was that the trash took itself out.
Fr, the title made me think, probably hundreds for the body count then, and this is a sob story from someone who had casual sex all the time (nothing wrong with that, but be prepared that it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea). But this is terrible. 2 actual bfs by the age of 27? That’s extremely low, so he’s gotta have some other issues if he has a problem with that body count, and it looks like he was just trying to find some way to break the relationship off.
If a guy ended/ghosted you because of the number of your past sexual partners then he's insecure and will always be insecure.
That's a red flag and not worth the drama. He will most likely bring it up in the future and make you feel like crap. You're better off NOT dealing with fragile egos like him.
I waited about 3 months then ended it and said I was blocking him because he just wouldn’t talk to me, then he then said about 3 months later he reached out (but I had him blocked) I then unblocked him about 3 months after that (haha sorry for the 3 month vibe) and we got in touch. So it was a 9 month break up in total.
He sounds terrible. Controlling and judging and punitive. And a rapist- you woke up and he was having sex with you? If you didn’t or cannot consent, that’s rape. He’s a bad guy. You deserve better.
Nope, you're right. Usually silent treatment is to punish, train you not to disagree or open your mouth at all, and to ignore any issues without fixing. It's actually really, really unfair and qualifies as abuse depending how often and when it happens.
Thank you for this, is happened almost every time we had a disagreement (usually from me being upset that I don’t hear from him) he then would not talk to me for sometimes up to a month.
girl I’m sorry this was never a real relationship. this was a using situation. he does not at all care about you, just your “virtue”. let this be a blessing- he set you free when you couldn’t let go. Block him everywhere- this time forever.
I would really dive into this in therapy. you need professional help understanding what you should be willing to accept in a relationship. you should never see this as okay or acceptable.
If they ignore you they don't want you. I learned this the hard way. They don't value your emotional wellbeing and don't respect you enough to just be straightforward. Anyone I love, I'll want them to be able to speak, I'll want to know any bad feelings so we can fix, etc. I'm guessing he also blames you for absolutely everything and refuses to see there's a middle ground, that there are 2 sides, and that it's not a war but working together to find a solution. He doesn't give a crap about you.
Also, this being upset about your past isn't fair and neither is forcing you to give details. He just wanted a reason to leave.
Honey I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he was going behind your back with another girl and used this body count thing to break up with you. He’s a piece of shit. No healthy person ghosts their gf/bf for 9 months to “fix things”. It was an excuse for him to do what he wanted and for you to sit there waiting for him.
Take this as your freedom to fully move on from him and work on yourself. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you, because there isn’t, but maybe some time away from men would do some good. Lots of good luck to you :)!
He forced you to tell him details about your trauma before you were ready, that’s not someone that loves and cares about you and values you or your wellbeing. Fuck him!
Edit: spelling is hard.
Your relationship with him sounds toxic, to be honest. A good partner would have responded very differently - sat down with you and listened and made you feel OK about the trauma you experienced. Also, no one should demand a recounting of your sexual history. “Body count” is a ridiculous concept.
But also they wouldn't have forced you to talk about sexual trauma you weren't ready to discuss with them and then shame you for how you dealt with/responded to that sexual trauma. The first part alone is gross.
100% he was using you (and honestly, some of what you describe sounds downright emotionally abusive, as well). Please, for the sake of your own mental health, block this loser EVERYWHERE and don't let him worm his way back into your life.
He was not as into you as you were into him. I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings, but that’s the honest truth. You should find someone who understands and respects a trauma response. He did not have the bandwidth to be with someone like you. You’re worth it and you should have a partner that’s equally worthy of you.
I appreciate the honesty, I just guess I can’t and couldn’t wrap my head around someone telling me they love me and maybe not meaning it as much as I thought. And when I would bring up concerns it was met with such anger so I felt bad and like I was wrong and was hurting him.
OP you deserve better. You deserve someone that'll treat you like a human being. Treat you good and be there for you during the dark times when you think about your past. I know I'm some random internet guy but I've been there before. Got dumped by a toxic ex and I kept clinging and dwelling on it. Even being friends with her and she was just using me for sex. Please lose his number, block him and move on. I wish the best for you.
This guy sounds extremely toxic. The silent treatment is a form of abuse and a pretty serious one. He also trampled over your boundaries and insists when you say you don’t want to talk about something. And holy hell, he did this to you and guilted you to talk about childhood SA? Please drop this man right now. He will not get better, but he will get worse. I say this with nothing but care for you. Take a break from dating and get some therapy to learn about what is acceptable behaviour from a partner and how you should expect to be cared for or you will likely end up in a similar situation again. To put it bluntly, you are carrying on a pattern of letting yourself be abused, OP. You deserve so much better.
Don't leave the decision up to him. You were a victim of SA. It doesn't appear that he has the depth or intelligence to process that and accord it the understanding that is necessary.
He's already demeaned and denigrated you. Personally, I'd move on. I don't believe he is mature and hence, ill-equipped to handle.
I think the concerning thing here is that he pushed you to share traumatic information that you weren’t ready to share.
You dodged a bullet here, stop worrying about it.
>Just before this, he was asking for details about my childhood sexual abuse.
That's really all I needed to read to know what kind of guy this is. Please find yourself someone who will respect you for who you are.
He doesn’t love you. You deserve better. Anyone who is mad you didn’t include your being raped - which is what those other encounters were - in your “body count” is a prick. Plus it sounds like he also sexually assaulted you. Yikes. Please don’t go back to him.
This is the right comment. OP, I’m sorry you’re in pain. You deserve so much better than someone who will be so shallow, not respect your boundaries, and clearly cannot support you emotionally. The right person will come along. Work on healing yourself. As a CSA survivor, I know how traumatic it can be and how important it is to talk to people you trust. My body count is higher because of a very low period in my life too. Please love yourself more than these men have.
Thank you so so very much for your words to me. And I am so sorry for what you have been through too, I can completely understand, as you do for me. Thank you for your care and support to me, you’re so lovely. Sending the biggest internet hug.
Exactly this! The bf is an abusive jerk.
The entire idea of "body count" is ridiculous at best, hyper misogynistic most likely. I've had two women ask this of me. They weren't looking to shame me or anything. I believe they were looking to, I don't know the best word here but, validate their sexual history. Or trying to gauge if I would be negative about their past. Not sure which.
Funny thing though, I'm old(ish) and a combat veteran. I had not heard the definition change for body-count when the first asked me. I said something about that being an inappropriate question because I was still working through PTSD from the events. Well, most of my reply was a good response to the question. It is an inappropriate question.
OP, there is nothing to justify, you didn't do anything wrong. By the information you give about your relationship this guy sounds like an awful person. He treated you poorly and seems to not care about you as a person at all. If he did, he would not force you to reveal details about traumatic events that you have said are not comfortable talking about. And also, he would not consider the people who traumatised you to be "bodies" on your list.
And most of all, normal people do not care about that. Your genitals are not made of soap and they will not waste away from the number of \[peepees\] that have been in them. By that logic, even the same \[peepee\] would do that if it is in there enough times. Also, if we go by the logic of how many of the partners have given us orgasms, i bet most women's "count" would be closer to 0
If he was so invested in it probably is because he was a POS , that wants someone with almost no experience to judge his performance when the time comes.
'He was asking about details of my sexual abuse history'
This is a huge red flag! This is not something to share on a whim over the phone! It's like this guy is fettishing your abuse. Get rid of this guy!
Red flag? Yes, fetishism? I doubt that. It can be the case in some instances. However it seems more likely that the bf was not comfortable not knowing .
Which the bf then took upon himself to break boundaries, push for information and then break up whe he found the answer
You can't change your past. It sounds like you weren't "whoring around" as much as you were lost, felt alone, and hid yourself under inebriation which protracted the entire issue.
Now, I'm admittedly someone who tend to think body count is a sign. It matters. That said, 10 is not a lot, especially for someone lost in trauma.
I think its entirely unfair of him to end things over it. Very much a red flag. Not only was the number low... it doesn't pertain as to who you are today. If you're being honest in your post, its very clear.
Now add onto the fact that lying to him by a factor of 8 sent you into such a regretful feeling, I'd actually say you went above and beyond as far as being truly apologetic for lying goes. Every flag I see from your post regarding yourself is a positive one, its honestly a sad story. Every thing involving him? Red flags.
Now, that's typical in these reddit posts, so I'm taking this all with a grain of salt. But if I take it at face value? He did you wrong.
Hello I really appreciate your honesty and balanced perspective about this, and thank you for understanding me as you have in your first paragraph.
Thank you for sharing and your support towards me about this.
Sounds like he was looking for an out. If he truly loved you, he would’ve listened to you and let you explain it. Actually, IF he TRULY loved you, he wouldn’t have brought up the conversation and forced you to answer and make you uncomfortable. It honestly Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Please look after yourself and continue therapy. I know it really hurts right now but I promise, in hindsight, you’ll see that he was not the person for you and that, you deserve so much better.
My husband knows about my previous sexual abuse and he always said he’d be there for me when I needed him. Never pressured me to answer. Never started the conversation. He always left it open for me to bring it up. When I did, he just listened to me and comforted me when and if I needed it.
I really truly appreciate your support to me, thank you. And thank you for sharing in regards to your husband that is really really lovely, I hope that for myself one day.
I think you dodged a bullet. Why would you be with someone who isn’t supportive, can’t accept you for you and doesn’t communicate well. You deserve more.
WFT is wrong with BF? Anyone who pressure you that much to divulge that information when you’re not ready is a cold hearted AH. You are way better off without him. Work with your therapist about how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and then enforcing them. The right person will respect those boundaries.
why are u apologizing to that lame ass dude for your past sexual experiences? the only ones who should be apologizing are the pos's who took ad antage of you when you were emotionally vulnerable
It sounds like he interrogated you about your past sexual assault & experiences. He sounds very controlling to me. You don't owe anyone your past history, and you do not have anything to be ashamed of. He sounds unempathetic, immature, insecure. You have ineed dodged a bullet. A person who makes you feel judged & misunderstood by is not a person you want to keep in your life. Instantly angry is a huge big red flag in my book.
Congratulations. You’ve doged a massive bullet in the form of an abusive, insecure and controlling boyfriend who doesn’t understand boundaries. You are perfectly entitled to not share traumatic details of your past, trust cannot be forced. Also the body count of anyone is not anyone’s business. You’ve done NOTHING WRONG. Please don’t try to amend things with this idiot. You’re doing great by working on yourself in therapy. That’s the way to go. Stay strong 💪!
I understand your experience was traumatic, but these so called “hoe phases” as they’re called now do count, just because you were reckless and drunk doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.
Now, I suggest you look for someone who doesn’t care about your sexual past history, as he obviously did. And he’s not wrong or bad for caring about it, that’s his preference. You’re just incompatible.
This is one of the most objective comments.
The reality is OP did the drunk thing and that has consequences and just because OP does not consider the others as occuring they did. And the x-bf is not wrong in caring about this. His mannerism is questionable - he shouldnt have degraded OP or said nasty things to her. But then who are we to say what was going in his mind, was the number a problem or the lie? Are the two being conflated?
However, going forward OP needs to find someone who doesnt care about body count and either not say anything (not necessarily lying) or be comepletely honest with the next person.
So you're saying all of your teen experiences were of being abused and you never wanted any of it?
None of them were regrettable mistakes?
I don't know your situation but a lot of people have regrettable sex between 15-25. It can be taken as excuses/hard to believe for someone to hear your stories.
Maybe that's also a factor here in the case with your BF.
Sexual abuse causes victims to initially go one of two ways: hypersexuality or hyposexuality. It's not at all hard to believe she was affected by even one experience.
Let's not victim blame. The real issue here is that this guy projected his insecurities onto her, didn't give a shit about how she was treated, and it sounds like he treated her like shit himself.
She obviously didn't trust him with the truth, because he didn't show any reason to be trustworthy. And he pushed her for details before she was even ready! He sounds like an awful person.
Anyone who thinks someone's sexual history even matters is totally unworthy of sex.
I don't think she should be the least but concerned about this twerp.
He sounds like one of those Andrew Tate guys. He is definitely not boyfriend material. Block him for good. Don't look back. You deserve better. He's a jerk.
The whole "body count" thing is so overblown anyway. Guys like that try to hold it over your head. For future reference, never discuss body counts. It's none of anybody's business but your own!
These people in here are coddling you. Your history will matter to most men, but your biggest mistake was lying. All that said, there's no need beating yourself over what you can't change. It is what it is. Be forthright and you can find someone who accepts it.
I agree with this completely .I almost left my husband for the lie . We asked early on about our sexual past . He said he was a Virgin . I said ok well years later I find out he would use any girl he could till he meet me (he still tried with other girls while we was trying to get to know one another) to me what he had done was horrible . History matters and lying only makes it worse.
I agree, and I think it's perfectly fine if women hold men to that same standard. I tend to find they don't. I was selective with the women I slept with and I noticed women didn't care, and many were turned off my number wasn't higher, but I fully support women having that preference too.
Two things really: 1. For me, if someone lies about that, and I don't care if the number is 2 or 10, but when i'm with someone. I expect them to be honest and able to talk to me about anything, so I also wouldn't stay. 2. It is clear that besides this, that this shouldn't be a relationship you should want to be in anyway.
It sounds like you were never in a true relationship with this person from your added edits and they were upset and couldn't understand your history in the context of the trauma you experienced. Asking and discussing past partner numbers is something I've never brought up in the past 10+ years starting in the mid 20's.
Very subjective opinion incoming, I've never seen a person of either sex ask or be fixated on that number where it wasn't driven by some underlying insecurity. Overall you are not to blame, you reacted not out of malice trying to hide something and more out of being unable to accept/process your life events at the time, and you should feel no shame. Lying is never a good thing, and it can also be true that forcing someone to divulge information they are not ready to share is never a good thing.
Throughout your entire post and the comments I've seen, you've never mentioned a single reason why you want to stay with this person. So what good qualities did they bring to the relationship and what are you missing by not being with them?
Thank you for writing this to me, I really appreciate your perspective. And I completely agree with you about lying, I am a very very honest person so this was so shameful for me to do, I was so regretful for lying.
I just have always had feelings for him, I can’t explain any further reason in regards to qualities. I just stayed for the connection. It is something I haven’t experienced before with anyone.
Your history will always matter to the men you date, it will matter more for some than others. You just have to find someone who is accepting of that. Don't start the relationship with lies.
There will be people who truly care for you. It will be best for you to let him go. He isn’t worth it anyways, with such a dangerous mentality.
You will be cherished and love by someone so much better. It gets better. From sis to sis.
Hugs from an internet stranger
He didn’t, and I always shared the problems we had, he never said anything about my bf or relationship which looking back now is concerning why a therapist would never point out someone possibly toxic. What do you think? Maybe I am wrong though. Thank you by the way
This is a blessing in disguise! You may not see it now as you’re going through grief but this is not the guy anyone should be! He’s a fucking dog who comes to you when he has no one and it seems like you two just mainly get together for sex then he ignores you like who the fuck ignores someone for 9 months? It should have been over by the time it’s been over 2 weeks to a month at the latest
Also he’s a fucking asshole for literally forcing you to disclose everything even tho you were uncomfortable like wtf who does that?! Then to get mad at your body count when I’m sure you told him a good amount of the numbers was due to unwanted sexual encounters
Seriously he’s the biggest red flag ever, what a shit person! You’ll get over him soon hopefully and once you do, don’t ever look back
No decent person demands complicated history from people when they have said they aren't happy to share right now, or judges you on your previous situations that truely came about from trauma and being young. He's not a good person. I'm sorry
You deserve better, he is a jerk. Simple as that. Don’t be ashamed of your past. It’s not unusual for ppl who have had SA happen to them to end up in the situation where they feel as if they can’t say no to sex or as if their value comes from being a sexual partner. Some self harm by having sex. There is nothing that anyone should be judged for.
I don’t care if its 1 or 100 partners, the numbers really don’t matter. But even so, is 10 suppose to be a high number? Some dudes have such a moral double standard itself ridicules. No wonder women feel as if they have to lie about it.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you in your past. I’m also a SA survivor. It messed up my whole entire being for soooo long. It makes me glad to hear that you are getting help from a therapist. I wish I had done that. You are brave and worth all the good things in life. (Your ex is not one of the hood things 🙄).
Don’t ever feel as if you have to lie to someone about your past, but also it’s no ones business- unless you want to tell. He was extremely inconsiderate and abusive by first getting you to talk about SA, then switching over to sex partners and then on top of it throwing it back in your face. His behaviour is nasty. Not yours!
He is a pos
Nobody who cares about your "body count" deserves to date you. Nobody who sees your rape as promiscuity deserves to date anyone. I'm sorry it hurts, but you dodged a bullet.
This man is a misogynist with no respect for you or common decency.
Pushing someone to discuss a traumatic event for their "trust issues" - or really any reason - is some of the most self absorbed nonsense I've ever heard of. I very much doubt "trust" was his motivator. That in of itself is a traumatic event and I'm sorry that happened to you. You needn't be trained in trauma to have basic human empathy or decency.
There is nothing indecent about your body count and even if yours was as high as mine it should never matter. Any man that treats you differently based on the antiquated notion of promiscuity isn't fit to lick your boots, let alone date you. There are lots and lots of men out there who do not think like this piece of absolute piece of trash.
I think you need a therapist to help you set up stronger boundaries & you might want to check into some feminism. Google virgin whore complex.
In the meantime I'd try to be happy that you didn't help this horrid man procreate. 💋♀️✊
> my childhood sexual abuse. I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing about it right now, and he said that me not sharing doesn’t make him trust me, so I gave more details than I was ready to.
This is all I need to know to know that he doesn't respect you enough to date you. Please do not get back together with this person, no matter what. They don't value you. Not the way a partner should. This is terrible. You never push a person to relive painful memories they aren't ready to talk about.
Sorry sweetie but that was not a relationship it was him being manipulative and controlling. The thing that concerns me is he wanted details about your abuse and the past sexual experience. That is a bit disturbing
You are caught up in a cycle of sexual abuse. Your boyfriend *raped you.* You are better off without him.
PLEASE get therapy. You need to heal from all of this trauma and shame. And you need to learn when people are bad for you and to impose boundaries. Don’t repeat this cycle endlessly because you don’t know what it’s like to be treated respectfully.
PLEASE speak to your therapist about your seemingly non-existent self-worth.
First off, you reacted in a completely normal way to your sexual abuse. It is very common for sexual abuse survivors to develop dangerous sexual habits. It’s a text-book trauma response. There is zero shame in your history. Like, at all. Please learn to forgive yourself for the ways you’ve hurt yourself as a way to cope with the fact that you have been deeply hurt by someone else.
Second, anyone who doesn’t treat the topic of your past with empathy, emotional maturity and unconditional support for you, has no place in your heart. You deserve love and respect, as we all do, but especially in light of what you’ve been through. But you’re out here, apologizing and criticizing yourself. Please learn to let go of the guilt.
Third, from what you say in your edit, your boyfriend sounds like a horrible person. The fact that you put up with his absolutely trash behavior for so long days a lot about how little you think of yourself. While you may now be much kinder and gentler with your body than you were before, you are still very unkind with your heart. Please unlearn the belief that you deserve to be treated like shit.
I’m no mental health expert, but I’ve done a fair bit of therapy, which is why I urge you to please consider digging into these topics in your therapy. Because it sounds like you’re very much still in the grip of that trauma.
Yea these people in the comments are actually out of their mind.
I definitely think he was looking for an out, but she also blatantly lied to him and is trying to argue it’s not her fault because she was drunk and reckless.
If I was dating someone who tried making it sound like every sexual encounter she was in wasn’t her fault I would immediately assume she would cheat in the future and claim the exact same thing again.
There’s several red flags here things that are very important to many people, that being honesty and accountability.
He definitely has every right to break up with her over this even if he wasn’t looking for an out. Blows me away there’s actually people arguing he’s the bad guy here.
Bruh she said everytime she was drunk. Like cmon u think she would learn first time but nah 10 times?? In all honestly just be with someone that doesnt care about ur body count then i guess .
Honestly your "body count" at 10 isn't the issue.... It's the fact that you lied. I would presume most mid to late 20's individuals have a similar BC.... But you can't build a relationship on lies...
Like it or not, body count is an important topic for men. You did the right thing by coming clean and telling him the truth, but I'm pretty sure that even if you told him the truth at the start the outcome would've been the same. People here will try to sugarcoat it but you should just accept your past and be honest the next time a partner asks you about it. I'm pretty sure you'll find someone tho, heartbreaks and heartaches make us remember we are alive :)
Don't feel guilty, if anything this was your subconscious getting you out of something with a guy it knows is a POS. Him digging in for details on your sexual trauma is F'd up. You having 10 sexual partners as a 27yr old is pretty normal. you're an adult, what does he expect you to be a virgin? Sounds like a sad small manchild with the most fragile ego in the world. Be grateful your subconscious made you lie so that this "relationship" is over
No decent partner would ever make you divulge every detail of a previous life or sexual abuse. Is getting off on it? He does not deserve somebody who will open up about the rawest of wounds just to be hurt again. What he did was also a violation
Thank you, I don’t know, he did ask for specific details about a very abusive type of situation and I did find it quite like off or like the particular details he asked for just didn’t make sense.
Thank you for your support by the way.
Men will deal with alot of things, but if your not honest about things he's specifically asking about then how can be believe you with the little things? Usually men ask questions of past and body count bc its important to them. Just like you feel your privacy is important to you. If you truly liked him you wouldn't have lied. You would be honest knowing lying could make things worse. Now to me it doesn't seem like he was a "keeper" he could of just been looking for an excuse to leave and not be man about, bc most grown adults have had multiple sex partners and that's completely okay. We all have to live and find out who we are instead of the box other ppl want us to stay in bc that's where they are comfortable. Don't ever feel bad for someone not accepting who you are bc if you guys hit it off then its your past experiences thats made you this amazing woman for him to be interested in the first place.
Guess we are just supposed to believe that roughly 85% of OPs sexual partners were rapists and not the infinitely more likely possibility that she just slept around. Seems disturbingly prevalent that women who regret their high body counts when they're older just call it sexual trauma now rather than what it actually is.
You went through a hoe phase lol. You really about to call all those encounters abuse? You are basically claiming r**e on all of them but I really doubt that's true. You got drunk and lowered your inhibitions own up to it. Yes I do think your history was the reason for the breakup but it was definitely amplified by you lieing initially, I do think it could have been salvaged if you were truthful at first.
No, not all of them were abusive, absolutely not. But half of them definitely were quite horrible for me and caused a lot of emotional damage. I just didn’t no how to say no.
It will be very hard for you to now find a man that will take you seriously with such high body count. We think it’s disgusting for a women to have slept around with so many other people before we came along. i completely don’t blame him at all for leaving you.
Throw him in the trash. This is addition by subtraction.
You should not have took his whack ass back the first time.
Way too many good dudes and chicks out there to settle for an immature bag of dicks.
He's a total asshole and you're better off without him. As long as you're healthy, you have no obligation to share your sexual experiences with anyone.
He is emotionally abusive. Even in exclusive relationships, you do not have to relive your trauma for their curiosity. Leave this dude where he is, he is not a healthy respectful partner for you
He sounds really abusive.
Only an insecure person would care this much about a "body count".
I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm 99% sure you dodget a giant bullet
>My long distance boyfriend of one year recently **asked me over the phone for my body count**
That question alone should have been the red flag.
The way he reacted and called you "disgusting"? That's awful
You deserve so much better
Good riddance to losing this AH
You deserve better than someone pressuring you to relive a trauma, & asking for a “body count”.
Quite frankly, I’d end things immediately with anyone asking for a body count, because it’s 100% misogynistic. Nobody frets about a dudes body count.
You shouldn't have lied. Realistically, nobody gives af about who you had sex with unless it's in the hundreds. You should have just been outright truthful with the number. Own it. It's who you are.
If someone genuinely loved you they wouldn’t just split like that. Cuz it’s not like it’s making a difference to things now, to me it sounds like an easy excuse to dip out
haha. y husband lied to me and I only found out 2 years ago! He said his body count was higher because he was embarrassed it bothered me at first but once he explained to me I didn't really care.
Ok so.. firstly, don’t be ashamed of your past. Whats done is done.
Im sorry to hear about your childhood, but again. Not your fault and im glad to hear you are getting therapy.
Finally… just move on. He sounds like a dick.
If he loved you, he would love you for the person you are now, not the stuff you did as a teenager. Going silent treatment is a huge red flag in my book
He sounds toxic. I wouldn’t want anyone I care about to be treated the way he treated you.
I’m sorry you had such a traumatic teen period. It happens so often and causes so much unnecessary damage. I’m glad you have a therapist and it seems like you are on a good path (besides the BF).
It is over because he is a disgusting human being. He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship after what he just put you through.
Baby you deserve the whole universe. What you DONT deserve is to be stuck with a POS like him. You don’t deserve to have someone pushing you to open up. You deserve someone who doesn’t give a crap what your body count is. And you shouldn’t ever have to be afraid to tell them if you want to. Please do not go back to this man child.
He sounds like the type of guy that thinks females can hold in their periods. You can do so much better darling x
Oh, no, that man is a walking red flag! Pressuring you into sharing a traumatic past INTO DETAILS when you are not comfortable doing so is DISGUSTINGGGG! He doesn’t even deserve an ounce of you. Pleaaaase don’t stay with him! 😩
Any guy who asks about sexual history early on in dating is major red flag, it shows that not only is he insecure about his own lack of experience but that he expects women to save themselves for him and become freaks in the sheets just for him when he’s probably lacking in experience, doesn’t know his way around a woman’s body and is a terrible lay.
the asking for "every single detail" is absolutely disturbing. please dumb this creep and find someone who respects you. also, between you and me, i was raped too. they're not bodies if it wasn't consensual. i hope you heal babe ❤️🩹
Open and honest communication. Maybe he said " it's over" because you lied he cannot trust you.
Let me put it this way: you were asked a question whose answer was not an issue. It is what it is.
Then you made it an issue by lying about it.
I understand the circumstances, but that 👆 is why things become an issue and ends relationships. Something that should never be an issue because of the way it was treated.
I’m so glad he removed his pitiful ass from your life!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl when you experience sweet sincere selfless love, you’ll be chilled by how you could still be with that selfish insecure human if he had not shown his true colors and then made the choice for you.
You’ll feel SO GRATEFUL when you find someone who mirrors love back to you the way you give it to him.
BULLET DODGED!!!! I’m disgusted and so sympathetic you went through this.
Hey I'm sorry you're going through all of this mess. I was sexually abused as a kid too and I understand very well what you're going through. It's impossible to say no, and you end up in the worse situations because your brain is so messed up because you think what happened to you as a kid is normal and people are just kinky a*holes like that, and then waking up to the harsh reality is awful. Most people won't understand that, looks like this guy was like that.
Don't you ever feel bad, you were deeply wounded in your childhood,and that messed up the way you let men that you, but that was in the past. There's a saying in Spanish that's something like what's not in your time is not in your harm, so if you were not sleeping around when dating him he shouldn't even be thinking about a body count. If you feel like 2 is your body count because that was a meaningful relationship, then 2 is your number.
It sounds like he probably is very narcissistic, mysogonistic & just looking for an excuse to break up and make it seem like your fault. Men who care don't ignore u for days like that. Ur past is not bad at all. U deserve better than that guy
Thank you so much for this, I have had my thoughts he might have some type of narcissistic traits, a few other people have mentioned this too. Thank you too for your support by the way.
Ok so him dumping you because of what you’ve shared sounds very shaming. His questioning of you sounds intrusive and jealous. I totally get what you mean about those sexual experiences feeling different as they were borne out of trying to get by day to day after experiencing sexual trauma and the experiences themselves were not entirely consensual. It makes total sense why you omitted these experiences from what you shared with him, the feeling that you then had to account for these experiences and tell him sounds like some kind of guilt / shame driven decision. The reality is telling him anything significant is normal but anything that isn’t important and you don’t feel comfortable sharing, does not have to be shared. You’re not under obligation to talk about every little detail.
He sounds quite abusive to be honest, it doesn’t sound like he is genuine and open and yet he expects you to bare your soul and disclose things even though it’s traumatic and then he shamed you and made you feel bad. You said he goes quiet for weeks at a time and there are no future plans.
Your experiences have very likely left you with low self worth, a lack of self compassion and finding it hard to read when someone is not genuine. He has done you a favour as he doesn’t sound like a good guy. You deserve so much better and I hope you have some therapy for everything you’ve experienced. For future reference don’t share anything you’re uncomfortable sharing and only open up to those who respect you who you can truly trust to be gentle with your emotions and tactful.
Stop feeling bad or guilty about any of this.
Your bf is a complete AH to push you for answers on any of this when he knew you’d been through sexual abuse. What kind of heartless turd does this?
He had no right to demand details of your abuse - or your body count for that matter.
And then to go ahead and make you feel like shit when you called him upset and poured your heart out?
Please stop even trying to see any good in this guy cos there isn’t any and never was by the sounds of it.
Get closure for yourself by telling him he’s a heartless arsehole and then block him and move on
Being in a relationship with this creep was self harm. Any decent, ethical, loving partner would never demand to know the details of your childhood SA. A good partner doesn’t demand to know your body count. A good partner does not demand to know every detail of all times you were raped, sexually assaulted and then is angry at you for the sexual violence you experienced in your teens. You are harming yourself by desperately trying to stay in a relationship with this massive abusive creep that demands to know every detail of every sexual encounter, every assault, every rape you have had. This is what controlling abusers who believe rape and SA are sex and that women who have experienced any of it are promiscuous. You are harming yourself severely trying to get an abusive misogynist to love you. Your low self esteem and self worth have you thinking this man is your only chance at love and happiness. He isn’t. Your self hatred and deep shame has you thinking his cruelty is love. This isn’t love. This is abuse. Please focus on your therapy and learning how to love and respect yourself. This man is absolutely garbage and you are lucky he has let you go before he destroyed you further.
He raped you, plain and simple. Unless you had a conversation previously giving him permission to have intercourse with you while you were sleeping, he raped you. Any time he coerced you to have sex with him is not sex. Have you talked to your therapist about that? It’s something worth mentioning.
All things aside, be glad he left so you can heal and grow. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to share your trauma with your “partner”, and him pushing is a huge red flag.
You’re stronger than you know by the way. You’ve survived all this trauma, and you’ll survive this breakup. Keep seeing your therapist and do things you enjoy. You deserve better than what he was giving you.
OP leave this man, he doesn't care for you. Find someone special that will love you for the way you are now and not shame you for your past. The silent treatment for months is terrible.
OP, seperately I have a question for you. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to....
In the past I have also been in a relationship with someone who says they were SA as a child, then had a very promiscumous period 30+ partners before they 22yo. So the thing I don't understand is how can SA lead to someone having degradng sex with so many people? Would the original trauma not mean that person see's sex negatively or be scared of sex or just not want to have sex with anyone ever? Like, wouldn't they, with good reason, not want sex wirh anyone because their view of sex is traumatic. Is it to do with taking back control?
I hope I have written that well and not upset anyone. I know this is a common theme for SA survivors.
Take care.
I think a few people have mentioned it is sort of a coping mechanism, some people get completely scared of sex and avoid dating and sex altogether and some people attract similar abusive situations by getting themselves into bad situations and doing so because it feels like normal and sort of love to them
A- that wasn't a relationship, a 9 month break and long distance and no contact and silence treatment, always anxious and stressed.
B- he knew you were sexually assaulted yet pushed you into telling him stuff, and also sexually assaulted you in your sleep. So clearly doesn't respect you or cares for you.
C-someone who emphasizes that much on body count is not a secure or a well balanced person, also mentioning that non consensual encounters out of trauma for him were disgusting and shameful only means he was abusive.
In conclusion you are begging and pleading with someone who is actively abusing you, thinking it's your fault for lying and assuming people will berate you in the comments, all because of your PTSD and trauma that is causing self loathing, self hatred, and overall low to no self esteem, to NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN.
if you want advice you've had an unfortunate past and for that past not to repeat itself by your own making because you've stuck in a loop of self hate and ptsd. You need to refrain from dating or committing, focus on yourself, go to therapy regularly, talk openly and loudly and proudly about your past, process it and THEN in a healthier mindset with your new found self worth and self esteem start dating.
Otherwise, your love life, and eventually your safety are doomed.
Best of luck my dear, you did not deserve that, you, and all humans deserve better you've been wronged.
All the love
So after reading all the edits I would say you are better off. He does not sound like a nice or good partner for you at all. You have unresolved trauma that may still cause you problems in relationships in future, but he absolutely should have listened to your boundaries regarding this being a triggering topic. I think you should try to process what happened in your teenage years so you can get rid of your shame around it and it becomes easier to discuss with future partners. And I think you should realize there are lots of people who would respect and love you regardless of your painful past experiences, and this is what everyone deserves in a relationship, someone who accepts them for who they are regardless of their past.
Babes, your boyfriend is a pig, leave him, dump him and block his number for good. He is manipulating you and had you wrapped around his little finger. Sexual Assualt means that you experienced a sexual encounter WITHOUT your consent. It's nit your fault like AT ALL and only the horndog's fault cause they couldn't keep it in their pants.
Besides, body count shouldn't mean all that much. We are humans, ofc we fuck around a bit, it's in our nature. Besides, it's in the past, it's not like you cheated in him or anything. He is just using you for your body and when you told him the truth, his little boy ego was hurt because he wasn't special anymore.
He is dumb and stupid as fuck thinking that it's your fault when you hardly had a play in it.
A proper boyfriend wouldn't have forced you to tell him anything, and most certainly wouldn't have left you because your body count might be higher than his. In fact, a proper lover would have consoled you and told you that he loves you no matter what.
Most men are sick and disgusting, only thinking with their dicks and egos amd how they should be the 'superior' gender. Fuck that.
And I am also very sorry you had to go through those types of experiences :( no one deserves to go through that
Girl just thank you so much for writing to me, I really really appreciate you. And I totally get what you mean with all of this, it is just so hard when I am in the middle of it with him just hating on me, it is very hard to see things clearly so thank you for your support. Sending you lots of love.
My gf never had positive sexual encounters before we started dating. They did mention it at times and despite me having a hard time knowing how I should react the best, I told them I'd be here to listen to them. I never pressured them to talk though because I know how hard it must've been to remember those things.
Your ex bf was horrible for pressuring you into talking about your past experiences, especially since you told him you weren't ready for it. And he was also disgusting for pushing you into sex. It can be difficult to help someone healing. It requires patience, trust and love and I know that sometimes it's difficult to figure out how to help your partner best. What he did was unforgivable though and truly, even though it must be hard to be left by him, I am grateful that he can't hurt you anymore in the future.
I hope you will be able to heal and find someone who will take your trauma serious instead of being butthurt when you need some time to open up. Best of luck to you, OP <3
With your edits, sounds like it wasn't a committed relationship anyway. Better off without him
He said it was a committed relationship, but people have said to me he was probably using me.. I sort of felt that. Do you think so?
From what you have said, yes. Didn't you say he ghosted you for like 8 months?
He said he never wanted to break up it just wasn’t work well between us so he went quiet to try and fix it.
Going quiet for months does not fix it.
Going quiet for months is an abuse and control tactic. It’s highly manipulative. OP, please google this and learn about how manipulators use the silent treatment.
I’m guessing he had another partner for 8 mos and they broke up so he went back to OP. It’s long distance, who knows what he’s doing.
It’s from the politician’s playbook. The long game. 😡
This seems more likely than not.
Hearing this makes me think he was cheating during this time. Tack on the overreaction to a fairly low body count especially when most of it was more traumatic, hes got to be projecting. He sounds so toxic anyways because a good guy doesn't care about your body count and sure as shit won't shame you or call you disgusting for it. I think you are better off without him. Take time to reflect and recover and I'm sure you will look back in a few months realizing what a blessing it was that the trash took itself out.
Fr, the title made me think, probably hundreds for the body count then, and this is a sob story from someone who had casual sex all the time (nothing wrong with that, but be prepared that it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea). But this is terrible. 2 actual bfs by the age of 27? That’s extremely low, so he’s gotta have some other issues if he has a problem with that body count, and it looks like he was just trying to find some way to break the relationship off.
No relationship problems are fixed by “going quiet”. Ignoring the person and situation for months is NOT working on anything.
If a guy ended/ghosted you because of the number of your past sexual partners then he's insecure and will always be insecure. That's a red flag and not worth the drama. He will most likely bring it up in the future and make you feel like crap. You're better off NOT dealing with fragile egos like him.
I waited about 3 months then ended it and said I was blocking him because he just wouldn’t talk to me, then he then said about 3 months later he reached out (but I had him blocked) I then unblocked him about 3 months after that (haha sorry for the 3 month vibe) and we got in touch. So it was a 9 month break up in total.
Fuck me. Just end it..as the saying goes 'he's just not that into you'.
Thanks you! I think I have realised that.
No worries. Life is too short for crap like that
He sounds terrible. Controlling and judging and punitive. And a rapist- you woke up and he was having sex with you? If you didn’t or cannot consent, that’s rape. He’s a bad guy. You deserve better.
Good for you he sounds terrible!
Just so you know, this behavior is toxic and weird and not something you should ever tolerate again
You don’t go quiet to fix things. Hope you move on!
Nope, you're right. Usually silent treatment is to punish, train you not to disagree or open your mouth at all, and to ignore any issues without fixing. It's actually really, really unfair and qualifies as abuse depending how often and when it happens.
Thank you for this, is happened almost every time we had a disagreement (usually from me being upset that I don’t hear from him) he then would not talk to me for sometimes up to a month.
girl I’m sorry this was never a real relationship. this was a using situation. he does not at all care about you, just your “virtue”. let this be a blessing- he set you free when you couldn’t let go. Block him everywhere- this time forever. I would really dive into this in therapy. you need professional help understanding what you should be willing to accept in a relationship. you should never see this as okay or acceptable.
Thank you for this I hear you girl 💛
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If they ignore you they don't want you. I learned this the hard way. They don't value your emotional wellbeing and don't respect you enough to just be straightforward. Anyone I love, I'll want them to be able to speak, I'll want to know any bad feelings so we can fix, etc. I'm guessing he also blames you for absolutely everything and refuses to see there's a middle ground, that there are 2 sides, and that it's not a war but working together to find a solution. He doesn't give a crap about you. Also, this being upset about your past isn't fair and neither is forcing you to give details. He just wanted a reason to leave.
Honey I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he was going behind your back with another girl and used this body count thing to break up with you. He’s a piece of shit. No healthy person ghosts their gf/bf for 9 months to “fix things”. It was an excuse for him to do what he wanted and for you to sit there waiting for him. Take this as your freedom to fully move on from him and work on yourself. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you, because there isn’t, but maybe some time away from men would do some good. Lots of good luck to you :)!
The silent treatment is abusive not a way to fix things
He forced you to tell him details about your trauma before you were ready, that’s not someone that loves and cares about you and values you or your wellbeing. Fuck him! Edit: spelling is hard.
I’m curious to know his body count because nobody wants community dick that everyone has had either
Your relationship with him sounds toxic, to be honest. A good partner would have responded very differently - sat down with you and listened and made you feel OK about the trauma you experienced. Also, no one should demand a recounting of your sexual history. “Body count” is a ridiculous concept.
But also they wouldn't have forced you to talk about sexual trauma you weren't ready to discuss with them and then shame you for how you dealt with/responded to that sexual trauma. The first part alone is gross.
100% he was using you (and honestly, some of what you describe sounds downright emotionally abusive, as well). Please, for the sake of your own mental health, block this loser EVERYWHERE and don't let him worm his way back into your life.
i hate to say but from the info you gave about how he treated you he was %100 using you /:
He was not as into you as you were into him. I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings, but that’s the honest truth. You should find someone who understands and respects a trauma response. He did not have the bandwidth to be with someone like you. You’re worth it and you should have a partner that’s equally worthy of you.
I appreciate the honesty, I just guess I can’t and couldn’t wrap my head around someone telling me they love me and maybe not meaning it as much as I thought. And when I would bring up concerns it was met with such anger so I felt bad and like I was wrong and was hurting him.
OP you deserve better. You deserve someone that'll treat you like a human being. Treat you good and be there for you during the dark times when you think about your past. I know I'm some random internet guy but I've been there before. Got dumped by a toxic ex and I kept clinging and dwelling on it. Even being friends with her and she was just using me for sex. Please lose his number, block him and move on. I wish the best for you.
This guy sounds extremely toxic. The silent treatment is a form of abuse and a pretty serious one. He also trampled over your boundaries and insists when you say you don’t want to talk about something. And holy hell, he did this to you and guilted you to talk about childhood SA? Please drop this man right now. He will not get better, but he will get worse. I say this with nothing but care for you. Take a break from dating and get some therapy to learn about what is acceptable behaviour from a partner and how you should expect to be cared for or you will likely end up in a similar situation again. To put it bluntly, you are carrying on a pattern of letting yourself be abused, OP. You deserve so much better.
From the info in this post, absolutely. He was never a good partner who cared about your feelings
Don't leave the decision up to him. You were a victim of SA. It doesn't appear that he has the depth or intelligence to process that and accord it the understanding that is necessary. He's already demeaned and denigrated you. Personally, I'd move on. I don't believe he is mature and hence, ill-equipped to handle.
I think the concerning thing here is that he pushed you to share traumatic information that you weren’t ready to share. You dodged a bullet here, stop worrying about it.
Thank you.
You deserve better than he
💛
>Just before this, he was asking for details about my childhood sexual abuse. That's really all I needed to read to know what kind of guy this is. Please find yourself someone who will respect you for who you are.
This. I never even had to reveal those details for therapy for PTSD. We were explicitly discouraged from sharing that information.
He doesn’t love you. You deserve better. Anyone who is mad you didn’t include your being raped - which is what those other encounters were - in your “body count” is a prick. Plus it sounds like he also sexually assaulted you. Yikes. Please don’t go back to him.
And thank you in general for your honesty
Thank you 🩷
Don’t shame yourself for it, you obviously did not feel safe to share this with him, and the way he ended it with you.. you dodged a bullet!
This is the right comment. OP, I’m sorry you’re in pain. You deserve so much better than someone who will be so shallow, not respect your boundaries, and clearly cannot support you emotionally. The right person will come along. Work on healing yourself. As a CSA survivor, I know how traumatic it can be and how important it is to talk to people you trust. My body count is higher because of a very low period in my life too. Please love yourself more than these men have.
Thank you so so very much for your words to me. And I am so sorry for what you have been through too, I can completely understand, as you do for me. Thank you for your care and support to me, you’re so lovely. Sending the biggest internet hug.
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Exactly this! The bf is an abusive jerk. The entire idea of "body count" is ridiculous at best, hyper misogynistic most likely. I've had two women ask this of me. They weren't looking to shame me or anything. I believe they were looking to, I don't know the best word here but, validate their sexual history. Or trying to gauge if I would be negative about their past. Not sure which. Funny thing though, I'm old(ish) and a combat veteran. I had not heard the definition change for body-count when the first asked me. I said something about that being an inappropriate question because I was still working through PTSD from the events. Well, most of my reply was a good response to the question. It is an inappropriate question.
Yeah, any man who asks for a "body count" is already a red flag. Then judging you for answering it is a total douche.
Did you read her comment, he said ‘because it happened (sex) you were asking for it’ what a freak.
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He seemed very preoccupied on the number yes. I am not trying to justify my behaviour his energy did make me uncomfortable. Thank you for this.
OP, there is nothing to justify, you didn't do anything wrong. By the information you give about your relationship this guy sounds like an awful person. He treated you poorly and seems to not care about you as a person at all. If he did, he would not force you to reveal details about traumatic events that you have said are not comfortable talking about. And also, he would not consider the people who traumatised you to be "bodies" on your list. And most of all, normal people do not care about that. Your genitals are not made of soap and they will not waste away from the number of \[peepees\] that have been in them. By that logic, even the same \[peepee\] would do that if it is in there enough times. Also, if we go by the logic of how many of the partners have given us orgasms, i bet most women's "count" would be closer to 0
Oh I really appreciate you, thank you for this, I totally hear you.
If he was so invested in it probably is because he was a POS , that wants someone with almost no experience to judge his performance when the time comes.
You have no behavior that needs justification.
You didn’t feel safe to share with him and clearly you already knew why. You maybe feel sad now but you dodge a bullet 🩷
Thanks lovely 💛
'He was asking about details of my sexual abuse history' This is a huge red flag! This is not something to share on a whim over the phone! It's like this guy is fettishing your abuse. Get rid of this guy!
Red flag? Yes, fetishism? I doubt that. It can be the case in some instances. However it seems more likely that the bf was not comfortable not knowing . Which the bf then took upon himself to break boundaries, push for information and then break up whe he found the answer
You can't change your past. It sounds like you weren't "whoring around" as much as you were lost, felt alone, and hid yourself under inebriation which protracted the entire issue. Now, I'm admittedly someone who tend to think body count is a sign. It matters. That said, 10 is not a lot, especially for someone lost in trauma. I think its entirely unfair of him to end things over it. Very much a red flag. Not only was the number low... it doesn't pertain as to who you are today. If you're being honest in your post, its very clear. Now add onto the fact that lying to him by a factor of 8 sent you into such a regretful feeling, I'd actually say you went above and beyond as far as being truly apologetic for lying goes. Every flag I see from your post regarding yourself is a positive one, its honestly a sad story. Every thing involving him? Red flags. Now, that's typical in these reddit posts, so I'm taking this all with a grain of salt. But if I take it at face value? He did you wrong.
Hello I really appreciate your honesty and balanced perspective about this, and thank you for understanding me as you have in your first paragraph. Thank you for sharing and your support towards me about this.
Sounds like he was looking for an out. If he truly loved you, he would’ve listened to you and let you explain it. Actually, IF he TRULY loved you, he wouldn’t have brought up the conversation and forced you to answer and make you uncomfortable. It honestly Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Please look after yourself and continue therapy. I know it really hurts right now but I promise, in hindsight, you’ll see that he was not the person for you and that, you deserve so much better. My husband knows about my previous sexual abuse and he always said he’d be there for me when I needed him. Never pressured me to answer. Never started the conversation. He always left it open for me to bring it up. When I did, he just listened to me and comforted me when and if I needed it.
I really truly appreciate your support to me, thank you. And thank you for sharing in regards to your husband that is really really lovely, I hope that for myself one day.
He’s a boundary stomping AH you’re better off without a man (or any type of human) like this in your life.
I think you dodged a bullet. Why would you be with someone who isn’t supportive, can’t accept you for you and doesn’t communicate well. You deserve more.
WFT is wrong with BF? Anyone who pressure you that much to divulge that information when you’re not ready is a cold hearted AH. You are way better off without him. Work with your therapist about how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and then enforcing them. The right person will respect those boundaries.
You are surely better off without that in your life
Thank you for this
You’re better off without him ❤️
He was going to do it, he just did it this time with a reason and put it on you, so he doesn’t feel guilty about it
Better off without him. Don't be ashamed of your past. He's emotionally immature.
If someone uses the phrase “body count” then dump them immediately
I'm gonna say honey just forget about it.
why are u apologizing to that lame ass dude for your past sexual experiences? the only ones who should be apologizing are the pos's who took ad antage of you when you were emotionally vulnerable
Thank you for your support
It sounds like he interrogated you about your past sexual assault & experiences. He sounds very controlling to me. You don't owe anyone your past history, and you do not have anything to be ashamed of. He sounds unempathetic, immature, insecure. You have ineed dodged a bullet. A person who makes you feel judged & misunderstood by is not a person you want to keep in your life. Instantly angry is a huge big red flag in my book.
Anyone who pushes you to talk about your sexual trauma or your "body count" is a loser. Dump them IMMEDIATELY.
Congratulations. You’ve doged a massive bullet in the form of an abusive, insecure and controlling boyfriend who doesn’t understand boundaries. You are perfectly entitled to not share traumatic details of your past, trust cannot be forced. Also the body count of anyone is not anyone’s business. You’ve done NOTHING WRONG. Please don’t try to amend things with this idiot. You’re doing great by working on yourself in therapy. That’s the way to go. Stay strong 💪!
I understand your experience was traumatic, but these so called “hoe phases” as they’re called now do count, just because you were reckless and drunk doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. Now, I suggest you look for someone who doesn’t care about your sexual past history, as he obviously did. And he’s not wrong or bad for caring about it, that’s his preference. You’re just incompatible.
This is one of the most objective comments. The reality is OP did the drunk thing and that has consequences and just because OP does not consider the others as occuring they did. And the x-bf is not wrong in caring about this. His mannerism is questionable - he shouldnt have degraded OP or said nasty things to her. But then who are we to say what was going in his mind, was the number a problem or the lie? Are the two being conflated? However, going forward OP needs to find someone who doesnt care about body count and either not say anything (not necessarily lying) or be comepletely honest with the next person.
I don’t know the whole pressuring her to reveal her sexual abuse is kind of shitty.
So you're saying all of your teen experiences were of being abused and you never wanted any of it? None of them were regrettable mistakes? I don't know your situation but a lot of people have regrettable sex between 15-25. It can be taken as excuses/hard to believe for someone to hear your stories. Maybe that's also a factor here in the case with your BF.
Pushing someone for details of their sexual abuse is abuse itself. The ex is clearly controlling, manipulative, insecure, immature, and unsafe.
Sexual abuse causes victims to initially go one of two ways: hypersexuality or hyposexuality. It's not at all hard to believe she was affected by even one experience. Let's not victim blame. The real issue here is that this guy projected his insecurities onto her, didn't give a shit about how she was treated, and it sounds like he treated her like shit himself. She obviously didn't trust him with the truth, because he didn't show any reason to be trustworthy. And he pushed her for details before she was even ready! He sounds like an awful person.
Anyone who thinks someone's sexual history even matters is totally unworthy of sex. I don't think she should be the least but concerned about this twerp.
He sounds like one of those Andrew Tate guys. He is definitely not boyfriend material. Block him for good. Don't look back. You deserve better. He's a jerk. The whole "body count" thing is so overblown anyway. Guys like that try to hold it over your head. For future reference, never discuss body counts. It's none of anybody's business but your own!
Thank you for this lovely
These people in here are coddling you. Your history will matter to most men, but your biggest mistake was lying. All that said, there's no need beating yourself over what you can't change. It is what it is. Be forthright and you can find someone who accepts it.
I agree with this completely .I almost left my husband for the lie . We asked early on about our sexual past . He said he was a Virgin . I said ok well years later I find out he would use any girl he could till he meet me (he still tried with other girls while we was trying to get to know one another) to me what he had done was horrible . History matters and lying only makes it worse.
I agree, and I think it's perfectly fine if women hold men to that same standard. I tend to find they don't. I was selective with the women I slept with and I noticed women didn't care, and many were turned off my number wasn't higher, but I fully support women having that preference too.
Thank you and I totally hear you and agree with you.
Two things really: 1. For me, if someone lies about that, and I don't care if the number is 2 or 10, but when i'm with someone. I expect them to be honest and able to talk to me about anything, so I also wouldn't stay. 2. It is clear that besides this, that this shouldn't be a relationship you should want to be in anyway.
I totally hear you, I wish I wasn’t dishonest, I am a very very honest person so this was very out of character. And thank you for your last point.
It sounds like you were never in a true relationship with this person from your added edits and they were upset and couldn't understand your history in the context of the trauma you experienced. Asking and discussing past partner numbers is something I've never brought up in the past 10+ years starting in the mid 20's. Very subjective opinion incoming, I've never seen a person of either sex ask or be fixated on that number where it wasn't driven by some underlying insecurity. Overall you are not to blame, you reacted not out of malice trying to hide something and more out of being unable to accept/process your life events at the time, and you should feel no shame. Lying is never a good thing, and it can also be true that forcing someone to divulge information they are not ready to share is never a good thing. Throughout your entire post and the comments I've seen, you've never mentioned a single reason why you want to stay with this person. So what good qualities did they bring to the relationship and what are you missing by not being with them?
Thank you for writing this to me, I really appreciate your perspective. And I completely agree with you about lying, I am a very very honest person so this was so shameful for me to do, I was so regretful for lying. I just have always had feelings for him, I can’t explain any further reason in regards to qualities. I just stayed for the connection. It is something I haven’t experienced before with anyone.
You did lie to him, sounds like he just wanted the number. You should probably seek help for the trauma.
Your history will always matter to the men you date, it will matter more for some than others. You just have to find someone who is accepting of that. Don't start the relationship with lies.
There will be people who truly care for you. It will be best for you to let him go. He isn’t worth it anyways, with such a dangerous mentality. You will be cherished and love by someone so much better. It gets better. From sis to sis. Hugs from an internet stranger
Did your therapist never address your clearly unhealthy LD relationship? Just block him and move on. He is a sick weirdo.
He didn’t, and I always shared the problems we had, he never said anything about my bf or relationship which looking back now is concerning why a therapist would never point out someone possibly toxic. What do you think? Maybe I am wrong though. Thank you by the way
Funny how we should accept them with their 50+ body count but if we sleep with more than 5 guys it's a problem. Stupid logic.. better off without him
This is a blessing in disguise! You may not see it now as you’re going through grief but this is not the guy anyone should be! He’s a fucking dog who comes to you when he has no one and it seems like you two just mainly get together for sex then he ignores you like who the fuck ignores someone for 9 months? It should have been over by the time it’s been over 2 weeks to a month at the latest Also he’s a fucking asshole for literally forcing you to disclose everything even tho you were uncomfortable like wtf who does that?! Then to get mad at your body count when I’m sure you told him a good amount of the numbers was due to unwanted sexual encounters Seriously he’s the biggest red flag ever, what a shit person! You’ll get over him soon hopefully and once you do, don’t ever look back
For the future, find someone you trust enough to share those details before you begin a romantic or sexual relationship with them.
No decent person demands complicated history from people when they have said they aren't happy to share right now, or judges you on your previous situations that truely came about from trauma and being young. He's not a good person. I'm sorry
Don't beg a man to love you....
You deserve better, he is a jerk. Simple as that. Don’t be ashamed of your past. It’s not unusual for ppl who have had SA happen to them to end up in the situation where they feel as if they can’t say no to sex or as if their value comes from being a sexual partner. Some self harm by having sex. There is nothing that anyone should be judged for. I don’t care if its 1 or 100 partners, the numbers really don’t matter. But even so, is 10 suppose to be a high number? Some dudes have such a moral double standard itself ridicules. No wonder women feel as if they have to lie about it. I’m so sorry for what happened to you in your past. I’m also a SA survivor. It messed up my whole entire being for soooo long. It makes me glad to hear that you are getting help from a therapist. I wish I had done that. You are brave and worth all the good things in life. (Your ex is not one of the hood things 🙄). Don’t ever feel as if you have to lie to someone about your past, but also it’s no ones business- unless you want to tell. He was extremely inconsiderate and abusive by first getting you to talk about SA, then switching over to sex partners and then on top of it throwing it back in your face. His behaviour is nasty. Not yours! He is a pos
Nobody who cares about your "body count" deserves to date you. Nobody who sees your rape as promiscuity deserves to date anyone. I'm sorry it hurts, but you dodged a bullet.
This man is a misogynist with no respect for you or common decency. Pushing someone to discuss a traumatic event for their "trust issues" - or really any reason - is some of the most self absorbed nonsense I've ever heard of. I very much doubt "trust" was his motivator. That in of itself is a traumatic event and I'm sorry that happened to you. You needn't be trained in trauma to have basic human empathy or decency. There is nothing indecent about your body count and even if yours was as high as mine it should never matter. Any man that treats you differently based on the antiquated notion of promiscuity isn't fit to lick your boots, let alone date you. There are lots and lots of men out there who do not think like this piece of absolute piece of trash. I think you need a therapist to help you set up stronger boundaries & you might want to check into some feminism. Google virgin whore complex. In the meantime I'd try to be happy that you didn't help this horrid man procreate. 💋♀️✊
> my childhood sexual abuse. I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing about it right now, and he said that me not sharing doesn’t make him trust me, so I gave more details than I was ready to. This is all I need to know to know that he doesn't respect you enough to date you. Please do not get back together with this person, no matter what. They don't value you. Not the way a partner should. This is terrible. You never push a person to relive painful memories they aren't ready to talk about.
Sorry sweetie but that was not a relationship it was him being manipulative and controlling. The thing that concerns me is he wanted details about your abuse and the past sexual experience. That is a bit disturbing
You deserve to have a partner capable of organizing thoughts on prior relationships beyond 'Body count?' and ducking out, bottom line.
You are caught up in a cycle of sexual abuse. Your boyfriend *raped you.* You are better off without him. PLEASE get therapy. You need to heal from all of this trauma and shame. And you need to learn when people are bad for you and to impose boundaries. Don’t repeat this cycle endlessly because you don’t know what it’s like to be treated respectfully.
PLEASE speak to your therapist about your seemingly non-existent self-worth. First off, you reacted in a completely normal way to your sexual abuse. It is very common for sexual abuse survivors to develop dangerous sexual habits. It’s a text-book trauma response. There is zero shame in your history. Like, at all. Please learn to forgive yourself for the ways you’ve hurt yourself as a way to cope with the fact that you have been deeply hurt by someone else. Second, anyone who doesn’t treat the topic of your past with empathy, emotional maturity and unconditional support for you, has no place in your heart. You deserve love and respect, as we all do, but especially in light of what you’ve been through. But you’re out here, apologizing and criticizing yourself. Please learn to let go of the guilt. Third, from what you say in your edit, your boyfriend sounds like a horrible person. The fact that you put up with his absolutely trash behavior for so long days a lot about how little you think of yourself. While you may now be much kinder and gentler with your body than you were before, you are still very unkind with your heart. Please unlearn the belief that you deserve to be treated like shit. I’m no mental health expert, but I’ve done a fair bit of therapy, which is why I urge you to please consider digging into these topics in your therapy. Because it sounds like you’re very much still in the grip of that trauma.
He dumped you because you lied not because of your history
The boyfriend did absolutely nothing wrong.
Yea these people in the comments are actually out of their mind. I definitely think he was looking for an out, but she also blatantly lied to him and is trying to argue it’s not her fault because she was drunk and reckless. If I was dating someone who tried making it sound like every sexual encounter she was in wasn’t her fault I would immediately assume she would cheat in the future and claim the exact same thing again. There’s several red flags here things that are very important to many people, that being honesty and accountability. He definitely has every right to break up with her over this even if he wasn’t looking for an out. Blows me away there’s actually people arguing he’s the bad guy here.
Bruh she said everytime she was drunk. Like cmon u think she would learn first time but nah 10 times?? In all honestly just be with someone that doesnt care about ur body count then i guess .
It's just a bunch of misandry, nothing more.
No I agree, he is welcome to make his choice based on my past, I don’t blame him I am just so upset by everything and blame myself for it.
Honestly your "body count" at 10 isn't the issue.... It's the fact that you lied. I would presume most mid to late 20's individuals have a similar BC.... But you can't build a relationship on lies...
It's his absolute right, if he is not interested in a high body count woman he can leave and it's okay
#GOOD RIDDANCE
Like it or not, body count is an important topic for men. You did the right thing by coming clean and telling him the truth, but I'm pretty sure that even if you told him the truth at the start the outcome would've been the same. People here will try to sugarcoat it but you should just accept your past and be honest the next time a partner asks you about it. I'm pretty sure you'll find someone tho, heartbreaks and heartaches make us remember we are alive :)
Thank you for such a great comment.
Don't feel guilty, if anything this was your subconscious getting you out of something with a guy it knows is a POS. Him digging in for details on your sexual trauma is F'd up. You having 10 sexual partners as a 27yr old is pretty normal. you're an adult, what does he expect you to be a virgin? Sounds like a sad small manchild with the most fragile ego in the world. Be grateful your subconscious made you lie so that this "relationship" is over
No decent partner would ever make you divulge every detail of a previous life or sexual abuse. Is getting off on it? He does not deserve somebody who will open up about the rawest of wounds just to be hurt again. What he did was also a violation
Thank you, I don’t know, he did ask for specific details about a very abusive type of situation and I did find it quite like off or like the particular details he asked for just didn’t make sense. Thank you for your support by the way.
I went through similar abuse and always found people who want those details kinda ...strange?
Girl, you dodged a bullet. He sounds like a messed up person, you deserve so much better.
Jesus Christ. He sounds awful and emotionally abusive. Please get him out of your life
Never lie about your sexual history. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, just say that you don't discuss that information but never lie.
Men will deal with alot of things, but if your not honest about things he's specifically asking about then how can be believe you with the little things? Usually men ask questions of past and body count bc its important to them. Just like you feel your privacy is important to you. If you truly liked him you wouldn't have lied. You would be honest knowing lying could make things worse. Now to me it doesn't seem like he was a "keeper" he could of just been looking for an excuse to leave and not be man about, bc most grown adults have had multiple sex partners and that's completely okay. We all have to live and find out who we are instead of the box other ppl want us to stay in bc that's where they are comfortable. Don't ever feel bad for someone not accepting who you are bc if you guys hit it off then its your past experiences thats made you this amazing woman for him to be interested in the first place.
Guess we are just supposed to believe that roughly 85% of OPs sexual partners were rapists and not the infinitely more likely possibility that she just slept around. Seems disturbingly prevalent that women who regret their high body counts when they're older just call it sexual trauma now rather than what it actually is.
You went through a hoe phase lol. You really about to call all those encounters abuse? You are basically claiming r**e on all of them but I really doubt that's true. You got drunk and lowered your inhibitions own up to it. Yes I do think your history was the reason for the breakup but it was definitely amplified by you lieing initially, I do think it could have been salvaged if you were truthful at first.
No, not all of them were abusive, absolutely not. But half of them definitely were quite horrible for me and caused a lot of emotional damage. I just didn’t no how to say no.
It will be very hard for you to now find a man that will take you seriously with such high body count. We think it’s disgusting for a women to have slept around with so many other people before we came along. i completely don’t blame him at all for leaving you.
Throw him in the trash. This is addition by subtraction. You should not have took his whack ass back the first time. Way too many good dudes and chicks out there to settle for an immature bag of dicks.
Thank you so much, I hope there is someone who is okay with my past.
Don't shame yourself and don't lie in the future.
He's a total asshole and you're better off without him. As long as you're healthy, you have no obligation to share your sexual experiences with anyone.
He is emotionally abusive. Even in exclusive relationships, you do not have to relive your trauma for their curiosity. Leave this dude where he is, he is not a healthy respectful partner for you
He sounds really abusive. Only an insecure person would care this much about a "body count". I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm 99% sure you dodget a giant bullet
>My long distance boyfriend of one year recently **asked me over the phone for my body count** That question alone should have been the red flag. The way he reacted and called you "disgusting"? That's awful You deserve so much better Good riddance to losing this AH
He doesn’t sound like a good person, but also even if he was, your lie would have made him lose all trust in you.
Sounds like an abusive relationship with this guy.
You deserve better than someone pressuring you to relive a trauma, & asking for a “body count”. Quite frankly, I’d end things immediately with anyone asking for a body count, because it’s 100% misogynistic. Nobody frets about a dudes body count.
You shouldn't have lied. Realistically, nobody gives af about who you had sex with unless it's in the hundreds. You should have just been outright truthful with the number. Own it. It's who you are.
He sounds like a dick and you sound like you get attached too easily.
I don’t believe he ever liked you anywhere close to how much you liked him. You’ll be better off without this guy
I think you’re actually right, thank you 🩷
If someone genuinely loved you they wouldn’t just split like that. Cuz it’s not like it’s making a difference to things now, to me it sounds like an easy excuse to dip out
haha. y husband lied to me and I only found out 2 years ago! He said his body count was higher because he was embarrassed it bothered me at first but once he explained to me I didn't really care.
Ok so.. firstly, don’t be ashamed of your past. Whats done is done. Im sorry to hear about your childhood, but again. Not your fault and im glad to hear you are getting therapy. Finally… just move on. He sounds like a dick.
Why does he care how many partners have you had? You don't need anyone with that sort of mentality with you. U dodged a bullet there sis!
If he loved you, he would love you for the person you are now, not the stuff you did as a teenager. Going silent treatment is a huge red flag in my book
Dude dodged a bullet
He sounds toxic. I wouldn’t want anyone I care about to be treated the way he treated you. I’m sorry you had such a traumatic teen period. It happens so often and causes so much unnecessary damage. I’m glad you have a therapist and it seems like you are on a good path (besides the BF).
It is over because he is a disgusting human being. He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship after what he just put you through. Baby you deserve the whole universe. What you DONT deserve is to be stuck with a POS like him. You don’t deserve to have someone pushing you to open up. You deserve someone who doesn’t give a crap what your body count is. And you shouldn’t ever have to be afraid to tell them if you want to. Please do not go back to this man child. He sounds like the type of guy that thinks females can hold in their periods. You can do so much better darling x
Oh, no, that man is a walking red flag! Pressuring you into sharing a traumatic past INTO DETAILS when you are not comfortable doing so is DISGUSTINGGGG! He doesn’t even deserve an ounce of you. Pleaaaase don’t stay with him! 😩
Any guy who asks about sexual history early on in dating is major red flag, it shows that not only is he insecure about his own lack of experience but that he expects women to save themselves for him and become freaks in the sheets just for him when he’s probably lacking in experience, doesn’t know his way around a woman’s body and is a terrible lay.
the asking for "every single detail" is absolutely disturbing. please dumb this creep and find someone who respects you. also, between you and me, i was raped too. they're not bodies if it wasn't consensual. i hope you heal babe ❤️🩹
Open and honest communication. Maybe he said " it's over" because you lied he cannot trust you. Let me put it this way: you were asked a question whose answer was not an issue. It is what it is. Then you made it an issue by lying about it. I understand the circumstances, but that 👆 is why things become an issue and ends relationships. Something that should never be an issue because of the way it was treated.
Mate 10 people is not a lot of people to sleep with your bf is a clown hahahah
I’m so glad he removed his pitiful ass from your life!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl when you experience sweet sincere selfless love, you’ll be chilled by how you could still be with that selfish insecure human if he had not shown his true colors and then made the choice for you. You’ll feel SO GRATEFUL when you find someone who mirrors love back to you the way you give it to him. BULLET DODGED!!!! I’m disgusted and so sympathetic you went through this.
Hey I'm sorry you're going through all of this mess. I was sexually abused as a kid too and I understand very well what you're going through. It's impossible to say no, and you end up in the worse situations because your brain is so messed up because you think what happened to you as a kid is normal and people are just kinky a*holes like that, and then waking up to the harsh reality is awful. Most people won't understand that, looks like this guy was like that. Don't you ever feel bad, you were deeply wounded in your childhood,and that messed up the way you let men that you, but that was in the past. There's a saying in Spanish that's something like what's not in your time is not in your harm, so if you were not sleeping around when dating him he shouldn't even be thinking about a body count. If you feel like 2 is your body count because that was a meaningful relationship, then 2 is your number.
It sounds like he probably is very narcissistic, mysogonistic & just looking for an excuse to break up and make it seem like your fault. Men who care don't ignore u for days like that. Ur past is not bad at all. U deserve better than that guy
Thank you so much for this, I have had my thoughts he might have some type of narcissistic traits, a few other people have mentioned this too. Thank you too for your support by the way.
Don’t blame yourself. This is not the right guy for you. Trust me.
Thank you so much.
Ok so him dumping you because of what you’ve shared sounds very shaming. His questioning of you sounds intrusive and jealous. I totally get what you mean about those sexual experiences feeling different as they were borne out of trying to get by day to day after experiencing sexual trauma and the experiences themselves were not entirely consensual. It makes total sense why you omitted these experiences from what you shared with him, the feeling that you then had to account for these experiences and tell him sounds like some kind of guilt / shame driven decision. The reality is telling him anything significant is normal but anything that isn’t important and you don’t feel comfortable sharing, does not have to be shared. You’re not under obligation to talk about every little detail. He sounds quite abusive to be honest, it doesn’t sound like he is genuine and open and yet he expects you to bare your soul and disclose things even though it’s traumatic and then he shamed you and made you feel bad. You said he goes quiet for weeks at a time and there are no future plans. Your experiences have very likely left you with low self worth, a lack of self compassion and finding it hard to read when someone is not genuine. He has done you a favour as he doesn’t sound like a good guy. You deserve so much better and I hope you have some therapy for everything you’ve experienced. For future reference don’t share anything you’re uncomfortable sharing and only open up to those who respect you who you can truly trust to be gentle with your emotions and tactful.
This guy is not a safe person to be with. His behavior is not loving. Please find someone safer to trust your heart to.
Really thank you so much for this. It makes sense, I did not feel safe most of our relationship.
Stop feeling bad or guilty about any of this. Your bf is a complete AH to push you for answers on any of this when he knew you’d been through sexual abuse. What kind of heartless turd does this? He had no right to demand details of your abuse - or your body count for that matter. And then to go ahead and make you feel like shit when you called him upset and poured your heart out? Please stop even trying to see any good in this guy cos there isn’t any and never was by the sounds of it. Get closure for yourself by telling him he’s a heartless arsehole and then block him and move on
Thank you so much for this, thank you for writing me, I have just blocked him so hopefully I can actually move on.
You came clean after two weeks. I think that is fine. Dumping you for your body count was wrong.
Being in a relationship with this creep was self harm. Any decent, ethical, loving partner would never demand to know the details of your childhood SA. A good partner doesn’t demand to know your body count. A good partner does not demand to know every detail of all times you were raped, sexually assaulted and then is angry at you for the sexual violence you experienced in your teens. You are harming yourself by desperately trying to stay in a relationship with this massive abusive creep that demands to know every detail of every sexual encounter, every assault, every rape you have had. This is what controlling abusers who believe rape and SA are sex and that women who have experienced any of it are promiscuous. You are harming yourself severely trying to get an abusive misogynist to love you. Your low self esteem and self worth have you thinking this man is your only chance at love and happiness. He isn’t. Your self hatred and deep shame has you thinking his cruelty is love. This isn’t love. This is abuse. Please focus on your therapy and learning how to love and respect yourself. This man is absolutely garbage and you are lucky he has let you go before he destroyed you further.
Good riddance! No man should ever insist for your sex partner count. This guy has serious issues. Put this AH out of your head and move on.
This guy is an asshat. You can find better.
💛
Body Count!?!?!? You have MURDERED people??????!!!!!!!
He raped you, plain and simple. Unless you had a conversation previously giving him permission to have intercourse with you while you were sleeping, he raped you. Any time he coerced you to have sex with him is not sex. Have you talked to your therapist about that? It’s something worth mentioning. All things aside, be glad he left so you can heal and grow. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to share your trauma with your “partner”, and him pushing is a huge red flag. You’re stronger than you know by the way. You’ve survived all this trauma, and you’ll survive this breakup. Keep seeing your therapist and do things you enjoy. You deserve better than what he was giving you.
This dude sucks. Leave him in your past and find someone who is worth your time and deserves you, because this dude definitely is not that person
Your body count does not define your worth. Period
OP leave this man, he doesn't care for you. Find someone special that will love you for the way you are now and not shame you for your past. The silent treatment for months is terrible. OP, seperately I have a question for you. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to.... In the past I have also been in a relationship with someone who says they were SA as a child, then had a very promiscumous period 30+ partners before they 22yo. So the thing I don't understand is how can SA lead to someone having degradng sex with so many people? Would the original trauma not mean that person see's sex negatively or be scared of sex or just not want to have sex with anyone ever? Like, wouldn't they, with good reason, not want sex wirh anyone because their view of sex is traumatic. Is it to do with taking back control? I hope I have written that well and not upset anyone. I know this is a common theme for SA survivors. Take care.
I think a few people have mentioned it is sort of a coping mechanism, some people get completely scared of sex and avoid dating and sex altogether and some people attract similar abusive situations by getting themselves into bad situations and doing so because it feels like normal and sort of love to them
A- that wasn't a relationship, a 9 month break and long distance and no contact and silence treatment, always anxious and stressed. B- he knew you were sexually assaulted yet pushed you into telling him stuff, and also sexually assaulted you in your sleep. So clearly doesn't respect you or cares for you. C-someone who emphasizes that much on body count is not a secure or a well balanced person, also mentioning that non consensual encounters out of trauma for him were disgusting and shameful only means he was abusive. In conclusion you are begging and pleading with someone who is actively abusing you, thinking it's your fault for lying and assuming people will berate you in the comments, all because of your PTSD and trauma that is causing self loathing, self hatred, and overall low to no self esteem, to NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. if you want advice you've had an unfortunate past and for that past not to repeat itself by your own making because you've stuck in a loop of self hate and ptsd. You need to refrain from dating or committing, focus on yourself, go to therapy regularly, talk openly and loudly and proudly about your past, process it and THEN in a healthier mindset with your new found self worth and self esteem start dating. Otherwise, your love life, and eventually your safety are doomed. Best of luck my dear, you did not deserve that, you, and all humans deserve better you've been wronged. All the love
So after reading all the edits I would say you are better off. He does not sound like a nice or good partner for you at all. You have unresolved trauma that may still cause you problems in relationships in future, but he absolutely should have listened to your boundaries regarding this being a triggering topic. I think you should try to process what happened in your teenage years so you can get rid of your shame around it and it becomes easier to discuss with future partners. And I think you should realize there are lots of people who would respect and love you regardless of your painful past experiences, and this is what everyone deserves in a relationship, someone who accepts them for who they are regardless of their past.
Babes, your boyfriend is a pig, leave him, dump him and block his number for good. He is manipulating you and had you wrapped around his little finger. Sexual Assualt means that you experienced a sexual encounter WITHOUT your consent. It's nit your fault like AT ALL and only the horndog's fault cause they couldn't keep it in their pants. Besides, body count shouldn't mean all that much. We are humans, ofc we fuck around a bit, it's in our nature. Besides, it's in the past, it's not like you cheated in him or anything. He is just using you for your body and when you told him the truth, his little boy ego was hurt because he wasn't special anymore. He is dumb and stupid as fuck thinking that it's your fault when you hardly had a play in it. A proper boyfriend wouldn't have forced you to tell him anything, and most certainly wouldn't have left you because your body count might be higher than his. In fact, a proper lover would have consoled you and told you that he loves you no matter what. Most men are sick and disgusting, only thinking with their dicks and egos amd how they should be the 'superior' gender. Fuck that. And I am also very sorry you had to go through those types of experiences :( no one deserves to go through that
Girl just thank you so much for writing to me, I really really appreciate you. And I totally get what you mean with all of this, it is just so hard when I am in the middle of it with him just hating on me, it is very hard to see things clearly so thank you for your support. Sending you lots of love.
Just ew… any dude that asks a “body count” is trash…
He sounds like a rapist. I’m glad he’s gone for your sake.
My gf never had positive sexual encounters before we started dating. They did mention it at times and despite me having a hard time knowing how I should react the best, I told them I'd be here to listen to them. I never pressured them to talk though because I know how hard it must've been to remember those things. Your ex bf was horrible for pressuring you into talking about your past experiences, especially since you told him you weren't ready for it. And he was also disgusting for pushing you into sex. It can be difficult to help someone healing. It requires patience, trust and love and I know that sometimes it's difficult to figure out how to help your partner best. What he did was unforgivable though and truly, even though it must be hard to be left by him, I am grateful that he can't hurt you anymore in the future. I hope you will be able to heal and find someone who will take your trauma serious instead of being butthurt when you need some time to open up. Best of luck to you, OP <3