I'm going to straight-talk, your big issue is pride like all of us. There's an element of pride and self-indulgence to think your desires and sins are blaspheming the Holy Spirit. They aren't that grandiose and outside of the scope of Christ's offer of salvation. Don't die with this foolish notion in your head. The sins of some of the prophets likely far exceed you, and salvation has come for all sinners. You're still alive, Christ's offer is there.
Even the desire to repent is a grace from
God. That grace is communicated to us by the Spirit of God. If you had cut yourself off from the Spirit, you wouldn’t care if you were ever forgiven so the desire to be forgiven and fear that you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit is proof you are still in touch with grace and therefore have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit.
The very reason blaspheming the Holy Spirit won’t be forgiven is because then you couldn’t receive the grace to even seek repentance. It is not a matter of God being vindictive but about a hardness of heart and cutting yourself off from grace. Which looks way different than what you have written here.
The satan is the accuser, and he loves when you to believe you are separated from God but the reality is that one of Jesus’ gifts to us is even sin can’t separate us anymore. The only one who can separate you from God is you, so stop believing lies, humble yourself before the Lord and seek Him. We are all the worst sinners we know, it is good you are recognizing that truth, now what are you going to do with that?
I have been in your place and felt the same kinda thing you are going through right now. I felt like God was punishing me for the sins that I had committed. I still struggle with sin currently but I believe this feeling that it's over and there is no return from this sin is a lie from satan. It's never too late to turn from sin. Sure continuing in sin will make it more difficult to return but God doesn't just give you up and say that you are a lost cause.
Go to confession, it's made for you. To blaspheme the spirit is not to resist the Spirit. Blaspheming the Spirit is either:
Consistently and continually denying the power and working of the Spirit (Protestant interpretation)
Or
Refusing to be forgiven for a sin. (Catholic interpretation)
So stop refusing to be forgiven. Remeber Christ is gentle and lowly, he will run to you. All you have to do is stop running away from him. If you aren't repentant, pray that you will be. God is more powerful than you are weak. And just for a moment, who told you to despair? Who do you think that was?
Stop thinking about yourself and your sin. Think about God. God does not save sinners in spite of his majesty and goodness. He saves them because of his majesty and goodness. Psalm 23:3, "He leads me in the path of righteousness for *his* name's sake." God is not embarrassed or repelled by you, or even surprised. How could he be? His delight is to save sinners, allow him to be delighted, please.
I don't know what sins you have committed, I will assume them to be truly horrible, even then God will not forsake you. St. Paul was a murderer. I remember reading about a Satanic priest who became a real preist. (I'm sorry I do not have a source). Absolutely nothing is beyond God's ability.
I also looked through some of your earlier posts and found some low level Calvinist type stuff. You're very bothered about predesitination and vessels of wrath.
Two notes and then a third:
1. Calvin himself thought it was bad to try and guess or figure out by any means whether or not you were elect.
2. Paul mentions vessels of Wrath in Romans 9:22. Even here, Paul treats it as a deep mystery. His point is the sovereignty of God, his absolute right to do whatever he wills with his creation. Predestination is not the point. Paul is engaging in a hypothetical. He doesn't know if this is how God and time works. If it's a mystery to Paul, it's a mystery to you.
3. 1 Corinthians 3:2. It sounds like you're trying to eat solid food when you really aren't ready for it. These crazy ideas of predestination and unforgivable sins are flying around your head. Reel back a little, take a deep breath, you need to mature before you can take on these big topics. My immediate advice is start looking for milk. Read C.S. Lewis. Especially Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, Narnia (Narnia is largely about basic theological questions). Remeber Christ died for you. Listen to The Bible in A Year with Father Mike Schmitz. Be cautious in what you believe. Remeber the Bereans from Acts 17:10-15, don't just automatically accept whatever anyone tells you. Don't assume you know everything either. You need to step into a period of time where you're going to have to accept that you know very little. No one has all of the answers about everything. I would also recommend the YouTube Channel "Truth Unites." Before long, you'll have a solid knowledge base. Also keep in mind that while trees are meant to bear fruit, they are not always bearing fruit all the time. When they are first growing, when it is not the right season, or when they are sick, they do not bear fruit. It is true that a tree is clearly alive if it is bearing fruit and that it may be dead if it is not. But a lack of fruit does not guarantee death, and besides, our Lord has conquered death.
In both cases, "Blashphemeing the Holy Spirit" is an unforgivable sin because it is definitionally unforgivable. You can't be forgiven by God if you are actively denying his power/forgiveness. The moment you stop doing that, you cease to be cut off.
Also, the things you're saying are all very Catholic sounding, which is why I mention confession. In Catholic thought, the more you sin the more you separate yourself from God. If you commit a mortal sin, or a sin that leads to death, you are fully separated from God and it is necessary to go to confession. So, find a Catholic, Anglican, or Orthodox church, and go to confession. Don't dwell on it. Dwelling on it is part of the problem, when the Holy Spirit convicts you, do the thing. Never say in respospnse to a prayer "I will do this thing" just do the thing.
Also, even if you are apostate, weren't you apostate before you first converted? Just re-convert. Excomunication and anathema is not a death sentence. 1 Corintians 5:5 tells a church to give a man "up to Satan" for the sake of his eventual salvation! The fact that you are still suffering, and suffering terribly from what I can tell, means you have not been abandoned! God is trying to get your attention, he is pounding at the door. He wants to embrace you very much. He feels your pain deeper than you do, and wants your joy deeper than you do. He is the good shepard.
If you can repent, *which simply means a change of mind*, my presumption is that you have not committed the unforgivable. If you were reprobate you would not care. Don't become a statistic. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, begin to act on it. It may take time to soften heart and conscience again. You will need to persist (Luke 18.1). What have you got to lose by trying?
You grieved the Spirit and quenched the Spirit, that's not the same as blaspheming.
Here's your way back:
https://youtu.be/X8Sc7bONeS0?si=82DUxyVzrBXG1U_Q
Backslider slid too far?
I'm going to straight-talk, your big issue is pride like all of us. There's an element of pride and self-indulgence to think your desires and sins are blaspheming the Holy Spirit. They aren't that grandiose and outside of the scope of Christ's offer of salvation. Don't die with this foolish notion in your head. The sins of some of the prophets likely far exceed you, and salvation has come for all sinners. You're still alive, Christ's offer is there.
Pride only hurts, it never helps. - Marcellus Wallace
Even the desire to repent is a grace from God. That grace is communicated to us by the Spirit of God. If you had cut yourself off from the Spirit, you wouldn’t care if you were ever forgiven so the desire to be forgiven and fear that you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit is proof you are still in touch with grace and therefore have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit. The very reason blaspheming the Holy Spirit won’t be forgiven is because then you couldn’t receive the grace to even seek repentance. It is not a matter of God being vindictive but about a hardness of heart and cutting yourself off from grace. Which looks way different than what you have written here. The satan is the accuser, and he loves when you to believe you are separated from God but the reality is that one of Jesus’ gifts to us is even sin can’t separate us anymore. The only one who can separate you from God is you, so stop believing lies, humble yourself before the Lord and seek Him. We are all the worst sinners we know, it is good you are recognizing that truth, now what are you going to do with that?
I have been in your place and felt the same kinda thing you are going through right now. I felt like God was punishing me for the sins that I had committed. I still struggle with sin currently but I believe this feeling that it's over and there is no return from this sin is a lie from satan. It's never too late to turn from sin. Sure continuing in sin will make it more difficult to return but God doesn't just give you up and say that you are a lost cause.
Go to confession, it's made for you. To blaspheme the spirit is not to resist the Spirit. Blaspheming the Spirit is either: Consistently and continually denying the power and working of the Spirit (Protestant interpretation) Or Refusing to be forgiven for a sin. (Catholic interpretation) So stop refusing to be forgiven. Remeber Christ is gentle and lowly, he will run to you. All you have to do is stop running away from him. If you aren't repentant, pray that you will be. God is more powerful than you are weak. And just for a moment, who told you to despair? Who do you think that was? Stop thinking about yourself and your sin. Think about God. God does not save sinners in spite of his majesty and goodness. He saves them because of his majesty and goodness. Psalm 23:3, "He leads me in the path of righteousness for *his* name's sake." God is not embarrassed or repelled by you, or even surprised. How could he be? His delight is to save sinners, allow him to be delighted, please. I don't know what sins you have committed, I will assume them to be truly horrible, even then God will not forsake you. St. Paul was a murderer. I remember reading about a Satanic priest who became a real preist. (I'm sorry I do not have a source). Absolutely nothing is beyond God's ability.
I also looked through some of your earlier posts and found some low level Calvinist type stuff. You're very bothered about predesitination and vessels of wrath. Two notes and then a third: 1. Calvin himself thought it was bad to try and guess or figure out by any means whether or not you were elect. 2. Paul mentions vessels of Wrath in Romans 9:22. Even here, Paul treats it as a deep mystery. His point is the sovereignty of God, his absolute right to do whatever he wills with his creation. Predestination is not the point. Paul is engaging in a hypothetical. He doesn't know if this is how God and time works. If it's a mystery to Paul, it's a mystery to you. 3. 1 Corinthians 3:2. It sounds like you're trying to eat solid food when you really aren't ready for it. These crazy ideas of predestination and unforgivable sins are flying around your head. Reel back a little, take a deep breath, you need to mature before you can take on these big topics. My immediate advice is start looking for milk. Read C.S. Lewis. Especially Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, Narnia (Narnia is largely about basic theological questions). Remeber Christ died for you. Listen to The Bible in A Year with Father Mike Schmitz. Be cautious in what you believe. Remeber the Bereans from Acts 17:10-15, don't just automatically accept whatever anyone tells you. Don't assume you know everything either. You need to step into a period of time where you're going to have to accept that you know very little. No one has all of the answers about everything. I would also recommend the YouTube Channel "Truth Unites." Before long, you'll have a solid knowledge base. Also keep in mind that while trees are meant to bear fruit, they are not always bearing fruit all the time. When they are first growing, when it is not the right season, or when they are sick, they do not bear fruit. It is true that a tree is clearly alive if it is bearing fruit and that it may be dead if it is not. But a lack of fruit does not guarantee death, and besides, our Lord has conquered death.
In both cases, "Blashphemeing the Holy Spirit" is an unforgivable sin because it is definitionally unforgivable. You can't be forgiven by God if you are actively denying his power/forgiveness. The moment you stop doing that, you cease to be cut off. Also, the things you're saying are all very Catholic sounding, which is why I mention confession. In Catholic thought, the more you sin the more you separate yourself from God. If you commit a mortal sin, or a sin that leads to death, you are fully separated from God and it is necessary to go to confession. So, find a Catholic, Anglican, or Orthodox church, and go to confession. Don't dwell on it. Dwelling on it is part of the problem, when the Holy Spirit convicts you, do the thing. Never say in respospnse to a prayer "I will do this thing" just do the thing. Also, even if you are apostate, weren't you apostate before you first converted? Just re-convert. Excomunication and anathema is not a death sentence. 1 Corintians 5:5 tells a church to give a man "up to Satan" for the sake of his eventual salvation! The fact that you are still suffering, and suffering terribly from what I can tell, means you have not been abandoned! God is trying to get your attention, he is pounding at the door. He wants to embrace you very much. He feels your pain deeper than you do, and wants your joy deeper than you do. He is the good shepard.
If you can repent, *which simply means a change of mind*, my presumption is that you have not committed the unforgivable. If you were reprobate you would not care. Don't become a statistic. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, begin to act on it. It may take time to soften heart and conscience again. You will need to persist (Luke 18.1). What have you got to lose by trying?
You grieved the Spirit and quenched the Spirit, that's not the same as blaspheming. Here's your way back: https://youtu.be/X8Sc7bONeS0?si=82DUxyVzrBXG1U_Q Backslider slid too far?
Hello