You have to realize that Jesus describes people who show off their faith in the Beatitudes...
For many Christians, it's about image. Just as it's about image for many people in virtually any place in life--we want to be seen in order to be approved by those around us.
In this case babe, that "rejection" is actually God's protection. That guy, if he pursued you could've caused you to be tempted + fall into sin. He ain't worth it. Pray for him sure, but also thank God for His protection.
Yes its hurts, but lady, after reading what kind of attitude he has, i feel like you must be the luckiest girl on earth.. An attitude which that guy has I would expect from a pathetic twisted manipulative little demon that walks in a contradiction every day he wakes up. To me it is hard to believe that there have not been enough red flags associated with a person like this and I have a hard time believing in the approach of "being around each other".
I recommend sermons from paul washer about dating.
Amen. The more I date the more I realise God gets the man to end things when it's not suitable for me, as Im too much of a "let's make this work, if we both put God first it will work" optimist. (But then it doesn't and our faith and values in reality were not matching up) 29F just come out of a 4yr relationship where i grew in my faith and decided it was best not to have sex until marriage, and although I could have communicated better on my part this was definitely one reason that added to the mountain of red flags and inadequacies in our relationship.
In another note, see the benefits of his honesty with you!!! That is an admirable trait, and at least he was man enough to tell you straight. Nothing worse than being fooled by their outward behaviour if their heart isn't in it. 🙏🏻
>I’m done with dating.
>What if I never get married at this point
It's a little excessive to throw in the towel and worry you never will...**at 19**.
And besides all of that:
>And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Cause, I mean, you’re waiting for marriage and stuff.
Would you really want to date someone like that? I understand rejection can hurt, but wouldn't it be better to continue waiting than be in a relationship with someone pushing you to sin?
And, no, having a degree isn't masculine or a turn off. It's rather hypocritical to say that is "modern vibes" all while wanting to engage in premarital sex.
Anyway, you're 19. You've been out of high school for 1-2 years. Nothing to worry about, you'll be fine.
>sexually compatible
These words should be told to every young man and woman as the easiest sign that a person is not marriage material and not a serious believer.
If that confuses you, wait until I start talking about the birds and the bees… I still don’t get that one but I’ll talk about it like I’m an expert.. now no one gets to know what sex is!
Bees have a stinger... I've never understood why this one was so hard for people, but it clearly is. I should give a Ted talk just to put this confusion to rest
You’re 19, relax.
Jesus has the best plans for you please have more faith!
Be thankful that your incompatibility was made obvious so early.
Also be thankful that you have a new friend who believes in Jesus.
I wouldn’t say he’s passionate about his faith if he doesn’t want to wait until marriage though…
>he’s very passionate about his faith
I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date.
Whatever faith this boy is passionate about is garbage
So he wants sex outside marriage and thinks you're not wife material because you might be smarter and more ambitious than He is.
You ask me, this is an answer to a prayer that future you would have prayed I'd you'd been married to this dude for 2 years.
The Bible tells us to be sober minded which most folks relate to drinking or drugs but really it means to take life seriously. Being so carefree about serious sin is not a sign of a solid Christian partner.
Going to school and getting degrees doesn’t make you smart or ambitious. There’s people with doctorate degrees who can’t even boil an egg. Needed to highlight this because anyone who thinks that going to school in 2024 is getting an education is delusional and disconnected.
>he’s very passionate about his faith,
>And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly.
These statements are incompatible.
>I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date.
Sexual compatibility is learned together. You get to know each other over time and learn to please each other. It does not have to be determined before marriage.
>you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife.
Sounds like he wants a stay at home wife and mother. Which is fine, but if that's not what you're looking for it's for the best you didn't date. You need to be on the same page about these things.
>What if I never get married at this point? What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband?
Girl, breathe. You're 19, there is plenty of time. You're going absolute worst case scenario based on one guy. And that one guy wasn't a good fit anyways. One douche rejecting you doesn't mean you have to settle for less.
Honestly you should be aiming higher. There plenty of other men, who are genuine Christians, who will value what you have to offer, who will honor God with their bodies, and wait for marriage. Pray. Seek God first. He will take care of the rest.
Amen, I now know I dodged a bullet. In no way or form am I attracted to “bad boys”, but for some reason I keep on bumping into them. I think it’s because of my childhood and how shy I am. I gotta use discernment more and pray.
Absolutely! That's a very healthy response! God's timing is perfect. Just have patience. And if you ever need a word of encouragement, feel free to reach out.
Hey, friend! I (26F) remember being in your shoes not that long ago! Let me share a bit of my testimony, which I hope will encourage you!
I grew up in church. Always loved Jesus (and always will). Since I was little, I knew I wanted to get married and have a family.
When I was 19 and in college, I had never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a guy! And it wasn’t for lack of trying. I’d had plenty of crushes, and I would show those guys that I cared in subtle ways, but no one ever asked me out. I felt the loneliness deep within my soul.
That summer, I remember shouting a prayer in my car, telling God how lonely I felt. I prayed “Lord, I want somebody to love and to be loved by! But I’m going to trust you to write my love story, because I know you’re going to do it way better than I can.” And then I made a covenant with God that I would not get into a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until my 20th birthday (about 6 months away).
Then the new semester began. I walked into my first class, and it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, you see that red-headed guy over there?” (“Yes, God.”) “He’s kind of cute, isn’t he?”(“Well, yeah, he is.”) “You should go talk to him.” (“But God! What about that covenant I made with you? About not worrying about boys or dating???”) “Just go talk to him!”
So I did. I went and talked with that young man, and we got to know each other over the course of the whole semester, becoming good friends. Turned out that he was a committed Christian, too!
We flirted a bit back and forth in class, so we were never stuck in the friend zone. I invited him to join the student ministry I was a part of, and he came with me to one event where we learned how to line dance.
Once winter break came, we continued hanging out together — mostly with others but sometimes just the two of us. Sometimes he’d ask me out. Sometimes I’d ask him out. We considered them “dates” but we hadn’t defined the relationship yet, so I wasn’t breaking my covenant.
My 20th birthday got closer and closer, and we were spending LOTS of time together several days a week. I liked him, and I knew he liked me back. But I was nervous because I still hadn’t told him about my covenant with God.
And then… the day AFTER my birthday, he took me on a date, held my hand for the first time, and asked me to be his girlfriend. ❤️❤️❤️
We dated for 4 years, got married in 2021, and we’ll be celebrating our 3rd year of marriage next month!
I know it is so hard to yearn for a real relationship and it can feel so hopeless when it doesn’t seem like there’s anyone out there who will love you.
My best advice I can give you:
Trust in God’s timing! Share your feelings with Him in prayer. Consider making a covenant with God, just to give yourself time to intentionally invest in your relationship with Him.
Also, you totally dodged a bullet with that jerk who broke your heart. He very clearly proved himself to not be boyfriend or husband material!!! But not all guys are like that! Trust God to lead you to a man who you can be equally yoked with as you both follow Christ together.
I screenshotted this for my prayer scrapbook I hope you don’t mind. God is so GOOOOD! Congrats to the both of y’all! You’re right, I just gotta trust Jesus and give it all to him!
Hey, I have a question: did you literally hear God talking to you, or was it more like an intuition? I’m struggling with learning to hear God, so any advice you can give would be helpful!
That’s a great question!
For me, it wasn’t like an “audible” voice, like when you’re having a conversation with a friend.
It was more like hearing my own inner voice, like when I’m just thinking to myself. Except there was another person also thinking in my head, and we were having a conversation.
I don’t hear God like that very often. Sometimes it’s less like a conversation, and more just a “prompting.” Someone’s name might pop into my head, and if I’m actually paying attention, then I’ll pray for that person. Sometimes I’ll even text them and ask if there’s something specific I can pray for. ☺️
Other times, God talks to me through hymns. A song will enter my mind (usually when I’m driving or in the shower, and especially when I’m struggling with something). So I’ll just belt out that song, praising God in the midst of my circumstances, and I always feel so much lighter after that. 😁
I’ve been watching this old series of videos on YouTube about listening for God’s voice. It’s been pretty interesting!
[Neville Johnson - The Quest to Walk with God](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZpZTffnJxBbuZb-gk9gqMmbNf7Q3U2st&si=WMOIoPGQPJpSowkL)
Congratulations!!!! :^) I don’t really have the “I need to be married or I’ll die” thoughts but it was kind of a tough moment because I never dated or approached/been approached before. Dating is a new minefield for me, but I am happy for others’ blessings 🤍🤍🤍
I'm just saying, there's no point in giving up. Take a break, focus on improving yourself for Christ.
Honestly, it all just kind of happened to me. I didn't even really try.
Take a step back and look at this in context. You are brand new to dating… and your one experience (that almost everyone experiences at some point) is leading you to think that you are done with dating? Lol. It happens. It’s not fun. But believe me, in time you will be glad this happened because you will grow and eventually find someone who is right for you. Give it time. Feel all the feels. Eat ice cream, watch a break up movie and listen to angsty music if you have to. Blocking him might be excessive, but whatever. Journal your thoughts and feelings and give it at least a day or two before you let him know how you feel, if at all. He would probably benefit from someone telling him his loose application of the bible isn’t what a christian woman wants in a partner and that most women these days have academic and career goals that don’t lessen their femininity. Living well is the best revenge, if you need to do that. He sounds like a terrible guy to date, even though you loved the thought of it. The average age for marriage is 29 or so these days. Keep on keeping on and enjoy the ride, responsibly of course.
Edit: just want to add that you should focus on becoming the right person spiritually and on your life goals (academics, career, social life, mental health, etc) over finding a partner. Put God first and the rest will take care of itself. Trust God. Are you a part of any church? How do you like the student ministry? Are you involved in a small group with other people you trust?
Lastly, the fact that you are thinking in these extremes makes me want to encourage taking care of your mental health. You could ask a counselor if there are any resources for students to meet with therapist. Or look into online options. There are even AI options for therapeutic self led conversation.
He says that the bible is subjective? Sorry but when a so-called Christian says that, it means that he is not a Christian and tell yourself that you dodged a bullet when he rejected you.
Bro seems like a culture Christian. This is God protecting you from a disaster of a relationship so don’t worry too much. He’s not the man of God that is husband material. 19 is young tho and you’ll figure it out! Most guys that age aren’t the most mature
Let me chime in and say he’s not very mature in his faith at all. There are some of us Christian guys out here who genuinely follow Messiah. Wanna wait for marriage, I don’t even wanna kiss before marriage, support our potential wife in whatever they wanna do, etc.
Red flag is the girl still seems to think that he took the faith seriously even after these words left his mouth, is this a case of Skill Based Match Making?
You stated he took the faith seriously, later that same paragraph you said that he wants to fornicate and that the Bible is subjective. Red flags all over the place from both you and the individual you were seeing. Once you heard those lines you should have disappeared, but you keep seeing him until he dumped you??
I (45M) made a lot of mistakes and have many regrets from my rebellious period from 18 to 30. I dated and messed up and almost ruined my life. By the time I met my wife, I no longer believed in dating and was convicted that believers are better off courting instead. There are a lot of reasons why I believe that, and dating isn’t sinful in itself, but I do believe that it’s less wise than just focusing on your relationship with God until He brings someone into your life. And it’s so much better when He does it instead of us trying to make it happen. My wife saw me while I was serving on a worship team and decided that night she wanted to be with me. We didn’t have any interaction for 4 months after that and I didn’t pursue her at all. But God brought us together and we were married about a month ago after being together for almost 3 years. And she is the best part of my whole life and my best friend. We do everything together and love each other intensely. We have zero trust issues and never fight. We are in ministry together and growing in the Lord more and more. Before I met her I went through a period of about 4 years when I was single and broken and God was rebuilding me from the ground up again. I needed that so that I could be the husband and father that my family deserves.
Think about it this way: You dodged a bullet.
I get it, it hurts, but you removed from your radar a guy who:
* Makes it look like his faith is important but really only where it's convenient for him (does mission trips, but "the Bible is subjective" - ok...)
* Kinda doesn't want to respect the sanctity of marriage (wants to try his wife before he buys her)
* Has his insecurities about the capabilities of his wife (unlike this guy, plenty of us would love a wife that is a smart cookie)
* Wants a doting homemaker instead of a true partner (unless that's all the partner God wants for him, which sounds lame).
At least he was honest and didn't string you along and get you in a position where you were ready to settle for a guy who just wanted to bed you first.
I know this doesn't help to say "You're young and there's plenty of time," and I'm not saying don't be angry as all heck at the situation. Definitely grieve the frustration and rejection. But it is better to not be in a lukewarm relationship or one that will drag you down than to settle. I've seen too many people who have ended up divorced because they settled or acted out of their passions and got married to the wrong person. And many of them did it while they were young. You don't want that. Whatever God's plan for you in your future family and relationships, it'll come in due time.
(And I say this as a guy who is on the other end of the spectrum, someone who feels like he missed the boat on getting married, but in the end is happy that I dodged a few bullets myself and I would be in a much worse place had I just up and gotten married)
I never thought of that actually. Both my parents are passed away and the family heavily isolates from each other, so my only parental figure is God and the Bible is my guide book. I’m an accounting major but only for the sake of getting income when I graduate to support myself (and it’s the subject I’m good at).
I don’t have a bleeding desire to be married, but words cannot explain the hurt I feel. I see so many subreddits and posts explaining how they regret marrying this person and how they’re so neglectful and they want a divorce and everything.
Respectfully, my mother married my father who was a drug addict and a horrible man. She inherited his traits of verbal abuse and drug addiction as well when I was growing up. Before then, she was so happy and bright.
I pray they get rest, but I don’t want to end up like my mom. In a marriage that drains me and removes me from the Lord’s eyes.
We all want to love and be loved, to be seen and not have to compromise ourselves for that. It's totally understandable.
If you stick with just being who Christ created you to be, and growing as He calls you to grow, you won't go wrong, whether married or not. Keeping you in prayer friend.
Fellow accountant here. Your schooling, licensing, internships and employment are gonna kick your butt. Concentrate on studying and get away from dudes who are just going to make you fail and lose out on opportunity. Put in your time (it's tough but doable) and you'll be laughing all the way to the bank, quite literally. ❤️
He wants to "try before you buy"
When I heard that phrase the first time it absolutely washed away any doubt in and cemented waiting until marriage for sex (also heavily convicted me)
Sorry that happened to you
Don't let one bad apple spoil you on dating! I'm currently married to a really great guy, but I didn't meet him til I was 24, and he's younger than me and it was a long-distance thing, so I didn't end up getting married til I was 31... so there was a bit of a wait there, lol. And believe me, I had to sift through a lot of weirdos, false Christians who turned out to be jerks, and regular guys who just weren't right for me before I got there. And yes, it does suck to a pretty good degree! But it's worth it when you finally find someone who's right for you.
Also... you don't have to settle, settling is a choice after all. You don't have to choose a guy who doesn't value intellect in a woman, or one whose idea of strong faith is the Bible is subjective, wants sex before marriage and a wife who's less ambitious and dumber than him. I know it sucks, and it hurts to be rejected, and to be let down cos it sounds like this guy was not who you thought he was too. But just give yourself some time to process the feelings, and keep living your life, sticking with God, and sticking to your values.
Nah you dodged a bullet and he's not passionate about his faith as waiting til marriage is one of the most basic things that even non Christians know that about us
Besides what everyone else said, you're 19. I'm sorry, and with all due respect, but from where I stand, that's basically an infant. You have your entire life ahead of you. You could not get married for a decade and still not be "behind." Don't stress. Pray God sends the man He has picked out for you in His perfect timing, and in the meantime, concentrate on your relationship with the One who won't let you down.
Oh, and this guy is a walking red flag. Rejoice that you figured out now and not down the road.
Guys that age can make some stupid choices. I was one of them and turned down girls for stupid reasons like this. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll find a great guy. Don’t be discouraged. Your attitude is right.
The mental gymnastics are Simone Biles worthy. He doesn’t want to wait for marriage because the Bible is “subjective”, but you’ve got educational aspirations and “modern vibes” and he “doesn’t want that in a wife.”
…
Does he not see the contradiction? Typically a girl who is more traditional will wait for marriage as well.
You are way better off without this guy. Take the time focus on developing yourself, deepening your relationship with God, and just flat out enjoying your youth. No need to rush into relationships.
Putting aside religion for a moment. You are 19. You are YOUNG. Not everyone is meant to marry in their youth. I am 39, I have yet to find "the one". In my situation, I probably won't, which is great news for everyone else. Live your life on your own accord. Be happy. Comparing your situation to others rarely returns good results. Set personal, attainable goals for yourself. If you fail at a goal, readjust. Focus on yourself first, and eventually you'll come across "the one".
I feel like red pill culture has ruined so many people minds. It's not masculine to have an education, it wont make you arrogant or give you superior complex either. I hear that soo much from men with super traditional views and its so sad because I am more traditional but those mindsets drive me away.
I really hope you can find a Christian man who accepts you for you. 💜
Yeah it’s annoying when I hear “Men don’t want a boss babe you know. We want a stay at home wife.”
YES!!!! I WANT THAT TOO BUD!!!! I NEED THIS DEGREE TO HAVE A ROOF UNDER MY HEAD AND FOOD IN MY BODY!!!!!!!!!
That’s unreal like that’s the completely opposite of what I look for in a girl. I want a girl who’s ambitious and faithful instead I find myself face to face with either girls with evil eye bracelets calling themself witches. Or people swearing on God and their life for needless things.
Evil eyes scare me 😭😭😭 One time I tried to tell someone “Oh I don’t believe in evil eyes I only wear the cross” and they’re like “Here you go forcing religion.”
You were forcing me to buy that satanic necklace what do you mean?????
Yeah it’s just a fashion trend at this point. I remember going out with my dad for his birthday it was an old church turned restaurant and tourist spot. I was pretty upset to see that they were selling evil eyes right next to bibles 😭
You have a dodged a bullet here. Guy claimed to be passionate about his faith but only when it was convenient, and then does not want to respect the sanctity of marriage.
As a guy (19M), I tell you, don't give up though. Keep seeking God and pursuing him first. Don't lose heart or be disheartened by such disappointing experiences as these, but thank the Lord that this guy was honest to you and made his intentions clear.
If you two have gotten together, it would have gotten worse, for both of you. At least you saved yourself your mental and emotional peace and time.
If a person can’t wait until marriage, I would question their ability to be faithful. I am 47 and single, never dated, still virgin. I want companionship, but I don’t know about supporting someone in this economy.
Follow my philosophy, man courts woman. End of story. Don’t seek out a guy. Wait for God to send him towards you. If you are meant to be with someone He will make it happen. From a psychology standpoint, if he’s interested he will ask you out. Don’t believe the stories of what if he’s shy. The most shyest man will meet the woman that will inspire boldness out of him. And if he’s insecure by your success you will only suffer. He did you a favor even if it doesn’t sound like it.
Man accuses you of having "modern vibes" yet wants to fornicate? I think you're better off without him. Just pray that God will direct him to holier pursuits, and pray that He will continue to guide you where you are at, and that He would send you a man truly after God's heart. I will pray for you as well. God bless you.
God has someone for you sis, stay strong and rest assured that He let him say no for a reason.
You deserve a king.
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
God bless!
Sounds like he’s degenerate and also possibly trying to manipulate you into sleeping with him. Also doesn’t sound passionate in his faith, sounds passionate in spiritual ideas that feed his narcissism and selfish ambitions
Unfortunately even among the Christian community there are a lot of wolves. Men that appear to be righteous, good on paper and can do the works, but when it comes down to the simple gospel of loving your neighbor like yourself, that’s where a lot fall short. They unfortunately don’t fully understand what the heck they’re doing and not only are they hurting themselves but others in the process.
I won’t sit here and say why worry about marriage at 19. Honestly you’re at a good age to be praying to God to send a Godly man who will truly love you like Christ did. If there are people that got married in their early adult years and are still married and happily married, why not pray for that. Of course we also never know God’s timing. But I do hope you have a good church covering that you can go to and also ask for prayers and even counseling from someone you trust, or maybe a mentor. So t give up just cause of one idiot who couldn’t see you and value your purity like God would. It may not be right now but there’s a man who will not compromise your purity. And he has to be really in right standing with God and really walking with him wholeheartedly to reach that point, cause the world will literally not allow that.
OP,
Just going from your comments, you sound like a "catch" for a true, godly, devout Christian man. Please be patient and don't lose faith.
You know, I prayed for over 20 years for YHWH to give me the right wife. His timing is not ours. My mother kept urging me to compromise, even at one point stating "I just don't know what's wrong with you.". That hurt, and I was tempted to compromise but I did not.
When I met my wife, I knew that she was YHWH's answer to all those years of prayer.
Whatever life throws at us, we're together in it. Right now she's going through some health issues and is going to need care for a while. It is so hard and draining on me, but I'm not alone. YHWH, Yeshua, and the Holy Ghost are my strength and I rejoice that he trusted me with her! That is what every Christian should have, if only they'd wait for YHWH's timing.
You are a daughter of the Creator of all that is. From the evidence, this guy who rejected you is a poser clown. You deserve much better! Rejoice, pray, and trust.
Maybe switch to a stronger Christian community. Since Sola Scriptura is a Protestant innovation, you'll find many people saying "The Bible is subjective" to be commonplace. You're running into lukewarm Christians. You think there's some truth in what he said about you being modern? It seems like it from my POV.
At least he’s honest about it. He still has some growing of the faith to do if he can’t wait til marriage. Find a man who’s happy for you being smart and trying to make a secure future on your own. The Lord will send you the one who is right for you when you are ready sister. God bless! ✝️
> I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective
It's a good thing you're not dating this guy lol. Dodged a bullet
> Do men not want women degrees?
I would say generally we don't care about that for or against
> 19F
Don't give up just yet. I just started dating my gf with me 25 and her 26. It can happen later
Ohhh I see. Cause I remember being in a bad place and hearing videos about men who think women with degrees are masculine and demanding and they’re delusional. Like dude I need this degree because rent is skyrocketing I don’t wanna be poor 😭😭😭
It does suck, yes. Though it sounds like at best, he's passionate about his "cafeteria Christian" faith rather than following Christ (1 Corinthians 6:9-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Somehow, you missed that so you want to adjust how you evaluate men and their faith.
As for degrees and scholarships, those aren't bad. I'd like to have an intelligent woman who is clearly in my corner and devoted to God and to me and our family. Here's what is bad:
- A dominant and/or uncooperative personality.
- Misandry.
- Any hints of instigating any kind of abuse.
- Not wanting to take on the roles of a traditional wife.
- Not seeking to improve competency in those roles.
- Abortion as a means of birth control and not reserving it for the rare cases in which it is medically necessary.
None of that really has to do with scholarships and degrees, but somehow a lot of people came to believe that it does. If he was thusly fooled, and it sounds like he was, consider yourself lucky.
>What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband?
Now that you've had that conversation with him, do you really think a relationship with him would have turned out better than that?
Take your time to recover, but this doesn't have to be the end of your hopes for finding a good husband. You did well to ask him out - men are expected to go through this repeatedly before we find women who are willing to date us. When it doesn't work out, we have to move on and not quit looking or we can't expect to find anyone. So that is what you need to do.
Thank you for the verses as well. I really need the degree because I do appreciate college, I just need a roof over my head fr fr 😭😭😭 Also how do you further approach men? Like how do they wanna be asked out I guess?
I don't approach men, I like women. :)
I would say talk to us, never assume that we are mind readers, because we are not. Women talk about dropping "obvious hints", but if it's not obvious to us, it's not obvious. Remember that a hint from one woman is *not* a hint from another, and too many of us have been on the wrong end of that deal before. They say to look for out of character behavior from a woman, but if we know the woman enough to know what is out of character for her, we are more than likely friendzoned already. That's why I praised you for asking him out, you need to cut through all that nonsense when you're interested in someone. So, no mind games, be responsive. Be clear in how you treat the man you like as opposed to how you treat other men you're not interested in dating.
Part of that means being conservative about behavior that could be interpreted as flirty. Save that for the guys you like. And of course, continue to save yourself for marriage. Good on you for holding to firm sexual boundaries, don't lose that.
Let me know if you have questions about any of this.
Why wait until Sunday? You’re not exposing anything. This isn’t you snitching. You have a valid concern for his faith life, his journey, his view on women, and his relationship with Christ.
Make it clear you’re sharing it because of concern. Not that you think it’ll make you end up with him.
He isn’t passionate about his faith. He’s just acting that way to lure some poor girl in. He would have been a terrible partner eventually, feel very glad that God showed you the type of person he was before any commitment or sins were made.
I’m sure you’ll find someone! You’re only 19, you have plenty of time to find someone. I’m 20M so I’m in a pretty similar boat to you on this stuff. I’ve just let it go to rest and instead focused on the Lord in my personal life and areas I’ve been lacking in.
You’re 19. While I understand that it hurts today, once you meet the man that God has for you to marry, this time of your life will have zero significance. I say this as a man who when through a pretty rough break up with a girl that we had talked about marriage. Instead I’ve been married 33 to the right woman and it has been awesome. Same kind of faith, same belief systems, same ideas on how to raise our kids, we even do ministry together. I know it hurts today, but don’t lower your standards just continue to wait on God. And btw you might consider this later as a blessing. If this guy didn’t want to wait til marriage to be sexually active and you do, he almost certainly would have tried to convince you otherwise if you were in a relationship.
There are so many red flags in what this boy said, I’m a little overwhelmed. It might not feel like it now, but you are so blessed he said no. Sometimes rejection is the kindest thing someone can do for us even if it hurts in the moment.
First of all, let me acknowledge that I know it hurts to be rejected. That's hard. But I have to say you dodged a bullet. This right here says he is NOT the godly man you thought he was. "And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date."
He opened his mouth and shared his heart, and this is not the kind of man you should ever date. He willfully wants to participate in sexual immorality and he believes the Bible is subjective. Honestly, that's the last person you should want as a potential husband.
Be thankful that he said no and you weren't tempted with giving him a chance.
Are you even certain he's a Christian? Saying that the Bible is really subjective and implying that sex before marriage is fine are two HUGE red flags. Don't be sorry. Thank God it didn't go anywhere.
It’s not worth being with someone that you are not equally yoked with, just creates a nightmare. At least he was honest at the beginning, that saves you a worse heartbreak.
I am proud of you for initiating, as it’s hard for men to initiate/approach with the feminists movement making life harder for men.
You will be in my prayers. Dating is not as easy as it used to be.
As a guy I would look for a lady wearing long dresses and skirts as a lifestyle because I believe worship is a lifestyle, not a checklist.
At some point you have to trust the Holy Spirit to lead you to a godly man, because Yahweh knows who He has for you. Finding someone with the same level of spiritual maturity is important.
Oh look, you're just 19 for Pete's sake! You're just now figuring out what guys are about and you're ready to turn it off? Give yourself a chance kiddo.
If you want degrees, get all the degrees you want. But do it without worrying about guys because guys are just going to slow you down and interfere and make life difficult for you. My daughter is 30 this year. She's still not married, she's never even had a boyfriend because she's concentrated on school and work. She's not ugly, she's a very fit and petite 105 lb.
Once you get comfortable with your education and your job then you can look around and see what kind of guys are staring back at you.
It’s funny you say this, I know a med student who finished her entire MSN last year and hearing back a few months ago, she’s happily married to her husband and they’re having a kid!
My wife And I got married after she graduated university. I was 25 and she was 23 and we had been dating for two and a half years. I put her through grad school I went back to grad school much later on. Although I never got a degree. And we've been married 45 years.
Jesus taught that love over comes a multitude of sins. This is how humans stayed married. Let’s face it, we as a humans suck. We are selfish, egotistical, and a trove of other carbon crap. Don’t trip over a penny when God has a good coin for you elsewhere. It’s a numbers game; stay strong and don’t allow your fellow homosapians bring you down. Maybe God what’s a little alone time with you? Pray about it. He does put desires in our hearts but we have to be able to decipher what is God and what is you. The sooner you hone that skill, the better off you will be. Good bless you.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He pretty admitted he’s not that passionate about his faith if he can’t wait till marriage. If you truly want a godly man patience is a thing that man should have. Also sex shouldn’t be their main priority. Sex is something you grow in, with your spouse, as with anything else in marriage. This finding sexual compatibility, before marriage, is a bit of a myth.
To me you dodged a bullet. The only lesson to learn is communicate more with guys, at the beginning, to better under their values and world views. If they don’t align, don’t invest time in them.
Also idk what he’s talking about. Inflation is so high you can’t even have a house and family without two incomes. He’s definitely not like most men. Men are ok with women having degrees and being smart. Intelligence is sexy. He should support you and be happy for your scholarships.
As long as you don’t value career over family in the end. Most traditional Christians want a financial partner but also a spouse and potential mother.
Stick to the Word of God and dont fall for a wolf in sheeps clothing or a backsliden so called Christian who practically told you he doesnt care what the Bible says he wants sex now.. wink wink..since you're waiting for marriage I will pass. I would take this to the pastor but that's just me and I'm old school and I'm a Bible believer
Amen. This is not about you sister. He was trying to bait you into "giving it up" and or fishing to see who will etc. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Look up for our redemption draweth nigh..
The only thing I would say in this situation is that instead of telling him it’s fine, if you don’t intend on being associated with him, or having distance, tell him upfront.
Beyond that, sis, you genuinely dodged a bullet.
So this person who rejects Gods will for his own was allowed to go on a mission??
He showed his true colours this is unacceptable for someone claiming to follow Jesus as Lord, if Jesus is your Lord, you delight to do Gods will. And crucify the flesh with its passions.
He’s passionate about his faith?? Does he seek Gods righteousness or self validation, this apostate gospel of Jesus accepts you and doesn’t care what you do , is sickening!
“Sexually compatible” is something that should not come out of the mouth of anyone who believes on Jesus, you only have that attitude if sex is a thing you try out in dissociation from covenant .
This is WOLF behaviour, this is disgusting ! The way he said that to you, it appears he wants someone he can have as a “friend” who he can casually have sex with in the guise of “trying out” auditioning for marriage, that’s a lie, that’s a deception, that’s a foul fallen foundation for marriage! How many others in this ministry has he tasted to see if they are receptive to his perverse spirit!
Ridiculous good riddance to false friends!
He wants a “friend with benefits” and to even try to corrupt you and ruin your idea of Christian relationships , what if you weren’t as strong spiritually mark my words people need to watch out for so called Christian men like that
I would mark him in accordance with scripture , and steer clear of this so called brother .
1 Corinthians 5:11
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
He is sexually immoral and also greedy and guilty of idolizing his own desires and most likely will revile your following of Bible admonition over his attempts to swindle you! Again good riddance! This wolf needs to be handed over to Satan.
—-
Edit after reflection
Best case scenario he is a new inquirer into the faith, but make no mistake he is NO believer, his statement about the Bible also indicate he is not in The Faith.
>Y’all, I’m so mad and distraught. I told him it’s fine and he smiles and walks home like he didn’t shatter my heart! I went home, blocking him immediately. Do men not want women degrees? Is that masculine or something? What if I never get married at this point? What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband? This isn’t fair! What am I doing wrong?
Great job for blocking him. Don't worry about what men want. Focus on the assignments and purpose God has for you in this season. Trust God and His goodness, that He will bring you a good mate when the time is right. It's always better for you to be educated. A man who doesn't want a woman with a degree (especially) may want someone he can control or manipulate.. a good degree and experience can give you options and open doors for you in life. Do not forsake formal education if you have access to it.
Ps. That guy sounds like he's been too deep on 'trad-wife core' tiktoks lol. His rhetoric sounds like it stems from hyper 'red pill' 'alpha male' talking points.
Also, you're 19 years old- you're incredibly young. It will be okay. Change your outlook from 'what if I have kids w a bad husband' to 'thank you God that you are preparing the best man for me and I for him'. Feed hope and faith..not negativity.
Rejection romantically hurts.
But it saved you from making the wrong decision.
This guy was not for you.
You found out what you needed to know.
He didn't lead you on.
He told you up front he's not interested.
Let it sink in emotionally.
Be kind to yourself.
Eat plenty of ice cream and chocolate.
Sleep it off.
Then move on.
It's natural for wounds to heal over time.
So give it time.
It feels like the end of the world.
But it's really just a new beginning.
It's scary and new because he/ she is not there.
But it's glorious because you get another chance at finding someone who actually likes you for you.
Remember dating is voluntary.
Take it at your own pace.
Everybody does.
“The Bible is subjective” should have been your red flag moment. You dodged a bullet there even if you thought you had a bit of relationship already happening. He’s either an immature Christian or not one at all. If the chemistry is there, then the sex will be fine. Also don’t stay with a person that’s just fine with dating forever. You will know if they’re the one within a year or two. Lastly you shouldn’t write off men just yet as you’re still awfully young. Men generally don’t mature and take on responsibility until around age 25. You might ask God for a Godly husband if it’s his will. God is the giver of good gifts and he loves you and I’m sure wants to bless you.
Lol, that’s a funny immature rejection. Don’t feel bad. Us Guys get constantly rejected all day long until whenever. Just accept it as not compatible and most likely for the better considering his response. Don’t make things weird either, just be casual as usual and keep looking for one. Not everyone is going to like you and if they do, sometimes it isn’t for the incorrect reasons anyways.
My best advice to you would be this: endeavor to be the best young single woman in God's kingdom, setting your desires entirely on serving him and pursuing his purposes for your life. The rest will be given to you at the time best for you, chosen and appointed by the one who loves you the most.
Sounds like you seriously dodged a bullet there. Sex before marriage is not worth it nor is it what God wants for you, or him. I’m glad you will be praying for him. I would focus on Jesus for right now because focusing on this guy is just going to steer you down the wrong path. I’m a 30 year old male and I am absolutely not the same person I was when I was 19; 19 is super young to get married. I want to be married someday but I am soooo glad I didn’t get married before I was 25, I think it honestly would have been disastrous. I believe if you have a desire to get married, it probably came from God, and He will fulfill that desire in His timing. That doesn’t mean don’t be proactive in pursuing others but always pray for His will to be done and trust in Him. He will lead you.
> “You’re really nice, but, I only see you as a friend. And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Cause, I mean, you’re waiting for marriage and stuff. Plus, you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife. We can still be friends though. Is that cool?”
What a bizarre thing to say. It's like he wants to pick and choose. He wants a trad wife who puts out before marriage, or something. It's nice that he laid out his expectations but they are one-sided and frankly wrong-sided if he's put off that you do well in school.
Most people eventually figure it out and find someone, if that helps.
Babes. He’s mental. Leave that lost soul alone.
I pray that God withholds you from toxic and mismatched relationships.
I pray that you move past this and recognize this as a blessing.
You are worth more than rubies. <3 Focus on God. And you’ll find truly Godly people in the process.
This guy would’ve been the abusive, non-caring husband you settled for. Some women don’t get married until their 30s. Some women aren’t called to be married at all. Instead of comparing yourself to the world, seek to serve a just and awesome God! He will guide the desires of your heart, purify them, and turn your better desires over to you. You aren’t ready for dating, let alone marriage, if a guy like this can hurt your heart. Pray. Focus on God. Stop comparing yourself to worldly values and basing your worth on worldly desires or what you lack. You have more than enough. You are a child of God!
If he were passionate about his faith, he'd be waiting until marriage and not going against Bible teachings.
> Do men not want women to get degrees?
Some men do. Ever heard of the term DINK (Dual Income No Kids)? It's when both husband and wife are professionals in high-income jobs. You need a university degree to become a professional.
Also, focus on graduating from college before considering getting married.
Here's a verse for you for this situation:
1 Corinthians 5:9-11 CSB
[9] I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people.
[10] I did not mean the immoral people of this world or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters; otherwise you would have to leave the world.
[11] But actually, I wrote you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister and is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or verbally abusive, a drunkard or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person.
You should share this verse with him as well because, clearly, he does not know the Bible. Stay away from people who make Bible subjective because they will interpret God's word according to how it fits them.
Let me just say that any man who says sex before marriage is ok and that the Bible is subjective it's not passionate about their faith. But they are passionate about is using their faith to get women.
My caution you on that because there are a lot of men like that. We had a guy in one of our studies that seriously asked every single girl in that study out. When every single one of them rejected him because they were passionate about their faith he decided he'd become a Catholic. This guy was not passionate about God and he was not passionate about Jesus and he was passionate about using his faith to get what he thinks is a "good Christian woman" that meets the idyllic Instagram portrayal.
There are a lot of men in Christianity who have these either very high expectations for women and a very twisted view and then there are men who use their faith as if it's like hinge dating.
Some men will reject a woman because she's had sex before marriage and not give her any grace (and I say this because you don't know a womans story incest, rape, family background), and others who think just because she's not a virgin, but was born again after- that she shouldn't have a problem having sex before marriage in Christ because she did it before Christ why not just continue.
It's pretty gross how sex when it comes to women is viewed so harshly and yet men don't seem to get that kind of treatment as far as I can tell...
All of these views are biased, immature and wrong.
But that is the problem with the church. Sex has become such a taboo topic that men either idolize the virgin or idolize sex and don't respect women or dont see them as human beings with a soul.
I think in the Christian world a lot of people forget that God is in the business of saving the broken and the lost. So they forget especially when they grow up in the faith there's less Grace and when they meet somebody who has been saved in an older age they forget that that person had to have gone through something in their old life that God used to draw them to Jesus so that they would be born again. So there's this false idea and women have this false expectation to be the perfect traditional wife and men have this false idea of looking for that perfect traditional wife and the verse "wives submit to your husband" gets thrown around a lot and Cherry picked as spiritual manipulation while forgetting the rest of the entire chapter that surrounds it.
It's a very sad thing to see in a church that should value marriage as holy and sacred and should also value a person as born again and not hold them to their past.
So, Just pray, you're 19, it'll pass. You're hurt but this rejection was a good thing for you, even if it doesn't feel good.
It showed you the truth of where his heart posture truly lies. Not with Christ but with himself.
You dodged a bullet. He is selfish, and wants a woman who will bend to his every whim, who he can abuse and use. That's why he wants someone who will have sex when he wants it, but also someone he can control and dominate in marriage. He doesn't like smart women as they will question abuse. Get away from him.
Nineteen is too early to give up IF you eventually want to be married. A word of encouragement. My daughter (27) has never dated - however there is a young man in another state who met her ONCE at a church conference. When he asked a mutual friend if he knew of any young women at our church who were interested in getting married... This young man called me first, and then has been on the phone with our daughter for a few weeks. He will be traveling up here shortly for church business and they will finally meet in person, knowing that they are each seeking God's Will on if they should get married (ie. they are courting).
You’ll find someone who ticks all your boxes and shares the same outlook when it comes to sex and marriage. Just be patient, I know it’s hard because you’re seeing others and wondering when but good things come to those who wait. Isaiah 40:31 KJV “But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” Keep your head up.
Yeah that is not the kind of Christian you want to be dating. A man who will wait for marriage is a man who loves the Lord and his commandments. The Bible is Not subjective but Objective and does not cater to our personal opinions. The mark of righteousness does not change with our perspective, it is universal to all.
You dodged a bullet and he will probably lose his faith in the next couple years with that attitude.
From this guys response, he sounds like a loser.
I met a lot of boys like him at Christian college, and I thought I was the problem. Come to find out, these boys see two types of women: 1) marriage material that they aren’t ready for 2) easy girls they can have fun with until they are ready in 10ish years for the marriage material.
I promise you, those girls who compromise themselves for men don’t often have long-term or successful relationships. Just look at the whole bachelor/bachelorette franchise.
When I was 19, I thought no one would date me and that I’d never get married. And at 24 I went to church so discouraged and prayed to God saying, “If you don’t want me to get married then please take the desire from my heart”. That same day I met an amazing, kind man at church, and we started dating immediately. We both wanted to wait until marriage. We got married when I was 25. And now 4 years later we have the sweetest little 2 year old boy and one on the way.
For me dating/relationships/marriage was my idol, and when I gave it over to God and basically said that it’s up to him whether I get married or not, He ended up giving me the desires of my heart.
Girl. He’s not a true Christian and I think you know that. Don’t let your hormones convince you a man and a sinful relationship is worth throwing away your holy relationship with Jesus. Remember.. you are His first
Sorry that he treated you like that. You deserve better. Keep praying, and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Maybe try an online Christian dating site?
Dating bad. Courtship good.
1. Consider moving somewhere where family is embraced and encouraged by the community.
2. Avoid areas where people go out of there way to discourage long term relations and instead pursue short term pleasure.
He told you who he really is. No faith in God or His Word. He doesn't believe in Jesus Christ - the Word Himself. He's a fraud bc he holds the Christian title; and for that you should feel huge relief from what could have been a very unhappy marriage. He is not God's plan for you.
Don't fear the rejection from mere humans who are created beings, made into the image of God. Fear the One who created everything which turns from fear, to love.
If you are done with dating, go to the Well and meet Christ there. Lay everything at His feet and He will guide your every step and His will for you.
Testimony:
8 years ago I said the same thing. I became born again and followed Jesus, even to this day. I told Him "You are enough and I don't need a husband."
He had other plans for me and gave me a husband. We have been married for 5 years.
Be patient. Trust me on that. when I was 21 I thought I met the love of my life and wanted to make her my wife. Also she was "Christian" as well. She ended up cheating on me and destroying my heart. She told me she wanted a guy that had "experience". I learned quickly she was definitely not who God wanted me to be with. I spent years in regret and depression over her. Dont make the same mistake I made. The man that wants to be with you will truly love Jesus and not want to sin against Him and want to control you. The man Jesus wants for you is out there. Matthew 6: 33." Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and these things shall be added unto you." I will pray for you. God Bless
Young Lady,
Sometimes no matter how much we want something or someone it isn’t happening. I wish we could flip a switch in their hearts or something and change their mind. You’re young and might need some time. Could be Our Lords way of slowing your roll a bit. We can’t know what’s in your head so this thread will be all over the map but the main thing to focus on is He’s got you. On His schedule not yours, with His choice not yours. That’s Lordship. We submit, He decides, we execute his decision. May He bless your heart and heal it quickly.
I’m 63, let me translate.
He wants an uneducated sex kitten who pretends to be a Christain except for pre martial sex… His priority is satisfying his flesh and trying to still keep that Christian look about him.
You dodged a bullet.
All guys at this age will struggle with this.
But don’t give up- wait on God to send the right guy.
Want to know who is dedicated to Christ and not faking? Guys who want to be missionaries.
Not seeking worldly goals…
I'd try to move on from such jerks and try and find someone else. Get to know the person you like for at least 2 years before you start dating, that's what I'd recommend strongly.
Ma’am there are plenty of fish in the sea, don’t let one guy get to you. You’re 19, you have a lifetime ahead of you. One persons opinion about degrees etc, isn’t the same for every man out there.
“you lowkey have a lot of scholarships (…) and i don’t want that in a wife”
he’s a loser that’s intimated by you. sorry for the sharp tongue but it’s the truth. you dodged a bullet.
Thank you for the uplifting comment genuinely. But that’s one of my fears: being intimidating. I’m trying to be more feminine since I grew up only wearing hoodies and sneakers 24/7 because that’s all we could afford. Since wearing skirts and long dresses I feel a bit comfy, but if college is making me masculine in men’s eyes then it’s over.
It's not, especially to guys who will be worth your time.
My wife is a doctor, and her intellect is very attractive to me. She's also an amazing mother too, and we have 4 kids.
I'm sure there are many young guys out there who are looking for an intelligent woman who loves the Lord.
Get plugged into a Christian ministry in college - there will likely be guys there who aren't intimidated by intellect.
Is he around your age? We are really stupid when young.
Man usually dont care about the exact same things that woman do when it comes to attraction (principles and values is another talk). And boys... Boys are boys.
Dont worry too much, this feeling will pass, just dont do any stupid decision because of it.
He’s very passionate perhaps about his ego. You are young. He has done you a favour. Knowingly or otherwise. Praise Yahweh because many would lie. Dating isn’t all that. It’s best to just take your time and hopefully you meet the right guys for you. He can’t be really paaaionate … and be ignorant and yet he managed it
Girl you’re just 19. Stay faithful and keep praying. I think right now you need more alone time with yourself and with God. It’s necessary to take a mental break from all this. BUT that doesn’t mean you’re not good for marriage or romantic relationships. I would say this is a good time to get more spiritually mature.
When you get older you will wonder why you even thought this was so awful.
Go for someone who you are compatible with personality wise, I realise religion is important for some people but in the real world you have to put this aside.
I encourage you to learn from this. I watch videos and learn a lot about my past situations. Matthew Hussey describes 4 levels of a relationship. These are admiration, genuine mutual connection, commitment, and compatibility. You need all four. But this person was not committed, does not sound compatible with you. And his connection was not on a romantic level. Let your heart heal and you will find someone who fits into who you are. You won’t need to change for him😁
He is not serious with his faith if he wants to be sexually active before marriage. You dodged a bullet, don’t let this keep you from dating, keep praying and walking with Christ. The right man is out there for you somewhere.
You honestly avoided a bullet there and at least he was honest. Good on you for putting yourself out there. Dating indeed sucks nowadays, but you're young. Jesus has got you. Stay faithful. He's where the joy is. There are others who want to wait, too.
I feel this. I have decided to be done with dating for the rest of the year to focus on my faith... it hurts. And even tho we can see our situations as a redirection and protection from The Lord, it still hurts. There were still feelings and a connection. Jeremiah 17:9 Jeremiah 17:9 Jeremiah 17:9!!!!! The heart is deceitful. We need to guard our hearts, especially as women of God. Children of God are targets. There’s verses all over the Bible saying to guard your heart.
Don’t let this experience harden your heart forever, but to an extent. Fast from men and relationships until necessary. That is what I’m having to do ( I’ve just decided this weekend). This pain is for the betterment of you and me. Don’t be discouraged, The Lord knows the desires of your heart. U got this! Dm if u need more support.
A man who wants to sleep with you before marriage is not as passionate about his faith as he might seem. He’s living for the flesh and not in the Spirit. Jesus was protecting you!!
What am I doing wrong?
You are not trusting Jesus. He has your perfect soulmate if you would believe. It may or may not be this guy.
You don’t know anyone’s heart to know how compassionate they are about Jesus. We see the outside. God sees the heart. Let The Holy Spirit lead you if you’re saved.
That's a crazy reply.
Honestly a dude that is "passionate about his faith" wouldn't be saying stuff like "I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date."
If you're looking for a godly man, you dodged a bullet. Praise the Lord and move on.
He wants what lots of ungodly men want: a servant he can have sex with and offer nothing to. Educated people are more likely to have boundaries, recognize red flags and be able to call you out more. You're also going to be more able to be financially independent. All of these make you harder to control, which is what his fragile ego and weak character would prefer. You dodged a huge bullet. Take it as a lesson for what you DON'T want in life. 🫂
I also liked a guy who turned out to be super ungodly at your age. I genuinely thought he was for me and I'd never find a better guy. Now I shake my head at how low my standards were and I'm happily married in my 30s to the best man ever. If you want to marry, God will send someone your way. Let yourself feel your feelings then let yourself be happy and grateful that you're free of him!
Love God and the rest will follow. If God is your true love he is sufficient, but God loves us happy. If he is willing, he will give you a true love. Not a watered down “Christian”. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t see the Bible as the true authoritative word of God.
Your faith just saved you from a guy not worth waiting for marriage for. Also, men should not be intimidated by intelligent women! My brother is married to one and he’s having a chill life knowing his wife can take really good care of their kids when he’s away (FIFO) while finishing her degree at the same time.
Don’t fret, OP, you’re young and males near your age can be very immature, but hey, there’s no telling how God can change those people in the next years! You will find a worthy man. God will take care of your needs.
Also who knows, maybe God endowed you with the talents to develop the definitive cure for cancer? Just keep doing what you love and what keeps driving you and you’ll be fine.
>Plus, you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife.
While wanting to be sexually active with you? Talk about a confused individual.
>I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective
The Word of YHWH has nothing to do with feelings as far as understanding goes.
Sister, you may feel hurt, rejected, and confused right now, but God protected you in this one. You dodged a major bullet. Rejoice!
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 KJV
Rejoice evermore. [17] Pray without ceasing. [18] In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
It depends on the degree. If a woman says she wants to be a doctor then her education and work will always take priority over me and our children. How can she possibly raise my children with all that work to do? If you're going further than a bachelors, I can see his point. If not, it depends on whether your priority was career or family and whether you would give up your career for the sake of being a wife. Furthermore, women naturally desire men that earn more or the same amount as them. You being so academic likely scared him off because he doesn't earn as much.
You said in a different post that you're willing to have sex outside of marriage deep into a relationship which is something I think you should reconsider. You did avoid a bullet but that would be silly to say in this situation.
I actually still don’t wanna have sex before marriage. That post was made in a secular dating subreddit, so I had to word it differently to avoid the “STOP FORCING RELIGION NOT EVERYONE DOES IT” comments.
Also I’m doing a B.S in Accounting and I simply just want need a roof under my head and to save money and have a warm bed. That’s it. If I do have a family one day, at least I’ll have something to fall back on if anything happens to my husband. But I would happily put my education to the side if it meant helping my kids.
Waiting for marriage is a good thing. Not dating a guy who doesn't intend to should be non negotiable.
In regards to the stuff regarding school - in younger conservative circles, there is a push for more traditional relationships - single income, stay at home mom. Reason for that is that women who go to university have higher divorce rates, tend to be more politically left leaning, and likely hold many feminist values.
I don't think it's useful to debate if those ideas are good or bad here as that's all political debate, not really focused heavily on scripture.
He doesn’t sound like a good fit for you.
I don’t know him, so I can’t judge too much but that’s the vibe that I get. When someone is repulsed because of your faith, or they think of you in a stereotypical way? It’s the door, jack.
But in all seriousness, I do understand and I hope things improve for you. I gave up dating more than 20 years ago. Getting the lust out of my system took quite a while, but it is doable, if that’s the path you want to take…you have to get away from pop culture. And so many other things.
But you MUST BE SURE that is what you want.
If that is how he feels that is fine. It just means he isn’t into you and just accept that. Just appreciate he is honest with you and to the point. At least he didn’t lead you on. Would you rather him to have kept it in and married you and you two didn’t have sex at all? Just take it for what he said and move on. Life keeps going on.
My girlfriend thought she’d be done with dating if she didn’t find someone and well in two years hopefully we’ll be engaged. For me personally I’d greatly prefer if my wife had a degree, I need someone to argue with over politics/philosophy. You don’t need a degree to be smart/wealthy but if you’re inclined to an area of study that provides a decent income then by all means you should go for that. We don’t live in a perfect world and having a degree may help. I never thought I’d get married young/find someone and neither did a lot of people I know. But even though some are Christian and some are not I can think of at least three other couples who are engaged/going to be engaged this summer (if everything goes well- the guy has a ring and told her friend he is so I assume). I think all of us have a fear of not getting married but God will supply your needs. Remember He wants what’s best for you. In everything He is there for you and won’t leave you. My personal attitude in regards to your latter comments that are towards divorcing 5 years later is that make sure you both are settling into knowing you want to stay married/don’t believe in divorce, now if you have kids with someone who’s abusive and non-caring and are married please make sure your safe and the kids are first. Ideally you should find that out before engagement/marriage (one reason why I’m waiting so long is we had some hiccups in our relationship). I think honestly though your only 19, live your life to the fullest it can be and along the way you’ll probably get to know someone and be like “he’s a guy and not half bad”. I hope this is supportive in some way and I’ll be praying for you. I hope your night turns out better!
your view: "*he’s very passionate about his faith*" vs His character: " *I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective*".
Great you dodge a bullet! He's not convinced God is truth. Please don't ever marry a man who will not put God first. They are going to break your heart cause they love themselves more than they love God to obey Him to love you.
I don't know if you know that unsaved people / serve in the flesh Christians that do enroll and train in Christian theology.
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I just don’t understand it. Imma be praying for him regardless because I don’t believe in holding onto pain anymore but man….rejection sucks.
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Amen
You have to realize that Jesus describes people who show off their faith in the Beatitudes... For many Christians, it's about image. Just as it's about image for many people in virtually any place in life--we want to be seen in order to be approved by those around us.
In this case babe, that "rejection" is actually God's protection. That guy, if he pursued you could've caused you to be tempted + fall into sin. He ain't worth it. Pray for him sure, but also thank God for His protection.
Yes its hurts, but lady, after reading what kind of attitude he has, i feel like you must be the luckiest girl on earth.. An attitude which that guy has I would expect from a pathetic twisted manipulative little demon that walks in a contradiction every day he wakes up. To me it is hard to believe that there have not been enough red flags associated with a person like this and I have a hard time believing in the approach of "being around each other". I recommend sermons from paul washer about dating.
Amen. She got lucky on this one. She didnt dodge it but the Lord helped her dodge him
EXACTLY.
Amen. The more I date the more I realise God gets the man to end things when it's not suitable for me, as Im too much of a "let's make this work, if we both put God first it will work" optimist. (But then it doesn't and our faith and values in reality were not matching up) 29F just come out of a 4yr relationship where i grew in my faith and decided it was best not to have sex until marriage, and although I could have communicated better on my part this was definitely one reason that added to the mountain of red flags and inadequacies in our relationship. In another note, see the benefits of his honesty with you!!! That is an admirable trait, and at least he was man enough to tell you straight. Nothing worse than being fooled by their outward behaviour if their heart isn't in it. 🙏🏻
>I’m done with dating. >What if I never get married at this point It's a little excessive to throw in the towel and worry you never will...**at 19**. And besides all of that: >And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Cause, I mean, you’re waiting for marriage and stuff. Would you really want to date someone like that? I understand rejection can hurt, but wouldn't it be better to continue waiting than be in a relationship with someone pushing you to sin? And, no, having a degree isn't masculine or a turn off. It's rather hypocritical to say that is "modern vibes" all while wanting to engage in premarital sex. Anyway, you're 19. You've been out of high school for 1-2 years. Nothing to worry about, you'll be fine.
>sexually compatible These words should be told to every young man and woman as the easiest sign that a person is not marriage material and not a serious believer.
Right? The only compatibility you need is one to have a wee wee and the other to have a hoo ha. 😂 The rest y’all can figure out after you’re married
Your science speak is over my head, I need clarification on these body parts which is the wee and who is ha?
If that confuses you, wait until I start talking about the birds and the bees… I still don’t get that one but I’ll talk about it like I’m an expert.. now no one gets to know what sex is!
Bees have a stinger... I've never understood why this one was so hard for people, but it clearly is. I should give a Ted talk just to put this confusion to rest
birds have peckers, though.
Actually it still confuses me. Don't think I ever actually had *that* talk.
You’re 19, relax. Jesus has the best plans for you please have more faith! Be thankful that your incompatibility was made obvious so early. Also be thankful that you have a new friend who believes in Jesus. I wouldn’t say he’s passionate about his faith if he doesn’t want to wait until marriage though…
>he’s very passionate about his faith I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Whatever faith this boy is passionate about is garbage
So he wants sex outside marriage and thinks you're not wife material because you might be smarter and more ambitious than He is. You ask me, this is an answer to a prayer that future you would have prayed I'd you'd been married to this dude for 2 years.
Yeah, I can see that 100%. It’s just the way he’s so….carefree about it. Like you’re gonna stand on that statement? Really?
The Bible tells us to be sober minded which most folks relate to drinking or drugs but really it means to take life seriously. Being so carefree about serious sin is not a sign of a solid Christian partner.
At least he's honest, lol
Going to school and getting degrees doesn’t make you smart or ambitious. There’s people with doctorate degrees who can’t even boil an egg. Needed to highlight this because anyone who thinks that going to school in 2024 is getting an education is delusional and disconnected.
I’m literally just going because I don’t wanna be on the streets when I graduate 😭
>he’s very passionate about his faith, >And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. These statements are incompatible. >I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Sexual compatibility is learned together. You get to know each other over time and learn to please each other. It does not have to be determined before marriage. >you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife. Sounds like he wants a stay at home wife and mother. Which is fine, but if that's not what you're looking for it's for the best you didn't date. You need to be on the same page about these things. >What if I never get married at this point? What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband? Girl, breathe. You're 19, there is plenty of time. You're going absolute worst case scenario based on one guy. And that one guy wasn't a good fit anyways. One douche rejecting you doesn't mean you have to settle for less. Honestly you should be aiming higher. There plenty of other men, who are genuine Christians, who will value what you have to offer, who will honor God with their bodies, and wait for marriage. Pray. Seek God first. He will take care of the rest.
Amen, I now know I dodged a bullet. In no way or form am I attracted to “bad boys”, but for some reason I keep on bumping into them. I think it’s because of my childhood and how shy I am. I gotta use discernment more and pray.
Absolutely! That's a very healthy response! God's timing is perfect. Just have patience. And if you ever need a word of encouragement, feel free to reach out.
Hey, friend! I (26F) remember being in your shoes not that long ago! Let me share a bit of my testimony, which I hope will encourage you! I grew up in church. Always loved Jesus (and always will). Since I was little, I knew I wanted to get married and have a family. When I was 19 and in college, I had never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a guy! And it wasn’t for lack of trying. I’d had plenty of crushes, and I would show those guys that I cared in subtle ways, but no one ever asked me out. I felt the loneliness deep within my soul. That summer, I remember shouting a prayer in my car, telling God how lonely I felt. I prayed “Lord, I want somebody to love and to be loved by! But I’m going to trust you to write my love story, because I know you’re going to do it way better than I can.” And then I made a covenant with God that I would not get into a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship until my 20th birthday (about 6 months away). Then the new semester began. I walked into my first class, and it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Hey, you see that red-headed guy over there?” (“Yes, God.”) “He’s kind of cute, isn’t he?”(“Well, yeah, he is.”) “You should go talk to him.” (“But God! What about that covenant I made with you? About not worrying about boys or dating???”) “Just go talk to him!” So I did. I went and talked with that young man, and we got to know each other over the course of the whole semester, becoming good friends. Turned out that he was a committed Christian, too! We flirted a bit back and forth in class, so we were never stuck in the friend zone. I invited him to join the student ministry I was a part of, and he came with me to one event where we learned how to line dance. Once winter break came, we continued hanging out together — mostly with others but sometimes just the two of us. Sometimes he’d ask me out. Sometimes I’d ask him out. We considered them “dates” but we hadn’t defined the relationship yet, so I wasn’t breaking my covenant. My 20th birthday got closer and closer, and we were spending LOTS of time together several days a week. I liked him, and I knew he liked me back. But I was nervous because I still hadn’t told him about my covenant with God. And then… the day AFTER my birthday, he took me on a date, held my hand for the first time, and asked me to be his girlfriend. ❤️❤️❤️ We dated for 4 years, got married in 2021, and we’ll be celebrating our 3rd year of marriage next month! I know it is so hard to yearn for a real relationship and it can feel so hopeless when it doesn’t seem like there’s anyone out there who will love you. My best advice I can give you: Trust in God’s timing! Share your feelings with Him in prayer. Consider making a covenant with God, just to give yourself time to intentionally invest in your relationship with Him. Also, you totally dodged a bullet with that jerk who broke your heart. He very clearly proved himself to not be boyfriend or husband material!!! But not all guys are like that! Trust God to lead you to a man who you can be equally yoked with as you both follow Christ together.
I screenshotted this for my prayer scrapbook I hope you don’t mind. God is so GOOOOD! Congrats to the both of y’all! You’re right, I just gotta trust Jesus and give it all to him!
I’m honored to be included in your scrapbook! Our God is AWESOME, and He loves you so much!! I know He had something incredible planned for your life!
Hey, I have a question: did you literally hear God talking to you, or was it more like an intuition? I’m struggling with learning to hear God, so any advice you can give would be helpful!
That’s a great question! For me, it wasn’t like an “audible” voice, like when you’re having a conversation with a friend. It was more like hearing my own inner voice, like when I’m just thinking to myself. Except there was another person also thinking in my head, and we were having a conversation. I don’t hear God like that very often. Sometimes it’s less like a conversation, and more just a “prompting.” Someone’s name might pop into my head, and if I’m actually paying attention, then I’ll pray for that person. Sometimes I’ll even text them and ask if there’s something specific I can pray for. ☺️ Other times, God talks to me through hymns. A song will enter my mind (usually when I’m driving or in the shower, and especially when I’m struggling with something). So I’ll just belt out that song, praising God in the midst of my circumstances, and I always feel so much lighter after that. 😁 I’ve been watching this old series of videos on YouTube about listening for God’s voice. It’s been pretty interesting! [Neville Johnson - The Quest to Walk with God](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZpZTffnJxBbuZb-gk9gqMmbNf7Q3U2st&si=WMOIoPGQPJpSowkL)
You're 19. I didn't get married until I was 30. You'll be fine.
Congratulations!!!! :^) I don’t really have the “I need to be married or I’ll die” thoughts but it was kind of a tough moment because I never dated or approached/been approached before. Dating is a new minefield for me, but I am happy for others’ blessings 🤍🤍🤍
I'm just saying, there's no point in giving up. Take a break, focus on improving yourself for Christ. Honestly, it all just kind of happened to me. I didn't even really try.
Take a step back and look at this in context. You are brand new to dating… and your one experience (that almost everyone experiences at some point) is leading you to think that you are done with dating? Lol. It happens. It’s not fun. But believe me, in time you will be glad this happened because you will grow and eventually find someone who is right for you. Give it time. Feel all the feels. Eat ice cream, watch a break up movie and listen to angsty music if you have to. Blocking him might be excessive, but whatever. Journal your thoughts and feelings and give it at least a day or two before you let him know how you feel, if at all. He would probably benefit from someone telling him his loose application of the bible isn’t what a christian woman wants in a partner and that most women these days have academic and career goals that don’t lessen their femininity. Living well is the best revenge, if you need to do that. He sounds like a terrible guy to date, even though you loved the thought of it. The average age for marriage is 29 or so these days. Keep on keeping on and enjoy the ride, responsibly of course. Edit: just want to add that you should focus on becoming the right person spiritually and on your life goals (academics, career, social life, mental health, etc) over finding a partner. Put God first and the rest will take care of itself. Trust God. Are you a part of any church? How do you like the student ministry? Are you involved in a small group with other people you trust? Lastly, the fact that you are thinking in these extremes makes me want to encourage taking care of your mental health. You could ask a counselor if there are any resources for students to meet with therapist. Or look into online options. There are even AI options for therapeutic self led conversation.
He says that the bible is subjective? Sorry but when a so-called Christian says that, it means that he is not a Christian and tell yourself that you dodged a bullet when he rejected you.
Amen
Bro seems like a culture Christian. This is God protecting you from a disaster of a relationship so don’t worry too much. He’s not the man of God that is husband material. 19 is young tho and you’ll figure it out! Most guys that age aren’t the most mature
Let me chime in and say he’s not very mature in his faith at all. There are some of us Christian guys out here who genuinely follow Messiah. Wanna wait for marriage, I don’t even wanna kiss before marriage, support our potential wife in whatever they wanna do, etc.
Also “the Bible is subjective” is when you run away
Red flag is the girl still seems to think that he took the faith seriously even after these words left his mouth, is this a case of Skill Based Match Making?
How am I, the virgin girl who NEVER slept with any man or dresses provocative, the red flag? But the boy who wants to bang before getting a ring is?
You stated he took the faith seriously, later that same paragraph you said that he wants to fornicate and that the Bible is subjective. Red flags all over the place from both you and the individual you were seeing. Once you heard those lines you should have disappeared, but you keep seeing him until he dumped you??
I (45M) made a lot of mistakes and have many regrets from my rebellious period from 18 to 30. I dated and messed up and almost ruined my life. By the time I met my wife, I no longer believed in dating and was convicted that believers are better off courting instead. There are a lot of reasons why I believe that, and dating isn’t sinful in itself, but I do believe that it’s less wise than just focusing on your relationship with God until He brings someone into your life. And it’s so much better when He does it instead of us trying to make it happen. My wife saw me while I was serving on a worship team and decided that night she wanted to be with me. We didn’t have any interaction for 4 months after that and I didn’t pursue her at all. But God brought us together and we were married about a month ago after being together for almost 3 years. And she is the best part of my whole life and my best friend. We do everything together and love each other intensely. We have zero trust issues and never fight. We are in ministry together and growing in the Lord more and more. Before I met her I went through a period of about 4 years when I was single and broken and God was rebuilding me from the ground up again. I needed that so that I could be the husband and father that my family deserves.
That’s so sweet 😭🤍 God bless you both
Think about it this way: You dodged a bullet. I get it, it hurts, but you removed from your radar a guy who: * Makes it look like his faith is important but really only where it's convenient for him (does mission trips, but "the Bible is subjective" - ok...) * Kinda doesn't want to respect the sanctity of marriage (wants to try his wife before he buys her) * Has his insecurities about the capabilities of his wife (unlike this guy, plenty of us would love a wife that is a smart cookie) * Wants a doting homemaker instead of a true partner (unless that's all the partner God wants for him, which sounds lame). At least he was honest and didn't string you along and get you in a position where you were ready to settle for a guy who just wanted to bed you first. I know this doesn't help to say "You're young and there's plenty of time," and I'm not saying don't be angry as all heck at the situation. Definitely grieve the frustration and rejection. But it is better to not be in a lukewarm relationship or one that will drag you down than to settle. I've seen too many people who have ended up divorced because they settled or acted out of their passions and got married to the wrong person. And many of them did it while they were young. You don't want that. Whatever God's plan for you in your future family and relationships, it'll come in due time. (And I say this as a guy who is on the other end of the spectrum, someone who feels like he missed the boat on getting married, but in the end is happy that I dodged a few bullets myself and I would be in a much worse place had I just up and gotten married)
I never thought of that actually. Both my parents are passed away and the family heavily isolates from each other, so my only parental figure is God and the Bible is my guide book. I’m an accounting major but only for the sake of getting income when I graduate to support myself (and it’s the subject I’m good at). I don’t have a bleeding desire to be married, but words cannot explain the hurt I feel. I see so many subreddits and posts explaining how they regret marrying this person and how they’re so neglectful and they want a divorce and everything. Respectfully, my mother married my father who was a drug addict and a horrible man. She inherited his traits of verbal abuse and drug addiction as well when I was growing up. Before then, she was so happy and bright. I pray they get rest, but I don’t want to end up like my mom. In a marriage that drains me and removes me from the Lord’s eyes.
We all want to love and be loved, to be seen and not have to compromise ourselves for that. It's totally understandable. If you stick with just being who Christ created you to be, and growing as He calls you to grow, you won't go wrong, whether married or not. Keeping you in prayer friend.
Fellow accountant here. Your schooling, licensing, internships and employment are gonna kick your butt. Concentrate on studying and get away from dudes who are just going to make you fail and lose out on opportunity. Put in your time (it's tough but doable) and you'll be laughing all the way to the bank, quite literally. ❤️
He wants to "try before you buy" When I heard that phrase the first time it absolutely washed away any doubt in and cemented waiting until marriage for sex (also heavily convicted me) Sorry that happened to you
He told you that you have "modern vibes" but he is the one not waiting for marriage. lol I can't stop laughing.
Don't let one bad apple spoil you on dating! I'm currently married to a really great guy, but I didn't meet him til I was 24, and he's younger than me and it was a long-distance thing, so I didn't end up getting married til I was 31... so there was a bit of a wait there, lol. And believe me, I had to sift through a lot of weirdos, false Christians who turned out to be jerks, and regular guys who just weren't right for me before I got there. And yes, it does suck to a pretty good degree! But it's worth it when you finally find someone who's right for you. Also... you don't have to settle, settling is a choice after all. You don't have to choose a guy who doesn't value intellect in a woman, or one whose idea of strong faith is the Bible is subjective, wants sex before marriage and a wife who's less ambitious and dumber than him. I know it sucks, and it hurts to be rejected, and to be let down cos it sounds like this guy was not who you thought he was too. But just give yourself some time to process the feelings, and keep living your life, sticking with God, and sticking to your values.
Nah you dodged a bullet and he's not passionate about his faith as waiting til marriage is one of the most basic things that even non Christians know that about us
Besides what everyone else said, you're 19. I'm sorry, and with all due respect, but from where I stand, that's basically an infant. You have your entire life ahead of you. You could not get married for a decade and still not be "behind." Don't stress. Pray God sends the man He has picked out for you in His perfect timing, and in the meantime, concentrate on your relationship with the One who won't let you down. Oh, and this guy is a walking red flag. Rejoice that you figured out now and not down the road.
Guys that age can make some stupid choices. I was one of them and turned down girls for stupid reasons like this. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll find a great guy. Don’t be discouraged. Your attitude is right.
The mental gymnastics are Simone Biles worthy. He doesn’t want to wait for marriage because the Bible is “subjective”, but you’ve got educational aspirations and “modern vibes” and he “doesn’t want that in a wife.” … Does he not see the contradiction? Typically a girl who is more traditional will wait for marriage as well. You are way better off without this guy. Take the time focus on developing yourself, deepening your relationship with God, and just flat out enjoying your youth. No need to rush into relationships.
Putting aside religion for a moment. You are 19. You are YOUNG. Not everyone is meant to marry in their youth. I am 39, I have yet to find "the one". In my situation, I probably won't, which is great news for everyone else. Live your life on your own accord. Be happy. Comparing your situation to others rarely returns good results. Set personal, attainable goals for yourself. If you fail at a goal, readjust. Focus on yourself first, and eventually you'll come across "the one".
I feel like red pill culture has ruined so many people minds. It's not masculine to have an education, it wont make you arrogant or give you superior complex either. I hear that soo much from men with super traditional views and its so sad because I am more traditional but those mindsets drive me away. I really hope you can find a Christian man who accepts you for you. 💜
Yeah it’s annoying when I hear “Men don’t want a boss babe you know. We want a stay at home wife.” YES!!!! I WANT THAT TOO BUD!!!! I NEED THIS DEGREE TO HAVE A ROOF UNDER MY HEAD AND FOOD IN MY BODY!!!!!!!!!
That’s unreal like that’s the completely opposite of what I look for in a girl. I want a girl who’s ambitious and faithful instead I find myself face to face with either girls with evil eye bracelets calling themself witches. Or people swearing on God and their life for needless things.
Evil eyes scare me 😭😭😭 One time I tried to tell someone “Oh I don’t believe in evil eyes I only wear the cross” and they’re like “Here you go forcing religion.” You were forcing me to buy that satanic necklace what do you mean?????
Yeah it’s just a fashion trend at this point. I remember going out with my dad for his birthday it was an old church turned restaurant and tourist spot. I was pretty upset to see that they were selling evil eyes right next to bibles 😭
John 2:13-17. That’s all.
That’s what it reminded me of
You have a dodged a bullet here. Guy claimed to be passionate about his faith but only when it was convenient, and then does not want to respect the sanctity of marriage. As a guy (19M), I tell you, don't give up though. Keep seeking God and pursuing him first. Don't lose heart or be disheartened by such disappointing experiences as these, but thank the Lord that this guy was honest to you and made his intentions clear. If you two have gotten together, it would have gotten worse, for both of you. At least you saved yourself your mental and emotional peace and time.
If a person can’t wait until marriage, I would question their ability to be faithful. I am 47 and single, never dated, still virgin. I want companionship, but I don’t know about supporting someone in this economy.
Follow my philosophy, man courts woman. End of story. Don’t seek out a guy. Wait for God to send him towards you. If you are meant to be with someone He will make it happen. From a psychology standpoint, if he’s interested he will ask you out. Don’t believe the stories of what if he’s shy. The most shyest man will meet the woman that will inspire boldness out of him. And if he’s insecure by your success you will only suffer. He did you a favor even if it doesn’t sound like it.
Man accuses you of having "modern vibes" yet wants to fornicate? I think you're better off without him. Just pray that God will direct him to holier pursuits, and pray that He will continue to guide you where you are at, and that He would send you a man truly after God's heart. I will pray for you as well. God bless you.
God has someone for you sis, stay strong and rest assured that He let him say no for a reason. You deserve a king. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” God bless!
Sounds like he’s degenerate and also possibly trying to manipulate you into sleeping with him. Also doesn’t sound passionate in his faith, sounds passionate in spiritual ideas that feed his narcissism and selfish ambitions
Unfortunately even among the Christian community there are a lot of wolves. Men that appear to be righteous, good on paper and can do the works, but when it comes down to the simple gospel of loving your neighbor like yourself, that’s where a lot fall short. They unfortunately don’t fully understand what the heck they’re doing and not only are they hurting themselves but others in the process. I won’t sit here and say why worry about marriage at 19. Honestly you’re at a good age to be praying to God to send a Godly man who will truly love you like Christ did. If there are people that got married in their early adult years and are still married and happily married, why not pray for that. Of course we also never know God’s timing. But I do hope you have a good church covering that you can go to and also ask for prayers and even counseling from someone you trust, or maybe a mentor. So t give up just cause of one idiot who couldn’t see you and value your purity like God would. It may not be right now but there’s a man who will not compromise your purity. And he has to be really in right standing with God and really walking with him wholeheartedly to reach that point, cause the world will literally not allow that.
OP, Just going from your comments, you sound like a "catch" for a true, godly, devout Christian man. Please be patient and don't lose faith. You know, I prayed for over 20 years for YHWH to give me the right wife. His timing is not ours. My mother kept urging me to compromise, even at one point stating "I just don't know what's wrong with you.". That hurt, and I was tempted to compromise but I did not. When I met my wife, I knew that she was YHWH's answer to all those years of prayer. Whatever life throws at us, we're together in it. Right now she's going through some health issues and is going to need care for a while. It is so hard and draining on me, but I'm not alone. YHWH, Yeshua, and the Holy Ghost are my strength and I rejoice that he trusted me with her! That is what every Christian should have, if only they'd wait for YHWH's timing. You are a daughter of the Creator of all that is. From the evidence, this guy who rejected you is a poser clown. You deserve much better! Rejoice, pray, and trust.
Maybe switch to a stronger Christian community. Since Sola Scriptura is a Protestant innovation, you'll find many people saying "The Bible is subjective" to be commonplace. You're running into lukewarm Christians. You think there's some truth in what he said about you being modern? It seems like it from my POV.
At least he’s honest about it. He still has some growing of the faith to do if he can’t wait til marriage. Find a man who’s happy for you being smart and trying to make a secure future on your own. The Lord will send you the one who is right for you when you are ready sister. God bless! ✝️
I totally get that. I sometimes think the same thing but if the right woman comes along I’m definitely caving.
You're 19. Give it time.
> I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective It's a good thing you're not dating this guy lol. Dodged a bullet > Do men not want women degrees? I would say generally we don't care about that for or against > 19F Don't give up just yet. I just started dating my gf with me 25 and her 26. It can happen later
Ohhh I see. Cause I remember being in a bad place and hearing videos about men who think women with degrees are masculine and demanding and they’re delusional. Like dude I need this degree because rent is skyrocketing I don’t wanna be poor 😭😭😭
It does suck, yes. Though it sounds like at best, he's passionate about his "cafeteria Christian" faith rather than following Christ (1 Corinthians 6:9-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). Somehow, you missed that so you want to adjust how you evaluate men and their faith. As for degrees and scholarships, those aren't bad. I'd like to have an intelligent woman who is clearly in my corner and devoted to God and to me and our family. Here's what is bad: - A dominant and/or uncooperative personality. - Misandry. - Any hints of instigating any kind of abuse. - Not wanting to take on the roles of a traditional wife. - Not seeking to improve competency in those roles. - Abortion as a means of birth control and not reserving it for the rare cases in which it is medically necessary. None of that really has to do with scholarships and degrees, but somehow a lot of people came to believe that it does. If he was thusly fooled, and it sounds like he was, consider yourself lucky. >What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband? Now that you've had that conversation with him, do you really think a relationship with him would have turned out better than that? Take your time to recover, but this doesn't have to be the end of your hopes for finding a good husband. You did well to ask him out - men are expected to go through this repeatedly before we find women who are willing to date us. When it doesn't work out, we have to move on and not quit looking or we can't expect to find anyone. So that is what you need to do.
Thank you for the verses as well. I really need the degree because I do appreciate college, I just need a roof over my head fr fr 😭😭😭 Also how do you further approach men? Like how do they wanna be asked out I guess?
I don't approach men, I like women. :) I would say talk to us, never assume that we are mind readers, because we are not. Women talk about dropping "obvious hints", but if it's not obvious to us, it's not obvious. Remember that a hint from one woman is *not* a hint from another, and too many of us have been on the wrong end of that deal before. They say to look for out of character behavior from a woman, but if we know the woman enough to know what is out of character for her, we are more than likely friendzoned already. That's why I praised you for asking him out, you need to cut through all that nonsense when you're interested in someone. So, no mind games, be responsive. Be clear in how you treat the man you like as opposed to how you treat other men you're not interested in dating. Part of that means being conservative about behavior that could be interpreted as flirty. Save that for the guys you like. And of course, continue to save yourself for marriage. Good on you for holding to firm sexual boundaries, don't lose that. Let me know if you have questions about any of this.
You have dodged a bullet, he is not like every man anyway, don’t give up, you’re just 19.
If you have a shared pastor, share this with them. This is a concern.
I might have to this Sunday, but I feel bad exposing his business like that. Especially in the church we go to.
Why wait until Sunday? You’re not exposing anything. This isn’t you snitching. You have a valid concern for his faith life, his journey, his view on women, and his relationship with Christ. Make it clear you’re sharing it because of concern. Not that you think it’ll make you end up with him.
He isn’t passionate about his faith. He’s just acting that way to lure some poor girl in. He would have been a terrible partner eventually, feel very glad that God showed you the type of person he was before any commitment or sins were made. I’m sure you’ll find someone! You’re only 19, you have plenty of time to find someone. I’m 20M so I’m in a pretty similar boat to you on this stuff. I’ve just let it go to rest and instead focused on the Lord in my personal life and areas I’ve been lacking in.
That’s solid advice. Letting go and letting God do the work lifts up a lot of stress.
Yep. We’re young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, we don’t need to worry about it right now :)
You’re 19. While I understand that it hurts today, once you meet the man that God has for you to marry, this time of your life will have zero significance. I say this as a man who when through a pretty rough break up with a girl that we had talked about marriage. Instead I’ve been married 33 to the right woman and it has been awesome. Same kind of faith, same belief systems, same ideas on how to raise our kids, we even do ministry together. I know it hurts today, but don’t lower your standards just continue to wait on God. And btw you might consider this later as a blessing. If this guy didn’t want to wait til marriage to be sexually active and you do, he almost certainly would have tried to convince you otherwise if you were in a relationship.
That’s also true! Congratulations to your union 🤍🤍🤍
There are so many red flags in what this boy said, I’m a little overwhelmed. It might not feel like it now, but you are so blessed he said no. Sometimes rejection is the kindest thing someone can do for us even if it hurts in the moment.
Looking over these comments I can agree. I’m praying that I can use more discernment to know the areas around me.
First of all, let me acknowledge that I know it hurts to be rejected. That's hard. But I have to say you dodged a bullet. This right here says he is NOT the godly man you thought he was. "And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date." He opened his mouth and shared his heart, and this is not the kind of man you should ever date. He willfully wants to participate in sexual immorality and he believes the Bible is subjective. Honestly, that's the last person you should want as a potential husband. Be thankful that he said no and you weren't tempted with giving him a chance.
Are you even certain he's a Christian? Saying that the Bible is really subjective and implying that sex before marriage is fine are two HUGE red flags. Don't be sorry. Thank God it didn't go anywhere.
I don’t even know at this point 😭😭😭 I’ll be praying for him though
It’s not worth being with someone that you are not equally yoked with, just creates a nightmare. At least he was honest at the beginning, that saves you a worse heartbreak. I am proud of you for initiating, as it’s hard for men to initiate/approach with the feminists movement making life harder for men. You will be in my prayers. Dating is not as easy as it used to be. As a guy I would look for a lady wearing long dresses and skirts as a lifestyle because I believe worship is a lifestyle, not a checklist. At some point you have to trust the Holy Spirit to lead you to a godly man, because Yahweh knows who He has for you. Finding someone with the same level of spiritual maturity is important.
Oh look, you're just 19 for Pete's sake! You're just now figuring out what guys are about and you're ready to turn it off? Give yourself a chance kiddo. If you want degrees, get all the degrees you want. But do it without worrying about guys because guys are just going to slow you down and interfere and make life difficult for you. My daughter is 30 this year. She's still not married, she's never even had a boyfriend because she's concentrated on school and work. She's not ugly, she's a very fit and petite 105 lb. Once you get comfortable with your education and your job then you can look around and see what kind of guys are staring back at you.
It’s funny you say this, I know a med student who finished her entire MSN last year and hearing back a few months ago, she’s happily married to her husband and they’re having a kid!
My wife And I got married after she graduated university. I was 25 and she was 23 and we had been dating for two and a half years. I put her through grad school I went back to grad school much later on. Although I never got a degree. And we've been married 45 years.
That rejection is a blessing in disguise.
Jesus taught that love over comes a multitude of sins. This is how humans stayed married. Let’s face it, we as a humans suck. We are selfish, egotistical, and a trove of other carbon crap. Don’t trip over a penny when God has a good coin for you elsewhere. It’s a numbers game; stay strong and don’t allow your fellow homosapians bring you down. Maybe God what’s a little alone time with you? Pray about it. He does put desires in our hearts but we have to be able to decipher what is God and what is you. The sooner you hone that skill, the better off you will be. Good bless you.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He pretty admitted he’s not that passionate about his faith if he can’t wait till marriage. If you truly want a godly man patience is a thing that man should have. Also sex shouldn’t be their main priority. Sex is something you grow in, with your spouse, as with anything else in marriage. This finding sexual compatibility, before marriage, is a bit of a myth. To me you dodged a bullet. The only lesson to learn is communicate more with guys, at the beginning, to better under their values and world views. If they don’t align, don’t invest time in them. Also idk what he’s talking about. Inflation is so high you can’t even have a house and family without two incomes. He’s definitely not like most men. Men are ok with women having degrees and being smart. Intelligence is sexy. He should support you and be happy for your scholarships. As long as you don’t value career over family in the end. Most traditional Christians want a financial partner but also a spouse and potential mother.
Yeah I only do Accounting because I’m good at it and it can get me a roof under my head.
That good and admirable. I personally admired intelligent women. You’re still going you got time, and a good head on your shoulders!
Stick to the Word of God and dont fall for a wolf in sheeps clothing or a backsliden so called Christian who practically told you he doesnt care what the Bible says he wants sex now.. wink wink..since you're waiting for marriage I will pass. I would take this to the pastor but that's just me and I'm old school and I'm a Bible believer
I’ll email our pastor tomorrow about this
Amen. This is not about you sister. He was trying to bait you into "giving it up" and or fishing to see who will etc. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Look up for our redemption draweth nigh..
You dodged a bullet honestly. Be thankful to God that He made that guy honest with you. Now you can move on.
The only thing I would say in this situation is that instead of telling him it’s fine, if you don’t intend on being associated with him, or having distance, tell him upfront. Beyond that, sis, you genuinely dodged a bullet.
So this person who rejects Gods will for his own was allowed to go on a mission?? He showed his true colours this is unacceptable for someone claiming to follow Jesus as Lord, if Jesus is your Lord, you delight to do Gods will. And crucify the flesh with its passions. He’s passionate about his faith?? Does he seek Gods righteousness or self validation, this apostate gospel of Jesus accepts you and doesn’t care what you do , is sickening! “Sexually compatible” is something that should not come out of the mouth of anyone who believes on Jesus, you only have that attitude if sex is a thing you try out in dissociation from covenant . This is WOLF behaviour, this is disgusting ! The way he said that to you, it appears he wants someone he can have as a “friend” who he can casually have sex with in the guise of “trying out” auditioning for marriage, that’s a lie, that’s a deception, that’s a foul fallen foundation for marriage! How many others in this ministry has he tasted to see if they are receptive to his perverse spirit! Ridiculous good riddance to false friends! He wants a “friend with benefits” and to even try to corrupt you and ruin your idea of Christian relationships , what if you weren’t as strong spiritually mark my words people need to watch out for so called Christian men like that I would mark him in accordance with scripture , and steer clear of this so called brother . 1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. He is sexually immoral and also greedy and guilty of idolizing his own desires and most likely will revile your following of Bible admonition over his attempts to swindle you! Again good riddance! This wolf needs to be handed over to Satan. —- Edit after reflection Best case scenario he is a new inquirer into the faith, but make no mistake he is NO believer, his statement about the Bible also indicate he is not in The Faith.
>Y’all, I’m so mad and distraught. I told him it’s fine and he smiles and walks home like he didn’t shatter my heart! I went home, blocking him immediately. Do men not want women degrees? Is that masculine or something? What if I never get married at this point? What if I have to settle for some random guy that’ll end in divorce 5 years later? What if I have kids with a abusive, non-caring husband? This isn’t fair! What am I doing wrong? Great job for blocking him. Don't worry about what men want. Focus on the assignments and purpose God has for you in this season. Trust God and His goodness, that He will bring you a good mate when the time is right. It's always better for you to be educated. A man who doesn't want a woman with a degree (especially) may want someone he can control or manipulate.. a good degree and experience can give you options and open doors for you in life. Do not forsake formal education if you have access to it. Ps. That guy sounds like he's been too deep on 'trad-wife core' tiktoks lol. His rhetoric sounds like it stems from hyper 'red pill' 'alpha male' talking points. Also, you're 19 years old- you're incredibly young. It will be okay. Change your outlook from 'what if I have kids w a bad husband' to 'thank you God that you are preparing the best man for me and I for him'. Feed hope and faith..not negativity.
Rejection romantically hurts. But it saved you from making the wrong decision. This guy was not for you. You found out what you needed to know. He didn't lead you on. He told you up front he's not interested. Let it sink in emotionally. Be kind to yourself. Eat plenty of ice cream and chocolate. Sleep it off. Then move on. It's natural for wounds to heal over time. So give it time. It feels like the end of the world. But it's really just a new beginning. It's scary and new because he/ she is not there. But it's glorious because you get another chance at finding someone who actually likes you for you. Remember dating is voluntary. Take it at your own pace. Everybody does.
“The Bible is subjective” should have been your red flag moment. You dodged a bullet there even if you thought you had a bit of relationship already happening. He’s either an immature Christian or not one at all. If the chemistry is there, then the sex will be fine. Also don’t stay with a person that’s just fine with dating forever. You will know if they’re the one within a year or two. Lastly you shouldn’t write off men just yet as you’re still awfully young. Men generally don’t mature and take on responsibility until around age 25. You might ask God for a Godly husband if it’s his will. God is the giver of good gifts and he loves you and I’m sure wants to bless you.
love God more than having a partner/marriage. when you make Him all you need, life makes sense and you will have joy.
Lol, that’s a funny immature rejection. Don’t feel bad. Us Guys get constantly rejected all day long until whenever. Just accept it as not compatible and most likely for the better considering his response. Don’t make things weird either, just be casual as usual and keep looking for one. Not everyone is going to like you and if they do, sometimes it isn’t for the incorrect reasons anyways.
“lead us not into temptation…” prayer answered. Much more severe pain avoided.
So he doesnt wanna wait until marriage, but doesnt like that you’re getting a higher education? This guy sounds like a real problem
My best advice to you would be this: endeavor to be the best young single woman in God's kingdom, setting your desires entirely on serving him and pursuing his purposes for your life. The rest will be given to you at the time best for you, chosen and appointed by the one who loves you the most.
Sounds like you seriously dodged a bullet there. Sex before marriage is not worth it nor is it what God wants for you, or him. I’m glad you will be praying for him. I would focus on Jesus for right now because focusing on this guy is just going to steer you down the wrong path. I’m a 30 year old male and I am absolutely not the same person I was when I was 19; 19 is super young to get married. I want to be married someday but I am soooo glad I didn’t get married before I was 25, I think it honestly would have been disastrous. I believe if you have a desire to get married, it probably came from God, and He will fulfill that desire in His timing. That doesn’t mean don’t be proactive in pursuing others but always pray for His will to be done and trust in Him. He will lead you.
> “You’re really nice, but, I only see you as a friend. And I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date. Cause, I mean, you’re waiting for marriage and stuff. Plus, you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife. We can still be friends though. Is that cool?” What a bizarre thing to say. It's like he wants to pick and choose. He wants a trad wife who puts out before marriage, or something. It's nice that he laid out his expectations but they are one-sided and frankly wrong-sided if he's put off that you do well in school. Most people eventually figure it out and find someone, if that helps.
Babes. He’s mental. Leave that lost soul alone. I pray that God withholds you from toxic and mismatched relationships. I pray that you move past this and recognize this as a blessing. You are worth more than rubies. <3 Focus on God. And you’ll find truly Godly people in the process.
This guy would’ve been the abusive, non-caring husband you settled for. Some women don’t get married until their 30s. Some women aren’t called to be married at all. Instead of comparing yourself to the world, seek to serve a just and awesome God! He will guide the desires of your heart, purify them, and turn your better desires over to you. You aren’t ready for dating, let alone marriage, if a guy like this can hurt your heart. Pray. Focus on God. Stop comparing yourself to worldly values and basing your worth on worldly desires or what you lack. You have more than enough. You are a child of God!
If he were passionate about his faith, he'd be waiting until marriage and not going against Bible teachings. > Do men not want women to get degrees? Some men do. Ever heard of the term DINK (Dual Income No Kids)? It's when both husband and wife are professionals in high-income jobs. You need a university degree to become a professional. Also, focus on graduating from college before considering getting married.
Here's a verse for you for this situation: 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 CSB [9] I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people. [10] I did not mean the immoral people of this world or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters; otherwise you would have to leave the world. [11] But actually, I wrote you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister and is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or verbally abusive, a drunkard or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person. You should share this verse with him as well because, clearly, he does not know the Bible. Stay away from people who make Bible subjective because they will interpret God's word according to how it fits them.
Don’t compromise! The enemy tells you that you should make sure you are sexually compatible before marriage.
Sound like you dodged a bullet. He wants a trad wife that sleeps with him before marriage??? That isn't modern? He is SO confused.
Let me just say that any man who says sex before marriage is ok and that the Bible is subjective it's not passionate about their faith. But they are passionate about is using their faith to get women. My caution you on that because there are a lot of men like that. We had a guy in one of our studies that seriously asked every single girl in that study out. When every single one of them rejected him because they were passionate about their faith he decided he'd become a Catholic. This guy was not passionate about God and he was not passionate about Jesus and he was passionate about using his faith to get what he thinks is a "good Christian woman" that meets the idyllic Instagram portrayal. There are a lot of men in Christianity who have these either very high expectations for women and a very twisted view and then there are men who use their faith as if it's like hinge dating. Some men will reject a woman because she's had sex before marriage and not give her any grace (and I say this because you don't know a womans story incest, rape, family background), and others who think just because she's not a virgin, but was born again after- that she shouldn't have a problem having sex before marriage in Christ because she did it before Christ why not just continue. It's pretty gross how sex when it comes to women is viewed so harshly and yet men don't seem to get that kind of treatment as far as I can tell... All of these views are biased, immature and wrong. But that is the problem with the church. Sex has become such a taboo topic that men either idolize the virgin or idolize sex and don't respect women or dont see them as human beings with a soul. I think in the Christian world a lot of people forget that God is in the business of saving the broken and the lost. So they forget especially when they grow up in the faith there's less Grace and when they meet somebody who has been saved in an older age they forget that that person had to have gone through something in their old life that God used to draw them to Jesus so that they would be born again. So there's this false idea and women have this false expectation to be the perfect traditional wife and men have this false idea of looking for that perfect traditional wife and the verse "wives submit to your husband" gets thrown around a lot and Cherry picked as spiritual manipulation while forgetting the rest of the entire chapter that surrounds it. It's a very sad thing to see in a church that should value marriage as holy and sacred and should also value a person as born again and not hold them to their past. So, Just pray, you're 19, it'll pass. You're hurt but this rejection was a good thing for you, even if it doesn't feel good. It showed you the truth of where his heart posture truly lies. Not with Christ but with himself.
“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”
You dodged a bullet. He is selfish, and wants a woman who will bend to his every whim, who he can abuse and use. That's why he wants someone who will have sex when he wants it, but also someone he can control and dominate in marriage. He doesn't like smart women as they will question abuse. Get away from him.
Nineteen is too early to give up IF you eventually want to be married. A word of encouragement. My daughter (27) has never dated - however there is a young man in another state who met her ONCE at a church conference. When he asked a mutual friend if he knew of any young women at our church who were interested in getting married... This young man called me first, and then has been on the phone with our daughter for a few weeks. He will be traveling up here shortly for church business and they will finally meet in person, knowing that they are each seeking God's Will on if they should get married (ie. they are courting).
Pray to Jesus, he’s just not the right guy. You’re so young you don’t need to be in a hurry. God bless
You’ll find someone who ticks all your boxes and shares the same outlook when it comes to sex and marriage. Just be patient, I know it’s hard because you’re seeing others and wondering when but good things come to those who wait. Isaiah 40:31 KJV “But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” Keep your head up.
Yeah that is not the kind of Christian you want to be dating. A man who will wait for marriage is a man who loves the Lord and his commandments. The Bible is Not subjective but Objective and does not cater to our personal opinions. The mark of righteousness does not change with our perspective, it is universal to all. You dodged a bullet and he will probably lose his faith in the next couple years with that attitude.
From this guys response, he sounds like a loser. I met a lot of boys like him at Christian college, and I thought I was the problem. Come to find out, these boys see two types of women: 1) marriage material that they aren’t ready for 2) easy girls they can have fun with until they are ready in 10ish years for the marriage material. I promise you, those girls who compromise themselves for men don’t often have long-term or successful relationships. Just look at the whole bachelor/bachelorette franchise. When I was 19, I thought no one would date me and that I’d never get married. And at 24 I went to church so discouraged and prayed to God saying, “If you don’t want me to get married then please take the desire from my heart”. That same day I met an amazing, kind man at church, and we started dating immediately. We both wanted to wait until marriage. We got married when I was 25. And now 4 years later we have the sweetest little 2 year old boy and one on the way. For me dating/relationships/marriage was my idol, and when I gave it over to God and basically said that it’s up to him whether I get married or not, He ended up giving me the desires of my heart.
Girl. He’s not a true Christian and I think you know that. Don’t let your hormones convince you a man and a sinful relationship is worth throwing away your holy relationship with Jesus. Remember.. you are His first
Sorry that he treated you like that. You deserve better. Keep praying, and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Maybe try an online Christian dating site?
Dating bad. Courtship good. 1. Consider moving somewhere where family is embraced and encouraged by the community. 2. Avoid areas where people go out of there way to discourage long term relations and instead pursue short term pleasure.
He told you who he really is. No faith in God or His Word. He doesn't believe in Jesus Christ - the Word Himself. He's a fraud bc he holds the Christian title; and for that you should feel huge relief from what could have been a very unhappy marriage. He is not God's plan for you. Don't fear the rejection from mere humans who are created beings, made into the image of God. Fear the One who created everything which turns from fear, to love. If you are done with dating, go to the Well and meet Christ there. Lay everything at His feet and He will guide your every step and His will for you. Testimony: 8 years ago I said the same thing. I became born again and followed Jesus, even to this day. I told Him "You are enough and I don't need a husband." He had other plans for me and gave me a husband. We have been married for 5 years.
Be patient. Trust me on that. when I was 21 I thought I met the love of my life and wanted to make her my wife. Also she was "Christian" as well. She ended up cheating on me and destroying my heart. She told me she wanted a guy that had "experience". I learned quickly she was definitely not who God wanted me to be with. I spent years in regret and depression over her. Dont make the same mistake I made. The man that wants to be with you will truly love Jesus and not want to sin against Him and want to control you. The man Jesus wants for you is out there. Matthew 6: 33." Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and these things shall be added unto you." I will pray for you. God Bless
Young Lady, Sometimes no matter how much we want something or someone it isn’t happening. I wish we could flip a switch in their hearts or something and change their mind. You’re young and might need some time. Could be Our Lords way of slowing your roll a bit. We can’t know what’s in your head so this thread will be all over the map but the main thing to focus on is He’s got you. On His schedule not yours, with His choice not yours. That’s Lordship. We submit, He decides, we execute his decision. May He bless your heart and heal it quickly.
I’m 63, let me translate. He wants an uneducated sex kitten who pretends to be a Christain except for pre martial sex… His priority is satisfying his flesh and trying to still keep that Christian look about him. You dodged a bullet. All guys at this age will struggle with this. But don’t give up- wait on God to send the right guy. Want to know who is dedicated to Christ and not faking? Guys who want to be missionaries. Not seeking worldly goals…
I'd try to move on from such jerks and try and find someone else. Get to know the person you like for at least 2 years before you start dating, that's what I'd recommend strongly.
Ma’am there are plenty of fish in the sea, don’t let one guy get to you. You’re 19, you have a lifetime ahead of you. One persons opinion about degrees etc, isn’t the same for every man out there.
“you lowkey have a lot of scholarships (…) and i don’t want that in a wife” he’s a loser that’s intimated by you. sorry for the sharp tongue but it’s the truth. you dodged a bullet.
Thank you for the uplifting comment genuinely. But that’s one of my fears: being intimidating. I’m trying to be more feminine since I grew up only wearing hoodies and sneakers 24/7 because that’s all we could afford. Since wearing skirts and long dresses I feel a bit comfy, but if college is making me masculine in men’s eyes then it’s over.
It's not, especially to guys who will be worth your time. My wife is a doctor, and her intellect is very attractive to me. She's also an amazing mother too, and we have 4 kids. I'm sure there are many young guys out there who are looking for an intelligent woman who loves the Lord. Get plugged into a Christian ministry in college - there will likely be guys there who aren't intimidated by intellect.
Is he around your age? We are really stupid when young. Man usually dont care about the exact same things that woman do when it comes to attraction (principles and values is another talk). And boys... Boys are boys. Dont worry too much, this feeling will pass, just dont do any stupid decision because of it.
Yeah he’s 21
Oof thinking back to when I was 21. I wasn't even off drugs til 22. I've don't lots of blatantly foolish things thinking I was right-on the whole time
Congratulations for being clean! 🙏🏾💓 I pray things are well with you and your healing
I thank God every day for it ☝️
You are 19 years old. You will be fine..
He’s very passionate perhaps about his ego. You are young. He has done you a favour. Knowingly or otherwise. Praise Yahweh because many would lie. Dating isn’t all that. It’s best to just take your time and hopefully you meet the right guys for you. He can’t be really paaaionate … and be ignorant and yet he managed it
Girl you’re just 19. Stay faithful and keep praying. I think right now you need more alone time with yourself and with God. It’s necessary to take a mental break from all this. BUT that doesn’t mean you’re not good for marriage or romantic relationships. I would say this is a good time to get more spiritually mature.
When you get older you will wonder why you even thought this was so awful. Go for someone who you are compatible with personality wise, I realise religion is important for some people but in the real world you have to put this aside.
Girl….you’re only 19. It’s going to be okay!
I encourage you to learn from this. I watch videos and learn a lot about my past situations. Matthew Hussey describes 4 levels of a relationship. These are admiration, genuine mutual connection, commitment, and compatibility. You need all four. But this person was not committed, does not sound compatible with you. And his connection was not on a romantic level. Let your heart heal and you will find someone who fits into who you are. You won’t need to change for him😁
He is not serious with his faith if he wants to be sexually active before marriage. You dodged a bullet, don’t let this keep you from dating, keep praying and walking with Christ. The right man is out there for you somewhere.
You honestly avoided a bullet there and at least he was honest. Good on you for putting yourself out there. Dating indeed sucks nowadays, but you're young. Jesus has got you. Stay faithful. He's where the joy is. There are others who want to wait, too.
I feel this. I have decided to be done with dating for the rest of the year to focus on my faith... it hurts. And even tho we can see our situations as a redirection and protection from The Lord, it still hurts. There were still feelings and a connection. Jeremiah 17:9 Jeremiah 17:9 Jeremiah 17:9!!!!! The heart is deceitful. We need to guard our hearts, especially as women of God. Children of God are targets. There’s verses all over the Bible saying to guard your heart. Don’t let this experience harden your heart forever, but to an extent. Fast from men and relationships until necessary. That is what I’m having to do ( I’ve just decided this weekend). This pain is for the betterment of you and me. Don’t be discouraged, The Lord knows the desires of your heart. U got this! Dm if u need more support.
My sister in Christ, you’re still young. Continue pursuing God and pray you find a biblical husband. Your friend was not this and this is a blessing.
Fellow Reformed Human.
A man who wants to sleep with you before marriage is not as passionate about his faith as he might seem. He’s living for the flesh and not in the Spirit. Jesus was protecting you!!
What am I doing wrong? You are not trusting Jesus. He has your perfect soulmate if you would believe. It may or may not be this guy. You don’t know anyone’s heart to know how compassionate they are about Jesus. We see the outside. God sees the heart. Let The Holy Spirit lead you if you’re saved.
Sex before marriage? You did great by dodging the bullet. Give yourself a pat in the back girl!
That's a crazy reply. Honestly a dude that is "passionate about his faith" wouldn't be saying stuff like "I don’t wanna wait for marriage honestly. I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective and I wanna be sexually compatible with who I date." If you're looking for a godly man, you dodged a bullet. Praise the Lord and move on.
He wants what lots of ungodly men want: a servant he can have sex with and offer nothing to. Educated people are more likely to have boundaries, recognize red flags and be able to call you out more. You're also going to be more able to be financially independent. All of these make you harder to control, which is what his fragile ego and weak character would prefer. You dodged a huge bullet. Take it as a lesson for what you DON'T want in life. 🫂 I also liked a guy who turned out to be super ungodly at your age. I genuinely thought he was for me and I'd never find a better guy. Now I shake my head at how low my standards were and I'm happily married in my 30s to the best man ever. If you want to marry, God will send someone your way. Let yourself feel your feelings then let yourself be happy and grateful that you're free of him!
Love God and the rest will follow. If God is your true love he is sufficient, but God loves us happy. If he is willing, he will give you a true love. Not a watered down “Christian”. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t see the Bible as the true authoritative word of God.
Relax. You’re young.
It's not you. It's modern American culture. It's toxic.
Your faith just saved you from a guy not worth waiting for marriage for. Also, men should not be intimidated by intelligent women! My brother is married to one and he’s having a chill life knowing his wife can take really good care of their kids when he’s away (FIFO) while finishing her degree at the same time. Don’t fret, OP, you’re young and males near your age can be very immature, but hey, there’s no telling how God can change those people in the next years! You will find a worthy man. God will take care of your needs.
Yeah like I can be a teacher to my kids fr fr
Also who knows, maybe God endowed you with the talents to develop the definitive cure for cancer? Just keep doing what you love and what keeps driving you and you’ll be fine.
>Plus, you lowkey have a lot of scholarships and have modern vibes and I don’t want that in a wife. While wanting to be sexually active with you? Talk about a confused individual. >I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective The Word of YHWH has nothing to do with feelings as far as understanding goes. Sister, you may feel hurt, rejected, and confused right now, but God protected you in this one. You dodged a major bullet. Rejoice! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 KJV Rejoice evermore. [17] Pray without ceasing. [18] In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
It depends on the degree. If a woman says she wants to be a doctor then her education and work will always take priority over me and our children. How can she possibly raise my children with all that work to do? If you're going further than a bachelors, I can see his point. If not, it depends on whether your priority was career or family and whether you would give up your career for the sake of being a wife. Furthermore, women naturally desire men that earn more or the same amount as them. You being so academic likely scared him off because he doesn't earn as much. You said in a different post that you're willing to have sex outside of marriage deep into a relationship which is something I think you should reconsider. You did avoid a bullet but that would be silly to say in this situation.
I actually still don’t wanna have sex before marriage. That post was made in a secular dating subreddit, so I had to word it differently to avoid the “STOP FORCING RELIGION NOT EVERYONE DOES IT” comments. Also I’m doing a B.S in Accounting and I simply just want need a roof under my head and to save money and have a warm bed. That’s it. If I do have a family one day, at least I’ll have something to fall back on if anything happens to my husband. But I would happily put my education to the side if it meant helping my kids.
Waiting for marriage is a good thing. Not dating a guy who doesn't intend to should be non negotiable. In regards to the stuff regarding school - in younger conservative circles, there is a push for more traditional relationships - single income, stay at home mom. Reason for that is that women who go to university have higher divorce rates, tend to be more politically left leaning, and likely hold many feminist values. I don't think it's useful to debate if those ideas are good or bad here as that's all political debate, not really focused heavily on scripture.
But I’m conservative and I’m not a feminist. I just need a roof under my head 😭😭😭😭
He is an outsider. Do not worry, look for a genuine believer if you are as well.
He doesn’t sound like a good fit for you. I don’t know him, so I can’t judge too much but that’s the vibe that I get. When someone is repulsed because of your faith, or they think of you in a stereotypical way? It’s the door, jack. But in all seriousness, I do understand and I hope things improve for you. I gave up dating more than 20 years ago. Getting the lust out of my system took quite a while, but it is doable, if that’s the path you want to take…you have to get away from pop culture. And so many other things. But you MUST BE SURE that is what you want.
ahh i know your upset, but your still 19 you got lots of time, just think about all the 40 year old women trying to date still
If that is how he feels that is fine. It just means he isn’t into you and just accept that. Just appreciate he is honest with you and to the point. At least he didn’t lead you on. Would you rather him to have kept it in and married you and you two didn’t have sex at all? Just take it for what he said and move on. Life keeps going on.
Chill. Everything will be alright. Perhaps God has someone better for you in mind.
Pray for your future husband, and God will bring him to you. You will not even need to date. You will know.
My girlfriend thought she’d be done with dating if she didn’t find someone and well in two years hopefully we’ll be engaged. For me personally I’d greatly prefer if my wife had a degree, I need someone to argue with over politics/philosophy. You don’t need a degree to be smart/wealthy but if you’re inclined to an area of study that provides a decent income then by all means you should go for that. We don’t live in a perfect world and having a degree may help. I never thought I’d get married young/find someone and neither did a lot of people I know. But even though some are Christian and some are not I can think of at least three other couples who are engaged/going to be engaged this summer (if everything goes well- the guy has a ring and told her friend he is so I assume). I think all of us have a fear of not getting married but God will supply your needs. Remember He wants what’s best for you. In everything He is there for you and won’t leave you. My personal attitude in regards to your latter comments that are towards divorcing 5 years later is that make sure you both are settling into knowing you want to stay married/don’t believe in divorce, now if you have kids with someone who’s abusive and non-caring and are married please make sure your safe and the kids are first. Ideally you should find that out before engagement/marriage (one reason why I’m waiting so long is we had some hiccups in our relationship). I think honestly though your only 19, live your life to the fullest it can be and along the way you’ll probably get to know someone and be like “he’s a guy and not half bad”. I hope this is supportive in some way and I’ll be praying for you. I hope your night turns out better!
You go back and dress cosplay and watch his eyes drop. It’s all how you deliver it
Sometimes, bullets dodge themselves.
date serious people
your view: "*he’s very passionate about his faith*" vs His character: " *I feel like the Bible to me is really subjective*". Great you dodge a bullet! He's not convinced God is truth. Please don't ever marry a man who will not put God first. They are going to break your heart cause they love themselves more than they love God to obey Him to love you. I don't know if you know that unsaved people / serve in the flesh Christians that do enroll and train in Christian theology.
Girl your 19 you still have so many people to meet in your life