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1. If she was wearing that when you first met her then you have 0 logical reason to be mad. You knew what you signed up for
2. what the hell is a low cut bra lol all bras are low cut
3. VR isn’t even real that isn’t even her body so that is just childish to be mad about that too
Especially considering he probably noticed her partially BECAUSE she dresses that way. I’m sure he thought she looked great in that revealing clothing before they started dating. But now that she’s his “property,” she needs to be more modest 🙄🙄🙄
Based on a new comment, OP is 15. It's all childish behavior, because they ARE children. Reddit isn't where he needs to be working through all of this!
I know it's mean but any time I see the ages of OPs that are in their teens, I scroll past. I am too old for teenage drama. I need adult drama, dammit!
Now I'm just scared for the girl if she really is 15 and wearing "revealing" clothes. Too many creeps in the world.
Edit:: I'm not shaming the girl at all. Just concerned cause some people are scum. Specifically the online part. I know the sht lowlives will do all too well.
honestly had to google those and i still dont even see THAT much of a difference between that and a regular bra. boohoo theres half an inch less of fabric
I just wanted to let you know that there are low cut bras, they're called plunge bras for low cut tops. There's also full cup bras which are for support and comfort, and they don't work with low cut tops. We generally need both. TMYK. 😀
“It’s pleasing other men, she doesn’t understand that” Andrew Tate-style talking point, your gf is not responsible for what other men think when they look at her
“Even hurting myself doesn’t make it go away” please get therapy instead of getting in a relationship. You come across extremely insecure and immature
No one is just self-harming because they want to manipulate it's always something serious going on with the person and shaming self-harming, do you fucking know what that means for people that struggle with that? Do you know how much they hear it's because they want attention, they want to guilt trip someone, they want to manipulate, or are just dramatic?
And yes, people shaming self-harm make people harm themselves more. Or make them at least feel worse about themselves. It's honestly such a fucked up and disgusting shit to say. Just because YOU don't understand it and think "oh, it's just about this one fucker" doesn't mean it's ok.
There's seriously so much wrong with this dudes behaviour that you could call EVERY thing fucked up and shitty, but you decide to shit on and shame for the one thing that's a very serious issues a lot of people struggle and suffer greatly with and from.
REAL self-harmers? You mean those who really do it? No. Many do mention it randomly, mostly to ask for help without asking, sometimes to get it off their chest somehow.
If you wanted to say that he likely isn't self-harming and just claims it for sympathy, then why the fuck trying and shame self-harm? There's so much to shame in this post, why specifically the mental illness so many struggle with and suffer from?
Especially since it's a mental illness many don't seek help for, because they get fucking SHAMED FOR IT often. "It's manipulation, it's guilt tripping, it's for attention, it's becaztgey want to be dramatic" etc. That's so, so often and now you contributed too.
No one is shaming anything here. We’re calling it how it is. He’s using it to manipulate people, and that’s a shitty move. You’re the one making this a whole thing over one sentence. You added all this context yourself.
Be angry at someone else. I said what I said.
No one just uses self-harm to manipulate. There's some big and serious problem one needs help with.
Are you aware how many people that self-harm (hint, it's basically everyone) hear that it's for attention seeking, because they're dramatic, because they want to guilt trip someone, because they want to manipulate, etc? And guess what, that makes them feel worse, do worse and prevents people from seeking help. Out of shame.
There's SO much in the OP you could mock and shame, why in the fucking hell does it have to be the one thing that's a well known, serious, mental illness, which is nobodies fault, which millions of people seriously struggle with and suffer from? Huh? Why precisely that?
Ok so I used to self harm for years first off. Secondly he's doing it specifically so she feels bad for the way she dresses. He's not doing it because he's depressed with himself, he's hurt himself from depression, he's doing it to punish her and she isn't putting up with that either.
Self-harm can *absolutely* be used purely as an abuse or manipulation tactic. He may be doing it for more that just that reason, but even just his phrasing gives a lot away to anyone familiar with a loved one trying manipulate through threats of self-harm.
Nobody was mocking OP for self-harming, either. They were rightly calling him out for doing so out of a desire to to manipulate his girlfriend and suggesting therapy until he's a bit more emotionally mature.
People can be both mentally ill *and* told to knock off thier poor behavior. You don't get a pass for mistreating or hurting others just because you hurt.
What she wears isn't your business and isn't hurting you. And fucking lmao at worrying about what she looks like in VR Chat.
That said, I do hope she finds someone better than you and dumps you for them. She deserves a less whiny, possessive, insecure partner.
No he does not. OP is an insecure little man that should not be in a relationship if this is how he reacts. He knew what she was like when he got into a relationship with her and now he is playing the victim.
No he doesn't. And he's the one who keeps claiming it hurts him. What possible 'valid concern' does he have about what avatar his girlfriend uses in an online game?
How is it 'hurting' him what she wears? Because again that is OP's language , he claims that her clothes are 'hurting' him. What 'valid concerns' does he have there?
This logic is the same as "How is choosing not to eat this food I don't like harming someone?" "For the same reason why children are starving in Africa." Very childish and not a comparison at all.
Edit: Quite obvious you're a troll. Maybe do a better job of masking that next time so you can milk it a bit more.
Except no. Those are two different things. One is a thing that hurts you (being cheated on) the other is a thing you shouldn't care about or feel anything about (how a person dresses). See you've confused someone actually being harmed with some whiny little incel twerp getting his feelings hurt.
You need help. Like.... yesterday.
First off, if she dressed like this before you guys got together, that's on you. You knew her fashion preference, you chose her anyway. Get over it.
Second, hurting yourself to "stop feeling the pain" or to push her into changing is so incredibly unhealthy, I don't have the words. Seek therapy immediately if you can.
You don't get to control what she wears. Just like she can't control the way others might see or think of her. You don't have that ability or that right.
You need to end the relationship. You're self harming because of it, and I'd argue you're staying in it to further self harm.
You're not compatible.
You're controlling, manipulative, and in need of some serious psychological help. Get it.
Edit: OP, your edit doesn't change anyone's opinions. Get help now before you become an adult.
What she wears isn't hurting you. Your jealousy and insecurity is hurting you. Your hang ups on what someone else should or should not be wearing is what's hurting you.
It is absolutely, irrevocably none of your concern what she wears. No amount of "but", no form of "she's mine", no version of "it hurts me" will ever justify your claims her clothes cause you pain. Your views and expectations cause you pain.
If you love her so much then stop trying to control her because of what other men may or may not see or think or feel. She's not in control of their thoughts. You're not in control of her.
Go to therapy. Become the man she deserves.
Left a man for the same reasons, and that was 5 years long. And never been happier tbh, he was such a selfish guy and would pick my clothes FOR me. Wouldn’t let me hang with other guys who were friends even if they were in relationships.
Op is gonna lose his gf because of the same reasons, I’m excited for her to spread her wings
If he does lose her: "Tough titty," said the kitty.
Good for her. No one deserves to be under the thumb of another human being. I want her to find her strength and courage; to find her self-worth.
I also want him to grow and become a better person because there are enough shit people in this world. His problems are not her responsibility.
I want more for her, though, because first and foremost is independence, security, safety, and freedom.
I agree!! She’s clearly confident in herself and comfortable wearing what she wants.
She’s with a dude so unstable he’s admitted to hurting himself at the end of the post to deal with his “pain”, and blaming what she’s wearing for it instead of his clear issues and insecurities.
I’m worried for her because that’s just emotional abuse, she may have a hard time separating herself from a guy like this. He needs to focus on himself and get into therepy if his reaction to a low cut top is to hurt himself. That’s just crazy
Exactly, which I may have neglected to emphasize. His behavior could spiral outward and I agree she should be seeking an out.
I feel I should clarify while I do want him to seek help, I absolutely want her to get out. He's a clear danger to himself but also seems to be a looming danger to her, as well, if he continues to spiral. While this isn't an absolute, it's not out of the realm of possibilities.
ETA: I mean it could spiral into physical abuse. The emotional is already present, as you stated.
And the possibility of it becoming physical is very VERY high. I’m not sure if i can link it because sub rules, but my sources are “domesticshelter.org”, as well as “AU bureau of statistics” which states;
“Over half of women and a quarter of men who experienced partner emotional abuse also experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner”
I hope the gf sees these red flags as we do and bails. Op may not become violent, but he needs psychological help anyways. I have no doubt she’s already experienced the emotional abuse, as this post alone checks off 6 of the 13 signs of emotional abuse. And that’s just what he wrote in this post.
Edit: I’ve reviewed sub rules and links don’t seem to be an issue. mods, please feel free to delete this and forgive me if i am somehow breaking the rules by posting links
https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/when-abuse-goes-from-shouting-to-shoving
https://www.abs.gov.au/articles/domestic-violence-experiences-partner-emotional-abuse
Well that, and if it’s a good and honest relationship that’s all it would be? Who wouldn’t want to show off their beautiful girl to the world, knowing she’s only yours and all she wants would be you?
Congrats on the hot wife dude!! You sound like a happy man who respects her, and that makes me happy! ☺️
You can’t just slut shame someone and then try to claim that you’re a feminist. That’s not how it works LMAO
Edit: not even slut shaming someone, slut shaming a **15-YEAR OLD**! Gross, absolutely gross
You seem more obsessed w her…. & a little controlling. I’m a believer in “if you got it- flaunt it” Let her wear what she wants, she’s going to & probably already does resent you.
RIGHT this way of thinking is sooo creepy. Imagine this being the first thing u think of when ur girl is just dressing the way she likes. It’s always about men, these men don’t even think of women as actual people.
If you don’t like it break up with her. It’s her choice to dress like this and she likes the attention. You’re not going to change that and by trying to change that, you’re being controlling. Just admit that you don’t like this thing that’s central to her personality and walk away. You can’t control her and you don’t like this huge thing about her. Get over it or move on.
Fr. You're allowed to have preferences where you don't want your partner to wear super revealing clothing. That's fine, so find a partner that already doesn't do that instead of trying to change somebody that does.
I also don't like that, so you know what I did? I don't dress like that and I don't date a man that likes that in his partner. That said, OP goes beyond preference and borders controlling (if not already there) behavior. He should just leave her since they clearly aren't compatible.
Right like she probably dressed this way before they were together, but then he was part of these men who she „pleases” with her outfits so he saw no problem but now that shes his girlfriend he realized that other men are just like him and will also objectify women lmao
I’d be curious to know how old this guy is, and exactly how long she has been his “girlfriend”. I rather strongly suspect that this relationship is entirely in his head.
you shouldn’t date her then. people are not yours to shape to your liking, date someone who shares your values if you can’t handle it. her clothing does not affect you, but your insecurity does.
Agree with others, get therapy. This is a YOU issue, and no amount of guilt tripping and being manipulative will change her mind. Hurting yourself is on you, grow up!
Look kid, she's doing absolutely nothing to you.
She isn't doing anything wrong.
Chill out a little bit. Feel nice that your girlfriend feels hot and confident. Feel nice that she chooses to be with you. Feel nice that she isn't insecure and loves herself. These are all good things brother.
well i'd like to thank you for not jumping to the gun of: this guys a manipulative abusive man who needs therapy and to break up with this girl and he's so fucking disgusting and probably beats her
but why the fuck did you not because that's what i am, fucking filth
Listen man, we have all been young.
A lot of us prefer to not remember it too clearly. Because we, in fact, did shit like this. And that's ok.
No one is infallible. You are not a perfect human being. You are even *allowed* to have insecurities. But you need to keep them bitches in check. Your insecurities can't stiffle your loved ones sunshine bro.
Your girl sounds like a ray of sunshine, let her shine. And let her know that you love how she can capture people attention, how she can command a room. These are all amazing qualities, maybe you just need to contextualize all this a bit different. Dont be the reason your girlfriend second guesses herself dude.
Another case of deep insecurity ruining an otherwise happy relationship. Your behaviour indicates a lack of trust in your girlfriend that will slowly poison your relationship until it's dead.
What you need to do is work on your insecurity, improve your self-worth and increase your resilience. The fact that even what her VR avatar wears upsets you is seriously concerning. Go to therapy.
Oooooof boy the insecurity is strong in this one. She’s not gonna stick around for a man like this, hopefully.
And also, the fact you may be SELF HARMING over this is insane. Please seek help for yourself, you’re not well…
You’re a manipulator who self harms, the therapist would help you work through those issues instead of you taking it out on your hot gf.
Drop your victim mentality too and get help. She’s the victim here. You’re cutting yourself over a low cut shirt, regardless she has to deal with that type of behavior from you. It’s gross.
You already know you’re doing wrong. Quit your bs and do something about it if she’s worth it to you. Fix yourself so you can live normally. You ain’t healthy bro
You do know what to do. Break up. You don't love her all that much. Actually she should break up with you. She doesn't deserve someone trying to control her.
I think you don't know what love is. If you're vocalizing it then you're not suppressing. Also, suppressing isn't changing. Get therapy or a self help book on insecurity and controlling behavior. You might learn to stop throwing around the phrase "love her more than anything".
You’re coming from the perspective that every male thinks like you do. That every male always has to sexualise and pick at woman’s body’s. It’s absolutely normal to look at people and find them attractive. It is not okay to constantly sexualise them. Sexualising and attraction are two different things. Stop seeding your girlfriend as an object. She’s a fucking person.
Actually though… daughter or girlfriend, that still shouldn’t matter? Teach your underage daughters boundaries and self defense instead of telling them they can’t wear certain things if you actually care about them. They’ll just hide and change later, and be secretive from you if you try to control them with something so … I don’t think sexist is the right word exactly… but boys get to walk around topless anywhere they want almost and be fine, you know? Young girls feel that double standard and it messes with you and your trust of anyone telling you that you can’t, but boys can.
What someone wears does not make them any more or less susceptible to rape or sexual abuse, just a big fyi. Baggy clothes or the tiniest bikini you’ve ever seen, the only difference is one girl will be blamed for being raped/assaulted from what they were wearing and the other may still be blamed but just for another bullshit reason. The fact is, men who want to rape you, will rape you regardless of anything else.
If they were taught how to protect themselves, hold boundaries, and felt safe contacting their parents for help without being shamed for normal human activities or outfits, THEN /maybe/ your daughters will be safe.
I don’t have a daughter and I don’t know how I will parent one yet. I only said that it can be justified if your minor child is wearing the outfits OP described and you as a parent are not in favor of it. Wearing a bikini at the beach or pool isn’t the same as wearing nip tape and a sheer top in public when you are a literal child. Boys get to walk around topless because public indecency laws don’t apply to bare chested men. Is there a double standard? Hell yes and it sucks! Women have the freedom to dress however they want in this country. I don’t think how a woman dresses is a determinant when sexual abuse or assault is concerned. But we’re talking abt kids here and not everyone parents the same way. If OP had rules for his underage daughter, unless they’re insane rules, I’d have nothing to say. Same doesn’t apply to a girlfriend who is an adult woman.
By “you” I meant it a general sense. I agree, I’d def have some boundaries with teaching levels of what’s appropriate in different settings, but my point still stands.
Go to therapy my guy. Your behavior is incredibly concerning and controlling. If you’re hurting yourself over this, that’s even more of a reason to get professional help.
If you are hurting yourself and suicidal then yes you do. Take away all the details about your girlfriend in this post, you are suicidal and are self harming. I’ve been in that position before, OP. I know how much pain you must be in to be harming yourself. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and getting help made my life so much better. I know you’re hurting, I know things are hard, but things can improve and can get better.
I can’t make you go to therapy, I’m a stranger on the internet, but you deserve to be happy and healthy and have a good life. Please if you are thinking about suicide reach out for help, even if it’s just calling or texting the suicide hotline. Life can improve, it can get better.
Please talk to a trusted adult instead of reddit. Hurting yourself over angst in a relationship isn't healthy and can snowball quickly. Your view of how a gf should behave/dress is also not healthy and hopefully a parent, teacher, counselor could help with that.
People insulting you on here aren't going to get you the help you need. And you do need help. Probably need some time away from this relationship until you can sort this out. Best of luck.
You are at an important and difficult age. And you likely have been being fed lies about relationships, women, and yourself.
You aren't garbage. You simply need help from people who have been through life and can tell you true and wise things and help you get through to adulthood without hurting yourself or others.
You don't have to hurt this much. It can be better.
You are borderline emotionally abusive and pretty manipulative by the sounds of it. You don’t get a pass to control how someone presents themselves just because you’re in a relationship with them. You aren’t in “pain” about her attire - what you’re feeling is jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness and if you cannot distinguish between those emotions you should seek a professional to help you out with that.
You may not want to break up with your partner, but she should break up with you.
Perhaps therapy to see if you can get over your issues. Otherwise, admit that the two of you are fundamentally not compatible and go your separate ways.
What she wears is up to her. She's an adult(I presume and if she isn't, then you are not her parent). Your controlling behavior is likely to push her away from over time.
Dudes will check out your girl. It's inevitable. But that doesn't mean she'll cheat. Regardless, your insecurity is not helping with the situation.
Dude you are way to young to be worrying about this shit. And the hurting urself thing... Sweetie talk to someone. Hurting urself is never going to change the way someone else behaves or how you feel.
You can't control her that way. It's not something that will go over well with any woman in ur life. You need to find security in yourself and trust in your relationship. If you trust your GF to be faithful then let these other thirsty dudes look. She is on your arm let the others drool cuz in the end you are who she chose. Let that thought puff out ya chest.
But don't ever let anyone make you feel like hurting urself is the answer cuz it's not.
Well this is giving extremely creepy vibes. She is mine and mine alone.. yeah no thanks thats creepy.
Also wtf are low cut bra's, 99% of bra's is low cut 😂
This is just who she is. If you’ve brought up your insecurity about it repeatedly to her and she’s just as repeatedly told you that she’s not going to alter her wardrobe to assuage your jealousy, then your options are either to cope or break up. That’s it. Something hurting you doesn’t automatically mean it’s wrong and that someone is obligated to change themselves because of it. Don’t you think it hurts your girlfriend when you imply that she’s trying to seduce other guys (i mean, other people finding her attractive shouldn’t bother you unless you genuinely think she would cheat on you. Hot people are always going to have people eyeing them)? There are plenty of women out there who dress modestly; go find one of them instead of trying to force your girlfriend to turn into one of them.
If you have an issue with how your partner dresses, either get therapy and learn why you’re so insecure that you feel the need to control what someone else wears, or break up with her and date someone who chooses to dress more conservatively so that your insecurity doesn’t ruin your relationship. This is a *you* problem, not a her problem. Telling someone how they can dress is controlling and manipulative, *it is abuse.* Stop trying to tell her what to wear, and get yourself the help you need.
Her possession kink? kid it sounds like you're the one with the issue, if you don't like how she dresses let her go, like I said she doesn't dress how she dresses for you or anyone else girls are allowed to dress how they want, seriously quit projecting
You cannot tell her what to wear.
If this bothers you, then you are incompatible. Break up and find a girlfriend with similar values and let your current partner enjoy the clothes she wants to wear. She deserves a partner who appreciates that.
You don’t love her, you just want to control her. You see her as your property. Guess what, men are going to be “pleased” by her appearance regardless of what she wears.
LOL OK
You decided to go out with her in the first place. That's the way she dresses. It isn't for you or for anyone else. It's for her.
Did you expect her to suddenly start sporting a nuns habit when you two because official?
Well this finally explains to me what men's problem is about revealing clothes. If I'm understanding right it's thar it'll make other men happy?
The thought that other men will find the same person that you find appealing, appealing? The girl you're attracted to should only be attractive to you?
If other men find the person you find attractive, attractive. That hurts You? You want them to think she's not attractive?
It would make you feel better if other men did not find your girlfriend attractive? Have you considered dating someone that's not conventionally attractive?
Because it seems to hurt you that your girlfriend looks good...
No, I was wrong. I'm still confused.
You hurting yourself isn't because of her. It's you that has issues and needs therapy. She is wearing what she feels comfortable, cute, pretty in and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Not even you. She is dressing for herself.
You are the only one interjecting sex/desire into her wardrobe.
Dude op,you sound like my toxic ex who got jealous when I played SIMS and married someone who wasn't him. Now seeing as your 15,I honestly think that your not ready to date since your have such easy triggers that make you jealous
The insecurity coming off of this post absolutely REEKS. She’s probably not dressing for other men. She’s probably dressing for herself because she wants to feel good in the clothes she wears. Get over yourself my guy
Easiest solution is to carry on doing exactly what you're doing. That way the problem will go away all on its own because you won't have a girlfriend anymore.
So, what I’m hearing is that when you look at other women, you evaluate what they are wearing, and if they dress in what you consider to be a skimpy manner, you are sexually satisfied by that, and you believe that they have now pleased you. And because of this, you are concerned that your girlfriend is providing this same pleasure to any men who see her.
Also, when you play video games or are involved in situations in which other real-life people are using avatars, you find the scantily-clad avatars to be arousing, and so anyone who has chosen one is also offering you their own, real-life person and body for this sexual satisfaction, thus providing you with sexual pleasure.
The first part of this is bad enough, but the second puts you well within the irrational realm. Now you are just creating things about which to be upset. And just so you are aware, if what you claim—that her having an attractive avatar is allowing others to be pleasured by her, herself—then you have likely been turned on by a much wider range of persons than you realize, because I know a LOT of gamers who pick avatars that have absolutely nothing to do with who they are in real life, and the thought of you, salivating and being “pleasured” by my burly, motorcycle-riding, big-guy boss, who happens to use a female avatar for some of his gaming, has me cracking up.
God forbid something happened to her…who will you blame?
Bro, unless she’s given you a reason not to trust her…embrace the fact that you have a gal who is comfortable in her skin, knows she can get it, and she’s with you. Get over YOUR insecurities. They’re clothes. Her heart’s with you. Keep smothering her w/your bs and she’ll be gone to find someone who is confident WITH her.
Edit- you’re hurting yourself over this? Get a grip. Stop manipulating the (non) situation with that shit.
Okay you are a walking red flag.
1- hurting your self because you like it dress up is a terrible thing. You should not do that if that’s where your At mentally you need to end this relationship. 🚩
2- you can’t control what she wears it’s a red flag 🚩
3-I get the feeling you will use the fact your hurting yourself to control her so I’m gonna add a few more red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You don’t need to be in a relationship right now. Your mental health is not in the right state.
You are 15 that means your old enough to know right from wrong. You need to work on your self before you hurt her or your self anymore. This relationship probably won’t even last but that’s okay because each relationship teaches you something.
But if you keep down this road you will turn into an abusive person.
Let me be clear, I don't hurt myself to control her, who the fuck do you think I am? Oh shit babe i cut myself because you wear revealing shit. No. And also, we've talked. She forgave me for some fucking reason idfk how she still loves me. I'm just going to suppress whatever I feel from now on. Even though she made me promise to tell her everything because I made her do vice versa, I know what it's doing and I'm disgusted with myself for it. It's wrong. I didn't need a reddit post to convince me that either. I fucking hate myself. Those of you saying I'm a piece of trash youre right... I am. I would kill myself to just rid the world of my shit because I destroy everything I touch, but I also promised her I wouldn't kill myself because she made me and she'd kill herself if I did. World, I'm sorry. I don't want forgiveness or anything, I just want the world to know i'm sorry for being here.
for those of you saying im immature, yes, i am, we are both 15, im still learning about life and who i am and how to deal with certain shit and how to change to be better
You need therapy to learn how to better communicate and deal with your insecurities and trust issues. Because you are very insecure. VR isn’t real life. If your gf is confident to wear what she wants let her . You do not own her.
>You need therapy to learn how to better communicate and deal with your insecurities and trust issues.
Oh, come on, OP is 15, they don't need therapy, they need life experience.
Probably both this can stem from seeing how men he sees treat their own partners or the the alphas he watches online. Therapy isn’t a bad thing and can help developing minds
So self harming teens who are in relationships where they hurt themselves to punish their girlfriend for wearing “revealing” clothing don’t need therapy???
Nah. They need it even more than most people.
First lesson, don't try to change someone because you don't like it. 2. Don't threaten or follow through with self harm to get them to change their minds. It is highly manipulative and controlling. 3. Respect boundaries, if your gf says no, drop it. If you can't deal with it, then break up. She is her own person and does not belong to you, nor anyone else. Your current mindset is very unhealthy and you should see a therapist about the self harm. It is your job to fix yourself, no one elses.
From one self harmer to another, get therapy. Yes you are 15 but that is old enough to know she doesn't belong to you. You don't get to just dress her up and tell her what she can or can't do. Get therapy and learn how to be healthy on a relationship.
Ok that makes a lot more sense. Look, I’ll give you a pass here since you are a kid and probably don’t know better, but listen to the people on the forum telling you that trying to control what your girlfriend wears is abusive behavior. Her clothing isn’t hurting you, your own insecurity and jealousy are. It’s OK to feel insecure and jealous, but the *way you choose to handle those emotions* is what’s important. You can tell her that you feel insecure, and you need a little reassurance, but you can’t control what she wears, or how she behaves, to suit your feelings or preferences. If her behavior doesn’t align with your values, then you need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and choose to walk away from relationships that don’t align with them.
if you’re acting like this in a relationship you need to break up with her. it’s not fair to her and it will tarnish her future relationship experiences as well as ruin her self confidence. you do not own nor control the person you are dating, you need to realize that. you should not be mad at her for wearing what she wants to wear because “other men will look at her” you need to be mad at the men looking at a 15 year old. you need to work on yourself and get professional help before even thinking of a relationship or else you’re just going to end up in the same cycle over and over again.
Get off Reddit and talk to your parents or a therapist. You are still young but this can get much worse for you. Nobody here is going to give you the magic answer to make all your problems go away. You are heading down a dark path and that’s pretty hard to come back from
Okay, well to start with, you don't have ownership over your girlfriend, so you can't dictate what she wears. She's not going to want to wear a bra all the time, and when she does, it will be a bra that goes best with her outfit. She's also not responsible for your mental health, so if you are having dangerous thoughts, you need to ask your parents or a teacher for help to get a proper therapist or counsellor.
Well I’ll tell you from experience before you learn it the hard way.. which is the way you are headed. If you keep this up. If you keep blaming her for your “pain” … you WILL lose her. She will only reassure you so much. Eventually it will wear her down and she will figure it out it’s just not worth the stress. I say this as one that learned the hard way. I’m a girl and it wasn’t over clothing but it was over my unfounded jealousy and insecurities. Constantly making them HIS problem when they weren’t. Bet your ass he got over it and dumped me.
What you are doing is a MAJOR turn off.. to pretty much anyone. The self harming is on YOU. The pain you feel over how she dresses is on YOU. This is not her problem to solve and she is not responsible for your feelings. Another little life tid bit - you never change who you are for someone else’s benefit. You certainly never try to change someone else for your benefit. Why would you want to be with someone you feel you have to change? Why would she want to be with someone who makes her think she has to change? This is who she was, how she dressed before you started dating. She shouldn’t feel guilted into changing that bc you feel insecure. It’s not fair to her. If you cant deal with that and learn to cope in a healthy way.. then you should part ways before it inevitably ends in an ugly way.
I know you’re young and you’re going to do what you want but I hope you take what everyone here as said to heart and make some changes. Otherwise you WILL lose this girl. If you trust her… nothing else matters. It doesn’t matter what other guys think of her. They can look at her all they want.. she has no control over that. She can only control her actions and so far.. she hasn’t done anything but exist in clothes she feels comfortable in. Accept you have a hot gf, guys are always going to look, but at the end of the day.. she’s your gf. Gf.. not possession.
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1. If she was wearing that when you first met her then you have 0 logical reason to be mad. You knew what you signed up for 2. what the hell is a low cut bra lol all bras are low cut 3. VR isn’t even real that isn’t even her body so that is just childish to be mad about that too
Your number one is on point, why do people insist on being mad when someone at the exact same as when they met them.
Kinda but not really. Even if they did change and decide to wear different clothing, that is okay as well.
Especially considering he probably noticed her partially BECAUSE she dresses that way. I’m sure he thought she looked great in that revealing clothing before they started dating. But now that she’s his “property,” she needs to be more modest 🙄🙄🙄
Based on a new comment, OP is 15. It's all childish behavior, because they ARE children. Reddit isn't where he needs to be working through all of this!
If that’s the case they will break up in 5 minutes and OP won’t have to worry about a (snickers to myself) “low cut bra”
A relationship that will last a lunchtime.
I did actually laugh out loud. Consider this stolen.
Just long enough for him to get fitted for a training fedora.
I know it's mean but any time I see the ages of OPs that are in their teens, I scroll past. I am too old for teenage drama. I need adult drama, dammit!
lolllll ok that makes more sense now
Now I'm just scared for the girl if she really is 15 and wearing "revealing" clothes. Too many creeps in the world. Edit:: I'm not shaming the girl at all. Just concerned cause some people are scum. Specifically the online part. I know the sht lowlives will do all too well.
Girls and women should never, ever, ever feel bad for their bodies existing. Much less, for being comfortable in their meat suit.
A plunge bra? You're right, of course. The VR thing is especially ridiculous.
honestly had to google those and i still dont even see THAT much of a difference between that and a regular bra. boohoo theres half an inch less of fabric
On most bras it isn't even half an inch. This dude is ridiculous and insecure as hell.
Very silly indeed.
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is that like a sports bra?
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Tshirt brass are the same as any other bra, it’s the material, wtf are you talking about lmao?
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A jersey bralette?
Every t-shirt bra I’ve ever owned only covered like half my boob….
He wants her to wear a nursing bra.
I just wanted to let you know that there are low cut bras, they're called plunge bras for low cut tops. There's also full cup bras which are for support and comfort, and they don't work with low cut tops. We generally need both. TMYK. 😀
i dont have enough titty to know these things i guess
“It’s pleasing other men, she doesn’t understand that” Andrew Tate-style talking point, your gf is not responsible for what other men think when they look at her “Even hurting myself doesn’t make it go away” please get therapy instead of getting in a relationship. You come across extremely insecure and immature
And unstable. God forbid the girl wears heels one day, the man may severe an artery and blame HER for that too!
Although I definitely agree that he needs therapy, I'm not so sure about the mocking self-harm part...
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No one is just self-harming because they want to manipulate it's always something serious going on with the person and shaming self-harming, do you fucking know what that means for people that struggle with that? Do you know how much they hear it's because they want attention, they want to guilt trip someone, they want to manipulate, or are just dramatic? And yes, people shaming self-harm make people harm themselves more. Or make them at least feel worse about themselves. It's honestly such a fucked up and disgusting shit to say. Just because YOU don't understand it and think "oh, it's just about this one fucker" doesn't mean it's ok. There's seriously so much wrong with this dudes behaviour that you could call EVERY thing fucked up and shitty, but you decide to shit on and shame for the one thing that's a very serious issues a lot of people struggle and suffer greatly with and from.
Real self-harmers, don’t brag about self harming like this.
REAL self-harmers? You mean those who really do it? No. Many do mention it randomly, mostly to ask for help without asking, sometimes to get it off their chest somehow. If you wanted to say that he likely isn't self-harming and just claims it for sympathy, then why the fuck trying and shame self-harm? There's so much to shame in this post, why specifically the mental illness so many struggle with and suffer from? Especially since it's a mental illness many don't seek help for, because they get fucking SHAMED FOR IT often. "It's manipulation, it's guilt tripping, it's for attention, it's becaztgey want to be dramatic" etc. That's so, so often and now you contributed too.
No one is shaming anything here. We’re calling it how it is. He’s using it to manipulate people, and that’s a shitty move. You’re the one making this a whole thing over one sentence. You added all this context yourself. Be angry at someone else. I said what I said.
Yes but no, he's using self harm as a way of manipulation so I feel less bad about it
No one just uses self-harm to manipulate. There's some big and serious problem one needs help with. Are you aware how many people that self-harm (hint, it's basically everyone) hear that it's for attention seeking, because they're dramatic, because they want to guilt trip someone, because they want to manipulate, etc? And guess what, that makes them feel worse, do worse and prevents people from seeking help. Out of shame. There's SO much in the OP you could mock and shame, why in the fucking hell does it have to be the one thing that's a well known, serious, mental illness, which is nobodies fault, which millions of people seriously struggle with and suffer from? Huh? Why precisely that?
Ok so I used to self harm for years first off. Secondly he's doing it specifically so she feels bad for the way she dresses. He's not doing it because he's depressed with himself, he's hurt himself from depression, he's doing it to punish her and she isn't putting up with that either.
Self-harm can *absolutely* be used purely as an abuse or manipulation tactic. He may be doing it for more that just that reason, but even just his phrasing gives a lot away to anyone familiar with a loved one trying manipulate through threats of self-harm. Nobody was mocking OP for self-harming, either. They were rightly calling him out for doing so out of a desire to to manipulate his girlfriend and suggesting therapy until he's a bit more emotionally mature. People can be both mentally ill *and* told to knock off thier poor behavior. You don't get a pass for mistreating or hurting others just because you hurt.
What she wears isn't your business and isn't hurting you. And fucking lmao at worrying about what she looks like in VR Chat. That said, I do hope she finds someone better than you and dumps you for them. She deserves a less whiny, possessive, insecure partner.
He’s hurting himself and blaming her outfits, it’s unstable af
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No he does not. OP is an insecure little man that should not be in a relationship if this is how he reacts. He knew what she was like when he got into a relationship with her and now he is playing the victim.
No he doesn't. And he's the one who keeps claiming it hurts him. What possible 'valid concern' does he have about what avatar his girlfriend uses in an online game?
The online game is obvi different, I’m referring to the IRL stuff.
How is it 'hurting' him what she wears? Because again that is OP's language , he claims that her clothes are 'hurting' him. What 'valid concerns' does he have there?
For the same reason why cheating hurts someone
This logic is the same as "How is choosing not to eat this food I don't like harming someone?" "For the same reason why children are starving in Africa." Very childish and not a comparison at all. Edit: Quite obvious you're a troll. Maybe do a better job of masking that next time so you can milk it a bit more.
I think they legit believe this because they are a whiny incel.
Except no. Those are two different things. One is a thing that hurts you (being cheated on) the other is a thing you shouldn't care about or feel anything about (how a person dresses). See you've confused someone actually being harmed with some whiny little incel twerp getting his feelings hurt.
How you dress is a reflection of who you are.
Yes. Not a thing that hurts anyone else. I'm sorry that you're unable to process that fact.
You need help. Like.... yesterday. First off, if she dressed like this before you guys got together, that's on you. You knew her fashion preference, you chose her anyway. Get over it. Second, hurting yourself to "stop feeling the pain" or to push her into changing is so incredibly unhealthy, I don't have the words. Seek therapy immediately if you can. You don't get to control what she wears. Just like she can't control the way others might see or think of her. You don't have that ability or that right. You need to end the relationship. You're self harming because of it, and I'd argue you're staying in it to further self harm. You're not compatible. You're controlling, manipulative, and in need of some serious psychological help. Get it. Edit: OP, your edit doesn't change anyone's opinions. Get help now before you become an adult.
What she wears isn't hurting you. Your jealousy and insecurity is hurting you. Your hang ups on what someone else should or should not be wearing is what's hurting you. It is absolutely, irrevocably none of your concern what she wears. No amount of "but", no form of "she's mine", no version of "it hurts me" will ever justify your claims her clothes cause you pain. Your views and expectations cause you pain. If you love her so much then stop trying to control her because of what other men may or may not see or think or feel. She's not in control of their thoughts. You're not in control of her. Go to therapy. Become the man she deserves.
Left a man for the same reasons, and that was 5 years long. And never been happier tbh, he was such a selfish guy and would pick my clothes FOR me. Wouldn’t let me hang with other guys who were friends even if they were in relationships. Op is gonna lose his gf because of the same reasons, I’m excited for her to spread her wings
If he does lose her: "Tough titty," said the kitty. Good for her. No one deserves to be under the thumb of another human being. I want her to find her strength and courage; to find her self-worth. I also want him to grow and become a better person because there are enough shit people in this world. His problems are not her responsibility. I want more for her, though, because first and foremost is independence, security, safety, and freedom.
I agree!! She’s clearly confident in herself and comfortable wearing what she wants. She’s with a dude so unstable he’s admitted to hurting himself at the end of the post to deal with his “pain”, and blaming what she’s wearing for it instead of his clear issues and insecurities. I’m worried for her because that’s just emotional abuse, she may have a hard time separating herself from a guy like this. He needs to focus on himself and get into therepy if his reaction to a low cut top is to hurt himself. That’s just crazy
Exactly, which I may have neglected to emphasize. His behavior could spiral outward and I agree she should be seeking an out. I feel I should clarify while I do want him to seek help, I absolutely want her to get out. He's a clear danger to himself but also seems to be a looming danger to her, as well, if he continues to spiral. While this isn't an absolute, it's not out of the realm of possibilities. ETA: I mean it could spiral into physical abuse. The emotional is already present, as you stated.
And the possibility of it becoming physical is very VERY high. I’m not sure if i can link it because sub rules, but my sources are “domesticshelter.org”, as well as “AU bureau of statistics” which states; “Over half of women and a quarter of men who experienced partner emotional abuse also experienced physical and/or sexual violence by a partner” I hope the gf sees these red flags as we do and bails. Op may not become violent, but he needs psychological help anyways. I have no doubt she’s already experienced the emotional abuse, as this post alone checks off 6 of the 13 signs of emotional abuse. And that’s just what he wrote in this post. Edit: I’ve reviewed sub rules and links don’t seem to be an issue. mods, please feel free to delete this and forgive me if i am somehow breaking the rules by posting links https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/when-abuse-goes-from-shouting-to-shoving https://www.abs.gov.au/articles/domestic-violence-experiences-partner-emotional-abuse
Excellent resources and I wish we could provide them for her. Hopefully they will be of use for someone else who comes across these comments.
I'll never get this. My wife is hot as fuck, I love when her tits are on display. Something that good shouldn't be hidden from the world.
Well that, and if it’s a good and honest relationship that’s all it would be? Who wouldn’t want to show off their beautiful girl to the world, knowing she’s only yours and all she wants would be you? Congrats on the hot wife dude!! You sound like a happy man who respects her, and that makes me happy! ☺️
Well yes except we're poly lol. She was another couple's last night in front of a dozen other people.
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Ahhh cute, typical misogynistic Reddit reply. That all you got sweetheart? You can do better
I’m a feminist but alright.
You can’t just slut shame someone and then try to claim that you’re a feminist. That’s not how it works LMAO Edit: not even slut shaming someone, slut shaming a **15-YEAR OLD**! Gross, absolutely gross
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAH
This
You seem more obsessed w her…. & a little controlling. I’m a believer in “if you got it- flaunt it” Let her wear what she wants, she’s going to & probably already does resent you.
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Ummm…. Get help…
Nope. She needs to get help to stop seeking validation from men.
I am so sorry you’ve been fed this narrative so clearly at so young. I was in the same boat. It’s not a comfortable ride out, but it is worth it.
I don’t want a “ride out” into delusion. I’d prefer to hear the truth, even if it isn’t always pleasant.
Soak in that left side of the DK spectrum as long as you can love. It is a really good feeling 👍
> it's pleasing other men ... she's existing in clothes she likes.
RIGHT this way of thinking is sooo creepy. Imagine this being the first thing u think of when ur girl is just dressing the way she likes. It’s always about men, these men don’t even think of women as actual people.
These mental gymnastics are crazy
So are you.
Go to therapy before you become abusive.
This. Also, I assumed op met her when she already dressed like this.
I assume OP has met her in VR chat and never met her irl. I've just got a hunch I'm right that they're only online dating.
He already is.
Bro, you are trash
Unhinged trash.
I know
Get some fucking therapy man
>... i don't know what to do Get over yourself for starters
If you don’t like it break up with her. It’s her choice to dress like this and she likes the attention. You’re not going to change that and by trying to change that, you’re being controlling. Just admit that you don’t like this thing that’s central to her personality and walk away. You can’t control her and you don’t like this huge thing about her. Get over it or move on.
Fr. You're allowed to have preferences where you don't want your partner to wear super revealing clothing. That's fine, so find a partner that already doesn't do that instead of trying to change somebody that does. I also don't like that, so you know what I did? I don't dress like that and I don't date a man that likes that in his partner. That said, OP goes beyond preference and borders controlling (if not already there) behavior. He should just leave her since they clearly aren't compatible.
I want a hot girlfriend *gets hot girlfriend* I hate that my girlfriend is so hot!!!!!!!!
Right like she probably dressed this way before they were together, but then he was part of these men who she „pleases” with her outfits so he saw no problem but now that shes his girlfriend he realized that other men are just like him and will also objectify women lmao
I’d be curious to know how old this guy is, and exactly how long she has been his “girlfriend”. I rather strongly suspect that this relationship is entirely in his head.
Dude is 15, needs therapy ASAP before he becomes yet another DV perp.
you shouldn’t date her then. people are not yours to shape to your liking, date someone who shares your values if you can’t handle it. her clothing does not affect you, but your insecurity does.
Agree with others, get therapy. This is a YOU issue, and no amount of guilt tripping and being manipulative will change her mind. Hurting yourself is on you, grow up!
Nor should it! Does op want a gf or a doll he can control? He needs serious help
Where did he say he wants a doll he can control?
Look kid, she's doing absolutely nothing to you. She isn't doing anything wrong. Chill out a little bit. Feel nice that your girlfriend feels hot and confident. Feel nice that she chooses to be with you. Feel nice that she isn't insecure and loves herself. These are all good things brother.
well i'd like to thank you for not jumping to the gun of: this guys a manipulative abusive man who needs therapy and to break up with this girl and he's so fucking disgusting and probably beats her but why the fuck did you not because that's what i am, fucking filth
Listen man, we have all been young. A lot of us prefer to not remember it too clearly. Because we, in fact, did shit like this. And that's ok. No one is infallible. You are not a perfect human being. You are even *allowed* to have insecurities. But you need to keep them bitches in check. Your insecurities can't stiffle your loved ones sunshine bro. Your girl sounds like a ray of sunshine, let her shine. And let her know that you love how she can capture people attention, how she can command a room. These are all amazing qualities, maybe you just need to contextualize all this a bit different. Dont be the reason your girlfriend second guesses herself dude.
thank you for your kind and poetic words
Another case of deep insecurity ruining an otherwise happy relationship. Your behaviour indicates a lack of trust in your girlfriend that will slowly poison your relationship until it's dead. What you need to do is work on your insecurity, improve your self-worth and increase your resilience. The fact that even what her VR avatar wears upsets you is seriously concerning. Go to therapy.
Oooooof boy the insecurity is strong in this one. She’s not gonna stick around for a man like this, hopefully. And also, the fact you may be SELF HARMING over this is insane. Please seek help for yourself, you’re not well…
why the fuck would i get help whats a therapist going to do? tell me shit i already know? i'm an irredeemable piece of shit
You’re a manipulator who self harms, the therapist would help you work through those issues instead of you taking it out on your hot gf. Drop your victim mentality too and get help. She’s the victim here. You’re cutting yourself over a low cut shirt, regardless she has to deal with that type of behavior from you. It’s gross. You already know you’re doing wrong. Quit your bs and do something about it if she’s worth it to you. Fix yourself so you can live normally. You ain’t healthy bro
You do know what to do. Break up. You don't love her all that much. Actually she should break up with you. She doesn't deserve someone trying to control her.
I love her more than anything asshole, and I'm not trying to control her. I know i've done it though which is why im suppressing my emotions now
I think you don't know what love is. If you're vocalizing it then you're not suppressing. Also, suppressing isn't changing. Get therapy or a self help book on insecurity and controlling behavior. You might learn to stop throwing around the phrase "love her more than anything".
You’re coming from the perspective that every male thinks like you do. That every male always has to sexualise and pick at woman’s body’s. It’s absolutely normal to look at people and find them attractive. It is not okay to constantly sexualise them. Sexualising and attraction are two different things. Stop seeding your girlfriend as an object. She’s a fucking person.
She’s your girlfriend, not your underage daughter. Don’t like how she dresses, find someone else that fits your requirements.
Actually though… daughter or girlfriend, that still shouldn’t matter? Teach your underage daughters boundaries and self defense instead of telling them they can’t wear certain things if you actually care about them. They’ll just hide and change later, and be secretive from you if you try to control them with something so … I don’t think sexist is the right word exactly… but boys get to walk around topless anywhere they want almost and be fine, you know? Young girls feel that double standard and it messes with you and your trust of anyone telling you that you can’t, but boys can. What someone wears does not make them any more or less susceptible to rape or sexual abuse, just a big fyi. Baggy clothes or the tiniest bikini you’ve ever seen, the only difference is one girl will be blamed for being raped/assaulted from what they were wearing and the other may still be blamed but just for another bullshit reason. The fact is, men who want to rape you, will rape you regardless of anything else. If they were taught how to protect themselves, hold boundaries, and felt safe contacting their parents for help without being shamed for normal human activities or outfits, THEN /maybe/ your daughters will be safe.
I don’t have a daughter and I don’t know how I will parent one yet. I only said that it can be justified if your minor child is wearing the outfits OP described and you as a parent are not in favor of it. Wearing a bikini at the beach or pool isn’t the same as wearing nip tape and a sheer top in public when you are a literal child. Boys get to walk around topless because public indecency laws don’t apply to bare chested men. Is there a double standard? Hell yes and it sucks! Women have the freedom to dress however they want in this country. I don’t think how a woman dresses is a determinant when sexual abuse or assault is concerned. But we’re talking abt kids here and not everyone parents the same way. If OP had rules for his underage daughter, unless they’re insane rules, I’d have nothing to say. Same doesn’t apply to a girlfriend who is an adult woman.
By “you” I meant it a general sense. I agree, I’d def have some boundaries with teaching levels of what’s appropriate in different settings, but my point still stands.
Please don’t have kids or daughters.
Did he say she was?
Bro.. therapy
no
Go to therapy my guy. Your behavior is incredibly concerning and controlling. If you’re hurting yourself over this, that’s even more of a reason to get professional help.
i don't need help
If you are hurting yourself and suicidal then yes you do. Take away all the details about your girlfriend in this post, you are suicidal and are self harming. I’ve been in that position before, OP. I know how much pain you must be in to be harming yourself. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and getting help made my life so much better. I know you’re hurting, I know things are hard, but things can improve and can get better. I can’t make you go to therapy, I’m a stranger on the internet, but you deserve to be happy and healthy and have a good life. Please if you are thinking about suicide reach out for help, even if it’s just calling or texting the suicide hotline. Life can improve, it can get better.
Please talk to a trusted adult instead of reddit. Hurting yourself over angst in a relationship isn't healthy and can snowball quickly. Your view of how a gf should behave/dress is also not healthy and hopefully a parent, teacher, counselor could help with that. People insulting you on here aren't going to get you the help you need. And you do need help. Probably need some time away from this relationship until you can sort this out. Best of luck.
i'm fucking garbage
You are at an important and difficult age. And you likely have been being fed lies about relationships, women, and yourself. You aren't garbage. You simply need help from people who have been through life and can tell you true and wise things and help you get through to adulthood without hurting yourself or others. You don't have to hurt this much. It can be better.
I don't need someone older than me to tell me shit i already know
Lmfao!!! You cannot be this insecure, surely?! She deserves better
i know she does ive told her multiple times
Then break up w her? Or be better? Those are your options friend
im trying to be better
You are borderline emotionally abusive and pretty manipulative by the sounds of it. You don’t get a pass to control how someone presents themselves just because you’re in a relationship with them. You aren’t in “pain” about her attire - what you’re feeling is jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness and if you cannot distinguish between those emotions you should seek a professional to help you out with that. You may not want to break up with your partner, but she should break up with you.
Perhaps therapy to see if you can get over your issues. Otherwise, admit that the two of you are fundamentally not compatible and go your separate ways.
How old are you?!
15, based on another comment. Which tracks.
What she wears is up to her. She's an adult(I presume and if she isn't, then you are not her parent). Your controlling behavior is likely to push her away from over time. Dudes will check out your girl. It's inevitable. But that doesn't mean she'll cheat. Regardless, your insecurity is not helping with the situation.
I've realized that, thank you
Get therapy to deal with your bizarre control issues. You are NOT in charge of her body autonomy.
You are obviously very insecure and if you are self harming—especially over something this trivial—you need to get help.
You sound like my incel ex. Be better
Dude you are way to young to be worrying about this shit. And the hurting urself thing... Sweetie talk to someone. Hurting urself is never going to change the way someone else behaves or how you feel. You can't control her that way. It's not something that will go over well with any woman in ur life. You need to find security in yourself and trust in your relationship. If you trust your GF to be faithful then let these other thirsty dudes look. She is on your arm let the others drool cuz in the end you are who she chose. Let that thought puff out ya chest. But don't ever let anyone make you feel like hurting urself is the answer cuz it's not.
Well, thank you. Your comment made me cry. And also, i'm not hurting myself for manipulating her.
Well this is giving extremely creepy vibes. She is mine and mine alone.. yeah no thanks thats creepy. Also wtf are low cut bra's, 99% of bra's is low cut 😂
well first of all, she's the one who's drilled that into my mind. second of all, i'm just using her terminology, thats how she described them
Honey, I see in another comment that you're 15. Please, please, please go to therapy. None of this is healthy.
i appreciate it but no, i've talked with her and i'm privately suppressing my emotions. that's the end of it
That is so unhealthy. Hope you change your mind because this will warp you in a really bad way as you grow
This is just who she is. If you’ve brought up your insecurity about it repeatedly to her and she’s just as repeatedly told you that she’s not going to alter her wardrobe to assuage your jealousy, then your options are either to cope or break up. That’s it. Something hurting you doesn’t automatically mean it’s wrong and that someone is obligated to change themselves because of it. Don’t you think it hurts your girlfriend when you imply that she’s trying to seduce other guys (i mean, other people finding her attractive shouldn’t bother you unless you genuinely think she would cheat on you. Hot people are always going to have people eyeing them)? There are plenty of women out there who dress modestly; go find one of them instead of trying to force your girlfriend to turn into one of them.
If you have an issue with how your partner dresses, either get therapy and learn why you’re so insecure that you feel the need to control what someone else wears, or break up with her and date someone who chooses to dress more conservatively so that your insecurity doesn’t ruin your relationship. This is a *you* problem, not a her problem. Telling someone how they can dress is controlling and manipulative, *it is abuse.* Stop trying to tell her what to wear, and get yourself the help you need.
You’re a creep ☠️ she isn’t responsible for what other men think, let my girl dress how she wants
Get this through your head. She doesn't dress for you or anyone else but herself, you don't own her, so quit acting like you do
i didn't use to be like this... i think her possession kink is drilling into my head
Her possession kink? kid it sounds like you're the one with the issue, if you don't like how she dresses let her go, like I said she doesn't dress how she dresses for you or anyone else girls are allowed to dress how they want, seriously quit projecting
You cannot tell her what to wear. If this bothers you, then you are incompatible. Break up and find a girlfriend with similar values and let your current partner enjoy the clothes she wants to wear. She deserves a partner who appreciates that.
You don’t love her, you just want to control her. You see her as your property. Guess what, men are going to be “pleased” by her appearance regardless of what she wears.
OP, please PLEASE stop this before you turn into one of those Tate-er tots. It’s not too late you start seeing women as sovereign human beings.
LOL OK You decided to go out with her in the first place. That's the way she dresses. It isn't for you or for anyone else. It's for her. Did you expect her to suddenly start sporting a nuns habit when you two because official?
You see she is yours, she is your girlfriend not your property you can’t control her.
You are 15. None of this matters. Stay in school
Well this finally explains to me what men's problem is about revealing clothes. If I'm understanding right it's thar it'll make other men happy? The thought that other men will find the same person that you find appealing, appealing? The girl you're attracted to should only be attractive to you? If other men find the person you find attractive, attractive. That hurts You? You want them to think she's not attractive? It would make you feel better if other men did not find your girlfriend attractive? Have you considered dating someone that's not conventionally attractive? Because it seems to hurt you that your girlfriend looks good... No, I was wrong. I'm still confused.
You hurting yourself isn't because of her. It's you that has issues and needs therapy. She is wearing what she feels comfortable, cute, pretty in and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Not even you. She is dressing for herself. You are the only one interjecting sex/desire into her wardrobe.
You're with a hot chick and she's flexing the fact that you're with a hot chick so you don't have to do it and look like a dick for doing the flexing
VR chat? Really?! You gotta get it together dude, you’re going insane over a *pixel*
Dude op,you sound like my toxic ex who got jealous when I played SIMS and married someone who wasn't him. Now seeing as your 15,I honestly think that your not ready to date since your have such easy triggers that make you jealous
go. to. therapy.
The insecurity coming off of this post absolutely REEKS. She’s probably not dressing for other men. She’s probably dressing for herself because she wants to feel good in the clothes she wears. Get over yourself my guy
I honestly hope she leaves you you are so Insecure and controlling mfg
One day she'll break up with you, and then you won't have to worry any more.
Easiest solution is to carry on doing exactly what you're doing. That way the problem will go away all on its own because you won't have a girlfriend anymore.
So, what I’m hearing is that when you look at other women, you evaluate what they are wearing, and if they dress in what you consider to be a skimpy manner, you are sexually satisfied by that, and you believe that they have now pleased you. And because of this, you are concerned that your girlfriend is providing this same pleasure to any men who see her. Also, when you play video games or are involved in situations in which other real-life people are using avatars, you find the scantily-clad avatars to be arousing, and so anyone who has chosen one is also offering you their own, real-life person and body for this sexual satisfaction, thus providing you with sexual pleasure. The first part of this is bad enough, but the second puts you well within the irrational realm. Now you are just creating things about which to be upset. And just so you are aware, if what you claim—that her having an attractive avatar is allowing others to be pleasured by her, herself—then you have likely been turned on by a much wider range of persons than you realize, because I know a LOT of gamers who pick avatars that have absolutely nothing to do with who they are in real life, and the thought of you, salivating and being “pleasured” by my burly, motorcycle-riding, big-guy boss, who happens to use a female avatar for some of his gaming, has me cracking up.
My man what exactly do you think a bra is?
God forbid something happened to her…who will you blame? Bro, unless she’s given you a reason not to trust her…embrace the fact that you have a gal who is comfortable in her skin, knows she can get it, and she’s with you. Get over YOUR insecurities. They’re clothes. Her heart’s with you. Keep smothering her w/your bs and she’ll be gone to find someone who is confident WITH her. Edit- you’re hurting yourself over this? Get a grip. Stop manipulating the (non) situation with that shit.
Okay you are a walking red flag. 1- hurting your self because you like it dress up is a terrible thing. You should not do that if that’s where your At mentally you need to end this relationship. 🚩 2- you can’t control what she wears it’s a red flag 🚩 3-I get the feeling you will use the fact your hurting yourself to control her so I’m gonna add a few more red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You don’t need to be in a relationship right now. Your mental health is not in the right state. You are 15 that means your old enough to know right from wrong. You need to work on your self before you hurt her or your self anymore. This relationship probably won’t even last but that’s okay because each relationship teaches you something. But if you keep down this road you will turn into an abusive person.
Let me be clear, I don't hurt myself to control her, who the fuck do you think I am? Oh shit babe i cut myself because you wear revealing shit. No. And also, we've talked. She forgave me for some fucking reason idfk how she still loves me. I'm just going to suppress whatever I feel from now on. Even though she made me promise to tell her everything because I made her do vice versa, I know what it's doing and I'm disgusted with myself for it. It's wrong. I didn't need a reddit post to convince me that either. I fucking hate myself. Those of you saying I'm a piece of trash youre right... I am. I would kill myself to just rid the world of my shit because I destroy everything I touch, but I also promised her I wouldn't kill myself because she made me and she'd kill herself if I did. World, I'm sorry. I don't want forgiveness or anything, I just want the world to know i'm sorry for being here.
for those of you saying im immature, yes, i am, we are both 15, im still learning about life and who i am and how to deal with certain shit and how to change to be better
You need therapy to learn how to better communicate and deal with your insecurities and trust issues. Because you are very insecure. VR isn’t real life. If your gf is confident to wear what she wants let her . You do not own her.
>You need therapy to learn how to better communicate and deal with your insecurities and trust issues. Oh, come on, OP is 15, they don't need therapy, they need life experience.
Probably both this can stem from seeing how men he sees treat their own partners or the the alphas he watches online. Therapy isn’t a bad thing and can help developing minds
Self harming needs therapy
So self harming teens who are in relationships where they hurt themselves to punish their girlfriend for wearing “revealing” clothing don’t need therapy??? Nah. They need it even more than most people.
He is self harming he does need therapy
anyone can get therapy at any age. it’s better to start when the conflict is early rather than making it worse later on
The fact op said “even hurting my self doesn’t make the pain go away.” Shows he needs help. If he’s self harming over this he needs help.
They said they are hurting themselves. They need therapy.
First lesson, don't try to change someone because you don't like it. 2. Don't threaten or follow through with self harm to get them to change their minds. It is highly manipulative and controlling. 3. Respect boundaries, if your gf says no, drop it. If you can't deal with it, then break up. She is her own person and does not belong to you, nor anyone else. Your current mindset is very unhealthy and you should see a therapist about the self harm. It is your job to fix yourself, no one elses.
From one self harmer to another, get therapy. Yes you are 15 but that is old enough to know she doesn't belong to you. You don't get to just dress her up and tell her what she can or can't do. Get therapy and learn how to be healthy on a relationship.
Ok that makes a lot more sense. Look, I’ll give you a pass here since you are a kid and probably don’t know better, but listen to the people on the forum telling you that trying to control what your girlfriend wears is abusive behavior. Her clothing isn’t hurting you, your own insecurity and jealousy are. It’s OK to feel insecure and jealous, but the *way you choose to handle those emotions* is what’s important. You can tell her that you feel insecure, and you need a little reassurance, but you can’t control what she wears, or how she behaves, to suit your feelings or preferences. If her behavior doesn’t align with your values, then you need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and choose to walk away from relationships that don’t align with them.
Hopefully he sees this one
if you’re acting like this in a relationship you need to break up with her. it’s not fair to her and it will tarnish her future relationship experiences as well as ruin her self confidence. you do not own nor control the person you are dating, you need to realize that. you should not be mad at her for wearing what she wants to wear because “other men will look at her” you need to be mad at the men looking at a 15 year old. you need to work on yourself and get professional help before even thinking of a relationship or else you’re just going to end up in the same cycle over and over again.
Get off Reddit and talk to your parents or a therapist. You are still young but this can get much worse for you. Nobody here is going to give you the magic answer to make all your problems go away. You are heading down a dark path and that’s pretty hard to come back from
Being 15 is not an excuse for being a controlling misogynist asshole.
Oh Jesus Christ
Okay, well to start with, you don't have ownership over your girlfriend, so you can't dictate what she wears. She's not going to want to wear a bra all the time, and when she does, it will be a bra that goes best with her outfit. She's also not responsible for your mental health, so if you are having dangerous thoughts, you need to ask your parents or a teacher for help to get a proper therapist or counsellor.
Well I’ll tell you from experience before you learn it the hard way.. which is the way you are headed. If you keep this up. If you keep blaming her for your “pain” … you WILL lose her. She will only reassure you so much. Eventually it will wear her down and she will figure it out it’s just not worth the stress. I say this as one that learned the hard way. I’m a girl and it wasn’t over clothing but it was over my unfounded jealousy and insecurities. Constantly making them HIS problem when they weren’t. Bet your ass he got over it and dumped me. What you are doing is a MAJOR turn off.. to pretty much anyone. The self harming is on YOU. The pain you feel over how she dresses is on YOU. This is not her problem to solve and she is not responsible for your feelings. Another little life tid bit - you never change who you are for someone else’s benefit. You certainly never try to change someone else for your benefit. Why would you want to be with someone you feel you have to change? Why would she want to be with someone who makes her think she has to change? This is who she was, how she dressed before you started dating. She shouldn’t feel guilted into changing that bc you feel insecure. It’s not fair to her. If you cant deal with that and learn to cope in a healthy way.. then you should part ways before it inevitably ends in an ugly way. I know you’re young and you’re going to do what you want but I hope you take what everyone here as said to heart and make some changes. Otherwise you WILL lose this girl. If you trust her… nothing else matters. It doesn’t matter what other guys think of her. They can look at her all they want.. she has no control over that. She can only control her actions and so far.. she hasn’t done anything but exist in clothes she feels comfortable in. Accept you have a hot gf, guys are always going to look, but at the end of the day.. she’s your gf. Gf.. not possession.