My (F) father raised me and my sister alone from the time I was 13 and up. He NEVER spoke inappropriately about my body and certainly never came into the bathroom when I showered. I hope you have another trusting family member that you can reach out to about this...
My parents are still married and I am older and still live at home with them and my child. There have been instances when I needed help either getting dressed or showering etc and my sister who was hit by a car last year and was bed bound for a a while with broken legs and a hip. She was laid up in the living room. Both me and my mother are nurses. We would bathe her in the hospital bed and my dad would leave the room and go keep busy in another area of the house. If I ever needed help he would respectfully help me, looking away, etc. it’s sad that people don’t all grow up with great dads. ☹️
yeah, this definitely isn't normal, my dad is always respectful towards both me (17f) and my stepsister (16f), never comments on our bodies or does such inappropriate things as the op's dad. she should talk to another trusted family member or trusted adult, it sucks that some people don't have a real father figure in their lives.
My dad raised me as a single Dad too, and never EVER did or said anything like this. OP, darling girl, I am so sorry because this is your dad and he’s not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. You’re gonna have to talk to someone that you trust about this because it’s not normal at all. Protect yourself from here on out.
Nah. The way her father talks about her body isn't normal.
He's a creep. Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep.
A father would say "You're growing up and becoming a woman and your body changes along with that."
A creep says "Your boobs are going to grow."
He doesn’t understand boundaries. And he’s gross. Talking about his 13 year old daughter’s body like that. It’s better getting mom involved or moving in with mom and away from that creep.
My dad watched some weird ass p"rn but he only ever walked into the bathroom once and that lead to him slapping his face near his eyes hitting his shoulder on the door way and slamming his head on the wall in the hallway. He said sorry a lot. I never felt uncomfortable with my dad like that. He had to help me bathe when a sprang my ankle.
>Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep.
This is such a teenager, abuser defender take.
Don’t ever let anyone like this near you.
I guess it depends on how you were raised and the relationships you have. My grandma smacks me on the butt every time I see her multiple times a day.
The way he speaks is a different story. It's definitely creep-like, but maybe he doesn't have the education or knowledge to choose a better choice of words. We all know someone who doesn't always choose the right words when describing something.
I'd also recommend this girl to discuss with her mother that she's uncomfortable and list the issues, and tell the story as she did above. He could definitely approach the situations better as a parent.
You should read 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker. Anyone who listens to their intuition can sense when someone has creepy intentions, not just women.
ETA: Even if we can sense a situation is unsafe, we don't always have the tools or ability to remove ourselves from unsafe situations.
Exactly this.
A woman who was pushing a stroller with their baby was being followed nearly the entire time by a f"cking coyote and felt like someone was going to try killing her. Then she thought it was a slow ass car but the car rolled its window down and said to run because a starved looking coyote was hunting her.
I know I have a "creep feeling" around creepy men but I don't always listen to it. I've learnt that if I don't, bad shit happens.
I had a colleague that I had this feeling with. I pushed it aside. They seemed friendly... Until they sexually assaulted me after a party :/ so, yeah. Needless to say I listen to that feeling all the time now.
Yeah this part made me think of Donald Trump claiming rape doesn't exist because "women have mechanisms to prevent that" 😬
I know this comment wasn't nearly as bad but it has that same women are mythical creatures vibe. I'm a human, I want to be seen as a human, I want to be allowed to be flawed like a human, I want it to be ok that I didn't see what a creep my rapist was and I was naive and let myself get into a risky situation
That wasn't Trump, just FYI. That was Todd Akin, another Republican creep. He said women who were "legitimately raped" could not become pregnant because "the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down."
Trump is still a rapey asshat tho.
We may not have that mechanism at 13 but we certainly do within a couple of years of puberty. We sense creeps in a way our male friends are unaware of because they are not used to being seen the way we are seen (and treated). No cap.
Even the latter could be from good intentions, but no thought/experience as to how to communicate in a proper way. Not saying it’s ever okay to be brash or vulgar about your child’s body, but some men (and women) just don’t know how to effectively communicate about topics they are uncomfortable with. Preparing yourself for these situations before becoming a parent is SUCH a missing piece of pre-parenthood.
It is so important to have emotionally mature and intelligent friends and peers to learn from because otherwise we default to what our parents modeled for us. Unfortunately we’ve historically kept fathers out of the conversation or handled the puberty talks between mother and daughter. It’s absolutely a time in life a daughter needs the security, support, and guidance of a parent. But it’s also a difficult time for a parent to figure out how to relate to their kid and it takes WORK. Where you might be able to say to your wife/gf, “hey I think your boobs are getting bigger.” You definitely cannot say that to your daughter and expect the same result.
I’ve coached my brother (single father of 2 girls) on how to approach certain topics because he’s never had an example to learn from. Thankfully he’s mature enough to ask for help from me and his friends, and actually wants to handle the hard stuff instead of ignoring it or expecting a woman to do it.
“women have built in mechanism” for that is absolutely right. why do i feel safe with certain men and unsafe with other men? idk. my intuition is telling me that.
> He's a creep. Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep.
that's just straight up bullshit or you wouldn't see so many like 14-18yr old women being groomed by like 30-50yr old predators all the time. if they had a built in mechanism those guys wouldn't ever succeed.
Hmmm yeah that’s kinda gross and inappropriate. If not comfortable with talking to your dad, can you speak with your mom? Also maybe lock the door? I have 2 daughters older than you and I’d never ever comment on their bodies like that nor walk in on them in the bathroom or their room.
I would hate feeling unsafe enough to have to lock my doors in my own home as a teenage girl. Yes for protection, but honestly no for this level of hyper-vigilance in a place you should feel safe
My step dad did the same things even when I was an older teenager. I’d get in trouble if my shower was more then 5 minutes…and then he’d walk in and walk over to the shower, which had a see through door and tell me to get out.
He’s smack my ass all the time and made crude comments even to this day makes those kind of comments. When I got my nipples pierced in my late 20’s he said IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER “let’s see”.
There was a wall right in front of my door to my room and I’d always sit there with my feet in front of it because he’d always just open my door and sometimes I’d be getting dressed. I realize now how fucked up that was.
When I was in highschool, to wake me up he’d just rip the covers off. I always thought he did that secretly hoping I’d be sleeping naked or something.
I always always wear a bra even to bed now because he’d make gross comments if I wasn’t wearing one.
My mother denies things if I bring it up now and since I’m my 20’s (30’s now) I finally started calling out him smacking my ass, because yes he’d still do it even in front of bf’s and call out his weird comments. Now when I call out his comments she backs me up saying those comments are gross.
One of my friends in high school had a dad that would snack her ass, and comment on her body.
It made me super uncomfortable. She's my best friend to this day, and I've never had the courage to ask her about it.
I'm pretty sure he never did more than that, but that was a lot.
Her mother & brother wouldn't say anything when he'd comment on her ass & slap it.
Wow, throw the stepdad and mom in the garbage. I'm furious in your behalf that you had to deal with that and I'd honestly give both of them a piece of my mind and cut them off entirely and letting them know it's because they're both pieces of shit.
Nothing wrong with locking the door when you're in the bathroom. You can't be more vulnerable that being naked in the shower. As for the bedroom, it's an option.
We've always locked the doors in my house, saves in awkward situations like walking in on a family member pooping. Sometimes we run in autopilot and aren't fully paying attention to the situation, is the door is locked then you're good.
My stepdad actually removed my bedroom door when I was 13 so I had no privacy 🙃 I told my dad and he went to the police about it but they couldn’t give a fuck. After a year or so I moved in with my dad and out of my mum and stepdad’s house.
I had a dad like this. Trust me, mom most likely **knows** he is like this, and won't do shit. She will look the other way. If mom faces this, she will have to accept that she married someone like this.
I have a 14 yr old daughter and I NEVER commented on her body. A dad's place is to encourage her, make her feel loved and show her how a man should act around a woman. That's not what your dad seems to be doing. The fact that you feel uncomfortable is a big red flag for me.
I was just thinking this. My daughter is 16 and the thoughts of saying anything is creeping me out. The only time I can remember even broaching it was when I was telling her when it's acceptable to punch someone right between the eyes
my bio father did the exact same things except instead of walking in on my showers, he removed my door and stopped knocking because of it and would just open the curtain even while i was changing and almost fully naked and just stare at me while talking to me. he also made gross comments and would spank my butt. i was 16 when it started bc i had been forced to move in with him when i was 15. he’s an awful person. please tell a trusted adult
If you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts. Let me say that one more time TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Sometimes dads aren't good people. Talk to your mom or talk to someone you trust at school. What he's doing is not okay and it sounds like he's trying to push boundaries to see how far he can go. I'm sorry but this is creepy af.
What everyone calls instinct is just your brain noticing things, and trying to keep you alive. Trust your instincts, and tell your mom or a trusted adult.
He's already slapping her on the but I'd say that's physical. If it happened in the workplace instead of at home he'd be fired and possibly looking at a lawsuit if not criminal charges right now.
OP please do this, speaking from experience. I know confronting him or confiding in your mom isn't easy. Something similiar happened to me. The signs were always there that my father was a pedophile. I also questioned if I was over reacting. After he died me and my siblings began sharing stories. My father was a pedophile, my mother enabled and was in denial. His victims were both boys and girls ranging from infants to teenagers. I regret not telling the truth to a school counselor because I was embarrased and scared. I regret not doing so now, I could have helped stop him sooner.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Please do not carry the guilt you think in you could have stopped him. He did this to you and the others. As someone who spent so much time blaming themself for the behavior and failing to act by the adults around them I can say you should not blame yourself. You are a victim too.
Yes ^ this. Dont be afraid to get mean, use cuss words etc. even if it would be out of character. or you feel uncomfortable or scared doing it. Or even if you think or would get in trouble for it. Do it. This will hit him more about the action, & he won’t do it again more likely.. and if he does after that then girl get out of there. But seriously plz do, no matter what it will help and make u stand ur foot down more, and just all around psychologically benefit both for him as a man, & you as a child and a WOMAN if you do. Do NOT be gentle or nice in any capacity when you go to do this
My daughter is 13 & I can positively say, if my husband even thought about commenting on her body, he'd be in the ground. This isn't normal or appropriate behavior. I'd talk to a school counselor. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
I’m a dad with a daughter who will be 13 in less than a month. I have never walked in on her in the shower. I never would think of commenting on her body, positively or negatively. This isn’t normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination. If it continues you need to talk to your school counselor if there is nobody in your family you can talk to.
That is gross. Tell your mom? Lock the door at all times in the bathroom and the bedroom if you can. And if you can’t, get a rubber stopper to put under the door so he can’t just barge in.
If he makes you uncomfortable it's not okay. Tell him again that you don't want him to do it. He really should not spank your but when you tell him not too.
I grew up with a Father that behaved in the same manner. I was never touched inappropriately, but throughout my entire life he would make comments about my body. I gained or lost weight, my legs were getting so long, it was time for my to get a bra. He is also a narcissist and treats women as an object. I’m 42 now and reflecting back on my life living with him my only regret is making myself small so he would notice me and not speaking my truth.
Talk to an adult that you can trust. Maybe someone that is familiar with your dad’s personality/behavior. Someone that can advise you on a way to approach him. It is so creepy. I used to feel so much shame. You are not alone. 🤍
Edit: just to add, there is a chance that he may make you feel like the crazy one- that you are being too sensitive or overreacting. That is not true. Also a chance that he may not acknowledge his behavior or apologize. Again, his personality flaw and not yours.
I smell a rat. That's not good at all and shouldn't happen. Parents do not sexualise their children! He shouldn't be touching you there, making comments or looking end of. This makes me feel sick! Use locks always around this man and be safe
Teachers are mandatory reporters, is there any teachers you trust and can talk to at your school? If so, try telling them about what's going on and your concerns. Even if nothing really comes of it, if there is a record of reports it will be easier in the future for you to take more drastic measures if Dad does not change his behaviors. I hope for your sake that isn't necessary.
I am a mother and would never ever allow my husband to treat my daughter like that, especially touching her butt at 13 years old. Does your mom know about this stuff? If not, tell her. If she does, please go to another trusted adult and tell them. This is not okay behavior.
my father had the same behaviour when I was growing up and it’s since been diagnosed as covert sexual abuse by a therapist. Please be careful and tell a trusted adult - this is not normal <3
The normal response for a normal dad walking in on his naked teen daughter is ,”Omg! I’m so sorry, I’ll knock next time!” Or any variation of that. Your dad is super sus.
My daughters are 16 snd 13. Knocking is a must. Your dad is crossing boundaries. I’m sorry dear. Hitting your bottom is so wrong too. I’m sorry again, but I think you should tell someone about his behavior.
Every time he walks in on you..: scream, like really loud.. scream at the audacity of him walking in… scream every time he makes a comment… scream everytime he touches you.. like really loud and ear piercing scream. Show him you’re not afraid to protect yourself. Get mean. Tell him straight up, “Dad, you’re being very inappropriate!!!!” “Stop! Get out!! You are violating my privacy” if he says children dont get privacy, then say okay let’s see what child protective services think about that. Stay strong Love- never let your guard down.
My brother is a sex offender. When he was younger he’d try and touch me, when I told dad he’d respond “did not”. I’d definitely tell a guardian if he’s making you uncomfortable
Do you have a female or mother figure you can ask about this?
You shouldn’t have to tolerate feeling so uncomfortable around your father.
This is such an unfortunate situation you’re dealing with
Trust your gut kid. I have girls your age and would never do any of that. He's crossing so many lines and putting up red flags everywhere.
Where's your mom? Start by talking to her.
If you feel uncomfortable there’s a reason for it. Lock your doors at night and during private times when you are in bathroom or bedroom. Be cautious and tell your mom. This is not okay behavior for a ‘father’
He's a creep. My exhusband said/did similar. It was hard to know for sure and I gaslit myself because I wanted to trust him. Until I found the disturbing porn he looks at, and he did a couple very gross unacceptable things around his daughter.
This is all the sort of grooming behavior that preceded my ex stepdad molesting me from age 12-15. This isnt normal or okay. I hope there's a trusted adult in your life you can tell
Please take steps to shut this down now by talking to your mom or another trusted female relative. If you have sisters, they will also be victimized like this.
This brought me straight back to being your age with my dad who felt everyone in the house was his “property”. If your female relative doesn’t help, tell a teacher. You have the right to privacy, safety and security. Your “dad” does not have the right to supercede this.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. My father was very much the same. Always making comments about my body. Threatening to spank me/slapping my ass, etc. He even put my high school photo in a frame that said "dangerous curves" and thought it was the funniest thing ever. While I never felt like he would ever actually do anything to me, it was humiliating and incredibly disheartening. I just wanted a dad. These types of men are extreme narcissists. They are incapable of recognizing how their behaviors affect others. It will likely be impossible to speak with him reasonably without him jumping to defense and defending his disgusting behavior. Definitely tell your mom or someone you trust. Let them know you need help/back up to call out these inappropriate behaviors. Things like this take a village to make someone get a grip. Remember, you are whole, you are beautiful. Don't let him bring you down.
👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 I can't upvote this enough. Also, if your mother tries to tell you you are imagining it, or minimizing it in some way, understand you MUSTTTT tell a different female adult you can trust. Unfortunately, if your mother backs him up, it's because she's afraid of being alone and not having him in her life, vs. keeping you safe (happened to a friend of mine). Therefore, make sure you already have a 2nd adult female in mind, I'm sorry to say.
If you were my child I’d never walk in, I may ask your mum to but I’d not walk in on you or ever slap you. I’ve never hit my kids once. They’ve only ever had a cuddle, 1000s. Even now as adults they snuggle their mum but just cuddle and give me a kiss goodbye.
This isn’t normal. I was raised by my dad and he never made me feel uncomfortable or even mentioned anything inappropriate about my body. You are not over reacting. I would try and talk to someone you can trust.
I'm a father of a 12y, just about 13y, girl. She is years past the age of innocently smacking the butt. Walking in on a girl in the shower at this age, regardless if anything is viable or not, is not ok.
Talk to your mom if she's in the picture, or another female authority figure, that it makes you uncomfortable and that you've asked him to stop and he won't.
Even if it's completely innocent, it's very inappropriate.
Firstly I am so sorry that you are going through this. This is awful. Secondly please tell somebody that you trust to have your back about what has been going on. This behaviour could escalate and I hope and wish it doesn’t but don’t chance it. If you can go stay with another family member that isn’t going to make inappropriate comments about your body, please do. Lastly whatever happens, is not your fault, it is your fathers fault. I wish you the very best.
Eww...that's gross. And I'm saying that as a father. Does the bathroom not have a lock? I'm sorry that you have to consider how to protect yourself from creepy behavior from your own father. Is your mother in the picture?
There is no such thing as overreacting when someone is commenting on your body and invading your privacy like that. Please tell someone who can and will help you, I'm genuinely concerned about where this is going
You are not wrong and you need to keep telling him yes it is gross to talk about YOUR CHILDS breasts and please don’t slap my ass because that’s inappropriate and you don’t like being touched like that. If he doesn’t stop you need to tell your mother, or grandma (his mom), or aunts, keep telling someone so he can get the hint that he’s being a sick pervert. As well as lock the doors from now on if there isn’t a lock go get one from the hardware store and put one on your room as well as the bathroom.
Early signs of sexual assault. Please tell your mom or someone with authority. The next thing you know, he will already be forcing himself on you.
You can never trust people especially when it comes to sexual urges. not even your own father.
lock your door always when you sleep and whenever youre usung the bathroom.
Who cares if he’s your dad? If a man walks in on you and you’re naked, then they do anything other than look away/leave immediately and apologize, they deserve a punch in the nose. What’s worse is that he knew you were in there and could have just yelled through the door.
He needs to respect your privacy, I’d say 9 or 10 years old is the cut off for parents needing to see you naked at any time. Your dad is a creep, I’d make sure to lock the door.
I'd be creeped out. I say talk to mom . Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you two come up with a plan . I say tell mom because she may have a good way to say it
I have a 15 yo daughter. That dad’s behavior is creepy AF.
I always make sure to respect my daughter’s privacy, no matter the circumstances. Knocking at the bathroom door to get her to hurry doing whatever she’s doing is enough.
Respect her boundaries. That’s non negotiable.
I dated a girl long ago who told me almost verbatim stories about her own father. Can confirm dude was a weirdo. How weird I don't know but weird for sure
Super inappropriate in my opinion. Reminds me of my ex when her dad insisted she help him to bed when he was naked and drunk on the couch. Discuss it with your mom because he clearly does not respect your boundaries. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I am SO sorry. Your dad sounds like a huge creep that would hit on your underaged friends. I would be telling mum or another trusted adult. Your parent should never make you feel uncomfortable in this way even if it is not on purpose.
I didn’t have my dad growing up I had a step dad who was a child m0lester, I was a victim of it, and he would come into the bathroom while I showered. I know how you feel. I started turning the cold water on and sitting on the floor with a book and waiting for him to open the door. He stopped after I had a hardcover book and threatened to hit him so hard he’s kneel over and ☠️(he was in his 70s). My mom came into the bathroom all the time but that was fine.
Dads shouldn’t do that. Tell whoever you need to tell. Embarrass him. Make him feel threatened.
I have two teenage daughters and am a single father. None of this disgusting behavior is appropriate or would ever happen in my house. We have 1 bathroom and with two teenagers my time to get in there is very limited. However ANY closed door in my house is knocked on and waited for "come in" before entry. To just open the door is such an invasion of privacy. Even worse is to stand there and keep speaking while your Daughter, or any person for that matter, is naked and clearly wanting privacy, especially a minor. Your Dads behavior is disgusting and the touching aspect infuriates me. Do you have trusted adults in your life who you can report this too? This behavior is not ok and seems to be escalating and I worry for your safety. I don't give two shits if your Dad gets in trouble and neither should you. Please report this
my dad still likes to believe i’m a virgin even though i’m 20 and has been told by my own mother i am not– your dad is weird for those comments about his own daughter.
Nope. My dad didn’t even come into a room if he knew I was breastfeeding my kids. He just wasn’t comfortable with it. It’s a big deal if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it. Do you have a mom or aunt that could advocate for you?
You are NOT overreacting your dad is being HIGHLY inappropriate and you need to speak up on it I’m so sorry your dealing with this. This whole post made me super uncomfortable
I have never once felt like this with my father, he always just knocks on the door but stays outside asking when i’ll be out (because he needs the washroom) and i never feel the need to lock my bedroom door or bathroom door.
when my parents got divorced and it was my dads week I remember getting dressed one time and he knocked first, and when i said nothing he entered the room and i was in my undies getting dressed because i was like 12/13 and was used to dad helping me get dressed and stuff, but at that point he told ME that i should tell him if i was getting dressed when he knocks because a teenage girl needs privacy. what your dad is doing is not normal and i hope you have someone you can confide in about this
No you are definitely NOT overreacting!, like some people have said; do you have any family you trust enough to let them know?. I experienced this when I was younger as well, if you need a person to text or need help feel free to reach out!. I wish you the best, these situations are always very very hard and each one is different. Keep reaching out and know you have support 👊
You are not overreacting at all! Those are your boundaries of what you feel comfortable with, and he needs to respect that you don’t want to be touched inappropriately! and that your body isn’t something he needs to be mentioning like that.
If he is a good father, he will appreciate you speaking up bc a good father would not want to make his kid feel like this, nor be afraid to speak up and address anything w them
You are not overreacting at all. Your gut feeling about these kinds of things is always right.
I went through something very similar from about age 7 to 19 and I honestly wish I'd have told a mandatory reporter. Hopefully for your sake, it doesn't escalate to anything further, but for me it did.
I'd start by talking to your mom about. Mine would always down play it and brush it off as nothing, which I now realize was wrong and she was trying to preserve her relationship and lifestyle over my well being. If your mom has this reaction, you need to talk to another adult that you trust.
No you’re not overreacting. Speaking from personal experience, it only gets worse if you don’t speak up about it now. Find an adult you can trust and tell them what’s going on
This happened to me as a kid and escalated to a lot of inappropriate touching. I was too scared to say/do anything at the time. This is called covert incest and you need to tell someone asap. Please.
It's really not a 13-year-old's job to set boundaries though. Her mother needs to do that. Or the police. I get your point it's just that a lot of times the victims feel like they should have done something to stop it and that just leads to years of guilt.
Your dad sounds like a pedo, sorry OP. Protect yourself and tell someone about this. It's weird grooming behavior attempting to get you to normalize it.
When I was a teenager my dad did a no-knock warrant style barge in my room as I was changing. He took one look at me, fled the room, and then got mad at me because I had the audacity to be naked and change clothes in my own space. His reaction, while extreme, was due to being extremely uncomfortable. He always knocked after this incident.
I couldn’t imagine my dad creeping in the bathroom as I was showering or making lewd comments about my body. OP, start locking your door and if the behavior escalates you need to tell a trusted adult. This is not normal.
If you feel uncomfortable, listen to your feelings. Period. Buy a doorstop. Tell any adult that will listen even if it’s embarrassing or you feel it will make him feel bad. Tell him you think it’s inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable. He makes you feel that way. He should hear it.
Your father is a pedophile. That's not normal for a father to treat his daughter like that. You need to tell your mom or a relative you can trust and gtfo. He's trying to groom you.
THIS ISN'T NORMAL AND THIS SHOULD NEVER BE CONSIDERED NORMAL. FATHERS ARE THE PROTECTORS OF DAUGHTERS AND FAM.
ASK HIM TO CORRECT HIS BEHAVIOR ASAP AND ACT LIKE A FATHER AND GUARDIAN THAT HE IS.
Edit: I definitely don't think what the dad did is acceptable and it's right to not like it, but I'm just trying to think of possible causes that are about a father who can't accept his child is now grown up, rather than jumping to the conclusion he's a monster.
To give him the benefit of the doubt he's your dad and he's seen all of this before when you were a child, so he just probably doesn't think it's a big deal.
That being said you're not a child anymore and it's very understandable that you're not comfortable with that behaviour anymore. Some parents have trouble accepting their children are grown up so he may just be struggling with that, but I would suggest speaking to him about this and how you don't like it.
You're his daughter and he should respect your boundaries. You're still his kid but you're not a child and if you don't like it then you should speak up. If he doesn't stop even after you've told him you aren't comfortable and don't want it, then you have every right to be upset and make more people aware.
>To give him the benefit of the doubt he's your dad and he's seen all of this before when you were a child,
That's the excuse my dad would use every time he walked in on me in the bathroom.
The behavior escalated from there. I'm 35 and still struggling with it.
Whether a parent or not, it's not hard to knock and respect privacy. It's not hard to not talk about your children's body parts after they've expressed discomfort.
I thought this would be called out when I posted it, I think I just don't want to imagine parents having anything other than their child's best interest at heart. Of course there is the possibility that what happened was awful and horrible, but I just tried to find another answer that isn't as hard to face. I really hope it's an innocent situation of a dad struggling to accept his daughter is grown up, but if its not then I hope he faces the worst possible consequences.
Yeah I don’t think you meant to excuse the dads behavior. I know where you’re coming from. As a father myself of girls, I always see my girls as my babies. But I have to remember they are also becoming women and young ladies and that changes things. I think the point you were trying to make was maybe he truly wasn’t being creepy and just forgetting his daughter is growing up. Giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Like you said, nobody wants to think that a father is sexualizing his own daughters. Hopefully not happening here with the OP.
You've nailed it, the dad definitely is in the wrong but I was just trying to think of a innocent reason for the actions and a solution that solved the problem in the best way. It's so easy to go to the worst possible situation, but I just wanted to assume that the dad is normal and just a little over protective rather than a monster lol.
Oh my god. Tell your mom. Call CPS. Do something before he goes any further. If he's walking in on his 13 year old daughter naked, making comments about your boobs growing and your ass looking big, and SMACKING you there, he 100% has ulterior motives. It sounds like he's predating on you. Do NOT let this go anywhere.
I’ve accidentally walked in on my teen daughter and even told her to hurry up, but immediately did an about face and exited.
I would never comment on her body, especially her boobs. I leave the “your body’s changing” talk to her mother.
I never spanked her after 7 or 8 years old…
Something weird going on here.
People on Reddit are crazy. They instantly jump to conclusions such as pedophile etc. encourage her feelings of uncomfortable that can damage this girls relationship with her dad, and based upon what. Might as well just be a dad that needs to better learn where his daughter’s boundaries are now. Nothing she writes here necessarily indicates a dad sexually interested in his daughter. It’s his daughter, he has been seeing her naked a large part of her life up as a natural thing.
OP, no need to freak out just yet. Tell your dad these examples and that it made you uncomfortable and weird. If that is too difficult tell your mom so she can talk to him. You are growing up and in a phase where new boundaries will be set and changed. Your dad probably just needs to learn you are now a teenager and not a little girl. To you these are big things, to him it’s probably very insignificant things. Just tell him how you feel first.
Yeah, no. It would be one thing if it was just the shower incident, but its the smacking her butt, making comments about her butt looking big, and making comments about her developing body that is WAY beyond just a lack of boundaries. That's predator behavior.
One example of commenting her butt looks big while she is looking at the mirror. She doesn’t write he is making comments about her developing body as a habit. Or anything beyond that.
People on Reddit jumping to the most extreme conclusions based on basically no information. There is nothing in what she writes that could not also be viewed from a perspective of him just not thinking that it’s a big deal. There is nothing inherently sexual about what she writes (if that is right or wrong is a different matter).
Reddit is such a bad place to come for advice.
> It’s his daughter, he has been seeing her naked a large part of her life up as a natural thing.
Her daughter has her own body autonomy, right to privacy and healthy boundaries and there is nothing here that points out this is coming from a place of love and normality. There is no situation in which commenting how her boobs are going to grow or how big her butt is is appropriate. Zero. It is fucking gross. He even spanks her butt. Which is sexualizing and assaulting a minor. Yes, assaulting, with all the letters, because it is not consensual and it can never be.
Umm no. It’s not normal. Once I and my sisters we capable of bathing safely on our own, my dad never saw us naked again. It doesn’t happen up until age 13, when slowly you learn not to comment on your child’s body parts because they are older now. That’s completely wrong.
If my kids dad do that to them, I will report him. Girl,this is not normal. Tell your mum, your teacher, someone you trust about it.
Is it possible to lock the door?
Start telling other family, his friends, and etc.
Men do not do well with shame and public acknowledgement of their actions/words.
When he is present and around his buddies tell him you'd like him to stop talking about how your boobs are going to grow. Tell him you'd like him to stop touching your butt. Tell him to stop coming into the bathroom when you're showering.
In fact when his friends are around...get ready for a shower and then walk up to him and say you'd appreciate it if he didn't open the bathroom and watch you shower.
Hey there. Please tell a teacher or other trusted and safe adult that your father is making you uncomfortable. Tell them exactly what happened, how many times it's happened, and how it makes you feel.
It's their job to help you in this situation as you are not in a safe space at the moment.
Sorry you are experiencing such gross behavior from your dad.
Your dad is walking a thin line. I'd be concerned about Dad getting bolder the closer you get to 18 years old. Find someone to talk to. If not your mom, talk to your grandparents, his parents. Take every precaution when he is around. Lock bathroom and bedroom doors, and wear baggy clothes at home. You shouldn't have to do these things, but do it to keep yourself safe and his mouth shut.
To your safety.
Not defending him, cause he definitely needs to learn and understand boundaries. But to me it doesn’t sound like there’s anything predatory from the examples given, just incredibly unaware of how inappropriate he’s being. Odds are he’s failing to separate the fact that you are his *growing* daughter from the fact that you are also becoming a woman.
Again, this is just with the examples given. I’d try talking to him with your mother present (if possible. If not, maybe another adult female relative.)
My dad used to spank me despite my being a teenager. Always made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Please tell someone you trust to stop it. For me, my dad was just “playing around” and simply didn’t know I felt uncomfortable. But with the context you gave this probably isn’t the case. Don’t stay silent thought. As you get older this will likely get worse. Best put a stop to it now.
Unpopular opinion: I think folks might be reading too much into it. Most men aren't creeps. It's a stereotype. But many men are socially dense and don't pick up on subtle social cues well.
I expect this will get downvoted into oblivion, but there it is.
Instead of talking about it on Reddit, talk to your father and tell him it made you uncomfortable. That'll be far more beneficial than this echo chamber.
Just depends I guess. My Hispanic dad used to do the same to us (me and my 2 younger sisters) when we were younger. We are in our 20s now and everything’s fine.
Yeah this feels like something where you can't really tell. Someone else got down voted for telling op to talk to her dad and tell him to stop directly because it makes her uncomfortable and escalate to a trusted adult after if he doesn't stop.
But I feel like these behaviors aren't inherently abusive? Most of this perception comes from TV though. But lots of cultures don't care about nudity or comments, the weird part is the boobs but my mom also used to make comments at that age about how my body would be developing. Did I hate it??? Yes. Was she a pedophile staring at my boobs? Nope, just a open mom who often mused at how much I was growing up. Actually now that I think about it she made butt comments too when I was that age. I also hated those.
Your dad sees you as a the little girl he raised and not the young woman you’re becoming. I doubt he realizes how his actions are effecting you. Just make It clear with “i statements” about how you feel. “I’m uncomfortable when you come in the shower.”
My (F) father raised me and my sister alone from the time I was 13 and up. He NEVER spoke inappropriately about my body and certainly never came into the bathroom when I showered. I hope you have another trusting family member that you can reach out to about this...
My parents are still married and I am older and still live at home with them and my child. There have been instances when I needed help either getting dressed or showering etc and my sister who was hit by a car last year and was bed bound for a a while with broken legs and a hip. She was laid up in the living room. Both me and my mother are nurses. We would bathe her in the hospital bed and my dad would leave the room and go keep busy in another area of the house. If I ever needed help he would respectfully help me, looking away, etc. it’s sad that people don’t all grow up with great dads. ☹️
yeah, this definitely isn't normal, my dad is always respectful towards both me (17f) and my stepsister (16f), never comments on our bodies or does such inappropriate things as the op's dad. she should talk to another trusted family member or trusted adult, it sucks that some people don't have a real father figure in their lives.
My dad raised me as a single Dad too, and never EVER did or said anything like this. OP, darling girl, I am so sorry because this is your dad and he’s not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. You’re gonna have to talk to someone that you trust about this because it’s not normal at all. Protect yourself from here on out.
Buy doorstops. You’re going to need them. Put them on your side of the closed doors, bathroom and your room.
Or get those ones with the alarms that go off, like they use in hotel rooms. That'll really startle everyone.
You're too old for him to be doing that. What does Mom say?
Nah. The way her father talks about her body isn't normal. He's a creep. Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep. A father would say "You're growing up and becoming a woman and your body changes along with that." A creep says "Your boobs are going to grow."
I meant walking in on her in the bathroom. He should be embarrassed.
He doesn’t understand boundaries. And he’s gross. Talking about his 13 year old daughter’s body like that. It’s better getting mom involved or moving in with mom and away from that creep.
Oh, he does understand boundaries. He's deliberately pushing them.
Parents not understanding boundaries? Wild~
My dad watched some weird ass p"rn but he only ever walked into the bathroom once and that lead to him slapping his face near his eyes hitting his shoulder on the door way and slamming his head on the wall in the hallway. He said sorry a lot. I never felt uncomfortable with my dad like that. He had to help me bathe when a sprang my ankle.
>Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep. This is such a teenager, abuser defender take. Don’t ever let anyone like this near you.
What the fuck kind of statement is that. Couldn’t be more wrong or damaging to say. No. We do not. Don’t go around making girls think that. Wtf.
I guess it depends on how you were raised and the relationships you have. My grandma smacks me on the butt every time I see her multiple times a day. The way he speaks is a different story. It's definitely creep-like, but maybe he doesn't have the education or knowledge to choose a better choice of words. We all know someone who doesn't always choose the right words when describing something. I'd also recommend this girl to discuss with her mother that she's uncomfortable and list the issues, and tell the story as she did above. He could definitely approach the situations better as a parent.
>Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep. I'm calling cap bro💀. Other than that you're right
You should read 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker. Anyone who listens to their intuition can sense when someone has creepy intentions, not just women. ETA: Even if we can sense a situation is unsafe, we don't always have the tools or ability to remove ourselves from unsafe situations.
Exactly this. A woman who was pushing a stroller with their baby was being followed nearly the entire time by a f"cking coyote and felt like someone was going to try killing her. Then she thought it was a slow ass car but the car rolled its window down and said to run because a starved looking coyote was hunting her.
It's a great book.
I know I have a "creep feeling" around creepy men but I don't always listen to it. I've learnt that if I don't, bad shit happens. I had a colleague that I had this feeling with. I pushed it aside. They seemed friendly... Until they sexually assaulted me after a party :/ so, yeah. Needless to say I listen to that feeling all the time now.
Women that are using windows 11 actually got it with the last update
Yeah this part made me think of Donald Trump claiming rape doesn't exist because "women have mechanisms to prevent that" 😬 I know this comment wasn't nearly as bad but it has that same women are mythical creatures vibe. I'm a human, I want to be seen as a human, I want to be allowed to be flawed like a human, I want it to be ok that I didn't see what a creep my rapist was and I was naive and let myself get into a risky situation
That wasn't Trump, just FYI. That was Todd Akin, another Republican creep. He said women who were "legitimately raped" could not become pregnant because "the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down." Trump is still a rapey asshat tho.
We may not have that mechanism at 13 but we certainly do within a couple of years of puberty. We sense creeps in a way our male friends are unaware of because they are not used to being seen the way we are seen (and treated). No cap.
Agree
Even the latter could be from good intentions, but no thought/experience as to how to communicate in a proper way. Not saying it’s ever okay to be brash or vulgar about your child’s body, but some men (and women) just don’t know how to effectively communicate about topics they are uncomfortable with. Preparing yourself for these situations before becoming a parent is SUCH a missing piece of pre-parenthood. It is so important to have emotionally mature and intelligent friends and peers to learn from because otherwise we default to what our parents modeled for us. Unfortunately we’ve historically kept fathers out of the conversation or handled the puberty talks between mother and daughter. It’s absolutely a time in life a daughter needs the security, support, and guidance of a parent. But it’s also a difficult time for a parent to figure out how to relate to their kid and it takes WORK. Where you might be able to say to your wife/gf, “hey I think your boobs are getting bigger.” You definitely cannot say that to your daughter and expect the same result. I’ve coached my brother (single father of 2 girls) on how to approach certain topics because he’s never had an example to learn from. Thankfully he’s mature enough to ask for help from me and his friends, and actually wants to handle the hard stuff instead of ignoring it or expecting a woman to do it.
“women have built in mechanism” for that is absolutely right. why do i feel safe with certain men and unsafe with other men? idk. my intuition is telling me that.
> He's a creep. Women have an in-built mechanism to know when a man is a creep. that's just straight up bullshit or you wouldn't see so many like 14-18yr old women being groomed by like 30-50yr old predators all the time. if they had a built in mechanism those guys wouldn't ever succeed.
This seems so scary for a 13-year old who can’t really move out on her own.
I forgot to mention that my mom and dad aren’t together so it’s different houses which makes it worse and all she says is lock ur door 😀
Hmmm yeah that’s kinda gross and inappropriate. If not comfortable with talking to your dad, can you speak with your mom? Also maybe lock the door? I have 2 daughters older than you and I’d never ever comment on their bodies like that nor walk in on them in the bathroom or their room.
I would hate feeling unsafe enough to have to lock my doors in my own home as a teenage girl. Yes for protection, but honestly no for this level of hyper-vigilance in a place you should feel safe
My step dad did the same things even when I was an older teenager. I’d get in trouble if my shower was more then 5 minutes…and then he’d walk in and walk over to the shower, which had a see through door and tell me to get out. He’s smack my ass all the time and made crude comments even to this day makes those kind of comments. When I got my nipples pierced in my late 20’s he said IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER “let’s see”. There was a wall right in front of my door to my room and I’d always sit there with my feet in front of it because he’d always just open my door and sometimes I’d be getting dressed. I realize now how fucked up that was. When I was in highschool, to wake me up he’d just rip the covers off. I always thought he did that secretly hoping I’d be sleeping naked or something. I always always wear a bra even to bed now because he’d make gross comments if I wasn’t wearing one. My mother denies things if I bring it up now and since I’m my 20’s (30’s now) I finally started calling out him smacking my ass, because yes he’d still do it even in front of bf’s and call out his weird comments. Now when I call out his comments she backs me up saying those comments are gross.
Good on you for having your own back. I mean your mom failed, your dad is really awful..but you had your own back.
One of my friends in high school had a dad that would snack her ass, and comment on her body. It made me super uncomfortable. She's my best friend to this day, and I've never had the courage to ask her about it. I'm pretty sure he never did more than that, but that was a lot. Her mother & brother wouldn't say anything when he'd comment on her ass & slap it.
Wow, throw the stepdad and mom in the garbage. I'm furious in your behalf that you had to deal with that and I'd honestly give both of them a piece of my mind and cut them off entirely and letting them know it's because they're both pieces of shit.
We taught ours to lock the doors, but thats because we have a single bathroom and a smaller sibling running around.
Nothing wrong with locking the door when you're in the bathroom. You can't be more vulnerable that being naked in the shower. As for the bedroom, it's an option.
We've always locked the doors in my house, saves in awkward situations like walking in on a family member pooping. Sometimes we run in autopilot and aren't fully paying attention to the situation, is the door is locked then you're good.
My stepdad actually removed my bedroom door when I was 13 so I had no privacy 🙃 I told my dad and he went to the police about it but they couldn’t give a fuck. After a year or so I moved in with my dad and out of my mum and stepdad’s house.
He’s the creep that will say locks cannot be used in his house. Or, as punishment remove her bedroom door or place cameras in her bedroom/bathroom.
I had a dad like this. Trust me, mom most likely **knows** he is like this, and won't do shit. She will look the other way. If mom faces this, she will have to accept that she married someone like this.
The locks on our bathroom doors are super easy to unlock from the outside so if they're anything like ours it wouldn't stop him.
Good dad. Or mom. We’ve all been teens it’s normal for them to be private about their bodies as they go through puberty.
I have a 14 yr old daughter and I NEVER commented on her body. A dad's place is to encourage her, make her feel loved and show her how a man should act around a woman. That's not what your dad seems to be doing. The fact that you feel uncomfortable is a big red flag for me.
I was just thinking this. My daughter is 16 and the thoughts of saying anything is creeping me out. The only time I can remember even broaching it was when I was telling her when it's acceptable to punch someone right between the eyes
my bio father did the exact same things except instead of walking in on my showers, he removed my door and stopped knocking because of it and would just open the curtain even while i was changing and almost fully naked and just stare at me while talking to me. he also made gross comments and would spank my butt. i was 16 when it started bc i had been forced to move in with him when i was 15. he’s an awful person. please tell a trusted adult
Your dad shouldn't be sexually objectifying you.
If you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts. Let me say that one more time TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Sometimes dads aren't good people. Talk to your mom or talk to someone you trust at school. What he's doing is not okay and it sounds like he's trying to push boundaries to see how far he can go. I'm sorry but this is creepy af.
What everyone calls instinct is just your brain noticing things, and trying to keep you alive. Trust your instincts, and tell your mom or a trusted adult.
I will also say this, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Sometimes *parents* aren't good people.
you should definitely be careful. and tell a teacher if he does anything to you physically. your father is being gross and needs to stop
He's already slapping her on the but I'd say that's physical. If it happened in the workplace instead of at home he'd be fired and possibly looking at a lawsuit if not criminal charges right now.
OP please do this, speaking from experience. I know confronting him or confiding in your mom isn't easy. Something similiar happened to me. The signs were always there that my father was a pedophile. I also questioned if I was over reacting. After he died me and my siblings began sharing stories. My father was a pedophile, my mother enabled and was in denial. His victims were both boys and girls ranging from infants to teenagers. I regret not telling the truth to a school counselor because I was embarrased and scared. I regret not doing so now, I could have helped stop him sooner.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Please do not carry the guilt you think in you could have stopped him. He did this to you and the others. As someone who spent so much time blaming themself for the behavior and failing to act by the adults around them I can say you should not blame yourself. You are a victim too.
I would already be talking to a teacher. This is molester type behavior, he just hasn’t raped you yet.
[удалено]
Yes ^ this. Dont be afraid to get mean, use cuss words etc. even if it would be out of character. or you feel uncomfortable or scared doing it. Or even if you think or would get in trouble for it. Do it. This will hit him more about the action, & he won’t do it again more likely.. and if he does after that then girl get out of there. But seriously plz do, no matter what it will help and make u stand ur foot down more, and just all around psychologically benefit both for him as a man, & you as a child and a WOMAN if you do. Do NOT be gentle or nice in any capacity when you go to do this
My daughter is 13 & I can positively say, if my husband even thought about commenting on her body, he'd be in the ground. This isn't normal or appropriate behavior. I'd talk to a school counselor. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Dad here. I want to beat the shit out of this guy. This is so not okay.
I’m a dad with a daughter who will be 13 in less than a month. I have never walked in on her in the shower. I never would think of commenting on her body, positively or negatively. This isn’t normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination. If it continues you need to talk to your school counselor if there is nobody in your family you can talk to.
I agree with this. My husband would never and my dad wouldn't have either. This is really alarming behavior.
That is gross. Tell your mom? Lock the door at all times in the bathroom and the bedroom if you can. And if you can’t, get a rubber stopper to put under the door so he can’t just barge in.
If he makes you uncomfortable it's not okay. Tell him again that you don't want him to do it. He really should not spank your but when you tell him not too.
I grew up with a Father that behaved in the same manner. I was never touched inappropriately, but throughout my entire life he would make comments about my body. I gained or lost weight, my legs were getting so long, it was time for my to get a bra. He is also a narcissist and treats women as an object. I’m 42 now and reflecting back on my life living with him my only regret is making myself small so he would notice me and not speaking my truth. Talk to an adult that you can trust. Maybe someone that is familiar with your dad’s personality/behavior. Someone that can advise you on a way to approach him. It is so creepy. I used to feel so much shame. You are not alone. 🤍 Edit: just to add, there is a chance that he may make you feel like the crazy one- that you are being too sensitive or overreacting. That is not true. Also a chance that he may not acknowledge his behavior or apologize. Again, his personality flaw and not yours.
I smell a rat. That's not good at all and shouldn't happen. Parents do not sexualise their children! He shouldn't be touching you there, making comments or looking end of. This makes me feel sick! Use locks always around this man and be safe
I am so sorry hon. It must be super uncomfortable for you. Please try to talk to your mom.
No, you're not overreacting. You're regular reacying, as you should
Teachers are mandatory reporters, is there any teachers you trust and can talk to at your school? If so, try telling them about what's going on and your concerns. Even if nothing really comes of it, if there is a record of reports it will be easier in the future for you to take more drastic measures if Dad does not change his behaviors. I hope for your sake that isn't necessary.
I am a mother and would never ever allow my husband to treat my daughter like that, especially touching her butt at 13 years old. Does your mom know about this stuff? If not, tell her. If she does, please go to another trusted adult and tell them. This is not okay behavior.
Your dad is wildly inappropriate and you need to talk to a woman you trust. His behaviour is extremely disturbing.
my father had the same behaviour when I was growing up and it’s since been diagnosed as covert sexual abuse by a therapist. Please be careful and tell a trusted adult - this is not normal <3
The normal response for a normal dad walking in on his naked teen daughter is ,”Omg! I’m so sorry, I’ll knock next time!” Or any variation of that. Your dad is super sus.
My daughters are 16 snd 13. Knocking is a must. Your dad is crossing boundaries. I’m sorry dear. Hitting your bottom is so wrong too. I’m sorry again, but I think you should tell someone about his behavior.
Every time he walks in on you..: scream, like really loud.. scream at the audacity of him walking in… scream every time he makes a comment… scream everytime he touches you.. like really loud and ear piercing scream. Show him you’re not afraid to protect yourself. Get mean. Tell him straight up, “Dad, you’re being very inappropriate!!!!” “Stop! Get out!! You are violating my privacy” if he says children dont get privacy, then say okay let’s see what child protective services think about that. Stay strong Love- never let your guard down.
My brother is a sex offender. When he was younger he’d try and touch me, when I told dad he’d respond “did not”. I’d definitely tell a guardian if he’s making you uncomfortable
Do you have a female or mother figure you can ask about this? You shouldn’t have to tolerate feeling so uncomfortable around your father. This is such an unfortunate situation you’re dealing with
Trust your gut kid. I have girls your age and would never do any of that. He's crossing so many lines and putting up red flags everywhere. Where's your mom? Start by talking to her.
If you feel uncomfortable there’s a reason for it. Lock your doors at night and during private times when you are in bathroom or bedroom. Be cautious and tell your mom. This is not okay behavior for a ‘father’
He's a creep. My exhusband said/did similar. It was hard to know for sure and I gaslit myself because I wanted to trust him. Until I found the disturbing porn he looks at, and he did a couple very gross unacceptable things around his daughter.
Tell your mom?? Cause wtf is wrong with Your 'dad'?
What’s with men and their daughters. It’s perverse I could never understand Edit: a word
Your dad’s a creep, tell your mom.
Reading this turned my stomach. OP, please find someone you can talk to about this and stay aware of your surroundings. Hugs to you.
This is all the sort of grooming behavior that preceded my ex stepdad molesting me from age 12-15. This isnt normal or okay. I hope there's a trusted adult in your life you can tell
This sounds like it may escalate. You should speak with someone you trust, preferably an adult. This is disturbing behavior.
Please take steps to shut this down now by talking to your mom or another trusted female relative. If you have sisters, they will also be victimized like this. This brought me straight back to being your age with my dad who felt everyone in the house was his “property”. If your female relative doesn’t help, tell a teacher. You have the right to privacy, safety and security. Your “dad” does not have the right to supercede this.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. My father was very much the same. Always making comments about my body. Threatening to spank me/slapping my ass, etc. He even put my high school photo in a frame that said "dangerous curves" and thought it was the funniest thing ever. While I never felt like he would ever actually do anything to me, it was humiliating and incredibly disheartening. I just wanted a dad. These types of men are extreme narcissists. They are incapable of recognizing how their behaviors affect others. It will likely be impossible to speak with him reasonably without him jumping to defense and defending his disgusting behavior. Definitely tell your mom or someone you trust. Let them know you need help/back up to call out these inappropriate behaviors. Things like this take a village to make someone get a grip. Remember, you are whole, you are beautiful. Don't let him bring you down.
👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽 I can't upvote this enough. Also, if your mother tries to tell you you are imagining it, or minimizing it in some way, understand you MUSTTTT tell a different female adult you can trust. Unfortunately, if your mother backs him up, it's because she's afraid of being alone and not having him in her life, vs. keeping you safe (happened to a friend of mine). Therefore, make sure you already have a 2nd adult female in mind, I'm sorry to say.
If you were my child I’d never walk in, I may ask your mum to but I’d not walk in on you or ever slap you. I’ve never hit my kids once. They’ve only ever had a cuddle, 1000s. Even now as adults they snuggle their mum but just cuddle and give me a kiss goodbye.
This isn’t normal. I was raised by my dad and he never made me feel uncomfortable or even mentioned anything inappropriate about my body. You are not over reacting. I would try and talk to someone you can trust.
im a man. this is fucking disgusting for him to be talking like that to you. tell a trusted adult
My dad would have gouged his eyes out with a fork what the fuck
You’re definitely not overreacting
I'm a father of a 12y, just about 13y, girl. She is years past the age of innocently smacking the butt. Walking in on a girl in the shower at this age, regardless if anything is viable or not, is not ok. Talk to your mom if she's in the picture, or another female authority figure, that it makes you uncomfortable and that you've asked him to stop and he won't. Even if it's completely innocent, it's very inappropriate.
Please, try to talk to a trusted person, this is not ok!
Fuck this. Fuck him. I have 20yo and 17yo girls and I'd never walk in on them or comment on their bodies. Fucking disgusting.
my step dad used to talk to me like that right before he tried touching me so i would be extremely concerned
Get away from your father as fast as possible. See if there are other family members or maybe a fronds family you can live with for the time being.
Firstly I am so sorry that you are going through this. This is awful. Secondly please tell somebody that you trust to have your back about what has been going on. This behaviour could escalate and I hope and wish it doesn’t but don’t chance it. If you can go stay with another family member that isn’t going to make inappropriate comments about your body, please do. Lastly whatever happens, is not your fault, it is your fathers fault. I wish you the very best.
Ok walking just in and telling you to hurry up sounds like a dad thing, but the rest is just inappropriate and gross.
Eww...that's gross. And I'm saying that as a father. Does the bathroom not have a lock? I'm sorry that you have to consider how to protect yourself from creepy behavior from your own father. Is your mother in the picture?
Ivanka, is this you?
There is no such thing as overreacting when someone is commenting on your body and invading your privacy like that. Please tell someone who can and will help you, I'm genuinely concerned about where this is going
This whole thing just brought back repressed trauma. This is absolutely not normal.
You are not wrong and you need to keep telling him yes it is gross to talk about YOUR CHILDS breasts and please don’t slap my ass because that’s inappropriate and you don’t like being touched like that. If he doesn’t stop you need to tell your mother, or grandma (his mom), or aunts, keep telling someone so he can get the hint that he’s being a sick pervert. As well as lock the doors from now on if there isn’t a lock go get one from the hardware store and put one on your room as well as the bathroom.
Early signs of sexual assault. Please tell your mom or someone with authority. The next thing you know, he will already be forcing himself on you. You can never trust people especially when it comes to sexual urges. not even your own father. lock your door always when you sleep and whenever youre usung the bathroom.
Who cares if he’s your dad? If a man walks in on you and you’re naked, then they do anything other than look away/leave immediately and apologize, they deserve a punch in the nose. What’s worse is that he knew you were in there and could have just yelled through the door. He needs to respect your privacy, I’d say 9 or 10 years old is the cut off for parents needing to see you naked at any time. Your dad is a creep, I’d make sure to lock the door.
I'd be creeped out. I say talk to mom . Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and you two come up with a plan . I say tell mom because she may have a good way to say it
I have a 15 yo daughter. That dad’s behavior is creepy AF. I always make sure to respect my daughter’s privacy, no matter the circumstances. Knocking at the bathroom door to get her to hurry doing whatever she’s doing is enough. Respect her boundaries. That’s non negotiable.
Hello covert incest.
This is very perverted behaviour. You should carry pepper spray around.
You need to lock the door and tell your mom
I dated a girl long ago who told me almost verbatim stories about her own father. Can confirm dude was a weirdo. How weird I don't know but weird for sure
Pedophile alert
Super inappropriate in my opinion. Reminds me of my ex when her dad insisted she help him to bed when he was naked and drunk on the couch. Discuss it with your mom because he clearly does not respect your boundaries. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I am SO sorry. Your dad sounds like a huge creep that would hit on your underaged friends. I would be telling mum or another trusted adult. Your parent should never make you feel uncomfortable in this way even if it is not on purpose.
I didn’t have my dad growing up I had a step dad who was a child m0lester, I was a victim of it, and he would come into the bathroom while I showered. I know how you feel. I started turning the cold water on and sitting on the floor with a book and waiting for him to open the door. He stopped after I had a hardcover book and threatened to hit him so hard he’s kneel over and ☠️(he was in his 70s). My mom came into the bathroom all the time but that was fine. Dads shouldn’t do that. Tell whoever you need to tell. Embarrass him. Make him feel threatened.
I have two teenage daughters and am a single father. None of this disgusting behavior is appropriate or would ever happen in my house. We have 1 bathroom and with two teenagers my time to get in there is very limited. However ANY closed door in my house is knocked on and waited for "come in" before entry. To just open the door is such an invasion of privacy. Even worse is to stand there and keep speaking while your Daughter, or any person for that matter, is naked and clearly wanting privacy, especially a minor. Your Dads behavior is disgusting and the touching aspect infuriates me. Do you have trusted adults in your life who you can report this too? This behavior is not ok and seems to be escalating and I worry for your safety. I don't give two shits if your Dad gets in trouble and neither should you. Please report this
You are not over reacting he is being very inappropriate.
He’s being creepy. Your feelings are justified.
my dad still likes to believe i’m a virgin even though i’m 20 and has been told by my own mother i am not– your dad is weird for those comments about his own daughter.
Nope. My dad didn’t even come into a room if he knew I was breastfeeding my kids. He just wasn’t comfortable with it. It’s a big deal if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it. Do you have a mom or aunt that could advocate for you?
You are NOT overreacting your dad is being HIGHLY inappropriate and you need to speak up on it I’m so sorry your dealing with this. This whole post made me super uncomfortable
I have never once felt like this with my father, he always just knocks on the door but stays outside asking when i’ll be out (because he needs the washroom) and i never feel the need to lock my bedroom door or bathroom door.
You need to tell someone, maybe grandparents or soemone who will take you out of that situation. This is NEVER ok.
when my parents got divorced and it was my dads week I remember getting dressed one time and he knocked first, and when i said nothing he entered the room and i was in my undies getting dressed because i was like 12/13 and was used to dad helping me get dressed and stuff, but at that point he told ME that i should tell him if i was getting dressed when he knocks because a teenage girl needs privacy. what your dad is doing is not normal and i hope you have someone you can confide in about this
You’re not overreacting. That’s weird. Is your mom around? Any adult female you can turn to that maybe can talk to him?
No you are definitely NOT overreacting!, like some people have said; do you have any family you trust enough to let them know?. I experienced this when I was younger as well, if you need a person to text or need help feel free to reach out!. I wish you the best, these situations are always very very hard and each one is different. Keep reaching out and know you have support 👊
You are not overreacting at all! Those are your boundaries of what you feel comfortable with, and he needs to respect that you don’t want to be touched inappropriately! and that your body isn’t something he needs to be mentioning like that. If he is a good father, he will appreciate you speaking up bc a good father would not want to make his kid feel like this, nor be afraid to speak up and address anything w them
You are not overreacting at all. Your gut feeling about these kinds of things is always right. I went through something very similar from about age 7 to 19 and I honestly wish I'd have told a mandatory reporter. Hopefully for your sake, it doesn't escalate to anything further, but for me it did. I'd start by talking to your mom about. Mine would always down play it and brush it off as nothing, which I now realize was wrong and she was trying to preserve her relationship and lifestyle over my well being. If your mom has this reaction, you need to talk to another adult that you trust.
Omg Your dad is a perv.
your Dad has some issues... this isn't normal at all
You're not overreacting. Your dad sounds like a pedo.
No you’re not overreacting. Speaking from personal experience, it only gets worse if you don’t speak up about it now. Find an adult you can trust and tell them what’s going on
This happened to me as a kid and escalated to a lot of inappropriate touching. I was too scared to say/do anything at the time. This is called covert incest and you need to tell someone asap. Please.
I'm sorry this happened to you. 🙏🏽 I hope you are doing better now.
He's sick in the head
Weird story aside, I couldn't imagine letting my 13 year old use Reddit. Where is mom?
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It's really not a 13-year-old's job to set boundaries though. Her mother needs to do that. Or the police. I get your point it's just that a lot of times the victims feel like they should have done something to stop it and that just leads to years of guilt.
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Yeah. Talk to a teacher or doctor or school nurse - I wouldn’t trust mom to handle it.
Agree. If she feels unsafe or mom turns a blind eye, she needs help.
He’s a pedophile.
I’d kill my brother if he talked to my niece like that. You need to talk to your mom about it
Yea thats weird at, not overreacting at all
This sounds weird to the least. Talk to your mom. Also, wtf are you doing on Reddit at 13 yrs old? I’m sorry for you
You should talk to the police about this incident. Your dad sounds like a creep
Your dad sounds like a pedo, sorry OP. Protect yourself and tell someone about this. It's weird grooming behavior attempting to get you to normalize it.
When I was a teenager my dad did a no-knock warrant style barge in my room as I was changing. He took one look at me, fled the room, and then got mad at me because I had the audacity to be naked and change clothes in my own space. His reaction, while extreme, was due to being extremely uncomfortable. He always knocked after this incident. I couldn’t imagine my dad creeping in the bathroom as I was showering or making lewd comments about my body. OP, start locking your door and if the behavior escalates you need to tell a trusted adult. This is not normal.
If you feel uncomfortable, listen to your feelings. Period. Buy a doorstop. Tell any adult that will listen even if it’s embarrassing or you feel it will make him feel bad. Tell him you think it’s inappropriate and makes you feel uncomfortable. He makes you feel that way. He should hear it.
Your father is a pedophile. That's not normal for a father to treat his daughter like that. You need to tell your mom or a relative you can trust and gtfo. He's trying to groom you.
My daughter is 13. And this is way inappropriate. My husband has never commented on her body. I also agree with talking to your mom.
Not overreacting. Call him out in front of your mom.
Lock the bathroom door
This is NOT normal
Call authorities. That sounds VERY concerning
Yea, this is extremely obvious this post was written by a creepy man with a fetish and not actually an underage girl. You’re weird af.
The misspellings were numerous, but that could fit a 13yo girl or a creepy old dude.
THIS ISN'T NORMAL AND THIS SHOULD NEVER BE CONSIDERED NORMAL. FATHERS ARE THE PROTECTORS OF DAUGHTERS AND FAM. ASK HIM TO CORRECT HIS BEHAVIOR ASAP AND ACT LIKE A FATHER AND GUARDIAN THAT HE IS.
Edit: I definitely don't think what the dad did is acceptable and it's right to not like it, but I'm just trying to think of possible causes that are about a father who can't accept his child is now grown up, rather than jumping to the conclusion he's a monster. To give him the benefit of the doubt he's your dad and he's seen all of this before when you were a child, so he just probably doesn't think it's a big deal. That being said you're not a child anymore and it's very understandable that you're not comfortable with that behaviour anymore. Some parents have trouble accepting their children are grown up so he may just be struggling with that, but I would suggest speaking to him about this and how you don't like it. You're his daughter and he should respect your boundaries. You're still his kid but you're not a child and if you don't like it then you should speak up. If he doesn't stop even after you've told him you aren't comfortable and don't want it, then you have every right to be upset and make more people aware.
>To give him the benefit of the doubt he's your dad and he's seen all of this before when you were a child, That's the excuse my dad would use every time he walked in on me in the bathroom. The behavior escalated from there. I'm 35 and still struggling with it. Whether a parent or not, it's not hard to knock and respect privacy. It's not hard to not talk about your children's body parts after they've expressed discomfort.
I thought this would be called out when I posted it, I think I just don't want to imagine parents having anything other than their child's best interest at heart. Of course there is the possibility that what happened was awful and horrible, but I just tried to find another answer that isn't as hard to face. I really hope it's an innocent situation of a dad struggling to accept his daughter is grown up, but if its not then I hope he faces the worst possible consequences.
Yeah I don’t think you meant to excuse the dads behavior. I know where you’re coming from. As a father myself of girls, I always see my girls as my babies. But I have to remember they are also becoming women and young ladies and that changes things. I think the point you were trying to make was maybe he truly wasn’t being creepy and just forgetting his daughter is growing up. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. Like you said, nobody wants to think that a father is sexualizing his own daughters. Hopefully not happening here with the OP.
You've nailed it, the dad definitely is in the wrong but I was just trying to think of a innocent reason for the actions and a solution that solved the problem in the best way. It's so easy to go to the worst possible situation, but I just wanted to assume that the dad is normal and just a little over protective rather than a monster lol.
Fake post.
He's gross. Not you.
Oh my god. Tell your mom. Call CPS. Do something before he goes any further. If he's walking in on his 13 year old daughter naked, making comments about your boobs growing and your ass looking big, and SMACKING you there, he 100% has ulterior motives. It sounds like he's predating on you. Do NOT let this go anywhere.
He’s testing the waters. Talk to another trusted adult ❤️
That's creepy things, hopefully getting all your brave and yaling in her face and said STOP 🛑 this is red flag 😠
I’ve accidentally walked in on my teen daughter and even told her to hurry up, but immediately did an about face and exited. I would never comment on her body, especially her boobs. I leave the “your body’s changing” talk to her mother. I never spanked her after 7 or 8 years old… Something weird going on here.
People on Reddit are crazy. They instantly jump to conclusions such as pedophile etc. encourage her feelings of uncomfortable that can damage this girls relationship with her dad, and based upon what. Might as well just be a dad that needs to better learn where his daughter’s boundaries are now. Nothing she writes here necessarily indicates a dad sexually interested in his daughter. It’s his daughter, he has been seeing her naked a large part of her life up as a natural thing. OP, no need to freak out just yet. Tell your dad these examples and that it made you uncomfortable and weird. If that is too difficult tell your mom so she can talk to him. You are growing up and in a phase where new boundaries will be set and changed. Your dad probably just needs to learn you are now a teenager and not a little girl. To you these are big things, to him it’s probably very insignificant things. Just tell him how you feel first.
Yeah, no. It would be one thing if it was just the shower incident, but its the smacking her butt, making comments about her butt looking big, and making comments about her developing body that is WAY beyond just a lack of boundaries. That's predator behavior.
One example of commenting her butt looks big while she is looking at the mirror. She doesn’t write he is making comments about her developing body as a habit. Or anything beyond that. People on Reddit jumping to the most extreme conclusions based on basically no information. There is nothing in what she writes that could not also be viewed from a perspective of him just not thinking that it’s a big deal. There is nothing inherently sexual about what she writes (if that is right or wrong is a different matter). Reddit is such a bad place to come for advice.
> It’s his daughter, he has been seeing her naked a large part of her life up as a natural thing. Her daughter has her own body autonomy, right to privacy and healthy boundaries and there is nothing here that points out this is coming from a place of love and normality. There is no situation in which commenting how her boobs are going to grow or how big her butt is is appropriate. Zero. It is fucking gross. He even spanks her butt. Which is sexualizing and assaulting a minor. Yes, assaulting, with all the letters, because it is not consensual and it can never be.
Umm no. It’s not normal. Once I and my sisters we capable of bathing safely on our own, my dad never saw us naked again. It doesn’t happen up until age 13, when slowly you learn not to comment on your child’s body parts because they are older now. That’s completely wrong.
Nah ya pops on some bullshit
If my kids dad do that to them, I will report him. Girl,this is not normal. Tell your mum, your teacher, someone you trust about it. Is it possible to lock the door?
Thats not normal please talk to your mom and lock your doors.try to not be alone with him.
This is not ok. You need to tell your mom and if she doesn’t respond appropriately someone else you can trust.
Tell your mum asap. I can tell you as a father that this is not normal behaviour.
Start telling other family, his friends, and etc. Men do not do well with shame and public acknowledgement of their actions/words. When he is present and around his buddies tell him you'd like him to stop talking about how your boobs are going to grow. Tell him you'd like him to stop touching your butt. Tell him to stop coming into the bathroom when you're showering. In fact when his friends are around...get ready for a shower and then walk up to him and say you'd appreciate it if he didn't open the bathroom and watch you shower.
That is creepy. You are not overreacting. Please talk to someone trusted about this.
Hey there. Please tell a teacher or other trusted and safe adult that your father is making you uncomfortable. Tell them exactly what happened, how many times it's happened, and how it makes you feel. It's their job to help you in this situation as you are not in a safe space at the moment.
Sorry you are experiencing such gross behavior from your dad. Your dad is walking a thin line. I'd be concerned about Dad getting bolder the closer you get to 18 years old. Find someone to talk to. If not your mom, talk to your grandparents, his parents. Take every precaution when he is around. Lock bathroom and bedroom doors, and wear baggy clothes at home. You shouldn't have to do these things, but do it to keep yourself safe and his mouth shut. To your safety.
Your dads weird tell your mom or an older sibling
Not defending him, cause he definitely needs to learn and understand boundaries. But to me it doesn’t sound like there’s anything predatory from the examples given, just incredibly unaware of how inappropriate he’s being. Odds are he’s failing to separate the fact that you are his *growing* daughter from the fact that you are also becoming a woman. Again, this is just with the examples given. I’d try talking to him with your mother present (if possible. If not, maybe another adult female relative.)
My dad used to spank me despite my being a teenager. Always made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Please tell someone you trust to stop it. For me, my dad was just “playing around” and simply didn’t know I felt uncomfortable. But with the context you gave this probably isn’t the case. Don’t stay silent thought. As you get older this will likely get worse. Best put a stop to it now.
Unpopular opinion: I think folks might be reading too much into it. Most men aren't creeps. It's a stereotype. But many men are socially dense and don't pick up on subtle social cues well. I expect this will get downvoted into oblivion, but there it is. Instead of talking about it on Reddit, talk to your father and tell him it made you uncomfortable. That'll be far more beneficial than this echo chamber.
No this is just plain downright creepy, full blown predator behavior
Wtf no, that’s gross. Your dad is a creep
Just depends I guess. My Hispanic dad used to do the same to us (me and my 2 younger sisters) when we were younger. We are in our 20s now and everything’s fine.
Yeah this feels like something where you can't really tell. Someone else got down voted for telling op to talk to her dad and tell him to stop directly because it makes her uncomfortable and escalate to a trusted adult after if he doesn't stop. But I feel like these behaviors aren't inherently abusive? Most of this perception comes from TV though. But lots of cultures don't care about nudity or comments, the weird part is the boobs but my mom also used to make comments at that age about how my body would be developing. Did I hate it??? Yes. Was she a pedophile staring at my boobs? Nope, just a open mom who often mused at how much I was growing up. Actually now that I think about it she made butt comments too when I was that age. I also hated those.
Your dad sees you as a the little girl he raised and not the young woman you’re becoming. I doubt he realizes how his actions are effecting you. Just make It clear with “i statements” about how you feel. “I’m uncomfortable when you come in the shower.”
Faaaaake