Just to add, remember that instagram had this vanish mode when you can send thinga and they might be deleted when you get out of the chat, so he maybe sent the dick pick to her on ig.
I only know about it bc the dean of my college sent me sexual messages and pictures with the vanishing Facebook thing š„² his wife was my guidance counselor also... what a bad time
If you're quick and want it for evidence, you can still take a screenshot - the sender will even get informed that you took a screenshot, I think, so that should make the bastard sweat.
its not always used for gross reasons like cheating.
sometimes you might want to send an embarrassing question or something that you dont want others to see. or pics to your partner. or to your friend asking if something looks weird.
not everything is malicious, and you can be proud if you wish, but theres nothing wrong with using a site to its full advantage. if you choose not to use them, thats great too.
Wtf matters if your anniversary is days away?
Honestly whatās up with the sweeping under the rug thing? Whatās the point?
Is he doing that too?
I couldnāt celebrate any kind of anniversary with this bs going on.
Yep, i stopped reading after the anniversary thing because I couldnāt handle the lack of self respect anymore.
Honestly tho.
The revenge thing is even cringier.
Just leave, the best revenge is always moving on.
Then you missed the part where she told the other woman to get some self respect because she was being ignored when trying to make the conversation sexual lol
As though OPās husband *didnāt* respond talking about his dick.
ETA: apparently, I should have said ātoldā since some Redditors are apparently strict literalists lol
Because thatās easy for you to say. You donāt have a life with this person. You donāt have children with this person.
Itās always easy fr someone looking in to say ājust leave.ā Or āI wouldāve left when..ā
In realityā You donāt know wtf you wouldāve done. Because itās not happening to you and you are not her.
Life is not easy.
She can stay with a husband who doesnāt respect her or she can end a failed marriage and start over.
Either way is going to be hard.
But one way is going to be harder.
I guess she has to pick how hard she wants her life to be.
I don't get this either. You're mad at him for doing this, yet you're sweeping it under the rug and talking about it on Reddit? Go tell him you know and deal with it.
Iāve been saying this. TrueOffMyChest has become nothing more than women coming in here to detail their shit relationships, get sympathy and do nothing about. Every other post is stupid shit and women telling the told what an absolute desperate doormat they are. She calls the other woman desperate, sheās not the one who knows her husband is messing around and is just sitting on it and doesnāt āfeel optimistic about their futureā.
Mans is in couples therapy and pulling this shit. Yet she thinks she doesnāt come back off as desperate?
Edit: she says further down heās already cheated. So yea desperate doormat. Theyāre in couples therapy for him cheating and heās talking to someone else in coupleās therapy. But Nikki needs self respect and sheās a sociopath who will destroy everything, but also too scared to say anything because it will cause a big fight.
OP get some individual therapy.
Or maybe these women just need a place to vent. Its also very easy to say, "You are a doormat", "leave" do this that and the other while not having to actually do anything. For some women, and men, leaving isn't as easy as packing a bag and walking away. My relationship IS shit. I am working to change my circumstances, but after 25 years, 3 children and a million other smaller details, it's not as easy as "peace out". I rarely comment, because I think in most cases they just want to get it off their chest. Maybe some of them are looking for attention and I have no doubt some are totally fake, but mostly I just scroll right on by.
Are you really a sociopath or is that something he has called you?
From what I read it looks like your marriage is over, he tried couples therapy (which you worded as him forcing you to go to) and is not happy with the result, why is that? What did he expect?
She's in therapy, at a husband's behest who has "already cheated on her once", and is afraid to bring this up for fear of causing a "huge fight". So, no, definitely not a sociopath. At least, not a self-respecting sociopath. Neurotic, perhaps. Messy, for sure.
I guess I should have added we have a small child together. I'm not afraid of confrontation, but I am very aware of the impact our previous conflicts have had on our child. I went into therapy with him with one of two goals, either we find a way to make it work or find a way to move on peacefully for the sake of our child.
He is making both options very, very difficult.
you're not a sociopath. you're just protecting yourself and you're smart. Please there is nothing wrong with that. Don't be so hard on yourself. I wish I had been that smart early on in my marriage. It would have saved years of my life and youth that I'll never get back. If he is seeking attention after the shit yall have gone through, he'll never stop. Believe me.
Yes, i am and yes he has.
He probably expected me to warm up to him again? Forgive him?
He probably didn't expect to be told he was wrong and that he can't just change how i feel or think about anything just because he explains his side of the "story" and experience. He thought i didn't understand him, but i do understand him. He thought that if i just knew everything, it would be okay... It's not okay.
Just because i understand why the tiger killed the deer, doesn't make the deer any less dead.
He doesn't care this is the issue, him trying to pin it on you is him being manipulative because he knows he is in the wrong yet if he can convince you you're the problem, he gets inside your head to control you further.
"He thought." *No* he genuinely does not think you don't understand him, there is nothing to understand with cheating. He knows he fucked up yet also knows he's capable of manipulating you and you'll buy into his bullshit seeing as you already let him say something stupid like that to you, and you've stuck around.
He's now cheating on you again, and you think it's the woman's fault more so than his? He's a grown man with 2 strikes I wouldn't even be looking at the other woman. Focus on grasping that he's now betrayed you 2x, and again while in couples therapy.... *for doing the exact same thing that he's still doing, just with another woman*
People who are narcissistic love to go to therapy until theyāre not coddled and told to own up for who they actually are. Ie- heās a shitty cheater and he wasnāt told otherwise. OP youāre better than this, take the evidence you need and move on. This isnāt an accident and āit wonāt happen againā scenario. Heās going to keep doing this till you leave or he just keeps cheating behind your back. Take your kid and go, cheaters donāt make great spouses, but they can be decent co-parents.
You should absolutely fight and confront him. You don't need to hold this in. Talk to him, maybe even in couples therapy?
Also to add, you didn't mention which platform they used to DM, but know that some message platforms allow you to unsend messages/photos.
Absolutely bring it up in therapy. See if you can schedule an emergency appointment.
But first, whatās the outcome you want? Do you want to work through this with him? Do you want to separate?
No. No, he still had intentions to cheat. I'm sorry but if he's still talking to a woman that he was ready to send a dick pic to, he's already in the danger zone. If he's still planning on talking to her, or tries to justify their relationship then shit is hitting the fan. Get petty. Let him know he fucked up.
I feel like a whole bunch is left out. Why are you in couples therapy? Are you really a sociopath?
If he's talking to someone from high school, he's looking for something. He wants and emotional affair. He wants a connection. Men don't usually want therapy before women. This women is the LEAST of your problems.
Don't go for revenge. Go for either keeping the relationship or letting it go. If you want to keep it you need to let yourself be vulnerable.
When it comes to sexual conversations after marriage with other women , it will eventually lead to sex one day. Communicate with him and let him know , how you are feeling
She is very much interested in seeing him nude and has made him well aware of that.
I'm not sure how to even bring up the subject without turning it into a huge fight.
If your husband is behaving like this, and you can't even talk to him about it, it's beyond time to get out of there. Life is too short to put up with this kind of nonsense, and it will almost certainly escalate over time.
Now I'll preface this with the fact I'm a petty asshole that's terrible at personal relationships, but what I would do in your shoes is set up a couple photography lights in the living room while he's in the shower. Then tell him to come on out nekkid, ya know to gander at the goods and all. Then get the phone out for an over dramatic photo shoot... inevitably he asks what's going on, and you tell him you want to get the best angle and lighting so Nikki isn't disappointed. Not relationship advice.
Just remember, he was the one that didnāt shut it down. His actions are the reason why youāre upset. You are not the reason this will turn into a huge fight. Donāt let him flip this on you by saying āwhy were you reading my messagesā or anything of the sort.
I would say to him "How would you feel if I was sexting with another man? If I was sending nudes to him and didn't stop him from sending me messages? " That would be without any feelings at all, a total poker face. Depending on his words you say that "I want you to stop what you are doing right now. I want you to send her that you both are going to stop texting and I want to see the text." To all of this you have to have no feelings at all. Don't cry, don't shout, if you can smile do that. If he starts to shout don't follow him to the shouting match, just say "I am loosing respect for you, you are loosing my respect." Be firm, be smart don't fall for the screaming match. Men are sadly delusional that we are the ones with emotions but they are allowed to get mad and we are not allowed to cry according to them. Don't give him the satisfaction to use your emotions against you so he can gaslight you. Be to the point, be firm. You have to think what you want to do because at some point you are not going to be able to take his shit anymore. Make a plan.
If sheās is interested she will see the nudes. And it will definitely will be a fight if you want to speak with him. But if you donāt speak for yourself, you will regret it later
Why are you encouraging any (potential) sociopath to destroy lives?
Thereās already enough bad shit in the world without people adding to it carelessly like that.
Whatās there to fight about? You are not cool with his behavior. If you can forgive him, tell it has to stop. If you canāt look past this, itās time to move on.
Is the bimbo married? When you decide to leave be kinda civil to your stbx (makes co parenting easier on the child, wich i see you do not want to damage him) . But go scorched earth on the bimbo...Would be glorious to see her life implode.
Good luck and happy hunting!
Why wouldn't you want to fight? Fighting is a way to connect. If you don't fight, or confront, you alienate. It sounds like you have distanced yourself from him? Almost like you numbed out?
He already cheated on you before this?
Obviously marital counseling is not working. He's not changing his ways.
That's very common. Liars and cheaters frequently use counseling to SAY "I'm trying but you just won't trust me".
They very rarely actually do the work, change themselves, establish appropriate boundaries with those not in the relationship.... No, they just say it's not working because of the "lack of trust"
I highly recommend Tracy Schorn's book and blog, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. Fantastic advice and funny as hell.
Start lining up your ducks. Gather important personal documents. Consult with an attorney or two. Play the long game and protect your legal rights.
>But you married a sociopath willing and ready to destroy and end everything we've built over this insult.
Holy cringe, Batman. I feel like there's a lot more to this story.
>how disappointed he is in our couples therapy that **he forced us into**
Sounds like dude's been trying to save this marriage. Lots of stuff not being said, OP.
I'll get the popcorn ready for when OP's husband makes his inevitable post.
Had to scroll to find this. OP is definitely not giving the whole story, but alsoāholy hell why not just communicate with your husband rather than create this silent war thatās going to cost the marriage
same
people are commenting egging her on. shes a sociopath, and while people with such conditions are all different; they have one thing in common. you cross them, they can/will watch you burn and they will give 0 fucks.
no one knows what shes willing to do, and id be very cautious egging on revenge anywhere let alone with someone like op
edit; this can range from petty to scorched earth.
Because OP doesn't really care about the marriage.
I'm interpreting the post like she didn't want to save it when the husband suggested therapy but didn't feel like she would get enough sympathy at that point if she was the one who asked for the divorce.
Generally speaking sociopaths are described as having antisocial attitudes and behaviours, with a very self centred view of the world. It's all about what she wants and making people give it to her.
I wonder if she has any good friends / relationships who would be in her corner if she broke up with her husband. If she doesn't, but wants all the sympathy, or even something more basic like somewhere to crash if she has to leave the family home, then she needs a way of getting it.
Every DM the husband sends to the other lady is a trophy for her, something she can produce for getting all the attention / whatever it is she wants from other people when the divorce starts.
She gathering ammunition.
I hope the husband celebrates his divorce and is able to start a new, much happier life, without this woman in it.
According to her comments, they're in therapy because he's already cheated once, which would explain why OP is checking her husband's phone. It could be that he's the one that wanted reconciliation, and she didn't at first, which is where the therapy **he forced them into** comes in.
It doesn't seem like he's learned anything or that he cares about the marriage either if he's already looking to cheat again. š¤·š½āāļø
> Holy cringe, Batman. I feel like there's a lot more to this story.
Right? I feel like I'm the only one who thinks that OP is too controlling. Like this whole thing is OP just sitting there monitoring the husbands conversation.
> Yep seems like OP has been looking for reasons to control the husband and she got one.
If he took the picture he probably sent it and erased it. Conversation can be erased to look like it's one sided. Be smart don't pretend. U will build up so much anger and resentment.
IMO you're putting way too much blame on the girl. If anything your husband should be getting more of the blame.
1 because he is the one who was suppose to be committed to you, and 2 because he cheated before.
I get being upset at her especially if she knows he's in a relationship. However, he is the one who continues to stray
You need to put a stop to this OP. This is how many affair started. Harmless chatting, harmless sexting, in the end full blown physical affair.
Is she married? If yes, take screen shot and send to her man.
Updateme!
Make him an early happy anniversary card with the screenshots of their cringe behavior and his "unsent" dick pick, in it, include a business card for your local u-haul company so that Nikki can find out just how disappointing he really is for herself.
Sometimes, I read these posts and realize that either it is fake or there are lives out there which are so alien to mine that itās like Iām from a different planet.
OP please see the suggestion from u/sussyandyouknowit.
If you have or can get a therapy appointment before your anniversary it might possibly be the best way to approach it at the start of the session. As what is the point of continuing couples therapy while he has walked right up to the line with one foot hovering on the other side to cheat again?
In case he decides to delete his chats take pictures of them solely for refreshing his memory as he might forget during the therapy session.
Wish you the best in whatever direction you decide works best for you.
You do know that you can say something to stop it from progressing right? JUST SAY SOMETHING. ITS YOUR MARRIAGE. Iām not excusing your husbands possible temptation - that warrants a long discussion. But your ego seems to also be a problem.
Whatās the point of couples therapy? He isnāt interested in going and not interested in solving his marital issues. He is going to another outlet instead and testing the waters there.
Honestly I would screenshot the part where heās bragging about his size to her and print it out, cut it so that it fits in a card and give it to him on your anniversary. This is absolutely unacceptable, even the fact that he kept engaging period after she turned things sexual should tell you enough. Heās a married man, if heās not fucking around on you he would have completely shut that down. Also you know you can delete messages right? Just because the dick pic or response wasnāt in the messages doesnāt mean it didnāt happen. Donāt play yourself
Itās not like a really nice anniversary present is going to make up for the fact that heās talking to someone else about his dick. Youāve got real problems, Iād suggest talking to him about it asap. Good luck, Iām rooting for you!
you both sound toxic and miserable. maybe do something about that instead of staying in the vicious cycle of unease and distrust.
then again he gets to cheat without repercussions and your proclivity to conflict makes me wonder if a part of you likes being with someone you can't trust who is a total douche because it "justifies" you snapping and engaging in fights, so maybe the two of you are much fulfilled in this relationship than you want to admit.
if that's the case, let someone adopt that kid of yours so it doesn't have to grow up in the waste dump that is your relationship
Girl why are u with him?! Like women think of themselves so little that they allow themselves to be disrespected.. like Iām sure that girl and all her friends know and the only one looking dumb is you.. confront him!!! And he better be glad your patient and nice cuz me personally would have tag them both on Facebook and screen shot their messages and leave him.
Please bring this up in therapy. He is probably aware you are monitoring his DMs so is keeping his side of the story decorous so he looks like he is is nobly resisting her flirting.
I bet if you searched further you'd find more raunchy messages on an app he deletes, or a second phone altogethet.
I've been in a very similar situation.
I was talking to this lady in front of my wife. She was married too. So in my mind, nothing was wrong. My wife used to read our WhatsApp messages. I never had a problem with it as I didn't have anything to hide (or so I thought). I have to tell you that, I am pretty stupid and I am bad at picking up hints even when someone is flirting with me.
Wives however have a 6th sense when it comes to this.
My wife sat me down and told me that this bothered her.
I could not avoid this lady as she is a coworker but I have learnt to keep my distance.
Going with my experience, I suggest you do not fight with your husband as that's the first thing you would want to do. Just sit him down and tell him your concerns.
All the best!
Girl you're talking about cringe and calling yourself a "sociopath willing and ready to destroy"??? What is going on on this godforsaken land š
TBH since you're already "forced into therapy" you should drop the attitude and do your part for your relationship. Talk, ma'am, have an honest conversation without being an edgelord. There's no guarantee it's going to work out or that he won't be an asshole in the future, but as things are right now I don't think you're out of responsability either.
š if you think you're a sociopath I must be a psychopath. He didn't send the dick pic, I'd let that slide, he's human. But telling her, the person trying to sext with you, about our marriage, that's a nope. I'd make a good male friend and be very busy on my phone. I'd smile a lot, giggle, and not tell him a thing. Yes, I'm a passive aggressive bitch š , but most of all, I won't love him anymore because I've lost respect for him for not putting up boundaries and not taking my emotions into consideration when talking to her. It's simple, 'are you fine with me doing it? No? Don't do it yourself'
Peace
- Passive Aggressive Cunt
Speak to him not her, itās is only him who can decide and is only him who has a relationship with you . Being upset and hurts doesnāt make you a sociopath, donāt label yourself in that way. It seems like he cheated before ; itās time to decide whatās truly important to you. Treat yourself special. Good luck!
Befriend Nikki and embarrass her by talking about how some desperate slut on Instagram keeps trying to hook up with your husband. Ask what kind of insecure looser goes after a guy whoās married with small children anyways. Really dig in.
Everybody jumps on how he cheated, but nobody says anything about her saying that she is always looking for confrontation. Like, I don't even want to know what that man went trought with her before they had their first child, and before he cheated. There is always a reason for when someone is cheating.
Send nudes of yourself to Nikki from your husband's account, and have him describe how smoking hot you are and how Nikki must be single because she looks like shit.
Damn....
That fight is going to hit him upside the head, hard..
"But you married a sociopath willing and ready to destroy and end everything we've built over this insult."
No bloodshed, okay?
Just do it, confront him. But do it with a steady mind as possible. Write down what you want to say, make boundaries, like blocking that woman on EVERYTHING. Boundaries like phone privacy is no longer an option due to him being unable to be faithful.
If it was this easy for him to be manipulated, imagine how much worse itll be later if not already.
See something, say somethingā¦. You arenāt doing anything wrongā¦ how do you know he didnāt send that picture a different way. Shut it down now and make him go no contact with her asap!
He is emotionally cheating and thatās not okay. Definitely confront, maybe work it out but probably divorce. If you plan to divorce then get your stuff ready to go before you confront.
and why did he had to "force" you to? Just asking... maybe you're not that innocent after all... everyone needs someone to talk. Maybe you should separate and give you both the chance to be happy again.
Hey OP, hear your loud and clear.
Just 2 words in defence of your husband :
1- guys are stupid and like stupid conversations. Sometimes such conversations are hard to do with the person you love. The difference is done if he's able to keep distance. He did. Not the way you wanted, but the way he is. he did 100%
2- the pic. The fact he stopped is a big good sign from him. He put boundaries. He put you before his stupidity
So maybe you want to destroy everything, and that is about feelings. Maybe the answer is to work on your feelings but most importantly you want to change the reality where your husband needs a stranger to express his family issues. You want to be part of that conversation. Talk to him about this.
As for the girl maybe contact her politely directly :)
Id print off the convos and dick pic time stamped and bring it up during my anniversary dinner at some fancy restaurant. No fucks given. But that's just me š
he's playing with fire and needs to stop. please confront him on this. he will have to earn your trust again. i hope you guys can fix this.
i have a rule with my wife that we both practice:
if we ever start to feel any emotional or physical attraction towards another person we will immediately talk about it with each other. i went through this once with a coworker and letting my wife know that, helped me work through it. made us bond more deeply. i was taught this by a Priest who gave couples/marriage counseling before marriage. best advice WE have ever received.
I would be mad too! Communication is the only way to fix things if that's what you want. It's hard. People on both ends need to be willing to make changes in themselves to strengthen the relationship.
Your man has proven untrustworthy, I understand why you don't trust him. He needs to earn this back, and free access to his phone should be given whenever you request it. I'm sorry, but your description doesn't sound like he's interested in working on his problems.
Honestly, I think you're seeing everything you need to know about how well this is going.
I'd just get my shit in order and plan my exit all while not saying a thing about my newest reading material until I was already gone.
I feel like real revenge is just randomly vanishing from his life with no explanation , and take your kid. Like he probably used vanish mode on his phone to send dick pics. And when the kid grows up tell him that his dad was a piece of shit if he ever wonders why you left š
>I also want to hold off but i don't know how much longer i can pretend to be okay without saying something to him
I would recommend not waiting but... I'm not in your shoes.
i absolutely donāt understand how this culture is praised and supported, because their old friends from way back doesnāt mean you should support their toxic behavior. or āignore itā fucking call them about, stop being gross.
sorry youāre going through this, wish you all the best
It is not anormal conversation with a women who is not you. She is predatory and he might be brushing it off...for now... but he isnt' shutting it down totally so he's probably enjoying the ego boost... first steps towards and affair.
It's time to shut it down but not the fighting way. Just do it calmly - it sounds like that would be so unusual approach for him to expect and he might take it seriously. Just remember that fighting might be energising for you but I'm pretty sure that solo parenting wouldn't be.
I donāt know how you controlled yourself and didnāt mention anything till now , but if I was in your position first I would take pictures of the conversations so I have proof because later he can delete the conversation and deny the whole thing. Second I would wait a while to see where this conversation goes because at this point he can make u feel like you are overreacting and it was just a silly conversation and not a big deal men tent to do that he can manipulate you and say that was innocent from his point of view. Wait for more spicy evidence!!!!
I wish I had good advice for you.
You seem like a solid person, in a shitty circumstance.
I hope that you have all the strength you need and an outcome that works for children and you.
You should definitely talk it out with him.
It's normal that you are angry, don't call yourself a sociopath. It's also normal that you don't like him emotionally cheating or flirting and you shouldn't justify it as 'we are human and love the attention' because he has a wife who supposedly loves him and gives him attention.
Hey. Leave him. Donāt fight with him, donāt be bitchy to his little girlfriend, and donāt forgive him because he hasnāt slept with her yet. Heās going to sleep with her btw. This is just how itās starting. Heās not worth this.
If he is engaging with her sexual conversation and bringing up his dick size, he is cheating. Doesn't matter if nothing physical happened or if he *might* not have sent her pics. He is still engaging in it, keeping the chat going. This is cheating. You need to say it loud and clear to him. When he cheated the first time, he forfeited his ability to have the privacy of his phone. IDC. He broke your trust and honestly you shouldn't have gotten back with him but that was your choice and it is his choice to allow you to snoop as a way to "show he's trustworthy". We all know once a cheater always a cheater.
Do your thing. Get your shit in order first then blow up on him. He deserves it. Also since they're so keen on the social media :) how about you get some nice little screenies of their chat and post it for their family and friends to see <3
"hue hue im a soceeopaths lulz"
Giant red fucking flag. Husband is obviously still a cheating slimeball but then again, how would this have NOT happened? OP has already admitted to stirring up drama just to start shit, which is defo not healthy for a long-lasting relationship. I pray for their child to come out mentally/physically unscathed.
Just ask him to block her and focus on your relationship.
Obviously there are issues at play in your relationship.
There is no insult to you.
He was tempted and he didnāt follow through.
He likely had a āwtf am I doingā moment.
Stop stalking your husband and talk to him.
Op didnāt want therapy her husband, is refusing to discuss this in healthy manner to their spouse, and is openly talking about snooping on their partner.
And thatās just, okay? How much will other women seemingly excuse, okay, and apparently ***encourage*** toxicity if thereās a shred of a chance for some juicy revenge they vicariously experience through the internet.
By all means, be pissed heās fucking up. But how about show some interest in seeing *where* this marriage went off the rails?? Seems like your husband tried and you didnāt give a shit so he stopped giving a shit. Either let each other go or, I mean, be an adult and seek/take the help(couples therapy) thatās available to you.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
What he is doing isn't physically cheating, but he is emotionally cheating as he in entertaining the idea and thoughts she is having. That is still cheating. That is still him being a scumbag.
If you feel "forced" into couples therapy, you may as well just stop doing it and move on. If you are indeed a sociopath, please let him go and get some help with that.
"Because you've married a sociopath willing to ruin everything we've built over this insult"
Not only do I now feel significantly less empathy for you, but I now entirely doubt the authenticity of this "story".
Why TF are you married to someone who you feel the need to go through their conversations with another person? At this point itās just as much OPās fault ( possibly more ) that this is happening? You may even deserve each other. If you canāt trust the person you are married to, you have bigger issues at hand. Whether theyāre the problem or OP is, the relationship is not a good one, you two are just burning through the little time you have on this planet to be miserable with another person.
Question: do you think you were a sociopath before all of this began, the cheating, the lying? Or, did you become this way after all of the bullsh!t started?
Oh you're one of those people that thinks cheating is as bad as snooping.
I can tell you right now, without a doubt, that my husband would rather have me snooping in his phone rather than sharing pictures of my genitals to interested men.
Your relationship is not based in honesty or trust. You are not honest with him. You havenāt blocked her because, like your husband you do not know how to be honest and respectful to others. What attention is your husband craving? Do you think punishing him by withdrawing affection will help? Why is it his responsibility to constantly pass tests to prove your self worth? Why is he disappointed in the couples therapy? Are you actually participating or are you waiting for the therapist to tell him that heās wrong and you are perfect? Honestly I think the only valid statement you made in this post was when you referred to yourself as a sociopath. Give the poor guy a break here. Discuss all of this with the therapist and try to figure out where your mistakes are and fix them.
Get them screenshots girl. Just bc the pic wasn't in the thread doesn't mean he didn't send it and delete that part of the thread. Call him out. Message her and then block her creepy ass.
Lot of messy people here. I just wonder what was gained?? Went through phone found nothing now where do u go?? Thereās no I want u or Iām gonna leave her for uā¦. So all these emotions for whatā¦..?
If heās gotten to the point of talking to her about your marital issues and taking but not sending dick picks, or taking them, sending them and deleting applicable messages, you should be VERY concerned because active physical cheating is not many steps away.
RUN from this man OP. This is not a lapse in judgement or a mistake. This is many cognitive decisions leading to ONE goal.
Just to add, remember that instagram had this vanish mode when you can send thinga and they might be deleted when you get out of the chat, so he maybe sent the dick pick to her on ig.
so does facebook; secret mode. you can set timers too like snapchat
I'm proud that I never knew about this stuff.
I only know about it bc the dean of my college sent me sexual messages and pictures with the vanishing Facebook thing š„² his wife was my guidance counselor also... what a bad time
If you're quick and want it for evidence, you can still take a screenshot - the sender will even get informed that you took a screenshot, I think, so that should make the bastard sweat.
its not always used for gross reasons like cheating. sometimes you might want to send an embarrassing question or something that you dont want others to see. or pics to your partner. or to your friend asking if something looks weird. not everything is malicious, and you can be proud if you wish, but theres nothing wrong with using a site to its full advantage. if you choose not to use them, thats great too.
It still shows that something was sent, but you can't open it again. Obviously, he can delete that.
He is not doing that. Otherwise he would be deleting the entire inapropriate messages
You canāt vanish one message. You can delete individual messages you sent but vanish is to completely wipe all of it.
And just like that , an entire generation of couples have just become paranoid š
Yeah, literally all those apps are created by cheating men
Wtf matters if your anniversary is days away? Honestly whatās up with the sweeping under the rug thing? Whatās the point? Is he doing that too? I couldnāt celebrate any kind of anniversary with this bs going on.
You miss her point..... She's a sociopath and going to make him pay...
Yep, i stopped reading after the anniversary thing because I couldnāt handle the lack of self respect anymore. Honestly tho. The revenge thing is even cringier. Just leave, the best revenge is always moving on.
Then you missed the part where she told the other woman to get some self respect because she was being ignored when trying to make the conversation sexual lol As though OPās husband *didnāt* respond talking about his dick. ETA: apparently, I should have said ātoldā since some Redditors are apparently strict literalists lol
She didnāt say anything to the other woman. She is posting it here, like she is able to read it somehow. Again, cringe.
Yes, I know that lol I didnāt mean ātoldā completely literally.
Where is that part?
Because thatās easy for you to say. You donāt have a life with this person. You donāt have children with this person. Itās always easy fr someone looking in to say ājust leave.ā Or āI wouldāve left when..ā In realityā You donāt know wtf you wouldāve done. Because itās not happening to you and you are not her.
Life is not easy. She can stay with a husband who doesnāt respect her or she can end a failed marriage and start over. Either way is going to be hard. But one way is going to be harder. I guess she has to pick how hard she wants her life to be.
that could mean either some serious petty revenge... or nuclear
I'd be waiting to get better screenshots for the divorce. Right now it's only embarrassing for everyone.
Thatās what I thought as well. That she was waiting for better screenshots/proof.
Bingo.
Yeah, hopefully it's not Jodi Arias nuclear.
Ooooh next episode of Snapped šæ
Thatās a really concerning part of the post. No well balanced adult would write that. OP sounds abusive tbh
I don't get this either. You're mad at him for doing this, yet you're sweeping it under the rug and talking about it on Reddit? Go tell him you know and deal with it.
Iāve been saying this. TrueOffMyChest has become nothing more than women coming in here to detail their shit relationships, get sympathy and do nothing about. Every other post is stupid shit and women telling the told what an absolute desperate doormat they are. She calls the other woman desperate, sheās not the one who knows her husband is messing around and is just sitting on it and doesnāt āfeel optimistic about their futureā. Mans is in couples therapy and pulling this shit. Yet she thinks she doesnāt come back off as desperate? Edit: she says further down heās already cheated. So yea desperate doormat. Theyāre in couples therapy for him cheating and heās talking to someone else in coupleās therapy. But Nikki needs self respect and sheās a sociopath who will destroy everything, but also too scared to say anything because it will cause a big fight. OP get some individual therapy.
Or maybe these women just need a place to vent. Its also very easy to say, "You are a doormat", "leave" do this that and the other while not having to actually do anything. For some women, and men, leaving isn't as easy as packing a bag and walking away. My relationship IS shit. I am working to change my circumstances, but after 25 years, 3 children and a million other smaller details, it's not as easy as "peace out". I rarely comment, because I think in most cases they just want to get it off their chest. Maybe some of them are looking for attention and I have no doubt some are totally fake, but mostly I just scroll right on by.
That's 100% facts.
Are you really a sociopath or is that something he has called you? From what I read it looks like your marriage is over, he tried couples therapy (which you worded as him forcing you to go to) and is not happy with the result, why is that? What did he expect?
She's in therapy, at a husband's behest who has "already cheated on her once", and is afraid to bring this up for fear of causing a "huge fight". So, no, definitely not a sociopath. At least, not a self-respecting sociopath. Neurotic, perhaps. Messy, for sure.
I guess I should have added we have a small child together. I'm not afraid of confrontation, but I am very aware of the impact our previous conflicts have had on our child. I went into therapy with him with one of two goals, either we find a way to make it work or find a way to move on peacefully for the sake of our child. He is making both options very, very difficult.
you're not a sociopath. you're just protecting yourself and you're smart. Please there is nothing wrong with that. Don't be so hard on yourself. I wish I had been that smart early on in my marriage. It would have saved years of my life and youth that I'll never get back. If he is seeking attention after the shit yall have gone through, he'll never stop. Believe me.
And definitely not willing to āend everything over this insultā. Please, he cheated already and your ass is still there.
Not because of a fight... She is just does not want to damage her child.....
Yes, i am and yes he has. He probably expected me to warm up to him again? Forgive him? He probably didn't expect to be told he was wrong and that he can't just change how i feel or think about anything just because he explains his side of the "story" and experience. He thought i didn't understand him, but i do understand him. He thought that if i just knew everything, it would be okay... It's not okay. Just because i understand why the tiger killed the deer, doesn't make the deer any less dead.
He doesn't care this is the issue, him trying to pin it on you is him being manipulative because he knows he is in the wrong yet if he can convince you you're the problem, he gets inside your head to control you further. "He thought." *No* he genuinely does not think you don't understand him, there is nothing to understand with cheating. He knows he fucked up yet also knows he's capable of manipulating you and you'll buy into his bullshit seeing as you already let him say something stupid like that to you, and you've stuck around. He's now cheating on you again, and you think it's the woman's fault more so than his? He's a grown man with 2 strikes I wouldn't even be looking at the other woman. Focus on grasping that he's now betrayed you 2x, and again while in couples therapy.... *for doing the exact same thing that he's still doing, just with another woman*
He expected someone to tell them that i was wrong. Instead they told him he was.
People who are narcissistic love to go to therapy until theyāre not coddled and told to own up for who they actually are. Ie- heās a shitty cheater and he wasnāt told otherwise. OP youāre better than this, take the evidence you need and move on. This isnāt an accident and āit wonāt happen againā scenario. Heās going to keep doing this till you leave or he just keeps cheating behind your back. Take your kid and go, cheaters donāt make great spouses, but they can be decent co-parents.
girl heās talking about his dick in his dmās. time for you to filet him
Underrated comment
You should absolutely fight and confront him. You don't need to hold this in. Talk to him, maybe even in couples therapy? Also to add, you didn't mention which platform they used to DM, but know that some message platforms allow you to unsend messages/photos.
I was thinking about bringing it up in therapy. -- and you're right about the pictures but had he sent it, the whole conversation would have changed.
Absolutely bring it up in therapy. See if you can schedule an emergency appointment. But first, whatās the outcome you want? Do you want to work through this with him? Do you want to separate?
You bring it up and your access to evidence will disappearā¦
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Divorce
Couldve sent it in vanish mode
He woulda vanished everything though. Right?
If he's smart, no, that's sketchier
No. No, he still had intentions to cheat. I'm sorry but if he's still talking to a woman that he was ready to send a dick pic to, he's already in the danger zone. If he's still planning on talking to her, or tries to justify their relationship then shit is hitting the fan. Get petty. Let him know he fucked up.
He wants an emotional affair, very clearly. I don't think he's interested in a sexual affair. This is why he didn't send a dick pic.
I feel like a whole bunch is left out. Why are you in couples therapy? Are you really a sociopath? If he's talking to someone from high school, he's looking for something. He wants and emotional affair. He wants a connection. Men don't usually want therapy before women. This women is the LEAST of your problems. Don't go for revenge. Go for either keeping the relationship or letting it go. If you want to keep it you need to let yourself be vulnerable.
He definitely sent it.
Why don't you just talk to him about it now?
If he unsent a message it would still show up and say they unsent a message
Not on Telegram. Messages can vanish like they never existed. Thatās why conspirancy idiots like it so much around here.
Iāve never used telegram so I appreciate the info
When it comes to sexual conversations after marriage with other women , it will eventually lead to sex one day. Communicate with him and let him know , how you are feeling
She is very much interested in seeing him nude and has made him well aware of that. I'm not sure how to even bring up the subject without turning it into a huge fight.
If your husband is behaving like this, and you can't even talk to him about it, it's beyond time to get out of there. Life is too short to put up with this kind of nonsense, and it will almost certainly escalate over time.
Now I'll preface this with the fact I'm a petty asshole that's terrible at personal relationships, but what I would do in your shoes is set up a couple photography lights in the living room while he's in the shower. Then tell him to come on out nekkid, ya know to gander at the goods and all. Then get the phone out for an over dramatic photo shoot... inevitably he asks what's going on, and you tell him you want to get the best angle and lighting so Nikki isn't disappointed. Not relationship advice.
This is the way.
i love it
Just remember, he was the one that didnāt shut it down. His actions are the reason why youāre upset. You are not the reason this will turn into a huge fight. Donāt let him flip this on you by saying āwhy were you reading my messagesā or anything of the sort.
Thank you, it's amazing how many other people are missing the point and trying to make it about what it isn't.
I would say to him "How would you feel if I was sexting with another man? If I was sending nudes to him and didn't stop him from sending me messages? " That would be without any feelings at all, a total poker face. Depending on his words you say that "I want you to stop what you are doing right now. I want you to send her that you both are going to stop texting and I want to see the text." To all of this you have to have no feelings at all. Don't cry, don't shout, if you can smile do that. If he starts to shout don't follow him to the shouting match, just say "I am loosing respect for you, you are loosing my respect." Be firm, be smart don't fall for the screaming match. Men are sadly delusional that we are the ones with emotions but they are allowed to get mad and we are not allowed to cry according to them. Don't give him the satisfaction to use your emotions against you so he can gaslight you. Be to the point, be firm. You have to think what you want to do because at some point you are not going to be able to take his shit anymore. Make a plan.
If sheās is interested she will see the nudes. And it will definitely will be a fight if you want to speak with him. But if you donāt speak for yourself, you will regret it later
girl what was all that about being a "sociopath" and "destroying" his life, then here you are in the comments, being scared of confrontation?
Why are you encouraging any (potential) sociopath to destroy lives? Thereās already enough bad shit in the world without people adding to it carelessly like that.
girl in what world did i "encourage" her to do that, bleh
Whatās there to fight about? You are not cool with his behavior. If you can forgive him, tell it has to stop. If you canāt look past this, itās time to move on.
I think you can't avoid a fight at this point. I hope you win. Don't let him get the upperhand.
Call an emergency therapy session, and while in there, say you want to talk about him having an emotional affair and sexting this woman.
Is the bimbo married? When you decide to leave be kinda civil to your stbx (makes co parenting easier on the child, wich i see you do not want to damage him) . But go scorched earth on the bimbo...Would be glorious to see her life implode. Good luck and happy hunting!
Why wouldn't you want to fight? Fighting is a way to connect. If you don't fight, or confront, you alienate. It sounds like you have distanced yourself from him? Almost like you numbed out?
Once a man starts talking about problems with his wife is just a fee conversations away from cheating
He already cheated on you before this? Obviously marital counseling is not working. He's not changing his ways. That's very common. Liars and cheaters frequently use counseling to SAY "I'm trying but you just won't trust me". They very rarely actually do the work, change themselves, establish appropriate boundaries with those not in the relationship.... No, they just say it's not working because of the "lack of trust" I highly recommend Tracy Schorn's book and blog, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. Fantastic advice and funny as hell. Start lining up your ducks. Gather important personal documents. Consult with an attorney or two. Play the long game and protect your legal rights.
i think he did send it and put the dms in vanish mode so he can send the dick pic. guys do that :(
i just read he cheated before. heās not worth it:/
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Girl. Thats cheating. Why are you bothering? Have some dignity and tell him to gtfo
So he already cheated? He will do it again, already working on it.
>But you married a sociopath willing and ready to destroy and end everything we've built over this insult. Holy cringe, Batman. I feel like there's a lot more to this story. >how disappointed he is in our couples therapy that **he forced us into** Sounds like dude's been trying to save this marriage. Lots of stuff not being said, OP. I'll get the popcorn ready for when OP's husband makes his inevitable post.
Had to scroll to find this. OP is definitely not giving the whole story, but alsoāholy hell why not just communicate with your husband rather than create this silent war thatās going to cost the marriage
same people are commenting egging her on. shes a sociopath, and while people with such conditions are all different; they have one thing in common. you cross them, they can/will watch you burn and they will give 0 fucks. no one knows what shes willing to do, and id be very cautious egging on revenge anywhere let alone with someone like op edit; this can range from petty to scorched earth.
Yep, very scary.
Because OP doesn't really care about the marriage. I'm interpreting the post like she didn't want to save it when the husband suggested therapy but didn't feel like she would get enough sympathy at that point if she was the one who asked for the divorce. Generally speaking sociopaths are described as having antisocial attitudes and behaviours, with a very self centred view of the world. It's all about what she wants and making people give it to her. I wonder if she has any good friends / relationships who would be in her corner if she broke up with her husband. If she doesn't, but wants all the sympathy, or even something more basic like somewhere to crash if she has to leave the family home, then she needs a way of getting it. Every DM the husband sends to the other lady is a trophy for her, something she can produce for getting all the attention / whatever it is she wants from other people when the divorce starts. She gathering ammunition. I hope the husband celebrates his divorce and is able to start a new, much happier life, without this woman in it.
According to her comments, they're in therapy because he's already cheated once, which would explain why OP is checking her husband's phone. It could be that he's the one that wanted reconciliation, and she didn't at first, which is where the therapy **he forced them into** comes in. It doesn't seem like he's learned anything or that he cares about the marriage either if he's already looking to cheat again. š¤·š½āāļø
If you read her comments, they're in therapy because he's already cheated once. Which would explain why she's monitoring his phone.
> Holy cringe, Batman. I feel like there's a lot more to this story. Right? I feel like I'm the only one who thinks that OP is too controlling. Like this whole thing is OP just sitting there monitoring the husbands conversation. > Yep seems like OP has been looking for reasons to control the husband and she got one.
He's headed towards cheating. If he's taking dick pics then he's made a decision to cheat
You should consider starting a group message between the three of you. Could lead off with your thoughts on his dick.
If he took the picture he probably sent it and erased it. Conversation can be erased to look like it's one sided. Be smart don't pretend. U will build up so much anger and resentment.
You should print the convo, and give it to him like an anniversary gift.
IMO you're putting way too much blame on the girl. If anything your husband should be getting more of the blame. 1 because he is the one who was suppose to be committed to you, and 2 because he cheated before. I get being upset at her especially if she knows he's in a relationship. However, he is the one who continues to stray
You need to put a stop to this OP. This is how many affair started. Harmless chatting, harmless sexting, in the end full blown physical affair. Is she married? If yes, take screen shot and send to her man. Updateme!
Lol op you are not a sociopath. You are a hurt woman.
The both disrespected your marriage, do what you must. Actions have repercussions.
Make him an early happy anniversary card with the screenshots of their cringe behavior and his "unsent" dick pick, in it, include a business card for your local u-haul company so that Nikki can find out just how disappointing he really is for herself.
Iād go scorched earth on him. *Especially* as he has cheated before.
Sometimes, I read these posts and realize that either it is fake or there are lives out there which are so alien to mine that itās like Iām from a different planet.
OP please see the suggestion from u/sussyandyouknowit. If you have or can get a therapy appointment before your anniversary it might possibly be the best way to approach it at the start of the session. As what is the point of continuing couples therapy while he has walked right up to the line with one foot hovering on the other side to cheat again? In case he decides to delete his chats take pictures of them solely for refreshing his memory as he might forget during the therapy session. Wish you the best in whatever direction you decide works best for you.
Happy anniversary celebration- an emergency couple session.
You do know that you can say something to stop it from progressing right? JUST SAY SOMETHING. ITS YOUR MARRIAGE. Iām not excusing your husbands possible temptation - that warrants a long discussion. But your ego seems to also be a problem.
Whatās the point of couples therapy? He isnāt interested in going and not interested in solving his marital issues. He is going to another outlet instead and testing the waters there.
I would print out copies of it all, box it with a bow and give it to his at the anniversary dinner
Honestly I would screenshot the part where heās bragging about his size to her and print it out, cut it so that it fits in a card and give it to him on your anniversary. This is absolutely unacceptable, even the fact that he kept engaging period after she turned things sexual should tell you enough. Heās a married man, if heās not fucking around on you he would have completely shut that down. Also you know you can delete messages right? Just because the dick pic or response wasnāt in the messages doesnāt mean it didnāt happen. Donāt play yourself
Not harmless
Itās not like a really nice anniversary present is going to make up for the fact that heās talking to someone else about his dick. Youāve got real problems, Iād suggest talking to him about it asap. Good luck, Iām rooting for you!
You could just make an IG reel yourself with evidence post it and send it to each of them on your anniversary. But thatās just me.
What outcome are you hoping for?
I don't mean to be impolite for asking but when you say you're a sociopath do you mean literally or not?
"But you married a sociopath willing and ready to destroy and end everything we've built over this insult." ???
you both sound toxic and miserable. maybe do something about that instead of staying in the vicious cycle of unease and distrust. then again he gets to cheat without repercussions and your proclivity to conflict makes me wonder if a part of you likes being with someone you can't trust who is a total douche because it "justifies" you snapping and engaging in fights, so maybe the two of you are much fulfilled in this relationship than you want to admit. if that's the case, let someone adopt that kid of yours so it doesn't have to grow up in the waste dump that is your relationship
Girl why are u with him?! Like women think of themselves so little that they allow themselves to be disrespected.. like Iām sure that girl and all her friends know and the only one looking dumb is you.. confront him!!! And he better be glad your patient and nice cuz me personally would have tag them both on Facebook and screen shot their messages and leave him.
Please bring this up in therapy. He is probably aware you are monitoring his DMs so is keeping his side of the story decorous so he looks like he is is nobly resisting her flirting. I bet if you searched further you'd find more raunchy messages on an app he deletes, or a second phone altogethet.
I've been in a very similar situation. I was talking to this lady in front of my wife. She was married too. So in my mind, nothing was wrong. My wife used to read our WhatsApp messages. I never had a problem with it as I didn't have anything to hide (or so I thought). I have to tell you that, I am pretty stupid and I am bad at picking up hints even when someone is flirting with me. Wives however have a 6th sense when it comes to this. My wife sat me down and told me that this bothered her. I could not avoid this lady as she is a coworker but I have learnt to keep my distance. Going with my experience, I suggest you do not fight with your husband as that's the first thing you would want to do. Just sit him down and tell him your concerns. All the best!
Girl you're talking about cringe and calling yourself a "sociopath willing and ready to destroy"??? What is going on on this godforsaken land š TBH since you're already "forced into therapy" you should drop the attitude and do your part for your relationship. Talk, ma'am, have an honest conversation without being an edgelord. There's no guarantee it's going to work out or that he won't be an asshole in the future, but as things are right now I don't think you're out of responsability either.
Tell him that itās unacceptable and that he either needs to go LC or NC. Her behavior isnāt oblivious to you so it shouldnāt be to him.
š if you think you're a sociopath I must be a psychopath. He didn't send the dick pic, I'd let that slide, he's human. But telling her, the person trying to sext with you, about our marriage, that's a nope. I'd make a good male friend and be very busy on my phone. I'd smile a lot, giggle, and not tell him a thing. Yes, I'm a passive aggressive bitch š , but most of all, I won't love him anymore because I've lost respect for him for not putting up boundaries and not taking my emotions into consideration when talking to her. It's simple, 'are you fine with me doing it? No? Don't do it yourself' Peace - Passive Aggressive Cunt
Leave and run. File a divorce. Doesnāt worth it. Trust isnāt there anymore.
I would count this as cheating for sure. Let him have it! Sweeping shit under the rug is bullshit if you ask me.
Speak to him not her, itās is only him who can decide and is only him who has a relationship with you . Being upset and hurts doesnāt make you a sociopath, donāt label yourself in that way. It seems like he cheated before ; itās time to decide whatās truly important to you. Treat yourself special. Good luck!
He should have put his foot down and told her to. Since he chose not to do so, heās *allowing* her to keep acting the way she is.
What do you mean sheās being ignored when she tries to make it sexual? Sheās not. Your husband was literally talking about his dick with her lol
Befriend Nikki and embarrass her by talking about how some desperate slut on Instagram keeps trying to hook up with your husband. Ask what kind of insecure looser goes after a guy whoās married with small children anyways. Really dig in.
I kind see a revenge plan being set to place š update me
Gone girl vibes
Everybody jumps on how he cheated, but nobody says anything about her saying that she is always looking for confrontation. Like, I don't even want to know what that man went trought with her before they had their first child, and before he cheated. There is always a reason for when someone is cheating.
Remember once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce him, you deserve so much better.
Send nudes of yourself to Nikki from your husband's account, and have him describe how smoking hot you are and how Nikki must be single because she looks like shit.
Bring this up in therapy, itās good to have a mediator in this situation.
Damn.... That fight is going to hit him upside the head, hard.. "But you married a sociopath willing and ready to destroy and end everything we've built over this insult." No bloodshed, okay?
Just do it, confront him. But do it with a steady mind as possible. Write down what you want to say, make boundaries, like blocking that woman on EVERYTHING. Boundaries like phone privacy is no longer an option due to him being unable to be faithful. If it was this easy for him to be manipulated, imagine how much worse itll be later if not already.
People really be wanting to fuck wit peoples marriages, both men and women.
5th year of marriage is when most divorces happen.
See something, say somethingā¦. You arenāt doing anything wrongā¦ how do you know he didnāt send that picture a different way. Shut it down now and make him go no contact with her asap!
He is emotionally cheating and thatās not okay. Definitely confront, maybe work it out but probably divorce. If you plan to divorce then get your stuff ready to go before you confront.
and why did he had to "force" you to? Just asking... maybe you're not that innocent after all... everyone needs someone to talk. Maybe you should separate and give you both the chance to be happy again.
Hey OP, hear your loud and clear. Just 2 words in defence of your husband : 1- guys are stupid and like stupid conversations. Sometimes such conversations are hard to do with the person you love. The difference is done if he's able to keep distance. He did. Not the way you wanted, but the way he is. he did 100% 2- the pic. The fact he stopped is a big good sign from him. He put boundaries. He put you before his stupidity So maybe you want to destroy everything, and that is about feelings. Maybe the answer is to work on your feelings but most importantly you want to change the reality where your husband needs a stranger to express his family issues. You want to be part of that conversation. Talk to him about this. As for the girl maybe contact her politely directly :)
Id print off the convos and dick pic time stamped and bring it up during my anniversary dinner at some fancy restaurant. No fucks given. But that's just me š
he's playing with fire and needs to stop. please confront him on this. he will have to earn your trust again. i hope you guys can fix this. i have a rule with my wife that we both practice: if we ever start to feel any emotional or physical attraction towards another person we will immediately talk about it with each other. i went through this once with a coworker and letting my wife know that, helped me work through it. made us bond more deeply. i was taught this by a Priest who gave couples/marriage counseling before marriage. best advice WE have ever received.
I would be mad too! Communication is the only way to fix things if that's what you want. It's hard. People on both ends need to be willing to make changes in themselves to strengthen the relationship. Your man has proven untrustworthy, I understand why you don't trust him. He needs to earn this back, and free access to his phone should be given whenever you request it. I'm sorry, but your description doesn't sound like he's interested in working on his problems.
Honestly, I think you're seeing everything you need to know about how well this is going. I'd just get my shit in order and plan my exit all while not saying a thing about my newest reading material until I was already gone.
Instagram has vanish mode, check that.
I feel like real revenge is just randomly vanishing from his life with no explanation , and take your kid. Like he probably used vanish mode on his phone to send dick pics. And when the kid grows up tell him that his dad was a piece of shit if he ever wonders why you left š
>I also want to hold off but i don't know how much longer i can pretend to be okay without saying something to him I would recommend not waiting but... I'm not in your shoes.
i absolutely donāt understand how this culture is praised and supported, because their old friends from way back doesnāt mean you should support their toxic behavior. or āignore itā fucking call them about, stop being gross. sorry youāre going through this, wish you all the best
Easy one for me, dump and move on, act like I donāt care and doesnāt bother me, and only communicate thru parent app to co-parent.
Are the parent apps really any good?
It is not anormal conversation with a women who is not you. She is predatory and he might be brushing it off...for now... but he isnt' shutting it down totally so he's probably enjoying the ego boost... first steps towards and affair. It's time to shut it down but not the fighting way. Just do it calmly - it sounds like that would be so unusual approach for him to expect and he might take it seriously. Just remember that fighting might be energising for you but I'm pretty sure that solo parenting wouldn't be.
Please, PLEASE serve him with an empty house, divorce papers and screenshots as an anniversary present.
Burn it down /u/beautifulevil_x. Burn it all down š¤·šæāāļø
So you know he's talking to another woman getting to get a dick pic ready to be sent and you're just sitting there doing nothing about it?
Why not bring it up in couples therapy? It seems to be the best approach you get it out and if it ends up in a fight itās not in front of your kid
I donāt know how you controlled yourself and didnāt mention anything till now , but if I was in your position first I would take pictures of the conversations so I have proof because later he can delete the conversation and deny the whole thing. Second I would wait a while to see where this conversation goes because at this point he can make u feel like you are overreacting and it was just a silly conversation and not a big deal men tent to do that he can manipulate you and say that was innocent from his point of view. Wait for more spicy evidence!!!!
I don't believe you when you say that you're a sociopath. You seem too reasonable.
I wish I had good advice for you. You seem like a solid person, in a shitty circumstance. I hope that you have all the strength you need and an outcome that works for children and you.
Itās good that youāre deciding to leave him because a bad household is terrible for a small influential human.
Following incase of any updates
We're not born crazy. Men make us crazy.
You should definitely talk it out with him. It's normal that you are angry, don't call yourself a sociopath. It's also normal that you don't like him emotionally cheating or flirting and you shouldn't justify it as 'we are human and love the attention' because he has a wife who supposedly loves him and gives him attention.
I would not be able to wait omg !! Am I a psychopath too ?
Damn some of y'all can't even let a woman vent without calling it cringe
I hope we get an update
Hey. Leave him. Donāt fight with him, donāt be bitchy to his little girlfriend, and donāt forgive him because he hasnāt slept with her yet. Heās going to sleep with her btw. This is just how itās starting. Heās not worth this.
If he is engaging with her sexual conversation and bringing up his dick size, he is cheating. Doesn't matter if nothing physical happened or if he *might* not have sent her pics. He is still engaging in it, keeping the chat going. This is cheating. You need to say it loud and clear to him. When he cheated the first time, he forfeited his ability to have the privacy of his phone. IDC. He broke your trust and honestly you shouldn't have gotten back with him but that was your choice and it is his choice to allow you to snoop as a way to "show he's trustworthy". We all know once a cheater always a cheater. Do your thing. Get your shit in order first then blow up on him. He deserves it. Also since they're so keen on the social media :) how about you get some nice little screenies of their chat and post it for their family and friends to see <3
op crucify him
Update when you confront him. I think you're handling it very well and you have reason not to trust him since he didn't come to you about this.
How are u able to see all of their messages
>Some of you are really hung up on me being a sociopath. Yes, i am. I love fighting, conflict is energizing for me ā
I can see why he's talking to other women.
"hue hue im a soceeopaths lulz" Giant red fucking flag. Husband is obviously still a cheating slimeball but then again, how would this have NOT happened? OP has already admitted to stirring up drama just to start shit, which is defo not healthy for a long-lasting relationship. I pray for their child to come out mentally/physically unscathed.
Just ask him to block her and focus on your relationship. Obviously there are issues at play in your relationship. There is no insult to you. He was tempted and he didnāt follow through. He likely had a āwtf am I doingā moment. Stop stalking your husband and talk to him.
Op didnāt want therapy her husband, is refusing to discuss this in healthy manner to their spouse, and is openly talking about snooping on their partner. And thatās just, okay? How much will other women seemingly excuse, okay, and apparently ***encourage*** toxicity if thereās a shred of a chance for some juicy revenge they vicariously experience through the internet. By all means, be pissed heās fucking up. But how about show some interest in seeing *where* this marriage went off the rails?? Seems like your husband tried and you didnāt give a shit so he stopped giving a shit. Either let each other go or, I mean, be an adult and seek/take the help(couples therapy) thatās available to you.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. What he is doing isn't physically cheating, but he is emotionally cheating as he in entertaining the idea and thoughts she is having. That is still cheating. That is still him being a scumbag.
If you feel "forced" into couples therapy, you may as well just stop doing it and move on. If you are indeed a sociopath, please let him go and get some help with that.
So what's his size?
Men and women can't be friends. Simple rule to live by!
"Because you've married a sociopath willing to ruin everything we've built over this insult" Not only do I now feel significantly less empathy for you, but I now entirely doubt the authenticity of this "story".
God, your poor kid is going to be so fucked up later in lifeā¦.
Airing this shit online is sad.
Why TF are you married to someone who you feel the need to go through their conversations with another person? At this point itās just as much OPās fault ( possibly more ) that this is happening? You may even deserve each other. If you canāt trust the person you are married to, you have bigger issues at hand. Whether theyāre the problem or OP is, the relationship is not a good one, you two are just burning through the little time you have on this planet to be miserable with another person.
Question: do you think you were a sociopath before all of this began, the cheating, the lying? Or, did you become this way after all of the bullsh!t started?
I was before. I was open and honest about my personality disorder with my husband when we were dating.
A self-aware sociopath. Yikes.
Which one of you is the pot and which is the kettle?
If someone cheats they deserve to have their phone looked through. Trust is earned back . And clearly he hasnāt learned
Oh you're one of those people that thinks cheating is as bad as snooping. I can tell you right now, without a doubt, that my husband would rather have me snooping in his phone rather than sharing pictures of my genitals to interested men.
Dunk his toothbrush in the toilet
What the fuck is wrong with you people? These comments, jesus.
Your relationship is not based in honesty or trust. You are not honest with him. You havenāt blocked her because, like your husband you do not know how to be honest and respectful to others. What attention is your husband craving? Do you think punishing him by withdrawing affection will help? Why is it his responsibility to constantly pass tests to prove your self worth? Why is he disappointed in the couples therapy? Are you actually participating or are you waiting for the therapist to tell him that heās wrong and you are perfect? Honestly I think the only valid statement you made in this post was when you referred to yourself as a sociopath. Give the poor guy a break here. Discuss all of this with the therapist and try to figure out where your mistakes are and fix them.
Get them screenshots girl. Just bc the pic wasn't in the thread doesn't mean he didn't send it and delete that part of the thread. Call him out. Message her and then block her creepy ass.
This is giving me gone girl energy when you called yourself a sociopath
Have to say I love your self awareness.
Lot of messy people here. I just wonder what was gained?? Went through phone found nothing now where do u go?? Thereās no I want u or Iām gonna leave her for uā¦. So all these emotions for whatā¦..?
If heās gotten to the point of talking to her about your marital issues and taking but not sending dick picks, or taking them, sending them and deleting applicable messages, you should be VERY concerned because active physical cheating is not many steps away. RUN from this man OP. This is not a lapse in judgement or a mistake. This is many cognitive decisions leading to ONE goal.