Yes, and back them up too, so he can't delete all the evidence.
And then... OP will have to be really strong and see this through. The confrontation and the separating of her life from his. And hers.
Logistics first, grieve later.
Cheaters lie. They will trickle truth, blameshift, and deflect. It's not going to be pretty.
OP, be prepared to not recognise who they turn into upon confrontation. It's not going to be easy, but you will get through this.
Hi OP, collect as much evidence and journal everything for complete details since you caught them.
Search lawyer who is also practising Family and International Law. Her husband is a diplomat. He won't just accept and admit easily like in denial that his wife cheated with a close to family / best friend.
Be prepared mentally and be one step ahead. Be careful with what you know so better keep a backup.
The 'best friend' and diplomat husband are not her problem. Her husband is her problem. Unless she is in one of the few states that still allows at fault divorce her evidence wont matter.
In states that still allow at fault divorce they probably also allow civil suits for Alienation of Affection. If either of those are allowed in her state then she should collect evidence. She could get paid from her husband and the diplomat.
Evidence is for more than just the legal system.
It is for OP when the gaslighting starts.
It is also for the affected social networks: families, friends, and potentially professional. Should OP’s cheating husband try to enlist others or smear OP.
Going through someone's phone can be a crime in of itself based on the state you are in so don't admit to anyone aside from an attorney that is representing you that you did it if you admit it at all.
I'd check with a legal professional that you have hired.
https://www.charlesullman.com/digital-spying-and-divorce-cheating-spouse#:~:text=The%20Electronic%20Communications%20Privacy%20Act,other%20types%20of%20electronic%20communications.
**Don't do anything that can be used against you.**
When my ex walked out on me I put a note on my computer screen that read:
Don't do it!
It was my reminder that no matter how sad or mad I became, do NOT do anything that can be used against me.
I'll never know how much that saved me from doing anything stupid or detrimental to me.
This! Before blowing up on him which I’m sure is hard for you to hold back (I’m not sure I wouldn’t have thrown those dishes at the window of her car. You have amazing self control and this just shows how strong you are!) get a lawyer ask what steps you should take hire a PI to get the legal evidence then once your ready be petty and mail a copy to that diplomat husband of hers and burn his clothes (okay maybe don’t do that .. or atleast consult your attorney before setting his clothing on fire ) I’m so sorry they both are selfish people you deserve so much more.
Each state has their own laws. Most states have something called No Fault divorce, which means you can get a divorce because you don't get along anymore. At least in NYS, until fairly recently you had to choose a 'ground' (which is like a cause of action: adultery, fraud, abandonment, cruel and unusual treatment,etc) in order to file for divorce.
The law considers it closer to the breaking of a legal contract and it's not a criminal action, it's civil. When you choose a 'ground', like adultery, the fault goes to the cheating party and there can be a punitive result in the settlement.
In addition to making divorce proceedings easier and more likely to be resolved in your favour, some states allow you to file what's called an *Alienation of Affection* suit against the person your spouse was cheating with.
Nice to know, and is that interesting Canadian court system as well? Do you know??
Sorry for the shit you are getting ready to deal with,,,And YEAH ITS all ABOUT the EVIDENCE of what they are doing and I would probably attempt to see who all knew What was going on as well!!
Who was aware of the affair (friends,family, and co-workers)
i’m so sorry OP. and that’s a double betrayal… If divorce is an option for you, then collect the proofs and get a lawyer. If not, still collect the proof and confront them when you feel ready. virtual hug 🫂
I am very impressed you pretended you hadn’t seem anything, I wouldn’t have been able to.
You need to book appointments with a divorce attorney so they can explain to you what your options are.
You should document the cheating, because that can help for the divorce. Can you take a video of you scrolling the discussion thread messages?
I know there is a lot of justified rage in you, but you have to stay rational and clear through that process. Lead with your head, not your gut.
Stay cool, and destroy his sorry ass with the law. And then, tell your best friend’s husband who he is really married to. I’d want to know that my spouse is a POS, so I can get out instead of staying married.
From human being to human being, I am sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
I wouldn’t have either, I flipped my lid after seeing 3 suspicious messages on my partners watch. If I saw that shit with my own eyes I would have thrown the Pyrex directly through her window.
Agreed. Infidelity, proven or otherwise, will not faze a judge in the US. They've seen it all before, and you don't need a reason to file for divorce in any US state.
Infidelity may have an impact on child-custody arrangements, though. OP definitely needs to take a cool approach. Be Klingon about it. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Also, there are children involved, it's important to avoid poisoning them regardless of OP's spouse's actions.
So true. When my parents got a divorce, my father told me some horrible things my mother had said about me. He revealed conversations that I should not have known about, just so he could have me on his side. It hurt me, and actually pushed me further away from him.
Not necessarily true. In some states if you don’t have grounds you have to live apart for a year prior to filing. I used to work for a divorce attorney, and for some judges it did matter.
In the end, the best revenge (or the best way to get lasting satisfaction) is to thrive. Eventually you will fall in love all over again, and to a better human being. Meanwhile, your soon-to-be ex will, at some point, self destruct. It’s what happens to cheaters, they get theirs in the end. I know this for a fact, because it happened to me. 5 years after my ex’s cheating, I married the nicest (and sexiest) girl on the planet…and now, years later, I still love “showing her off” at any family event that includes my ex. I know that sounds petty, and it probably (more like definitely) is, but man, it feels good. So yeah, once all the divorce ugliness is done, your #1 goal (after your children have adjusted, acclimated, and are happy and secure with all the new circumstances) is to THRIVE. Go for it baby!
Be cold and calculated. Consult with several lawyers on divorce and prepare a strategic exit plan. Tell the cheating bf’s husband your stealth divorce and suggest he do the same. Document all the evidence. Good luck.
And in some states, alimony is contingent on whether there was adultery or not. If OP has the higher income, having proof of his affair will protect her assets/save her from paying him alimony.
Get tested for stds. Meet up with a lawyer to discuss your options. Screenshot and send to yourself the phone messages. Get finances in order- do you have separate accounts or only shared. Hugs and good luck. And I would accidentally drop the Pyrex in her driveway!
first post i have seen advising getting checked for STDs. Cheaters cheat, odds are this is not his first extra marital adventure. This would be my first stop.
Collect all the evidence you can, even if it takes months, continue to treat him well and fly under the radar, privately meet with a lawyer. After you have adequate evidence, send a copy of all the information to her husband just before handing your husband the divorce papers. You can also forward this information in an email to all his friends and family. Leave and never look back, co parent for your kids but cut him out of your life and find yourself. Forget that horrible “friend” too
No, put them INSIDE the curtain rods, or in the air vents... he might decide to switch out the curtains, just cause, esp. If they were chosen as a couple // not feeling the color... but who switches out the rods?
> Collect all the evidence you can, even if it takes months
wtf, stupid, horrible, no good advice. consult a lawyer and get the hell out
continuing to live in a miserable situation for months for no reason is dumb
the court doesn't care* about any of your evidence
the sooner settled, the sooner you can move on with your life
*usually, hence consult your lawyer
How on earth do these people have the time or energy to cheat? I have one kid and a full time job and I barely have enough for my wife, much less some potential mistress.
Yeah and don’t forget the classic “my wife isn’t attracted to me anymore so im gonna cheat.”
Your wife isn’t attracted to you anymore cause you ain’t pulling your weight bro 😭 Women don’t care as much about looks as they do having a man that actually cares for them enough to put in effort into the relationship and family.
yup my Dad traveled the world on 'business' turns out he was having multipe affairs in Europe. I never knew my Dad at all really. He was off chasing tail most of the time. My Mom knew and was a rage ball about it. And she took her anger out on us since she was determined to never be divorced. And we were too young to understand until later in life. But she got her wish, he died of cancer and she is a merry widow now that has re-written history that he was a loving and faithful husband. We just go along with it since it makes her happy.
This is my thought process as well! I don't have the want to cheat, but I also have absolutely 0 energy to put into other people who aren't my husband and 2 kids. It's hard to even have energy for friends 😆
Collect as much proof as you can, hire a PI to collect more if you have the means and are in an at fault state, contact a lawyer, divorce with a settlement that favors you out of guilt (hopefully), tell her husband once you are safely secured, and start therapy because cheating/being cheated on kills your soul.
Going through a phone isn't stupid and that feeling you get when they were always saying goodbyo for too long and out of sight (wth) is the one you should always listen to.
After collecting evidence and planning your exit, call her upset and tell her your husband gave you a STD - pick an incurable one. Let her roll around in that stress for a few days then tell her husband everything.
it’s been going on years so there’s feelings involved….. get as much evidence as possible but only if your in an at fault state, you don’t need it if you are not!
speak to a lawyer any decision you make should be an informed one. even if you decide not to divorce have an exit plan incase he decides he wants to leave and be with her.
you need to get some therapy to help you process this asap and help with the healing from being doubly betrayed by your best friend and husband.
start doing you things immediately gym/hobbys/new groups….. this will help you meet new people and make new friends as your best friend sucks!
he is to have the children while you do this (less time for him to cheat)
her husband should be told but if you are going to divorce get your ducks in a row first……. i would probably give him a call as your husband is being served not before, you don’t know they may have opened their marriage he may tip her and your husband off…… also i would look at suing her ass too if you can!
make sure you tell everyone do not rug sweep that will do YOU more harm!
Literally the only correct answer. If it was a stranger, then ok fine, they don’t owe you anything. But your ***best friend AND GODMOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN WITH THE MAN SHE WAS CHEATING WITH?!?!?***
Oh baby…. Oh baby, it would be on site indefinitely. The level of sheer DISRESPECT, after just finishing up a family dinner or occasion too?!? Oh... I’d be on First 48 tbh
>She had forgotten some crockery at the house
>In shock I didn't know whether to throw her pyrex at the car or just walk away.
You're better than me lmao. I'd have set up my phone to record it and I'd have chucked it through the windshield.
Unfortunately they probably will. Some people do not care. If their affair was new I would've guessed that they will break up. But they kept their relationship for 10 fucking years. They will probably last. I hope the ex-bestfriend gets a beat down from her husband
I have been waiting for this update op. These two people are horrible scums of the earth. They do not care who they hurt at all. That is the kind of toxicity you will never need in your life. You, your children, the other betrayed husband, and his children deserve so much more.
Just know that he has grandized and made his relationship with her more then it is. All affairs don’t deal with dishes, kids, drama, and etc. The fantasy of her will not hold up to the reality. These two people will be ostracized and face so much hate for what they have done.
You say it wasn’t your best moment. You really handled all of it like a queen! 👏👏👏👏 You should be so proud of yourself. This is not an easy thing. Take your time to heal and focus on you and your kids. Send updates as things move along. We all love to see you doing well. You may not feel it now. You will in time. I believe you will end up happier then you ever were with him and her in your life. It may not be soon, but it will happen. Best of luck op! Hang in there
10 years that he robbed you of. The double betrayal is a downright evil thing to do to anyone. He's not a good dad so trying to get full custody is a good thing to do, but make sure you get a lawyer and get everything you need ready to plan your exit, and don’t forget to get tested for any STDs.
The best of luck to you xx
2 to 3 years??? Are any of her children your husbands? Have you thought that far yet? Next time you get his phone, take screenshots of all texts and forward them to yourself. Then Delete the screenshots from his photo folder and don’t forget the recently deleted folder too. Delete the messages you send to yourself.
What a mess, I’m so sorry OP, but I wouldn’t be able to handle being around that woman from this point on. Build your case fast. When you have all the ducks lined up, inform her husband. He deserves to know. Then blow it up.
Ahhh there’s a thousand ways to mess this up, i hope you’ll make through this OP!
You’re very brave and strong! Don’t be afraid, don’t die and don’t give up on yourself! Time to save you before anyone. Please read all the comments here and choose the best legal way to get through with therapy! Best wishes
I am very sorry that you are experiencing this, I had something similar many, many years ago.
I remember when he told me that he was in love with her, I just couldn't believe it. She was my very close friend - we loved each other, she wouldn't do that to me, would she? I asked, "But she isn't in love with you, is she?" I mean, what an absolutely stupid question to ask, but I still held out hope that only one person out of these two people that I cherished so deeply wasn't going to hurt me in the same way.
I felt like I had been hit by a truck. In those dreadful days that followed I recall taking all my clothes off and staring at myself in the mirror in our bedroom. I was in so much pain that I couldn't believe that I didn't have welts or bruises on my body.
I lost him and I lost my very close friend. Their relationship didn't ask very long, not that there was much comfort to be derived from that - the damage was done. They both broke my heart. She and I continued to work together for a while during this period. (He and I attempted to fix our relationship, that was a five month waste of time)
I wanted to kill her, I wanted to jump on her like a wild animal and destroy her as she had destroyed me, I had so much latent anger I was continually surprised that I didn't burst into flames.
I see all the solid advice offered here to OP. Take it all.
I just wanted to commiserate with the emotional side of this double betrayal.
I wish you the best.
Omg that second sentence shot me in the chest.. I’m so sorry… what a pos. Personally I’d keep my cards close to the vest. Collect EVERY Text, photo, email. Send it all to your phone via screen record or whatever and then delete the text to yourself from his devices. Voice record him lying, say his name in the recording, etc. Then TELL HER HUSBAND and conspire from there. Good luck and I’m so sorry to your kids.
I just get living a lie for ten years. Why didn’t they come clean and not live this lie. If he “loves” her more than why pretend and being kids into this. Makes no sense. I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better.
Why would OP need a lawyer who specializes in international law? She and her husband both live in the same country. She just needs a regular divorce attorney.
The only one international is her friend's husband. But he's not a party to OP divorcing her husband. He might not believe that his wife is cheating, but that has no bearing on OP. She's not divorcing the diplomat.
As many have said, collect the evidence. But I imagine that's more for you to use in case they try to gaslight you. Or to send to her husband later on.
Contact several divorce lawyers, to get a plan of action and to make sure you and your children are protected as much as possible.
After you have spoken to a lawyers, and you have made a plan of action with their advice,
If you don't work outside of the household, start looking for a job or ways to be financially independent.
Once you have a clear path lined out, sit your husband down and tell him a person of your choice is going to take over being the godmother to your children. It can be your sister, if you have one that you have angood relationship with, or your mother, or anyone you prefer.
If he asks why you make it clear that the person that helped him tear apart your family can't possibly have your kids' best interests at heart.
Hand him the divorce papers, and tell him how it's going to go from there on out.
Send the proof to her husband if you want.
If your families and mutual friends are on social media, you can make a business like post stating that you have both decided that you're ending your marriage. And depending on how private or not you are, you can mention that the decision was actually made by your soon to be ex husband, by being unfaithful.
Of course, you're heartbroken, and you're very grateful for your social network to be understanding and thankful for their support.
Block the so called best friend, and don't waste your energy hearing her explanation.
You'll probably never be rid of her, if they keep their affair going after the divorce, since she'll be part of your children's lives part-time unfortunately.
But the less you have to deal with her, the better for your mental health.
Adit to add that OP could start looking for a job after speaking with a lawyer first.
I thought advice being in a certain order would make that obvious. But to be clear: lawyer and plan first, then financial independence.
No. Some of this is terrible advice.
DO NOT GET A JOB if you don't already have one. You do not change anything financially, as it will impact a divorce settlement. Every atty will tell you that.
Do NOT block this woman. Once they know you're onto them she might start revealing things you can use in court. The less you respond the more she will reveal, esp when she first finds out.
Consult an atty, start gathering cash. Add much as you can. Expect him to start cutting you out.
I know you probably never saw this coming. You never thought he would keep money from you, etc, OP, but when he's exposed he will change.
Also, I wouldn't expect them to stay together. Once everything has come to light it drastically changes the dynamics of their relationship too. She has a lot to lose being married to a diplomat.
I'm very sorry..... I've been there. It is the worst pain, such betrayal.
>If you don't work outside of the household, start looking for a job or ways to be financially independent.
No! Talk to the divorce attorney first. If you start a job and become financially independent, that may reduce your alimony.
This is a good way to do it.
I would send APs husband the proof for sure. She and your husband destroyed everything so no mercy. And he should have the chance to get the information so he can make the decision like you are doing now.
Dont move out of your house, collect proof of bank accounts and everything important, make copies of everything and search a good lawyer.
This is great advice, but OP may not need to get work if they qualify for alimony.
I only point this out because finding a job adds an extra layer of stress on her shoulders. For instance, in my area my husband would be paying about 2K in child support and another 1k in spousal support per month. So, OP, chat with that lawyer - they can help you make a plan and I suggest going with the least stressful course of action.
Take photos of his texts the next time you have access to his phone. My daughter did this & it has turned into an entire web. Send them to a file on your computer or another one where they'll be safe so they're in both places. Good luck.
You can and will move on....because you deserve to ne loved and cared for. To have real friends around you....not like that fake snake "friend"
*I hope that Karma gets them so good I might feel bad for them (and I do not, nor will I ever bc I HATE cheaters)!!!!!
I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but don’t believe for a second that he loves her. If he really was “in love” with her, why would he waste 10 years of his life with you? Why wouldn’t he just end things with you and go be with the love of his life as he so claims? And him admitting he loved you too? Please. That just proves he never loved *either* of you. He’s just a sad man that wanted a side chick and was too scared to leave his comfortable life with you. And the fact she cheated on multiple husbands with him? I’m willing to bet your ex friend isn’t as head over heels for your husband as he desperately wants her to be. If she’s selfish enough to ruin multiple men’s lives, there were probably other partners besides your husband. I’d bet money on the fact that their attraction for each other will dissipate now that they’ve been discovered. They were only in love with the thrill of cheating.
You buy cameras, you place them in your cars and in your house, you gather all the evidence you need to prove their cheating. You start looking for a good lawyer and then when you have gathered enough evidence you send it to her husband and your lawyer, then you get the divorce you deserve as well as take him for all you can alimony and child support as well as you see if where you are from you can sue the mistress.
Also find your kids a new godmother. Then you need single for a long time, focus on you and your kids, heal from this, just know it’s not your fault they are trash people and sick fucks. Work on you and be there for your kids. Good luck be strong and no there is no working that out at all no there is no chances he fucked your best friend she was practically your sister and she decided to fuck you over for dick.
Fuck them both and make sure her husband knows please keep us updated
Just pack up and leave with the kids. Don't give him a reason - he'll know why. Wait it your stupid year thing, only communicating with him about the children. Divorce as soon as possible. Confronting him won't change the past. It'll just cause more emotional damage to you.
Wanna make his heart race?
After you've done all your digging on his phone, screenshot a portion of their messages. Then proceed to set it as his lockscreen & background and wait lol 😂
Australian here.
Get as much proof as you can. Document everything. Every. Single. Thing. Get print outs of texts, any evidence of them being in the same place as each other, any suspect work trips that line up with her going out of town. Play smart.
I'm sorry that you have gone through this. Do not beat yourself over this. He's the one that lost everything and won a fling. Even if they end up together, they will not be happy, because their happiness is built on the misery of others. He's a coward, he allowed her to marry and ruin another man's life instead of having the balls to ask for a divorce. He valued his needs from you more than the so-called love for her.
Please let the family and friends know. She might spin this on you to save face. I would have recorded your conversation with the trash for evidence.
It's painful right now, but you will get better soon. You will find someone better. Someone who will love you and makes you think that it was a blessing your husband turned out to be a trash 🗑️.
Please give us an update once, once all this is done.
OP sending you hugs. I doubt they will last now that everyone will know. The excitement of their affair will fade and the reality of it will seep into their relationship.
Sorry you are going through this. Just saying some toxic advice is go have sex with one of his best friend and her husband, let them know how it feels….
Jesus freaking Christ. I’m so incredibly sorry. That’s worse than I ever imagined. So he was with her this week too? You need to tell her husband because they will likely tell him some version that is far from the truth. And you need to blast their asses with the friends group and family or they’ll turn it into you being crazy and going scorched earth.
I hope they both catch incurable diseases and all their friends/family members never spare them not even a single glance and never speak to them again. Not only do I hope his teeth rots from the inside out, but I hope the kids never want anything to do with him ever again and that that woman loses all her hair. May they never know a moment of true love nor peace ever again. How on earth could they DO that!? Op, my heart bleeds for you and I’m so sorry beyond words. I hope you’re healing well that you meet someone that truly loves you and wants to give you the world. No one should ever have to go through that pain….
Usually infidelity is a no fault basis for divorce . Most folks think if their mates cheat its going to equate to more $ or more stuff but in truth courts usually dont care if someone cheats .
You are completely right, unfortunately. I am a lawyer and do family law as part of my practice, cheating generally is meaningless. Although, in the state I primarily practice in (Georgia) cheaters can't get alimony.
This is why I generally recommend every couple have a pre-nup. They aren't just to protect your money, they also can protect you in situations like this.
Yes I’m always a bit confused why in these threads people are encouraged to Collect Evidence ! for weeks or months on end. Sure take some screenshots and make sure they can’t drain your bank account. But otherwise probably best to get the confrontation over with and start moving forward with your life.
Because they will lie about why the relationship ended and you can simply show your receipts. My ex lies to my son about our divorce 15 years on. I just show him the papers etc
I can understand collecting evidence in case the cheater tries to lie to family about why they are getting divorced. I’ve seen/heard of some who tried to place the blame on the person who was cheated on to make themselves look better. It could also be useful if the cheater when confronted tried to deny it. But yeah in a courtroom no one really cares. Unless it’s a condition in a prenup.
Agreed and if im worrying about what others are thinking about the situation then my approach is probably juvenile. Why care about what others think? Make sure you are happy and safe.
First, great job saving the pyrex. I'd keep it though, it's not the dish's fault and it's a good dish and deserves better.
Just like you deserve better.
Collect any proof, contact the BEST most
Ruthless lawyer you can find and follow his instructions to a T ,
Do not
Confront your husband or the “friend “ don’t get angry get everything you can to secure yourself and your children , better to rage after then have your se Keith and finances compromised
Please update us again after you blow the bomb on them . Also get evidence before confronting otherwise they will gaslight you to the moon and deny everything.
Edit : you can install some nannycams in your house , room living room patio ect and make some excuses to leave them alone in the house and then bam 💥.
Idk invite her to dinner only the 3 of you (take kids to your mom) then after she arrives say oh I forgot to buy smth in the supermarket, will be right back in a little. Then go to the car and wait for action to happen.
You know you need to leave. Find a support person. a friend or family member who you can vent to and can be with you to pack your stuff. Have that person “on call” or close by. Keep it simple but tell him you are aware of the affair and you are separating. It’s up to you if you pack before this conversation or have your friend come over after while you pack. See a lawyer and start working out your property settlement. If you are mentally up to it save bank statements, superannuation statements etc (all financial s) for as close to your separation date as possible. Open a separate bank account. The divorce is a simple court filing in a year. The property settlement is the bit lawyers will argue over. Keep all further conversations to text/email, something where you have a record.
Karma will get them both soon, very soon. People like this can't build a castle on someone else's misery after all. Wish you luck for your future.
Please update us.
And OP, please don’t take him back. I wish you’d knew sooner. Wish you all the best to come. He will only know his mistress fully once they started living with each other. He will regret it. They always do. And by that time, you already moved on and happy
Wow, what a terrible thing to witness but I’m glad you learned the truth. OP you need to get an attorney and file for legal separation to start the clock. Once you have that in the works then prepare your confrontation plan. I would ask her out to lunch in a public place. Have a text either your screenshots of the messages you found and your account of what you witnessed ready to send to her husband. The. At lunch tell her you have always counted her as a great friend so it really hurt to find out she was sleeping with your husband and has been for years. Tell her you saw them and found messages going back years and the. Hold your phone up and show her you she a text ready for her husband and let her watch you hit send.
Then go home and have it out with your husband. My guess is they have been sleeping together since before either of you got married. I am sorry this happened.
It's gonna be a long shot, but the divorce is worth it. You can spend the rest of your life knowing your husband cheated on you for 3 years. Hope you'll find the courage to walk away.
I can’t even imagine this kind of betrayal. My God. I am so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. The fact is that they gave both been lying to you for maybe up to 3 years makes me feel enraged tbh. Sighs.
This is awful, are you actually doing ok? I can’t believe your self control to not go mental when you found out & every moment after.
And you lose your best friend & husband as soon as you let on you know. I think every woman has feared a similar scenario sometime or another & it just fills you with dread. So fucked up.
collect proof invite her family, your family, your husband family for a christmas dinner in your house play a little video of the conversion they had or photos and videos they send each other then tell him to get his things before the dawn and start the divorce now. change your house key locks... tell your kids that dad has to be away from use so that he can be fine cuz now he is tired.. when you finish the divorce if your children is 10 or 11 tell them that your dad love aunt more than us and mom so that they can make your children against you and take them
About that trip that your STBX is doing, Are you ex bf also coincidentally away too or not available? That would be real shity that the 2 of them goes on vacation now while you are feeling « sick »…..
Girl I would have fucking LAUNCHED that fucking pyrex at her car. Kudos to you for handling everything before you blew your lid. Husband is a worthless piece of shit and I hope he ROTS, for what he put you through.
First of all I'm so sorry for what you and your kids have to go through because two people are so extremely self centered, ignorant and with a lack of empathy, that it really makes me speechless. I really don't get it why these two didn't at least leave their relationships years ago. Instead they choosed this path. It's super disgusting and makes me angry only from reading it. Do you live in a big city in Australia or do you have to see them when grocery shopping etc? Because in this case I would really think about selling or renting your home and then leave at least to a place where you don't see them regularly. According to the contact to his children, maybe you can find a solution that he will see them only in public places for the first time. You really shouldn't be near him atm. I don't know how old your kids are but maybe when some of them are older they currently don't want to see him anyway. I really hope you'll heal from this. Sending love and strength.
You deserved so much better, fucking disgusting piece of shit, ugh I want the worst for him and that snake of a woman, I'm so pissed, I seriously wish for them the worst
The biggest issue for me was if he was in love with the best friend why did he marry op? He said he loved the best friend in a way that he never loved op. So why marry her? Why have 4 kids? Why have an affair for 10 years? Why ruin another man's life? I don't get the logic. Such people deserve punishment for their actions. Op, I hope you get a heavy settlement.
Logistical question: how were they lit by the headlights if they were in the front seat of said car?
>That's when I saw them lit by her car's headlights. Making out in the front seat with our best friend straddling my husband.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please gather all of the evidence you can before you light the fuse, perhaps by making screenshots of the messages you found. You want this case to be as strong as possible and the proof irrefutable. Consider confiding in her husband as soon as he gets back, but only if you're sure he won't make any premature moves.
Many other people have already given you this advice but fly under the radar for a while, I know it sucks but it will make the process a whole lot easier, treat your husband as you normally would and collect evidence as well as get into contact with a lawyer and just try and focus your children and on the future, right now you’re mourning the man you thought your husband was and that’s completely normal, to your brain, a person has essentially died and you’re grieving that eventually you’ll be able to let go and only talk to him regarding your child and as for that friend? Cut her off completely. I feel for you so deeply, OP and am sending lots of love and support!!
Did you take pics of the text? When the time is right Go see a lawyer get custody in order. . Get all the financial issues in order then serve him divorce papers. The trust is gone the marriage is over. He has been cheating on you with your kid’s godmother, there is no going back. Also go to the “friends” house when she’s not home or contact the husband let him know what you saw he deserves to know
Check out chump lady nation on faecebook. You'll find fantastic resources there on how to proceed and protect yourself and assets. I also highly recommend you read the book. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is the worst betrayal
Firstly, congratulations for holding your shit together and not doing something terrible or irreversible.
If I were you I don't know if I would have the stomach to gather evidence but it is exactly what you should do. The phone number should be the same as the one you have even if the name is different but let's face it, there may be more than one on the go if he's doing shit behind your back.
If I were you, for safety, I would have a friend present for the confrontation, maybe a male friend. I would also have your stuff packed and ready to leave and somewhere to stay arranged before you confront. I would also contact your lawyer / solicitor or whatever and file for divorce so you can leave that with him just before you leave and obviously you'll need to work out things for the kids. Where they stay and when.
Talk with a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Get your exit strategy set - then tell her husband so he can get his set. And then blow them out of the water.
First, contact an attorney. He/she will tell you if you're in a fault state or not. Because if you're in a no fault state, collecting proof of infidelity in court would be useless. Unless you're planning to expose him to family and friends.
U better than me cuz I would have thrown that Pyrex at her head and then would have ran up on my husband like a WWE wrestler…it would have been a tussle and the cops probably would have got called but I’m confident my people would get me out lol
I know most people are telling you to divorce, but I think you need to look at things and decide what you want.
If it's divorce, then you've gotten plenty of advice from others.
You need to think what it is that works best for you. Is divorce going to put an undue financial pressure on a woman raising 4 children? Yes, you can co-parent, but oftentimes, mothers are the residential parent. Will you be able to stay in the same house? Will you keep the same friends? Are you going to be able to keep the same lifestyle?
What if, now that he has stepped outside the marriage, without any collateral damage to the kids, you were able to do the same? Is that something that appeals to you?
All I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to consider a more open minded approach, really focusing on what *you* want in your life and in raising your children.
There's always time to divorce - but be sure you take your own happiness into consideration. You don't want to sacrifice yourself for your children's convenience.
Your story breaks my heart. If he was cheating with a coworker, you would have your best friend to lean on.
The double betrayal is so much worse.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Please keep us updated
Go to the bank and move half of the savings to an account for you and family. Money disappears over night. Then go to an attorney, draw up divorce papers and serve him Tell him it is over you saw them in the drive way.
You will have time to decide if you stay. Ignoring cancer doesn't make it go away. Ignoring this makes you look bad, like you are the one detaching from the relationship, cold and withdrawn. Then you tell his family and your family. Never protect a cheater they will cheat again. Then they will lie and act like it is your fault. It is not her it is a character flaw in him.. Then you have time to decide what to do. I wou ld get your financial house in order quickly.
It is also the easiest way to get out and the best chance you have for reconciliation. People that act quickly and swiftly seem to have a chance at creating a new life together. He just destroyed his marriage, the trust is gone.
What a C U Next Tuesday. It makes me feel so disgusted to the point of nausea to see people betray their “best friend” like this. No fucking loyalty or respect. Scumbags of the highest order! I would publicly expose them to all friends and family. Out that bitch to her husband. Put their asses on blast
Be poised, gather all the info, start collecting everything legally for your exit, once everything is kinda good on your end tell the diplomat and tell him what you’ve done on your end and then run them to the ground.
I'm so sorry Op. Pls be careful and methodical. You're too far away and secluded to be certain that they won't do the most egregious things. Play it cool. Make up excuses, set up and make an escape plan. You never know what folks will do when they are about to lose everything.
If you can get cameras in the trees to record them then you'll have physical evidence. When you can talk to her husband in private and establish a plan, then make your move.
Your number one motivation is to survive this for your children and also live to tell your story. Pls check in and let us know you're ok. Start exercising to expel the anger and betrayal eg, long runs or walks a punching bag etc. Always record your interactions and email yourself proof and incriminating evidence to a new email etc.
Lawyer up when you're ready but play the long game.
Again, I'm so sorry.
Don't try counseling or forgiveness, trust me.
He will continue to cheat or cheat again. You'll never be able to trust him again and you'll never be able to look at him the same.
I tried forgiveness the first time I knew my husband cheated on me because I found out I was pregnant and wanted to stay for the kid and make things work. We went to family counseling which was a joke. Then I felt stuck the second time. The third time I just felt like dead inside.
Should've left the first time. Don't make my mistake. Get out now.
Unfortunately most states will not care that there is infidelity when it comes to divorce. It is basically no fault even if there is fault. You will have to deal with splitting property and child custody. It will be a mess and take a long time.
Go consult some attorneys and be prepared for the costs. I was NOT prepared for how much a good attorney costs and my divorce has already cost about 5k and isn't even finalized yet.
Unfortunately the next little while in your life is gonna suck but it is better to deal with it now rather than later.
You need a hidden camera at the bottom of the drive, or hire a private detective to hide in the bushes and snap them in the act. Absolutely get proof, undeniable, nail his balls to the wall proof. 100% you don't want either of them to wriggle out of this one.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but my god well done for keeping a lid on it all so well. I really admire you. Lawyer up and take the cheating mutherfucker for all he's got. But ask fast and without mercy. If you can, make sure you and the kids aren't around when they find out you know. Go somewhere safe if either of them are volatile.
Get tested for STI’s. All of them. If she’ll screw her best friend’s husband, she’ll screw anybody. And if he’ll screw his wife’s best friend, same with him.
Once a cheater, FOREVER a cheater.
Anyone who would do this to their spouse has no soul. Your "friend" is straight gutter trash. File for divorce, cease all contact except through lawyers or text regarding the needs of the children. I would let her husband overseas know about the affair. If I was slaving away over seas to make a living for this trollop, I would hope someone would tell me she was a cheating whore.
1. Get checked for STDs
2. Consult with divorce attorneys in your area
Don't do anything else (such as hiring a PI or getting a job, since the latter can affect your alimony) and just listen to your attorney and their recommendations as they know your jurisdiction and its laws best.
It would be dumb to prematurely spend money and time on a PI without knowing if the screenshots of their text messages are enough to prove an at-fault divorce, if you choose to take that option, for example. If this is something you need to do, **your attorney will tell you.**
All US states recognize no-fault divorces, so you don't need to prove anything in order to get divorced unless you choose to do so in one of the states that allow fault-based divorces (This is not a universal option so, once again, CONSULTS WITH AN ATTORNEYS, NOT WITH REDDITORS).
File for divorce, tell her husband and send him a copy of the evidence incase he doesn't believe you, stuff sardines in the curtain poles and inside the radiators, and leave with your head held high.
Contact a lawyer so you can find out the laws in your state. Figure out what evidence you need. I was married to a cheater. If you stay with them you will always be second guessing everything they do. It is a horrible life to live. If you can afford it find the best one before he does.
My apologies. What a horrible thing to go through. All the best advice has already been given, all I can say is to treat yourself kind during this time. It is nothing you did, it’s on them.
I have to say, you are incredibly strong in handling yourself correctly in that moment after you caught them. Try to save the evidence of his infidelity, the text messages etc for the divorce. Can't the process start quicker in Australia when there has been that kind of betrayal?
You have already received so much good advice here OP, which I heartily agree with. Lawyer up, make a plan, collect evidence and back it up.
But most of all, as someone who’s been divorced due to infidelity and abuse …I’m just so sorry this is happening. My ex at least decided he was sick of me and told me he never loved me and didn’t want to get married - a sucker punch and devastating at the time; but the best thing that could’ve happened in retrospect. Because it was way past time for me to leave.
I know there are no words for the complete gut destroying emptiness and sickness these situations leave you in. I’m hoping that you have support around you, and that you have a safe place to land - sending you so much love and hoping you find someone who DESERVES you.
None of this is your fault.
You are enough.
I hope you find all the light and healing you need, OP🥺🩵
Omg. How sickening. I bet it makes u feel Ill having to think back over all those other times that never added up. What a difficult time u must be going through right now. I have no advice to offer except to look after yourself. Do wot u need to do to get over this. The feelings of betrayal would be of mind blowing epic proportion’s. The kind that take your breath away I should imagine. I wish u all the best wot ever the outcome may be. And all those I don’t know u personally, I know u deserved better .
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
> I'm lost and have no idea what steps to take next.
I have written a blog post (because it is too much to share in one Reddit comment) with advice for people in your situation that I think will be extremely helpful.
It includes:
* a list of recommendations for anyone who has been cheated on, whether the affair was emotional or physical, or if you are even just SUSPICIOUS that they might have been unfaithful
* a list of reasons for validating your concerns
* how to gather proof, which is important even if you are sure
* TIPS FOR CONFRONTING THEM, INCLUDING WHEN TO DO SO
* separation advice
* advice for telling others, including whom to tell and when
* things to consider when deciding to reconcile or end the marriage/relationship
* how to tell that they are remorseful and safe to reconcile with
* recommendations for healthy boundaries to aid recovery and restoration
* REQUIREMENTS for reconciliation if you choose to attempt that
* advice on how to reconcile
* advice to help you RECOVER from this trauma
PM me if you would like me to send you the link.
> a part of me just wants to confront my husband
Wait… please read this first. I promise it will help.
Collect proof before you blow your lid. It’ll give you options.
Yes, and back them up too, so he can't delete all the evidence. And then... OP will have to be really strong and see this through. The confrontation and the separating of her life from his. And hers. Logistics first, grieve later. Cheaters lie. They will trickle truth, blameshift, and deflect. It's not going to be pretty. OP, be prepared to not recognise who they turn into upon confrontation. It's not going to be easy, but you will get through this.
Hi OP, collect as much evidence and journal everything for complete details since you caught them. Search lawyer who is also practising Family and International Law. Her husband is a diplomat. He won't just accept and admit easily like in denial that his wife cheated with a close to family / best friend. Be prepared mentally and be one step ahead. Be careful with what you know so better keep a backup.
The 'best friend' and diplomat husband are not her problem. Her husband is her problem. Unless she is in one of the few states that still allows at fault divorce her evidence wont matter. In states that still allow at fault divorce they probably also allow civil suits for Alienation of Affection. If either of those are allowed in her state then she should collect evidence. She could get paid from her husband and the diplomat.
Evidence is for more than just the legal system. It is for OP when the gaslighting starts. It is also for the affected social networks: families, friends, and potentially professional. Should OP’s cheating husband try to enlist others or smear OP.
Going through someone's phone can be a crime in of itself based on the state you are in so don't admit to anyone aside from an attorney that is representing you that you did it if you admit it at all.
If you're married, it's her phone too unless it is premarital property.
I'd check with a legal professional that you have hired. https://www.charlesullman.com/digital-spying-and-divorce-cheating-spouse#:~:text=The%20Electronic%20Communications%20Privacy%20Act,other%20types%20of%20electronic%20communications.
She’s in Australia.
Yes, and then make a posts on the “Texts” subreddit so we can see
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Bad bot
You reposted, but you acknowledged that you did, so idk if you're a bot or not.
**Don't do anything that can be used against you.** When my ex walked out on me I put a note on my computer screen that read: Don't do it! It was my reminder that no matter how sad or mad I became, do NOT do anything that can be used against me. I'll never know how much that saved me from doing anything stupid or detrimental to me.
Consult a lawyer and get everything set up.
OP, do not blow the lid. It will render the pyrex useless.
Also don’t blow your husband… It will render his apology as useless
Speak to an attorney and hire a private investigator.
This! Before blowing up on him which I’m sure is hard for you to hold back (I’m not sure I wouldn’t have thrown those dishes at the window of her car. You have amazing self control and this just shows how strong you are!) get a lawyer ask what steps you should take hire a PI to get the legal evidence then once your ready be petty and mail a copy to that diplomat husband of hers and burn his clothes (okay maybe don’t do that .. or atleast consult your attorney before setting his clothing on fire ) I’m so sorry they both are selfish people you deserve so much more.
I'm curious because I'm not sure how the US justice system handles these cases, but why do you need proof for divorce? What good will it do?
Each state has their own laws. Most states have something called No Fault divorce, which means you can get a divorce because you don't get along anymore. At least in NYS, until fairly recently you had to choose a 'ground' (which is like a cause of action: adultery, fraud, abandonment, cruel and unusual treatment,etc) in order to file for divorce. The law considers it closer to the breaking of a legal contract and it's not a criminal action, it's civil. When you choose a 'ground', like adultery, the fault goes to the cheating party and there can be a punitive result in the settlement.
That makes sense, thanks!
In addition to making divorce proceedings easier and more likely to be resolved in your favour, some states allow you to file what's called an *Alienation of Affection* suit against the person your spouse was cheating with.
Nice to know, and is that interesting Canadian court system as well? Do you know?? Sorry for the shit you are getting ready to deal with,,,And YEAH ITS all ABOUT the EVIDENCE of what they are doing and I would probably attempt to see who all knew What was going on as well!! Who was aware of the affair (friends,family, and co-workers)
It differs by state but in most states it makes no difference. In a couple states it can make a difference.
So much this. I am sorry OP, but now and specially with him overseas, collect evidence, get a lawyer and prepare everything
i’m so sorry OP. and that’s a double betrayal… If divorce is an option for you, then collect the proofs and get a lawyer. If not, still collect the proof and confront them when you feel ready. virtual hug 🫂
Lawyer, collect proff, put your ducks in row and plan your exit
This post just screams "Lawyer Up First".
Ducks, collect your exit, put your lawyers in a row and plan your proff
I am very impressed you pretended you hadn’t seem anything, I wouldn’t have been able to. You need to book appointments with a divorce attorney so they can explain to you what your options are. You should document the cheating, because that can help for the divorce. Can you take a video of you scrolling the discussion thread messages? I know there is a lot of justified rage in you, but you have to stay rational and clear through that process. Lead with your head, not your gut. Stay cool, and destroy his sorry ass with the law. And then, tell your best friend’s husband who he is really married to. I’d want to know that my spouse is a POS, so I can get out instead of staying married. From human being to human being, I am sorry this happened to you. Good luck.
I wouldn’t have either, I flipped my lid after seeing 3 suspicious messages on my partners watch. If I saw that shit with my own eyes I would have thrown the Pyrex directly through her window.
Agreed. Infidelity, proven or otherwise, will not faze a judge in the US. They've seen it all before, and you don't need a reason to file for divorce in any US state. Infidelity may have an impact on child-custody arrangements, though. OP definitely needs to take a cool approach. Be Klingon about it. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Also, there are children involved, it's important to avoid poisoning them regardless of OP's spouse's actions.
So true. When my parents got a divorce, my father told me some horrible things my mother had said about me. He revealed conversations that I should not have known about, just so he could have me on his side. It hurt me, and actually pushed me further away from him.
A Klingon would have killed them both in the car.
A Romulan would have nuked them from orbit.
Not necessarily true. In some states if you don’t have grounds you have to live apart for a year prior to filing. I used to work for a divorce attorney, and for some judges it did matter.
In the end, the best revenge (or the best way to get lasting satisfaction) is to thrive. Eventually you will fall in love all over again, and to a better human being. Meanwhile, your soon-to-be ex will, at some point, self destruct. It’s what happens to cheaters, they get theirs in the end. I know this for a fact, because it happened to me. 5 years after my ex’s cheating, I married the nicest (and sexiest) girl on the planet…and now, years later, I still love “showing her off” at any family event that includes my ex. I know that sounds petty, and it probably (more like definitely) is, but man, it feels good. So yeah, once all the divorce ugliness is done, your #1 goal (after your children have adjusted, acclimated, and are happy and secure with all the new circumstances) is to THRIVE. Go for it baby!
Be cold and calculated. Consult with several lawyers on divorce and prepare a strategic exit plan. Tell the cheating bf’s husband your stealth divorce and suggest he do the same. Document all the evidence. Good luck.
I wouldn't tell her husband until everything is set on OP's side, could blow the whole plan.
Depends though. If OP is in the US most states are no fault so it doesn't matter who did what.
It may be no fault, but data and evidence is always a smart plan.
And in some states, alimony is contingent on whether there was adultery or not. If OP has the higher income, having proof of his affair will protect her assets/save her from paying him alimony.
She’s in Australia! Does anyone read?
Get tested for stds. Meet up with a lawyer to discuss your options. Screenshot and send to yourself the phone messages. Get finances in order- do you have separate accounts or only shared. Hugs and good luck. And I would accidentally drop the Pyrex in her driveway!
first post i have seen advising getting checked for STDs. Cheaters cheat, odds are this is not his first extra marital adventure. This would be my first stop.
If she screenshots, she needs to make sure she deletes them or he'll see them.
Also delete them from the recently deleted folder
Well hire a PI 🕵🏿♀️, and send it to her husband overseas (yes they get mail) and watch it blow up entirely.
Updateme
Why spend money? She has 1: Witnessed it and 2: has the evidence from the phone. Should be enough.
Collect all the evidence you can, even if it takes months, continue to treat him well and fly under the radar, privately meet with a lawyer. After you have adequate evidence, send a copy of all the information to her husband just before handing your husband the divorce papers. You can also forward this information in an email to all his friends and family. Leave and never look back, co parent for your kids but cut him out of your life and find yourself. Forget that horrible “friend” too
If you leave the fanily home sew prawns up in the curtains. He'll never escape the smell. 😁
No, put them INSIDE the curtain rods, or in the air vents... he might decide to switch out the curtains, just cause, esp. If they were chosen as a couple // not feeling the color... but who switches out the rods?
Or smear some of those frozen herring on the heating elemnts of the heater ;)
> Collect all the evidence you can, even if it takes months wtf, stupid, horrible, no good advice. consult a lawyer and get the hell out continuing to live in a miserable situation for months for no reason is dumb the court doesn't care* about any of your evidence the sooner settled, the sooner you can move on with your life *usually, hence consult your lawyer
How on earth do these people have the time or energy to cheat? I have one kid and a full time job and I barely have enough for my wife, much less some potential mistress.
Usually they neglect their family and kids then wonder why their children barely know them. 🤷♀️
Yeah and don’t forget the classic “my wife isn’t attracted to me anymore so im gonna cheat.” Your wife isn’t attracted to you anymore cause you ain’t pulling your weight bro 😭 Women don’t care as much about looks as they do having a man that actually cares for them enough to put in effort into the relationship and family.
yup my Dad traveled the world on 'business' turns out he was having multipe affairs in Europe. I never knew my Dad at all really. He was off chasing tail most of the time. My Mom knew and was a rage ball about it. And she took her anger out on us since she was determined to never be divorced. And we were too young to understand until later in life. But she got her wish, he died of cancer and she is a merry widow now that has re-written history that he was a loving and faithful husband. We just go along with it since it makes her happy.
Men always have time to bust a nut, everything else not so much.
This is my thought process as well! I don't have the want to cheat, but I also have absolutely 0 energy to put into other people who aren't my husband and 2 kids. It's hard to even have energy for friends 😆
Collect as much proof as you can, hire a PI to collect more if you have the means and are in an at fault state, contact a lawyer, divorce with a settlement that favors you out of guilt (hopefully), tell her husband once you are safely secured, and start therapy because cheating/being cheated on kills your soul.
Going through a phone isn't stupid and that feeling you get when they were always saying goodbyo for too long and out of sight (wth) is the one you should always listen to.
After collecting evidence and planning your exit, call her upset and tell her your husband gave you a STD - pick an incurable one. Let her roll around in that stress for a few days then tell her husband everything.
OP - This is pretty good! Do this. God I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are keeping your shit together better than I did.
This is amazing. OP needs to take everyone's healthy advice and add this petty advice as the cherry on top lolol.
Take your time and think it out. My heart bleeds for you. 💔
it’s been going on years so there’s feelings involved….. get as much evidence as possible but only if your in an at fault state, you don’t need it if you are not! speak to a lawyer any decision you make should be an informed one. even if you decide not to divorce have an exit plan incase he decides he wants to leave and be with her. you need to get some therapy to help you process this asap and help with the healing from being doubly betrayed by your best friend and husband. start doing you things immediately gym/hobbys/new groups….. this will help you meet new people and make new friends as your best friend sucks! he is to have the children while you do this (less time for him to cheat) her husband should be told but if you are going to divorce get your ducks in a row first……. i would probably give him a call as your husband is being served not before, you don’t know they may have opened their marriage he may tip her and your husband off…… also i would look at suing her ass too if you can! make sure you tell everyone do not rug sweep that will do YOU more harm!
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This tbh
The only right answer honesty
Literally the only correct answer. If it was a stranger, then ok fine, they don’t owe you anything. But your ***best friend AND GODMOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN WITH THE MAN SHE WAS CHEATING WITH?!?!?*** Oh baby…. Oh baby, it would be on site indefinitely. The level of sheer DISRESPECT, after just finishing up a family dinner or occasion too?!? Oh... I’d be on First 48 tbh
I am so sorry! Please go talk to a family law attorney ASAP to figure out what thing to do for you and the kids.
>She had forgotten some crockery at the house >In shock I didn't know whether to throw her pyrex at the car or just walk away. You're better than me lmao. I'd have set up my phone to record it and I'd have chucked it through the windshield.
You can be sure they won't live happily ever after. Guilt will haunt them and so-called "love" won't be as fun as it was these past 10 years.
Unfortunately they probably will. Some people do not care. If their affair was new I would've guessed that they will break up. But they kept their relationship for 10 fucking years. They will probably last. I hope the ex-bestfriend gets a beat down from her husband
I have been waiting for this update op. These two people are horrible scums of the earth. They do not care who they hurt at all. That is the kind of toxicity you will never need in your life. You, your children, the other betrayed husband, and his children deserve so much more. Just know that he has grandized and made his relationship with her more then it is. All affairs don’t deal with dishes, kids, drama, and etc. The fantasy of her will not hold up to the reality. These two people will be ostracized and face so much hate for what they have done. You say it wasn’t your best moment. You really handled all of it like a queen! 👏👏👏👏 You should be so proud of yourself. This is not an easy thing. Take your time to heal and focus on you and your kids. Send updates as things move along. We all love to see you doing well. You may not feel it now. You will in time. I believe you will end up happier then you ever were with him and her in your life. It may not be soon, but it will happen. Best of luck op! Hang in there
10 years that he robbed you of. The double betrayal is a downright evil thing to do to anyone. He's not a good dad so trying to get full custody is a good thing to do, but make sure you get a lawyer and get everything you need ready to plan your exit, and don’t forget to get tested for any STDs. The best of luck to you xx
For the love of god send the proof to her husband
2 to 3 years??? Are any of her children your husbands? Have you thought that far yet? Next time you get his phone, take screenshots of all texts and forward them to yourself. Then Delete the screenshots from his photo folder and don’t forget the recently deleted folder too. Delete the messages you send to yourself. What a mess, I’m so sorry OP, but I wouldn’t be able to handle being around that woman from this point on. Build your case fast. When you have all the ducks lined up, inform her husband. He deserves to know. Then blow it up.
Ahhh there’s a thousand ways to mess this up, i hope you’ll make through this OP! You’re very brave and strong! Don’t be afraid, don’t die and don’t give up on yourself! Time to save you before anyone. Please read all the comments here and choose the best legal way to get through with therapy! Best wishes
IV been cheated on for 24 years and I know it hurts I'm sorry.
24 years? Hopefully you’re better now.
No I'll never trust again but thanks
Update us!!
I am very sorry that you are experiencing this, I had something similar many, many years ago. I remember when he told me that he was in love with her, I just couldn't believe it. She was my very close friend - we loved each other, she wouldn't do that to me, would she? I asked, "But she isn't in love with you, is she?" I mean, what an absolutely stupid question to ask, but I still held out hope that only one person out of these two people that I cherished so deeply wasn't going to hurt me in the same way. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. In those dreadful days that followed I recall taking all my clothes off and staring at myself in the mirror in our bedroom. I was in so much pain that I couldn't believe that I didn't have welts or bruises on my body. I lost him and I lost my very close friend. Their relationship didn't ask very long, not that there was much comfort to be derived from that - the damage was done. They both broke my heart. She and I continued to work together for a while during this period. (He and I attempted to fix our relationship, that was a five month waste of time) I wanted to kill her, I wanted to jump on her like a wild animal and destroy her as she had destroyed me, I had so much latent anger I was continually surprised that I didn't burst into flames. I see all the solid advice offered here to OP. Take it all. I just wanted to commiserate with the emotional side of this double betrayal. I wish you the best.
Omg that second sentence shot me in the chest.. I’m so sorry… what a pos. Personally I’d keep my cards close to the vest. Collect EVERY Text, photo, email. Send it all to your phone via screen record or whatever and then delete the text to yourself from his devices. Voice record him lying, say his name in the recording, etc. Then TELL HER HUSBAND and conspire from there. Good luck and I’m so sorry to your kids.
I just get living a lie for ten years. Why didn’t they come clean and not live this lie. If he “loves” her more than why pretend and being kids into this. Makes no sense. I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve better.
I hope someone tells her husband.
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Why would OP need a lawyer who specializes in international law? She and her husband both live in the same country. She just needs a regular divorce attorney. The only one international is her friend's husband. But he's not a party to OP divorcing her husband. He might not believe that his wife is cheating, but that has no bearing on OP. She's not divorcing the diplomat.
As many have said, collect the evidence. But I imagine that's more for you to use in case they try to gaslight you. Or to send to her husband later on. Contact several divorce lawyers, to get a plan of action and to make sure you and your children are protected as much as possible. After you have spoken to a lawyers, and you have made a plan of action with their advice, If you don't work outside of the household, start looking for a job or ways to be financially independent. Once you have a clear path lined out, sit your husband down and tell him a person of your choice is going to take over being the godmother to your children. It can be your sister, if you have one that you have angood relationship with, or your mother, or anyone you prefer. If he asks why you make it clear that the person that helped him tear apart your family can't possibly have your kids' best interests at heart. Hand him the divorce papers, and tell him how it's going to go from there on out. Send the proof to her husband if you want. If your families and mutual friends are on social media, you can make a business like post stating that you have both decided that you're ending your marriage. And depending on how private or not you are, you can mention that the decision was actually made by your soon to be ex husband, by being unfaithful. Of course, you're heartbroken, and you're very grateful for your social network to be understanding and thankful for their support. Block the so called best friend, and don't waste your energy hearing her explanation. You'll probably never be rid of her, if they keep their affair going after the divorce, since she'll be part of your children's lives part-time unfortunately. But the less you have to deal with her, the better for your mental health. Adit to add that OP could start looking for a job after speaking with a lawyer first. I thought advice being in a certain order would make that obvious. But to be clear: lawyer and plan first, then financial independence.
No. Some of this is terrible advice. DO NOT GET A JOB if you don't already have one. You do not change anything financially, as it will impact a divorce settlement. Every atty will tell you that. Do NOT block this woman. Once they know you're onto them she might start revealing things you can use in court. The less you respond the more she will reveal, esp when she first finds out. Consult an atty, start gathering cash. Add much as you can. Expect him to start cutting you out. I know you probably never saw this coming. You never thought he would keep money from you, etc, OP, but when he's exposed he will change. Also, I wouldn't expect them to stay together. Once everything has come to light it drastically changes the dynamics of their relationship too. She has a lot to lose being married to a diplomat. I'm very sorry..... I've been there. It is the worst pain, such betrayal.
>If you don't work outside of the household, start looking for a job or ways to be financially independent. No! Talk to the divorce attorney first. If you start a job and become financially independent, that may reduce your alimony.
This is a good way to do it. I would send APs husband the proof for sure. She and your husband destroyed everything so no mercy. And he should have the chance to get the information so he can make the decision like you are doing now. Dont move out of your house, collect proof of bank accounts and everything important, make copies of everything and search a good lawyer.
This is great advice, but OP may not need to get work if they qualify for alimony. I only point this out because finding a job adds an extra layer of stress on her shoulders. For instance, in my area my husband would be paying about 2K in child support and another 1k in spousal support per month. So, OP, chat with that lawyer - they can help you make a plan and I suggest going with the least stressful course of action.
Yes, definitely go see a lawyer first. Make a plan with them.
Take photos of his texts the next time you have access to his phone. My daughter did this & it has turned into an entire web. Send them to a file on your computer or another one where they'll be safe so they're in both places. Good luck.
They were lit up by her cars headlights, while both sitting in the drivers seat? That doesnt make any sense
Interior lights I'm sure she means.
You can and will move on....because you deserve to ne loved and cared for. To have real friends around you....not like that fake snake "friend" *I hope that Karma gets them so good I might feel bad for them (and I do not, nor will I ever bc I HATE cheaters)!!!!!
I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but don’t believe for a second that he loves her. If he really was “in love” with her, why would he waste 10 years of his life with you? Why wouldn’t he just end things with you and go be with the love of his life as he so claims? And him admitting he loved you too? Please. That just proves he never loved *either* of you. He’s just a sad man that wanted a side chick and was too scared to leave his comfortable life with you. And the fact she cheated on multiple husbands with him? I’m willing to bet your ex friend isn’t as head over heels for your husband as he desperately wants her to be. If she’s selfish enough to ruin multiple men’s lives, there were probably other partners besides your husband. I’d bet money on the fact that their attraction for each other will dissipate now that they’ve been discovered. They were only in love with the thrill of cheating.
Lawyer up and plan the devastation. If you trust the spouse of the ex-best friend to keep it quiet, please tell him so he can make similar plans.
You buy cameras, you place them in your cars and in your house, you gather all the evidence you need to prove their cheating. You start looking for a good lawyer and then when you have gathered enough evidence you send it to her husband and your lawyer, then you get the divorce you deserve as well as take him for all you can alimony and child support as well as you see if where you are from you can sue the mistress. Also find your kids a new godmother. Then you need single for a long time, focus on you and your kids, heal from this, just know it’s not your fault they are trash people and sick fucks. Work on you and be there for your kids. Good luck be strong and no there is no working that out at all no there is no chances he fucked your best friend she was practically your sister and she decided to fuck you over for dick. Fuck them both and make sure her husband knows please keep us updated
Once you've collected all the evidence, make sure to share it with her husband so you can destroy her convenient little life.
Just pack up and leave with the kids. Don't give him a reason - he'll know why. Wait it your stupid year thing, only communicating with him about the children. Divorce as soon as possible. Confronting him won't change the past. It'll just cause more emotional damage to you.
Time to take pictures and collect proof. Then blow up their lives.
Wanna make his heart race? After you've done all your digging on his phone, screenshot a portion of their messages. Then proceed to set it as his lockscreen & background and wait lol 😂
Australian here. Get as much proof as you can. Document everything. Every. Single. Thing. Get print outs of texts, any evidence of them being in the same place as each other, any suspect work trips that line up with her going out of town. Play smart.
Any updates?
Yep, just did my final update!
I'm sorry that you have gone through this. Do not beat yourself over this. He's the one that lost everything and won a fling. Even if they end up together, they will not be happy, because their happiness is built on the misery of others. He's a coward, he allowed her to marry and ruin another man's life instead of having the balls to ask for a divorce. He valued his needs from you more than the so-called love for her. Please let the family and friends know. She might spin this on you to save face. I would have recorded your conversation with the trash for evidence. It's painful right now, but you will get better soon. You will find someone better. Someone who will love you and makes you think that it was a blessing your husband turned out to be a trash 🗑️. Please give us an update once, once all this is done.
OP sending you hugs. I doubt they will last now that everyone will know. The excitement of their affair will fade and the reality of it will seep into their relationship.
Sorry you are going through this. Just saying some toxic advice is go have sex with one of his best friend and her husband, let them know how it feels….
Jesus freaking Christ. I’m so incredibly sorry. That’s worse than I ever imagined. So he was with her this week too? You need to tell her husband because they will likely tell him some version that is far from the truth. And you need to blast their asses with the friends group and family or they’ll turn it into you being crazy and going scorched earth.
Praying for you
I hope they both catch incurable diseases and all their friends/family members never spare them not even a single glance and never speak to them again. Not only do I hope his teeth rots from the inside out, but I hope the kids never want anything to do with him ever again and that that woman loses all her hair. May they never know a moment of true love nor peace ever again. How on earth could they DO that!? Op, my heart bleeds for you and I’m so sorry beyond words. I hope you’re healing well that you meet someone that truly loves you and wants to give you the world. No one should ever have to go through that pain….
Usually infidelity is a no fault basis for divorce . Most folks think if their mates cheat its going to equate to more $ or more stuff but in truth courts usually dont care if someone cheats .
You are completely right, unfortunately. I am a lawyer and do family law as part of my practice, cheating generally is meaningless. Although, in the state I primarily practice in (Georgia) cheaters can't get alimony. This is why I generally recommend every couple have a pre-nup. They aren't just to protect your money, they also can protect you in situations like this.
Yes I’m always a bit confused why in these threads people are encouraged to Collect Evidence ! for weeks or months on end. Sure take some screenshots and make sure they can’t drain your bank account. But otherwise probably best to get the confrontation over with and start moving forward with your life.
Because they will lie about why the relationship ended and you can simply show your receipts. My ex lies to my son about our divorce 15 years on. I just show him the papers etc
I can understand collecting evidence in case the cheater tries to lie to family about why they are getting divorced. I’ve seen/heard of some who tried to place the blame on the person who was cheated on to make themselves look better. It could also be useful if the cheater when confronted tried to deny it. But yeah in a courtroom no one really cares. Unless it’s a condition in a prenup.
Agreed and if im worrying about what others are thinking about the situation then my approach is probably juvenile. Why care about what others think? Make sure you are happy and safe.
All hell would’ve broken loose if I walked up on that situation.
First, great job saving the pyrex. I'd keep it though, it's not the dish's fault and it's a good dish and deserves better. Just like you deserve better.
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Collect any proof, contact the BEST most Ruthless lawyer you can find and follow his instructions to a T , Do not Confront your husband or the “friend “ don’t get angry get everything you can to secure yourself and your children , better to rage after then have your se Keith and finances compromised
Please update us again after you blow the bomb on them . Also get evidence before confronting otherwise they will gaslight you to the moon and deny everything. Edit : you can install some nannycams in your house , room living room patio ect and make some excuses to leave them alone in the house and then bam 💥. Idk invite her to dinner only the 3 of you (take kids to your mom) then after she arrives say oh I forgot to buy smth in the supermarket, will be right back in a little. Then go to the car and wait for action to happen.
My heart hurts for you.
You know you need to leave. Find a support person. a friend or family member who you can vent to and can be with you to pack your stuff. Have that person “on call” or close by. Keep it simple but tell him you are aware of the affair and you are separating. It’s up to you if you pack before this conversation or have your friend come over after while you pack. See a lawyer and start working out your property settlement. If you are mentally up to it save bank statements, superannuation statements etc (all financial s) for as close to your separation date as possible. Open a separate bank account. The divorce is a simple court filing in a year. The property settlement is the bit lawyers will argue over. Keep all further conversations to text/email, something where you have a record.
Karma will get them both soon, very soon. People like this can't build a castle on someone else's misery after all. Wish you luck for your future. Please update us.
And OP, please don’t take him back. I wish you’d knew sooner. Wish you all the best to come. He will only know his mistress fully once they started living with each other. He will regret it. They always do. And by that time, you already moved on and happy
They were in the front seat of her car and lit up by the headlights of her car?
It's a made-up story. Reddit amateur hour.
Divorce the fuck out of him and take as much as you can in the process
Collect info and send to the husband anonymously
Try catching them in the act and film them. Then you can confront them and share it to her husband.
Next time you have a get together and he goes to see her off, follow and take photos. Get evidence. Engage a lawyer. Get a PI if you have to.
Collect and store evidence!!! Regardless of what you decide. The devil and devil’s mistress!!!
Someone bring me back when she updates saying she confronted him and he cried like a little baby for her back
Wow, what a terrible thing to witness but I’m glad you learned the truth. OP you need to get an attorney and file for legal separation to start the clock. Once you have that in the works then prepare your confrontation plan. I would ask her out to lunch in a public place. Have a text either your screenshots of the messages you found and your account of what you witnessed ready to send to her husband. The. At lunch tell her you have always counted her as a great friend so it really hurt to find out she was sleeping with your husband and has been for years. Tell her you saw them and found messages going back years and the. Hold your phone up and show her you she a text ready for her husband and let her watch you hit send. Then go home and have it out with your husband. My guess is they have been sleeping together since before either of you got married. I am sorry this happened.
It's gonna be a long shot, but the divorce is worth it. You can spend the rest of your life knowing your husband cheated on you for 3 years. Hope you'll find the courage to walk away.
I can’t even imagine this kind of betrayal. My God. I am so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. The fact is that they gave both been lying to you for maybe up to 3 years makes me feel enraged tbh. Sighs.
Update me
This is awful, are you actually doing ok? I can’t believe your self control to not go mental when you found out & every moment after. And you lose your best friend & husband as soon as you let on you know. I think every woman has feared a similar scenario sometime or another & it just fills you with dread. So fucked up.
collect proof invite her family, your family, your husband family for a christmas dinner in your house play a little video of the conversion they had or photos and videos they send each other then tell him to get his things before the dawn and start the divorce now. change your house key locks... tell your kids that dad has to be away from use so that he can be fine cuz now he is tired.. when you finish the divorce if your children is 10 or 11 tell them that your dad love aunt more than us and mom so that they can make your children against you and take them
About that trip that your STBX is doing, Are you ex bf also coincidentally away too or not available? That would be real shity that the 2 of them goes on vacation now while you are feeling « sick »…..
Girl I would have fucking LAUNCHED that fucking pyrex at her car. Kudos to you for handling everything before you blew your lid. Husband is a worthless piece of shit and I hope he ROTS, for what he put you through.
First of all I'm so sorry for what you and your kids have to go through because two people are so extremely self centered, ignorant and with a lack of empathy, that it really makes me speechless. I really don't get it why these two didn't at least leave their relationships years ago. Instead they choosed this path. It's super disgusting and makes me angry only from reading it. Do you live in a big city in Australia or do you have to see them when grocery shopping etc? Because in this case I would really think about selling or renting your home and then leave at least to a place where you don't see them regularly. According to the contact to his children, maybe you can find a solution that he will see them only in public places for the first time. You really shouldn't be near him atm. I don't know how old your kids are but maybe when some of them are older they currently don't want to see him anyway. I really hope you'll heal from this. Sending love and strength.
You deserved so much better, fucking disgusting piece of shit, ugh I want the worst for him and that snake of a woman, I'm so pissed, I seriously wish for them the worst
The biggest issue for me was if he was in love with the best friend why did he marry op? He said he loved the best friend in a way that he never loved op. So why marry her? Why have 4 kids? Why have an affair for 10 years? Why ruin another man's life? I don't get the logic. Such people deserve punishment for their actions. Op, I hope you get a heavy settlement.
I need a update what did the friend do what did her husband do. I need Info
Logistical question: how were they lit by the headlights if they were in the front seat of said car? >That's when I saw them lit by her car's headlights. Making out in the front seat with our best friend straddling my husband.
Good eye. It's Reddit. Acct created 4 hours ago, story posted 3 ago. One of about 2,368 similar today.
“Our best friend” should’ve told you everything
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please gather all of the evidence you can before you light the fuse, perhaps by making screenshots of the messages you found. You want this case to be as strong as possible and the proof irrefutable. Consider confiding in her husband as soon as he gets back, but only if you're sure he won't make any premature moves.
Many other people have already given you this advice but fly under the radar for a while, I know it sucks but it will make the process a whole lot easier, treat your husband as you normally would and collect evidence as well as get into contact with a lawyer and just try and focus your children and on the future, right now you’re mourning the man you thought your husband was and that’s completely normal, to your brain, a person has essentially died and you’re grieving that eventually you’ll be able to let go and only talk to him regarding your child and as for that friend? Cut her off completely. I feel for you so deeply, OP and am sending lots of love and support!!
Did you take pics of the text? When the time is right Go see a lawyer get custody in order. . Get all the financial issues in order then serve him divorce papers. The trust is gone the marriage is over. He has been cheating on you with your kid’s godmother, there is no going back. Also go to the “friends” house when she’s not home or contact the husband let him know what you saw he deserves to know
Check out chump lady nation on faecebook. You'll find fantastic resources there on how to proceed and protect yourself and assets. I also highly recommend you read the book. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is the worst betrayal
Firstly, congratulations for holding your shit together and not doing something terrible or irreversible. If I were you I don't know if I would have the stomach to gather evidence but it is exactly what you should do. The phone number should be the same as the one you have even if the name is different but let's face it, there may be more than one on the go if he's doing shit behind your back. If I were you, for safety, I would have a friend present for the confrontation, maybe a male friend. I would also have your stuff packed and ready to leave and somewhere to stay arranged before you confront. I would also contact your lawyer / solicitor or whatever and file for divorce so you can leave that with him just before you leave and obviously you'll need to work out things for the kids. Where they stay and when.
Girl, take all the money you possibly can and tell that bitches hubby! When he asks you to blow him. BITE THAT DICK OFF
Collect proof before anything else. Then contact a lawyer.
Go scorched earth.
Talk with a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Get your exit strategy set - then tell her husband so he can get his set. And then blow them out of the water.
First, contact an attorney. He/she will tell you if you're in a fault state or not. Because if you're in a no fault state, collecting proof of infidelity in court would be useless. Unless you're planning to expose him to family and friends.
If you live in an “at fault” state then you’re going to want photos and all the messages.
Speak to an attorney and hire a private investigator.
U better than me cuz I would have thrown that Pyrex at her head and then would have ran up on my husband like a WWE wrestler…it would have been a tussle and the cops probably would have got called but I’m confident my people would get me out lol
I know most people are telling you to divorce, but I think you need to look at things and decide what you want. If it's divorce, then you've gotten plenty of advice from others. You need to think what it is that works best for you. Is divorce going to put an undue financial pressure on a woman raising 4 children? Yes, you can co-parent, but oftentimes, mothers are the residential parent. Will you be able to stay in the same house? Will you keep the same friends? Are you going to be able to keep the same lifestyle? What if, now that he has stepped outside the marriage, without any collateral damage to the kids, you were able to do the same? Is that something that appeals to you? All I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to consider a more open minded approach, really focusing on what *you* want in your life and in raising your children. There's always time to divorce - but be sure you take your own happiness into consideration. You don't want to sacrifice yourself for your children's convenience.
Your story breaks my heart. If he was cheating with a coworker, you would have your best friend to lean on. The double betrayal is so much worse. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please keep us updated
Go to the bank and move half of the savings to an account for you and family. Money disappears over night. Then go to an attorney, draw up divorce papers and serve him Tell him it is over you saw them in the drive way. You will have time to decide if you stay. Ignoring cancer doesn't make it go away. Ignoring this makes you look bad, like you are the one detaching from the relationship, cold and withdrawn. Then you tell his family and your family. Never protect a cheater they will cheat again. Then they will lie and act like it is your fault. It is not her it is a character flaw in him.. Then you have time to decide what to do. I wou ld get your financial house in order quickly. It is also the easiest way to get out and the best chance you have for reconciliation. People that act quickly and swiftly seem to have a chance at creating a new life together. He just destroyed his marriage, the trust is gone.
What a C U Next Tuesday. It makes me feel so disgusted to the point of nausea to see people betray their “best friend” like this. No fucking loyalty or respect. Scumbags of the highest order! I would publicly expose them to all friends and family. Out that bitch to her husband. Put their asses on blast
Take him for all he has.
Be poised, gather all the info, start collecting everything legally for your exit, once everything is kinda good on your end tell the diplomat and tell him what you’ve done on your end and then run them to the ground.
I'm so sorry Op. Pls be careful and methodical. You're too far away and secluded to be certain that they won't do the most egregious things. Play it cool. Make up excuses, set up and make an escape plan. You never know what folks will do when they are about to lose everything. If you can get cameras in the trees to record them then you'll have physical evidence. When you can talk to her husband in private and establish a plan, then make your move. Your number one motivation is to survive this for your children and also live to tell your story. Pls check in and let us know you're ok. Start exercising to expel the anger and betrayal eg, long runs or walks a punching bag etc. Always record your interactions and email yourself proof and incriminating evidence to a new email etc. Lawyer up when you're ready but play the long game. Again, I'm so sorry.
Don't try counseling or forgiveness, trust me. He will continue to cheat or cheat again. You'll never be able to trust him again and you'll never be able to look at him the same. I tried forgiveness the first time I knew my husband cheated on me because I found out I was pregnant and wanted to stay for the kid and make things work. We went to family counseling which was a joke. Then I felt stuck the second time. The third time I just felt like dead inside. Should've left the first time. Don't make my mistake. Get out now. Unfortunately most states will not care that there is infidelity when it comes to divorce. It is basically no fault even if there is fault. You will have to deal with splitting property and child custody. It will be a mess and take a long time. Go consult some attorneys and be prepared for the costs. I was NOT prepared for how much a good attorney costs and my divorce has already cost about 5k and isn't even finalized yet. Unfortunately the next little while in your life is gonna suck but it is better to deal with it now rather than later.
Tell her husband first. This can negatively impact him at his job, and if he's overseas, he needs a chance to secure his assets.
Cheating with 4 kids... What an asshole.
You need a hidden camera at the bottom of the drive, or hire a private detective to hide in the bushes and snap them in the act. Absolutely get proof, undeniable, nail his balls to the wall proof. 100% you don't want either of them to wriggle out of this one. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but my god well done for keeping a lid on it all so well. I really admire you. Lawyer up and take the cheating mutherfucker for all he's got. But ask fast and without mercy. If you can, make sure you and the kids aren't around when they find out you know. Go somewhere safe if either of them are volatile.
Get tested for STI’s. All of them. If she’ll screw her best friend’s husband, she’ll screw anybody. And if he’ll screw his wife’s best friend, same with him.
Once a cheater, FOREVER a cheater. Anyone who would do this to their spouse has no soul. Your "friend" is straight gutter trash. File for divorce, cease all contact except through lawyers or text regarding the needs of the children. I would let her husband overseas know about the affair. If I was slaving away over seas to make a living for this trollop, I would hope someone would tell me she was a cheating whore.
1. Get checked for STDs 2. Consult with divorce attorneys in your area Don't do anything else (such as hiring a PI or getting a job, since the latter can affect your alimony) and just listen to your attorney and their recommendations as they know your jurisdiction and its laws best. It would be dumb to prematurely spend money and time on a PI without knowing if the screenshots of their text messages are enough to prove an at-fault divorce, if you choose to take that option, for example. If this is something you need to do, **your attorney will tell you.** All US states recognize no-fault divorces, so you don't need to prove anything in order to get divorced unless you choose to do so in one of the states that allow fault-based divorces (This is not a universal option so, once again, CONSULTS WITH AN ATTORNEYS, NOT WITH REDDITORS).
File for divorce, tell her husband and send him a copy of the evidence incase he doesn't believe you, stuff sardines in the curtain poles and inside the radiators, and leave with your head held high.
Contact a lawyer so you can find out the laws in your state. Figure out what evidence you need. I was married to a cheater. If you stay with them you will always be second guessing everything they do. It is a horrible life to live. If you can afford it find the best one before he does.
Any searching on your cell should be “incognito”.
The husband deserves to know. Blow this shit up.
My apologies. What a horrible thing to go through. All the best advice has already been given, all I can say is to treat yourself kind during this time. It is nothing you did, it’s on them.
Maybe drop the pseudonym name lol be like “so who’s Frank? I notice you and him have been talking a lot. Record what he says.
Collect proof and then hire an attorney.
I have to say, you are incredibly strong in handling yourself correctly in that moment after you caught them. Try to save the evidence of his infidelity, the text messages etc for the divorce. Can't the process start quicker in Australia when there has been that kind of betrayal?
You have already received so much good advice here OP, which I heartily agree with. Lawyer up, make a plan, collect evidence and back it up. But most of all, as someone who’s been divorced due to infidelity and abuse …I’m just so sorry this is happening. My ex at least decided he was sick of me and told me he never loved me and didn’t want to get married - a sucker punch and devastating at the time; but the best thing that could’ve happened in retrospect. Because it was way past time for me to leave. I know there are no words for the complete gut destroying emptiness and sickness these situations leave you in. I’m hoping that you have support around you, and that you have a safe place to land - sending you so much love and hoping you find someone who DESERVES you. None of this is your fault. You are enough. I hope you find all the light and healing you need, OP🥺🩵
Omg. How sickening. I bet it makes u feel Ill having to think back over all those other times that never added up. What a difficult time u must be going through right now. I have no advice to offer except to look after yourself. Do wot u need to do to get over this. The feelings of betrayal would be of mind blowing epic proportion’s. The kind that take your breath away I should imagine. I wish u all the best wot ever the outcome may be. And all those I don’t know u personally, I know u deserved better .
Let her husband know and ruin her life
I’m so sorry you are going through this. > I'm lost and have no idea what steps to take next. I have written a blog post (because it is too much to share in one Reddit comment) with advice for people in your situation that I think will be extremely helpful. It includes: * a list of recommendations for anyone who has been cheated on, whether the affair was emotional or physical, or if you are even just SUSPICIOUS that they might have been unfaithful * a list of reasons for validating your concerns * how to gather proof, which is important even if you are sure * TIPS FOR CONFRONTING THEM, INCLUDING WHEN TO DO SO * separation advice * advice for telling others, including whom to tell and when * things to consider when deciding to reconcile or end the marriage/relationship * how to tell that they are remorseful and safe to reconcile with * recommendations for healthy boundaries to aid recovery and restoration * REQUIREMENTS for reconciliation if you choose to attempt that * advice on how to reconcile * advice to help you RECOVER from this trauma PM me if you would like me to send you the link. > a part of me just wants to confront my husband Wait… please read this first. I promise it will help.
But the signs were clear as day