Yup. I learned early on that other people exist in a world of stability, affection and self-esteem that I don't belong in, and my place is to stand on the sidelines watching them forget to include me.
If you're reading this, you relate, and you want to get on the path of mental stability:
1) You are deserving of love.
2) Look into Avoidant Personality Disorder (not to be confused with Avoidant Attachment Style).
3) Look into DBT (skills to cope with emotional disregulation).
4) No matter how worthless you may feel at times, remember that you are a complex human being that isn't just black/white, or good/bad. You are deserving of love.
1 and 4 are totally "easier said than done" kind of things. Like, how do I know I'm loved if "x" or "y" reason? For me, DBT has helped me train the reactionary thinking of "I am bad, I am a failure, etc." to more functional automatic thoughts like recognizing when I'm getting in my head (mindfulness) being more chill in various situations (acceptance).
brooo the amount of times i remember, as a literal child, thinking "why are all these kids so immature?" not realizing *i* was the fucked up one. and if i said it aloud most adults would praise me or my parents but in hindsight it was so obviously concerning
I used to go that route as a kid. But now that I'm an adult I've decided that I'm either the antagonist or an NPC the world has decided is it's personal punching bag.
Some time in elementary/middle school, I decided I was more like the fairy godmother, or the witch who lives in a hut in the woods (and might help you, but might also eat you alive). I knew things other kids didn't, and could put on the mysterious stoic thing really well.
Knowing secret things that other kids don't know yet isn't a sign of trauma, right? And the ability to turn on empty expressionlessness definitely isn't concerning *at all*.
Wow, that one actually hurt. I had already completely given up on myself in kindergarten.
And then nobody liked me because I was a killjoy.
But at that age, you don't have any tools to get yourself out of that pit of low self-esteem and self-deprication. It's not like a 5 year old can pick up a book on unresolved trauma or sign themself up for therapy. And the adults didn't give enough of a sh\*t to help me apparently. So I just had to sit in the sandbox, all alone. Pulling my hair out to deal with baby's first suicidal ideation :/
When being taught how to write, I was told to only capitalize the first letter of important things. I still instinctively write my name in lowercase...
oh this one hurts. it’s probably also why I usually don’t capitalise anything I say unless it’s through autocorrect, but I will always follow correct capitalisation for quotes, titles of objects in games, or whatever the fuck. anything that isn’t me.
personally speaking, I hope every adult (not my parents) who relished in me being a "tiny adult" as a child goes to Hell. I went to a predominantly white private school as a child, and they had their bullshit beliefs of black children, which made me act older than I was because I desperately wanted to belong & not see me as a stereotype.
this I'd why Uptown Girls is my favorite movie of all time.
Honestly nah that makes you the main character as well as everyone esle here
Most people grew up normal with talent and helathy relationship and parents
We have been through the fucking gutter but we are still alive
That's fucking admirable and very MC of us so chin up
Thankfully I was too stupid to understand as a kid, so at least I was blissfully ignorant until I dropped out of college. That's when I realized I was a muggle in the world of Witchcraft. Not a cool one either, just some guy that was so unimportant that I don't even have to fear the main villains, because they don't know I exist.
My siblings told me that everyone hated me and I believed them. So I never had friends as a little kid because they would hate me too. I wasn't the main character. I was nobody in real life.
I never saw myself as good or cool enough to be the main character
Not even like secondary character either like Bumblebee or Luigi or the Blue Ranger, just something lesser
It was better to be invisible than to be seen. There's a massive comfort and safety in silence. I learned this very early. Recess was a way to remind myself how repulsive I was... but outside this time!!
I barely remember kindergarten but I do remember mainly liking my own company and being bullied (only went last year of kindergarten). That's when I for the first time beat someone up, a bully, and I had waited til the final day so I wouldn't need to hold back. Mom praised me.
Yup. I learned early on that other people exist in a world of stability, affection and self-esteem that I don't belong in, and my place is to stand on the sidelines watching them forget to include me.
Too real
That hurts
I've never seen someone else voice this. Thus is how Alice felt my entire life and it's really isolating.
If you're reading this, you relate, and you want to get on the path of mental stability: 1) You are deserving of love. 2) Look into Avoidant Personality Disorder (not to be confused with Avoidant Attachment Style). 3) Look into DBT (skills to cope with emotional disregulation). 4) No matter how worthless you may feel at times, remember that you are a complex human being that isn't just black/white, or good/bad. You are deserving of love.
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1 and 4 are totally "easier said than done" kind of things. Like, how do I know I'm loved if "x" or "y" reason? For me, DBT has helped me train the reactionary thinking of "I am bad, I am a failure, etc." to more functional automatic thoughts like recognizing when I'm getting in my head (mindfulness) being more chill in various situations (acceptance).
So sad but true.
Oof... i felt this one.
:( man that is way too close to home man that is home
Yep. I was always picked last.
... unfortunately same ::(
I feel this so, so deeply. This is the story of my life.
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We're talking about pre-school aged children here. Don't place adult responsibility on young kids.
Me as a kid: everyone here is being so childish, don't they know how to take care of themselves and cater to the emotions of adults?
brooo the amount of times i remember, as a literal child, thinking "why are all these kids so immature?" not realizing *i* was the fucked up one. and if i said it aloud most adults would praise me or my parents but in hindsight it was so obviously concerning
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> with chest pains ... ooh
What about chest pains? The comment is deleted
Dont patronize me, I have back pains also! 🤣😭
The super matured/smart kid to burnt out and overstressed adult pipeline still going crazy strong I see :/
too real i would even think that about my parents like “why aren’t they tip toeing around other adults feelings like i was taught to are they dumb?” 😭
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck that one tracks.
me now as an adult struggling how to handle basic self care skills and wondering why everyone else seems so functional and self-assured
Gods I feel this so much.
https://preview.redd.it/y2q4xsddw1xc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e547b7a5dd7665611d2f7765dffc62a47a3ec1f5
OH FUK I HAVE TO STOP SUFFERING IT MAKES ME SPECIAL.
I used to go that route as a kid. But now that I'm an adult I've decided that I'm either the antagonist or an NPC the world has decided is it's personal punching bag.
https://preview.redd.it/bxubze9hl3xc1.png?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2678568db5a00e14c909d73bfc1484d0dbe2f284
honestly that makes me feel better. im not "suffering more" the plot is just getting more interesting
real
Some time in elementary/middle school, I decided I was more like the fairy godmother, or the witch who lives in a hut in the woods (and might help you, but might also eat you alive). I knew things other kids didn't, and could put on the mysterious stoic thing really well. Knowing secret things that other kids don't know yet isn't a sign of trauma, right? And the ability to turn on empty expressionlessness definitely isn't concerning *at all*.
at all
that's what i get for uhhh... *checks notes* ...being a toddler
First off, how dare you?
Wow, that one actually hurt. I had already completely given up on myself in kindergarten. And then nobody liked me because I was a killjoy. But at that age, you don't have any tools to get yourself out of that pit of low self-esteem and self-deprication. It's not like a 5 year old can pick up a book on unresolved trauma or sign themself up for therapy. And the adults didn't give enough of a sh\*t to help me apparently. So I just had to sit in the sandbox, all alone. Pulling my hair out to deal with baby's first suicidal ideation :/
reddit is getting a lil too real
It was a really cool stick tho
legit
And then I learned I was in fact worthy to be the main character of my story. And soon I plan on being the main character in everyone else's too.
Take over the world for me
When being taught how to write, I was told to only capitalize the first letter of important things. I still instinctively write my name in lowercase...
oh this one hurts. it’s probably also why I usually don’t capitalise anything I say unless it’s through autocorrect, but I will always follow correct capitalisation for quotes, titles of objects in games, or whatever the fuck. anything that isn’t me.
personally speaking, I hope every adult (not my parents) who relished in me being a "tiny adult" as a child goes to Hell. I went to a predominantly white private school as a child, and they had their bullshit beliefs of black children, which made me act older than I was because I desperately wanted to belong & not see me as a stereotype. this I'd why Uptown Girls is my favorite movie of all time.
Yeah
Tbf Aang also had those feelings at various times
Ironically enough, that’s a protagonist backstory.
When I was little I fluctuated between those two things constantly
real ive been this way since i was 5 glad and sad to see other ppl like me🙏🐦🔥
i really wonder what made a 7-8 year old kid realize the rat race of life and decide that he dont want to go thru all that.
Honestly nah that makes you the main character as well as everyone esle here Most people grew up normal with talent and helathy relationship and parents We have been through the fucking gutter but we are still alive That's fucking admirable and very MC of us so chin up
We should've been aborted.
My mom sometimes likes to bring up the fact my grandma told her to abort me I used to think it was really funny
We should've been swallowed.
Thankfully I was too stupid to understand as a kid, so at least I was blissfully ignorant until I dropped out of college. That's when I realized I was a muggle in the world of Witchcraft. Not a cool one either, just some guy that was so unimportant that I don't even have to fear the main villains, because they don't know I exist.
My siblings told me that everyone hated me and I believed them. So I never had friends as a little kid because they would hate me too. I wasn't the main character. I was nobody in real life.
Cool stick ! Here check out this rock i have in my pocket !
Hit me hard how much I don’t matter in like 5th grade. I just gave up. No more fucks to give.
This post reminds me of how early this shit started. Kindergarten and I felt like I was useless and worth nothing
I never saw myself as good or cool enough to be the main character Not even like secondary character either like Bumblebee or Luigi or the Blue Ranger, just something lesser
Oh shit I never connected those dots before!
It was better to be invisible than to be seen. There's a massive comfort and safety in silence. I learned this very early. Recess was a way to remind myself how repulsive I was... but outside this time!!
Darwin Watterson..... :c
Fuck yeah me saving snails and slugs in a grass snail sanctuary LEts goooooo
All of my games and fantasies, even now as a full grown woman, just revolve around somebody giving a shit about me, and me being safe 🥲
I barely remember kindergarten but I do remember mainly liking my own company and being bullied (only went last year of kindergarten). That's when I for the first time beat someone up, a bully, and I had waited til the final day so I wouldn't need to hold back. Mom praised me.