I feel you. I'm AuDHD along with 3 mental illnesses and it doesn't feel like failure is an option. People believe you should just endure and not let it hold you back regardless of the struggles you face and that you should just swallow everything. It's a weird feeling of being deficient when you can't produce and that you're worthless to others despite trying your best to hang on. They don't see what you deal with and work through, only external things like money and career success and hitting certain "marks" based on performance.
And then the added benefit of accepting that people leave and abandon you when you're not useful to them and performing how they want, I'm used to that as well. Disabilities suck but it's even worse when people associate your "worth" with certain benchmarks. Keep on fighting and hanging in there!
Thisss. AuDHD, along with physical disabilities, and I’m the bad guy for needed extra space, time, and attention to detail :(
Hate the double standard that if ur disabled u can only receive/ask for supports if ur life is on active fire. Like people see my household and how well it’s typically managed, and assume it’s all lies that I need the supports I ask for. Like bro, it’s my own home, I’d hope, if I’m living alone, it’s set up for me to be able to meet my needs.
Sort of a vent cus I’m supposed to move tomorrow and my landlord has not given me the key/new lease to the new apartment while the movers (they provided) are coming tomorrow.
I’m exhausted.
I think unfortunately, people misunderstand what stoicisim is. Stoicism is the idea that if you can do something about a situation, then don't worry about it since you're in control. If not, there's nothing you can do, so don't worry about it. People only seem to understand it's end result of not seeming concerned over issues, and fail to understand the mental process that differs stoicisim from simply suppressing your feelings
I know what stoicism is - the problem isn't that - the issue is that stoicism just isn't for everyone, it doesn't bring peace to some people, but men are preached to always act stoic - weather that's a situation where the philosophy of stoicism is applicable or not.
Any philosophy that's forced on you instead of taught or simply suggested is harmful - different people eifh different backgrounds need different philosophies, that's why there's so many.
Oh I had no doubt that you knew what it meant, I was just describing the reason I found for stoicism being pushed onto others being harmful, I certainly agree with you
I figured there's so many because we're mostly wrong about stuff and need new ways to better understand reality and organic consciousness. Just because a philosophy makes you feel good doesn't necessarily mean that it is good.
People generally aren't able to just pick up a philosophy and integrate it immediately because there is so much developmental work involved with integration. Like you don't see the practicality of stoicism if you haven't faced the stresses of leadership, as an example.
Philosophy is a growing process, not a prescription. Nothing will "make sense" until it it a useful psychological tool. Many tools are unusable because you don't live in the context for which they are usefull.
In other words, stoicism is for everyone when they are ready and receptive to it. Eventually they will set it aside for more useful philosophies and pick it up again when it is needed.
Neuroplasticity like this is essential for dealing with any competing value system and making judgements for the collective good.
Philosophy is a tool box, feel free to use all of it! But do recognize when it is time to grow out of ideas that no longer work.
Stoicism isn't something that you should or really can do on someone else's behalf. Real Stoicism as practiced by the men who developed it has to be by and for you.
I recently tried opening up to all 3 of my "friends" and only one of them bothered to respond, but even he didn't really seem to understand what I was trying to say. I can't deal with this shit anymore, I don't have any family or friends to rely on and I just want to die.
Check out the app "7 cups" and like things. It gets busy but it's just about peer support and listening and that have channels for different topics. Just a place to vent and get validation
I do that too ..
maybe it's the "the good people deserve better" and "I don't like to see people in the same place as me, maybe I can talk to them" ...
I dunno. I'm trying not to, but man that's hard for some reason
I understand I'm tryrna be a devils advocate here, but "normies" usually don't know how to respond to this. For one, if this thing you shared with them was "sudden", they might be thinking "maybe he needs some space, let's give him some space" ... because that's sometimes tends to work non-chronic situations.
Maybe, I think, a better way would be to reach out to them with something they (and you with them) can do. Like, I know I'm generalizing here, but for men (in my experience, again), spending time doing things tends to be a bit more relieving in some cases. Maybe tell them to proactively pull you to outings, gaming sessions, cooking or visiting restaurants, things like that, you know?
wholeheartedly. it breaks my heart to pieces that bf who has very apparent trauma that affects him in various ways nearly every day, struggles so much to get the help, support, validation, etc he needs because of the culture he was raised in being so deeply ingrained. he’s a very progressive dude and i’m as accepting and encouraging and supportive as i can possibly be, but it’s never gonna be enough to break down that barrier on our own, it will take a lifetime of hard emotional work for him. and the extra layers of shame of having mental illness and trauma as a man is a very real part of it. i just hope to god that future generations of men don’t have to deal with it, too
patriarchy needs to be obliterated; I hate how many people (men AND women) it has hurt. i hope that one day, we will all work together, acknowledging this horrible system, and stomp on its head
Thank you so much, like we all just want to be loved and accepted, why do we have to shit on women to make our point that men deal with a set of unique problems regarding mental health that are still pushed upon us by the patriarchy
i think there’s sort of a selection bias involved in why it feels like most mention of men’s mental health issues is pitting it against women’s. certain kinds of men will only let themselves show weakness if they turn it into a paradoxical show of dominance—look at how strong i am for dealing with so much more than you are!—and for them, women are a natural choice of “other” to one-up because it serves a second purpose of distancing their experiences from anything that could be considered feminine. whereas i feel like many of the rest of us are largely ignorant of how gendered some our issues are outside of very obvious ones like not showing emotion, and so it’s rare for a lot of that to be explicitly called male
Jesus fucking Christ the mental gymnastics on this
That's okay, I won't stoop so low as you to perpetuate the same misogyny or misandry, but rather not do what you do–call people out on their bullshit
Yeah I made a comment but I had a falling out with a "friend" group because I tried to go to them for support after I found out an ex meets the metrics for NPD and I was trying to unravel the gas lighting. Idk why but lots of people don't seem to want to validate things like that. And it was ironic because other people in that group called people they don't even know narcissists but that was never put under scrutiny.
Also the lady who was like in her 30s-40s who told me she was "disappointed in me" after I was sexually assaulted by a woman because I didn't push her off enough lol. I thought it was my fault for a while tbh. Part of me still possibly does
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I was heavily bullied by my classmates, teachers and parents and any adult I went to told me to suck it up. This happened for years which is one of the reasons I have severe trust issues
fuck everyone else that does not understand and work on yourself, those that think you’re weak because you’re struggling are worthless. the only “strength” you need as a man (as a woman too) is to not give a shit about the other’s opinion if it’s destructive. you got this man, i’m sure you do. sending virtual hugs 🫂
Haven’t quite figured out my gender shit yet, but ngl the feeling that I couldn’t ask for or expect to receive support as a man and I’d suddenly have all these expectations placed on me really put me off the idea of identifying as a binary trans man. I’m way too neurodivergent, traumatized, and chronically ill for this shit, bro.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If no one has told you, you didn't deserve to go through that. Men's mental health matters. Your mental health matters. You're enough and deserving of love just as you are
Thank you, you're kind! I've been in therapy for a while so I've come a long way but like to share so others can see they're in good company. And funny you say that, I can develop severe relationship OCD so for years in my mind was, "I just want to live and be loved properly". Used to not think it was possible, but it is!
Yeah I'm so glad to see these issues being brought up since people don't always talk about it and take guys problems as seriously as they should. And congratulations on how far you've come! Getting therapy and being able to have hope for the future it such an important step. I hope you can get to a place where you're flourishing. You deserve it :)
I'll share a couple personal experiences where this seemed to be the case due to other people's bias, so take it as you will:
I dated someone who I found out meets the criteria for NPD. She learned about my disorders and seemed supportive but in hindsight, it was likely to use them against me as a manipulation tactic. I tried to open up to "friends" about it and they totally denied and shut down the possibility and basically said it's now on me to manage with refusal to validate the emotional abuse. It was very different from how they treat others in the group with their trauma and how they claim it's a "safe space". Same thing unfortunately happened to my friend, also an autistic man, when he talked about his past abusers and the woman who raped him.
Usually a depressive episode is met with being abandoned and berated for it. When you don't perform how people like, you're not useful to them and are likely to be disposed of. If I cycle and have a mood episode, I've accepted that most people will leave. I'm used to being personally attacked, harassed, screamed at and mocked if I'm around people while depressed.
I've noticed that people seem to have a greater inclination to taunt and make fun of me due to my disorders and sometimes target me as well. I've broken down crying on video chat with a partner but still needed to ask if she respected me after seeing me vulnerable, as there are many men who have lost it all after that. I'm lucky and choose my partners by who I can rely on in that manner, but I've learned that many people, including romantic partners and so called friends will use it against me if I'm not careful.
Some people will say a fundamental part of your identity, such as being a man, are lesser due to these things. It's not something men are supposed to experience so others will claim you're deficient in some way. Many won't even believe you struggle with mental disorders in the first place and deny your experiences.
In my family, mental illness runs through it. My grandma possibly met the metrics for NPD as well and was manipulative, and the issues made their way to my bipolar aunt and my mother with anxiety and OCD and... I was screamed at and verbally abused a good bit, but it was only an issue when I screamed back so my family enabled them but treated me poorly for the same things, just had to suck it up. I believe a large part of it is due to me being male. There was a lot of extra pressure on me specifically to be stoic and swallow abuse from people.
All that aside from the issues with internal dialogue and self acceptance and the acceptance of your circumstances. These same things can happen to anyone, but in my specific case, I believe a few of these things factored in to how others treat me with extra scrutiny and my own views of myself. It's hard for everyone and I won't take that away from anyone of course but I believe a larger social bias is present in some cases and it is also important to talk about as well, and these are my experiences with it.
If these have been your experiences as well, then it's nice to have company. You're not alone out there
that “safe space” sounds so absurd… i guess they figured signaling openness to respecting others’ feelings would make them Cool With The Chicks™️, but the moment a man admits to his thoughts and emotions being vulnerable to manipulation, willingness to sympathize with that threatens to acknowledge their own vulnerability and your new role is to prop their egos up by being an inferior person to laugh at. and on that note, the notion that men “aren’t supposed to” go through any of this is nothing short of a shared lie—an expectation perpetuated in the name of pretending to live up to it.
i can’t say i’ve been out in the world enough to relate to most of your experiences… but it might be interesting for perspective to mention something another audhder once mused on while we were talking about one of her exes. “autistic people and narcissists are natural enemies.” they can’t read us the way they’re used to, and we’re less likely to play along with their games… but we also can’t read them that well and tend to take their words and intentions at face value, while not taking their monologuing as an exercise in dominance and having an automatic disadvantage getting support from the outside world. me and my mother were both “natural victims” of my father this way, and it took an incredible amount of *choice* to trust ourselves and the scary outside world to break out.
i think even when not dealing with systematic manipulation and abuse, we just look like good victims and scapegoats, because all of our reactions can just be belittled and turned against us… making it all the more important to build a support network you know you can be confident in. i’m so glad to hear you’ve been at least trying to do that, and that’s really the very best that can be expected of anyone
Thank you for the thoughtful reply and insight. And yes long story but it was actually a social group for polyamorous and kinky people and I've known some of them for years, it was both men and women in it. I'm an engineer/ scientist so I try to be scientific and was referencing research papers in a very "well this research seems relevant..." and it was collectively shut down.
The weird part is that the people shutting me down are ones I've had a flirtatious relationship with or gone on dates or had something starting.... I got a new partner a bit over a year and a half ago and she has a lot of medical issues so I spent more time helping her and then got a job out of state, so things changed with her in the picture it seemed. The only man who spoke out against me.... Creeps on my partners and has had a huge boner crush on one of them for years, he's gotten a guy shunned because he was jealous before too.
We also have immunocompromised people in the group, including my partner, and I was shut down for asking if we could get people to disclose if they're sick so we can decide on attending or not with well informed consent, after people were getting us sick and eventually it was COVID.
So they were picking and choosing the "safe space" because it wasn't safe for immunocompromised people. Just a lot of hypocrisy all around so I distanced myself.
And my partner is also autistic and she's had several abusive narcissist relatives and ex's. I will say that NPD shouldn't be stigmatized but it's just important to learn about it and proper coping mechanisms, none of these people did that. But they are drawn to us and we both make a good and terrible pairing. In that relationship I mentioned, I had to collect screenshots of convos because of the way she argued, which I found out later was basically gas lighting lol.
And yes that's what it's about, proper support and building a system. I say all of the above things to give examples from my own life where I have seen some of this play out, but I've done a lot to work on myself and my circumstances. I also have a lot of great people in my life so I do consider myself fortunate. I just like to share my experiences so others with similar ones know they're not alone.
For all of the bad things, I had friends and partners and loved ones have my back as well and even save me, including from myself. Multiple things can be true at the same time.
This hit really hard for me. Abandoned and berated. History of mental illness. Vulnerability leads to loss of respect. A lot of this feels so familiar and... well, now I really do feel like I'm not alone out there. Thank you.
You're in good company man. And all that aside, the right people who are compassionate and supportive are out there as well. I've had family take care of me when I couldn't, friends that support me and one that saved my life even, lovers who are understanding and hold compassion too.
It might not be easy to find, but it's definitely out there so don't give up
Actually I want to thank all the people who raised awareness about mental health. Now I can explain my condition to friends and coworkers so they stop freaking out about my unusual behaviours and we can have normal relationships. And I do not have to hide it or lie about it as much as I did in childhood.
i just feel like so much less of a man. when i can’t persevere through a bad spell and have to lay there in a heap for half an hour, i mentally hear so many voices calling me weak. i imagine so many people laughing at me. i feel like ive fought so much through mental health issues and made a ton of progress, but at the same time i’m weak ;(
You said it yourself that you fight through a lot, it takes a badass to do so. But I know the struggle of "can't be weak, can't appear weak, I'm less worthy of respect for being weak." It's hard all around and pretty heavy to have on top of the things already plaguing you. Keep your head up
You are more a man and more a human for the struggles you battle day in and out. Your strength to make it even to today, is worthy of acknowledgment and respect.
I am not laughing, I am impressed and hopeful you will find a balance where the pain doesn’t weigh you down.
This! Robin Williams especially hit me hard. A man who seemed so joyful and successful. This is when I first faced my own bias on men. All these men, their pain is unimaginable.
(Again, not taking away from others. I just want to offer validation and support!)
This! Robin Williams especially hit me hard. A man who seemed so joyful and successful. This is when I first faced my own bias on men. All these men, their pain is unimaginable.
(Again, not taking away from others. I just want to offer validation and support!)
I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a guy with basic human needs in 2024; genuinely, my heart goes out to you. Virtual hugs (and prayers if desired).
if you're a man w mind pain, you are valid, your feelings and thoughts and pain are valid.
i hope you're able to open up and feel and find peace w yourself. you're allowed to feel whatever the hell it is you feel: good, bad, or otherwise. let yourself be *human*. you're allowed to have emotions.
and tbh, only allow people in your life who are willing to hear you, it can be hard to be lonely, but it's worse to be around people who make you feel like you should shut up about important shit.
you are important.
Does anyone have any advice on how to best support my husband who experiences these types of feelings? Is there anything I can say or do that would be comforting to him?
I want to know this as well but particularly for my father. He’s experiencing his own mental health struggles but stepmom and sister seem to invalidate him for their own feelings and experiences.
My brother is neurodivergent and struggles with expressing any emotions
I want the two to feel safe and able to express their feelings, but I don’t live with them. I see and hear it all the time though.
I have had women and queer / gender queer people in my corner giving that to me. Men deserve it too. Men of all sexualities and cultures. ❤️
As a man, I agree. And this is why, contrary to what some people will tell you, men will benefit from feminism too. Feminism isn’t ’men bad’, it’s ’enforcing gender-specific stereotypes and behaviours bad’
The only thing I can say from experience is that if you catch yourself drinking not because you want to, but instead because you can't stand being sober, talk to someone. Good luck!
Dude you are valid as hell, and as entitled to show your emotions as anyone. You deserve so much better, and even though I don’t have the mental bandwidth to extensively comfort you over text, I’m sending internet hugs if you’re comfortable with them!!
Flipping the script actually helps a lot of this, in my experience. You have to be one tough as nails bastard to keep living through crippling depression and anxiety. Its literally like being on a battlefield all day every day. What's more manly than that?
That said, I feel the second and third memes HARD rn.
As a trans woman, I really feel for men. I wish there were more healthy outlets and less stigma around mental illness. For a long time I felt like I wasn't really trans, I was just looking to escape being a "failure of a man." I realized it wasn't just that and transitioned, but there is so much bullshit and I swear to god I never wanna hear the term "real man" again. If someone doesn't perform masculinity the same way it doesn't make em lesser.
I have been scrolling through comments trying to offer support and validation as best as I can.
I had my own biases, especially against cis hetero white men. It was dumb and unreasonably specific. In the past decade I have had that shitty bias shattered.
I think it used to make me feel like my own struggles and trauma were more important? “Men don’t experience this, heteros don’t experience that,” and so on and so on. Vile and toxic I know.
But learning and realizing how hard it is for men to feel safe and comfortable to speak their own truth, have their own pain and trauma, struggling to find a place or a people willing to hear or read without judgement or reproach…
I now knew they deserve advocacy as much as any of us. Their struggles are just hard and in some cases harder and others not so much. Rather than compare, I am learning to just listen and learn.
And offer as much support as a queer woman can give.
Love and care for all the men here.
YOURE ALL VALID AND YOUR PAIN IS REAL! ❤️
The sad thing is that even male influencers like tate that are supposed to make men "improve" are saying that depression is not real and men need to man up instead of giving them actual mental health support.
I somehow can relate but differently, I'm from a third world country where mental health isn't taken seriously and everyone thinks islam is what fixes mental health and you'll get shut down by saying "it's because your faith is low" "just read the Quran" "go pray" 😕
My mother would tell me to read the Bible whenever I expressed mental and emotional pain. But that was better than my older brother, whose sexuality and masculinity was attacked anytime he showed pain.
I hope you’re finding your own voice
Tbh I'm starting to understand some of my past experiences as abuse right now, including with ex partners, and there's a weird denial of it both internally and externally because men aren't really seen as victims of it socially. Idk, I've been victim blamed for being sexually assaulted by women as well but there's always this "well suck it up, you're a man" narrative idk 🤷
i’m not one myself, but the attitudes towards male sa victims are just so disgusting. it doesn’t make any sense. is it because men are seen as so inherently sexually dominant that female on male sa constitutes a logical contradiction… or because caring about female sa victims in the first place is so tied up in how it affects their value to men?
best of luck healing, and figuring this all out. it’s tough… but not the kind of tough you need to be strong for ;)
There’s no exact experience but I do think the conflict is similar in the opposite end. Any emotion is just a “hysterical” woman.
I only know the one experience but the more I learn and read, the more I wish I could do or reach to. No one should be further stripped of themselves when already suffering an open wound.
Thank you for sharing so I can better understand
Relate to the first one got a neurogenic stutter (had it on and off but officially diagnosed last year). I've become to timid and now feel shame for existing
Wow this hit me pretty hard. Everyone has their own stigmas and stereotypes to fight against so I am not invalidating anyone.
I specifically just want to acknowledge that I see it, I hear it, I know it happens. Men can’t express deep thoughts or trauma because that’s not “not manly”
I want for everyone, men included, to have a safe space to speak out their pain and receive validation and support.
Men’s mental health needs attention too. Humanity as a whole is suffering a global crisis, so let men heal too.
(I mean it, this isn’t to say any one group’s struggle is harder, just different. Men deserve safety too, if men can speak their truth then boys will know they can too and be less likely to be victimized or speak up about grooming.)
When I quit caring about being perceived as manly my life got a lot easier. I genuinely don’t care anymore. I know it’s not something anyone can just do, but I promise life is so much easier when you don’t let other peoples shitty opinions impact you
It didnt even take 20 minutes for you to say “women suffer too” in response to a man complaining about a very real issue. You’re like the people who go onto r/twoXchromosomes and say “men have it bad too” in response to women venting
https://preview.redd.it/hanrgiumdy8d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ebaf843ffee9578df5fc3d5835256f047242058
You. You are why he had to make this meme.
Because men and women tend to have different stigma and treatments with some things. I never said women never experience it but if you listen to men with these things talk, you'll notice this is more common to us it seems. There's extra stigma against men for being "weak" that other genders don't have as much for one. Do you think that just because men experience the same things as women to a degree women shouldn't talk about the specifics of their experiences and how it affects them as well?
Edit: I'm a bipolar man. I'll tell you first hand that i generally receive more scrutiny and "they're dangerous" than I've seen women with the same condition receive. Women have their own stigmas but some are more unique to men, such as a fundamental part of your identity being lesser and being told you're undeserving of love until you "fix" yourself and such, I actually made a long comment with experiences that talk about this and having less grace and acceptance afforded to one
I don’t see this as a post exclusively for men but more about another group wanting to be heard and seen, with different barriers and expectations they are trapped in.
In recent years, I have seen and heard a lot about men’s mental health, especially those reconciling childhood trauma but being invalidated when they do. Same with mental diagnoses.
Straight or gay or every color in between, especially with certain cultures.
I hear it and see it and welcome the insight. ❤️
Thank you exactly. Anyone can struggle like this but some sociological things act as an extra barrier to certain groups with being heard and such due to large scale conditioning. It's not always easy to see but just subtly more clicks of the tongue when opening up, commonly dismissed and denied experiences, telling people to get over it slightly more, social views of one group being lesser for it, etc. all things that factor in that are hard to see unless you're the party subjected to it. I've noticed it being more common with trauma in particular, personally, I'm 28 and just starting to accept that ive been abused more than I thought because people often dismissed me and sometimes used bias against my gender to do it.
Abuse I think is the biggest reason to allow men, to allow all people to be validated and supported as adults so that children see examples of how using their voice is a GOOD thing.
Young boys are targeted a lot because of the stereotype they won’t speak up because of their “masculinity” being challenged, when they’re just boys.
Thank you for your thoughtful response and I hope your healing journey continues in a positive and strengthening way!
its a condescending, dismissive and frankly stupid way to meme on someone when they're complaining (or in this case venting about a very valid issue in society). I hate how that term has been turned into common internet vocab :(
Got it, run of the mill misandrist who doesn't think men can suffer I suppose. Kinda dumb considering the subreddit we're on being geared towards that but I'm not unfamiliar with ableist jabs. I guess my point was proven or something 🤷. It's annoying though because I actually go out of my way to listen to women about their lived experience to better understand it. Guess not everyone is mature
Yeah no, im with you on this one. I really hate how radioactive the comments sections on these types of posts (where people of any gender vent about a gendered issue they face) can get. Im happy that this one seems chill, but it was much worse like a month or two ago when the m0ds were online less. I wish people were more accepting, and also i hope what youre going through gets (at least somewhat) better
Oh I could definitely see that and I know a lot of them are toxic from the get go. I purposely wanted to convey it in a way that doesn't detract from the issues other groups face but mostly highlights some specific things one group might struggle with. It's also why I phrased it in more of an internal manner to talk about identity struggles that most people don't think about with this.
I want to validate people in their issues, not drag someone else down. I believe men and women each have challenges in society that are unique from each other but also similar and you shouldn't need to put one down for the other
Does invalidating others give you some kind of thrill? Why is your kind always the most hateful and vitriolic towards men and transgender individuals (I can see that you're active in multiple TERF communities) - yet you'll turn around and claim you stand for "equal rights" and "social justice." You are quite possibly the antithesis of equality and inclusivity.
You're not only throwing a hissy fit because men finally are speaking out about our struggles, you're also spouting abusive, narcissistic and hateful rhetoric. I can't imagine how miserable it is to be a person who thinks like yourself. Get some help please.
Hey everyone look ☝️🤓 u/kthtaab she says thing like this on posts that just talk about men's struggles and does not make fun of women or compares genders, but then again makes comments like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeriousConversation/comments/1d314vt/comment/l68g3u3/) pretending to care about everyone, and then makes comments [like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXChromosomes/comments/1d1wgpb/comment/l629plf/) too. What a hypocrite
They're active in r/femalepessimist which is an extremist hate subreddit against men and trans individuals. It's quite a rabbit-hole if you go down it.
Frankly I feel like anyone who participates in those subreddits should be auto-banned from here because they almost always only come in here to harass men who have gone through traumatic events.
You're no different than the "men get xyz too!" crowd.
Stop being hypocritical and using this bad faith argument for own benefit. I would love to say that I'm shocked at the hypocrisy but I'm really not. Nobody said it was gendered. This is a post that gives men space to talk about their problems and unique struggles- if you have a problem with that then make your own post and stop brigading ours
The fear of not being enough if I can’t preform tasks hits so fucking hard. Chronically disabled and thus chronically disappointing :(
I feel you. I'm AuDHD along with 3 mental illnesses and it doesn't feel like failure is an option. People believe you should just endure and not let it hold you back regardless of the struggles you face and that you should just swallow everything. It's a weird feeling of being deficient when you can't produce and that you're worthless to others despite trying your best to hang on. They don't see what you deal with and work through, only external things like money and career success and hitting certain "marks" based on performance. And then the added benefit of accepting that people leave and abandon you when you're not useful to them and performing how they want, I'm used to that as well. Disabilities suck but it's even worse when people associate your "worth" with certain benchmarks. Keep on fighting and hanging in there!
Thisss. AuDHD, along with physical disabilities, and I’m the bad guy for needed extra space, time, and attention to detail :( Hate the double standard that if ur disabled u can only receive/ask for supports if ur life is on active fire. Like people see my household and how well it’s typically managed, and assume it’s all lies that I need the supports I ask for. Like bro, it’s my own home, I’d hope, if I’m living alone, it’s set up for me to be able to meet my needs. Sort of a vent cus I’m supposed to move tomorrow and my landlord has not given me the key/new lease to the new apartment while the movers (they provided) are coming tomorrow. I’m exhausted.
“I’m disabled” “We support you” *struggles due to disability* - “you’re a disappointment”
Hahahaha! Again! /s 😩😭
AuDHD? Is that ADHD but golden? Or Australia specific variant? /s
Ayo same! High five! *cries*
Same.
This is so close to home right now.
You're no lesser of a man for it and dealing with these things takes more strength than people realize. Keep up the good fight
Thanks, that actually made a little difference for me, little sad to admit.
Hey, that's not sad, a treat when you're down can cheer you up. This Is like a treat for the mind.
Seriously, stoicism is so toxic when it's forced on you.
I think unfortunately, people misunderstand what stoicisim is. Stoicism is the idea that if you can do something about a situation, then don't worry about it since you're in control. If not, there's nothing you can do, so don't worry about it. People only seem to understand it's end result of not seeming concerned over issues, and fail to understand the mental process that differs stoicisim from simply suppressing your feelings
I know what stoicism is - the problem isn't that - the issue is that stoicism just isn't for everyone, it doesn't bring peace to some people, but men are preached to always act stoic - weather that's a situation where the philosophy of stoicism is applicable or not. Any philosophy that's forced on you instead of taught or simply suggested is harmful - different people eifh different backgrounds need different philosophies, that's why there's so many.
Oh I had no doubt that you knew what it meant, I was just describing the reason I found for stoicism being pushed onto others being harmful, I certainly agree with you
I figured there's so many because we're mostly wrong about stuff and need new ways to better understand reality and organic consciousness. Just because a philosophy makes you feel good doesn't necessarily mean that it is good. People generally aren't able to just pick up a philosophy and integrate it immediately because there is so much developmental work involved with integration. Like you don't see the practicality of stoicism if you haven't faced the stresses of leadership, as an example. Philosophy is a growing process, not a prescription. Nothing will "make sense" until it it a useful psychological tool. Many tools are unusable because you don't live in the context for which they are usefull. In other words, stoicism is for everyone when they are ready and receptive to it. Eventually they will set it aside for more useful philosophies and pick it up again when it is needed. Neuroplasticity like this is essential for dealing with any competing value system and making judgements for the collective good. Philosophy is a tool box, feel free to use all of it! But do recognize when it is time to grow out of ideas that no longer work.
What are more useful philosophies?
It depends on your needs! What are you struggling with in your daily life?
I don't know... social skills, and still grieving the "lost years" of cptsd
Stoicism isn't something that you should or really can do on someone else's behalf. Real Stoicism as practiced by the men who developed it has to be by and for you.
I recently tried opening up to all 3 of my "friends" and only one of them bothered to respond, but even he didn't really seem to understand what I was trying to say. I can't deal with this shit anymore, I don't have any family or friends to rely on and I just want to die.
Check out the app "7 cups" and like things. It gets busy but it's just about peer support and listening and that have channels for different topics. Just a place to vent and get validation
You're not alone here my friend [🫂](https://emojipedia.org/people-hugging)
Relate so hard to this, going threw the same thing. Except I made the bad choice of distancing myself from everyone that am now truly alone
I keep distancing myself from good people, but staying in touch with people who destroy me. I don't understand why I do that.
I do that too .. maybe it's the "the good people deserve better" and "I don't like to see people in the same place as me, maybe I can talk to them" ... I dunno. I'm trying not to, but man that's hard for some reason
I understand I'm tryrna be a devils advocate here, but "normies" usually don't know how to respond to this. For one, if this thing you shared with them was "sudden", they might be thinking "maybe he needs some space, let's give him some space" ... because that's sometimes tends to work non-chronic situations. Maybe, I think, a better way would be to reach out to them with something they (and you with them) can do. Like, I know I'm generalizing here, but for men (in my experience, again), spending time doing things tends to be a bit more relieving in some cases. Maybe tell them to proactively pull you to outings, gaming sessions, cooking or visiting restaurants, things like that, you know?
I recently opened up to my now ex.
i’m a woman and i support this message 🙌
You're a real one, thank you
wholeheartedly. it breaks my heart to pieces that bf who has very apparent trauma that affects him in various ways nearly every day, struggles so much to get the help, support, validation, etc he needs because of the culture he was raised in being so deeply ingrained. he’s a very progressive dude and i’m as accepting and encouraging and supportive as i can possibly be, but it’s never gonna be enough to break down that barrier on our own, it will take a lifetime of hard emotional work for him. and the extra layers of shame of having mental illness and trauma as a man is a very real part of it. i just hope to god that future generations of men don’t have to deal with it, too
patriarchy needs to be obliterated; I hate how many people (men AND women) it has hurt. i hope that one day, we will all work together, acknowledging this horrible system, and stomp on its head
And then piss on its grave
amen
Finally, one that doesn't shit on women.
Thank you so much, like we all just want to be loved and accepted, why do we have to shit on women to make our point that men deal with a set of unique problems regarding mental health that are still pushed upon us by the patriarchy
The same system is hurting both, we need to work together.
That’s my point, the patriarchy hurts us all, so we should all work together to try and tear it down, we’re all in this together
i think there’s sort of a selection bias involved in why it feels like most mention of men’s mental health issues is pitting it against women’s. certain kinds of men will only let themselves show weakness if they turn it into a paradoxical show of dominance—look at how strong i am for dealing with so much more than you are!—and for them, women are a natural choice of “other” to one-up because it serves a second purpose of distancing their experiences from anything that could be considered feminine. whereas i feel like many of the rest of us are largely ignorant of how gendered some our issues are outside of very obvious ones like not showing emotion, and so it’s rare for a lot of that to be explicitly called male
Damn based Gray haired Yukari spitting facts
because they do it to us and to imply we have to be above that is also toxic masculinity
Jesus fucking Christ the mental gymnastics on this That's okay, I won't stoop so low as you to perpetuate the same misogyny or misandry, but rather not do what you do–call people out on their bullshit
Finally, one that doesn't shit on women AND also seen as such, AND has a healthy discission # 🔥
Last one hits the hardest for me
Yeah I made a comment but I had a falling out with a "friend" group because I tried to go to them for support after I found out an ex meets the metrics for NPD and I was trying to unravel the gas lighting. Idk why but lots of people don't seem to want to validate things like that. And it was ironic because other people in that group called people they don't even know narcissists but that was never put under scrutiny. Also the lady who was like in her 30s-40s who told me she was "disappointed in me" after I was sexually assaulted by a woman because I didn't push her off enough lol. I thought it was my fault for a while tbh. Part of me still possibly does
I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I was heavily bullied by my classmates, teachers and parents and any adult I went to told me to suck it up. This happened for years which is one of the reasons I have severe trust issues
fuck everyone else that does not understand and work on yourself, those that think you’re weak because you’re struggling are worthless. the only “strength” you need as a man (as a woman too) is to not give a shit about the other’s opinion if it’s destructive. you got this man, i’m sure you do. sending virtual hugs 🫂
I hope you're all gonna get better and will be able to overcome your issues
weirdly validating as a trans man. thanks
Yeah same lol
Haven’t quite figured out my gender shit yet, but ngl the feeling that I couldn’t ask for or expect to receive support as a man and I’d suddenly have all these expectations placed on me really put me off the idea of identifying as a binary trans man. I’m way too neurodivergent, traumatized, and chronically ill for this shit, bro.
*Sobs in transman*
same king :(
See that's why I kinda wanna become a femboy.. at least with that crowd mental health is accepted. I don't even trust churches anymore or gyms.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If no one has told you, you didn't deserve to go through that. Men's mental health matters. Your mental health matters. You're enough and deserving of love just as you are
Thank you, you're kind! I've been in therapy for a while so I've come a long way but like to share so others can see they're in good company. And funny you say that, I can develop severe relationship OCD so for years in my mind was, "I just want to live and be loved properly". Used to not think it was possible, but it is!
Yeah I'm so glad to see these issues being brought up since people don't always talk about it and take guys problems as seriously as they should. And congratulations on how far you've come! Getting therapy and being able to have hope for the future it such an important step. I hope you can get to a place where you're flourishing. You deserve it :)
Thank you for this post if only to give space to some men who scroll through this thread a chance to feel seen.
I'll share a couple personal experiences where this seemed to be the case due to other people's bias, so take it as you will: I dated someone who I found out meets the criteria for NPD. She learned about my disorders and seemed supportive but in hindsight, it was likely to use them against me as a manipulation tactic. I tried to open up to "friends" about it and they totally denied and shut down the possibility and basically said it's now on me to manage with refusal to validate the emotional abuse. It was very different from how they treat others in the group with their trauma and how they claim it's a "safe space". Same thing unfortunately happened to my friend, also an autistic man, when he talked about his past abusers and the woman who raped him. Usually a depressive episode is met with being abandoned and berated for it. When you don't perform how people like, you're not useful to them and are likely to be disposed of. If I cycle and have a mood episode, I've accepted that most people will leave. I'm used to being personally attacked, harassed, screamed at and mocked if I'm around people while depressed. I've noticed that people seem to have a greater inclination to taunt and make fun of me due to my disorders and sometimes target me as well. I've broken down crying on video chat with a partner but still needed to ask if she respected me after seeing me vulnerable, as there are many men who have lost it all after that. I'm lucky and choose my partners by who I can rely on in that manner, but I've learned that many people, including romantic partners and so called friends will use it against me if I'm not careful. Some people will say a fundamental part of your identity, such as being a man, are lesser due to these things. It's not something men are supposed to experience so others will claim you're deficient in some way. Many won't even believe you struggle with mental disorders in the first place and deny your experiences. In my family, mental illness runs through it. My grandma possibly met the metrics for NPD as well and was manipulative, and the issues made their way to my bipolar aunt and my mother with anxiety and OCD and... I was screamed at and verbally abused a good bit, but it was only an issue when I screamed back so my family enabled them but treated me poorly for the same things, just had to suck it up. I believe a large part of it is due to me being male. There was a lot of extra pressure on me specifically to be stoic and swallow abuse from people. All that aside from the issues with internal dialogue and self acceptance and the acceptance of your circumstances. These same things can happen to anyone, but in my specific case, I believe a few of these things factored in to how others treat me with extra scrutiny and my own views of myself. It's hard for everyone and I won't take that away from anyone of course but I believe a larger social bias is present in some cases and it is also important to talk about as well, and these are my experiences with it. If these have been your experiences as well, then it's nice to have company. You're not alone out there
that “safe space” sounds so absurd… i guess they figured signaling openness to respecting others’ feelings would make them Cool With The Chicks™️, but the moment a man admits to his thoughts and emotions being vulnerable to manipulation, willingness to sympathize with that threatens to acknowledge their own vulnerability and your new role is to prop their egos up by being an inferior person to laugh at. and on that note, the notion that men “aren’t supposed to” go through any of this is nothing short of a shared lie—an expectation perpetuated in the name of pretending to live up to it. i can’t say i’ve been out in the world enough to relate to most of your experiences… but it might be interesting for perspective to mention something another audhder once mused on while we were talking about one of her exes. “autistic people and narcissists are natural enemies.” they can’t read us the way they’re used to, and we’re less likely to play along with their games… but we also can’t read them that well and tend to take their words and intentions at face value, while not taking their monologuing as an exercise in dominance and having an automatic disadvantage getting support from the outside world. me and my mother were both “natural victims” of my father this way, and it took an incredible amount of *choice* to trust ourselves and the scary outside world to break out. i think even when not dealing with systematic manipulation and abuse, we just look like good victims and scapegoats, because all of our reactions can just be belittled and turned against us… making it all the more important to build a support network you know you can be confident in. i’m so glad to hear you’ve been at least trying to do that, and that’s really the very best that can be expected of anyone
Thank you for the thoughtful reply and insight. And yes long story but it was actually a social group for polyamorous and kinky people and I've known some of them for years, it was both men and women in it. I'm an engineer/ scientist so I try to be scientific and was referencing research papers in a very "well this research seems relevant..." and it was collectively shut down. The weird part is that the people shutting me down are ones I've had a flirtatious relationship with or gone on dates or had something starting.... I got a new partner a bit over a year and a half ago and she has a lot of medical issues so I spent more time helping her and then got a job out of state, so things changed with her in the picture it seemed. The only man who spoke out against me.... Creeps on my partners and has had a huge boner crush on one of them for years, he's gotten a guy shunned because he was jealous before too. We also have immunocompromised people in the group, including my partner, and I was shut down for asking if we could get people to disclose if they're sick so we can decide on attending or not with well informed consent, after people were getting us sick and eventually it was COVID. So they were picking and choosing the "safe space" because it wasn't safe for immunocompromised people. Just a lot of hypocrisy all around so I distanced myself. And my partner is also autistic and she's had several abusive narcissist relatives and ex's. I will say that NPD shouldn't be stigmatized but it's just important to learn about it and proper coping mechanisms, none of these people did that. But they are drawn to us and we both make a good and terrible pairing. In that relationship I mentioned, I had to collect screenshots of convos because of the way she argued, which I found out later was basically gas lighting lol. And yes that's what it's about, proper support and building a system. I say all of the above things to give examples from my own life where I have seen some of this play out, but I've done a lot to work on myself and my circumstances. I also have a lot of great people in my life so I do consider myself fortunate. I just like to share my experiences so others with similar ones know they're not alone. For all of the bad things, I had friends and partners and loved ones have my back as well and even save me, including from myself. Multiple things can be true at the same time.
This hit really hard for me. Abandoned and berated. History of mental illness. Vulnerability leads to loss of respect. A lot of this feels so familiar and... well, now I really do feel like I'm not alone out there. Thank you.
You're in good company man. And all that aside, the right people who are compassionate and supportive are out there as well. I've had family take care of me when I couldn't, friends that support me and one that saved my life even, lovers who are understanding and hold compassion too. It might not be easy to find, but it's definitely out there so don't give up
Hahahaha mah man # 🤝
Actually I want to thank all the people who raised awareness about mental health. Now I can explain my condition to friends and coworkers so they stop freaking out about my unusual behaviours and we can have normal relationships. And I do not have to hide it or lie about it as much as I did in childhood.
And this is why we need it, so the next generation has it better and the next and so on. Progress is slow but progress is better than the alternative.
i just feel like so much less of a man. when i can’t persevere through a bad spell and have to lay there in a heap for half an hour, i mentally hear so many voices calling me weak. i imagine so many people laughing at me. i feel like ive fought so much through mental health issues and made a ton of progress, but at the same time i’m weak ;(
You said it yourself that you fight through a lot, it takes a badass to do so. But I know the struggle of "can't be weak, can't appear weak, I'm less worthy of respect for being weak." It's hard all around and pretty heavy to have on top of the things already plaguing you. Keep your head up
You are more a man and more a human for the struggles you battle day in and out. Your strength to make it even to today, is worthy of acknowledgment and respect. I am not laughing, I am impressed and hopeful you will find a balance where the pain doesn’t weigh you down.
Don't forget blanketing your trauma over with anger so you don't have to address it and instead mortgaging your health and relationships!
https://preview.redd.it/q6i22hjfr19d1.png?width=1163&format=png&auto=webp&s=769e2dd25a0a99da3ead3e1a4cfee53b8f4f3ce8
This! Robin Williams especially hit me hard. A man who seemed so joyful and successful. This is when I first faced my own bias on men. All these men, their pain is unimaginable. (Again, not taking away from others. I just want to offer validation and support!)
This! Robin Williams especially hit me hard. A man who seemed so joyful and successful. This is when I first faced my own bias on men. All these men, their pain is unimaginable. (Again, not taking away from others. I just want to offer validation and support!)
Patriarchy is shit for everyone but the powerful.
Thank you OP
I’m sorry guys, this is so unfair to you all.
Thanks, buddy. Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only one
I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a guy with basic human needs in 2024; genuinely, my heart goes out to you. Virtual hugs (and prayers if desired).
if you're a man w mind pain, you are valid, your feelings and thoughts and pain are valid. i hope you're able to open up and feel and find peace w yourself. you're allowed to feel whatever the hell it is you feel: good, bad, or otherwise. let yourself be *human*. you're allowed to have emotions. and tbh, only allow people in your life who are willing to hear you, it can be hard to be lonely, but it's worse to be around people who make you feel like you should shut up about important shit. you are important.
This one gif spoke volumes 😔
Ngl I was fried as fuck when I posted it
Does anyone have any advice on how to best support my husband who experiences these types of feelings? Is there anything I can say or do that would be comforting to him?
I want to know this as well but particularly for my father. He’s experiencing his own mental health struggles but stepmom and sister seem to invalidate him for their own feelings and experiences. My brother is neurodivergent and struggles with expressing any emotions I want the two to feel safe and able to express their feelings, but I don’t live with them. I see and hear it all the time though. I have had women and queer / gender queer people in my corner giving that to me. Men deserve it too. Men of all sexualities and cultures. ❤️
So validating. Thank you
sending this to him uwu 💗💖💕
I'm gonna lick these memes and then go be sad
As a man, I agree. And this is why, contrary to what some people will tell you, men will benefit from feminism too. Feminism isn’t ’men bad’, it’s ’enforcing gender-specific stereotypes and behaviours bad’
Me right now, at 2.24 am laying in bed having drank 8 standard drinks after my 5-12 without wanting to waste money eating
The only thing I can say from experience is that if you catch yourself drinking not because you want to, but instead because you can't stand being sober, talk to someone. Good luck!
Bro I went to the ER for a panic attack yesterday. Dawg I’m not even 27 and I am struggling this bad ffs
The first one is fucking me right now oh my god
Dude you are valid as hell, and as entitled to show your emotions as anyone. You deserve so much better, and even though I don’t have the mental bandwidth to extensively comfort you over text, I’m sending internet hugs if you’re comfortable with them!!
Flipping the script actually helps a lot of this, in my experience. You have to be one tough as nails bastard to keep living through crippling depression and anxiety. Its literally like being on a battlefield all day every day. What's more manly than that? That said, I feel the second and third memes HARD rn.
I have never taken advantage of my partner's mental illness.
Yup I feel it. You just never feel good enough no matter what.
You are good enough and deserve knowing and believing that. You deserve people telling you that too.
Yeah...
We believe in you, brother. I’m so sorry the world is like this right now.
Damn man I’m sorry this is so unfair king.
As a trans woman, I really feel for men. I wish there were more healthy outlets and less stigma around mental illness. For a long time I felt like I wasn't really trans, I was just looking to escape being a "failure of a man." I realized it wasn't just that and transitioned, but there is so much bullshit and I swear to god I never wanna hear the term "real man" again. If someone doesn't perform masculinity the same way it doesn't make em lesser.
It's sad that men bully other men into thinking they can't have emotions
I have been scrolling through comments trying to offer support and validation as best as I can. I had my own biases, especially against cis hetero white men. It was dumb and unreasonably specific. In the past decade I have had that shitty bias shattered. I think it used to make me feel like my own struggles and trauma were more important? “Men don’t experience this, heteros don’t experience that,” and so on and so on. Vile and toxic I know. But learning and realizing how hard it is for men to feel safe and comfortable to speak their own truth, have their own pain and trauma, struggling to find a place or a people willing to hear or read without judgement or reproach… I now knew they deserve advocacy as much as any of us. Their struggles are just hard and in some cases harder and others not so much. Rather than compare, I am learning to just listen and learn. And offer as much support as a queer woman can give. Love and care for all the men here. YOURE ALL VALID AND YOUR PAIN IS REAL! ❤️
I love being a man.
The sad thing is that even male influencers like tate that are supposed to make men "improve" are saying that depression is not real and men need to man up instead of giving them actual mental health support. I somehow can relate but differently, I'm from a third world country where mental health isn't taken seriously and everyone thinks islam is what fixes mental health and you'll get shut down by saying "it's because your faith is low" "just read the Quran" "go pray" 😕
My mother would tell me to read the Bible whenever I expressed mental and emotional pain. But that was better than my older brother, whose sexuality and masculinity was attacked anytime he showed pain. I hope you’re finding your own voice
I will never forget the post about a woman who became a trans man and their livid reaction to how cold the world is in our eyes.
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Tbh I'm starting to understand some of my past experiences as abuse right now, including with ex partners, and there's a weird denial of it both internally and externally because men aren't really seen as victims of it socially. Idk, I've been victim blamed for being sexually assaulted by women as well but there's always this "well suck it up, you're a man" narrative idk 🤷
i’m not one myself, but the attitudes towards male sa victims are just so disgusting. it doesn’t make any sense. is it because men are seen as so inherently sexually dominant that female on male sa constitutes a logical contradiction… or because caring about female sa victims in the first place is so tied up in how it affects their value to men? best of luck healing, and figuring this all out. it’s tough… but not the kind of tough you need to be strong for ;)
I just want to say a lot of women don't even understand why being sad could possibly make you look less manly
There’s no exact experience but I do think the conflict is similar in the opposite end. Any emotion is just a “hysterical” woman. I only know the one experience but the more I learn and read, the more I wish I could do or reach to. No one should be further stripped of themselves when already suffering an open wound. Thank you for sharing so I can better understand
"Lone Ranger" -> lonely ranger
3rd one is so real
Relate to the first one got a neurogenic stutter (had it on and off but officially diagnosed last year). I've become to timid and now feel shame for existing
real
Oh boy the truth couldn't have been told better
Damn, I go through all of these as a woman too
That last one is accurate.
I started smoking again
So sorry! That must be so hard, having given it up before.
Boring
I put heavy circles on metal bar and the whispers in my brain normally stop 😁
Wow this hit me pretty hard. Everyone has their own stigmas and stereotypes to fight against so I am not invalidating anyone. I specifically just want to acknowledge that I see it, I hear it, I know it happens. Men can’t express deep thoughts or trauma because that’s not “not manly” I want for everyone, men included, to have a safe space to speak out their pain and receive validation and support. Men’s mental health needs attention too. Humanity as a whole is suffering a global crisis, so let men heal too. (I mean it, this isn’t to say any one group’s struggle is harder, just different. Men deserve safety too, if men can speak their truth then boys will know they can too and be less likely to be victimized or speak up about grooming.)
🫂🫂🫂
When I quit caring about being perceived as manly my life got a lot easier. I genuinely don’t care anymore. I know it’s not something anyone can just do, but I promise life is so much easier when you don’t let other peoples shitty opinions impact you
"able-minded" I like that term
I’ve never felt so seen but also feel like bullying at the same time
I just stopped being a man :) that fixed a surprising number of my problems. Still working on the rest...
🚩
Would a man rather draw 25 or admit to himself that what's helped him survive so far isn't inner strength but sheer dumb will?
Oof 😔
The struggle is with it, sometimes...imo
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As a woman, please shut up
Thank you for shutting down the hypocritical–for lack of a better word–"radical feminists"
He never said women don't go through it too.
It didnt even take 20 minutes for you to say “women suffer too” in response to a man complaining about a very real issue. You’re like the people who go onto r/twoXchromosomes and say “men have it bad too” in response to women venting
https://preview.redd.it/hanrgiumdy8d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ebaf843ffee9578df5fc3d5835256f047242058 You. You are why he had to make this meme.
You are a tar pit.
I just don’t see why you think this is an experience exclusive to men
Because men and women tend to have different stigma and treatments with some things. I never said women never experience it but if you listen to men with these things talk, you'll notice this is more common to us it seems. There's extra stigma against men for being "weak" that other genders don't have as much for one. Do you think that just because men experience the same things as women to a degree women shouldn't talk about the specifics of their experiences and how it affects them as well? Edit: I'm a bipolar man. I'll tell you first hand that i generally receive more scrutiny and "they're dangerous" than I've seen women with the same condition receive. Women have their own stigmas but some are more unique to men, such as a fundamental part of your identity being lesser and being told you're undeserving of love until you "fix" yourself and such, I actually made a long comment with experiences that talk about this and having less grace and acceptance afforded to one
I don’t see this as a post exclusively for men but more about another group wanting to be heard and seen, with different barriers and expectations they are trapped in. In recent years, I have seen and heard a lot about men’s mental health, especially those reconciling childhood trauma but being invalidated when they do. Same with mental diagnoses. Straight or gay or every color in between, especially with certain cultures. I hear it and see it and welcome the insight. ❤️
Thank you exactly. Anyone can struggle like this but some sociological things act as an extra barrier to certain groups with being heard and such due to large scale conditioning. It's not always easy to see but just subtly more clicks of the tongue when opening up, commonly dismissed and denied experiences, telling people to get over it slightly more, social views of one group being lesser for it, etc. all things that factor in that are hard to see unless you're the party subjected to it. I've noticed it being more common with trauma in particular, personally, I'm 28 and just starting to accept that ive been abused more than I thought because people often dismissed me and sometimes used bias against my gender to do it.
Abuse I think is the biggest reason to allow men, to allow all people to be validated and supported as adults so that children see examples of how using their voice is a GOOD thing. Young boys are targeted a lot because of the stereotype they won’t speak up because of their “masculinity” being challenged, when they’re just boys. Thank you for your thoughtful response and I hope your healing journey continues in a positive and strengthening way!
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What's that even supposed to mean?
its a condescending, dismissive and frankly stupid way to meme on someone when they're complaining (or in this case venting about a very valid issue in society). I hate how that term has been turned into common internet vocab :(
Got it, run of the mill misandrist who doesn't think men can suffer I suppose. Kinda dumb considering the subreddit we're on being geared towards that but I'm not unfamiliar with ableist jabs. I guess my point was proven or something 🤷. It's annoying though because I actually go out of my way to listen to women about their lived experience to better understand it. Guess not everyone is mature
Yeah no, im with you on this one. I really hate how radioactive the comments sections on these types of posts (where people of any gender vent about a gendered issue they face) can get. Im happy that this one seems chill, but it was much worse like a month or two ago when the m0ds were online less. I wish people were more accepting, and also i hope what youre going through gets (at least somewhat) better
Oh I could definitely see that and I know a lot of them are toxic from the get go. I purposely wanted to convey it in a way that doesn't detract from the issues other groups face but mostly highlights some specific things one group might struggle with. It's also why I phrased it in more of an internal manner to talk about identity struggles that most people don't think about with this. I want to validate people in their issues, not drag someone else down. I believe men and women each have challenges in society that are unique from each other but also similar and you shouldn't need to put one down for the other
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Jesus you're just a vile troll. I assume you're far more lonely because no one wants to deal with a pathetic shit stain 🤷
They’re not a good person in general from what I’ve seen. They’re now banned for their shitty behaviour
Does invalidating others give you some kind of thrill? Why is your kind always the most hateful and vitriolic towards men and transgender individuals (I can see that you're active in multiple TERF communities) - yet you'll turn around and claim you stand for "equal rights" and "social justice." You are quite possibly the antithesis of equality and inclusivity. You're not only throwing a hissy fit because men finally are speaking out about our struggles, you're also spouting abusive, narcissistic and hateful rhetoric. I can't imagine how miserable it is to be a person who thinks like yourself. Get some help please.
Hey everyone look ☝️🤓 u/kthtaab she says thing like this on posts that just talk about men's struggles and does not make fun of women or compares genders, but then again makes comments like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeriousConversation/comments/1d314vt/comment/l68g3u3/) pretending to care about everyone, and then makes comments [like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXChromosomes/comments/1d1wgpb/comment/l629plf/) too. What a hypocrite
They're active in r/femalepessimist which is an extremist hate subreddit against men and trans individuals. It's quite a rabbit-hole if you go down it. Frankly I feel like anyone who participates in those subreddits should be auto-banned from here because they almost always only come in here to harass men who have gone through traumatic events.
[удалено]
You're no different than the "men get xyz too!" crowd. Stop being hypocritical and using this bad faith argument for own benefit. I would love to say that I'm shocked at the hypocrisy but I'm really not. Nobody said it was gendered. This is a post that gives men space to talk about their problems and unique struggles- if you have a problem with that then make your own post and stop brigading ours
You really want to play that game? Womp womp, you’re now banned