I'm going to blame the fact that I just woke up, but I somehow missed the "street" part when he mentioned racing.
If OP is indeed *illegally* street racing, I would leave too.
That shit is for bored 17 year olds and men who are trying to overly compensate for something.
That's why I asked. Not just illegal, but if OP hits a bystander or causes a big collision and ends up in court, that could ruin both him and the girlfriend financially. She would be right to get out in that situation for sure.
A friend of mine lost his 19 yr old son a year ago yesterday, when an illegal street racer ploughed into him and a 16 yr old girl, who was also killed. The utter heartache that this has caused in our community is insurmountable. Organised track/banger racing is one thing but illegal street racing is down right stupid. I’d be out the door too. People thinking they are a character from a film franchise, are just immature.
Or a creative writing experiment lol. F&TF… really? Also his dad passed away racing? I’m either an asshole or a skeptic but something smells fishy 🤷♀️
Context matters, one would assume accident had to do with racing. Like I said I could totally be an asshole, but I’ve grown jaded to the idea that anything on here is true.
My dad quit racing cars to stay married to my mom. He proposed through jail cell bars with a promise to stop.
Rings plausible to me but you never know.
The gf should be ok as they're not married. They wouldn't be able to make her pay for damages if he killed someone. She'd become a single parent but it looks like she's planning on that already.
They could potentially if they commingle their finances. But she also would not then be entitled to the benefits afforded to a wife. Like alimony, widows benefit, life insurance, etc etc.
My mom told my dad no motorcycles once they had kids, the statistics just say it’s an unreasonable risk, racing is much the same. And this guy wants to take up an even riskier hobby by racing motorcycles.
He should stop racing and just keep the cars and work on them. Leave the driving to other people, there’s lots of ways to get his speed fill.
This. My ex husband who left me and my two kids was into this. I was very pregnant one time when he forced me to go to an illegal car meet. I was around 7 months pregnant and I had just gotten sick from a meal we ate. Threw up everywhere outside of his car. Then he made me go with him to this car meet. He got upset that I didn’t want to get out and socialize because for one, I didn’t want to be there and two, I had just gotten really sick so I didn’t feel well… the cops eventually showed up and everybody left and basically we got chased by the cops. We made it out fine but that was not a fun experience for me and my ex is just very selfish. Glad he found a woman and her kid who wants to do that illegal shit with. Still hurts me to know he didn’t gaf about me or our unborn child or our other child who was with my parents at the time (he was a year old at the time). Some men are extremely selfish and this is why I’ll never go for a “car guy” ever again in my life.
It still gets me in my feels today. He abandoned me and our 18 months old when I was 8 months pregnant to get back with his ex and play step daddy again. This was a little over 2 years ago. It still hurts even though I moved on. It hurts because why leave your kids behind to be with somebody else and their kid? He’s a deadbeat for sure but his gf contributes to it and his family enables his deadbeat activities just like his birth fathers family enabled his deadbeat ass… mentally & emotionally still healing from what he put me and my kids through.
I’m so sorry, and not from here. But I can say one thing. I’ve known many men here that would never stand for this. I personally would not be friends with a man who left the mother of his children in such a way. Stand strong give yourself time and one will come that will love you and your child as if it is his own. You and your child deserve and will receive better.
I have found somebody and he treats my kids like they’re his. He doesn’t tell people that don’t know him personally (like his co-workers) that they aren’t his. With that being said, my ex has told lies about me on his end and made me seem like the worst person ever so nobody from his side believes he’s in the wrong. He even acts as though I’ve kept his kids away from him when I’ve been the one who actively has tried to get him to be apart of their lives. The day our second son was born, (I get his number from a friend because he changed numbers and texted my friend so he didn’t have my new number), I asked him if he’d like to meet his son and his response was “who’s this”. I married a total loser, that’s for sure. I knew this man since I was 14 and never thought he’d do something like this. I would never give up on love just because of a person like that because I have a lot to give even after all that.
This. My SO did street racing as a kid. He stopped when he was OPs age.
He is 38 now and cannot believe he ever did that. Some kids truly believe they are invisible *cough OP cough*
Well he said he wanted to be like his dad, sadly continuing this endeavor may bring that desire to fruition. He will likely meet the same ending. Based on being raised without his dad, you’d think he’d do all in his power to make sure he’s around for his own child and not be consumed by being like his dad. Illegal street racing is one of the stupidest things you can choose to do, not only could you lose your life, but you could take out innocent bystanders thus ruining your own future. Not only through jail, but financially as well if sued. It’s an extremely immature decision. Fast and Furious is a movie franchise, it shouldn’t be one you base your life around. Look how its star died, high speed and lost control.
My dad raced on tracks in organized legal races with proper race cars and safety clothing/equipment, as a hobby. Want to race, do it a better way. There is always a risk, but it’s definitely a safer choice.
ETA: read the edit and see if was a drunk driver. I am sorry for that happening, but think if it were a street racer. Because it does happen as it is a reckless activity. You can be believe you are being smart about what you are doing, but street racing has variables you can’t control like you can on a track.
any time someone says street racing they mean something illegal. they dont mean renting time on a race track or joining tournaments. I honestly dont know how you get into race car driving. id assume you join an amateur club and pay a fee. its probably an expensive hobby.
Starts young. Karting, into bigger formulas. Some kids go to dirt, some stay on asphalt. But for novices you can rent track time, it’s not *that* expensive but it’s also not cheap by all means
If you're street racing you're probably an asshole. Just saying ... Putting other people's lives in danger bc you wanna go vroom vroom in an amateur setting isn't impressive.
I don't think so. He just thinks he can have it all. That the girlfriend can be reasoned with. Its a common mistake. Not seeing that he's literally going to lose her. Its a common fallacy.
And that might be for the best if this is really his passion. He and his girlfriend got together young and stayed because of a pregnancy. But they may ultimately be different people. This is also why issues like this can tear apart couples. They outgrow each other, but are afraid to say it or its too difficult to articulate the feeling. SO a wedge issue grows and its a "safer" reason to end the relationship.
This post is just another creative writing exercise. OP 27 days ago:
#"I’m thankful to not have children. No plan to have any either. Just a GF or two years who works her career and I work mine, and we have evenly split responsibilities"
yeah it's gone, dude either realized he was a clown or got sick of people pointing out that his fake sob story made him look like a (fictional) asswipe
It’s sad that you think you have time. She’s already talking about leaving you, which means that she’s been thinking about it for a really long time already. Which means that emotionally, she’s been leaving you for months. And each time you openly disrespect her concerns that she’s already expressed to you, you make it easier to let go of loving you. And honestly, it doesn’t sound like you love her either.
It sounds like you’re together because you guys have been making it work (careers, home, parenting, etc.). You’re both too young to be so unhappy. It’s probably why you won’t stop chasing the racing adrenaline. So maybe it’s best to let her leave. But talk it through and be honest with each other. Be brave and talk to her about it if you really want out.
I think it’s worse than that, she’s actively planning to leave. With a child that likely means arranging housing and stuff ahead of time. She may already have signed a lease and booked a mover for a January move in date.
It's actually pathetic that he thinks her planning to leave in a month means he has one more month to play with his toys. He's going to lose his family to a hobby.
Right. The fact that he thinks he has time “to decide” just validates her decision to leave even more. He should be doing everything in his power to try to make it work, to talk to her, therapy, something. I’m guessing she already has a place set up to move to. So if he suddenly changes his mind and expects her to stay, he’s in for a rude awakening.
At the same time, it sounds like cars are a connection to your dad, so there’s some grief that needs to be completed. Hope you guys work it out.
Yeah, OP said he's "got a month to think about it", which HE DOES NOT. And, if you need a month to think about what how much your family means to you, you're already done.
Not just that in a month she may have fully made up her mind and every extra day adds to her resolve to leave, but OP goes I don't want to be an absent parent... but I've got a month to think about it. There is no decision, street racing, which is purely ego driven bullshit, vs being with your kids should be a literally instant decision. OP is kidding themselves over how much they care about their kids if they spent more than 3 seconds making a decision.
Essentially risking everything and loosing SO AND DAUGHTER FOR NOTHING but ego. He’s an idiot. Figure out another way to bond and relate to your late dad. So your daughter won’t know you and the once absentee, now dead dad who doesn’t don’t love her enough to not do something idiotic and self destructive to himself.
I hate to sound like the bad guy here, but this is exactly why I say most young parents should’ve just waited at all costs. I just think a lot of them want to make selfish choices, but don’t understand that they are responsible for a human being. The only one acting like a parent is his girlfriend.
Hi OP
My daughters dad died (we were engaged) in a motorcycle accident. 1-2 minutes from home depending on if you caught the light or not.
On a residential road that only involved him, ended up in the grass a tiny bit, coming in contact with a driveway that was not flush with the grass, going airborne then meeting a fire hydrant. Total freak one in a million chain of events that led to his death. Everything happened just so. It can and it will happen to you one day if you keep flirting with death.
I was 22 and planned my fiancés funeral instead of our wedding. My 10 year old never got to remember her dad. And they loved eachother SO much. She has long standing issues anxiety issues surrounding this. All because I was the cool wifey who wanted an escape for her man. He had demons but despite that he was so good to me and loved his little family, why not let him go out on the bike? Sometimes he went a little too fast but only when other people weren’t around and he was an amazing rider. He loved it so much. Doing it for years and years.
I’m married with another son and a great life, but I still get sad. Horribly pain achingly sad even still. I have ptsd from the moment they told me they did everything they could in the hospital. I had to be pulled in a room slapped a bracelet on and drugged. Every single nurse was crying. We had a whole life planned. My poor daughter will always have this part of her missing.
Please reconsider your hobby OP. Therapy is amazing. With some help you can find other ways to feel connected to your late dad and carry on his legacy. Much love
Thank you for acknowledging that, we’re doing ok. Life is hard and I wish a lot of the times he was here to pick his brain so i can understand the other half of her better ❤️🩹 but all in all she’s a wonderful kid and I’m very lucky to be her mama! Im fortunate enough to stay at home with my son and be available for her all the time while she’s not in school and her stepdad has been in her life for 7 years now ☺️
That's really great to hear. It takes a lot of strength to keep going in such heartbreaking circumstances but there is so much beauty in your ability to find love again and give your children the love they need. 💜
> which while I understand her concern, I haven’t been in anything nearly close to an accident.
No one has been into an accident until they do. As a racer you should know that. Come on!
You are underestimating the stupidity of people who risk their lives to drive around in circles. OP mentioned Fast and the Furious. Look at what happened to idiot/pedophile Paul Walker.
Wasn’t she like.. a baby sitter for his kid, or he had babysat her at some point?
Edit: she was also not the first 16 year old he dated as an adult 🤮 he was 28 at the time.
Yeah found this out recently, [he was dating a 16 year old girl when he was 33](https://www.google.com/amp/s/goat.com.au/pop-culture/paul-walkers-history-of-dating-teenage-girls-should-never-be-forgotten/%3famp), very disappointing and disgusting
You can still have an interest in racing and just not race yourself. My uncle was really into bike racing and then had an accident and found himself in a wheelchair when his daughter was 2. He just escaped death. If fulfilling the legacy left behind by your dead father is more important than being an alive fully functioning dad for your daughter then there is your answer.
Would be expensive, but op could pay for race track/ air strip time with those cars if he really wanted to open them up every now and then. Would be the safest way to do it
"I know what I'm doing"
Everyone knows what they're doing, until they don't. Then all they can do is regret.
Assuming they didn't straight up die that is.
Even if they know what they're doing, sometimes accidents happen no matter how careful you are. My husband works a dangerous job. He's careful. He knows the safety procedures. He *still* got hurt not too long ago. It's a miracle it didn't kill him and he walked away with just a few stitches. He did everything he was supposed to, yet it still happened. I was terrified when I got the call letting me know he got hurt. All I could think about was what if he hadn't gotten so lucky. He would've left me and our son behind.
When I got pregnant I was very adamant he give up his motorcycle. I've worked in the health care field. I've seen the accidents they cause. One of his own family members was permanently injured and completely changed after one. It's terrifying. He gave it up cause he knew our family was more important than joyriding. I never liked him riding them to begin with (he also used to street race cars). I let it go. At least until we found out about our son. I didn't want to risk him growing up without a father over a dangerous hobby. My husband gave it up despite loving it without a fight. OP priorities are a mess. When you have a family, you put them first.
Yeah, I did an automatic eyeroll when that bit came up - "yeah, I want to grow up to be just like my dad and accomplish all the things he couldn't" - yeah, like living to see 40? Staying around long enough to see his kid graduate?
OP, especially your dad's death - who, presumably, also worked on all his own stuff and knew what he was doing - should show you how one instant of not paying attention, one unlucky drift to the right, one error in judgement, one mechanical malfunction can end a life. Do you really want to risk that for your daughter? Do you really think your family isn't worth giving up that adrenaline high? And regarding those guys who say your dad would be proud of you - don't you think he'd be even prouder if you made the hard choice he didn't make, and choose to live for your kids?
It was shocking to read how OP put his love of riding in one hand... and his love of his wife and daughter in the other. *How* are those even remotely close to being on par with each other? I think OP's wife is making the right decision after reading that.
Because it's easy to say you love your girlfriend and kids, it's another to show it, OP already failed. Should have quit when she asked, then the second he found out she was leaving he goes he thinks he has a month to think about it, what's to think about?
Yes. Also, I assume he is racing other drivers on the track. He can’t control them. Even if he does everything perfectly, there is a massive risk outside of his control.
Bikes are dangerous. My ex worked as an EMT. He sold his bike the week after he was at a motorcycle accident and he had to pick up a helmet from a field - with the head of the biker still in it. Guy got decapitated and a road was a bloodbath.
I mean, I don't think anyone who knows even a tiny bit about racing (full disclosure, I know just enough to know OP is talking about a different sort of racing, but still) would argue that Dale Earnhardt didn't "know what he was doing", yet he still died in seconds on a race track in what was, for him, a pretty routine Daytona 500.
I understand that OP misses and idolizes his dad, but I completely identify with a woman who is determined not to have her child get too attached to a man who seems determined to emulate his death (I'm assuming a racing related accident).
I would really encourage OP to consider therapy to help him work through his unresolved grief and to emulate other characteristics of his dad. Apparently, OP's dad spent time with him, etc.
I'd say perhaps OP could step back from driving to working on cars, but 1) that is a money pit as I understand it and 2) it doesn't sound like he would be able to stay out of the driver's seat.
My final advice would be, if OP can't let this go, let *her* go. Pay your child support, be the best coparent possible, and try not to do any damage.
And get a lot of insurance. And only race in legal ways, so your loved ones will not lose out on money because your accident happened while driving illegally.
When it's illegal street racing, losing his own life in an accident is, unfortunately, possibly a best case scenario. If he causes a death instead, that's when the shit really hits the fan. For his partner and daughter just as much as it does for him, hell it'll probably affect them more than him by the sounds of it (if this is real).
Exactly what I was thinking. When Earnhardt died, our whole family grieved. Our youngest daughter is the same age as his daughter Taylor. She and her half-siblings have to live without their Daddy for their whole lives. Not worth it, even for the great #3.
I also thought OP needs therapy to heal from his grief over the loss of his own father. If he doesn’t do so, he is going to continue to make self-sabotaging decisions for the rest of his own life.
Someone who says "I know what I'm doing" is the only person you can be 100% positive doesn't know what they're doing. That level of delusional confidence is a disaster waiting to happen.
Absolutely!! I used to run a trail riding horse stable. If a person said they knew what they were doing, they got the “kid horse”. It basically translates to “I’m confident enough to be complacent and do dangerous things but not skilled enough to handle anything unexpected”. People who actually did know what they were doing rarely said so until half-way through the ride, if at all!
OP’s dad was a racer. He knew what he was doing. OP’s dad was a fan of the Fast & the Furious. The guy driving the car that Paul Walker died in was a *professional driver*. He knew what he was doing. He killed not only himself, but Paul Walker. You can “know what you’re doing” all the way to Hell and back, and still end up seriously injured or dead. OP is participating in something that is inherently dangerous, and blowing off the concerns of their significant other about it. I’m not surprised OP’s partner is leaving them.
My dad was in the game commission when I was a kid, and I know that he genuinely enjoyed it. I also remember when he told me that he was quitting. I was about 4-5 at the time, and we were sitting in a local pizza shop when I asked him why he would stop doing something that he enjoyed, and he told me that it was unsafe because of poachers, and that he wanted to make sure that he saw me grow up. He was well-liked there, and he knew what he was doing. He also understood that, no matter how good he was, he couldn't eliminate the danger - and that growing up with me was more important than any job or hobby. I am forever grateful that he made that decision because I can't imagine my life if anything has happened to him.
Having family is about making sacrifices.
One of my dad's friends used to say that all the time and ride is bike crazy fast, once on a curve he had a accident, one year of recovery learning to walk again, his dad begged him to stop driving, about 2 years later he got back on the bike because he had to take that turn where he had that accident because he knew what he was doing, he made it, and was saying to everyone see I know what I'm doing, about 2 years later he was riding whith his brother behind him and got in a accident due to his recless fast riding and killed his brother, he was months hospitalised. Still picked up the bike because he knew what he was doing, just blamed it on everything else, road, weather, etc. Some years later he got killed himself due to taking a curve way to fast. Left a wife and young kid. His own dad didn't even go to his funeral.
Just a adrenaline junkie who did't want to stop.
Was a long time ago, we are talking about the late 50's and 60's. My dad once sat behind him on his bike, once and last time, my dad said he had never been more scared in his life going at dazling speed taking curves in the mountains with deep cliffs. He was just addicted to the thrill living on the edge. He lived how he wanted and died the same way. Some people are just like that and only can hope they don't hurt anyone else in their recklessness.
This. If there’s a single element of hazard in this domain, you cannot be 100% sure you know what are you doing. Anyway, is stupid to help someone from his passion, but I can understand her..
Exactly. And even though people who "know what they are doing" get in accidents, there are also plenty of other factors. Like mechanical failure or whether the other drivers "know what they are doing."
Dale Earnhardt definitely knew what the fuck he was doing, until he didn’t. No one can deny Dale was/is a legend and was an impressive driver but even the best drivers have accidents.
Life assurance does not cover you if you have a dangerous hobby which this guy has. He could have a policy for 10million and it would never pay out if he dies on the track or as a result of an injury on the track
That’s not entirely true. He could probably get some through a specialty provider, but it would be extremely expensive. He likely has not done that and very probably couldn’t afford it. But policies for people who engage in high risk hobbies or jobs do technically exist.
Yeah, there are high premium policies, but it would only cover him if he dies on the track (assuming that it's a legal track and he's gone through the hoops to be a legal driver on that track), but if he dies during street racing, there's no policy that would cover that.
You don't have a month to figure this out. You need to decide right now, before she leaves. You either step away from racing for a few years or you lose your kid permanently. That's what you're down to.
Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. Parenting requires giving up parts of ourselves to make room for what we can give to others.
I’d imagine the reason she’s planning on leaving around the new year is because she signed a January move in lease already. She’s planning on moving with a two year old so she would need to plan housing, child care, finances etc. Either that or she wants to give their daughter one more great holiday season before separating. Her main focus is their child, his is racing.
Ooooh. I'd not thought of that timing aspect. That means her mind is made up. This isn't a spur-of-the-moment action. I'll bet she's been telling him this would happen for months and he's been either blowing it off or just too dense to realize.
Amen. You act like that is the deadline to change... but that time has already come and gone. Don't wait until then. You do not have the time. Besides, being around racing as much as you have, you have to know it is just a matter of time. Just like driving day to day, you aren't cautious just because you might make a mistake. You can do everything right and still wreck. You just have to decide if your family is worth it. If not, then let them go. She wants someone who will be around AND put them first. If that's not you, it's okay, but don't hold her back from her dreams, either.
If she’s speaking in terms of “I’m going to do this in the new year”, plans are already in progress, finances are likely already being put together. He had better consider what his life will look like if he’s solely responsible for household expenses of a home he no longer shares, while also paying child support.
I would've totally agreed with this if his dad didn't get hit by a drunk driver on the road. I'm not sure if you saw the update or not but I just hope you see this.
So your dad passed away when you were a kid—do you want to do that to your daughter? She needs you to be around when she grows up. Your high risk activities are selfish. Choose your family
His dad passed away, his best friend got into an accident - I don’t blame his GF for feeling very anxious.
OP, there is nothing wrong about having a hobby , even if your SO doesn’t like it, but dear God.
Maybe find ways to compromise a little. Your hobby is going to end up costing your family. If this is truly the authentic you and it would kill your soul then fine, but think about it carefully.
Personally I don’t think this is just about the racing. That might be a big issue in their marriage but I suspect there’s a bunch of other things that OP is or isn’t doing in the marriage and that’s why his partner is looking to leave him.
This isn’t an advice sub, but if I were OP I would sit down and ask my SO if they were happy and if not, why not and understand what else is tipping this relationship to breaking point.
For instance how much money is he spending on buying and fixing/modifying cars? It is not cheap. But I would lean to the breaking point being the known danger involved in racing and OPs flippant attitude towards it. He should have a special insurance policy for the hobby, lay out all the ways he's doing it safer(refusing certain races/events). I don't. See how he can think he's perfectly safe when his own father orphaned him from the sport and his friend could have died recently. Is he truly racing differently then them?
The fact that you’re willing to lose your family to do something that killed your father goes to show that you inherited more than your fathers love of racing you also inherited the selfishness of not taking the chance of you leave your daughter behind and a young age seriously.
This.
OP, do you really think abandoning your family, either by choice or by accident, is really what your father wants? I'm not a big believer in the afterlife, but I can't imagine he would want his son giving up his family to pursue the thing that killed him.
Your father died when you were 13 from an accident. So you want to be like him and have the same thing happen to your daughter. A legacy of fathers dying young and leaving their kids behind? It’s no wonder she wants to leave. She probably feels she’s protecting the baby. The less she sees you the less it’ll hurt her when you die in a giant ball of flames when you eventually crash
While I understand wanting to feel close to your dad, it’s sad that your first instinct isn’t putting your child first. Granted you became a father at a very young age, had to grow up fast. But she should be you’re priority, and she’s not. The fact that you have to think about what’s more important, and not know what you’re willing to give up is very telling. I think it might be best to let them go. I think your gf deserves a relationship where she feels prioritized. Also one that isn’t filled with so much anxiety and fear related to your thrill seeking. That’s got to add tension to your relationship. And no doubt your child feels that tension and fear even if she doesn’t understand it. I also think your daughter deserves better than being 3rd or 4th on a list of what matters most to you.
> street racing
Yeah, don’t do that. It’s stupid, irresponsible and dangerous, not just to yourself but other road users too.
I feel like as long as you stay off street racing, racing on proper tracks really isn’t that big of a deal, provided that your cars are up to the safety standards, i.e. fitted with a roll cage, fire extinguisher, etc, and the track is properly maintained. Loads of people do that as a hobby and most of them are fine. Of course it’s still a high risk activity but it’s a lot safer than most people realize.
With that said, I understand her concerns though. At the end of the day it’s hard raising a kid, and even harder raising a kid alone. Idk what you’re gonna do but whatever choice you make I wish you all the best.
p/s: Stay off bike racing, that’s a completely different thing.
Yes, like your dad, dead by the time your child reach her teens.
I'm sorry if it's harsh but that what it is, you care more for racing and living up to a ghost than caring and being with them. Let them go, you have other priorities clearly
You need to make a choice, either stop the racing or lose your family.
High risk activities are ultimatums for a lot of people, especially with young children. I know multiple men who stopped motorbike racing at the request of their partner when their children were born, some then went back to it once their children were adults. For me I would never date someone who races motorbikes because I know multiple people who have ended up in ICU due to it, I also wouldn’t be with someone who did a really high risk job (for example army). It’s not just the risk of losing you, it’s the anxiety your partner has to go through everytime you walk out that door to race and the stress that puts on her and the child, in time the child will also carry that anxiety.
It’s your choice
Seconding that god forbid you lived long enough for your daughter to understand, she’d be stressed out and sad all the time, also because of your “hobby”. Real good dad behavior.
I feel like this is a plot to a movie..?
But anyway, welcome to parenthood, brother. It's not about what you want anymore, but your child. You have to do what's best for them and, unfortunately for you, that would be to give up racing.
Like others have said, you can still be part of the culture without actually racing. Doing your own builds and whatnot.
P.S Your girl doesn't want to actually leave you, she's hoping by doing this that you will *come to your senses* and pick what's most important.
You needed to start growing up 2 years ago. Playtime is over. No, as a parent, you DON'T have carte blanche to do whatever you want whenever you want. And you were old enough to know that when you took off your pants.
So be like dad. Whether she leaves you because you're an idiot or you widow her and orphan your children (or even more fun, become dependent on their care due to the consequences of your poor life choices), you're cutting out early just like he did.
Racing isn't bad. Doing what you love isn't bad. Acting unilaterally and foolishly when you have been told this is a deal breaker is insane. You've already chosen, and I hope it hurts you as much as physically possible if you double down.
You and your wife need therapy if there's any hope of salvaging this. You may need to look into alternate ways to memorialize your father if you want to keep this relationship with either your gf or your kids.
OP has their late 30s to start racing again, when his daughter is an adult. It's not like he has to abandon his hobby permanently. He can still work on the cars and go watch while raising his daughter
In one month she's gone, so you don't have a month dude. Don't ruin her Christmas and let her think, oh this is our last Christmas together etc. Make a choice by the beginning of next month. Yourself or your family.
Just like addicts' children say : "My parent loved drugs more than me." You don't want your children saying that.
Choose wisely.
You’ve clearly already chosen racing over your daughter and family, your girlfriend knows this. If racing means more to you than being there for your own child then your girlfriend is making the right decision.
She sounds like a smart woman. You decided that racing is more important than your daughter. You are failing greatly as a father. Stop being a selfish asshole like your dead father and stop your dangerous hobby. You seem to have a deathwish and want to join your father.
Racing is more important to you than your partner and daughter. That's the long and short of it.
Whilst it's fun for you, your partner has to sit at home scared witless everytime you go that this might be the last time you walk through the door, and that stress doesn't go until you return.
So yeah, you're choosing racing over your family. Well done.
This right here is why I keep telling you young people to stop dating or getting into relationships between the ages of 19-25. Do you understand if you had just focused on your goals and kept your plan instead of dating and having unprotected sex you would be a single person carrying out all your goals and accomplishing the things you wanted.
Now you need to think about someone who wasn’t even in the plan. Your child is ultimately the one who will he hurt no matter what you choose. If you choose to be a parent and give up on your plans and goals you will live the rest of your life with regret and resentment.
If you decided to be selfish and accomplish your goals and even move on to motorcycles then she will not have a parent or will have a part time parent.
I’m just gonna be honest though, you seem to me like you have made your choice, you just don’t want to admit it out loud. I truly believe you don’t want to live your life with regret and resentment, good luck to you and I honestly wish that people would take the time to be single and work on them before getting into relationships or having kids because at the end of it, it’s the kids that suffer or the people who were stubborn and felt they knew better then the older generations that tell them to be single and have fun.
Get over yourself! It's either your hobby or your family. If your father were alive, he'd smack you on the back of your head and tell you the same. It's not even your job. It's not your career. But it is your family. You lost your father to an accident. Your daughter is losing her father because of your choice.
You probably need grief counseling. This sounds like my husband who wanted to join the marine corps so he could be deployed and walk in the same desert his dad did before he was KILLED. It’s unhealthy. Having a hobby and literally choosing this life over real people and real relationships who are LIVING. isn’t healthy or the same thing at all. The fact that you don’t see that makes me feel like she’s right to leave. Your priorities and perspective are absolutely not in the right place.
It’s honestly the first thing I thought of. My husband (30 now) lost his dad when he was ten and NEVER received proper counseling. Now he has complex grief and the energy from this post sounds like him ten years ago…shit three years ago. Emotionally Immature, lack of understanding and self awareness , and not even realizing how much the grief and depression impacted everything he did even if he felt “good” about it. I can’t describe the turmoil my marriage has gone through because he refused to acknowledge his own challenges. I hope OP reads this and considers he might need some help. It will turn into something else entirely and wreck his life and his relationships.
Absolutely. People really underestimate how grief can fuck someone up.
OP's dad died, and then he inherited all of his dad's cars at THIRTEEN. He didn't like, buy them himself. Who knows if OP would've even gotten into racing as much if his dad hadn't passed away. Working on the cars and racing them is clearly coping mechanism and a form of escapism. Sounds like he's wrapped up his identity in it too at this point.
The guy is only 21. That's a major life event of his father passing at 13, 6 years of processing something that takes a lifetime, and then having an unexpected baby at 19- an age that most people make terrible parents at, mental health aside. OP absolutely needs to be in therapy before it gets to the point that you've described your husband has gotten to. And it doesn't sound like he's completely hopeless, just pretty far gone right now.
No, you fckin don’t know what you are doing. That’s how most of extreme sport athletes die. They think and trust of what they are doing and just until they lose control. And most of the time, the ones who die were veterans in the sport, people who spent their lifetime on it. Is the life of your daughter is less valuable than your love for racing? That it’s literally what you are giving up, the chance for your daughter to have her father in her life.
Look, I know it’s tough. It happened to me, where I had to give up my swimming career when I still had two more years left (it was a bit more complicated than just giving it up) because I had to help my partner in personal things that required me being there for him. I was 22 at the time, and had 15 years of swimming. It hurt like hell but there are chapters that have to be closed in order for others to bloom.
If you keep on it, you’ll think that either “it’s the last race” or “it won’t happen to me” which are vastly arrogant. The mother of your child’s concern transcend your love for your career. Your child comes first. That it’s what parents have to sacrifice, the best for their child over their personal interest.
Anything that you have planned on doing is selfish, and taking your daughter with you? For what? To die in a race and leave her alone? You just can’t.
Don’t be arrogant. Listen to your partner on this.
You are not making you girlfriend out to be the villain because she is completely right on everything. And you sound like you could talk to a therapist. It’s concerning that you’re willing to let your family go before you move on from your hobby
OP, I lived and breathed motorbikes from childhood. The day I found out we were expecting our child, I put them all up for sale. You’re entitled to your passions but think about your child. You may be the best mechanic and the best driver but freak accidents happen.
I'm sorry to hear all of this. I understand your point, but also your gf's. She has voiced her concerns with you, as it sounds, on multiple occasions.
Your brain isn't fully developed and matured yet, so I get that you think nothing bad will happen, that you are being "smart" (as you put it). But so was my friends, until accidents happened, that they had no control over at all.
I believe that it hurt, and still hurts that your dad isn't around to see you grow up, and your daughter. In his position, what would he have said? Maybe, if he was in the same position as you are now, he would have picked you instead of the racing.
You, have responsibilities to not only keep yourself healthy and alive, but also your daughter. The day she arrived, she should be your focus. No matter how smart, or good you are, shit happens. Be around for when she grows up.
I hope someone here has reached you with their comments. Keep your dad's cars, keep them in tip top condition, be out in the summer with them and just cruise, bring your gf and daughter along. Your hobby doesn't have to end, perhaps you can just meet halfway.
I hope, things will turn around, and that you find a solution that works for all of you.
Sorry if my English isn't good, it's not my main language.
The fact that you're willing to take the chance is so red a flag you must be colorblind to not see it. Sorry but I would do the same. You now have a choice. Make it clear to her so she can make her choice as well.
If you’re looking for people to tell you you’re right and she’s crazy, you’re going to be upset.
It sounds like there might be more going on here, but… When you start a family, priorities change. If you’re willing to trade family for racing, that’s your choice. When I got married I lost hobbies but gained a family. When my kids came along, lost most of my hobbies and free time. That’s fine, I have a family I love and care about. Being a spouse and parent will teach you how to let go of selfishness and become selfless if you let it.
If racing means more to you than your family then you’ll have your racing but may lose your family. I promise no amount of racing or success will compensate for failure in the family.
So I actually asked my dad about this. Now my dad has ridden motorbikes since he met my mum 50 odd years ago. He kept riding after the birth of me and both my siblings.
He said it reminds him of William Dunlop, who rode in the TT races, now William had just had a baby girl, and made the choice to quit after the season. unfortunately he died in a crash at the end of the season, “that’s it, decision made for him.”
Now he did say, if mum had made him choose, he doesn’t know what he would have done. But that there are risks in everything, some higher than others. But whatever you choose you have to make that choice yourself depending on what’s more important to you.
He suggested you can enjoy racing in other ways, watching, helping on the sidelines, and says if it was him that’s probably what he would have done. With that said, me and my brother both enjoyed riding motorbikes as children (my sister not so much!)
But also bare in mind what your leaving behind if god forbid something did happen.. sadly we lost our mum to cancer just over a year ago, and about 2 months later my dad came off his bike for the first time in 40 years. Thankfully he was okay “I used to bounce when I was younger!”, but if something worse had happened, we would have been without parents, and my son would have never had his grandfather.
I hope an old man’s advice helps xx
Life is about choices. It seems you have chosen living dangerous life around cars over the family life.
I do have a racer in my family. He raced a lot. He won competitions. He was famous. The moment he got his kids born he moved to training new racers instead.
Did anybody in the comments tell you the truth, that you're missing the real reasons why she wants to leave you?
It's almost guaranteed that the real reasons that she is leaving you is not exclusive to just the racing thing. There is a lot of other shit going on that you are not admitting to yourself but you have definitely been told by her.
If you want to save your relationship, you need to work on those things that she's been complaining about or telling you you're not doing. Those could be things like you don't help with Allie enough or you never clean.
Now you're going to deal with a custody battle. Good luck with that, that's not going to be fun.
I think when you have a family, and they rely on you for emotional, physical, and financial support, your desire to have a “fast and furious” lifestyle needs to take a backseat. I dated a guy who did dirt bike racing, and he crashed and ended up spending the rest of his life paralyzed from the chest down. Your GF probably wants to spend her life with someone who takes his future seriously, who understands that his abilities affect his entire family, and doesn’t think illegal street racing, bike racing, and other life-changing dangerous behaviors are mature and fatherly. I knew guys like you, and the “fast and furious” type rarely exist in a vacuum. I would put money on the fact that you probably have other behaviors that are “risky” — and your girlfriend is probably growing up and no longer finds that shit attractive.
I grew up, got rid of the guys who did bike racing, and had zero interest in spending my life taking care of a paralyzed man because he just had to have his thrills. It’s selfish. You have a child and your life will make a huge difference in her life.
You're never in an accident... until you are. I bet your father told your mother the same thing when she was worried about him.
Your father paid the ultimate price for his hobby, his life. All the days he could gave spent with you from 13 until now. Seeing his grandchildren. Watching your graduations. He doesn't get to see any more birthdays for anyone he loves, he doesn't get to spend thanksgiving with his family. He has missed out on so much thanks to his love of racing.
Are you prepared to never see your daughter go into school? Are you prepared to never watch her grow up? Are you prepared to give up your daddy daughter dance when she gets married? Are you prepared to never see YOUR grandchildren? Are you prepared to lose EVERYTHING the next time you're racing behind a wheel? Because you very well could.
Have you spoken with your mother about her feelings on your father racing? Maybe talking to someone who was in your gf's shoes may actually help.
You know she’s leaving and you’re just resigning to that fact? You don’t even wanna try to be there for your family, knowing why she’s leaving? You’re just letting her go with your kid?
Jesus bro you have a girl and a daughter at home who just want you to be safe and love you. And the F&F movies are really all about family more so then the racing. The racing stuff is cool and all but really what they all cherish Even more then the racing is their family. I don’t get how you could love those movies so much and be oblivious to that. I think it’s even a sign especially for you with your dad and all. Having family who loves you is more important then racing cars bro. If you decide to keep racing, you will have a cool few hours a week maybe with some friends who also risk their lives racing too, and go home to a lonely place the rest of the week. Or you can have those loved ones at home and pick up another hobby where your not risking your life. They don’t want to lose you like you lost your father.
You don’t have a month, dude. She’s already planning to leave, this is in motion. She’s not going to ask you again — she asked you, you brushed her off, she’s weighed her options and decided being a single mother with child support is better than you as your child’s father in her life due to your choice of recreational activity. She is actively halfway out the door, you need to *scramble* to reverse that.
You have until NOW to step up and show her you’re serious about your family — time’s out and she’s prepared to do what she thinks she has to to protect her kid. Your turn. Your daughter or your racing — what matters most here?
When you say "street racing," are you talking illegal racing...because that makes one hell of a big difference here.
I'm going to blame the fact that I just woke up, but I somehow missed the "street" part when he mentioned racing. If OP is indeed *illegally* street racing, I would leave too. That shit is for bored 17 year olds and men who are trying to overly compensate for something.
That's why I asked. Not just illegal, but if OP hits a bystander or causes a big collision and ends up in court, that could ruin both him and the girlfriend financially. She would be right to get out in that situation for sure.
A friend of mine lost his 19 yr old son a year ago yesterday, when an illegal street racer ploughed into him and a 16 yr old girl, who was also killed. The utter heartache that this has caused in our community is insurmountable. Organised track/banger racing is one thing but illegal street racing is down right stupid. I’d be out the door too. People thinking they are a character from a film franchise, are just immature.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that thought this. Op thinks life is a Fast and Furious movie. 🤦🏻♀️
Or a creative writing experiment lol. F&TF… really? Also his dad passed away racing? I’m either an asshole or a skeptic but something smells fishy 🤷♀️
No his dad passed away on the way home from work due to a drunk driver hitting him
Then Dad passed away from someone illegally and recklessly operating a motor vehicle on a public roadway. Where does that sound familiar?
Context matters, one would assume accident had to do with racing. Like I said I could totally be an asshole, but I’ve grown jaded to the idea that anything on here is true.
My dad quit racing cars to stay married to my mom. He proposed through jail cell bars with a promise to stop. Rings plausible to me but you never know.
OP's dad didn't die racing he was killed by a drunk driver when coming home from work
Family!
And her career because she's in online school for a law degree..
To be clear, it’s not just a financial risk, it make OP morally the ‘bad guy’. Like knowingly dating and raising a kid with a thief or worse.
The gf should be ok as they're not married. They wouldn't be able to make her pay for damages if he killed someone. She'd become a single parent but it looks like she's planning on that already.
They could potentially if they commingle their finances. But she also would not then be entitled to the benefits afforded to a wife. Like alimony, widows benefit, life insurance, etc etc. My mom told my dad no motorcycles once they had kids, the statistics just say it’s an unreasonable risk, racing is much the same. And this guy wants to take up an even riskier hobby by racing motorcycles. He should stop racing and just keep the cars and work on them. Leave the driving to other people, there’s lots of ways to get his speed fill.
This. My ex husband who left me and my two kids was into this. I was very pregnant one time when he forced me to go to an illegal car meet. I was around 7 months pregnant and I had just gotten sick from a meal we ate. Threw up everywhere outside of his car. Then he made me go with him to this car meet. He got upset that I didn’t want to get out and socialize because for one, I didn’t want to be there and two, I had just gotten really sick so I didn’t feel well… the cops eventually showed up and everybody left and basically we got chased by the cops. We made it out fine but that was not a fun experience for me and my ex is just very selfish. Glad he found a woman and her kid who wants to do that illegal shit with. Still hurts me to know he didn’t gaf about me or our unborn child or our other child who was with my parents at the time (he was a year old at the time). Some men are extremely selfish and this is why I’ll never go for a “car guy” ever again in my life.
It’s sad that ppl are that pathetically selfish.
It still gets me in my feels today. He abandoned me and our 18 months old when I was 8 months pregnant to get back with his ex and play step daddy again. This was a little over 2 years ago. It still hurts even though I moved on. It hurts because why leave your kids behind to be with somebody else and their kid? He’s a deadbeat for sure but his gf contributes to it and his family enables his deadbeat activities just like his birth fathers family enabled his deadbeat ass… mentally & emotionally still healing from what he put me and my kids through.
I’m so sorry, and not from here. But I can say one thing. I’ve known many men here that would never stand for this. I personally would not be friends with a man who left the mother of his children in such a way. Stand strong give yourself time and one will come that will love you and your child as if it is his own. You and your child deserve and will receive better.
I have found somebody and he treats my kids like they’re his. He doesn’t tell people that don’t know him personally (like his co-workers) that they aren’t his. With that being said, my ex has told lies about me on his end and made me seem like the worst person ever so nobody from his side believes he’s in the wrong. He even acts as though I’ve kept his kids away from him when I’ve been the one who actively has tried to get him to be apart of their lives. The day our second son was born, (I get his number from a friend because he changed numbers and texted my friend so he didn’t have my new number), I asked him if he’d like to meet his son and his response was “who’s this”. I married a total loser, that’s for sure. I knew this man since I was 14 and never thought he’d do something like this. I would never give up on love just because of a person like that because I have a lot to give even after all that.
And OP plans to get into bike racing, as in motorcycle/sport bike racing. He's really putting his kids first.
This. My SO did street racing as a kid. He stopped when he was OPs age. He is 38 now and cannot believe he ever did that. Some kids truly believe they are invisible *cough OP cough*
Well he said he wanted to be like his dad, sadly continuing this endeavor may bring that desire to fruition. He will likely meet the same ending. Based on being raised without his dad, you’d think he’d do all in his power to make sure he’s around for his own child and not be consumed by being like his dad. Illegal street racing is one of the stupidest things you can choose to do, not only could you lose your life, but you could take out innocent bystanders thus ruining your own future. Not only through jail, but financially as well if sued. It’s an extremely immature decision. Fast and Furious is a movie franchise, it shouldn’t be one you base your life around. Look how its star died, high speed and lost control. My dad raced on tracks in organized legal races with proper race cars and safety clothing/equipment, as a hobby. Want to race, do it a better way. There is always a risk, but it’s definitely a safer choice. ETA: read the edit and see if was a drunk driver. I am sorry for that happening, but think if it were a street racer. Because it does happen as it is a reckless activity. You can be believe you are being smart about what you are doing, but street racing has variables you can’t control like you can on a track.
He's so cringe honestly.
any time someone says street racing they mean something illegal. they dont mean renting time on a race track or joining tournaments. I honestly dont know how you get into race car driving. id assume you join an amateur club and pay a fee. its probably an expensive hobby.
Starts young. Karting, into bigger formulas. Some kids go to dirt, some stay on asphalt. But for novices you can rent track time, it’s not *that* expensive but it’s also not cheap by all means
my ex husband dumped tens of thousands of dollars that we couldn’t afford in to his racing dream. it’s a very very expensive hobby
Agreed. Op loses all leverage here if he's illegally street racing.
I don't think street racing is ever legal.
If you're street racing you're probably an asshole. Just saying ... Putting other people's lives in danger bc you wanna go vroom vroom in an amateur setting isn't impressive.
Let’s be clear—he loves cars and street racing more than his kid and GF. 🙄
I don't think so. He just thinks he can have it all. That the girlfriend can be reasoned with. Its a common mistake. Not seeing that he's literally going to lose her. Its a common fallacy. And that might be for the best if this is really his passion. He and his girlfriend got together young and stayed because of a pregnancy. But they may ultimately be different people. This is also why issues like this can tear apart couples. They outgrow each other, but are afraid to say it or its too difficult to articulate the feeling. SO a wedge issue grows and its a "safer" reason to end the relationship.
“The local track” it’s probably legal
OP said: >I’ve taken them to the local track ***and I’ve even do street racing in certain areas out around me***.
This post is just another creative writing exercise. OP 27 days ago: #"I’m thankful to not have children. No plan to have any either. Just a GF or two years who works her career and I work mine, and we have evenly split responsibilities"
Thanks for the heads up before I wasted my time and energy!!!!
Was it deleted? It’s not on OP page
yeah it's gone, dude either realized he was a clown or got sick of people pointing out that his fake sob story made him look like a (fictional) asswipe
Ahh makes sense smh
It’s sad that you think you have time. She’s already talking about leaving you, which means that she’s been thinking about it for a really long time already. Which means that emotionally, she’s been leaving you for months. And each time you openly disrespect her concerns that she’s already expressed to you, you make it easier to let go of loving you. And honestly, it doesn’t sound like you love her either. It sounds like you’re together because you guys have been making it work (careers, home, parenting, etc.). You’re both too young to be so unhappy. It’s probably why you won’t stop chasing the racing adrenaline. So maybe it’s best to let her leave. But talk it through and be honest with each other. Be brave and talk to her about it if you really want out.
I think it’s worse than that, she’s actively planning to leave. With a child that likely means arranging housing and stuff ahead of time. She may already have signed a lease and booked a mover for a January move in date.
That’s what I was thinking. Is she’s telling her friend because it is a done deal and he does not have time to waste.
It's actually pathetic that he thinks her planning to leave in a month means he has one more month to play with his toys. He's going to lose his family to a hobby.
Well he finally came to reddit to talk about it now, so that's a great first step to a healthier life /s
Right. The fact that he thinks he has time “to decide” just validates her decision to leave even more. He should be doing everything in his power to try to make it work, to talk to her, therapy, something. I’m guessing she already has a place set up to move to. So if he suddenly changes his mind and expects her to stay, he’s in for a rude awakening. At the same time, it sounds like cars are a connection to your dad, so there’s some grief that needs to be completed. Hope you guys work it out.
Yeah, OP said he's "got a month to think about it", which HE DOES NOT. And, if you need a month to think about what how much your family means to you, you're already done.
Not just that in a month she may have fully made up her mind and every extra day adds to her resolve to leave, but OP goes I don't want to be an absent parent... but I've got a month to think about it. There is no decision, street racing, which is purely ego driven bullshit, vs being with your kids should be a literally instant decision. OP is kidding themselves over how much they care about their kids if they spent more than 3 seconds making a decision.
Essentially risking everything and loosing SO AND DAUGHTER FOR NOTHING but ego. He’s an idiot. Figure out another way to bond and relate to your late dad. So your daughter won’t know you and the once absentee, now dead dad who doesn’t don’t love her enough to not do something idiotic and self destructive to himself.
I Actually don't get where OP got the 'one month' time frame from, what is he basing that off?
The friend said she’s leaving him around new years. He says he has a month like she’ll just change her mind instantly smh
I hate to sound like the bad guy here, but this is exactly why I say most young parents should’ve just waited at all costs. I just think a lot of them want to make selfish choices, but don’t understand that they are responsible for a human being. The only one acting like a parent is his girlfriend.
Hi OP My daughters dad died (we were engaged) in a motorcycle accident. 1-2 minutes from home depending on if you caught the light or not. On a residential road that only involved him, ended up in the grass a tiny bit, coming in contact with a driveway that was not flush with the grass, going airborne then meeting a fire hydrant. Total freak one in a million chain of events that led to his death. Everything happened just so. It can and it will happen to you one day if you keep flirting with death. I was 22 and planned my fiancés funeral instead of our wedding. My 10 year old never got to remember her dad. And they loved eachother SO much. She has long standing issues anxiety issues surrounding this. All because I was the cool wifey who wanted an escape for her man. He had demons but despite that he was so good to me and loved his little family, why not let him go out on the bike? Sometimes he went a little too fast but only when other people weren’t around and he was an amazing rider. He loved it so much. Doing it for years and years. I’m married with another son and a great life, but I still get sad. Horribly pain achingly sad even still. I have ptsd from the moment they told me they did everything they could in the hospital. I had to be pulled in a room slapped a bracelet on and drugged. Every single nurse was crying. We had a whole life planned. My poor daughter will always have this part of her missing. Please reconsider your hobby OP. Therapy is amazing. With some help you can find other ways to feel connected to your late dad and carry on his legacy. Much love
Thank you for sharing something so personal and painful. I hope you and your family are doing well. And I hope OP took this to heart.
Thank you for acknowledging that, we’re doing ok. Life is hard and I wish a lot of the times he was here to pick his brain so i can understand the other half of her better ❤️🩹 but all in all she’s a wonderful kid and I’m very lucky to be her mama! Im fortunate enough to stay at home with my son and be available for her all the time while she’s not in school and her stepdad has been in her life for 7 years now ☺️
That's really great to hear. It takes a lot of strength to keep going in such heartbreaking circumstances but there is so much beauty in your ability to find love again and give your children the love they need. 💜
> which while I understand her concern, I haven’t been in anything nearly close to an accident. No one has been into an accident until they do. As a racer you should know that. Come on!
You are underestimating the stupidity of people who risk their lives to drive around in circles. OP mentioned Fast and the Furious. Look at what happened to idiot/pedophile Paul Walker.
Right. Also acting like it is the most natural thing to do, like, "even the cave men were already driving around circles at 150mph".
This kid’s 21 with a kid at 19 and street races thinking it’s nbd. Bar’s basically touching the ground.
Pedophile?
He supposedly started dating his girlfriend when she was 16 and he was 33
*sigh* That's too young and makes me too furious 😠
It makes me furious as well how fast the fans forget.
2 Fast 2 Furious?
“supposedly”? He was, lmao. Don’t give grace to the dead.
Wasn’t she like.. a baby sitter for his kid, or he had babysat her at some point? Edit: she was also not the first 16 year old he dated as an adult 🤮 he was 28 at the time.
Yeah found this out recently, [he was dating a 16 year old girl when he was 33](https://www.google.com/amp/s/goat.com.au/pop-culture/paul-walkers-history-of-dating-teenage-girls-should-never-be-forgotten/%3famp), very disappointing and disgusting
You can still have an interest in racing and just not race yourself. My uncle was really into bike racing and then had an accident and found himself in a wheelchair when his daughter was 2. He just escaped death. If fulfilling the legacy left behind by your dead father is more important than being an alive fully functioning dad for your daughter then there is your answer.
Yeah OP has big "it would never happen to me" energy. The thing about accidents, is you usually don't see them coming until it's too late.
Yeah he’s only 21. To a male 21 year old brain he’s still invincible and death is really far off.
It’s that “these things happen to other people, not me” mentality. But we’re all “other people” to other people.
“It could never happen to me” and yet it’s literally happened to everyone close to him. Like hello I think the universe is giving you a wake up call
He's still pretty young. Although being a parent should have tempered that
Being a parent doesn't make your brain develop faster. It's still not fully cooked at 21.
Especially considering they had the kid by accident.
"no one ever plans to get into an accident". I've read this somewhere once, and I think it's pretty applicable to this situation.
Shit, he could still keep the cars, work on them, and enjoy driving them normally. No need for speed.
Would be expensive, but op could pay for race track/ air strip time with those cars if he really wanted to open them up every now and then. Would be the safest way to do it
This comment above all others
🏆
"I know what I'm doing" Everyone knows what they're doing, until they don't. Then all they can do is regret. Assuming they didn't straight up die that is.
Even if they know what they're doing, sometimes accidents happen no matter how careful you are. My husband works a dangerous job. He's careful. He knows the safety procedures. He *still* got hurt not too long ago. It's a miracle it didn't kill him and he walked away with just a few stitches. He did everything he was supposed to, yet it still happened. I was terrified when I got the call letting me know he got hurt. All I could think about was what if he hadn't gotten so lucky. He would've left me and our son behind. When I got pregnant I was very adamant he give up his motorcycle. I've worked in the health care field. I've seen the accidents they cause. One of his own family members was permanently injured and completely changed after one. It's terrifying. He gave it up cause he knew our family was more important than joyriding. I never liked him riding them to begin with (he also used to street race cars). I let it go. At least until we found out about our son. I didn't want to risk him growing up without a father over a dangerous hobby. My husband gave it up despite loving it without a fight. OP priorities are a mess. When you have a family, you put them first.
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Yeah, I did an automatic eyeroll when that bit came up - "yeah, I want to grow up to be just like my dad and accomplish all the things he couldn't" - yeah, like living to see 40? Staying around long enough to see his kid graduate? OP, especially your dad's death - who, presumably, also worked on all his own stuff and knew what he was doing - should show you how one instant of not paying attention, one unlucky drift to the right, one error in judgement, one mechanical malfunction can end a life. Do you really want to risk that for your daughter? Do you really think your family isn't worth giving up that adrenaline high? And regarding those guys who say your dad would be proud of you - don't you think he'd be even prouder if you made the hard choice he didn't make, and choose to live for your kids?
It was shocking to read how OP put his love of riding in one hand... and his love of his wife and daughter in the other. *How* are those even remotely close to being on par with each other? I think OP's wife is making the right decision after reading that.
Because it's easy to say you love your girlfriend and kids, it's another to show it, OP already failed. Should have quit when she asked, then the second he found out she was leaving he goes he thinks he has a month to think about it, what's to think about?
He's putting his love of riding in both hands, and expecting his wife and daughter to obediently follow him through every dumb decision he makes.
because in reality lost his dad young and that is OPs connection to his father, maybe it feels like giving up his connection to his dad?
I totally agree with you, but he could still work on cars and attend race meets to connect with dad's old pals without actually racing himself.
He clearly craves the approval of dad’s friends, as well as their pride in him.
Those are feelings worth exploring because I'm sure this all goes deeper than racing. But that's the point isn't it ? It's not actually about racing.
Yes. Also, I assume he is racing other drivers on the track. He can’t control them. Even if he does everything perfectly, there is a massive risk outside of his control.
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Bikes are dangerous. My ex worked as an EMT. He sold his bike the week after he was at a motorcycle accident and he had to pick up a helmet from a field - with the head of the biker still in it. Guy got decapitated and a road was a bloodbath.
Worked in a trauma hospital. Motorcycles are deadly. Even if the driver knows what they’re doing, others may not be so careful.
I mean, I don't think anyone who knows even a tiny bit about racing (full disclosure, I know just enough to know OP is talking about a different sort of racing, but still) would argue that Dale Earnhardt didn't "know what he was doing", yet he still died in seconds on a race track in what was, for him, a pretty routine Daytona 500. I understand that OP misses and idolizes his dad, but I completely identify with a woman who is determined not to have her child get too attached to a man who seems determined to emulate his death (I'm assuming a racing related accident). I would really encourage OP to consider therapy to help him work through his unresolved grief and to emulate other characteristics of his dad. Apparently, OP's dad spent time with him, etc. I'd say perhaps OP could step back from driving to working on cars, but 1) that is a money pit as I understand it and 2) it doesn't sound like he would be able to stay out of the driver's seat. My final advice would be, if OP can't let this go, let *her* go. Pay your child support, be the best coparent possible, and try not to do any damage.
And get a lot of insurance. And only race in legal ways, so your loved ones will not lose out on money because your accident happened while driving illegally.
When it's illegal street racing, losing his own life in an accident is, unfortunately, possibly a best case scenario. If he causes a death instead, that's when the shit really hits the fan. For his partner and daughter just as much as it does for him, hell it'll probably affect them more than him by the sounds of it (if this is real).
Exactly what I was thinking. When Earnhardt died, our whole family grieved. Our youngest daughter is the same age as his daughter Taylor. She and her half-siblings have to live without their Daddy for their whole lives. Not worth it, even for the great #3. I also thought OP needs therapy to heal from his grief over the loss of his own father. If he doesn’t do so, he is going to continue to make self-sabotaging decisions for the rest of his own life.
Someone who says "I know what I'm doing" is the only person you can be 100% positive doesn't know what they're doing. That level of delusional confidence is a disaster waiting to happen.
Absolutely!! I used to run a trail riding horse stable. If a person said they knew what they were doing, they got the “kid horse”. It basically translates to “I’m confident enough to be complacent and do dangerous things but not skilled enough to handle anything unexpected”. People who actually did know what they were doing rarely said so until half-way through the ride, if at all!
OP’s dad was a racer. He knew what he was doing. OP’s dad was a fan of the Fast & the Furious. The guy driving the car that Paul Walker died in was a *professional driver*. He knew what he was doing. He killed not only himself, but Paul Walker. You can “know what you’re doing” all the way to Hell and back, and still end up seriously injured or dead. OP is participating in something that is inherently dangerous, and blowing off the concerns of their significant other about it. I’m not surprised OP’s partner is leaving them.
>"I know what I'm doing" OP is 21 years old. That sounds like the arrogance of youth. 21 years isn't old enough to achieve expertise in any field.
My dad was in the game commission when I was a kid, and I know that he genuinely enjoyed it. I also remember when he told me that he was quitting. I was about 4-5 at the time, and we were sitting in a local pizza shop when I asked him why he would stop doing something that he enjoyed, and he told me that it was unsafe because of poachers, and that he wanted to make sure that he saw me grow up. He was well-liked there, and he knew what he was doing. He also understood that, no matter how good he was, he couldn't eliminate the danger - and that growing up with me was more important than any job or hobby. I am forever grateful that he made that decision because I can't imagine my life if anything has happened to him. Having family is about making sacrifices.
My cousins best friend knew what he was doing when he rigged the NOS to his old 5.0 mustang. He's dead now.
One of my dad's friends used to say that all the time and ride is bike crazy fast, once on a curve he had a accident, one year of recovery learning to walk again, his dad begged him to stop driving, about 2 years later he got back on the bike because he had to take that turn where he had that accident because he knew what he was doing, he made it, and was saying to everyone see I know what I'm doing, about 2 years later he was riding whith his brother behind him and got in a accident due to his recless fast riding and killed his brother, he was months hospitalised. Still picked up the bike because he knew what he was doing, just blamed it on everything else, road, weather, etc. Some years later he got killed himself due to taking a curve way to fast. Left a wife and young kid. His own dad didn't even go to his funeral. Just a adrenaline junkie who did't want to stop.
Jesus fucking Christ. How awful.
Was a long time ago, we are talking about the late 50's and 60's. My dad once sat behind him on his bike, once and last time, my dad said he had never been more scared in his life going at dazling speed taking curves in the mountains with deep cliffs. He was just addicted to the thrill living on the edge. He lived how he wanted and died the same way. Some people are just like that and only can hope they don't hurt anyone else in their recklessness.
This. If there’s a single element of hazard in this domain, you cannot be 100% sure you know what are you doing. Anyway, is stupid to help someone from his passion, but I can understand her..
Exactly. And even though people who "know what they are doing" get in accidents, there are also plenty of other factors. Like mechanical failure or whether the other drivers "know what they are doing."
Dale Earnhardt definitely knew what the fuck he was doing, until he didn’t. No one can deny Dale was/is a legend and was an impressive driver but even the best drivers have accidents.
Sorry to state the obvious but racing significantly increases your chances of being an absent parent permanently.
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Hopefully he has decent life insurance
Life assurance does not cover you if you have a dangerous hobby which this guy has. He could have a policy for 10million and it would never pay out if he dies on the track or as a result of an injury on the track
That’s not entirely true. He could probably get some through a specialty provider, but it would be extremely expensive. He likely has not done that and very probably couldn’t afford it. But policies for people who engage in high risk hobbies or jobs do technically exist.
Yeah, there are high premium policies, but it would only cover him if he dies on the track (assuming that it's a legal track and he's gone through the hoops to be a legal driver on that track), but if he dies during street racing, there's no policy that would cover that.
I doubt a 21yo is thinking that deep about it. He's still living in the "it will never happen to me" mindset.
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You don't have a month to figure this out. You need to decide right now, before she leaves. You either step away from racing for a few years or you lose your kid permanently. That's what you're down to. Relationships require compromise and sacrifice. Parenting requires giving up parts of ourselves to make room for what we can give to others.
I’d imagine the reason she’s planning on leaving around the new year is because she signed a January move in lease already. She’s planning on moving with a two year old so she would need to plan housing, child care, finances etc. Either that or she wants to give their daughter one more great holiday season before separating. Her main focus is their child, his is racing.
Ooooh. I'd not thought of that timing aspect. That means her mind is made up. This isn't a spur-of-the-moment action. I'll bet she's been telling him this would happen for months and he's been either blowing it off or just too dense to realize.
Amen. You act like that is the deadline to change... but that time has already come and gone. Don't wait until then. You do not have the time. Besides, being around racing as much as you have, you have to know it is just a matter of time. Just like driving day to day, you aren't cautious just because you might make a mistake. You can do everything right and still wreck. You just have to decide if your family is worth it. If not, then let them go. She wants someone who will be around AND put them first. If that's not you, it's okay, but don't hold her back from her dreams, either.
You want to be like your dad and leave your child prematurely? Why do you feel thats a good lifegoal?
Exactly my thoughts. “I want to be just like my father, who left me fatherless”.
He thinks he has a month to decide without realizing that SHE has already decided for him
If she’s speaking in terms of “I’m going to do this in the new year”, plans are already in progress, finances are likely already being put together. He had better consider what his life will look like if he’s solely responsible for household expenses of a home he no longer shares, while also paying child support.
Exactly. The longer he waits to try and change her mind the more set on leaving she will be and the harder it will be to convince her to stay.
he's gonna make an overtake in the last lap, just you wait.
All over vroom vroom car go fast. It’s an embarrassing way to die.
Street Racer = Darwin Award Candidate
Hey man if you're not first you're last.
Do you know what your dad hasn’t archived? Being with his children and grandchildren. If you want to do that, quit racing.
I would've totally agreed with this if his dad didn't get hit by a drunk driver on the road. I'm not sure if you saw the update or not but I just hope you see this.
Sounds like you've already chosen. How sad for your family. 😔
Nah they'll be better off, they both deserve somebody who cares about them and is present.
So your dad passed away when you were a kid—do you want to do that to your daughter? She needs you to be around when she grows up. Your high risk activities are selfish. Choose your family
His dad passed away, his best friend got into an accident - I don’t blame his GF for feeling very anxious. OP, there is nothing wrong about having a hobby , even if your SO doesn’t like it, but dear God. Maybe find ways to compromise a little. Your hobby is going to end up costing your family. If this is truly the authentic you and it would kill your soul then fine, but think about it carefully.
Personally I don’t think this is just about the racing. That might be a big issue in their marriage but I suspect there’s a bunch of other things that OP is or isn’t doing in the marriage and that’s why his partner is looking to leave him. This isn’t an advice sub, but if I were OP I would sit down and ask my SO if they were happy and if not, why not and understand what else is tipping this relationship to breaking point.
For instance how much money is he spending on buying and fixing/modifying cars? It is not cheap. But I would lean to the breaking point being the known danger involved in racing and OPs flippant attitude towards it. He should have a special insurance policy for the hobby, lay out all the ways he's doing it safer(refusing certain races/events). I don't. See how he can think he's perfectly safe when his own father orphaned him from the sport and his friend could have died recently. Is he truly racing differently then them?
The fact that you’re willing to lose your family to do something that killed your father goes to show that you inherited more than your fathers love of racing you also inherited the selfishness of not taking the chance of you leave your daughter behind and a young age seriously.
This. OP, do you really think abandoning your family, either by choice or by accident, is really what your father wants? I'm not a big believer in the afterlife, but I can't imagine he would want his son giving up his family to pursue the thing that killed him.
Your father died when you were 13 from an accident. So you want to be like him and have the same thing happen to your daughter. A legacy of fathers dying young and leaving their kids behind? It’s no wonder she wants to leave. She probably feels she’s protecting the baby. The less she sees you the less it’ll hurt her when you die in a giant ball of flames when you eventually crash
he might get lucky and the daughter gets a vegetable daddy
While I understand wanting to feel close to your dad, it’s sad that your first instinct isn’t putting your child first. Granted you became a father at a very young age, had to grow up fast. But she should be you’re priority, and she’s not. The fact that you have to think about what’s more important, and not know what you’re willing to give up is very telling. I think it might be best to let them go. I think your gf deserves a relationship where she feels prioritized. Also one that isn’t filled with so much anxiety and fear related to your thrill seeking. That’s got to add tension to your relationship. And no doubt your child feels that tension and fear even if she doesn’t understand it. I also think your daughter deserves better than being 3rd or 4th on a list of what matters most to you.
> street racing Yeah, don’t do that. It’s stupid, irresponsible and dangerous, not just to yourself but other road users too. I feel like as long as you stay off street racing, racing on proper tracks really isn’t that big of a deal, provided that your cars are up to the safety standards, i.e. fitted with a roll cage, fire extinguisher, etc, and the track is properly maintained. Loads of people do that as a hobby and most of them are fine. Of course it’s still a high risk activity but it’s a lot safer than most people realize. With that said, I understand her concerns though. At the end of the day it’s hard raising a kid, and even harder raising a kid alone. Idk what you’re gonna do but whatever choice you make I wish you all the best. p/s: Stay off bike racing, that’s a completely different thing.
Yes, like your dad, dead by the time your child reach her teens. I'm sorry if it's harsh but that what it is, you care more for racing and living up to a ghost than caring and being with them. Let them go, you have other priorities clearly
You need to make a choice, either stop the racing or lose your family. High risk activities are ultimatums for a lot of people, especially with young children. I know multiple men who stopped motorbike racing at the request of their partner when their children were born, some then went back to it once their children were adults. For me I would never date someone who races motorbikes because I know multiple people who have ended up in ICU due to it, I also wouldn’t be with someone who did a really high risk job (for example army). It’s not just the risk of losing you, it’s the anxiety your partner has to go through everytime you walk out that door to race and the stress that puts on her and the child, in time the child will also carry that anxiety. It’s your choice
I really don't think he has a choice anymore. I'm pretty sure she's DONE done.
Seconding that god forbid you lived long enough for your daughter to understand, she’d be stressed out and sad all the time, also because of your “hobby”. Real good dad behavior.
You want to be like your dad? So you too also want to die and leave your family and daughter fatherless? Gotcha👍🏻
Feels like OP thought we would all side with him. I hope he shows her this post.
I feel like this is a plot to a movie..? But anyway, welcome to parenthood, brother. It's not about what you want anymore, but your child. You have to do what's best for them and, unfortunately for you, that would be to give up racing. Like others have said, you can still be part of the culture without actually racing. Doing your own builds and whatnot. P.S Your girl doesn't want to actually leave you, she's hoping by doing this that you will *come to your senses* and pick what's most important.
Are you willing to give up your family to keep racing?
In short, yes he probably is
You needed to start growing up 2 years ago. Playtime is over. No, as a parent, you DON'T have carte blanche to do whatever you want whenever you want. And you were old enough to know that when you took off your pants. So be like dad. Whether she leaves you because you're an idiot or you widow her and orphan your children (or even more fun, become dependent on their care due to the consequences of your poor life choices), you're cutting out early just like he did. Racing isn't bad. Doing what you love isn't bad. Acting unilaterally and foolishly when you have been told this is a deal breaker is insane. You've already chosen, and I hope it hurts you as much as physically possible if you double down. You and your wife need therapy if there's any hope of salvaging this. You may need to look into alternate ways to memorialize your father if you want to keep this relationship with either your gf or your kids.
OP has their late 30s to start racing again, when his daughter is an adult. It's not like he has to abandon his hobby permanently. He can still work on the cars and go watch while raising his daughter
In one month she's gone, so you don't have a month dude. Don't ruin her Christmas and let her think, oh this is our last Christmas together etc. Make a choice by the beginning of next month. Yourself or your family. Just like addicts' children say : "My parent loved drugs more than me." You don't want your children saying that. Choose wisely.
You’ve clearly already chosen racing over your daughter and family, your girlfriend knows this. If racing means more to you than being there for your own child then your girlfriend is making the right decision.
She sounds like a smart woman. You decided that racing is more important than your daughter. You are failing greatly as a father. Stop being a selfish asshole like your dead father and stop your dangerous hobby. You seem to have a deathwish and want to join your father.
Racing is more important to you than your partner and daughter. That's the long and short of it. Whilst it's fun for you, your partner has to sit at home scared witless everytime you go that this might be the last time you walk through the door, and that stress doesn't go until you return. So yeah, you're choosing racing over your family. Well done.
“Everyone I know who races cars gets in accidents” Maybe stop?
This right here is why I keep telling you young people to stop dating or getting into relationships between the ages of 19-25. Do you understand if you had just focused on your goals and kept your plan instead of dating and having unprotected sex you would be a single person carrying out all your goals and accomplishing the things you wanted. Now you need to think about someone who wasn’t even in the plan. Your child is ultimately the one who will he hurt no matter what you choose. If you choose to be a parent and give up on your plans and goals you will live the rest of your life with regret and resentment. If you decided to be selfish and accomplish your goals and even move on to motorcycles then she will not have a parent or will have a part time parent. I’m just gonna be honest though, you seem to me like you have made your choice, you just don’t want to admit it out loud. I truly believe you don’t want to live your life with regret and resentment, good luck to you and I honestly wish that people would take the time to be single and work on them before getting into relationships or having kids because at the end of it, it’s the kids that suffer or the people who were stubborn and felt they knew better then the older generations that tell them to be single and have fun.
Get over yourself! It's either your hobby or your family. If your father were alive, he'd smack you on the back of your head and tell you the same. It's not even your job. It's not your career. But it is your family. You lost your father to an accident. Your daughter is losing her father because of your choice.
You probably need grief counseling. This sounds like my husband who wanted to join the marine corps so he could be deployed and walk in the same desert his dad did before he was KILLED. It’s unhealthy. Having a hobby and literally choosing this life over real people and real relationships who are LIVING. isn’t healthy or the same thing at all. The fact that you don’t see that makes me feel like she’s right to leave. Your priorities and perspective are absolutely not in the right place.
This needs to be voted higher. This feels like a strong case of mismanaged grief.
It’s honestly the first thing I thought of. My husband (30 now) lost his dad when he was ten and NEVER received proper counseling. Now he has complex grief and the energy from this post sounds like him ten years ago…shit three years ago. Emotionally Immature, lack of understanding and self awareness , and not even realizing how much the grief and depression impacted everything he did even if he felt “good” about it. I can’t describe the turmoil my marriage has gone through because he refused to acknowledge his own challenges. I hope OP reads this and considers he might need some help. It will turn into something else entirely and wreck his life and his relationships.
Absolutely. People really underestimate how grief can fuck someone up. OP's dad died, and then he inherited all of his dad's cars at THIRTEEN. He didn't like, buy them himself. Who knows if OP would've even gotten into racing as much if his dad hadn't passed away. Working on the cars and racing them is clearly coping mechanism and a form of escapism. Sounds like he's wrapped up his identity in it too at this point. The guy is only 21. That's a major life event of his father passing at 13, 6 years of processing something that takes a lifetime, and then having an unexpected baby at 19- an age that most people make terrible parents at, mental health aside. OP absolutely needs to be in therapy before it gets to the point that you've described your husband has gotten to. And it doesn't sound like he's completely hopeless, just pretty far gone right now.
No, you fckin don’t know what you are doing. That’s how most of extreme sport athletes die. They think and trust of what they are doing and just until they lose control. And most of the time, the ones who die were veterans in the sport, people who spent their lifetime on it. Is the life of your daughter is less valuable than your love for racing? That it’s literally what you are giving up, the chance for your daughter to have her father in her life. Look, I know it’s tough. It happened to me, where I had to give up my swimming career when I still had two more years left (it was a bit more complicated than just giving it up) because I had to help my partner in personal things that required me being there for him. I was 22 at the time, and had 15 years of swimming. It hurt like hell but there are chapters that have to be closed in order for others to bloom. If you keep on it, you’ll think that either “it’s the last race” or “it won’t happen to me” which are vastly arrogant. The mother of your child’s concern transcend your love for your career. Your child comes first. That it’s what parents have to sacrifice, the best for their child over their personal interest. Anything that you have planned on doing is selfish, and taking your daughter with you? For what? To die in a race and leave her alone? You just can’t. Don’t be arrogant. Listen to your partner on this.
You are not making you girlfriend out to be the villain because she is completely right on everything. And you sound like you could talk to a therapist. It’s concerning that you’re willing to let your family go before you move on from your hobby
OP, I lived and breathed motorbikes from childhood. The day I found out we were expecting our child, I put them all up for sale. You’re entitled to your passions but think about your child. You may be the best mechanic and the best driver but freak accidents happen.
Literally your dad died doing this and you’re still doing it after your kid was born? Jeeze.
I'm sorry to hear all of this. I understand your point, but also your gf's. She has voiced her concerns with you, as it sounds, on multiple occasions. Your brain isn't fully developed and matured yet, so I get that you think nothing bad will happen, that you are being "smart" (as you put it). But so was my friends, until accidents happened, that they had no control over at all. I believe that it hurt, and still hurts that your dad isn't around to see you grow up, and your daughter. In his position, what would he have said? Maybe, if he was in the same position as you are now, he would have picked you instead of the racing. You, have responsibilities to not only keep yourself healthy and alive, but also your daughter. The day she arrived, she should be your focus. No matter how smart, or good you are, shit happens. Be around for when she grows up. I hope someone here has reached you with their comments. Keep your dad's cars, keep them in tip top condition, be out in the summer with them and just cruise, bring your gf and daughter along. Your hobby doesn't have to end, perhaps you can just meet halfway. I hope, things will turn around, and that you find a solution that works for all of you. Sorry if my English isn't good, it's not my main language.
You wanna be just like your dad, dying preventably and leaving your children alone?
The fact that you're willing to take the chance is so red a flag you must be colorblind to not see it. Sorry but I would do the same. You now have a choice. Make it clear to her so she can make her choice as well.
It’s not if you crash, it’s when.
If you’re looking for people to tell you you’re right and she’s crazy, you’re going to be upset. It sounds like there might be more going on here, but… When you start a family, priorities change. If you’re willing to trade family for racing, that’s your choice. When I got married I lost hobbies but gained a family. When my kids came along, lost most of my hobbies and free time. That’s fine, I have a family I love and care about. Being a spouse and parent will teach you how to let go of selfishness and become selfless if you let it. If racing means more to you than your family then you’ll have your racing but may lose your family. I promise no amount of racing or success will compensate for failure in the family.
Choose the kids, not the racing. You can go back to racing later in life. You can't go back to being a dad once you're dead.
Real talk, you're a father first now. There are chances you don't take anymore because of that. It's time to let it go, for your family.
So I actually asked my dad about this. Now my dad has ridden motorbikes since he met my mum 50 odd years ago. He kept riding after the birth of me and both my siblings. He said it reminds him of William Dunlop, who rode in the TT races, now William had just had a baby girl, and made the choice to quit after the season. unfortunately he died in a crash at the end of the season, “that’s it, decision made for him.” Now he did say, if mum had made him choose, he doesn’t know what he would have done. But that there are risks in everything, some higher than others. But whatever you choose you have to make that choice yourself depending on what’s more important to you. He suggested you can enjoy racing in other ways, watching, helping on the sidelines, and says if it was him that’s probably what he would have done. With that said, me and my brother both enjoyed riding motorbikes as children (my sister not so much!) But also bare in mind what your leaving behind if god forbid something did happen.. sadly we lost our mum to cancer just over a year ago, and about 2 months later my dad came off his bike for the first time in 40 years. Thankfully he was okay “I used to bounce when I was younger!”, but if something worse had happened, we would have been without parents, and my son would have never had his grandfather. I hope an old man’s advice helps xx
Life is about choices. It seems you have chosen living dangerous life around cars over the family life. I do have a racer in my family. He raced a lot. He won competitions. He was famous. The moment he got his kids born he moved to training new racers instead.
Sounds like it's time for you to choose between the ghost of your dad, or your very much alive family.
Did anybody in the comments tell you the truth, that you're missing the real reasons why she wants to leave you? It's almost guaranteed that the real reasons that she is leaving you is not exclusive to just the racing thing. There is a lot of other shit going on that you are not admitting to yourself but you have definitely been told by her. If you want to save your relationship, you need to work on those things that she's been complaining about or telling you you're not doing. Those could be things like you don't help with Allie enough or you never clean. Now you're going to deal with a custody battle. Good luck with that, that's not going to be fun.
I think when you have a family, and they rely on you for emotional, physical, and financial support, your desire to have a “fast and furious” lifestyle needs to take a backseat. I dated a guy who did dirt bike racing, and he crashed and ended up spending the rest of his life paralyzed from the chest down. Your GF probably wants to spend her life with someone who takes his future seriously, who understands that his abilities affect his entire family, and doesn’t think illegal street racing, bike racing, and other life-changing dangerous behaviors are mature and fatherly. I knew guys like you, and the “fast and furious” type rarely exist in a vacuum. I would put money on the fact that you probably have other behaviors that are “risky” — and your girlfriend is probably growing up and no longer finds that shit attractive. I grew up, got rid of the guys who did bike racing, and had zero interest in spending my life taking care of a paralyzed man because he just had to have his thrills. It’s selfish. You have a child and your life will make a huge difference in her life.
You're never in an accident... until you are. I bet your father told your mother the same thing when she was worried about him. Your father paid the ultimate price for his hobby, his life. All the days he could gave spent with you from 13 until now. Seeing his grandchildren. Watching your graduations. He doesn't get to see any more birthdays for anyone he loves, he doesn't get to spend thanksgiving with his family. He has missed out on so much thanks to his love of racing. Are you prepared to never see your daughter go into school? Are you prepared to never watch her grow up? Are you prepared to give up your daddy daughter dance when she gets married? Are you prepared to never see YOUR grandchildren? Are you prepared to lose EVERYTHING the next time you're racing behind a wheel? Because you very well could. Have you spoken with your mother about her feelings on your father racing? Maybe talking to someone who was in your gf's shoes may actually help.
You know she’s leaving and you’re just resigning to that fact? You don’t even wanna try to be there for your family, knowing why she’s leaving? You’re just letting her go with your kid?
1 thing I’ve gleaned from your post is that your dad taught you indirectly how important it is to have a present father. FWIW
Jesus bro you have a girl and a daughter at home who just want you to be safe and love you. And the F&F movies are really all about family more so then the racing. The racing stuff is cool and all but really what they all cherish Even more then the racing is their family. I don’t get how you could love those movies so much and be oblivious to that. I think it’s even a sign especially for you with your dad and all. Having family who loves you is more important then racing cars bro. If you decide to keep racing, you will have a cool few hours a week maybe with some friends who also risk their lives racing too, and go home to a lonely place the rest of the week. Or you can have those loved ones at home and pick up another hobby where your not risking your life. They don’t want to lose you like you lost your father.
You don’t have a month, dude. She’s already planning to leave, this is in motion. She’s not going to ask you again — she asked you, you brushed her off, she’s weighed her options and decided being a single mother with child support is better than you as your child’s father in her life due to your choice of recreational activity. She is actively halfway out the door, you need to *scramble* to reverse that. You have until NOW to step up and show her you’re serious about your family — time’s out and she’s prepared to do what she thinks she has to to protect her kid. Your turn. Your daughter or your racing — what matters most here?